Original subtitles

(bouncy music)

♪ It's Friday night ♪

♪ I'm gonna get her at the bus stop ♪

♪ I'm gonna buy that ring ♪

♪ I saw last weekend at the pawn shop ♪

♪ I've been dreaming about her ♪

♪ And I think it's time she oughta know ♪

♪ I want her in my life ♪

♪ But I can't go back to Buffalo ♪

♪ Oh no ♪

(music fades)

- [Staff] Gina!

I can't wait to leave and never come back!

(lively chatter)

- We're just really thirsty. - I'm on it, Jim.

I got you.

(bell dings)

- Hey, this is nice, right?

Makes you want to reconsider quitting, right?

- Doug, I'm gonna need you to give me a moment of peace

in this God forsaken wasteland.

Thank you so much.

- Ashley-

(lively chatter)

- Hey, fellas. - We're ready to order.

- Here you go.

Thank you. - I wanted a little

bit more ice.

- Hey! - Hey, Ashley,

thank you so much, you're such a lifesaver.

- Oh, it's not my first rodeo.

Hi, Maggie. - We're gonna

miss you so much.

Oh, can you get that please?

Red is her favorite color. - Of course.

- Hey, real quick, we're ready to order.

We kinda need some menus.

- Awesome. They're right in front of you, champs.

Hey, Peter, will you go and pick up that crayon?

- Let me switch sections with you.

I really wanna try and get that MILF's number at table 16.

- You mean this number?

Loser.

- Incel! Will you pick up the crayon?

- This crayon? - That one.

Oh, thank you.

- Ashley, I don't see the Querida quesadilla on the menu.

- Oh, it's not on the menu.

- It was on the menu.

- That was six years ago.

I'll be right back. - Excuse me, ma'am.

- Yes. - We'd like to do

the Dollar sangria special.

- Can I see your ID?

- I got it ready for ya.

- [Patron] Why didn't you ask for my ID?

- Well, you're twins, aren't you?

- [Staff] Fuck you, Gina!

- My name is Gina and I'm training today.

This is my trainer,

and he tells me that you're all Canadian?

- No, I- - Hang on a second!

The fuck did you say? (tray clattering)

The fuck did you just say?

- Oh, I could put that wherever you want, buddy!

(patron laughing)

- Honey, why didn't he ask for my ID?

- Oh, well I didn't want to embarrass you

in front of your sorority sisters!

And I don't card people who remember Prohibition.

Here's your crayon, Maggie.

- Thank you.

I heard it's your last day.

What are you planning to do?

- That's the big question, isn't it?

I'm still trying to figure out

what I'm doing- - No, no.

No, I mean when you get off tonight.

I put her down around 8:00.

Look, I'm just asking.

You can calm down right now.

What you thought I was talking about your career?

(Ashley screams angrily) (loud screaming)

(Ashley screaming)

(intense music)

(upbeat music) (Ashley growling angrily)

(bell dinging) - Runners!

(Ashley gasps)

- [Dirk] And then when I showed up a few more minutes,

she was like, "Where have you been?"

But then she said, "I'm not quite ready

because I haven't had a chance to look at the menu."

And I'm like, "Bitch, you have been holding the menu

for 15 minutes, what are you even doing?"

Then I thought, "I don't even know if this lady could read."

(light traffic whirring)

(doors rattling)

(light traffic whirring)

(Peter laughs)

- We got one!

(light traffic whirring)

- Are they closed?

- I think so.

I wouldn't try looking in though.

(light traffic whirring)

(Peter laughing)

- We got another one!

- I got you getting it, my angle might even be better.

- Guys, come on.

We have so much shit to do between the party and the clean,

plus no bussers, no hostess.

- Relax, Pancake.

Wait, I thought the party was auto gratuity.

- You still have to serve shit to the tables.

- That hardly sounds fair.

I wanna be busy, but not too busy.

- Busy is a state of mind.

- Mm, busy's only busy if you work hard.

- Exactly.

- Can you at least eat the olives I haven't speared?

- I haven't washed my hands yet.

Fine, I'll make it up to you.

- Uh...

- I'm not late, I was on my smoke break.

- Points for creativity, I guess.

All right, folks, has everyone purchased

11 company issued pens?

(all grumbling) - Such bullshit.

- I'll take that as a no, so...

(pens clattering on counter)

Merry Christmas, hoes.

- Ashley, are you sure?

- Of course. What do I need 'em for?

- [Security System] Doors unlocked.

- Oh, we got another one-

- Merry Christmas!

- Lock the doors. We're not open yet.

- [Security System] Doors locked.

(door rattling)

(curious music)

- So Ashley, your last night.

Would you like to go out with a bang?

- If you mean, in the Columbine sense, I'm all for it.

- If you stopped scaring female employees,

maybe we can actually staff the place

and not have to work every shift.

- That hardly seems worth it to me.

- Sorry I'm late.

It took me a minute to get dressed.

- You guys are assholes.

- I thought we were all dressing up.

- You look amazing.

- You do.

(curious music)

Kylie, get in here and help set up!

(curious music)

(tense music)

- Ah, well, unfortunately we can't accept

any reservations tonight.

We're all booked up.

All righty.

Thank you, bye-bye.

- Lining 'em up on me.

Who's in?

Are you even old enough to drink?

How about I make you a cement mixer?

- Thank you!

- Doug Dougson.

Oh.

No problem at all.

(Doug chuckles nervously)

- We should do like 800 bucks each tonight.

I'm gonna pay to reanimate Frank Sinatra's body

just so I can kiss him on the forehead.

What about you guys?

- Botox so I could pretend to be happy when I see my family.

- Gym membership so I can do pretzels

with strangers in the sauna.

- Two words, white Christmas.

