Original subtitles

[Growling]

[Grunting]

Eddie, you're dreaming.

- Eddie? - What?

You're dreaming.

- Oh. Good morning. - Good morning.

I'm sorry.

[Purring]

If this goes in,

this is gonna be a great day.

If this goes in two out of three times,

this is gonna be a great day.

[Shuffling Feet]

Whoa! This is gonna be a great day.

A great day!

A... great day!

So, what do you think?

We'll finish the first floor today, huh?

I don't think so. He's closing the project.

- What's going on? - I can't keep the project going.

- I know you were counting on this. - What do you mean?

I lost my backing. I gotta shut down.

- The whole development? - Yeah.

[Eddie] I can bring this in for less.

- Eddie, I'm busted. - I can make adjustments.

I owe you money. I'll get it to you. Let's at least...

I'll call you tomorrow. This is a great house.

You know what you can make on a house like this?

This looks like a problem, but we're fine.

No problem.

Delahaas says this project is over, right?

All this work down the drain, right?

You kidding?

Look. This was gonna be an incredible house:

A big, beautiful home on the water.

If this was my place, I'd go into hock to finish it.

That's what I'm gonna do!

I'm gonna get a loan. I'm gonna take this over.

This isn't a problem. It's an incredible opportunity!

Turn around and look at what I'm talking about. Look.

Take the day off. I gotta organize a few things.

This is a great day!

- Hi. - Hi.

Hello, Dad. Happy birthday.

Thank you. Lola, you look beautiful.

You guys gonna stay the whole weekend?

We all brought work. Jake brought his entire office.

We're having the phone glued to his face.

From New York to West Hampton, I made one call.

It lasted from New York to West Hampton.

I'm so glad you brought your gun.

You never know who's gonna break in.

[Man] Why do we have to drive to the country?

Oscar!

I have a business to run, you know.

- It's my father's birthday. - We could've seen him in the city.

This is a family of lunatics.

I like your outfit. It's really weird.

I got an "A" for this in design class,

but to me the whole thing seems...

- kinda conservative. - No. Believe me, it's really weird.

- Yeah? Thanks. - Yeah.

Tense up, everybody. Uncle Oscar.

Look at this. Mud. Mud!

$1,100 shoes, and they leave mud around.

I know the girls aren't here, but I can't wait.

I'm gonna make a toast. Here's to you, Morris.

- Know why I like your birthday? - Gives you a chance to talk.

He's always giving me shots, this guy.

Let's go around the table.

Why is Grandpa's birthday so special?

- Betsy first. - Well...

It brings our family together, and families are what count.

Listen to him. I had to drag him here.

He said he had work.

Probably had to work the skirt off some bleached blonde.

Has he ever done that?

Four of them, that I know of.

- You never told me. - He's not worth complaining about.

I'm getting even.

Every time he tells me about a parcel of real estate,

I buy it under another name, and then I sell it to him.

He thinks he's dealing with a stranger. It's me.

I never knew you were having problems.

I just remember that someday I'll have a nice nest egg.

I can take a walk, and he can go fuck himself.

Then I feel much better!

Come on,

you're not telling me anything.

[Oscar] Tell me your news.

Betsy?

Well, I sort of have some news.

Jake and I are getting married.

Oh, my God.

My God!

See? You don't find things out unless you ask.

I am so happy for you.

- I knew you were going to say that. - Really?

My little sister married.

Mazel tov! I knew it.

You're getting married, and I can't find a guy to play cards.

I hate you!

I'm gonna make the first gift.

It's a hard world. Values have changed.

What's the hardest thing for a young couple to find today?

A good rental.

I'm giving you an apartment in one of my buildings...

at a very reasonable price.

That's very generous. That's so nice.

[Oscar] See? I'm tough, but I love my family.

This is so great. This is so great!

- Are you all right? Are you in shock? - No!

You're gonna have a fantastic wedding.

Wait a minute.

- What do you mean by fantastic? - Wonderful.

- But not big and expensive? - Gee, no.

When I say fantastic, I mean cheap and ugly.

You're our first daughter getting married!

But Jake and I were thinking of something really small.

Maybe a few friends and family.

[Jake] We'd like to acknowledge...

- the different ethnic strains. - Some Jewish food from Mom's side,

some Italian wine from your side.

Anything you want, you've got.

There are wonderful things from the Jewish ceremony.

Jake could step on the glass.

They could carry you on chairs like Grandma and me.

They nearly dropped her.

[Chuckle]

- What do you think? - He's a good kid. I like him.

I didn't know what you were thinking.

You went into a trance.

- I was excited. - It looked like a trance.

Did you see the look on Connie's face?

This is kinda tough for her.

I don't know why she can't find somebody.

- She's such an attractive woman. - She's beautiful!

Has it anything to do with the fact she carries a gun?

It can really slow a guy down.

- So, listen. - What?

We have a wedding coming up now.

We better not start any new business deals.

What do you mean, new?

New. No new deals.

I just got a loan on that house I'm building.

I know, but maybe we're overextending ourselves.

- Get some advice from Oscar. - Don't talk about Oscar.

I can't do this if I'm thinking of Oscar.

I'm afraid we're gonna get caught...

in too many projects at one time.

We have to concentrate on one thing at a time.

I'm trying to.

[Eddie] I want you to meet Jake's parents.

Let me introduce you to my family.

- My sister, Angelica. - Hello, I'm Nancy.

This is my mother, Rose.

Hello. May we call you Rose?

What else are you gonna call me?

- Please call us Nancy and Henry. - Sure.

Sit down. You look half dead.

You want to sit over here on my left?

We would have been here sooner,

but Henry insisted on walking to save cab fare.

You can walk and save yourself a heart attack.

Henry has this thing about self-discipline.

Every time I go to his office, he's lifting weights.

Eddie, just a little.

Please! So I die ten minutes earlier.

I ain't got much on my schedule.

Here's to Betsy and Jake.

Go get 'em, kids.

- Salut'. - Salut'.

I'd like to make a toast to the parents.

This was a sudden announcement, and you're taking it well.

- [Angelica] Cent'anni. - Is that...

- 100 years. - 100 years. Cinzani?

- No, Cinzano is a wine. - I'm sorry.

Your boyfriend, what does he do?

He's in business with his father, investment banking.

Oh. Hmm. What is that?

They buy companies and sell them.

- They buy companies? - Mm-hmm.

- Companies? - Yeah.

Not bad.

When a deal goes your way,

there's nothing like it in the world.

- Well, you know better than I do. - Oh, no.

I just made a fantastic deal to take over a house.

I tell you. I'm in heaven!

- I love the feeling. - Great. Good for you, Ed.

What does he lift at the office, couches?

Shh.

Tell me, what is it that made you...

decide to become a policewoman?

I don't know.

I'm interested in law enforcement.

