Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

OK!

Don't know how many of you are new and how many of you

have been with us from the start,

but I am Laura Hollis.

Yes, the Laura Hollis

who recently got famous, or...

"internet famous"

because my university pals and I

vlogged ourselves saving the world.

See, back in my freshman year, we discovered

that our Austrian university was actually being

run by an evil dean and her vampire cult.

Naturally.

They'd been sacrificing girls to this...

monstrous creature under the campus

for centuries, and I was next.

Really should've gone to that safety school.

Anyway.... The dean sent Carmilla.

I'm your new roommate, sweetheart.

A 300-year old vampire

with a checkered past

and centuries worth of victims to kidnap me.

There was just one little snag with that plan.

Carm and I fell in love.

Carm turned her back on the evil dean,

and with a little help from our friends,

Laf, Perry, Kirsch,

Mel and Danny, we saved the school...

...and the world.

For stopping the apocalypse, Carm earned herself

a magical, human life. A vampire no more!

A chance to...

start again and leave the crimes of her past behind,

and for us to figure out...

...whatever happens next.

OK...

Weird.

Old-timey and weird.

Hello?

Ghost lady?

- You're wearing my brooch. - Oh, Carm!

Did I scare you, my pet?

You think, sneaking around dressed like Lizzie Borden?

Wait...

Why are you dressed like Lizzie Borden?

You mustn't be afraid.

Why would I be afraid?

We shall die as lovers may.

Die together...

...so that we may live together.

Welcome back, Cream Puff.

I think your horror movies are giving me nightmares.

Oh, well...

Life's rough like that sometimes.

Come on!

How long does it take to kill one limping teenager?

Is this guy on a coffee break?

Get in the car!

So, what happened? Did you get scooped up

by that talking goat again?

No. I dreamed you were a vampire.

It was very...

blast from your gothic horror past.

There was this old house, and then you...

...then you were actually kind of scary.

I hurt you?

In a dream.

Come on, it was probably a... subconscious fascination

with Victorian murders.

- Or, uh... corsets. - Mmm!

Well, no need to go digging around in the past.

We have it much better now.

No arguments here.

So long, hammer horror!

Hello, rom-com.

How now, brown cow.

How now, brown cow!

Happy anniversary, faithful viewers!

I know. I know, I know, I know.

I'm behind on my posts,

but I would never miss this,

because five years ago today,

a rag-tag bunch of undergraduates stopped the dean

of their evil university from unleashing hell on earth!

Or... mostly stopped. You can't really blame us for Antarctica.

And where are they now, you might ask?

Well, let's check in

with a very special five-year retrospective.

And then we will cut to...

First up is Lafontaine and Perry, who,

as you'll recall, transferred to occult studies at Berkeley

and then started Laferry Industries, where they've

been revolutionizing life with the supernatural

with products like their hemo- soy vegan vampire supplements

ever since. They've got this huge meeting

with a megacorporation that wants to buy their start-up.

I'm so proud!

Speaking of super-successful people, you guys remember Danny,

my lit TA turned stalwart ally

turned repentant vampire

has turned into... a vampire rights advocate.

And what retrospective would be complete

without a look at how Mel and Kirsch and I

leveraged our amateur coverage of the almost apocalypse

into a career in local news.

And if you're morbidly curious, here are some clips!

Today, we explore the fast-paced

world of floral arrangements.

Cranberry bannock. Ceramic cephalopod.

So... yeah.

I've not quite achieved Lois Lane-dom.

But never fear!

It is all part of my five-year plan.

Yeah. Um...

after Carm and I took our glorious gap year,

it was time to start real life. So, we moved home to TO.

I finished my degree, stuck my foot in the door.

Now, I'm just waiting for my big break,

busting open some huge Woodward and Bernstein-style scandal

and being moved up to the city desk.

Admittedly, I have been...

waiting a while for that one.

But, uh, you know, that's what you do in life.

You pay your dues.

Unless you're a former vampire with 300 years of sunshine

and culinary history to catch up on.

So, what has our Carm been up to

as a living, breathing human?

She's definitely taking advantage of ye olde

vampire trust fund.

Bakery-based gluttony: check.

Sun-tanning sloth: check.

I-have-a-pulse-now lust.

Well...

Actually, I can't really complain about that last one.

Yeah.

Unless you count starring in my spooky dreams,

it's been a bit more pastry than purpose lately.

But... today's retrospective

is all about perspective.

We are going to get our heroine back on track.

But... where to start such a conversation?

Where else?

With dessert! Ha ha!

Mmm...

Have you been baking?

Happy re-birthday!

It's a...

like a... like a birthday,

but for your rebirth...

because...

five years ago, you got a life.

Not like a '90s "Get a life!" but you know, um...

- Literally. - Hm.

How very Lewis Carroll.

So...

speaking of five years,

I was thinking that we could talk about five years

in the other direction.

'Cause you've been through a lot.

Not just Silas, but... death.

And the French Revolution.

So... it's completely understandable that you're

- feeling a little lost. - Lost?

OK, maybe not lost, but...

maybe a little...

...aimless.

Laura, are you staging an intervention

because you think I'm wasting my life?

No!

Maybe.

It's just...

You aren't immortal anymore.

And I know that you want to make the most

- of our lives together... - Is there something wrong

with those lives being fun?

No...

but I think it's possible to have fun and...

And did I go to that supernatural therapist?

One time.

You said you couldn't take advice

from someone born after the moon landing.

Mhm.

And do I pester you because you would rather

spend your days in a news cubicle

instead of on a beach in the South of France?

No, you don't. It's just...

