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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:24,750 --> 00:01:28,152 Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Dr. Alvin Weasely. 2 00:01:29,388 --> 00:01:34,224 Dr. Weasely is one of the most respected motivational researchers in the country. 3 00:01:35,127 --> 00:01:37,960 Harveys Beer has dropped 84%. 4 00:01:38,730 --> 00:01:43,531 So Dr. Weasely will tell us how the American public really feels about beer. 5 00:01:43,836 --> 00:01:45,201 Dr. Weasely. 6 00:01:46,305 --> 00:01:50,003 Beer is for men who doubt their masculinity. 7 00:01:50,876 --> 00:01:54,710 That's why it's so popular at sporting events and poker games. 8 00:01:55,814 --> 00:01:57,805 On a superficial level... 9 00:01:57,950 --> 00:02:01,784 a glass of beer is a cool, soothing beverage. 10 00:02:02,588 --> 00:02:04,215 But in reality... 11 00:02:04,756 --> 00:02:07,487 a glass of beer is pee-pee dickey. 12 00:02:10,629 --> 00:02:12,461 - That's it. - Beautiful. 13 00:02:13,665 --> 00:02:14,962 Beautiful. 14 00:02:16,101 --> 00:02:17,193 Beautiful. 15 00:02:18,137 --> 00:02:19,332 Beautiful. 16 00:02:20,405 --> 00:02:21,736 Beautiful. 17 00:02:23,308 --> 00:02:24,969 "Pee-pee dickey?" 18 00:02:25,511 --> 00:02:29,277 - We paid for that? - $28,000, and we got off easy. 19 00:02:30,015 --> 00:02:32,916 The man made some very perceptive statements. 20 00:02:33,118 --> 00:02:36,850 I got it. "Make it big with Harveys Beer." 21 00:02:37,856 --> 00:02:40,553 Big foam. You get a big bang out of it. 22 00:02:41,693 --> 00:02:45,129 Big, proud head. It's big and it lasts long-- 23 00:02:45,230 --> 00:02:47,790 You know, you're about as subtle as an elephant in heat. 24 00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:50,740 That's great. We'll show an elephant sipping Harveys Beer at the circus. 25 00:02:50,802 --> 00:02:53,828 - It's obscene. - Don't moralize, Elias. 26 00:02:54,406 --> 00:02:57,899 - We're committed to Harveys Beer. - I'm committed to myself. 27 00:02:58,010 --> 00:03:00,570 Harveys Beer is the worst beer in the market. 28 00:03:00,679 --> 00:03:02,704 It's a loser. Get rid of it. 29 00:03:02,814 --> 00:03:05,476 There are no losers. Every product has potential-- 30 00:03:05,584 --> 00:03:06,710 ELIAS, JR.: It's a stiff. 31 00:03:06,818 --> 00:03:09,150 No, no don't say that. There's no such thing. 32 00:03:09,254 --> 00:03:10,278 You're a stiff. 33 00:03:10,389 --> 00:03:12,756 I'll not tolerate your self-indulgence. 34 00:03:12,858 --> 00:03:13,978 When your father comes in... 35 00:03:14,026 --> 00:03:15,786 I'm gonna tell him exactly what you've said. 36 00:03:15,861 --> 00:03:18,558 Just because you were here when my old man started this agency... 37 00:03:18,664 --> 00:03:20,325 you know, that doesn't alter the facts. 38 00:03:20,432 --> 00:03:23,834 You've played so many sides of the fence you don't know where the fence is anymore. 39 00:03:23,936 --> 00:03:26,735 - I know my job. - Oh, that's beautiful. 40 00:03:26,838 --> 00:03:29,671 If it weren't for your father, you'd be on welfare. 41 00:03:29,775 --> 00:03:32,574 $60,000 a year, and all you can do is wreck the joint. 42 00:03:32,678 --> 00:03:35,670 He's right. He's not creative, but he knows the rules. 43 00:03:35,781 --> 00:03:38,141 And you gotta know the rules before you can break the rules. 44 00:03:38,183 --> 00:03:40,447 - Right. - There's no respect anymore. 45 00:03:40,552 --> 00:03:43,954 He's right, Nathan. You did your tango 30 years ago. 46 00:03:44,056 --> 00:03:45,285 Fascist! 47 00:03:46,391 --> 00:03:48,359 Duck hunter loses his rifle... 48 00:03:48,794 --> 00:03:51,855 walks seven miles to a cathouse, knocks on the door. 49 00:03:51,997 --> 00:03:55,023 The door opens, the madam says, "Who sent you?" 50 00:03:55,968 --> 00:04:00,235 He says, "In the '40s, it was Judy Canova and Victor Mature. 51 00:04:01,106 --> 00:04:05,703 "In the '50s, it was Christine Jorgensen and James Dean. 52 00:04:06,478 --> 00:04:09,607 "In the '60s, it was Smith & Wesson." 53 00:04:13,485 --> 00:04:14,782 That's it. 54 00:04:17,789 --> 00:04:19,416 He was a nice guy. 55 00:04:24,062 --> 00:04:25,826 Can you lend me five? 56 00:04:27,366 --> 00:04:31,496 Our job is to manipulate the consumer by arousing his desires... 57 00:04:31,603 --> 00:04:35,164 and then we satisfy those desires for a fixed price. 58 00:04:37,943 --> 00:04:40,139 - Sounds familiar. - It sounds familiar. 59 00:04:40,245 --> 00:04:42,441 It's called advertising. 60 00:04:42,781 --> 00:04:44,476 [Telephone buzzing] 61 00:04:47,452 --> 00:04:48,476 Yes? 62 00:04:51,857 --> 00:04:53,188 Thank you. 63 00:04:54,993 --> 00:04:57,155 Elias Sr. just went through the lobby. 64 00:04:57,262 --> 00:04:58,752 Well, let's go. 65 00:05:00,165 --> 00:05:01,633 Let's go, Bissinger. 66 00:05:03,001 --> 00:05:07,199 Our war toy account is up 23% and a third. 67 00:05:07,372 --> 00:05:09,841 Hey, Bissinger, you better get hip to reality. 68 00:05:09,941 --> 00:05:13,434 By advertising toy guns, you're encouraging kids to enjoy violence. 69 00:05:13,545 --> 00:05:15,809 You're only Music Director around here, Swope. 70 00:05:15,947 --> 00:05:17,915 What do you know about the total spectrum? 71 00:05:18,016 --> 00:05:21,316 - I know what I feel. - What's that got to do with it? 72 00:05:21,553 --> 00:05:24,614 - I think we should drop the account. - How dare you! 73 00:05:24,723 --> 00:05:27,454 Drop the account and show the business community and the public... 74 00:05:27,559 --> 00:05:29,721 that we're morally and socially responsible. 75 00:05:29,828 --> 00:05:31,922 - Groovy, let's do it. - Thank you. 76 00:05:32,030 --> 00:05:33,293 Putney... 77 00:05:33,398 --> 00:05:37,596 I've been supervising the war toy account for 12 years. 78 00:05:38,970 --> 00:05:41,166 And let me tell you something. 79 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:46,443 Deny a young boy the right to have a toy gun... 80 00:05:47,379 --> 00:05:50,280 and you'll suppress his destructive urges... 81 00:05:50,982 --> 00:05:53,713 and he'll turn out to be a homosexual... 82 00:05:54,986 --> 00:05:58,547 - or worse. - I'd rather have my son be a fag than a killer. 83 00:05:58,657 --> 00:06:00,785 Your son is a fag! 84 00:06:00,892 --> 00:06:03,384 You took him on the picnic hike, I didn't. 85 00:06:05,630 --> 00:06:08,600 Last year at Malibu, only Jim was a fag. 86 00:06:09,267 --> 00:06:12,100 Two weeks ago, Steve and Ralph came over. 87 00:06:13,171 --> 00:06:15,003 Yesterday, Randy came over. 88 00:06:15,340 --> 00:06:16,569 [Door closing] 89 00:06:17,008 --> 00:06:18,373 There it is. 90 00:06:23,348 --> 00:06:26,283 The fraught priest is on the road. It's 3:00 a.m... 91 00:06:26,385 --> 00:06:29,616 he's got a flat tire and it's raining. So he goes up to this farmhouse-- 92 00:06:29,721 --> 00:06:31,883 We're grossing less than $1 million a day... 93 00:06:31,990 --> 00:06:35,221 and you're talking about flat tires and farmhouses? 94 00:06:37,362 --> 00:06:39,091 Get out of my life. 95 00:06:46,004 --> 00:06:47,768 Good morning, Mario. 96 00:06:52,043 --> 00:06:53,374 Good afternoon, Mario. 97 00:06:53,478 --> 00:06:56,778 MARIO: Every consumer has a small box in his head. 98 00:06:57,149 --> 00:06:59,914 [Stuttering] Everyone has a soapbox. 99 00:07:00,018 --> 00:07:02,919 A breadbox. A cereal box. 100 00:07:03,021 --> 00:07:05,786 A shampoo box. 101 00:07:06,258 --> 00:07:08,192 This box is the target... 102 00:07:08,293 --> 00:07:12,252 of $46 billion a year in advertising. 103 00:07:13,765 --> 00:07:18,032 Now, there's only so much room in each box... 104 00:07:19,037 --> 00:07:23,668 and if we overload these boxes with too much information... 105 00:07:24,075 --> 00:07:26,271 they won't remember anything. 106 00:07:26,845 --> 00:07:28,006 But... 107 00:07:28,613 --> 00:07:30,707 if we use... 108 00:07:31,049 --> 00:07:33,518 creative foreplay... 109 00:07:33,618 --> 00:07:35,848 before we penetrate... 110 00:07:36,688 --> 00:07:37,951 we'll... 111 00:07:38,256 --> 00:07:39,985 [Stuttering] 112 00:07:42,260 --> 00:07:43,489 Benefit. 113 00:07:45,363 --> 00:07:46,524 Bypass? 114 00:07:47,833 --> 00:07:49,164 Looks like... 115 00:07:50,235 --> 00:07:51,498 Sounds like... 116 00:07:51,603 --> 00:07:53,571 How many syllables, Mario? 117 00:07:54,172 --> 00:07:56,197 How many syllables, Mario? 118 00:07:56,541 --> 00:07:58,532 How many syllables, Mario? 119 00:07:58,944 --> 00:08:00,935 How many syllables, Mario? 120 00:08:01,179 --> 00:08:02,738 [Stuttering frantically] 121 00:08:09,488 --> 00:08:10,887 We'll never know. 122 00:08:16,161 --> 00:08:19,096 - I'm going to the track. - Have a ball, baby. 123 00:08:32,611 --> 00:08:34,739 What do you think of those cuff links? 124 00:08:34,846 --> 00:08:36,837 How many syllables, Mario? 125 00:08:37,182 --> 00:08:39,173 How many syllables, Mario? 126 00:08:39,518 --> 00:08:41,509 How many syllables, Mario? 127 00:08:41,786 --> 00:08:43,777 How many syllables, Mario? 128 00:08:44,089 --> 00:08:46,080 How many syllables, Mario? 129 00:08:46,791 --> 00:08:48,759 How many syllables, Mario? 130 00:08:48,860 --> 00:08:50,851 How many syllables, Mario? 131 00:08:51,696 --> 00:08:53,721 How many syllables, Mario? 132 00:08:54,666 --> 00:08:57,499 I'm the Senior Vice President, so I'm the new chairman of-- 133 00:08:57,602 --> 00:08:58,831 Bullshit. 134 00:09:06,678 --> 00:09:09,477 The corporate bylaws make it very clear... 135 00:09:09,581 --> 00:09:14,178 that the only way we can determine a new chairman is by democratic process. 136 00:09:19,658 --> 00:09:22,923 Paragraph 68 specifically states... 137 00:09:23,194 --> 00:09:25,561 that nobody can vote for himself. 138 00:09:26,298 --> 00:09:29,268 That's what it says, so that's where it's at. 139 00:09:34,306 --> 00:09:38,436 Vote for me, and I'll get you into the Knights of Columbus. 140 00:09:39,644 --> 00:09:42,238 Vote for me, I'll give you 10% of the business. 141 00:09:44,182 --> 00:09:45,206 25%. 