All language subtitles for Theyre.Watching.2016.720p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-PLAYNOW

Just go, go!

Shit!

Oh, shit.
Oh shit.

Come on, come on,
Sarah, come on.

This way, this way!

- Help us!
- Wait...

Fuck, Sarah...

No, no, no,
no, wait!

Welcome to Moldova.

An affordable gem nestled in
the heart of Eastern Europe

where the old meets
new in surprising ways.

Meet Becky Westlake,
a successful artist and potter.

After 10 years in the hectic
Los Angeles craft scene,

she is looking for some
Old World inspiration.

Running the
gallery has been great

but I think it's
time for a change.

I wanna slow down,

focus on my life,
my relationship.

My name is Goran Potsnik.

I think people know
who I am, but okay...

Professional soccer player.

What else do you wanna know?

Goran was cute,
athlete, very different

but, um, actually I think
that's what turned out

to be the nice part,
we're very different.

Well, we meet in,
uh, in Lisbon in, uh...

In a bar and here we are.

A healthy relationship.

Becky wants a house
where she can set up her pottery studio,

with enough room left
over to raise a family.

To find a bargain, Becky
has enlisted the help

of local real estate
broker Vladimir Filat.

Moldova has very complicated laws with taxes,

land titles, religious zoning,
and gypsy prohibitions.

Not to worry.

Vladimir is best
broker in Moldova.

And as Vladimir says,

"Only broker in Moldova is
best broker in Moldova."

Moldova's beautiful.

It's, um, got a
sense of history.

And I wanna be
a part of that.

To find a house
on Becky's limited budget,

Vladimir directs them to the
remote farming hamlet of Pavlovka.

She'd be trading a modern
city of 8,000,000 people

for a rustic village of 200.

So rustic that the
local legend contends

that there was once
a witch-burning here.

But the people are
much friendlier now.

A few miles outside of town

is a cottage home right
out of Hansel and Gretel.

Becky may like
Old World charm,

but does she really
know the difference

between rustic and a wreck?

No one has lived
here for long time.

It's very remote, very cheap.

Many opportunities
for improvement.

Well, for the right price,
I don't mind doing the work.

Really? You can't
handle this much work.

This must be the worst
house in Moldova.

Nobody can fix this.

Come.

Bedroom.

It's small.

I guess families were
closer back in the day.

How 'bout some drinks?

The
interior needs some work,

but the bones of this
old house are strong.

Voila.

Oh, this is seriously feral.

I see media room.

What is this, an outhouse?

It is, uh, a bread
oven, very traditional.

Oh, God, I could turn this
into a kiln for my pottery.

Yes, this is what
I thought as well.

This is good for
spanking, no?

Oh, what was that?

It's, uh, in Moldova,
good luck.

And there's one last
surprise under the master bedroom.

A cellar with
hidden potential.

This used to be
wine cellar originally,

but I thought maybe,
uh, you want to use

as pottery studio.

Oh, my, I could
entertain down here.

What is this?

It's, uh, a pit for,
uh, stomping grapes.

For making wine.

Hot tub!
Bow chicka bow wow.

Is that... What is that,
a painting?

Perhaps,
artist lived here before.

Much like yourself.

I like it.
I like it all.

You serious?

Becky's clearly
taken on a big challenge,

but this artist promises
renovation magic.

After the break, we return
to Pavlovka six months later

to see the transformation.

What? No!

She actually bought
that place?

This house is a
literal nightmare.

What could she have possibly
done with it in six months?

That's what
we're here to find out.

I bet you any money she
hasn't done a goddamn thing.

It happens,
it happens all the time.

Fuck off!

There was this chick in
Portugal, this blonde.

We went back
six months later.

You know, she bought
one of these wrecks.

We go back there

and she has literally
not fixed up

one single thing.

No way!
It was a complete disaster.

She'd not changed one thing
about the place in six months.

It was horrible.

So that made for a really
spectacular episode reveal,

I can tell you.

That being said, very nice,
uh, bikini pics on Facebook.

What?
Very nice.

Wait, are you Facebook friends with the buyers?

Uh, it sometimes
happens, sometimes happens.

Only the chicks, however.

How long does it usually
take for them to unfriend you?

Yeah, that's a
very good question.

How 'bout you
unfriend this, dick?

Whatever.

Alex, this is a $40,000
camera, man, come on.

Oh, my God,
I'm sure it's fine.

I swear to God,
it was like,

Sarah, daggers come
shootin' out of her eyes.

What? Kate seemed nice.

"She seemed nice."
- Yes!

Have you actually met this woman?
- Yes.

