Original subtitles

The first girl that's ever touched my cock, you know that?

It feels all right.

Make me come, Shirley.

Get this up.

Yes.

Move your tits over.

Lift your ass.

Raise it up.

On that seat.

Slide up and down, baby.

Oh, yes.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, you're cute.

It's such a bother to have to make all these decisions.

Tell me, Shirley,

what happened when you first arrived to America?

Well, I arrived in Los Angeles by way of plane 747.

And then I took a limousine from the airport directly to Hollywood.

It was great.

The day was very lovely and the people so friendly in California.

I was awaiting my ride.

And I was waiting a handsome man drove up and wanted to take me to Hollywood.

He was very friendly.

Hi.

Hi.

Going to Hollywood?

Of course.

I'm going to be an actor.

You have that much determination, I'm sure you will.

And I'm going to make a lot of money.

Well, Hollywood's not too far down the road.

It's only a few miles.

Oh, really?

You know, I know some people in the film business.

That's the way I can help you out.

You do?

Sure, sure.

You want to give me to someone?

Sure, I'd be happy to.

What's your name?

Sherry.

Sherry?

Uh-huh.

Oh, that's a pretty name.

He talked about speeding at my home.

He had a very expensive car.

He told me about making me a star in his next movie.

Well, I kind of wanted to get your vibrations.

Well, I think I can help you.

You see, I'm a producer.

That is to say, I'm a film producer.

And I can always use a new star for my films.

Okay, Sherry.

Thanks for the ride.

Bye-bye.

He made a date for me to start in his next picture.

Um, let's call Yana on the birds.

Uh, um... And see you tonight.

Yes, good-bye.

Yeah.

And for him, too, summer.

Okay?

Thank you.

Sounds so exciting in America.

Are the cars and producers and Hollywood stars?

Oh, it's nothing really.

I love this place.

It's pretty.

But the food in America, is it as good?

And what about the restaurants?

Oh, yeah.

In America, we have the best restaurants in the world.

And the people in America, are they all the same?

Mm-hmm.

Just the same in Europe.

But, let me tell you about the day I met my first producer.

It was so big, the studio, that they were always building something wrong.

The operations continue all the time.

It was a top-rated studio with many people around.

And lights and movie stars.

Hello, Sherry.

Hi, Mr. Deeper-Dope.

Oh, I'm glad you can make it.

Please call me Pat, will you?

I saw Patty's studio, Pat.

Well, I do.

But not here, silly.

Oh.

Well, you said something about making your starting unit clean.

I sure did.

I'm making a, uh, documentary, eight millimeter.

And I need you.

I'm using eight millimeter,

because I'm trying to save some money on film.

But that's, that's how it moves.

Hey, this is only a test.

Besides, you'll have some film.

After all, one movie's like another.

I've made so many.

Tell me, what happened after your first test?

Well, I started to make one film after another,

and I became famous.

But I felt guilty.

I thought I had to do something for humanity.

I'm so in my free time,

and I had very little, you know.

I started to enlist as a nurse's aide in a local hospital.

Thank you.

Goodness.

What's interesting, huh?

I had another friend.

Fred, the ambulance driver.

He was a good boy,

but always mixed up about everything.

He couldn't travel all the time in the hospital,

and especially with the head doctor,

was always yelling at him.

Fred was helping everyone as much as possible.

I said, maybe he didn't get enough sleep at times,

because many times he did things wrong.

Hey, hey.

One day I was sitting in the hospital,

and the count came back.

Nacho was satisfying,

and I felt that I was helping my fellow man.

I really enjoyed that.

However, I met some of the strangest people.

Hi, Sheridan.

Hi, Cecil.

Your case number is 5031, sir.

What is the number of your blue cross policy?

Policy? What policy?

Your case number.

If you have to have all the information on your policy and your case numbers.

Look, I don't have blue cross, huh?

What do I need blue cross?

What do you think? Cancer?

I'm sorry, sir.

I have to discuss this with the head nurse.

What do you need?

What's the matter?

No rent.

No money.

Maybe a care?

Do I look that old?

Don't ask already.

Sherry, the head nurse wants to see you.

I'll take over here.

The doctor wants to see you.

I don't think a country has anything to do

with what men are like.

Like, a good lover is a good lover,

no matter where he comes from.