142 00:09:45,884 --> 00:09:47,374 Vote for me... 143 00:09:48,086 --> 00:09:50,646 and I'll set you up in Puerto Rico... 144 00:09:51,590 --> 00:09:52,853 for life. 145 00:09:53,024 --> 00:09:55,493 I got Puerto Ricans in my building. 146 00:09:56,561 --> 00:09:58,791 Enough carcass. Let's get the votes in. 147 00:09:58,897 --> 00:10:01,423 How can we talk about who's gonna be chairman of the board... 148 00:10:01,533 --> 00:10:03,729 when my father's laying dead on the table? 149 00:10:05,270 --> 00:10:06,999 Why can't I be chairman of the board? 150 00:10:07,105 --> 00:10:08,385 NATHAN: Because you're a nitwit. 151 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:12,274 ELIAS, JR.: My father started this agency. NATHAN: And you're not going to finish it. 152 00:10:16,081 --> 00:10:17,549 Thank you, Valerie. 153 00:10:19,284 --> 00:10:20,547 [Clearing throat] 154 00:10:33,765 --> 00:10:35,255 One for Elias. 155 00:10:40,438 --> 00:10:41,564 Swope. 156 00:10:45,010 --> 00:10:46,500 One for Bissinger. 157 00:10:52,951 --> 00:10:54,112 Swope. 158 00:11:00,125 --> 00:11:01,149 Swope. 159 00:11:07,799 --> 00:11:08,925 Swope. 160 00:11:14,372 --> 00:11:15,498 Swope. 161 00:11:22,547 --> 00:11:23,673 Swope. 162 00:11:29,220 --> 00:11:30,278 Swope. 163 00:11:38,129 --> 00:11:39,290 Swope. 164 00:11:50,842 --> 00:11:52,003 Swope. 165 00:11:54,779 --> 00:11:56,076 That's it. 166 00:11:57,015 --> 00:12:00,576 One vote for Elias, one vote for Bissinger... 167 00:12:01,319 --> 00:12:03,083 nine votes for Swope. 168 00:12:03,855 --> 00:12:07,018 Swope, you don't have to accept. 169 00:12:07,459 --> 00:12:09,621 It's a terrible job. 170 00:12:09,761 --> 00:12:11,855 Don't take it, Swope. 171 00:12:11,963 --> 00:12:15,092 Take it easy, Nathan. I've seen your cardiogram. 172 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:16,998 It's a mirage. 173 00:12:17,235 --> 00:12:19,795 A man's been elected and you voted for him. 174 00:12:19,904 --> 00:12:21,702 We all voted for him. 175 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:25,610 Because we thought no one else would vote for him. 176 00:12:26,778 --> 00:12:30,874 Putney Swope is the new chairman of this board. 177 00:12:32,183 --> 00:12:35,346 And I will defend that mistake with my life. 178 00:12:38,823 --> 00:12:41,884 Congratulations, Putney. 179 00:12:45,296 --> 00:12:48,561 It's going to be a pleasure working with you, Swope. 180 00:12:52,337 --> 00:12:54,806 You're gonna make a great chairman... 181 00:12:56,274 --> 00:12:57,639 if you stay in line. 182 00:13:00,545 --> 00:13:02,843 My father would've wanted it this way. 183 00:13:04,115 --> 00:13:05,879 He dug you very much. 184 00:13:05,984 --> 00:13:08,612 Your father was a horse's ass. 185 00:13:11,022 --> 00:13:13,719 Yeah. But he dug you very much. 186 00:13:30,775 --> 00:13:33,369 The changes I'm going to make will be minimal. 187 00:13:33,478 --> 00:13:35,207 I'm not going to rock the boat. 188 00:13:35,313 --> 00:13:37,111 Rocking the boat's a drag. 189 00:13:37,782 --> 00:13:39,750 What you do is sink the boat. 190 00:13:39,851 --> 00:13:41,580 And there's no sense sinking nothing... 191 00:13:41,686 --> 00:13:44,747 unless you can salvage with productive alternatives... 192 00:13:44,856 --> 00:13:48,292 and, brothers, you can't change nothing with rhetoric and slogans... 193 00:13:48,393 --> 00:13:51,488 because if a man's really got the truth in his pocket... 194 00:13:51,596 --> 00:13:52,995 he doesn't talk about it. 195 00:13:53,097 --> 00:13:56,294 He hangs it out on a shingle where people can see it. 196 00:13:56,401 --> 00:13:59,996 So, from now on, the name of this agency is... 197 00:14:00,104 --> 00:14:02,198 Truth and Soul. 198 00:14:02,307 --> 00:14:04,674 - T.S., baby. - That's right. 199 00:14:05,443 --> 00:14:06,808 No smoking. 200 00:14:12,951 --> 00:14:15,784 Nathan, you're a good businessman and you're not a cop-out... 201 00:14:15,887 --> 00:14:17,685 so I'm going to let you stay. 202 00:14:17,789 --> 00:14:20,724 I want a contract that guarantees me an expense account... 203 00:14:20,859 --> 00:14:23,351 stock options, 22 weeks vacation... 204 00:14:23,561 --> 00:14:26,326 a company car, a box at Jay Stadium... 205 00:14:26,698 --> 00:14:29,963 a percentage of the gross, total creative freedom... 206 00:14:30,101 --> 00:14:33,230 transplant insurance and a no-cut clause. 207 00:14:35,340 --> 00:14:38,742 - Nathan, you're corrupt. - Thank you. 208 00:14:40,178 --> 00:14:44,638 I've come all the way from Miles City to ask you to be my woman. 209 00:14:46,384 --> 00:14:49,615 It must be my new depilatory, Superlip. 210 00:14:50,788 --> 00:14:54,349 Superlip eliminates peach fuzz and feminine whiskers. 211 00:14:54,459 --> 00:14:57,190 Superlip digs deep down into the hair follicle... 212 00:14:57,295 --> 00:14:59,787 instead of just lopping it off at the surface. 213 00:15:00,431 --> 00:15:02,024 DIRECTOR: Cut! Cut! 214 00:15:07,405 --> 00:15:10,102 I don't believe it. Again. 215 00:15:15,179 --> 00:15:18,114 There's a bunch of lilies shooting a commercial in our studio. 216 00:15:18,216 --> 00:15:20,310 They must not know about the recent transition. 217 00:15:20,418 --> 00:15:22,409 Well, let's go take care of business. 218 00:15:25,924 --> 00:15:28,825 This chick's from nowhere. So it's up to you. 219 00:15:29,661 --> 00:15:31,925 Improvise. Do something. 220 00:15:33,431 --> 00:15:36,128 I've seen you work at Jones Beach with Guy Lombardo. 221 00:15:36,234 --> 00:15:37,895 I know you can pull it off. 222 00:15:38,803 --> 00:15:40,567 Superlip. Shot 1. 223 00:15:41,005 --> 00:15:42,769 Take 107. 224 00:15:43,508 --> 00:15:45,067 - Action. - Action! 225 00:15:48,513 --> 00:15:50,003 Lady Beaver... 226 00:15:50,281 --> 00:15:54,081 I've come all the way from Biloxi to ask you to be my woman. 227 00:15:55,353 --> 00:15:56,582 Wayne. 228 00:15:56,921 --> 00:15:59,754 You do go on. 229 00:16:02,593 --> 00:16:06,120 [Singing] I have a malignancy in my prostrate 230 00:16:06,230 --> 00:16:09,962 But when you're in my arms, it's benign 231 00:16:12,270 --> 00:16:14,739 I don't feel it. 232 00:16:16,074 --> 00:16:19,669 - What did you say? - I am not going to say it. 233 00:16:20,044 --> 00:16:21,739 - It is stupid. - Cut. 234 00:16:22,547 --> 00:16:26,074 Listen, sweetie, I could be home writing my novel. 235 00:16:27,518 --> 00:16:30,317 You could be playing Lady Macbeth in some basement. 236 00:16:31,322 --> 00:16:32,949 We're both here, aren't we? 237 00:16:33,558 --> 00:16:34,923 That's okay. 238 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:36,384 Let's do it. 239 00:16:36,494 --> 00:16:38,826 - Let's do it! - Let's do it. 240 00:17:02,153 --> 00:17:05,123 [Singing] I have a malignancy in my prostrate 241 00:17:05,456 --> 00:17:07,015 But when you're in my arms, it's... 242 00:17:07,125 --> 00:17:08,752 Quitting time! 243 00:17:10,595 --> 00:17:11,721 Get on out! 244 00:17:11,829 --> 00:17:16,426 Yeah, no more taking pictures of no jive cans and jive bottles... 245 00:17:16,534 --> 00:17:18,559 and skinny-legged broads with stockings on them. 246 00:17:18,669 --> 00:17:19,669 Get on out of here! 247 00:17:19,737 --> 00:17:22,570 We're gonna have some greasy fingers and some chicken... 248 00:17:22,673 --> 00:17:25,199 and all the beautiful things that people have... 249 00:17:25,309 --> 00:17:27,334 who have it. And you ain't got it. 250 00:17:27,445 --> 00:17:29,311 So get on out. You understand? 251 00:17:29,414 --> 00:17:31,610 We're not gonna take any more of your jives. 252 00:17:31,716 --> 00:17:34,481 'Cause we're Truth and Soul, you understand? 253 00:17:34,585 --> 00:17:37,418 Truth and Soul, 'cause we got it... 254 00:17:37,522 --> 00:17:40,150 and we got a brother that's gonna make it right. 255 00:17:40,258 --> 00:17:41,453 We got brother Putney. 256 00:17:41,626 --> 00:17:42,684 Okay. 257 00:17:44,028 --> 00:17:45,826 Every single account pulled out. 258 00:17:45,930 --> 00:17:48,558 I wish I had pulled out. Too many dependents, baby. 259 00:17:48,666 --> 00:17:50,031 It looks bad. 260 00:17:50,134 --> 00:17:52,865 Swope, I think we're still in the ball game. 261 00:17:52,970 --> 00:17:55,701 Wing Soney just got off the elevator and he's dying to meet you. 262 00:17:55,807 --> 00:17:57,172 - Wing Soney? - Wing Soney. 263 00:17:57,275 --> 00:17:58,436 Wowee. 264 00:18:02,346 --> 00:18:04,280 [Firecrackers bursting] 265 00:18:19,497 --> 00:18:22,899 Hey, man, what's this thing? Do-it-yourself Pearl Harbor? 266 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,024 He's Chinese, Swope. 267 00:18:24,135 --> 00:18:26,763 I don't care what he is. We're gonna get that account. 268 00:18:26,871 --> 00:18:27,963 Let's go. 269 00:18:31,409 --> 00:18:34,743 Wing Soney, say hello to Putney Swope. 270 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:38,381 Mr. Swope, I'm not a happy chappy. 271 00:18:39,584 --> 00:18:42,383 The agency that's currently handling my merchandise... 272 00:18:42,487 --> 00:18:44,649 is the biggest nosebleed in town. 273 00:18:45,022 --> 00:18:46,990 Now, I have a new item... 274 00:18:47,325 --> 00:18:50,056 and I dig to launch it with a new outfit. 275 00:18:50,161 --> 00:18:53,096 So let me tell you about the Get-Out-Of-Here Mousetrap. 276 00:18:53,898 --> 00:18:57,334 The Get-Out-Of-Here Mousetrap is a unique breakthrough... 277 00:18:57,435 --> 00:18:59,597 because after it traps a rodent... 278 00:18:59,704 --> 00:19:01,570 it chemically cremates. 279 00:19:02,073 --> 00:19:05,202 No flame, no noise, no mouse. 280 00:19:05,877 --> 00:19:07,402 I invented it myself. 281 00:19:07,512 --> 00:19:10,124 - Mr. Soney, you're not gonna believe this... - Then don't tell me. 282 00:19:10,148 --> 00:19:11,425 ...but for the past six minutes... 283 00:19:11,449 --> 00:19:14,419 I've been working on a whole new approach to mousetraps. 284 00:19:15,052 --> 00:19:16,451 Lay it on them, Nathan. 285 00:19:21,225 --> 00:19:22,989 Columbus is on the Santa Maria. 286 00:19:23,561 --> 00:19:25,086 The crew's Italian. 287 00:19:25,329 --> 00:19:27,388 Columbus walks down the gangplank... 288 00:19:27,498 --> 00:19:30,331 and waiting at the bottom is a middle-aged Indian. 