Original subtitles

Love is blind

As far as the eye can see

Deep and meaningless

Words to me

Easy, lover

I need a friend

Road to nowhere twists and turns

But will this never end

Well, my dear you know that he pleases me

But short time solutions ain't no resolution

There ain't no release for me

Too mch of something

Is bad enogh

Bt something's coming over me

To make me wonder

Too much of nothing

Is jst as tough

I need to know the way to feel

To keep me satisfied

Unwrap yourself

From arond my finger

Hold me too tight

Or left to linger

Something fine

Bilt to last

Slippedp there I gess we're running

Out of time too fast

Yes, my dear, you know

He soothes me

Moves me

There's no complication There's no explanation

It's just a groove in me

Too mch of something is bad enough

Bad enogh

Bt something's coming over me

To make me wonder

If too mch of nothing

Is jst as tough

Jst as tough

I need to know the way to feel

To keep me satisfied

What part of "no"

Don't yonderstand

I want a man not a boy

Who thinks he can

Well done, girls. Foarte bine.

Despre ce vb? Nici m�car nu te uitai, Cliftord.

... Ba da, m� uitam. - Nu min�i. Chiar nu te uitai.

I sensed the vibes. I have an excellent vibe sensor here.

... Right. ... He doesn't love us anymore.

Yes, I do love you like a wildebeest...

loves tive lionesses chewing at his legs.

Hello, I'm Piers Cuthbertson Smythe.

Today I'm spending the tirst ot five days...

with the Spice Girls.

Elton!

Good to see you.

- Great glasses, Elton. ... Thank you very much.

Girls, we've got to go. Sorry, Elton.

Any second now, the Spice Girls will be stampeding down this corridor...

in a trenzy of chaos and energy...

which ot course has become their hallmark.

What, chickens? How many?

I thought you said they'd be coming down this way.

I never said that.

- You want me to cut? ... I think that would be wise.

Don't worry about tans here. They're all round the tront.

They're sorted.

Come on and do it

... Girls, it's Andy. - Not up the skirts, thank you.

What was that you said, Clitford?

Do what your mama said

- Bye! - Let's go. Come on.

Hands oft my flutfy toys.

- Nobody come in my bit. - Don't touch my wardrobe.

Can we get changed, everyone? We're gonna be there in 15 minutes.

Dennis, Albert Hall.

We're heavy and rolling.

Come on and do it

Don't care how you look It's just how you feel

Horoscopes.

I don't believe star signs.

You wouldn't, because you're an Aquarian.

- Aquarians don't believe in anything. ... I don't believe that either.

Oh, no!

I can't tind my boots. I think I've lost them.

It's always the same. I never know what to wear.

It must be really hard tor you, Victoria...

trying to decide whether to wear the little Gucci dress...

the little Gucci dress...

or the little Gucci dress.

Exactly.

I know. Why don't you wear the little Gucci dress?

Good idea. Thanks, Emma.

... There they are! ... What?

You're wearing my boots, Geri.

Oh, yeah. I don't know how that happened.

Typical Leo, that is. Borrowing stutt without even asking.

That's Capricorn.

Don't you be starting on Capricorns.

- That's it. You've had it. - Have them back!

I don't want them.

Get ott!

- Excuse me! ... What?

- What do you think ot this one? - It's great.

Now hear this. There's a press conference coming up.

That means smiling at the cameras and answering a lot ot dumb questions.

That is all.

It really is tremendously exciting. We're breaking the news right now.

Next Saturday, 8:00, for the tirst time ever, the Spice Girls...

are gonna pertorm live for the very tirst time at Albert Hall.

- Are you excited, girls? ... Very excited.

We're working with a new band.

It's gonna be tantastic and will be broadcast live throughout the world.

How many countries are we talking about?

... Millions. - Or maybe even more.

Do you have a message for the multitude ot f ans out there?

Yes.

Goes out to the people in France.

They're huge in Portugal.

To all the people in Leeds...... Northerners!

I don't have an idea what that means, but it's gonna be great.

I'm excited. My mum's excited.

They are adorable.

Yohaven't even shaved for us, have yo, Jonathan?

- I got what you want. ... Shut up and watch this.

These are the Spice Girls.

I've seen them.

- I like the blond one. ... No.

- Sporty. - Yeah, Sporty one's good.

This is what our movie should be about.

They're young, they're cute, they're hip, they're wacky.

... But can they act? - What act?

Did anyone care it Marilyn Monroe could act?

All they cared was she in focus.

I just got an idea, and you're gonna love it.

I can see it very clearly. It's the Spice Girls.

There's tive ot them.

- And they're singers. - I love it. We pitch this atternoon.

- Yes, Chiet? - How are the girls, Clifford?

Ready for show time on Saturday?

Just going to rehearsals. They're hot, Chiet.

They've got tire in their eyes and great big shoes on their teet.

I'm telling you, Chief, they're raring to go.

Well, remember that now is the dangerous time.

They've had a lot of success very quickly...

so get ready for the backlash.

When the speeding melon hits the wall...

it is Christmas tor the crows.

Of course it is.

Do you want me to go atter the paparazzi, Chiet?

I could start kicking asses, if you like...

stir things up a bit.

There's no need tor any stirring.

Put a couple ot cats among a tew pigeons.

Leave the pigeons alone.

Watch the feathers fly.

Get some blood on the walls!

Sorry, Chiet. Just an idea.

There will be time tor that soon enough.

Remember, the drummer who is without sticks...

has no backbeat.

Absolutely.

Right, puss?

... What did he say? - I haven't a clue.

But I know that he's right.

Drummer?

One, two. One, two, three, four.

I'm giving you everything

All that joy can bring

- This I swear - I give you everything

And all that I want from you

Is a promise you will be there

Say you will be there

Now, remember, the camera is the window to the soul.

... Window to the soul. ... Through the eyes, obviously.

What I want to do is take my audience on a journey into the mind's eye...

of the Spice Girls...

tocus on their deeper subconscious.

... Deeper subconscious. - That's it, Enzo. Got it? Great.

Track.

- I think we'll need a longer lens. ... BAFTA, BAFTA.

- Hold on. What's going on? - What are you doing?

... Sorry, my tault. ... Sort your fingers out.

- You left your boxing gloves on? ... Let's do it once again, please.

That was absolutely pertect without being actually any good.

Once again, then.

Hi, Nic.

Please, let's keep the momentum going.

Obviously atter a short break.

Are you all right?

Look at that emotion, that real, raw emotion.

Come on, boys. Capture that magic.

Quickly!

How are you feeling?

Oh, all right, except my back's done in...

my tront's done in, my insides are wrecked...

and I haven't seen my feet tor weeks, but I hear they're really f at too.

- They are. Not. - How's baby?

How would you teel being carried around all day in a nice, squishy water bed?

Very lucky, I think.

It kicked.

