Original subtitles

Watch The Vampire Lestat after dark on AMC+ or wherever you get your podcasts.

More deaths than births. It's happening, Daniel.

Great conversion. It's real.

Your music speaks to them. They long for communion.

You know the one putting the show together? 50,000 of us.

They're coming from all over the world.

Find someone else to swim over.

He's the one coming around here doing all this with me.

I look like her. I look just like her, don't I?

We eat your soul at the long table.

If it was just the two of us again, it could be nice.

Thank you.

You'd be a head mounted above a coven toilet if it weren't for me.

You assume death at decapitation.

You're a good shadow. I'm the last line.

I'm the past and the future, the last and the sutures, the cool and dead.

Where the rock and roll is. Where the good time.

Where the heart of me love and the face of the love. Where the stupid rain.

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

All fall down, burn the ground.

All fall down, burn the...

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

You are listening to The Failures.

Album 57, side A.

Could be nice, says Louis.

Could be, I say.

And our hands touch.

I am staring at Alex in his plastic Dracula mask.

And then I think, why is he here?

And then the world pivots.

And I see stars in the sky.

Boots upside down.

My blood.

A half-painted moon.

And then I'm dreaming.

I'm walking a path.

I am listening to hidden birds in a forest.

And transcribing their chatter into music on paper.

It's the same dream I've been having since I finished the album and faked my death.

Except, now I'm hungry.

And it's daylight all around.

And as I'm a vampire confirmed by the glass nails on my fingers.

I should be burning.

But I'm not.

The birds' music becomes repetitive.

And then the forest grows quiet.

No birds singing.

I am left with my hunger.

A feeling like my stomach is eroding from the inside.

And then, as if the forest has heard my thoughts.

A murder of waders carrying silver dome trays take over my path.

Come now, Lestat.

No falling behind.

And I follow my hunger into the wood.

And I begin to hear sounds of a city.

And that little song they play for the blind at crosswalks throughout Montréal carries my hunger to the table of my youth.

Where my selves sit with the abbot of Hortlois instructing from my father's chair.

Unselfless us with his love.

The hood limits our view and cuts out the world.

So we gaze ahead towards God.

And the length of our habit trips us up and gets in our goddamn way.

Lestat.

Lestat.

Lestat.

Have a seat, Lestat.

There's seven waiters and only four of us.

Have a seat.

Have a seat.

Seat.

Seat.

Seat.

Seat.

Seat.

Seat.

Seat.

Seat.

Seat.

Seat.

The lights come out of your blue eyes.

As if all the summer days are gone.

Course 107.

The soul.

Course 107.

The soul.

The soul.

I have been enduring intense conversations with myself in the three years since our companionship ended.

And as part of that journey, I wish to say something from the deepest regions of my soul.

Oh.

Two grievous lies.

Gross betrayals.

The first is a well-trod pit of hot coves I blistered my feet on for 77 years. I chose my coven over you. Lured you into a production of a play in which your death would act as the grotesque climax. The coven was twisting my arm but...

Oh.

I took aesthetic pleasure making your death visually exhilarating. All of which was made worse by our heady love making throughout this period of betrayal and the second, I shamefully took credit when Lestat saved me.

Where am I?

Where am I?

Where that lie bound you to me and it lay like a corpse in the boiler room of our companionship. Many times I told myself the lie did not matter because what we had built, a love that served as a bunker against time was weightier and more consequential than the lie but it wasn't true.

Can't.

The lie did matter.

Because the corpse was there calling forth the flies. Can't move my body. And as for the many boys you drugged, drained and laid to die. Feigned resentment when in fact I welcomed your strain because your guilt in their aftermath bound you to me all the more tightly and allowed me my...

Hours of observation with Daniel. I told you I loved you but did I? Did I? Or was it a clinging to the underside of anyone who would help me survive? And when I look back on who I've deceived, how I've deceived, how easy it was for me to lead a cult for 400 years, to burn a ritual, any who broke the archaic laws we lived by. I... I think I might be a... a room without walls.

A room without walls. Floors, a ceiling. An infinite nothing. Also yes. I put the Fred Steins in your photo collection just to fuck with your head. And that is my full and heartfelt amends. Now. It's your turn.

