Original subtitles

Some people are born winners.

Tom Brady, Lebron James, Joey Chester, and also me.

My name is Dusty Boyd, but most people on planet earth know me as The Hammer.

My dad gave me that name before he even told me my real name.

And he trained me like a tennis racehorse.

Cardio, strength training, taping tennis rackets to my hands.

My dad wasn't like other dads.

He didn't teach me how to read.

He taught me how to hit.

And it worked.

I broke every single USTA junior record.

Wins, aces, shutouts.

You name it, they were mine.

And soon, the world took notice.

No Dave, I don't hit hard.

I hit the hardest.

And before I even graduated high school, I lived out me and my dad's dream.

I turned pro.

And that, my friends, is my incredible true story.

So, does anybody have any questions?

Yeah, are we ever gonna hit a fucking ball?

This lesson sucks ass.

I meant, does anybody have any questions about the story that I was just telling?

I mean, that was very clear, wasn't it?

It's a very clear story, and I've actually got a question, King.

This is what I was looking for.

PJ, go ahead.

Why does it still give me chills every damn time I hear it?

It gives me chills, too.

Seriously, I think like you're one of the best-If you're so

good, how come you work for your dad teaching nine-year-olds?

I think these punks need to hear the Andy Roddick story.

Oh, you do, do you?

No, no, no, no.

Vero Beach Classic, the year was 2000, me versus Andy Roddick.

He was technically the bigger name, but everybody was there to see me.

We had played a couple times as amateurs, and

every time I saw him, I used to cream his ass.

No other way to say it.

Pretty sure there is.

But this was the first time meeting as professionals.

I was crushing you.

That's my son!

That's where evil Mr. Andy decided to play dirty.

Yeah, he tried to ice me by taking a bathroom break.

So I ran down there to confront him, slipped on a wet spot, and shattered my wrist.

And in doing so, I shattered my very promising career.

What?

Obviously Andy Roddick, he slicked down the floor with some type of substance.

And that means that all of Roddick's professional achievements, like winning the

US Open and marrying supermodel Brooklyn Decker, those are all actually dusty.

That's actually a really interesting idea.

I never thought of this.

I'm sorry, how did that make his accomplishments yours again?

Yeah, I'm struggling to connect those dots as well.

Maybe you need to go to dot connecting lessons.

Nice burn.

Anyway, I'm done talking to you guys.

I've gotten very bored.

I don't think you're gonna learn the lessons.

So you guys want to hit some tennis balls or what?

Yes!

One second.

Something I need to do.

Hey!

Sorry about that little help.

Yeah, my pleasure.

Here's your pickle ball.

In the garbage!

This is a tennis club, lady.

Asshole!

I heard that.

Good.

I wanted you to.

That's why I said it so loudly.

Okay, pickleball lady, let's do this.

Peach, I have a game.

You like games.

You play pickleball, right?

See this quarter?

Yes.

Place it anywhere you want on the court.

And I got one shot to hit it.

If I hit it, you're banned for life.

And if I miss, I will waive your membership fees for a year.

I'm banned?

Well, it doesn't matter because I'm not a member here.

I'm just taking a lesson.

So let's do this.

I'll sweeten the deal.

If I miss this shot, I'll toss in these.

Dusty, no, not your 1999 Buick LeSabre.

Yes, I will toss in my 1999 Buick LeSabre with under 200,000 miles on it.

Now I'm torn.

Hmm.

Don't really want to talk to you anymore, but I do want to see if you can hit it.

What to do?

Okay, let's play.

Anywhere?

Anywhere you want.

I choose... there.

Ooh, trick in the quarter.

Yes!

Get out!

Get out!

Get out!

Get your pickleball ass out of here.

Before you go, smile.

You're bad.

Whatever.

Man.

Yeah!

Can you read what it says on my nameplate, Dusty?

Of course I can, Dad.

It says, Chuck Boyd, President of Tennis Operations.

Holy shit.

Sounds like a pretty important guy, huh?

Yeah.

Not the type who would want to see his son dressing like

a slob, showing up late, banning people from the club.

Right.

You know, the truth is, it's not just you.

This whole club's heading down a bad path, and I'm about to right the ship.

I'm hosting a dinner tonight for all the top brass, and you as well.

Top brass, and I'll be there.

Damn right you will, and you will not embarrass me.

You will show up on time, you won't wear some stupid headband, and you'll bring

a plus one to show these people I did not raise some kind of hopeless loser.

Yes, sir.

You free tonight, my man?

Let me think about that.

Not him!

Bring that girl you've been seeing.

The pretty one.

Unfortunately, Marissa and I, we broke up.

Well, go over and apologize and get her back.

It's complicated.

Go.

Okay.

I feel like we spent this whole time talking about me.

How are you doing?

I'm gonna get going.

I'm gonna go do what you asked me to do.

Look who came crawling back like I knew he would.

No, change your mind.

I'm not doing this.

Wait!

No, I can't do this, Marissa.

Yes, you can't.

No, I actually can't.

What do you want?

I need a favor.

Okay.

I need you to pretend we're back together for

one night and come to a dinner at my dad's house.

Oh my god.

You boys love your little games, don't you?

One minute, I'm the worst person ever.

You never want to see me again.

I believe he even called me unfaithful.

I called you that, Marissa, because you cheated on me.

Dusty!

It was one time.

It was eight times.

Yeah, but it was with one guy.

It was with nine guys!

Oh my god.

You rain man.

You remember everything.

Marissa, will you please just do me this favor?

Please?

Fine.

Thank you.

Oh, have you read anything by that author, Malcolm Gladwell?

His piece about the Beatles being good because they practiced?

It knocked me on my goddamn ass.

No, I think about it constantly.

Really?

Dad, look who I brought.

Marissa.

I hope we're not late, Chuck.

We were trying to make you a grandson.

Well, actually, you're not late at all for a change.

Dirty dog.

I'm a dirty dog.

I just love the way sex feels with my girlfriend.

Very good.

Very good.

Please have a seat, everyone.

Please have a seat.

Thank you for having us, sir.

Yeah.

Tennis, elegance, aesthetic perfection.

But tennis isn't just a sport.

She's a living, breathing animal, and she needs our protection.

An epidemic is sweeping across our once great nation.

And its name is Pickleball.

The novel coronavirus of sports.

We gave these clowns mountain crests worst court as

a sort of hand sanitizer slash mask type of deal.

And now these pickleballers want more courts.

I can't hold off the expansion mode much longer.

And if we lose, the spread may never stop.

Our club is one of the final strongholds.

We have a responsibility to become the vaccine so that someday we can

completely stop talking about them, even if they still exist in similar numbers.

The end.

Wow, that was great.

The metaphor held up the whole damn time, Chuck.

But Chuck, if these jokers have the numbers, I mean, what can we even do?

I'll tell you what we can do, Gary.

We can duel.

Like with guns?

Sadly, no, with tennis records.

I made a discovery in the club charter.

We can sidestep the vote with a duel match.

Each side picks a champion, and we settle it on the tennis court.

Well, that's a neat rule.

What do they use to duel over?

The things like this, bylaws and stuff.

What kind of stuff?

Just stuff.

You know, what's allowed, what isn't, who can join the club, etc.?

Oh, who couldn't join before?

I don't know, Chris.

It's an old club.

I don't have a whole list in front of me.

The rule is a good rule.

It's helping us now.

Okay, it's a good rule.

Just drop it.

Well, just who couldn't?

I know, but I would just say, with my dad, just drop it.

Let's eat.

Yeah.

All right, well, let's start some strategy.

Pickleballers will put Skip in the duel.

He used to be a hell of a tennis player before he went to the dark side.

So who do we throw at him?

Well, the club tourney's this weekend.

Maybe we do a little scouting.

