Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Well, I guess that's about it.

Gee, I can't tell you how excited I am

about going to this beauty convention.

Now, look, while I'm gone if you have any problems

or you have any questions, I want you to go to Frank, okay?

He's in charge.

You've gotta be kidding.

No, look, he's your stepfather and I expect you to obey him

the same way you would obey me.

Maybe even better. I mean, you could actually do what he says.

Mom, as you know, I'm usually verycooperative

but if Frank asks me to engage in any roughhousing

or horseplay, I may need to contact my attorney.

Mother, seriously, leaving Frank in charge of this house

is like leaving a chimpanzee in charge of the zoo.

Well, Dana, I hope when you ask this chimp for money

and get peanuts, that you'll understand.

[mimicking chimpanzee]

[theme song]

[screaming]

♪ The dream got broken ♪

♪ Seemed like all was lost ♪

♪ What would be the future? ♪

♪ Could you pay the cost? ♪

♪ You wonder ♪

♪ Will there ever be ♪

♪ A second time around? ♪

♪ Woah-a woah-a ♪

♪ When the tears are over ♪

♪ And the moment has come ♪

♪ Say My Lord I think I found someone ♪

♪ You know it will be better ♪

♪ 'Cause you're putting it together ♪

♪ For the second time around ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over ♪

♪ A different hand to play ♪

♪ The deeper we fall ♪

♪ The stronger we stay ♪

♪ It will be better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪

♪ We'll make it better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪♪

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

[sniffs]

- Hi, Frank. - Oh, hi, Dana.

Mm. Hmm, smells yummy.

Look, um, I'd like to apologize

for that little chimpanzee crack I made this morning.

Hey, forget it, so busy eatin' bananas

and swingin' from that tire in the yard

I forgot all about it.

[chuckling]

Oo-o-oh, Frank!

You're so witty.

I mean, between that and your charm

really, I'm so blessed to have you as a stepfather.

Yes, you are. Now, what do you want?

Okay, I was studying at the Langley College Library today

and I met this terrific guy, and he asked me out.

Can I go?

Well, I don't know, Dana, I'd like to know

a little more about him.

Okay, he's a little older.

A little older than you or a little older than me?

Older than you? That's sick!

He's 19.

Nineteen, that's not too bad.

As long as you're home by your usual midnight curfew

you can go.

Really? I can go?

Oh, yeah! You're pretty level-headed.

I think I can trust ya.

[retches]

Thanks, Frank. I mean, this guy is really great!

You might even know him.

He does construction work

part-time to pay for college.

His name is Mike Walters.

Mike Walters?

Yeah.

Listen, Dana

I hate to be the one to tell you this

but Mike's nickname

is "Mike the Mover," and they don't call him that

because he used to work for Beacons.

I don't want you to go out with him.

But you just said that I could. It was an official yes.

Well, yeah, but that was before I knew you had a date with a guy

who's got more bedtime stories than Dr. Seuss.

This is totally unfair!

You just said that you trusted me

but obviously, you don't.

- Yes, I do. - No, you don't!

Because if you did trust me, you'd let me go.

But the fact that you won't let me go

means that you really don't trust me.

Ergo..

...when you said you trusted me, you were lying.

[scoffs]

Is that the kind of stepfather you wanna be, Frank?

A liar?

No.

I-I said I trusted you and, and I meant it.

You can go.

- Thank you. - Hm.

No further questions.

Boy, she's good!

[instrumental music]

[J.T.] Dad, can I borrow your truck tonight?

Me and the guys wanna go bowling, it's ladies' night.

Sure, as long as you wash and wax it for me tomorrow.

Aw, man, waxing that thing will take all day!

Okay, walk to the bowling alley, see what I care.

Oh, I get it!

Carol's out of town for the night

so you're a little cranky.

Okay, I'll wax your truck.

Here's the keys, now, tomorrow you go to Auto World.

Take this $15 and buy a can of Royal Carnauba wax.

It's the only thing I ever use on my truck.

Fifteen bucks for a stupid can of wax?

Money is no object when it comes to

taking care of somethin' I love.

Well, in that case, can I have 200 bucks for a leather jacket?

[sighs]

When you become as reliable as my truck, we'll talk.

- Dude! Ha-ha! - Dude! Ha-ha!

Hey, Uncle Frank, have you seen Dana?

You know, I want to take her out for some ice cream tonight

or maybe go digging for night crawlers.

[chuckles]

"Diggin' for night crawlers."

Yeah, that'd be my first choice, too.

[laughs] But you know women..

Tcha. Anyway, have you seen her?

Listen, Cody, I-I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this

but Dana is out on a date.

Whoa!

Major bummer. Tcha.

You know, Uncle Frank

after a year and a half of total rejection

I'm beginnin' to think Dana isn't just playing hard to get.

So who's the lucky guy?

Who gets to go out with Dana tonight?

- Mike Walters. - No way!

Tcha! Mike the Mover?

Color me disenchanted.

