Original subtitles

Works every- I'm telling you, every time.

- Do it, try it. - No. What, right now?

- Right here. - All right, all right.

Kind of. Kind of that. Gotta work on it, bro.

- All right, man. - Seriously.

All right, bro, I'll work on it. But just tell me, when do you-?

Right before the cork pops. Timing's important, but-

But you don't do it, like, in her ear?

No, you don't do it in her ear. It's a given you don't do it in her ear.

- This is, like, scientifically proven. - Really?

- Prehistoric stuff. It's like the medulla. - Ha, ha. Crazy.

- The wolf brain. - What?

- It's primitive stuff. - Okay, let me try it again.

- Yeah! - Ha-ha-ha.

- Yeah? That's the wolf brain! - Nice.

Man, this town sucks.

Sorry, bro, I know it's yours and everything, but it's not even 2.

Yeah, it does kind of suck.

Hey, I know this after-hours place over- A couple blocks off Cermak.

- You wanna hit it? Fucking hit it. - Hells, yeah. Let's do it.

That's what I'm talking about.

Whoo!

Okay.

- Not in her ear, right? - Right, not in her ear.

Hey, bro, I never did catch your name.

- Saul. - Saul?

- "S'all good, man." - Ha!

- Get it? - I do. All right, Saul.

Hey, hey, brother, whoa.

Check it out. What is that?

Holy shit.

There's gotta be at least a thousand bucks in here.

Oh, my God, look at that.

- Whose is it? - Mine.

Hey, possession's like four-tenths of the what-do-you-call-it, bro.

- Like, is there an ID or...? - Yeah.

- I don't know, some fat guy. - Huh.

I'm thinking that one.

Let's see.

Jesus.

Is he, uh...?

- What? - Is he, uh...?

I don't know.

- Ah! - Hey. Hey, fella. You all right?

Hey, buddy.

Hey, would you answer me?

Hey, answer this, you butthole.

- "Butthole"? What the hell? - Hey, uh-

Hey, bro, be nice, all right?

This guy right here, he's trying to help you.

Help yourself to some of this, you butthole.

- Hey. - Hey, we're not buttholes.

- All right? So stop saying that. - Yeah.

♪ Butt, butt, butthole ♪

Hey, man, what's your problem?

My problem is I'm standing here talking to a couple buttholes.

You're not standing, you fat bastard.

You're laying on your fat ass.

Hey, I'll roundhouse-kick you right in your heads. You think I won't?

I'll come into the McDonald's where you work...

I'll buy the whole damn place and I'll fire you.

I'll say, "Drop your mops, you buttholes...

because you're fired."

And then I'll roundhouse-kick you right in your stupid heads.

And then I'll go Jean-Claude Van Damme on you, you...

Butthole.

- I'm keeping the money. - Heh, heh.

Here you go, fatty.

I got dibs on that watch, man.

I didn't see that.

What kind is it?

I don't know, it's just a watch.

- We gotta get out of here, man. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What kind of watch is it?

- It's-I don't know, it's- - Well, then let me look at it.

- It's a damn Rolex. - I don't know.

Not cool to be greedy, bro. Not cool.

I didn't know what-

So how do you wanna split this up? Tell you what. You keep the cash.

- I'll just keep the watch. - It's worth 3 grand.

- What? - Three thousand, easy.

- No. - Yeah.

Hey, hey, hey. Come on, now. Let's figure this out. Gotta get out of here.

All right, you're right. You know what?

I will sweeten the pot.

You got 5, 20, 40, 60, 80- Five hundred and eighty bucks.

Add that to the thousand, it's more than half.

What do you know about that thing? Is it worth more than 3?

No, I don't know, but we're good, right?

Yeah, we good? Okay?

Well...

Later, sucker!

Six left.

- Can we get more? - God, I hope so.

It's like a license to print money.

Heh. Thing of beauty.

Hey, what was that crazy stuff about roundhouse kicks?

- Where did you get that? - I don't know.

Just something in my brain, you know? It just came out.

- Too much? - No, I loved it.

It was, like, deep or something.

Wanna talk about brilliant, I mean...

You're the man. Me, I'm just...

I love watching you work.