289 00:19:31,002 --> 00:19:33,437 Columbus knocks the Indian on his ass... 290 00:19:33,538 --> 00:19:35,768 and sticks the Spanish flag in the ground. 291 00:19:35,873 --> 00:19:39,036 And out of the bushes comes a 75-year-old squaw... 292 00:19:39,277 --> 00:19:41,905 with a cleft head, and an ax in her back. 293 00:19:42,013 --> 00:19:43,640 But the Indian starts to cry... 294 00:19:43,748 --> 00:19:45,876 because he knows he's going to be exploited. 295 00:19:46,384 --> 00:19:50,116 Columbus puts his arm around the Indian, points to the crew, and says... 296 00:19:50,221 --> 00:19:52,986 "In exchange for your land, I'll give you 50 guineas.” 297 00:19:53,090 --> 00:19:55,457 Cut to a shot of a Get-Out-Of-Here Mousetrap... 298 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:58,791 tell him how much it costs, where you buy it, and that's it. 299 00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:01,965 It's the most fantastic thing I ever heard. 300 00:20:02,867 --> 00:20:04,232 Who's your shrink? 301 00:20:06,404 --> 00:20:07,633 I dig it. 302 00:20:08,472 --> 00:20:10,736 - I dig it. - I dig it. 303 00:20:10,841 --> 00:20:12,969 My mousetrap is yours. 304 00:20:13,444 --> 00:20:15,606 You've revitalized me, Swope. 305 00:20:16,147 --> 00:20:17,410 This way. 306 00:20:20,551 --> 00:20:22,178 I'm a happy chink. 307 00:20:25,189 --> 00:20:27,385 We did it, Swope. We did it. 308 00:20:28,226 --> 00:20:30,627 - You're fired. - Why? 309 00:20:31,028 --> 00:20:33,520 That Columbus thing is the worst thing I ever heard. 310 00:20:34,198 --> 00:20:36,257 I thought it was brilliant. 311 00:20:37,068 --> 00:20:39,230 That's why you're taking the next elevator. 312 00:20:45,443 --> 00:20:47,468 - Hey, you a messenger for T.S.? - Yes, sir. 313 00:20:47,578 --> 00:20:50,741 - From now on, use the freight elevator. - Yes, sir. 314 00:20:57,255 --> 00:20:59,622 I just heard about the Get-Out-Of-Here campaign. 315 00:20:59,724 --> 00:21:01,419 It's a trailblazer, Swope. 316 00:21:01,525 --> 00:21:04,927 Your master conception is a masterpiece. 317 00:21:05,029 --> 00:21:07,589 Why, it's already a classic. 318 00:21:07,698 --> 00:21:10,929 As far as I'm concerned, you're my man. 319 00:21:11,402 --> 00:21:15,805 I would like to discuss the possibility of you handling my account. Would you? 320 00:21:16,574 --> 00:21:18,542 I'm with the Audie Murphy Toy Company. 321 00:21:18,643 --> 00:21:20,771 We just came out with a junior miss flamethrower... 322 00:21:20,878 --> 00:21:22,778 that runs on ordinary lighter fluid... 323 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,178 and next week, we're coming out with a heavy-duty model... 324 00:21:25,283 --> 00:21:29,845 for the back-to-college group. It features an after-burner and five-second reloading... 325 00:21:29,954 --> 00:21:32,355 with disposable propane cassettes. 326 00:21:32,456 --> 00:21:34,982 I want to have nothing to do with war toys or cigarettes... 327 00:21:35,092 --> 00:21:37,288 and do something about your breath. 328 00:21:39,063 --> 00:21:41,395 Tell me what you like. I'll go out and make it. 329 00:21:41,499 --> 00:21:44,366 I'll produce it, you push it. You and me, Swope. 330 00:21:44,468 --> 00:21:46,698 If you stiffs want T.S. to do your advertising... 331 00:21:46,804 --> 00:21:49,466 it's gonna cost you a million bucks up front. Cash. 332 00:21:49,573 --> 00:21:51,735 That's hallway robbery, Swope. 333 00:21:51,842 --> 00:21:54,539 - That's an outrage. - The price is right. 334 00:21:54,845 --> 00:21:57,314 But I can't come up with a million bucks in cash. 335 00:21:57,415 --> 00:21:58,849 Me, neither. 336 00:22:01,218 --> 00:22:02,777 Forget it, baby. 337 00:22:06,624 --> 00:22:09,889 If your sales don't increase by 50%, you'll get a complete refund. 338 00:22:09,994 --> 00:22:11,758 - I'm in, Swope. - Me, too. 339 00:22:11,862 --> 00:22:14,126 - You and me, Swope. - Don't forget me. 340 00:22:14,231 --> 00:22:17,895 - Pit Stop deodorant. - Dinkleberry's chicken pot pies. 341 00:22:25,543 --> 00:22:27,705 NARRATOR: Jim Keranga of Watts, California... 342 00:22:27,812 --> 00:22:30,179 is eating a bowl of Ethereal Cereal... 343 00:22:30,414 --> 00:22:32,610 the heavenly breakfast food. 344 00:22:32,850 --> 00:22:37,412 Jim, did you know that Ethereal Cereal has twice as much vitamin B... 345 00:22:37,521 --> 00:22:39,615 as any other leading cereal? 346 00:22:40,224 --> 00:22:42,955 Ethereal also has the added punch... 347 00:22:43,060 --> 00:22:46,928 of .002 ESP units of pectin. 348 00:22:47,898 --> 00:22:49,093 No shit! 349 00:23:02,380 --> 00:23:04,849 Dinkleberry's chicken pot pies. 350 00:23:05,549 --> 00:23:06,607 Ground rules: 351 00:23:06,717 --> 00:23:09,345 give us the name of your product, what it's supposed to do... 352 00:23:09,453 --> 00:23:10,648 then take a walk. 353 00:23:10,755 --> 00:23:13,690 We don't need your ideas. We don't need your advice. 354 00:23:13,791 --> 00:23:15,987 And we don't need lames in the hallway. 355 00:23:24,268 --> 00:23:25,758 Lucky Airlines. 356 00:24:22,059 --> 00:24:24,858 ANNOUNCER: Introducing Miss Redneck, New Jersey... 357 00:24:25,162 --> 00:24:27,324 Eugenie Ferliger. 358 00:24:27,631 --> 00:24:30,362 [Ceremonial instrumental music playing] 359 00:24:44,849 --> 00:24:46,840 Eugenie is 23. 360 00:24:47,084 --> 00:24:50,816 She's 5'4", and weighs 117 pounds. 361 00:24:51,822 --> 00:24:56,282 She has blue eyes and blonde hair with matching cuffs and collar. 362 00:24:57,428 --> 00:25:02,025 Eugenie is a graduate of the Sawbone/T-bone Diner in Redneck... 363 00:25:02,333 --> 00:25:04,427 where she majored in philosophy. 364 00:25:05,436 --> 00:25:10,135 She's a social worker and her favorite hobby is emasculation. 365 00:25:28,526 --> 00:25:31,154 Eugenie, in 25 words or less... 366 00:25:31,395 --> 00:25:34,194 would you tell us what your philosophy is? 367 00:25:36,333 --> 00:25:37,528 Well... 368 00:25:38,469 --> 00:25:41,632 I believe that everyone... 369 00:25:42,006 --> 00:25:45,533 no matter their race, creed or color... 370 00:25:46,343 --> 00:25:48,710 should get a piece of the action. 371 00:25:49,146 --> 00:25:51,581 A piece of the what, Eugenie? 372 00:25:55,386 --> 00:25:58,253 - A piece of the pie. - Right. 373 00:25:58,656 --> 00:26:00,055 [Eugenie grunting] 374 00:26:02,326 --> 00:26:06,559 Confidentially, folks, I never thought she'd get that line. 375 00:26:07,264 --> 00:26:08,754 Oh, fuck off, Bert! 376 00:26:08,866 --> 00:26:11,631 NARRATOR: Everybody wants a Dinkleberry Frozen Chicken Pot Pie... 377 00:26:11,735 --> 00:26:13,430 and they'll do anything to get it. 378 00:26:14,638 --> 00:26:16,106 PUTNEY: Who did that? 379 00:26:19,343 --> 00:26:20,708 You do that? 380 00:26:25,716 --> 00:26:28,014 ARAB: Yeah. Yeah. 381 00:26:28,285 --> 00:26:29,548 [Moaning] 382 00:26:30,054 --> 00:26:31,054 I didn't do it. 383 00:26:31,155 --> 00:26:33,556 Then what are you doing, taking her temperature? 384 00:26:33,657 --> 00:26:37,491 Boss, don't fire me. I got a wife, three kids and a shuttling pony. 385 00:26:37,595 --> 00:26:40,997 You should've thought of that before you dipped your pen in company ink. 386 00:26:41,699 --> 00:26:44,361 Oh, man, give me a break. I'm in love. 387 00:26:44,768 --> 00:26:47,829 All right, you get one more chance. But she's got to go. 388 00:26:48,305 --> 00:26:50,501 What do you mean, I gotta go? 389 00:26:51,108 --> 00:26:55,204 That's right. Just 'cause you got a pair of jugs don't mean you rule the world. 390 00:26:55,312 --> 00:26:56,746 That's right. 391 00:26:58,749 --> 00:27:01,309 - Mr. Swope. - Clean out your locker. 392 00:27:01,819 --> 00:27:03,082 Up yours. 393 00:27:08,459 --> 00:27:11,429 Didn't mean to put down your jugs, baby, but... 394 00:27:11,929 --> 00:27:13,419 gotta protect my interest. 395 00:27:15,799 --> 00:27:17,096 [Woman giggling] 396 00:27:17,201 --> 00:27:19,295 [Arab moaning] 397 00:27:25,943 --> 00:27:28,935 - Mark Focus is waiting in reception. - Thank you. 398 00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:39,688 Great window cleaner. Don't drip and it don't streak. 399 00:27:41,091 --> 00:27:44,686 But it smells bad. Cleans good, but it smells bad. 400 00:27:49,299 --> 00:27:51,165 As a window cleaner, forget it. 401 00:27:51,769 --> 00:27:53,703 Put soybeans in it for protein... 402 00:27:53,804 --> 00:27:56,296 and we'll push it as a soft drink in the ghetto. 403 00:27:56,807 --> 00:27:59,003 Lay a picture of a Rhythm and Blues singer on it... 404 00:27:59,109 --> 00:28:00,975 and we'll call it Victrola Cola. 405 00:28:02,179 --> 00:28:04,944 - I think we got a winner. - We better. 406 00:28:05,582 --> 00:28:09,450 Or you and that jism are gonna be back in that drugstore where I found you. 407 00:28:16,026 --> 00:28:17,289 Yes, sir. 408 00:28:19,997 --> 00:28:20,997 Okay. 409 00:28:21,065 --> 00:28:23,500 If your lip was hip, you wouldn't need no jip. 410 00:28:24,168 --> 00:28:26,796 - Sell rolls, that is. - How you sound? 411 00:28:26,904 --> 00:28:29,464 I don't know, baby, but wherever I'm sounding from... 412 00:28:29,573 --> 00:28:32,508 I'm stacked up and I'm gonna stay stacked up. 413 00:28:32,876 --> 00:28:36,744 But I wanna know about this Putney dude. And the faggot at the Traffic Department. 414 00:28:36,847 --> 00:28:38,692 There's a blonde faggot in the Traffic Department. 415 00:28:38,716 --> 00:28:40,994 Next time he bends over to pick up the paperclips, General... 416 00:28:41,018 --> 00:28:42,858 I'm gonna sock it to him right in his keister. 417 00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:43,944 Does he like dudes? 418 00:28:44,054 --> 00:28:46,580 I don't know, man, but he's got a boss little round ass... 419 00:28:46,690 --> 00:28:49,216 in them tight bell-bottom pants. I know that. 420 00:28:49,326 --> 00:28:51,727 Well, if you're tripping, and you're going that way... 421 00:28:51,829 --> 00:28:54,958 No, my johnson get hard, Jim. It knows no discrimination. 422 00:28:55,232 --> 00:28:56,757 ARAB: Yeah, discrimination, huh? 423 00:28:56,867 --> 00:28:59,336 No, my johnson get hard, everything goes. 424 00:28:59,436 --> 00:29:02,303 - Jism is okay, but you can can the trollops. - Mr. Swope. 