Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

- Dudesie, what's shaking? - Hey, Cody.

Just makin' some scrambled eggs.

Ah-ha. The noble egg.

[chuckles] Pearl of the dairy case.

Pride of the poultry, prince of protein.

[chuckles]

Say, you wanna join me?

No way, man. That thing came out of a chicken's butt.

[chuckles]

[theme song]

[screaming]

♪ The dream got broken ♪

♪ Seemed like all was lost ♪

♪ What would be the future? ♪

♪ Could you pay the cost? ♪

♪ You wonder ♪

♪ Will there ever be ♪

♪ A second time around? ♪

♪ Woah-a woah-a ♪

♪ When the tears are over ♪

♪ And the moment has come ♪

♪ Say My Lord I think I found someone ♪

♪ You know it will be better ♪

♪ 'Cause you're puttin' it together ♪

♪ For the second time around ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over ♪

♪ A different hand to play ♪

♪ The deeper we fall ♪

♪ The stronger we stay ♪

♪ It will be better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪

♪ We'll make it better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪♪

[instrumental music]

[groans]

- 'Ah..' - Oh..

- Hi, honey. - Oh, hi, honey.

- How was work? - Oh, tough.

My back's been killing me all day.

You know, we've to get a new bed. Our mattress is shot.

Yeah, I guess when they give out those ten-year guarantees

they don't have Ol' Frankie in mind, do they?

Alright, Conan. It was you.

[laughing]

- Stop laughing. - Why?

It's a funny picture of you.

Well, mom and Frank won't think it's funny.

Look at the picture of me J.T. put in the school newspaper.

[laughing]

- Uh, mom? - Uh, Frank!

Yeah. G-g-gosh, darn it, J.T.

- This isn't funny. - Sure it is.

Karen's baby picture with her naked butt

plastered across page one.

That's got comedy written all over it.

Well, it humiliated me in front of the entire school.

- Mom, punish him. - I-I'm his stepmother.

- It's not my place. - Frank, punish him.

Uh, yeah, uh, J.T., your punishment is no, um..

Driving privileges.

...driving privileges for, uh..

- A weekend. - For a week.

- End. - End. Yeah.

Exactly. Uh, I'm your father. I have spoken.

One weekend? That's not enough.

Thanks for nothing. Ah.

J.T., I'm gonna get you for this.

[sighs]

Yeah. I can't believe you're punishing me. This stinks!

Well, we tried to help

and, uh, both kids are miserable.

I think our work here is done.

[instrumental music]

One, two, three, go.

[sighs]

What a surprise. I win.

Oh, come on now. Just one more time. What's the score?

"Four hundred and ninety nine to nothing."

Okay, uh, first one to five hundred.

Some weekend, I can't drive and I'm stuck here

watching owl play beat the geek.

Hey, guys, I just wanted to warn you about something

so you don't make the same mistake I did.

I rented this movie.

It's called "The Importance Of Being Earnest."

Total rip-off. Ha-ha.

Dude. Ernest isn't even in it.

[Cody scoffs]

There ain't one, "Hey, Vern" in the whole flick.

Cody, since you're going to the video store, could I get a lift?

Sure. I just got to make one stop.

I got an appointment with Madam Sonia.

Madam Sonia? Who's that?

She's a psychic. Dude, seer of truths.

Visionary into the future.

And if you park in her lot, she validates.

Oh, Cody, I can't believe you fall

for that kind of mumbo-jumbo.

Cody, all psychics are phonies.

Not Madam Sonia. Dude, she's totally legit.

Hey, just last week she said

that I had money and travel in my future.

And you know what? The very next day I found this.

Big deal. It's a quarter.

Uh. Ha-ha, look again, my friend.

It's a Canadian quarter.

From Canadia.

So?

So not only did I find money

just like Madam Sonia said

but I gotta go to Canadia to spend it.

Yeah. Coincidence? I think not.

Okay, Cody, I'll go.

At least I can get a ride to the video store.