It's good for making beer money. That's about all.

♪ You can smile ♪

♪ That's all right, my friend ♪

Please, no one has to know.

You could just pretend you didn't find us.

We would never tell anyone, would we, Craig?

- No, absolutely not. - No.

I already called your lawyer.

Besides, this little family outing of yours has put an innocent man in jail.

Cops are investigating this as a kidnapping.

They already rounded up some poor suspect.

A working-class guy.

A father, I think.

But anyway, you two, you almost ruined someone's life.

Potentially several someones.

We had no idea.

Could this have been the person in the van?

What if the man they arrested is the one we were warned about?

Yeah, maybe he's not so innocent. Hm?

Warned? Warned how?

We had a phone call. Someone disguising their voice.

- They said someone was coming for us. - And there was a van outside the house...

as if whoever was inside was watching us.

And once that drove off, we did what we did.

- For the kids. - The kids.

I wouldn't know about any of that, I just-

Ahem. I can assure you that you and your family are safe.

- The police are all over this thing, so... - It doesn't matter.

We can't just go back.

Our case. They'll crucify Craig.

Can't you just call Ms. Wexler again? Tell her you didn't see us after all.

If they think I ran away, it'll look like I did something wrong.

Yeah, and we can't risk losing everything...

just because of some teensy mistake.

Can I ask you something?

What were you hoping would happen?

I mean, before I found you, what were you planning to do?

Well, we were in the process of, you know...

- working that out, when you, um... - We were working that out, yeah.

All right, well, you've still got a little bit of manoeuverability, all right?

You're outdoorsy, right? So you went on an impromptu camping trip.

I don't know, it's something people do, apparently. Uh...

You left the house a mess and you kicked in your own front door...

because it's a free country.

Kim Wexler is very good. She'll make it work.

What about the money?

If she knows about it, she'll tell. Right? I mean, she'll have to tell.

Well, like they say in Silicon Valley, "it's not a bug, it's a feature."

You ever hear of a bargaining chip?

What we have right here is the mother of all bargaining chips.

As in...

you expect us to give this back?

We are not giving this back.

We are not guilty. This money belongs to us.

We-Well, I mean, Craig earned it.

- I worked very hard. - Yeah.

- Weekends and holidays, all unpaid. - All unpaid.

Always. And just because you're salary...

doesn't mean you don't deserve overtime.

- I think that's only fair. - Really, that's what this is about, right?

- Fairness. - Fairness, right.

I mean, not just what's legal.

You wanna talk about legal, slavery, that used to be legal.

Human slavery. 80...

Yeah, this is right up there with that.

Please, just don't tell anyone about the money.

I can't take a bribe.

- Who would know? - We won't tell.

- Yeah, take it. - I can't take it.

Please, didn't you say that you wanted to help us?

Just pretend you never saw the money. How hard is that?

Take it.

Take it.

I can't-I can't take a bribe.

But you know what I ca-?

I can take a retainer.

- A retainer? - Yeah, for my services...

as your lawyer.

- You're not our lawyer. - Well, not yet.

Look, I know that HHM is shiny and it's slick and it's chock-full of lawyers...

and compared to them I'm like...

a kiddie lemonade stand trying to compete with Walmart...

but here's the thing:

What are you gonna get from me that you won't get from those other guys?

Passion. Commitment.

Ask yourself this: Who found you?

I don't see Howard Hamlin ruining his $300 Gucci loafers out here.

If you're with me, you're my number one client. Morning, noon or night...

you call me, I'm there. I would be singularly devoted to you.

Why not?

I'm sorry.

You're just...

Just what?

You're the kind of lawyer guilty people hire.

Did it make the paper?

- What? - Did it make the paper?

Did what make the paper?

Okay, well, probably missed the deadline, but check it out tomorrow morning.

Front page. The Kettlemans, all four of them, safe and sound.

- Looks like you called it. - Yeah.

Camping, you know?

Pretty much right in their own backyard. Well, ahem, five miles above it. Jesus.

The night I had. I got pine nuts in my shoes.

But, I mean, can you believe it?

I guess you can. It's just, you know...

you assume that criminals are gonna be smarter than they are.

