Original subtitles

Do people really change?

I mean, real, lasting, positive change?

I sure hope so, because we are in the business of change.

Please.

I'm sorry.

Sorry, I won't yell at the neighbor's kids anymore.

I'll take back the claim against the Johnsons. Even though that treehouse is

a flagrant violation.

I'm sorry. No, no, no, please. I can change.

I promise.

Please, please, please, please.

Please give me another chance. I can change.

Don't worry about her. In a few minutes, she'll wake up in her bed, dry, rested,

and hopefully a whole new person.

All right, she's back in bed.

Can I get a coffee over here?

Coffee's buying in.

You see, this is just a supernatural simulation.

And these are my colleagues, the ghost of Christmas past, Christmas yet to

come. No doubt.

Oh, boy, that looks good. Thank you.

And that's me, Mr.

Brad Pitt.

No,

no, I'm kidding. I'm the ghost of Christmas present. I'm not Brad Pitt.

So... You think she changed?

Yeah, I don't know. This one was a serious tight ass. Of course she's

changed. I put her face to face with her mortality, and that's when I closed the

deal every time.

Anyone can point to a headstone.

Everyone agrees with me. Guys, you know what? Please. I'd do way more than just

point at it. That hurts me. Yet to come as a wrap, inform Mr. Marley our perp

will awaken in two minutes. Copy that.

Marley-san, Marley-san.

Already?

Yeah. Excellent. Thank you, Kazuko. Very exciting.

Spirits, gather up one and all.

Research, locations, costume department.

This is our dedicated staff of support code.

They work so hard to make us look good. Okay, we are walking. New recruits. I

know you're freshly dead, but let's look alive.

You've enlisted at the perfect time. They're on their way to find out if the

person we haunted is really going to change.

Can we go see that?

No. Come on.

And this is the moment we worked all year for.

No, honey. Don't go in her yard. We don't want her calling the police. It's

okay. I can get it.

Sorry, Ms. Blansky. We'll take the game down the street. We don't want any

trouble today.

What day is it?

It's Christmas Day.

The cops did it all in one night.

Are you okay?

Do you need us to call someone?

Or do you want to play?

Me? Sure.

If you want to. After all the times I've reported you to the HOA or called the

police or stolen your package.

You did what?

Huh?

Go ahead.

Give it a try. It's fun.

Congratulations, Miss Blansky.

I did it? You mean it's really... You're a different person now, Karen.

Go make amends.

And make us proud.

I will.

So that's what we do. We haunt someone, change them into a better person, and

then we sing about it.

You wait for the day, you prep for a year, and when the big day is finally

here, you take a jerk and work to turn them around.

Why are they singing?

Oh, because this is a musical. What is?

All of this.

The afterlife.

I had a feeling.

Oh, come on, really?

You show them their life and your hope for the switch.

And well, it goes off without a hitch.

This Christmas train is already bound.

Bring on that chili-a-pul-de-de-ma!

We might be dead,

but we're living that yuletide dream.

We're full of that...

The magic of the world, my dear Mary, is very necessary.

like this? Are you going to be able to keep up with all this?

I mean, if I start dancing, I'm going to shut it down, man. Everybody going to

look bad.

our search history after we die?

Excuse me, sir.

Oh, hey, Margo. I was just avoiding you.

Yes, sir. I get it. But, you know, it is my job to review your file after each

haunt. So, you've been eligible for retirement for 46 seasons.

Yeah. And you're still here, like, all the time. Well, I believe the work we do

here is very important. Yeah, yeah, but don't you want another crack at life?

God, I miss drinking.

Huh? I used to go so hard with my girls back in Tampa.

Wait, aren't you in HR?

I have a tramp stamp on the front and the back.

Crazy. We stole a cruise ship one time. Look, HR, I don't know if that's the

right area for you. Figgy pudding.

I'm sorry, what?

It says in your file that you liked figgy pudding.

Don't you want to try it again?

Don't you want to go back on Earth and do person stuff again?

Yeah, I guess so.

I mean, I died before there was indoor plumbing, so I... Well, um, it's been

fun chatting and everything, but there's, like, a whole party going on,

so... Okay, but I feel like you started the conversation.

Anyway... 46 seasons.

Crazy.

Just saying. Maybe it's time.

Maybe she has a point.

Is it time to find out if I'm meant for more than just a Christmas morning

feeling?

I could go back to Earth, retire, just peace out. Another chance at the life

I've been dreaming about.

Maybe I'd buy a quaint little house on a quiet street.

I'd meet a nice gal and we'd get married and start a family.

And then at the end of each day after work, we have a loving embrace and one

of those newfangled modern mouth kisses.

That'd be nice.

Is it time to find out if I'm ready to reach beyond a Christmas morning

feeling?

To be human again, alive once more. Take some swings at the things I messed out

on before.

And there's me in the backyard goofing around with my two kids who share the

same first initial. A little Rebecca and her brother Reggie or Robert or... I

don't know. I'll think of a good R name.

But what if I screw up my life again like I did the first time through?

Could I really be someone better, someone kinder, someone

new? But no, no, no, I've got to make more of a difference here.

There's so much left to do with all the trolls and a-holes out there.

Well, am I doing the world a world of good? And have I given it my all?

Or am I just full of it? Am I just full

of shit? Hey, come on now, potty mouth.

It's inappropriate for the day.

I know, I know, old friend.

This is just your usual post on comedown, yeah?

It's more than that, Jacob.

Look at this place, mate.

Every single one of them's a soul that we've redeemed.

Together.

So fret not, sunshine, for in two weeks' time we scout next season's perp and

I've seen the file on this one.

Manages a fancy hotel in Vancouver.

Uh-huh. Right by a little bastard. You're gonna love him. Just what you

need to get back up on that horse.

So come on now.

Step up up.

Big boy, Pat.

Hey. Hey.

Hey.

Hey, you.

Walter. No one cares what your name is, and no one should have a mustache on

their lip and forehead.

Why are you crossing through my grand lobby, hmm? These Christmas tree

conventioners pay top dollar to be here so they don't have to look at or think

about people like you, you walking plunger. So did I tell you.

Abusive, stingy, self-centered.

I like that he goes against the Canadian stereotype.

Yeah. It's weird to see a Canadian without mitten. I mean, yeah, he's an

absolute turd in a suit.

Right? But I'm just wondering, hear me out, this guy, and he's terrible,

but if we change him, does he create enough ripples to make a real

difference? That's all I'm saying. Make a real difference?

400 people work for him.

A bit sad, isn't it?

Disgruntled, yeah? Taking it out on their kids.

It designs the offensive.

Outrage is a drug.

Listen to me, the second you tweet that word, CNN is no longer talking about how

you just boned the teachers' union. Trust me, Senator.

Both days.

Our guest today manages PR for AT&T and the NFL.

He's helped senators, governors, even presidents get elected. All due respect,

Marty, we're on our butts here.

This trade, you can't afford to hire some fancy New York media consultant?

Yeah.

You got that right.

Oh, here he is. Let's give him a real good welcome from the Briggs Media

Group. Hey, Briggs.

Thank you, Marty.

It was a pleasure.

And it is true, I do charge comically enormous fees, which will probably

bankrupt your entire organization. But you know, last week, over 300 million

families took down their Christmas trees, 81% of which were fake plastic

trees. I don't know why you're acting surprised. I hit one button on Amazon,

and a shiny new tree is on my porch by the end of the afternoon.

Easy. Easy.

Yeah. People, they used to insist on authenticity.

Have people changed?

Now, that's the good news.

People never change.

But you know something?

Real trees are trending downward.

Your sales continue slipping.

They destroyed your bottom lines with plastic pines in same-day shipping.

Well, you've got the better product.

But if you want to win, you've got to study human nature.

All those interested, lean in.

People are one.

Lazy, we only care about ourselves.

Your competition knows this, so they're crap-wise off the shelf. We're also too

desperate to feel good and smart and right.

And that's what you have to harness.

If you want to win, bitch, be what you're really selling is the way things

ought to be.

So your pitch becomes compelling, selling more than just a tree. It's a

symbol of your values. It's your ethics and your cause.

You can't either be fake like a tree they make or take a man for Santa Claus.

We're bringing back Christmas.

We're bringing back here.

We're bringing back cozy night, those twinkly lights, the glow of yesteryear.

Now it's some slight manipulation,

but it's what we've gotta do.

See, we need some confrontation, or your message won't get through.

We're bringing back decency.

We're bringing back Christmas.

And that means a tiny cent of a real authentic treat.

They're literally eating out of his hand.

Oh, it would be sure.

Simple. To boost your market share, we'd rebrand you as nostalgic.

Tell your customers you care, but the world is what?

Rival! So if you want your sales to soar, it's not enough for folks to love

you. They gotta hate your rivals more.

