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1
00:02:43,267 --> 00:02:45,393
That's a big fella! Whoa!
2
00:03:13,382 --> 00:03:15,425
- Looks great.
- Thank you.
3
00:03:15,759 --> 00:03:17,677
Happy vacation, honey.
4
00:03:19,095 --> 00:03:21,722
Manchurian tung oil!
Where did you get this?
5
00:03:22,056 --> 00:03:23,724
Helen got it for me in Oslo.
6
00:03:23,808 --> 00:03:27,561
There's enough here
to do the whole table and the bureau.
7
00:03:30,022 --> 00:03:31,941
I wonder what this could be.
8
00:03:32,024 --> 00:03:34,402
Oh, honey, you got it. Thank you.
9
00:03:34,485 --> 00:03:36,696
Enough to do the entire guest room.
10
00:03:36,779 --> 00:03:39,156
I'm so glad we're spending
our vacation at home.
11
00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:42,118
- I'm gonna get started now.
- Where are you going?
12
00:03:46,163 --> 00:03:48,291
- I'll get it.
- Be my guest.
13
00:03:53,003 --> 00:03:55,255
- Maybe you should get it.
- I'll go.
14
00:04:01,636 --> 00:04:02,887
Oh, no!
15
00:04:08,812 --> 00:04:09,980
Jane.
16
00:04:12,024 --> 00:04:13,942
It's your turn, honey.
17
00:04:26,787 --> 00:04:28,915
- Good luck, honey.
- Thanks.
18
00:04:31,125 --> 00:04:34,211
Hi, Barbara. I'm glad I caught you.
Heard you were on vacation.
19
00:04:34,295 --> 00:04:35,796
That's right. Complete vacation.
20
00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:37,673
Today I'm $260,000!
21
00:04:39,759 --> 00:04:42,720
- It's 6:45 in the morning.
- This offer is real.
22
00:04:42,803 --> 00:04:46,223
From a man in New York City
who only saw a photograph.
23
00:04:46,307 --> 00:04:49,060
Jane, don't send people photos
of our house.
24
00:04:49,143 --> 00:04:53,397
He wants to bring the wife and family
here for some peace and quiet.
25
00:04:53,481 --> 00:04:55,273
That's what we're looking for.
26
00:04:55,357 --> 00:04:59,780
This house is too big for you.
It ought to be for a couple with kids.
27
00:05:01,573 --> 00:05:04,910
I didn't mean anything.
But this house is too big.
28
00:05:05,327 --> 00:05:08,830
- I'll see you in a few weeks. Okay?
- Think about it.
29
00:05:22,344 --> 00:05:24,638
I was telling Barbara about this offer
on the house...
30
00:05:24,721 --> 00:05:25,764
No, Jane.
31
00:05:33,729 --> 00:05:35,648
Come with me to the store.
32
00:05:35,731 --> 00:05:38,985
- What for?
- I need a new brush for the tung oil.
33
00:05:39,443 --> 00:05:43,364
- And I want to get a part for the model.
- Just run in, okay?
34
00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:04,803
Two weeks at home. The perfect vacation.
35
00:06:05,345 --> 00:06:09,057
Jane says we should sell the house
to someone with a family.
36
00:06:09,141 --> 00:06:12,102
I don't think it's any of Jane's business.
37
00:06:12,644 --> 00:06:15,731
Besides, we could try again
on this vacation.
38
00:06:16,148 --> 00:06:18,233
Really? What are you saying?
39
00:06:35,458 --> 00:06:38,127
- How are you doing, Ernie?
- Hi, how are you?
40
00:06:47,347 --> 00:06:48,556
Good morning, Adam.
41
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:51,225
- Need a haircut before your vacation?
- No, thanks, Bill.
42
00:06:51,309 --> 00:06:52,977
- How's the model coming?
- Great.
43
00:06:53,061 --> 00:06:57,232
You know, Bozman built that foundation
in 1835. His grandson...
44
00:07:07,658 --> 00:07:10,661
He's got hair down
to his goddamn shoulders.
45
00:07:11,161 --> 00:07:13,956
He says to me, "Just trim it a little."
46
00:07:14,373 --> 00:07:17,668
- I took the scissors to him so fast...
- See you later.
47
00:07:32,057 --> 00:07:35,727
- This will be great.
- Wouldn't you rather go to Jamaica?
48
00:07:36,228 --> 00:07:39,524
- No way. There's no place like home.
- Look out for that...
49
00:08:24,568 --> 00:08:26,904
Perfect start to our vacation.
50
00:08:27,070 --> 00:08:29,656
You'll feel better when you're dry.
51
00:08:31,619 --> 00:08:34,371
That fire wasn't burning when we left.
52
00:08:35,456 --> 00:08:38,751
- How's your arm?
- I don't know. It feels frozen.
53
00:08:56,142 --> 00:08:58,937
I'll make some coffee
and you get wood for the fire.
54
00:08:59,020 --> 00:09:01,814
Maybe we should take things extra slow.
55
00:09:01,898 --> 00:09:04,692
Do you remember how
we got back up here?
56
00:09:06,611 --> 00:09:10,031
I'm going back to that bridge
and retrace our steps.
57
00:09:24,838 --> 00:09:26,590
- You saved my...
- Two hours!
58
00:09:26,674 --> 00:09:30,094
- You won't believe... What?
- That's how long you were gone.
59
00:09:31,345 --> 00:09:34,181
- What is going on?
- I have to show you something.
60
00:09:35,724 --> 00:09:36,892
Look.
61
00:09:44,858 --> 00:09:46,360
There's that.
62
00:09:46,860 --> 00:09:48,571
And there's that.
63
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:59,455
- "Handbook for the Recently Diseased."
- Deceased.
64
00:10:02,041 --> 00:10:03,376
Deceased.
65
00:10:03,626 --> 00:10:07,255
I don't know where it came from.
Look at the publisher.
66
00:10:11,259 --> 00:10:14,220
"Handbook for
the Recently Deceased Press."
67
00:10:14,721 --> 00:10:18,143
You know what?
I don't think we survived the crash.
68
00:10:22,563 --> 00:10:23,981
I hate this.
69
00:10:24,064 --> 00:10:26,233
Can you give me the basics?
70
00:10:27,192 --> 00:10:30,195
This book isn't arranged that way.
What do you want to know?
71
00:10:30,279 --> 00:10:33,699
Why did you disappear
when you stepped off the porch?
72
00:10:33,782 --> 00:10:36,327
Are we halfway to heaven
or halfway to hell?
73
00:10:36,410 --> 00:10:38,412
How long will this last?
74
00:10:38,495 --> 00:10:40,789
I don't see anything about heaven or hell.
75
00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:43,834
This book reads like stereo instructions.
Listen.
76
00:10:43,918 --> 00:10:45,878
"Geographical and Temporal Perimeters.
77
00:10:45,961 --> 00:10:49,590
"Functional perimeters vary from
manifestation to manifestation."
78
00:10:51,175 --> 00:10:53,385
This is going to take some time.
79
00:11:16,701 --> 00:11:19,496
Damn sandworms. Thirteen percent, huh?
80
00:11:19,871 --> 00:11:23,208
I better find a job.
Let's see. Business section.
81
00:11:29,296 --> 00:11:31,924
What do we got here? The Maitlands.
82
00:11:33,926 --> 00:11:36,804
Cute couple. Look nice and stupid, too.
83
00:11:44,019 --> 00:11:46,647
I wish I had a better view
of the cemetery from here.
84
00:11:46,730 --> 00:11:49,733
I can't tell which is
the best placement for us.
85
00:11:55,155 --> 00:11:56,615
Cabin fever?
86
00:11:57,032 --> 00:11:58,993
I can't clean anything properly.
87
00:11:59,076 --> 00:12:01,869
The vacuum's in the garage
and we can't leave the house.
88
00:12:01,953 --> 00:12:05,500
Why don't they tell us something?
Where are the other dead people?
89
00:12:05,584 --> 00:12:07,711
Why is it just you and me?
90
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:10,338
Maybe this is heaven.
91
00:12:11,047 --> 00:12:13,800
In heaven there wouldn't be dust
on everything.
92
00:12:22,434 --> 00:12:23,727
It's Jane.
93
00:12:27,564 --> 00:12:29,316
- What's she doing here?
- I don't know.
94
00:12:29,399 --> 00:12:31,276
Jane, up here. Jane!
95
00:12:37,615 --> 00:12:39,700
She can't see you, right?
96
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:46,290
In the book, rule number two:
"The living usually won't see the dead."
97
00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:50,669
- Won't or can't?
- It just says "won't."
98
00:12:50,753 --> 00:12:54,715
God, this book is so stupid!
I can't understand anything in it.
99
00:12:56,008 --> 00:12:57,553
Barb, honey...
100
00:12:58,262 --> 00:12:59,805
...we're dead.
101
00:13:00,097 --> 00:13:03,434
I don't think we have much
to worry about anymore.
102
00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:39,218
This is great!
Just what the doctor ordered.
103
00:13:45,432 --> 00:13:46,934
Sorry, ma'am.
104
00:13:49,019 --> 00:13:51,148
Delia Deetz, welcome home.
105
00:13:52,608 --> 00:13:53,901
Charles!
106
00:13:54,402 --> 00:13:58,990
It's okay, there's no damage. See?
Good, sturdy, country craftsmanship.
107
00:13:59,532 --> 00:14:03,661
Look at that kitchen. You'll finally
be able to cook a decent meal.
108
00:14:06,539 --> 00:14:08,249
Come and have a look.
109
00:14:17,299 --> 00:14:20,302
A little gasoline. Blowtorch. No problem.
110
00:14:21,469 --> 00:14:23,471
Excuse me. Here we go.
111
00:14:34,733 --> 00:14:37,068
We'll have to rip out all the plumbing.
112
00:14:37,152 --> 00:14:40,280
Other than that, it's perfect. Just perfect.
113
00:14:41,406 --> 00:14:44,368
- What do you think, honey?
- Delia hates it.
114
00:14:48,039 --> 00:14:49,498
I could live here.
115
00:14:49,749 --> 00:14:51,417
Careful! That's my sculpture.
116
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:54,712
I don't mean "my" as in "I bought it."
I mean I made it.
117
00:14:56,756 --> 00:14:58,591
Put it on the table.
118
00:15:06,933 --> 00:15:10,019
Ten minutes. I'm already perfectly at ease.
119
00:15:10,937 --> 00:15:12,355
It's perfect.