425 00:29:02,673 --> 00:29:04,038 Mark Focus. 426 00:29:08,645 --> 00:29:10,409 I did that for Hertz. 427 00:29:11,515 --> 00:29:14,143 That's Colgate. That's a Nabisco. 428 00:29:15,619 --> 00:29:18,145 - That's IBM. - I've seen enough, Mark. 429 00:29:18,322 --> 00:29:20,916 You're one of the best photographers in the business. 430 00:29:21,024 --> 00:29:22,048 Thank you. 431 00:29:22,159 --> 00:29:24,491 This printout I'm working on is perfect for you. 432 00:29:24,995 --> 00:29:26,520 If it's me, it's $9,000. 433 00:29:26,630 --> 00:29:30,567 $9,000? I just want a picture of a light bulb with lipstick on it. 434 00:29:30,734 --> 00:29:32,133 Make it $6,000. 435 00:29:32,436 --> 00:29:35,371 Hey, man, it's going in the newspaper, not an art gallery. 436 00:29:35,472 --> 00:29:38,464 - $1,200 is the best I can do. - Forget it. 437 00:29:38,575 --> 00:29:39,633 $350. 438 00:29:42,346 --> 00:29:45,008 I'll do it for nothing. I need the work. 439 00:29:45,315 --> 00:29:48,182 I can get anybody for nothing. Take a walk. 440 00:30:02,399 --> 00:30:04,390 [Arab praying in Arabic] 441 00:30:05,135 --> 00:30:06,227 Boss. 442 00:30:07,571 --> 00:30:09,266 [Gibbering] 443 00:30:09,940 --> 00:30:12,409 Who do you think you are, Lawrence of Nigeria? 444 00:30:12,509 --> 00:30:14,170 At least I ain't jive. 445 00:30:21,919 --> 00:30:23,148 Big man. 446 00:30:23,987 --> 00:30:25,716 Wanna have din-din? 447 00:30:26,990 --> 00:30:28,549 Why have dinner? 448 00:30:29,026 --> 00:30:31,358 I'm at 1293 Lennox. 449 00:30:31,662 --> 00:30:33,562 Apartment 4C. 450 00:30:34,965 --> 00:30:38,094 I got to be straight with you, girl. I'm engaged. 451 00:30:39,336 --> 00:30:40,770 Keep it to yourself. 452 00:30:40,871 --> 00:30:42,100 Swope... 453 00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:45,099 I'm gonna bend your johnson. 454 00:30:46,043 --> 00:30:47,374 I'm ready. 455 00:30:48,612 --> 00:30:51,240 I'm gonna make you young again. 456 00:31:18,475 --> 00:31:20,204 Where is Lopez? 457 00:31:20,310 --> 00:31:24,543 - Where you at, man? - Stratosphere, baby, stratosphere. 458 00:31:24,882 --> 00:31:28,944 I'm stacked up over at La Guardia, and I'm not coming down for nobody. 459 00:31:29,052 --> 00:31:30,486 Not even you. 460 00:31:32,055 --> 00:31:35,252 WOMAN: [Over P.A. system] Mr. Swope. Brother's in the black room. 461 00:31:35,359 --> 00:31:37,657 - Putney. Putney! - Brother's in the black room. 462 00:31:37,794 --> 00:31:41,196 Sonny Williams, our copywriter, just got busted at Radio City. 463 00:31:41,298 --> 00:31:44,029 He was sitting in the first row and when the Rockettes came on... 464 00:31:44,134 --> 00:31:47,229 he opened and closed his raincoat and exposed himself. 465 00:31:47,337 --> 00:31:48,463 Bad PR. 466 00:31:48,572 --> 00:31:52,475 Tell Sonny next time he shows it, I'll make him a creative director. 467 00:31:53,310 --> 00:31:55,404 Sonny, if you don't straighten up... 468 00:31:55,512 --> 00:31:58,038 we're gonna send you to Hollywood as a choreographer. 469 00:31:58,148 --> 00:31:59,172 [Clicking] 470 00:32:02,819 --> 00:32:06,983 Putney, we just sold 17 new accounts and Cowboy says we have $156 million. 471 00:32:07,090 --> 00:32:10,287 WOMAN: [Over P.A. system] Mr. Swope, Brother's in the black room. 472 00:32:10,394 --> 00:32:12,624 Putney, there's trouble in the black room. 473 00:32:13,163 --> 00:32:15,962 Mr. Swope, brother's in the black room. 474 00:32:22,873 --> 00:32:24,432 Just you and me, Swope. 475 00:32:26,810 --> 00:32:28,403 You and me. 476 00:32:30,347 --> 00:32:32,873 I deal with housing in the community. 477 00:32:32,983 --> 00:32:35,748 Bad plumbing, bad heating and bad rats. 478 00:32:35,852 --> 00:32:37,532 The only way to set this thing straight... 479 00:32:37,621 --> 00:32:41,216 is with self-determination, self-respect and self-defense. 480 00:32:45,162 --> 00:32:49,759 We don't go for Jesus no more. Violence is a cleansing force. 481 00:32:49,866 --> 00:32:53,131 We must adjust ourselves to the level of our audience... 482 00:32:53,236 --> 00:32:54,726 which is pretty low. 483 00:32:55,272 --> 00:32:58,640 Non-violence has proven to be non-functional. 484 00:32:59,509 --> 00:33:01,238 So, it's guns, baby. 485 00:33:01,745 --> 00:33:06,649 The end result will be our own political, social, economic future. 486 00:33:07,851 --> 00:33:12,118 My organization is pro-integration. We're not hostile like these other groups. 487 00:33:13,156 --> 00:33:15,488 We can't do it illegally, we'll do it legitimately. 488 00:33:15,592 --> 00:33:18,527 - You know, up front. - Tanks, cocktails. 489 00:33:19,663 --> 00:33:20,994 Guns, baby. 490 00:33:21,164 --> 00:33:24,190 The pigs must cease the brutality, destruction and murder... 491 00:33:24,301 --> 00:33:25,996 of our brothers and sisters. 492 00:33:26,169 --> 00:33:29,764 Or they'll suffer the consequences from the armed people of the community. 493 00:33:29,873 --> 00:33:32,570 Bazookas. Tanks. 494 00:33:32,809 --> 00:33:34,277 Flamethrowers. 495 00:33:34,878 --> 00:33:38,746 My organization is pro-integration. We're not hostile like these other groups. 496 00:33:38,849 --> 00:33:41,250 - Lay some bread on it. - Guns, baby. 497 00:33:41,718 --> 00:33:44,415 A gun is not gonna get your job. 498 00:33:44,921 --> 00:33:47,322 It'll eliminate the competition. 499 00:33:49,526 --> 00:33:51,654 Who the hell wants a job? 500 00:33:52,396 --> 00:33:55,889 - You better get yourself a piece. - Lay some bread on it. 501 00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:59,370 Lay some bread on it. Lay some bread on it. 502 00:33:59,469 --> 00:34:02,063 My group doesn't need your money, man. 503 00:34:04,174 --> 00:34:07,337 But what we can use is your help on another level. 504 00:34:08,879 --> 00:34:10,278 I believe... 505 00:34:10,981 --> 00:34:14,144 that together with your power and my structure... 506 00:34:14,951 --> 00:34:18,410 we could create a subliminal tremor throughout the land... 507 00:34:18,522 --> 00:34:21,958 by using the advertising that comes out of your toilet. 508 00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:24,650 A word here... 509 00:34:26,430 --> 00:34:27,989 a phrase there... 510 00:34:33,503 --> 00:34:35,130 innuendoes... 511 00:34:40,644 --> 00:34:42,169 and subtleties. 512 00:34:43,180 --> 00:34:44,545 Lay some bread on it. 513 00:34:44,648 --> 00:34:47,879 And when the time is right, man, we move in for the kill. 514 00:34:47,984 --> 00:34:50,783 - No mercy, stamp on the-- - What about the bread? 515 00:34:50,887 --> 00:34:53,982 Tap City. When my ship comes in, I'll call you. 516 00:34:54,791 --> 00:34:56,259 You're a sham. 517 00:34:56,993 --> 00:34:59,291 I'm gonna pull the covers off of you. 518 00:34:59,396 --> 00:35:02,263 You ain't pulling the covers off of nobody. 519 00:35:05,702 --> 00:35:07,568 [Praying in Arabic] 520 00:35:15,645 --> 00:35:17,636 ...mixed media. 521 00:35:17,747 --> 00:35:19,613 [Praying in Arabic] 522 00:35:35,332 --> 00:35:36,561 Hey, man. 523 00:35:36,933 --> 00:35:40,733 You're just the cat I wanted to see, man. I was looking all around for you, Jim. 524 00:35:40,837 --> 00:35:42,271 Do you know what, man? 525 00:35:42,372 --> 00:35:46,969 Like, I'm tired, I'm fed up, I can't take no more... 526 00:35:47,077 --> 00:35:49,478 I can't stand no more of Putney Swope, man. 527 00:35:49,579 --> 00:35:51,570 Like, he's got to go, man. 528 00:35:51,681 --> 00:35:54,480 'Cause this cat is a jive cat, you understand? 529 00:35:54,584 --> 00:35:58,214 You know what, man? Like, I have been jugging his old lady. 530 00:35:58,388 --> 00:36:01,585 Do you dig this? And this cat has never said nothing to me, man. 531 00:36:01,691 --> 00:36:05,127 I have called him out many a times in front of all the people around here... 532 00:36:05,228 --> 00:36:06,821 who kiss this cat's ass, man. 533 00:36:06,930 --> 00:36:09,695 I don't kiss his ass. 'Cause I call it like it is, man. 534 00:36:09,799 --> 00:36:13,633 This man caught me with his woman, and still, this cat can't get rid of me... 535 00:36:13,737 --> 00:36:15,603 'cause I got the power, you understand? 536 00:36:15,705 --> 00:36:19,141 I got the power, I got the talent, and I've got everything that this cat wants. 537 00:36:19,242 --> 00:36:22,405 He keeps me around here because I make him look good, you understand? 538 00:36:22,512 --> 00:36:24,708 And I'm tired of making this cat look good. 539 00:36:25,148 --> 00:36:26,377 Are you ready to die? 540 00:36:26,483 --> 00:36:29,111 Man, I'm ready to die. I'm ready to go anywhere... 541 00:36:29,219 --> 00:36:31,449 do anything, see anybody... 542 00:36:31,555 --> 00:36:34,354 walk, talk, smart, be anything... 543 00:36:34,457 --> 00:36:37,950 to do what I got to do, man. I'm died. Died means nothing to me, man. 544 00:36:38,061 --> 00:36:40,553 You know, I always wanted to get things straight around here... 545 00:36:40,664 --> 00:36:42,655 'cause Putney Swope is a jive cat, man. 546 00:36:42,766 --> 00:36:45,861 He can't talk, he can't walk, he can't sit. 547 00:36:45,969 --> 00:36:49,837 Man, this cat can't do nothing right. He was voted in here on a hummer. 548 00:36:51,374 --> 00:36:54,139 Mr. Swope, I'm tired of doing commercials. 549 00:36:54,411 --> 00:36:56,903 I wanna do something more creative. 550 00:36:57,214 --> 00:37:00,479 - Pick up your severance pay. - Why? 551 00:37:00,717 --> 00:37:04,381 Did I ask you why when you said you wanted to do something more creative? 552 00:37:05,155 --> 00:37:06,247 Nope. 553 00:37:11,561 --> 00:37:13,757 I feel like an Oreo cookie. 554 00:37:13,863 --> 00:37:16,059 You like a pile of shit. 555 00:37:30,046 --> 00:37:31,946 SECRETARY: Are you putting me on? 556 00:37:34,484 --> 00:37:36,578 - Where you been, Put? - Mecca. 557 00:37:37,554 --> 00:37:40,922 The man says he's the President of the United States. 558 00:37:47,964 --> 00:37:49,022 Yeah? 559 00:37:49,733 --> 00:37:50,996 MIMEO: Putney Swope? 560 00:37:51,101 --> 00:37:52,159 Yeah. 561 00:37:52,269 --> 00:37:55,762 What do you mean, "yeah"? Be congenial. 