Original subtitles

[device whirring]

Okay, it just needs a second to warm up.

Oh, cool.

Alright! The Punisher.

[chuckles] Wanted in willful death and destruction.

Gotta love that.

[chuckles]

Hey, little dudes, what's that?

A lie detector.

Ah! Book 'em, Danno.

[chuckles] Where did you get it?

My science teacher built it and let me take it home

to do some extra credit work.

Wow.

- Can I try it? - Sure, give me your arm.

Okay, now when you tell the truth

the green light will go on and the machine will beep.

Watch. Cody, what is your name?

Cody Lambert.

[beeps]

Hey, I was right.

[chuckles]

Well, what happens if someone tells a lie?

Here, I'll show you. Cody, I want you to answer yes

to whatever I ask you even if it's a lie.

You got it, dude.

- Are you a girl? - Yes.

[buzzes]

- Do you sell life insurance? - Yes.

[buzzes]

Have you ever been abducted by aliens from Mars?

Yes.

[beeps]

Whoa, then it wasn't a dream.

[theme song]

[all screaming]

♪ The dream got broken seemed like all was lost ♪

♪ What would be the future? Could you pay the cost? ♪

♪ You wonder will there ever be a second time around? ♪

♪ Whoa when the tears are over and the moment has come ♪

♪ Say my Lord I think I found someone ♪

♪ You know it will be better ♪

♪ 'Cause you're puttin' it together ♪

♪ For the second time around ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over a different hand to play ♪

♪ The deeper we fall the stronger we stay ♪

♪ It will be better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪

♪ Step by step day by day ♪

♪ We'll make it better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪♪

- Hi, honey. - Hi. Oh, Frank.

You know, I'm paying bills and I have a question to ask.

Why are you spending $52

on a subscription to "Tractor Pull Digest?"

Oh, w-well, honey, I know that sounds like a lot of money

but it's not just for the subscription.

With it, you also get a touch-tone tractor phone.

[laughs] And a T-shirt.

It says "We do it in the mud."

W-which I, uh, won't be actually wearing.

Hey, guys, have we got good news for you.

Yeah, J.T. and I just got jobs at the new '50s Cafe.

Isn't that cool?

Ten million people out of work and they hired you?

Why is that such a shock?

Because around here, you don't do diddly.

That's 'cause around here, you don't pay diddly.

Hey, everybody. Guess what I got today.

I don't know, barky. A matching leash and collar?

Oh, J.T., you're gonna wish you hadn't said that.

I was just down at the '50s Cafe.

Oh, really, I just got a job there.

- I'm a waitress. - I know.

- And I'm a waiter. - I know.

I got a job there too. I'm the assistant manager.

Which means I am your boss.

Bow-wow.

Okay, J.T., way to butter up the boss.

Okay, everything's all set up. Anything else, Mr. Passarelli?

Ah.

Good, good, good.

Go.. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.

Good, good.

Now, Dana, you're my assistant manager

so I'm counting on you to run a tight ship.

No problem. You're the boss.

That's right, I'm the boss.

I own this place.

I bought it with my wife's money.

Oh, will she be coming down here too?

No, never, she'd kill me

if she knew I bought a restaurant.

She thinks I bought a Fotomat booth.

You mean you're never gonna tell her about the cafe?

Oh, yeah, I-I will, but after this is a big success.

- And that's where you come in. - I'll do my best.

Now I know Karen and J.T. are your family

but you're in charge.

So as long as you're here, you have to pretend

you're not related to them.

[scoffs] Wait a second.

I get paid to pretend I'm not related to J.T.?

- Mm. - Talk about your dream job.

Well, what do you think, Mr. Passarelli?

Karen, that is a great look for the restaurant.

And even more important, it's a great look for me.

We're all ready to go, Mr. Passarelli.

[chuckles] Good, good.

Dana, this is Scott and Billy, the cooks.

Scott and Billy, this is Dana, my assistant manager.

- Hi, Dana. - Hi, Dana.

- Hi, Karen. - Hi, Karen.

