Original subtitles

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING!

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

>> GRFT: [ ROARS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING!

>> MOST COMMONLY FOUND IN

FRESHWATER RESERVOIRS SUCH AS

SWAMPS AND LAKES, THE FEMALE

ALLIGATOR MEASURES ABOUT NINE

FEET IN LENGTH AND IS ARMORED

WITH BONY PLATES THAT RUN ALL

THE WAY DOWN THEIR MUSCULAR,

FLAT TAIL.

THESE BEAUTIFUL REPTILES HAVE

BEEN LIVING ON EARTH FOR

MILLIONS OF YEARS AND SOMETIMES

REFERRED TO AS "LIVING

FOSSILS."

>> Uncle Grandpa: WHATCHA

WATCHING?

>> Mr. Gus: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

>> AND IN OTHER NEWS, WE'RE

SEEING A HEAVY INCLINE IN

TOOTHPASTE PRICES.

>> Uncle Grandpa: DIDN'T MEAN TO

STARTLE YOU, MR. GUS.

JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE

WATCHING.

>> Mr. Gus: THE NEWS!

I'M WATCHING THE NEWS!

OBVIOUSLY.

WHAT'S IT TO YOU?

>> Uncle Grandpa: WELL, AS YOU

KNOW, IT'S 3:00, WHICH MEANS

IT'S TIME FOR MY FAVORITE TV

SHOW.

SO IF YOU'LL KINDLY HAND ME THE

REMOTE CONTROL.

>> Mr. Gus: SORRY TO INTERRUPT

YOUR SCHEDULE, BUT AS YOU CAN

SEE, I WAS HERE FIRST!

HEY!

>> HEY, DEBBIE, DID YOU SEE

KEVIN TODAY?

>> ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

OF COURSE I DID!

>> OH, SHH!

HERE HE COMES!

>> HI, KEVIN!

>> HEY, LADIES!

LOOK AT ME!

Y'ALL SEEN MY MUSCLES LATELY?

THEY BIG, HUH?

[ SMOOCHES]

OKAY, I'M SICK OF YOU LAME

GIRLS NOW.

[ BOTH GIGGLE]

>> SO CUTE, RIGHT?!

>> RIGHT?

[ BOTH GIGGLE]

[ BOTH SHRIEK]

>> Uncle Grandpa: KEVIN IS SO

HOT.

>> Mr. Gus: WE'RE NOT WATCHING

THIS.

>> Uncle Grandpa: AW, COME ON!

>> Mr. Gus: I ONLY WATCH THINGS

THAT ARE INTELLECTUALLY

CHALLENGING.

>> Uncle Grandpa: ARE YOU SAYING

"TEENAGE FART THROB" ISN'T

INTELLECTUAL?

>> Mr. Gus: THAT'S EXACTLYWHAT

I'M SAYING.

>> Uncle Grandpa: HEY, DON'T

CHANGE THE CHANNEL!

IT'S THE BEST PART!

COME ON, MR. GUS, PLEASE!

>> Mr. Gus: NO!

YOU CAN WATCH YOUR SHOW LATER!

[ INDISTINCT ARGUING ]

>> Pizza Steve: HEY, GUYS,

WHAT'S --

>> Uncle Grandpa: OOPS!

SORRY, PIZZA STEVE!

I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.

>> Pizza Steve: [ GROANS ]

GEEZ, MAN.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS ALL BENT OUT

OF SHAPE ABOUT?

>> Mr. Gus: I WAS BUSY WATCHING

THE NEWS AND UNCLE GRANDPA CAME

SNEAKING UP ON ME AND STARTED

CHANGING THE CHANNEL AND JUNK.

HMM.

>> Uncle Grandpa: HEY, YOU KNOW

VERY WELL IT'S MYTV TIME!

YOU CAN WATCH YOUR DUMB

"CROCODILE VIDEOS" ON YOUR OWN

DUMB TIME.

>> Mr. Gus: WHA-WHATEVER!

I WAS HERE FIRST!

>> Uncle Grandpa: IS THAT RIGHT?

>> Mr. Gus: YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT!

>> Uncle Grandpa: IS THAT REALLY

RIGHT?

>> Mr. Gus: REALLY, REALLY

RIGHT!

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, SO IT'S

RIGHT THEN, HUH?

>> Mr. Gus: OH, IT'S CRAZY

RIGHT!

[ INDISTINCT ARGUING ]

>> Pizza Steve: WHOA! WHOA!

WHOA!

BEFORE YOU TWO GO RIPPING EACH

OTHER'S HEADS OFF, PIZZA STEVE

HAS A SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM.

YOU GUYS FAMILIAR WITH THE

ANCIENT ART OF...LEG WRESTLING?!

>> Mr. Gus: YOU WANT US TO LEG

WRESTLE FOR THE REMOTE CONTROL?

>> Uncle Grandpa: AND WHOEVER

WINS GETS TO WATCH WHATEVER THEY

WANT?!

YOU'RE SO SMART, PIZZA STEVE!