- I'm not sure if you mean cocaine

or freezing off your genital warts.

- Hey, why not both?

Those nurses! - Stop. Stop.

No one can joke with you without HR getting involved.

- What about you, Ashley?

- Bury my mom so I could finally stop using her casket

as a coffee table.

- Argh, such a shame.

She really ties the room together.

- I'm just glad we're going to have a good night.

We all deserve a nice Christmas bonus.

- Amen to that. - Yep.

(shot glasses clink)

- Why do you look like somebody

took a shit in your eggnog?

(suspenseful music)

- How does a party that big cancel?

- Because he didn't get a deposit, that's how.

Do you know how many reservations we turned away?

- Hopefully some of us will get cut, right?

- We're closed tomorrow.

- So?

- So we have to stay for the deep cleaning.

Weren't you listening?

(soft Christmas music playing)

(intense music)

- Oh my God, please walk out, please walk out.

Someone needs to.

- [Pancake] That would be awesome!

- [Uncle Mike] My restaurant, my policy.

- Well, is there nothing that we can do?

We'll have a mutiny.

- [Uncle Mike] No, we won't 'cause a good manager,

he does not allow mutinies.

- Shut up and mop.

(door clicks shut)

- [Uncle Mike] I need you to fall in line on this one.

- Uncle Mike, let me call you back.

(soft Christmas music playing)

- You know, we don't have to do deep cleans all the time.

- [Ashley] We do deep cleans all the time!

- We still make good money.

- [Ashley] No one makes any money!

- Please don't quit.

- They all might quit.

And I love those guys,

but you're already scraping the bottom of the barrel.

- Well, Uncle Mike makes the rules.

- Uncle Mike doesn't do deep cleans.

He just profits off of the people that do.

You know Drew and Pamela

who come in all the time, the lawyers?

They mentioned that he's breaking the law.

- Look, I know this is BC.

Bull crap.

- Doug, we talked about this.

You can say BS.

S is not a curse word.

- I'm doing the best I can, okay?

But that assistant manager position's open

if you're interested.

- My liver's not as strong as yours.

Thanks.

(sentimental music)

Doug, what is this?

Wow.

Is this my mom's recipe?

- I really miss the Christmases

when she used to bake cookies for the staff.

- Aw.

They look like ass.

- Well, that's a heart.

But I guess it does look like a behind.

- I'm used to eating ass around here.

Soft ass.

These taste perfect, you made these from memory?

- I am good at some things, you know.

- I didn't get you anything.

- Ah, it's okay.

But can you help me make it through the night?

I mean, you're like the mama bear.

I'm afraid if you leave, it might start a trend.

- Yeah, it probably should.

But I'm here for you.

Just for tonight.

Also, you fell for the window thing again.

So what'd you have in mind?

Oh God.

- Sorry we didn't come dressed up, Gina.

We had to get dressed here.

- So is there something important you need to tell us

or can we go clean now?

- Yes.

Does everyone have 11 company issued pens?

- Really?

Nobody needs one? Everyone came prepared?

- Oh. - God, Gina.

Always come prepared.

(tense music)

(heartbeat thumping quietly)

(tense music)

- Well, in honor of Ashley's last night,

we are going to do something Christmasy and fun

that we haven't done in years.

- Real quick, if this is what I think it is,

please don't pin it on me.

We don't need to do this. - So what we're gonna do

is whenever someone orders a dessert,

we are going to sing like it's their birthday!

Except Christmas carols!

- [Ashley] That's what I was afraid of.

- Can I come out from behind the bar and sing, too?

- Yes!

- Guys, look, I know it sucks that the party canceled,

but anyone who comes in tonight, they didn't cancel.

And remember, it's Christmas for the customers too

and going out to eat

doesn't make them awful, horrible monsters.

(dramatic tone whirs)

- How'd you get in here? We're not open yet.

- Oh, sorry, the door was unlocked.

- Unlocked?

Oh, we installed this dumb app locking thing,

it's probably glitching.

Wokeism, am I right?

- Sorry, I'm early.

Just needed a drink.

The holidays, am I right?

- Totally. - I was here last week,

and you told me you'd see me next Tuesday.

- What can I get for you?

- I'd love a water for now.

(curious music)

- And I know no one wants to clean.

But if we just get together and do it together as a team,

it'll be done before you know it.

It's not like it's gonna cost us our lives.

- Water 4 Now.

- That'll be 6.99.

Just kidding. (laughs)

Isn't that great?

My friends own a brewery, I came up with the name.

- So funny.

I love that you have these hobbies.

Maybe I'll try it later if that's okay.

Is this a bad time?

- No. No, not at all.

We're super delighted to be here.

- [Ashley] Can I get a, "Go, team"?

- [All] Go, team!

- Go clean. - Whatever.

- We love to see it, Pancake.

- One fifth, everybody!

- Can you make me the Al Pina Colada?

- Sorry, blender's broken.

I can offer it to you on the rocks, though.

- Okay.

(strained sucking through straw)

(curious music)

- [Security System] Doors unlocked.

(Doug exhales in relief)

(Doug inhales confidently)

(bell dings)

- Yes, ma'am.

- Chef.

- Yes, chef.

- Why is there a mistletoe in my window?

- It's nice, right?

Isn't it festive?

- Feels like if I put food in the window,

you're gonna try to kiss me.

- Why would I try to kiss you?

- Because it's mistletoe.

Mistletoe is for kissing.

- No, mistletoes are for Christmas.

- Yeah, for kissing on Christmas.

How the fuck do you not know what mistletoe is for?

- I can take it down if you want.

- Thank you.

Pancake, you're forgetting something.

- God dammit.

You don't even deserve this.

Mwah.

Happy?

- Yeah, you can leave it up.