I am the chair. The maker. The vampire Magnus. Fledgelings, state your names for the record. The vampire Nicolas de l'Enfant. The vampire Louis de Poit du Lac. The vampire Gabriella Veitche. The vampire Antoinette Brown. The vampire Tissi.

Now, where's Claudia?

She said all she needs to say to you is what she said.

Her actual words were, "Fuck him, fuck y'all, go burn like that dumb nine-finger bitch Antoinette."

Antoinette? Hello?

Don't know Antoinette. Hello, mate.

Restrain yourself, Ms. Brown.

So... I'm dead.

This is death? My father's ugly table in your shitty tower?

Dying. This is you dying.

This is the reminiscence, the deliberation and mastication of the early risings and nightly failures of the vampire.

How?

How is not his name. His name is Lestat.

How did I die?

I'm a type of Lestat.

Dying. Not yet to death.

Wasting time.

Much like you've wasted your lives.

Could be nice.

Could be. Hands touch.

Second time's the charm.

Keep typing, Ms. Brown.

So you're all... here to judge me.

We are the failure finders. Judgment comes from God, Satan, the simulation. We don't know. No one ever tells us. And yet here we are on course number 205.

No!

This is a dream. I am not here. You are here. And also in a bowling ball bag walking west on Avenue Van Horn.

A bowling bag.

And also lying on a sideboard in the back room of a butcher shop.

It's November 1st.

It's November 1st.

All saints day. A sad day morning.

Which means we won't be disturbed as it's an observant. Butchery. And it's their Shabbos. All the shops along this avenue are closed.

And anyone who might possibly think of coming to your rescue is asleep. Or otherwise engaged.

Was hoping time and perspective would have made you eager to repent.

Don't care.

My blunder. I haven't properly laid out your predicament.

This is your sundered head. And this is your petulant body. And this is the glorious air between.

On which the two of you still manage to communicate a good two hours and twelve minutes since uncoupling.

I don't care.

If you weren't Lestat's progeny this would not be happening. You would be dead.

Which is why this is being life cast to a very important room gathered in Budapest.

You are special, Dewey.

Free.

Yes. Our former doctor. Back in research where he thrives. Studying us. Analyzing us.

But was he doing that all along? Hmm? In Dubai? I see you free. In the Stats bus? I don't care.

He will say he was not here. And if you reconsider your amends and survive, you most probably won't remember him. Or this.

Don't print the obituary just yet. Getting some much needed rest before the big concert, aren't we?

I backdoored myself into his band. Enjoyed ruining. For the sake of ruining.

No.

Where is his head? Where is his head?

It's with my companion.

Snuck out before the wife woke up, did you?

Told me to take my head as far away from her body as I could.

Well, never questioned the boss. What size shoe?

Ten and a half.

I think you know you've wronged me.

And I think you know the specific ways in which you've done it.

Don't care.

Yes, you seem to be caught on that sentiment.

Regrettably, your maker's body has not induced you to own it.

So, one additional motivation.

We broke in yesterday afternoon, glamoured a kindly brisket-carving butcher early home to Shabbos.

We owe him new knives and a deep clean.

You may own the night, Louis, but you're as kosher as clams, Casino.

Also, we brought her.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

She didn't know.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Setting aside opinions of the Coven Master in place, his destruction of the Children of Darkness was...

Impulsive.

Reckless.

Overdue.

Thank you.

The abandonment of the Paris Coven.

Selfish.

Cowardly.

Generous to a fault.

I did what my maker showed me.

Throw money at the problem and run away.

Magnus gifted you immortality.

Magnus gifted you boundless lucre.

Magnus speaks in the third person when he's on the back foot.

The scheduling mistad gave meaning to his players and absconded with it when he ran.

A failure of leadership.

The plays ran for a century and a half.

That's longer than wicked.

Course 214.

The soul.

Why is he the chair?

I am your maker!

I knew you for a week!

What do you know of me?

Ask for a wolf killer and you shall love forever.

I refused!

Consent is a twentieth century concern.

Showed me a coffin, some money, told me to scatter his ashes, and then he lit himself on fire!

Dancing as he burned!

I have two makers!

Ah!

You want her?

You want mommy in the chair?