120
00:15:12,438 --> 00:15:13,606
Help!
121
00:15:14,523 --> 00:15:15,900
It's Otho.
122
00:15:16,442 --> 00:15:19,402
Otho, why don't you come
in the front door?
123
00:15:19,778 --> 00:15:21,196
It's bad luck.
124
00:15:21,279 --> 00:15:24,199
You left the city for me. I am so happy.
125
00:15:24,574 --> 00:15:26,326
Of course you are.
126
00:15:28,995 --> 00:15:31,164
Let's get one thing straight.
127
00:15:31,248 --> 00:15:35,210
We're here to enjoy the country setting,
not to trash the place!
128
00:15:35,293 --> 00:15:37,923
Charles, you're lucky
the yuppies are buying condos...
129
00:15:38,006 --> 00:15:42,135
...so you can afford what I'm going
to have to do to this place.
130
00:15:42,427 --> 00:15:46,682
I'm here to relax and clip coupons,
and, damn it, I mean to do it.
131
00:15:46,932 --> 00:15:49,559
Then go do it quietly, dear,
and let Otho and me think.
132
00:15:49,643 --> 00:15:51,769
Is the rest of the house as bad as this?
133
00:15:51,852 --> 00:15:53,729
Is this a punishment?
134
00:15:54,939 --> 00:15:56,649
What are we going to do?
135
00:15:57,525 --> 00:15:59,860
We're not completely helpless.
136
00:16:00,152 --> 00:16:04,365
I've been reading that book and there's
a word for people in our situation.
137
00:16:04,907 --> 00:16:06,158
Ghosts!
138
00:16:07,535 --> 00:16:09,954
Let's get this show on the road.
139
00:16:13,207 --> 00:16:15,585
We're dealing with
negative entertainment potential.
140
00:16:15,668 --> 00:16:18,504
There's absolutely no organic flow through.
141
00:16:18,588 --> 00:16:21,507
I noticed that, too.
It's like a giant ant farm.
142
00:16:24,634 --> 00:16:27,137
- What?
- I thought I saw something.
143
00:16:38,609 --> 00:16:40,444
You've read my mind.
144
00:16:41,111 --> 00:16:44,031
- I did?
- So few clients are able to read my mind.
145
00:16:44,114 --> 00:16:46,700
They're not open to the experience.
146
00:16:54,833 --> 00:16:56,083
My God!
147
00:16:56,792 --> 00:17:00,922
We just have to pray the other closets
are bigger than this one.
148
00:17:01,255 --> 00:17:02,423
Look!
149
00:17:03,424 --> 00:17:05,176
Ozzie and Harriet.
150
00:17:07,762 --> 00:17:09,513
- What happened to these people?
- They died.
151
00:17:09,597 --> 00:17:11,682
Look, an indoor outhouse.
152
00:17:16,938 --> 00:17:20,107
- Viridian.
- Viridian. Why do I know that name?
153
00:17:20,608 --> 00:17:22,026
Blue-green!
154
00:17:22,777 --> 00:17:24,781
Hydrated chromic oxide.
155
00:17:25,156 --> 00:17:28,659
Remember, I'm schooled in chemistry.
I was a hair analyst.
156
00:17:28,742 --> 00:17:30,327
- What?
- Briefly.
157
00:17:36,291 --> 00:17:38,418
Deliver me from L.L. Bean.
158
00:17:40,837 --> 00:17:44,466
I know what you two are up to and
you're not going to get away with it!
159
00:17:44,549 --> 00:17:46,176
This is not working out.
160
00:17:46,260 --> 00:17:50,305
I will not stop living and breathing art
just because you need to relax.
161
00:17:50,931 --> 00:17:53,558
I'm here with you. I'll live with you
in this hellhole.
162
00:17:53,642 --> 00:17:58,397
But I must express myself. If I can't
gut this house and make it my own...
163
00:17:58,981 --> 00:18:02,066
...I will go insane
and I will take you with me!
164
00:18:04,277 --> 00:18:07,905
Yeah. Well, maybe the house
could use a little remodeling.
165
00:18:07,989 --> 00:18:11,409
But why don't you just leave
this room alone, okay?
166
00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:13,661
Okay.
167
00:18:19,544 --> 00:18:20,962
I'll get her.
168
00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:22,672
So?
169
00:18:22,755 --> 00:18:27,427
Once you cover the wallpaper, knock down
a few walls, this place might be livable.
170
00:18:27,510 --> 00:18:30,305
- What's on the third floor?
- Attic space.
171
00:18:30,388 --> 00:18:32,807
I forgot to lock the attic door.
172
00:18:40,564 --> 00:18:42,608
- Did you feel something?
- When?
173
00:18:51,825 --> 00:18:54,786
- You don't have a key?
- Maybe Charles does.
174
00:18:54,953 --> 00:18:59,249
I have a feeling there's something
very interesting behind this door.
175
00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:03,170
Yeah, the ghosts of the people who died
in this house, and they want us out!
176
00:19:03,253 --> 00:19:05,172
Let's do them a favor.
177
00:19:22,065 --> 00:19:24,067
My God, that was close!
178
00:19:25,944 --> 00:19:27,779
I cannot watch this.
179
00:19:28,446 --> 00:19:31,491
What's the good of being a ghost
if you can't frighten people away?
180
00:19:31,574 --> 00:19:34,202
- Honey?
- No, I'm not putting up with this!
181
00:19:44,294 --> 00:19:47,130
- You don't know what's out there.
- I don't care.
182
00:19:56,181 --> 00:19:57,474
Barbara!
183
00:19:58,058 --> 00:19:59,101
Adam!
184
00:20:00,644 --> 00:20:03,272
Adam, help. I'm getting all yellow!
185
00:20:44,147 --> 00:20:47,107
We're trapped in this house
with those people.
186
00:20:52,154 --> 00:20:55,991
I can't believe we're eating Cantonese.
Is there no Szechwan up here?
187
00:20:56,074 --> 00:20:59,538
I plan to have a stroke from the amount
of MSG in this food.
188
00:20:59,788 --> 00:21:04,668
This is our first meal in this house,
so let's try to make it a pleasant one.
189
00:21:05,961 --> 00:21:07,963
Don't bait your mother.
190
00:21:08,213 --> 00:21:11,842
When we get settled, we'll build you
a darkroom in the basement.
191
00:21:12,217 --> 00:21:14,470
My whole life is a darkroom.
192
00:21:15,220 --> 00:21:16,972
One big dark room.
193
00:21:18,890 --> 00:21:23,645
You were miserable in New York City,
and you'll be miserable in the sticks.
194
00:21:23,770 --> 00:21:25,647
At least someone's life
hasn't been upheaved.
195
00:21:25,730 --> 00:21:30,360
I'm happy here. Those people in New York
don't know what they're missing.
196
00:21:34,781 --> 00:21:37,533
We could become The Summer Art Center
of New York.
197
00:21:37,617 --> 00:21:40,495
I could start sculpting again.
I'm only truly happy when I'm sculpting.
198
00:21:40,578 --> 00:21:44,249
That's a very good idea.
That'll be very time-consuming.
199
00:21:44,791 --> 00:21:47,126
First the house.
Otho and I have great plans.
200
00:21:47,210 --> 00:21:49,212
We should keep it the way it is.
201
00:21:49,295 --> 00:21:50,671
Good idea.
202
00:21:55,844 --> 00:21:59,223
The furniture truck is coming.
We must decide what goes and what stays.
203
00:21:59,306 --> 00:22:02,309
Everything goes,
along with whatever's in the attic.
204
00:22:19,952 --> 00:22:21,245
Careful.
205
00:22:21,495 --> 00:22:25,248
Tell me what you do and I'll tell you
why my husband will fire you.
206
00:22:26,666 --> 00:22:29,252
- Isn't there an index?
- No, nothing.
207
00:22:31,504 --> 00:22:32,964
What's this?
208
00:22:39,012 --> 00:22:41,806
Do you know where that's going?
Did anyone tell you where...
209
00:22:41,889 --> 00:22:44,769
Why are there only three sculptures?
There were four sculptures.
210
00:22:44,853 --> 00:22:47,022
Where's the fourth sculpture?
211
00:22:47,105 --> 00:22:48,899
What are you doing?
212
00:22:54,279 --> 00:22:57,615
"Betelgeuse, the bio-exorcist.
Troubled by the living?
213
00:22:57,698 --> 00:23:00,242
"Is death a problem and not the solution?
Unhappy with eternity?
214
00:23:00,326 --> 00:23:03,495
"Having difficulty adjusting?
Call Betelgeuse."
215
00:23:06,874 --> 00:23:09,084
There's no number or instructions?
216
00:23:09,168 --> 00:23:12,254
Nothing. The "bio-exorcist." I don't get it.
217
00:23:16,717 --> 00:23:18,260
Straight back.
218
00:23:20,471 --> 00:23:23,474
Why don't you take a break
for half an hour?
219
00:23:44,329 --> 00:23:45,830
Put that down!
220
00:23:45,914 --> 00:23:47,791
What the hell are you doing?
221
00:23:47,874 --> 00:23:49,751
- Listen to me!
- Jesus!
222
00:23:51,419 --> 00:23:54,839
Why are you doing this to me?
This is my art and it is dangerous.
223
00:23:54,923 --> 00:23:57,259
Do you think I want to die like this?
224
00:24:11,772 --> 00:24:13,482
Hi. How are you?
225
00:24:22,449 --> 00:24:24,493
That little girl saw us.
226
00:24:24,994 --> 00:24:27,413
- Nobody can see us.
- But she did.
227
00:24:29,957 --> 00:24:32,712
- What happened to the previous owners?
- They drowned.
228
00:24:32,795 --> 00:24:35,714
Yes, they were family. I was devastated.
229
00:24:35,839 --> 00:24:38,216
- Here, take that.
- Is this the key to the attic?
230
00:24:38,300 --> 00:24:42,387
That's a skeleton key that will open
any door. Give that to your father.
231
00:24:42,971 --> 00:24:46,600
You might mention I single-handedly
decorated that house.
232
00:24:46,683 --> 00:24:50,478
If he needs any advice in that arena
have him come see me.
233
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,125
Don't worry. I locked the door.
234
00:25:30,853 --> 00:25:35,149
Having trouble with the living?
Tired of having your home violated?
235
00:25:35,233 --> 00:25:37,151
Want to get rid of them
pesky living critters?
