Original subtitles

[soulful intro music playing]

All right, everybody.

A lesson for those who've never played.

Behold! The middle finger here,

as you're all well aware has another meaning, of course,

goes right in here.

And these two fingers are placed into the other holes.

And you firmly grab the ball.

Go on, you try.

[slick jazzy flourish]

[muffled grunt]

[all straining, muffled]

Everyone ready?

[man, muffled] Motherfucker!

[bowler laughs]

[Asım] My name is Asım Noyan.

Let me tell you how we ended up in this mess.

MONEY TRAP THE KARUN TREASURE

[woman] I'm telling you. Nothing bores me more than staying in the fucking Maldives.

No, really, I mean it.

Look, look, putting it simply,

it's just boring.

The same sea, sand and sex becomes insipid after a minute.

You're not listening.

It's the same sea, sand and bad sex.

A triple threat I can do without, thank you.

Okay, baby. I'll see you later at dinner.

- [knocking at door] - Ah, hang on.

İlhami said they got some Kobe beef and wanted you to know.

- [knocking continues] - All right, great. Enter!

Okay then. Bye. Bye.

Guess I'm disturbing you.

But if my theory's true, which I believe it is,

then I wouldn't be disturbing you. Quite the opposite.

And once I share the news, you would be pleased.

Now, let's try that again at a speed I can catch up to.

Your words are galloping, and I need a trot.

Yes, um, I guess my enthusiasm is speeding up my ideas, sorry.

But I am struggling to rein in this excitement within me.

I'm trying to pull those reins in, but this horse won't slow down!

Now your explanation has gone past me. Again, slower, please.

Okay, slower. Should give you the good news first.

- Good start. - Better buckle up, Ms. Nefise.

Remember that sarcophagus we've been searching for?

Of course.

And that our specialty teams were gathering research in areas of interest?

Yes, indeed, I do.

We have found that sarcophagus, ma'am.

Is that so?

Well, that is terrific news.

You just made my whole day.

Even though I find you rather repulsive, you're kind of growing on me.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

[man 1] Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go!

[man 2] After we collect our money, can we go up in a hot air balloon?

[man 1] A what balloon?

[man 2] Like the ones from Cappadocia that you ride in the air.

[man 1] Why not?

You can have all the balloons in whatever color you want, bro.

- It's 500 euros. - Really? For one?

I promised, didn't I? Well, we can afford it.

Hey, Vasıf, so sorry that I said not to dig in that spot and all, but--

Shh! İnkâr, you've got to take chances in life.

And be brave.

Cowards die once, but the brave die a thousand times more.

- Mmm, I think that's backwards. - Nyah, nyah, nyah. Man, whatever.

Just stay quiet in there, and I'll do all the talking. You got that?

I won't say anything.

Let's go. Come on, bro.

[Vasıf] Oh Lord, hear our prayer.

- Hello, we have business with Mr. Basri-- - The package!

Yes, it's here.

Follow me, gentlemen.

Mr. Basri demands cleanliness and order.

His life is devoted to balance and symmetry,

and his time is extremely valuable.

So, no talking, no touching, and absolutely no unnecessary small talk.

[Asım] Look at this thing. It's like a giant goiter baby head.

[clears throat] Sir, your three o'clock appointment.

And you inform me at three o'clock, Kehribar?

I told you yesterday, sir.

No, yesterday you entered with people and you said,

"Sir, your three o'clock appointment."

And that you also have an appointment tomorrow at three o'clock, sir.

- [Asım] When? - Yesterday at three o'clock, sir.

Will this go on for the next three hours?

No, of course, your time is precious, sir.

Just to mention, sir,

your meeting with the antique dealer, Mr. Nikris, is at three o'clock.

Tomorrow, sir.

Basri, I want it.

- It's 100,000 dollars. - Come now, Süheda.

But it's only 100,000, and I want it, darling!

Honey, am I not clear?

You interrupt my meeting making demands and won't even stop to listen to me.

Now you want this trinket for 100,000?

But quality at that price is cheap.

I thought my happiness was important to you.

- Guess the promises you made to me-- - But now is simply not the time, Süheda.

I see. But there's never a right time.

Because there's always an appointment at three o'clock!

- Out of my way. - [Vasıf] Sorry.

I have a billion dollars,

and it just turned into one and a half while sitting here.

But I need order.

