Original subtitles

Man, this is an awesome movie.

Dude, this is my favorite part.

This is the part where the alien's going to

drink the milk and his head's going to explode.

[LAUGHS]

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

Whoa.

Dude, I don't remember the special effects being this realistic.

Cody, our TV just blew up.

Oh, man, now I'm not going to get to see the end of the movie.

Ah, don't worry, little cuz.

Hey, you remember that movie Gone With The Wind?

Well, this one ends just like that one

except at the end, it's an alien that gets to carry the chick up the stairs.

Oh, my God. What's wrong with the TV?

Ah, honey, it just blew up.

Now I'm gonna have to take it to the shop.

Oh, no.

Last time we took it in, it was gone for two weeks.

That means no sports, no movies and no Baywatch!

No way!

Dude, this week, the Baywatch babes

are going to mud wrestle to raise money to heal the bay.

Oh, man.

Well, now wait a minute. That's an environmental issue.

Let's go down and rent a TV.

ALL: Yeah.

Hey, hey, wait a minute.

We are not renting a TV.

I think this could be a golden opportunity.

This family never talks anymore or spends time together.

And now we're going to.

We're going to do what families did before there was TV.

What? Run from dinosaurs?

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

[SCREAMING]

♪ The dream got broken Seemed like all was lost

♪ What would be the future Could you pay the cost

♪ You wonder

♪ Will there ever be A second time around?

♪ Woah-oh, woah-oh

♪ When the tears are over And the moment has come

♪ Say "My lord, I think I found someone"

♪ And no one would be better

♪ To be putting it together For the second time around

♪ Step by step Day by day

♪ Day by day

♪ A fresh start over A different hand to play

♪ The deeper we fall The stronger we stay

♪ And we'll be better The second time around

♪ Step by step Day by day

♪ We'll be better The second time around ♪

[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]

Sorry, Dad.

I just had a really bad day at school.

No problem, pal. It's easy to fix.

So, uh, what's up?

The guys I play basketball with at lunch

have decided to make the game boys only.

Not only that,

they don't want to play tackle football with me anymore, either.

Well, I'm sure they're still gonna wanna tackle you, Al,

just not in the same way.

Come on, face it, your relationship with boys is changing.

I know that.

Just cause they want to play tonsil hockey

doesn't mean we can't play real hockey.

Well, I... I'm afraid sometimes it does.

Listen, why don't you

think about making friends with some of the girls in your class, huh?

I don't have anything in common with girls.

All they care about is makeup, shopping and clothes.

Well, I think you're being a little unfair.

I mean, they have a lot of other interests

if you just give them a chance.

Okay, you guys.

I need your help and this is really important.

With the hat? Without the hat?

With the hat? Without the hat?

With.

Thanks. [GIGGLES]

With the brain? Without the brain?

With the brain? Without the brain?

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Hey, guys.

I heard Ronny Miller is sick and you're a player short

Want me to fill in?

No thanks.

We're just going to play three on three.

Later, Al.

Hey, Al, if you're looking for a place to eat lunch,

there's always room at the chess club.

Thanks, Mark, uh, but, I think I'm gonna go sit by myself.

Hey.

You're Al Lambert, aren't you?

Who wants to know?

I'm Jackie Campbell. This is Helen and Tanya.

Oh, yeah. I've seen you guys around.

Mostly in the principal's office.

That's us.

Mind if we sit down?

It's a free country.

[CLICKS FINGER]

You know, Al, you've got quite a reputation around here.

In fact, you've been kind of a hero to us

ever since you punched out that guy who opened that door for you.

Thanks.

How'd you like to be part of our group?

Well, I don't know. What do you guys do?

Nothing much. Just hang out, go to the record store, hassle the cheerleaders.

Hey, sounds like a good time to me.

Count me in.

Not so fast.

First, you have to take an initiation test.

Who do you like better: Axl Rose or, Michael Bolton?

Axl Rose.

Okay. If you had a choice between watching Blossomor, Cops,

what would you watch?

Who's Blossom?

You're in.

[PLAYING THE GUITAR]

Hey, JT. Hey, Cody.

Dude, you sound pretty bummed.

Is it emotional

or did Uncle Frank take away your Victoria's Secretcatalog?

No man, I'm just bummed 'cause we don't have a TV.

I mean, how am I supposed to keep in touch with what's going on in the world, today?

Well, do what I do. Read the New York Times.

Man, I'm so desperate for the tube,

I'd kill for just five minutes of the Facts Of Life.

Wow, you need a Tootie fix?

Man, you got it bad.

Tell me about it.

Well, there's only one thing left to do when you've got the blues.

Sing the blues.

[PLAYING GUITAR]

♪ He's got the blues ♪ I got the blues

♪ He's got the blues ♪ I got the blues

♪ He's got the "TV's busted

♪ "So, he's really bummed out And he's got nothing to do

♪ "But, sit around And think about watching The Tootie blues"

♪ He's got the blues ♪ I got the blues

♪ He's got the blues ♪ I got the blues ♪

Hey, guys.