Yeah, and whoever wins that should probably be our guy.

Was this a joke?

Very funny.

Of course, I'll do it.

I'll play.

It isn't going to be you.

Of course it's going to be me.

Who else is it going to be?

Hey, Garrett, would you please tell my dad that I'm the best player at the club?

Actually, I have to pop into the kitchen and check on my cobbler.

Your cobbler?

Yeah, I put a liqueur in it.

There's nothing personal, son.

We just can't trust you.

I mean, even Gene knows that.

Gene, tell him.

What's that, Gary?

He didn't say anything.

I think Gary needs help with that cobbler.

How is this even a discussion?

I was on the pro tour.

What do you have the show for?

Some stories are being stomped on by players who actually delivered.

Boy, that must be one big old bastard of a cobbler.

No such thing as too much help.

You're not a winner.

Come on, hon.

Gotta do some CPR.

Cobbler pie resuscitation.

Dad, can I talk to you for a second?

I didn't see any cobbler.

This is ridiculous, dad.

I'm the best player and you know it.

Well, then prove it.

Win the club tourney.

Give me a break.

I haven't done this since I was a kid.

It's just a bunch of Dennis and shit.

Well, it should be easy for you.

Win the tourney, you'll be my choice.

Fair enough.

Yeah, fair enough.

How are you feeling, King?

Disrespected.

I won't be long.

When you piss off the hammer, everyone's a nail.

You're crushing these old people, Dusty.

Damn it.

Yes, King!

Buddy,

where do you guys want it?

Neil, you pick.

It's your funeral, honey.

Where do you want it?

Just get it over with.

That's right, bitches!

The King remains the King!

Hey, Neil, you stay there.

You look tired enough.

I'll come to you, okay?

Oh, thank you so much.

Check this shit out.

My wrist!

Looks like you didn't quite make it over the net there.

Hurt your wrist again.

I'm going with Neil for the duel.

Thanks, Chuck.

But you said if I won.

I also said I couldn't trust you.

And you proved me right once again.

Well, good game, asshole.

So, are you sexually active, Dusty?

Yeah, but I'm more just here for the wrist.

Right, right.

The wrist seems you re-aggravated an old scaphoid injury

trying to jump over a tennis net to impress your friend P.J.

Is that right?

My chart says that?

No, your dad told me.

We talk a lot.

Yeah, this doesn't need your paperwork, actually.

But... Let me take a look.

I just got to get back on the court and show my dad he can still count on me.

How does this feel?

It hurts.

Okay.

It's not broken, but there is a lot of inflammation.

You know, there is a sport that's way easier on your

joints that could help you stay loose while you heal.

Really?

No help me get back to tennis?

Yeah.

What is it?

Pickleball.

I could punch you in the face right now, my man.

Okay.

Listen, I injured my shoulder last year.

I'm telling you, that game saved my life.

Really?

What happened to your shoulder?

Got bit.

By an animal?

No, by a person.

Listen, I know pickleball is sort of dorky, but it's the

fastest road back to tennis for you, and it's really fun.

Give it a shot.

Play one time.

See if you like it.

I'm not going to play, but maybe you could, I

don't know, hook me up with something for the pain.

I'm not that kind of doctor, Dusty.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'm going to get you a brace, and I will write you up a little something, okay?

My man, thank you.

But do me a favor.

Take it easy with this, okay?

Thank you.

Good.

Oh, and it's not just the tennis you need to lay off of.

No vigorous wrist movements of any kind, okay?

No shaking any soda cans, right?

Sure thing.

No chalking up any pool cues, right?

Right.

No squeezing your own lemonade.

Whoo!

Right?

You're talking about jerking off.

I think so.

You got it.

Okay.

How many times a week on average?

So a lot.

This might be a blessing in disguise.

You need to go on dates with real women.

And in your situation, there's no shame in paying for it.

Yeah, I think I'm good.

They've got this website now.

It's called stickyhoney.com, all right?

Hooks you up with hot singles in your neighborhood, no strings attached.

Does it help me with tennis?

Your wrist can only do this so many times.

Couldn't I also just go left-handed?

Wow.

Go lefty.

That's interesting.

Because then it's almost like it is a different person.

I think I'm going to go.

Thank you for this.

Okay.

I appreciate it.

Tell your dad I said hi.

Stickyhoney.com.

I heard you.

Goodbye.

Is this some kind of a joke?

I can't fill this.

Why not?

You wrote a prescription for pickleball?

Yeah, I thought it'd be kind of cute.

You didn't actually bring it to the pharmacy, did you?

No.

Of course not.

I'm not an idiot.

Oh, how's the sticky honey thing working out?

Because if you use my referral code, we get 10 extra sticky coins.

Pickle mixer.

That is not cool.

Sign up.

Oh, no.

Not a new guy.

Fresh pickle.

I understand that we're out of here.

You're late, you know?

If you're going to play, play.

If you don't want to go, don't sign up.

Oh, look who decided to join us.

Hey, kid.

Where do you think you're going?

You're the new sign up, right?

Yeah, there's just been a little bit of a misunderstanding.

Are you Dustin Boyd?

Yeah, I am, but I didn't sign up.

You're our fourth.

Come on in here.

Let's be pickle pals.

I signed up, but not for this.

It was just a-Cut the shit, kid.

You didn't think you'd be playing with a

bunch of old ladies, so you're trying to bail.

But we don't have numbers without you.

And I came to get a swag bitch.

So I play with Judy, you play with Candace.

Let's go.

Hi, I'm Candace.

Oh.

Is that a 1999 Buick LeSabre you pulled up in?

I was one of one of those.

Yes, it is.

And it's under 200,000 miles.

And look, I'm sorry about the whole, you know-My banishment?

Yeah, sorry about that.

I'm over it.

Just make it up to me.

That I can do.

Are you guys ready?

Give us just a second.

I'm assuming this is your first time playing.

Well, I think it's gonna be just fine.

I'm a former tennis pro, so I'm not really sweating pickleball.

It's not tennis.

I know it's pickleball, it's even worse.

Okay, okay.

So, that light blue area is the no-volley zone, or the kitchen line.

You can't step over that line unless somebody

hits-Okay, look, I give the lessons, I don't take them.

Yeah, I saw the lessons you give.

We should go over this.

Look, I hate to lose.

Oh, then we have one thing in common.

Because so do I.

Okay.

I'm hot, let's bang one out.

Let's go.

Let's do this.

Come on.

You know we serve underhand.

What's that?

Underhand.

Oh.

No, I know, obviously.

Okay.

Warming up my arm.

Figured you knew.

Let's go.

Oh.

Oh, brother.

Your guy's a serve.

You gotta serve it underhand, though.

0-0-1.

Boom!

Ah!

Haha!

Easy, tiger.

You don't have to swing so hard.

Actually, lady, I do.

Is that Daffy Duck?

No, it's a hammer.

Because I'm powerful.

1-0-1.

Nice, nice.

Bang!

Come on, come on.

Oh, yeah!

Got any jokes about that, ladies?

Actually, yes.

Your foot was in the kitchen.

Actually, your whole body was in the kitchen.

I mean, it's their point.

A lot of times we'll say something like, hey,

chef, grab me a snack when you're in there.

Or, do the dishes while you're in there, bitch.

Do the dishes while you're in there, bitch.

Do the dishes while you're in there, bitch.

Do the dishes while you're in there, bitch.

Do the dishes while you're in there, bitch.

Yeah, Gail says that one mostly.

Or sometimes I like to say, where's the butter knife?

Because sometimes you go into the kitchen and you get a pad of butter and you get a muffin and you go sit on your

favorite couch to watch your favorite TV show and you look down and you just have a muffin and a pad of butter.

Okay, I got it.

Enough, enough.