[groovy, slick music playing]

[phone keyboard clacking]

So, Kehribar, I heard something was found. Let's see if there was any truth to this.

Go on, your turn.

Okay, stop. Let me see.

- Is that it? - Just for you.

What the hell is this?

We had experts take a look at it, sir, and they said this was a valuable map.

A map, you say.

Tell him, bro! They told us it was a treasure map.

And they said treasure?

Yeah, they said, "You can't dig it out yourselves."

"You need professional help."

Powerful guys like you with connections in the collection business.

- And the coffee shop guy recommended you. - Coffee?

Well, then?

Well, what we're thinking was,

if you dig up the treasure, then you could cut us in.

And obviously charge you extra for the map.

İnkâr, I'll handle things from here, okay?

[disbelieving laughter]

Oh, wonderful.

That's just great. So, I should just drop everything?

Give up the presidency

of my very respectable businessmen's association to someone else.

Go on the road with hired staff for a treasure hunt?

But when I find it,

you two gentlemen get a share of the treasure. Is that right?

Where did you come up with this plan, huh?

- At NASA? - NASA?

If you give us a good price for the map, we could sell it and be out of your way.

All right, and?

So, what did the special research team dig up then?

Well, looks like we found something.

Looks like you found something?

We found the sarcophagus, but it's empty now.

- And? - And the team that found the sarcophagus

isn't ours.

- So, whose team is it then? - Don't have the answer.

And now my day is all ruined.

Why are you dressing up this bad news like it's good news?

No, no, please, I'm sorry.

Don't upset yourself, because we know who did find it.

At least... if we want to, we can find it.

And what's that mean?

We know that the guys are in Istanbul, is what I mean.

Once we quickly find the guys, your day will not be ruined.

Well, naturally, we'll require some help from a capable professional.

As always, ma'am.

All right then, call him.

Yes, right away, ma'am! I'm on it.

[door opens]

[chuckles]

[door closes]

Actually, Maldives are fine, it's Bercan who was the boring one.

Bercan or Berkan?

Ah, whatever!

Where did you find this map?

We found it in this old grave that we stumbled upon

totally by accident, sir. When we were plowing, sir.

A sarcophagus?

That's interesting. Was there, I don't know, anything else inside?

No. Just a skeleton with the map next to it. The...

- The dead man had it in his hand. - The dead man?

[sirens wailing]

[door slams open]

What's going on?

Nobody move! This is a raid! Take them into custody! Detain them all!

- Hands up! Let me see those hands! - [Süheda] What's going on?

I haven't done anything!

Don't handle me like I'm some criminal!

Officers, please, this is unnecessary.

Sergeant Necati,

Anti-Smuggling and the Organization of Organized Crime.

No sudden moves from anyone.

Stay calm and follow my orders,

so we can get this sorted quickly and efficiently.

- Move it, do you understand? - Yes, sir, Detective Boğaç.

What? No. I don't understand. What is this yelling?

What's going on here?

Sir, we have evidence

that you were involved in illegal trade of historical artifacts.

- Oh my God, no! - What's happening, Vasıf?

Come now, guys! What evidence? What crime? What artifacts?

There must be a misunderstanding.

Sir, do you even know who it is you're dealing with here?

- We do, Mr. Basri. - Oh!

We know you, because we've been watching you for a long time.

And we know about all your dealings with artifact smuggling.

Take everyone into custody. Let's go! Come on!

- Now, just you wait a moment! - Let's go.

[Asım] What's this about? One moment, please!

Take them all away, boys! Let's go!

Süheda! My lawyer!

Call my lawyer.

Call the bar association. Call the Minister of Justice!

The Minister of Health! The board of legal consultants!

- [Süheda] Basri! - I've been framed!

I can't live without you, my love. What am I going to do? I need him!

They're taking us both together, honey. We'll get six years, max. Don't worry.

- What do you mean? Oh my God! - Let's go, honey.

- [Boğaç] Move it! Get in the van! - [Asım] I'm going to call the media!

I'm not letting this go!

At least let me take off my smoking jacket!

[Necati] Enough out of you! Move it!

[Asım] You're twisting my arm!

- What the hell just happened? - I have no idea.

[gunshots]

What was that?

[siren wailing]

Come on, follow me. Hurry up!

That's Kehribar, the butler!

- Bro! - Come on!

