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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:35,600 There was nothing extraordinary about my mum and dad, 3 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,080 nothing dramatic. 4 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:40,560 No divorce or anything, 5 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,320 but they were my parents 6 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:46,040 and I wanted to remember them by doing a picture book. 7 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:54,240 It's a bit odd, really, having a book about my parents up there 8 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:58,160 in the bestseller list among all the football heroes and cook books. 9 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,920 They'd be proud of that, I suppose. 10 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,440 But probably rather embarrassed too. 11 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,840 I imagine they would say, "It wasn't like that." 12 00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:14,000 Or, "How can you talk about that?" 13 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:18,040 Well, I have. 14 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:20,160 And this is their story. 15 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:29,080 WHIRRING 16 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,720 - Bye, Mum! - Bye, dear. 17 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:10,240 - Ta ta, Ern, mate. - Ta ta. 18 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,320 Ta ta. 19 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,640 Hurry up with that dusting, Ethel. 20 00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:24,320 There's the fire to stoke and the beds to make. 21 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:26,200 Yes, madam. I won't be long. 22 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,400 BELL DINGS 23 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,600 SHE GASPS 24 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:46,520 HE CHUCKLES 25 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:49,240 Ethel! Aren't you finished yet? 26 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:50,600 Yes, madam. 27 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:53,080 Sorry, madam. 28 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:08,600 Hey, hey! SHE GASPS 29 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:18,240 Ethel! Where are you? 30 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,680 Coming, madam. 31 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,480 THUNDER CLAPS 32 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,520 Hm... 33 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,840 Ethel! 34 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,920 Ethel!! 35 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,960 - Ethel?!! - Oh. 36 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:47,840 BELL RINGS 37 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,520 Yes, yes, I'm coming! 38 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:52,080 Doh! 39 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:56,040 Hello, duck. 40 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,880 Oh! Oh, it's you. 41 00:03:57,880 --> 00:03:59,640 Thought I'd introduce myself. 42 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:02,560 You've waved that blooming duster at me enough times. 43 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:05,280 Oh, no, I didn't mean to. It was just that... 44 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:07,520 Name's Ernest. SHE SIGHS 45 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,240 - I'm Ethel. - That's a nice name. 46 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:13,280 Well, Ethel, how about coming to the pictures with me? 47 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:15,760 Oh, well, I... 48 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,600 They've got lots for me to do. 49 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:20,040 - What time you knock off? - I finish about seven. 50 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:23,120 Perfect! They are showing Hangman's House at the local. 51 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,080 - You mean, the Coronation? - Yes. 52 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:28,600 - Starts at eight. I could meet you there. - Thank you. That would... 53 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,120 - that would be very nice. - Grand. 54 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:33,280 And these, they're for you. 55 00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:35,440 SHE GASPS 56 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,760 They are...lovely. 57 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:40,520 - See you about a quarter to, then. - Yes. 58 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,280 Yes, I'll be there! 59 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:45,600 BIKE BELL DINGS 60 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,240 Oh! 61 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,440 Ernest... 62 00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,560 Two, please. 63 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:08,280 ORGAN PLAYS JOLLY TUNE 64 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:19,160 - (Victor McLaglen.) - Who's he? 65 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,200 - Him up there. - Oh. 66 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,040 My favourite. 67 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:25,800 Oh... 68 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:30,160 JAZZY TUNE PLAYS 69 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:39,200 CHATTER AND LAUGHTER 70 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:42,920 Oh, Ernest, doesn't it sound wonderful? 71 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,360 Cor! Blimey, yeah. 72 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,240 Five shillings to get in! 73 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:48,200 A bit posh if you ask me. 74 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:52,720 Tell you what, it's under a shilling at our church hall 75 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,200 next Saturday. 76 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,200 - Are you on? - Oh, Ernest! 77 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,120 HE LAUGHS 78 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:07,680 HE SNIFFS 79 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:12,080 - Lovely flowers, darling. - Oh, that's Dad. He's potty about the garden. 80 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:15,240 - Did you all grow up here? - Yes, 11 of us. 81 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:19,760 Bob, Beaty, Mag, Edie, me, Frank, Flo, Jessie, George, Joe and Bill. 82 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:21,880 Cor, blimey! SHE CHUCKLES 83 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,200 Come and meet Mum and Dad. 84 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,240 Ernest, your tie. 85 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,000 - Want to make a good impression. - Oh, yes, darling. 86 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,320 George was killed in the war, 87 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:35,960 Bob died as a baby and Beaty died at two and a half. 88 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,960 - Poor little kiddies. - Hm. 89 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:42,960 Hello, dear. 90 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:46,120 Mum, this is Ernest. 91 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:49,720 Very pleased to meet you, uh, Mrs Bowyer. 92 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,920 You haven't asked me to your home yet, dear. 93 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:04,960 Yeah, well, it's not as nice as yours, darling. 94 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,960 What do you mean, not as nice? 95 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:10,200 Well, there's scrap iron, rag-and-bone men, 96 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:13,640 there's fights outside the pubs. Women too. 97 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:15,400 The coppers won't go down there. 98 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,720 The last one that did go, they bashed him up, 99 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:20,760 then sat on him and then blew him up his whistle to fetch more coppers. 100 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:22,440 Oh! Ernest. 101 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:24,600 It's not your cuppa tea, darling. 102 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:36,120 Am I to understand that you wish to leave us? 103 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:37,920 Yes, madam. 104 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:39,800 To get married? 105 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:41,480 Yes, madam. 106 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,440 To a man?! 107 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:45,240 Yes, madam. 108 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:46,560 Well... 109 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,960 ..I hope you know what you're doing. 110 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:51,880 Ever so sorry, madam. 111 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:00,680 Give us your box, darling. 112 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,280 Oh! 113 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,400 I don't like leaving them, they're so helpless. 114 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,880 They can't do a thing for themselves. 115 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:09,960 Hm. Serve 'em right. 116 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,600 Bloated plutocrats! 117 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,520 There's no need to swear, Ernest. 118 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:14,880 What? 119 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:19,520 Don't worry about them. They'll soon get another skivvy. 120 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:21,960 I was not a skivvy! 121 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:25,400 I was a lady's maid and what's more, 122 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,800 I'm going to be married! 123 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,360 So am I! 124 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,400 THEY LAUGH 125 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:46,480 Oh, it's lovely. 126 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:49,200 But £825? Can we afford 127 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,440 that mortgage business? 128 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:54,680 Yeah, it's easy. I'll be getting three guineas a week soon. 129 00:08:54,680 --> 00:09:00,720 Besides, we've got 25 years. 19...55, it'll be ours. 130 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:04,520 A wrought iron gate, your ladyship. 131 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,000 SHE GIGGLES 132 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,960 Silly. 133 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,400 Oh, and look, Ernest, a marble pillar. 134 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:18,400 LAUGHS: Look at this. 135 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,200 Oh! 136 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:25,880 Oh, Ernest. It's so much space. 137 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:30,000 - We could get those electric lights put in. - Yeah, nice and modern. 138 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:33,160 Brother Fred's got a wireless. He can hear Germany. 139 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:35,720 Whatever would you want to hear Germany for? 140 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:41,200 Oh! A French window! 141 00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:45,200 Oh, Ernest, there's the bathroom! 142 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:46,840 Blimey! The lav too. 143 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,760 Come along, Ernest. 144 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:51,560 TOILET FLUSHES 145 00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:53,320 Hm. 146 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:54,720 Ha! 147 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:59,120 Enormous bedroom! Four windows in one room! 148 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:01,960 It'll cost a fortune for curtains. 149 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:04,200 A bit different to home, eh, darling? 150 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,400 Lots of rooms for two people. 151 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:09,360 Perhaps they'll be more than two one day. 152 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:16,040 - What, lodgers you mean? - No! - THEY CHUCKLE 153 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,520 This could be our baby's room. 154 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,840 Nice and warm over the kitchen. 155 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:25,080 Let's get rid of this old range. 156 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:27,720 Ha! This boiler came out of the ark. 157 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:29,520 SHE GIGGLES 158 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:35,480 Hello, puss. CAT MEOWS AND PURRS 159 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:38,120 - Oh. - A fair bit of garden. 160 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:39,680 More than down-home. 161 00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:42,400 Oh, I've always wanted my own bit of garden. 162 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,800 A little shed for my bike and workshop. 163 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,360 And mind you, keep it tidy. 164 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:49,520 Don't you start bossing me about before we get married. 165 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:53,120 - HE LAUGHS - Oh, Ernest, I can't believe it. 166 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:57,200 - We'll have a kitchen and a scullery. - A sitting room and a dining room. 167 00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:59,680 - A garden and a shed. - Don't forget the hall. 168 00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:01,760 And the bathroom! Luxury! 