An American woman really can be a queen

because the man has everything for her.

He spoils her.

He treats her beautifully.

He helps her in the house.

It's unbelievable.

I think they're not accustomed to that so much, but they do other things for you,

and they bring you presents all the time.

I wanted to take Mr. Bingard all the time.

I'm going to tell the general at the hospital.

He taught me many military procedures while I was being entertained by the general.

Hello, I see you.

Hello, general.

How are you?

I'm fine.

What's your name?

I'm Sherry.

Mini told me you have a job for me.

Well, I do, in a way.

In what?

What sign are you?

I'm a Leo.

August 15th.

What sign are you?

I'm an Aries.

Fire sign.

A ram.

A born leader.

April 12th.

Ten hunts.

All right, Private, now we are going to have a little short-arm inspection.

Guess what?

Yes, sir.

That's better, Private Sherry.

All right, Private Sherry.

Strip.

When you get through with that, honey,

I'm going to ram my cock in your hole, like fear to tomorrow.

That's the things about cock, huh?

Make me come.

Make... Make yippie!

Rodham, Rodham Cowboy.

Oh, that tongue's like a brandonine, honey.

Mini and I went many places together.

And Mini went to work.

Hi, Selma. Busy?

Oh, hi, Millie.

No.

Thanks a million.

I'm a little slow today.

Have you seen Elmer anywhere?

Sure, he's right behind me,

and I'm late for him to work.

Hi, Mr. Grafton.

How you feel today?

Better you don't ask. A fever I got in my headache and I'm constipated.

Why don't you take my pulse?

Sure.

Really interesting in this hotel.

Rocket incognito.

Rocket?

You just not know.

Disgusted with Milly, I wanted to meet these famous count

who needed a traveling coming home and got dressed for the count.

She seemed very rich and I was anxious to meet her.

I dressed in private and my dressing accommodations were the best.

I wanted everything to be in good taste and I always associated with class, of course.

A very distinguished looking gentleman with a

lot of class kept watching me as I got dressed.

I didn't blame him.

He wanted so much to meet me and he gave me his card.

She said he was a producer who was in trouble with the Internal Revenue Service.

I was very excited.

The day was sunny and the boats in the marina were all lined up.

I kept walking looking for his boat as the newspaper indicated.

I looked and looked and walked a mile.

And the boat was the count.

I thought it was the count and I walked up to him and we came just to get him.

Oh he's charming.

He wanted to run around with me so we chased each other along the marina.

It was fun.

He was very determined to make a lasting impression on me.

We got a real kick out of each other.

I must be near Philadelphia.

Oh, that's where they signed the Declaration of Independence in 1776, right?

A few days ago.

Then I had two other friends at the hospital.

They both lived at the hotel.

One of them, Virginia.

She was really crazy.

She was always trying to marry a rich man.

Who doesn't?

Virginia went to extremes to get one.

Tell me about her.

To get him.

Hey, Margie.

What?

Remember that guy, Rodney Morton Stewart, the third

that millionaire who was in the hospital for a while?

Yeah, whatever happened to him.

We granted an interview to the paper, see?

And he says he's looking for a virgin wife.

Virgin wife, huh?

You screwed everyone in the hotel except for Harry the doorman.

That's because he's 69.

Give me time.

Oh, Virginia.

You can be my nurse anytime.

What's this?

What a way to take your temperature, huh?

Oh.

Suck it in. Suck it in, baby.

Strays.

Suck it all in, dear.

Uh, oh.

Oh.

Suck it in.

Suck it in, dear.

Oh.

That's it, baby.

That's it, that's it, that's it, all that money, maybe we can fool them, help, maybe

we can use a little alum and tighten you up and

maybe some red pigment and maybe we could fool them.

I'll pay a visit to surgery tomorrow.

Oh much, you think of everything.

I'm going to pass for the only virgin in this whole town.

Come on hurry up, he's going to be here at two o'clock.

Okay, but you know the hardest part is the preparation.

That's awful big.

Don't worry about it, it's not going to hurt you.

No, in fact you might enjoy it.

I don't know.

Oh, oh, you're so right.

Oh, that feels good.

My name is Rodney Morton Stewart.

Maybe we can get better acquainted so we can do the desert song together.