My Uncle Wallace introduced
me to her like three years ago.

Okay, see, this
is fascinating.

Speaking of nepotism,
actually,

and on behalf of those who
actually earned their jobs.

What we were wondering was...
- Not cool, man.

Out of curiosity,
what the starting salary

for the boss's niece is.

Alex!
What? Dude.

Be cool, please,
all right?

Don't go all special
forces on me.

We're not
in Afghanistan, man.

Afghanistan... Greg,
did you fight in Afghanistan?

Uh, no, the only thing
that man shot in Afghanistan

was the news.

What?

Yeah, okay, I'm
goin' on a Doina run.

What was that about?
- Nothing, I just, uh...

I was an embedded
cameraman in Afghanistan.

It's boring, I just don't
wanna talk about it.

Look at this, unbelievable.

Oh, my gosh.
- What?

Okay, it's fine. There's a big bug.

It's kind of cute,
it's fine.

This seems
dramatically unsafe.

Right? Where's, like,
Ralph Nader when you need him?

Who?

They're
sold out of Doina.

What kind of hick,
backwater gas station sells out of Doina?

What is the point
of a gas station

if it does not have Doina
is what I wanna know.

How long is it gonna take us
to get to Pavlovka?

You in a
hurry or something?

Yeah, doesn't everybody dream
of being a production slave?

Swear to God, Kate
is gonna slap that smile

off your face so fast,
you have no idea.

Oh, God, how much
you wanna bet?

Twenty dollars,
she's already pissed that we're late.

She's not gonna be pissed at us.
She took an earlier flight.

She can't be mad
at us for that.

You keep tellin' yourself that

while you're cryin' yourself
to sleep at night.

Hold on, guys,
world's biggest pothole.

Careful, man,
she's sleeping.

"Be careful..."
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Is the princess sleeping?

Then I'll just,
I'll just make sure there's no more potholes

in the roads.

Beautiful Moldova!

The poorest
country in all of Europe.

The average Moldovian
believes in vampires,

lives in a tin shed,
apparently,

and has an average
of four teeth.

You are mean.

Moldovanites don't just
enjoy record-setting rates

of tuberculosis, they're also
the world's heaviest drinkers,

pounding back more than eight
gallons of alcohol per year.

That's six times
the world's average.

¶ Just drivin'
through a shitty town

¶ In a shitty van ¶

You can get in on
this if you want.

Uh, but, what is the Pavlovkan national anthem.
Do we have one?

That is the Pavlovkan national anthem.

I was just singing it,
that's that thing.

¶ Everything is
brown in Pavlovka ¶

Oh, my God, Greg,
look, it's your mom.

You fuckin' asshole.

Would it be,
would it be awkward if I hit on your mom?

Here's the local
Stalin impersonator.

This is like
the longest drive ever.

I don't even know
what to do about this.

I mean, who has the right of way here,
me or the horse?

Welcome to the Pavlovka Ritz.

This is it?

And take care of the
fuckin' cockroach in my room.

Hey, come on,
let's do this, man.

This is gonna be fun.
- Are you telling him?

Yes, yes, yes.

He says, "Step on
it yourself" or...

Step on it?
Step on it?

It's bigger than
my fucking foot.

Kate.

Maintenance man will
not be here for hour.

Jesus Christ,
where the fuck have you guys been?

Before you freak out,
three hour delay in Berlin.

Kate, you've met
Wallace's niece.

This says that you're on time,
right here on the website.

And the flight was great,
thanks for askin', Kate.

Oh, fuck,
the fucking Internet here is fucking retarded.

Kate, Kate, Kate.
Fuck!

Relax, it's Pavlovka.

The cell phone service
is, uh, not so good.

And who is this
wonderful woman here?

I have not met you.

Oh, no, hi,
my name's Sarah.

I am Vladimir, it's a pleasure.
Nice to meet you, Vladimir.

I, uh, have a little,
uh, gift for you.

Pick a card, any card.

It's your lucky day!
It's Vladimir.

Everybody knows me because

I make your dream house
appear like magic.

Thank you.
Jesus Christ, whatever.

Just check them in.

Fancy.
Okay, here.

Why are you standing
around, dummies?

Go unpack the van.

Achtung, achtung,
unpack the van.

Fine, do it.

Why are you still filming?

Memory cards are cheap,
I don't wanna miss a shot.

Oh, my God.

All right, it
breaks down like this.

Greg is camera one.

When sound is not a priority,
I am camera two.

Your job is primarily
to fetch us

batteries, memory cards,
stuff like that.

Keep our walkies refreshed.