It's just...

you like making plans,

and I love that about you.

But...

I don't know. It's my re-birthday.

So...

I wanna spend it enjoying our lives.

Preferably...

somewhere with a... patio

and an extensive wine selection.

And chocolates.

Carm?

Shh...

You're dreaming.

Oh.

Right.

You are mine.

You shall be mine.

You and I are one...

...forever.

Something tells me I'm gonna like this dream.

CARM! What are you doing?!

CARM!

Hey! Hey! It's me! It's me!

Laura, your neck...

Oh, God!

What is going on?

Have you been in close proximity to any vampires

or vampire by-products in the past two or three months?

Oh, you mean when a Sumerian goddess turned me again

last week? Must've slipped my mind.

I see the sarcasm hasn't suffered.

Thanks for taking time out of your meeting prep to help us.

- For you guys... anything. - Of course.

We're probably over-prepared.

Something's definitely off with Carm.

For those of us without a fancy cyborg eye?

Right. Um...

This is Carm, and she's, well, dead except...

Except the resurrection spell is still running inside her,

- making her a living human. - It makes her heart beat,

hair grow, and all the other things

- a regular human body does. - Yeah, like a magic battery.

I thought we agreed we wouldn't call it that.

My vote's still with "life force".

- No, that's even worse. - Ooh! What about, um,

- what about your spark? - Hm! Does pretty much work

- like an ignition. - Spark it is!

- Spark, spark, spark! - I hope

you're enjoying yourselves.

Uh...

Carmilla's spark is going out.

- What's wrong with it? - It's producing a sort

of electrical discharge that's making it flicker,

and since it's what's keeping her human,

- when it flickers, she... - Vamps out.

OK, so...

How do we get my...

..."spark" to stop flickering?

We'll have to run some more tests.

And in the meantime, Carm just keeps randomly vamping out?

What are we supposed to do about that?

Ow!

First of all, she's jazzed.

Like, "Oh, there'll be blueberry pie, right?

I'm into the bluebs." And then to top it all off,

I get to the fridge, and he's just...

Carm?

You OK?

Sure, just... grappling with an aversion to daylight

and cravings for blood.

Hey...

Laf is gonna figure something out.

I know, it's just...

this was supposed to be done.

You know...

the bloodlust, the self-loathing,

the sleeping tied to a chair in my own bedroom.

That one might be overkill.

You've never had a problem controlling yourself before.

Unless you count dream Carm chasing me

through discount Transylvania all...

"You are mine. You shall be mine."

Wait. What did you just say?

"You are mine. You shall be mine.

You and I are one forever."

Carm, what is going on?

It was just some silly Dracu-poetry

my brain coughed up for atmosphere.

What are you looking for?

That house.

This is where Elle and I lived.

Was this the manor in your dreams?

So this place Laura's been dreaming about, the manor,

- it's real? - Not just the manor.

Carm thinks that, from what I'm describing,

the house, the clothes, what she says -

that I'm dreaming things that really happened...

...150 years ago...

...to Elle.

Am I supposed to know who Elle is?

Elle, the girl Carm turned on her mother

and stopped being evil for?

That wasn't Laura?

Carmilla's epic first love?

Also not Laura?

Remember our first year at Silas, those weird dreams

- I was having? - Only they weren't dreams,

they were warnings from Carm's...

So you think the dreams are from Elle?

Didn't she like, sparkle off into floaty white nothingness

after Carmilla killed the giant angler fish god?

How is that a sentence I end up saying?

Only one way to find out.

We go back to the scene of the crime.

If it's ghosts we can test the new spectrometer...

- Carm? - Ooh! Then off-ty off we go!

Yeah. I'm...

gonna go crack another bottle of hemo-soy.

Hey.

I'm sorry about the whole "scene of the crime" thing.

I know what happened between you and Elle was complicated.

- I shouldn't have said that. - No...

the scene of the crime is exactly what it is.

You saw those dreams.

You know I...

...hurt her.

Hurt you.

You didn't mean to.

Maybe there's a silver lining in all of this.

If this is Elle trying to warn us about something,

maybe you can... help her.

I'm done being a vampire.

I'm done dredging up the past. I'm... done

with well-meaning therapists saying,

"Close your eyes and think of those you've wronged

while I light up this funky incense."

That's right.

We have plans, and goals.

And a colour-coded chart,

none of which features some... mystery

from your past stealing the life that you earned.

So we are gonna figure out

who or what is doing this, and then we are gonna...

- Gruesomely murder them... - Stop them.

We're goin' back to Styria.

- Where are we going? - Styria!

- Why are we going? - To stop Carm

- from re-vamping! - OK, but really,

why go to the bad place with the monsters?

Because of Elle's manor. It's in my dreams.

It's all connected. And it's our only lead! Ha ha!

Ooh, schnitzel!

How much farther 'til we get to this place!?

It's just...

Right around the corner.

Oh, yeah! That's cool, Laura. I got your bag. Yeah.

You don't have to do this if you don't want.

You can just stay here if it's too much.

Hm. And leave you alone

to explore the mystery mansion?

Hard pass.

Hello?

Hellooo? Knock knock?

Elle's manor's pretty cool.

I guess, if you dig the Herring Hall vibe.

Hello?

Anybody?

I'm calling it. This place is totally haunted.

You don't know that! Maybe it's just... creaky.

It's a lovely example of a 19th-centry schloss.

Ha. Schloss.

This is exactly like my dream. It's beautiful.

I mean, abandoned and dusty,

but... beautiful.

Oh, well, we can deal with the dust.

Tell me you did not bring an entire bag

- of cleaning supplies. - Of course I did.