Cool. Maybe I'll rent "The Hunchback of Notre Dame."

You know? I've been in the mood for a good football movie. Yeah.

[instrumental music]

Dude, Madam Sonia is totally amazing.

I had an appointment at 11 o' clock.

I bet she already knows I'm here. Ha.

- 'Cody?' - Dude.

Is she psychic or what? Yeah.

- Welcome. Enter. - Alright.

Man, I love this place.

Homey, yet suggestively clairvoyant.

[chuckles]

Madam Sonia, this is my cousin, J.T.

J.T., this is Madam Sonia.

Psychic advisor, palm reader

and keys made while you wait.

[chuckles]

Nice to meet you, J.T. Sit, sit, sit.

- Okay. - Sit.

[sighs]

Would you like me to read your palm

or, uh, perhaps, I could do your astrological chart?

Oh. No offence, Madam Sonia.

I'm not into the fortune-telling stuff.

Oh, that's okay.

I understand. There are many non-believers.

That's why I got the key thing going for me.

[chuckles] So, Madam Sonia

what's on the psychic menu today?

Tsk. Well, last week we read the tea leaves.

But this week I got the special on palm reading.

[chuckles] Cool.

Oh, your love line

is very strong.

You will have many great romances.

Yeah. Dudesie. Aha..

And your life line is the longest

I have ever seen.

You will probably live to be at least 100 years old.

Ah, dude.

I love the future. Ha-ha.

From now on, I'm spending all my time there.

Yes, I, uh, I sensed that you will.

Dude, J.T., let her read your palm.

No, no, no. I don't think so.

Oh, that's okay, Cody.

Palm reading isn't for everybody.

If J.T. does not want to try it

I understand.

[gasps] Ah!

[Sonia groans]

- What? - Your shoulder is very hot.

- It is? - Yes.

Someone is very upset with you.

Mm, uh, it is a woman.

A dark-haired woman.

[gasps] I can feel her anger.

Like a fire, it burns my hand.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, yeah, thanks for the tip.

I'll have that burning shoulder thing checked out real soon.

Well, you better hurry

because something bad is going to happen to you.

- What? - Ah, I'm not sure.

Well, here, read.

[gasps] Ouch!

[speaking in foreign language]

[gasps]

- What is it? - Oh, J.T.

This dark-haired woman wants revenge.

[inhales deeply] I see her clearly.

She's wearing red.

Her name begins with the letter 'K.'

To make you feel safe

she will apologize for, uh, something

and treat you very nice.

And then..

...in the midst of a thunderstorm

at the stroke of midnight tonight..

...she will kill you.

[breathing heavily]

- Did you park in the lot? - Oh, yeah.

Well, I learned my lesson the first time. Ha-ha. Yeah.

[instrumental music]

[humming]

Oh, oh, Carol.

You know how you've been complaining

about our mattress lately?

Well, I just got a terrific deal on a bed.

Really? You bought us a new bed?

Yeah, well, i-it's not exactly new.

You-you know, the Dexters who live down the street

they were having a yard sale and they sold me

their snooze-o-matic adjustable bed.

You bought us a bed at a yard sale?

Carol, this is the deal of the century.

This bed is less than a year old and it does everything.

It raises your feet, it raises your hand, it..

It, it even has a vibrating massage setting.

- Oh, well, I like that. - Yeah.

Wait a minute, Frank, if this bed is so terrific

how come the Dexters are getting rid of it?

Well, let's face it, honey, the Dexters are getting pretty old

and they're confused by mechanical things. Uh..

Len Dexter's VCR still flashes 12, 12, 12.

Like he doesn't know how to put a piece of tape over that.

I'm telling you, Cody.

Madam Sonia is a quack and if you believe her

you're more of a whacko than she is.

Yeah, well, you won't be laughing

when you wake up dead tomorrow.

- Cody, what's going on? - Ah!

My awesome psychic-predictor lady, Madam Sonia told J.T.

that he's gonna be killed at midnight tonight

by some babe wearing red.

- Oh, that's ridiculous. - No, no, no. Check it out.

She said that a dark-haired girl with the letter 'K' in her name

was really angry at J.T. and she was gonna kill him.

But first she was gonna apologize to him

and then she was gonna, like, be real nice to him

to gain his trust.

And then, there's gonna be a thunderstorm.

And then, at the stroke of midnight tonight

she's gonna waste him. Ha-ha.

We gotta do something, Uncle Frank.

Oh, Cody, you're such a trusting person but think about it.

Nobody is gonna kill J.T.

Besides, where is this mysterious girl in red

with the letter 'K' in her name supposed to come from?

Hi, everybody.

Look at the new sweater I bought at the mall.

[gasps]

The dark-haired babe in red!

Say, uh, Karen, heh-heh

you spell your name with a 'C' or a-a 'K?' Heh.

- With a 'K.' - Huh!

J.T., danger, danger, danger!

[instrumental music]

J.T., I cannot believe you are just calmly

going about your life when Karen is gonna kill you

in less than four hours.

Cody, you are the only person who thinks

I'm gonna die tonight.

- Pfft. - Hey, J.T.

Heard you're gonna die tonight.

Isn't it a shame, little cuz?

Yeah, that's awful.

Can I have your stereo?

Get lost, you little vulture.

Geez, I thought people were supposed to be nice

when they know they are gonna die.

J.T., I still think we gotta throw all your stuff

into my van and head for the hills.

Cody, I'd love to believe you

and the psychic key lady, but I don't.

So I'm gonna go on living my life like normal.

- Hi, guys. - Oh. Enter death.

Listen, J.T., I've been thinking about it

and I feel real bad about getting you in trouble

so I want to apologize.

I'm really sorry. I hope you can forgive me.

Dude, she apologized!

Get in the van!

Cody, it doesn't mean anything.

Sure, it does. It's one of the clues.

She's already wearing red, her name begins with a 'K'

she just apologized to you.

Next, she'll probably start acting nice to you.

And then there's gonna be a thunderstorm

and then at the stroke of midnight tonight

you're toast.

Cody, Karen a murderer? Get real.

- She's not the type. - Exactly.

That's how it always is with these psychos. Ha.

Take that dude, Hannibal the Cannibal Lecter, for instance.

A nice enough guy, you could be friends with him

right up until the time when he hacks out your liver

and serves it up with that fine Chianti.

[slurping]

Cody, the only psycho around here is you!

Okay, but if she starts acting nice to you

hold on to your body parts.

Hi, J.T. Are you hungry? I made you a sandwich.

- You made me a sandwich? - Yeah. Ham and cheese.

Your favorite. Isn't that nice?

Eeh, eeh, eeh.

[gasps] Dude, she's got a knife.

[chuckles] Oh, Cody. This isn't a knife.

This is a knife.

[thunder rumbling]

[intense music]

[screaming]

[instrumental music]

[lightning crackles]

[scatting]

Honey, time to christen the new bed.

[chuckles]

Ooh. Heh-heh.

Featuring the snooze-o-matic.

All the latest bedroom technology

for your sleeping

and dancing pleasure.

[chuckling]

Cha, cha, cha.

[knocking on door]

What?

[J.T.] 'It's J.T. Can I sleep with you guys tonight?'

No.

'But Karen's gonna kill me at midnight!'

J.T., if you don't get away from that door

I'm gonna kill you right now.

- 'But, dad, I'm serious.' - J.T.!

We have been over this a dozen times.

Karen is not going to kill you.

Now, go to bed and leave us alone.

'Oh, fine, but when you find my body in a pool of blood'

'it'll be all your fault.'

Okay, goodnight.

And now, snooze-o-matic feature numero uno.

The magic massage.

[whirring]

[chuckling]

[moaning]

[bed rumbling]

Frank, there's something wrong with the bed.

Yeah, but it's kind of exciting. Just go with it, honey.

Frank, Frank!

Frank, turn it off! Turn it off!

- Yeah. - Turn it off!

[steam hissing]

[sighs]

Okay, where were we?

Frank, I just, I just need a few minutes to calm down.

Uh, yeah, yeah. Uh, me, too.

[clears throat]

[sighs]

Okay, all better. How about you?

No. No, F-Frank. I think I'll just read for a while.

Well, then, I guess I will, too.

And the snooze-o-matic will raise my back

to the perfect reading position.

- Oh. This is nice. - Yeah.

- Do I know my beds or what? - Yeah.

Oh. Oh!

Oh. Oh! Oh! Oh.

[groaning]

Frank!

Frank, what's happening?

Honey, you probably pushed the wrong button.

Oh, no. I didn't push any buttons, Frank--

Ah, geez, you screwed 'em all up, honey. Argh..

[groaning]

Oh, God! Oh. Oh..

- Oh, God! Frank, do something! - I'm trying, I'm trying.

[screaming]

Oh..

[sighs]

I fixed it.

[bed rumbling]

Oh, God. It's alive. Oh.

- Oh. - Well, don't worry, honey, I..

[indistinct yelling]

- Whoa! Ugh! - Ah..

- Oh. - Oh.

Oh, way to go, Frank.

Well, as long as we're here, honey, you wanna--

Oh, Frank!

I-I guess you're not in the mood.

Idiot.

[instrumental music]

[thunder rumbling]

- Cody, what time is it? - Five to 12:00.

But don't worry, cuz, no matter what happens

I'll be right here by your side.

Thanks, Cody.

Of course, it won't do any good

'cause you're doomed.

Yeah, but I'll be right here.

[sighs] I wonder how Karen is gonna do me in.

A knife? A blunt object?

Nah, Karen is much too crafty for conventional weapons.

Hot chocolate, J.T.?

[chuckles] It'll help you sleep.

Just a few sips and you'll be out like that.

[thunder rumbling]

Well, death by cocoa.

- Well.. - No, thanks. I'm not thirsty.

- It'll warm you up. - I'm not cold.

- It'll help you relax. - I'm not nervous.

Drink the damn cocoa!

Look, Karen, I know you're mad at me

because I put your baby picture in the school newspaper

but you got to give me a chance to apologize.

Forget it, J.T., for two years

you've made my life a living hell.

So if you won't drink the cocoa

I'll just have to cut you some cake.

Eeh, eeh, eeh, eeh.

Karen, you've gotta forgive me! I'm too young to die!

I know I'm scum, I'm dirt, I'm worthless

but you can't kill me! I'm begging, I'm pleading!

That must be very humiliating.

Yes, it is. Totally humiliating.

Remember when I said I'd get back at you

for putting my baby picture in the school newspaper?

- Yeah. - I just did.

[chuckles]

Rubber knife.

Eeh, eeh, eeh, eeh.

[laughs]

Oh, man! You set me up.

Yeah, it was easy, once mom told me

about those stupid predictions.

I just threw out the bait and reeled you in

like a big stupid bass.

[chuckles]

And best of all, I've got it all on tape

for the whole school to hear.

[J.T. on tape] 'I'm scum, I'm dirt, I'm worthless!'

[tape rewinding]

'I'm scum, I'm dirt, I'm worthless!'

[tape rewinding]

'I'm scum, I'm dirt, I'm worthless!'

I think I have a new favorite song.

[chuckles]

Ah..

[clears throat]

Wow. Madam Sonia was wrong. Tcha.

Guess I better rethink my trip to Canadia.

Tcha.

[sighs]

[instrumental music]

Hm. Very intriguing.

Carol, why did you buy a book on palm reading?

Well, I went to have some keys made and..

I don't know. It looked interesting.

Ooh, I see that you

are a very wise man.

- It says that? - Yes.

It says here that you got rid

of that stupid mechanical bed

and bought a regular one so your wife won't leave you.

This bed is okay, but it's not the same. It doesn't move.

Well...we don't know that yet.

- Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. - Whoa!

Oh, I think you're finding my love line.

[instrumental music]