- So you just keep those Santa costumes

on you at all times?

- Yeah.

- Got any more?

- Sorta.

- Perfect.

Sorry I didn't come dressed.

I had to get dressed here.

- Hey, Gina.

Sorry you didn't get any pens earlier.

Here you go. - Oh, thank you.

Will you have enough?

- Yeah, I'll be fine.

- You're right, you have that really cool one.

I love it.

- No!

(intense music)

- Sorry, that was...

That was a reflex.

- Do we have to redo your training?

What are the four rules of serving here?

- Come prepared, dead food goes directly to you,

never touch a customer's food

but you can bring it into the bathroom with you

and let the air waft over it-

- Pancake, what the fuck?

- And don't reach for Ashley's pen.

Sorry, I forgot.

- Hey, hey, hey.

It's all good. It's all good.

Look, she's new, she didn't know, all right?

- Know what?

- Ashley's mom gave her that pen before she died.

- [Gina] Really?

- [Peter] Yeah, it was gross too, open-casket.

Big mistake, but very sad too.

I cried, I don't like death, not even a little bit.

- [Karen] I'd like to move to a table, if I could.

Anywhere, I'm not picky.

Oh, but not there.

(chair clanging)

This will be great.

(loud shuffling on couch)

- Ma'am, I see you already have a drink,

so I'll be right with you.

(drink slurping loudly)

- Are you going to smoke?

- Well, yeah.

- I bet they're menthols.

Yum.

- Hmm.

- I never smoke, but a cigarette sounds great

right about now.

- It does, that's why I'm gonna smoke one.

- Maybe I'll take a little smoke break myself.

- Oh my God, that sounds like a great idea.

- I just don't have a cigarette.

- You need a cigarette to smoke.

- These are lovely, by the way.

- I wish I could light them.

- You would need a lighter to light that.

Can I go smoke or?

- Yeah.

(curious music)

She's gonna make me a cliche.

- Hey, Pancake-

- There's five of us here,

I'm doing one fifth of the clean and getting out of here.

They can fire me if they want to.

- I just set a table, has anybody been there?

That is Kylie's section.

(curious music)

- Yes?

(curious music)

- So?

- So the answer's probably no, nobody's been there.

But since you set it, now somebody has to go find her.

- Sounds like a server problem.

Hey, head server, can you greet a table?

41.

- Guess that is still technically my title for the night,

but there is nobody at 41.

- She was just there.

Where'd she go?

- Sorry to bother you,

but my server hasn't been by in a while.

(tense music)

- My apologies.

I will go find her right now.

- I'm working.

(upbeat music playing from speaker)

- Hey, shh-

(cutlery clattering)

(upbeat music)

(Dishwasher speaks Spanish)

(tense music)

(water spraying loudly)

- Have you seen Kylie?

(Doug yelps in surprise)

- No sirree Bob.

- Did she leave?

Like, fuck.

Look, I'm trying, Doug.

I am really trying, I gave the speech and everything.

(water spraying loudly)

What is that?

- Oh, we sold a ton of sangria at lunch.

Remember?

- I wish I could forget.

That explains the bathroom.

Oh, speaking of, I gotta get Peter to unclog the-

This isn't your job, what are you doing?

(tense music)

(printer whirring)

(bell dings) - Runner!

(bell dinging)

Runner!

(lighter flicks)

- Can you take 41, please?

- I am doing one fifth.

- One fifth of the clean, I know,

but Kylie's hiding spots keep getting better.

- Maybe she quit.

Hopefully, she quit.

Wait, would that mean I have to do one fourth of the clean?

- This woman's alone on Christmas.

She probably feels invisible,

and you can make her feel seen.

- I'd rather make my own family feel seen.

Some of us can still do that.

(tense music)

- Oh no.

Looks like she's in your section now.

See that, bitch.

- What a fucking cun-

Can I help you, ma'am?

I'm here to make everything A-okay.

- Thank you.

I've never tried this Italian red blend

and I'd love to give it a shot.

- Oh, I'm so sorry, ma'am, we only sell that by the glass.

(Pancake laughs)

It's just a little server joke.

Anyway, is there anything more I can get you?

- This is the last fucking time!

This is all I have, we're closed tomorrow,

this place fucking sucks.

Does she think lemons grow on fucking trees?

This is the last fucking time!

It's always people like this come here on a holiday.

I mean, do they have a fucking life?

Do they know that we wanna go home?

- Sorry, could you remind me what we have for dessert?

- We don't have dessert.

- Really? Because my table's asking-

- We don't have dessert.

(loud singing of jumbled Christmas carols)

♪ Jingle bells, dear customer ♪

♪ Jingle bells to you ♪

♪ And many more ♪

- No! - Your beautiful ear!

(eerie music)

- Hey, Doug.

- Hey, Drew and Pamela.

How are you?

- We're good. We're good.

We were just passing by, we thought you were booked up.

- Oh, well, we were.

- Mind if we come in for a quick bite?

- Yeah, yeah.

Of course.

Right this way.

Forks.

(silverware clinks)

Here we go.

- Fresh ground pepper?

Just say when.

- Unacceptable!

Ashley, get over here, you gotta hear this.

- Hey, you two.

Oh, Peter. They're not here to work.

Leave them alone.

- She's right.

- Tell her all this is illegal.

- Look, we're not trying to stir the pot,

but we like you guys.

- So is it?

- Yeah, it sounds like they're taking advantage of you.

- A deep clean would be referred to as a dual job.

- When. - Washing dishes

or dusting furniture, they have to pay you minimum wage.

- [Karen] "When."

- It could result in a large payout to the servers.

- When! - Will you f-

St-

- Was that too much?

- Do you have a card?

- I will take that, trust me.

- Keep it in case you wanna fight back.