I want to work my way up in the department.

I'll tell you the truth.

I just love arresting people.

- You do? - God! Yeah.

You push these guys over the hood of a car,

kick their legs apart, read 'em their rights;

I'm high for the rest of the day.

Fabulous.

They're bailing out the Savings and Loans,

but not poor people.

They have to set some priorities.

The first priority is the kid with no food.

Down at the bottom of the list...

is some guy who owns Texas.

I think we should...

take the money that's laying in the bank accounts...

and use that to put people to work.

Then give the depositors a share of the earnings.

I think that would work great!

- Don't you? - Ah, um...

I got an idea.

Why don't we go to Ferrara's and get some cannoli?

No-No-No. I have a wonderful bottle of brandy at home.

Let's go to our place and toast the kids.

Let's do that!

[Eddie] They got some house!

- Go easy on the bragging. - All right.

You should lighten up on redistributing their wealth.

Fix your tie.

This is a Bougeraux,

A Young Girl Defends Herself Against Love.

So French, don't you think? [Chuckle]

The house was built in 1912,

and it was destroyed by fire in 1929.

You have such a beautiful home. Isn't it beautiful?

Even my public library don't look this good.

Whoa! That must be a bitch to clean.

I didn't do anything!

Henry's just a little competitive.

He knows exactly how many repetitions...

every one of his vice presidents can do.

He's got the numbers taped here.

- Want to give it a go? - Yeah, thank you.

Want me to take a little weight off?

No, I'm fine.

I think Jake's father is gonna offer to pay for the wedding.

- He hinted at that. - Pay for what?

You're just having something small at home.

I know.

Don't forget to breathe.

- What did you say? - Don't forget to breathe.

Oh, no. I was breathing.

That's great to have in the house.

A wedding in a living room is a lovely idea.

It's warm, friendly, and so on and so forth.

But let's face it.

The good Lord has been kind to Nancy and me.

I've taken the liberty of calling the Plaza hotel.

With your permission, I'm gonna give these kids...

a glorious wedding...

- in a beautiful banquet room. - Oh, bravo!

[Angelica] My God, that's great.

[Eddie] I'm touched.

Really. That's a wonderful offer.

Lola and I've been lucky lately.

We're actually gonna throw these kids...

the grandest little wedding anybody's seen.

I know. It's just we have these friends...

that'd be insulted if we didn't invite them.

We've got this gigantic family, too.

I'm gonna get a catering hall.

I'll tell you what.

I'll get the Grand Ballroom with that dance band.

No! I'm gonna get them a tent!

This was supposed to be a tiny wedding.

- We've got all these people. - And we've got people.

I'm gonna put a big tent...

by this estate I'm building, ; And we'll have music, dancing...

guys in white jackets, the whole thing!

Henry, I appreciate your offer,

but this is a pleasure we've been waiting for.

Right?

It just means too much to us.

You were like a couple of bulls,

those mooses, locking horns.

It kept escalating, like the arms race.

Why didn't you stop?

Didn't you feel me squeeze your arm?

- I thought you were excited. - I was having a heart attack.

It went from a few people at home to a three-ring circus.

- We can't pay for this. - Sure, we can.

We're in debt for that house,

no money coming in except for the nursery.

- You have to call Oscar. - No, I don't.

What are you saying "you don't" for?

[Eddie] I made this deal to build this house on spec.

It's an incredible deal, Oscar.

It's gonna change my whole life.

That's wonderful. Why did you...

cut it so short on top?

You gave me a shiny bald spot like I'm wearing a miner's hat.

Betsy's getting married and I've got a wedding to pay for.

You're in a squeeze.

They want you on the site. Georgie.

Georgie? Come. We'll talk on the way.

Oscar, all I need is $30,000.

You're the only one who can help me.

By marriage, you're my flesh and blood.

- Of course I'll help. - That's great.

- What've you got for collateral? - Collateral?

Collateral.

Okay, I can cut you in on the house I'm building.

This is good.

I'll give you a percentage of what I make on the spec house.

- Good. - I can give you 15%, 20%.

- This is possible. 20%, 30% is good. - 20, 15, anything.

- 30%, whatever. - Let's say 20%.

[Oscar] 20%, but I have to charge interest.

Eddie, do me a favor.

Take a cab. I can't talk now.

- I have some... I'm busy. - Oscar,

wait till you see this house... it's fantastic!

Georgie, I'm so glad you're here.

- This project gonna be on time? - Of course.

Let me show you around.

This is my brother's boy, Stevie Dee.

Stevie Dee, say hello.

[Oscar] Nice lookin' boy. Looks like you.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

He's a good boy. Very polite.

I'd like him to learn the construction business.

He's had a little experience on a couple of bridges.

He could be your assistant.

Give him a couple of grand a week and he'll be happy.

Wonderful! I could use the help.

- He's a good boy. You, don't fuck up. - Absolutely not.

You fuck up, and you're back in the deli behind the counter.

Come over here, you.

Not you, him.

I'll wait here, Georgie.

- Are you carrying a piece? - It's okay. I got a license.

Didn't your father tell you nothing?

You wanna be like me, you gotta be like a businessman.

We do things with pencils, erasers.

You understand what I'm saying?

Erasers. Sure, I understand.

That's a nice looking boy, Georgie.

He's a good boy. A little enthusiastic.

I got your check. I appreciate your punctuality.

There's more we could do together.

- We oughta talk. - We'll see.

You make me proud, huh?

See ya, Georgie. Thanks for coming by.

[Oscar] I'm thinking of how I could use your talents.

I don't want to waste you.

My brother-in-law is building a home on Long Island.

I have an interest. You could watch over it.

You know, check up on things.

Wherever you want me to go, I'm your man.

You'll be sensational on Long Island.

Long Island is your kind of place!

- Eddie, it is beautiful! - Didn't I tell you?

A great house.

It'll be a pleasure to give you this check.

Dad, what is this? The living room?

- No, that's the kitchen. - It's like a mansion.

[Oscar] Use a cheaper grade of wood. They'll never see it.

How much are the carpenters costing?

Not much. They've been with me.

- You pay health insurance? - It's hard to get good guys.

This project's gonna fail big.

- You're a softie, a pussy. - I'm not.

You gotta say, "I'm the farmer, they're the cows."

- Stevie Dee? - Here.

[Oscar] You're not gonna run wild.

Stevie Dee's gonna watch over.

- Be here 8 a.m. Report to me. - Absolutely.

- You, don't be a pussy! - I'm not gonna be a pussy or a cow.

I'm gonna be a mean son of a bitch!

I'm gonna be a real prick just like you.

I hope so!

One crappy fish market isn't going to hold up a major parcel.

Tell him somebody else is gonna buy it.

I was observing the site while you were talking.

Good. You'll learn.

I think Uncle Georgie would be very interested.

He does business in the millions.