I don't know, it kind of breaks my heart a little.

Not the loquacious sort, are you?

We can't all be as blessed as you.

- Well, thanks for your help. - Don't mention it.

And, uh, if you ever need any assistance...

Whoa, whoa, why is my client in handcuffs?

This man is innocent.

He's a victim. Why on earth would he be cuffed?

Go ahead, take them off. There you go.

Free at last. Hey, did he tell you the good news?

Never even kidnapped. How about that?

A family can't go on a vacation without the whole city going on lockdown?

By the way, where's your partner? You lose the coin toss?

Because we expect an apology from him as well as you.

You really don't wanna push your luck with me, scumbag.

We got eyes on you, asshole. One little slip.

- Just one. - Yeah.

Well, you're both very pretty, so...

Well, ahem, I believe I did more than what you asked of me...

so that would make us square, yes?

Great.

- You need a ride? - Camping?

- You expect me to believe that shit? - Yeah, I know.

The things people do, huh?

They decide to go camping right after I run my little offer by you?

Could be argued that all of life is one great coincidence.

Somebody told those people to, um, go camping.

Somebody warned them.

Ahem. They're very woodsy. And between you and me...

they're rash when it comes to the decision-making.

They're not really the plan-ahead types.

Yeah, I'd cut the cute attitude right about now...

if I were you. You ratted on me. There will be consequences.

Hey, if somebody warned the Kettlemans...

it was probably somebody who was worried about those kids.

Know how much trouble you caused me?

You didn't need any help getting caught.

Okay? The neighbour ID'd you. You were sloppy.

Any trouble you might have, that's on you.

Not to mention the blood in your van.

Here's a thought: Ajax, Formula 409.

You have no idea the tap dance I had to give those cops to get you out of here.

You gave them probable cause out the wazoo.

Now, whoever the somebody is who may have warned the Kettlemans...

got them out of there...

before you did anything even more stupid.

You should be thanking this Good Samaritan...

because whoever he is, he did you a favour.

Okay, I'm thinking hourly here.

There were some special circumstances...

so our elite-tier pricing would be $950 an hour.

Round off to 20 hours.

Nineteen thousand.

Plus 1000 for travel expenses.

Consulting fees, 1500.

And, uh, research.

Five for filing fees.

I ate on the road.

And storage fees.

Miscellaneous expenses.

Upon this rock, I will build my church.

Double-breasted or single, sir?

Single. And I want you to cut the arm holes high, okay?

- Of course. - And trim through the middle. Trim.

- Cloth? - Uh, oh-

Well, uh, wool.

Yeah, uh...

Super 170 Tasmanian wool.

- Beautiful choice, sir. - Thanks.

- Uh, navy, all right? Uh... - Yeah.

Uh-huh. Oh, that's it, perfect. Pinstripe.

Shall we discuss shirts?

Okay, I'm gonna need your finest sea-island cotton...

with a white club collar and French cuffs.

I have the very thing.

And I'm assuming you want to see some ties.

Yeah, I was picturing something in a light-blue knit.

- Okay. - Oh, and could you make sure...

those are real mother-of-pearl buttons on the shirts?

- Okay? None of this fake plastic crap. - Of course. I'll be right back.

Some coffee, David?

Ah, here we are.

Shall we?

Yeah, let's go.

Mm. Mm-hm. Yeah.

So, um, what do you think?

- Strawberry Fields Forever? - Mm.

No, are you crazy? Not even close.

Yes, it is, look.

No, no, it's way more Sassafras Glow. Way more.

Use your eyes. Strawberry Fields Forever.

Ladies, back me up. Hey.

- Sassafras Glow, am I right? - No.

Maybe Rhapsody in Blond, but...

See, they agree with me.

What happened to "the customer is always right"?

- Sassafras Glow. Mix it up, all right? - You're wrong. You see.

Big deal. I'll wash it out in the morning. No biggie, jeez.

It's bleach. It doesn't wash out.

What? It's permanent?

We'll Photoshop the colour, okay?

Change of plan, ladies.

I wanna go with a simple curling iron job, okay?

Uh, give me, like, ringlets, you know, on top.