236
00:25:37,235 --> 00:25:41,196
Well, come on down and see me,
the afterlife's leading bio-exorcist.
237
00:25:41,279 --> 00:25:44,699
Yes, sirree! I want to tell you,
I'll do anything!
238
00:25:47,369 --> 00:25:51,456
I'll scare 'em real bad.
I'll do anything to get your business.
239
00:25:51,665 --> 00:25:54,417
Hell! I'll possess myself if I gotta!
240
00:25:54,876 --> 00:25:57,796
Yo! I got demons runnin' all through me.
241
00:25:58,421 --> 00:26:00,382
Come on down and see it.
242
00:26:00,465 --> 00:26:03,677
If you act now, you get a free
demon possession with every exorcism.
243
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:05,720
You can't beat that, can you?
244
00:26:05,804 --> 00:26:10,684
Bring the little partners. We've got plenty
of snakes for them to play with.
245
00:26:11,268 --> 00:26:15,354
Say it once, say it twice,
third time's a charm. And remember...
246
00:26:15,437 --> 00:26:18,859
"I'll eat anything you want me to eat.
Swallow anything you want me to swallow.
247
00:26:18,943 --> 00:26:21,571
"So, come on down, I'll chew on the dog."
248
00:26:50,098 --> 00:26:54,436
We need some help. I read something
in this book about emergencies.
249
00:26:55,270 --> 00:26:58,523
Here it is.
"In case of emergency, draw a door."
250
00:27:03,403 --> 00:27:07,324
"Draw a door"? I don't know why
we keep looking in that stupid book.
251
00:27:10,076 --> 00:27:12,706
Maybe we should try that Beetle guy.
252
00:27:28,179 --> 00:27:31,265
You didn't actually think
that would work, did you?
253
00:27:33,935 --> 00:27:35,686
"Knock three times."
254
00:28:37,999 --> 00:28:39,292
Birdies!
255
00:28:48,092 --> 00:28:49,343
Get it!
256
00:28:50,177 --> 00:28:51,220
Dad?
257
00:28:51,637 --> 00:28:54,890
- Can't you see I'm relaxing?
- I want to tell you what I saw.
258
00:28:54,974 --> 00:28:58,729
What is the point of my coming here
if you people won't let me relax?
259
00:28:58,812 --> 00:29:00,731
Pumpkin, sweetheart...
260
00:29:01,857 --> 00:29:03,817
...go help your mother.
261
00:29:03,901 --> 00:29:06,945
Maybe you can relax in a haunted house,
but I can't.
262
00:29:12,326 --> 00:29:14,119
Hmm, nice building.
263
00:29:14,244 --> 00:29:16,288
Bad roof. Good parking.
264
00:29:48,194 --> 00:29:50,196
- Adam?
- This way, honey.
265
00:30:02,542 --> 00:30:04,544
You don't have an appointment.
266
00:30:04,628 --> 00:30:06,838
- We didn't know how to make one.
- Appointment for what?
267
00:30:06,922 --> 00:30:08,924
- What do you want?
- Help?
268
00:30:09,007 --> 00:30:12,970
Already? Just bit the big one
two months ago and you want help.
269
00:30:13,053 --> 00:30:15,305
What does that have to do with anything?
270
00:30:15,389 --> 00:30:18,517
You'll use up all your help vouchers: D-90s.
271
00:30:19,268 --> 00:30:22,354
You spend 125 years on earth
in that house...
272
00:30:22,854 --> 00:30:27,150
...during which you get only three class-one
D-90 intercessions with Juno.
273
00:30:27,234 --> 00:30:30,153
You probably haven't read through
the manual completely yet.
274
00:30:30,237 --> 00:30:33,198
You'll have to wait if you don't have
an appointment.
275
00:30:33,282 --> 00:30:36,867
- An appointment with whom?
- For Juno, your caseworker.
276
00:30:40,955 --> 00:30:43,249
Number 54,000,601. Ferndock!
277
00:31:50,151 --> 00:31:52,654
- Want a cigarette?
- No, thank you.
278
00:31:53,947 --> 00:31:56,241
I'm trying to cut down myself.
279
00:32:13,423 --> 00:32:16,301
Adam, is this what happens when you die?
280
00:32:17,261 --> 00:32:19,513
This is what happens when you die.
281
00:32:19,596 --> 00:32:22,849
That is what happens when he dies.
And that is what happens when they die.
282
00:32:22,933 --> 00:32:25,978
It's all very personal.
I'll tell you something.
283
00:32:26,061 --> 00:32:30,232
If I knew then what I know now,
I wouldn't have had my little accident.
284
00:32:35,906 --> 00:32:37,825
Maitland. Party of two.
285
00:32:37,908 --> 00:32:40,494
Take the handbook
and go to the sixth door.
286
00:32:40,578 --> 00:32:42,746
Oh, we forgot our handbook.
287
00:32:47,083 --> 00:32:48,084
Come on.
288
00:32:53,923 --> 00:32:57,468
All new arrivals,
report to waiting room number eight.
289
00:32:59,971 --> 00:33:02,682
Flight 409 is arriving at gate three.
290
00:33:03,808 --> 00:33:06,352
How do I look?
There are no mirrors on this side.
291
00:33:06,436 --> 00:33:08,313
- You look fine.
- Fine.
292
00:33:08,771 --> 00:33:11,399
Thanks. I've been feeling a little flat.
293
00:33:16,070 --> 00:33:19,072
Will the Peterson party
report to door number nine.
294
00:33:20,616 --> 00:33:23,535
Peterson party, please report
to door number nine.
295
00:33:25,078 --> 00:33:28,208
All new arrivals,
report to waiting room number eight.
296
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:37,343
125 years. I can't believe this.
297
00:33:38,052 --> 00:33:40,304
I can't believe they didn't tell us.
298
00:33:43,182 --> 00:33:45,184
Oh, Adam, what is this?
299
00:33:49,521 --> 00:33:51,773
That's the Lost Souls' Room.
300
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:55,235
A room for ghosts
that have been exorcised.
301
00:33:56,361 --> 00:33:57,820
Poor devils.
302
00:33:58,029 --> 00:34:00,156
That's death for the dead.
303
00:34:01,366 --> 00:34:03,451
It's all in the handbook.
304
00:34:03,660 --> 00:34:05,119
Keep moving.
305
00:34:09,916 --> 00:34:11,084
Five.
306
00:34:12,669 --> 00:34:14,671
This is the sixth door.
307
00:34:21,554 --> 00:34:24,682
Boy, this place just gets weirder
and weirder.
308
00:34:35,776 --> 00:34:37,194
We're home!
309
00:34:38,153 --> 00:34:41,240
Look at this place! Everything's different.
310
00:34:43,117 --> 00:34:45,202
All our furniture's gone.
311
00:34:45,869 --> 00:34:48,497
How long do you suppose
we were waiting there?
312
00:34:48,581 --> 00:34:50,082
Three months.
313
00:34:51,250 --> 00:34:54,253
I'd almost given up on you.
I was about to leave.
314
00:34:54,336 --> 00:34:56,379
I do have other clients.
315
00:34:56,921 --> 00:34:59,507
- Are you Juno, our caseworker?
- Yes.
316
00:34:59,591 --> 00:35:02,677
I evaluate individual cases and determine...
317
00:35:02,927 --> 00:35:06,055
...if help is needed, deserved and available.
318
00:35:06,264 --> 00:35:07,223
Are you available?
319
00:35:07,307 --> 00:35:08,349
No.
320
00:35:09,559 --> 00:35:12,105
- What's wrong?
- We're very unhappy.
321
00:35:12,814 --> 00:35:15,233
What did you expect? You're dead!
322
00:35:15,317 --> 00:35:19,571
We want to get rid of the people here.
We worked hard on this house.
323
00:35:19,654 --> 00:35:22,657
We probably wouldn't mind sharing
the house with people who were...
324
00:35:22,741 --> 00:35:25,118
- More like you used to be.
- Yes.
325
00:35:25,285 --> 00:35:26,912
But these people!
326
00:35:28,955 --> 00:35:30,956
Things seem quiet here.
327
00:35:32,082 --> 00:35:35,169
You should thank God
you didn't die in Italy.
328
00:35:35,628 --> 00:35:37,046
The Deetzes.
329
00:35:37,212 --> 00:35:40,341
- Have you been studying the manual?
- We tried.
330
00:35:41,300 --> 00:35:45,137
The intermediate interface chapter
on haunting says it all.
331
00:35:45,304 --> 00:35:48,265
Get them out yourselves! It's your house.
332
00:35:49,433 --> 00:35:52,186
Haunted houses aren't easy to come by.
333
00:35:52,269 --> 00:35:54,688
- We don't quite get it.
- I heard.
334
00:35:54,772 --> 00:35:56,607
Tore your faces off.
335
00:35:56,774 --> 00:36:00,903
It's useless to pull off your heads
in front of people who can't see you.
336
00:36:00,986 --> 00:36:03,404
- We should start simply?
- Start simply.
337
00:36:03,488 --> 00:36:06,409
Do what you know.
Use your talents. Practice.
338
00:36:08,203 --> 00:36:11,998
You should have been studying
those lessons since day one.
339
00:36:14,125 --> 00:36:15,710
I've got to go.
340
00:36:15,835 --> 00:36:18,338
What about that guy in the flyer, Betel...
341
00:36:19,631 --> 00:36:22,926
Don't even say his name.
You don't want his help.
342
00:36:24,052 --> 00:36:24,970
We might.
343
00:36:25,053 --> 00:36:28,348
No, you don't.
He does not work well with others.
344
00:36:29,891 --> 00:36:31,601
What do you mean?
345
00:36:35,771 --> 00:36:37,731
I didn't want to bring it up.
346
00:36:37,815 --> 00:36:41,777
But rather than have you make
another mistake, I'll tell you.
347
00:36:42,987 --> 00:36:44,822
He was my assistant.
348
00:36:45,239 --> 00:36:48,409
But he was a troublemaker.
He went out on his own...
349
00:36:48,492 --> 00:36:50,869
...as a freelance bio-exorcist.
350
00:36:51,870 --> 00:36:55,833
Claimed he could get rid of the living.
Got into more trouble.
351
00:36:59,797 --> 00:37:03,551
I believe he's been sleazing
around your cemetery lately.
352
00:37:05,511 --> 00:37:08,263
The only way he can be brought back...
353
00:37:08,430 --> 00:37:11,182
...is by calling his name three times.