Over here! Come on!

Okay, I'm coming.

Over here, hurry. Come with me!

You must leave this place. And don't come back, ever.

This city... it will ruin your life.

This city will invite you into its mouth, chew you up, then spit you out.

It'll chomp you into paste and spit you into the other one's mouth.

[wheezing]

This city... This city gargles the innocence of decent people.

You can be saved if you leave right now.

And don't look back.

Don't be concerned.

The police won't ever know about you.

Go on. Get out of here. Go!

What are you two waiting for, huh? Go!

Leave at once!

May God protect you, sir!

Off you go. Don't ever come back!

- But we still have the shoe covers! - Let's go man! Forget 'em!

[coughing]

[draws steady breath, stops coughing]

- You told me they had treasure. - That's what I was told.

- I don't know what you want me to say. - Well, say something!

Asım, love, I know you're frustrated. Call this a work mishap.

Mishap? This is all based on Ziya's stupidity.

I mean, yeah, he is stupid too.

- That's really rude. - [Asım] Shut up.

And you're dressed like a senior citizen.

- Uh-- - You need to put more effort into it!

We invested a fortune, and all we got is a piece of leather!

- Ma'am, he's here. - Ah! Let him in.

[maid] Please, come in, sir.

Welcome back.

One can feel your negative energy radiating through the walls, my dearest.

Thank you, but that's your negativity, Nefise.

Ah.

All right. I'm all ears.

Oh!

Well, it's nothing...

Just was going to ask if you were interested in becoming richer.

That was all.

Felemez, dear.

[chuckles]

Hand me one of those apples.

[both laughing]

[upbeat pop song playing]

Asım, maybe we can get money for the map, hmm?

I very much doubt it, it's probably a fake.

Real estate agent give you trouble?

We had a change of heart and we're not renting.

- And the deposit? - It's gone.

You...

All that money and all that risk, and yet you still fuck it up! Jesus!

You won't be swearing all night, right honey?

What if the map is real? We could sell it, right?

Maybe we found a real treasure map. Think of the possibility of that.

There is no possibility, there is no treasure.

These fake maps fool everyone.

He's so negative. Look, this is a very old piece of leather.

With symbols and characters that are mysterious and interesting!

Ziya, shut up, and don't speak until I give you permission.

Hey, should we have an expert check it out or something?

Yeah.

Look who it is, my dad!

- Ha! - Oh, perfect. It's Bahadır.

Aw, thanks, Pops.

You didn't steal these now, did you?

[laughs]

[laughs mockingly]

Is Nazlı still upset, Bahadır?

No, she used to be upset. Now she's really upset.

- Oh. - And does she know that you're here?

No, she doesn't.

She used to only avoid you. Now she avoids everyone who talks to you.

Is this how you explain things now?

So why are you here, Bahadır?

I came because

there's something I think you should know.

What's that? Did something happen to Nazlı?

Oh, yeah. But it's something really good.

Are you ready for the big news? Are you ready for the big news?

I am ready, Bahadır!

How about now? We're pregnant!

I mean, Nazlı is pregnant. We're going to have a baby!

What?

Huh?

Aren't you going to say something?

Yes, Asım, you should say something! You're about to be a grandfather.

Say something!

Like what?

[Bahadır] Nazlı begged me not to tell you, but I thought that you should know.

You're going to be a grandpa, Dad, and you have the right to be happy too.

And you're sure that it's yours?

- Oh, come on now, Asım! - It's just a question.

Why would you say that to me?

I haven't slept a wink since I got the news.

First thing I did was buy a baby onesie. It has the Beşiktaş team emblem on it,

with an eagle.

We've been thinking of names.

I said it should be Hüsnü Yusuf. My grandpa's name.

But that wouldn't work if it's a girl, so, you know...

So we're going to wait until we meet the baby.

- Congratulations, I am so happy for you! - Yeah! Thanks so much.

You're going to be a grandpa!

He's so excited.

Grandpa!

My kid'll be walking around here... [coughs, stops talking]

Ah!

You've got to see this place, it's crazy.

It's a private, exclusive store that only a handful of people even know about.

Imagine a large pool with walking areas and bridges around it.

And this pool, it's full of crocodiles. Mmm?

Crocodiles?

Yes, it also shocked me as well.

Yes, I was seeing this Belgian banker at the time who brought me.