Like Tony Curtis in Spartacus.

Yeah, like the bath scene in Spartacus.

Stop talking about it. Make me beautiful already.

Hello, you've reached the law offices...

of James M. McGill, Esquire, a lawyer you can trust.

Kindly leave your information at the tone...

and Mr. McGill will phone you promptly.

Hey, uh...

It's me. Hi.

Anyway, The Thing is playing downtown on Saturday.

Thought you might be up for some Kurt Russell action.

I owe you one, so why don't we just grab some dinner first, my treat?

And...

uh, you know, if not, can you give me a call anyway?

I really wanna talk to you. Okay, bye.

- Come in. - Hey.

(Hey. He)'-

- How goes it? - Uh...

Tricky, for sure.

Craig and Betsy really put us in a corner with the police...

not to mention the press.

But this camping story of theirs...

they've been keeping it consistent at least.

If it's okay with you, I think I should talk them into hiring a PR firm.

Certainly for the next couple of weeks.

Mm-hm.

So okay on the PR firm?

- Do you have a minute? - Yeah, of course. What's up?

Take a ride with me.

Uh, okay. Uh...

Where are we going?

- Whoa. - Yeah.

Shit.

Yep...

That's-I mean, that's my suit, right?

- Am I crazy here? - No, you're not crazy.

Look at the logo.

That's our logo. He's just straight-up copying us.

I mean, what the hell is he thinking with this?

- Really, he's, you know, a free spirit. - Oh. Yeah.

That's one way to put it.

You two are still friends, right?

- I wouldn't exactly- - You talk, though.

- Not really. - Still, you're the one he called...

when he found the Kettlemans' camped halfway up the Sandias.

He was looking out for his own client, that's all.

This isn't the third degree, Kim. I really don't care one way or the other. I just...

He's really forcing my hand here.

- Hey. - Hey.

Am I interrupting?

Not at all. Perfect timing. Come on.

Sit. Have a massage, free of charge.

- Okay. - You gotta try the footbath too.

Oh, yeah. Ah.

Give the old dogs a rest.

- Go for the deep-tissue setting- - Is that the small fist?

- Use the-It's three arrows. - I did. I pressed it.

Yeah. Now, you feel it?

- Ah. Now, relax, okay? - Okay.

You deserve a break today.

- It's very nice. - Told you.

I get this free every night.

- Just one of the perks of salon living. - The others being?

- Free cucumber water, obviously. - Obviously.

Free Mani-pedis?

Uh, deep-discount Mani-pedis.

- Oh. - The ladies still gotta eat, you know?

- Well, it's still a deal. - Yeah.

- You're living like a king, then. - Mm-hm.

What's this?

- Is this a cease and desist? - Yep.

How pissed was he?

His head didn't actually explode, but pretty damn pissed.

- Like this-won't-end-well-for-you pissed. - Yeah.

- How about that? - Jimmy.

This is serious.

- I know. - Do you?

I mean, what the hell is with that billboard?

I know you have a problem with Hamlin...

but I just don't get your angle here.

Aren't you trying to build your own law practice?

Instead, you're spending God knows how much money turning yourself...

into a little Hamlin clone. I mean, why are you making this personal?

- It's not personal. - It is so personal.

It is completely and totally personal.

- No, no, no. It's not. Nope. - Yes. Yes, it is. Ugh.

Stop trying to pretend.

I can advertise, can't I? What, do I have to clear everything...

- past the great Howard? - You can advertise all you want.

That billboard is not advertising. That is a declaration of war.

- "Declaration of war." - Right at Hamlin's exit.

- You know he drives by it every day. - It's business.

I'm building a brand.

You're ripping off a brand.

There is nothing original in that ad.

It certainly doesn't represent Jimmy McGill.

Hey. All right, now, he fired the first shot, okay?

Trying to keep me from using my name? My own name, Kim?

I get that.

But this?

- You're better than this. - I'm better than this?

- Yes, you are. - I'm better than this? I'm bet-

Well, you're better than that schmuck Hamlin.

Oh, come on, Jimmy.

You could work anywhere.

You could be somewhere where they appreciate you.

Where they see how valuable you are.

Where, I don't know, maybe they care about you.