Et cetera, et cetera.

Um, when do I get
to shoot something?

Do you know how
to use a camera?

Yes, I took a lot of
film classes in college.

Oh, oh, my God, Greg,
she, she took film classes

in college.
I'm so sorry.

I didn't know we had
an expert on the crew,

so when you are not
being our fetch monkey,

you can be camera three.

You drop this thing,
it is $1,500 out of your paycheck.

Okay.

Okay, it's 2K, waterproof,
even shoots night vision.

Night vision?
Yeah.

For Home
Hunters Global?

Bow chicka bow wow.

What does that mean?
Yeah, what does that mean, Alex?

It means, you know,
in case somebody

wants to hook up
with the buyers.

Yeah, 'cause they're
definitely not gonna wanna

be able to see him when
he's hooking up with 'em.

Oh, see, he's very mean.

You thought he was so
nice, but he's so mean.

This is why I love him.
'Cause he's a meanie.

Alex loves...
He loves my inner asshole. So much!

This is called a boom pole.

It's not to be taken internally.
If you catch my drift.

Oh, so you
guys haven't heard

of sexual harassment
then, huh?

What happens in
Moldova, stay in Moldova.

Small cameras,
um, very versatile.

We use these for window
mounts, car mounts, uh,

chest mounts,
if you are so inclined.

Chest mounts, for
hooking up with the buyers?

No, for hooking up with the crew members.

No, this is actually for maybe
theoretically recording Kate

when she's screaming at you
and hopefully we can get her

fired one of these days. Listen.
See if we can figure this out.

Are we gonna put it on?
Yeah, just kinda hold it over here.

Okay,
can you see that?

No, I think it's great.
Mmm-hmm.

All right, let's get
kitted up, all right?

We need to, uh, get
some B roll of donkeys,

cobblestone,
that sort of thing.

You know how Kate loves donkeys.
Yep.

Donkeys, really?

What, I don't mean,
you know, real donkeys.

Okay, sure.
I mean, you know,

men who are hung like donkeys.
- Yep, I got it.

That's good, just relax,
let the camera be your eyes.

I've done this before.

Hmm, yeah,
and she's got the student loans to prove it.

Oh boy,
look at this one.

Ah, now you see
that really sexy,

healthy looking American
couple in the window?

Yes.
Yeah, don't.

That goes for all crew,
all right, especially Kate,

Kate sees herself
in a, in a shot,

she'll slit your throat,
and that goes for car windshields,

mirrors, I don't know,
wishing wells, it doesn't matter.

Nothing ruins the
illusion of television

like catching the man
behind the curtain.

Or woman.
Or, yeah, whatever.

Dude. We're done
with this, right?

Can I just get rid of it?

Oh,
I feel like these houses are looking at me.

All right,
pan down at me.

Come on, film school,
that's way too fast.

Anything quicker than
an optic foot per second,

people at home are
gonna start throwin' up.

Nice and slow,
nice and steady.

Nice and...

Fun lady.

Come closer, come closer,
come closer, come closer, come closer.

Okay, now it's just awkward.

Somebody had onions
for lunch, obviously.

Back off, back off.

Okay.
That's it.

All right, now follow.

Here we go.
- I got it.

- Follow, follow, follow.
- I got it, I'm following.

And stop.

Sorry, sir.
Alex, she's a pro.

No, man, no, she
went to film school.

And God said,
"Let there be Doina."

Doina, Doina,
I'll give ya Doina.

Baby, you want Doina.

Give you some Doina.

Baby, what you
got there, baby?

I got some Doina, baby.

There is not one single
Starbucks in this entire town.

How do they live
without caffeine?

This is important.

Kate is
gonna be so mad at us.

No, you have to
be in the middle.

To the left of us.
Five, six, seven, eight.

Two, and back, back.

Kick, shuffle, shuffle.

Doina.

Doina.

Do... Is mine upside down?
It is. Shit.

Doina!

Oh, shit.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the President of Moldova.

Your Excellency?

No?

Yeah, so like this is
pretty much how we filmed

the Black Hawks
in Afghanistan.

It was pretty fucked-up shit.

Greg, you know, you
should just maybe, just,

just bend me over
now and fuck me.

Yeah, just fuck me like
you fucked the Taliban.

Dude, you're in the shot, man.

Ah, you are selling weed.

What a coincidence,
because I am buying weed.

Guys!

Yep?
- I'm goin' to, um,

I'm gonna go shoot
some stuff in the market.

Okay.
Okay.

Okay.

Eat a dick.

Did you get me in the shot?

Oh, sorry.

Listen, let's, uh...