When's it due?

... Last week. - You want to charge it storage.

So how's Trevor?

- He's gone. Trevor's lett me. ... I don't believe it.

... Sound running. - Excuse me.

Would you mind not tilming, please?

... Cut. - I knew Trevor was irresponsible.

... But he's now gone and proved it. - What a complete...

What I want to do with this documentary is show the real Spice Girls.

I want to break through the show business side.

I want to crash right through it and reveal the truth.

That's fine, as long as you crash through the showbiz f acade on schedule.

Don't get in anybody's way.

Yes, well, a smile costs nothing.

Don't worry, Nic. It'll be all right.

- Oh, no. ... What?

- I think I am getting broody. - Oh, no.

Just wait till you lot start having kids.

That will be really weird.

How my Gloria gets her clothes so dirty, I'll never know.

Bless her.

My poor back.

I don't know how you can have any more ot them kids.

- You've got six already. ... Is it six?

They're so cute when they're little, then they grow up to be real bleeders.

Thank God tor boarding school.

I only see mine once a month.

- Our Terry goes to me... - Cheers.

He goes, "Ma, I wanna be a singer."

I said, "Lad, go to college, get yourselt a proper job."

Does he listen? No.

They never do, though, do they? I mean, you know.

Darling, kids today don't know how lucky they are.

Brucey, Demi...

will you turn that bloody racket down?

Hate to interrupt.

There's a small matter ot an extremely live gig on Saturday.

- All right. We're coming. ... I don't want to.

- Take care. - Jools, we're coming.

I need a wee.

I'm giving you everything

All that joy can bring Yes, I swear

Last time that we had this conversation

I decided we should be friends

- But now we're going rond in circles - Quick! Baby Spice. Get the shoes.

- Which one's Baby? ... The blond one.

Now you tell me that you've fallen in love

Well, I never, ever thoght that would be

This time you gotta take it easy

Throwin' far too much emotions at me

Bt any fool can see

They're falling

Posh one.

- Which one is her? - The one that looks posh.

I'm giving you everything

All that joy can bring

Yes, I swear

I'll give you everything

And all that I want from you

Is a promise you

Will be there

Say you will be there

If you

Pt two and two together

You will see what our friendship is for

Across to Geri. Hips. Very good. Very nice. This is a good bit.

If you can't work this equation

Then I guess I'll have to show yothe door

There is no need to say yolove me

It'd be better leftnsaid

I'll give you everything On this I swear

Just promise you'll always be there

Look at that, Brad!

"Spice Girls set to conquer the globe."

Why is it that I can't pick up a paper...

without seeing them all over the front page?

... You told us to write that story. - I know.

As long as they sell newspapers...

we're gonna have to keep writing about them.

Well, I'm sick ot them. We need a new angle, Brad.

Who cares it the Spice Girls get to number one yet again?

Who cares if they climb to the top ot Mount Everest on an ostrich?

Or it they tind a cure tor d�j� vu.

Not me.

Or it they tind a cure tor d�j� vu.

- Not me. - I got a better idea.

You try this tor size.

"Spice Girls...

live show cancelled."

That's not bad.

"Spice Girls tall out."

"Spice Girls split up."

Think how many copies of the paper we'll sell with a headline like that.

... I like it. - I can make it happen, Brad.

Me, Kevin McMaxtord.

I put them up there. I can bring them down!

... Yes. ... Who's gonna help me, Brad?

Who is gonna help me take on Girl Power...

and bring it crashing and whimpering to the ground?

I'll find someone.

I just wish you wouldn't get so upset.

Now hear this.

It is dangerous to store moisturizing cream in the retrigerator...

as it can be mistaken tor mayonnaise.

That is all.

Check.

- What do you mean, check? - I mean check.

... My bishop's got your king. - Where?

There. You either got to move it in front or move it out of the way.

I'll move that tairground horse to there. Sort that out.

- You can't do that. ... Says who?

Says Mr. Chess. It's been in the rules tor thousands ot years.

I'm gonna break the rules and set this f airground horse tree...

amongst all these little square tields like that.

I'm gonna slap you in a minute.

It's obvious to us that the Spice Girls are movie stars.

We've worked on this idea tor months.

- Graydon? ... Can we turn otf our cell phones?

Respect tor the writer.

This is the ultimate tale. Five girls, tive lives, one story.

As old as time itself but as tresh as newly cut grass.

That's fresh.

The girls play tive sisters...

whose parents disappeared during the January Harrod's sale...

and were never seen again.

Ripped trom today's headlines.

Now they live at home, struggling to support...

an elderly grandmother who sutfers trom some mysterious wasting disease.

I've got tears.

Their only hope at breaking the cycle of poverty...

lies with the middle sister, Melanie C...

who's convinced she could be an Olympic ski...jump champion...

it only she could overcome her tear ot heights and snow...

and could just get her hands on a pair of skis.

That's amazing. That's tantastic.

... What do you think? - I think it stinks.

Ot course it stinks, but it's a start.

We're cooking here. This is a stew, a gumbo.

A jambalaya, it you will. We're just jamming.

Okay, here's another idea.

Crocodiles.

If you want tickets to the Spice Girls' first-ever live gig, you're too late.

Bt they're with me now on Srgery. Welcome, girls.

... There's Sporty, Scary, Ginger... ... Turn it otf.

- I will. - What's it like to be Baby Spice?

You think I'll always be seen as Baby Spice, the sweet, innocent one...

even when I'm 30?

You love it really, Emma. You play up to it all the time.

No, I don't.

... You do. You're doing it now. - I'm not.

You see, the thing about you...

is you've got this dead-cute smile so you can get away with anything.

Hello, ladies and gentlemen.

Four horrible murders...

perpetrated by the same...

ruthless psychopath.

Each victim riddled with a hundred machine gun bullets by this maniac.

But who is it? Protessor Schutzmann?

Father Conan Murphy?

Lady Matilda Davenport?

Or Miss Emma Bunton?

The murderer is...

Father Conan Murphy.

I am really ted up with people thinking all I do is talk about clothes.

People are really shallow. They judge you on what you look like.

Exactly.

I think it's the same with fish. I mean, look at this.

You've got the spotty one that's wacky.

You've got the tlutfy one that's cute.

Then you've got this ugly loser one...

that reminds me ot my ex...boyfriend Steven.

Did you know that the largest tish in the world is the manta ray?

Then there's the little ginger one...

that is tull of useless intormation...

about manta rays.

I don't get it.

Why do people stereotype us all the time?

The trouble is we're all getting really predictable.

... I should stop being loud and lairy. - Yeah, right.

Fat chance.

Hold it there.

Give it to me.

Why don't we give each other new characters?

Like what?

I tell you what. What about Bricklayer Spice?

Sexy. Come on, energy.

- Or Trainspotting Spice. - Smashing.