Forget it, okay?

If Hamlin wants to come after me, he knows where I am.

I'll be ready. Guns blazing.

The cease and desist is just the beginning.

The next step is an injunction. You can't win this fight.

Your Honour, I'm a humble solo practitioner...

merely trying to ply my trade in an aggressive and evolving marketplace.

As I've argued repeatedly, this is trademark infringement.

Mr. McGill's new logo is an absolute copy of ours.

I think it falls firmly under fair use.

Fair use? You're clearly profiting, so fair use doesn't apply.

There are only so many fonts out there.

Does Mr. Hamlin outright own them all?

No. But we've been using this particular font for 12 years now.

And it, in concert with our tri-rectangle graphic and Hamlindigo blue...

constitutes a trademark-brand identifier.

Whoa, back up. "Hamlindigo blue"?

Yes. That is our trademark name.

Holy crap, you seriously named a colour Hamlindigo? That is...

- Yikes. - "Yikes."

From the man dressed exactly like me. Your Honour...

I feel like I'm in the mirror routine with Groucho Marx.

Like we should be standing waving our arms.

Really? I don't see it.

In addition, the name McGill appears in both logos...

which Mr. McGill is hoping to further confuse potential clients.

So I can't advertise under my own name now?

I'm to be penalised...

because I happen to share a name with one of HHM's partners?

You can't take my name from me.

The name is not the problem here, Mr. McGill.

Uh, Mr. Hamlin certainly seems to think so.

I mean, he wants me to change my name...

because he claims that, what, it's some kind of threat to his business?

Your Honour-

This is restraint of trade.

Okay, whatever happened to the free market, huh?

- No, Hamlin here wants you to tell- - Okay, enough, Mr. McGill.

I've heard enough.

All right, yes, you are within your rights to advertise using your own name.

However, in my estimation, the billboard clearly and intentionally...

duplicates elements of the Hamlin Hamlin McGill logo.

You're actively copying their established brand for your own gain.

I don't see any other explanation.

- Your Honour- - Jimmy. Jimmy.

Wise up.

The billboard must come down within 48 hours.

This is a classic David-versus-Goliath story.

I mean, you got your gigantic law firm stomping all over the little guy.

But it's investigative journalism at its best.

It's right up your alley.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, okay. Well, let me give you my cell just in case.

Yeah. Thank you.

Can I get the news desk, please? I got a hot tip.

Wanna be the station that brought down big law?

You could be like the reporters that brought down big tobacco.

Look, I'm talking Woodward and Bernstein here.

Your exposé on predatory ATM fees, that was-Wow.

Well, it's a miscarriage of justice.

And I think your viewers would be very, very interested...

and grateful to you for exposing this injustice.

I wouldn't characterise this as a community health risk...

but it's community interest.

No, yes, HHM is a pillar of the community. Yes.

No, the war is an important story as well.

That's why this action is so egregious.

Sure. Okay.

Well, at least consider the human-interest angle here.

Are you kidding? "Lawyer pulls himself up by his bootstraps...

only to be ground under the heel of the old-money mega-firm"?

That's hearts and minds.

Oh-

Yeah, I have your number too, so...

Yeah, I see. Okay.

Oh, no, no, no, man. Can't touch the goods.

I signed the form. Only I can touch the camera.

Fine. May I suggest you widen the frame to include-

The billboard is the story, okay?

I'm also the story.

- So gotta get me in there. - Okay, so get on your mark.

No offence to your minutes of experience...

but I'd like to see what we got before we do this, okay? Other guy.

Other guy. Only other guy that's here.

Go stand where I was standing.

Shrink down. Shrink down.

Yeah, scrunch.

Yeah.

Okay, widen the frame, get the billboard.

Okay, now get me. Me, me, me.

No, not me.

Get him. He's me.

Yeah, like that.

- Got it? - Yeah.

Good.

Okay.

- Is he in the shot? - No. Dude, just go.

- How do I look? - Great.

Well, uh...

No, this is my good side. Heh.

- Is the billboard in? - Yes. Jesus, just-

You said 100 for one hour, not fricking three.

You have a journalistic impulse. You're a go-getter. You know that?