Man, this is great.

This is local color.
Come on, let's go.

Greg,
look, it's your mom.

Just keep walking.

The cameras?

We can't have cameras?

Okay, that's no
problem, we'll just, uh,

we'll drop 'em off,
that's fine, that's okay.

Yeah.

Sarah.

Sarah.

It's fine, let's just, uh,

let's just turn
this off, okay?

Are you sure
this is a good idea?

Yeah, this is the sort
of thing Kate wants.

Okay, that's, that's fine.
It's off.

Thank you.

This place is so cool.

Yeah, look at this.

Look at the fresco on
the wall over there.

Are...
Are they burning her?

Shh.

3:00 on a Wednesday,
these people are at church.

That's crazy.

What is that painting?

I don't know.

Oh, fuck,
it's a funeral.

Oh, my gosh,
those were kids.

That's three kids.

Greg, we should...
I think we should get outta here.

Greg.

I don't...
I don't have a good feeling about this.

Can we just...

Greg.

What the fuck
are you two fucktards doing?

- Sarah.
- How do I turn the fucking thing off?

Where the
fuck's your walkie?

Greg, I don't know,
I can't turn this thing off.

I didn't realize...
- Wait!

Greg, watch out!

Sarah, get over here.

Okay.

We're sorry, sir,
but those men were...

Sarah, just stop it.

These people are upset

that you have filmed

something which is

very personal.

I have explained to them that

you did not understand.

Which is not true.

You should go now.

Okay, thank you.
All right. Come on.

Thank you.

Okay, thanks. Thank you.

Let's go. Walking. Let's go.

Turn around, keep going.
Keep going, Sarah, go.

Go, go, go, go.
- Okay.

It's called the
biggest donkey.

You take donkeys from
villages around county.

They feed the donkeys as much
as possible for three months.

At the end of three months,
they weigh the donkeys.

The one with the
biggest donkey

wins all donkeys.

He's very rich man now.

Yeah, yeah, I will
pitch that to Wallace

as soon as I get home.

Yes, you get finder's fee.

Clever idea
for reality show.

Where the fuck
have you guys been?

We just accidentally
filmed a funeral.

Jesus Christ.

And we
almost got beat up.

There was three kids.

Three... These people,
they don't believe in immunization.

Why didn't you just
tell 'em you're Americans?

40 hours, guys.

That's when our plane leaves.

We need to be at Becky's
getting exteriors.

All right,
then let's go, come on.

Enough sittin' around.
- I teach you happy song.

Jesus Christ, fuck!

I teach
you song on the way.

Is it about donkeys?

It's happy.

Hey, sing with me.

Come, sing.

Why, why are you
coming with us?

Because, I, I...
In last six months,

Becky and I have become,
uh, good friends.

We're very close.
I wonder what she's done with this place.

I... You know what
I hope,

I hope that she's
fixed up the barn.

You remember that barn, Kate?

That was a great barn.

Actually, Greg,
come to think of it,

you should take Sarah
out to see the barn

'cause she'd like that.

Think she'd probably
really like that.

She is out in the boonies.

Alex!

Shut the fuck up!

Jesus.

Oh my God.

Vladimir, is it,
like, National Ax Day?

What the fuck is this?

Hi, homey.

This is,
uh, villagers.

They are probably just...

What the fuck was that?

They go out,
they chop wood.

It's for fireplace.

Right here.

Oh, wow.

- Oh my gosh!
- Wow.

- Wow.
- Oh, my God.

It's beautiful.
Easy fix!

She really fixed it up.

Are you sure
this is the right house?

I thought you
were coming earlier?

Me, too.

Look at this.

Alex, Greg, I'm so
happy to see you guys.

Amazing.
Hi.

Becky.

Holy shit, this is amazing.

- Thank you.
- Hi.

Wow, this is quite
a transformation.

Thanks.

Becky.

Vladimir, right?
Yes.

She kids.
This is Sarah.

She's, uh, she's new,
she just joined us.

Hi.
- Hi.

Nice to meet you.

Your house looks great!

Thank you.
- Is Goran here yet?

Um, no, he's
actually, um, traveling.

So he's not gonna be
here for a few days.

I know he's sorry
he missed you guys.

No Goran, that sucks,

'cause he was just
a really nice guy.

How does it look, Greg?
Do we have enough light to shoot?

No, Kate, I'm sorry,
we're not shooting

Ghost Hunters Global.

That's funny,
that's very funny.

Yeah?

Yeah, all right, let's
get, uh, back in the van.

No, no, no,
you guys came all this way.

Um, just come in
for a minute.