Yes.

Failure continues in the astral plane.

Miss Brown.

Please note for the record, a change in the chairmanship.

Miss Brown, the next item on the agenda.

Okay, getting our bearings back.

Good.

A pettigreed vampire, as you know, he can endure a great deal.

How are his vitals for it?

Not good.

I ask about your vitals, Louis, because I don't think it's landed yet.

Who sits before you?

She's a part of us.

Please!

I don't want to die.

No, he doesn't want you to die.

But let's see if that holds.

You two met by chance, yes?

The merciful universe acknowledging your need to grieve and her need for saving.

Or was she conceived the instant you hurled me into

the supporting wall of our Dubai penthouse?

Brought to life when I used an old photo of Claudia in her Babylou blues and facial recognition

software on my iPad to find a seven out of ten in Berlin, an eight and a half in Tunis, or

this.

Zone two girly with a grifter's resume.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

And she would walk up and say, best thing to do with our burgers, let it cool till the grease is all soaked, bread's all wet.

He got, he was in my head, but he wasn't there.

I would say, endear yourself to him, and she'd say, had a few mud hopes for New York, but so far it's been like six flatmates, one toilet, and it's like,

do I want to take my tampon out in front of the podcast? I've been with her since Tuesday.

And you'd say, but you caught me at a lonely hour, and I don't want to put this on you.

And I'd say, he's tender. Back off.

She knew better.

Sure you do. Right there, in your jaw.

What is that? I remind you of your sis.

And then I knew she had you.

And her mastery allowed me to drop in and out.

I was in other business with Lestat, with Daniel.

I'm sorry, Lou.

All to say, there has been extraordinary effort put forth towards this reunion.

What have I got done to us?

They just killed me.

No, no. You're going to make your amends so we can both get on with our lives.

Or I'm going to lob her head off with this same blade I did yours,

and sew your head onto her body.

Lestat, Lestat, Lestat, Lestat, Lestat, Lestat, Lestat.

You took one look at me, had me all figured out.

Yeah, question mark?

Smarter than me? Maybe.

Better looking than me?

I'll give you that.

More talented?

Hmm.

You go do what I did with my life.

You go knock down those doors.

You go get some.

Oh, that's right.

You're in a rock band.

Wow. Big dick deal.

He gave me the gift rather than tell me he loved me.

I begged him to say it.

Say, Nicky, I will never love you the way that you love me.

Gotta say that. I shit him all up in the air if you want it to stick.

He told you he loved you a thousand times.

Ten thousand.

I'm going to follow my transformational trauma

and find myself in my day-walking yaoi-manther phase.

There's a hole in your roof.

I only give a shit about Dan.

Thought you were better than me, didn't you?

Gave me a little camera crew,

a laminated backstage pass,

and then you laughed in my face

and jerked off on my lens.

Well, look at you now,

spending your last hours in a fucking bowling bag

listening to Wheelchair Jimmy.

Blow me.

There is a lot coming at you, Mon Cher.

Just remember, you are the only one

who can control the volume.

Oh, you.

What are you doing here?

Armand tell you to meet me?

Oh, yeah.

He's in there.

It's in there.

Lestat's mom made you, yeah?

She give you the autism gift?

You bowl?

I'm a lot of bad things,

but I'm not like...

No, I told Farid.

Waiting.

I wouldn't have done it

had I known he was full feed.

He's going to cut you up like he done.

I was in the grip of it.

I couldn't get myself out.

Farid assured me it would work.

Pop it back on,

let the blood do its magic.

On a work visa.

Not sure it would work on a mortal,

but this is how progress is made.

Trial and error.

Trouble is weird.

He's a vampire.

Going to end up on a grippy sock holiday.

I listened in on her seance last night.

I think Claudia would approve

of this scientific risk.

We ain't coming out of this.

We're going to die.

They're going to sell us enough tape

and we don't give it to them.

You shut us both out.

You know, I've known for some time,

Claudia was the aperture through which I could rip his innards out.

I understood his obsession for forgiveness.

I lived it with him.

He was my Claudia.

But I wasted a near century.

And that is not nothing that deserves amends.

You said to the head on the skewer.

Do you think I'm bluffing?