You just walk around, pick a crocodile you like and go.

Uh, Ms. Nefise, we...

Why were you picking a crocodile?

I mean, to make bags or shoes or belts, other things.

Right there on the spot, custom to you.

Finding ourselves between impossible and possible.

Don't even get me started on prices.

So, my dear Felemez, there is such a level of richness.

And now, you and I have an opportunity to get us there.

[Felemez laughing]

Please forgive my interruption.

I don't want to be rude,

but I thought your conversation wouldn't end if I didn't.

Yes, of course. On to business. Go on.

Thank you. I mean, our priority is to find those guys ASAP.

It concerns me that something so precious and immemorial

was taken by fools not understanding its value.

Yeah. You wouldn't believe how little I've slept ever since.

So, there's a map. A map of what?

Uh, that is, I think it would be prudent if this matter remained a secret.

I mean, we're not certain of it either.

But our research indicates the guys were seen at the Grand Bazaar

in a treasure hunters' coffeehouse.

So, like every other typical treasure hunter who comes to the city...

All right, all right, yes, I get it. No more explanations, please.

Felemez, find the guys and bring the map.

So that we may set sail for exquisite horizons together.

Then let's do that.

[energetic Turkish pop song playing]

Asım, where are you going, honey?

Uh, I just need to blow off some steam before I decay into a grandpa.

I know where you're going.

Grandchildren are good luck, no?

I think so, and I should take advantage of it.

You are deep in debt, honey. You'll bankrupt us!

And that's why I'm playing. To win and to pay off the debt.

Have you ever known anyone to pay off gambling debt with gambling?

Is there anyone in the world like me? "My name is Asım," you know.'

I'm begging, my love.

Don't worry about a thing.

I won't lose control.

If I see it's not going well, then I'll stop and come home.

That news really got to me. I just need to get out of my head. Please, understand.

Don't worry.

- I'll be back with our debt cleared, mmm? - For goodness sake...

[bold, brassy music playing]

- Hello. - Hello. Welcome, sir.

What's up, Bayro?

- How's it going? - [Asım] Sedat.

I wouldn't bother with that. I'm just saying.

That machine won't reward you.

Here we go!

Well, well, well... Lord Celil himself!

Let me kiss your hand and show proper respect.

- No need. - Şükran! Take good care of this man.

He is a gentleman of quality. Respect.

- [Şükran] Yes, sir. - Best of luck.

- Who the hell was that? - No idea.

Ugh.

Soon, I'll write a poem about you called "Juliet's Hot Pants,"

but I'm afraid you'll get the wrong idea.

You're not permitted to play until you pay your debt.

Mr. Gaffar said, "Don't let Asım Noyan in,

but if you see him, send him to my office."

Mm-hmm. Are you using the same number? I swear I couldn't get in touch with you.

No, but your number stays the same.

Lerzan not with you?

There's a coupon for idiots today.

You're still jealous. That's adorable.

Yup. Hot pants.

Wow. A Chinese tanning machine. 350 liras plus tax.

How long does it take to roast you well done, huh, Gaffar?

Does your belly button pop up when you're ready?

Beg your pardon, Asım, but I think I look great.

Of course you do, like a golden god.

I heard that you missed me.

Well, Asım, I have some bad news and some worse news.

Which would you like first?

You tell me. I'll guess which one's which.

[device beeps]

I'm selling this place.

I'm moving to Safranbolu and retiring.

And so, I have now handed over the debt ledger

to the new owner of this fine establishment.

Because we've become friends over the years,

I was always cutting you some slack, you know.

But I have strong doubts the new owners will be quite so lenient.

[Asım] Safranbolu...

- Clearly the worse news. - Nope. That was the bad news.

The worse news is,

the new owner I'm selling this place to is someone who already dislikes you.

Someone you have a beef with.

I have beef with half of Istanbul, that's not special.

So who is this Mr. Beef?

[bold, rowdy music playing]

I'm sure you'll find out soon, my friend.

They're collecting from everyone that owes him.

I love you so much. God bless you. Shh...

It's okay, listen to me, my champion.

My goofy little shit... Look at me.

- [coos] - You mean everything to me.

You haven't had a bath in a while, eh, stinky? Huh?

Have you?

I would die for you, you know that?

My tiger.

You're my tiger.

Wait, wait, my champ.