I have Starbucks.

Our viewers love it
when a fixer-upper

comes together like this.

Well, I really
couldn't have done

any of this without Goran.

He's done so much.

And not just with the house.

I feel like now that
we're together, he's, um,

he's helped me become
who I was really meant to be.

You know, two years I spent

on a Canadian
home renovation show

and they never got anywhere
close to this level of work.

You and Goran should
be really, really proud.

Well, if you guys like what
I've done with the kitchen,

I can't wait to
show you the cellar.

Ah, that will have
to wait until tomorrow.

It's getting late and we need to get back to town.

Kate, come on.
No, you know the roads, let's...

No, well, I just saw you
looking at him a little bit.

If you think he's cute,
you should go for it.

I work with him!

Sarah, let's go!

I want dinner and bed so we can come back here early.

Okay.
Will you show me your pottery tomorrow, Becky?

Sure.
- Okay.

Sarah!
I'm coming!

In Moldova, they say if
you do not like weather,

you wait 10 minutes.

It's run, sun, snow,
all on same day.

You guys, Becky was so nice.

You know, it's a shame
you didn't meet Goran

because he's a real people pleaser.
- Alex.

- Jesus Christ.
- Oh!

Sorry.
Oi.

- Watch it, Alex.
- Sorry.

Great
fuckin' day, guys.

Okay, we go to nice
restaurant for dinner.

We meet in lobby
in 50 minutes.

It's time for shower.

Come.

I'd say it's
time for a shower.

You are overdue.

Oh, am I
early, Mr. Abernathy?

I thought we had your interview scheduled for 7:30?

Sarah, we still
have 30 minutes.

Oh, that'll
be plenty of time.

I only have a few questions.

To sleep!

You can try to sleep,
but I'm not goin' away

until I get my story.

Really?
Mmm-hmm.

Wow.

Mr. Abernathy, that
is quite unexpected.

May I ask you what the
circumstances were behind?

Well the, uh, the terms
of the settlement agreement

prohibit my mentioning
specifics, but, um,

there might have been,
uh, an altercation.

An altercation?

Between myself
and Mr. Torini,

during which Mr. Torini's
eye may have become...

Wait, wait, wait.

You punched Alex?

Oh, my gosh.

So, Miss Ellroy,
viewers are dying to know,

to what do you ascribe your
meteoric rise in the film world?

Oh, well, uh,
my unique vision

comes from a lifetime
of suffering, naturally.

I, uh, I had to fall
back on my safety school

when Harvard refused me
my private parking space

for my BMW.
Oh!

It was terrible!
The fools.

Fools!

I don't like to talk
about it really, so.

Next topic.
Moving on from tragedy.

Moving on.
I hear that your

stunning documentary work

has made you the
toast of Moldova.

Well, as they say,
only filmmaker Moldova,

best filmmaker Moldova.

I've heard this
about Moldova.

You're staring.

I am, yeah.

You like having
the camera on.

I don't
wanna miss anything.

Like what?

Um, what is all
this news about Goran?

Seriously?

Yes.

All right, um, okay, you want, uh,
come on, I'll show ya.

Okay.

I won't! Not even,
not even like one single breath.

If you, if you say one thing to Kate,
and you get us fired...

I don't
even know what I'll do.

I will, I will sell you to
Vladimir is what I'll do.

Girl scout's honor.

She's a girl scout on
top of everything else.

This is amazing. Now, just remember,
you wanted to see this.

Okay.
All right?

Okay.
Okay.

Who's a good guy.

You a good guy?

The little guy.

Hey, man, have
you seen Goran anywhere?

I need him for his interview.

No, I haven't seen him,
go ask what's his face.

Disco Dracula.

Disco Dracula.

Hey, man.

Greg, my good friend.

How can Vladimir be helping?

Uh, I'm
looking for Goran.

Have you seen him anywhere?

I think I see Goran and
your producer in barn.

Come, I take you.

So, uh, Alex tells me

you were in Afghanistan.

He does, huh?

Alex has a big mouth.

The reason I ask is
because I have friends

who can get things
into Romania.

And if you have friends
maybe get things

out of Afghanistan, we can.

We can...

Vladimir, are you, uh,

are you asking me to
smuggle heroin for you?

Is camera on?

I... Vladimir would never
suggest such a thing.

No, man,
film's expensive,

I wouldn't just be
rolling it like that.

Think about it,
it's all I ask, huh?

Oi!

Hey, Kate.

Oh, Jesus, Greg,
get the fuck out of here!

Get out of here!

- I'm so sorry.
- Fuck!