Tell me your name again.

Nelson.

Nelson, Nelson.

Nelson here is one of my followers.

Pick up that knife.

I have about a hundred of them now, Nelson.

Rest.

Nelson thinks he was here to stop the great conversion, to return to the five laws.

I needed him to stuff your head in a cooler and drive me here.

Rest.

I liked you, Louis.

You've messed up.

I liked you.

Please.

I don't want to die.

Ava.

Ava.

You've failed to fill the Rhine Center of Kingston, Rhode Island.

Van Gogh sold one painting in his life at times.

Thank you, mother.

Lover.

An intransigent crypt keeper in the hokiest light imaginable.

Billboard magazine.

If this is the mind, heart, liver of someone looking down the barrel of immortality, then kill me now.

The needle drop.

A cross between a self-absorbed rival plant impersonator and an '80s hot dog embalmed with hair gel.

Only the drummer escapes a lie.

What?

Stereo gum.

You saw me fronted in Toronto when you were in Detroit and I killed it both nights.

Yes, but we did not see you at Potawatomi's in Fort Wayne, Indiana.

Turn to page three. Measure 95.

State your name for the record.

Marco Piemontesi.

You were murdered by the Vampire Lestat after a performance of Don Pasquale.

And him.

As an expert in your field.

As an unwitting meal of the Vampire Lestat.

And him.

Walk us through the May 5th, 2025 performance of...

Waiter.

...when I call out your name.

Already behind.

You should be anticipating the beat.

And now we are rushing.

My, my.

And a swallow like consonants.

Death.

You can learn something from your Italian mother.

Grazie a bit.

Always disappear when she is the champ.

Miss Brown, your return is coming.

Keep typing.

Flat.

Again.

Flat.

Screaming like a witch at the stake.

The hand of your devil's juice catching fire.

Mama.

Mama.

Mama.

Mama.

Mama.

Mama.

Mama.

Mama.

Mama.

Mama.

Come now.

Come now, Lestat.

No falling behind.

Come now, Lestat.

No falling behind.

Come now, Lestat.

No falling behind.

Come now, Lestat.

No falling behind.

The Lord is a chalice.

The Lord is a chalice and a vengeance.

The Lord is a chalice and a vengeance.

The Lord is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a chalice and a vengeance.

He is a vengeance and he is a vengeance.

He takes vengeance on his adversaries and keeps wrath for his enemies.

The Lord is slow to anger but great in power.

Why did you take me there?

His way is the whirlwind and the storm.

The clouds are the dust at his feet.

Why did you take me there?

I wanted you to see who they were.

He rebukes the sea and makes it drown.

You say we are the witches?

You are the witches!

You are all the witches!

You are the witches!

You are the witches!

You are the witches!

You are...

You are...

Who can stand before his indignation?

Who can endure the heat of his anger?

His wrath is poured out like fire!

No one who conceals transgressions will prosper.

But one who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.

They have confessed!

This!

Even the Marquis stayed home.

I wanted you to escape Auvergne.

He himself!

He himself!

Marguerite Doré!

Ceased her prayers!

Adored the devil in ceremony!

Putrid throat she caused in her father through spells!

The father favored the daughter.

The mother mixed death-capped mushrooms in his castle.

Jean Bourdin!

Jean Bourdin!

Ceased her prayers!

Spayed!

By our schoolmaster!

Swallowing!

The schoolmaster cleans up his transgressions most cowardly.

Black mass in the breaks between!

And the twin witches!

Marthe and Aime Roulet!

Nine years each!

Aime Roulet!

She used to play in our home.

Run from this place.

A bag of gunpowder tied around her neck so she could burn hot.

Did you run?

Aime?

No.

Did you stay home until you were 30?

Aime?

Cabbage!

God!

See us again!

Cabbage!

God!

See us again!

Cabbage!

God!

See us again!

Cabbage!

God!

See us again!

God!

See us again!

Cabbage!

God!

See us again!

God!

See us again!

God!

God!

See us again!

God!

God!

God!

God!

God!

God!

God!

God!

God!

God!

God!

I love you!

Mother!

I love you!

Mother!

I love you!

Mother!

I love you!

Mother!

I love you!

Mother!