Do you know what dust does to expensive equipment?

We have EMF detectors, Geiger counters, various spectrometers.

You didn't think maybe we'd need some actual weapons?

Well, knowledge is really less...

Pretty sure weapons are the best weapon.

Look at this princess. Carbon-fibre limbs,

80-pound draw weight,

capable of shooting 160 feet per second.

I call her...

Gertrude.

- How excessive. - Excessive?

Do you remember senior year?

You were possessed by Carmilla's mom, the evil god

who forced the entire student body - including me - to dig a pit

to the literal gates of Hell. Or how about that time Lafontaine

got brain-sucked by the giant angler fish monster?

Or how about the time that the evil baron

tried to execute Carmilla? Or that time that Laura sorta,

- kinda, I don't know, died? - We do have

a lot of back story.

Fine.

- Fine. Haunted. - Tell me at least

- you two packed some heat? - Uh, I know Krav Maga.

I am a weapon. I brought walkie-talkies

and flashlights for everyone.

There's no cell service out here.

- They're gonna come in handy. - How about you, Jughead?

Oh. Vincent Van Bro brought beer.

- Is that her? - Yeah.

- Let's search this place! - For a girl

who died 150 years ago?

Better not keep her waiting.

- Is that you? - It was.

We should be safe to push the meeting to next week, don't you think?

Do we have to talk about this right now?

The single most important meeting of our careers?

Per, we are searching a haunted castle for ghosts.

This is literally the reason we started the company.

- But if we had more resources... - Hold on, I think I got a hit.

No, it's gone now.

Well, now, see, as part of Intrigue, we'd have all

the equipment, we could scan the house in like, two seconds!

Yeah. I get it, but we're not selling out right this second.

So can we focus on the task at hand?

Let's check out the next room.

Looking forward to seeing her?

Elle, I mean?

I wouldn't blame you if you were.

Honestly, I'd rather not.

What am I supposed to say?

Sorry I lied to you and sacrificed you

to a giant fish monster?

I doubt there's a Hallmark card.

It wasn't all your fault.

I told her these were gonna come in handy!

Ghosts! The schloss is full of ghosts!

GHOST! Ghost!

- Everyone, come on! Come on! - Haunted house!

- Totally called it! - Where do we go?!

- Go! - Holy crap! Oh, crap!

- Go, go! - Perry, do something! - Go, go, go, go!

- God, it's stuck! - Come on!

Ghosts! Ghosts! Guys! Guys!

- Let me out! - Oh! Oh!

- Ooh! - Uh, guys...

Um...

Hi.

I'm Laura. These are my friends...

and we'd be thrilled

if you'd abandon your plans to gruesomely murder us.

Hello, Miss Karnstein.

Hello...

Wait. I know you.

How do I know you?

Oh, dear. Well, this is awkward.

We imagined you'd recall...

Killing us.

I'm Charlotte. This is my sister, Emily.

- Carmilla killed you? - Oh... no, not quite, exactly.

Her mother did the actual deed.

You're the girls

who were sacrificed to the Deep One.

Yes.

We are the victims

of Carmilla Karnstein...

...and we'd like to invite you to dinner.

It's wonderful that you've all been able to join us.

And naturally, we're so glad you've arrived in time.

We've been waiting for weeks.

- For us? - For Miss Karnstein.

We hoped once she realized what had happened, she'd return.

Hold up. Did you just confess

to flipping the vampire switch on our girl Carm here?

Oh. Goodness, no. We couldn't have.

What little research

we have been able to perform suggests it was Miss Karnstein's

life force that pulled us into the physical world.

Until a few weeks ago,

we were trapped in a nightmare land, doomed

to endlessly repeat our greatest regret.

This nightmare afterlife, is it more of a Jungian-unconscious

or a through-the-looking-glass- to-hell situation?

Stop that!

It's not polite to pry into other people's

- unspeakable suffering. - Why would you be connected

- to Carmilla's human life? - Ah.

We think it might be because it was

- Miss Karnstein who... - She's the reason we died.

Yes.

The family here offered my sister and I a place to lodge.

They neglected to mention the vampire cult.

Same thing happened with my college acceptance letter.

You said you knew the family. Does that mean

that you knew Elle?

Miss Sheridan.

Ah. Yes. We knew her.

- But she isn't here with you? - No.

She isn't with us.

But...

we're thrilled that you are!

OK. That's it.

What's with the Stepford act?

I got you and your sister killed.

Yes, but you're here now.

And according to this spell book,

we need you, Carmilla, here

to perform the ritual that will let us move on.

I don't suppose I could take a crack

- at deciphering the book? - Oh!

Please, do. I've deciphered what I can,

but I'm hardly an adept. Ah...

From what I can tell, if we move on,

your vampire symptoms will go away.

I assume that's why you've come?

Haven't you?

Because otherwise, you'd be trapped here with us forever.

So, they're obviously evil.

I thought they were kind of nice!

More importantly,

is this ritual of theirs even gonna fix me?

- It looks promising. - Promising?

Are you telling me you were possessed by an evil goddess

- for like six months and... - Eight. It was eight months.

...and you can't get more specific than that?

The whole book is written in code,

but... if Emily's notes are correct,

it seems as though it's two birds, one stone.

The ghosts move on, Carmilla stays human.

That makes sense. When I scanned them, the energy

from your spark was going straight to them.

For all we know, they lured us in and trapped us here. Are we

- seriously gonna trust them? - What happened to them

wasn't their fault. They were girls,

just like you or me, with their whole lives ahead of them.