169 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:05,800 - Oh! - THEY LAUGH 170 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:08,920 CHURCH BELLS TOLL 171 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,760 Yes, that's it. Hold it. Hold to that they are, if you could. 172 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,640 That's it, lovely. That's it, Mrs Briggs. Lovely. Very nice. 173 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,200 Now, hold there. Hold it there. Big smiles. 174 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,760 We'll have one more of those. 175 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:22,160 Go on, Ern. Let's see a kiss for the bride. Go on, Ern. 176 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,240 CHEERING 177 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:31,040 Yeah, one more. One more, please, everybody. 178 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:34,240 JAZZY TUNE PLAYS 179 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:35,920 # Ooh 180 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:39,160 # What a little moonlight can do. # 181 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:47,000 Isn't the bedroom huge? 182 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,360 We'll need some cases under the bed for our clothes. 183 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,600 A wardrobe, Ernest! 184 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:55,040 Oh. Oh, yes. Of course. 185 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,560 HE WHISTLES 186 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,680 IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: Good morning, Madam. How many today, please? 187 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:19,040 Just you keep off my clean step, young man. 188 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:20,680 - HE LAUGHS - Oh! 189 00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:22,040 - SHE LAUGHS - Oh, Ernest. 190 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:24,400 I got a round that finishes down our road, Ette. 191 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:25,560 That's nice, dear. 192 00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:29,240 I should be done about 12 and then I can get going on that old range. 193 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:31,600 SQUEAKING HE GRUNTS 194 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,360 I'll be glad to see the back of that thing. 195 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,280 It's a pig, duck. 196 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:40,360 One of those nice, new gas cookers, that's what we need. 197 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,440 Oh! CLANGING 198 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:43,840 Careful, Ernest! 199 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:45,800 Whoa-oh! 200 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,680 # Any old iron, any old iron 201 00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,360 # Any, any, any old iron 202 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,120 # You look neat, talk about a treat 203 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,600 # You look dapper from your napper to your feet... # 204 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,840 Ernest, don't sing those dreadful cockney songs. 205 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,800 # Dressed in style, brand-new tile 206 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,520 # And your father's old green tie on 207 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:03,440 # But I wouldn't give you tuppence for you old watch and chain 208 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,280 # Old iron, old iron. # HE HUMS 209 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:07,040 All right! CLANGING 210 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:08,920 Hey! 211 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:10,520 Oh. 212 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,000 SHE COUGHS That's done the job. 213 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,360 GRUNTING AND SCRAPING 214 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,400 That's it, smashing bed. 215 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:19,200 Nearly new. Mahogany, I think. 216 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:20,920 Whoop! 217 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,640 Good springs, look. Newlyweds need good springs. 218 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:25,800 SHE GASPS Come and try it out, darling. 219 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:27,960 Certainly not, Ernest. 220 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:29,760 It's broad daylight. 221 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,440 HE LAUGHS 222 00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:37,840 - I finished a new draining board, darling! - Oh, lovely. 223 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:40,600 Fits over the edge. Removable before cleaning. 224 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:43,000 What, with that and the new cooker... 225 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,880 We're in clover! SHE LAUGHS 226 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:47,600 There. Bang on! 227 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:53,560 Ugh! It says here over two million unemployed. 228 00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:55,880 I'm lucky to be a milkman, Ette. 229 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,520 I hate coal under the stairs. 230 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:02,240 Coal dust gets everywhere and it's so common. 231 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:05,720 Ha! I'll build a brick bunker in the garden, then. 232 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,200 (That'd be lovely.) 233 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,160 What do you reckon, Ette? Ho-ho-ho! 234 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:14,320 Oh, Ernest, it's far too big. 235 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,560 I'll make some nice loose covers. 236 00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:20,480 Came out of a posh hotel. A bargain! 237 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:24,720 I've made a curtain for under the tank. It'll hide the pipes. 238 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:28,120 I'll keep my outdoor clothes there. The pipes will dry them off. 239 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,760 Oh, but your coats smell of stale milk, Ernest. 240 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:31,800 Yeah, sorry. 241 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:35,920 Do you think you'll ever be promoted? 242 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:37,920 I blooming fear. Not me. 243 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:42,080 Yard foreman, stuck in a tin shed all day, adding up rows of figures? 244 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:45,360 Blow that for a lark. I like the fresh air! 245 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,360 I could have married... 246 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:49,320 a deep-sea diver. 247 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:52,080 - Well, why didn't you? - Because... 248 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:53,960 I didn't love him. 249 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:08,480 Why do you keep that picture of a baby on the wall? 250 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:10,200 - SHE GASPS - Why do you think? 251 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,320 Well, it's not a relative, is it? 252 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:15,200 We've been married over two years. 253 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:19,560 - I'll soon be 37. - SHE CRIES 254 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:21,960 Oh. Eh. 255 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:25,960 Don't cry. 256 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:27,920 - I'm sorry. - SHE SOBS 257 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:31,480 Oh, shush, shush, shush. Mm. 258 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:34,440 I know. I know. 259 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:38,920 RAIN FALLS 260 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,920 Evening Standard. Night news, night news. 261 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:47,080 Hitler wins power in Germany. 262 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,040 - Here you go, Rich. - Ta, Ern. 263 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:55,240 - Evening Standard. - Oh, no. - Hitler wins power in Germany. 264 00:15:58,400 --> 00:15:59,960 This bloke, Adolf Hitler, 265 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,640 says they're publishing his book over here. 266 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:05,400 - Mein Kampf, it's called. - Oh! 267 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,120 That's nice of him. 268 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,720 Huh? 269 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:23,920 Ette! 270 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,120 - Surprise, dear. - Oh. 271 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,880 - New mirror! - It's lovely. 272 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:31,840 How ever did you get it home? 273 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,720 - I walked it back on my bike pedal. - How much was it? 274 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:37,600 Only half a dollar. I got it off of didicoy down-home. 275 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:40,760 I've got a surprise for you too. 276 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:42,960 - Oh, yes? - I've been to... 277 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,040 um...the doctor. 278 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,880 Oh... And? 279 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,120 - You mean? - Mm. 280 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:53,840 - We're...? - Yeah. 281 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:55,720 We're going to...? 282 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:57,240 Yippee! 283 00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:59,680 - I can't believe it. - Oh, Ette! 284 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:02,080 THEY LAUGH 285 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:06,400 - Happy birthday, darling. - Oh, Ernest. 286 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:12,280 And your card. They get bigger every year. This one is all padded. 287 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:13,880 SHE LAUGHS 288 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:16,640 Bit my best present isn't due until January. 289 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:19,240 - HE LAUGHS More tea, Ette. - Mm-hm. 290 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:38,840 - DISTANT SCREAMING - One more push, Mrs Briggs. 291 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,920 - SHE SCREAMS - Very good. 292 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,520 Goodness gracious me, what a fuss! 293 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,160 You'll wake the neighbours so you will. 294 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:50,560 WHISTLING 295 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,760 Oh, my God! Ette! 296 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,600 Wait! 297 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:07,360 HE PANTS 298 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:16,560 Steady now, Mr Briggs. 299 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:20,000 You will surely not be bringing those bottles into the birth room. 300 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,000 Sorry, Mrs... Madam, nurse. 301 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,120 - Is she...? - It's a boy. 302 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:27,200 - Is she...? - Mother is well. 303 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,080 Oh, thank God for that. 304 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,120 Get as much rest as you can now, Mrs Briggs. 305 00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:35,920 Baby is doing fine. 306 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:38,400 Thank you, Doctor. 307 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,240 Hello, Doctor. 308 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:41,640 Ette. 309 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:43,480 Oh, Ernest. 310 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:45,680 Oh! 311 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,800 - When was it? - About five. 312 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:53,520 I was just doing Ashland Grove. 313 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:56,160 Nearly ran out of stelerized. 314 00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:59,600 How do you feel? You look...you look done in. 315 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:00,880 Tired. 316 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:04,200 It's all red. 317 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:07,680 He. It's a he. 318 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,120 Oh, yes. DOCTOR CLEARS THROAT 319 00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:12,480 Mr Briggs, a word. 320 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:14,080 Yes, Doctor. 321 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:22,280 - It was touch-and-go. - Oh? 322 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,440 Your wife is 38. 323 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:26,480 There had better not be any more. 324 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,760 But we wanted a proper family. 325 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,600 More children, no more wife. 326 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,640 I'm sorry. 327 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,280 Good day to you. 328 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:44,840 BABY CRIES 329 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:55,480 Right a bit, Ette. Don't want the nappies in the picture. 330 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,320 That's it. 331 00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,120 Hold it. 332 00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:00,960 I don't have to tell you to smile. 