Let's get on them to sit.

Let's get on them to sit.

Stop calling me a bitch.

Just stay out of the damn kitchen.

Fine.

Net!

Come on!

Don't have to hit it that hard.

Suck it!

You're making improvements, Dusty.

Bullshit.

You're gonna put a hole in that man.

Ahh!

Get it, get it.

Get it, get it, get it, get it.

Ahh!

Whoa, that went for a great hit.

That was a great hit.

What are you thinking, man?

Home run.

That's it, that's it.

That was out!

That was out, that was in!

It hit the line!

It was in!

Are you blind?

It was clearly in!

But it was out.

I'm gonna kill this woman!

Let's go serve it.

Wait a minute.

What?

Just take the temperature down.

I'm fine.

You took the temperature down.

You'll play better.

Yeah!

Suck it, lady!

Stop swinging so hard.

Come on, this is game point.

No, I know, I know, I know.

I need this.

It's gonna be fine.

I can't believe that this is happening.

Game point!

This is shocking.

I'm so much better than that.

You just called me a dink, girl!

Did you just call me a dink?

If anyone's a dink, you're the goddamn dink, girl!

That's game, baby!

You've got dink written all over your face!

I'm no dink!

Dusty.

What, she called me a dink?

Right, the name of the freaking shot is the dink.

I know, she called me a dink!

She wasn't calling you a dink!

She just called me a dink!

I know, because the shot's called a dink!

That's what I was saying!

Calm down!

Everybody thinks you're freaking out!

Calm down!

You're being a sore loser!

You're being a sore loser!

Everybody!

I hate this stupid game!

I'm leaving!

Hey, kid!

What?

You want a rematch?

Yes, I'd like that opportunity.

Loser boy's lunch!

Boy, when I woke up this morning, I had no idea that

I'd be getting treated to tacos by the Harry Styles.

Ooh, Harry Styles.

Oh, I don't know.

I think he's got a chalomé thing going on.

Do you get that all the time?

Do I get Timothy's chalomé?

No, number one's in my life.

How do you guys know each other?

I used to be Gail's personal assistant.

She was a big-time lawyer up until the incident.

Yeah, it was a misunderstanding.

She punched a cop.

I didn't know he was a cop at the time.

He was wearing a uniform.

Whose side are you on anyway?

The cops.

And I said so at the trial.

You work with them, too?

I'm the new kid.

Just a pickleball friend.

This is one of the 10,000 hobbies she took up after she got divorced and went crazy.

No, I go crazy.

I experience the classic stages of her breakup

that every woman experiences at some point.

She bought a big fat snake.

You bought a big fat snake?

I thought maybe I could be one of those people you see

with a snake around their neck at the grocery store.

How'd that work out for you?

Not good.

Not good at all.

All right.

You know what?

This was really weird.

And fun.

I had a good time.

Thank you guys for the game, but I gotta boogie.

Appreciate you.

Oh, wait.

Actually, could you give me a ride home?

Couldn't your friends do it?

Not me.

I walked.

I rode my scooter.

Race you to the Buick.

Okay.

But we have to do this again.

By this, I mean you lose and buy us tacos.

Ha ha ha ha!

Look at that face!

Hey, you should play again.

You could be a great pickleballer.

A great pickleballer?

I pass.

Why?

Just because the name sucks and it looks kind of dorky and most people

out there are out of shape and have never played a sport before.

Yes, those are the exact reasons.

But that is why we could dominate, Dusty.

It could be such a bloodbath.

It's just not for me.

It's just a little bit too goofy for me.

Okay, I got it.

Wow.

I cannot believe you would gamble with a machine like this.

Okay.

She is a beauty.

It's got a cigarette lighter, a tape chair, a manual recline lever.

Oh!

Wow!

This is it.

Right here?

Yep.

Anywho, thanks for the ride.

Hey, give me your phone.

For what?

Just give me.

What are you doing?

Now you have my number for when you change your

mind and want to come play pickleball with me.

Thanks again.

You got it.

Remember, Dusty, we could dominate.

Bloodbath.

Why did we have to drive 45 minutes to a sporting goods store?

We have all this stuff at the pro shop.

Oh, better selection.

Plus, I feel like we don't get to spend enough quality time together.

Yeah, I've been thinking that as well.

Oh, here it is.

Look at this.

Pickleball.

So stupid.

Imagine if I bought one of these as like a goof on the salesperson or whatever.

I don't even know where to laugh.

Picture this.

It's me, but I'm actually buying... Oh, good, they have it.

Okay, this paddle right here, but with a totally straight face.

Okay, I just got it.

It's like kind of alternative style comedy.

Like Andy Kaufman.

But I'm gonna actually buy it and take it home.

So give me like literally one second to see which one's the funniest.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, this would be the funniest.

Dusty, look.

It's freaking erotic.

You know what we should do as a joke?

We should crawl out of here and sneak out the back.

Joking time's over, Dusty.

Look at him, acting all cocky.

Gotta go rattle his cage, man.

I would.

You know I would, but we wasted so much time on

your stupid prank thing we don't have the time.

We gotta get back to work.

You have to.

You're out here doing groundbreaking gorilla comedy.

Meanwhile, he's reduced to signing some random book like a loser.

Well, it's not a random book.

It's his book.

He wrote it.

This should be your book, Dusty.

I agree.

These are your stories.

You won the opens.

Take a breath.

Don't get hot.

Don't get hot.

PJ, I know you.

You're erotic!

Oh!

Andy!

Hey, brother.

Dusty.

Dusty Boyd.

Hammer.

Oh, yeah, man.

Chuck's son.

Yeah, Chuck.

Yeah.

Good seeing you, brother.

Good to see you.

It's been a while.

How's your dad doing?

Is he at the same club?

We both are still at the club, actually.

Oh, you work for him?

No, I work with him.

We kind of co-run the place.

Why does your shirt say junior tennis instructor?

That didn't exactly sound like begging for forgiveness, Andy.

Let's slow down.

What's he talking about?

He's talking about the 2000 Vero Beach classic.

This pimp had you dead to rights.

2000?

I won that year.

Who's the pimp?

He's the pimp.

Not a pimp.

I'm sorry.

I'm so lost.

How'd you slick the floor down?

Grease?

Oil?

A third more sinister option?

I'm so confused.

It's just my friend's getting a little hot.

You're such a liar.

You kiss Brooklyn Decker with that lying tongue?

I mean, I do.

She loves it.

But I'm not lying.

Anyways, man, it was good to see you.

You too, Andy.

Tell your old man I said hello.

Will do.

Great to see you, man.

Congrats on the book.

Cheers.

Thanks.

Dusty, I've realized that you haven't been completely honest with me.

Roddick's an even bigger asshole than you said.

Yeah.

Thanks, Pete.

I mean, he's totally lying.

So frustrating, right?

It's annoying as hell.

Agreed.

Ahhh.

Two promising young players here.

Boyd has dominated the juniors with his powerful

serve, but will that translate here at the pro level?

Wow.

Sure did not on that point, but Roddick may have just gotten lucky with the timing.

Well, I guess he didn't get lucky after all.

Roddick just seems to be a way better tennis player.

This is when it's got to be tough to have your dad as a coach.

It's moments like this that make me glad I grew up without a father.

Boyd seems to be running off the court.

Possible there's some kind of medical issue, or maybe

after all that hype, the pressure is just too much for him.

That is a tough thing to see in a debut.

Alright, match point.

Oh, yes.

I'm gonna get ya.

Oh!

Still got it!

Yes!

Would have been easier to have won that with a dink, you know.

Oh, never gonna happen.

No.

Well, that was easily the best game against a woman

three decades older than you have seen me play.

Yeah, easily.

You're so proud of yourself.

I haven't been getting a lot of wins lately.

