Original subtitles

[theme music]

[engine sputtering]

Mom's car is totally embarrassing.

I mean, it was starting to look like..

[moaning]

Them?

Oh, hey, girls, belly-up to these buckets.

[chuckles]

Yo, Dana, I'm going to see

Ugly White Trash this weekend.

Alright. Visiting relatives?

No, they're a rock group.

Hey, if you miss me

you can hang out in my van.

If I miss you, I'll chew off my own foot.

Well, well, here's a picture of me leaving.

[Frank] Uh, Codeman, hey.

A little somethin' for the road.

[chuckles] Oh. Thanks.

[telephone ringing]

Hello.

Just a minute.

Penny, phone call.

Some guy named Norbert.

Oh, that's her new boyfriend, Norbut Shubb, the mortician.

Ugh..

Hi, Norby.

[giggling]

I'll just take this in the other room.

[giggles]

Hi, honey.

Oh, sorry, I'm late.

- I had car trouble again. - What? Again?

Oh, come on now, Carol, I don't like you driving around

in that old clunker anymore.

Uh, I think it's time that you..

Well, that you got yourself a new car.

- Oh, I don't need a new car. - Yes, you do.

That car is not safe for you, it's not safe for the kids.

Oh, I don't know, buyin' a car is a big deal.

It's a major life decision.

Listen, honey, I can get you

a great deal down at Fensky Motors.

Now, it's your decision, I don't wanna put any pressure on you.

- Car. Car. - Car.

[all] Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car.

Car. Car. Car. Car. Car. Car.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

We'll go but we'll just look.

[cheering]

[theme song]

[screaming]

♪ The dream wide broken ♪

♪ Seemed like all was lost ♪

♪ What would be the future ♪

♪ Could you pay the cost? ♪

♪ You wonder ♪

♪ Will there ever be ♪

♪ A second time around? ♪

♪ Woah-a woah-a ♪

♪ When the tears are over ♪

♪ And the moment has come ♪

♪ Say My Lord I think I found someone ♪

♪ You know it will be better ♪

♪ 'Cause you're putting it together ♪

♪ For the second time around ♪

♪ We got the woman and man ♪

♪ We got the kids and the clan ♪

♪ Only time will tell 'em ♪

♪ If all these dreams fit under one umbrella ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over ♪

♪ A different hand to play ♪

♪ The deeper we fall ♪

♪ The stronger we stay ♪

♪ And we'll be better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪

♪ Step by step day by day ♪

♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over ♪

♪ A different hand to play ♪

♪ Only time will tell ♪

♪ But you know what they say ♪

♪ We'll make it better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪♪

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, uh, Carol, Carol, Carol.

Okay, now, here's the plan.

You pick out a car you like

and then just kinda step aside

and let Mel and I hash out the deal.

It's a man sort of thing, you know.

Oh, I understand, sugar.

And while you're doing that

why, I'll just sit in the buckboard

and tend to the young 'uns.

You know how wild they get

when we come into town.

Is something bothering you?

Frank, I know how to buy a car.

Well, I know you know how to buy a car, honey

but Mel and I are old fishin' buddies

and I know how to deal with him, okay?

Yeah, well, if it's okay with you

maybe I'll just tag along

and I can learn at the feet of the master.

Now, that's the attitude.

Let's see, we want high re-sale value

good gas mileage, reliability, comfort..

Airbag.

Oh, right, I forgot the airbag.

No, I was calling you an airbag.

Wow! What a cool car!

Yeah, when I get my license, the chicks will be crawlin'

all over me in this.

As opposed to what's crawling all over you now?

Boy, did we wake up on the wrong side

of the litterbox this morning.

Hey, hey. Is that Lambert, huh?

The last time we went fishing, all he caught was a cold.

Well, Fensky, at least I caught somethin'.

- Yeah. - Oh-oh!

Oh! Big one..

Hi, Mel Fensky.

Oh, uh, Mel, sorry, uh, this is Carol, my wife.

Well, you're kidding me.

I thought she was your daughter.

[laughing]

Ah, well, I see you have got your eye

on this little four wheel drive number.

Uh, yeah, well, it's okay, but we're just looking.

Hey, well, you better look fast.

This one's hotter than Madonna.

Can't even keep these on the lot, huh?

Psst. Ooh! Watch out!

Carol, did you hear that? We're gonna have to move fast.

Now, watch and learn.

- We'll take it. - Ah.

Frank, wait a minute.

Uh, how much is it?

Well, that would be right here

on the sticker.

Yeah, well, okay, nice talkin' with you, Mel.

Let's go, Frank, I told you he couldn't beat

that other guys price.

- W-what other guy? - Hey, hey.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Mel Fensky can beat any price in town.

Yeah? Can you beat $1500 under sticker?

[gasps]

[laughs]

Hey, uh, ahem, last time I got held up

the guy was wearin' a ski mask, huh.

Mel, Mel. Am I wrong?

Am I wrong or are those cars out there?

Unsold cars.

You know, the sign says, "Car Sales."

Maybe it should say, "Car Parking."