As an expert, my advice is feed that hate, because hate is strong.

Folks will gladly pay your prices to prove those Christmas killers wrong.

Give me some peace on earth, a virgin birth, and grandpa getting sauce.

Every faithful love and boomer wants to fight a culture war.

So tell your core consumer what the hell they're fighting for.

I want

a

complete breakdown on him.

I'm talking a living tree in your living room.

As I reach up to place the angel on top, I look out my window and I see my

neighbor, Doug, across the street, napping together his artificial tree.

He's like the perfect combination of Mussolini and Seacrest.

Easy peasy, poor, lazy, deplorable Doug, who cares more about convenience than

the happiness and respect...

of his town, of a country, of our sacred holiday.

Clint Breeze grew up in St. Paul, Minnesota, middle child of three to a

single mother. His older sister, Carrie, passed away five years ago. Her

daughter, Wren, is now being raised by Clint's younger brother, Owen.

Clint's company specializes in creating controversy, conflict, and

disinformation for the benefit of his clients worldwide.

Oh, my God.

He's perfect.

No, that's the one!

You've got to get mad!

You have to fight for the traditions we hold dear.

So persuasive.

Kind of makes you want to push an old lady down a flight of stairs.

Thank you.

That's our man.

I'm sorry, this is not our man.

Wait, wait, wait. What?

Hold on. Why not?

Jacob, the guy causes division for a job.

And he's insanely hot.

Is that not what you were going to say?

What? I've been dead for 40 years and I'm not made of wood.

The man's attracted.

No, he's smoking hot. Smoking hot.

And more importantly, he's got his hands all over everything.

Yeah, I wish.

Maude, are you texting HR?

No. Jacob, I'm telling you, he could be our greatest haunt ever.

The whale.

If we change him, imagine the ripple.

Oh, great.

That is a flagrant breach of established protocol.

So we're stuck with creepy convention boss guy then. Yep, no hot girl

Christmas for you. Okay, okay, hang on.

He's not an unredeemable because he drowns puppies.

He's only stamped because he's dogmatically committed to the belief

that people never change.

Never change?

Now I do want a piece of this guy. Jacob, I'm telling you, I know what

makes this guy tick.

We won't fail. Come on, I can take this guy.

Besides... You know it's been done before.

Once.

Barely. And you know that was different.

With the state the world is in now, I'm not about to risk a whole year of

ripples on a lost cause. I'm sorry.

We go with the rat bastard hotel manager.

In that case, I would like to collect my retirement package.

No, settle down, spirit.

He's bluffing.

Do I look like I'm bluffing?

Actually, you do, yes.

All right, then.

All you have to do is take it and you're

retired.

Back on Earth, living, breathing, and offering opinions on things you know

nothing about.

Right.

Earth.

We don't have to do this right now. There is no shame in your dedication to

the betterment of mankind.

Now, if you'll excuse me. Jacob, please.

I can't explain it.

But if I could just change this guy, maybe I'll... What?

Maybe you'll what?

Oh, no. No. There's no need for a whole big number here. No. No spotlight.

Gary, kill the... Every day I wake up with a single dream.

Running through my head. Look, I have another meeting I'm actually late for.

To throw a tiny stone into a mighty stream and watch the ripples as they

spread. Redeeming an unredeemable is nearly impossible.

But if you promise to stop singing, you can have your perp.

Oh, really?

Great. Thank you. That's quite reasonable.

Thanks, Gary. We're good. You're right on the cue.

Guys, he said yes. Let's get to work.

Yes! You want to hear the rest of my song?

And so it began.

A full year of research and preparation.

Painstakingly recreating one man's past, present, future.

Why do we work so hard?

We're good for the ripple.

See, it's a documented fact that one person's kindness can have a ripple

effect.

Spreading goodwill like a pandemic. No, scratch that. Sorry. You know, like, you

know when people at a football stadium stand up and do the wave like that?

Now,

finally, I have a perk with global readers.

If we can redeem this unredeemable, imagine just how far these ripples can

go.

Okay, the Billie Eilish-Ed Sheeran beef has been approved by management on both

sides. Ed will post the insensitive comment on Tuesday and then apologize on

Sunday. Let's push the apology back to the day of the VMAs to maximize buzz.

Oh, and your niece is here.

Apparently, she'd like your help with something, but Owen didn't say what it

is. Did she get the phone I sent?

Mm-hmm.

Coverboard?

I've got a really busy day going here.

No problem.

I'll just go tell your late sister's only kid you're too busy.

Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho. Top-notch skill trip, Kimberly.

The way you emphasize late.

Proud of you.

Um, so, Uncle Clint, I was thinking that maybe I would run for student council

president.

Um, so, maybe you could help me with something?

Wow! That's, I mean, that requires someone who's very...

Univoy struck me as someone who's more of an inside voice type of person.

So what makes you want to run for student council president?

Go ahead.

Well, I think I could make the school way better.

100%. If they pick me.

But they probably won't. Probably not. Because Josh Hubbins is running, so.

Josh Hubbins?

Mm-hmm. Josh, he sounds like a, you know, a legend at whatever school you go

to. Uh, never mind.

It was a stupid idea. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you. Yeah, it's

all right. I have bad ideas sometimes.

Clint, you promised Carrie if Ren ever needed anything, you would help her.

Remember that? Yes.

Yeah, I remember. All right.

You've already won.

You already won. Hey, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here,

come here. Sit.

Sit, please.

You got this in the bag.

But you're going to get your hands dirty. You're going to say and do things

that you will not be proud of. Wait a minute, Clint.

Please hold your indignation because it's going to get worse.

So this Josh... Coven. Coven.

What are his grades like? He gets straight A's. Mm-hmm. So do I. Yeah,

that's good for him. But for you, I prefer C's.

I would love a D in there. You're going to tank your midterms. You're going to

bank some detention.

And boom, you're a woman of the people. We cast Josh as a snot-nosed elite.

You get?

I don't know about this, because he's actually super nice. Yeah, he's a great

kid, really. I will put you over my knee.

And his parents have their own non-profit. Trust me, he's hiding

something. Everybody is.

Kimberly's going to do some oppo research. That means digging up dirt.

And Kimberly is the best.

She is a stone cold killer.

Opposition research on an eighth grader?

Sure.

Okay.

You hungry?

Want a juice box? I'm okay. Want a Negroni? You know what? I'm just going

to stay on her just in case this turns into an important story thread that we

may want to follow.

Well, okay.

Yeah, I'm going to stay and watch him put a ponytail man over his knee.

Boy, we have similar jobs, don't we?

Digging up dirt on people.

Whoa.

What do we have here?

When your parents make you a Christmas dinner with homeless people.

Gross. Oh, Josh, what did you post?

You're sunk, kiddo. You are so sunk.

I'm doing oppo research on a child.

The big corner office.

The 12-person team, a slick leather chair, the American dream. My mom used

to clean ritzy places like these with their overpriced art and their walls of

degrees. Well, now it's all mine with my name on the door, a big fancy desk

on the 38th floor. Look at the girl who did right at the height of a hard

-won career.

What could surpass giant windows of glass framing miles of blue?

That's the view from here.

That's the view from here.

They climb the ladder, no matter the cost.

But nobody tells you how much can get lost.

That decent and hopeful young woman you were. Well, you wake up one day.

And you wonder what happened to her.

That woman was made to see good in each heart. But now she gets paid to pull

people apart.

And I mean, hey, look at me, MVP Employee of the Year.

Well, maybe I guess that this looks like success, but it doesn't feel true.

That's the view from here.

That's the view from here.

I could keep doing oppo, keep digging up dirt.

Pretend I don't care when nice people get hurt.

Block out the guilt that I'd have to ignore. Or a ring as I ride to the

39th floor.

Or I can walk out the door and defiantly quit.

There's a line you can't cross, and I think this is it. Well, maybe I haven't

lost sight of what's right. No, it's perfectly clear.

Whoa, that was quick. Go ahead. Tell them how you feel.

You found something good, didn't you? See, you can always tell by the self

-loathing expression on her face.

Well, actually... Come on, you can do it.

I came here... To say you quit your job, but you want ample severance.

To say I found something that should

do the trick. Yes, you did. Let's go see. Come on, come on, come on, come on.

At the end of the day, words are easy to say.

But it looks like the walking away is a little bit harder to do.

That's the view from here.

Well, Josh's family runs a Christmas Day dinner at a homeless shelter.

He'll be humble bragging the crap out of that.

But two years ago, he posted and quickly deleted this on TikTok.

When your parents make you a Christmas dinner with homeless people.

Gross. Oh!

I am outraged.

I told you Kimberly was the best. Once Josh is done trumpeting his annual good

deed writing you post that video, start writing your acceptance speech and Bob's

your uncle. See, I'm your uncle.

Like two years ago.

I mean, it's just a kid in sixth grade.