CODY: Whoa.

Dude, that camouflage thing works pretty good.

I didn't see you 'til you were that close.

I'm Jackie. A friend of Al's.

Well, I'm Cody, a cousin of Al's.

This is JT, a brother of Al's.

Hi. Al's probably up in her room.

Cool.

Nice guitar.

Nice dog collar.

Mom, will you toss me that potholder?

Sure.

I don't believe this. Somebody stapled the potholder to the wall.

That JT.

Yeah, I'll talk to him, honey.

[CHUCKLES] What a bonehead.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Hey. I'm Jackie.

Where's Al?

Oh, you're here to see Al.

Look, Frank, there's a young lady

dressed in fatigues here to see Al.

Well, I'm Al's father and this is my wife, Carol,

and her daughter, Dana.

DANA: Hi.

Uh, Al's upstairs in her bedroom.

Just go on up, it's the second door to the left.

Cool. Check you later, dudes.

"Check you later, dudes"?

You guys aren't gonna let Al hang out with her, are you?

Well, Dana, just because she looks a little different,

doesn't mean she's a bad person.

Jackie was...nice for a commando.

I'm not going by her looks. I'm going by her reputation.

She cuts class, she smokes,

and she shaved the school mascot.

Blinky?

How do you shave a mule?

I'm telling you, you shouldn't let Al hang out with her.

Well, let me tell you something about being a parent, Dana.

First time you tell your kid to stay away from somebody,

that's exactly who they're gonna wanna hang out with.

Now, Al is her own person.

She's not going to be influenced by a girl like Jackie.

Hey, guys

Uh, we're going to get something to eat and go to the movies.

Check you later, dudes.

Well, look at it this way, Frank.

You're not losing a daughter, you're gaining a soldier of fortune.

[SIGHS]

Frank, come on,

put down the remote and stop looking so pathetic.

I promise, this is going to be much more fun than watching TV.

That's what you said about folk dancing.

Kids, come on down. It's family fun time.

I've got dominoes.

I've got Chinese Checkers.

I got a new TV.

Yeah, turn on Studs, turn on Studs.

Hey, where's the tube?

There is no tube.

It was just a cruel and ugly lie to get you in the room.

Why?

I don't know, but, if I have to be here, so do you.

Come on, sit down.

Oh, look, family fun time.

See ya.

Hey, hey, hey, get back here, you two.

Mom, please don't make me stay for this.

It'll make me whiny and I'm not attractive when I'm whiny.

Oh, Karen, now sit down. I promise, this will be fun.

That's what you said about folk dancing.

Okay.

Now, uh, let's pick a game that we can all play together.

Now, speak up when I find one that you like. All right?

First, we have, uh, Bingo?

All right. Uh, Backgammon?

Okay. Uh, Trivia Teasers?

Ooh, Trivia Teasers.

That's right up my alley.

How'd you like a foot up your alley?

All right, you two, settle down.

Okay? Settle down.

I guess it's up to me to pick a game.

All right, okay, let's see.

How about, um, Charades?

Ooh, Charades. I don't know, Mom.

I may be too stimulated to sleep tonight.

[MIMICKING DANA] I may be too stimulated to sleep tonight.

Oh, shut up, Greaseball.

Hey, don't call my brother names.

Butt out, Shorty.

I'm not short. Yeah, you are.

[KIDS SHOUTING]

All right, that's it!

I spent the whole day planning a wonderful family evening

with games to play and topics to discuss.

but, obviously, you guys do not want to cooperate.

Well, if that is the way you feel about one another or us as a family,

why don't you all just get up and leave?

ALL: Okay.

Well, you got them to do something as a family.

Hey, I'm going to meet Jackie.

We're going to hang out at the record store.

Yeah, Al, Al, can I talk to you for a second, huh?

Ah, sure, Dad, but, can we make it quick?

I'm kinda late. Yeah.

Yeah, I see you've added something to your wardrobe.

A little babushka thingy.

Dad, Jackie's waiting for me.

Yeah, well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about, Al.

You see, I've heard some things about Jackie that aren't quite so cool.

You know, she smokes cigarettes, she cuts school,

she shaved Blinky.

You heard this from Dana, right?

Well, it's not just that. It's, uh...

Every time you go out with her,

you're late for your 9 o'clock curfew.

Now, first, it was 15 minutes, then it was half an hour.

I know. I've been late a couple of times.

I promise I won't be late again.

Now can I go?

Sure. See you later.

Yeah, 9:00 o'clock.

Sure, Dad.

Frank, pacing is not going to bring Al back home any sooner.

Now, why don't you just have some tea?

It is 11:00 o'clock.

She knows she's supposed to be back here by 9:00.

Now, she never started acting like this

until she was hanging out with that Jackie kid.

Okay, now, just don't yell. It doesn't do any good to yell.

I'm not going to yell.

AL: See you tomorrow, Jackie.

Where the hell have you been?

I know. I'm a little late.

Try two hours late.

Now, where have you been?

At the record store.

I called them, Al. They closed an hour ago.

Okay, so we decided to hang out at the arcade for a while.

What's the big deal?

The big deal is it's two hours past your curfew.

Well, I don't think I should have a curfew, anyway.

Jackie doesn't have a curfew.

Jackie's not my kid, you are.

And you're grounded for the next two Saturdays.

Dad, what's going on?

You've never come down on me like this before.

You've never behaved like this before.

Come on, Dad. Chill.

"Chill?"

All right, that's it.

I don't like the influence this girl is having on you.

And I don't want you hanging out with her anymore.

But, she's my friend.

Find another friend.

How easy do you think it is for me to find friends?

First, you tell me to start hanging around girls,

and then when I do, you tell me I can't be friends with them.

Al, I don't like this girl.

Dad, you can tell me what time to be home.

You can tell me how to dress. You can even ground me.

But, you can't tell me who I can be friends with.

[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC STOPS]

Hmm.

Music to rob a convenience store by.

Good luck on America's Most Wanted.

Hey, we should start our own heavy metal band.

We can sing and I'm willing to pierce my cheek.

I'm not, but, I've got a set of drums.

And I've got a keyboard.

And I know where we can get a guitar.

Where?

Right over there in Cody's van.

We can hide it at my house. He'll never even know we have it.

You're going to steal Cody's guitar?

No. You are.

Hey, wait a minute. I can't do that.

That's not right.

Do you want to be in a band or, not?

Well, yeah, but, can't I just ask him if we can borrow it?

[EXHALES] If you're too scared, then just say so.

Well, it's not that I'm scared,

it's just that, um,

Cody locks his van.

Must be our lucky day.

Look, I don't know about this.

I mean, he's my cousin.

Al, if you don't want to be part of our group, then just forget it.

I thought we were friends,

but, I guess I was wrong.

Okay. I'll get the guitar.

Great. Al, this is going to be so cool. You'll see.

Hey, little dudettes. What's happening?

Hey, Cody.

Um, we were thinking

of starting an all girl band

and we had everything except a guitar.

So, I was thinking of borrowing yours.

No, hey, no problem.

You keep it as long as you want. Okay?

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Cody, I need to talk to you.

I wasn't going to borrow your guitar.

I was going to steal it.

Yeah, I know.

You did? How?

Well, when a person can't look you in the eye,

usually means they're lying to you.

Either that or, you've got something gnarly on your face

and they don't know how to tell you.

[LAUGHS]

Hey, I don't got something gnarly on my face, do I?

No.

Cody, I didn't want to steal it,

but, I didn't know how to say no to my friends.

Oh, you mean those girls who just like ditched you

and left you hanging out to dry? Those friends?

I know they do some stuff they shouldn't,

but, they make me feel like I'm part of a group.

They're the only friends I have right now.

Al, you know what your problem is?

You're just too cool for the ninth grade.

[CHUCKLES]

I mean, that's why you feel like you don't fit in.

I, myself, didn't fit into the ninth grade,

or tenth grade either.

Matter of fact, I don't fit in right now.

Anyway, the point is that

I know sometimes it's hard for you to make friends.

But, that doesn't mean you gotta hang out with people

whose idea of a good time is ripping people off, either.

Yeah.

That must be what my dad was trying to tell me.

But, we got in a big fight and he got mad at me last night.

Al, he only got mad at you 'cause he loves you, and he's your father.

I mean, sometimes he's going to say something that's gonna get you mad.

But, I'm sure he thinks it's for your own good.

Anyway, it's all part of being a parent.

Hello, Cody,

Al.

Hey, Dad.

Whoa.

Awkward family moment.

[LAUGHS]

Yeah, I think we're one Lambert over the limit here.

Dad, you were right about Jackie.

I'm not gonna hang out with her.

I think that's a good idea.

And I'm sorry we got in a big fight last night.

Me, too.

Al, I only got mad at you because I love you.

What'd I tell you?

Keep talking, Uncle Frank. You're doing a great job.

Al, I'm your father.

Sometimes I say things that are gonna make you mad,

but, it's for your own good.

It's a part of being a parent.

Am I channeling this dude, or, what?

Sorry. Carry on.

Listen,

I know you're going through a real hard time right now,

trying to make new friends and trying to figure out where you fit in.

I'm sure somebody as great as you

is going to make a lot of friends sooner or, later.

I hope it's sooner.

Well, me, too.

But, I promise it's going to happen.

Thanks, Dad.

Any time.

Whoa.

Tender father daughter moment.

[LAUGHING] And I saw that, too.

[POLICE SIRENS WAILING] [TIRES SCREECHING]

[GUNSHOT]

Oh, goodness.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Hello?

[TV SWITCHES OFF]

Dad, Dad, wake up.

What? What's the matter?

The TV's busted again.

That's impossible.

[MUSIC PLAYING OVER TV]

Baywatch.

[ALL SIGH]