- Why would he be interested? - I'd like to talk to him.

- It's extremely interesting. - Whatever.

[Knocking]

Excuse me.

Everything all right?

I came as soon as I got your message.

I want to speak concerning my nephew, Stevie Dee.

He's doing great. A wonderful young man.

He wants to emulate me.

He's thinking, "What would Uncle Georgie do?"

What could I do? He's my brother's boy.

Naturally.

He sees your brother-in-law's construction site.

He says, "Uncle Georgie could move some money here."

He's trying to please me. You understand?

Sure, being your nephew and everything.

To me, I'm not that interested.

But my brother's boy, what the hell? Understand?

- So, therefore... - Right.

Talk to your brother-in-law.

Right.

How should I phrase it?

Like this. "Stevie Dee likes your house."

- Stevie Dee likes my house, so what? - What do you mean?

- You got a sale. - I got a sale?

He wants to give you $300,000 on top of what it costs you.

Where's a kid gonna get that kind of money?

He's got the backing of his uncle, an associate of mine.

$300,000?

It's not just the house. It could be the development.

You realize what this could mean for us?

Shopping centers! Malls!

Office buildings! Complexes of buildings!

Eddie, if we have these people behind us,

we can really take off.

These people have money. We could make millions.

We'll be moving all over; The Northeast, Southwest!

- I'm telling you! - Oscar,

there's no end to what we could accomplish.

I'm in.

Dad?

- May I be of assistance? - Is my dad here?

No, I'm sorry, not at the present time.

Is there any way in which I can help?

I'm Stevie Dee, Mr. Henner's associate.

Hi. Tell him I came by...

with tapes of bands for the wedding.

By the way, I can help you with that.

I know several people in the music business.

I guess if these don't work out,

I'll be looking for other ideas.

I could take you to hear some of these bands.

It might help you to hear them in person.

Maybe. I work very long hours.

I'm a police officer.

Police officer.

Yeah.

Police officer?

That's right.

I have several friends in the police force.

- What precinct? - 14th. Midtown Manhattan.

I'm more familiar with Downtown.

It was a pleasure to meet you, Miss hopper.

Nice meeting you.

Your sister's wedding is a wonderful thing.

I wish her all my best.

- What's wrong with a tent? - We can't afford a $ 7,000 tent.

We have to save money. I'm doing the flowers.

We got money coming soon. Let's splurge.

- How many daughters have we got? - Two.

How are we gonna make it to the second one?

Nobody likes her.

Oscar and Gloria had a tent for their anniversary.

There have to be cheaper tents. Ask Oscar, please.

$7,000? Are you crazy?

- I can get one for half that price. - Where?

Eddie, I'm a successful businessman.

I know a lot of people who know people!

I can take care of it. Let me get to work.

Look, I want a nice, white tent,

not some circus tent.

Relax. It's gonna be a beautiful tent,

and a glorious, wonderful wedding... trust me.

Trust me!

- Trust me! - All right. Okay.

[Argumentative Chatter]

- Dad, how many do you have? - 85.

- I knew it! - No, wait, wait.

You invite 'em, but they won't all come.

- Where should I put this? - Over there.

Ma, if we invite the DiNapolis,

then we gotta ask all the cousins.

Maybe we should just stick with the Cerrilos.

You want to put out the good glasses?

We bought 'em in Moreno, Italy.

Turns out they were made in China.

I could've gone to Mott Street, the son of a bitch.

Put this in the kitchen.

I'll do that. We need more chairs...

from in there.

- I like that boy. - Me, too.

- Does he cook? - Not too much.

You're lucky. Let him take out the garbage.

When your grandfather was alive, remember, Angelica?

I couldn't keep him out of my kitchen.

He didn't know how to cook.

He'd use every pot to make one little thing.

The oregano! He didn't know what he was doing!

She threw me out of the kitchen because I was a better cook.

It drove her crazy.

She couldn't figure out why my manicotti was so delicious.

She'd pump me. "Did you add oregano, nutmeg?"

I wouldn't tell. You know the secret?

I used three different cheeses, but which three?

When I died, I took that recipe to the grave.

What's the wedding gown like? Did Betsy design it?

- No. - Thank God.

Show Grandma the picture of your wedding gown.

Oh, you brought it. Let me see it.

This is what Mom and I settled on...

after a lot of negotiation:

Lace around the bodice and a plunging back.

That not only plunges, it dive-bombs.

That's the part I like.

After the floor show, what do we eat?

We're working out the menu. We haven't quite decided.

- As long as there's no meat. - No meat?

What are you talking about?

Jake and I don't want any meat.

- No meat? - They're vegetarian.

These people are gonna give you money. Give 'em food.

Make sure your mother doesn't cook it.

I'm pretty sure that's how I died.

[Eddie] Hold it!

All you have to do is show up, hold hands,

and the priest will pronounce you man and wife.

Husband and wife. Man and wife is sexist.

- There won't be a priest. - No meat, no priest.

What did you say? No priest?

- We don't want to offend. - Grandma, we hope you'll understand,

but we don't want to be hypocrites.

What the hell kind of a wedding is it without a priest?

We could ask our cousin, Father Sal, to do the ceremony.

Would we have to mention God?

They teach them to say God every ten seconds.

Ma, don't get excited.

Where are you going to find a priest who doesn't say God?

Are you going to step on the glass?

- Does it have religious meaning? - I don't think so.

It's a wonderful moment in a Jewish wedding.

The groom breaks the glass, and everybody cheers.

I've always pictured you doing that.

You gotta step on the glass. Do it for Mom.

What did you ever do for your mom?

He said, "Ma, kids don't listen to their parents."

You're getting it back. See how it feels?

Could we cover her back with lace?

You'll need a lot of lace.

I don't want to cover my back.

They'll see plenty through the lace.

This is so beautiful on you. Isn't she beautiful?

What's her thing about covering up my back?

This is a conventional dress. I hate it!

One thing makes it unique. What's wrong with that?

What's the matter?

Nothing. It's stupid.

[Lola] I'm not sure if this was...

the piece that I saw... what happened?

- What happened? - Nothing.

Nothing! Just... go ahead.

- Oh, yes! Beautiful. - Mm. No.

Then we put this and we see how...

That's beautiful! Isn't she beautiful?

Oh, ah...

how ya doin'?

This whole wedding thing is getting really stupid!

What's that?

Your father sent a tape of a band his cousin has.

They do traditional wedding stuff.

Everybody has got this emotional investment.

Connie took one look at me in my wedding dress,

and starts crying hysterically.

You don't look that bad.

Thanks!

It's getting to me. We should sneak off.

Great. There's no water in the kitchen.

- Is there any in the bathroom? - I can't get the super.

I hate this place. It's making me crazy!

% % % % [TV; "The Stripper"]

What's he doing?