354
00:37:12,183 --> 00:37:14,269
But I strongly suggest...
355
00:37:14,686 --> 00:37:17,522
...that you remove the Deetzes yourselves.
356
00:37:18,231 --> 00:37:19,608
How do we contact you...
357
00:37:19,691 --> 00:37:21,735
...if we need you again?
358
00:37:31,536 --> 00:37:34,247
Oh, Adam, that guy's in our cemetery.
359
00:37:34,956 --> 00:37:38,585
She's right. We just keep this simple.
We can do this.
360
00:38:02,652 --> 00:38:04,487
Hey, you, come here!
361
00:38:05,279 --> 00:38:06,530
Hungry?
362
00:38:07,281 --> 00:38:09,367
Come on. Hey, come here.
363
00:38:10,618 --> 00:38:13,578
I got something good for you.
Come on over.
364
00:38:13,662 --> 00:38:16,539
We'll have a little bite, something to nosh.
365
00:38:17,999 --> 00:38:19,834
- Come here!
- Help me!
366
00:38:24,631 --> 00:38:28,927
Maxie, haven't I always made you money?
That's the only real question.
367
00:38:29,010 --> 00:38:33,515
Nobody made me money like you.
You were a demon until your nerves went.
368
00:38:33,932 --> 00:38:35,642
It's just that...
369
00:38:36,268 --> 00:38:39,604
...Winter River, Connecticut is,
if you'll forgive me, nowhere.
370
00:38:39,688 --> 00:38:42,857
Why would I want to invest that kind
of money in an old building...
371
00:38:42,941 --> 00:38:46,612
...way the hell up there!
- It's not a building. That's the beauty.
372
00:38:46,696 --> 00:38:50,658
The people don't know the value of their
property. I can buy the whole town.
373
00:38:50,741 --> 00:38:53,619
Then we own a whole town
in the middle of nowhere.
374
00:38:54,078 --> 00:38:55,580
Come and see.
375
00:38:55,705 --> 00:38:57,373
And bring Sarah.
376
00:38:58,124 --> 00:39:01,794
All right, Charles.
It's just that I am kind of busy here.
377
00:39:01,877 --> 00:39:03,421
Just a minute.
378
00:39:04,589 --> 00:39:07,842
Listen. Enough of this talk
about visiting, okay? I gotta go.
379
00:39:07,925 --> 00:39:10,511
You take it easy up there, big fellow.
380
00:39:10,595 --> 00:39:12,763
- Good-bye.
- Max, wait, wait.
381
00:39:17,727 --> 00:39:18,643
Putz.
382
00:39:39,291 --> 00:39:43,378
Lydia, is Connecticut so boring?
I had Maxie Dean on the phone.
383
00:39:43,670 --> 00:39:47,507
Dad's found a way of making money
while I relax, so would you scram?
384
00:39:49,468 --> 00:39:53,512
Your mother will kill you when she sees
you cut holes in her $300 sheets.
385
00:39:56,432 --> 00:39:59,936
This is so corny. Is this what
we've been reduced to? Sheets?
386
00:40:00,019 --> 00:40:01,938
Think of them as death shrouds.
387
00:40:02,021 --> 00:40:04,565
And the moaning is important.
Really moan!
388
00:40:22,917 --> 00:40:25,418
God, how can he stand that woman?
389
00:40:32,008 --> 00:40:34,972
Cut it out! I'm a child, for God's sakes.
390
00:40:43,522 --> 00:40:46,942
- I feel so stupid.
- It's not stupid. We're ghosts!
391
00:40:47,526 --> 00:40:50,737
Do you want to spend the next 125 years
having breakfast with this woman?
392
00:40:50,821 --> 00:40:52,281
Moan louder.
393
00:41:00,663 --> 00:41:01,956
Oh, God!
394
00:41:10,006 --> 00:41:12,091
Sick. Sexual perversion.
395
00:41:12,341 --> 00:41:15,511
Do that weird sexual stuff
in your own bedroom.
396
00:41:21,726 --> 00:41:23,185
Ah, no feet.
397
00:41:35,449 --> 00:41:38,160
Are you the guys hiding in the attic?
398
00:41:38,243 --> 00:41:39,745
We're ghosts!
399
00:41:41,246 --> 00:41:44,041
- What do you look like under there?
- Aren't you scared?
400
00:41:44,124 --> 00:41:47,419
I'm not scared of sheets.
Are you gross under there?
401
00:41:47,502 --> 00:41:50,130
Are you Night of the Living Dead
under there?
402
00:41:50,213 --> 00:41:52,549
Like all bloody veins and pus?
403
00:41:52,633 --> 00:41:55,802
- "Night of the," what?
- "Living Dead." It's a movie.
404
00:41:55,886 --> 00:41:59,014
If I had seen a ghost at your age,
I would have been scared out of my wits.
405
00:41:59,097 --> 00:42:02,184
You're not gross.
Why are you wearing sheets?
406
00:42:02,934 --> 00:42:04,560
We're practicing.
407
00:42:04,644 --> 00:42:08,397
- You can see us without the sheets?
- Of course I can see you.
408
00:42:08,481 --> 00:42:10,900
How can you see us and nobody else can?
409
00:42:12,235 --> 00:42:15,821
I read through that
Handbook for the Recently Deceased.
410
00:42:15,905 --> 00:42:19,494
It says, "Live people ignore
the strange and unusual."
411
00:42:21,371 --> 00:42:23,790
I myself am strange and unusual.
412
00:42:25,667 --> 00:42:27,335
You look normal.
413
00:42:28,795 --> 00:42:30,838
- You read our book?
- Yes.
414
00:42:31,089 --> 00:42:34,133
- You could follow it?
- Yes. Why were you in Delia's bedroom?
415
00:42:34,217 --> 00:42:36,760
- Trying to scare your mother.
- Stepmother.
416
00:42:36,927 --> 00:42:40,555
You can't scare her.
She's sleeping with Prince Valium.
417
00:42:43,850 --> 00:42:45,269
You did this?
418
00:42:45,352 --> 00:42:47,938
You carved these houses and things?
419
00:42:49,398 --> 00:42:51,775
And this used to be your house.
420
00:42:52,234 --> 00:42:54,444
Why do you want to scare everybody?
421
00:42:54,528 --> 00:42:57,447
We wanted to frighten you
so you would move out.
422
00:42:59,324 --> 00:43:01,368
You don't know the Deetzes.
423
00:43:01,451 --> 00:43:05,414
My father bought this place.
He never walks away from equity.
424
00:43:05,539 --> 00:43:09,292
- Why don't you leave?
- We haven't left since the funeral.
425
00:43:10,585 --> 00:43:11,877
Funeral!
426
00:43:12,420 --> 00:43:14,799
God! You guys really are dead.
427
00:43:17,635 --> 00:43:19,304
This is amazing.
428
00:43:21,222 --> 00:43:22,765
- I better go.
- Wait.
429
00:43:22,849 --> 00:43:27,437
- Don't tell your parents we're here.
- Unless it will frighten them away.
430
00:43:27,562 --> 00:43:29,814
Tell them we are horrible...
431
00:43:30,023 --> 00:43:32,317
...desperate, ghoulish creatures
who will stop at nothing...
432
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:34,485
...to get our house back.
433
00:43:36,779 --> 00:43:41,033
What if this is a dream? Can you do
any tricks to prove I'm not dreaming?
434
00:43:45,662 --> 00:43:50,000
If you are real ghosts, you better get
another routine because those sheets...
435
00:43:50,083 --> 00:43:51,877
...they don't work.
436
00:44:01,428 --> 00:44:02,679
Ghosts.
437
00:44:02,763 --> 00:44:05,307
You're telling me we have ghosts
in this house.
438
00:44:05,390 --> 00:44:07,686
Those pictures are of ghosts.
439
00:44:08,020 --> 00:44:09,271
Ghosts!
440
00:44:09,897 --> 00:44:13,650
Lydia, I am giving a dinner party
tonight for seven people.
441
00:44:13,733 --> 00:44:17,278
My agent, Bernard, is bringing a woman
who writes for Art in America.
442
00:44:17,362 --> 00:44:21,157
In fact, no one dining here
has not been in Vanity Fair except you.
443
00:44:21,783 --> 00:44:23,785
I told them you were too mean to be afraid.
444
00:44:23,868 --> 00:44:25,912
Don't you dare speak to others about me!
445
00:44:25,995 --> 00:44:30,083
Being embarrassed in front of the few
people who will set foot in here scares me.
446
00:44:30,166 --> 00:44:32,543
So let's play family just for tonight.
447
00:44:38,341 --> 00:44:40,510
Lydia's trying, but they don't believe her.
448
00:44:40,593 --> 00:44:42,303
She's got photos.
449
00:44:43,012 --> 00:44:45,556
Adam, you have a photo of Bigfoot.
450
00:44:46,223 --> 00:44:49,142
My photo of Bigfoot is a different story.
451
00:44:49,476 --> 00:44:54,022
We've got to get some help. We've got
to contact Betelmeyer or something.
452
00:45:07,746 --> 00:45:08,914
Look.
453
00:45:13,210 --> 00:45:15,087
It's him. Betelgeuse.
454
00:45:17,214 --> 00:45:18,382
Betelgeuse.
455
00:45:20,383 --> 00:45:22,385
Go ahead, Barbara, say it.
456
00:45:23,511 --> 00:45:24,929
Betelgeuse!
457
00:45:29,058 --> 00:45:30,602
What happened?
458
00:45:31,728 --> 00:45:33,897
I think we're in the model.
459
00:45:37,358 --> 00:45:38,860
Look at that.
460
00:46:02,051 --> 00:46:03,969
Where is he? What do we do?
461
00:46:08,182 --> 00:46:09,934
Looks like we dig.
462
00:46:40,463 --> 00:46:42,131
It's about time!
463
00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:53,853
- I say we open it.
- Maybe we should knock first.
464
00:47:11,787 --> 00:47:13,247
Adam. Babs.
465
00:47:21,255 --> 00:47:25,551
You can pick 'em! Is this
a solid relationship? Do I have a shot?
466
00:47:25,759 --> 00:47:28,762
- Excuse me.
- Sure. Am I overstepping my bounds?
467
00:47:28,846 --> 00:47:33,308
It's beautiful! You picked me.
You didn't have to, but you picked me.
468
00:47:33,558 --> 00:47:36,477
It makes me want to kiss you guys!