Sad.

Feels good.

No, I know.

Me neither.

Take him where we can get him.

Cheers.

Hell yeah.

What?

Eleven missed calls from my ex.

Eleven?

Don't ask.

Don't wanna talk about it.

I get it.

There's an event that we go to together every year, and he's

calling me to ask me if he can bring his new girlfriend to it.

Oh, that bitch.

No, she's actually a really nice person.

Oh, she is.

Well, that's great.

I hate her fifty-year-old guts so much.

I'll be honest, I don't know what you're looking for with this story.

I know.

I know, it's confusing.

Well, here's the thing.

When I left him, I thought that I was gonna be the winner of the divorce, but now he's

berating her all around, and I'm still single, and so I, of course, cannot show my face there.

Oh, you're not gonna go.

No.

That sucks.

Yeah.

Well, why'd you leave him?

He was just such a child.

He had no aspirations.

He didn't have many friends, just one weird friend,

really, who just was yes, yes, yes to everything he said.

He was sort of a suck-up, and he was always telling

these boring, boring stories about his glory days.

That doesn't sound so bad.

The truth is, I would have put up with all that if he'd ever just shown up for me.

Hey!

You two gonna hog the court, and gab all

night, or are you looking to run some pickle?

We'll run some pickle.

Is that okay with you?

Yeah.

We'll be partners.

Yep.

Let's do it.

What are they, though?

Ugh!

Ugh!

Ugh!

Ugh!

Ugh!

I can't with these two.

I honestly can't do another second, but... Okay, they're grunters.

You think?

I've played people like this before, and the

only way to beat them is to out-grunt them.

Or we could beat them by being better players, which we are.

No, that'll never work.

We have to do it my way.

Grunt with me, Dusty, and the more erotic, the better.

You can strategize all you want, but it's not gonna help.

Yeah, everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.

Let's just play.

Alright, let's play.

Whatever it takes, right?

Oh, God.

Ugh!

Oh, my God!

Yes!

How about this?

When I'll switch, just switch.

Well, we wouldn't have to switch so much if your

bitch-ass wasn't playing that patty-cake bullshit!

Admit it, now that was fun!

Candace, it was a blast!

Right?

And we won!

You won!

We both gotta win.

Hey, I think you should, uh, go to that thing.

What?

The thing with your ex that you were talking about with his new girlfriend.

Oh.

You should go!

No.

What is it?

It's a charity fundraiser at this honky-tonk I love.

Oh, you can skip that.

Country music sucks ass.

Candace!

I'm so sorry.

I don't know what just happened.

I'll tell you what happened.

You hit me in the face!

I know.

I don't know why I did that.

Well, because you said country music sucks ass.

What is happening right now?

You said something that I find upsetting because that's a real trigger for me.

It is?

Yes.

It's a thing.

Country music fans who live outside the South, they have a very hard time with this.

They encounter a lot of prejudice just like that, and it's a serious issue.

This is the weirdest thing I've ever heard in my entire life.

Hey, give me your phone.

Give me your phone right now.

What are you gonna do with my phone?

I'm putting in a playlist and you will love this.

It's called Cowgirl Classics.

Okay, I'm not gonna listen to a Cowgirl Classics plea.

I think you will.

I think you will.

I gotta tell you a secret.

I got a question for you.

I can't wrap my head around this.

Are they siblings or a couple?

I cannot figure it out.

The siblings don't act like that.

You're driving me crazy.

I think I'm gonna ask them.

I have to, Candace.

You're gonna be really embarrassed.

Excuse me!

Couple or siblings?

Partners.

Made it worse.

Let's get out of here.

Pickleball is this club's future, Chuck.

And as self-appointed head of this club's pickleball committee, I have

a responsibility to press you about a date for the expansion vote.

We need more courts, Chuck.

That's not the only thing on my mind, Skip.

You know, we lost the tiny paper cup supplier for the water station.

I am so sorry.

I didn't know.

Because you didn't ask.

Anything I can do to help with the cups?

I think you've done enough.

You sip and crumple, Skip.

We've all seen it.

You're a wasteful little piggy.

Well, this little piggy usually brings a bottle from home.

Usually.

But not always.

I'll tell you what.

I'll hold the expansion vote this Friday.

Thank you so much.

And I am gonna work on the waste.

I'm gonna sip and reuse.

No more crumple.

Hey.

Hey!

Pop!

I wouldn't.

What'd that asshole want?

More tiny cups?

Absolute piggy.

Hey, just wanna let you know that my wrist is feeling really great, Dad.

Yeah, I saw the doc.

He said I'll be totally healed for any big matches coming up.

Not necessary.

Neil's our guy.

Right, because of the wrist.

But what I'm saying is I'm feeling good and I'm keeping

it loose just in case you wanted the best player.

The player that actually won.

I don't need the player who won.

I need the player who's going to win.

Chuck!

I got it!

Hey!

Just wanted to show you that I have it today.

A Band-Aid on a bullet hole, Skip.

What an absolute idiot.

As if he thinks a Band-Aid is going to stop a

friggin' bullet from going through just like you said.

Because that's a Band-Aid on a bullet hole situation.

Okay, well I'm gonna boogie.

I'll keep you updated on the wrist, Dad.

Not necessary.

My mind's playing tricks on me.

Did you say I love you?

Jokey with you, you good ball.

Unless you're good.

Did you say that, Dusty?

Unbelievable!

Eight years old Couple came close Sittin' down by the creek Lines in the water Watchin' those bombers Seein' that red sun sink Mama's on the porch Y'all come and get it We yellin' five more Time rolls by,

the clock won't stop I wish I had a few more drops Of the good stuff The good times But they just keep on flying I don't mind if it ain't nothin' Have me a pause button Moments like this Lord in the dark,

I'd hit it Give myself five more minutes Not a lot to ask

Eighteen, turn my helmet in One, two, fifty yard line Just the coach

and me After all, I lost eight-ten tonight Oh, how about the coach?

Next time to get in here I'll have to buy a ticket Can't you give me five more?

Thank you all for coming this afternoon.

The floor is yours, piggy.

As you all know, we're only asking for two courts on which to play

pickleball, so I'm gonna keep this short and sweet, just like me.

Anyway, the current pickleball court on which

we play court 16 is completely unacceptable.

The southeast fence is too close.

The baseline corner is warped and cracked and all my pickleballers can agree

with me that the leaky fountain leaves a very slippery puddle near the net post.

Okay, is that it?

Just a few more things.

Some graffiti left on my house.

It says, go die pickle dick.

Pickle dick, pickle dick, pickle dick.

P, who wants to play pickle ball?

I, I want to play pickle ball.

See, I'll see you on the pickle ball court.

K, look at Kray in my fresh beige shorts.

Who's playing pickle ball these days?

This Oscar winner, Jamie Foxx.

Tay-Tay, tennis was played by Lyle and Eric

Menendez on the day they murdered their parents.

We need these pickleball courts so that we never

have to have another Lyle and Eric Menendez.

Okay, is that it?

Some interesting points, Skip.

Can we just go to the vote?

Actually, there's no need for the vote.

We know you have the numbers, and it doesn't matter.

Wait, wait, Chuck, you promised...

Gary is handing out an excerpt from the club's founding charter.

Rules are rules, Skip, and in that spirit, I'm invoking a challenge, a dual match.

Then why did you make me do a 90-minute presentation?

I worked two weeks on this!

Well, I guess I forgot to mention it.

Kind of like how you forget to bring your water bottle every day, huh, Skip?

Now, both sides must select a champion.

The tennis side submits Neil.

Or whoever.

We don't have to pick right now.

But we can, because we know who we're picking.

I know, but we don't have to, because my recovery is way ahead of schedule.

But it's been decided, so that's irrelevant.