- You hear the same thing Claudia in New Orleans.

You call it tough love, yeah.

- Then he kills the wolves.

- And then your hands wander, Madame Chair.

- He did not have a problem with these hands

for the next two weeks.

- He did not have a problem with these hands

for the next two weeks.

- He did not have a problem with these hands

for the next two weeks.

- And then your hands wander, Madame Chair.

- He did not have a problem with these hands

for the next two weeks.

- He did not have a problem with these hands

for the next two hundred odd years.

- Handsome, noble with considerable, considerables.

Estates makers love their estates.

- This is not about his vampire life.

Where are we even discussing this?

Strike it from the record.

Moving on.

- There were sixteen hundred of you when we first met, Daniel.

- Oh, you. - Two hundred ninety thousand of you

now averaging approximately one point three meals a day.

That's more deaths than there are births in the world.

That's a tipping point.

You beat peak oil.

Hello.

- Raglan, this is Alex.

He's on the vampire spectrum.

Alex, this is Raglan.

He's a watcher.

He watches.

He's watchful.

He's always watching.

He's a watcher.

- Hmm.

You might want to alter your angle of entry or switch to a ball that reads earlier.

How about that one?

- You roll, Raglan?

- Mentor for the Junior Fun Bunch, yes.

I also came for a particular outdoor concert.

Didn't purchase event cancellation insurance.

We want the bag.

- You usually send Rashid in first.

- He's Crosstown, waiting for the butcher to open.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This is nothing.

Artifice.

- I used you to punish.

I never forgave you for Paris.

- Paris.

- Never.

I never did.

- And now?

- Nope.

- Rest.

- Can't.

Won't.

- Then what are you sorry for?

- Love my life with him.

- Rest.

- He wanted him to play the concert.

- I want to play the concert.

- Alex wants to play the concert.

- Why?

- We've been planning it for a year.

- Excuse me?

- Nudging it.

Urging it on.

On the periphery.

As we do.

Make more.

We came up with that.

- You want the great conversion.

- Lost in noisy skills.

Joke control.

Blood deprivation.

- Blood deprivation.

- Heard the witch.

Must hurt.

Bitch.

Me.

And.

- You're trying to lose equivalence.

- Even now.

Still thinking.

- Sorry.

- No.

- No.

- No.

- No, Louis.

You're declining.

- Use your telepathy.

I'll repeat.

For posterity.

- Too many of us for what's left in the ground.

Cradle your cell phone.

Sell your Range Rover while you can.

- No.

- No.

- No.

- No, Louis.

You're declining.

- No.

- No.

- No, Louis.

You're declining.

- No.

- No.

- No.

- No.

- No.

- Use your telepathy.

I'll repeat.

For posterity.

- Too many of us for what's left in the ground. Cradle your cell phone. Sell your Range Rover while you can.

- A desperate hour.

- There was a breakout room at the last G7 conference. They called it, "May the Vamps Safely Graze."

- Rescue the head, save the planet.

- It's a bit of a stretch. Can't see your kind governing. But then, you and I have our own reasonings.

- He pissed me off.

- Evidence of the soul's existence.

- Soul?

- The alchemist Magnus chooses him to carry on the blood. And what does he do? He gifts it to his ailing mother.

No. But the tailor's a son. Stupid and wasteful. I was mad.

- I got lies to account for.

- I've got lies to account for.

- Lies to myself.

- Lies to myself.

- Lies to myself.

- To others.

- Lies to others.

- I know what it's like to build a house.

- I know what it's like to build a house.

- A cathedral.

- A cathedral on top of a lie.

- A cathedral on top of a lie.

- No biological rationale for head here and body there. That's the soul fighting, Daniel.

- The romps with my rotten boy.

- The, uh, a cat burgling stint on the devil's road with Gabriella, Sophia, mother, lover, madam, chair.

- Live that lie so fully that it might as well be true.

- To live the lie so fully, might as well be true.

- Meaning beyond mortality. Wanda returned.

- Alex, I think you should open with big boss.

- Raglan.

- Daniel?

- A straight man.

- A straight man.

- A straight man.

- A good negro, an artist.

- A good negro, an artist.

- A good negro, an artist.

- Things I wasn't.