333 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,840 BABY COOS HE LAUGHS 334 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:10,160 This MP's pleading a working-class flat should be 335 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:13,200 built with bathrooms. Labour MP, of course. 336 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:16,200 They always say if you give the working-class a bath, 337 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,520 they keep the coal in it. 338 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:21,360 Oh, yeah? I haven't noticed much coal in our bath. 339 00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:24,880 Ernest! We are not working class! 340 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,000 Ha! 341 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,520 BELL RINGS 342 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,200 Oh, it's you. 343 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:35,160 - Hello, Ette. I've come to see the baby. - Hm. 344 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:36,440 Come in. 345 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,640 Oh, how are you, duck? 346 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,880 Ernest, it's your stepmother... 347 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:43,520 again. 348 00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:44,800 Hello, Mum. 349 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:48,080 I brought you a couple bottles of stout 350 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,360 and some coal. 351 00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:52,120 Oh, thanks. 352 00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:53,800 Thanks, Mum. No need. 353 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:56,560 Now, where's my little boy? 354 00:20:57,920 --> 00:20:59,680 Oh, ain't he grown? 355 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,400 - OVER RADIO: - 'This is the BBC in London...' 356 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:04,720 - What? - '..now follows the news.' 357 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,760 'German Chancellor Adolf Hitler announced today new laws that 358 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,360 'will forbid Jews remaining as German citizens...' 359 00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:13,440 Hey, Ern, turn that blessed wireless thing off. 360 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,200 I don't want that man hear what I'm saying. 361 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,640 THEY SNIGGER 362 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,400 'Prime Minister Chamberlain said 363 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:21,440 'that a new meeting's going to be held...' 364 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:31,960 Here, Ette, did you know if you're a Jew in Germany, 365 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,280 you are forbidden to marry a German? 366 00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:35,920 - SLEEPILY: - Hm? 367 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,080 I would hate to marry a German. 368 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:39,560 No... 369 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,240 HE SIGHS 370 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:47,160 Cor! This gas copper is a real luxury. 371 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:50,000 Just turn the tap and strike a match. 372 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:53,520 SHE CHUCKLES BBC's going to start television 373 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:55,280 later this year. 374 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,160 What's that when it's at home? 375 00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,160 Well, it looks like a wireless set with pictures on top of it. 376 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:02,200 Moving pictures? 377 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:03,840 Talkies? 378 00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:05,640 Yeah. 379 00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:08,400 It'll be like going to the pictures without going out. 380 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:11,240 What, you just sit and look at it? 381 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:13,400 - Yeah. - Hm... 382 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:16,400 Suppose it might be all right for the gentry. 383 00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:22,360 - Oh! - BABY CRIES 384 00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:24,240 Oh! 385 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:27,640 - BABY CRIES - Let's see that nappy, then. 386 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:30,440 Oh. Another load of washing. 387 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,280 SHE CHUCKLES 388 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:37,080 It says the average family needs £6 week to keep it 389 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:38,760 above the poverty line. 390 00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:41,800 - What's the poverty line? - Don't know. 391 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:43,640 Just wish I earned £6 a week. 392 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,160 Well, with the nipper growing up so fast. 393 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:56,320 - Whee!! - KID LAUGHS 394 00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:59,520 Hey-hey! That's the way to do it, boysie! 395 00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:00,960 Again, again. 396 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,480 Oh, Ernest, he's getting such a big boy. 397 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:07,760 - No, he's not. He's skinny like me. - Wiry, Ernest. 398 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,600 And tall and lovely hair. 399 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,040 All those curls. 400 00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:15,920 Oh, look! That's new. 401 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,120 They're serving teas in the balcony. 402 00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:20,760 There's waitresses in aprons and caps. 403 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:23,480 Look's a bit posh. 404 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:26,640 - Whee! - Maybe some other time, my dear. - Again! 405 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,360 Yes...some other time. 406 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:37,560 SOBBING 407 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,520 Whatever's up, darling? 408 00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:44,440 What are you crying for? 409 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:47,760 - I've had it done! - What? What? 410 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,080 - His hair. - Eh? 411 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:54,640 They've cut it all off. His beautiful curls. 412 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,040 Well, blimey, it's got to be done, Ette. 413 00:23:57,040 --> 00:24:00,520 We can't have him running around like a blooming girl all his life! 414 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,440 He's not a baby any more. He'll be off to school in no time. 415 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,640 - SOBBING: - I know! 416 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,560 Hello, boysie. SHE CONTINUES CRYING 417 00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:10,520 What's wrong with Mum? 418 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:13,800 SHE CRIES HARDER 419 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,080 Mum! Mum! 420 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:23,720 Raymond, dear, shouldn't you be in school? 421 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:25,960 Mum, Mum! Ahh! 422 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:27,800 Whatever are you home for? 423 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,480 You mustn't come home in the middle of the day. 424 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:33,000 - HE PANTS - Did you cross that main road? 425 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:34,360 You must have done. 426 00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:37,920 - I can't find the sit down lavatories! - You can't find the... 427 00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:40,480 (We showed you them.) 428 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,760 No, they are girls. Girls sit down! 429 00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:46,360 - No, there's boy sitting downs as well. - No, there isn't. 430 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:50,320 It's all girls! Look out, I want to go number two! 431 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:54,280 Nice day again, Mrs Bennett. 432 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:57,000 Yes, lovely, Mrs Briggs. 433 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,520 TOILET FLUSHES 434 00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:07,280 SHOUTING IN GERMAN OVER RADIO 435 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:13,000 Sounds like that Hitler's on the warpath, good and proper. 436 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:14,640 Oh. 437 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,040 Just hark at them. 438 00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:19,560 They're all barmy. 439 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,160 Our George was killed in the last one. 440 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:24,720 And brother Tom. 441 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,200 It doesn't seem all that long ago. 442 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,040 RAYMOND GIGGLES IN DISTANCE 443 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:32,480 Our poor old mother never got over it. 444 00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:42,040 HE GIGGLES 445 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:45,880 This television is going to be on one and a half hours every evening. 446 00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:47,840 Dreadful. 447 00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:50,520 It will be like going to the pictures every day. 448 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:55,160 Blimey! There is a photo here of the Duke and Duchess of Windsor 449 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:57,240 shaking hands with Hitler. 450 00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:59,440 Oh, he can't be so bad, then. 451 00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:01,000 What? 452 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:06,240 Look, Mum. 453 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,760 - OVER RADIO: - 'The Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain returned from 454 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:12,480 'Germany today and spoke to crowds at Heston airport 455 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:14,400 'with the promise of peace.' 456 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:20,600 'I had another talk with German Chancellor Herr Hitler. 457 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:29,040 'And here is the paper which bears his name upon it as well as mine.' 458 00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:32,040 CHEERING OVER RADIO 459 00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:36,720 Cor, Ette. Old Chamberlain has given Hitler half of Czechoslovakia. 460 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:38,040 Oh, yes? 461 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:41,040 He says it's peace with honour. Peace in our time. 462 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:44,760 Think goodness for that. Don't you want that bit of toast, Ernest? 463 00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,600 Ah. No thanks, dear. 464 00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:55,680 Evening Standard. 465 00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:59,080 Ta, Ern. 466 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:04,760 You there, Ette? 467 00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:06,520 In here! 468 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:08,920 Hitler's marched into Prague now. 469 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,320 He'll be coming down our road soon. 470 00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:13,720 Adolf Hitler? In Wimbledon Park? 471 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:17,280 It says here the government is going to spend £200,000 472 00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:19,000 on air raid shelters. 473 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,840 We better get ourselves ready. 474 00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:23,040 Oh, not on the table, Ernest! 475 00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:25,920 GRUNTING 476 00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:29,520 It's going to be very stuffy with all this blackout up, Ernest. 477 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:32,600 Not half as stuffy as a gas-proof room would be. 478 00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:34,160 Poisoned gas?! 479 00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:37,400 - Oh, I hadn't thought of that. - We have to bung up the chimney, 480 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:39,800 tape over the cracks around the doors and windows, 481 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,200 put wet newspapers in between the floorboards. 482 00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:44,040 He's a right old barmy. RAYMOND GIGGLES 483 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:45,440 Rarr! 484 00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,680 Oh, Raymond! Behave. 485 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,600 This isn't a game, you know? 486 00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:53,440 # Underneath the spreading chestnut tree... 487 00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:56,880 - BOTH: - # Mr Chamberlain and said to me 488 00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:59,800 # If you want your gas masks fitted free 489 00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:03,280 # Join the blinking ARP. # 490 00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:04,960 RAYMOND LAUGHS 491 00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:09,240 Read this booklet until you know by heart what it contains. 492 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:12,640 Oh, I wish I had a proper gas mask carrier. 493 00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:16,520 Not a soppy old cardboard box and string. It's not fair! 494 00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:18,400 - CRASHING - Oh, dear. 495 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,600 Ernest. Ernest, can you hear me? 496 00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:23,520 - No! - I can! 497 00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:25,560 Be quiet, son. RAYMOND GIGGLES 498 00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:31,080 Can you beat it? IRA bombs in London, Manchester and Birmingham. 499 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:32,760 When will it end? 500 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:36,480 Oh, those Irish, they are just like the blessed Arabs and Jews. 501 00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:39,320 - Always at it. - Yes, and don't forget the Serbs and Croats. 502 00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:43,120 They're just as bad. Then there's the Hindus and Muslims. 503 00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:47,640 Why can't they all just be like us and live in peace? 504 00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:52,440 - OVER RADIO: - 'We interrupt this broadcast with an announcement from 505 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:54,320 'the Prime Minister in London.' 506 00:28:56,000 --> 00:29:01,360 'I am speaking to you from the Cabinet Room in Downing Street...' 507 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,680 # Underneath the spreading chestnut tree... # 508 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,920 - Ssh! It's the Prime Minister. - # Mr Chamberlin said to me... # 509 00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:08,600 Ssh, dear! 510 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:11,960 '.. handed the German government a final note, 511 00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:16,640 'stating that unless we heard from them by 11 o'clock, 512 00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:19,920 'that they were prepared at once to withdraw 513 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:22,520 'their troops from Poland, 514 00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:25,960 'a state of war would exist between us. 515 00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:32,120 'I have to tell you now that no such undertaking has been received. 516 00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:38,680 'And that consequently, this country is at war with Germany.' 517 00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:44,280 Blimey, duck. 518 00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:46,800 This is it. SHE WHIMPERS 519 00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:48,440 Mum? 520 00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:56,840 AIR RAID SIREN BLARES 521 00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:07,440 AIR RAID SIREN CONTINUES 522 00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:20,360 - NEWSREADER: - 'The government announced today 523 00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:23,040 'that one and a half million children are to be evacuated. 524 00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:25,080 'Children living in big cities and towns...' 525 00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:27,640 - No! - '..are to be moved temporarily from their homes...' 526 00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:30,320 - No, they're not taking ours away. - Course they are. 527 00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:32,840 No, they're not. Over my dead body! 528 00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:35,320 It will be over his dead body, then. 529 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:37,160 - Is that what you want? - Oh... 530 00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:40,520 - Oh, Ernest. - Well, that's exactly what will happen. He's got to go. 531 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:42,880 ETHEL CRIES 532 00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:46,080 Oh, sorry, darling. Come on. 533 00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,080 Don't cry. 534 00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:50,280 Don't cry, love. 535 00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:52,200 ETHEL CRIES 536 00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:53,680 I know... 537 00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:58,040 SMOKE HISSES AND TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS 538 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:05,480 INDISTINCT TANNOY ANNOUNCER 539 00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,280 DOG BARKS 540 00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:13,440 TRAIN HORN IN BACKGROUND 541 00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:18,840 You be a good boy now, Raymond. 542 00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:22,120 Come on, then. 543 00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,320 Up you go, son. That's it. 544 00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:26,160 RAYMOND STRAINS 545 00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:28,200 Bye, son. 546 00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:32,680 - We'll send you some things in the post. - Stand clear now! 547 00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:34,040 I know, I know... 548 00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:35,920 BLOWS WHISTLE 549 00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:39,040 TRAIN HORN 550 00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:43,840 MELANCHOLY MUSIC 551 00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:49,240 Bye, darling. Bye... 552 00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:51,040 Bye, son. 553 00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:05,800 He's gone. 554 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:09,080 - He's gone... - Don't cry, darling. 555 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:11,280 He'll be safe down the country. 556 00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:15,200 He's only five! 557 00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:18,440 ETHEL CRIES 558 00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:27,200 DISTANT TRAIN HORN 559 00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:41,280 Ernest! 560 00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:43,880 Ernest, it must be from Raymond. 561 00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:45,880 Yes! Yes! 562 00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:51,960 "Dear Mum and Dad, Auntie Flo and Auntie Betty are very nice ladies." 563 00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:55,240 Look, he's done some drawings, too. 564 00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:59,240 "I sleep on a camp bed in Auntie Flo's bedroom." 565 00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:01,800 Aw, poor little mite. 566 00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:06,520 "I get the milk in a can. It is not in bottles because it is cows." 567 00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:08,880 Milk not in bottles? Blimey. 568 00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:12,040 "I rode on a carthorse's back when we got the hay. 569 00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:14,240 "I nearly did the splits. 570 00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:16,920 "Yours sincerely, Raymond." 571 00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:18,600 "Yours sincerely"! 572 00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:20,040 THEY LAUGH 573 00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,000 RADIO MUSIC IN BACKGROUND 574 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:25,160 ERNEST WHEEZES 575 00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:27,560 # There's a place for your hat... # 576 00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:29,360 Mind my antirrhinums, Ernest. 577 00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:31,720 ERNEST STRAINS 578 00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:34,200 I hope you know what you're doing. 579 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,640 Eh? Course, duck. You just wait. 580 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:39,880 # I've got the deepest shelter in town... # 581 00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:42,480 That's it. All done. 582 00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:45,200 Is that it? Finished? 583 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:47,200 Is it really bombproof? 584 00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,000 You'll have to wait and see. 585 00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,080 # And I've got central heat 586 00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:53,080 # But to make it complete... # 587 00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:54,640 CAT MEOWS 588 00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:01,160 Russia's invaded Finland now. 589 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,360 I thought they'd invaded Poland. 590 00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:07,480 - Yes, they have. - But you said Germany's invaded Poland. 591 00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:12,800 - Yes, that's right. - Well, who was it invaded Czechoslovakia? - Germany. 592 00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:15,280 Germany's always invading someone. 593 00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:19,360 - I expect they'll invade Russia one day. - Cor blimey! Not likely. 594 00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:23,240 - They're in league. - Or Russia will invade Germany. - Oh, don't be daft. 595 00:34:23,240 --> 00:34:26,040 Well, if they all keep invading one another, 596 00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:27,960 we'll end up invading someone. 597 00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:31,360 Oh, Ette, you just don't understand politics. 598 00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:34,920 Doh! Now look. 599 00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:36,600 Blessed shelter! 600 00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:39,800 BIRDS TWEET 601 00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:45,200 Do you think they ever will come down our road, Ernest? 602 00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:47,520 I expect it will be OK. 603 00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:51,440 They say Hitler's assured Holland and Belgium of his friendship. 604 00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:53,720 Oh, that's nice. 605 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:57,160 What do you think? It's all right, eh? 606 00:34:57,160 --> 00:35:00,920 I thought firemen had those nice brass helmets with curly tops. 607 00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:04,440 No, blokes have been getting electrocuted in those. 608 00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:05,760 At last! 609 00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:07,840 Churchill's taken over. 610 00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:11,240 - "Blood, toil, tears and sweat." - Ernest! 611 00:35:11,240 --> 00:35:15,800 - Don't. Disgusting. - It's your gentry talking, his words, not mine. 612 00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:18,360 Yes, but he was talking to the common people. 613 00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:21,040 He wouldn't use words like that in his own home. 614 00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:23,720 ERNEST SIGHS 615 00:35:23,720 --> 00:35:28,160 - CHURCHILL: - 'What General Weygand has called the Battle of France is over. 616 00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:32,320 'The Battle of Britain is about to begin.' 617 00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:34,640 'Upon this battle depends' 618 00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:38,040 the survival of Christian civilisation. 619 00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:41,480 But the whole fury and might of the enemy 620 00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:44,200 'must very soon be turned on us. 621 00:35:45,720 --> 00:35:49,360 'Hitler knows that he will have to break us in this island 622 00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:51,400 'or lose the war.' 623 00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:53,200 AIR RAID SIREN 624 00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,520 'We can stand up to him, 625 00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:59,680 'all Europe may be free and the life of the world 626 00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:04,160 'may move forward into broad sunlit uplands. 627 00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:08,560 'But if we fail, 628 00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:13,360 'then the whole world, including the United States, 629 00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:17,560 'will sink into the abyss of a new dark age.' 630 00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:20,400 BEEPING 631 00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:23,280 'Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, 632 00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:29,640 'so bear ourselves that if the British Empire and its Commonwealths 633 00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:32,200 'last for 1,000 years, 634 00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:34,680 'men will still say... 635 00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:38,640 '..this was their finest hour.' 636 00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,520 EASY LISTENING MUSIC 637 00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:47,040 "Broad, sunlit uplands." 638 00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:50,360 Good old Winston! Our finest hour! 639 00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:54,600 MUSIC: We'll Meet Again by Ross Parker and Hughie Charles 640 00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:04,360 They're starting to take away our nice gate and railings. 641 00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:07,680 - I'll make a wooden gate. - Oh, it's a shame. 642 00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:09,480 They want saucepans too. 643 00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:11,560 They make 'em into Spitfires. 644 00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:15,280 Funny to think of our front gate being a Spitfire. 645 00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:22,000 ENGINE STARTS UP 646 00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:34,880 DRAMATIC MUSIC 647 00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:54,080 EXPLOSIONS 648 00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:57,840 AIR RAID SIREN 649 00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:06,760 INDISTINCT SHOUTING 650 00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:09,440 EXPLOSION 651 00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:22,520 Front door's halfway up the stairs. 652 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,480 It's spoiled my loose covers. 653 00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:28,680 AMBULANCE BELL RINGS 654 00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:30,720 Could've been worse, Ette. 655 00:38:30,720 --> 00:38:32,440 We got off light. 656 00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:35,320 I'm glad Raymond was well clear of all this. 657 00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:37,440 Perhaps when we've got this mess cleared up 658 00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:40,120 we could take a trip down to Dorset and give him a visit. 659 00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:49,360 Mum! Dad! Look at me! 660 00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:50,880 Look! 661 00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:52,920 Raymond, be careful, dear. 662 00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:57,440 No need to worry about him, Ethel. He's got quite used to things now. 663 00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:01,040 PIGS GRUNT 664 00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:05,840 Oh! Lovely country smells, eh, boysie? 665 00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:12,440 - Are the pigs like that because of the blackout? - Oh, Ette. 666 00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:14,080 - PIG GRUNTS - Ooh! 667 00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:15,480 RAYMOND LAUGHS 668 00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:17,760 Come along, Raymond. We've seen the pigs. 669 00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:19,520 ERNEST LAUGHS 670 00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:20,960 SHEEP BLEAT 671 00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:24,040 He's fitted into the school very well, hasn't he, Flo? 672 00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:28,560 - It's as if he's always been here. - Oh, good... 673 00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:32,480 Mum, the boys at school all have boots. 674 00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:36,320 They're common boys, Ethel, from Lambeth and Bermondsey. 675 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:37,640 Can I have boots? 676 00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:39,560 Certainly not, Raymond. 677 00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:41,520 RAYMOND GROANS 678 00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:47,640 I've always dreamed of a cottage in the country. 679 00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:50,880 Down here it's hard to believe there's a war on. 680 00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:52,480 Come on, piggies. 681 00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:54,360 BIRDS TWEET 682 00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:01,320 HE STRAINS 683 00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:04,800 That Mr Morrison and his soppy shelter's ruined 684 00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:06,320 my nice dining room. 685 00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:08,120 Government precautions, dear. 686 00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:10,880 Still, at least we won't have to go out into the cold. 687 00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,320 - ETHEL LAUGHS - You look like you're in the zoo. 688 00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:16,200 I'll paint it brown to tone in with the furniture. 689 00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:18,840 A nice pastel brown, Ernest. 690 00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:23,480 CLOCK TICKING IN BACKGROUND 691 00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:25,280 Blimey. 692 00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:26,800 What? 693 00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:28,840 Germany's invaded Russia! 694 00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:31,760 I wish I'd betted you sixpence. 695 00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:34,120 AIR RAID SIREN Oh! 696 00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:35,840 Night, dear. 697 00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:37,480 Night. 698 00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:39,400 AIR RAID SIREN CONTINUES 699 00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:42,440 UPBEAT MUSIC 700 00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,960 # Singing in the bath tub 701 00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:47,680 # Happy once again... # 702 00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:50,880 Ernest, what on earth are you doing with that ruler? 703 00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:55,520 Marking five inches. You're only allowed five inches of water. 704 00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:59,680 But if you were fat, it would be higher up. 705 00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:02,680 Yeah, well, the King's done it at Buckingham Palace. 706 00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:06,440 It's not fair, fat people getting a deeper bath. 707 00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:09,680 They say you're supposed to share the bath too, darling. 708 00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:10,880 Disgusting! 709 00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:13,720 - We share ours. - But not at the same time. 710 00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:16,600 ERNEST LAUGHS 711 00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:20,960 DRAMATIC MUSIC 712 00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:28,440 AIR RAID SIREN 713 00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:30,240 FIRE ENGINE BELL RINGS 714 00:41:30,240 --> 00:41:32,440 Over here! Go on, go on! 715 00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:34,760 Jerry's got a direct hit. 716 00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:36,800 Those buildings are going to topple. 717 00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:40,560 - Is there anyone in 'em? - Don't know. Hope to God not. 718 00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:43,960 - Ted! - Over here, Ern! On the left. That! 719 00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:46,160 - Go on, left window. - Come on! 720 00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:47,560 Left. 721 00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:52,000 GLASS SMASHES AND MEN SCREAM 722 00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:53,480 Watch out! 723 00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:04,680 DISTANT AMBULANCE BELL 724 00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:12,320 DOOR UNLOCKS AND OPENS 725 00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:19,120 Oh, at last. 726 00:42:21,440 --> 00:42:22,680 Are you all right? 727 00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:24,560 Tired. 728 00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:29,080 Been in the docks. 729 00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:32,600 14 hours. 730 00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:35,640 Here. Let me get your boots off. 731 00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:38,640 - There. - Loads of dead. 732 00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:41,240 Little kiddie. 733 00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:44,080 All in bits. 734 00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:46,960 I had to... 735 00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:50,400 HE SOBS 736 00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:52,520 There, there. 737 00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:54,120 Have a good cry. 738 00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:02,520 # The holly bears a prickle 739 00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:05,880 # As sharp as any thorn... # 740 00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:11,680 Cor! This Beveridge report! Sickness pay, unemployment pay, 741 00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:14,280 old age pensions, kiddies welfare, 742 00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:16,600 free medicines, free hospitals. 743 00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:19,160 Don't read, Ernest. Help! 744 00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:22,080 Social security from the cradle to the grave. 745 00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:24,200 The welfare state. 746 00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:28,000 It's what the workers have always fought for. We've won! 747 00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:30,560 - It will have to be paid for. - Course it will. 748 00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:33,000 We all chip in, that's the whole idea. 749 00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:37,280 You can't chip in if you're out of work, or off sick, or on a pension. 750 00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:39,280 No, well... 751 00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:41,760 Course not. It's all got to be worked out. 752 00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:45,760 It's economics, see? Economics will see to it. 753 00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:47,680 There. 754 00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:49,160 All done. 755 00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:52,560 # The holly bears a prickle... # 756 00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:54,360 Oh, Ernest. 757 00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:56,880 I know. I know. 758 00:43:56,880 --> 00:44:00,160 # And Mary bore sweet Jesus Christ 759 00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:03,280 # On Christmas Day in the morn... # 760 00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:09,040 - Auntie Flo. - Yes, dear? 761 00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:12,560 Mm... I wish I could sleep in my own bed again. 762 00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:16,760 Course you do, dear. That Mr Hitler's on the run now, Raymond. 763 00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:19,720 I'm sure you'll be back in London soon enough. 764 00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:23,800 There. All done. 765 00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:30,480 You there?! 766 00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:34,080 - What's up, Ette? - Dearest, I've been promoted. 767 00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:36,840 - Clerk, grade B3. - Cor! 768 00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:40,080 No more packing parcels in that rotten freezing warehouse? 769 00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:42,720 No, I'm going to work in an office. 770 00:44:42,720 --> 00:44:44,080 THEY LAUGH 771 00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:45,600 And that's not all, Ette. 772 00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:48,400 Look, a letter from our boy. 773 00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:50,240 They reckon he can come home now. 774 00:44:50,240 --> 00:44:53,160 Oh! Oh, Ernest! 775 00:44:57,160 --> 00:44:59,040 RAYMOND STRAINS AND LAUGHS 776 00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:02,560 That's it, son. 777 00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:05,280 # Dig, dig, dig Feel your muscles getting big 778 00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:08,280 # Keep on pushing in the spade 779 00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:11,840 # The turnip tops The potatoes and the carrots 780 00:45:11,840 --> 00:45:15,520 # Cannot sprout without your aid 781 00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:17,480 BOTH: # Don't mind the worms 782 00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:19,120 # Just ignore the squirms 783 00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:22,120 # When your back aches Laugh with glee! 784 00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:25,880 # And keep on digging till we give our foes a wigging 785 00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:28,800 # Dig, dig, dig to victory! # 786 00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:30,560 RAYMOND CHEERS 787 00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:33,280 - Cup of tea, boysie? - Thanks, Dad. 788 00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:35,440 That country air has got you fit. 789 00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:40,200 AEROPLANE NOISES IN BACKGROUND 790 00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:42,960 Dad? 791 00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:45,440 Come on, son! 792 00:45:45,440 --> 00:45:48,560 - Down the shelter! Run! - Take cover! 793 00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:52,040 Doodlebug! 794 00:45:53,880 --> 00:45:55,520 Get down, son! Get down! 795 00:45:57,520 --> 00:45:59,120 THEY STRAIN 796 00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:02,560 Engine's cut out. 797 00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:04,320 Christ, it's coming down! 798 00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:11,960 LOUD EXPLOSION 799 00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:18,600 Cor. That was close. 800 00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:22,000 - I didn't know they were bright blue underneath, Dad. - Come on, son. 801 00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:25,120 Shelter. Before any more of the blighters come over. 802 00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:26,360 AMBULANCE BELL 803 00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:29,360 We'd better get you back down the country tomorrow. 804 00:46:29,360 --> 00:46:31,960 AEROPLANE NOISE IN BACKGROUND 805 00:46:34,240 --> 00:46:35,960 EXPLOSION 806 00:46:39,640 --> 00:46:41,160 EXPLOSION 807 00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:47,880 Crikey, dear. Sounds like a lot got through tonight. 808 00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:54,800 I can't hear anything. 809 00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:56,240 Hold tight, duck. 810 00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:02,440 GLASS SMASHES AND ETHEL SCREAMS 811 00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:07,280 BIRDS TWEET IN BACKGROUND 812 00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:12,080 Some shelter. Full of glass. 813 00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:16,720 Morrison shelters. That Mr Morrison must be a proper twerp. 814 00:47:16,720 --> 00:47:19,320 Good job the boy wasn't in it. 815 00:47:19,320 --> 00:47:21,400 He's only been gone two days. 816 00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:27,320 The old Dorothy Perkins is still in bloom. 817 00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:29,160 She survived. 818 00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:31,600 Pity he didn't take his teddy with him. 819 00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:32,920 ETHEL GASPS 820 00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:34,840 Oh, Ernest. 821 00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:37,600 How much more of this is there going to be? 822 00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:41,400 PIANO MUSIC AND CHEERING 823 00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:45,840 CHATTER AND LAUGHTER 824 00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:54,880 CHEERING AND LAUGHTER 825 00:47:57,720 --> 00:48:02,760 - Ernest? - What? - Careful, that's your second glass of beer. 826 00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:06,440 - Victory in Europe, Ette! - Yeah! - CHEERING 827 00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:10,240 MUSIC: The Lambeth Walk by Douglas Furber and L Arthur Rose 828 00:48:10,240 --> 00:48:12,960 - # Any time you're Lambeth way... # - Look! Look at Dad! 829 00:48:12,960 --> 00:48:15,360 # Any evening, any day 830 00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:17,840 # You'll find us all 831 00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:20,200 # Doing the Lambeth walk, oi! 832 00:48:20,200 --> 00:48:22,520 # Every little Lambeth gal 833 00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:24,920 # With her little Lambeth pal 834 00:48:24,920 --> 00:48:27,200 # You'll find 'em all 835 00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:29,640 # Doing the Lambeth walk, oi! 836 00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:31,640 # Everything's free and easy 837 00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:33,720 # Do as you darn well pleasey 838 00:48:33,720 --> 00:48:38,480 # Why don't you make your way there? Go there, stay there! # 839 00:48:38,480 --> 00:48:42,160 Come on, Arthur! It's VE Day! 840 00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:45,760 Cheer up. You look like a dog that's lost its tail! 841 00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:47,760 I lost my boy. 842 00:48:47,760 --> 00:48:49,480 Oh, yeah... 843 00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:52,040 I'm sorry, mate. 844 00:48:53,240 --> 00:48:55,880 I'm sorry, I forgot. 845 00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:57,160 Sorry. 846 00:48:57,160 --> 00:48:59,720 PIANO MUSIC AND LAUGHTER 847 00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:19,400 # When you come to the end 848 00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:22,640 # Of a perfect day... # 849 00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:26,800 Cor. Just think, there'll never be another war. 850 00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:30,880 Jessie's Bob is still fighting the Japs, don't forget. 851 00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:33,640 And you can knock this thing down. 852 00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:35,640 CLANKING NOISE 853 00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:37,960 When I finish tidying it. 854 00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:44,920 # ..Or the joy that the day has brought... # 855 00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:47,360 BIRDS TWEET 856 00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:51,040 Look. It's come up. 857 00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:53,200 - What's that, son? - A pear tree. 858 00:49:53,200 --> 00:49:55,680 Auntie Flo gave me the pips from a pear we ate. 859 00:49:55,680 --> 00:49:58,240 Better not get too big, it will block out all the light. 860 00:49:58,240 --> 00:50:00,200 Don't discourage the boy, Ernest. 861 00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:02,120 I like a nice pear. 862 00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:10,880 Darling! 863 00:50:10,880 --> 00:50:12,560 Labour's won! 864 00:50:12,560 --> 00:50:14,120 We're in! ERNEST LAUGHS 865 00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:16,680 Such a shame for poor Mr Churchill. 866 00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:20,320 The working man will be all right now. At last! 867 00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:22,560 He saved our bacon in the war. 868 00:50:22,560 --> 00:50:24,800 - Bloody marvellous. - Ernest! 869 00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:28,000 Mr Churchill never swears. He's a gentleman. 870 00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:31,080 - I'm Labour, Mum. - Shush, dear. 871 00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:34,960 - NEWSREADER: - 'It is now estimated 872 00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:37,280 'that casualties from the atomic bomb 873 00:50:37,280 --> 00:50:40,960 'dropped on the city of Hiroshima could exceed 100,000 dead.' 874 00:50:40,960 --> 00:50:43,960 100,000 dead from one bomb. 875 00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:47,280 Well, at least it will put paid to wars. 876 00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:51,360 - Eh? Why? - Well, you can't fight a war with bombs like that. 877 00:50:51,360 --> 00:50:54,800 - Why not? - Everyone would be dead the first day. 878 00:50:54,800 --> 00:50:56,480 Mm. 879 00:51:07,840 --> 00:51:09,400 Oh! 880 00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:12,360 He's passed the scholarship! 881 00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:15,160 He's going to the grammar school! 882 00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:18,360 Hmm. I hope he won't get too posh for us. 883 00:51:18,360 --> 00:51:20,240 Oh, Ernest. 884 00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:27,160 RAYMOND STRAINS 885 00:51:29,120 --> 00:51:33,680 And there. There we are. Now turn around, sonny. Show Mummy. 886 00:51:33,680 --> 00:51:35,960 Oh, Raymond. 887 00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:38,480 You do look smart. 888 00:51:38,480 --> 00:51:40,120 Oh, wait a minute. 889 00:51:42,840 --> 00:51:45,400 Can't have a dirty face, can we? 890 00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:47,400 Not at the grammar school. 891 00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:49,520 Quite so, madam. 892 00:51:49,520 --> 00:51:51,720 - Languages, eh? - Oh, yes. 893 00:51:51,720 --> 00:51:55,200 He has to do French and Latin. And maths. 894 00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:56,920 Oh, like arithmetic? 895 00:51:56,920 --> 00:52:00,920 No, not just arithmetic. Um, it's called alge... 896 00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:04,120 Um, alge-bra. 897 00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:06,600 Oh. And sport? 898 00:52:06,600 --> 00:52:11,120 - Does he do his football? - Oh, no. They play rugger. 899 00:52:11,120 --> 00:52:12,200 Ethel! 900 00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:14,200 Oh, sorry, must go. 901 00:52:16,960 --> 00:52:20,400 - You shouldn't go on about it to Mrs Bennet, dear. - Why not? 902 00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:23,520 Well, her boy didn't get in anywhere. He's a bricklayer now. 903 00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:28,320 - I don't see why I shouldn't be proud of my own son. - Yeah? Well, OK. 904 00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:33,600 UPBEAT MUSIC 905 00:52:38,880 --> 00:52:41,560 - Hey, hey! - Mum! Look! 906 00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:47,200 - What do you reckon? - Smashing, Dad! 907 00:52:47,200 --> 00:52:51,400 - It's electric, son. - I hope you can keep control of it, Ernest. 908 00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:55,200 - Can I have a go on it? - Just you keep away from it. - Oh... - It's dangerous. 909 00:52:55,200 --> 00:52:57,400 ERNEST LAUGHS See you later. 910 00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:03,200 Bye! 911 00:53:07,240 --> 00:53:08,640 ERNEST WHISTLES 912 00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:10,360 DOG BARKS IN BACKGROUND 913 00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:14,240 Hello, Ern. 914 00:53:14,240 --> 00:53:15,560 Hello, Alf. 915 00:53:17,480 --> 00:53:18,920 Ta. 916 00:53:18,920 --> 00:53:20,960 - How goes it, then? - Oh, not good. 917 00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:23,800 My old lady, she's getting a bit much. 918 00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:25,360 Oh? 919 00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:30,400 - Rows, you mean? Money? - No, no, no. You know... 920 00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:31,920 The other. 921 00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:34,480 - Mm? - It's the change. 922 00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:36,360 She's on the change. 923 00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:39,320 Too demanding. Do you know what I mean? 924 00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:41,920 I can't cope. It's too much for me. 925 00:53:41,920 --> 00:53:45,840 So...if you ever fancy, you know... 926 00:53:47,520 --> 00:53:50,360 - You'd be doing me a favour. - Eh? 927 00:53:50,360 --> 00:53:52,240 What? You mean, er...? 928 00:53:52,240 --> 00:53:54,160 I'll be out next Saturday, football. 929 00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:55,960 Fulham's at home. So... 930 00:53:55,960 --> 00:53:57,760 You mean you...? 931 00:53:59,160 --> 00:54:02,400 Yeah, like I say, you'd be doing me a favour. 932 00:54:02,400 --> 00:54:04,120 ERNEST SNIFFS 933 00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:08,320 Ah, blimey, no. No, mate. No, I couldn't. Sorry, no. 934 00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:10,200 I've got a barrow to push. 935 00:54:10,200 --> 00:54:12,240 Er, no hard feelings. 936 00:54:12,240 --> 00:54:14,520 Nor me neither. 937 00:54:15,880 --> 00:54:17,440 Ta-da, Alf. 938 00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:19,200 - See you, Ern. - Alf! 939 00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:22,000 MUSIC: The Laughing Policeman by Charles Jolly 940 00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:27,640 # I know a fat old policeman 941 00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:29,560 # He's always on our street 942 00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:31,160 # A fat and jolly red-faced man 943 00:54:31,160 --> 00:54:32,760 # He really is a treat 944 00:54:32,760 --> 00:54:34,320 # He's too kind for a policeman 945 00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:36,280 # He's never known to frown 946 00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:39,880 # And everybody says he is the happiest man in town 947 00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:43,480 # Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha 948 00:54:43,480 --> 00:54:46,960 # Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha 949 00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:50,760 # Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha 950 00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:54,800 # Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha... # 951 00:54:54,800 --> 00:54:56,880 - Mrs Briggs? - Yes. 952 00:54:56,880 --> 00:54:59,560 Detective Sergeant Burnley, CID. 953 00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:01,560 Oh, no. Whatever is...? 954 00:55:01,560 --> 00:55:04,560 Your son was apprehended breaking and entering the golf club 955 00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:07,120 and stealing valuable billiard cues. 956 00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:08,960 - No! - He's lucky. 957 00:55:08,960 --> 00:55:11,080 This time we're letting him off with a caution. 958 00:55:11,080 --> 00:55:12,800 In you go, sunshine. 959 00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:15,360 Next time, it will be borstal. 960 00:55:15,360 --> 00:55:16,720 ETHEL GASPS 961 00:55:16,720 --> 00:55:19,520 No. No, it's not possible. He... 962 00:55:19,520 --> 00:55:21,720 He goes to grammar school. 963 00:55:29,280 --> 00:55:31,400 You wicked, wicked boy! 964 00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:32,800 I could kill you! 965 00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:35,040 - Sorry, Mum. - How could you? 966 00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:37,840 Borstal. Borstal! 967 00:55:37,840 --> 00:55:39,360 Whatever's going on? 968 00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:42,560 Well? 969 00:55:44,280 --> 00:55:45,960 THEY CRY 970 00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:53,000 - I see your boy came home in a police van. - Yes. 971 00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:55,120 Yes, he did. That's right. 972 00:55:55,120 --> 00:55:57,920 He's been helping the police with their investigations. 973 00:55:57,920 --> 00:56:00,360 - In a Black Maria? - Yes. 974 00:56:00,360 --> 00:56:03,080 He reported some stolen property he found in the woods. 975 00:56:03,080 --> 00:56:06,320 The Chief Inspector said he was a very clever boy. 976 00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:08,520 Hmm. 977 00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:18,680 Look. More scrap Anderson. 978 00:56:18,680 --> 00:56:20,600 Oh, fits perfect. 979 00:56:20,600 --> 00:56:24,040 We'll own all the coal soon. They're going to nationalise it. 980 00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:26,000 I bet we still have to pay for it. 981 00:56:26,000 --> 00:56:28,800 Of course we'll have to pay for it, you daft ha'p'orth. 982 00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:30,400 So we won't own it then, will we? 983 00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:34,040 Well, er, not exactly, but it means the profits will go 984 00:56:34,040 --> 00:56:37,120 to the government instead of lining the pockets of the bosses. 985 00:56:37,120 --> 00:56:40,080 - And then the government gives the money to us? - No. 986 00:56:40,080 --> 00:56:41,960 So what's the difference, then? 987 00:56:43,760 --> 00:56:48,840 Cor. 50,000 GI brides going to America. Kiddies with them, too. 988 00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:51,880 Children? But they're not married! 989 00:56:51,880 --> 00:56:53,520 Yeah, well. 990 00:56:53,520 --> 00:56:56,000 I expect some of them jumped the gun a bit. 991 00:56:56,000 --> 00:56:59,200 You know what they say about the Yanks - one yank and they're down! 992 00:57:01,360 --> 00:57:05,400 - What are down? - Er, well, I don't know. It's just a saying. 993 00:57:05,400 --> 00:57:06,640 ETHEL HUFFS 994 00:57:17,560 --> 00:57:19,800 Yaaay! 995 00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:22,000 BELL RINGS AND ERNEST LAUGHS 996 00:57:23,720 --> 00:57:27,680 Blimey. There's going to be 1,000 miles of motorway. 997 00:57:27,680 --> 00:57:29,880 A terrific network. 998 00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:33,360 What about the green belt? All that lovely country? 999 00:57:33,360 --> 00:57:36,680 Yeah, well, it will bypass it, I expect. 1000 00:57:36,680 --> 00:57:40,080 I thought you said there were going to be lots of bypasses already. 1001 00:57:40,080 --> 00:57:43,480 Yeah, well, so there are. It will bypass the bypasses, then. 1002 00:57:43,480 --> 00:57:45,440 And what about the ring roads? 1003 00:57:45,440 --> 00:57:49,720 Look, it will bypass the ring roads and bypass the bypasses. 1004 00:57:49,720 --> 00:57:53,600 - And bypass the green belt? - Yes, and bypass the green belt! 1005 00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:55,160 That's all right, then. 1006 00:57:57,240 --> 00:57:59,800 Only it does seem a bit of a muddle. 1007 00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:12,800 He's passed! 1008 00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:15,120 He's passed the school certificate. 1009 00:58:16,360 --> 00:58:18,640 It says he's matric... 1010 00:58:18,640 --> 00:58:21,240 Matriculated. Or something. 1011 00:58:21,240 --> 00:58:22,440 Is that good? 1012 00:58:22,440 --> 00:58:24,320 Well, of course it's good! 1013 00:58:24,320 --> 00:58:26,680 - What does it mean? - I don't know what it means. 1014 00:58:26,680 --> 00:58:28,640 Not our place to know. 1015 00:58:31,120 --> 00:58:33,080 ERNEST WHISTLES THE LAMBETH WALK 1016 00:58:35,640 --> 00:58:37,760 - Morning, Mr Briggs. - Lovely morning. 1017 00:58:40,760 --> 00:58:42,280 ETHEL CRIES 1018 00:58:45,560 --> 00:58:47,760 Whatever's the matter, dear? 1019 00:58:47,760 --> 00:58:53,200 He says he wants to leave the grammar school and go to art school! 1020 00:58:53,200 --> 00:58:55,400 Art school?! 1021 00:58:55,400 --> 00:58:58,000 - Oh, blimey. - Such a shame. 1022 00:58:58,000 --> 00:59:00,360 He could've gone to Oxford and Cambridge 1023 00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:02,760 and got a nice job in an office. 1024 00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:06,120 He could've been a foreman, or even maybe a manager. 1025 00:59:06,120 --> 00:59:07,680 ETHEL CRIES 1026 00:59:12,680 --> 00:59:14,520 There's no money in it. 1027 00:59:14,520 --> 00:59:17,000 He'll never earn a living at it. 1028 00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:20,600 That lot's all long hair, drink and... 1029 00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:22,960 - nude women. - Oh, Ernest! 1030 00:59:26,600 --> 00:59:28,640 - NEWSREADER: - 'It was confirmed today 1031 00:59:28,640 --> 00:59:31,280 'that Russia has exploded its first atomic bomb. 1032 00:59:31,280 --> 00:59:34,640 'The test took place in a remote area of Kazakhstan...' 1033 00:59:34,640 --> 00:59:37,400 Russia explosion, atomic bomb. 1034 00:59:37,400 --> 00:59:40,200 Oh, blimey. That's been and gawn and done it. 1035 00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:42,960 Ernest, do speak properly. 1036 00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:48,680 CAT MEOWS 1037 00:59:49,760 --> 00:59:51,400 RAYMOND LAUGHS 1038 00:59:55,840 --> 01:00:00,440 Dad, when you come home from work, why don't you wash in the bathroom? 1039 01:00:00,440 --> 01:00:02,560 Blimey, son. I'm filthy, look. 1040 01:00:02,560 --> 01:00:04,960 Yes, I know, but that's what the bathroom is for. 1041 01:00:04,960 --> 01:00:07,880 No, I couldn't wash in the bathroom. Not in this state. 1042 01:00:07,880 --> 01:00:10,800 But this is the kitchen, Dad. Mum cooks in it. 1043 01:00:10,800 --> 01:00:12,880 - Ooh-ooh! - No, I couldn't, son. 1044 01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:15,360 - Not in the bathroom. - Oh, Dad! 1045 01:00:15,360 --> 01:00:18,680 Hello, dear. Had a good day at college? 1046 01:00:18,680 --> 01:00:20,360 FOOTSTEPS THUMP UPSTAIRS 1047 01:00:20,360 --> 01:00:22,080 Oh, what's up with him? 1048 01:00:22,080 --> 01:00:24,680 They called it adolescence, dear. 1049 01:00:24,680 --> 01:00:26,200 They don't understand. 1050 01:00:26,200 --> 01:00:28,400 That launderette is a godsend. 1051 01:00:28,400 --> 01:00:32,560 I did the whole blessed lot for 2/9 and it's all bone dry. 1052 01:00:32,560 --> 01:00:35,000 I could get an electric thermostat for the tank. 1053 01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:37,360 Hot water in the summertime, all modern. 1054 01:00:37,360 --> 01:00:40,960 Electric thermostat, electric fridge, electric milk float. 1055 01:00:40,960 --> 01:00:43,880 My old mum and dad never knew the meaning of the word. 1056 01:00:43,880 --> 01:00:45,760 - What word, duck? - Electric! 1057 01:00:45,760 --> 01:00:49,280 At home, there was nothing electric in the whole blessed house. 1058 01:00:49,280 --> 01:00:50,720 We all grew up all right. 1059 01:00:50,720 --> 01:00:52,680 Two of you died as children, dear. 1060 01:00:52,680 --> 01:00:54,760 What's that got to do with electric? 1061 01:00:54,760 --> 01:00:57,280 Well, it's progress, Ette. Scientific. 1062 01:00:57,280 --> 01:00:59,400 It's scientific progress. 1063 01:01:00,480 --> 01:01:02,480 Blimey, what's this? 1064 01:01:02,480 --> 01:01:04,960 Meat ration to be cut by tuppence. 1065 01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:09,000 That's the lowest it's ever been and six years after the end of the war! 1066 01:01:09,000 --> 01:01:11,120 We had more meat under Mr Churchill. 1067 01:01:11,120 --> 01:01:13,000 Yeah, all right. 1068 01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:16,000 - Middle of the Blitz we had more meat. - Yes! 1069 01:01:17,120 --> 01:01:19,560 - Battle of Britain... - All right! 1070 01:01:19,560 --> 01:01:21,280 You can't blame Hitler now. 1071 01:01:21,280 --> 01:01:22,600 No! 1072 01:01:22,600 --> 01:01:25,080 Just your Labour Government. 1073 01:01:25,080 --> 01:01:26,840 HE SIGHS 1074 01:01:29,800 --> 01:01:35,000 MUSIC: Sous le Ciel de Paris by Edith Piaf 1075 01:01:35,000 --> 01:01:37,600 - Bye, Mum! - Bye, dear. 1076 01:01:41,040 --> 01:01:43,200 Have you finished your sketch? 1077 01:01:43,200 --> 01:01:44,920 Just look at the pair of them. 1078 01:01:44,920 --> 01:01:48,560 Her in black stockings and just look at his hair! 1079 01:01:48,560 --> 01:01:50,640 Well, they're art students, dear. 1080 01:01:50,640 --> 01:01:52,960 He'll grow out of it when he gets a proper job. 1081 01:01:52,960 --> 01:01:55,600 He'll never get a proper job with hair like that! 1082 01:02:03,520 --> 01:02:05,000 Cor blimey. 1083 01:02:05,000 --> 01:02:07,640 There's a candidate here in the general election. 1084 01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:10,680 Not only is she a woman, but she is 26. 1085 01:02:10,680 --> 01:02:12,560 I'm old enough to be her father. 1086 01:02:12,560 --> 01:02:15,320 AND she's a Tory. What is the world coming to? 1087 01:02:15,320 --> 01:02:18,680 I thought your Labour believed in equal rights for everybody? 1088 01:02:18,680 --> 01:02:21,160 Well, yeah, of course, but...blimey! 1089 01:02:21,160 --> 01:02:24,560 She's old enough to be married, have a baby, go to work, 1090 01:02:24,560 --> 01:02:27,960 drive a car, be in the Army, fly a plane in the war. 1091 01:02:27,960 --> 01:02:29,440 Yeah, but... 1092 01:02:29,440 --> 01:02:31,520 Blimey. I'd like to see her do my job. 1093 01:02:31,520 --> 01:02:34,400 Oh, she doesn't want your job. She wants to be an MP. 1094 01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:37,120 - She's educated. - And I'm not, I suppose? 1095 01:02:37,120 --> 01:02:40,600 Well, no, you're not educated, are you, dear? 1096 01:02:40,600 --> 01:02:41,880 Nor am I. 1097 01:02:41,880 --> 01:02:43,920 We couldn't be MPs. 1098 01:02:45,120 --> 01:02:46,760 - Aw! - Oh. 1099 01:02:46,760 --> 01:02:48,600 Who wants to be an MP anyway, eh? 1100 01:02:48,600 --> 01:02:50,480 THEY CHUCKLE 1101 01:02:53,760 --> 01:02:57,160 Cheese ration cut to 1oz! 1102 01:02:57,160 --> 01:03:01,520 Seven years after the war - 1oz. 1103 01:03:01,520 --> 01:03:03,680 It's not enough for a mousetrap. 1104 01:03:03,680 --> 01:03:06,320 There's your Tory government for you, look. 1105 01:03:06,320 --> 01:03:08,520 Your Mr Churchill's cheese. 1106 01:03:08,520 --> 01:03:11,800 I hope you washed your hands before touching that cheese. 1107 01:03:18,200 --> 01:03:19,960 It's my call-up papers. 1108 01:03:19,960 --> 01:03:23,040 - ETHEL GASPS - I'm going in the Royal Corps of Signals. 1109 01:03:23,040 --> 01:03:25,960 Well, don't you go and get sent to that Korean War. 1110 01:03:25,960 --> 01:03:27,960 Oh, that's all over, bar the shouting. 1111 01:03:27,960 --> 01:03:31,080 It isn't! Mrs Hammond's boy, Michael, 1112 01:03:31,080 --> 01:03:33,160 was killed there only last week. 1113 01:03:33,160 --> 01:03:35,200 Blimey, was he? 1114 01:03:35,200 --> 01:03:38,000 He used to help me on the milk round when he was a nipper. 1115 01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:40,480 He was just 19. 1116 01:03:44,640 --> 01:03:47,120 Then, when you come to attention... 1117 01:03:47,120 --> 01:03:48,600 Attention! 1118 01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:50,560 You have to slam your boot down so hard 1119 01:03:50,560 --> 01:03:53,720 - the blood spurts through your lace holes. - Oh, don't, dear. 1120 01:03:53,720 --> 01:03:54,960 It's true, mum. 1121 01:03:54,960 --> 01:03:58,200 - Are you going to do parachute jumping, son? - No. 1122 01:03:58,200 --> 01:04:00,520 I'm going to be a draughtsman in an office. 1123 01:04:00,520 --> 01:04:03,360 Oh, good. That's nice, an office. 1124 01:04:03,360 --> 01:04:06,600 And thank goodness you've had a proper haircut at last. 1125 01:04:06,600 --> 01:04:07,760 ERNEST LAUGHS 1126 01:04:07,760 --> 01:04:10,480 Mrs Morgan's boy is going to be an officer. 1127 01:04:10,480 --> 01:04:13,800 - Oh, yeah? - Don't you want to be an officer, dear? 1128 01:04:13,800 --> 01:04:16,440 Not likely, Mum. They want head boys, team captains, 1129 01:04:16,440 --> 01:04:18,440 prefects, preferably public-school. 1130 01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:21,440 I'm just a common little suburban grammar school oik. 1131 01:04:21,440 --> 01:04:24,520 Oh, but the uniform is so much nicer, dear. 1132 01:04:24,520 --> 01:04:26,960 And you could wear nice brown shoes. 1133 01:04:26,960 --> 01:04:29,800 Boots - they're so common. 1134 01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:35,800 RINGING TONE 1135 01:04:37,440 --> 01:04:39,320 Our very own phone. 1136 01:04:39,320 --> 01:04:40,880 Who'd have believed it? 1137 01:04:40,880 --> 01:04:43,600 Oh, dear, what shall I do if it rings when you're out? 1138 01:04:43,600 --> 01:04:46,200 Well, answer it, you daft ha'p'orth! 1139 01:04:46,200 --> 01:04:47,920 I don't think I like it. 1140 01:04:49,520 --> 01:04:51,200 - PHONE RINGS - Argh! 1141 01:04:51,200 --> 01:04:53,400 Oh, quick, quick, quick, Ernest! It's going off! 1142 01:04:55,160 --> 01:04:56,600 Ahem! 1143 01:04:57,720 --> 01:04:59,400 Hello? 1144 01:04:59,400 --> 01:05:01,600 Yes? 1145 01:05:01,600 --> 01:05:03,400 No. 1146 01:05:04,720 --> 01:05:06,600 Oh, right, goodbye. 1147 01:05:08,280 --> 01:05:10,040 Wrong number, dear. 1148 01:05:14,840 --> 01:05:18,440 MUSIC: Theme from Dixon Of Dock Green 1149 01:05:23,640 --> 01:05:25,200 Oh, Ernest. 1150 01:05:25,200 --> 01:05:27,560 It's just like the pictures. 1151 01:05:27,560 --> 01:05:29,880 Yes, we might get Victor McLagen. 1152 01:05:29,880 --> 01:05:32,160 - He's dead. - They could still put him on. 1153 01:05:32,160 --> 01:05:34,040 Oh, I prefer Tyrone Power. 1154 01:05:34,040 --> 01:05:35,600 He's more modern. 1155 01:05:35,600 --> 01:05:37,680 PHONE RINGS 1156 01:05:37,680 --> 01:05:39,480 ETHEL SIGHS 1157 01:05:41,600 --> 01:05:43,520 You get it, Ernest. 1158 01:05:47,240 --> 01:05:49,280 PHONE STOPS RINGING 1159 01:05:50,440 --> 01:05:52,480 Oh, blessed thing! 1160 01:05:57,760 --> 01:06:01,080 Fancy our little boy having a motor bike. 1161 01:06:01,080 --> 01:06:03,600 It's a scooter, Ette. 1162 01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:05,920 Lambretta. They're Italian. 1163 01:06:05,920 --> 01:06:08,400 He's far too young for motorbikes. 1164 01:06:08,400 --> 01:06:12,320 And I see it's back to the long hair already. 1165 01:06:12,320 --> 01:06:14,680 Well, he's demobbed now, dear. 1166 01:06:19,280 --> 01:06:21,080 Cheerio, Mum! Cheerio, Dad! 1167 01:06:21,080 --> 01:06:23,040 - Bye, dear! - Bye, son! 1168 01:06:31,360 --> 01:06:33,520 He's got three certificates now. 1169 01:06:33,520 --> 01:06:35,600 Yeah, but they're only art certificates. 1170 01:06:35,600 --> 01:06:37,200 They won't get him a job. 1171 01:06:37,200 --> 01:06:39,360 One is from London University. 1172 01:06:39,360 --> 01:06:42,560 - Yeah, I know, but... - He can put letters after his name. 1173 01:06:42,560 --> 01:06:44,400 Just like a doctor. 1174 01:06:47,240 --> 01:06:48,680 CAT MEWS 1175 01:06:48,680 --> 01:06:50,240 Hello, Susie. 1176 01:06:54,280 --> 01:06:58,000 It says they're wanting to legalise homosexuality. 1177 01:06:58,000 --> 01:06:59,840 Oh. 1178 01:06:59,840 --> 01:07:01,440 What's that? 1179 01:07:01,440 --> 01:07:03,320 Well, you know. 1180 01:07:03,320 --> 01:07:05,200 It's like two blokes... 1181 01:07:05,200 --> 01:07:07,600 only instead of with a woman, 1182 01:07:07,600 --> 01:07:10,200 it's sort of with one another, like. 1183 01:07:10,200 --> 01:07:13,000 I don't know what you're rambling on about, Ernest, 1184 01:07:13,000 --> 01:07:14,760 and I don't think you do either. 1185 01:07:14,760 --> 01:07:17,440 I'll put the kettle on, shall I, duck? 1186 01:07:17,440 --> 01:07:19,440 A nice cup of tea. 1187 01:07:19,440 --> 01:07:21,120 SHE TUTS 1188 01:07:36,680 --> 01:07:38,080 Surprise, dear! 1189 01:07:38,080 --> 01:07:40,360 - What? - Hey, presto! 1190 01:07:40,360 --> 01:07:43,160 Mind, the sun will fade my loose covers. 1191 01:07:43,160 --> 01:07:44,960 Look. 1192 01:07:44,960 --> 01:07:46,280 What? 1193 01:07:46,280 --> 01:07:49,000 - Do you see anything? - No. 1194 01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:51,720 Nothing new, different? 1195 01:07:51,720 --> 01:07:53,280 No. 1196 01:07:53,280 --> 01:07:55,040 That green car? 1197 01:07:55,040 --> 01:07:56,440 Well, what about it? 1198 01:07:56,440 --> 01:07:59,040 Triumph Herald, it wasn't there yesterday. 1199 01:07:59,040 --> 01:08:02,880 There's always different cars stuck outside our house nowadays. 1200 01:08:02,880 --> 01:08:04,640 Well, that one is special. 1201 01:08:04,640 --> 01:08:06,120 What's special about it? 1202 01:08:06,120 --> 01:08:08,160 It's ours! 1203 01:08:08,160 --> 01:08:10,440 Oh, don't be daft, Ernest. 1204 01:08:10,440 --> 01:08:12,640 Come on, dear. Get in. 1205 01:08:12,640 --> 01:08:14,240 Oh, er... 1206 01:08:14,240 --> 01:08:17,440 I don't like to. I've still got my pinny on. 1207 01:08:17,440 --> 01:08:19,920 - And I haven't done my hair. - Come on! 1208 01:08:21,320 --> 01:08:23,920 Is it really yours? 1209 01:08:23,920 --> 01:08:25,440 Ours, darling. 1210 01:08:25,440 --> 01:08:27,640 Shut the door, we'll go for a spin. 1211 01:08:40,080 --> 01:08:43,280 I didn't know you could drive a proper car. 1212 01:08:43,280 --> 01:08:44,640 ERNEST LAUGHS 1213 01:08:57,200 --> 01:08:58,680 Letter from Raymond. 1214 01:08:58,680 --> 01:09:02,600 Crumbs! The average male manual worker earns 1215 01:09:02,600 --> 01:09:06,240 £13, 2s and 11d a week. Blimey! 1216 01:09:06,240 --> 01:09:09,720 - I must be below average, then. - Oh, it doesn't apply to you, Ernest. 1217 01:09:09,720 --> 01:09:11,360 You're not a manual worker. 1218 01:09:12,520 --> 01:09:15,840 Oh, he's going to be a teacher. 1219 01:09:15,840 --> 01:09:18,040 Oh, good. That's a bit more regular. 1220 01:09:18,040 --> 01:09:20,960 - It's in a college of art. - That's better. 1221 01:09:20,960 --> 01:09:23,160 Thank God it's not just an art school. 1222 01:09:23,160 --> 01:09:25,640 - Part-time. - Well, part-time is no good. 1223 01:09:25,640 --> 01:09:27,160 That's more for women. 1224 01:09:27,160 --> 01:09:29,000 One-day a week, look. 1225 01:09:29,000 --> 01:09:30,600 Blimey. 1226 01:09:30,600 --> 01:09:34,240 He gets almost as much for one day as I get for the whole bloody week. 1227 01:09:34,240 --> 01:09:35,520 Ernest! 1228 01:09:36,600 --> 01:09:39,120 Oh, "See you on the 30th. 1229 01:09:39,120 --> 01:09:42,720 "I'll be bringing...Jean with me." 1230 01:09:44,880 --> 01:09:48,480 MUSIC: Little Things By Dave Berry 1231 01:09:48,480 --> 01:09:50,040 Here they come, Ette. 1232 01:09:52,720 --> 01:09:54,960 Hello, Mum. Dad. 1233 01:09:54,960 --> 01:09:56,760 This is Jean. 1234 01:09:56,760 --> 01:09:58,120 Hello, Jean. 1235 01:09:58,120 --> 01:10:00,040 Hello. 1236 01:10:00,040 --> 01:10:01,560 Hello, dear. 1237 01:10:01,560 --> 01:10:03,240 Oh! Look at you. 1238 01:10:03,240 --> 01:10:04,800 Here's a comb. 1239 01:10:04,800 --> 01:10:06,440 RAYMOND SIGHS 1240 01:10:06,440 --> 01:10:08,320 Mum, I haven't seen you for a month. 1241 01:10:08,320 --> 01:10:10,480 I've just brought my future wife to meet you. 1242 01:10:10,480 --> 01:10:12,080 I do not want a comb! 1243 01:10:16,640 --> 01:10:18,360 Right then. 1244 01:10:18,360 --> 01:10:22,040 JEAN GIGGLES I'll, um...put the kettle on. 1245 01:10:23,560 --> 01:10:25,920 RAYMOND SIGHS 1246 01:10:31,160 --> 01:10:32,720 Sorry, Mum. 1247 01:10:32,720 --> 01:10:34,600 Oh, come and sit down, dear. 1248 01:10:34,600 --> 01:10:36,280 Lovely to see you. 1249 01:10:36,280 --> 01:10:37,720 And you too, Jane. 1250 01:10:37,720 --> 01:10:39,360 Jean, Mum. 1251 01:10:39,360 --> 01:10:40,800 I thought you'd like... 1252 01:10:40,800 --> 01:10:43,560 Oh, thank you, dear. 1253 01:10:43,560 --> 01:10:45,480 Whatever is it? 1254 01:10:45,480 --> 01:10:47,760 - It's a bottle of wine, Mum. - Wine! 1255 01:10:47,760 --> 01:10:50,840 - Oh, dear. I don't know... - Got a corkscrew anywhere? 1256 01:10:50,840 --> 01:10:52,720 Wine! Oh, dear. 1257 01:10:54,320 --> 01:10:57,680 - It's all right, Mum. It won't explode. - I don't like bangs. 1258 01:10:59,680 --> 01:11:01,040 Oh! 1259 01:11:01,040 --> 01:11:02,960 THEY LAUGH 1260 01:11:02,960 --> 01:11:05,960 - Bye, Mum. Bye, Dad. - Cheerio, son. 1261 01:11:05,960 --> 01:11:08,720 I do wish you'd get a nice car, dear. 1262 01:11:08,720 --> 01:11:10,440 A van is cheaper, Mum. 1263 01:11:10,440 --> 01:11:14,760 - No purchase tax! - But a car is so much nicer. 1264 01:11:16,800 --> 01:11:18,640 Bye! 1265 01:11:21,440 --> 01:11:24,080 - She was a nice kid, wasn't she? - She didn't say much. 1266 01:11:24,080 --> 01:11:26,040 She's shy. Very shy. 1267 01:11:26,040 --> 01:11:27,760 Like you, sweetheart. 1268 01:11:27,760 --> 01:11:29,440 Hair all over the shop. 1269 01:11:29,440 --> 01:11:31,680 - Too tall. - She can't help that, dear. 1270 01:11:31,680 --> 01:11:34,600 - She's all legs. - Never mind her legs, Ernest. 1271 01:11:34,600 --> 01:11:38,480 She needs a perm and he needs a good haircut. 1272 01:11:43,440 --> 01:11:44,880 Oh, no. 1273 01:11:44,880 --> 01:11:48,040 He says they're going to get married in a registry office. 1274 01:11:48,040 --> 01:11:51,240 - Well, that's the modern way, Ette. - Oh, it's horrible. 1275 01:11:51,240 --> 01:11:53,280 Yes, but neither of them is religious. 1276 01:11:53,280 --> 01:11:55,040 I don't want him to be religious, 1277 01:11:55,040 --> 01:11:57,560 I just want him to get married in a church! 1278 01:11:58,600 --> 01:12:00,720 It's so much nicer. 1279 01:12:07,680 --> 01:12:11,760 And when are you going to start a family, dear? 1280 01:12:11,760 --> 01:12:14,080 Well, I don't know, really, Mum. 1281 01:12:14,080 --> 01:12:16,720 - Probably not at all. - Goodness me, why ever not? 1282 01:12:16,720 --> 01:12:18,800 I want to be a granny. 1283 01:12:18,800 --> 01:12:21,880 Well, Jean's got problems, Mum. 1284 01:12:21,880 --> 01:12:23,400 Brain trouble. 1285 01:12:23,400 --> 01:12:25,400 - Brain trouble? - Yeah. 1286 01:12:25,400 --> 01:12:29,760 Well, that's what I call it, as a sort of joke. 1287 01:12:29,760 --> 01:12:32,760 She goes in and out of the loony bin. 1288 01:12:32,760 --> 01:12:34,280 You mean she's... 1289 01:12:35,800 --> 01:12:39,600 - (WHISPERS) She's mental? - Yeah, well, that's one word for it. 1290 01:12:40,640 --> 01:12:43,040 The other word is schizophrenia. 1291 01:12:43,040 --> 01:12:45,040 Oh, dear. 1292 01:12:45,040 --> 01:12:46,960 Poor thing. 1293 01:12:50,880 --> 01:12:53,640 So, I won't be a granny after all. 1294 01:12:53,640 --> 01:12:55,360 Never mind, Mum. 1295 01:13:15,280 --> 01:13:17,000 What a dump. 1296 01:13:17,000 --> 01:13:18,680 "Dump"?! 1297 01:13:18,680 --> 01:13:21,240 Mum, the Government has designated this 1298 01:13:21,240 --> 01:13:23,760 an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty. 1299 01:13:23,760 --> 01:13:25,800 An AONB - it's official. 1300 01:13:28,080 --> 01:13:29,720 Well, I still say it's a dump. 1301 01:13:29,720 --> 01:13:32,960 The South Downs are at the end of the garden. 1302 01:13:32,960 --> 01:13:34,960 I give up, I give up. 1303 01:13:34,960 --> 01:13:37,240 BIRDS TWEET, SHEEP BLEAT 1304 01:13:40,080 --> 01:13:44,320 Son, it's the sort of place I always dreamed about. 1305 01:13:45,400 --> 01:13:46,840 I know, Dad. 1306 01:13:46,840 --> 01:13:48,400 I know. 1307 01:13:57,360 --> 01:14:01,600 They seem very happy down there, despite the schizo business. 1308 01:14:01,600 --> 01:14:03,640 Yes, I suppose so. 1309 01:14:03,640 --> 01:14:06,280 I was hoping he'd send his washing home. 1310 01:14:06,280 --> 01:14:09,320 Oh, Et, don't be daft. He's married! 1311 01:14:09,320 --> 01:14:11,120 Yes, I know. 1312 01:14:11,120 --> 01:14:13,000 What's that? 1313 01:14:13,000 --> 01:14:15,560 My retirement certificate. 1314 01:14:15,560 --> 01:14:19,760 37 years' service with the Royal Arsenal Co-operative Society. 1315 01:14:19,760 --> 01:14:22,520 I'm not sure I want that on the front room wall. 1316 01:14:22,520 --> 01:14:24,880 Well, that's where it's going, Ethel. 1317 01:14:28,080 --> 01:14:31,320 - ON RADIO: - 'It's one small step for man... 1318 01:14:33,040 --> 01:14:36,000 '..one giant leap for mankind.' 1319 01:14:37,200 --> 01:14:38,680 Cor blimey! 1320 01:14:39,680 --> 01:14:41,600 Man on the moon, Ette. 1321 01:14:41,600 --> 01:14:44,640 - Oh. - Man on the moon. 1322 01:14:44,640 --> 01:14:46,240 Fantastic, eh? 1323 01:14:46,240 --> 01:14:48,120 What's he doing there? 1324 01:14:49,440 --> 01:14:51,720 Well, just walking about a bit. 1325 01:14:51,720 --> 01:14:53,560 And then what? 1326 01:14:53,560 --> 01:14:55,880 Come back, I suppose. 1327 01:14:55,880 --> 01:14:57,560 Perhaps they'll have a picnic. 1328 01:14:58,640 --> 01:15:00,120 That'd be nice. 1329 01:15:00,120 --> 01:15:04,400 I think the tea would blow away when it came out of the thermos. 1330 01:15:04,400 --> 01:15:06,160 Why? Is it windy up there? 1331 01:15:06,160 --> 01:15:08,240 No, it's gravity, dear. 1332 01:15:08,240 --> 01:15:09,960 Oh, I see. 1333 01:15:09,960 --> 01:15:14,600 Look. He's going to pick up some pebbles to take home. 1334 01:15:14,600 --> 01:15:16,920 Just like kiddies at the seaside. 1335 01:15:19,160 --> 01:15:20,960 Turn it off, will you? 1336 01:15:34,840 --> 01:15:37,320 Did you have a good journey, dear? 1337 01:15:37,320 --> 01:15:38,960 Oh, yes. OK, Mum. 1338 01:15:38,960 --> 01:15:40,760 Fine, fine. 1339 01:15:40,760 --> 01:15:42,440 Much traffic on the road? 1340 01:15:42,440 --> 01:15:48,040 Well, the A23 was a bit choked up, wasn't it? 1341 01:15:48,040 --> 01:15:54,640 But after Sutton, it sort of thinned out a bit and, you know... 1342 01:15:54,640 --> 01:15:56,680 got better. 1343 01:15:59,880 --> 01:16:01,760 Here's a comb, dear. 1344 01:16:05,680 --> 01:16:07,280 Thanks, Mum. 1345 01:16:15,920 --> 01:16:18,760 Remember we used to bring the pram up here? 1346 01:16:18,760 --> 01:16:21,520 It's me in the pram now. 1347 01:16:22,520 --> 01:16:26,240 They used to do nice teas in the balcony before the war. 1348 01:16:26,240 --> 01:16:29,120 Waitresses in aprons and caps. 1349 01:16:30,240 --> 01:16:32,040 We never did go, did we, dear? 1350 01:16:32,040 --> 01:16:34,400 Yes. It was lovely. 1351 01:16:36,120 --> 01:16:39,360 The yobbos smashed all the windows. 1352 01:16:39,360 --> 01:16:42,160 Well, that's your Labour Party for you. 1353 01:16:52,000 --> 01:16:54,920 ETHEL GASPS AND MOANS 1354 01:16:54,920 --> 01:16:57,160 - Mr Biggs! Mr Briggs! - What? 1355 01:16:57,160 --> 01:16:59,680 Is there a telephone? I need to call an ambulance. 1356 01:16:59,680 --> 01:17:01,920 Downstairs, Doctor. Front room. 1357 01:17:05,760 --> 01:17:07,320 Ethel? 1358 01:17:12,640 --> 01:17:15,680 MUSIC: In Dulci Jubilo 1359 01:17:20,720 --> 01:17:23,880 Why are they all staring at me? 1360 01:17:26,200 --> 01:17:29,520 Oh, they're not staring at you, Mum. It's the television. 1361 01:17:29,520 --> 01:17:31,520 They've put it right by your bed. 1362 01:17:32,520 --> 01:17:37,200 I don't like them staring at me and I don't like being in Charity Ward. 1363 01:17:37,200 --> 01:17:39,600 It doesn't mean charity, Mum. 1364 01:17:39,600 --> 01:17:41,200 It's a girl's name. 1365 01:17:42,160 --> 01:17:44,200 What's that music? 1366 01:17:44,200 --> 01:17:46,040 I can hear music. 1367 01:17:46,040 --> 01:17:47,680 Carols, Mum. 1368 01:17:47,680 --> 01:17:50,160 On the television. It's Christmas. 1369 01:17:50,160 --> 01:17:52,280 There's the tree, look. 1370 01:17:52,280 --> 01:17:55,480 Oh, I hope I'll be home in time for Christmas. 1371 01:17:56,560 --> 01:17:59,720 - When is it? - It was yesterday, Mum. 1372 01:17:59,720 --> 01:18:02,080 You had your presents yesterday. 1373 01:18:10,840 --> 01:18:12,880 Look at all your cards. 1374 01:18:12,880 --> 01:18:15,080 Mm? Lovely flowers. 1375 01:18:15,080 --> 01:18:16,960 Yes, lovely. 1376 01:18:16,960 --> 01:18:18,880 Aren't I a lucky girl? 1377 01:18:24,480 --> 01:18:26,960 Listen, dear. 1378 01:18:26,960 --> 01:18:30,720 (Who was that old man in here just now?) 1379 01:18:30,720 --> 01:18:32,400 Oh, Mum. 1380 01:18:32,400 --> 01:18:33,880 That was Dad. 1381 01:18:34,920 --> 01:18:36,400 Dad? 1382 01:18:36,400 --> 01:18:38,640 You know, Ernest? 1383 01:18:38,640 --> 01:18:40,400 Your husband. 1384 01:18:40,400 --> 01:18:42,040 My husband? 1385 01:18:42,040 --> 01:18:43,960 Yes. 1386 01:18:43,960 --> 01:18:46,240 Not Victor McLagen? 1387 01:18:46,240 --> 01:18:48,480 No, Mum. 1388 01:18:48,480 --> 01:18:50,960 I thought he was dead. 1389 01:18:53,800 --> 01:18:55,480 Lovely... 1390 01:18:55,480 --> 01:18:57,600 lovely flowers, Mum. 1391 01:18:57,600 --> 01:19:00,280 Oh, yes. Lovely. 1392 01:19:00,280 --> 01:19:02,280 Aren't I a lucky girl? 1393 01:19:20,080 --> 01:19:21,280 Son? 1394 01:19:21,280 --> 01:19:22,840 Is that you? 1395 01:19:22,840 --> 01:19:24,440 'Yes.' 1396 01:19:24,440 --> 01:19:26,800 The hospital, they just phoned. 1397 01:19:26,800 --> 01:19:29,240 - 'Oh, right.' - She's... 1398 01:19:30,680 --> 01:19:32,440 I'm going up there. 1399 01:19:33,600 --> 01:19:35,440 - 'I'll leave now.' - OK. 1400 01:19:35,440 --> 01:19:38,680 - I'll see you there. - 'Bye, Dad.' 1401 01:19:38,680 --> 01:19:41,680 RAYMOND CRIES Steady on, old son. 1402 01:19:41,680 --> 01:19:43,280 Steady on. 1403 01:20:04,760 --> 01:20:06,840 Why's she on a trolley. 1404 01:20:06,840 --> 01:20:08,240 I don't know, son. 1405 01:20:08,240 --> 01:20:10,800 Look, bloody tissues and things right by her face. 1406 01:20:11,920 --> 01:20:14,600 They've put her teeth in all crooked. 1407 01:20:14,600 --> 01:20:16,040 I know, son. 1408 01:20:17,640 --> 01:20:19,560 I don't know. 1409 01:20:32,120 --> 01:20:35,400 I still keep laying the table for two, duck. 1410 01:20:36,560 --> 01:20:38,680 Daft, isn't it, Susie puss? 1411 01:20:44,320 --> 01:20:46,720 Nice daffs, aren't they? 1412 01:20:48,560 --> 01:20:51,040 NEWS THEME MUSIC 1413 01:20:58,520 --> 01:21:01,960 - NEWSREADER: - '..Retailers tell the Government they accept...' 1414 01:21:01,960 --> 01:21:03,800 I'll get cocoa in a minute, dear. 1415 01:21:03,800 --> 01:21:07,520 '..employers offered to resume paying for...' 1416 01:21:07,520 --> 01:21:10,080 CLOCK TICKS 1417 01:21:13,920 --> 01:21:16,440 Goodnight, Susie. SUSIE MEWS 1418 01:21:28,080 --> 01:21:29,640 Argh! 1419 01:21:29,640 --> 01:21:30,880 Oh! 1420 01:21:32,400 --> 01:21:34,080 Argh! 1421 01:21:35,640 --> 01:21:37,120 Aargh! 1422 01:21:37,120 --> 01:21:38,480 Ohh! 1423 01:21:47,560 --> 01:21:49,320 SUSIE MEOWS 1424 01:21:49,320 --> 01:21:51,280 It's OK, Susie. 1425 01:21:55,040 --> 01:21:57,960 PHONE RINGS 1426 01:21:57,960 --> 01:22:00,240 HE PANTS 1427 01:23:09,640 --> 01:23:13,240 I suppose I'd better get the Salvation Army to take it all away. 1428 01:23:34,400 --> 01:23:36,240 I grew it from a pip. 1429 01:23:54,120 --> 01:23:57,320 # I can see your shadow 1430 01:23:59,280 --> 01:24:02,520 # Underneath the moon 1431 01:24:04,320 --> 01:24:08,160 # Maybe a winter cloudburst 1432 01:24:10,160 --> 01:24:13,120 # Heading this way soon 1433 01:24:15,720 --> 01:24:18,440 # Heading this way soon 1434 01:24:21,280 --> 01:24:24,120 # In the blink of an eye 1435 01:24:24,120 --> 01:24:26,760 # Many songs have been sung 1436 01:24:26,760 --> 01:24:29,120 # Many lives have gone by 1437 01:24:31,360 --> 01:24:33,760 # We will never give up 1438 01:24:33,760 --> 01:24:37,040 # We will hold on to love 1439 01:24:37,040 --> 01:24:39,920 # With no reason to cry 1440 01:24:58,240 --> 01:25:00,560 # In the blink of an eye 1441 01:25:00,560 --> 01:25:03,920 # Many songs have been sung 1442 01:25:03,920 --> 01:25:06,480 # Many lives have gone by 1443 01:25:09,160 --> 01:25:11,680 # We will never give up 1444 01:25:11,680 --> 01:25:14,320 # We will hold on to love 1445 01:25:14,320 --> 01:25:17,160 # With no reason to cry 1446 01:25:19,920 --> 01:25:22,680 # I can see your shadow 1447 01:25:25,240 --> 01:25:27,920 # Underneath the moon 1448 01:25:30,000 --> 01:25:33,880 # Maybe a winter cloudburst 1449 01:25:35,880 --> 01:25:38,800 # Heading this way soon. # 1450 01:25:39,305 --> 01:25:45,578 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 102074