If this ritual helps them and keeps Carm human,

we have to try it.

- Sweet! Is that a Gameboy? - Even better.

It's an EMF alarm. Might be nice

to get a heads up if any ghosts come calling.

Listen, Per, about before...

Oh, I'm glad we postponed the meeting.

- You are? - With all the data

we've collected here,

we're in a much stronger bargaining position.

Really, Per?

I know this is the big leagues,

but why are you so pumped to sell our company?

Do you even know what I do all day

while you're off playing in your little lab?

I balance our budgets, get our products approved,

handle the reckless endangerment lawsuits.

I mean, at Intrigue, there'd be a...

Ahem.

There'd be a legal department, Laf.

I see.

And, uh, by playing,

you mean the research that makes our company possible?

- Oh, that is not fair and... - You know what?

I'm too tired to deal with this right now.

Oh, man! We killed my sandwich.

Too tee abal too tee!

Five second rule.

Have we or have we not had multiple conversations

about not wandering away in the haunted house?

I know. It's just, the ghost ladies are so nice.

And you know how I feel about leftovers.

Kirsch, if your stomach gets me dragged

into some kind of black-girl- dies-first bullshit...

I am going to come back from the dead and haunt your bar fridge.

They aren't going to go along with it.

They'll get caught up in the surprise! You'll see.

It will all come out exactly as we planned.

Why aren't we just telling them about...

Ugh. This again? Really?

You would do well, little sister, to finish...

We live for the eternal moment, chérie.

We are power.

Faites attention, chérie.

You would do well, little sister,

to finish your task here without further delay.

Did you ever think that our part in this...

...that what we do might be...

...unforgivable?

You must stop reading the romantics!

We live for the eternal moment, chérie!

We are power, pleasure...

...and are only accountable for our desires.

And Mama, who is growing impatient.

Faites attention, chérie. Votre mère vous met en garde

contre l'assassin.

You're wearing the brooch.

No! I don't want to go back!

Hey...

You all right?

Another nightmare.

You and Maddie were talking, and...

she said something about an assassin

and then these paper dolls disintegrated and...

I don't know. It seemed more coherent when it was happening.

Wait, you're still having those dreams?

But we're here. I mean...

Why would you still be having them, unless...

Something else is going on.

Knocking. Still not a thing.

The Hunger wanted a midnight snack and while he was

getting it, we caught our ghostesses talking

about some kind of surprise that we aren't gonna like

and sneaking into a locked room. So, they're hiding

something. Or someone.

Hiding something?! How could we possibly...

- What's behind the door? - Why should that concern you?

Maybe I don't like surprises.

You look like a woman who can cope.

This could all be

easily resolved by just showing us what's behind

- door number one. - Of course.

If you insist, but...

you'll ruin the surprise.

We'll risk it.

We'd kinda like to know if you're planning to...

...to throw a party?

- To thank you for helping us. - You're throwing a party?

The ritual can't be performed until the Ash Moon begins,

and Emily always loved to dress up.

I can't imagine you're a slouch in that department either.

- You can't be serious. - I think it's sweet!

It's like a pre-ritual, going away party...

before they go away.

- Permanently. - Exactly, and...

...we would be honoured if you would attend.

Yeah, of course!

Oh, my gosh.

Ball gowns? Are we gonna get our Strictly Ballroom on?!

Best haunting ever!

How's it goin' in there?

BBC period dramas do not spend enough time on

how complicated these clothes are.

I swear I've been in here for 40 minutes.

Hey, thanks for going along with this, by the way.

Well, what's to go along with? I like canapes

- as much as the next girl. - Still...

can't be fun hanging out with your...

- Former victims? - No matter how nice they are.

Yeah, well, I'd appreciate it if they took it down a notch.

You'd prefer a roaring rampage of revenge?

Yeah. All this forgiveness is making me twitchy.

Do you think maybe that's 'cause, deep down,

you still don't think you can be forgiven?

I see we've reached the amateur psychoanalysis round.

See, this is why I blew off that therapist.

You know, some things are just

too much to talk about in an office full of crystal dolphins.

Do you think maybe that's the point of the talking?

Yeah, except it wasn't just talking.

There was this manifes...

You aren't saying anything.

Did I put it on wrong? I look ridiculous.

I do. I look ridiculous. I...

40 minutes to get you into that, huh?

Bet I could get you out of it faster....

We're already gonna be late for the ball.

So let us be late.

♪ Love

I'm coming.

Looking good, bruv!

- What? - May I have this dance?

Come on.

Sorry about the way I handled things last night.

That's all right. I know you didn't mean any of it.

I may have been a bit harsh, that doesn't mean I was wrong.

Let's not fight in front of the ghosts, honey.

It's not your thing either, huh?

Emily has always wanted to belong to society.

I understood life differently.

If you have to conform, you never belonged.

OK. How did you fall for Vampirella's schtick?

I didn't.

My sister vanished.

I went looking for her.

She's never forgiven herself.

What about you?

I didn't leave her then...

How could I now?

You wanna try this stupid dance?

Obviously.

This is nice.

Kinda like that grad ball we never got

'cause our school was a supernatural death trap.

I missed this.

I mean, not the pulse-pounding terror, but...

the parts where we help people.

Though I do wish we'd figure out

why the ghosts were here in the first place.

- Hey, Laura... - I know.

No need to keep prying.

The ghosts will move on.

You will get your life back

and... we can go back home.

No. I, um... I think

at that therapist's appointment, I may have, um...

Laura?

Sorry.

Weird déjà vu.

Hey.

- What's going on? - I thought...

I thought I saw the woman in black, the...

You.

