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1
00:00:05,538 --> 00:00:08,336
Terror. Terror in the night.
2
00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:13,002
The whipping, howling, unforgiving winds
crash into the clouds...
3
00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:15,943
...and rain falls no matter where you turn.
4
00:00:16,116 --> 00:00:17,549
There is no escape.
5
00:00:17,717 --> 00:00:20,379
No escaping the true horror.
6
00:00:20,553 --> 00:00:23,613
A sudden silence,
and then screaming thunder...
7
00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:26,452
...lightning, floods, tornados...
8
00:00:26,626 --> 00:00:30,585
...famine, pestilence, fire, earthquakes.
9
00:00:34,567 --> 00:00:37,035
Giving way to hazy afternoon sunshine.
10
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:41,139
I'll be back
with the five-day forecast after this:
11
00:01:59,552 --> 00:02:02,419
Terror grips a peaceful city.
12
00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:06,622
Terror that wears a loincloth.
13
00:02:15,568 --> 00:02:17,866
His real name is Royce Mumphy.
14
00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:22,231
But police in five states
know him as Cave Guy.
15
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,443
Yes, Cave Guy.
16
00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:31,243
Hostile, powerful,
but also highly intelligent.
17
00:02:31,417 --> 00:02:33,248
I subscribe to The New Yorker.
18
00:02:41,961 --> 00:02:44,395
Only one hero can track down Cave Guy.
19
00:02:44,564 --> 00:02:48,056
Only one hero has the heart
to fight this fiend.
20
00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:50,225
That hero is...
21
00:02:50,403 --> 00:02:52,871
...on another network.
22
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:59,911
Thus, we have no choice
but to turn to this fellow.
23
00:03:00,079 --> 00:03:02,172
A teenage nerd, or is he?
24
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:10,019
Dexter? Would you like to watch
America's Most Wanted, hon?
25
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:13,751
No, thanks, Mom. I'm figuring out
the actuarial tables for my retirement.
26
00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:16,452
Oh, should you, dear? You're only 16.
27
00:03:16,629 --> 00:03:18,256
Don't worry, Mom.
28
00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:20,524
But, hon, isn't there a dance tonight?
29
00:03:24,103 --> 00:03:27,129
Gee, Dexter,
I'd love to go to the dance with you.
30
00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:29,468
If I were ugly and dead.
31
00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:33,408
Sorry, Dex, but I've gotta wash my hair
or help the needy.
32
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:34,911
I forget which.
33
00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:36,548
Oh, can't do it, Dex.
34
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:40,413
That's the night I'm, uh...
I'm having something removed.
35
00:03:42,989 --> 00:03:44,217
I don't wanna go.
36
00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:46,858
You spend far too much time
with your computer.
37
00:03:47,026 --> 00:03:48,220
It's not healthy.
38
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:49,622
It's my life.
39
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:52,560
That's so very, very sad.
40
00:03:54,667 --> 00:03:58,159
Meanwhile, frantic police
launch a desperate search for Cave Guy...
41
00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:01,239
...using all the tools
of modern law enforcement...
42
00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:03,898
...including lots of overtime.
43
00:04:10,650 --> 00:04:15,246
With all this heat I'll never be able
to escape to the Hamptons. Huh?
44
00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:22,455
Perhaps a hostage or 20 might help.
45
00:04:23,162 --> 00:04:24,390
At the same time...
46
00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:27,089
...innocent high-school students
attended a dance...
47
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,531
...in honor of daylight-savings time.
48
00:04:29,702 --> 00:04:32,262
Daylight-savings time rules!
49
00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:34,269
It's rocking, man!
50
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:39,074
Little did they know that a hulking horror...
51
00:04:39,245 --> 00:04:42,043
...would soon transform
their peaceful prom into:
52
00:04:58,331 --> 00:05:00,356
Yes, "Dance of Doom. " Starring:
53
00:05:07,940 --> 00:05:12,741
We'll return to "Dance of Doom"
after this.
54
00:05:20,119 --> 00:05:21,677
Are there any pizza rolls left?
55
00:05:21,854 --> 00:05:24,618
Your mother ate them all. All 24.
56
00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:27,191
I was peckish. I could make some more.
57
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:28,622
If you just joined us...
58
00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:30,524
...Cave Guy is holding students hostage...
59
00:05:30,697 --> 00:05:34,463
...in what could turn out to be
a story almost as big as O.J.
60
00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:40,369
That's Harry Connick High School.
My high school.
61
00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:42,701
- Good thing you couldn't get a date.
- Yeah.
62
00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:46,140
You're lucky you spend all your time
glued to a computer.
63
00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:56,479
Oh...
64
00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:58,419
Freak out!
65
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:05,293
Hello! Ooh, ooh!