I hope so, Rodney Morton Stewart III.

How's your money?

Pardon me?

How's your mother?

Mother, how's your mother?

Fine, she's good.

Fine.

Do-da-da.

Sit down.

I don't think he'll send out shipping.

I don't think he'll send out shipping.

Oh, why don't you sit down?

Oh, I'd love to.

Well, Jenny, I guess I'll go.

Okay, I'll be seeing you.

Your Highness, Mr. Stare up.

Oh, thank you.

Um, Mr. Stewart III, are you sure you want a virgin?

Why did you do that?

A creature of impulse.

I can't live without you.

Yes, indeed.

Why didn't you disrobe for a closer inspection?

Okay.

You won't laugh, will you?

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Yes, indeed.

I might take off my robe, make you feel a little more at home.

Yeah, that would make me more comfortable.

If you took off your robe.

Oh, do you mind if I take a little closer look?

No, no, no.

No, no.

No.

No, please go right ahead.

Let's go to the cabs here.

Why don't we go to the cabs bar?

Oh, yes.

Mm-hmm.

Right here.

For Jenny?

If you want to hurt me, will you?

Mm-hmm.

Hey.

Oh.

We're back to the hotel to see my friend Millie.

We had lunch together in her office.

And she told me about a virgin.

She's a pretty big photographer who wanted to picture me.

Hi.

Have you anything tweaked around here?

No, I don't.

I'm stuffed.

I haven't eaten for three days.

Don't.

My wife might come in.

So what?

You're a girl.

You can explain it.

We'll have a chance to explain to her.

Yes.

Fine.

But you see, she comes... But you don't understand.

She's liable to come in.

If she comes in, then we're all in a lot of trouble here.

Don't worry.

Here, please.

Put your clothes back on.

What?

Well, uh...

But no, you...

I... Wait until you see that.

Yes.

I can see that.

Fine.

But...

My wife's liable to come in here any minute.

Don't worry.

She won't.

She won't.

She won't?

Yes.

That's nice.

But, uh... I don't think we should...

Uh... Uh... No.

Some great... You like a guest?

Can't do that.

Because my wife is going to be home every minute now.

Forget about your wife.

No.

Oh, my God.

That's my wife.

Come on.

Quick.

Oh, darling.

I thought I'd just say hi.

Oh, darling.

I'm glad you did.

Oh, you must be so busy.

Yeah, I am.

I'm trying to set up this scene here.

And I'm a little tired.

So they want me to do a still-wife using those clothes.

Oh, you dear.

Just as soon as she showed up.

Oh.

Of course, dear.

And a girl.

If I were out of sex with another girl, why.

May lightning strike.

The photographer created lightning.

He's so clever.

The photographer's wife fell down, and everybody was in the dark.

Elmer put the lights on again,

and he noticed everyone on the floor.

It was funny, but strange.

I don't know, honey.

My wife is just a few feet away.

Of course.

I don't see it.

It must be.

I want to know.

Okay.

So I showed the photographer how good I was.

He enjoyed the session, of course.

And I got the job.

I also had a good meal.

Get tired.

Shall we rest here?

Looks nice.

We could some days for a while.

No, I don't.

Okay, let's take our clothes off.

Okay.

What are the stars like when they dress?

All stars, people with money, dress very elegantly.

The nice thing in California, especially,

you can go any place at all

and dress in anything you want.

You can go to the finest hotels in Dirty Lee Vice,

or you can go in a very elegant evening gown.

I love that.

You can always dress just as you feel.

Pink towels?

What pink towels?

Take a pink towel to spread out over the bed

and lie down and up.

You know what?

Yeah.

There's room 607, eh?

Right.

And remember, all the juicy details.

Fat Jack was very excited because he wanted to meet his sisters.

So he walked through the hotel.

He didn't know what sister he would find.

In the meantime, Sally, the cold one,

was getting dressed to leave her apartment.

He wanted the sexy one, but he was so shy,

he didn't know what to do.

Fat Jack couldn't wait to get to her apartment,

but everybody was in his way.

He heard the shower going,

and just as he was about to enter the apartment,

Sally, the cold one, left.

Fat Jack entered the apartment and took his chances.

In the meantime, Elmer was at Virginia's apartment.

He was always complaining.

Oh, he worried so much about those apartments.