[chuckles]

You're not really his wife are you?

You're from the main office, right?

- Okay, let's go, Frank. - No, no. Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait. Kidding, kidding.

[chuckles] Okay, you got a deal

let's, uh, wrap this up while I still got my shirt.

[chuckles] Real pleasure meeting you.

Carol, you are wonderful.

Who? Little old me?

[chuckles] Come on, Scarlet

let's buy ourselves another buggy.

[giggling]

Wow! What a cool car.

Is it yours?

Well, um, uh, not yet.

Uh, not until tomorrow.

Well, um, I'm free tomorrow night.

Do you wanna go out for a burger or something?

Oh, sure.

Great. You can pick me up in your new car.

Well, um, uh, I'm putting in a sound system

and it might take a while to install

those, uh, 22 speakers.

No car, no date.

Uh, pick you up at 8:00.

[instrumental music]

So what time are Penny and Norbut coming over for dinner?

Oh, about 7:00, mom.

Norbut's working late, he has to bury Dawsey Fipps.

- Oh, did she die? - I hope so.

[door opens]

[exhales]

Phew!

Well, look at all the food. What's the occasion?

Penny and her new beau, Norbut Shubb, are joining

you and me for dinner tonight.

Honey, I don't want to eat with Norbut Shubb.

- Why? - Well, he's a mortician.

He gives me the creeps.

Well, Penny likes him and that's what's important.

Carol, he touches dead people all day.

Good, then Penny will seem so much more lifelike.

[instrumental music]

The table's all set, I just have to find the candle sticks.

Look in your hand, Penny.

[shriek]

Oh, I guess I'm just nervous.

[gasps] Where's Frank?

I sent to Pearson's to get ice-cream.

Ice-cream! I forgot the ice-cream.

Penny, Frank is getting the ice-cream.

Right.

[exhales]

Mom, where's the tool box?

J.T. has been in the bathroom so long

I'm gonna take the door off.

In the beauty shop, under the sink.

Let's put out the appetizers.

Where're you going?

Out.

[scoffs] With who, Cher?

Well, if you're so smart, why don't you figure it out?

Oh, this is gonna be tough.

Let's see, you must have a date

because you finally took a shower.

You reek of cheap aftershave

which means you want her to think you shave

which means you want her to think you're older.

And you just took the keys to mom's new car.

I'd like to solve the puzzle now.

You have a date and you're picking her up

in mom's new car.

"Johnny, tell her what's she's won!"

A little louder, Dana.

[scoffs] This is great, pinhead.

You don't even have a license.

Oh, you're gonna rat on me, aren't you?

I could but where's the fun?

I think I'm gonna let you take the car.

Oh, you think I'm gonna screw up, don't you?

[scoffs] I have no doubt.

And when you do, there's no telling the hours

of pleasure I will derive from your punishment.

Who knows, you could end up in military school.

Oh, I'm shaking in my boots.

Buckle up.

[instrumental music]

[giggling]

- Uh, more shrimp, anyone? - Uh, don't mind if I do.

So, Penny, are you weighing my offer?

- Uh.. - An offer?

Oh, what offer is that?

Norby asked me to work part-time at the mortuary

doing nails and comb outs.

[Penny giggling]

Now, Penny, don't expect tips.

We get a lot of stiffs.

[giggling]

Can you believe he's always like this?

[giggling]

I can.

Oh, nice job of deveining, Carol.

Say, Frank, we're having a end-of-the-year casket sale.

You know, making room for the 92s.

Have you given any thought to where

you'll be spending eternity?

You mean this isn't it?

[chuckles] Norbut, has anybody ever told--

Frank, Frank, uh, c-could you talk

with me in the kitchen for a minute?

Y-yes.

I wonder what they're gonna do in the kitchen.

[giggling] Nothing we can't do here.

[giggling]

Norbut Shubb is our guest.

- Can't you at least be polite? - Polite?

Honey, we invited him to dinner

and he just tried to sell me a casket.

It's like he is saying they're waiting for me to die.

Frank, I understand but all I'm asking

is for two hours out of your life, two hours.

Now, I know that Norbut can be a teeny bit irritating

but he does have a quality I've never seen in a man.

- What? - He likes my sister.

Well, then, let's party.

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

[Penny and Norbut giggling]

[Frank gasping]

What year is this?

- Having a good time, Frank? - Oh, the best.

[laughs]

Al.

Do your dad a big favor.

Go out there and talk to Norby just for minute.

- No way, dad. - I'll give a $1000.

- Nah. - Ugh!

- Dana. - Don't look at me, Frank.

- Here's the coffee. - Oh.

Why me?

Ooh, I like the sound of that.

Bad date?

[gasps] It's the car, isn't it?

What happened?

A ding?

A dent?

What?

Stolen.

Stolen?

Mom's brand new car stolen?

Aah! It doesn't get any better than this.

- I'm dead. - Ugh.

Well, you're in luck, there's an Undertaker in the living room.

Dana, I've been looking all over for you.

Well, you found me. Now, it's your turn to hide.

Codeman, you gotta help me.