- How about I get you some waters?

- I do have a mild sensitivity to pepper.

- Oh no!

Well, around here, when someone makes a pepper mistake,

we call that grounds for dismissal.

(Pancake laughs)

It's a coffee joke, but it works for pepper too.

Please, let me replace this for you.

(light plop in water)

Fuck.

(eerie music)

Are you fucking kidding me?

(incoherent whispering)

(tense music)

Hello?

(incoherent whispering)

(tense music)

(plate clattering)

- [Unknown Voice] Say when!

- When!

(intense music)

When! When!

(loud thwacking) (intense music)

When!

When.

(intense music)

(quiet music playing)

- I don't see a reason to bother those fine folks

this Christmas Eve.

- Can you relax?

They forgot their glasses.

- Oh, I can call them about their glasses.

I'm the manager, I'm very happy

to call them about their glasses.

I'm the manager.

I'm very happy to call them about the glasses.

- Doug, you can stand up to Mike.

Did Martin ever replace her soup?

- I don't know, I haven't seen him.

- Do you think he's okay?

- He pulls this shit every time we have to clean.

If people keep bailing, we'll never get outta here.

- He did do one fifth of the work, right?

- Mm.

31 is his table.

- There's nobody at 31.

(eerie music)

- Well, looks like she's at my table now.

Fuck it.

- Gross.

- Excuse me, Chef?

- Liv.

- Excuse me, Liv.

Dirk is looking for a martini dryer?

- A what?

- A martini dryer.

- I think I have something.

- I went ahead and got you a new soup.

I am so sorry for the confusion.

- I'm sorry for being a pain by moving,

but my server never came back.

- Oh, it's okay, I work as a team here.

May I get you anything else?

- Yes, but I need to share a few allergies.

- Oh.

- This is so embarrassing.

I swear I'm a big mess.

- No, no, no, no.

It's no worries at all.

Go ahead, let's have 'em.

- I can't have eggs, dairy, peanuts,

cinnamon, iodized, salt, nutmeg, ginger, gingerbread, soy,

whey, wheat grass. (patron snaps)

Regular grass, and fennel.

You wrote that down?

I really appreciate that.

Is that pen from Italy?

- Sorry.

No, my mom gave it to me.

- Oh, what does your mom do?

- Dies.

(Ashley clears her throat)

She's dead.

- Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

I'm sure she's very proud of you.

- She was, actually.

Just for serving.

- I know a bit about loss myself.

You don't always realize what you have

until it's... (patron snapping)

(Ashley clears her throat)

- Yeah, yeah, she acted like I was

a rocket scientist or something just for waiting tables.

(patron snapping)

- A mother's love.

Anyway, with all my allergies, what can I have?

- [Gina] Here you are.

- Oh, this martini dryer will do for now,

but they've released a new model,

so just keep an eye out for it.

- Okay.

- [Dirk] Stupid.

- How was your boiled chicken and broccoli?

- I hated it, can't you tell?

(Ashley laughs)

- Oh, yes.

- I tasted a bit of iodized salt.

- Oh, I'm so sorry about that.

- It's quite all right.

It happens all the time.

- I'll be right back.

- Hey, I wanna get her a gift card.

We never give gift cards anymore.

- You already comped her chicken.

- Well, gift cards are a gift.

- Kill her with kindness, I guess.

The fuck?

- Hey, remember we are selling pens if you need a-

- No thank you, the fuck are you, a fucking pen salesman?

Thank you so much.

So due to the salt, we have a-

- Oh, thank you.

I know you tried.

Between me and you, you deserve better than this.

This as in this place?

- This industry. Either way.

(curious music)

- Oh, hey Ashley, she left her credit card.

You wanna try and catch her?

- Oh, I would, but I'm feeling a foot cramp coming on.

You have my pen?

- I didn't see it.

I can try and catch her since you have a foot cra-

- I will beat the bronzer off a bitch!

(Ashley breathing heavily)

Fuck!

(intense music)

- Gina, more side work!

(patron snapping)

(intense music) - And that's how we transfer

cold air from the one side of the cooler to the other.

- Did you catch her? - Focus!

(intense music)

(patron snapping) You get the really good air

from the bottom, Gina.

No, not that air! The other air!

- I need hands! (bell dings)

I need hands!

Put your phones away, assholes!

When Doug needs hands, we go.

- [Doug] I need hands!

- What does, "I need hands" mean?

- Why don't you look it up?

- [Doug] I need hands!

- Where the fuck is everybody!

- So "hands' means you need help running food."

(upbeat music playing)

- Did you find out what it means?

- Doug, take their phones.

I won't be mocked for doing my job.

- Oh, is it mocking?

- You can't just make up rules.

- It's already a rule, Doug is just scared to enforce it.

Let's go.

- Sorry, she's terrifying.

- Thanks a lot, Gina!

- You could have just told me what it meant.

- What? Wait, it's not your fault.

- I gotta find the martini dryer!

- This doesn't help me make it through the night.

- Look, if I'm working,

I need the staff to do their jobs, okay?

And if you don't make them, I will.

- But I mean- - She forgot her credit card.

(patron snapping)

- [Uncle Mike] You do realize this is a holiday.

It's Christmas, Doug.

I'm sitting here with ham in front of me, stuffing,

the family running around.

(gentle music)

Come the fuck on, Doug.

You know better!

I done told you about this.

The next time those sharks decide to eat at our restaurant,

I need you to turn 'em away.

Don't forget who your family is.

- Hey, Dirk. You think Gina's crying in the walk-in?

- Totally, but she said she's looking for the martini dryer,

because she thinks that sounds less embarrassing.

- I should go help her.

- What, help her find the martini dryer or help her cry?

- Both.

Time to go jingle her bells.