Wait, Clint, can we just have him talk about this for a second? You know, we

only get one elevator a day, so let's catch this one. Bye, guys.

Like you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's official.

I'm a terrible person.

No, you're not.

Excuse me?

What? Can she see you right now?

Are we met?

Can she see me?

Hey!

This is crazy.

I don't think so. No?

Well, then how do you know how terrible I may or may not be? Why can't she see

you? I don't know.

Uh, well, I've always been a good judge of characters kind of baked into my job.

Do you work here?

We have to kill her now, right?

No.

I'm here on a project.

For Brig? What are you doing?

Well, it involves Mr. Brig. Get out of this.

Get out of this. You're going to get us in trouble. Really?

Which project? Make something up. Make something up. Abort.

I'm the ghost of Christmas present.

What are you doing?

Um, yeah, we'll be haunting him this Christmas and hope that we can change

him into being a more positive force for humanity.

Clint.

Clint. Yeah.

I'm Kimberly.

Roberto C. Fishman Pratt. Roberto C.

Fishman Pratt.

Thanks for the laugh, Roberto.

And the compliment.

I needed both of them right about now.

I like the outfit.

Thank you.

You know, I think deep down you wanted her to see because you're into her. I'm

not into her.

Roberto C. Fishman Pratt? Okay, it's a bad name.

It's too many names.

And as if we didn't have enough to fight about at Christmas dinner, the kind of

Christmas tree you have is now a battle on social media.

It is. Lots of anger on both sides.

Apparently, if you have a real tree, you're a judgmental elitist hipster.

But if you have a fake tree, you're an enemy of Santa Claus, Jesus, and Mariah

Carey. And that's... You don't want to be on Mariah's bad side.

Hey.

Oh, I'm watching it right now.

Yeah. Let's have our influencers hit it hard.

Hashtag Christmas Tree War.

Remind Ren.

Rafi, these are amazing.

Remind Ren not to post a video of the kid until after he posts from the

homeless shelter. Holy bejeebus.

Are you good?

Huh?

Oh damn.

Life's not good.

filming me i'm impressed oh jesus

chain i forged in life is girded of my own free will

link my link with each soul i made to suffer very very very very very

convincing okay who

You shall find no sleep tonight.

I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming. No, this is not a dream.

God, you're ugly. Many wrongs have ye to right. Dark deeds ye must

redeem.

You keep thinking I'm going to stand up. Your past, your present, and your future

ye shall sleep in.

This is very, very weird.

The story of your life shall now

unfold.

Feel my pain!

You, turn up.

The story of your life.

The truth you're scared to hear.

The story of your life. A tale of reckoning and fear.

I'm so sorry. I'm stuck on the first thing there. You said past, present,

future.

Like a Christmas carol? The Dickens story? The Bill Murray movie with Bobcat

Goldway? Yes, yes, like the Dickens book and the Bill Murray movie and every

other adaptation nobody asked for. Now, please, if you would just let me get

this out. Sit here.

Okay.

You might rewrite the story of your life

before it's all too late.

What is it?

I'm getting so sorry.

So out of all the people on the planet, murderers, racists, people who do gender

reveal parties, I'm the guy you're going to haunt.

If you would shut up and let me finish, you might understand. Yes, sir. You know

what?

Forget it. It's not worth the trouble.

Three ghosts coming to save you. A bit more consideration for them than you did

for me, maybe.

Very good. All right, then. Cheers.

I told you.

The guy is a level 20 pain in the ass.

You got this.

Yeah, no sweat.

All right, team, last looks. I'm going in.

Go get them, girl.

And I'm dead.

Hello, Mr. Briggs. I'm the ghost of Christmas past.

Your past.

Hi.

Wow. Good.

Good. You're not what I was expecting.

No? How so? I mean, you're lovely.

Yeah, I know.

But still, it is nice to hear it. Not bad.

Thank you.

But we should just, we should go. I just, if you don't mind, would you mind

if I have a quick shower? I just would love to freshen up the skosh. Like right

now? The last skosh with a little musky. I touched the chain.

Oh. Bill.

Yeah, then definitely you should shower if you're feeling dirty.

Thank you.

Well, no.

I mean, wait, no.

We have to, we have to go. There's a lot to see. Right. Of course, yeah. Ooh.

Jane, owe me a beer.

Yeah. We should go.

Hey, Chief.

You got a sec?

Yeah, what's up?

Look, man, I'm tired of being just a guy who points at stuff.

Right. Well, look, hey, I wouldn't underestimate the pointing. Yeah. I

mean, the way you do it, it's chilling. Hit me with it again.

Boom! You're very good at it. Yeah, I appreciate that. But I've got some

catchphrases I want to try out. Check these out.

Welcome to the bone zone.

Bon appetit. Or my favorite, you've been Christmas Carol, bitch.

I don't know what to say.

Every year during the haunt, you try to talk, and nothing comes out. Yeah? And

why is that? Dude, it's not up to him. He doesn't make the rules.

Excuse me.

Why aren't you on the haunt? Yeah.

Well, get a load of this. Yeah, I'm waiting.

So, find him back to his childhood in Minneapolis.

Uh-huh. And he's holding my hand, and he can't help himself. He starts flirting

with me.

One thing led to another, and, you know.

Please tell me you're kidding.

I am.

Okay. Not kidding.

What? I know. Here we go. It was unprofessional, but...

You know, it's been a very long time since anyone's tried to get up in my

beeswax, so Mama did something for herself for a change.

Okay, well, did Mama consider the steak season unredeemable? He redeemed himself

a little bit.

Good for you.

Just saying.

Okay, now I feel like he's judging me.

No, I'm not judging you. I don't even know what to think. Hold on, hold on.

Where is he now?

Oh, he's fine. He's in his childhood bedroom in the 80s. All right, we'll

talk about this later. I need you to get back out there and take him through his

path. Right, yeah, okay. But, hey, could you do it? Cover my shift? I mean, I

feel like it's going to be awkward.

He's really into me.

Get off!

Ow.

All right.

Don't you come back with the same story she did.

Alex P. Keaton action figure.

Hey, uh, uh, ghost girl.

I was a kid.

I think... Hello, Mr. Briggs.

Hello.

Where's the other one?

Are you also a... Wow.

This dream makes zero sense. This is not a dream, Mr. Briggs. And can you stop

touching my face? Sure.

I'm your ghost of Christmas present.

Present?

What are you doing in my past?

See? Dream.

Well, your haunt got off to a bit of a humpy start.

Yes, it did.

So I will be handling both past and present this evening.

Of course. This isn't my usual gig, so I just need to get a lay of the land, if

you don't mind.

Sure.

Um, yeah, this should do.

Okay. Hey,

I'm haunting you!

You can't just run away from me when I'm haunting you. Hello?

Hey, hot shot. You know, it's totally understandable if you're scared that you

won't be able to defend your choices.

Look.

Colonel Sanders.

I haunted him, yes.

The proper way to do that technique... Gary.

Gary, Gary, Mom said we get a one-on-one present tonight. Cool.

Let's start with that.

That green one.

You got me a puppy?

Well, you've only been asking me for a puppy for about, what, a thousand years?

Where is he?

He's sleeping in the kitchen.

Sparky!

Sparky? Sparky! Oh, Clinty, what do you see him? He's got the most adorable

little white paws and... Oh, my God. How many times have I told you to close the

kitchen door and come back in?

If you do it quick, when you close it, then it lets all the heat out.

Apparently... Adorable little puppy. So, ah, gee, this is a Christmas tragedy.

Clint, no, no, no.

She's lying. There is no puppy.

She got you a dog dish to make you think that there was a puppy.

That's ridiculous.

Then why aren't we out looking for it? You know, if you spent a nickel on it,

we would be out looking all night.

Oh, if that is... Come on, we're waiting for Christmas!

You keep on running, Missy.

Hey, where do you think you're going?

See it now The

chain of events that led me to be the monster

You're faking. Very nice. What do you expect when you misread the situation so

egregiously? That was the single best Christmas gift that she or anyone else

has ever given me. Hold on. A lie about a non-existent puppy? No.

The solid gold lesson that people will believe anything if they want to believe

it. I wanted a puppy so bad that it was better to believe I had a lost dog than

no dog at all. That lesson made me so rich, I could buy a million puppies.

Plus, I never left the door open again. So, you know, win-win.

Okay, smarty pants.

Thank you. No!

It's not for you.

It's for her.

Who's her?

Yeah, yeah, I heard of this.

It's where people use that pound or hashing thing, right? Yep, yep. I'm

telling you, a year from now, this is going to be on all of your phones. I

don't know.

Do people really want to talk about everything they've ever done with every

idiot they've ever met? Yeah, they do, new girl. They really do. It's Nora.

Nora.

Yeah, every thought, every meal.