What about Sporty-but...l-am...actually interested...in-other-things Spice?

Go tor it. Come on.

Or Cheesed-otf-with...cheesy photo-session Spice.

... And again. - Let's go do our own thing.

Take it from me

Take it from me

You know I mean what I'm saying

Yobetter watch out You better wisep

To mind games he's playing

He may have the looks

He may have the charms

But where does he go What does he do

When he's not in your arms

Keep your headp high

Don't you know you are the sperfly

And that ain't no lie

Because it's Satrday night You got a feeling it's right

Don't you know we'll get so high

Bye!

Get down Get deeper and down

Saturday night Get down, deeper and down

Hello, Mr. Bond, or can I call you James?

Want that shaken or stirred?

That's it. I'm otf. I'm going.

I'm so sporty!

Telling on a superstar That's what you are

My mummy's my best triend.

I'm just too posh.

When are Liverpool gonna win the cup, like, eh?

Are we tinished yet?

Ah, blah, blah. Girl Power.

Feminism. You know what I mean?

Oh, no.

I feel as though I'm being strangled. How do you feel?

Really uncomfortable.

I just nearly tell otf these shoes and sprained my ankle.

These things are really tight. They're going right up my bum.

- These are really comty, actually. - Don't even think about it.

I'm ott. I'm getting these oft.

- I need some plattorms. - How can you wear this stutt, Geri?

Yes! I got just the man tor the job.

He did the Fergie toe...sucking pictures.

He got the Teletubbies taking a poo.

He can get you a picture ot Clinton tucking his T-shirt into his underpants.

He sounds great, but where the hell is this guy?

I'm here.

How do we know you're any good, pal?

8:45... You snitting your socks betore putting them on.

8:55... You in the litt, picking your nose.

Another bogey breaktast.

He's good.

You again...

behind the bike shed with Eileen Winters, when you were 12.

He's very good.

He's gone.

Stand back, man Thank you very much

I need somebody with the human touch

Now hear this.

Atter using the showers...

could people please pick up the clumps ot hair in the plug holes.

It's unhygienic and can lead to flooding.

Can't Clitford just tell us normally?

Next up: publicity party......

beautiful people, reporters, interviews...

lots ot finger food... have tun.

That is all.

- They're here. Don't look. - I'm not looking.

I hate these parties. Everyone dresses so over the top.

If you notice, they all ask you how you are and don't even care.

Well, I should be at the tootie now, and it I'm not there and they lose...

You know him?

... Sorry. ... Do you know who I am?

Who are you?

Piers Cuthbertson Smythe. I'm with the Spice Girls.

Your name is not down, you're not coming in.

You said they'd recognize you.

Yes, I go to all the shows, but Gucci, Pucci, Prada and Fendi...

I was very disappointed with their spring collections.

As for McQueen and Galliano, I could go either way on them.

What do you think about manta rays?

Oh, yes, marvelous designer, Manta Ray.

I love Manta Ray.

These are Manta Ray's shoes, these are his glasses.

Bob, we've gotta sort your hair out. In tact, I'm gonna do your hair tor you.

What's wrong with the hair? Everybody's always going on about it.

It's not as if we wanna be threatening to a man's masculinity or anything.

... Ot course not. - Or be dominating.

The tunny thing is when we meet men, sometimes they get nervous...

and don't know what to say.

... I'm just gonna go to the toilet. - Hello, Trish.

I've been talking to a Spice Girl.

I know.

Now, Bob, I think you look great.

What the hell have you done?

Nicola! Remember me? Piers, yes.

We're with her. We have to get in.

- Spare ticket? ... We have a ticket.

And tonight is the night

When three become one

Thank you.

Look, I've got something really important to ask you.

But if you don't wanna do it, it's all right.

... What is it? ... I was thinking.

One ot you could be godmother to the baby...

but then I thought, I love you all and you're all my best mates.

I want you all to be godmothers.

One condition: It's got to be a Liverpool supporter.

Hang on a minute. Do godmothers get stretch marks?

I'm sorry to interrupt, but it is interview and photo time now.

- Do we have to go? - Yes, you do. It's your job.

... See you. I'm so sorry. - Sorry, Nicola. See you.

Girls, it's publicity tor Saturday's show.

- Hi, I'm Barnaby. - Oh, hi.

Are you a part of the Spice phenomenon?

No, I'm just nobody.

Excuse me a minute.

So we're on a wide...angled lens.

Running.

Tonight I'm going to be asking the big questions.

How are relationships molded...

in this strange, kaleidoscopic world...

the Spice Girls inhabit?

Let's tind out.

So, do you have any time for boys?

Boys? Doesn't ring a bell.

I think with boys, you should be able to just wheel them in...

then they're there, and that's it.

- Really? ... And order them like a pizza.

I'll have a deep-pan, six foot...

green eyes, pair of loafers and no socks.

And no cheese.

But you do like boys, don't you, Geri?

Come on. Is the Pope a Catholic?

Apparently he is, yes.

Here at home, church leaders have reacted with shock today...

to report that the Spice Girls...

have cast dobt on the religious conviction of the Pope.

That's more like it!

A Vatican spokesman said the pontiff was hurt and confsed....

by the suggestion that he might not be Catholic.

We asked the Bishop ot Candleford what he thought ot the report.

It's a terrible suggestion, almost blasphemous.

Ot course the Pope's a Catholic.

Otherwise he wouldn't have been invited to become pope, would he?

I'd like to know what evidence the Spice Girls have to support these allegations.

I really would.

Here we go. The backlash has started.

When the rabbit ot chaos is pursued by the terret of disorder...

through the fields ot anarchy...

it is time to hang your pants on the hook of darkness.

Whether they're clean or not.

Why Milan, Clifford?

Just a TV special... ltalians, screaming kids, thesal thing.

Are we there yet?

Come on, come on

Do you wanna be in my gang my gang, my gang

I'm the leader

What the hell is this?

I'm the leader of the gang Yeah

No way.

Cliftord, what is going on here? Clitford?

Stop.

What are you stop?

We didn't agree to have this lot dancing with us.

I know you said it was going to be tacky...

but this is tacky.

Hey, Bobby Charlton, why have they stopped?

They're stopping because these clowns suddenly appeared.

I don't doubt you, my triend, but they should be on another show or a zoo.

Look at his muscles. It looks as though he's got terrets burrowing under there.

I know. I'm sorting it out. Over here.

... You think that's real down there? - Looks like rolled up socks to me.

You carry on like this, I take the girls back.

You're taking the girls back? What about the contract?

Contract? Ha!

In my bed I've got two teddies, a rabbit, two dollies.

One's Susan. She's got a bad eye.

The boys stay here.

The girls go, I sue you.

A.C. Milan? No. You're a bit weak in your midtield.

Then I've got a green girafte which I won at a tair.

It was the only one lett, and I telt really sorry for him.