[Jake] Seems like a pretty sophisticated band.

No hands now. Take that garter off!

If he plays at our wedding, he goes home with a sax up his ass.

Why didn't you tell me sooner?

- I'd have had someone up there! - We tell the super.

His hearing only responds to $50 bills.

I will not have my niece and nephew...

living in conditions like that.

Call me, and don't be shy!

[Ringing] Hello?

Hi. Are you eating home tonight?

Remember this fish market?

I have to take the fish-market guy to dinner.

He's trying to outmaneuver me. I gotta romance him.

Uh-huh.

I'm taking him to this French restaurant.

I hate it, all that rich food.

- Make a good deal. - I will.

- Don't get screwed. - Okay.

Time for dinner!

Oscar,

we have to discuss our relationship.

I can't have an impersonal, high-pressure day with you,

then eat and make love, all in half an hour.

You think I'm trying to make love?

Let's not insult my intelligence.

Ordinarily, you sit, I serve.

You talk, I listen.

When you put the Moo Shu Pork on the paper plates,

it's a sure sign I'm gonna get shtupped.

Where'd a nice Presbyterian girl pick up words like that?

From you while you were shtupping me.

Oscar, how do you think that makes me feel?

How do you think I feel?

Great, judging from the smug look on your face.

You make me happy.

What do you want from me after we make love?

I'd like a little talk, human contact.

Honey,

it breaks my heart to have to steal these little moments.

It won't be this way for long. When I tell Gloria about us,

we'll be able to go to real restaurants.

Tell her? This is something you're planning to do?

I can't tell her now. She has a gallbladder condition.

It might kill her.

I don't know how I'd get through this without you.

You've been wonderful through the whole thing.

You know,

I'm not really hungry anymore.

Okay. We'll use the time to talk.

How'd your dinner go tonight?

- I didn't exactly get what I wanted. - What a shame.

I said, "$500,000. That's my last offer."

I'll let 'em dangle a while.

I'm willing to go higher.

This is the fish market we're talking about?

Yes.

How high are you willing to go?

If I have to, $1,200,000.

You're clever.

- I've been doing this. - You really need this land...

- or the project falls apart. - He doesn't know that.

What if he just won't sell?

$1,500,000. That's as high as I'll go.

I gotta get some sleep. I got a big day tomorrow.

Oscar, I don't know how you do it.

- Good night. - Good night.

- [Doorbell] - I'll get it.

[Nancy] Thank you. I just need a second.

- Hi. - Hi.

What do you think? Is it too weird?

- What? - My dress.

I don't want to freak your mother out.

Well, it's different.

It's great. It's just different.

Do you think it's too much for the opera?

- No. - I've worked all week.

Last night, I took it apart and did it over.

I'm all set.

Betsy, what a dress!

What a dress!

I'll get Henry. He's having a bite.

You look smashing!

Henry, Betsy's here.

She looks like an explosion in a dress factory.

It can't be that bad.

Kaboom! Hey! Wow!

You know, it gets cold there at night.

You should have something around your shoulders.

This would look sensational with that outfit.

Oh, fabulous.

I'll get my purse and we'll go.

- Thank you. It really... - [Door Closes]

Covers my dress.

My parents aren't free spirits.

Being creative is buying low and selling high.

Maybe next time you could pull back a little?

Wear something a little squarer?

My clothes are like this. I'll spend my life in this cape.

Be creative, just don't let it show so much.

You'll have an easier time with them.

Let's go. We don't want to be late.

You look fabulous in that cape.

Fabulous.

- You okay? - Fabulous.

[Betsy] he's too damn worried about what his parents think.

They're gonna be unhappy with parts of the wedding.

You marry each other,

but have to worry about other people.

- Our wedding was like that. - How?

Dad didn't want to hurt his family...

by getting married in a synagogue.

I didn't want to hurt mine by marrying in a church.

That's why we went to the Justice of the Peace.

Five minutes in a dingy office.

- That must've been awful. - We both felt disappointed.

That's why he's making a production of yours.

You never got to step on the glass or anything?

No. I missed that.

We came from different backgrounds.

It's hard to make them mesh.

I realize how different Jake and I are.

- We're really different! - Yeah!

Different is good. Dad and I are different.

I'd like some cabbage soup, sour cream. He eats...

salami and hot peppers with eggplant and gorgonzola.

This is what they feed to laboratory animals...

when they want to pump their stomachs.

When you're just like someone, it can be so boring.

I never realized how much Jake and I are different.

Now I'm starting to get worried.

Jake's family isn't loose like ours.

When we go out to eat,

Jake checks to make sure he's eating with the right forks.

- Me, I just eat. - That doesn't matter.

I like music. It puts Dad to sleep.

I like peace and quiet.

To him, life's an amusement park.

After a while, you start to realize that that is fun.

That it's fun to be different.

You complement each other, learn from one another.

It's really very stimulating...

to see life from a different point of view.

To introduce each other to new things.

- Oh! - [Gasp]

Oh, my goodness!

- Do you want to kill yourself? - Let's go home.

Why can't you do one thing at a time?

I'm fine.

Why do you want to hurt yourself?

- You have children. - I'm okay.

I am not coming back here again!

Do I have to see you fall on your head or something?

This illustrates my point.

Good night.

Hold it! I'm a police officer.

Good evening. Stevie Dee.

You scared me. All I heard was footsteps.

Sorry if I upset you.

Perhaps you'd like a little dinner?

- It's midnight. - I understand.

Since you get off a long shift, you might be a little hungry.

No, thanks. I gotta get home.

I don't want to impose.

I just want you to know that I'm at your service.

If you need anything,

if anybody ever bothers you, even in the smallest way,

please call me.

I'm a cop.

If anybody bothers me, I arrest them.

Naturally. I just want you...

Excuse me.

I want you to know that I am at your service.

I'm not ashamed to say this.

I think a man should reveal this kind of thing.

I think about you all the time.

Can I give you a lift? Get you a taxi?

No. I'll be fine. Thank you.

Thank you.

% % ["America The Beautiful"]

[Henry] Did the kids tell you about the apartment?

No. What?

I got around to going to their new place.

It's cute. The thing is,

I can get them a fabulous Eastside apartment.

I'll buy it and rent it to them.

I need your help in telling Uncle Oscar.

I said, "Your honeymoon is something you'll remember.

"The Georges Cinq in Paris or the Villa D'Este on Lake Como.

Not a little bed and breakfast in Nova Scotia."

- Maybe you don't agree. - I think Paris is beautiful.

- Yes! - I don't know the other place.

I think the kids want to rough it:

- Sleeping bags, bikes. - [Chuckle]

They'll come home covered with ticks.

My dog spends half the time at the vet from roughing it.

If you talked to them, they'd listen to you.

They know how sensible you are.

I think they're trying to stay within a budget.