- Things I was not.

- And you got some reason to be dark-sided, Armand.

- And you... you have some reason to be dark-sided, Armand.

- You were sold by who you were sold by.

- You were sold by who you were sold by.

- Sold by who you were sold by.

- Sold into what you were sold into.

- Sold into what you were sold into.

- Sold into what you were...

- I saw a lot of that in New Orleans.

- I saw a lot of that in New Orleans.

- I saw a lot of that.

- I saw a lot of that.

- I saw a lot of that.

- I saw a lot of that.

- I saw a lot of that.

- I saw a lot of that.

- I saw a lot of that.

- I saw a lot of that.

- I saw a lot of that.

- I saw a lot of that in New Orleans.

- On the opposite shore.

- On the opposite shore.

- Running houses, I ran.

You and I...

- And you and I...

- Didn't talk about it much.

- We didn't talk about it much.

- With you...

- Shut it off.

- I didn't want to think of my own sins.

Or picture you at 12.

- At 12.

- You at 12.

- Scared.

- Poor boy.

- I run.

- You need a love that'll cradle you.

- You should have that.

- And I was never that for you.

- And I was never that for you.

- And I'm sorry.

- My coldness.

- My denial.

- Drove you to this.

- I saw good.

- In you.

- I saw good.

- In you.

- I saw good.

- In you.

- I saw good.

- In you.

- I saw good.

- In you.

- I saw good.

- In you.

- I saw good.

- In you.

- I saw good.

- In you.

- I saw good.

- In you.

- I saw good.

- In you.

- For a while.

you for a while.

Bad things happen to girlies who talk.

Using a standard suture kit, 2.0 absorbable nylon suture to re-affix the head, close the wound.

Isn't going to do much other than hold the head in place while it fuses through the blood.

I am not a plastic surgeon. This is not my field of expertise.

And when she told him that she wanted more darkness, he looked at her with the eyes of a juvenile.

A great abandonment.

And he threw himself on the shore and he let the grave diggers fish him from the tide.

And bury him in the sands of anonymity.

Now that's acting.

And there he lies for 80 years.

Heaved out of the dirt because the mother of all of us chooses him.

Lets him drink of her.

Makes him a godling.

And what does he do with this?

A hopster SS abandoned in New Orleans.

Gives the gift to a pimp?

Who lives to make him miserable.

Daddy traps him.

Slits his throat.

And fucks his ex.

A laugh.

Could be nice.

To be.

The soul!

The failed progeny of Magnus.

Unworthy.

Chosen of Arkasha.

The soul!

Kills the daughter.

Saves the pimp.

Rots in a rotting robe.

In a rotting shack.

In a tragic crippled thing.

Playing.

A plank for a piano.

Waiting for a hug.

The soul!

A book.

An album and a cause.

The soul!

But his failure finally failed to find him.

No!

The soul!

He sits on a bench like a stupid idiot. In a fog he mistakes for love.

Good night.

Whack!

Reckless.

Self-sabotaging.

Vain.

A brat.

Stupid.

Trashy.

Torky.

A rotten boy.

Failure.

Impossible.

Impossive.

Imprudent.

Sponsor.

The soul!

He sits on a bench like a stupid idiot.

In a fog he mistakes for love.

Good night.

Whack!

Reckless.

Self-sabotaging.

Vain.

Brat.

Stupid.

Trashy.

Torky.

A rotten boy.

Failure.

Impossible.

Imprudent.

Stimper.

Stimper.

Stimper.

Stimper.

Coward.

Selfish.

Wrenching.

A waste.

A failure.

The bimbo himbo of Hambo.

Did you stay home until you are salty? Coverage!

A great abandonment.

Your whole damn life a failure.

Unworthy.

Unworthy.

Uncharitable.

Manipulative.

Miserable.

Idiot.

Ignorant.

A careless can't take.

A crooning cartel.

A prima donna.

Peacock.

Your whole god damn life a pathetic failure.

A pathetic failure.

*Sigh*

Well done. Good shit. Good shit. That's why you're opening and I'm headlining.

The vampire Lestol. One life only.

Tickets to a Ticketmaster. Inevitable complaints to Roger & Associates.

Bonjour à Saint-Germain!