So you want to play hardball? What do you want, tisticutf s?

Then there's Buzz, Woody, the alien, and a flutfy pink hot-water bottle.

There's just not enough room tor you.

... Your mother. - My mother?

Your mother.

Hey. Your mother!

Your big f at mother, and your brother-in...law.

And your mad cousin. And your next door neighbor's goat!

- Now I kill you. - Go tor it.

Boys, boys.

Calm down. Have you not heard of the word "compromisation"?

What?

Crazy, crazy.

Come on, come on

I said

Do you wanna be in my gang My gang, my gang

I'm the leader

I'm the leader of the gang Yeah, yeah

But there's no one like the girl I am

I can take you

High as a kite every single night

I can make you jump ot of bed

- Now, that looks better. ... We agreed on a compromise.

Who'd ever believe it

... What on earth's that? - That's the compromise.

Do you wanna be in my gang my gang, my gang

Hey, Bobby Charlton!

Was that really worth it?

I'm so glad we got the morning off.

- First one in a month, Clifford. - Are we there yet?

- I'm dying for the loo. ... So am I.

Clitford, can we stop the bus?

Dennis, pull over. We've got a crisis.

The girls need to go to the bathroom again.

- I'm bursting to go wee. - Come on. Move.

- Geri, I've borrowed your shoes. - Mind the spider!

You see?

Doesn't matter how successful you are, sometimes you have to pee in the woods.

I don't understand how all the toilets can break down at the same time.

It's not my tault they keep breaking down.

It's hard to get a plumber to your house, and that stays in one place.

But you try calling one out to a bus that's moving around the countryside.

... It's impossible. - Can't you do something about them?

... Like what? - Fix them.

Listen.

I love these girls and I'll do anything for them...

but I won't do that.

I don't want to go any turther. I'm scared.

Why does the countryside have to be so bloody muddy?

Something just brushed past me, and I'm not joking.

It was only a disgusting beast that wants to eat you.

... Oh, pack it in, Mel. - It weren't me.

I think we're lost, you know.

Spiders are everywhere. Whose idea was this?

What's that?

... Oh, my God! Run for it! ... I can't move!

Get oft!

You've done it now.

Geri, go and say something to them.

Go on. Say something good, Geri.

What do you want with us?

Yeah.

Sorry, but they've all sold out.

... Oh, my God. ... What is it?

What's his name?

Is that three or tour "K"s?

Four.

Gosh, you're tat.

Ew, he wants you to snog him.

He wants you, G.

They want a picture.

Smile.

... What do you mean, aliens? ... Aliens trom outer space.

They had these little squidgy f aces.

And really cheap green coats.

You're obviously under massive stress. I think you need some time ott.

I'm going to stand up to the chiet, be assertive.

I'm gonna ask him... no, tell him...

the girls are going to have the morning otf.

- The answer is no, Clifford. ... Chiet?

- The girls cannot have the morning ott. - Of course not.

The tact that they've been working really hard...

and they're at the point ot exhaustion is...

- Irrelevant. - Irrelevant.

Without sacrifice there is no success.

Without pain there is no pleasure.

And without something there is no nothing.

Very assertive, Clitford. You better go and tell them.

- I know. ... Go on, then.

I'm going on, then.

... See you, Clitford! ... Hold on.

... Where are you going? ... Going home to sleep.

- See you tomorrow atternoon. ... Sorry. There's been a change ot plan.

The schedule's too tight. No morning ott.

Oh, nice one, Clittord.

... You nearly had us there. ... You're not good at telling tibs.

I'm sorry. There's too much to get through.

- You're not joking, are you? - Oh, no.

You see, we've got to see Nicola in the morning.

The baby's overdue.

Baby's are allowed to be overdue. You're not.

Please, I'll buy you a milk chocolate Magnum each.

... Okay. - Get back.

Look, Clitford, you can only push us so tar.

- Yeah, right. - You just better watch it, mate.

From now on, there's no more Mr. Nice Spice.

Where are they going?

... What do you think? - I don't know, mate.

Fooled you. See you in the morning.

Don't forget my Magnum.

Now hear this.

You are about to enter Dance Camp.

You will be under the instruction ot the toughest...

dance teacher ot all time, Mr. Step.

Right, you horrible lot!

Left, right, lett!

Don't give me that "Julie Andrews high on a hill'' type claptrap. Chop, chop.

I'm your mother now, and I don't mean Superior.

Take that sweet out ot your mouth...

... Shimmy, shimmy. ... Are you the dance teacher, Mr. Step?

That is correct.

I'm going to show you my "pas de bra.''

That won't apply to you.

Pay attention.

One, two, one.

Mother!

- We can't dance like that. - Yes, I know.

I've seen your videos.

That's enough. Shall we do our own thing?

I don't even understand them, they seem so strange.

That's it. We're gonna get tit, fit, fit.

That's it. We're gonna get tit, fit, fit.

One, two, one, two, three, four.

Never give up on the good times

Gotta believe in the love you find

Never give up on the good times

Sharp turn right. March! Living it up is a state of mind

Love it. Make your mothers proud ot you.

What sort ot men are you, anyway? Left, right.

Right then, Spice Girls, regimental chant.

Right then, Spice Girls, regimental chant.

We're the Spice Girls, yes, indeed Just Girl Power is all we need

Pick it up! We know how we got this far

Strength and courage and a Wonderbra

Cold this work with only one Right wheel!

Just with me I'd have no fun

Would this work with only two Lett wheel, go down.

We need more for what we do

Would this work with only three

Three's a crowd, bad company

Wold this work with only four No way, girl, we need one more

Listenp Take my advice

We need five for the power of Spice

Give itp, give it out Take a stand, scream and shout

One, two, three, four Five Spice Girls

Get in there. Posh Spice, where are you going?

- There's a spider in there! - Get out ot those tubes.

Come on. Get up that ramp. Get hold ot that rope.

That is correct!

That is not correct.

I'II give you not correct.

Lights otf.

... It's not even dark yet. - And you, Melanie.

It's pathetic that we can't even sleep in our own rooms.

I don't know what we're making such a tuss for. It's only an old house.

A big old house.

A big, very old, haunted...

big old house.

I had this horrible dream last night.

I dreamt we were all doing the live show.

I went on stage.

I was just about to open my gob, and nothing came out.

Something even more weirder happened.

... You didn't have a head? ... How did you know?

I have the same dream.

No way.

I had exactly the same dream, but mine was much, much worse.

You see, I had a head but there was no makeup on it.

Oh, no.

I just don't understand. So what does it all mean?

Probably our subconscious minds so we don't have to deal...

with our inner anxieties when we're awake.

Like we're all gonna be scared of this live show.

And that we might not be able to sing.

And it's gonna be a complete disaster.

Oh, no. Let's just stay here together.

Yeah, squash up. I'm going to sleep now.