Aren't we lucky to have children with values?

Henry and I'll pay for it.

I know the exact room on Lake Como they should have.

Oh, God! Wouldn't it be funny...

if we showed up for dinner at the next table?

What a hoot!

Listen, Henry and I...

want to contribute the cake.

These people make an 18-layer...

lemon and cream thing that is to die for.

It's so subtle you can't even taste it.

This will not taste like it came from the corner bakery.

Who the hell wants a cake you can't taste?

Better turn my piece in. I thought I tasted that.

They're gonna take over the wedding...

and take the guts out of it.

They just want to help. What's wrong?

How are they gonna do something from Jake's ethnic background?

They think maybe they're Scottish.

The family has no texture. They don't want any.

They just want to be correct!

We're gonna have correct, invisible grandchildren.

No talking, running, screaming.

We won't know they visited until they write a thank you note.

- Jake's not like that. - He's trying to break out.

He thinks if he marries Betsy, he'll become visible.

What if she disappears?

It's a wedding, not the "Land of the Living Dead."

- % % [Radio] - You're too affected by this.

Relax. Enjoy yourself.

- I am admitting to what I feel. - And I'm not?

You're always telling me how I'm feeling.

I don't understand how your mind works.

You have this incredible imagination, dreams.

Sometimes you don't know what you're going through.

You're treating this like one of your projects,

a bunch of stuff you're gonna organize,

juggle around and pull together at the last minute.

Your daughter is leaving, and you're not dealing with it.

Let's deal with it.

We'll call up Missing Persons...

and put her face on a milk carton.

Well, I'm laughing at that! Hear that?

[Betsy] He's so into everything all posed.

I don't know why we can't have candid pictures.

What's this Dad has about video?

I don't want to get married with cameras in my face.

- He wants to remember it. - Can't he pay close attention?

When you were 11,

you wouldn't eat lettuce out of solidarity with farm workers.

These rich people are gonna give you crystal salad bowls.

It's not like I'm buying their philosophy.

I'm just registering for gifts to make Jake's parents happy.

You know what would make his parents happy?

If she bought a steel mill and busted a union.

Watching me register at Tiffany's...

nearly sent my mom to the hospital.

What difference does it make where the gifts come from?

It's the symbolism.

Mom went to Selma, the Chicago Convention in '68.

She ran the peace movement in our little town.

That was her life.

Your parents are awfully involved with their children.

What?

Forget it. This is getting me nuts.

It's the wedding that ate New York!

Endless drafts on the seating. Serve peanuts or cashews?

Everything's a summit meeting with your parents.

- They are paying for it. - They didn't have to.

This could've been so easy.

Your parents are accustomed to giving orders,

but that doesn't mean it's easy to follow them.

You know what you get from your mother that I really hate?

All this class warfare stuff.

My mother's not thinking of coming on our honeymoon!

We better get off this. How 'bout a movie?

My parents aren't trying to move us into an apartment...

that's so rich I'd be embarrassed to invite friends.

Do you have to be so "sixties"?

- I can't help my family has money. - I can't help if mine has values.

Like your father trying to impress with a wedding...

- he can't even afford? - My father has a big Italian family.

We have two dozen relatives we couldn't invite...

so yours could invite business associates.

- That's values? - If yours is so goddamned superior,

I can't understand why you'd want to break up the act.

- Maybe I won't. - I'm gonna go see a movie.

Try making it a double feature!

Jitters. This is what we went through.

People get crazy when they get married.

I'm really thinking of calling it off.

- You'll get over this. - How do you know?

I already paid for the wine, tent, caterer.

We're talking about our daughter.

We're gonna lose money, and she'll marry him anyway.

She loves him. She doesn't want to break up.

She's been under tremendous pressure from those people.

They're like a noose around her neck.

- Don't talk about them like that. - Not Jake. I love Jake.

So do I, and don't talk about his family.

Betsy, call him up.

Make a date for coffee and talk it over.

No. Forget it.

- Didn't she say she loves him? - Yes.

- Why won't she marry him? - You're getting crazy.

I went into hock and into business...

with your sleazy brother-in-law...

and that orangutan he has for a partner.

She loves him. That's it.

No more indecision. She marries him!

What about if the two of you talked it over with a friend?

- Maybe you'd see it differently. - We did talk.

That's how I decided to move out.

The wedding lasts for one day,

but we're the ones that have to live together!

I don't want to push you,

but I don't think you really want to break up.

I've never seen you so happy as you are with him.

Talk it over. Try to be reasonable.

I'm doing my best! What do you want?

I want you to be reasonable, for God's sake!

I'm gonna go to Connie's.

Oh, come on. What are you...

What are you going to Connie's for?

Let her go.

She knows she's gonna marry him.

She's just putting me through this for nothing.

How can you be so calm like that?

'Cause I have that headache I get just before I throw up.

I don't have a lot of time.

I have a class.

I'll walk with you. You all right?

Jake and I talked and worked it out.

You were right. Let's forget about it.

I love you. I don't want you to be mad at me.

I'm not. It's just we're under this pressure.

You guys really got to lighten up.

We can do that.

I just want you to be happy.

If you don't want to use my cousin's band, forget it.

If you don't want a religious ceremony,

Mom knows a judge.

Only a few more weeks. You oughta be enjoying this.

- You got to lighten up, too. - I know.

Come to the house for dinner, have a few laughs.

- Forget about the wedding. - Great.

You sure you don't want my cousin's band?

- Dad! - I'm kidding!

[Eddie] Everybody's a little strange in this family.

Did she ever do her ape thing for you?

- You do an ape thing? - No.

- Do the ape thing. - What ape thing?

He's got to know what he's getting into.

I don't think so.

- Come on. - Okay.

Watch this.

[Ape Sounds]

- That was beautiful. - We're very proud of her.

% % Gee I really love you and we're% %

% % Gonna get married% %

% % Goin'to the chapel of love% %

% % Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah% %

% % Goin'to the chapel of love% % % %

I'm hip. You want me to say...

"husband and wife" instead of "man and wife."

And leave "obey" out of "love, honor, and obey."

Right.

We'd like you to leave out "God" too.

Will that be a problem?

Why? It's nice for your Grandpa Morris.

We just don't want anything religious in the service.

It means a lot to us.

What about stepping on the glass?

What does that represent, exactly?

Different things.

Mainly it's supposed to signify...

the destruction of the Temple.

That sounds pretty religious.

Some people say it represents the breaking of the hymen.

I don't think so.

I think I got one you'll like:

Breaking with the past and moving on to the future.

You no longer belong to your parents' house.

- That's good. - I like that.

Good! We'll say it's breaking with the past.

Grandpa Morris will know it's the destruction of the Temple.

Betsy, if I knew it was leaking,

I'd have fixed it myself.

Someone will be there in the morning.

Good-bye, darling.