I drove Carol's car to the Burger Barn and now it's gone.

No way. The Burger Barn's gone?

[sighs]

Dude, I'm gonna miss those curly fries.

Not the Burger Barn.

Carol's car, somebody stole it.

- Who? - I don't know who.

That is why it's stolen.

Cody, you've got to help me find it.

No problem, cuz.

I'll find those wheels, huh.

The Codeman can find anything.

[scoffs]

Oh-oh, my chicken.

[chuckles]

I've been looking all over for this.

Let's see.

You're in deep trouble

and he's your only hope.

This just keeps getting better and better.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Yeah, they're all fascinating.

But if I had to pick a favorite organ

I'd have to go with the liver.

Holds the most embalming fluid and it goes down

a flight of stairs like a slinky.

- Was it something I said? - Who cares.

- Frank, I-- - Carol.

I can't take one more second

of Captain Casket in there.

I can't stand him either.

Let's get rid of him.

Did you say "Let's get rid of him?"

As quickly as possible.

God, I love you.

[moans]

Ahem, listen, uh-uh, Norbut, Penny.

We're gonna have to call it a night

because, uh, Carol's not feeling well.

Oh, what's the matter?

She has a terrible stomach ache.

Uh, it's a headache actually.

It's shooting, uh, up and down through her, uh..

We're gonna have to get her to bed that's all, okay?

- Uh.. - Come on, honey.

Gee, uh, thanks for coming.

Well, thanks for a lovely evening.

Hope you feel better, Carol.

Now, Frank, you give me a call.

- Anybody's seen Cody? - Uh, no, pal.

I haven't seen him.

Aunt Penny, you're leaving?

Norbut can't go without seeing mom's new car.

New car? Oh, I'd love to see that.

Uh, dad?

Uh, I've to tell you somethin'.

I drove the car.

- What? - Oh! What?

You drove mom's new car?

Mom, I forget, does J.T. have a license?

Hey, everybody. Uh, say, Carol.

You got to be more careful where you park your car.

I almost ran into it, huh. In the driveway.

[Carol] In the driveway, what was my car doing in the driveway?

That's what I was trying to tell you.

I drove the car out of the garage..

...and washed it.

You what?

Tsk. I'm sorry I didn't ask permission, Carol.

I know I did wrong.

Tsk. Oh, no.

Oh, that is so sweet, J.T..

'Alright, let's go see the car.'

[laughing]

You should've nailed me when you had the chance.

Well, there she is.

Carol, that looks like your old car.

It is my old car.

You brought back Carol's old car?

- Where's my new one? - You got a new one?

[chuckles] Cool.

J.T., I think you better explain yourself.

Okay.

See, I met this really hot girl at the car dealership

and she said she wouldn't go out with me

unless I picked her up in Carol's new car.

What?

You don't even have a license, pal.

That's not even the bad part.

While we were at the Burger Barn

somebody stole Carol's car.

What? It was stolen?

My brand new car is stolen?

- Frank, what're we-- - Uh, Carol, Carol, Carol.

I'll take care of this.

Penny, Norby, uh, would you excuse us?

Oh, sure.

Thanks for a wonderful evening, guys.

[Norbut] 'Come on, honey.'

Let's drive by the emergency room

and see if I have to work tomorrow.

Whoa, dude, that's what it was doing at the used car lot.

I thought they stole this car.

Hey, wait a minute, I just stole this car.

I better go turn myself in.

Hey, maybe there's a reward.

[chuckles]

Frank, I think we should call the police.

Carol, that won't be necessary.

While I was out getting the ice-cream tonight

I saw J.T. drive up to the Burger Barn.

The car wasn't stolen, I took it, it's in the garage.

- Why did you do that? - To teach you a lesson, pal.

[Dana] Here it comes.

I've been waiting for this moment

ever since J.T. took the car.

Wait a minute.

You mean you knew J.T. took my car

and you didn't tell me about it?

[sighs]

I was torn.

I felt a certain loyalty

to my beloved stepbrother.

Yeah, right. Okay, let's go.

Come on, we're going to discuss the punishment

for being an accessory to a crime.

Boy, that Dana sure is a troublemaker, huh, dad?

[chuckles]

Don't push it, J.T.

I'm sorry, dad.

This was a biggie, wasn't it?

Ooh, it ranks right up there.

Listen, son, I know you really wanted

to date this girl but if she only wanted you

for your car, was it worth it?

Well..

No, I guess not.

Son..

...you could've really gotten hurt.

Or you could've hurt somebody else.

Now, I know it's difficult when you're only 15

but you got to start using your head.

I will, dad.

[sighs]

Oh, this isn't over yet, J.T.

Did you say something in there about

washing Carol's new car?

Dad, it's brand new.

It doesn't even have a speck of dirt on it.

And it's not going to because for the next six months

you're gonna wash it, every Saturday night.

Saturday night? That's date night.

Hey, I'm just getting started.

There's six other days in the week.

Now, Sunday morning, you're gonna get up bright

and early and change the dirt in all the house plants.

[instrumental music]

[music continues]