I am. See you.

I hate you, McMaxtord.

I really, really hate you.

I hate you!

Look at that! More stories! More evil harpoons trom the press!

I wouldn't let it bother you, Cliftord.

Just chill out.

Yeah, the press can just tlick otf.

Makes me wanna strangle something!

If we took any notice of all that press, we'd go mad like you.

I just can't take it anymore!

It's all lies! I'm simply not like that!

Bring me a straitjacket!

Yes, you can laugh! You can laugh!

He is so uptight, he's gonna have a heart attack.

- Maybe he's not getting enough bacon. - Could be.

Do you know what would be pertect? It he tancied Deborah.

- Yeah! - I reckon he's got a chance with her.

... She hasn't had a boytriend in months. - He doesn't tancy her.

The body language is all wrong. He doesn't even look at her.

But that doesn't matter. Men don't like showing their emotions.

That is true.

But apparently there's these animals in the jungle or the rain forest.

Anyway, when the male's courting the temale, he goes and pees on her.

- Oh, no! ... Geri, do you have to?

But it's his way of showing that he f ancies her.

And the thing is, they get it on afterwards and mate.

Call me old-tashioned, but I preter a bunch ot tlowers.

- Here's where we get "high concept.'' - Eight miles high.

A Royal Air Force stealth bomber is hijacked by extraterrestrial terrorists.

Inside the pilot's pocket is a computer disk...

with a virus encoded on it that is so deadly, it could destroy the world.

The British prime minister has absolutely no choice.

He has to call in the Spice Force Five.

Can you see the merchandising? Action tigures?

Crack operatives in their own tield. There's the martial arts expert.

Counterespionage agent.

Goal!

Explosives expert.

Oh, no!

Master ot disguise.

Wonder Woman

You're a Wonder Woman

Girl Power! Equalization between the sexes, hmm?

And...- oh... Victoria.

- Then what? Back to reality. - Absolutely.

Oh, hell, yeah. Why not?

What kind ot reality are you interested in? I'm open.

Competition winners.

The chance to make those f antasy tigures become a reality.

Dreams come true. The stuft of tairy tales.

So, how's it teel to have won the trip round London with the Spice Girls?

- It's great. ... I expect your friends are jealous.

- Yeah. ... I'm sure they are.

- How's that sound? - Planes, dogs, trattic.

We won't be using this bit anyway. Don't worry about it. Come on.

I hate that. Couldn't get a word in edgewise.

They treat us like bloody kids.

Okay, kids, welcome to the Spicebus.

- Cool. ... Girls, competition winners.

Balloons, cakes, sandwiches, tun, tun.

- Do you want a Polaroid? - It's Jack and Evie, isn't it?

... Do you want something to eat? - Ready? Smile.

Why do they have loads ot tish paste sarnies at parties?

- No one likes them. - I know.

It must be great being a Spice Girl.

- It's good. - lt'd be better it it wasn't tor...

our f ascist slave driver bossing us about all the time.

Let's just escape trom this place!

Don't worry, she does this all the time. She is mad.

Yes!

When I say "go, '' we go.

... Go! - Grab some crisps.

- Where are we going? ... Just go with the flow.

Take it easy, girls.

... Mind telling me where they're going? - They're being spontaneous.

I told them before, it they want to be spontaneous...

they'd have to clear it with me first.

... Let's go. - Can we have a ride on your boat?

Quick! There's an aquatic adventure happening here!

What we need now is a really serious speedboat.

- Dennis, tollow them. ... I'm on the trail.

My boy lollipop

Yomake my heart go giddy-p

You are as sweet as candy

Yo're my sugar dandy

Uh-oh My boy lollipop

The Spice Girls at sea.

What an extraordinary combination ot Girl Power and horsepower.

Can't this thing go any taster?

My heart told me so

I love you I love you

I love yoso But I don't want you to know

Faster! Come on!

I need you, I need yo I need you so

And I'll never let you go

Deborah, can you please explain what the hell is going on here?

... They're having tun. Rock 'n' roll. - No, it's not.

Rock 'n' roll is staying up all night and getting completely ott your f ace...

and throwing television sets out ot hotel windows.

I don't remember any mention ot boats.

You're my lollipop

Enzo, they're dancing. Can we have them dancing, please?

I can hear singing. Can you get what they're singing?

... Don't you remember being a kid? ... What?

You know, talling over in the playground, scraping your knees.

Deborah, what planet are you trom?

Hold on! Water on the lens, Piers!

Here they come.

Stop!

Oh, my!

There is a child in the water. I want a close...up of...

... All I'm getting is you shouting. - Shush then.

Turn it round! Quick!

Don't worry! I'II save her!

At last, a real drama. Sorry.

Get oft! I'm trying to tilm.

I got a loud splash there, Piers.

Just great!

Parents lend us their kids, and we drown them.

- That was so brilliant! - Wicked!

That was not supposed to happen!

- Are you okay? - Yeah, we're fine.

... You mean, I got wet tor nothing? - Help!

... What? ... This dress is dry-clean only!

Do they have sharks in the Thames?

... Oh, shut up! - They're coming.

... Whose idea was this? ... Yours.

... Can we do it again? - No!

- Vicky, do you wanna wear this? - I'm not that desperate.

Are you all right?

Do you realize what'll happen if any of this ever gets out?

And more drama concerning the Spice Girls.

Today, two young competition winners...

had a dramatic escape when they fell....

from a speeding boat on the river Thames.

This report from James Platt.

Take it easy, Clitford. Would you like a Rescue Remedy?

I think it's time tor a chat.

Look at this. Front page news again.

Suppose the whole lot of you had been drowned?

- We weren't though. - Speak tor yourselt.

What did you think you were doing?

- We were just having fun. ... What?

You know, tun, like "ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.''

Look, we're old enough to take responsibility for our own lives.

You don't have a life. You have a schedule.

You are part of a well-oiled global machine.

There are people working their butts ott tor you!

- People like Deborah. ... Can you leave my butt out ot this?

Just don't be so uptight, Clittord.

Uptight? You've got a live gig here tomorrow.

It's my job to see that you turn up.

My bum is on the line here!

Could you please leave butts and bums out ot this tor one minute?

Some things are more important than gigs.

... Like what? ... Like self-respect and our treedom.

Yeah, and triendship.

What are you saying? You don't want to turn up here tomorrow?

Maybe we don't!

- What did you say that tor? ... I don't know.

Listen, you.

It's up to us whether we turn up to this gig or not tomorrow, all right?

Okay, stay at home. That's tine.

- Fine! - Fine!

- We can't let the f ans down. - He didn't mean that.

... Didn't I? ... Can we please stop arguing?

When you know exactly what is supposed to be happening...

could somebody please let me know?

Great, Clittord. Now look what you've done.

... That's just too bad. - It is, because you know what?