>> Pizza Steve: [ GIGGLES ]

OKAY, SO IF YOU WANT THIS BAD

BOY, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO USE

THESE BAD BOYS!

>> Uncle Grandpa: BUT,

PIZZA STEVE, I DON'T KNOW THE

FIRST THING ABOUT LEG WRESTLING.

>> Pizza Steve: THAT'S WHY I'M

GOING TO TRAIN YOU!

>> Mr. Gus: WELL, WHO'S GONNA

TRAIN ME?!

>> Pizza Steve: I'M GONNA TRAIN

YOU, TOO!

>> Mr. Gus: AND JUST HOW YOU

GONNA TRAIN ME AND UNCLE GRANDPA

AT THE SAME TIME?

>> Pizza Steve: M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-

MONTAGE!

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GRUNTS ]

>> Pizza Steve: MM.

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GRUNTING ]

[ GRUNTING ]

>> Belly Bag: TONIGHT'S

MATCHUP -- UNCLE GRANDPA VS.

MR. GUS!

WINNER GETS TO WATCH WHATEVER

THEY WANT ON TV!

>> Pizza Steve: LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN, GET READY FOR THE

MOST EXCITING FIGHT OF THE

CENTURY.

IN THE LEFT CORNER, WEIGHING IN

AT 500 POUNDS...

>> Uncle Grandpa: HEY!

>> Pizza Steve: ...UNCLE "THIGH

MEAT CRUSH CRUSH BUBBLE GUM"

GR-R-R-R-R-R-ANDPA!

AND IN THE RIGHT CORNER,

MR. GUS.

[ CRICKETS CHIRPING ]

>> Belly Bag: WELL, FOLKS, LOOKS

LIKE WE HAVE AN EXCITING FIGHT

TONIGHT.

>> GRFT: [ ROARS ]

>> Pizza Steve: ALL RIGHT, BOYS,

YOU KNOW THE RULES.

I WANT A GOOD, CLEAN FIGHT,

NOTHING ABOVE THE BELT.

[ BELL DINGS ]

>> Belly Bag: UNCLE GRANDPA

COMING OUT WITH A STRONG START

WITH SOME SHIN JABS.

OOH, MR. GUS ANSWERING WITH A

MEDITERRANEAN HEEL STOMP.

UNCLE GRANDPA USES THE

NATIVE AMERICAN LEG BURNER!

OH, NO.

MR. GUS DOES NOT LOOK GOOD.

[ BELL DINGS ]

WHAT A GREAT FIRST ROUND, FOLKS!

TONS OF ACTION!

>> Pizza Steve: DOING GREAT,

KID.

JUST LIKE WE PRACTICED.

>> Uncle Grandpa: YEAH, I FEEL

GOOD ABOUT THIS.

>> Pizza Steve: COME ON,

MR. GUS.

YOU GONNA LET HIM PLAY YOU LIKE

THAT?

>> Mr. Gus: MAYBE IF YOU

ACTUALLY TRAINED ME INSTEAD OF

MAKING ME DO YOUR CHORES AND BE

YOUR PERSONAL SLAVE.

>> Pizza Steve: FORGET ABOUT

THAT.

HERE'S WHAT YOU GOT TO DO.

[ WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY ]

>> Mr. Gus: [ CHUCKLES ]

[ BELL DINGS ]

>> Belly Bag: ROUND TWO, AND

UNCLE GRANDPA IS USING THE SAME

SHIN JAB STRATEGY.

AMAZING!

MR. GUS IS TAKING A BEATING BUT

DOESN'T SEEM TO CARE!

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GRUNTING ]

>> Belly Bag: WAIT, WHAT'S THIS?

MR. GUS HAS USED THE

DINO-SKIN-SHED MANEUVER!

THE REAL MR. GUS IS BEHIND

UNCLE GRANDPA!

UNCLE GRANDPA TRYING TO MAKE A

RUN FOR IT.

OH, NO!

A FLAT TIRE!

UNCLE GRANDPA DESPERATELY TRYING

TO PUT HIS SHOE BACK ON.

MR. GUS WITH THE HOOK, LINE, AND

SWEEPER!

>> Pizza Steve: 1...2...

>> Belly Bag: WILL UNCLE GRANDPA

BE ABLE TO RECOVER?

[ BELL DINGS ]

LOOKS LIKE UNCLE GRANDPA WAS

SAVED BY THE BELL!

>> Uncle Grandpa: HE'S JUST TOO

SMART FOR ME.

>> Pizza Steve: YOU GONNA LET

HIM STOP YOU FROM WATCHING YOUR

FAVORITE SHOW?!

>> Uncle Grandpa: YOU'RE RIGHT.

HE ALWAYS GETS TO WATCH WHATEVER

HE WANTS!

>> Pizza Steve: THAT'S THE

SPIRIT!

BREAK A LEG!

>> Uncle Grandpa: YEAH!

WAIT, WHAT?

>> Pizza Steve: GREAT WORK,

MR. GUS.

LOOKS LIKE ALL THAT MASSAGING ME

PAID OFF!

NOW GO OUT THERE AND KICK SOME

LEG!