- Jesus.
- Goran, don't.

Hey, what the fuck
are you doing, man?

Nothing.
What the fuck is this?

It's nothing.
What?

What's okay,
what the fuck is this?

The
camera is not on.

We were just talking
about this, it's not on.

It's not on,
it's fine.

- I just need you for an interview.
- Fuck off!

That's the face,
that is why I do this.

It is for that face.

Your shock sustains us.
What?

It's a beautiful thing.

I can't believe you
guys didn't get fired.

We get fired?
Why would we get fired?

She's the one got soccer
dick up her snooze hole.

What do you think she's gonna tell your Uncle Wallace

back in New York,
that I walked in on her

fuckin' the buyer's boyfriend?
Come on.

This is like... This is our,
this is our get-out-of-jail-free card.

And we only show it to pretty
much everybody we meet, so...

Yeah, only, only
pretty much everybody.

What would she
have done if Goran

would've been there today?
She would have been fine,

she's a total pro.

She just would
have been like...

Stop!
Goal!

Okay, can you just...
Wait, can you come here

and play this, like, last
part just one more time.

Why, is it workin' for you?
Is this gettin' you hot?

No, there was, can you...
There's just, like,

something that's bugging...

...me a little bit at the end.
Yeah?

Dinner,
dummies, let's go.

We're comin'.
All right, Kate.

Next time, Sarah provoked.
Let's go eat. Uh...

You guys,
what am I gonna do with this, like, laptop?

Okay, wait up, guys.

Um. I'm sorry, ma'am, could you...

And now go,
now go home. Go!

What the frick?

You guys, did you see that old lady upstairs?

Oh, my God, finally,
I'm starving.

Come on, guys, let's
go, she's here.

Did you
guys not see her?

Hey, Sarah, come on,
let's go, we're eating.

Greg,
that lady that was your mom is upstairs right now.

It doesn't matter, look, come on,
we haven't eaten since Berlin.

Best restaurant in town.

Of course, only restaurant
is best restaurant.

Huh, come on. GREG: What's it,
what does it mean?

It means the Burning Stake.

Okay, good enough for me.
They're gonna burn my steak.

All right.

What?

This is the table.
- This is the table.

Hi, Buddy.

Shit, Greg,
those are the guys who were at the church.

Sit down, don't worry.
Just don't make eye contact.

Dude, dude, how 'bout
takin' those guys on?

Don't make eye contact.
They look like cool guys.

Let's just order some food.
Can you get the waitress?

Vodka, vodka, vodka.
- Vodka all around.

Vodka,
vodka, vodka, vodka.

All right.
Sarah, get in on this.

Becky's tomorrow.
- Yeah, I want one.

Amsterdam for three days
and then, God bless us,

back in the States.
Hey, to the States.

Hey, to the States.

States.
Amsterdam. Amsterdam.

Famous Soviet magic trick
make vodka disappear.

Watch, focus pocus.

Focus pocus?

It's disappear!

I know that trick,
I know that trick. Cheers.

I'm a magician, too.

Two sevens in a row means
bad luck for the rest of your life.

Okay, well,
two sevens in a row means I get to roll again.

Oh my God, I've had five...

Did we eat dinner yet?
- No.

We haven't eaten? Really?
Nothing? SARAH: No.

The pride of
Humboldt Country right there.

The food's here,
the food's here. Finally.

Oh, my gosh,
that looks so good.

Thank you.

And, oh, I think
that's yours, Alex.

That looks more beautiful than...

What are you talking about?
Nothing, I'll tell you when you're older.

Nerdy R and C girls?
Ask your father.

Ask your dad...
You stop laughing!

You don't even know
what's going on!

Eat your goat dick
and shut up.

And you stop laughing.

Okay, I'm rollin',
let's hear it.

Many years ago,

beautiful woman builds
home outside Pavlovka.

She never bother nobody.

But she is stranger.

And these were very
cautious times.

So one day,
it happens in town.

The cattle get sick.

Children get sick.

People start to die.

Villagers want to know why.

Why is this happening?
Who is to blame?

They don't understand
germs, these people.

So here you have single woman,
beautiful single woman.

She live outside of town.

She never go to church.

And she has black cat.

She must be witch!

Yeah.

What happened?

Well, villagers
go to her house.

They tie her to stake,
they burn her alive. End of story.

Millions times this happens.

They burned her alive?
Da.

Yeah, people
suck all over, man.

That's just the way it is.
That's just the way it is.

I mean,
it's no different than what we did in Salem in the 1600s.

Yes, but in Pavlovka,
this happens only 100 years ago.