Boy, that Nora was a keeper.

Huh? Wonder how it all works out with her.

Oh, good.

Christmas shopping.

Hey, Clint. Hey.

Oh, my God, I love your boots.

Hey.

I'm sorry. The level of detail is astounding.

Is that a Sephora?

Yeah. Those didn't exist.

Good eye.

Yeah, that wasn't here.

We have a deal with them.

There's my baby boy.

Mom, invite her some stuff. Oh, here we go. Hi, hon.

Oh, good, you're drunk.

Well, it's 8 a.m. somewhere. God, I used to love this mall. Hey.

I see you brought this one again. Very lovely. It's nice to see you, Wendy.

Yeah, I bet it is. Hey, if anyone's looking for a gift for me.

What?

What?

I'm going to be an uncle?

Uncle Owen? Like Star Wars?

Oh, my God. That's amazing.

What? How? With who? With me. I'm done waiting around for a good man. I want a

baby. So I went to a clinic, and all I know about the daddy is that he's

getting his master's in marine biology, and I helped pay for it.

I love sea turtles.

I get knocked up on Thursday.

Congratulations.

Honey, are you happy for your sister?

No, not really, no.

Come on, Clint.

Come on. Carrie, I love you, but you have no clue how to be a mom. Come on,

dude. Not cool, man. What are you talking about? Your sister was always

really good to you, wasn't she? It's okay. I understand how he feels. I

really do. I don't. You are incapable of putting anyone ahead of yourself, and

I'm... Oh, my God, I'm so done with it.

No, no, no, no, no. Hey, hey, hey. Come on, come on. Don't tease. Don't. Come

on. It's Christmas.

It's Christmas. It's my fault.

All right. I thought that I could change you, and only a fool would think that.

Goodbye.

All right. Bye, Heinz. Suck it, Wendy.

Okay, you too.

You know, so I was a little pig-headed.

Weren't you ever in your 20s?

It's not about me.

You know what?

Why not?

Why isn't it about you?

I don't get to know anything about my accusers?

Hey, you watching this?

Clint, you fabricated a scandal.

I'm not watching your dramatic re-encrapment until you tell me

something about you. You're acting like I'm talking about you. It's not...

I'll answer one question about me. Five questions.

Two. Eight. Final offer. But we'll close at three. Okay. Question one.

Were you ever alive?

Yes. When?

Well, I've been dead nearly two centuries.

What? Oh, my God.

You've been doing the same job the whole time? No, no. The first ten seasons, I

was in research.

And then our GC present retired.

GC? Ghost of Christmas Present. Yeah.

Of course.

Retired. And I was called up to the show.

Oh, my God.

You know that first save?

Incredible rush. Huge.

Felt like I was really making a difference.

Was making a difference.

But you're not anymore?

Okay, you know what? I've answered your three questions.

You just answered my fourth. Why do you feel like you're not making a difference

anymore? What the hell is wrong with you? Me? I have never once had to put up

with this level of bullshit from a perp. A perp? We are walking around in your

path. Most people are too freaked out to crawl up my ass with a bunch of stupid,

irrelevant questions.

Stop it.

Shut your dumb face and just watch the scene.

Resume CPM 104, please.

Clint, you fabricated a scandal.

I didn't fabricate. I suggested a scandal that the public and the media

ran with. And it's going to get our client elected. Destroy that woman's

life.

We talked about these tactics.

I didn't build this company so I wouldn't be able to look my kids in the

eye. Okay, I have put this off long enough.

Are you about to fire me? Clint, you're the brightest guy I know.

You're going to land on your feet.

No, I'm not going to land on my feet, Dan. I'm going to land on you when I

take all of your clients with me. You have a non-compete clause, which you

will not enforce, because you so fear what I can do using these tactics, which

are so beneath you.

Oh, Merry Christmas, Dan.

He built this company with honor and integrity, and you destroyed it.

Well done.

Come on. Hold on. Let's go.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You're taking me all out of context.

Wait, watch what happens next. Hey, Kimberly.

Starting my own firm. I see greatness in you and it's being squandered here. I'm

going to make you an executive VP. I will double your salary, but you've got

to decide right now. Are you in or are you out?

Oh, I... I guess

I'm in. Great.

Grab your coat.

Let's go build a dream.

Nobody gives them credit for that, do they?

Believing in people. Helping them live their best life. Best life? Yes. Is that

what you think?

100%. All right, you know what?

Can you cue up DS-261 from a couple days ago?

261? I cut that part. I realize it's a deleted scene. I'm calling an audible.

Okay, Bonnie? All right.

God, has he said anything about me?

No. Okay, but, like, what's his vibe?

I have no idea.

Right. I know this is going to sound weird, but trust me, it's strictly

business. What?

Can you smell his hair and describe it to me? No.

Hi, this is Margo from HR.

I just want to say everything is HR approved, totally okay. Just go ahead

with whatever you want to do. Fine.

Cotton candy?

Oh, my God.

Now, can you re-cue the scene, please?

Great.

261, coming at you. Audible. I remember.

So this boy Ren's running against, Josh Hubbins? Well, Josh's family runs a

Christmas Day dinner at a homeless shelter.

That was like two days ago. I mean, I remember what... And quickly deleted

this on TikTok.

When your parents make you a Christmas dinner with homeless people.

Gross. Oh!

I am outraged.

I told you Kimberly was the best.

Once Josh is done trumpeting his annual good deed, Renny, you post that video?

Start writing your acceptance speech and Bob's your uncle. Okay.

You're right.

Do I regret saying Bob's your uncle? Yeah, I do. But I made the choice and I

got to live with it. Look, I just ask that you respect me and my family's

privacy.

What happened?

What was that?

My face is burning.

Can we just slow down and talk about this? We only get one elevator a day.

Bye,

guys.

See, don't that look like someone who's living her best life?

That's official.

I'm a terrible person.

No, you're not.

Oh!

Excuse me?

Hold on a second. What?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Have we met? Hold on, hold on.

We're all good. We're all good. Yep, make it go away. Thank you. What were

you doing in there?

How was she talking to you?

I don't know.

I was scouting you, and then she looked right at me, and we just...

We just started talking and... Actually, never mind. The point is that Kimberly's

a really good person, right? And you're just... Are you allowed to interfere in

the lives of the people that you... I'm trying to show the effect your choices

have. I'm done dicking around with you, pal.

Wow, sugar mouth. Chew up CPM 163.

Not CPM 163. Now. No.

No, essentially.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Rennie. Look what Uncle Clint got you.

Cool. Mom, can I donate it to the Thickhead?

That would be really nice, sweetheart.

There's a bin down in the lobby, okay?

Yeah, give it away.

Glad we wrapped it. It's next to the teddy bear, okay? Have Martha help you.

Well, you're certainly looking brighter than you were before.

Clint, don't.

Of course, he comes back with him.

It's time that I made some arrangements.

Okay, you know, um... Stop it.

I need to ask you a favor.

And it's a doozy.

No, we're not doing this. No.

This is a key moment. Mr. Briggs!

Mr. Briggs!

We got a runner!

We got a runner!

What are you so afraid of?

I'm afraid of you telling her to tank her grades and hurt another kid, and

she's listening to you. I never said this was going to be the easy way. She

wanted to win, and that means you have to play hardball. She has such a good

heart. Señor, señor, por favor, esperanos aquí. Y no.

No, no, no, señor.

Ahí no puedes entrar, señor.

Preach! Mr. Briggs, calm down. We can't let you do something you're going to

regret. No, no, no. I don't understand.

Catch him.

Catch him!

Oh,

God!

That memory in the hospital, that, uh... That's what we call a kicker. It's a key

moment that has to be faced in order to, you know, affect any real change. What

are all these pictures of my executive VP doing up here?

You know, research.

Did you Photoshop yourself into this one?

Did I?

I don't think so.

You did.

Look, um... I may have pushed you into your kicker.

You know.

Before you're really ready for it, and I just want to say, I'm sorry.

Oh, no, I'm sure that you've got to go big if you're trying to redeem an

unredeemable.

Listen, um, that doesn't have to be true, does it?

I really believe you can be a positive force for mankind.

Oh, like you?

How's that going for you?

You've been at this.

200 years?

Is mankind getting any mankinder?

More genial?

United?

Hmm?

Want to know what mankind really is? Read the comments below.

It's who we really are.

And you know what? I accept that.

Because I've got to live in it, pal.

I don't have the luxury of sitting up here and judging everybody like some

kind of cosmic social worker.

Is that what you think I am? Yes, I do.

And we are done here.

What?

What's with the dramatic look?

What are you, do you think I'm going to be all intrigued by what's behind the

door?

Forget it.

Not even a little bit curious?

Actually, no. I'm really not.

Glenn?

Yes?

Glenn! Let's go!

Right now!

Damn it!