Ville Carré Contrère!

Let's hear it for Sophia Cabs and the Fledglings of failure!

You are all here tonight because I murdered you, made you, or memorably traumatized you.

Congratulations for your historical proximity to me.

No doubt it was the defining moment of your life.

I love you, Scott!

I love you too!

Play Longface!

Fuck that song!

That is a song you wash your car to!

Perhaps that's the purposeful life I've ever listened to.

You made more clean cars.

Should've said that at the long table.

Has that ever happened to you?

You think of the perfect thing to say to the Pope an hour after you leave the Vatican.

I know you.

I drained you in Vienna.

Christmas Market, 1953.

What's your name?

Enzo.

Enzo.

With a sharp suit.

I spilled a lot of your blood.

I was in a foul mood that evening.

You deserved better.

A lot of familiar faces in the audience tonight.

More than a lot.

All familiar.

Janice.

Cece.

Baggage man, New York limit.

Who's the head?

Black licorice.

I wrote a song about you.

I killed you in the lower ninth.

Thank you for coming.

Thank you for coming.

We've got a great show for you tonight.

In a venue of overwhelming sentiment.

Because, well this is the place that music first wrapped its belt around my aorta.

And yoked me through two centuries plus of vampiric life.

What a life it's been.

Play long face!

Is that you, Dan?

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world.

I actually attempted something.

Which is more than I can say, but lots of those I love the most.

I don't know if I mean that.

That was performative.

I loved you.

I did.

As grotesque as that love appeared to you,

I did.

Thank you for coming.

We've got a great show for you tonight.

We're going to play a new song for you tonight.

We've got TC and the drums,

Salamander on the bass,

Plastic Dracula Alex on the guitar.

And I'm a vampire on the start.

I was supposed to stage that just a...

Could be.

Hands touch.

I'm feeling a little.

You need to get your snooze fixed this time.

No.

What else?

I'm failing.

My blood.

My blood.

My blood.

I did my best with it.

No.

No.

No.

I let...

I let too much spill too often.

I did not always honor it.

I did not always honor it.

Enzo.

Enzo.

My part. I did my best with it.

You know, I let too much spill too often.

I did not always honor it.

Enzo, can someone tell...

Can someone tell Enzo that I'm sorry?

He had a package with the most beautiful wrapping.

And I hope it got to who...

...who I was meant for.

Grab her.

He has a hard time saying it.

Got that from my daddy.

It doesn't mean he doesn't. It's just his way.

Thank you for loving him.

For loving him the way he needs to be loved.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I still wish you were a woman.

I look around my living room where I record this now.

And everything just feels off.

I imagine you're here with me.

My patron.

Whoever you are.

Do you hate me?

Do you smoke?

Have I scaled the walls of your privilege?

Made you feel how I felt in the summer, spring and fall of 2025?

Or have I failed at auction?

These reels returned to me unsold.

Am I talking to myself?

You are listening to The Failures.

Album 58.

Side A.

What did I say at the start of this?

As to...

The Queen.

As to...

Destruction unleashed.

Something about...

The regretful dead.

And the...

What was it?

The traumatized.

Alive.

That I had made a contribution.

Let me take that back.

The fault was mine.

All mine.

The idea for the episode, I think, came from a fever dream from Roland Jones. And he was like, "They're headless." And we were like, "Okay. Okay, crazy."

My first thought about having my head skewed on a butcher's slab was, "F*** you, Roland Jones." Because he made a ridiculous promise to me, "You're not gonna get like super bloody again." He lied.

Mark.

Mark.

Mark.

Mark.

Summer.

It's your turn.

Too many prostate heads out in the world of me. I hate it.

I hate it.

I hate it.

I hate it.

I hate it.