Still looking for the pink towels, Elmer.

There's only pink towels.

My God, I've received a Bill for 100 jars of Vaseline in charge of the hotel.

I can't go on like this, Virginia.

Don't worry, Mr. Brown, it's just probably a mistake.

It should only be a mistake.

Somebody's been making toll charges

and charging into the hotel number.

Maybe you heard something, huh, Margie?

Maybe it's Mr. D.

Since it shouldn't be a total loss, can I use your toilet?

Hold up, Pam.

Just make sure you aim, Elmer.

That feels good.

We have to give the best massages.

Place right there.

Be in good shape these days.

Miss Curtis, I really don't know what we're...

One of the nurses at the hospital was always late.

We called her, I'm late, I'm late, girl.

I'm late, I'm late!

For a very important day.

I must run.

Down there in church, we're always talking about high finances.

Two sides for ten, would you?

Why don't you give me two sides for ten?

Two sides for ten.

There you go, one side.

Two sides.

Ten?

What is it, ten, George?

You wouldn't have to have five singles for a five.

Five singles, yeah.

Two, please.

Four.

Four?

Yes.

Four.

Well, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Five.

Give me a five.

You wouldn't have to have a ten.

Do you have a ten?

A ten, yeah.

Give me a ten first.

For what?

I'll explain it to you later.

Give me a ten first, will you?

Thank you.

Now give me five.

Now are you all right?

No, not even, George.

You've got to give me ten more.

I just gave you a five.

Yeah, I gave you five singles and five.

But I gave you five.

For the five singles.

Oh, yeah.

And you gave me five.

You agree with it, right?

Yeah, I'm sorry.

You don't think I cheat you?

No.

I love you, too.

You know, we really had fun in America.

Elmer was always in the bathroom listening to conversations.

Why in the bathroom?

Oh, he had some kind of kidney trouble.

That's what Uncle Henry has.

Yeah, you're right.

Come to think of it.

George the barber was always a little strange.

You've got a good memory, you know?

And sometimes he put them in the strangest places.

George, I'm here.

Oh, Selma, come in, honey.

How the hell did you ever get into this?

Selma, I'm sure glad you're a nurse.

I really need your help.

George, they never showed me this in nursing school.

Well, silly, don't stand there, honey.

Try and do something.

I mean, it hurts.

Well, what happened?

Well, I was lying down.

Or rather, I was kneeling down and hugging Teddy.

And thinking about Carol here, isn't he beautiful?

Carol?

It's my boyfriend.

And anyway, he's out of town doing a modeling job.

I was thinking about Carol.

And, well, I started messing around with his coat bottle.

And, well, it slipped in.

So why didn't you slip it out?

Oh, my God, George, oh, my God.

Oh, honey, what you did to me?

Well, come on.

What are you doing?

Traveling.

Traveling.

99.

98.

Oh, still.

97.

Selma, will you shut up?

Hey, George.

Really?

I've come to $10.

$15.

You gave me $10.

My boyfriend, Carol, gave it to me for Christmas last year.

Right, George.

It's against policy, George.

$10.

You gave me $10.

You know better.

I know what.

It's my daddy.

It's not her.

We don't have time to date.

He's just like spelling in the one.

Oh.

Please be careful.

I'm very sensitive there.

16 ounces of coat bottle in your sensitive?

Oh, here you were.

George.

Thank you, George.

You need to have sex, George.

Never again.

It's not worth it, your turn.

I guess it's on the menu.

Low bridge.

Oh.

Hi.

Would you hold my hand, Doc?

I'm only going to drill if you're going to hold my hand.

Your hand must be clevering.

I've never seen a place so bad.

By the way, how'd you part time job at the hotel?

Oh, it gives me some strange experiences.

You can see.

George, you know.

We'll broaden your experience.

Just so as we're through with bottle-happy George.

Oh, really?

It'd be nice.

Let's hurry.

It'd be nice, Doc.

That's really not very nice.

George, that felt so good.

I could give you a big, fat kiss.

Carol would get jealous.

You're right.

Oh, I'll throw this in the trash.

No.

Selma, I get a three-set deposit on that.

George.

Put it in the bag for me, will you?

Of course.

Can I have my kid bear back, Doc?

Oh, Doc, by the way, do you think you could

erase this little episode on Workman's comp?