Time to come down her chimney.

Put that elf on a shelf.

(door thwacks against wall)

(Doug sighs)

(playful music)

- Hey, we have new beers on tap, right?

You know what, let's try them as the staff.

- We can't do that anymore.

Everything has to be rung in, even tastes.

- Let me worry about my uncle.

- Oh!

(pressure gauge hissing)

- You in here? Hello?

Find it yet?

- Very spicy.

- "Spicy." Spicy's good.

Argentinians, not so much.

- Someone ask for spicy?

- Hello.

This one has a really rosy flavor.

- Mm, yes. - Like floral.

- Mm-hmm. - But not too floral.

Not like a rose, but more like a carnation

with no baby's breath.

- I love carnations. - Oh, well, you would.

- Mm-hmm.

- Don't cry.

Ashley's just having her bimonthly.

It'll be okay.

While you're down there...

Gina?

- Am I allowed to taste beer, too?

- Oh, look who's back from the walk-in?

- The walk-in?

(intense music)

- Gina?

Ashley?

It's you?

(tense music)

Whatever. You'll do.

Whoa!

Cougars really are aggressive.

It's like old men's street but for a lady.

Do you bite?

(retainer clicks against teeth)

Yeah.

Wait. Ow.

Ow! Fuck, stop!

- Don't you want me to tap that?

- Isn't that what the dude says to the chick in 2002?

(Peter yelps)

(intense music)

(pressure gauge hissing)

(intense music)

(beer bubbling)

- Here's a nice blood orange sour.

I'll try that.

(Karen moans) (Peter groans)

(intense music)

(pressure gauge hisses)

(beer bubbling)

- Chunky brown porter!

Mm! Earthy.

Ah, and coffee flavor.

I can taste the peanuts.

And corn for some reason.

- Sounds so nice.

This one's a little bit spicy,

but it feels a little bit like tortilla chip.

(Peter groans)

(intense music)

(Peter groans) (pressure gauge hissing)

(beer bubbling)

Eggnog stout.

Creamy, salty.

Not impressed.

I'd recommend more pineapple, less asparagus.

Hmm.

(playful music playing)

Yeah. (Peter groans)

- I feel...

Faint.

Dehydrated.

(intense music)

- You do seem thirsty.

And tapped out.

(intense music)

(glasses clink)

- You guys are planning on tipping me, right?

Okay.

This will do just fine.

(intense music)

(bell dings) - Dessert up

so you can break my fucking eardrums again.

- We don't have to sing anymore.

Sorry about that.

- Yes.

We do.

(upbeat rock Christmas music)

(patron snapping)

Oh, actually it's more like this.

1, 2, 3, 4.

♪ In his master's steps he trod ♪

♪ Where the snow lay dinted ♪

♪ Heat was in the very sod ♪

♪ Which the Saint had printed ♪

♪ Therefore, Christian men, be sure ♪

♪ Wealth or rank possessing ♪

♪ Ye who now will bless the poor ♪

♪ Shall yourselves find blessing ♪

- Oh!

(playful Christmas music)

(bell dings)

- Hey, sorry to bother you,

but I was hoping that we could make a family meal tonight?

Okay, I can't tell if that's a yes or no.

Okay, well, that one felt like a no.

Well look, I know we haven't done it in a few years,

but it's been kind of a rough night.

And well, it's Christmas!

Okay, well, that feels like a yes.

Is it like a one hand or two hand kind of deal?

Or is this like one hand mean yes or?

- They'd have to take whatever they can get.

We barely have shit in here as it is.

- Heavens.

Thank you.

Is that a, "You're welcome?"

That feels like a "You're welcome."

I'm gonna take that as a "You're welcome."

(exciting rock music)

(whip cream can hissing)

(exciting rock music)

(bell dings)

- Real fucking funny, assholes.

(intense music)

(skewer squelching in head)

(intense music)

- [Security System] Doors locked.

- Well, I guess that's a wrap.

- Hey, where's Peter?

- Passed out somewhere.

- How much more to clean?

- Well, you guys kept ahead of it pretty well,

so I can clean the rest if you guys wanna go.

- Help yourselves to some cookies, folks.

Doug made them.

- Well, we'll stick around and help you clean

if there's more beer to wash it down.

- I can make that happen.

(Doug chuckles)

That's a lighthouse!

Enjoy.

(exciting music playing)

(dishes clanging)

(intense music) (quiet thunk)

(exciting music playing)

(intense music)

- Good job so far.

Oh, are we still having a family meal?

- Oh, I hope it's fish heads again.

- Chef Liv gave me the MF when I asked, so probably not.

- Neither middle nor finger are bad words.

- Ayudame. - You know I could taste

the difference between a gingerbread man

and a gingerbread house? - Hmm.

- Ayudame!

Ayudame! - Ayudame!

Mucho cerveza! Fiesta!

Fiesta means party.

- Ayudame!

- Ayudame? - Ayudame!

Ayudame means party.

- Wait you just said fiesta means party.

- I like to eat the head to the gingerbread man first

so I don't think that they're judging me or looking at me.

- Mm-hmm, that's real.

- [Dishwasher] Ayudame!

- Does anybody else have any opinions on gingerbread?

- Wait, doesn't "ayudame" mean help?

- "Ayudame," that's way too many syllables to be "help."

- I can go check on him.

He might have coke.

Ayudame means coke.

- I thought it meant party.

Coke means party, party means coke.

- Just when you think you know someone.

- You know, I like ginger, but I don't like bread.

But I like gingerbread!

- Ayudame!

- Oh, now it means help.

- Well, if everybody's gonna do coke.

- Corner.

- He's dead.

He's so dead!

- Heard. - Heard.

- [Doug] Who coulda done this?

- I think I know.

- The lady at table 41?