Oh, you know Karen?

Of course, they do. They're boys.

- Where's J.T.? - He's putting on his uniform.

He's not real happy about it.

Man, this beanie is totally lame.

I feel like Ozzie and Harriet's rabbi.

Listen, Cubby, the beanie's part of the whole '50s look.

So lose the attitude or lose the job.

Woo!

I like to see my assistant manager

kick a little butt.

It almost feels like I did it myself.

Okay, crew. It's almost time to open.

Everybody, go punch in.

Oh, and if anybody needs to make a pit stop

they better go now.

Okay, I'll go, but I really don't have to.

Oh, no, no, no, not you, Mr. Passarelli.

- You're the boss. - That's right, I'm the boss.

And if I don't have to go, I'm not going.

Well, it's almost time to open.

That's right. I'll go unlock the door.

[engine rumbling]

That must be the DJ I hired!

Hi.

[engine rumbling]

Hey, sorry, Mr. P.

I'll fix those brakes right after work.

Mr. Passarelli, are you sure

you hired the right guy to be your DJ?

Of course, he's the right guy. He's working for free.

Hey, I'd pay to work this job.

I get to listen to '50s tunes.

I get to dress like my idol, what's his name?

The Fonz. Whoa.

No, Ed, down at the Texaco station.

Did you know that he lifted a car off

another mechanic's legs with his bare hands?

Of course, if he'd have looked before he backed up

he wouldn't have parked on the other guy's legs

in the first place.

Well, I gotta go.

I'm takin' my wife out to lunch.

- Oh, where are you takin' her? - Wherever she wants to go.

Oh, my God. What if she wants to come here to eat?

Listen, if I come back here with a very large woman

you don't know me.

Karen, J.T., we're open.

Man your stations. Chop, chop.

Cody, hit the turntable.

[Dana] Grab those menus, J.T.

[upbeat music]

Hi, and welcome to the '50s Cafe.

Can I get you something to drink?

Yes, we'd like some water, uh, Chubby.

- That's Cubby. - Oh.

Mm, excuse me, uh

but here at the '50s Cafe, the customer is always right.

So go get that water, Chubby.

[chuckles] He's a little sensitive about his weight.

Frank, I really appreciate you being my guinea pig

for this little experiment.

[chuckles] Glad to help, Mark.

- Ready, dad? - Ready.

What is your full name?

Franklin Delano Lambert.

[beeps]

Delano? I'd have lied about that one.

I usually do, son.

You know, this really ticked me off.

I keep asking these Delicate Moments people

to take my name off their mailing list

but they keep sending me these lingerie catalogues, anyway.

- I can't figure it out. - Uh, me neither, honey.

[buzzes]

Frank, what do you know about these lingerie catalogues?

[sighs] Nothing.

[buzzes]

Why, Frank Lambert

are you putting my name on the mailing list?

[chuckles] Of course not.

[buzzes]

No, honey, I'll tell you

there's somethin' wrong with this machine.

[buzzes] Just shut up!

Carol, I just wanna say Dana is a slime-sucking

bottom-feeding barrel of pond scum.

J.T., that is my daughter you're talking about.

I know, that's why I cleaned it up.

Mom, I have never worked so hard in my entire life.

And I'm head cheerleader.

You know, I think you kids

just aren't used to workin' hard.

When I was your age, I was goin' to school

and workin' a ten-hour day.

[buzzes]

Alright, it was a five-hour day.

[buzzes] Alright, it was a paper round.

Now take that thing off of me! Get it..

[J.T.] 'Okay, two chili burgers, a vanilla shake'

and a root beer comin' right up.

Okay, we got a major dedication comin' your way.

This one's from Peter to Laura.

He says he's sorry he stretched your sweater

but he had a really good time at the movies last night.

♪ Big girls don't cry ♪

♪ Big gilrs don't cry ♪♪

Order in.

[sighs]

J.T., the people at table 6 are ready to order.

- I'm going as fast as I can. - Well, it's not fast enough.