I don't know.

What do you think?

Oh, thank you, Doctor.

Bye.

Bye.

You're shot.

Unbelievable.

George, lunch.

Yes, Doctor.

Did you notice something strange about the count of Selma's skin?

I did.

But I didn't want to say anything.

Maybe my skin.

Yes.

It looks like a strange, arrested case of blood disorientation.

Could be serious, Doctor.

Yes.

I think we should prepare for an examination.

I'm sorry about this, Selma.

But as your doctor, I feel that I should examine your various organs more closely.

Oh, yes, definitely.

Do I really look like that, then?

Yes.

Well, I have to take a patient to see you later.

Yes.

Yes, my learned colleague, Dr. Bernstein, said.

We must prepare for this examination.

Immediately.

And at the end, Selma had her experience brought in by the doctor.

He's always calling Selma to send doll-ups up to their room.

I was shocked when Billy told her what her sister did to him.

She thought she would supply him this right in the new.

And she said she'd catch us.

Oh, yes.

He loved the whole experience.

Selma really wanted to get to know Rocky, so she arranged to be in his room.

Thank you.

Is this really any good?

So they say it's supposed to be healthy for you.

Here's a toast to us.

All right.

That is good.

Tanny.

That's private.

I thought you were saving it for me.

For you?

For me.

You advertised.

What does it mean you have to buy?

For you doing like you.

Sitting over here.

What's it supposed to do?

Keep my hands to myself.

Drink my carrot juice.

How long will you be here, Mr. Nichols?

Rocky.

Rockiness.

Oh, about as long enough as it takes to write a few songs.

Good.

Cut a few records.

I have all those sweet skin, I think.

Thank you.

Your mother's side?

Must be milk and honey.

It's very sweet.

So did you, my dear.

I just love your records.

What are you doing?

Did you listen to them a lot?

All the time.

You do, huh?

I'm glad I have a fan here.

Your fan's everywhere.

Oh, not like this one, though.

Don't you still notice, my dear?

It looks rocky.

I'm getting nervous.

She's going to miss you.

She sure is.

She's getting more comfortable.

I agree with you 100% on that.

Oh, my.

Sweet.

Little nervous.

Why don't we go someplace where it's a little more private?

Why don't we go into my other room?

Over to my bedroom.

You want to eat?

Let's have a situation.

Oh, fine.

How's Rocky and Cognito?

Oh, he's fine.

Was he satisfied with everything?

Oh, everything.

He even gave me his autograph.

I don't believe it.

He did.

Let me see it.

Well, I don't know if I can.

It's kind of personal.

Oh, come on.

An autograph is an autograph, right?

You have to come over here and see it.

Milly, my friend the nurse was nice.

Oh, she had so many friends.

Her boyfriend, John, was sick, and they took

him into the hospital and put him on her ward.

She and John were engaged to be married,

and every chance she had, she came into his room and helped him.

She took good care of him and made him feel completely at home.

Of course, she always maintained a good nursing arrangement with John,

and she made sure he didn't have a fever or anything.

I don't know if he was unwell.

Maybe.

Oh, yes.

We'll talk about it later.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Oh, nice.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

I couldn't run away from him.

You got my foot. I don't care.

He found me. We had an interesting talk, and he

had a way about him that almost hypnotized you.

He discussed his coming back together with me.

I want you to look deeply into my eyes. Very deeply.

Deeper and deeper into my eyes.

I want you to fall in love with me, to be with me everywhere.

Walk with me, talk with me for the last days of my life together forever.

You want to put your neck close to my lips.

Now, follow, come, step down, stop.

We started to discuss our relationship and came to an understanding.

It is so important that two people understand each other completely.

Well, anyway, we go on well together.

He told me about making me happy the rest of our life.

In fact, he was so silly.

He told me that he would immortalize me, isn't that silly?

Really?

Anyway, we got on well together.

I went to his yacht again, and he showed me nature,

and the ocean, and the marina, and all the ships.

All was like a dream. It was wonderful.

Then I woke up, and I heard a boat whistle. It seemed started to happen then.

I don't know why, but I ran and ran away as fast as I could.

The count was sad about our separation.

But then again, I had my life to live, and he had peace.

I felt he was living in a box, and I told him so.