It's your turn.

crazy my first thought about having my head skewed on a butcher's slab was you rolling

jones because he made a ridiculous promise to me you're not going to get like super bloody again

he lied mark it's your turn too many prostate heads out in the world of me i hate it both the

boys find it disturbing to watch themselves talk back to them burn them now i don't know who's got

my head or where it is now but take them out on a saturday night right and i think you know the

specific ways you've done it i've been waiting for this moment this was very cathartic for me

and arman because all season we haven't seen arman and louis interact motivation

i acted as a severed head and i acted as a body and we just switched around and did loads of

different passes it was fun it's quite hard to keep your head rigid had to like lock myself into the

car on the table and just like keep my head very still also we brought her delaney has an all-timer

hall of fame mvp scream she didn't know the butcher scene it's so icky and action but filming it was fun

and armand is i was gonna swear then he's a scary scary man i think the first scream was the most

powerful scream because i didn't know it was going to be an animatronic head

delaney needs to be a scream queen yesterday amc shut up look up delaney hails you know her

in that moment i think regina's like how do i get out alive like louis too late for you but how do i make

it out paper paper louis and armand it's really beautiful that they get this moment to just like

reconcile picture you at 12. that's the moment armand scared finally accepts that poor boy this is over

i run you need a love that'll cradle you it's a really powerful moment i hope it does come across

it felt really important when we did it

i am the chair the maker the star he's at the long table which i knew was coming from the very beginning

because roland said the whole season's gonna be revolving around this concept of the long table

no worries claudia she said all she needs to say to you is what she said originally it was going to

be everyone who was killed which is kind of where we get to by the very end when he's performing

on the stage in the paris street which is of no time this whole episode is designed to revisit the past

and talk to those people i'm dead who have been a huge part of his life this is death my father's ugly

table in your shitty tower dying for the first time he's forced to actually deal with the relationships

in his life that he tries to sculpt or change or run away from so you're all here to judge me we are the

failure finders these people point out to him things about himself that he maybe couldn't see in some

ways he's gaining an education and he's gaining emotional intelligence about himself cross between

a self-absorbed rival plan impersonator and an 80s hot dog embalmed with hair gel i got to wear that

beautiful raspberry suit again and i love that suit and it's a comfortable suit it makes me feel like

louis in a certain period by different louis to the one we know now at least we don't have to listen to

his violin playing on this one lestat is coming to terms with the fact that perhaps none of them like

him and that's a very traumatizing experience for him and realizing that your whole life has been a failure

i love the soliloquies to a bowling bag it's kind of crazy and wonderful you go do what i did with my

life you go knock down those doors you go get some malloy's pissed off and he's got the guy's head and

he's like i'm gonna yell at this thing i get to gloat and then ultimately things change up again hello

alex this is raglan he's a watcher he watches once again daniel is frustrated

hmm do you mind want to alter your angle of entry or switch to a ball that reads earlier how about

that one if you've read all the anne rice then you know that raglan james is a very complicated

character ultimately alex i think you should open with big boss

i fantasize having the power that a vampire has and i can't wait to fight with everybody raglan

daniel

the soul the failed progeny of magnus unworthy chosen of arkasha

he keeps getting kicked down gets back up keeps getting kicked down gets back up and now he's kicked

back down on the floor again and he might not be able to get back up right now failure as a theme i

think is a beautiful thing we should all fail more if you don't fail you don't learn pathetic failure

even if he listens to all of the failures while they're sitting there eating his soul at the dinner

table he still gets up on the table i said well done good job good shit but that's why you're opening and i'm headlining the vampire lestat

i think the overarching whole theme of the whole show and lestat's journey is his whole life might be a total train wreck

but at least he tried at least he's trying

for me the greatest shock of this episode was bringing paul back into it and for paul to be

the one that tells the star actually louis does love you he has a hard time saying it

got that from my daddy beautiful beautiful moment with paul where

lestat is this person who however he wants to be self-critical he also has to be self-loving in some

ways and that really opens his eyes you didn't fail because somebody loved you i thought it was like

whoa heartbreaking heartbreaking insane it's beautiful a second thought saved them all from my provoked rage

i think it's really sweet that they just pick up where they left off as extreme as it all gets

there is actually something very simple about this reunion and maybe it's because as well they

acknowledged a future so they just pick up again i think it's beautiful at the very end of the season

and it's also the conclusion to the first opening scene in episode one where you now discover what our

timeline is you can see that louis and armand are injured lestat is no longer there and this is post

akasha this is post the destruction of the world i would say he's very very responsible for that

destruction i mean he woke the queen the fault was mine all mine

the ground that hang every wolf bury rich birds will never cast the boat to scotch base