562 00:37:56,139 --> 00:37:59,302 I want to extend to you my deepest congratulation. 563 00:37:59,409 --> 00:38:02,640 It's very, very important to have a boy like you... 564 00:38:02,946 --> 00:38:04,812 in such a prominent position. 565 00:38:04,914 --> 00:38:07,542 It's good for me. It's good for you. 566 00:38:07,917 --> 00:38:10,113 And it might keep the summers cool. 567 00:38:10,220 --> 00:38:11,949 I like your style, Swope. 568 00:38:12,055 --> 00:38:14,581 So I'm gonna throw some business your way. 569 00:38:14,691 --> 00:38:17,058 I never chase foul balls. 570 00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:19,128 You are lot of laughs. 571 00:38:19,229 --> 00:38:20,822 Next time I'm up in Big Town... 572 00:38:20,930 --> 00:38:22,898 we'll get together and shoot up or something. 573 00:38:22,999 --> 00:38:24,398 What you want, man? 574 00:38:24,501 --> 00:38:28,131 Mr. Six, the man who owns the Borman Six is a friend of mine. 575 00:38:28,238 --> 00:38:30,263 Take care of him. Quick. 576 00:38:32,842 --> 00:38:35,140 Looks good. He'll come around. 577 00:38:35,478 --> 00:38:37,970 Thank you. Excellent, Mimeo. 578 00:38:38,248 --> 00:38:40,410 I like the way you handle yourself on the telephone. 579 00:38:40,517 --> 00:38:43,384 You're nobody's fool. Except, perhaps, mine. 580 00:38:43,586 --> 00:38:47,045 But I'm glad I chose you for this job. You've justified my faith in you. 581 00:38:47,157 --> 00:38:48,267 [Upbeat piano music playing] 582 00:38:48,291 --> 00:38:50,817 However, Mimeo, there is one question. 583 00:38:51,227 --> 00:38:54,720 This business about shooting up in the Big Town. 584 00:38:55,165 --> 00:38:57,657 After all, a man in your position... 585 00:38:58,034 --> 00:39:00,628 which is a rather strange position... 586 00:39:00,737 --> 00:39:03,035 you have justified my confidence in having chosen... 587 00:39:03,139 --> 00:39:05,301 such a big man for this assignment. 588 00:39:05,975 --> 00:39:09,878 There are, however, one or two points I would like to bring up. 589 00:39:10,647 --> 00:39:14,743 After all, I'm sure Barnum and Bailey wouldn't mind having you back. 590 00:39:14,851 --> 00:39:18,151 So, please, I suggest you be a little more careful. 591 00:39:18,588 --> 00:39:20,818 Mrs. Mimeo, you play divinely. 592 00:39:21,191 --> 00:39:24,252 Perhaps you would like to play for me sometime. 593 00:39:25,495 --> 00:39:27,429 Nice wife you have there, Mimeo. 594 00:39:28,331 --> 00:39:32,700 It would be most unfortunate, would it not, if anything should happen to her? 595 00:39:37,974 --> 00:39:41,410 Don't worry, Mr. Six, the Borman Six gonna be okay. 596 00:39:41,978 --> 00:39:44,208 I hope you're right, Mimeo, for your sake. 597 00:39:44,314 --> 00:39:46,214 But now, we have a moment of joviality. 598 00:39:46,316 --> 00:39:50,480 We relax, you, Ruthie and I, we sit down, we partake of a bit of grass... 599 00:39:50,587 --> 00:39:52,077 I've got some good shit. 600 00:39:52,188 --> 00:39:55,749 Tell me something, Mimeo, do you have the new Maximilian Schell album? 601 00:39:55,859 --> 00:39:57,054 I love rock 'n' roll. 602 00:39:57,160 --> 00:39:58,594 Perhaps The Electric Pygmy. 603 00:39:58,695 --> 00:40:00,789 Ruthie, you're looking lovely as ever, my dear. 604 00:40:01,531 --> 00:40:05,399 From now on, if outsiders wanna talk to me, they're gonna talk in my face. 605 00:40:07,036 --> 00:40:09,869 No more telephones. Too much communication. 606 00:40:10,073 --> 00:40:13,008 If you take out the phones, how are we going to conduct business? 607 00:40:13,109 --> 00:40:16,010 - With your head and your soul. - That's right. 608 00:40:16,179 --> 00:40:17,772 That's unrealistic. 609 00:40:17,881 --> 00:40:20,907 If you want reality, I'm gonna put you back on the streets. 610 00:40:21,651 --> 00:40:24,348 The dude's right. We don't need phones. 611 00:40:24,587 --> 00:40:27,989 I can get a message to California quicker than you can make a phone call. 612 00:40:28,091 --> 00:40:29,581 - How? - The drum. 613 00:40:29,759 --> 00:40:31,557 - Say what? - The drum. 614 00:40:31,661 --> 00:40:33,959 - What's that? - Vibrations. 615 00:40:34,330 --> 00:40:36,560 Out, O'Dinga. You're finished. 616 00:40:46,409 --> 00:40:48,673 I heard you fired Mr. O'Dinga. 617 00:40:48,778 --> 00:40:51,110 - How did you find out? - The drum. 618 00:40:51,714 --> 00:40:54,581 Hey, Lopez says this place is crazy. 619 00:40:54,684 --> 00:40:56,345 Who's Lopez? 620 00:40:57,153 --> 00:40:59,485 - He's in my head. - That's right. 621 00:41:00,089 --> 00:41:03,286 I've been running this tree hut just like it was run before. 622 00:41:03,393 --> 00:41:05,191 Straight into the ground. 623 00:41:05,295 --> 00:41:08,390 I've made a few innovations, but not enough. 624 00:41:09,432 --> 00:41:13,528 I have a feeling that there's a lot of untapped talent around here. 625 00:41:13,837 --> 00:41:17,501 So, beginning right now, I want each and every one of you... 626 00:41:17,841 --> 00:41:21,869 to conceive, write, produce and execute your own campaign. 627 00:41:23,179 --> 00:41:25,648 If you don't think you can come up with something new... 628 00:41:25,748 --> 00:41:27,739 then don't come up with nothing. 629 00:41:27,851 --> 00:41:30,149 And if you don't feel that you're the creative type... 630 00:41:30,253 --> 00:41:33,587 then pitch in and help somebody else with what they're doing. 631 00:41:44,834 --> 00:41:49,567 Creative juices are flowing in, my main man. You've liberated my muse. 632 00:41:50,073 --> 00:41:53,202 Picture a foxy chick sitting on a park bench... 633 00:41:53,610 --> 00:41:55,374 the camera zooms underneath her dress... 634 00:41:55,478 --> 00:41:57,845 and you cut to a train coming out of a tunnel. 635 00:41:57,947 --> 00:42:00,245 It's a commercial for the Long Island Railroad. 636 00:42:00,350 --> 00:42:04,082 - Like, it's surreal man, surreal. - Are you for surreal? 637 00:42:04,587 --> 00:42:06,521 I don't have any ideas... 638 00:42:06,623 --> 00:42:09,615 but it's good to know that if I ever do... 639 00:42:09,726 --> 00:42:11,626 I will be able to try them out. 640 00:42:11,728 --> 00:42:14,595 I just came up with three names for teenage skin creams. 641 00:42:14,697 --> 00:42:17,962 No-Blem, Squeeze No, and Face Off. 642 00:42:18,067 --> 00:42:19,762 - Get rid of him. - Mr. Swope... 643 00:42:19,869 --> 00:42:22,634 I think we should do all our commercials in sepia. 644 00:42:23,039 --> 00:42:25,565 And instead of having coffee breaks... 645 00:42:25,675 --> 00:42:29,270 - we should have watermelon breaks. - Get rid of him, too. 646 00:42:29,379 --> 00:42:31,871 Hey, here's a poem I wrote when I was in jail. 647 00:42:31,981 --> 00:42:36,179 "Life is about a relentless journey to a path of oncoming screeching cars 648 00:42:36,286 --> 00:42:41,224 "with headlights of boredom and a bumper of social responsibility.” 649 00:43:00,209 --> 00:43:03,144 Mr. President, did you hear about the woman who asked her husband... 650 00:43:03,246 --> 00:43:05,271 to walk out to the garbage can with her? 651 00:43:05,381 --> 00:43:07,440 "Are you out of your mind?" replied her husband. 652 00:43:07,550 --> 00:43:08,881 "Not at all," replied the wife. 653 00:43:08,985 --> 00:43:12,285 "I'd like the neighbors to know we go out together once in a while." 654 00:43:13,623 --> 00:43:17,287 Mr. President, did you hear about the fellow who was 9'8"... 655 00:43:17,393 --> 00:43:19,327 and wore a size 22 shoe? 656 00:43:20,163 --> 00:43:23,030 And do you know what he did for a living? He stamped out forest fires. 657 00:43:23,132 --> 00:43:24,361 Mimeo... 658 00:43:25,401 --> 00:43:27,062 what is that? 659 00:43:30,173 --> 00:43:32,505 The game warden wanted me to throw it back. 660 00:43:32,609 --> 00:43:35,635 But I put up such a fight that they mounted it. 661 00:43:39,716 --> 00:43:43,949 Mr. President, this fellow who went down to Florida to do a demonstration... 662 00:43:44,053 --> 00:43:46,385 - a benefit show-- - This is a real funny man. 663 00:43:46,489 --> 00:43:48,500 - Funny man. - In a benefit show. And they put up... 664 00:43:48,524 --> 00:43:50,549 a special platform, with a trap door. 665 00:43:50,660 --> 00:43:54,722 Mimeo, who is this schmuck you have hired, babbling in your ear, over and over: 666 00:43:54,831 --> 00:43:57,630 "Mr. President, Mr. President"? What banality! 667 00:43:57,734 --> 00:43:59,259 Mr. President. 668 00:43:59,369 --> 00:44:02,566 And this fellow's show was so terrible that when the trap door opened... 669 00:44:02,672 --> 00:44:04,383 - if it wasn't for the fact... - If you'd like a toke... 670 00:44:04,407 --> 00:44:05,484 ...he had a rope around his neck... 671 00:44:05,508 --> 00:44:08,087 - ...he would have broken his legs. - Come on, it'll put hair on your nose. 672 00:44:08,111 --> 00:44:09,636 And he couldn't kick. 673 00:44:13,483 --> 00:44:14,780 Yeah, he is funny! 674 00:44:14,884 --> 00:44:17,251 Actually, when I think about it, I knew he was funny. 675 00:44:17,353 --> 00:44:19,549 Mr. President? Mr. President? 676 00:44:21,124 --> 00:44:22,592 Mr. President? 677 00:44:25,995 --> 00:44:27,463 Mr. President? 678 00:44:29,465 --> 00:44:32,867 Hey, it's cold in here. Throw another Jew on the fire! 679 00:44:35,138 --> 00:44:36,628 Mr. President? 680 00:44:38,007 --> 00:44:41,068 Mr. President. There were three women in Florida-- 681 00:44:41,177 --> 00:44:42,667 [Snorting] 682 00:44:44,781 --> 00:44:47,045 Mr. President, there were three women in Florida-- 683 00:44:47,150 --> 00:44:50,814 - He's like a stupid baby. - Describing what once... 684 00:44:52,755 --> 00:44:54,223 Mr. President. 685 00:44:56,726 --> 00:44:58,194 Mr. President. 686 00:45:01,597 --> 00:45:02,597 Mr. President. 