Karen, table 4 is ready for their check.

- I'm working on it. - What is taking so long?

Well, there's a cute boy at that table

so I'm drawing a happy face and signing my name.

It's my way of saying even though I look out of reach

I'm not.

Karen, this is a restaurant, not the "Love Connection."

Dana, I've been working for four hours without a break.

Cut me some slack. I'm your sister.

[scoffs] Not here.

Here, you're my employee.

My slow employee, okay.

So knock it off with the artwork.

As long as I'm the boss, I don't wanna see any happy faces.

Don't worry, you won't.

- Hello. - Hi.

♪ She's a female she's 17 ♪

♪ I thought you smiled at me ♪♪

- Boy, am I beat. - Me too.

If I don't get a break soon, I'm gonna die.

What is this? A mannequin festival?

There are people out there who need service.

Hey, give us a break. We're doing the best we can.

Well, your best stinks.

Yeah, well, not as much as workin' for you.

Hey, you can't talk to me like that. I'm your boss.

- Not anymore, I quit. - Me too.

Here, and I think you know what to do with this.

Hey, hey, what's goin' on out here?

- Karen, are you're quitting? - You bet I am.

- Then we quit too. - What?

The only reason we put up with you

was so we could look at Karen.

Wow, how about that? I'm a fringe benefit.

Wait a minute, you guys don't have to quit.

Karen, you've gotta come back to work.

- No way. - Please, you're my sister.

Oh, no, not here.

Here, I'm just your employee

your slow employee

who happens to be free tonight if anyone's interested.

I'm interested.

I'm out of here too. Hasta la vista,baby.

Fine! Leave! Who needs you, you little creep?

- I can handle this myself. - Bye.

Hi, may I help you?

Yes, we're here with our Mommy and Me group.

Uh, we'd like a table for twelve with six highchairs.

Miss, we're ready to order!

Hey, where's my cheeseburger?

[female #1] 'Hey, I ordered some chili. Where is it?'

♪ She's my woppity wop my doopity doo ♪

♪ My ooh ah my ooh ooh ♪

♪ Sweet honey ♪

♪ Ah ah sweet doopity doo ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Baby ♪♪

Thanks very much.

I hope we didn't make too much of a mess.

[chuckles] It's no problem.

We were gonna hose down the ceiling, anyway.

Hey, how long does it take to make a cheeseburger?

And where's my side of chili?

Uh, you'll have it in a minute.

Uh, Cody, I-I need you in the kitchen.

I have more orders for you today.

Well, once again, we have to take a short break

while your host with the most gets out those BLTs on toast.

This one goes out to table number 9

because they've been waiting 45 minutes for their order, oh!

♪ Hold on just a little bit longer ♪♪

Oh, wow. Look at this place.

Isn't it great?

Looks like that movie, "American Graffiti."

Oh, I love that movie.

You know, I'm still lookin' for the blond in the white T-Bird.

Yeah, well, keep your eyes open, Frank.

You never know when she might show up.

Yeah, right.

Hi, welcome to the '50s Cafe. Smoking or non-smoking?

Hey, Dana, it's us.

We just came down to see how you're doing.

I'm fine. Everything is under control.

I'm fine.

You don't seem fine. Where are Karen and J.T.?

- They quit. - Why?

Uh, I don't know. I guess they couldn't handle the pressure.

- 'Miss?' - Shut up! I'm busy.

Don't you have any help at all?

Sort of.

Okay, who ordered double onion burger

with this, uh, really gross-lookin' cheese on it?

Okay, dude.

Well, if I was you, I'd pop some breath mints

before I kiss the missus, you know what I'm saying?

Hey, is my cheeseburger coming or not?

It's coming. It's coming.

Mom, Frank, I am dying here.

You've gotta help me out.

You want us to wait tables?

Oh, please, I'd do it for you.

No, you wouldn't.

Okay, I wouldn't, but this is your chance

to teach me how to be a better person.

Oh, come on, Frank, she needs some help.

Well, okay.