You asked if I was ever alive.

Yeah.

What, the kid?

That's you?

Yes?

Mr. Scrooge?

I'm Woodrow, sir.

Then I have nothing for you, boy.

So good afternoon. There's no call for that kind of language, sir.

I said good afternoon.

Shame on you, sir, saying such a thing to a child.

A good afternoon to you, madam.

You're telling me the Dickens story is based on you. What is it? Yeah.

Me and my father work at the mill, the one you just shut down. Yes, and?

The mill is still quite profitable, sir, but a thousand people have been put out

of work, and at a time they ought to be making merry.

Making merry?

Humbug! When your father fails to make his mortgage and I buy your home for a

pittance, that will make me most merry indeed.

Good afternoon!

Okay, yes, you were a huge dick.

Wow.

The only other unredeemable to go through the program.

So I do understand the weight you carry.

Sooner or later,

becomes unbearable.

I don't think she can see us.

Ah, right.

Madam!

Whatever. There we go.

Thank you.

Cheers.

Oh, my God.

That is man pit. Isn't that nice? It's warm.

Almost hot. It's perfect.

So, I just want to fully understand.

You were huge.

The ghost changed you, but you never relapsed. The rest of your life, not one

single humbug ever again.

Rest of my life. How long was it?

The rest of your life, I mean.

Roughly three and a half years.

What? Yeah.

You're kidding.

No. Really? Uh-huh. Yeah.

What finally did it? Like, what got you? Nothing fancy. The leading cause of

death back then? It was January. No!

But how did you even know that you changed? I mean, you know, anybody can

be good for three weeks, right? I mean...

Hey,

why did all those people get offended?

You know, when he said good afternoon.

Oh, well, in the 1800s, good afternoon was a thick burn.

No. Yeah, more or less meant F you.

Really? Extremely graphic.

Why don't you try it?

The butts went out on somebody. I think it'll make you feel better. None of this

is real.

Clint, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I'm fine.

Here you are in a shitty British bar with a frothy little throne upon your

lips. Another pint for me, friend. Extra warm.

Your accent blows.

Well, I beg to differ.

As you're drowning in that ale, you're feeling like a fail. You're sorrier than

soggy fish and chips.

But you don't have to... Sit and pout. Just let your inner Scrooge come out.

Because why should any other jerk enjoy his day?

When you're down in the dumps and need some cheering up.

Turn and pop an apple at the shop and

sweetly say... Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

Well, I never.

Just let one fly and you'll be smiling pretty soon. Like this. Good afternoon.

I think you're pompous. If I get up with a little touch of class, I'll do

little work and totally find a chance.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

I'm sensing no.

Good afternoon.

You've done nothing wrong in too very, very long, and I get it's an important

point of pride.

It's part of my job. Come on, I don't say quiet. You know you want to try it.

Better to never let all of the bitter be bottled up inside.

Oi!

Out of the row, dingus!

Oh, come on, Bob.

Ain't the guy coming.

You know you want to.

Come on.

Come on.

It's right there.

Good afternoon, good afternoon, good afternoon, good afternoon, good

afternoon, good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

He diddled your wife. Good afternoon.

It meant not a thing, I swear upon my life. Good afternoon.

He has the plane.

Good afternoon. He got your horn. Good afternoon.

I'm an orphan, please sir, may I have some more? Good afternoon.

Hello, good afternoon.

Pardon his French. Good afternoon.

Just to floor him with the callum like a Judy bloody dench.

Wait, wait, was that Judy Dench? Oh my God, she's a national treasure.

I love her in everything. I loved her in that chocolate.

Chocolat.

Chocolat.

Thank you.

If you talk, then you can kiss my dick and son!

Kiss it! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Stop.

Oh, what? Stop. No, it's Charles Dickens. It's a funny thing. Yes, thank

you. But there is a baby.

There's a baby.

Madam.

I am so sorry. He should be.

And ma'am.

And nobody is subdued. But give it a man a kick in the afternoon.

I don't think there was nothing to do.

Good afternoon. Good afternoon.

Good afternoon. Good afternoon. Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

Oh,

he's dead.

Yeah, he's dead.

You know all that.

I didn't. I was just following you. You were following me? Yeah.

I messed up in the middle there. Yeah, tap is new for me. It's a very

expressive medium. And they all knew, too. Him.

A word, please.

Right. Just... Okay.

Hear me out. I know what you're going to say.

But I was losing him, okay? And I just thought if he could see that I was an

unredeemable, too. So you thought it might be a fine idea to take him on a

little... Field trip.

Into your own past!

I should have made you take your retirement package when you asked for

it, rather than risk everything on this unredeemable... No, no, no. Of course

not. That's enough. Look, I may not be getting with your program, but it's not

for his lack of trying.

This guy has been busting my balls. Back to bed, Mr. Briggs. Back to bed.

And you, from now on, I want everything on script. Understand?

Jacob, I was just trying... On script.

On crypt.

Okay, okay, okay. On script.

Say it a few more times.

Good afternoon.

Excuse me?

Huh? What was that?

Good afternoon.

It wasn't me.

I heard it too. I don't know what that was.

Hey, Clint, Clint, Clint, Clint.

Hey, Charlie.

What's up? First of all, love the look. Thank you. GQ Santa, what do you want?

Oh, that rumor about artificial Christmas trees off-gassing. Genius.

Thank you. Brilliant. Look at this. It's trending.

Excuse me for a second. I'm going to figure out what the hell that's all

about.

Well, what's all about?

Come in and know me better, man.

What in the hell is this?

I am the ghost of Christmas presents.

Your boss chews you out, now you're going full Dickens on me? Look, I gotta

go buy the book now. Can I have one of these? What did he mean by your

retirement package?

Clint, please.

Why do you want to retire?

I only threaten to retire as leverage to get him to approve you as this year's

perp. Retire to where?

Where does a ghost retire to?

For the last time, Mr. Briggs, this isn't about me.

Now we're back to Mr. Briggs and a perp. You know what? I'm going to get back to

my gas, and you can stay up here in your giant toilet of food. No, no, no, no.

Pretty. Hold on.

All right. If I tell you, will you cut the crap and just come along? Sure.

Sure.

Fine.

You're killing me. Good.

All right.

My retirement package, if I were to choose to collect it, is a gold watch, a

Sephora gift card, and a chance to return to Earth.

and live out the rest of my life as a mortal.

Oh.

And you want that.

You know what I want?

Is for you to shut up and let me do my job.

That's what I want.

Great. Do your job.

Grab my hand. We're doing it? We're doing it. It's going to be quite a ride.

Oh, my God.

Bonnie, remember, the key word is quite a ride. What?

First off, we were just here. Listen, I have a whole department of people who

work very hard on these transitions. Whatever. It doesn't matter. I know

exactly what's going on. Do you? Yes, I do. I mean, I love Clint. He's great. I

consider him a friend.

A friend?

I mean, as much as anyone could be friends with Clint.

I mean, try telling him about your personal life. I feel like it takes for

his eyes to glaze over.

Oh, my God.

Shit was mine. You're talking about Clint?

Yeah. Yeah. He can be a little self-absorbed. But here's the thing that

you guys should understand about Clint. As a kid, he was alone a lot.

And he learned the only person that he could count on was himself.

So, you know, don't be too hard on him. He's good inside.

As you know, he's my big brother.

Oh, wow. Well,

if it isn't the ghost of Christmas present. Kimberly, hey.

Hi. You must be here to haunt Clint.

So she can't see you. Does she know about all of this? No. Not really. I

love your costume, Rudolph.

Oh, thank you.

You look adorable.

Always with a compliment.

Now I'm actually kind of glad I came.

Yeah.

Me too.

I knew it. You let her see you because you're into her. But, I mean, who throws

a work party on Christmas?

Actually, only Clint writes.

It's a power move.

Hey, you guys are shit whispering. Me too. Let's go. Come on. What's next?

Sorry. I was actually on my way out. Yeah.

Okay. I thought we were going to do things by the book.

It's great seeing you, though.

Oh, yeah.

You too.

Okay, just the one tonight.

Wow, I love it.

Yeah, ex-girlfriend. I get it.

Family I could have had.

Honestly, I'm really happy for Nora.

Why didn't you just admit that you let Kimberly see you? I didn't let her see

me. She just... Oh, come on.

I see the way you look at her.

I really think that you want to retire. You don't know me. You don't know you.

You think you're better off than that guy?

Look, you think this will tempt me?

Something cozy?

Something stable?

Stuck on some suburban street with... Is that meatloaf on the table?

See, you'll claim this is my dream, but we both know that's not true.

Well, let's shift the conversation.

Because this dream belongs to you.

You don't have to save the paper. Sure.

Yeah. Or maybe I put the greater common good above my own personal fulfillment.

But you wouldn't understand that, would you? So being human again would be

personally fulfilling for you then.