My sweet darling. God bless you.

[giggling]

[muffled clamoring]

Listen up.

[muffled clamoring]

This hose over here fills this pool in just one hour.

You got that? So that would mean...

you only have about 10 minutes to bring me the money you owe me.

[clears throat] Got it?

In school I always wondered

what the future use of calculating the cubic volume of pools would be.

Turns out, we're using it right here.

You... I love you so much, my champion.

Do you see this? This bird right here?

Last month, it made me two million. Did you know that? Huh?

See, it can do nine flips in a single go.

This wee bastard.

It can do nine flips. I swear to God, bro.

You mean the world to me. You know that, right, buddy? Huh?

I love you so much. Sekban!

Take it. Yeah.

Hurt a little feather on its head, and I'll beat the shit out of you.

Gently. Put it in there. Careful, okay?

[Asım] Well, well, well! It's been a long time, hasn't it?

I told the guys on the way here that we already know each other.

We already have a history, I mean.

Have a seat over there.

Thank you, gentlemen.

- Take off your glasses. - Yep. Okay.

See this rice pudding here?

- Yeah. - People fight over the burnt part.

But for some reason,

they don't usually burn up the rice this much.

You feel me? And so...

When the burnt part is gone, I start to lose interest.

And then when...

I get to the rice...

I lose my appetite.

Yeah, yeah.

I like... chicken breast pudding. It's also very good.

Chicken?

- Yeah. - We're talking about desserts.

Chicken breast pudding is also a dessert.

Dessert chicken? You ever heard of that?

Never heard of it either.

Fascinating. You're the first people that I've met

who haven't heard of chicken breast pudding.

But I did... I wanted...

- I wanted to ask you something. - [muffled clamoring]

What is going on over there? Is he... Is he attempting some magic trick?

- Is he gonna untie himself? - Oh, him? Nah, he's...

He's in there 'cause he didn't pay his debt to me.

Waiting for a wire transfer. [cackles]

[weakly] Ah.

Do you know the philosopher, Jean-Paul Sarte?

Who?

Jean-Paul Sarte. A French person who thinks.

He says that there are many mistakes in life to be made.

But he says it's futile to make the same mistakes over and over.

What a poignant philosophy.

What a beautiful core belief.

Ah, I know, that's right.

[muffled clamoring]

Where were we?

Well, we were somewhere between chicken breast and the French.

Dessert chicken. Do you have a method or recipe for it?

No, no, I don't know how to make it, but I eat it whenever I find it.

If you don't mind,

would you use a searching engine to look up a recipe and read it out to me?

- Right now, you mean? - Yeah.

- For chicken breast pudding? - Yeah.

"Searching engine."

Yeah, let's... let's see here.

[coughs]

Uh...

The ingredients, uh, according to the...

Well, depending on how many people it's for.

So, what does this say? For eight servings.

125 grams of butter.

One cup of flour.

Sugar. Milk.

Shredded...

Shredded, uh, chicken breast.

Melt the butter in a deep saucepan over low heat.

- Go on, I'm listening. - Yeah, uh...

Add the sifted flour and sauté for four to five minutes

until the raw smell of flour disappears.

[coughs]

Uh, add milk and sugar until it thickens...

After it thickens, remove from heat and add vanil--

[haltingly] Vanilla. Vanilla.

Look, you have three days to pay me. Okay?

If you don't pay off your debt within three days, I'm dunking you in.

- I'll throw you in the pool too. - I understand.

You don't have any idea

how much I'm going to enjoy your final dunk.

Understand that? Do you? 'Cause I remember you.

I remember you.

I remember that I hate your fucking guts.

I really hate you.

There was a minor misunderstanding between us back then.

[water gurgling]

Go on.

Let's make this quick...

Add the, uh... the milk and sugar and stir it until it thickens.

Mix the vanilla. Pour it...

[haltingly] Pour it... pour heated... Pour it into a pre-heated oven-safe dish.

Smooth... Smooth the surface.

[loud crack]

Rest at room temperature for 10 to15 minutes,

then cool it in the fridge for two, three hours.

Once cooled...

Slice it and sprinkle cinnamon on top.

Where's the chicken? Oh, why's there no... Oh.

I guess the chicken is... In the pudding.

[muffled screaming]

[distressing, oppressive ambient sounds]

[bold, brassy outro music playing]