Tell me about it, listen, Carol's gone for one whole day

and I let her daughter go out with a guy

who's got his own parking place at Make-Out Point.

Make-Out Point?

Is that that place overlookin' the lake?

Tcha, they don't call that Make-Out Point anymore.

They don't? Ha-ha! What a relief!

Yeah, now they call it Suck Face Hill.

Aw, geez!

Wow! What a night!

Two boys actually fought over me at the movies.

[chuckles]

Uh, this is the most exciting thing

that has happened around here in weeks!

Well, except for Dana going to Suck Face Hill

with that stud muffin.

Goodnight.

- We gotta get up there! - Oh!

No problem, Uncle Frank.

We can be there in ten minutes

if we stay off the main roads

and cut through Garvy's Poultry Farm.

Okay! Fine, fine!

Five, if we don't get any chicken

sucked into the radiator.

Alright!

[instrumental music]

[owl hooting]

It's really beautiful up here.

Yeah, it sure is.

This is what I call a perfect night.

Just you and me, all alone.

Except some moonlight

and the rustling of the trees.

Whoa! There they are!

I can't believe Dana's with that guy. Tcha.

Cody, Cody, turn out the lights.

Why?

Because bushes with headlights

might seem a bit suspicious.

Well, Uncle Frank, you really got the spy stuff down, huh?

You know, I-I can't see a thing

with all these branches on the windshield.

[Cody] Oh! I can tell you what's happenin'.

They're suckin' face.

Hence the name, Suck Face Hill.

Imagine my heartbreak.

Listen, Cody, I wanna know what elseis going on in there.

Okay.

Well, you can climb that tree over there.

You could see really good from that limb.

Aw, man, that's crazy.

- There's gotta be another way. - Yeah.

Okay, plan B.

You could dress up in a beaver suit.

And then you could haul over a bunch of branches

and twigs and, leaves and stuff

and pretend to be building a dam over by Mike's car.

[laughs]

I think I'll go with plan A.

- Yeah, plan A. - Yeah, get out.

- Get out! - Yeah.

- Are you cold? - A little.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

[owl hooting]

Okay. Now, I want you to hoist me up there.

- On three. Okay? - Okay.

One, two, three!

Oh!

[groaning]

[grunting]

You know this'd be a lot easier

if I had some gloves.

Oh! No problem, Uncle Frank. I got some in my van.

Cody! Cody!

[grunting]

You know something?

You are a nice guy.

Oh, hey, look, all those Mike the Mover stories are bull.

I mean, I mean, you know how construction guys are.

They talk.

I guess I could have set them straight, but I figured

let the guys believe what they want.

- 'So none of it's true?' - 'No!'

Well, except the one about me and Madonna.

But I'm sure you've seen the video.

[Mike] You know what? You're a great kisser.

Thanks. Mm, so are you.

[creaking]

Frank!

Mike! I'm really glad I ran into you.

You available to do a little dry wallin' tomorrow?

[instrumental music]

[laughing] Oh, yeah, Carol

everything here is going just great.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

You die now!

Uh, look, Carol, I think Dana wants to talk to me.

So I gotta go.

Bye-bye.

How dare you embarrass me like that?

I'm sorry, now, I shouldn't have been up there spying

but, Dana, I was worried about you.

You said you trusted me!

Well, yes, but when your mother comes home

and asks what went on this weekend

I didn't wanna have to tell her

"Well, nothin' much, Al lost a game.

Brendan lost a tooth, Dana became a woman."

Frank, we were just kissing.

It wasn't gonna go any further than that.

Well, how can you be so sure?

Now, Dana, guys like Mike are only interested in one thing.

Mike is a decent guy!

- He's just misunderstood! - And you bought that?

God, geez! Did he also tell you, "I only have a week to live?"

Look, this conversation is over.

From now on, do me a favor and stay out of my life!

I should've gone with the beaver suit.

[instrumental music]

Mark! You are such a dink!

If you wanna catch the ball, you gotta stop flinching!

Hey, I flinch. It's hereditary.

I come from a long line of flinchers.

Hey, guys, playin' another fun game

of Hit-Mark-In-The-Head- With-The-Ball?

J.T., I don't appreciate your condescending tone!

And if the yard wasn't spinning, I'd do something about it.

I'm sorry, little man, it's just that I'm feeling

even smarter than usual.

Dad gave me 15 bucks to buy some bogus car wax.

I found this stuff for 89 cents

which leaves me with a $14 profit.

Wait a minute, let me see that.

- "Zap Wax." - Hah!

"Makes your car sparkle in only 30 minutes."

Hey, J.T., if you give me 50 cents, I'll help you.

Ha! I'll do better than that.

I'll give you a dollar

and you could do the whole thing yourself.

Wow, a dollar?

I'm rich!

This is perfect, I'm making money

for doing absolutely nothing.

Is this a great country or what?

Oh!

[instrumental music]

[J.T.] 'Whoa! A body slam!'

Oh, yeah! Another body slam!

Oh, man, the Milwaukee Mauler is awesome!