The story of your life.

A whole new narrative.

The story with the wife and kids you clearly want to live.

You almost had your shot at love until, you know, you died.

But I can help you have it. Be your wingman. Be your guide.

You might rewrite the story of your life.

The one you've been denied.

I can help you with Kimberly. You guys were really vibing back there.

Really? You really think so?

Yes, yes.

Her eyes are so adorable when she laughs.

Wait, I know what you're trying to do. Come on.

That's a firm grip. You're just extraordinary.

You know that? Are we going to Narnia?

Wait,

no, no, no, no. What are you...

Hey. The story of your life.

The dream you dare to chase. Get off the table first. The story of your life.

Watch the pieces all fall into place. You haven't helped a woman touched in so

very... Wow.

Not a duet. Are you five years old? Get down from there. This is the homeless

shelter. They can't be up. I'm trying to help you. I don't want your help. I'm

here to help you.

So stop it and pay attention. Fine.

Whatever. Am I supposed to know this kid? That's Josh Hubbins.

Ren's opponent for student body president. Oh.

Whose life you told your niece to cancel. I sent you a great pic.

You should post it.

Might be a vote getter. Might not be. I don't know.

I don't want people to think I'm only doing this to win the election.

Proud of you, buddy. Uh-huh.

But I think it'd be fine to post it.

See?

He doesn't want to post about it. Maybe he's a good, humble kid who you just...

He posted it with a humble brag.

Shocking. Want to show me some more stuff I'm right about?

It's getting fun again. Quiet.

Hey, you ever just stare in the mirror and think, did this wreath make me look

like a... Okay, no more questions.

I'm just getting started with the...

That's just fun to

watch.

Can you please tell Bonnie or whoever's in charge of transitions that this is

getting ridiculous? Uncle Owen!

Are you okay?

Yeah.

How do you never get better at this? How are you so good at this? We only do it

once a year.

Your brother's such a good man.

Want some cocoa?

Sure. You know I pay for everything, right?

You're gross.

Yeah, he is.

All good?

Looks like Ren's trying to decide whether to take her uncle's advice.

She's probably not even going to post it because she takes after my sister. And

she posted it. You want to see some more things you're wrong about?

You know, I'm happy for her. If you want to make your school a better place,

you're going to have to accept certain uncomfortable truths.

No. No.

Look, this is... This is good.

There's a lesson in there, you know. If you're going to run for office, your

path is fair game.

He posted that when he was in sixth grade, you buttcrack. Look, I... He was

11. I don't want anything to happen to the kid, okay? I'm not a monster.

Look, what about all the people that took the clickbait? What about those

people? This is on them. Yes, yes, good, good, good, good. What's good? This

inner turmoil.

Let that get in you.

No. This is where real change begins.

Can we reach you CPM 163, please? What's CPM 163? No, I know it's very unusual.

Please, we need to go back to Christmas past memory 163. What is that?

Thank you, Bonnie. I don't want to hear about it right now.

Thank you, Patrick.

Stay with me, Clint.

Stay in it.

Oh, come on. Don't do that.

No, it's okay.

I'm here with you. Please don't do that. Come on, man. You can do it.

Come on.

I'm here with you the whole way.

Cool.

Mom, can I donate it to the kids?

That would be really nice, sweetheart.

There's a bin down in the lobby, okay?

Yeah, give it away.

Glad we wrapped it. Next to the teddy bear, okay? Have Martha help you.

Well, you're certainly looking brighter than you were before. Clint, don't.

Before she comes back, listen.

It's time that I made some arrangements.

Okay, you know, um... Stop it. I need to ask you a favor.

And it's a doozy.

When I'm gone.

I'd like you to take Ren.

Okay.

Okay, stop.

You're not going to go anywhere.

You know, even if you did, would you not?

Okay, I'm not the dad type.

I'm really not. You know, I'm crazy busy and I'm, you know, selfish.

Clint, you don't fool me.

I know who you are underneath all of that. That's where you've always been

wrong about me. I really am the selfish.

Bad news, Carrie.

They were out of vegan stuff downstairs, so I just got you a chicken noodle, but

I picked out all the chicken bits, so it should be good. Hey, Owen?

Uh... Our sister has something that she wants to ask you. It's a favor, I think.

If you could just hear it with an open mind and make me proud, okay? Yeah.

Hey, Carrie.

What do you need?

Anything in the whole wide world.

We're family.

I'll do anything for you.

Thank you.

Hey.

I know that wasn't easy.

But your face did not took guts.

I'm proud of you. Come here.

Either.

That's enough. I need to get ectoplasm all over me. All right.

Your final go will be right with you.

Now, do a little imposing.

It doesn't say much.

Mostly points and stuff. Wait, wait, wait. Colt, that's it? You're leaving?

Well, yeah.

My part of the haunt is over.

But don't worry.

You're going to do great.

No, no, no.

No? Hold on. You don't get to make me relive the worst moment of my life and

then just F-O. What about you?

I faced my kicker. Now it's your turn. Clint, how many times do I have to tell

you? It's not about me.

Oh. Oh, well then, good afternoon. Uh-uh. Oh, no. You know I find that

triggering. You take that down a notch. Who are you to tell anyone how to live

their life when you're busy running away from your own?

All right.

No, no, that'll do. Not another word. Let's get you back to the office.

There's no shame in admitting you're afraid.

Oh, yeah?

What is it I'm so afraid of? You're afraid of that one question.

What's he on about?

I don't... I have no idea.

Sure you do.

It's the question that keeps you up at night.

Keeps you working here year after year after year when you could be alive

again.

No, no, no. There is no call to singing. Now, come on. It doesn't matter how many

people you change. No matter how much good you do, you still don't know the

answer.

The answer to what?

Am I forever unredeemable?

Why, that's preposterous. You were redeemed. I was there. But can I ever

overcome all the wrongs I'm running from? That was all so long ago.

You've more than made up for all that by now. Can my worst be left behind?

And do I deserve to find there's a soul?

Who could see any good in me?

Or will I only ever be

unredeemable?

There's only one way to find out, boys.

He takes his retirement right now. All right, that's enough. Back to bed.

I spent every waking minute taking all that I could take.

Never stopped to reckon with the ruin in my wake.

With all the bridges that I burned, the wounds I didn't bend, all the worth I

thought I earned, it turned worthless in the end. Uh, what's going on?

What was it for?

Well, is it possible I'm meant for something more?

Am I forever unredeemable?

Can I be a man who breaks from a lifetime of mistakes?

Can my worth be left behind?

And do I deserve to find the kind of love that I can lean on every day?

Will I learn I have to stay Unredeemable

Listen well, Ebenezer.

Unredeemable You will be visited by three

spirits.

You're wasting your time, Jacob.

Are you sure?

Come on big guy.

To try That's how I'll know Know if I

Am forever Unredeemable Unredeemable

If I'll ever be someone Who makes up for all they've done Who

is all I ever Unlovable Unlovable Am I someone Someone can forgive

Can I take

I think so. You're warm.

What's wrong?

Itch. What?

Itch. I got it. Can you bite?

Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah. All right. To the right? To the right? Yep. I hate a

burlap. Can you get into my sleeping gown? No. God, I would rather not.

Please. Please, I beg of you. Oh, yeah.

There we go. Oh, that's terrific.

That's it. Oh, mommy.

Woo. Okay.

That feels so good. Yep. I forgot what it's like to scratch an itch. I forgot

what it was like to feel this way about my hand. Oh, thank you.

Oh,

why am I so heavy?

Gravity. Oh, my.

You have, uh... Indoor plumbing.

Careful. This is amazing!

I have always wondered what this would be like, and it does not disappoint.

Hey,

what's a conditioner?

Well, you want to use that on your head.

Your clothes are really too tight on me. I feel silly. No, you look fine. Come

on. Hey, look at this guy.

Whoa. A jacket?

Black? A little pocket square? Hey, put that back, please. Thank you. He can...

He can see me. Yes, he can. You can see me. Yeah, very well. I can see you.

You're going to want to get used to that.

Really, you are.

Everyone can see me? Yes.

Hello, you can see me.

You know you're going to want to get used to that, too. Man, are you okay?

I think so.

Yeah.

She looks stupid.

You look stupid.

No, no, no. Hey, Dave, back off. Okay, will you please just get it together?

There she is. Oh, no. Okay, you know what? Here's the thing.

Let's just put a pin in it, okay?

I don't know what to say to her.

What do you mean? You were doing great before. Just do more of that.

Yeah, but that's when she was a fantasy.

And now she's real.

Are you going to screw it up?

I think I made a big mistake, okay?

I'm not ready for any of this. I used way too much water in the shower.

I mean, is that who I am here? The guy who hogs all the hot water? Hey, hey,

check it out. What?

That was fantastic. Yeah, get it together.

