Original subtitles

[CLEARS THROAT]

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

Cody, what's the problem?

Got another one of those nasty fur balls?

[SCOFFS]

Ah, no, I just got this humongous cold.

Well, why don't you take some cold pills?

No way. My body's a temple.

[SCOFFS]

I don't put anything in it

that isn't completely healthy.

Except for the occasional

double king egg chili cheese bacon burger.

[SIGHS]

[GRUNTING]

Cody...

before some lonely goose gets the wrong idea

maybe you should go down to the health food store.

There's all kinds of natural remedies you could take.

Wow, great idea.

[LAUGHING] Yeah.

Doctor Dana Burger comes through again.

I really owe you for this one.

I mean, anything you want

you just say the word.

I just want some peace and quiet.

Peace and quiet.

Okay.

Hey, you guys, kitchen's off limits!

Dana wants peace and quiet.

I'll just stay right here and make sure nobody bothers ya.

[LAUGHS]

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

[SCREAMING]

MAN: ♪ The dream got broken

♪ Seemed like all was lost

♪ What would be the future

♪ Could you pay the cost?

♪ You wonder

♪ Will there ever be

♪ A second time around?

WOMAN: ♪ Woah-a, woah-a

♪ When the tears are over

♪ And the moment has come

♪ Say "My Lord, I think I found someone"

♪ And no one would be better

♪ To be putting it together For the second time around

ALL: ♪ Step by step, day by day

WOMAN: ♪ Day by day

ALL: ♪ A fresh start over

♪ A different hand to play

♪ The deeper we fall

♪ The stronger we stay

MAN: ♪ It will be better

♪ The second time around

ALL: ♪ Step by Step, day by day

WOMAN: ♪ We'll make it better

MAN: ♪ Second time around ♪

Wait a minute, Frank.

Don't put the mustard in there.

Oh, honey, I'm using your system.

I'm putting everything away according to food groups,

and then, alphabetically within the group.

Well, I know. But, I've decided to rethink

my entire storage system.

Because, I think, if it's just a little, too neurotic.

So, from now on, just...

put everything in the shelves alphabetically,

and to heck with the food groups.

-Hey, Carol. -Hi.

Hey, dad, you know how you're always telling me

to get more involved at school?

Well, today I signed up for an after-school activity.

Alright, that's wonderful. What are you doing?

I'm the crossbar monitor at the girls' high jump pit.

So, your job is to sit there and look up girls' shorts?

Pretty cool, huh, dad?

Oh, I'm truly proud.

I'm gonna go see if Dana's camera has a macro zoom.

[LAUGHS]

This is the worst day of my life.

Why? What happened?

I was completely humiliated at school.

Oh, did Al stuff you in your locker again?

Yeah, but, that's not the problem.

I just got my math test back.

I'm slime.

Mark, you got an A, what's wrong with that?

It's not an A plus.

See? No happy face.

Well, listen, if that's what's bothering ya

I'll draw you a happy face and a little duck too.

[LAUGHS]

You guys just don't understand.

I'm losing my edge.

If this keeps up, I won't be the valedictorian

of the eighth grade.

This has gotta stop.

Is it just me or, is your son wound a little tight?

Yeah, you're right, he's so compulsive.

I don't know how he got that way.

No, Frank, the peaches don't go in there.

They go in the L-M-N-O-P cabinet.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Om.

Om.

Om...

♪ On the range

♪ Where the deer and the...

DANA: Karen, come here, you got to see this.

♪ Roam

♪ Boom shaka-laka-laka

♪ Boom shaka-laka-laka

♪ Boom shaka-laka-laka boom shaka-laka-laka ♪

Uh, Cody?

[CHUCKLES] Hey, Karen.

You caught me at mid shaka-laka.

[LAUGHS]

-What are you doing? -I'm curing my cold.

Hey, Dana, thanks for sending me over to that health food store.

I got something that totally changed my whole life.

Check this out.

"Healing your body with your mind."

[LAUGHS] Yeah.

Everything I need to stay healthy

is right up here in the old casaba.