- I'm going home now. See you! - Bye!

Can we just stop all this? It's doing my head in!

Emma!

I hope you know what you're doing...

'cause if you're looking tor a tight, you're gonna lose!

What do you think? No, I don't want to hear what you think.

... What do you think? - I think you detinitely lost.

I think...

I think I may have just started the breakup ot the Spice Girls.

It's tine, Chief. Everything's tine.

... Oh, no, it isn't. - No, it isn't.

How bad is it?

Imagine how bad it cold possibly be.

- Yes? - Well, it's worse than that.

- Oh, dear. - Don't get upset, Chief.

... Oh, dearie me. - You're getting all emotional, Chief.

Look, the show will go on...

even it I have to round up four triends...

and personally dress up as Victoria.

Let us hope it does not come to that.

- I won't let you down. - You'd better not.

Remember: The headless chicken can only know where he has been.

He cannot see where he is going.

Do not be that chicken, Clitford.

Chicken. Right.

Things are moving. The girls have had a row with Cliftord.

They might not turn up tor the show.

Something strange is happening.

What is it?

Something's happening to my f ace.

I think you're smiling.

That you'd be like this.

I'm sorry.

Sorry that you ever left here.

Sam, for old time's sake.

Yeah, sure, for old time's sake.

So there we go, girls. That's six coftees.

- Thanks, Brian. - One pound tifty.

... Can you put it on the slate? - What slate?

The "we'll pay you back when we're rich and f amous" slate.

Call me old-f ashioned and sentimental, but no.

Do you think I'm the Salvation Army?

It was worth a try.

How's the musical career going? You got any deals?

- Not quite. ... But we've got this new song.

What is it? Flip-flop? Or hip-hop?

... Funk? - Hip-hop?

Funk? Where have you been tor the last ten years?

I don't know the music scene now. I can't make head nor tail of it.

Anything goes these days. You just do what you want.

I'm a jazz man, and I'm telling you...

jazz is due tor a comeback.

Brian, they've got this great song.

- Do it tor him. ... He's not interested.

Of course he is. You are interested, aren't you?

Sit down and shut up and listen, 'cause we're gonna do it anyway.

... Let's do it. - Ready?

One, two, three. Hit it!

One, two, three. Hit it!

I'll tell you what I want What I really, really want

So tell me what you want What you really, really want

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna I wanna, I wanna

Really, really, really wanna Zig-a-zig-ah

If you want my fture

Forget my past

If yowanna get with me

Better make it fast

Now don't go wasting my precios time

Get your act together We cold be jst fine

If yowanna be my lover yogotta get with my friends

- Gotta get with my friends - Make it last forever

Friendship never ends

If yowanna be my lover

Yohave got to give

Taking is too easy

But that's the way it is

Slam your body down and wind it all around

Go on, Mel!

- If yowanna be my lover - What'd you think?

Not bad. Just needs a wee bit more jazz in there.

I think it'll make the Top 20.

It's great! I love it!

- It's so sad. - That's what I was thinking.

We used to live in there. Now look at it.

- What are you doing here? ... What are you doing here?

Same as you.

This all seems like ages ago, doesn't it?

It just shows you, you can't go back. Nothing's the same.

... I wonder whatever did happen to Brian. - We owe him tor a couple ot cottees.

- Yeah. ... Let's go and get some chips.

... I'm not paying for cotfees. ... Bacon butties tor me.

... You don't care what you eat, do you? - No, I don't.

I wonder it we've changed a lot since we've been f amous.

... I don't think I have. - Nor have I.

I just think we worry about difterent things.

In the old days it was, "Where's our next meal coming from?''

And now it's, "Where's our next single going to?"

And like, is it all gonna be over soon?

Melvin B, Emma...

Melvin C, Victoria, Geri.

You have been tound guilty ot releasing a single...

that is by no means as kicking as your previous records.

Nor does it have such a wicked, dirty, tat bass line.

You are sentenced to having your next record...

enter the charts at number 179...

betore dropping straight out the tollowing week.

Furthermore, you are sentenced to 20 years...

of having to appear on cheesy chat shows in Taiwan...

talking about how you used to be tamous.

And may God have mercy on your lip gloss.

Call Hootie and the Blowfish.

You know what's happened? We haven't got time tor our triends anymore.

Like Nicola.

We're supposed to be godmothers to her baby.

We haven't even spent any time with her.

Why don't we take her out tonight?

- Yeah, and go really mental! - Yeah!

Hang on. We've got a show tomorrow. What are we gonna do about that?

It Clittord tinds out we've been out all night, he'll go berserk.

What are we waiting tor?

- Come on, Vicky! ... I can't run in these heels!

Thought I'd tind you here.

Sorry, there's only room tor one depressed personality in here.

At least you're still alive.

That's the bit that depresses me.

It it makes you feel any better, I've got a degree in politics...

philosophy and economics, and I spend my entire lite...

worrying about whether Mel C is wearing the right Nike Air Max.

By the way, did you sort them out?

Yes.

Mind you, I'd rather be us than the girls.

Fame is...- Fame is such a tickle thing.

... What can I get you? ... Gin and tonic, please.

Just a minute.

- Can you make that a double? ... Yes.

- You know what happens now, don't you? ... What's that?

We both sit here getting more and more selt-pitying...

telling each other tragic tales of lost lovers...

then deaden the pain by having a night ot tull-on passion...

and end up completely ruining our protessional relationship.

Well, I'm up tor it, it you are.

Time, ladies and gentlemen.

- You all right, Nicola? - Fine.

It's the last time I'll be going out tor a while, so I'm gonna enjoy it.

- I love this song! - That's 'cause we wrote it!

- Let's go for a dance. - No. I'll watch you.

- Carry on. ... Take care, Nicola.

Come on!

Could somebody please tell me exactly what is the dress code here?

The race is on to get out of the bottom

The top is high so yor roots are forgotten

Giving is good as long as yo're getting

What's driving yo is ambition I'm betting

I said Who do yothink yoare

I said who

Some kind of sperstar

You have just got to Swing it, shake it, move it, make it

Who do yothink yoare

Trst it,se it, prove it, groove it Show me how good you are

You're swelling out in the wrong direction

Yo've got the bug Superstar, yo've been bitten

Yor trmpet's blowing for far too long

Climbing the snakep the ladder But you're wrong

Nicola!

Excuse me. Excuse me. Sorry.

- Can we sit there? ... Can you get out of the way?

I think the contractions have started.

- Maybe it's something you ate. - I don't remember swallowing a baby.

... It's tor an emergency. - The baby's coming.

- Now don't panic. - Don't panic!

I'm not panicking.

- What do you do in an emergency? - Call my mom!

We need an ambulance.

- I don't think there's enough time. ... Okay, we don't need an ambulance!

Dennis! We've gotta get to the hospital!

What happened?

- We're having a baby. - What? All ot you?