687 00:45:05,401 --> 00:45:07,335 [Soft piano music] 688 00:45:13,376 --> 00:45:17,313 [Singing] It started last weekend 689 00:45:18,481 --> 00:45:23,146 At the Yale-Howard game 690 00:45:23,786 --> 00:45:27,484 Girl, I saw your beaver flash 691 00:45:27,590 --> 00:45:31,584 I'll never be the same 692 00:45:32,295 --> 00:45:34,957 Oh, no 693 00:45:38,835 --> 00:45:43,033 You gave me a soul kiss 694 00:45:43,773 --> 00:45:47,641 Boy, it sure was grand 695 00:45:48,778 --> 00:45:52,476 You gave me a dry hump 696 00:45:52,648 --> 00:45:56,915 Behind the hotdog stand 697 00:45:57,253 --> 00:45:59,984 Oh, yeah 698 00:46:03,392 --> 00:46:07,454 I used to have pimples 699 00:46:08,331 --> 00:46:11,699 But made them disappear 700 00:46:13,503 --> 00:46:17,133 He faced life with Face Off 701 00:46:17,240 --> 00:46:21,677 It made his skin so clear 702 00:46:21,778 --> 00:46:23,246 [Humming] 703 00:46:27,984 --> 00:46:31,352 A pimple is simple 704 00:46:32,822 --> 00:46:37,157 If you treat your pimples right 705 00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:41,624 My man uses Face Off 706 00:46:41,731 --> 00:46:45,668 He's really out of sight 707 00:46:46,002 --> 00:46:49,370 And so are his pimples 708 00:47:14,497 --> 00:47:17,262 I just created a skin cream called Face Off. 709 00:47:17,366 --> 00:47:20,927 And I just come up with a whole new concept for the Long Island Railroad. 710 00:47:21,437 --> 00:47:24,202 - I love you, baby. - I love you. 711 00:47:24,674 --> 00:47:27,439 - I love you, baby. - I love you. 712 00:47:27,910 --> 00:47:31,540 - I love you, baby. - I love you. Did you take your pill? 713 00:47:31,647 --> 00:47:32,808 [Telephone ringing] 714 00:47:32,915 --> 00:47:34,405 You'll never know. 715 00:47:40,089 --> 00:47:41,716 MIMEO: Is Mr. Swope in? 716 00:47:41,824 --> 00:47:42,824 Uh-huh. 717 00:47:42,925 --> 00:47:44,552 This is President Mimeo. 718 00:47:50,733 --> 00:47:52,497 - Yeah? - Putney? 719 00:47:53,870 --> 00:47:55,668 - Yeah. - Guess who. 720 00:47:56,172 --> 00:47:57,765 [Mimeo chuckling] 721 00:47:58,007 --> 00:48:00,408 - Marcus Garvey. - Nope. 722 00:48:01,110 --> 00:48:03,841 - Try again. - President Mimeo. 723 00:48:04,146 --> 00:48:07,411 - How did you guess? - I used to be an exterminator. 724 00:48:07,516 --> 00:48:10,349 You might be saying, "I used to have an agency"... 725 00:48:10,453 --> 00:48:13,047 if you don't get moving on the Borman Six. 726 00:48:13,155 --> 00:48:15,749 Why are you so hung up on the Borman Six? 727 00:48:15,858 --> 00:48:17,326 I'm a stockholder. 728 00:48:17,560 --> 00:48:20,154 - Let me sleep on it. - Good night, pal. 729 00:48:31,407 --> 00:48:32,897 [Ruthie giggling] 730 00:48:45,955 --> 00:48:47,013 Out. 731 00:48:49,692 --> 00:48:51,353 Swope. Mark Focus. 732 00:48:52,929 --> 00:48:54,556 What do you want? 733 00:48:56,198 --> 00:48:59,327 Did that for Hertz, that's Colgate... 734 00:48:59,936 --> 00:49:01,904 - Nabisco-- - I seen enough, Mark. 735 00:49:02,004 --> 00:49:04,268 You're one of the best photographers in the business. 736 00:49:04,373 --> 00:49:06,398 - Thank you. - Take a walk. 737 00:49:14,650 --> 00:49:15,811 Mr. President? 738 00:49:16,719 --> 00:49:18,187 Mark Focus. 739 00:49:23,159 --> 00:49:24,854 I did this for Kennedy. 740 00:49:28,798 --> 00:49:30,664 I did this for Johnson. 741 00:49:34,403 --> 00:49:35,996 I did this for Nixon. 742 00:49:39,375 --> 00:49:41,104 And this was the Agnell Funeral. 743 00:49:41,711 --> 00:49:43,907 Have you a picture of Raquel Welch? 744 00:49:48,684 --> 00:49:50,846 Would you like to join us? 745 00:49:53,723 --> 00:49:55,452 Did you vote for me? 746 00:49:57,760 --> 00:49:59,319 Well, it's okay. 747 00:50:06,402 --> 00:50:08,200 [All laughing] 748 00:50:31,293 --> 00:50:33,853 Beach Club Sundae. 749 00:50:33,963 --> 00:50:36,694 Come up with an idea for the Borman Six. 750 00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:41,200 I know nothing about automobiles. 751 00:50:42,071 --> 00:50:44,699 Give me an idea for the Borman Six. 752 00:50:45,274 --> 00:50:48,835 All right, if I ever think of anything... 753 00:50:48,944 --> 00:50:50,673 I'll let you know. 754 00:50:56,419 --> 00:50:58,046 Did you think of something? 755 00:50:59,188 --> 00:51:02,715 - The Borman Six, nitwit. - Listen, Swope... 756 00:51:02,825 --> 00:51:05,487 if you want me to come up with ideas, get me a license. 757 00:51:05,594 --> 00:51:08,222 Take me down to city hall and do what's right. 758 00:51:08,631 --> 00:51:10,793 - Forget it. - You forget it. 759 00:51:28,717 --> 00:51:30,879 Mr. Swope, congratulations. 760 00:51:48,904 --> 00:51:51,100 What about the Borman Six? 761 00:51:52,408 --> 00:51:54,536 Oh, all right. 762 00:51:55,945 --> 00:51:59,904 - What are they going to feature next year? - Defects, pollution, velvet safety belts... 763 00:52:00,015 --> 00:52:02,450 - strobe headlights, fiberglass windshields-- - Okay. 764 00:52:11,193 --> 00:52:13,560 You got to get a young girl with soul. 765 00:52:22,104 --> 00:52:24,801 PUTNEY: You better get moving on that freight elevator. 766 00:52:30,312 --> 00:52:32,906 Sonny Williams got picked up in the Bronx Holiday Inn... 767 00:52:33,015 --> 00:52:34,915 with a 13-year-old girl. 768 00:52:36,585 --> 00:52:38,553 At least he's not superstitious. 769 00:52:39,088 --> 00:52:43,252 Your lawyer, who's his lawyer, wants to be the prosecuting attorney. 770 00:52:43,792 --> 00:52:46,921 Get Sonny Williams in here. Now. 771 00:52:58,407 --> 00:53:01,536 Would you like to come over to my house and have some dainties? 772 00:53:01,644 --> 00:53:04,636 - I don't exercise. - Don't put me down. 773 00:53:05,214 --> 00:53:07,410 I can't sleep because of you. 774 00:53:08,117 --> 00:53:10,518 That's why I've got these valises under my eyes. 775 00:53:11,487 --> 00:53:15,185 - I'm in love with you, Myron X. - My name is Rufus. 776 00:53:15,424 --> 00:53:18,325 I don't care what your name is. You're my man. 777 00:53:20,462 --> 00:53:22,624 - I'm not your man. - Yes, you are. 778 00:53:22,731 --> 00:53:25,063 I'm not your man, and I never will be. 779 00:53:25,668 --> 00:53:27,727 I don't care what you say to me. 780 00:53:28,404 --> 00:53:30,429 You're my biggest fantasy. 781 00:53:30,773 --> 00:53:33,003 I dream about you every night. 782 00:53:34,376 --> 00:53:37,744 That's okay. Just don't send me the laundry bill. 783 00:53:55,130 --> 00:53:58,464 Putney says the Borman Six girl... 784 00:53:58,567 --> 00:54:00,831 is got to have soul. 785 00:54:03,572 --> 00:54:07,338 Putney says the Borman Six girl... 786 00:54:07,643 --> 00:54:09,771 is got to have soul. 787 00:54:23,259 --> 00:54:26,820 Putney says the Borman Six girl... 788 00:54:26,929 --> 00:54:29,694 is got to have soul! 789 00:54:32,801 --> 00:54:34,860 Got to have soul! 790 00:54:38,307 --> 00:54:42,471 Putney says the Borman Six girl is... 791 00:54:49,551 --> 00:54:51,713 - Best shit on me. - Yeah. 792 00:54:52,087 --> 00:54:54,715 EXECUTIVE: Excuse me, Mr. Swope, could I speak to you a minute? 793 00:54:54,823 --> 00:54:55,881 Sure. 794 00:55:05,701 --> 00:55:07,066 Mr. Swope... 795 00:55:07,569 --> 00:55:10,869 I do exactly the same job as the other executives. 796 00:55:10,973 --> 00:55:13,499 But I don't make as much money as they do. 797 00:55:13,976 --> 00:55:15,637 I don't think that's right. 798 00:55:16,979 --> 00:55:20,244 If I give you a raise, everybody's gonna want a raise. 799 00:55:20,349 --> 00:55:24,377 And if I give them a raise, they'll still be making more money than you. 800 00:55:24,486 --> 00:55:27,251 And we'll be right back where we started. 801 00:55:33,562 --> 00:55:35,826 I'd never thought of it that way. 802 00:55:36,065 --> 00:55:38,591 And that's why you get less money. 803 00:55:39,034 --> 00:55:40,934 'Cause you don't think. 804 00:55:44,907 --> 00:55:46,238 Thank you. 805 00:55:53,048 --> 00:55:54,743 [People chattering] 806 00:55:59,722 --> 00:56:01,451 I believe this. This girl... 807 00:56:01,557 --> 00:56:03,958 she's got to have soul. Don't you believe this? 808 00:56:04,793 --> 00:56:06,659 She's got to have soul. 809 00:56:07,763 --> 00:56:10,664 Putney says she's got to have soul. Right? 810 00:56:11,567 --> 00:56:13,365 See, she's got to have soul. 811 00:56:15,237 --> 00:56:17,535 Putney says she's got to have soul. 812 00:56:22,411 --> 00:56:25,437 Don't you believe she's got to have soul, this girl, huh? 813 00:56:26,315 --> 00:56:28,044 PUTNEY: Let's go. Let's go. 814 00:56:30,452 --> 00:56:32,511 [Funky soul music playing] 815 00:56:53,041 --> 00:56:55,442 You can't eat an air conditioner. 816 00:57:23,572 --> 00:57:26,132 Beautiful, give everyone a $10 raise. 817 00:57:26,275 --> 00:57:28,107 What about the messengers? 818 00:57:29,778 --> 00:57:32,213 [Funky soul music playing] 819 00:57:37,719 --> 00:57:41,121 They charge an arm and a leg in there, but it's worth it. 820 00:57:54,703 --> 00:57:57,297 - What's that for? - Worth It Life Insurance. 821 00:58:09,885 --> 00:58:11,853 ['60s pop music] 822 00:59:52,087 --> 00:59:54,055 [Classical Indian instrumental music] 823 01:00:00,262 --> 01:00:02,273 WOMAN: [Over P.A. system] Will the passenger holding... 824 01:00:02,297 --> 01:00:05,699 lucky winning ticket 5-8-6... 825 01:00:05,801 --> 01:00:08,896 repeat, 5-8-6... 826 01:00:09,204 --> 01:00:14,074 please report to the special lucky prize room, at the rear of the aircraft? 827 01:00:14,543 --> 01:00:16,568 Go Lucky Airlines. 828 01:00:59,254 --> 01:01:01,621 ['60s instrumental pop music] 829 01:01:43,865 --> 01:01:46,664 - Who did that? - You did. It was your idea. 830 01:01:46,768 --> 01:01:48,896 Not bad, not bad. 831 01:01:49,404 --> 01:01:51,429 We'll have 12 more by sundown. 832 01:01:51,740 --> 01:01:54,141 I want these on the air by tomorrow night. 833 01:01:55,610 --> 01:01:58,602 Putney, in my humble opinion... 834 01:01:58,714 --> 01:02:00,944 these commercials are tasteless. 835 01:02:01,083 --> 01:02:03,484 Putney, Myron X said you were tasteless. 836 01:02:03,585 --> 01:02:06,418 You said we were gonna do things with integrity and style. 837 01:02:06,521 --> 01:02:09,786 What we're doing is worse than anything our predecessors ever done. 838 01:02:09,891 --> 01:02:12,792 Them commercials are literal, and they're disgusting. 839 01:02:13,428 --> 01:02:15,396 And by advocating such filth... 840 01:02:15,497 --> 01:02:18,296 Putney is confusing obscenity with originality. 841 01:02:18,400 --> 01:02:20,698 MRS. SWOPE: Let me un-confuse you, baby. 842 01:02:20,802 --> 01:02:23,042 ARAB: Everybody that was in these commercials, you fired! 