The you from my dreams, but...

That's impossible, right?

Come on. Let's sit down.

I'll get you a drink, OK?

Come with me lovingly to death,

or else hate me and still come with me,

hating me through death

and after.

Are you OK?

Where is she?!

- Hey... - She was right here.

- What's going on, Hollis? - The woman in black!

- The one wearing a mask! - Everybody's wearing a mask.

Do you know who she's talking about?

Maybe if you're not feeling well, you should sit down.

I'm dreaming things while I'm awake now.

What's next?

It's almost time!

The Ash Moon has begun.

Gather round for the ritual.

Before we begin, I want to say

how grateful we are.

Whatever you've done in the past,

you've come to help us now,

and I think that shows a strength of character

that is quite remarkable.

Yeah. Sure.

It's time, Emily.

It's your last night on Earth.

Are you sure you don't want another drink before you go?

The ritual must be performed before the Ash Moon

ends at sunrise. Otherwise, we're trapped here forever.

So... no.

Wait, that's the brooch that I...

Carm?

That's Carmilla's spark!

It's leaving her! Why... why is it going into the brooch?

- Uh... guys? - Did that spell

say anything about spirit entanglement?

It's not supposed to happen like this!

- Something's wrong. - Laura, stay back!

- It's dangerous! - We have to stop the ritual!

I can't!

- It's out of control! - Emily, no!

We've been tricked! I don't want to go back!

We need to disrupt the connection!

- LAF! - Don't touch Carmilla!

It'll take you too!

Did you think you'd get away with it?

Summon us up to ease your mind and then...

just waltz away?

Did you really think there'd be no consequences?

It's you.

Surprise!

Not the brightest little ingénue, are we?

Is that pile of dust Lafontaine?!

They're j... they're just g... gone.

- Are you OK? - Carm?

- I need to hide. - Carm?

Carm?!

Carm!

Carm!

Hey!

Hey! Come on! Hey!

Carm! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Hey...

Your heart. It's not beating.

You're a vampire.

NOOO!

Why won't it work?! I've sent all the ghosts away!

Did one of them escape me?

So did I miss something, or did that radically

- not go as planned? - It was Elle.

She was at the masquerade. She knew about the ritual. She knew

- exactly what was gonna happen. - How could she have known?

Because Emily and Charlotte lied to us.

They had to have known she was here.

You think vacuumed, screaming back to a hellish nightmarescape

was part of their plan?

Sorry.

We will figure this out. We will find Laf.

Why would Elle do this?

You heard her...

to punish me for what I did by stealing my life.

But she can't steal anything. She's trapped here,

just like us, unless all the ghosts move on.

But the ghosts are gone. All of them

except Elle and Charlotte. Elle can't leave until Charlotte

is also sent back to the nightmare land,

like all the other ghosts. Laf thwarted her plan.

And now that my spark's in the brooch

and Elle has the brooch, if she gets rid of Charlotte...

she could become human and leave.

We have to find her. Now.

That's easier said than done.

Miss Sheridan is gone, girl.

Yeah. Not to mention, we don't exactly know

how to extract a life force from a magical brooch.

Might wanna go easy on those. That's the only case.

Terrific.

But... Elle must have the spell already.

I mean, that's her escape plan, right?

So we have to find Elle before she gets to Charlotte;

- then Perry can find the spell... - What are you talking about?

- We have to find Laf first. - Of course, we have to find

both of them, but if we lose Elle now, then all of us are gonna be trapped...

We can find Elle later. Laf comes first!

We can't just let her take Carmilla's life!

We could start in the study.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but beef cheeks is right.

We don't have much time.

I need to get out of this dress.

- It'll be easier if you... - Did you summon up the ghosts?

Because that's what she said, Elle, that you summoned her up.

- I think it's possible. - Possible?

How do you not know whether you summoned up the ghosts

of your former victims who want some light, refreshing revenge?

Because it was just something stupid

that happened at the therapist appointment.

- What? - She... said

I could never move forward unless I dealt

with my past. So... she had me think about Elle

and the others and, you know, there was the usual

"manifest your issues" crap but... I had forgotten

all about it until my issues

actually... manifested.

When were you gonna share this piece of information with me?

I was waiting for the right moment.

You know what would've been a good moment?

Any time before the ghost of your former lover killed you.

She killed you.

I thought she killed you.

Hey... come here.

I'm still here.

OK? I'm still here.

We're gonna get my life back. OK?

And all those things we want,

every single point

on your five-year-plan, we're gonna do them, OK?

OK. Come on, let's get you out of this thing.

Either Emily decoded

the spell wrong, or Elle tricked her.

The spell she did cast used Carmilla's spark to force the ghosts

off to the nightmare land that Emily described.

You think that's where the Brainiac ended up?

Do you think you can get them back?

I think the real moving on spell might do it.

But... that means we only have 'til sunrise

to find the code key. And I'll need Carmilla's spark.

Well, that makes getting the brooch back priority one.

Hollis'll be chiffed.

Perry...

Lafontaine knows you're looking for them.

They know.

It's what we do.

It's done. We leave tonight.

In 3 days, we'll be on an ocean liner headed for New York.

You're gonna love New York.

It's full of... concerts

and theatre

and... life.

Your life is gonna be

so much bigger than you ever imagined!

What are you doing?

Laura!

Hey... are you all right?

What in Stoker's name is going on?

So Elle can dream-kebab you in real life?

Is that a normal ghost thing? Were we supposed to know

- they could do that? - She sent me dreams before.

This is the first time she's reached out and slashed me.

- Oh, dear. - No, no, no, no, no.