66
00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:08,593
I'm here in the show.
67
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:14,836
To the hop.
68
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:17,302
Dexter? He's gone.
69
00:06:17,477 --> 00:06:19,672
Oh, and I was just
gonna make sloppy joes.
70
00:06:26,919 --> 00:06:30,514
Nothing will stand in my way.
71
00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:32,590
Hey, Freakazoid,
wanna go out for a mint?
72
00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:34,582
Okay.
73
00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:43,525
I gotta say, that was one fine mint.
74
00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:44,727
Sure was.
75
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:45,928
Oh, by the way...
76
00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:49,165
...we're needed over at that hostage thing
at Harry Connick High.
77
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:52,236
That's right.
78
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,642
Duty calls.
79
00:06:54,814 --> 00:06:58,807
Hello, duty. I'm coming.
80
00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:04,146
But as Freakazoid bounds off to battle...
81
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:06,553
...certain questions remain unanswered.
82
00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:10,628
For instance, what part
will this strange fellow play in our story?
83
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:14,358
And what of the object
he clutches so carefully?
84
00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:16,627
An ordinary watch, you say?
85
00:07:17,136 --> 00:07:18,160
Hardly.
86
00:07:18,971 --> 00:07:20,632
For it has a secret power.
87
00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:27,872
A bizarre power.
88
00:07:30,149 --> 00:07:31,173
Huh?
89
00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:38,722
The power to turn beavers into gold.
90
00:07:40,860 --> 00:07:43,055
Where did he come from?
What did he want?
91
00:07:43,229 --> 00:07:45,060
And why was there a mint scene?
92
00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:46,698
Did it reveal character?
93
00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:48,663
How was the story advanced?
94
00:07:48,835 --> 00:07:50,359
We may never know.
95
00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:54,734
But now,
on with the adventures of Freakazoid.
96
00:07:54,907 --> 00:07:56,875
Pull the string.
97
00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:02,444
Come out with your hands up.
98
00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:07,514
Find out what he wants.
You're on the student council.
99
00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:10,155
But you get along better with older guys.
100
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,689
What do you mean by that?
101
00:08:13,459 --> 00:08:16,019
Excuse me.
Do you know how long this will take?
102
00:08:16,195 --> 00:08:17,287
Why?
103
00:08:17,463 --> 00:08:20,626
Well, some of us had reservations
for a late dinner at the Green Gourd.
104
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,825
Yes, I've dined at the Green Gourd.
105
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,799
You're better off as hostages.
106
00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:28,964
You're rather well-spoken for a...
A Primordial-American.
107
00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:31,740
You're so kind.
108
00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:37,449
Excuse me. Coming through.
109
00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:40,108
Move that cop car. Gangway.
110
00:08:44,056 --> 00:08:45,455
Ooh, have I ever been chubbier?
111
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:49,026
This body tight makes me feel
so big and wedgy.
112
00:09:01,173 --> 00:09:06,167
Hello, aloha, lady in the dress.
113
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:17,081
Steff, you fibbed to Dex
about washing your hair.
114
00:09:17,256 --> 00:09:19,383
If this were an after-school special...
115
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,551
...ooh, you'd pay a bittersweet price
for your little deceit.
116
00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:24,889
Like getting big oily zits.
117
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:28,465
Or eating off the same plate
as David Lee Roth. Ew.
118
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:35,029
Oh, it's the plate. And he's been on it.
119
00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:38,233
Don't you under...? Oh. Think about it.
120
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,709
I'll be over, talking with Jill.
121
00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:48,042
Have a nice trip. See you next fall.
122
00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:55,992
Hi, Jill.
I understand you had something removed.
123
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:58,392
Maybe that something was your heart!
124
00:09:58,564 --> 00:10:00,964
Just kidding. I'm sure it was a mole
or something gross. Ooh.
125
00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:12,567
Low bridge, everybody down
126
00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:15,908
Low bridge
Cave Guy's underwear is brown
127
00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:17,242
Brown, brown
128
00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:19,350
It looks like he's got the cooties
129
00:10:19,518 --> 00:10:20,815
Oh, oodie
130
00:10:20,987 --> 00:10:24,445
Goodbye
Stop the singing now
131
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,149
End the singing songs
Stop, go
132
00:10:27,326 --> 00:10:28,350
Enough with the songs
133
00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:30,324
Stop, bring it down
134
00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:31,724
Come down, stop
135
00:10:31,897 --> 00:10:33,228
Shh, shh, shh...
136
00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:36,766
Everybody go with me "shh, shh"
On this side of the room
137
00:10:36,936 --> 00:10:38,631
Shh, shh, shh.
138
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:40,931
Everybody down
139
00:10:44,510 --> 00:10:45,534
Hi, Mom.
140
00:10:45,711 --> 00:10:48,874
And you, Valerie, you said...
141
00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:53,181
Skip it.
142
00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:08,959
Your little urbane jokes
won't save you now.
143
00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:13,697
I shall smash you.
I shall grind you into powder.
144
00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:15,966
I love you.
145
00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:18,739
Oh, my.
146
00:11:18,911 --> 00:11:20,674
Not just because you're Cave Guy.
Uh-uh.
147
00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:25,249
But because you're part of the whole
cosmic mankind-whale-tree thing.
148
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:28,876
That's quite touching
in a vapid, pointless way.
149
00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:30,886
Prepare to be crushed.
150
00:11:37,730 --> 00:11:39,425
Okay, you win.
151
00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:45,898
Ta-da!
152
00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:58,641
- Nice work.
- Thanks.
153
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:00,786
Hey, should I sign up for liposuction?
154
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:12,588
Ha!
155
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,268
Stupid.
156
00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:19,905
Call me soon.
157
00:12:21,273 --> 00:12:23,901
Steff! Hey, Steff!
158
00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:27,239
Steffaloni! Hey, Steff!
159
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,074
Psst.
160
00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:36,719
Do you want to see
something strange and mystical?
161
00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:39,255
No! Get out of here with that watch!
162
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,359
Lay off the poor beavers, will you?
163
00:12:41,527 --> 00:12:42,721
Jeez!
164
00:12:42,895 --> 00:12:44,726
You're a creep! Go away!
165
00:12:44,897 --> 00:12:48,333
We were having a good time
until you showed up, Jeepers!
166
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:53,364
Go have some coffee with cream
or something.
167
00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:55,666
Because I'll tell you something.
168
00:12:55,841 --> 00:12:57,638
This is a happy place.
169
00:13:02,081 --> 00:13:05,016
You were really something tonight.
170
00:13:06,085 --> 00:13:08,576
Dexter and I
are different parts of the same whole.
171
00:13:08,754 --> 00:13:12,952
Perhaps val should learn you can't
reject one without rejecting the other.
172
00:13:17,329 --> 00:13:20,321
There! Van Damme and Minnie Pearl.
173
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,730
Freak in!
174
00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:27,264
You're such a funny kidder. Hmm.
175
00:13:27,439 --> 00:13:29,270
Where did you come from, rodent?
176
00:13:29,441 --> 00:13:31,272
Where's the guy
with the lightning on his head?
177
00:13:31,443 --> 00:13:33,843
Um... Over there?
178
00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:37,476
Oh, freak out!
179
00:13:45,624 --> 00:13:48,957
That was shallow, cheap
and based solely on hormones.
180
00:13:49,128 --> 00:13:50,993
Works for me.
181
00:13:58,270 --> 00:14:01,933
It's time for Freakazoid and friends
182
00:14:02,107 --> 00:14:04,803
Where the insanity never ends
183
00:14:04,977 --> 00:14:07,707
Justice he defends
You're sure to get the bends
184
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,871
From Freakazoid and friends
185
00:14:10,716 --> 00:14:13,480
When Dexter becomes Freakazoid
He shows his super stuff
186
00:14:13,652 --> 00:14:16,314
He battles Lobe and Booger Beast
And villains who are tough
187
00:14:16,488 --> 00:14:19,150
Like Candle Jack and Cobra Queen
Cave Guy can be gruff
188
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:22,123
There's Fan Boy, Mo-Ron, Eye of Newt
And that's about enough
189
00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:24,319
It's Freakazoid and friends
190
00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:27,897
It's what your dentist recommends
191
00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:29,329
To patients who chew gum
192
00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:30,832
This show is really dumb
193
00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:33,335
It's Freakazoid and friends
194
00:14:33,505 --> 00:14:36,497
Meet Dexter's girlfriend, Steff
And his mentor named MacStew
195
00:14:36,675 --> 00:14:39,405
Lord Bravery and Fan Boy
The gnomes are quite a crew
196
00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:42,240
Cosgrove and the Huntsman
Toby Danger too
197
00:14:42,414 --> 00:14:45,178
And don't forget there's Freakazette
A lovely shade of blue
198
00:14:45,351 --> 00:14:47,785
It's Freakazoid and friends
199
00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:50,683
A show that no one comprehends
200
00:14:50,856 --> 00:14:53,916
Our longevity depends
On our demographic trends
201
00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:55,424
It's totally freaky
202
00:14:55,594 --> 00:14:56,856
Dexter's geeky
203
00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:58,360
The plots are weak-y
204
00:14:58,530 --> 00:14:59,758
We're up the creek-y
205
00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:01,263
We've sprung a leak-y
206
00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:03,560
Freakazoid and friends
207
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,033
Now our song ends
208
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:09,565
And now, another chapter...
209
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:13,439
...in Freakazoid's never-ending search
for the perfect sidekick.
210
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,246
Today's episode:
211
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:24,550
When we last left Freakazoid...
212
00:15:24,723 --> 00:15:29,626
...he was facing certain annihilation
in the lair of the ingenious archfiend...
213
00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:31,422
...The Lobe.
214
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:35,662
No one can save you
this time, Freakazoid.
215
00:15:35,834 --> 00:15:37,461
That's where you're wrong, Lobe.
216
00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:39,763
My new sidekick will save me.
217
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,338
Oh, yeah? Well, where is he?
218
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:43,600
I'm right here.
219
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,607
Handman. You've come in the nick of time.
220
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:51,375
I wouldn't let you down, Freakabazal.
221
00:15:51,550 --> 00:15:53,040
All right, I'm sorry.
222
00:15:53,218 --> 00:15:54,845
It's Freakazee. Uh, Freakabee.
223
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:56,282
No, Freakazoid.
224
00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:57,615
- Freakydoi.
- No, Freakazoid.
225
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:00,384
Freakazee, Freebalo, Meemala.
226
00:16:00,559 --> 00:16:01,890
No, say it: Free.
227
00:16:02,061 --> 00:16:03,085
- Free.
- Ka.
228
00:16:03,262 --> 00:16:04,286
- Ka.
- Zoid.
229
00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:07,057
Freakeasy. No. Freakazoid, Freakazoid.
230
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:09,797
Hey, stop.
231
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,938
Pardon me. My mouth is a bit parched.
232
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:14,764
No problem.
233
00:16:25,217 --> 00:16:27,208
Ah...
234
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:32,147
Thank you. That was very refreshing.
235
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:33,985
Oh, just stop.
236
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:36,150
- What?
- This is stupid.
237
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:38,228
You're calling my sidekick stupid?
238
00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:41,161
That's not a proper sidekick.
That's just your hand.
239
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:42,823
- No, it isn't.
- Yes, it is.
240
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,333
No, it isn't.
241
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:47,904
Yes, it is.
It's just your hand, you simpleton.
242
00:16:48,407 --> 00:16:50,637
No. Take a closer look.
243
00:16:50,809 --> 00:16:53,607
Closer. Closer still.
244
00:16:53,779 --> 00:16:56,009
Hold it right there.
245
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:11,827
Peekaboo.
246
00:17:21,073 --> 00:17:24,406
The place is going to blow. Run for it.
247
00:17:32,851 --> 00:17:34,910
It's the waiting around that kills me.
248
00:17:44,163 --> 00:17:45,994
Another job well done...
249
00:17:46,165 --> 00:17:48,827
...thanks to Handman.
250
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:50,764
My hero.
251
00:17:50,936 --> 00:17:52,301
Darling.
252
00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:09,644
I love you.
253
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:12,382
And I love you.
254
00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:19,963
Yes, I could see...
255
00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:22,532
...that Handman and Handgirl
were made for each other.
256
00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:24,692
Of course, I couldn't stand in their way.
257
00:18:24,870 --> 00:18:27,304
And while I may have been
losing a sidekick...
258
00:18:27,473 --> 00:18:29,100
...I knew I was gaining a daughter.
259
00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:31,868
Or the upper hand,
or something, I don't know.
260
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,035
Do you, Handman, take this hand...
261
00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:35,544
...to be your lawful wedded wife...
262
00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:38,080
...to have and to hold
till death do you part...
263
00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:42,710
...or till some horrible accident
with an electric can opener or a combine?
264
00:18:42,888 --> 00:18:43,912
I do.
265
00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:46,057
Me too.
266
00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:49,023
Then I now pronounce you married hands.
267
00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:50,388
You may kiss the bride.
268
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:08,546
Aw.
269
00:20:05,637 --> 00:20:07,798
I just hope they have
a long happy marriage...
270
00:20:07,973 --> 00:20:09,907
...unlike some other couple I know.
271
00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:15,771
You are so cold.
272
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,609
So says the ice queen.
273
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:19,444
Ice queen, my foot.
274
00:20:19,618 --> 00:20:20,812
Exactly.
275
00:20:20,986 --> 00:20:23,045
Just stay on your own side
of the bed, will you?
276
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,951
Don't start with me.
277
00:20:25,123 --> 00:20:27,284
Oh, yeah? Let me tell you something.
278
00:20:32,664 --> 00:20:35,132
I can't...
Don't start that whooping and going:
279
00:21:07,165 --> 00:21:09,599
Wake up your folks
and tell them you're hungry. Go!
20637
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