I'm so sorry I let those kids into my building.

- They're obsessed with plumbing. - They had me over for tea.

Keep away from them.

They invited me to their wedding. Sounds wonderful.

Oh, it'll be fantastic! Sit next to my wife.

The two of you can talk about how I leave you both alone.

You can't be in the same room with my wife!

I already was.

- When? - At your slumlord trial.

Don't call it a "slumlord" trial.

Oscar, I am going to the wedding.

[Eddie] Put my mother and sister with the Clarks,

but they'll be with your cousins.

Is that okay?

Whatever is good for you is good for us.

Your sister doesn't talk to the Clarks.

- Put the Clarks with the Cohens. - They owe the Cohens money.

And not with Oscar. He sued them once.

Do they play an instrument? They can sit with the band.

Look. Our cousins are in the way.

We can put them anywhere.

- [Phone Ringing] - Our side's the problem.

I'll get it.

Maybe put them with one of my cousins.

Hello?

Yes. One second. Connie?

Telephone.

Who's calling, please?

- Who is it? - Stevie Dee.

Oh, yeah? Hello?

Yeah.

No.

I don't think so.

I'll talk to you...

another time. Bye.

You just got a call from Stevie Dee.

I know. I just took it.

I mean, how do you know him?

- From the site. - Oh, the site.

- You know. - Yeah.

- And the city. - And the city. Ah.

Where did you put me? Put me with Grandma.

- Stevie Dee, mind if I join you? - It would be an honor.

Those plumbers are gonna finally get work done.

I'll be glad to get those guys out of here.

They have been remiss on the slowness on this job.

I've already told that to Mr. Henner.

That's quite a lunch.

- I like to eat good things. - It's nice.

- You like artichoke? - No, I got a lot.

I believe that sandwiches are generally too big.

Take the meatball sandwich.

Meatballs don't go between bread!

The food falls out of your mouth.

It's not dignified.

Congratulations on your daughter's wedding.

Are you happy with the young man she is marrying?

- Yeah. He's a nice kid. - Wonderful.

When parents don't approve of a prospective son-in-law,

it is not good.

I would never put myself in a position like that.

- Yeah? - If I loved a young lady,

I'd make sure her father liked me.

I would not give up until he did,

even if it took the rest of my life.

Salut'.

So long. See ya.

- Bye. - Bye.

I don't mean to intrude.

Please don't be offended by my presence.

You want to talk to me about something?

I thought you might be interested in dinner.

Anyplace you like. I have a reservation at Caravelle,

also at Le Cirque and Lutece.

I'm not dressed. Those are fancy places.

We could stop by your apartment. You could change.

I would wait in the car.

Stevie,

I don't know what to say.

You're a very nice guy.

Do not think that I am pressuring you.

I would be profoundly saddened...

if I or anybody caused you a moment of unhappiness.

I don't want you to spend a lot of money on some fancy place...

where we probably wouldn't know what we were eating.

Perhaps you'd like a good Italian dinner.

I can take you to the best place in town.

I do have to eat dinner.

Please... it would be my honor.

% % Come fly with me% %

% % Let's fly, let's fly away% %

% % if you can use some exotic views% %

% % There's a bar in far Bombay% %

% % Come fly with me% % % %

So, what would you like?

I'm extremely interested to know what you enjoy eating.

You are?

I think about you all the time.

I hope that doesn't offend you.

I listen to the radio, and I think...

what kind of music does she like?

Hard Rock? Easy Listening?

Maybe classical music, like Sinatra?

Last night, I was looking at my plate during dinner.

I thought to myself,

does she like veal and peppers with olive oil,

or does she like it with gravy?

These are the things that go through my head.

What would you like? They'll make anything.

I'd just like a little salad...

and some pasta with tomato and basil.

Tomato and basil?

Tomato and basil. That's beautiful.

Good night.

Good night.

I hope it won't bother you if I say...

that this was the most enjoyable evening of my life.

Thank you, Stevie.

I enjoyed it, too, very much.

I've been working very closely with your father...

for some time now.

I have the highest respect for your father.

Thank you.

You think he would be offended...

if I requested your permission for a kiss good night?

I don't really discuss that with him.

I think you have to apply to me personally.

- Would that be...? - It would be fine.

Do you want to come in for a cup of something?

I don't think that would be the right thing to do.

I hold you in very high esteem, Connie.

The highest.

Whatever you need of me... anything...

please call.

% % % % [Radio]

- What are you doing? - I'm on a break.

An hour ago, you were reading that same magazine.

I was also on a break at that time, too.

I see.

- What the hell is going on here? - What?

Georgie's guys get $2,000 a week...

for reading comic books.

I'm meeting with Georgie.

I don't think that's such a good idea.

Why not?

He cuts people up into little meatballs.

I want some answers.

Being dead is very boring. I don't think you'd like it.

Oscar, this is just a question.

I'm being told to hire workers who don't work.

I don't understand that.

There are different ways of working.

I got a consultant at $5,000 a week.

He doesn't even come to the site.

What kind of a consultant is that?

- This is just a question. - A question.

He's probably sending in reports... faxes, modems...

This project is taking forever, and it's gonna cost a fortune.

Don't they care about that?

How do we know this isn't some kind of money-laundering thing?

What? Come on!

Uncle Georgie has me paying huge sums of money to these guys.

That money could be going back to him.

Why would he need you to pay himself?

Somebody may have to go to jail, and it ain't gonna be me.

He's a businessman. You have to get to know him.

He's a warm, wonderful person.

Tell him I want to have dinner with him.

I've got a few questions to ask him.

- Oscar tells me you're Italian. - That's right.

What kind of name is hopper?

My father changed it.

- It used to be Scanatanuzzo. - Scanna-what?

That was the problem. He was a salesman.

In those days,

you had to have a name people could remember.

If he was in my organization...

I would just call him "Stan the Scan."

Hopper's nice, too.

What's in a name? Hey, who said that?

Nicky the Greek used to say that.

No, before him, that dead guy.

- That guy that got hit last week? - Deader than him.

I don't know nobody deader than that.

A couple of real geniuses.

Shakespeare said it, you pineapples!

How come you're not drinking any wine?

Thank you.

I used to give Stevie Dee a little sip...

when he was six years old,

- didn't I? - A little sip, that's right.

But you gotta teach kids responsibility.

I'd tell him, "I catch you loaded,

- I bust your fuckin' hands." - He was a good uncle.

I hear from Oscar...

that you're not happy with our arrangement.

I have a few questions,

- but I wouldn't say I'm not happy. - Good.

This is my philosophy of business management.

When everybody's happy,

then it's very unusual that anybody would be unhappy.

But you can't be happy with unhappy people...

contributing miserableness.

Happy people could make unhappy people happy...

by not making others miserable.