100 years only.

That is awful.

Not really, it's
good for business.

Oh, shit,
the restaurant's called the Burning Stake.

The Burning Stake.
The Burning Stake.

Nasty, nasty.
Nice to know ya.

Nice to know you.

Nice to know you.

There's no "T" in borscht.
- There is a "T"

- It's borsch.
- It's at the end of the word "borscht."

Everyone in America
says it with a "T," Vladimir.

You're,
you're wrong.

Shh.

The streets
are full of drunks.

Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

Do you know your
back way to hotel?

We know the back way.
I only go back way.

I never go front way.
- Shh. Quiet, you.

Take me to your back way.
Come, come on.

I have to
piss like a tiger.

It is Friday morning.

We are still in Pavlovka.

And check this out.

She's been standing
there for like 20 minutes.

- Sarah, let's go!
- Coming!

Alexi!
- Look who it is.

Let's not, let's
just not do that, okay?

Hello!

Oh,
good morning, Constable. Good day.

Sorry about
yesterday at the church.

Just a misunderstanding
between people.

Different cultures.

Maybe I visit today.

Uh, I, well,
I don't think I'd be the person

to talk to about that, but...

Uh, uh, Constable,
hi, I am Kate Banks.

Hi. Uh, this is my crew.

Now, I, I know that they
can be a little enthusiastic

but I assure you we won't
use any of the footage

that we shot in your church.

That would be appreciated.

Now I must ask, will
you be finished today?

Yes, absolutely, yes.
We would love to spend more time

in your
beautiful town, but...

Well we'd just love to stay in your beautiful town.

Jesus, Kate.

What the fuck did
you want me to say?

The guy had a gun.

Kate, you
think like native.

Gun always wins.

Okay, okay, all right, shh.

Okay, now just...
Daddy doesn't feel good.

About last night.

It sounds like you
guys had so much fun.

I wish I would go
in town more.

Hey, are you gonna film
absolutely everything?

Yeah, it's
just something we do.

So we've got six more
hours of good light.

Guys, get set up.
Sarah, you're with me, come on.

Okie-doke.

Becky, I think it's great right by that tree.
Let's get a close up.

Uh, just be natural.

Right, okay, uh...

Perfect.

All right, so, uh,
to camera. Okay.

Do you have a lot
of neighbors close by?

No, my nearest neighbor
is about two miles away.

And do you have them over?
Do you have dinner parties with them?

I think they think I'm weird.

Like, who would live
all the way out here

if they didn't have to?

Oh, they don't
find country life romantic?

Yeah, no,
guess not.

I have some ferns,
of course, you know.

Um, very hot peppers.

Um, I have, uh, mandrake.

Mmm, growin'
some aphrodisiacs, huh?

Okay, we're done.
Sarah!

I know that you're
Wallace's niece,

but out here I'm your fuckin' boss.
I was tryin' to help, Kate.

Sarah, shut the fuck up.
- Oh, come on, Kate.

I know that you just graduated
from film school and you think

that you know everything,
but you don't.

Okay? You don't.

And the only way that
you're going to learn

is by keeping your
fucking mouth shut

and watching the professionals do their jobs.

You understand?

Do you understand?

Sarah, are you okay?

Just stay out of her way,
stick with us for a while,

let her calm down.
All right? Okay.

It isn't all bad, I promise.

Are you guys
sure I'm not in the way?

- No, you're okay.
- Hey, guys.

- Hey.
- Yo.

Are you filming
the cellar now?

Uh, we're not,
we're gonna shoot the ground floor

while the light's good,
but later, yeah, for sure.

Okay.

- I promise we'll get to it.
- Okay.

Fuckin' cutie patootie.
- Mmm-hmm.

Uh-huh.

What, Alex,
is she your type?

I wanna get this fireplace but I'm thinkin'

that hot spot off the window,
it's not gonna look good.

How the
fuck did I do this?

Uh, you can just shoot it
from where she's standing.

Yeah.

Yeah, it
looks great from here.

I need the reflectors.

How's that?

That's better.
Becky, in your own time.

And it, it's just, I mean,
the whole house smells warm.

The food comes out, like,
beautifully just because...

Pump, I don't know if
you remember before

but the water was,

you know, kinda came out
dripping and kinda green.

And all of this wood
here is salvaged wood

so everything is getting
a renewed life, you know?

So Goran did so much
on the outside here.

The staining,
detailing, these slats.

Anyway, um, if you come inside,
I can show you some of my work.

Here.

Um, ooh,
and this fire I have to tend to constantly.

Placement really
matters, you know.