Oh, thanks, guys. The uniforms are in the back.

Oh, goodie, uniforms.

Oh, hey, Dana, I think I figured out

why that guy's cheeseburger looked so gross.

Do all our cheese slices have this, uh

weird plastic wrapped all over them?

- Yeah. - Okay.

We're havin' a little recall on cheeseburgers.

Sorry about that.

'Okay.'

[pop song]

Frank, you're doing a great job.

- Thank you. - But you're doing it too slow.

Is there any chance you could forget you're middle-aged

and kick it into overdrive?

I'd like to kick somethin' into overdrive.

Okay, cheeseburger with..

And a double cheeseburger with fries.

If you want anything else, just ask for Annette.

Hey, Annette.

After work, you wanna go to a drive-in?

- Are you gonna try anything? - Of course not.

Then forget it.

Mom, there's food getting cold over here.

Frank, those tables still need to be bussed.

Let's hustle. Hustle, hustle, hustle.

[blows]

Okay, Frank, I-I know that Dana's being a little bossy.

- But she's not that bad. - Are you kidding?

Leona Helmsley treated her help better than this.

Yeah, well, well, let's just get through tonight

and we'll deal with Dana later.

[sighs]

Frankie, Annette, what is this? A beach party?

We've got work to do. Let's move that poodle skirt.

Or we'll deal with her right now.

Oh, Dana, can I speak to you for a minute, please?

We have a little problem

that only the assistant manager can handle.

What's the problem?

- The assistant manager. - The assistant manager.

Wait, what's this? Put me down.

Dana, we are your parents

and we don't like the way you're treating us.

I'm sorry, but I can't treat you like parents.

I have to treat you like employees. I'm the boss.

Yeah, but, Dana, being the boss

doesn't mean bossing everyone around.

Frank and I wouldn't dream of treating

our employees the way you do.

In fact, if we did, we wouldn't have any employees.

Have I been that bad?

Well, let me put it this way, Dana.

If this were the land of Oz

a big house would have dropped on you.

Dana, being the boss means motivating people

creating an atmosphere where people want to work hard.

People don't wanna do anything

if their boss is yelling at them all the time.

You have to treat people the way you'd wanna be treated.

You're right.

I'm sorry, I guess I just got carried away.

That's okay. Don't be too hard on yourself.

You're only 16.

It takes a while to learn what we slow middle-aged folk know.

I get your point.

- Dana? - 'Over here.'

Oh, hi, Dana. How's it going? Everything under control?

Whoa, ho! Fire!

Fire?

But don't worry, I got it all under control.

Everything's okay.

Okay, is there anybody out there that likes their burgers

really, really well done?

[J.T.] Oh, good one, Karen. Right between the eyes.

- It's my turn. - Go ahead, J.T., waste her.

This one's for Chubby.

Yeah.

Oh, good. You guys are home.

Um, Dana has something she wants to say to you.

Dana.

Go ahead.

- I'm really sorry. Goodnight. - No!

No, no, no, no, no. That's not quite enough.

[sighs] What do you want me to do?

Get down on my hands and knees and beg?

Begging works for me. How about you, Karen?

I like begging.

Alright, look.

I really am sorry about the way I acted.

I mean, I wanted the restaurant to run smoothly

but that's no excuse for the way I treated you guys.

I was mean and bossy

and just basically a despicable human being.

And?

Don't push it, J.T.

Come on, Annette, there's a beach blanket

upstairs with our name on it.

- Hm, cowabunga. - Yeah.

So no hard feelings?

Of course not. I never hold a grudge.

Me either.

[chuckles] Good.

can help you find the keys to your van.

Sure, it can.

See, my unconscious mind knows where I left them.

Unfortunately for me, right now

my unconscious mind's not talking to my conscious mind.

Come to think of it, that happens a lot.

Okay, give it a try.

Okay. I left my keys in the bowling alley.

[buzzes]

I left my keys at the gym.

[buzzes]

So where did I leave my keys? In my van?

[beeps]

Alright.

Now where did I leave my van?