- Pay attention. This is wisdom. - This brings on...

misery and depression,

whereby people start jumping out of windows...

and leaping in front of trains.

So which is it? Are you happy or unhappy?

I'm happy.

The guy behind you in the black suit.

I have a feeling he is not their accountant.

[Eddie] Would you excuse me?

I have to go to the bathroom.

Nature calls, right?

I gotta go, too.

What'd they do, put something in the food?

I hear you're hanging around a station house,

trying to make time with a cop.

Give me the check.

- She's a very fine young lady. - Yeah?

I'm gonna give you a little advice about life.

You follow this, you won't be sorry.

Don't screw with your brains and don't think with your dick.

That's from the heart.

What are you doing?

Hey, get down from there!

There's too many people smoking in there.

- I got to get a little air. - You're being ridiculous.

I have a respiration problem.

If they choke me, I won't be able to breathe.

What are we doing in business with them?

They have a right to invest, the same as everyone else.

- They're criminals! - You're my wife's sister's husband.

Would I let you get mixed up with people like that?

They're ordinary guys.

"Ordinary guys"? I can't believe this.

Give them a chance, but watch what you say.

They're a little sensitive.

How did they get to be sensitive and I'm a pussy?

This is a real mystery.

Let's stop off...

and get some ice cream at La Colombina's.

Ice cream! What a great idea!

You can get it just like in Florence.

Hey, we're gonna go to La Colombina.

They got everything there.

They got melon ice cream, sambuca ice cream.

Sambuca ice cream. How about that?

My wife always says, "how come you eat the strange ones?

"You never eat vanilla.

Always persimmon and walnut, or fig and mangoes."

I say, "I like variety."

She says, "You haven't had vanilla in 20 years.

What kind of variety is that?"

That's a very...

- Who are they? - I don't know.

Get in!

They're gonna kill us, the sons of bitches!

- Get in the car! - I don't want any ice cream.

- Get in the car! - Oh, my God.

Who are they? Who are they?

- They're following us. - They're following us.

- Don't be nervous. - I'm not nervous.

Anselmo!

What are you doing? No, no!

- Don't do that! - Get on the floor!

You're gonna get glass all over us!

Up your ass.

Everybody, get in a cab.

Lay on the floor.

Mickey! We need four cabs.

Change that to eight cabs. Four empty ones.

That way, anybody follows us,

it's 6-2 they get the wrong cab.

My Uncle Georgie can figure the odds like an adding machine.

Gentlemen, get in the car.

- On the floor! - Get in the cab!

- Get on the floor. - Thank you.

- Our deal is great. Don't be nervous. - I'm not nervous.

You talk a lot when you're nervous.

I was nervous before, but I'm all right now.

[Oscar] We go from this to shopping centers with multiplex theaters.

[Father] You know what the most important day of my life was?

In 1951 we got a TV set.

In one day I saw DiMaggio, Durante, Toscanini...

All in the same day. I said to myself,

"Let somebody call me a guinea now."

You know why I changed my name?

On account of guys like Uncle Georgie.

Fellas at work used to holler,

"Scanatanootz, what do you hear from the mob?"

I was embarrassed, and like a dope,

I changed my name to Hopper.

I let those son of a bitches steal my "Italian-ness" from me.

You understand?

[Buzz Saw]

Good morning.

Can I help you with that?

Yeah, thanks.

In there.

I'm glad to see that you got home okay last night.

- I was up all night thinking. - I was, too.

Stevie, here's the thing.

I don't want to be in business with your uncle.

How do I get out of it?

This is very difficult. He likes you.

It's nice to be liked,

but I don't feel comfortable in this.

It's like a personal thing.

I wish I could help.

I have great respect for you,

but I have to show allegiance to my family.

There are certain traditions,

you understand.

This is a very distressing situation,

especially because of what I've been thinking about last night.

What's that?

Well,

I would like to ask you formally,

and with great respect,

for permission to start seeing your daughter.

I don't even want to sell you my house.

I understand, but I ask with the utmost regards...

Let me explain something.

And I'm not saying this 'cause she's my daughter.

This is a girl with heart, with soul.

She's a jewel, not a cupcake.

I do not regard her as a cupcake.

I understand your concern.

I have met some girls who were true cannolis,

but I have the highest respect for Connie.

With your approval, I would like to express...

the seriousness of my intentions to her.

How about if we just think about...

how I can get out of business with your uncle?

Certainly, certainly.

Perhaps we could both think about this.

Good.

I would not want to cause you the slightest discomfort.

Thank you.

Absolutely.

Hey, get to work!

[Grunt]

Eddie.

Eddie, Eddie! Wake up!

It's me, it's me.

I lost Betsy.

She was about 10 or 11,

and this guy without a face was trying to take her away.

But the wedding doesn't bother you.

The wedding?

You know what day this is?

% % Goin'to the chapel% %

% % And we're gonna get married% %

You're gonna be so beautiful tonight.

Except I won't look like me.

You'll be lovely.

Mom, you want me to be me, right?

Well, sure.

- Then I have to change this. - What, the lace?

No, the whole thing.

Oh.

- Maybe you shouldn't watch this. - No, that's...

You go ahead. You go for it.

Oh, yeah.

Maybe I better not watch this.

% % Gonna get married% %

% % Gee, I really love you% %

% % And we're gonna get married% %

% % Goin'to the chapel of love% %

Bets? How serious are you...

about my not seeing you before the wedding?

Come on,

don't you believe in tradition?

Listen, I think you're crazy...

and very strange,

and that's why I fell in love with you.

I can't believe that I tried to change that in you.

I just want you to know...

how glad I am to be marrying you.

- I am, too. - I love you.

I love you, too.

Don't change.

I'll try not to.

I can't seem to find your names.

- What name is it under? - Don't worry.

- I'm sorry. - Excuse me. Check again.

I believe you'll find our name on that list.

Would you excuse me one moment?

Absolutely.

- Without an invitation. - What?

Okay, one second. Excuse me.

Can I see you for a second?

Stevie Dee and Uncle Georgie are here.

Did you invite them?

They'd be insulted not to be invited.

What'll it hurt to let them have something to eat?

The last time we had dinner, I nearly drove away dead.

Three extra people, that's all.

Let them have some chicken. A little wing, a claw.

Oh, Morris, there you are.

Rose.

Hello. You look nice.

How you doin'?

- [Thunder] - Do you take Jake to be your husband,

to cherish him in sickness and in health,

- all the days of your life? - I do.

Do you, Jake Terence Lovell,

take Elizabeth to be your wife,

to love, to cherish her in sickness and in health,

- all the days of your life? - I do.

Then I pronounce you husband and wife.

Now, you can step on the glass,

which signifies the destruction of the...

of times gone by,

of a turning to the future.

You belong, not to your parents,

but to each other, ; Not to their families,

but to your own.

The future, with God's help, is yours.