- No way.

She wouldn't do this, Ashley gave her a gift card.

Didn't you?

- I couldn't catch her.

(tense music)

- Ashley! I told you a gift card is a gift!

She wouldn't have killed him if you had a gift card!

- I think we might be dealing with a Karen.

- A what?

- I've been doing this for a long time.

I've seen things you'd never want to see.

The name Karen bestows magical powers upon women.

The speed of a gorilla, the strength of a pronghorn.

These are evil powers

replenished by day spas and essential oils.

These are the powers of a Karen.

(intense music)

- You're an idiot.

- Am I?

(tense music)

- We're all gonna die!

(all screaming)

The emergency exit's blocked!

(Gina breathing raggedly)

- Let's call the police!

- Doug took our phones!

- Ashley did that!

- 'Cause of Gina!

- 'Cause of y'all! Just use the landline!

- We haven't paid the bill in months!

- What? - What if a customer

calls to complain!

- Exactly!

- [Doug] No one ever calls to complain!

- Exactly!

- Dammit, Doug, unlock the fucking door!

- I did! I don't have my phone!

- What? - We said no phones!

- You're the manager!

- I'm still a part of the team!

- You and your bullshit!

- What the fuck! - So we bust out the windows!

- Anything you break, they take outta your paycheck!

- Oh.

- We installed bulletproof windows last month.

- In the middle of Middle America?

- Oh, this country is going to shit with the libs!

- God, Mike spends money on the dumbest BC!

- To be fair, I did negotiate a very fair deal.

- I can't die with all of you!

Are you kidding?

- Are we sure they're bulletproof?

- Let's find out!

(tense music)

Oh no.

(bullet clinks on floor)

- We really are trapped!

- No.

No, we're not.

We just have to get the phones from the office.

(intense music)

- Are we allowed to use weapons against a customer?

(upbeat music)

- No!

(upbeat music)

Hold on, this is important

- Ma'am?

(loud thud) (intense music)

Now the tables have turned.

(both breathing shakily)

(blender whirs)

- I thought they were behind us?

We gotta help them.

- We're already halfway there.

We help them by getting the phones.

Ashley.

Did you hear that?

What is that sound?

(blender whirring)

(tense music)

(Doug yelps)

(tense music)

- She's been here!

Is this a trap?

(blender whirring) (tense music)

(bullets clattering on floor)

(tense music) (blender whirring)

- Fucking speed rail!

- You forgot my side of ranch.

- Did I?

- I think we're okay.

Unless she's planned a slow and prolonged way of killing us.

- How vile.

(tense music) (blender whirring)

- [Dirk] You're hurting me!

- I think I will try Water 4 Now.

(tense music) (blender whirring)

I need a bottle opener.

No, you can't borrow me.

That's cute, but could you make an exception?

So I have a friend in marketing

and she has experience with alcoholic beverages

that could really help you with your product launch.

- Really?

- Mm-hmm. Water 4 Now could be a big hit.

I'd love to connect you two.

I'll even set up a Zoom.

- When?

- Oh, I'm not sure, I haven't spoken to her in a while

and I know she's been really busy.

I gotta get back at book club.

So remind me after the holidays and I'll reach out.

- Okay, thanks.

- If you're still available, that is.

(Dirk groaning in pain)

Tastes good too!

- What's this?

1985 death in local restaurant.

- What? That's nonsense.

- BJ's Grill O' Rama?

That's what we used to be called, right?

- I don't think so.

- I remember from the server test.

- There must be some sort of typo.

Let me.

- Why are you doing this?

- You don't wanna know.

- But you're still gonna tell me, right?

- It was a cold December night, just like this one.

(groovy music)

My happy sauce was well mixed,

but my grilled cheese was undercooked.

(groovy music) (all laughing)

(man coughs)

Few people had nut allergies back then.

- Help! Somebody help!

He's dying!

- [Karen] You could say my dad was something of a pioneer.

- Help!

(tense music)

She's too close to the AC!

We asked not to be sat by the AC!

We're still waiting on his well-done steak!

Where is his well-done steak?

He's starving!

- [Karen] My uncle starved to death.

- I'm dying.

- Grandpa?

You never turned on the game!

- [Karen] They never changed the TV for him,

and the game was lopsided.

- He's dying of boredom! - Boredom.

(grandpa groans)

- [Server] Your bill, ma'am.

- You didn't separate the checks!

- [Karen] We asked them to separate the checks,

but they didn't!

- So much math!

(head explodes)

(somber music)

(grandpa groans)

(somber music)

- Worst of all, it was my birthday month.

- [Dirk] It's my birthday month too!

- Survived by their eight-year-old daughter, Karen.

(tense music)

She really is a Karen.

(blender whirring)

(whirring stops)

(eerie music)

- Shut up and mop!

- What are we doing?

We gotta help them!

(eerie music)

- Uncle Mike, why aren't we helping them?

- [Uncle Mike] Shut up and mop.

- I will not shut up and mop.

(compelling music)

- How's that foot cramp?

- Stop.

It's a note.

She's turned the coffee maker into a bomb?

It's gonna explode unless-

- Unless what?

- Unless we drain all the water.

- Oh my gosh.

Gina, I have something to tell you.

I'm afraid of bombs.

- Me too!

Well, I've never told anyone that!

(tense music)

- No one's coming to save you.

- [Doug] But we have to do this.

- Hey, what if we empty the tank?

- There is no tank, it's connected to the water supply.

- I don't think you can drain this.

I think maybe this is a trap.

- There's no time to think! We need to drain!

- Maybe waitresses aren't rocket scientists.

- [Dirk] You get the really good air from the bottom.

- [Pancake] Do we have to redo your training?

- [Ashley] If we just do it together as a team,

it'll be done before you know it.