You bought this pamphlet at the health food store?

No way, I bought it in the parking lot

of the health food store.

It was totally spiritual, dude.

He was looking for his shoes in the trash.

He said that I could use the powers of my mind

to cure many of life's every day ailments

like your common cold, your flu.

The heartbreak of psoriasis.

Cody, did it ever occur to you

that this guy was just a nutcase?

[SCOFFS] All I know is this.

He did not have a cold.

Coincidence?

I think not.

Om.

Om.

♪ MacDonald had a farm

♪ E-I-E-I ♪

Om.

Oh, Frank, you're not trying to get the Playboy channel

for free again, are you?

Now, why would I need the Playboy channel

when I have you?

Alright, Frank, who is she?

Oh, I see.

-It's, uh, mood swing day. -Oh, I'm sorry.

I guess I just had a tough day at the beauty shop.

I mean, what do you do with a bald woman who's in denial?

Anyway, what are you doing?

Well, you know, I've been thinking about

how uptight Mark has been, and I decided that he just needs

a little entertainment in his life.

So, look,

I bought him this.

"Super Video Buster?"

Gee, I don't know, Frank.

You know, kids get so caught up in these video games

they forget to do their homework.

Honey, we're talking about Mark.

He wanted to know if we are gonna spend

our next vacation at the library of congress.

Can you believe this encyclopedia

still calls the Apatosaurus a brontosaurus?

Is there no pride in species identification anymore?

Mark, why don't you take an itty-bitty break

from brain-land, huh?

And check this out.

Frank, I appreciate the offer

but, I'm just not into video games.

Oh, come on, Mark.

Everybody's gotta kick back every once in a while.

Why don't you just give it a try?

Well, I have been curious about this new 64-bit microprocessor.

"Motherboard Magazine" gave it a rave review.

Well,

I got a lot of video games but, I thought first we'd try

"Alien Warlords."

Oh, Frank, that sounds awfully violent.

[LAUGHS] Yeah.

Wait till you see it.

Hmm, high resolution graphics.

Over a thousand pixels per square inch.

Very impressive.

-Hey, I got one. -Hey, hey, good shot.

-Oh, I got another. -Ha.

Ha! I blew his little alien head off.

Oh! Wait till you get to level two.

When you shoot the alien in the head

his eyeballs explode.

It's beautiful!

Hi, Daddy. Hi, Carol.

FRANK: Hey, pal, how was school?

Great! We made Billy Jenkins laugh so hard,

he blew chocolate milk out of his nose.

Don't get any better than that.

-Is Mark home? -No, not yet.

Good. Now, maybe someone else can get a turn on Video Buster.

You know, Mark's been playing with that thing an awful lot this week,

I'm getting kind of concerned.

Honey, give the kid a break. He's just acting like a normal child.

Hi, guys. Bye, guys.

Mark.

No time to talk, I've got a date with level eight.

See? I told you, he'd love that video game.

Hey, guys.

I had the best day at school today.

Did you stuff Mark in his locker again?

Well, yeah, but, that's not the good part.

Mark got a D on his math test.

Mark got a D?

[CHUCKLES] Yeah. Can you believe it?

Mr. Wizard crashed and burned.

I gotta go tell J.T.

Mark got a D?

Oh, thanks a lot, Frank.

Your stupid video games are ruining my son.

Well, now, honey, just relax.

We'll go have a talk with Mark.

I'm sure there's a logical explanation.

A video game does not

drastically alter a kid like Mark.

Give me that joystick or, I'll crush your head like a peanut.

Mark.

-Hey, hey, hey. Hey. -Mark.

-Give me that cable. -Mark.

-It's my game, I want it. -Stop.

I want that joystick. Give me that joystick.

I want that joystick, give it here.

Stop.

I want it. I want it.

-Let me at him. -Mark, would you stop it?

What is going on?

He was trying to take the game from me.

Normally, I'd just kick his butt.

But, I think he's possessed.

Brendan, we'd like to speak to Mark alone, okay?