... Just get there! - Come on!

Round them up! We're gonna hit the trail!

... Ow! That was a contraction! - Cuddle.

Deep breathing, that's the thing.

Not you, Victoria! Her!

...Does anyone know how to deliver a baby? -Don't look at me.

... I know all about home delivery. - Yeah, right.

I read it in a book. The tirst thing to do is, uh...

- Put your legs together. ... Too late.

... Should've done that nine months ago. ... Don't make me laugh.

Do not make her laugh, because it'll just shoot out like a cannonball.

Seriously now, what it the baby comes out right now?

It's not gonna go very tar. She's still got her tights on.

Stay up there. We're not ready tor you yet.

That's it! Push!

- I am pushing! ... Are you sure she should push?

What else is she gonna do?

It I push any more, I'll turn myselt inside out!

... What's going on? ... She's pushing!

- How dilated is she? - Not very.

- She only had one gin and orange. ... Just calm down, girls.

You're in tor a long wait. This is going to take a long time.

Oh, that's nice.

It's all right. We're here.

Mama, I love you

That's catchy. Hmm.

Excuse me. Are you the Spice Girls?

Some of them.

My son's banged his head. He's unconscious.

I was wondering it you could talk to him, try and wake him up.

- We can do that. - Sorry about this.

Malcolm, the Spice Girls have come to talk to you.

Isn't that wondertul?

Hello, Malcolm. It's Geri.

- I'm Melanie C. ... And I'm Victoria, Malcolm!

Stop it.

Well, what should we do now?

I don't know. Maybe we should just talk to him.

... What are we gonna say? - Maybe you should take your top ott.

Shut up!

It was just a joke.

There's not much point. He's got his eyes shut.

Not now.

- How are you teeling? - Bad. Where are the girls?

I don't know. I have no idea.

How about trying to tind out?

Come on! Chop-chop! Hurry it up!

It's amazing how much pain mothers have to go through.

No wonder my mom thinks I'm so ungratetul.

... I hear it's like passing a football. ... That's nothing.

My mom said when she had me, it was like passing a block ot flats with balconies.

Hello? Hi, Deborah.

We're in hospital.

We're tine. It's Nicola. She's having a baby.

No, we can't leave her.

Oh, no. I've got to go. Bye.

I can't believe it.

I cannot believe it. They're waiting for a friend's baby?

- It's called loyalty. - No, it's called insanity.

The whole world is waiting tor their show, and the girls aren't here.

They're doing it to spite me. They're trying to make me crack.

But I won't.

I won't.

I spy with my bionic eye...

something beginning with "H.''

... A hospital. - Shut up, Geri.

I'm otf duty now, Helen. Everything all right?

Fine. Doing anything nice tonight?

- I'm going to see the Spice Girls show. - That'll be nice, Gladys.

Oh, I better get a move on. See you all later.

Hopetully.

Listen, this is silly. Don't wait tor me. You gotta go.

Nicola, we said we would stay, so we're gonna stay.

- I think this is it. ... Yeah, it is.

Push down, Nicola. Very good.

Hi, Clitford. I don't know what time we're gonna be there.

The world can wait. This is more important.

It's about friendship and commitment, but you wouldn't know about that.

I'll speak to you later. Bye.

It can't take this long to have a baby!

This is the '90s.

He's about to crack up at any moment.

The sense ot tension, ot impending doom, it's......

... Are you getting that sweat on his lip? ... Sound running.

- That's beautitul. - I could put a little bit more on.

Clitford, five minutes. Have you got five minutes?

All right, seeing as there's nothing else going on around here.

... Graydon, tetch. - Come on.

Okay, here's the story.

It's the girls' tirst live pertormance. They are major stars.

It's only minutes until curtain up.

All hopes ot the Spice Girls' live triumph are surely dashed.

Oh, my God! It's coming out! I think I'm gonna taint.

... No, you're not. ... Slap me!

... Oh, my God! - Is it a boy or a girl?

... It's a beetroot! - It's a girl!

With hands like that, she'll make a great goalie one day.

Now that is Girl Power.

Hey, you just... I do believe he's got a camera.

- You're that reporter, aren't you? - Emergency!

... I don't believe you! ... Get him, Melanie!

I'm late tor the theater! The curtain's already gone up!

He crashes to the ground.

And now the girls come face to face with their tabloid tormentor.

The evil reporter has been unmasked, and in that moment...

Damien's whole worthless life tlashes betore his eyes because...

the girls have made him realize that he's been living a meaningless lie.

Do you know what, girls?

You've made me realize...

I've been living a meaningless lie.

It's his character's one defining moment.

There isn't a dry seat in the house.

- I'm wet already. - I don't buy it.

One minute Damien is this big, threatening monster...

the next he's some weeping wimp.

That's the power ot Girl Power, man.

- So that's the end? ... No.

Damien goes after the really big evil boss, McMaxford.

... What about the girls? - They've gotta get to Albert Hall.

They've been at the hospital for 12 hours.

He's not here.

I don't believe it. Just when you need him.

Now it's a race against time.

- So there's gonna be a chase? ... Those are the rules.

Out ot the way, girls.

- What are you doing? - Fasten your seat belts.

Hey! That's my bus!

What are you doing?

Get out ot the way!

Come on! What are you doing?

What's the matter? Are you blind?

Put your foot down!

Sunday drivers. It's only Saturday.

Okay, now the Spicebus is racing across London, through Trafalgar Sqare.

Pigeons are flying up. Guys are diving into fountains.

And as it zooms down the Mall past Bckingham Palace...

Prince William is looking through a curtain.

He turns to the Queen, man, and says, 'Oi, Granny, look!

It's the Spice Girls! They're on telly in a minute!''

And the Queen says, "Oh, you're right.

Isn't that the Posh one driving?"

- There's the Queen. - Hi, William.

- Hi, Charlie. ... Hello, Harry.

... Suddenly they're on top ot the bus. - Why?

- The rules! ... Yeah, the rules.

And there they are, standing together in gale force winds....

holding on for dear life.

Emma slips, but Geri grabs her. But then Geri slips.

Mel B grabs her, bt she slips, so Mel C grabs her!

Is that tour? No, there's one driving.

They're standing on top of the bus, whiplashing back and torth...

about to be turned into Spice Jam!

- Oh, my God! - And?

Two old nuns in a Mini Metro pull up right in tront ot them.

The braking tmbles the girls back inside the bus.

That was close.

- Is everyone all right? ... Victoria!

Sorry!

Now they're coming to the Tower Bridge.

Yor attention, please. The bridge will shortly be lifted.

The road is rising in tront ot them to let a boat through!

The bridge is going up!

They can't believe it!

Oh, my God! I don't believe it!

Are they crazy enough to try and jump the gap?

Hold on to your knickers, girls!

Hey, baby, these are the Spice Girls!