(Ashley's voice echoes)

(bell dings)

Ow! My hand!

(loud thud)

(Karen laughs)

- What about the bomb?

- I'm smarter than you think.

- What about Doug?

- He is as smart as you think.

(tense music)

- Guns are too easy.

Like a spray tan.

Where's the fun? Where's the risk?

- Now you don't have a weapon.

- Neither do you.

- I came prepared.

(intense music)

Ashley grab the ticket stabber!

If only somebody else was here

who could grab the ticket stabber!

(Gina yelps in pain)

- I like that pen.

- Ayudame!

(Karen cries)

- Okay, what the fuck just happened?

- Maybe you hit her in the eye.

- Holy fuck! Are you okay?

- I just got stabbed the neck with my own pen.

At least she didn't hit anything major.

- Besides your neck.

- Well, does it look bad?

We should take it out. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You'll bleed out. Why do you think she was reaching for it?

- She said she liked it.

- Where is Doug?

- He's emptying the coffee maker.

- She turned it into a bomb?

- That's what the note said,

but it was a lie. - We have to help him!

Let's go!

(loud explosion) (Gina yelps)

Gina, you have to drain the fucking coffee maker every night

so it doesn't explode!

- I didn't know! I'm sorry! - Fuck!

I can't believe this fucking shit.

(Ashley breathing heavily)

We're gonna die in here tonight.

Who the fucking schedules their last shift on Christmas Eve?

- Who schedules their first shift on Christmas Eve?

- What do people do on holidays when they're not working?

You just sit alone at home in the dark,

drinking straight outta the bottle

with the deafening absence of your mother?

I'm only still here

because I feel like I know how to make people

feel seen and taken care of,

even if it's just for a little bit.

And sometimes they make me feel that way too,

and this is the only place

I feel like I know what I'm doing.

At least...

At least, that's how I used to feel.

- I think that's beautiful.

- [Doug] I am alive!

That explosion hurt so much I wish I wasn't!

She's zip-tying my hands and taking me hostage!

- We gotta help him.

- [Ashley] That's what she wants.

It's a trap.

- [Doug] Now she's bashing my knee caps

with a meat tenderizer!

- I thought you the badass that everyone turned to.

That's not what I see.

- [Doug] She's sticking a meat thermometer

directly in my pee hole!

- They were right about you.

You don't wanna solve problems, you just wanna criticize.

Criticize ownership, criticize Doug, criticize us.

- [Doug] She's opening an industrial sized

can of tomato sauce.

I hope it's not to cut the skin in between my fingers

with the edge!

- That's why you never made manager.

- [Doug] Yes it is!

- That's why you're quitting.

You're a coward.

- [Doug] I can see under the prep table, gross!

(Karen laughs)

- Now let's have some real fun!

(Doug breathing heavily)

(plastic shuffling)

(blades creaking)

Too obvious.

- Oh, barnacles!

(Doug screams in pain)

No!

- What did you want? Was it the salt?

(Doug screaming) (Doug crying)

- [Doug] No!

(Doug screaming)

- Did you wanna free your hands?

Well, they're free now.

(Karen laughs)

- Look what I found.

- My phone!

It's still intact!

- I have to let myself out.

Go ahead, pick it up.

You can't save yourself, but you could save them.

(Doug whimpering)

I said pick it up.

- I need hands!

(Karen laughing)

I need hands!

- When Doug needs hands, we go.

(intense music)

She ran away when I threw that cookie at her.

She's allergic to ginger.

- She really is a creature with magical powers.

- Creatures with magical powers always have a weakness.

This is hers.

She really some damage with that ticket stabber.

Didn't Doug drop a cookie in here earlier?

- Cookies are dense and sink in liquid.

And lemons have a lot of juice, juice is a liquid,

so it must have sunk. - Okay.

I don't know why I asked

(Ashley yelps in pain)

God, fucking holy habeas corpus!

Fantastic.

That was unbearable.

Let's do this.

(first aid box clicking open)

(intense music)

(blow torch roaring)

Ah, fuck!

Let's go.

That bitch stole my pen.

(tense, suspenseful music)

(paste plaps on Karen's face)

(drain cap scrapes on floor) (Gina yelps)

(tense music)

- You take good notes.

- You're supposed to be allergic!

- And that gave you the confidence

to come in here after me, didn't it?

- You liar!

- No, it's more of a sensitivity to ginger.

- What did you do to him?

- What did you do to his feet?

- His feet?

Nothing, they were like that.

- I've been in this industry for a long time.

- You think it's no big deal when you ignore our requests.

You think it's no big deal!

(industrial blender whirring)

- That's my pen.

- No it's not.

- [Ashley] You stole my pen?

- No, I was just borrowing it!

(Karen yells in pain)

(industrial blender whirring)

- You think it's no big deal when you ignore our requests?

Do you know what it's like?

Do you?

Every time a waitress slacks off, every time,

to be reminded of seeing your entire family die!

Do you know what that's like?

Of course you don't!

- I'm sorry!

(whirring stops)

- What?

- Kill her with kindness.

- Look.

I know what it's like to lose family

and there's nothing we can do to bring them back.

All I can say is I'm so sorry.

And I see you.

- Do you mean it?

- Yeah.

- You can leave this place if you want.

- Really?

(angelic choir singing)

Before I go,

there's something I want to do to make it up to you.

(Karen screams)

(Ashley yelling)

(intense music)

(playful Christmas music)

I was just borrowing it.

(playful Christmas music)

- [Security System] Face not recognized.

Face too dead.

Prince not recognized.

Choose a thumb not so bloody, broken, mangled, and dead.

Doors unlocked.

(exciting music)

- Hey, I think I forgot my glasses...