I know, but I just feel like right now...

This meeting is adjourned.

Thank you all.

Hello.

Hi.

Hey.

Let it go.

The meeting?

Oh, it went so good.

Really, really good.

Oh, good.

Glad to hear it.

Yeah.

Also, my dad humiliated me again.

This time it was in front of the entire club.

Oh, God, I'm so sorry.

That's awful.

Hey, enough about me.

Any chance you're up for some late-night pickleball?

Tonight, no, no.

I'm just... I'm pretty tired.

I was just gonna stay in and, you know, watch a movie or something.

That makes sense.

I'm really tired, too.

I was just gonna stay in and watch a movie, too.

What movie are you gonna watch?

Well, I don't know.

Uh, the graduate's on TCM tonight.

Did you say the graduate?

Yeah.

I just saw the trailer for that.

You saw the trailer for the graduate?

It looks so good.

That's what I was probably gonna watch.

But I don't have the TCM.

Dusty, if you would like to come watch it, you're welcome.

Although, it is very late.

All right.

Well, I got stuff to do, too.

I'm pretty slammed over here, but you're a good friend.

You seem lonely.

I'll come right now.

Oh, God.

So did your dad, like, ask for a drum roll and then say, anyone but my son?

I don't want to talk about it.

That's why I'm here.

Okay.

Um, since you're here, could I ask your opinion on something?

Yes.

What's up?

Well, I took your advice, and I am going to the honky-tonk.

That's great.

Oh, I know, but, um, I really want a guy's opinion on the

look because I want Mitch to kick himself when he sees me.

All right.

Well, let's see it.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm excited.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'll put it on.

Yeah.

Really cool place.

Oh, thanks so much.

Got a lot of stuff.

Mm-hmm.

So you do pottery?

Yeah.

That's another of my hobbies.

That is a cookie jar.

Oh, this is a cookie jar?

Yeah.

You can't barely fit any cookies in it because of the weird dents.

I know, but it's helpful if you're trying not to eat too much.

Oh, it's a diet cookie jar.

Yes.

Very good, Candace.

And those were unplanned, man.

They just happened.

They look unplanned.

If you like that so much, you can take that home.

Ah, thank you, but I got so many of these.

Do you have any hobbies, Dusty?

Um...

Mm...

Yeah, just tennis, I guess.

I mean, that's more of a sport, but I can tell you really love it.

Well, I definitely loved it when I was a kid.

Or at least I really loved spending all that time with my dad.

I mean, it was nice.

He really believed in me.

Felt really special.

He kind of put everything into me, and then, uh... then I blew it.

Well, it sounds to me like he blew it, too.

Hey, Candace?

Yeah?

Is this you in the, uh, wedding dress?

No, I saved a photo of another similar woman on her wedding day.

Holy shit.

What do you think?

Uh...

Uh-oh.

I think you're a knockout.

Oh, good.

Yeah, me worried there.

Um, look what I've found in my closet.

Just in case you're in the market for a cowboy hat.

It's yours.

It used to be Mitch's.

How's it look?

I think you're pulling that off.

Look.

Really?

Yeah.

All right.

Look at us.

We look cute.

Yeah, we kind of do, right?

The movie's starting.

Oh, yeah.

Let's watch it.

This is Robinson.

You're trying to seduce me.

This is a great movie.

I know.

It should be like a classic.

It is.

It is?

Uh-huh.

Well, it's earned it.

You look a little shaken up.

Oh, no, no.

I'm just a little worried about my future.

I think the kid with the nose.

I think he could have a great career.

Dusty, that is Dustin Hoffman.

He's 80.

He looks great.

Remember

He's going the wrong way on that bridge.

I've been on that exact bridge.

You can still do it.

This is a flub.

You can't...

Hey.

Let's get you some.

You wanna live fancy?

A little bit mansion.

Party in France.

You

wanted to see me, boss?

Can I be honest with you?

Wish you would.

You see, PJ, I'm wrestling with a pretty confusing

problem in a book that I'm currently writing.

No surprises there.

You've got the mind for it.

What's it called?

The name of the book?

Yeah.

The Silent Blade.

Gorgeous.

I'm reading that.

I'm setting a reminder to Griado.

Go ahead.

So the main warrior, Pzimbus, is part of this tribe that he's always been part of.

He then starts hanging out with this other

tribe who he always thought were his enemies.

Twist much?

I literally feel like I'm inside the book right now.

Fill my pulse, it's racy.

So he's kind of living this double life, you know?

Like, he really wants to hang with this new tribe because he

really likes them, but he's also embarrassed to be seen with them.

Yeah.

You know, there's a character that the main warrior starts

catching feelings for, and she's way older than him.

Absolute dork.

So, PJ, if you were reading the Silent Blade and Pzimbus switched tribes, and he started falling

for, like, let's say a dragon who was 30 years his senior, would you think less of Pzimbus?

I'm never gonna shame a guy for going antiquing.

I'm no writer, but if I took the ritual you created and compare it to my boring life...

Please.

...based on similar experiences of my own, if I were

with Pzimbus right now, I'd tell him to swing away.

You would, huh?

Similar experiences?

You trying to tell me that you've been with an older woman, your dog?

In a way.

You little sneakster.

Do you know what an object conceptual is?

Oh, but I can't wait to find out.

It's one who has a physical and romantic love for objects rather than people.

I'm talking about buildings, bridges, vehicles.

I personally am in love with the USS Alabama.

All right, actually, you don't have to tell me this.

No, I want to.

She was constructed in 1939, decommissioned in

47, declared an historical landmark in 1986.

So, yes, I've been with an older woman, and I

wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

Do you tell Pzimbus that?

Tell him what?

You had sex with a retired battleship?

Exactly.

How'd you even have sex with him?

It's a ship.

It doesn't have a vagina or even a butt.

Hey!

Get out of the goddamn pool.

It's the middle of the day.

You work here.

We're working right now.

Get out.

That way.

Oh!

Candace, you came.

Yes, I came.

Yes.

Because I have every right to.

Mitch does not own this place.

Of course I get that, honey.

I'm just glad to see you was out.

Come here.

Oh, you look beautiful.

Oh, shit.

Well, have fun.

Hi!

Hi!

Oh, Candy, you made it.

I wasn't sure we'd see you.

I did make it.

You are seeing me.

And as a reminder, you do not own this place.

Okay, sure.

You remember my bee, yeah?

Of course.

Hi.

Hi.

Could forget famous bee.

Let me guess, now you're gonna say something nice to me.

I do love your outfit.

There it is.

There it is.

Listen, why don't I get us some drinks and you two can catch up a little bit?

Yeah.

Hi.

Hi.

Um, you okay?

You seem a little tense.

Nope.

I am not tense.

I am relaxed.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah, it's good to hear.

Yeah, good to hear.

What's new in your life?

I have a snake.

It's named Midge.

Mirrors, everybody?

Okay.

Here you go, cheers.

To the snake, yeah.

Wait, to the snake?

To the snake, yeah.

It's a snake, don't worry about it.

Okay.

You okay?

Are you all right?

Okay.

You look a little pale.

I'm not... I don't think I... Why don't you just try and sleep?

Yeah, yeah.

Take a seat, take a seat, okay?

Talk to me.

I can help.

I was an ER nurse after I retired from modeling.

Of course you were.

This was a big mistake.

Howdy.

Dusty.

What are you doing here?

Showing up.

Is that him?

Let's do this, right?

Midge.

That Midge.

Who's who?

Hi, how are you?

I'm the new man.

Good to meet you.

And you are?

Hi, I'm Bea.

Good to meet you, Bea.

I am so sorry I'm late.

I feel like a real asshole.

But bank mergers, right?

They take what they take, am I right?