Mazel tov!

[Thunder]

% % % % ["Moondance"]

Excuse me. May I help you?

Would you come with me, please?

There's been a slight mix-up with the seating.

Mozzarella!

[Gloria] Are you serious?

Oscar, look at Fran. She lost 100 pounds.

Really? You're kidding.

How'd you do it?

You look wonderful.

Hi, all the seats at my table are taken.

- Can I sit with you? - Oh, sure.

What are you trying to do? Are you crazy?

- I hope I'm not imposing. - Don't be silly.

This is my first meal in a week...

that's not take-out Chinese food.

She's always working.

I leave the office, she's working away.

After a while, you look forward to something different.

I never thought she'd make the wedding.

Stacks of papers. That's my secretary.

I still think about nothing but you.

Did you get my letters?

Yeah.

I'm embarrassed at what a coward I've been...

for not answering them.

I can't talk to you about this...

while we're dancing to this music.

Music has a big effect on you, doesn't it?

Yeah.

I admire that.

Why don't we sit down for a minute?

Certainly.

Stevie,

I'm very attracted to you.

I just don't think...

there's any future in this for us.

I think perhaps there is.

You haven't even gotten to know me yet,

and already you're attracted to me.

I think that the odds...

are very good for our future.

No, no, we...

We have very different backgrounds.

I know.

You're half Jewish.

I could become half Jewish.

That's not what I mean.

Stevie,

I'm a cop,

and you're...

not.

Connie,

I could be anything that you want.

I could do anything for the woman that I love.

You are the blood in my veins.

I would walk through fire for you.

I believe that people should think with their heart.

I will always be available.

I belong to you.

Excuse me, Mr. Hopper.

In our family, it's a tradition to celebrate a wedding...

with a very old, very special grappa.

Perhaps I can offer a little sip.

- Sure. - Now this is a very fine grappa.

Cent'anni.

It's good, isn't it?

Doesn't smell like gasoline.

Speaking of tradition,

I have been thinking about our previous conversation.

- Yeah? - I believe sometimes young people...

observe traditions in their own way,

but not always as their families wish.

I've noticed that.

This is not always a bad thing.

Sometimes a young person has to make their own life.

For example, I owe allegiance to my family,

but I still want to show respect to you.

As an act of good faith,

I believe I can help you extricate yourself...

from this arrangement you have with my Uncle Georgie.

Um,

- how would this work? - I believe...

I can arrange it with my uncle...

for you to come out even on this.

You get your house back, sell it to whomever you want.

He'll go along with that?

Just say to him like this: "I'm not happy."

In this way, he will understand that you want out.

Show him respect by allowing him to make the decision.

How?

You just say to him like this:

"I don't think I can give you what you want on this job."

- And then he lets me go? - Maybe he kills you,

but I think he lets you go.

Please, do not feel obligated to me in any way.

This is my pleasure.

[Indistinct]

You know, Uncle Georgie,

I'm always lookin' to figure what to do with my life.

Give it some thought, and you'll know what to do.

You ask yourself, "Do I like vending machines?

Do I like refuse removal?"

- Refuse can be a very nice life. - This is what I mean.

I've been thinking about my life, what I should do.

That's what I'm saying. This is good.

After thinking about it, I have finally decided on...

what would be a good path for me to take in my life.

Now you're thinking with your brains.

- What are you gonna do? - Next month,

I'm gonna apply to the Police Academy.

This is some tent my brother-in-law got me.

What's wrong with it?

I want to talk something over with you.

Yeah?

I mean, if that would meet with your approval.

I say this with respect...

for your feelings about talking.

What is it?

This is a hell of a tent. Look at the way this leaks.

If Oscar told me "rain tent," I could have gotten you one.

What do you expect for nothing?

Wait. You got this tent for nothing?

You got this tent?

This is a difficult concept. Yeah, I got the tent.

[Oscar] Will you leave it alone?

You're making it worse.

Sit down.

What's this kid's name?

It's a little leak, that's all.

Just enjoy yourself.

Would you like to dance?

Sure, I'd love to.

Did you finally get the fish market?

The fish market? Yeah, I got the fish market.

That guy cost me a fortune.

It's like he knew exactly how high I'd go.

You weren't dealing with him, you were dealing with me.

What?

I bought it from him, you bought it from me.

Why would you do that?

I guess mainly to get even.

Pretty good, huh?

Really, be objective. That's not bad.

That is disgusting.

I can't believe you did that.

How could you do that to your husband?

I'm your family.

You're quite the family man. You're cheating on your wife!

You're cheating on this secretary...

you're underpaying and overscrewing.

This is ridiculous.

I don't have to listen to that kind of talk.

You're a rat, Oscar. You belong in a pack.

You don't want people to hear this.

If we had children, you probably would have eaten them.

I love my family.

Look at this tent you get your brother-in-law!

- Get your hand off of that! - It's falling apart!

I said, get your hand off that.

I am sick and tired of your insane accusations.

Let go of that and sit down!

Sit!

Oh, Oscar, go fuck yourself.

Damn it, Oscar!

I gave you $3,000.

You sold me junk! You cheated me!

Cheated you? I saved your life!

I loaned you money when you had nothing!

Don't poke me.

I'm always helping you with money, guidance, advice!

Don't poke me!

I'm getting out of that house deal.

You're not out!

- Yes, I am. - No, you're not!

Yes I am, and don't poke me!

Am I wet?

Well, just a little bit.

You pushed me through the tent?

What do you want?

- You slipped and fell. - Keep away from me!

Did you see him push me? I want your names later.

Did you see him push me?

You pocketed $3,000. I owe a guy a favor for this tent.

What do you mean, you're out?

Georgie, with all due respect,

I'm not happy.

- What? - I don't think I can give you...

what you want on this job.

I don't need this shit. You're out.

- We'll replace him. - You're out, too.

- We're associated. - Associated?

You clip me for $3,000, you get me all wet,

and my nephew's talking like a citizen.

Are you trying to destroy my life?

Listen to me. Let's not get emotional about this.

We can work this out.

Oh, my God.

I think we better get out of here.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my...

Betsy!

% % ["Embraceable You"]

I'm sorry it didn't turn out the way I thought it would.

I wanted your wedding to be something you'd never forget.

I don't think I could ever forget this.

I just felt it. She's gone.

- How are you doing? - What could be bad?

I just gave her away...

in the world's most expensive pizza parlor,

and if we're lucky, we'll break even.

When we break even, that's money in the bank.

I'm very touched by what you did for my father.

Connie, it would make me extremely happy...

if you would grant me the honor...

of considering your feelings toward me.

I don't ask for a commitment,

just that you would consider what you feel.

Stevie,

I'm considering.

This makes me the happiest of men.

Could you start wearing this off to the side?

Absolutely.

Oh, God, please, let them elope!

The end...