Not "Oh, dear." We do not need an "Oh, dear" right now.

Well, I'm still deciphering but there are several spells

in this book which might make the ghosts much more powerful,

- especially in the dream world. - Right.

So Elle's better, faster, stronger.

Can we undo that?

Use the book to soup ourselves up?

"Side effects may include anxiety, insomnia,

dream contagion and... death."

So... no.

Wait. Dream contagion? Is that like...

Sometimes in the dreams, it's like

she can't completely control them, like I'm seeing things

that she wouldn't want me to see. Like just now,

I saw you getting ready to leave for New York.

Nobody's going anywhere until we find Charlotte.

The Craft here will keep researching.

You, Mel and the frat boy can...

- Where's the frat boy? - That burrito-chomping,

protein-powder-snorting, gullible, mush-brained...

Dope. I told him.

It's the same as Laf.

OK. We have to find Charlotte and get that brooch back

before Elle finishes this little re-enactment

of And Then There Were None.

Search every nook and cranny. Charlotte has to be somewhere.

Be careful. Elle knows this place better than we ever will.

"Girls are caterpillars while they live in the world,

"to be finally butterflies when summer comes.

But in the meantime, they are grubs and larvae."

So says Monsieur Le Fanu.

To think of the trouble I went to,

warning you.

Thinking you'd learn from my mistake.

Yeah, 'cause Carm's the villain here.

Aren't you the one zapping innocent people for no reason?

I'm doing it to keep what's mine.

- That life isn't yours. - It's what I'm owed.

And I wouldn't waste it on some banal five-year plan.

Laf?

Laf. I saw Laf...

drawing some kind of symbol.

It looked like this. Or...

maybe like... this.

How did you get past second grade?

I saw it for half a second in a ghost-induced nightmare.

- Give me a break. - Any idea what it means?

No, but...

if Laf thinks it's important enough to send

from beyond the vale...

If I could just identify it, maybe it could help decipher

the moving on spell. I'll try to figure this out

- while you guys... - Go get a life.

- Go with her. Keep her safe. - What're you gonna do?

Well, the young lady stole my life

and turned me back into a vampire.

So I'm gonna remind her what that means.

- How about you? - Oh, I've got the EMF.

If it so much as peeps, I'll shriek.

I used to think you and I

would spend our lives reading to each other.

If only I'd known how brief one of those lives was going to be.

Hello, Elle.

Is that all you have to say to me?

After what you did?

I never meant to hurt you.

Oh... Don't apologize.

It costs you nothing.

So what?

This is about me paying for my sins?

You never even stopped

to think if you deserve this life.

I've watched you.

All these years,

you've never thought of anyone but yourself.

Well, that's some big talk

coming from the girl

who sent her friends to a nightmare land.

Me?

Oh, no. I'm just thinking about myself.

Oh, wait. I wonder who taught me that.

Ooh.

Not very ladylike, Miss Karnstein.

Laura.

Better run, Carmilla.

These old houses are so dangerous, after all.

Damn it!

Perry. You never should have left her alone!

No sign of the spell book, either.

It take it your little chat with the Ghost of Girlfriends Past

- was a bust? - Yeah. I'm getting pretty sick

- of this haunting crap. - Imagine how we feel.

I'm wondering if we might be of assistance to each other.

Miss Sheridan said you would never go along with the spell

if you knew she was with us.

I should've known that she only wanted your life for herself.

It was all she ever talked about,

the wide world that she'd been denied...

as if the same thing hadn't happened to us all.

I'm sorry about your friend.

I didn't know what would happen when they pulled me back.

Can you help us get them back?

I don't know...

but we have to stop Miss Sheridan.

You got any thoughts on the stopping front?

It's me she wants, so perhaps...

Do we really have to do this Nightmare on Elm Street crap?

Fine.

Let's speak as reasonable women.

Ahem.

So...

your friends are...

trapped beyond the vale.

You, Carmilla and your...

trigger-happy accomplice...

What next? Sugar?

Sure.

But...

if you hand over Charlotte,

- and let me keep this life... - It isn't yours to keep!

That's beside the point.

Let me keep it... and I'll bring your friends back.

You can all... leave this place.

What happens to Charlotte?

Well, I'm afraid

poor Charlotte will have to follow her sister,

but... you know, that was always going to happen, so.

She's just like you.

They all are. Don't they deserve a chance to move on?

Oh. Oh...

You haven't figured it out yet.

The only way that Charlotte

and Emily can reach their...

everlasting rest...

...is if Carmilla sacrifices her human life.

So...

Let's not pretend that you'd sacrifice Carmilla's life

for a few wayward spirits

- any more than I would. - We can't just leave them

- trapped in a nightmare. - You'd let your friends die

in here to... help them?

- There has to be another way! - Ugh!

You've had your chance.

Whatever happens now is your fault.

Elle?

Are you all right? Did she do anything to you

- in the dreamscape? - No.

No. I just wanna get her out of my head.

I wanna get your life back.

Well, we think we can lure her out into the open

by using Charlotte as bait.

You'd do that for us?

There's only a few hours left of the Ash Moon.

If Emily and I want to move on...

...it's our only chance.

There you are!

You know, it's impolite

to cause your host so much trouble.

I'm sure I'll find a way to repay you.

A trap.

You aren't serious.

Vampire, warrior,

journalist... I like our chances.

Let's have a little chat

about taking things that don't belong to us.

You first.

- MEL! - Ooh! Best get the broom out!

Look at that.

Then there were three.

You should've taken up my offer, sweetheart.

- Offer? - Your life for your friends.