I just can't believe Dana was in that guy's car!

[exhales]

Alright, Codeman, let's talk about it.

[sighs]

When I saw Dana in Mike's car

with her arms around him

her lips pressed firmly against his..

...it was just another sign that our relationship

is in deep trouble.

[sighs]

Codeman..

...I don't wanna hurt your feelings

so I'm gonna break this to you gently.

You and Dana have no relationship!

She doesn't like you! She'll neverlike you!

Never, ever!

She'd rather play ping-pong

with one of her eyeballs than go out with you.

So, dude, what are you saying?

I'm saying, let her go. It's time to move on!

Whoa!

Watershed moment.

Codeman, there's a world of babes out there

and you don't even know what you're missing!

- You really think so? - Absolutely.

Tcha.

You may be right, cuz.

Maybe it is time I checked out the ol' babe buffet, huh?

I mean, not the buffet with old babes.

I'm not going to Miami or anything.

[laughs] Really..

I'm done washing daddy's truck, J.T.

Can I have my dollar?

Sure, but first, I wanna see

what kinda job you did.

Well, in that case

just give me 79 cents.

Why? Is there something wrong?

Tell you what, keep the money. Bye!

Whoa!

Don't be shy, cuz.

You should be proud of your work.

I don't think so.

[Cody] Whoa!

Now we know why they call it Zap Wax. Tcha.

Looks like it got zapped by a bolt of lightning!

[whimpers]

Ah, Brendan, what did you do?

It's not my fault! It's that stupid wax you bought.

Yeah, but if you saw it was ruining the paint

why didn't you stop?

I don't know, I kept thinking

it might get better!

Man, you are really stupid.

Maybe, but I'm only seven!

What's your excuse?

[Frank] 'Hey, where is everybody? You guys back here?'

Tcha..

[whistling]

[gasps]

Wha..

Alright.

I wanna know exactly what happened here.

Okay, I-I bought cheap wax

and I paid Brendan a buck to do the job!

- I'm sorry, dad! - You're sorry?

You just think you're sorry.

Wait till you have to cough up

500 bucks to repaint my truck!

Five hundred bucks, how am I gonna come up

with five hundred bucks?

Does the word organ donor mean anything to you?

Uh, dad, isn't that two words?

I'll give you two words. Get in the truck!

Isn't that three words?

[instrumental music]

[doorbell ringing]

- 'Hi.' - Hi.

I just thought I'd stop by and see

how you were doin' after last night.

Oh, I'm fine.

- Uh, come on in. - Are you sure?

I mean, Frank's not gonna spring out of a chandelier, is he?

[chuckling]

No, he and my other step-idiots aren't here.

Um, can I get you anything to drink?

Uh, iced tea? Soda..

Mineral water? Root beer..

No, I'm not thirsty.

[chuckles] Neither am I.

Oh, boy, this sure is a lot nicer

without my stepfather falling into the backseat.

Well, you know what would make this even better?

If we, uh, went up to your room.

We don't have to do that, I mean we're doing fine right here.

Yeah, well, what if we wanna do more than just kiss?

Like what?

Like what we were gonna do last night

if Frank hadn't dropped in.

All I was planning on was just kissing.

Well, maybe you need to change your plans.

- Cut it out. - Come on, what's the problem?

I don't wanna go upstairs, okay?

Oh, I understand, you're a little nervous.

But, uh, don't worry, I'm a very nice guy.

I said, cut it out.

Come on, you know you want to.

- I think you better leave. - Why?

Because I don't like what's happening here.

Oh, come on, Dana, knock off the little-girl act.

You wanna see a big girl? How's this? Get out!

- Now. - You serious?

Yeah, real serious.

Get out of my house!

[scoffs]

Well, this is the last time I'll date a high-school girl.

- Just get out. - Is there a problem here?

Not anymore.

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

It's just that Mike turned out to be

exactly the kind of guy you said he was.

A jerk. He was only after one thing.

So, I threw him out.

I see.

Go ahead, Frank. Say it.

- Say what? - "I told you so."

Oh, well, yeah. I was right about Mike.

More importantly, Dana, you were right about you.

What do you mean?

Dana, when kids are little..

...you can protect them 24 hours a day.

When they get to be your age, you have to let 'em go.

All you can do is pray that they have the common sense

and the maturity to deal with whatever is out there.

Now, yesterday, you told me that I could trust you..

...that you could take care of yourself.

And today you did.

I'm real proud of ya.

Thanks, Frank.

[instrumental music]

Are you sure you're okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm just fine. It was no big deal.

Hey.

[sobbing]

[Alicia] Okay, Mark.

Now I know football's hard to throw

but anyone can throw a baseball.

Even a dink like you.

[Mark] I really don't think I should.

My bursitis has been acting up lately.

What a geek boy.

Gimme the ball, I'll show you how it's done.

[scoffs]

Okay, you grip it real tight.

Hold it by the seams.

Plant your back foot.

Hah, then you let her fly!

[glass cracks]

[instrumental music]