843 01:02:23,138 --> 01:02:25,368 Ain't one of them around! And I know you a jive cat... 844 01:02:25,474 --> 01:02:28,114 'cause you done made your last mistake you ever gonna make, mister. 845 01:02:28,210 --> 01:02:30,372 I seen that nonsense you trying to show us here. 846 01:02:30,479 --> 01:02:32,675 You trying to dupe everybody in this joint. 847 01:02:32,781 --> 01:02:36,081 Now, what is this? We done taken the last bit of your nonsense, man. 848 01:02:36,184 --> 01:02:39,518 I'm not gonna take all this crap. Everybody knows you're a jive nigger. 849 01:02:39,621 --> 01:02:41,316 You done pulled all this jive shit. 850 01:02:41,423 --> 01:02:43,468 Your mother had a creative idea when she borne you... 851 01:02:43,492 --> 01:02:44,982 and you had to go and blow that! 852 01:02:45,093 --> 01:02:47,105 Then you gonna come and try to show us all this crap. 853 01:02:47,129 --> 01:02:48,889 A nigger sitting up there eating cornflakes. 854 01:02:48,964 --> 01:02:51,124 Man, you ain't had nothing original since you got here. 855 01:02:51,199 --> 01:02:54,169 You stole the idea about Borman Six. You got it from your wife! 856 01:02:54,269 --> 01:02:57,102 Now you gonna tell me that's a lie? One night, she told me herself. 857 01:02:57,205 --> 01:03:00,470 And that little nephew who gave you that idea for that other thing... 858 01:03:00,575 --> 01:03:01,667 and you got rid of him. 859 01:03:01,777 --> 01:03:03,541 Ain't nobody around who help you in anything. 860 01:03:03,645 --> 01:03:06,307 Everybody either been shut up, cut up, or been put out. 861 01:03:06,414 --> 01:03:08,576 Can't you see this trash this man is trying to sell us? 862 01:03:08,683 --> 01:03:11,653 Look at you in the highwater pants. You jive nigger, look at you... 863 01:03:11,753 --> 01:03:13,498 two-button suit? Now what kind of suit is that? 864 01:03:13,522 --> 01:03:16,122 You're supposed to be a soul brother. Look at this brother's hair. 865 01:03:16,158 --> 01:03:18,758 Everybody's dressed up like pride and dignity. You ain't got none. 866 01:03:18,860 --> 01:03:20,828 Now what kind of godfather... 867 01:03:20,929 --> 01:03:22,590 [Mimicking Putney mockingly] 868 01:03:23,131 --> 01:03:25,259 ARAB: This company runs because I'm here. 869 01:03:25,367 --> 01:03:27,358 And I'm going to hate you if you don't get right. 870 01:03:27,469 --> 01:03:30,097 And you ain't right, and I hate you. I hate you, you understand? 871 01:03:30,205 --> 01:03:33,368 I hate you because you a jive cat. You ain't got nothing inside! 872 01:03:33,475 --> 01:03:34,601 You got to go. 873 01:03:34,709 --> 01:03:37,235 You got to go or I got to go, and I'm not going. 874 01:03:37,579 --> 01:03:39,779 How do you like that? He ain't got a thing inside him... 875 01:03:39,848 --> 01:03:41,338 he ain't nothing but a shell. 876 01:03:41,449 --> 01:03:44,248 ARAB: Hey, man, you better let me go! I'm gonna get him! 877 01:03:44,352 --> 01:03:45,979 Shit! Hands off me! 878 01:03:51,693 --> 01:03:53,855 [Cheerful instrumental music] 879 01:04:04,840 --> 01:04:06,433 [Woman screaming] 880 01:04:07,342 --> 01:04:08,537 - Cut. - Cut. 881 01:04:08,643 --> 01:04:10,441 [Moaning in pain] 882 01:04:27,629 --> 01:04:29,256 What do you think? 883 01:04:32,701 --> 01:04:34,260 Keep the money, Swope. 884 01:04:34,369 --> 01:04:37,862 But don't put it on the air, or I'll be out of business. 885 01:04:38,673 --> 01:04:41,734 - What's wrong with it? - Too much tail-pipe. 886 01:04:42,110 --> 01:04:45,136 Listen, you. You lucky I'm pushing this death trap. 887 01:04:45,247 --> 01:04:47,944 I don't play. Goes on the air tomorrow night. 888 01:05:01,463 --> 01:05:04,398 - What the hell are you doing? - Making a delivery. 889 01:05:04,499 --> 01:05:08,060 You better make it down the stairs, and come back up the freight elevator. 890 01:05:08,169 --> 01:05:11,070 - It's 36 flights. - I don't care what it is. 891 01:05:11,172 --> 01:05:13,834 Why do I have to take the freight elevator? I'm not a package. 892 01:05:13,942 --> 01:05:15,774 Because it's custom. 893 01:05:17,178 --> 01:05:18,339 It's policy. 894 01:05:25,553 --> 01:05:26,952 [Gun clattering to the floor] 895 01:05:45,840 --> 01:05:47,433 WOMAN: [On TV] Love you, Walter. 896 01:05:47,542 --> 01:05:49,874 I love you more than anything else in the world. 897 01:05:50,679 --> 01:05:53,546 - I'll see you later. - I love you, Walter. 898 01:05:55,383 --> 01:05:56,544 I love you too, Mother. 899 01:05:56,651 --> 01:05:59,746 You know you're not supposed to serve food without something on your head. 900 01:05:59,854 --> 01:06:01,618 I don't want your hair in my food. 901 01:06:01,957 --> 01:06:04,016 I told you a hundred times. 902 01:06:04,326 --> 01:06:06,624 - All right. - Get in the kitchen. 903 01:06:06,728 --> 01:06:08,389 [Muttering nervously] 904 01:06:14,536 --> 01:06:17,062 Honey, I'm sorry about this sandwich. 905 01:06:17,172 --> 01:06:20,164 That tile man's got the kitchen so stacked high with tiles... 906 01:06:20,275 --> 01:06:21,902 cook can't cook anything. 907 01:06:22,777 --> 01:06:24,017 I'd send the damn tiles back... 908 01:06:24,079 --> 01:06:26,377 but you know we're having a dinner party on Friday. 909 01:06:26,481 --> 01:06:28,001 How do you like working for Mr. Swope? 910 01:06:30,085 --> 01:06:34,989 You see, it's terribly difficult to run such a big house, but then... 911 01:06:35,623 --> 01:06:40,117 I really do think it's important this house is run well. 912 01:06:40,695 --> 01:06:44,825 And I'm not like, washing windows here. I'm sort of... 913 01:06:45,266 --> 01:06:46,427 [Man screaming] 914 01:06:46,534 --> 01:06:50,061 ...secretary in a very old-fashioned way. 915 01:06:55,510 --> 01:06:57,979 Mr. Swope, do you think that your approach to advertising... 916 01:06:58,079 --> 01:07:00,275 will encourage young people to go into advertising? 917 01:07:00,382 --> 01:07:02,544 - Hope not. - Well, do you conceive your creations... 918 01:07:02,650 --> 01:07:04,277 under the influence of drugs? 919 01:07:04,386 --> 01:07:06,582 Hey, Swope, what do you think of the Panthers? 920 01:07:06,688 --> 01:07:10,124 They look good against the Bulldogs, but they need more depth at quarterback. 921 01:07:10,225 --> 01:07:14,162 Last night between 8:00 and 10:00, only 14% of the usual amount of people... 922 01:07:14,262 --> 01:07:16,697 left the house to buy newspapers and ice cream. 923 01:07:16,798 --> 01:07:19,768 In essence, your commercials were so good that nobody left the house... 924 01:07:19,868 --> 01:07:23,031 to buy anything or burn anything. Would you comment on that? 925 01:07:23,138 --> 01:07:25,903 I think anything I would say would just be redundant. 926 01:07:26,007 --> 01:07:28,442 Mr. Swope, where have you been all these years? 927 01:07:28,543 --> 01:07:29,806 Laying in the cut. 928 01:07:29,911 --> 01:07:32,505 Mr. Putney, did you sleep with your wife before you married her? 929 01:07:32,614 --> 01:07:33,775 Not a wink. 930 01:07:33,882 --> 01:07:36,510 What is your position on the checkerboard of life? 931 01:07:36,618 --> 01:07:39,280 Is it true, do you refuse to advertise war toys, cigarettes... 932 01:07:39,387 --> 01:07:41,321 - and alcoholic beverages? - You said it. 933 01:07:41,423 --> 01:07:43,255 Where did you get the name "Truth and Soul"? 934 01:07:43,358 --> 01:07:45,190 - In the streets. - Excuse me, Mr. Swopes. 935 01:07:45,293 --> 01:07:47,955 Gourmet magazine says your commercials are tasteless... 936 01:07:48,063 --> 01:07:50,589 and that you should be censored. Now my question is... 937 01:07:50,698 --> 01:07:52,359 in what direction are you heading? 938 01:07:52,467 --> 01:07:55,095 I'm going uptown. Can I give anybody a lift? 939 01:07:55,804 --> 01:07:58,034 Get off of my short, baby! 940 01:08:06,848 --> 01:08:09,476 You little bitch. What are you doing out here? 941 01:08:09,584 --> 01:08:12,747 Get your ass in that house immediately. Go on, move. 942 01:08:13,388 --> 01:08:16,187 What do you think I have you for, anyway? Come on. 943 01:08:16,758 --> 01:08:18,852 Get in here, you motherfucker, get in! 944 01:08:23,031 --> 01:08:26,057 I believe Mr. Swope asked you to use the freight elevator. 945 01:08:26,167 --> 01:08:29,102 - Since when is that your business? - Since right now. 946 01:08:29,304 --> 01:08:33,263 And if I catch you using that elevator again, I'm going to tell Mr. Swope. 947 01:08:55,697 --> 01:08:57,859 - Is that Mr. Swope? - That's him, baby. 948 01:09:02,036 --> 01:09:04,198 - Mr. Swope? - Putney. Putney. 949 01:09:05,406 --> 01:09:06,771 Sonny Williams again. 950 01:09:06,875 --> 01:09:09,401 He was a guest on Dating Game, and when he didn't win... 951 01:09:09,511 --> 01:09:11,570 he stood up and exposed himself again. 952 01:09:11,846 --> 01:09:14,042 CBS went off the air for seven hours. 953 01:09:14,949 --> 01:09:17,043 Bail him out and get him in here. 954 01:09:17,986 --> 01:09:22,856 Mr. Swope, I'm Sister Basilica, and this here is Billy Reilly. 955 01:09:22,957 --> 01:09:25,756 [Whispering] Billy's an orphan, and he wants to be your pal. 956 01:09:26,327 --> 01:09:29,160 Now, if you want to be Billy's pal, all you have to do is... 957 01:09:29,264 --> 01:09:33,462 fill out the necessary papers, and take him out of the settlement once a week. 958 01:09:33,735 --> 01:09:36,727 You know, you can take him out to lunch, or take him for a ride-- 959 01:09:36,838 --> 01:09:40,274 - You're taking me for a ride. - Oh, be a pal. 960 01:09:41,809 --> 01:09:46,246 - Shouldn't you be at school? - Fuck you. And fuck the establishment. 961 01:09:46,347 --> 01:09:48,611 And fuck you people who are trying to make me... 962 01:09:48,716 --> 01:09:50,980 part of the unestablished establishment. 963 01:09:51,085 --> 01:09:54,146 All right. I'll pick you up tomorrow at 11:00. I'll take you to the zoo... 964 01:09:54,255 --> 01:09:55,916 then we'll go to the ball game. 965 01:09:56,324 --> 01:09:58,793 Why don't you just adopt me and get it over with? 966 01:09:58,927 --> 01:10:00,395 Don't push me, pal. 967 01:10:00,495 --> 01:10:03,328 Whatever you decide, don't do it out of guilt. 