Enough with the buyer's remorse.

Hey, you made the right decision.

Don't think.

Deep breath.

Go get her. Now, before she gets away. Trust me.

I will slap your head off. I'll go talk to her. I will. I will. I promise.

The next ghost?

The future's always in flux. I don't know what you're going to see, but just

hear the guy out.

Right? I mean, you asked me why I chose you. I know why you did, because I can

be a positive force for mankind or whatever.

No. Well, yes, at first.

But then when I found out you were unredeemable, like me, I thought...

If I can change this guy, maybe there's hope for me too.

Kimberly?

Hey, you're back and in a boldly tight suit.

Yeah, it is a little snug.

No, I like it.

It's kind of a Euro fit, and I like it on you. Yeah, yeah, it is a Euro fit

because I buy all my clothes in Germany.

Oh. Yeah. I can see.

I'm sorry, but would you want to go somewhere and maybe, I

don't know.

You don't even have to answer. Yeah.

I would love to. Oh, great. Really? Totally. I love somewhere.

Me too. Oh, my gosh. What?

What is it?

An itch?

Here, let me help you.

Here, right there? Yeah. That's a choice.

Oh, that is heaven on a stick.

Oh, there's a place called Heaven on a Stick. It serves corn dogs, but I

mean... It's food, right? It's delicious.

Hey, Sydney.

Hey, Clint.

How you doing?

Hey, Kristen.

Hey, Kristen.

Hey, Stuart.

This is beautiful.

So, you just...

decided one day that you're going to quit your job, leave it all behind, and

move here?

Well, every year I'd say, it's time to move on.

And then every year I chose to stay.

And our choices make us who we are, don't they?

Yeah.

Yes, they do.

So this year, I chose something else.

Honestly, I'm worried I made a huge mistake, but then if I hadn't...

I wouldn't be here with you.

Is that okay?

The city is sparkling

with twinkling lights.

It's one of those magic Manhattan nights.

Can't tell what comes next. He's sure taking it slow.

But he's holding my hand and he's not letting go.

He's goofy, he's tall, he's got a good heart, but I don't want to fall and have

it all fall apart. I look in his eyes and they keep saying Lee, and the net

will appear.

So why not dive in, cause a brand new beginning feels long overdue.

That's the view from here.

That's the view.

From here.

They said it's supposed to snow tonight.

Really? Doesn't feel cold enough.

Not cold at all.

How wet are my armpits? How red is my face? When I used to date, holding hands

was third base.

I think there's a spark.

Could this thing become real? Could it possibly be that she might feel like I

feel?

This woman's as kind as a human could be. So why would she wind up with

someone like me? And what if we find out in time maybe I'm that same jerk like I

fear?

Because the man that I see could so easily be just a Scrooge deja vu.

That's the view from here.

That's the view.

from here

maybe

I

haven't lost sight of what's right cause tonight it's so perfectly clear

Somehow I'd be who I could be just being with you.

That's the view from here.

That's the view from here.

I don't really buy all my clothes in Germany.

All in favor?

The motion is carried.

Well, this is great.

She did it. She looks presidential up here. Let her go with her little gavel.

Next order of business is that all student fundraising will be overseen by

an... will be overseen by an independent...

What's going on?

What do you think?

What's this supposed to be?

Wait.

What are you telling me, a kid?

Because of a little online dust-up?

How was I supposed to know that he would do something like this?

Wait a minute. Hold on. These are just shadows of things to come. These haven't

actually happened yet. I'm not going to turn my life upside down for you people,

but this is an easy one. I can fix this.

Let's just cut the tour short, all right?

You don't speak? You just pointed things?

Why don't you point to the way out? Is that it right there?

Old me.

I don't want to know. I don't want to know.

Come on.

Ah!

Yeah.

Yeah. I've seen the movies. I know this route.

Yeah. Here it is.

Right here.

93? I got him. Yeah, he jumped ahead to YTC 407. Pretty sure he was looking for

me. Sorry about that. Hey, it's you.

Listen, can you please help me get the hell out of here? Don't get all clingy,

okay? I'm at work right now. I knew you'd get too attached. I knew this...

Here he is. Hey, over here.

You good?

Yes, dude.

I see it. It's so disturbing. I'm so sad. Are we done? Can I go?

You all right? Are you trying to talk?

Oh, it's so sad. Look what you've driven him to.

Oh, my God, you did it.

That's what he sounds like.

You made my best friend quit. Yeah.

No, no, I did not. That was his choice.

And frankly, I'm proud of him. That's why I'm going to kick your ass.

What time is it?

4.15.

4.15. Good. Thank God.

There's still time. I've got to find my phone.

Where's my phone? Hey, I think I have moderate to severe Crohn's disease.

No, you don't. Stop watching that.

You look like hell.

I know.

It's just that... Wait.

Did you see your future?

Did it change you? No. No. There's just one little... One little wrinkle I need

to iron out. Where the hell is my phone?

You mean this phone?

No, I... No, I don't know her number like I know anyone's number.

It's 12 blocks.

Wait, what's going on? What do you see?

Nothing, nothing.

I just think it's better if Ren doesn't post the video, that's all. Well, what

happens if she posts it? Something bad?

What? What did you see?

Oh, God.

That's still kind of thrilling.

Clint, Clint, wait, wait up. You don't have to come.

You seem very passionate. Are you sure you haven't changed?

No, I didn't. Will you quit asking me that?

Clank, please, slow down.

Oh, boy.

Did your head make that clang?

That was so loud.

That's got to be a concussion.

No, no, no. Okay, here we go.

All right, easy, easy. Oh, are we going back up? Did you forget something?

No, okay.

Oh, no.

All right.

Sir, can we please speed it up a little? Thank you.

going on did you see something in your future that's no big deal i um hey how

did i go with kimberly terrible we walked all over manhattan and talked and

connected and we even kissed on the lips how is

this that sounds amazing it was she is she doesn't know who i am oh my god will

you quit with the unredeemable crap We just haven't dated in a few hundred

years. Driver!

This is a matter of life and death here. Can we kick it in the ass? Got it!

Life and death? I thought you said it was no big deal.

Hey, good afternoon, gentlemen.

You want a cool wise-ass? No, I...

You know, when they were doing My Future, there was this little sick kid.

What did they call him? Tiny Tim. No. No, no, no. Sweet kid. One crutch. No.

Little Larry.

No. Tiny Tim. Pretty sure it was Little Larry.

Anyway. Pretty sure it was Tiny Tim. In My Future, Little Larry was dead. Little

Larry wasn't dead. Little Larry was mine. I was just too stingy. It was Tiny

Tim! You killed Tiny Tim.

Okay?

Micro Michael. Super small Steve. Holy shit.

I like Tiny.

Oh. Teensy Tim. Wait. Ipsy Wipsy Isaac.

Here you go. Merry Christmas.

Where is she? Come on.

Ready.

Ready?

There.

Uncle Owen. Are you okay?

How do you never get better at this? She posted right after he fell.

You should post it. Might be a vote getter.

I need to talk to Ren. Wait, wait, wait, before you talk to her. It's important.

Oh, right, and a concussion.

Clint, come on, she's toasting.

Come on.

No.

Oh, Kimberly, you have no idea what you've just done. I did what I should

have done the minute you asked me to dig up dirt on a child.

I told Ren that her choice didn't make her who she is.

You know what?

So do mine.

Because a decent and honest young woman, well, she's still part of me.

It's taken me years, but I finally quit.

There's a line you can't cross.

And guess what? This is it. Hypno-clint. I haven't lost sight of what's right.

I'm sorry to interrupt because you are killing it right now, but did Ren post

the video or not?

No, I didn't.

I'm sorry. Are you mad? Hold it. You didn't post it?

No. She didn't post it.

It's just good like your mom.

I don't do hugging very well. Screw it. Come here, Kimberly.

Oh, thank you. You have no idea the good that you've done.

Oh, great. Are we doing hug? Hold on. Let me get this out first, okay? Look, I

know I don't say this enough.

And you don't have to pay it back.

I love you, too.

That's it.

That's what I was going to say.

Bring it in. Yeah. Okay.

Okay.

You win the hug. Good stuff. That was fun. Oh, boy. That's a relief.

Okay. Get ready.

Get ready, because something very special is about to happen. Just hang

on. No, no, you guys won't be able to see it. Only he can see it. I wish you

could see it. That would be amazing.

You know what? Just excuse us for just one second. Love it.

Love it. Hey, what is going on? I don't know. I don't know why this isn't

happening. I mean, you changed.

They're supposed to be singing. It's the big climax.

Marley! I told you I didn't change.

Marley! I just took back one dick move.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You were about to prove that unredeemables really

can change.

You rushed down here to help a kid.

You told your brother that you loved him. I love you so hard, man.