(exciting music)

- You know, when we told you to fight back,

this is not what we meant.

(phone ringing)

- [Uncle Mike] I literally had cranberry sauce on my fork!

What's the problem now, Doug?

This is your head server.

You need to call a janitor, Uncle Mike.

He got yourself a big fucking mess.

(bright music)

- Good job tonight.

(can hisses)

(bright music)

- You can achieve anything you set your mind to.

I worked my way up to general manager

by not dying or suffering severe brain damage.

Now the restaurant's in its most profitable year

and I'm in the process of purchasing it

from Doug's Uncle Mike.

- That's amazing.

- All right, Head Server, what-

- And Head Martini Dryer

- And Head Martini Dryer.

What is the one rule of serving?

- Never steal Ashley's pen

because then she'd be justified in stealing it back,

even if it's the only thing preventing you

from life threatening blood loss.

- Very good.

Knock 'em dead.

(intense music)

- Doug, did you open an article?

1985...

Excuse me, my sister left her credit card here

and I was hoping to pick it up.

- When was this?

- Exactly one year ago today.

- Survived by her young daughter, Karen,

and her twin sister, Carol.

Wait.

- Your sister, what's her name?

- [Customer] Carol.

- The killer's name is Carol.

That means the real Karen is still out there.

- So your name is...

(spooky music)

(intimidating metal music)

- Yeah, I love it.

- No.

(Pancake gasps)

(Jenna laughs) I'm sorry.

(all laughing)

- [Jenna] One fourth.

One fifth, whatever. - One fifth.

- [Jenna] One fifth. - There's a script here.

- [Director] Let's cut. (team laughing)

- [Director] Feels too insensitive.

- Insensitive?

That's what we're thinking about right now?

Insensitive?

(intense music)

- [FX Artist] Yes!

- [Director] Action.

- Eggnog stout.

- [Director] Let me say action.

- Sorry, I was ready to drink this big glass of cum.

(objects clattering) - Oh, no.

- [Ethan] How'd that look?

- You don't even deserve this.

(crew laughing)

You don't even, fuck me, sorry.

(crew laughing)

- [Director] Cut. - [Jenna] She's so pretty.

(crew laughing) - Thank you.

- [Director] What's that? - Can I throw an egg roll?

- [Director] At the very end, yes, you may.

Okay. (Olivia grunts)

(crew member laughing)

(Kevin screams) - Oh my!

Oh, my god. - Let's restart.

It was open casket. A bad decision.

It was gross.

But still very sad nonetheless.

You know, I don't normally cry.

(all laughing)

-Ah, they did it!

(playful, groovy music)

♪ Well, that's it ♪

♪ You finally worked my last nerve ♪

♪ And when I call it quits, there'll be no ever after ♪

♪ Oh, I love you, babe ♪

♪ And I love what it was ♪

♪ But I can't stand what it's become ♪

♪ So it's time for me to cut and run ♪

♪ Oh, I'm tired ♪ ♪ She's tired ♪

♪ Of trying to be understanding ♪

♪ For far too many nights, I didn't do much sleeping ♪

♪ Nah ♪

♪ 'Cause you got problems you don't wanna see ♪

♪ And for far too long, they've fallen on me ♪

♪ It's no fun, my friend ♪

♪ We are done ♪

♪ So take your records back ♪

♪ And gimme my headphones that I've been lacking ♪

♪ I'm deleting photos from my phone ♪

♪ And that movie we made when we were alone ♪

♪ Yeah, we had good times, but the bad times got in the way ♪

♪ And if things ain't gonna change ♪

♪ Why should I stay? ♪

♪ Ah ha ♪

♪ Oh, I love you, babe ♪

♪ And I love what it was ♪

♪ But I can't stand what it's become ♪

♪ So it's time for me to cut and run ♪

- So I was told the first time

that I ever watched the credits

that I should record myself so we can see my reaction.

So here we go, I'm watching the credits for the first time.

So these are the people who-

These are the people who invested in it,

and I'm just thrilled.

I know so many names on here.

When we first put the concept trailer out,

we didn't charge people to watch it

because we wanted people to see it.

But we did ask for people to tip if they enjoyed it.

And apparently there were over 1,200 of you.

So that is a lot of names.

Oh my god.

♪ Gimme my headphones that I've been lacking ♪

♪ I'm deleting your photos from my phone ♪

♪ And that movie we made when we was alone ♪

♪ Yeah, we had good times ♪

♪ The bad ones got in the way ♪

♪ And if things ain't gonna change ♪

♪ Well, why should I stay ♪

♪ Ah ha ♪

♪ I love you, babe ♪

♪ And I love what it was ♪

♪ But I can't stand what it's become ♪

♪ So now ♪ ♪ So now ♪

♪ It's time ♪ ♪ It's time ♪

♪ For me ♪ ♪ For me ♪

♪ To bid adieu ♪ ♪ Bid adieu ♪

♪ I'll see you ♪ ♪ See you ♪

♪ Somewhere ♪ ♪ Somewhere ♪

♪ Sometime ♪ ♪ Sometime ♪

♪ Down the line ♪ ♪ Down the line ♪

♪ But right now ♪

♪ It's time for me to cut and run ♪

(playful, groovy music)

- Wow.

Man, this is incredible.

I've never seen this many names in a thank you credits

or helped support kind of role.

This is amazing.

And...

Okay, there we are.

And we made it all the way through.

Pretty cool. Thank you.

(upbeat, exciting music)

♪ She got a bad reputation ♪

♪ She's got a big appetite ♪

♪ She sneaks off at sunset ♪

♪ Deep into the night ♪

♪ She's been chasing the locals ♪

♪ And putting up quite a fight ♪

♪ She'll drink like a guppy ♪

♪ That shit's dynamite ♪