>> Mr. Gus: YEAH.

THAT REMOTE IS MINE!

>> Belly Bag: BUT FIRST, A WORD

FROM OUR SPONSORS.

>> Uncle Grandpa: HEY, I'M

UNCLE GRANDPA -- EIGHT-TIME LEG

WRESTLING FEDERATION CHAMPION.

AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

YOU DON'T GET LEGS LIKE THESE

OR BUNS LIKE THESE FROM EATING

TRASH LIKE THIS.

THE WAY TO MAXIMIZE HEALTH AND

LEG POWER IS JUICING YOUR

VEGETABLES!

[ GRUNTS ]

JUST LOOK AT THAT AWESOME GREEN

VIBRANCE.

NOW, DOESN'T THAT LOOK

DELICIOUS, TOMMY?

>> UH...

>> Uncle Grandpa: GET JUICED!

[ BELL DINGS ]

>> Belly Bag: FINAL ROUND!

UNCLE GRANDPA WITH THE TOLEDO

TOE TICKLER!

>> Mr. Gus: [ GIGGLING ]

>> Belly Bag: MR. GUS WITH THE

ALABAMA HOTFOOT!

THE NIGERIAN NAIL FILE!

>> Mr. Gus: MY CUTICLES!

>> Belly Bag: OOH!

CANADIAN CALF CRUNCH!

THE SOMALIAN SNAKE CHARMER!

THE CALIFORNIA SWIMMER'S SHAVE!

THE TUSCANY TOE FLOSSER!

OH, MY!

>> Both: HUH?

>> Belly Bag: IT LOOKS LIKE THIS

MATCH IS ALL TIED UP!

ONLY ONE PERSON CAN DECIDE THE

OUTCOME OF THIS ONE!

>> Mr. Gus: HEY, PIZZA STEVE!

>> Uncle Grandpa: WE NEED YOU TO

BREAK THE TIE TO SEE WHO GETS

THE REMOTE.

>> Pizza Steve: SHH.

MY SHOW IS ON.

>> PREVIOUSLY ON

"OVEN LOVIN'"...

>> Mr. Gus: DID YOU JUST TRICK

US INTO LEG WRESTLING SO YOU

COULD WATCH YOUR OWN SHOW?

>> Pizza Steve: CAN'T HEAR YOU!

>> OH, YEAH, CRUSH THAT RED

PEPPER, BABY.

ALL OVER.

ALL OVER!

>> Mr. Gus: MAN, PIZZA STEVE IS

SMART.

>> Uncle Grandpa: THAT'S WHAT

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!

THAT WAS WEIRD.

>> ♪ EVIL WIZARD ♪

♪ EVIL WIZARD ♪

♪ EVIL WIZARD ♪

♪ EVIL WIZARD ♪

♪ EVIL WIZARD ♪

[ TOILET FLUSHES ]

>> UGH.

THAT WAS AN EVIL BREAKFAST.

HMM, WHAT KIND OF EVIL CAN I DO

TODAY?

LET ME SEE.

DEMOLISH A PET STORE?

SET FIRE TO AN ORPHANAGE?

DESTROY THE EARTH?

MESS WITH EDDIE?

AW, YEAH, SON!

NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN'

ABOUT!

TIME TO DISPENSE A HEALTHY LOAD

OF EVIL!

>> HUH?

>> BEHOLD!

I AM EVIL WIZARD!

AAH!

>> HYUP HYUP HYUP HYUP HYUP.

>> [ GROANS ]

MY FOOT!

OH, IT HURTS SO MUCH!

>> YOU WANT ME TO CALL AN

AMBULANCE OR SOMETHING?

>> HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY CALL AN

AMBULANCE, EDDIE, AFTER I'VE

MADE YOUR LIFE A LIVING

NIGHTMARE?!

[ LAUGHS ]

>> I WOULDN'T EXACTLY CALL THIS

A LIVING NIGHTMARE.

WHOA! A $20 BILL!

>> HUH? WHAT?

WELL, WHATEVER.

20 BUCKS AIN'T MUCH.

I MAKE THAT IN LIKE AN HOUR.

>> WAIT A SECOND.

IT'S ACTUALLY STUCK...TO A $100

BILL!

WOW!

120 BUCKS!

IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU, I WOULD

HAVE WALKED PAST ALL THIS CASH.

THANKS, EVIL WIZARD.

AND IF YOU ASK ME, THEY SHOULD

CALL YOU LUCKY WIZARD.

HOT DOG!

>> YEAH, WELL, NO ONE ASKED YOU!

AND GOOD LUCK FIGURING OUT WHY

THEY WERE STUCK TOGETHER!

OH, WELL. I TRIED.

HMM.

SINCE I'M IN THE CITY, I MIGHT

AS WELL FIND SOMETHING TO DO.

OH, WAIT!

IF I HURRY, I STILL MIGHT BE

ABLE TO CATCH $2 TACO TUESDAYS

AT TACO STORE.

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

[ SLURPING ]

AHH.

OH, TACO STORE, YOU'RE THE

EVILEST.