Don't worry. Laura declined

when she discovered Charlotte and Emily can't move on

without destroying your... precious spark.

You'll never be able to enjoy it.

You'll spend the rest of your days

looking over your shoulder...

...wondering if it's my step you hear at the door.

I'll take my chances.

I've got the brooch.

There's nothing you can do to stop me.

Maybe not... but she knows Krav Maga.

What?

Why do people always forget that?

NOOO!

Hello?

Carm?

CARM!

OK.

Pull yourself together, Hollis.

Oh, crap. We're live? Today, on Toronto News 9,

it's harsh reality.

Abandon your childhood dreams for the dubious security

of a subpar paycheque.

Spend your days glorifying clickbait and your nights

letting fear and misery drive away friends

and loved ones. Accept that life is an unbroken chain

of mediocrity stretching on and on and on.

This is Laura Hollis,

reporting live from a failed career.

I want my life, you little thief!

I WANT MY LIFE!

- Doors are arbitrary. - You're gonna love New York.

- Wonderful. - There's...

theatre and concerts

and... life.

Wait. I know this. I dreamed this.

Your life is gonna be so much bigger than you ever imagined.

What are you doing?

You don't belong here!

She laughed.

Miss Sheridan, she laughed

at the very idea of...

- Oh, God. - Why did we trust her?

Poor Emily.

- Why did we not... - Poor Charlotte.

I was supposed

to keep you safe.

Do you know what'll happen if you die in here?

Let me guess.

- I die in the real world too. - Worse.

You'll be trapped

in this hell made of dead minds.

I wonder if you'll feel

- so sympathetic then. - Is that what happened to you?

I don't want your pity. I want my life!

I can take it from you living...

or I can take it from you dead.

You've seen my dreams.

Have I ever gone down without a fight?

Stuck in an endless loop of someone else's damage.

- Classic me. - You're gonna love New York.

There's... theatre and concerts

and... life.

- Oh, God. Carm! - Your life's gonna be

so much bigger than you ever imagined!

What are you doing?

I met a woman in the village today.

She said strange things about you.

What's wrong?

Why won't you look at me, Carmilla?

LOOK AT ME!

She was right.

You're a monster.

I can explain.

Oh, I've heard enough of your lies.

Or your promises.

All your...

- talk of a new life! - No! Not lies.

In the colonies, things'll be different!

No one will know us. You'll see!

As if I would go anywhere

with you now.

No.

My new friend

is waiting in a carriage below.

She's going to take me traveling.

She'll show me the wonders of the world.

No, you can't go with her.

Elle, I... I know I lied,

but... the horror she has planned for you

- is much worse than... - Worse?

Worse than saying that she loved me...

...while she drank my blood?

WHILE SHE DRANK MY BLOOD?!

Please...

Don't worry.

I've told her where you are.

She'll send someone to deal with you.

What, is this on repeat?

How many times have you watched this?

It's done. We leave tonight.

In three days, we'll be on an ocean liner headed for New York.

You're gonna love New York.

There's theatre and concerts

and... life.

Oh, your life's gonna be so much bigger than you ever imagined!

Hey.

Hey. It's OK.

Hey. You are not there anymore.

You are here with me. Right now.

And I have the brooch.

Maybe you can just... absorb it.

Nothing.

Of course not.

Of course we still need some stupid spell!

Maybe I should give her my life.

What?

- Carm, you can't. She's unhinged! - Not to her...

To them.

Laura, everything you saw in there...

it's everything I've been avoiding for years.

Pretending like... being human

meant I didn't do

all of those awful things.

How is it fair that I get this life

while they're just trapped here?

After everything I have done?

OK.

OK.

A...

let's acknowledge that Ellen, your mother,

shares some of this blame, and B...

we will figure out another way,

a way that doesn't involve you giving up your life.

You mean, find a way to avoid responsibility?

Hm-mm.

You heard Elle...

...there's no other way.

It's my life for their freedom.

What about our life together?

Our future?

You're just gonna give up on that?

- Laura, I'm not giving up... - 'Cause we're supposed to have

arguments over who does dishes, and cupcakes to celebrate

big days at work and grandkids.

What is that gonna look like if you can live

like you're 25 forever?

You think I don't want those things, too?

Please don't give up on our life.

I'm not giving up.

But I can't keep running away.

Not after what I've done.

OK.

Thank you.

Let's go save some ghosts.

Seriously?

People can't just dream about getting audited?

Laf!

- How did you...? - Escape my personal hell.

I've been through like three apocalypses,

- I can tell the difference. - You found any of the others?

Funny you should mention that.

I've been trying to wake her, but she keeps mistaking me

for... me.

Form 83-B done.

- Filing a 100 of these daily. - You don't mind taking care

of the deeds, right? It'll just be like 5 or 6 million pages.

You can do this alone; you don't need me. See you in 6 years.

Laura.

What... are you doing in my...

strangely bureaucratic nightmare?

Elle zapped us into nightmare land.

We have to do the spell before sunrise,

- which is coming up fast. - Well, I...

I had to weigh the pages before Elle zapped me,

but without the code key to decipher the spell...

I've got the code key.

Oh! Yes, the symbol! Do you have the full thing?

Uh, yeah, I literally have a photographic memory.

Oh, I could just kiss you

in your robot eye.

You're safe.

Why are people always hunting me for sport?

And Mrs. Sheridan,

she laughed at the very idea...

OK, circle up. We don't need

to hold hands or anything, the spell is much more powerful,

but you might be more cozy that way.

So what happens to us after the ghosts move on?

Oh, hmm...

Well, we'll either find ourselves back at the schloss.