Go get this.

All right, count me down.

In five, four, three...

Gravitas.

I'm James McGill. Like most Americans, I'm a self-made man.

I put myself through law school.

Working in the courts as a public defender...

I represented those with nowhere else to turn.

I believe in service. It's what I built my career on.

But I've also had a dream, a dream that many of us have.

A dream to own my own business.

Well, I scrimped and I saved and, finally, I was able to buy one billboard.

A tiny foray...

into advertising for my fledgling law firm.

I've always been told that America is the land of opportunity...

and I believed it, until today. Heh.

Not 24 hours after my billboard went up...

a large law firm came after me.

They said that I was hurting their business.

They're rich, they're powerful. I'm just one man.

So who do you think the court sided with?

So now my little billboard comes down.

Let me tell you something. If they want a fight...

they're gonna get a fight because I'm not giving up-

- Aah! - Holy shit. Dude, the dude!

- Dude, the dude! - Help!

The worker guy.

Oh, shit.

Please. Get me down!

- Dude. - Okay. Call 911.

Help me. Aah!

- You got a cell? - Yeah, yeah.

- Please. - A guy fell off a billboard...

Unh! Unh! Help me!

I don't think that's very safe! You need to be licensed for that!

Help me. Man.

Not looking down. One rung at a time.

Not looking down.

Hurry UP!

Come get me.

Help!

Help me.

- Sir, I'm right here. - Please.

Please.

- Pull me up. - Here.

- Grab my hand. - Pull me up.

Pull me up.

You okay?

Took you long enough.

I was scared, yes. I mean, I'm not really a big fan of heights, let me tell you...

but, you know, something inside me said:

"You have to do this."

I'm sure our city's first responders would have been here momentarily...

Jesus, can you believe this guy?

Whole thing was a publicity stunt. It's gotta be.

That's all anybody wants when they're in trouble.

Didn't think life was gonna call on me...

You don't think anyone's gonna buy this?

- In an immediate, life-threatening way. - It's hard to say. People love a hero.

You take it as it comes, right?

The universe put me in that spot at that moment. Who am I to say no?

You know, as a lawyer, well, I help people every day.

Whole thing's a damn stunt.

I think my clients know that when they're in trouble, I'm there.

I'm just a guy who was in the right-

You have seven new messages.

To listen to your messages, press one.

First message. Received at 5:40...

It's just showmanship, Chuck. Ahem.

Yeah, right.

You're early.

- Did you-? - Yeah, I grounded myself.

Hey. Big day-

My phone's ringing off the hook.

I have three consults before lunchtime.

- Three. - That's great, Jimmy.

Yep...

- The worm has turned. - Oh, ha, ha.

That's really great. So to what do you credit this sudden change?

Well, I gotta admit, you were right.

How so?

Well, you told me to keep plugging and do good work...

and the clients will come.

You know, I'll admit, I almost lost faith a couple times.

But the worm has turned.

So, what, you've been getting referrals from your PD clients?

Yeah. You know, you work hard...

show you got half a brain and people come knocking, like you said.

- I just needed to get my face out there. - Oh.

So the prosecutors then, referring clients.

Yeah. Yep, exactly.

Was it Bergeron?

When I was starting out, she sent me a couple of good ones.

Yeah, uh, it was someone on her team, you know.

I mean, hey, it just took some elbow grease and clean living.

People noticed.

I knew you had it in you.

I don't see the Journal here.

- Oh. Here you go. - No, Albuquerque Journal. It's not here.

Oh, yeah.

- I didn't see it outside. - It wasn't out there? It's always out there.

I didn't see it. Heh.

Maybe they forgot to deliver it. Maybe some kids grabbed it.

Because if there's one thing kids love, it's local print journalism.

Heh. I don't know what to tell you, you got a ton of reading material.

Look, hey.

Financial Times.

You know, I know Albuquerque is a hub of global intrigue...

- but you think that'll tide you over? - Fine, but if it's not here tomorrow...

I need you to call the subscription office.

Yeah, will do.

Look, I gotta go. I don't wanna be late.

- Hey, good luck today. - Thanks.

Keep it up.

Hard work looks good on you.