Come on, give me one.
469
00:47:36,561 --> 00:47:38,313
I beg your pardon!
470
00:47:38,646 --> 00:47:40,567
Let's get down to business.
471
00:47:40,650 --> 00:47:43,403
I've got a card here somewhere.
Here. Who do I have to kill?
472
00:47:43,486 --> 00:47:45,530
- Hold that for me.
- Whoa!
473
00:47:46,781 --> 00:47:49,159
- There you go.
- You don't have to kill anybody!
474
00:47:49,242 --> 00:47:53,997
Possession! Learn to throw your voice.
Fool your friends. Fun at parties.
475
00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:57,500
No. We just want to get some people
out of our house.
476
00:47:57,584 --> 00:48:01,755
I understand. In order to do that,
I'll have to get to know you.
477
00:48:02,047 --> 00:48:04,673
We've got to get closer.
Move in with you for a while.
478
00:48:04,757 --> 00:48:07,885
Get to be real pals.
You know what I'm saying?
479
00:48:08,052 --> 00:48:09,970
Save that guy for later.
480
00:48:10,054 --> 00:48:12,348
My wife and I have some questions.
481
00:48:12,431 --> 00:48:14,433
Sure, go ahead. Shoot.
482
00:48:14,725 --> 00:48:16,769
What are your qualifications?
483
00:48:16,852 --> 00:48:20,773
Well, I attended Juilliard. I'm a graduate
of Harvard Business School.
484
00:48:20,856 --> 00:48:24,401
I travel extensively.
I lived through the Black Plague.
485
00:48:24,485 --> 00:48:27,363
I've seen The Exorcist about 167 times...
486
00:48:27,446 --> 00:48:30,908
...and it keeps getting funnier
every time I see it!
487
00:48:31,283 --> 00:48:33,913
Not to mention the fact
that you're talking to a dead guy!
488
00:48:33,996 --> 00:48:37,165
Now what do you think?
You think I'm qualified?
489
00:48:38,250 --> 00:48:39,960
Can you be scary?
490
00:48:40,252 --> 00:48:43,588
Oh! I know what you're asking me.
Can I be scary?
491
00:48:45,548 --> 00:48:47,676
What do you think of this?
492
00:48:48,093 --> 00:48:49,552
You like it?
493
00:48:50,637 --> 00:48:54,140
- Will you excuse us, please?
- Sure. Talk amongst yourselves.
494
00:48:54,224 --> 00:48:57,394
- Let's go.
- I know, but he can be useful later.
495
00:48:57,602 --> 00:49:00,605
- We can work something ourselves.
- Oh, yeah!
496
00:49:01,648 --> 00:49:03,358
- Excuse me!
- What?
497
00:49:03,483 --> 00:49:05,277
We are leaving now.
498
00:49:05,485 --> 00:49:06,987
Don't go yet.
499
00:49:07,654 --> 00:49:11,824
Come on, we're simpatico.
Look at us. We shop at the same store.
500
00:49:12,658 --> 00:49:14,159
Hey, hermano.
501
00:49:14,660 --> 00:49:16,453
Yeah, there you go.
502
00:49:18,247 --> 00:49:20,332
We're like peas in a pod.
503
00:49:20,666 --> 00:49:24,920
You want someone out of the house.
I want to get someone out of your house.
504
00:49:25,004 --> 00:49:28,342
Look! You've been to Saturn.
I've been to Saturn!
505
00:49:28,676 --> 00:49:30,386
Whoa. Sandworms.
506
00:49:31,220 --> 00:49:34,098
You hate 'em, right? I hate 'em myself.
507
00:49:34,515 --> 00:49:38,185
Kids, what do I have to do
to strike a deal with you two?
508
00:49:45,692 --> 00:49:48,612
- Don't you hate it when that happens?
- Let's go, Barbara!
509
00:49:48,695 --> 00:49:51,990
Come up for a while.
We'll talk inside. Come on.
510
00:49:52,157 --> 00:49:54,409
- I'm not staying.
- The place is a mess.
511
00:49:54,492 --> 00:49:56,661
We have to get out of here.
512
00:49:57,162 --> 00:49:58,663
Home! Home! Home!
513
00:50:00,457 --> 00:50:01,875
How did you do that?
514
00:50:01,958 --> 00:50:03,877
Hope you like Italian.
515
00:50:04,252 --> 00:50:06,963
Where'd you go? Hey, where'd you go?
516
00:50:07,130 --> 00:50:09,633
Hey! You've got to work with me here.
517
00:50:09,716 --> 00:50:12,260
I'm just trying to cut a deal.
What do you want me to do?
518
00:50:12,344 --> 00:50:13,886
Where are you?
519
00:50:14,178 --> 00:50:16,013
You bunch of losers!
520
00:50:16,764 --> 00:50:19,642
You're working with a professional here!
521
00:50:23,898 --> 00:50:25,691
Nice fucking model!
522
00:50:26,192 --> 00:50:28,611
We can do this stuff on our own.
523
00:50:28,861 --> 00:50:32,073
Besides, I'm not exposing
that little girl to that pervert.
524
00:50:32,156 --> 00:50:35,159
We did call him,
and he seemed awfully pissed off.
525
00:50:35,243 --> 00:50:40,122
I don't care. I've changed my mind.
We can scare them off ourselves... tonight.
526
00:50:40,623 --> 00:50:42,208
I have an idea.
527
00:50:48,797 --> 00:50:51,716
What you did with the place is wonderful.
528
00:50:51,800 --> 00:50:53,343
Not me. Them.
529
00:50:54,886 --> 00:50:55,971
So?
530
00:51:00,976 --> 00:51:02,519
You like them.
531
00:51:03,061 --> 00:51:07,023
I hope it wasn't yet another
of your dreary suicide attempts.
532
00:51:07,357 --> 00:51:10,151
You know what they say about people
who commit suicide?
533
00:51:10,235 --> 00:51:13,198
In the afterlife, they become civil servants.
534
00:51:15,492 --> 00:51:18,453
Otho, I didn't realize
you were into the supernatural.
535
00:51:18,537 --> 00:51:20,621
Of course! You remember.
536
00:51:20,746 --> 00:51:23,416
After my stint with the Living Theater...
537
00:51:23,499 --> 00:51:27,086
...I was one of New York's
leading paranormal researchers...
538
00:51:27,169 --> 00:51:29,088
...until the bottom dropped out in '72.
539
00:51:29,171 --> 00:51:32,758
Paranormal? Is that what
they're calling your kind these days?
540
00:51:33,175 --> 00:51:37,680
Don't mind her. She's still upset that
somebody dropped a house on her sister.
541
00:51:40,891 --> 00:51:43,185
Well, this looks really good.
542
00:51:44,854 --> 00:51:46,606
I saw some ghosts.
543
00:51:52,861 --> 00:51:56,448
- It's a private joke Lydia and I share.
- It's not a joke.
544
00:51:56,531 --> 00:52:00,869
Yes, it is. Just today she tried
to convince me this house is haunted.
545
00:52:02,871 --> 00:52:05,165
Kids! You know, I love them!
546
00:52:07,044 --> 00:52:09,755
- Ghosts?
- In designer sheets, no less.
547
00:52:10,797 --> 00:52:14,176
I'd like to propose a toast
to our intrepid friends...
548
00:52:14,259 --> 00:52:17,346
...who braved the expressway
and two dozen tollbooths to be with us.
549
00:52:17,429 --> 00:52:19,473
May your buildings go condo.
550
00:52:21,141 --> 00:52:23,685
Lydia, favor us about your ghosts.
551
00:52:24,102 --> 00:52:26,479
No! I am sick of that subject.
552
00:52:26,729 --> 00:52:28,481
Delia, lighten up.
553
00:52:29,065 --> 00:52:31,234
I would rather talk about...
554
00:52:46,624 --> 00:52:48,167
That's cute, Delia.
555
00:53:00,472 --> 00:53:02,557
Otho, are you doing this?
556
00:54:30,229 --> 00:54:31,605
We did it!
557
00:54:33,232 --> 00:54:35,025
Let's watch them scatter.
558
00:54:35,108 --> 00:54:38,778
Any minute now they'll come
running out of that door screaming.
559
00:54:42,031 --> 00:54:43,532
Any minute now.
560
00:54:50,750 --> 00:54:52,335
It's me, Lydia.
561
00:54:55,713 --> 00:54:57,632
They want you to come downstairs.
562
00:54:57,715 --> 00:55:00,718
Delia says you can wear
any sheets you want.
563
00:55:01,719 --> 00:55:04,514
It was like being in an amusement park.
564
00:55:04,889 --> 00:55:05,807
Wham!
565
00:55:06,015 --> 00:55:09,726
- I didn't know I could do the calypso.
- Who has more fun than us?
566
00:55:09,810 --> 00:55:12,521
We're dealing with Tracy and Hepburn.
567
00:55:12,854 --> 00:55:16,441
A very sophisticated pair.
They even appear in sheets.
568
00:55:17,901 --> 00:55:21,113
Charles, why didn't you tell us
about this before?
569
00:55:22,614 --> 00:55:27,327
We're not sure we want our secret out.
Everyone will want them for parties.
570
00:55:27,411 --> 00:55:29,162
People will pay big money for this.
571
00:55:29,246 --> 00:55:33,250
The Enquirer is offering $50,000
for proof of life after death.
572
00:55:35,085 --> 00:55:38,088
This is it, Charles.
You can get Maxie Dean up here now.
573
00:55:38,171 --> 00:55:41,259
- You think so?
- Sarah loves the supernatural.
574
00:55:42,176 --> 00:55:44,387
She'll have him sprint up here
in his helicopter...
575
00:55:44,470 --> 00:55:47,140
...if you can produce ghosts for her.
576
00:55:50,643 --> 00:55:53,605
I should remind you that I'm Delia's agent.
577
00:55:53,688 --> 00:55:56,024
I have lost money on her work for years.
578
00:55:56,107 --> 00:55:58,693
If anything happened here, I shall handle it.
579
00:55:58,776 --> 00:56:01,112
But not until I've seen real proof.
580
00:56:01,195 --> 00:56:05,158
- What about this table?
- What do you call what just happened?
581
00:56:05,450 --> 00:56:07,952
What money?
Don't you believe in my work?
582
00:56:08,870 --> 00:56:10,371
Here's Lydia.
583
00:56:10,997 --> 00:56:13,625
- Well?
- They don't want to come down.