If you say it too much, it loses its... Why isn't this happening?

Come on. Probably because I'm going to go back to work next week, and I'm going

to keep doing what I do.

I'll feel guilty for a couple of days, but then I'll rationalize it.

I'm really good at that.

I have a talent for it.

I'm sorry, but it felt like I wasn't above board about all this.

Roberto! He's having a weird day, all right? I'm going to go get him. We'll

rent some skates and stuff, and we'll have a good time.

Right back.

You do know I quit, right?

Hey, where are you going?

I got to go back.

Back? Can you even go back?

Clint, just let me go. You don't want to be around for this. What do you mean by

that? Hey, hey, hey, hold on a second. What are you going to do? Are you crazy?

It's still Christmas. There's still time.

I'll go back and we'll figure something out and you'll change.

People don't change.

This isn't about me anymore. This is about you.

Running away from your life again.

All right? Look, you're here. You're human. Hey, besides, I thought that... I

thought that we were really becoming... Becoming what? I thought we were

becoming, you know... Thrones?

Yeah. I was going to say friends, but... Rose.

Yeah. I just, uh... Look, if you're not feeling that... No, no, no, I am.

I mean, I didn't want to assume or make it weird.

Not weird.

Yeah, I...

I feel it. A lot.

Never had a bro.

Well, you got one now.

Your bro is telling you to calm down and come go ice skating with your new

girlfriend.

She thinks I'm good.

Maybe you are.

Oh, so now people do change?

No, I don't know.

I don't know. Maybe there's no magical quick fix.

Maybe you've got to put in the work. You ever think about that?

Wake up each day. Get out of bed and decide.

How about today? I don't wish anyone a good afternoon.

What did you do?

I don't know.

Yes, see?

This is what I was talking about!

Woo! No, no, wait, whoa, no!

Wait, no, really? You got it all wrong?

I was just... No, no, no, no, no, no.

You just jumped in front of a bus to save someone you care about.

My bro.

Your bro.

It's a reflex.

Did I?

Are you sure?

We've been doing this a long time, Mr. Brinks.

We're quite sure.

Okay, then. Let's get some chili.

Yes!

We're doing another one. Is that entirely necessary?

No, it's fine. Go ahead.

Okay, go ahead. I used to think that I was sure of what made people tick.

You strip them down right to their core and find a self-centered prick.

I thought when the push came to the shove, I knew just what I'd do. I'd put

me before you.

But you didn't. Yes, I didn't. You can be a cynic and a sinner who can only

see the floor.

But even if you lost your way, you don't have to say the lost cause.

So can we do a little good?

Maybe get a little more.

Work a little harder than we did the day before.

It only takes a little good.

And some doing what you can.

Taking every chance to make the choice to be a better man.

So do a little good.

Well, I have spent each Christmas day obsessed with wrong and right. You

thought change could only work one way. It had to happen in one night.

But now you know. Oh, now you know. The line of good and bad is not so clean.

And what we are is something in between.

It's an everyday decision.

Two steps forward, one step back. But if you try to do what's right, you're on

the right track.

So try to do a little good.

Maybe give a little more.

Work a little harder than you did the day before.

Work a little harder. Get a little good.

And keep doing what you can.

So do a little good.

Hey! Just a little. Just a little. Just a little. Can't keep there's no magic

wand.

Can't keep there's no switch to blimp.

To help your fellow man Yeah And whether it's Christmas Day Or a random

day in May You're gonna want a day That you tried but

that you could And a little is enough

Why is everyone standing around?

Want to do some CPR or something? Why are they just standing there?

That's a little beyond CPR, I think.

I mean, I'm not even sure what's left to blow into.

We were just singing and dancing.

We just became bros.

No, I understand. I do.

But your sacrifice would have no meaning if it had no consequence.

Okay.

Okay, I get that.

But this ending sucks.

It's not the end, Clint.

I'm so proud of you.

It's okay.

Don't care.

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

I have Margie and research at a meeting with Morality to go over this business

with the Prime Minister, and I want all new heartstrings by end of day. You got

it, Captain. Let's get after it.

Hey, yo, Chief, I'm going to the food truck. You want a street taco? Yes,

please, and thank you, buddy. No doubt.

Excuse me, Clint, what is all this? Which one of these cares perp? Well,

they all are. You're not reading my memos, are you? We're expanding, Jake.

Goes to Ramadan Pass, goes to Hanukkah. You have to come. It's a whole thing.

You're going to love it. We don't have the personnel for all this. Oh, we're

meeting later about the ongoing self-care program. I'd love you to stop

by. Yes.

All right. Good. I'll stop by. Okay. I look forward to it. Nice to see you, big

sister. Oh, hey, Clint.

And then... Ooh.

What you working on? This profile is driving me nuts. I just can't find a

heartstring we can grab onto. Mind if I take a peek?

Believe.

Don't use it as an excuse to come home late tonight.

Well, that hurt.

I will be early.

Kim,

this place looks amazing.

Clint, you know I can't see you. Can you?

Oh, I always forget.

Hi.

Nice to see you. Nice to see you.

Well, come on in. He's out back with the kids. Is it ready yet? Is it ready yet?

It's not ready yet, but I can't build it if I keep dropping the damn screws in

the ground.

Hey, Ronnie.

Ronnie, put that down.

Ronnie! Ronald J.

Fishman Pratt! Put it down!

Okay. I was back.

Sorry, kids. I didn't mean to shout.

Come on.

Bring it in.

Come on. Bring it in. Bring it in. Bring it in. That never gets old. Okay. Hey,

he still comes out from time to time. That's okay. Hey, I'm sorry to barge in.

I'm in a little trouble with this file. Do you mind putting your eyes on it?

No, not at all. Okay. Yeah? Yeah. Great. Thanks. Sure.

Ronnie! There's a bathroom inside!

See that Rennie got into the master's program at Stanford?

Oh, yeah.

Owen texted me as soon as she got in. I'm sure proud of that kid.

Told you. The perp is a tough nut to crack, isn't she? Yeah. But wait. Look.

Look right there. See that tiny flutter in her exposure?

Butterfly. Butterfly. She was in love.

No.

Come on. Yeah. We've looked everywhere.

Well, you didn't look there. With who? In her early 20s. I don't know. We have

to find out with who.

With who? With whom?

Right. With whom? Yeah. With whom? I think that sounds educated.

Sure.

I hear that.

I do, too.

Oh, it's a reprise? It's a reprise.

Is it reprise? It's reprise.

It's reprise.

You wait for the day, you prep for a year, and when the big day is finally

here, you take a jerk and work to turn him around.

You show them their life and you hope for the switch, and when it goes off

without a hitch, this Christmas train is party time!

A party!

We're getting with the holiday goodwill queen, cause helping out is sweeter than

eggnog cream. We might be dead, but we're living that cool time dream.

We're going on Christmas morning feeling, is there a more...

What day is Mary? Is Mary not the fairy?

We're changing all mankind.

We planted the seeds of joy and blooming.

Now we got one left hateful human.

We're doing the world a world of good. Putting some nice into the neighborhood.

Playing our part.

Changing hearts.

I saw you. You did? Yeah. That's why you want to clear your browser history.

Every day I wake up with a single dream running through my head. Look, I have

another meeting I'm actually late for. Throw a tiny stone into a mighty stream

and watch the ripples as they spread.

Well, we fall in line, follow every rule.

But is that something we should really take pride in? Because we're treading

water in the kiddie pool.

When there are oceans we could turn the tide in.

If you want to make a ripple.

If you want to make a way.

Playing safe and thinking small doesn't move the ball at all. There's humanity

to save.

Can we really make a ripple?

With our feet up while we float. Too afraid to rock the boat.

If we never test the waters, we'll never know just how far the ripples go.

Do you want to make a ripple, ripple, ripple?

I think you want to make a ripple, ripple, ripple.

Consider the consequences.

Consider the possibilities.

Now, if we choose this, do one goes to two, then four, and then it jumps from

four to eight.

you guys, it multiplies to thousands more.

You hear it reverberate to millions and to billions, and it

never ends.

All across the world, the change is gaining some traction, reaching other

planets, maybe aliens. From one land, we began a chain reactor.

We'll be right back.

Unredeemable. Can we just risk it all and find a way?

Can we accomplish the impossible?

Well, it's impossible to say.

But I have to believe inside the words of us, there is some decency there.

I know that we can achieve something miraculous if we go the day.

I am right, I say.

If we want to make some people, we'll put out the name for one million.

And let's cry some bigger things.

Forget that, get out from me. Cause you gotta be the best.

Okay, Mr. Ray Madison, elevators are right down the hall, and here's the key

card to your suite.

Hang on.

Don't look left. Eyes on me. There's a problem, and I will address it

immediately. Do not look left.

Oh, I'm going to murder a man in the Grand Lobby.

Hmm?