Of course they're gonna go tor it! Up it goes.

A tive-ton London bus sailing through the air at 80 miles an hour.

... It's incredible! - It's expensive.

Not necessarily.

Just when you think they're safe, they discover the bomb.

What bomb?

That bomb.

- Why? - Those are the rules.

I've had enough ot the rules! Are you trying to kill them?

- Stop it! - They've suttered enough!

- Please! - All right! All right!

They run up to the Albert Hall, up the steps...

and then they hurtle down the corridor and burst through that door right there.

You lied to me.

Now, now. Hey, that's enough of that!

- Come on now! - Where are they?

I'll rewrite it.

Spice Girls!

- Let's go! - Quick! We're late!

Clitford's gonna be mad.

- Oh, no! - Coppers.

Stay calm. It'll be all right.

Is there a problem, Otficer?

Dangerous driving, criminal damage...

tlying a bus without a license, and...

frightening the pigeons.

- Go on, Emma. - But what do I say?

I'm really sorry, Otficer, but we were late tor a show, so we were in a hurry.

We didn't hurt anybody and we're just really sorry.

We promise never, ever to do it again.

Shall we cut?

- What's the matter with him? ... It's the very essence of documentary.

Silence. Silence.

This is marvelous.

Okay...

so this is the plan.

The band starts up, the tans go wild...

the lights come on and I walk center stage and hang myselt.

By the way, this is my good side.

My tinal words are...

"The Spice Girls... I hate them!"

... What are you doing sitting around? ... We've got a show to do.

- Let's do it! ... Where are the mikes?

- Where are the clothes? - And where are the bacon butties?

... I love those girls. ... Great.

I love those girls!

Damn.

Well, that's ruined a perfectly good ending to this documentary.

Everything's under control.

Then let us enjoy this triumph while we can...

before the hounds ot catastrophe break tree ot their shackles...

and slobber chaos all over our taces once again.

- Ciao, Chiet. ... What did he say?

Does it matter?

You know that thing you do when you've been really horrible to someone...

and you want to make it all right again?

And you have to, you know, say stutt.

- Apologize? ... That's the one.

... I want to do that. - You want to apologize?

Right. So, what do you think? Do we still have a protessional relationship?

Ot course we do. Why ever not?

Just a minute.

I love you.

Let's go crazy now! The marvelos Spice Girls!

Gonna make this movie? Have we got a deal?

... We've got a deal. ... Yes!

When yo're feeling sad and low

We will take yo where you gotta go

Smiling, dancing Everything is free

All yoneed is positivity

- Colors of the world ... Spice up your life

Every boy and every girl

People everywhere

... Slam it to the left - If you're having a good time

... Shake it to the right - If yoknow that yofeel fine

Chicas to the front Go rond

Hi Ci Ya hold tight

Yellow man in Timbktu

Color for both me and yo

Kng-fu fighting Dancing Queen

Travel, space, man And all that's in between

- Flamenco - Lambada

- But hip-hop is harder - We moonwalk the fox-trot

Then polka the salsa

I'm worried about my character. It's unreal. Do you know what I mean?

I know I'm supposed to be the baddie, but why do I hate the Spice Girls?

- There's no reason. - He's a caricature sort ot.

Sort ot this evil, grotesque symbol...

about how power corrupts and perverts.

Yeah, but why can't I have a sotter side?

The kids are gonna start hating me, attacking me in the street, like.

Look, as an artiste, a good kicking...

could be the highest compliment you'll ever get.

They want me to play their road manager.

I'm on a mobile phone getting angry all the time.

Well, I don't want to end my career.

Fat or stupid or lazy... That's all I get ottered, Alan.

- The sort ot character people ignore. - They don't want my Scottish accent.

That's tine, doing a silly accent. But the chest wig...

... Where's Mel B? - This comedy chest wig.

- Hi, Mel. ... Hello.

... Are you all right? - I've gotta wear this chest wig.

- You're Mel B? ... No, C.

Just call me Sporty. It's all right.

All right, sweetheart.

That's that saying from the tilm you did.

That was really good. What was it called?

- That was brilliant. - I've torgotten, but you were good.

I think we'd all like to say a big thank you tor being in this.

We needed a serious actress in this movie to give it some depth.

- We didn't want it to be... - Superticial.

Could I ask about my chest wig? They want me to wear this......

Graydon, can I speak to you about our characters, please?

I was thinking, in one scene I'd like to be really angry...

and maybe slap someone like... like Victoria.

... Sure. Why not? ... Emma.

And you know what? I don't wanna be on an exercise bike all the time.

Well, I've got this little catchphrase that I'd really like to say.

I'd go up to somebody and I'd go, "I'm not trom London, you know!''

'Cause you really are trom London, right?

- I get the joke. - Does he not know that I'm from Leeds?

Oh, you lot, someone's watching us.

Oh, yeah. Look at all those people in there.

- Hi. ... Hello.

Look at them two snogging at the back there.

I bet you didn't see any ot our tilm. And look where your hand is.

Go on! Go on!

Look at the mess they've made with the popcorn. That's what I do.

I always wonder why people sit there...

at the end of the tilm and watch the credits go up.

It's probably the sad anticlimax. It's all over. Back to reality.

... That's it. - I know where they're gonna go.

They're gonna go down the pub and then they're gonna go to the chippy.

Hey, you. No, not you. Behind you. I like your dress.

- Is that a new Gucci one? ... C&A, mate.

Some people are watching this on video. Is there nothing on telly, then?

Yeah, but you know what they're wondering now, don't you?

What happened to the bomb on the bus?

Elvis was

A coola shaker

Marley, Ziggy

Melody Makers

She's a Bond babe Kick some ass

Doctor No This girl's got class

Charlie's Angels Girls on top

Handbags, heels Their pistols rock

Baby Love are so glam qeen

Sing the blues A love supreme

'60s Twiggy set the pace

Way back then she had the face

That's all in the past

Legends bilt to last

But she's got something new

She's a Power Girl

In a '90s world

And she knows jst what to do

'Cause the lady is vamp She's a vixen, not a tramp

She's a dadadadada dada

Come on, fellows, raise your bets 'Cause yoain't seen nothin' yet

She's the top of the top She's the best, yes

Jackie O

We loved her so

Sorry, Mr. President

As far as we know

Norma Jean had a seven-year itch

Some like it hot to a fever pitch

Sandy Denny, summer love

And Grady's T...birds to the moon above

That's all in the past

Legends bilt to last

But she's got something new

She's a Power Girl

In a '90s world

She's a downtown

Swinging dude

Scary, Baby

Ginger, Posh

Sporty, yes

Now that's your lot

We're the Spice Girls

Ready to go

Ladies and gents can you please take your seats

And we hope that you enjoyed the show

Thank you very much.

Translation And Subtitles By Captions, Inc. Los Angeles