584
00:56:21,423 --> 00:56:22,716
Why not?
585
00:56:24,468 --> 00:56:28,597
I think they were trying to scare you away,
and you didn't get scared.
586
00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:31,934
They're dead.
It's a little late to be neurotic.
587
00:56:35,940 --> 00:56:37,316
All right.
588
00:56:43,072 --> 00:56:46,075
This was not a hallucination.
This was real.
589
00:56:47,408 --> 00:56:52,121
We all experienced a super-powerful
paranormal experience and it was real.
590
00:56:52,830 --> 00:56:56,334
Delia, you are a flake.
You have always been a flake.
591
00:56:57,168 --> 00:57:01,256
If you insist on frightening people,
do it with your sculpture.
592
00:57:02,423 --> 00:57:04,092
Drive carefully!
593
00:57:04,175 --> 00:57:06,094
- I'm dead.
- Where do they hide?
594
00:57:06,177 --> 00:57:08,554
- The attic.
- The attic's locked.
595
00:57:09,389 --> 00:57:11,975
They're ghosts.
They can do what they want.
596
00:57:12,058 --> 00:57:15,228
They do whatever they want.
Take us up there right now.
597
00:57:21,650 --> 00:57:24,820
Fabulous! Otho Fenlock's
"Locked Door Ghosts!"
598
00:57:25,070 --> 00:57:26,655
Probably committed suicide up there.
599
00:57:26,738 --> 00:57:28,826
- I'm enchanted.
- In there?
600
00:57:29,076 --> 00:57:31,996
- They must live like animals.
- It's locked. How did they get in?
601
00:57:32,079 --> 00:57:35,165
Open this door, Dead People,
or we'll bust it down...
602
00:57:35,249 --> 00:57:37,751
...and drag you out by the ropes
you hanged yourself with!
603
00:57:37,835 --> 00:57:40,254
- They didn't commit suicide.
- It doesn't matter.
604
00:57:40,337 --> 00:57:43,966
I can teach you something here.
Take the upper hand in all situations...
605
00:57:44,049 --> 00:57:46,927
...or people, dead or alive,
will walk all over you.
606
00:57:47,011 --> 00:57:48,304
Open up!
607
00:58:00,648 --> 00:58:02,233
Where are they?
608
00:58:02,400 --> 00:58:04,694
These ghosts are nice people.
609
00:58:05,069 --> 00:58:08,740
I think we scared them away,
so let's leave them alone, all right?
610
00:58:08,823 --> 00:58:10,909
It's the whole damn town.
611
00:58:12,160 --> 00:58:14,662
I have never been so embarrassed.
612
00:58:15,580 --> 00:58:17,498
Have they gone for good?
613
00:58:23,798 --> 00:58:25,215
Dad, don't.
614
00:58:25,549 --> 00:58:27,343
Mom, let's just go.
615
00:58:40,064 --> 00:58:41,649
No ghosts here.
616
00:58:44,443 --> 00:58:48,030
Come on! If they are in here,
I don't want to scare them away.
617
00:58:49,907 --> 00:58:53,160
We're leaving now.
You can go about your business.
618
00:58:55,329 --> 00:58:58,164
- What are we doing?
- Quick, quick, quick.
619
00:59:05,421 --> 00:59:08,549
Oh, boy! You guys are really spooksters,
aren't you?
620
00:59:09,550 --> 00:59:13,179
Now, let's turn on the juice
and see what shakes loose.
621
00:59:15,809 --> 00:59:19,604
Otho, get Maxie on the phone.
We've really got something here.
622
00:59:19,688 --> 00:59:23,733
We can turn this place into the world's
leading supernatural research center.
623
00:59:23,817 --> 00:59:26,945
An amusement park. I'll do a presentation.
Lydia will bring the ghosts.
624
00:59:27,028 --> 00:59:30,031
I can't bring the ghosts. They're not here.
625
00:59:30,115 --> 00:59:33,826
- Otho, can't you do something?
- If I'm properly motivated.
626
00:59:36,495 --> 00:59:39,248
What type of motivation do you require?
627
00:59:39,331 --> 00:59:43,210
Why don't you leave them alone?
They didn't do anything to you.
628
01:00:30,675 --> 01:00:33,303
We've come for your daughter, Chuck.
629
01:00:34,304 --> 01:00:35,680
Stop! Stop!
630
01:00:47,524 --> 01:00:50,236
- Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse!
- Oh, no!
631
01:00:52,279 --> 01:00:54,281
Why are you doing this?
632
01:00:55,950 --> 01:00:58,118
Leave me alone, all of you!
633
01:01:01,707 --> 01:01:06,629
Great choice! We spend the next century
hanging out a window or doing tricks.
634
01:01:07,213 --> 01:01:09,923
Maybe they'll leave now.
That snake was a nasty customer.
635
01:01:10,006 --> 01:01:12,133
- He could've hurt somebody.
- But he didn't.
636
01:01:12,217 --> 01:01:14,678
We've got them where we want them.
637
01:01:18,765 --> 01:01:22,727
You losers! How dare you interrupt
a professional while he's working!
638
01:01:22,811 --> 01:01:25,522
I'm not fond of Charles,
but you could've killed him.
639
01:01:25,605 --> 01:01:28,775
I'm just doing my job!
I thought we had a deal.
640
01:01:28,900 --> 01:01:30,986
It's okay. You know why?
641
01:01:31,444 --> 01:01:35,615
I don't want to do business
with you deadbeats anyway, thank you.
642
01:01:36,032 --> 01:01:39,869
The only one I think I can deal with
is Edgar Allan Poe's daughter.
643
01:01:39,953 --> 01:01:42,329
- She understands me.
- Leave her alone!
644
01:01:54,802 --> 01:01:57,096
Go ahead, make my millennium.
645
01:02:04,645 --> 01:02:08,232
I'm feeling a little anxious,
if you know what I mean.
646
01:02:08,691 --> 01:02:10,818
It's been about 600 years.
647
01:02:11,235 --> 01:02:14,322
I wonder where an everyday Joe
like myself...
648
01:02:15,071 --> 01:02:17,157
...can find a little action.
649
01:02:34,174 --> 01:02:36,259
Yeah. Here I come, baby.
650
01:02:40,639 --> 01:02:42,390
Hey, Adam, nice move!
651
01:02:44,059 --> 01:02:46,603
- Why did you build that?
- I didn't.
652
01:02:56,739 --> 01:02:59,075
Will you guys shut up and leave me alone?
653
01:02:59,158 --> 01:03:01,494
I've got all this paperwork to do.
654
01:03:03,788 --> 01:03:05,831
You two, come in. Sit down.
655
01:03:05,915 --> 01:03:08,000
Get in here, both of you!
656
01:03:11,629 --> 01:03:15,800
The whorehouse was my idea.
I want Betelgeuse out of the picture.
657
01:03:16,926 --> 01:03:19,095
You two have really screwed up.
658
01:03:19,595 --> 01:03:22,597
I heard you allowed yourselves
to be photographed.
659
01:03:22,681 --> 01:03:25,433
You let Betelgeuse out
and didn't put him back.
660
01:03:25,517 --> 01:03:27,894
And you let Otho take the handbook!
661
01:03:27,978 --> 01:03:29,145
When?
662
01:03:30,438 --> 01:03:32,440
Never trust the living!
663
01:03:33,024 --> 01:03:35,694
We cannot have
a routine haunting like yours...
664
01:03:35,777 --> 01:03:39,364
...provide proof that there is existence
beyond death.
665
01:03:40,198 --> 01:03:42,536
Coach, where's the men's room?
666
01:03:43,745 --> 01:03:46,248
I'm not your coach. He survived.
667
01:03:46,415 --> 01:03:48,500
Let me get something straight.
668
01:03:48,584 --> 01:03:51,211
- What's our curfew?
- Get out of here!
669
01:03:52,212 --> 01:03:54,797
Go on, get downstairs! Men's room!
670
01:03:55,381 --> 01:03:57,967
Are you kidding? Can't you read signs?
671
01:03:58,050 --> 01:03:59,844
I'll be right back.
672
01:04:12,106 --> 01:04:14,233
Maybe this was a bad idea.
673
01:04:14,609 --> 01:04:16,527
I didn't say anything.
674
01:04:18,487 --> 01:04:21,407
Who are we kidding?
You've never had a bad idea.
675
01:04:21,490 --> 01:04:22,658
Yeah?
676
01:04:25,410 --> 01:04:27,454
This could all work out.
677
01:04:29,122 --> 01:04:30,165
Home.
678
01:04:33,668 --> 01:04:36,298
I'm not sure this is the right environment
for Lydia.
679
01:04:36,381 --> 01:04:38,467
- Snakes. Ghosts.
- Shrimp.
680
01:04:40,052 --> 01:04:41,762
You family types.
681
01:04:42,054 --> 01:04:45,849
You've got other things to worry about.
Maxie Dean is coming tonight.
682
01:04:45,933 --> 01:04:49,436
You have to sell these ghosts.
I can only do so much.
683
01:04:49,853 --> 01:04:53,106
What are you going to do?
Viciously rearrange their environment?
684
01:04:53,190 --> 01:04:57,361
I know as much about the supernatural
as I do about interior design.
685
01:05:05,243 --> 01:05:06,535
"I am...
686
01:05:06,953 --> 01:05:08,079
"...alone.
687
01:05:18,631 --> 01:05:19,882
"I am...
688
01:05:20,800 --> 01:05:22,343
"...utterly...
689
01:05:22,593 --> 01:05:23,719
"...alone.
690
01:05:25,263 --> 01:05:26,847
"By the time...
691
01:05:28,643 --> 01:05:30,186
"...you read this...
692
01:05:30,895 --> 01:05:32,396
"...I will...
693
01:05:32,813 --> 01:05:34,064
"...be gone...
694
01:05:35,649 --> 01:05:37,401
"...having jumped...
695
01:05:39,695 --> 01:05:41,530
"Having plummeted...
696
01:05:43,448 --> 01:05:44,575
"...off...
697
01:05:45,367 --> 01:05:47,536
"...the Winter River Bridge."
698
01:05:50,622 --> 01:05:52,791
I don't care what it takes.
699
01:05:52,874 --> 01:05:55,502
You get the Deetzes out of there now!
700
01:05:56,837 --> 01:05:58,380
Wait a minute.
701
01:06:00,465 --> 01:06:02,217
What are you going to do?
702
01:06:02,801 --> 01:06:04,343
To scare them.