- or cease to exist entirely. - Better than our usual lots.

I'm sorry. Not to criticise any plan that would clearly

- be so much to our benefit, but... - Doesn't that mean

you have to give up your human life?

Yeah. Well, I'm responsible

for what happened to you,

so... this is how I can help.

- Whoa! What happened to the...? - It's a cake now.

- Don't ask. - OK.

Alright, uh, let's get this ritual started

before I change my mind.

Carm!

You think I'm gonna let you do this?

- Steal everything from me again?! - But Carm really isn't

the one you blame for that.

Is she? I've seen that moment

between you two over and over again.

You had everything that you ever wanted and you gave it up

- because you were afraid. - They lied to me.

Carmilla, her mother,

they betrayed and murdered me!

You're right: it isn't fair what happened to you,

but that's not an excuse.

Everything that you're doing right now -

hurting everyone else, hurting yourself - it's just because

you're afraid of what comes next, but you don't have to be.

We can help you.

We can help you find the peace that you've always been

- looking for. - No!

No, I don't want your platitudes! I want my...

Your life. You want your life.

- Yeah, we know. - Ugh!

But it's not all about you. And you're a part

of this. Stay put.

- Nice shot! - I've been waiting to do that

since we got here.

So, you're kind of rocking the field work these days, huh?

Think if we got some more admin help, you'd be able

- to come out more. - I think I could

find some time to play.

We're almost free of all of this.

You shouldn't have been drawn into it to begin with.

It was 1872.

If we hadn't been killed by vampires,

it would have been...

I don't know, tuberculosis?

Oddly specific.

Each day was made better

because you tried to make it such.

I don't regret a thing.

Thank you...

for the dance.

I wish there could be another, but...

I get it.

You gotta leave with the one that brung you.

Would you like to...?

Obviously.

Ugh, can we please just move on already?

Ah, it's working!

What the hell now?

Guess with all the ghosts gone,

there's no reason for this place to exist anymore.

So...

it worked.

Hurray.

Sorry about before.

I think I've been so focused on chasing after your life

'cause it seemed a lot easier than...

trying to fix my own.

Hey...

...you're Laura Hollis.

...and I have watched you fight

vampires and... gods,

and even that lady who tried to butt us in line

at the craft fair.

So you're gonna figure it out.

Whatever happens next...

...we're gonna do it together.

This goes Romeo and Juliet on us,

I'm totally gonna haunt your ass.

Of course you are.

Well, that was a kick.

Where are you, guys?

Is everyone OK? Over.

Affirmative. Laura and Carm A-OK.

- Over. - Front door is unlocked.

Oh! Meet you outside.

- You're supposed to say over. - Over.

Let's get the hell out of Styria.

I call dibs on window!

Hmm...

and how does it feel, Ms. Hollis,

to officially be a freelance journalist at large?

I've made a huge mistake! What have I done?

I quit my job. I gave up my cubicle!

I don't have a plan! What am I supposed to do without a plan?

Only about half of that was actual panic,

- so pretty good, right? - Yeah.

I'm just gonna go get some blood, babe.

- So this is a blueprint? - Yep, the blueprints

they sent over. And, oh, check this out.

They have an industrial-size cleaning closet.

And then I was thinking we could put your reactor over here,

- in this corner. - That is a beautiful thing.

Selling out going smoothly?

Uh, we're retaining executive control

over Laferry at Intrigue. And they're giving us

a thorium reactor. A thorium reactor!

- It was really scary. - It sounds a little cushy.

But it was a totally legit adventure.

You know, there were ghosts and a haunted mansion,

and then, you know, this weird netherworld.

And comfy beds and midnight snacks,

- and a masquerade ball. - Look, I even have a mark

where I got ghost zapped. Look.

- No, seriously, look. - No, I see it.

- That's good. - Look! It's there, look!

- You can put it away now. - OK, don't give me

pity eyes, Hollis. Like, you never had a crush

- on a dead girl... - That does sound familiar.

Thanks.

So...

- Carmilla Karnstein... - Hmmm...

...a vampire again.

What's next?

I'm thinking... maybe my PhD in Philosophy.

Hey, attend university for 70-odd years

and you rack up a few credits.

So proud of you.

You're not worried about how we'll spend

the rest of our lives together?

I figure any two people in a relationship,

their lives move at different paces.

That isn't the part that matters.

This...

...here...

right now...

This is what matters.

And I love you.

I love you too.

I'm Laura Hollis

and this is a web exclusive for Cream Puffington Post.

We're talking today with veteran dragonslayer

Elizabeth Spielsdorf about the great apocalypse of 2015.

Hi, I'm Laura Hollis on assignment in Graz

where we're just in time for the ribbon cutting ceremony

on the J.P. Armitage Memorial Library.

I'm Laura Hollis reporting to you live

from the Geneva Summit on the rights of Werepeople.

I'm Laura Hollis reporting to you live from Iceland

where scientists have recently made a breakthrough discovery

of the first drinkable fountain of youth.

A scandal brewing tonight on the step of the capital.

as the President who, last month, was revealed

to be an as-yet unidentified species of lizard creature

with very small hands refuses to produce

his long-form hatching certificate.

This is senior correspondent Laura Hollis

for MSSSN-BCD.

Hey, Maddie.

Hey, sis.

- What are you...? - Back from the underworld

and lounging in your charmingly Bohemian pied-a-terre.

For starters.

You and I and the little ingénue that could

are going on a road trip.

Turns out the angler fish was female.

Before it died, it laid eggs.

Just an alarming number of eggs.

Alright, let's get going.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull