Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

[in unison] We're number one! We're number one!

[all] We're number one!

Okay, hey, hey, hey, now, wait a minute.

We are number one in our division

but we still have a championship game to play next week.

Well, it was a great game today.

But poor Scotty Hover breaking his ankle

that was terrible.

Yeah, and now we're down to nine players.

If anyone else wimps out with a broken bone

we'll have to forfeit the game.

Take it easy, Al, Scotty wouldn't want you

to be all choked up like this.

Carol. Carol, Al's right.

Totally insensitive, but right.

We gotta get another player before the big game.

How? All the good players are already taken.

[clears throat]

Yeah, where are we gonna find somebody now?

[clears throat]

Anyway, let's go in the kitchen, grab some sodas

and see if we can think of a kid in Port Washington

who's not already on a team.

[Mark clears throat]

Hey, dude, I know it's painful

but once you hock that thing up

it'll all be worth it, ha-ha-ha!

[clears throat]

Mark, are you trying to say you wanna be on the team

or should I get your inhaler?

No, I wanna play.

Well, why don't you just say something?

Well, because they'd laugh at me.

I mean, everyone thinks I'm just a bookish little computer nerd.

- Why? - Well..

Because I am a bookish little computer nerd

but I wanna be more than that.

Behind this anemic exterior

beats the heart of a lion.

Ow!

Well, Mark, if you wanna play baseball

you have to tell someone.

You know, it's time that you stand up for yourself

and be a man.

Really?

Yeah, and mommy's gonna help.

[theme song]

[screaming]

? The dream got broken ?

? Seemed like all was lost ?

? What would be the future? ?

? Could you pay the cost? ?

? You wonder ?

? Will there ever be ?

? A second time around ?

? Woah-a woah-a ?

? When the tears are over ?

? And the moment has come ?

? Say my Lord I think I found someone ?

? You know it will be better ?

? 'Cause you're puttin' it together ?

? For the second time around ?

? Step by step ?

? Day by day ?? Day by day ?

? A fresh start over ?

? A different hand to play ?

? The deeper we fall ?

? The stronger we stay ?

? It will be better ?

? The second time around ?

? Step by step ?

? Day by day ?

? We'll make it better ?

? The second time around ??

[instrumental music]

Well, uh, what about t-t-that kid who lives down the street?

What's his name? Uh, Tommy Jenkins.

What about him for the team?

- Tommy Jenkins? - Yeah.

He's as blind as a bat

pigeon-toed, and he throws like a girl.

I have an idea.

What about Mark playing on the team?

What's Tommy Jenkins' phone number?

Yeah, let me look it up.

Wait, wait, wait!

what's wrong with Mark?

Um, forget it, mom.

- It's, it's not important. - Yes, it is.

Every kid who wants to play baseball

should be given a chance.

Well, you know, uh, Carol, that's a really

uh, really good theory.

A-and, and let's you and I go, go in the other room

a-and discuss that, okay? Yeah.

You kids just, you know, mingle. Ha-ha.

- Are you nuts? - What?

You want me to put Mark on the team?

Honey, he hasn't played baseball in his entire life.

Well, that's 'cause no one ever gave him a chance.

Well, there's a reason for that.

He got tennis elbow combing his hair.

Oh, come on, Frank, are your trying to say

that you'd rather win a kids' baseball game

than make a positive difference in a young man's life?

This is a trick question, isn't it?

Frank, you're his stepfather.

He looks up to you, he adores you.

If you don't give him a chance, who will?

Oh..

[chuckles] Appealing to my sense

of decency and fair play.

How low will you go?

So, you gonna let him be on the team?

Yeah, I'll let him be on the team

but don't expect him to get much playing time, honey

because, face it, the kid is a klutz.

He is not.

Uh, excuse me

but my glasses seem to be stuck to my sweater.

W-whoa!

Well, they don't play in sweaters.

[instrumental music]

I can't believe the newspaper would print

something like this about women.

I'd like to go down there and stick that editor's head

in a pencil sharpener. God!

Now, Karen, that's not the way you deal with people.

We just have to write a reasonable letter

to the editor, calmly stating our difference of opinion.

Alright, now, how does this sound?

"Dear sexist pinhead.."

I like it.

Alright, the Foster babes.

Light up a kitchen like fine linoleum.

Hey, what are you guys doin'?

We're writing a letter to protest

an editorial in the newspaper.

Yeah, some clown at this rag says

women in the military shouldn't be in combat.

Women shouldn't be in combat

because they can't handle stress as well as men.

You wanna talk about handling stress?

Try being me for a day.

Getting up at 6:00 in the morning

fighting your way through a back-breaking session

of moisturizing, manicuring, pedicuring and hair styling.

Then, putting on make-up until your arms fall limply

at your side from sheer exhaustion.

Wow, beauty is hell.

And don't you dare forget about my sisters in the third world.

Do you realize that some of those brave women

don't even have electricity to run their hot rollers?

Karen, let me handle the women's side

before you lose us the vote.

Look, the bottomline is

women cannot fight in combat because they're weaker.

You guys couldn't even handle a night of guard duty.

You'd be crying like a baby for your beauty sleep.

There's only one way to settle this.

Let's make a bet to see who can last the longest without sleep.

- The men or the women. - Fine.

Whoever cracks first admits theirs is the weaker sex.

You in with me, Codeman?

Well, I'm not by nature a competitive person

but you know, that 14 hours of sleep I've been getting a day

might be cutting into my leisure time.

What the heck? I'm in. Ha-ha.

[instrumental music]

Okay. Mark.

What do you know about hittin'?

Everything.

Hitting is merely physics.

A real-time application of Newtonian dynamics.

Force equals mass times acceleration.

- You ever swung a bat? - Never.

What a geek.

Al, gotta give him a chance here, okay?

Alright, Mark.

I want you to take this bat, stand right there

and I'm gonna pitch some real easy batting practice.

You got it, coach.

Alright, coach. Give me the high heat.

Mark, Mark, just relax, okay?

Now, swing level a-and don't grip the bat quite so tight.

Okay. Here it comes.

Sorry, coach.

Yeah, o-okay, okay.

Let's just skip hitting and move right to fielding.

Grab a mitt and I'll throw you some balls.

Great idea, coach. Defense is my forte.

They call me The Human Vacuum Cleaner.

Okay, Mark.

The ball is hit and you catch it.

And you catch it.

And you catch it!

[chuckles] Okay, here, I'll tell you what..

...why don't you, uh, take a break for the rest of the day?

Good idea, coach. Great workout.

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

Dad, Mark is a disaster.

He can't hit, he can't field, he can't do anything!

Yeah, I know, I figured he was gonna be bad

he's not even good enough to be bad.

Well, what are we gonna do?

You promised Carol he could be on the team.

But I didn't promise that he would play in the game.

Oh, right, dad, like Carol's gonna let you

get away with that.

What do you mean, Carol won't let me?

I don't need Carol's permission.

I am the coach and I decide

what's best for the team.

- Hi, guys. - Hi, hon.

How was practice?

Well, it was a little disappointing, Carol

and, in fact, I'd like to talk to you about it.

As you know, I am the coach of the Cubs.

And after seeing Mark practice, I, as the coach

have made the decision that he's not good enough

to play in the game, Carol.

'He will still be on the team.'

He'll just be sitting on the bench.

It's a coaching decision that I, as the coach, have made.

Well, Frank, you're the coach.

I won't say a word.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Oh, come on, honey, I know you want Mark to play in the game

but you gotta see this from my side.

Oh, I know what your side is.

You would rather hurt Mark's feelings

than risk losing some stupid kids' baseball game.

- Oh, honey! - You know..

This is just the kind of thing

that could scar Mark for life.

When you don't even give a kid a chance

it's like you're telling him you think he's a loser.

Then he starts believing he's a loser

and pretty soon, he doesn't even try anymore.

[sighs] Carol, I don't wanna hurt Mark.

[water spraying]

But there are nine other kids on this team

who have busted their butts all season

to get in this championship.

Believe me, this game is just as important to them

as it is to Mark.

Well, I still say it's not fair.

[knock on door]

- Who is it? - 'Mark.'

Oh. Come on in, honey.

Hi, mom. Hi, coach.

Uh, Mark, y-you don't have to call me coach at home.

Oh, I insist. It's a matter of respect.

I'm really grateful to you for giving me the chance to play.

And tomorrow, when I'm out on that baseball field

I'm gonna say

"This is the greatest moment of my life

and I owe it all to Frank Lambert."

God bless you, coach.

[instrumental music]

Come on, Karen, you've got to keep moving.

[groaning] I-I can't.

It's 4:00 a.m. We've been up 36 hours.

- I need sleep. - No, you don't!

You need to get your blood circulating.

You do some stretching exercises

and I'll get us some more caffeine.

[slurping]

Caffeine is our friend.

[sighs]

- Karen! - I'm up! I'm up!

Oh, my God! My leg fell off!

[screaming]

[breathing heavily]

Karen...it's right here.

You've got to get a hold of yourself.

I can't take this anymore.

If I don't get some sleep soon, I'm gonna cry.

[sobbing]

- Oh. - Don't you dare.

We wouldn't wanna give J.T. that satisfaction.

- Now, would we? - No.

No, he said, "Women cryunder stress."

[chuckling]

[sobbing]

I can't take it anymore! I'm so tired!

I just wanna go night-night!

Aw, there, there, little cuz dude.

If you wanna go sleep that bad, why don't we just

call off the bet?

[sniffles] No way.

Dude! I did it. Oh, my God! Ha-ha!

I've been trying to get this Rubik's Cube thing for years.

[laughs]

It's like this no-sleep thing

has really, like, helped out my brain.

You mean, the less sleep you get, the smarter you get?

Totally, like just this morning

I figured out that the international date line

isn't a 900 number, ha-ha!

And then now, the Rubik's Cube. Ha-ha.

It's like my brain is this giant satellite dish

suckin' up all the infomercials of the universe.

Wait a minute. Incoming.

Dude.

[sighs]

E does equal MC squared.

[laughs] Man, that Einstein dude was right. Yeah.

So...how's it going, men?

[sniggering]

Ready to give up?

Are you kidding?

This no-sleep thing has opened

the doors of perception to me.

I figure, if I stay up another week

I'll have that whole Stonehenge dealy figured out.

Then I'll be ready to face the real problems

plaguing mankind.

Like, male pattern baldness.

[instrumental music]

? And the home ?

? Of the brave ??

[all cheering]

[male 1] 'Welcome to the Port Washington'

Youth League Championship game.

Let's have a big hand for the Cubs and the Lions.

[crowd applauding]

Alright, you Cubs, I want you to get out there

and really have some fun.

- Yeah! - Alright!

- Come on! - Ha-ha.

Coach is right, remember to have fun. Ha-ha.

Because this game is just a fleeting moment

in the grand scope of a timeless universe.

Whoa. I'm getting totally deep. Huh.

Come on, little bat dudes, we'll get the equipment ready.

Yeah.

- Dad, I am begging you. - Huh?

- You can't let Mark play. - Look, look, Al.

I know this is hard for you to understand, okay?

But there are more important things than a baseball game.

Well, then, we might as well just forfeit

because if he plays, we'll lose.

Oh, no, no, no, listen, I've been really

thinkin' about this, okay?

You guys are much better than the Lions.

So, all you have to do is go out there and run up a big lead

and then I'll put Mark in when you got the game in the bag.

[laughs]

[crowd cheering]

[male 1] 'What a game.'

'So, bottom of the ninth'

the Cubs are trailing by one run

an-and now there's only one out with a man on second base.

[indistinct chatter]

Come on, Todd, get a hit!

I'm ready whenever you need me, coach.

And I'm really fresh because I haven't been in the game yet.

Yeah-yeah, I-I'm aware of that, Mark, and, believe me

I'm just lookin' for the right opportunity to send you in.

[male 2] 'Strike one!'

I respect your strategy, coach.

But it's the bottom of the ninth

and it seems to me we may be running out of opportunities.

[male 2] 'Strike two!'

Uh, look, Mark, I-I'm not sure you're aware of this

but it is a baseball tradition

that any kid who doesn't play in a championship game

gets a new bike.

Gee, coach, I'd really like a new bike

but not as much as I wanna play in the game.

Well, you see, I'm gonna grow up, like, in a few years

but that memory of playing in a big game

will last a lifetime.

See, years from now, I'll look back on this day

and know I was a somebody.

Yeah. I see what you mean.

- 'Strike three, you're out.' - Oh..

Tell you what, you take your bat

and you hit for David, alright?

- Yes! - No!

You can't put him in. He stinks!

[sighs] Look, now, Billy

this is the right thing to do.

And when you're an adult, you'll understand.

No, you can't put him in. He stinks!

[male 1] 'Now batting for the Cubs'

'Mark Foster.'

[crowd booing]

- Take him out! - Come on!

Come on! Get him out of there!

[crowd booing]

Hey, hey, I'm the coach. I say what goes here.

Now, you're up. Go for it.

- But the crowd was booing. - Forget the crowd.

I can't, because they're right.

They know I stink, and I'll just hurt the team.

As much as I wanna play, I don't wanna do that.

Hey, wait a minute. Where do you think you're goin'?

Back to the bench. I'm not good enough to play.

- Says who? - Well..

There seems to be consensus forming out in the stands.

Tsk. Look, you're part of this team.

And the coach told you to go in there and bat. So, do it.

Well, what if I strike out? That'll be embarrassing.

Not as embarrassing as getting your teeth

knocked out by your stepsister.

Now, get that boney little butt in the batters box.

Right, uh, batter up.

[crowd booing]

You know, you're okay.

Thanks, dad.

[crowd booing]

[male 1] 'Mark Foster coming back to the play'

'with two outs, time run on second base.'

This kid blows, it's your dead meat, Lambert.

You hear me? We're gonna tar and feather you!

Boo!

[booing continues]

You know, pal, we might have to leave here very, very quickly.

Strike one!

- Oh.. - Oh..

Remember, the quickest way to the truck

is right through center field and over the fence.

Strike two!

Let's see if I can find the keys.

You can warm up the truck for dad.

[thinking] Come on, Mark. Concentrate.

It's just physics.

Ball speed, 42.7 miles per hour.

Bat weight, 28 ounces.

Optimum angle of impact, 85.29 degrees.

Wind factor, out of the southwest, six knots.

Okay, meat, bring it.

[intense music]

[music continues]

[thumps]

[music continues]

Yeah!

- Yeah! - Run!

[all cheering]

[cheering]

[crowd cheering]

[music continues]

[Al] Alright, Mark, way to go!

- 'We are number one!' - We are number one!

[in unison] We are number one! We are number one!

[in unison] 'We are number one! We are number one!'

We are number one!

[shushing]

Whoa!

They must have all fallen asleep at the same time. Huh.

Guess the bet's a tie. Ha-ha-ha.

Cody, aren't you totally zonked, too?

No way, I never felt better.

You know, like, great truths of the universe

has been comin' at my brain from left and right.

Oh, wait a minute. Here comes a big one.

The-meaning-of-life one.

Dude...the meaning of life is..

[snoring]

Okay.

[snoring]

Well, we can wake Cody up and get the meaning of life

or we can go for pizza.

[all] Pizza!

[theme music]