703
01:06:04,802 --> 01:06:07,888
I want to make sure
it's not some silly parlor trick.
704
01:06:08,514 --> 01:06:10,057
I'll go first.
705
01:06:32,290 --> 01:06:34,042
Not bad. Not bad.
706
01:06:35,460 --> 01:06:36,501
Now you.
707
01:06:37,044 --> 01:06:38,378
Go ahead!
708
01:06:53,310 --> 01:06:54,895
You look great.
709
01:06:55,562 --> 01:06:59,733
Go clean house and don't forget
the photographs and the handbook.
710
01:07:08,575 --> 01:07:10,076
- Coach?
- What?
711
01:07:11,619 --> 01:07:13,955
I don't think we survived that crash.
712
01:07:14,038 --> 01:07:15,708
How did you guess?
713
01:07:19,337 --> 01:07:21,256
Mr. And Mrs. Maitland?
714
01:07:26,010 --> 01:07:27,220
Hello?
715
01:07:28,388 --> 01:07:30,181
- Where are you?
- Dead.
716
01:07:31,724 --> 01:07:33,559
Dead, dead, deadski.
717
01:07:35,228 --> 01:07:37,105
Of course they're dead. They're ghosts.
718
01:07:37,188 --> 01:07:41,192
No, I mean they're gone. Split.
Out of here. Afterlife kids.
719
01:07:41,734 --> 01:07:44,152
- Deceased.
- Are you a ghost, too?
720
01:07:46,196 --> 01:07:48,740
I'm the ghost with the most, babe.
721
01:07:51,076 --> 01:07:53,870
You look like somebody I can relate to.
722
01:07:55,622 --> 01:07:58,500
Maybe you could help me get out of here.
723
01:07:58,959 --> 01:08:01,587
I gotta tell you, this death thing...
724
01:08:04,756 --> 01:08:06,174
It's creepy.
725
01:08:06,258 --> 01:08:08,012
Here's my problem.
726
01:08:08,429 --> 01:08:11,682
I've got friends on the outside
I said I'd meet.
727
01:08:12,099 --> 01:08:14,351
I have to be there in person.
728
01:08:14,435 --> 01:08:16,769
So could you help me get out of here?
729
01:08:17,896 --> 01:08:19,606
I want to get in.
730
01:08:20,607 --> 01:08:21,649
Why?
731
01:08:23,401 --> 01:08:27,196
You've probably got your reasons,
but I can't do anything from here.
732
01:08:27,280 --> 01:08:31,034
If you could get me out, over there,
maybe we could talk.
733
01:08:32,201 --> 01:08:35,705
But to do that you've got
to say my name three times.
734
01:08:35,788 --> 01:08:37,498
What's your name?
735
01:08:38,041 --> 01:08:39,751
I can't tell you.
736
01:08:40,293 --> 01:08:41,336
Why not?
737
01:08:41,878 --> 01:08:45,924
If I tell you, you'll tell your friends,
they'll call me all the time.
738
01:08:46,007 --> 01:08:50,093
I've got to go to shopping centers for
openings, sign autographs, that shit.
739
01:08:50,177 --> 01:08:53,263
It makes my life hell, okay? A living hell.
740
01:08:53,764 --> 01:08:57,684
But maybe if you have a pen...
I know! Do you play charades?
741
01:08:58,310 --> 01:08:59,770
- Yeah.
- Good.
742
01:09:00,312 --> 01:09:02,107
Here we go. Ready?
743
01:09:02,316 --> 01:09:03,692
Two words.
744
01:09:04,360 --> 01:09:05,569
Right!
745
01:09:07,112 --> 01:09:09,240
First word, two syllables.
746
01:09:09,949 --> 01:09:11,116
Look.
747
01:09:12,159 --> 01:09:13,619
Turn around.
748
01:09:15,329 --> 01:09:17,248
I don't know what your signal means.
749
01:09:17,331 --> 01:09:18,999
Look behind you!
750
01:09:19,708 --> 01:09:21,417
Hi. How are you?
751
01:09:21,876 --> 01:09:23,127
Beetle.
752
01:09:23,378 --> 01:09:25,129
Got it. Now, two.
753
01:09:28,341 --> 01:09:30,927
Breakfast? Orange? Orange beetle?
754
01:09:31,052 --> 01:09:32,553
Beetle fruit?
755
01:09:33,054 --> 01:09:34,764
Beetle breakfast?
756
01:09:35,807 --> 01:09:37,225
Beetle drink?
757
01:09:40,061 --> 01:09:41,563
Beetle juice?
758
01:09:41,688 --> 01:09:44,274
- That's it!
- Your name's Beetlejuice?
759
01:09:44,357 --> 01:09:47,777
You said it twice.
Just say it once more. Come on.
760
01:09:48,027 --> 01:09:50,572
It was you, wasn't it? The snake.
761
01:09:51,739 --> 01:09:54,702
You kids and your imagination!
Just say it!
762
01:09:55,828 --> 01:09:56,912
No.
763
01:09:58,706 --> 01:09:59,832
I want to talk to Barbara.
764
01:09:59,915 --> 01:10:03,085
You don't need to talk to Barbara!
Just say it!
765
01:10:07,089 --> 01:10:10,634
Adam, I can't go through with it.
I like that little girl.
766
01:10:10,718 --> 01:10:14,138
But it's too late.
We have to go through with this.
767
01:10:14,430 --> 01:10:16,765
No, we don't. Can't we rebel?
768
01:10:23,939 --> 01:10:25,982
I want to be with Lydia.
769
01:10:37,118 --> 01:10:39,037
Come on! Just say it!
770
01:10:41,247 --> 01:10:42,874
No, don't say it!
771
01:10:44,083 --> 01:10:45,335
Say it!
772
01:10:45,960 --> 01:10:48,715
It's okay. It's us. What's going on?
773
01:10:50,133 --> 01:10:51,426
Beetle...
774
01:10:51,927 --> 01:10:55,472
He said if I let him out he would
take me to the other side to find you.
775
01:10:55,555 --> 01:10:57,474
No, Lydia, we're dead.
776
01:11:00,017 --> 01:11:02,019
- I want to be dead, too.
- No!
777
01:11:10,653 --> 01:11:13,572
Being dead doesn't make things any easier.
778
01:11:13,656 --> 01:11:17,618
Listen to her on this.
This is something we know a lot about.
779
01:11:18,661 --> 01:11:21,413
And you can visit us anytime you want.
780
01:11:23,040 --> 01:11:26,835
I have a feeling things are going
to be better from now on.
781
01:11:27,795 --> 01:11:29,880
What do you mean, better?
782
01:11:30,089 --> 01:11:34,217
We've decided we're going to invite
you and your family to stay.
783
01:11:35,343 --> 01:11:36,803
That's right.
784
01:11:42,269 --> 01:11:45,605
- Can't we bring Maxie up here?
- You've got a stake in this, too.
785
01:11:45,689 --> 01:11:50,402
This is a presentation. It requires
a sense of occasion, a sense of style.
786
01:11:50,485 --> 01:11:53,113
- It's big. How will we get it out?
- It's sectional.
787
01:11:53,196 --> 01:11:55,031
- Wait, there are plugs.
- Careful!
788
01:11:55,115 --> 01:11:56,449
Okay, go.
789
01:11:58,285 --> 01:12:01,413
- What's going on?
- I don't know. I'll find out.
790
01:12:01,496 --> 01:12:02,914
Be careful.
791
01:12:04,290 --> 01:12:06,750
We've got Ed Cornwell
to head the wax museum...
792
01:12:06,834 --> 01:12:10,921
...dedicated to 50 great moments
of the paranormal in Thanksgiving Park.
793
01:12:11,005 --> 01:12:12,881
You must remember Ed.
794
01:12:13,841 --> 01:12:17,595
He's the genius who gave us
the talking Marcel Marceau statue.
795
01:12:19,305 --> 01:12:22,891
And D-Con is on its knees
to sponsor the insect zoo...
796
01:12:24,101 --> 01:12:26,395
...in the old hardware store.
797
01:12:26,770 --> 01:12:28,188
We can't lose!
798
01:12:34,445 --> 01:12:38,867
Lydia, you decided to join us.
I just finished the initial presentation.
799
01:12:38,950 --> 01:12:41,494
Now it's time to have a stretch...
800
01:12:41,995 --> 01:12:45,332
...and to invite our friends
to meet your friends.
801
01:12:45,999 --> 01:12:47,751
Are they here yet?
802
01:12:48,084 --> 01:12:50,879
Charles, we're here to see some ghosts.
803
01:12:52,964 --> 01:12:55,133
They're not here... anymore.
804
01:12:59,554 --> 01:13:02,015
Every time she says that, the paint peels...
805
01:13:02,098 --> 01:13:05,101
...and some wild creature tries to kill us.
806
01:13:06,645 --> 01:13:08,897
But we have pictures, Lydia.
807
01:13:09,064 --> 01:13:12,066
Really. They said they'd come back
and we could all live here...
808
01:13:12,149 --> 01:13:16,320
...if you agreed not to tease them
or make them do stupid tricks.
809
01:13:17,321 --> 01:13:19,740
She has a tendency to overreact.
810
01:13:20,241 --> 01:13:23,702
Don't worry, we're not relying on her.
We have Otho.
811
01:13:26,997 --> 01:13:30,294
- Are they still here?
- Otho, are they still here?
812
01:13:30,503 --> 01:13:33,631
They're still here. They're just hiding out.
813
01:13:34,340 --> 01:13:36,926
They probably feel guilty
about what they did to me.
814
01:13:37,009 --> 01:13:38,928
They're sorry they didn't kill you.
815
01:13:39,011 --> 01:13:41,055
I just want to see them.
816
01:13:43,515 --> 01:13:45,058
Otho, can you do it?
817
01:13:45,183 --> 01:13:48,311
- It'll be tricky, but I think I can handle it.
- No!
818
01:13:53,233 --> 01:13:56,695
What am I worried about?
You can't even change a tire.
819
01:13:59,614 --> 01:14:02,367
I'll be needing
something personal of theirs.
820
01:14:02,450 --> 01:14:04,619
You'll have to go to the Goodwill.
821
01:14:07,539 --> 01:14:08,915
Excuse me.
822
01:14:21,387 --> 01:14:23,222
The wedding clothes.