Okay, but, don't turn your back on him.

Alright, Mark, sit down here.

What is wrong with you?

First, you're fighting with Brendan, and what is this

I hear about you getting a D on your math test?

Oh, is that out on the street now?

From now on, there will be

no more video games during the school week.

-None? -None!

Your mother's right, Mark.

This is serious.

You're starting to act like...

one of my kids.

Gee! I had no idea.

[SIGHS]

Guess I kinda got carried away, huh?

Yes, I guess so.

So, why don't you go upstairs

apologize to Brendan and start your homework?

Good idea, mom.

Hey, Mark.

Do I still have to apologize?

[WHISPERING] Frank.

Frank.

-Frank! -No, mommy, not the tap shoes.

Shh.

Listen...

[THUDDING]

-What is that? -I don't know.

[THUDDING]

It's coming from downstairs.

Oh, my God.

Maybe it's a burglar.

Maybe he's strung out on drugs and has a gun

and is ready to shoot anything that moves.

Go check.

Oh, sure.

They want equal pay

but, I gotta take a bullet.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

Frank, would you just get downstairs?

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

-Go, go, go. Go. -Okay, okay.

Mark?

What are you doing?

Trying to get to level ten.

It's 3 o'clock in the morning.

Good, then it gives me four hours

until I gotta go to school.

Four and a half if I go in my pajamas.

Mark, you turn that thing off right now.

No way, I'm just about to win.

Mark, give me that.

Mark, you are out of control.

No, I'm not out of control.

You can't be a master of the universe

if you're out of control.

Frank, plug that back in.

Okay, Captain Kirk.

-Hey! Hey! -I'm beaming you back upstairs.

-Put me down. -Don't force me to use

the Vulcan death grip.

MARK: Frank, I'm warning you.

I've read several books on karate.

Hiyah! Yi-yah-yah!

[CLINKING]

[CLINKING]

Do you have to do that?

-Is it bothering you? -Yes.

Then I have to do it.

Hey, hey.

Boy, nothing works up your appetite

like a nice big day of recreational welding.

Cody, what is that?

Oh, it's an ashtray.

You don't smoke.

Okay, then it's a paperweight.

[LAUGHS]

You don't have a desk.

Then it's a '57 Chevy.

Who cares? It looks cool.

Guys, I'm in big trouble.

Look!

Whoa, a hickey.

[LAUGHS]

Mark of the "Love Jones."

[CODY LAUGHS]

Actually, it's the mark of Steve Jones.

Whoa, that is some hickey.

What did you do? Drag him around school all day?

This isn't funny, Dana.

If mom sees this, she'll kill me.

What am I gonna do?

Here's a thought.

Don't let guys suck on your neck.

You know, Karen, swapping monkey bites

is no way to say "I love you."

But, there's no use crying over spilled blood

So, the Codeman, with his powers of psychic healing

is gonna help you in your time of need.

Cody, you're not gonna do one of your

"Hocus-Pocus, Let's All Focus" numbers, are you?

Scoff if you will, non-believer.

But, I had a major cold. I took no medication.

I just got plenty of rest

drank lots of fluid and used only the powers of my mind.

And now a mere seven to ten days later...

[SNAPS FINGERS] I am cured.

I'll try anything.

Go ahead, Cody, heal me.

Okay.

[EXHALES]

Hickey, hickey.

Heal hickey, heal hickey.

Hickey, hickey heal.

Boom shaka-laka-laka. Boom shaka-laka-laka.

Boom shaka-laka-laka. Boom.

Well?

Boy, that sucker must go straight to the bone.

[LAUGHS]

This calls for emergency medical procedure

Free association.

Okay.

Hickey.

Ricky.

Ricky Nelson.

Ozzy Nelson.

Paul Nelson.

"Full House."

[GASPS] Little Michelle.

[LAUGHS]

[EXHALES]

Seashell.

Turtle shell.

Turtleneck.

[GASPS] Dude, that's it.

-What's it? -Turtleneck.

Wear a turtleneck till your hickey goes away.