968 01:10:06,901 --> 01:10:08,426 Bless you. 969 01:10:10,471 --> 01:10:13,168 If this stiff comes through, we have it made. Come on. 970 01:10:16,311 --> 01:10:20,077 Brother, you were voted in here on a jive hummer. 971 01:10:20,315 --> 01:10:24,616 Now how, when, are things gonna happen, man? 972 01:10:24,719 --> 01:10:28,713 Your whole cart has been pimped. When are thing gonna start to change? 973 01:10:28,823 --> 01:10:31,190 Where's the revolution you were talking about? 974 01:10:31,292 --> 01:10:34,455 There ain't nothing happening, there is no revolution... 975 01:10:34,562 --> 01:10:37,054 the way you're running this joint, man. 976 01:10:37,332 --> 01:10:39,266 Now, when is something gonna happen? 977 01:10:39,367 --> 01:10:41,961 When are you going to do it? When and how? What day? 978 01:10:42,070 --> 01:10:46,871 Give me a time, man. Show me how progress is gonna be made. 979 01:10:46,975 --> 01:10:49,307 There ain't no progress the way this is running now. 980 01:10:49,410 --> 01:10:51,071 Putney, this is Sonny Williams. 981 01:10:53,414 --> 01:10:55,906 What do you got to say for yourself, Sonny? 982 01:11:05,627 --> 01:11:07,994 Don't feel bad. It's okay. 983 01:11:21,409 --> 01:11:24,504 Now, there's a man who is doing something. 984 01:11:24,612 --> 01:11:27,877 That is a revolution, man, don't you understand? 985 01:11:27,982 --> 01:11:31,543 When are you gonna start? When are you gonna do something? 986 01:11:40,862 --> 01:11:44,230 Putney, the President of the United States wants to see you in three hours. 987 01:11:44,332 --> 01:11:47,358 He says that he'll meet you halfway so it's all set for Philadelphia. 988 01:11:47,468 --> 01:11:49,459 Mr. Swope? Mark Focus. 989 01:11:52,373 --> 01:11:55,468 I did this for Hertz, that's Colgate... 990 01:11:55,576 --> 01:11:58,341 that's Nabisco, that's IBM. 991 01:11:59,013 --> 01:12:02,244 Did this for Mr. Swope. That's Rockefeller. 992 01:12:03,084 --> 01:12:05,178 - That's Rockefeller. - What are you gonna do for me? 993 01:12:05,286 --> 01:12:06,913 MARK: What are you, nuts? 994 01:12:11,526 --> 01:12:13,551 - We made it, Put. - It's phenomenal. 995 01:12:13,661 --> 01:12:16,255 We've thrown a tremendous hump into the cooling industry. 996 01:12:16,364 --> 01:12:20,232 - Who told you to open your mouth? - No one. It just happened. 997 01:12:20,568 --> 01:12:24,527 All right. I created Face Off. I conceived the Borman Six... 998 01:12:24,639 --> 01:12:26,539 and don't forget the mousetrap. 999 01:12:26,641 --> 01:12:29,736 The rest of you people took old ideas, and broken down concepts... 1000 01:12:29,844 --> 01:12:32,313 and embellished them with a sense of show business. 1001 01:12:32,413 --> 01:12:33,778 Now, that's not enough. 1002 01:12:33,881 --> 01:12:37,215 When I see things that ain't fresh, I get butterflies in my ulcer. 1003 01:12:37,318 --> 01:12:40,913 So from now on, you got to come up with completely original fantasies. 1004 01:12:41,022 --> 01:12:44,583 Stop looking at the tube. Stop reading magazines and newspapers... 1005 01:12:44,692 --> 01:12:47,627 - and don't talk to strangers. And don't-- - Mr. Swope? 1006 01:12:48,930 --> 01:12:50,728 Get on the freight elevator. 1007 01:12:51,733 --> 01:12:52,996 [People screaming] 1008 01:12:53,101 --> 01:12:54,728 [Gunshots] 1009 01:12:57,872 --> 01:12:59,306 [Woman sobbing] 1010 01:13:04,545 --> 01:13:06,673 [Woman screaming hysterically] 1011 01:13:30,037 --> 01:13:31,436 [Man grunting in pain] 1012 01:14:01,369 --> 01:14:04,862 - Get rid of him. - What do want me to do with him? 1013 01:14:06,174 --> 01:14:08,199 Get him a gig with the President. 1014 01:14:33,267 --> 01:14:36,259 First day on the job and you get to meet President Mimeo. 1015 01:14:36,370 --> 01:14:37,997 I'll take him off. 1016 01:15:55,316 --> 01:15:57,808 How do you like my demonstrators, Swope? 1017 01:15:57,919 --> 01:16:01,378 I put them in front of your building, 'cause you won't advertise cigarettes... 1018 01:16:01,489 --> 01:16:03,821 war toys, and alcoholic beverages. 1019 01:16:03,925 --> 01:16:05,825 And that's discrimination. 1020 01:16:06,127 --> 01:16:09,062 I also hear you flipped over the Borman Six. 1021 01:16:09,463 --> 01:16:13,422 Bum trip, Swope. If you keep discriminating against those products... 1022 01:16:13,668 --> 01:16:17,400 I'm gonna keep up the demonstration. It's a small world, Swope. 1023 01:16:17,772 --> 01:16:19,262 Don't cross me. 1024 01:16:22,176 --> 01:16:24,804 - Let's move out. - Say "please." 1025 01:16:24,912 --> 01:16:26,471 I said move out! 1026 01:16:32,019 --> 01:16:35,956 Back to welfare, Trigger. Okay, move out. 1027 01:16:37,525 --> 01:16:39,550 Rent yourself a short, schmuck! 1028 01:17:02,283 --> 01:17:03,478 Hing! 1029 01:17:03,584 --> 01:17:05,552 My word, "Hing"! 1030 01:17:05,886 --> 01:17:08,446 Maybe Hingleberry or Hingsaurio. 1031 01:17:08,623 --> 01:17:12,150 Hing spells nothing, begins nothing possible unto Webster. 1032 01:17:12,259 --> 01:17:14,853 It is my very, very own Hing! 1033 01:17:15,029 --> 01:17:19,227 Hing in the teeth of the wind, and in the faces of governments and men. 1034 01:17:19,400 --> 01:17:20,424 Hing! 1035 01:17:20,601 --> 01:17:23,298 Hing uninvited, Hing unexcited... 1036 01:17:23,404 --> 01:17:25,873 Hing retiring into his own Hinghood! 1037 01:17:26,340 --> 01:17:29,605 I built a wooden Hing once, and fooled no one. 1038 01:17:29,710 --> 01:17:32,839 I painted Hing in oils and ran out of canvas. 1039 01:17:32,947 --> 01:17:36,008 But I shall follow wherever Hing lead... 1040 01:17:36,117 --> 01:17:39,280 'til Hing vanish into darkness. 1041 01:17:43,557 --> 01:17:45,389 My word, "Hing"! 1042 01:17:45,559 --> 01:17:48,119 - Get everybody into the conference room. - Got it. 1043 01:17:51,132 --> 01:17:52,531 Put that out. 1044 01:17:52,633 --> 01:17:55,364 Lunger cigarettes, Swope, what do you say? 1045 01:17:55,469 --> 01:18:00,373 Daly War Toys. We just came out with a new game called "Cops and Demonstrators." 1046 01:18:00,908 --> 01:18:03,673 Bull Connor Bourbon. You name the price, Swope. 1047 01:18:03,778 --> 01:18:05,803 Lunger cigarettes, Swope, what do you say? 1048 01:18:05,913 --> 01:18:08,211 Ethereal Cereal. You saved me. 1049 01:18:22,363 --> 01:18:24,559 - Fill this up. - Right. 1050 01:18:59,366 --> 01:19:01,326 I want everybody to drop whatever they're doing... 1051 01:19:01,368 --> 01:19:04,235 and start thinking up ideas for Bull Connor Bourbon... 1052 01:19:04,338 --> 01:19:08,536 Lunger cigarettes, and a new game called Cops and Demonstrators. 1053 01:19:08,743 --> 01:19:11,940 I thought you said we wasn't going to advertise that kind of stuff. 1054 01:19:12,046 --> 01:19:16,415 - I changed my mind. - I thought only women changed their mind. 1055 01:19:16,517 --> 01:19:19,350 - The man's copping out. - What did you say? 1056 01:19:19,453 --> 01:19:22,388 - I said you're a cop-out. - Get out of here! 1057 01:19:22,790 --> 01:19:26,158 - And don't come back either. - Shit. 1058 01:19:30,798 --> 01:19:34,564 You're a punk. If you wasn't my brother, I'd kill you. 1059 01:19:36,203 --> 01:19:39,366 I want these campaigns ready by 5:00 sharp. 1060 01:19:39,473 --> 01:19:42,465 - Are you sure you want to do this? - I already done it. 1061 01:19:43,544 --> 01:19:47,447 What do you really want to do? Advertise garbage or do what's right? 1062 01:19:48,549 --> 01:19:49,641 Both. 1063 01:19:58,292 --> 01:19:59,726 The man's a genius. 1064 01:19:59,827 --> 01:20:02,489 Good people. I tested them but they did not cop. 1065 01:20:02,596 --> 01:20:05,725 - You mean that whole scene was a put-on? - That's right. 1066 01:20:13,707 --> 01:20:16,074 There's $8 million and change here. 1067 01:20:16,410 --> 01:20:18,708 Figure what's left and divide it up equally. 1068 01:20:18,813 --> 01:20:21,145 Forget the messengers and forget the Arab. 1069 01:20:21,248 --> 01:20:23,342 Beautiful, baby, beautiful! 1070 01:20:24,385 --> 01:20:27,719 Putney, if you want to push cigarettes and booze... 1071 01:20:27,822 --> 01:20:29,847 - it's all right with me. - That's right. 1072 01:20:29,957 --> 01:20:34,656 Putney, I don't care what you advertise, as long as I get my raise. 1073 01:20:35,162 --> 01:20:39,724 Brother, if you want to advertise crap, that's your prerogative. 1074 01:20:40,467 --> 01:20:42,959 - You're my man. - That's right. 1075 01:20:43,971 --> 01:20:45,439 I'm with you, Put. 1076 01:20:45,539 --> 01:20:47,701 Whatever the hell you wanna do, I'm with you. 1077 01:20:47,808 --> 01:20:50,834 You're a genius, Putney. Do your thing. 1078 01:21:11,398 --> 01:21:13,457 [All clamoring] 1079 01:21:24,812 --> 01:21:28,339 Putney, I hear you're splitting up the money equally. 1080 01:21:28,449 --> 01:21:31,419 - That's good. - How did you find out? 1081 01:21:31,518 --> 01:21:33,816 - The drum. - The drum should have told you... 1082 01:21:33,921 --> 01:21:37,482 - you ain't getting a penny. - If I don't get my piece by sundown... 1083 01:21:37,591 --> 01:21:39,218 your ass is mine. 1084 01:21:55,142 --> 01:21:58,271 Hey! Do you have my bread, brother? 1085 01:21:58,579 --> 01:22:01,276 The man says you gets nothing, Arab. 1086 01:22:01,382 --> 01:22:04,181 What? Man, you better get your story straight. 1087 01:22:04,285 --> 01:22:08,552 What you talking about? The drum says equal shares for everybody. 1088 01:22:08,656 --> 01:22:10,351 And everybody means me. 1089 01:22:10,457 --> 01:22:13,688 Don't you understand, mister? So come out your dream world... 1090 01:22:13,794 --> 01:22:17,287 and get your story straight, man. Before I get hot here... 1091 01:22:17,398 --> 01:22:19,765 and I have to tell my cousin Sirhan Saran Wrap. 1092 01:22:19,867 --> 01:22:22,029 The man says you gets nothing. 1093 01:22:24,071 --> 01:22:25,698 You gets nothing. 1094 01:22:30,611 --> 01:22:32,773 The man say I get nothing. 1095 01:22:33,280 --> 01:22:35,942 Then I gets nothing. 1096 01:22:38,652 --> 01:22:41,087 - You got a light? - Right. 1097 01:22:46,226 --> 01:22:48,024 [Screaming in Arabic] 1098 01:22:53,334 --> 01:22:55,098 [All screaming] 1099 01:23:00,207 --> 01:23:02,369 [Exclaiming triumphantly] 86510