823
01:14:24,890 --> 01:14:26,267
The words:
824
01:14:34,567 --> 01:14:36,235
"Hands vermilion
825
01:14:36,694 --> 01:14:38,237
"Start of five
826
01:14:39,113 --> 01:14:40,573
"Bright cotillion
827
01:14:41,657 --> 01:14:43,159
"Raven's dive
828
01:14:44,118 --> 01:14:45,745
"Nightshade's promise
829
01:14:46,495 --> 01:14:48,079
"Spirits strive
830
01:14:49,247 --> 01:14:52,250
"To the living,
let now the dead come alive"
831
01:15:07,390 --> 01:15:08,683
Barbara?
832
01:15:10,936 --> 01:15:13,188
"As sudden thunder pierces night
833
01:15:14,481 --> 01:15:16,777
"As magic wonder mad affright
834
01:15:17,319 --> 01:15:19,571
"Rives asunder man's delight
835
01:15:21,072 --> 01:15:22,990
"Our ghost, our corpse
836
01:15:24,116 --> 01:15:25,910
"And we rise to be"
837
01:15:36,087 --> 01:15:37,129
Help!
838
01:15:45,554 --> 01:15:46,847
Stop it!
839
01:15:49,600 --> 01:15:51,435
"As flies the lizard
840
01:15:51,560 --> 01:15:52,812
"Serpent fell
841
01:15:53,271 --> 01:15:55,272
"As goblin vizard at the spell
842
01:15:56,731 --> 01:15:59,526
"The buried, dead and slain rise again"
843
01:16:46,741 --> 01:16:48,826
What's happening to them?
844
01:16:50,119 --> 01:16:51,370
I don't know.
845
01:16:52,955 --> 01:16:54,498
They're dying!
846
01:16:54,582 --> 01:16:57,293
They're already dead.
They can't feel a thing.
847
01:16:58,169 --> 01:17:01,254
- That's not true! Look at them!
- That's enough.
848
01:17:01,338 --> 01:17:03,050
Can we stop this?
849
01:17:05,093 --> 01:17:07,679
It's too late, Charles. I'm sorry.
850
01:17:15,604 --> 01:17:18,148
Where are you? Help them, please.
851
01:17:22,277 --> 01:17:25,572
Sure, I can help them.
But you've got to help me.
852
01:17:25,656 --> 01:17:28,617
- What?
- I'm what you call an illegal alien.
853
01:17:28,742 --> 01:17:32,411
I want out for good.
To do that, I've gotta get married.
854
01:17:34,330 --> 01:17:38,417
These aren't my rules. Come to think of it,
I don't have any rules.
855
01:17:39,293 --> 01:17:40,586
Come on.
856
01:17:41,295 --> 01:17:44,340
Think of it as a marriage of inconvenience.
We both get something.
857
01:17:44,423 --> 01:17:48,427
I get out. You get the most
eligible bachelor since Valentino.
858
01:17:48,719 --> 01:17:51,264
- We're even.
- Okay, just help them.
859
01:17:54,558 --> 01:17:55,728
Sure.
860
01:18:06,238 --> 01:18:07,698
Beetlejuice.
861
01:18:16,081 --> 01:18:17,666
It's show time.
862
01:18:35,309 --> 01:18:37,226
Attention, K-Mart shoppers:
863
01:18:48,364 --> 01:18:52,827
I'm back. I feel real good about myself.
You know what I mean? So...
864
01:18:53,161 --> 01:18:54,996
...without further delay...
865
01:18:56,414 --> 01:18:58,374
...welcome to Winter River!
866
01:18:58,458 --> 01:19:00,501
Museum of Natural Greed!
867
01:19:00,752 --> 01:19:02,921
A monument to the bored businessman.
868
01:19:03,004 --> 01:19:06,758
Come a little closer.
Step right up! Test your strength.
869
01:19:28,946 --> 01:19:30,322
Thank you.
870
01:19:30,447 --> 01:19:32,157
Thank you! Whew!
871
01:19:33,533 --> 01:19:37,162
That is why I won't do
two shows a night anymore, babe.
872
01:19:37,621 --> 01:19:39,206
I won't do 'em.
873
01:19:39,331 --> 01:19:42,294
Well, what have we got here tonight, kids?
874
01:19:45,255 --> 01:19:47,298
We've got the Maitlands.
875
01:19:47,548 --> 01:19:50,468
I think they've had enough exercise
for tonight.
876
01:19:57,475 --> 01:20:00,561
Not so fast, Round Boy.
We're gonna have some laughs.
877
01:20:21,039 --> 01:20:22,374
Mom, Dad:
878
01:20:25,502 --> 01:20:28,380
I just want you two to know
you're welcome in our house...
879
01:20:28,463 --> 01:20:30,757
...anytime you want to come over.
880
01:20:30,841 --> 01:20:33,719
In the meantime, the dowry's on me, Dad.
881
01:20:38,017 --> 01:20:42,521
The Maitlands are taken care of.
Everything seems to be back to normal.
882
01:20:47,610 --> 01:20:48,943
Shall we?
883
01:20:59,329 --> 01:21:01,706
Called the caterer. He's got a great band.
884
01:21:01,789 --> 01:21:04,584
We're gonna need witnesses. Would you?
885
01:21:55,009 --> 01:21:57,220
Let's get on with the ceremony.
886
01:21:57,303 --> 01:21:58,888
Do you, Betel...
887
01:22:00,473 --> 01:22:03,977
- Nobody says the "B" word.
- Do you take this woman...
888
01:22:04,644 --> 01:22:06,771
...to be your wedded wife?
889
01:22:07,647 --> 01:22:10,233
I don't know. It's a big decision.
890
01:22:10,316 --> 01:22:14,195
I always said if I ever did it,
I was gonna do it only once.
891
01:22:15,154 --> 01:22:16,573
Sure. Go ahead.
892
01:22:16,656 --> 01:22:19,200
And do you, Lydia, take this man...
893
01:22:19,867 --> 01:22:21,327
No! Betel...
894
01:22:23,081 --> 01:22:26,667
She's a little nervous.
Maybe I should answer for her.
895
01:22:26,834 --> 01:22:28,752
I'm Lydia Deetz and I'm of sound mind.
896
01:22:28,836 --> 01:22:31,380
The man next to me is the one I want.
You asked me.
897
01:22:31,463 --> 01:22:34,466
I'm answering.
Yes, I love that man of mine.
898
01:22:35,134 --> 01:22:36,176
Come on.
899
01:22:40,180 --> 01:22:41,473
Come on.
900
01:22:42,683 --> 01:22:44,059
Betelgeu...
901
01:22:49,690 --> 01:22:50,900
Scram!
902
01:22:52,735 --> 01:22:54,028
Come on!
903
01:22:55,696 --> 01:22:57,031
Hey, guy.
904
01:23:00,199 --> 01:23:02,619
May we continue with the ceremony?
905
01:23:05,330 --> 01:23:07,248
- Then by...
- Betelgeuse.
906
01:23:17,218 --> 01:23:18,470
Strike!
907
01:23:21,723 --> 01:23:23,141
Let's roll!
908
01:23:23,391 --> 01:23:26,019
Then by the authority vested in me...
909
01:23:26,686 --> 01:23:29,314
- The ring, please.
- The ring! Oh, no!
910
01:23:37,363 --> 01:23:39,156
I've got it, honey.
911
01:23:55,214 --> 01:23:57,299
Here it is. Here you go.
912
01:23:57,925 --> 01:24:00,844
She meant nothing to me. Nothing at all!
913
01:24:07,308 --> 01:24:09,604
- I now pronounce you...
- Yeah, come on.
914
01:24:11,481 --> 01:24:12,816
Man and...
915
01:25:12,250 --> 01:25:14,794
- What time is it?
- It's about 3:30.
916
01:25:16,129 --> 01:25:17,964
Give or take a year.
917
01:25:24,554 --> 01:25:25,722
Well?
918
01:25:26,973 --> 01:25:28,058
Did you get the paints?
919
01:25:28,141 --> 01:25:31,645
Yes. And I took pictures
of the new town hall for you, too.
920
01:25:31,728 --> 01:25:33,647
How was the science test?
921
01:25:33,730 --> 01:25:36,816
It was gross.
They wanted me to dissect a frog.
922
01:25:36,900 --> 01:25:40,320
I told them "no way." I said it was
against my religion. I got a "C."
923
01:25:40,403 --> 01:25:42,155
And the math test?
924
01:25:43,822 --> 01:25:48,118
You're kidding me? We spent
the whole week studying for that test.
925
01:25:48,452 --> 01:25:49,954
I got an "A."
926
01:25:50,204 --> 01:25:51,580
So, can I?
927
01:25:52,248 --> 01:25:55,251
I don't know.
Got a "C" on the science test.
928
01:25:57,046 --> 01:25:59,966
Don't tease her.
You never got on "A" in science...
929
01:26:04,679 --> 01:26:05,972
Come on.
930
01:26:07,640 --> 01:26:08,891
Well...
931
01:26:09,934 --> 01:26:11,394
...I suppose.
932
01:26:27,993 --> 01:26:30,078
This reads like stereo instructions.
933
01:26:30,161 --> 01:26:32,872
Sounds like Lydia got an "A"
on the math test.
934
01:26:35,166 --> 01:26:36,626
He likes it.
935
01:27:17,335 --> 01:27:19,670
Sorry. Didn't see you sitting there.
936
01:27:21,588 --> 01:27:22,797
Women.
937
01:27:23,840 --> 01:27:26,343
I don't know what her problem is.
938
01:27:27,135 --> 01:27:28,553
Normally, chicks...
939
01:27:43,195 --> 01:27:45,155
Pardon me. Did you do that?
940
01:27:45,239 --> 01:27:46,615
Nice work.
941
01:27:46,823 --> 01:27:48,909
How do you get them so small?
942
01:27:48,992 --> 01:27:50,953
There goes Elvis! Yo, King!
943
01:27:53,747 --> 01:27:55,873
Well, looks like I'm next.
944
01:27:57,917 --> 01:28:02,546
Good thing. I've got to do a photo shoot
for G.Q. In an hour and a half.
945
01:28:03,547 --> 01:28:07,426
They've been after me for months.
Some kind of underwear deal.
946
01:28:09,095 --> 01:28:12,014
What are you doing? Stop it.
You're messing up my hair.
947
01:28:12,098 --> 01:28:14,183
Come on! Whoa! Stop it!
948
01:28:17,770 --> 01:28:20,147
This might be a good look for me.
73506
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