I'm so excited for you two to finally meet.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Me too.

I'm so sorry, sorry.

I just got distracted.

That is unbelievable.

Look at you.

You look absolutely beautiful tonight, babe.

You look beautiful too, babe.

Baby.

Are you in my head?

Well, I'm in a whole lot of your stuff these days, my guy.

Hey, what do you say we do some dancing?

I'm sorry, we gotta dance.

We gotta dance.

We'll see you guys out there.

Come on.

How was that?

We did good.

We did good.

Where's he meet my stuff?

She's a Texas girl race in Tennessee Apple don't fall far from the tree Treats my friends like family And I'm alright with that

She can take the top off her own beer She don't need hours staring in the mirror She can do your little blue jeans in a baseball

Woman ain't scared of a dance floor On an empty

naked sunset It's been a little while

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Dusty, thank you so much for coming tonight.

Are you kidding?

Thank you.

Me?

Why?

For everything.

I was in such a bad place in my life, Candace.

I believed in so much bullshit and now I feel... I don't know, I feel better.

I feel like I know what I want.

You do?

Yeah.

What?

You?

What?

Come here.

Dusty, no.

No.

You're nervous.

You're nervous about the age thing.

And I get it.

No, Dusty, stop.

It's not the age thing.

But guess what?

I got over it.

It's not.

You're older than me.

I'm not physically attracted to you.

I couldn't hear you.

I think you were mumbling.

What did you literally just say?

I said, I'm not physically attracted to you.

I thought we were on the same page.

I didn't mean to lead you on.

I'm sorry.

You didn't lead me on at all.

You just brought me to your house in a vulnerable

moment for me and showed me a movie called The Graduate.

What?

I didn't bring you to my house.

About a little guy with a big nose who gets courted by an older woman.

Oh my God, you called me.

You basically invited yourself over.

How about the playlist you made?

What about it?

Every song is more provocative than the last.

Provocative?

Country Kisses.

Oh my God.

Rodeo Romance.

Those are just famous country songs.

Square Dance, Round Hole.

What's the Round Hole?

That one I probably should have left off.

Okay, then forget all of that.

Let's say all of that is innocent.

I kissed you in there and you kissed me back.

Yeah.

And you know it.

So explain that to me.

We were putting on a show for Mitch.

And yes, I might have gotten a little bit carried away.

But I'm sorry.

And... Oh God.

I just wanted a pickleball partner, dammit.

Okay.

And I got something so much better.

I got a really, really good friend that I really do love.

And I'd like to keep it that way.

I'm good.

Thanks.

Dusty, stop.

Don't do this.

I just don't really need a random pickleball lady friend.

I'm not random.

I have so many friends.

Friends is not an issue with a guy like me and it never has been.

I'm flooded with friends.

I got...

PJ hit me up.

I got...

Gail hitting me up all the time.

Gail?

My Gail?

Not your Gail, a different Gail.

The point is I've just got so many people coming through.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a very hot date tonight.

I can't be late for it.

Dusty.

Hey.

Stay strong, brother.

Even cowboys get friend-zoned.

Okay.

Yeah.

Not okay.

I'm barely getting by.

I'm losing track of...

You like the new look.

Really?

Sure.

It's old.

Well, how's the wrist feeling, bud?

Fine.

I think I'm basically healed.

I think I could lose the brace soon.

Oh, I love hearing that.

I'm gonna need you in top form, Amber.

What do you mean, we?

The club.

When you play in the duel.

Are you being serious?

What about Neil?

Oh, come on, son.

You said it yourself.

The other guys in the club are just dentists and shit.

They don't have the commitment to excellence we Boyd men do.

That's true.

It's in your blood.

Joel, are you in?

Yeah, Dad.

I'm in.

Let's do it.

Hammer's back.

I won't let you down.

Well, I hope not.

Oh, we're gonna kill him.

Yeah, man.

Because this is about a lot more than just pickleball.

I mean, you see that, don't you?

Oh, yeah.

I see it.

Everything you're saying, it's about the club.

No, it's about the decline of humanity itself.

Decline of humanity itself.

I'm sure that sounds dramatic to you.

Not to me.

But tennis requires patience.

Yeah, patience.

Dedication.

Discipline.

Discipline, for sure.

I've had people tell me that you can learn how to play pickleball in under an hour.

As if that's a good thing.

But that is not how you build something that lasts.

My legacy is not a tiny paper cup.

I will not let it be sipped and crumpled.

I am building something that will endure, like a steel thermos or a canteen.

You understand that?

Yes, sir.

You're a canteen.

I'm not a canteen.

I'm building something strong.

Anyway, look, I look forward to seeing you play again.

Thanks, Dad.

I've actually been going through a really

confusing time and this was exactly what I needed.

It's pretty late, son.

Definitely.

You're back, Hammer.

Yeah, all right.

Everything looks great.

You can lose the brace and start blasting loads with your hand again.

And play tennis, right?

Sure, I guess.

So, oh, about that website that I mentioned last time.

Stop.

I don't use it.

I barely even remember you saying anything about it.

Well, you barely remember because I barely even said anything.

Just, it's called Sticky Honey, which anybody would know.

And the women are outrageous and they've got this killer

referral deal, which apparently you weren't comfortable using.

And by the way, I didn't use it either.

I don't even know why I said it.

So let's just stop talking about it.

I didn't even say anything.

Yeah, it's over.

Good, good.

Hey, thank you so much about the rest.

Oh, yeah, sure, no problem.

Hey, had the pickleball workout.

Great.

Yeah?

Yeah, like really great.

My dad came around.

I'm going to play in the duel.

Yeah, yeah.

He told me that last night.

It really meant the world to me.

I heard.

Yeah, that was pretty crazy, huh?

Yeah, no.

It wasn't really crazy.

It was just my father was a tough guy.

Tested his son.

And the son, me also a tough guy, rose to the occasion.

And it put us closer together.

It was really bonded.

Yeah, no, I meant like pretty crazy about the Neil part.

How he died.

Neil died?

You didn't know?

What are you talking about, doctor?

So I guess Neil was going up into his attic to get some boxes out of storage.

And apparently there was an old mama owl living up there.

She must have thought he was after her eggs or

something because she went absolute sicko mode.

Wait, you're telling me that Neil was killed by a mama owl?

Well, technically, no.

He was still breathing when the owl stopped.

But he squeezed out the window to try to

escape, tumbled off the roof onto his driveway.

Just as his wife was coming home, front tire

caved in his skull or what was left of it.

What?

Yeah, his wife claims she didn't see him, but I think she's going to jail.

I mean, how do you not see that, right?

This is unbelievable.

Yeah, I'd assume he would have told you, Chuck.

That's pretty weird.

Oh, yeah, he did.

My dad?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

When Neil's head got run over by his wife, he got killed.

Yeah, we of course talked about it.

Oh, okay, so you just... Because I just told you the story just now and

you were saying you'd never heard any of this.

No, I'd heard it for sure.

Okay, because you were looking pretty surprised when I said that.

Yeah, well, anyway, rest in peace, right?

Yeah, good luck with the sexy honey.

I should go.

Yeah, sticky honey.

And I don't use it.

And it's not really just about sex.

It's about community.

Okay.

Owl?

What are you so upset about?

The owl is the best thing that ever happened to you.

So you admit it?

That's the only reason you chose me?

What do you want to hear, son?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe that you believe in me.

That you weren't forced to pick me because of a stupid bird.

Yeah, well, unlike you, that stupid bird took

down Nasty Neil without so much as a bent feather.

If I could get that owl to hold a tennis racket, I'd put her in the duel.

As it stands, Jean and Gary thought you were our best shot.

So it wasn't even your choice.

That's great.

There's no way in the world an owl would ever win a point off me in tennis.

I don't care if you duct-taped a racket to its little disgusting claws.

Please go away, PJ.

PJ, I don't want to see...

How'd you know it was me?

Because you've called and texted me a bunch saying you'd like to come over and see me.

I thought that might give it away.

We need you back at the club, Dusty.

The duel is tomorrow.

I can't go back there, PJ.

Listen, I know you see me as this big, tough, loner guy who doesn't need anyone.

Kind of like a Batman figure.

That's not how I see you.

The truth is, I look up to you.

I know you do, PJ.

Yeah.

But you shouldn't.

I'm nothing to look up to.

Don't say that.

You're a legend.

You're the guy that almost beat Andy Roddick.

I'm a cautionary tale.

There's so much you don't know.

It's like I don't want to pierce your virgin ears with this story.

What do you mean?

Do you want to know what happened between me and Andy Roddick on that fateful day?

How long's the story?

It's brief, but powerful.

Okay, then.

I was supposed to be the hammer because I hit the hardest.

Andy hit it harder.

Every serve I hit.

Everything I did, he was better.

And I looked in the crowd and I saw my dad and he knew too.

I realized out there that I was playing checkers and he was playing chess.

And I couldn't beat him.

Everything I did, he returned as a winner.

And he was better.

Is this before or after the chess game?

We didn't play chess.

We didn't play checkers.

Okay, I see the pattern of lying because you said chess before.

No, it was a storytelling device.

I said, I was playing checkers and he was

playing chess, meaning he was way better than me.

Got it?

Where's the device?

Where are you keeping the storytelling device?

Is it like the Kindle?

It's just a way to tell a story.

There's not an actual device.

So I needed a way out.

So I told the referee that I needed to go to the bathroom.

I went into the bathroom still.

I put my hand on the toilet.

I broke my own goddamn wrist.

It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

But I didn't slip that day.

I shattered my own wrist, Peach, because I thought if I

got hurt, that's better than being a goddamn loser, right?

Wow.

So...

your hand was like in the toilet.

What?

No, it was like on the edge.

Seat down or bowl itself?

I don't know, PJ.

Bowl itself, I guess.

Did you at least put like a layer of toilet paper, like a barrier or something?

I feel like you're missing the point of the story.

I'll take that as a no.

Was there a reason you couldn't have put your hand on the door or something?

It was a moment of crisis!

So is this.

And right now I'm realizing I'm not Batman.

I'm more Commissioner Gordon.

Because I'm here to shine the hammer signal in the sky.

We need you.

The jewel's tomorrow.

So start acting like yourself.

I don't even know who that is.

You better figure it out.

I'm fast.

This is the most dominant you've ever been, PJ, and I respect the hell out of it.

Thank you.

And also, if you tell anyone else that story, maybe say you washed

your hands afterwards, just so they're not wondering about that part.

Why would I hear from him?

I mean, you know him too, Gail.

I could ask you the same question.

It's not my fault he's not here.

Well, I'm sure she assumed because he's your partner.

Pickle, ball, partner.

Pickle, ball, partner.

You know, which is all I was ever interested in.

Well, since you're being so normal about this, I'll assume he's not coming.

Let's just play.

Maybe the three of us can all rotate.

Hey, look!

What's he doing?

I think he's hiding.

Is he gonna try and drive like that?

I think so.

Ouch!

That hurt!

Son of a bitch!

Dusty!

Are you okay?

Yeah, hey, is that you guys?

What are you doing here?

What am I doing here?

What am I doing here?

What am I doing here?

Well...

It's just the airbag.

I'm okay.

I'm okay.

Candace, I came here to apologize.

I was... Stop.

It's fine.

You didn't even let me say what I was gonna apologize for.

I'm guessing it was because you said we couldn't

be friends after I rejected your sexual advances.

What?

Yeah, that was it.

Dusty, sometimes when one door closes, another, even more flexible one, opens.

Maybe you two could just go play singles for a minute?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Ooh!

That airbag was laid down, right?

Hey, Candace.

Oh, fantastic.

I'm really sorry and embarrassed about what I said the other night.

I do want to be friends with you.

I like you a lot.

Me too.

The truth is, I don't have very many good friends, and when I was

listening to them, and I said Gail, actually, it wasn't a different Gail.

It was your Gail.

I know.

I don't even know if Gail likes me very much.

She doesn't.

But I'm in the same boat.

I mean, Mitch got most of our friends in the divorce, traitors.

That's why it meant so much to me when you showed up the other night.

We're good.

Yeah?

We're good.

We're buds?

Yeah.

For sure?

Yeah.

All right, bud.

I mean, speaking of showing up for each other,

there's something I could use your help with.

What are you thinking?

I've lost a few times.

Any sign of Dusty?

Haven't seen him yet.

No?

Hey, Chuck!

It's Dusty!

He just arrived!

Come on down!

Can I have everyone's attention, please?

There's something important I need to say.

Dusty, maybe you and I should talk for... No, Chuck.

I have the floor.

Okay.

Okay.

I wrote something out, and you guys are gonna hear me out.

What is bravery?

Is it camping?

Sorry, I can't read my own handwriting.

It's a little bit smudged.

Can't be camping.

What is bravery?

Is it a... How long is this?

Not long.

It's pretty short.

Actually, it's over.

For a long time, Dad, I have been pretending to be somebody I'm not.

But that's over now.

This is me, Dad.

For better or for worse.

And you don't respect me.

And you never have.

So I'm not gonna play for you.

I'm gonna enter the duel.

But not for the tennis side.

Today, I'm playing for the Pickleballers.

Just in.

You left me no choice, Dad.

Yes!

Wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.

We can talk about this.

I mean, I'm ready to rock... No, Skip, you're terrible, man.

I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna do it for sure.

It's gonna be Dusty.

Dusty!

Dusty!

Dusty!

Yeah, Dad.

Hammer's back.

Okay, settle down, everyone.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but...

my son's right.

I never had faith in him.

He was a backup option, which is why I was working the phones,

pulling strings, to get a real player for the match today.

Three-time Wimbledon finalist, 2003 US Open champion.

Ladies and gentlemen, please give a big welcome to Mr. Andy Roddick.

I cannot tell you how grateful I am that you went first.

I would have looked like a real asshole, replacing

my son like that, but it all just worked out perfect.

Perfect, yes, it's perfect.

That's how I drew it out.

Okay, okay, back off him, folks.

The match will be played at high noon, as written in the charter.

I'm ready to play now if you want.

I'm gonna kill him.

I'm sure you are, kiddo, but let's do this by the book.

I just hope no one freaks out so bad that they bail altogether.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Maybe you could beat him.

At tennis?

I can't beat Andy Roddick.

It's Andy Roddick.

He is so much better than me, Candace, and he always has been, okay?

Dusty, your dad's using this charter loophole against the pickleball players, right?

Yeah, maybe there's something in there that could help us.

No, it's not gonna work.

It's worth it.

Look, I mean, I always keep a copy on me.

Nice.

Here, now... You always keep a copy of the club charter in your fanny pack?

You never know when you're gonna need it.

What's one other job that you've needed, Dad?

I need some air.

Your game's in five.

You sure you want to go through with this?

How'd you know I was in here?

You're always in here before a match.

Sometimes during.

Right.

Not too late to back out.

Just in time for the coin toss.

We'll let you call it.

Might be the only thing you have a chance of winning today.

Very funny.

What'll it be, son?

Heads or tails?

Let's go with tails.

Tails it is.

Would you like to serve or receive?

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Hey.

Wow.

Yeah, maybe just... Really?

Yeah.

Okay.

I'd like to choose the court.

The court?

Ooh.

That should help.

Right.

I choose court 16.

What?

Yeah.

No, this is a tennis club.

It's a tennis match.

Played on a tennis court.

No, no.

It says it right here in the charter.

Winner of the toss may select any court on club grounds to play the match.

Yes.

Right here.

What's the big deal?

Why is everyone freaking out about court 16?

It's pickleball, bitch.

He's got this.

He has got this.

Wait.

Are you John McEnroe?

What gave me away?

My face and body?

What are you doing here?

I heard there was a big game.

I love the action.

Gentlemen, game is to 11.

Win by two.

Any questions about the rules?

No.

Let's just get this over with.

Yes!

Oh, I get it now.

It's like tennis, but easy.

He hits it so hard.

There's that trademark Roddick speed.

Dusty doesn't have any room to breathe.

This could get out of hand quickly.

Who are you talking to?

The fans.

Let's watch this next point and see how Dusty

responds to this latest flurry from Andy.

Yeah, we're planning on it, thank you.

Good.

It's good to hear.

It's looking like the lights are just too bright for Boyd out there.

Maybe he can come back.

Not likely, but I hope so.

Not only for the sake of the crowd.

You need some rest or, like, oxygen?

But for Dusty as an individual, only trying to reclaim his identity

in his mid-forties, his father's club, hanging in the balance.

How do you have so many details?

Ooh, where did you get that hot dog?

Do they sell those here?

Nope.

Brought it from home.

What are you saying?

The messed up court.

Use it to your advantage, you stupid asshole.

The southeast fence is too close.

Oh, the fence is too close.

Get it together, Andy!

Walk it off!

The baseline corner is warped and cracked.

Chuck, your courts suck.

Come on, Andy!

Let's go, Andy!

Andy, let's go!

And all the pickleballers know that the Leaky Fountain

leaves a very slippery puddle near the net post.

You okay?

It's slippery right there.

Dad, we've got to fix that.

What a good sport.

That run has completely changed the momentum.

It's become the Dusty Show on court 16.

And you can feel the tension from Gary, Chuck, and all the other tennis folk.

Are you reading off of something?

I'm just reading the expressions of the crowd and the body language of the players.

Now Dusty's got a glimmer of hope.

Sometimes that's all you need.

Hey, uh, Andy!

You leave the fridge open?

Hey, Chef, grab me a snack!

This is why you went there, bitch!

Where's the butter knife?

Sorry, just a little inside joke I had with my friends.

Your friends?

Those 70-year-old women you came with?

Yeah, them.

You were in the kitchen though, Andy.

It's my point.

It's match point.

Dusty's got an opportunity to close him out.

But Roddick's been in tight spots before, and he ain't going down without a fight.

Dusty's completely transformed his style.

It's almost as if he realizes it's never too late to change.

Hit the ball.

Letting softness be his strength.

Fondly releasing an old idea of himself that no longer serves him.

Well said, John McEnroe.

All right.

Fine, we'll do it your way.

Yeah, I expected this.

Roddick is good at in-game adjustments.

He's decided to match Dusty's style.

I think we got ourselves an old-fashioned dink-off.

Hit it, Hammer!

Hit the ball!

What the hell are they doing?

They're dinking.

What happens now?

Now we wait.

Seriously?

Mm-hmm.

That's what this game is?

Pretty much, yeah.

They dink till someone pops it up too high and gets crushed.

This is really stupid.

Two heavyweights in a high-stakes tickle fight.

Who will be the first to giggle?

Dink.

Hammer wins it!

Hammer wins it on a dink!

Yeah!

Don't be too hard on yourself.

Brother.

Yeah, I feel totally fine.

This isn't a real sport.

I don't care about anyone here.

All the same, you keep your head up, kid.

Again, this was stupid.

I'm a professional athlete, and your dad paid me 15 grand to be here.

Gladiator to gladiator.

It was an honor!

I can't believe it.

I mean, there was some luck involved.

I'm a little cheating, but we got him.

Dusty, that was incredible.

Well, thanks to you.

Yeah, I guess we finally realized that, you know, I don't always have to swing so hard.

Yeah, it took you a really, really long time to get that, but you did get it.

I got a win.

You got a win.

Dusty, you may want to check in on your dad.

Yeah, he ran back towards his office looking pretty upset.

Not good.

Oh, shit.

Look, Dad, I'm sorry.

I know how much this place means to you.

I just... I didn't mean to hurt you.

My boy beat Andy Roddick.

Yeah, but it wasn't tennis.

It was pickleball.

It doesn't matter what the game was or that I personally invited him here to crush you.

What matters is that my boy beat Andy Roddick.

I am so damn proud of you, son.

You are?

Oh, yes.

Oh, I've waited a long time for this, Dad.

It's embarrassing how much this means to me.

The dinner's fine the way, huh?

Yeah, we finally got him.

We got him.

This is the most fun we've ever had together.

We did it.

Everything looks perfect.

Thank you, Mr. President of Pickleball Operations.

You believe it?

Mr. Vice President of Pickleball Operations.

Me?

Mm-hmm.

That's an official title?

Yeah, I mean official between you and me.

And I get a pay rise?

No, same money.

I cordially accept.

Wonderful.

Hey, I got you something.

Just as my way of saying thank you, and I see you, and I accept you.

You're my best friend.

Thanks, Dusty.

Thanks, Peach.

I gotta go schmooze.

My sweet, sweet Allie.

You've been off my radar, but now you're back.

Boop.

Boop.

Boop.

Boop.

I hope they're happy.

Kaboom!

Yeah!

We pickled them, son.

Eleven, six.

Can you believe it?

I can't believe it.

Chuck, I didn't think you could take the joy.

You were mad at this, and you did.

Respect.

You got pickled, Piggy.

Stop calling me Piggy.

My name is Skip Pigliani.

Okay, I'm sorry, Skip.

Thank you, Chuck.

You're welcome, Piggy.

Hey, having fun?

I still prefer tennis, but this is, you know, totally fine.

It's fun.

Some of the players are a little intense.

Hey, darlings, can we cut the chit chat and get back to pickling?

Thank you.

Oh!

Ladies, how's it going?

Would you hurry your ass up?

You getting ready to lose.

Yeah, you little slut.

Yes, Judy!

That's the fire.

That is the fire.

Can you believe we drew Gayle and Judy in the first round?

What are the odds?

I mean, they're high.

I made the bracket.

I wanted to play with friends.

Right.

I also wanted a guaranteed win, and we're gonna crush them.

Yes, let's obliterate them.

Let's get them.

Let's go.

You ready for this, Hammer?

The hammer's dead.

I'm just Dusty.

Well, maybe you could be called the Dink.

No, I'm not gonna be called the Dink.

Oh, I like that for you.

No, it is not me.

That's not gonna be my nickname.

Dinky Dinky Doo, that's you!

You're the Dink now.

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm not gonna be the Dink.

Looks like Dusty's earned himself a new nickname.

Let's see if this one sticks.

Uh-uh, no way, guys.

I'm not gonna be the...

She's a Texas grill-race in Tennessee Apple don't fall far from the tree Treats my friends like family And I'm alright with that She can take the top off her own beer She don't need hours staring in the mirror She can do

you in the blue jeans and a baseball cap I'm talking down home cooking apple pie with your mama sipping moonshine after midnight make you wanna take a back road real slow and let her drive I bet you wish you had a cowgirl,

one that ain't sitting on a high horse one that ain't scared of a dance floor on an empty night couldn't eat up with all your friends I can tease

her like a sunset speed her around in that white dress and take her out to a 40 acre lot let her pick her favorite spot but thank god I got a cowgirl

she's amazing grace and she won't back down her feet won't leave that southern ground I once was lost but now I found

the girl God made for me I'm talking down home cooking apple pie with your mama sipping moonshine after midnight

And this is the second sentence.

And this is the second sentence.

A little pause...

and we are back.