[LAUGHS]

[CHUCKLES] Oh, Cody, you're amazing.

[LAUGHS]

Alright.

Yeah.

Guess between the known and the unknown,

lies the Codeman.

Now I know why "Hee Haw" ran for 21 years.

I don't know why you brought me here.

This is a complete waste of time.

Oh, face it, Mark

you're addicted to that video game

and we have to do something about it.

Hi, you must be the Lamberts. I'm Ed Wheeler.

Welcome to Video Addicts Anonymous.

Hi, I'm Carol, and this is my husband, Frank.

And this is our little addict, Mark.

Nice to meet you, Mark.

You know, this is a support group

to help people who are video game addicts.

And I'm sure you do terrific work.

But, the truth is, Ed..

May I call you Ed?

Sure.

I'm not a video game addict.

In fact, I've never even played one until last week.

Well, he's right about that.

In fact, he wouldn't have played one at all

if Frank hadn't brought one home

to help him relax.

What are you saying? Now this is all my fault, huh?

Well, you are the one who got him hooked.

FRANK: Honey, I was just trying to help him out.

I mean, he's got a mother who alphabetizes canned goods, huh?

No wonder he's so compulsive.

Oh, so now it's my fault.

Well, honey, I'm telling you--

Ah, folks, folks.

We're here to help Mark.

But, there is a group for troubled marriages

down the hall.

Oh! No, no, no, no. We have a very healthy marriage.

There's just this one little issue

which will be solved as soon as

my husband admits that I am right.

[CHUCKLES]

We'll be down the hall.

Everything's gonna be okay.

You be a brave little boy for mommy

and just remember how much mommy loves you.

I love you so much, and this is gonna be great for you, honey.

Is there any wonder I still sleep with a night light?

Okay, everybody, let's get started.

I'd like to introduce a newcomer to the group.

Everyone, this is Mark.

ALL: Hi, Mark.

Hello. Friendly bunch.

Alright, who'd like to be the first to share tonight?

Yes.

Hi, My name's Scott.

I'm a video game addict.

ALL: Hi, Scott.

It's been about three days since I've...

You know...

played a video game.

[APPLAUDING]

It's been tough, it's been real tough.

But, the good news is

I'm starting to get used to the sunlight again.

[APPLAUDING]

So, Mark, would you like to share a little

about your problem?

What problem? I don't have a problem.

Mark, anything you say here is confidential.

All we wanna do is help.

Listen, Ed, I don't wanna seem ungrateful

but, I just don't need your help because I don't have a problem.

Sounds like you're in denial, Mark.

That's the first sign of a video addict.

I am not in denial.

Oh, anger. That's the second sign.

Listen, red...

I am not in denial, I am not a video game addict,

and I am not angry.

You know, maybe Mark's right.

Maybe he's not addicted to video games.

By the way, Mark, how's school?

Still getting straight As?

Well, there's been a little setback, but, so what?

What about fights? Been in any fights lately, Mark?

One slight altercation.

But, he deserved it.

How are you sleeping?

Sleeping?

Yeah, hard to turn that game off and go to bed?

It's none of your business.

Do you always have to get to the next level?

Leave me alone.

Is it tough to go to sleep

if you haven't got the highest score?

But, I always have the highest score!

I always get to the next level.

I'm the best.

I am Mark "The Terminator" Foster.

And I'm...

I'm...

It's okay, Mark, we're your friends.

I'm Mark Foster. I'm a video game addict.

[APPLAUDING]

Okay, Mark and I are going to the mall.

Yeah, I'm looking for a Halloween costume.

I'm thinking about going as a computer nerd.

Good disguise.

Oh, poor baby, your cold's really bad, isn't it?

Yes, it's the worst one I've ever had in my life

and none of this medication is helping.

I'm so miserable.

Well, just drink this tea and take it easy, hmm?

-Bye-bye, honey. -Bye, mom.

Get better.

[COUGHS]

Boom shaka-laka-laka. Boom shaka-laka-laka.

Boom shaka-laka-laka. Boom shaka...