It's not like working with
a commercial kiln at all

but it's really cool.

You know, uh, you go back to the old ways,
be part of tradition.

And the best part is, um,
I made myself something

to remind me of how it was
when we first got here.

And here's my little friend.

Oh, it's the cat
from the first segment.

That is so cute.
Jesus fucking Christ.

Go make yourself useful.

And go get me
some B roll shots.

All right, shoot some
fucking trees, some cows.

Just get the fuck
outta my face.

I paid
$150,000 at film school

to film trees.

We got it, we got
the B roll you needed.

We got this big-ass stump.

Want some B roll
of some stray dogs?

Here you go.

The barn of passion.

Transformed from a
place where animals eat

into a warm and
stylish fuck pad.

Fink.

Huh, looks like Becky
ran outta steam.

Ah, hello, Senor Frog.

Whoa.

What the hell is that?

Who's a good dog?

Who's my good boy?

You wanna be a TV star?
- Alex.

I do, Alex.
I do wanna be a TV star. Alex.

What's up?
Something's wrong with the camera.

Oh great,
Kate's gonna love that.

Just go show it to Greg.
He's inside setting up a shot.

Good boy want a Doina?
Does a good boy wanna Doina?

What's this? It's a Doina.

Yeah, you don't like Doina?

Uh, Greg, there's something
wrong with the camera.

Let's take a look.

Did you try turning it off and on?
Sometimes that works.

Yes.

Well, it looks
like it's working.

It was totally
fritzing out before.

Yeah, well,
looks good to me now.

So, uh, what are
you doin' later?

I don't know,
I got this thing.

Yeah.
What?

Bumpy ride, bad food.

Oh, the bumpy ride,
bad food thing.

Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, I've got one of those, too.

Yeah.

How 'bout after that?

Isn't gonna get
this done, so here we go.

How hard could this be?

Ah, excuse me, yes,
I am Kate Banks,

host and producer of
Home Hunters Global.

I know.
Oh, I've got more fans.

Okay. Oh,
you guys are so great.

So, uh, what's your
favorite part of the show?

Kate.
Kate, Becky, she wants

to show us something
inside, come, come, come.

All right.

So you guys remember the wine cellar, right?
- Right, yeah.

You are not gonna
believe what we found

when we started
fixing this all up.

Cases of wine?
Yeah.

All right, hold on.

Here we go.

Oh, can you grab that light?

- What was that?
- What the hell?

That's Alex.

Alex!

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my God,
Alex, your arm.

Oh shit.

Shit, shit, shit,
come on, come on.

Grab the dog!
What we need right now is a blanket.

We don't have
a fucking blanket.

Then take off your jacket
and put it over his shoulder!

What kind of
hospital is this?

Can't believe this
is the only doctor in town.

Only doctor in town
is best doctor in town.

We should've stayed
and finished the shoot.

Really, Kate, with
a dead sound tech?

I'd love to see you
explain that to Wallace.

Fuck Wallace.

Fuck this. How am I
supposed to do a show

with a bunch of fuck-ups?

I need some air.

Greg,
is he gonna be okay?

That was a lot of blood.

Yeah, I think Alex is going
to be fine, that wasn't...

Wasn't that much blood.

So...

Uh, what happened
in Afghanistan?

Game of badminton, ladies?

It lives.
It does.

- Are you okay?
- Like Lazarus.

Yeah, no, man,
it was gnarly.

Let me tell you something,
this dude right here

has the best painkillers
in the city.

That's my boy.
If it's good enough for pigs,

it's good enough for me,
right, my man?

Okay.
Put it up here.

Thank you very much for your help.
That's right.

Let's go, let's go.
That's my boy right there.

Sarah, let's get
the fuck out of here.

That's my guy.

I tell you,
you haven't lived

till you got a brain
full of narcotics

and a belly full of hog balls, people.

It's heaven.

Those guys are still staring at us.
That's really great.

I know,
they are big starers in this town.

It's a little village,
little people.

Naturally curious,
like monkeys.

Creepy monkeys.

You know,
we could just order them some drinks. Ah!

It's cheap, it's easy,
- Great idea.

Greeks, this they like.
Good idea. That's not going to...

Vladimir,
make that happen.

Cheers.

Okay, someone's
getting up.

- Oh, shit.
- Greg?

Hey, uh, Greg,
he only ask

why you filming
everything.

Hey, cheers, guys.

Booze buys happiness,
every time. Ah!

Go!

Vladimir, get some fucking alcohol.
Come on, man.

Hey!

Hey!

Holy fucking kid.

Okay, Greg,
here we go.

Okay.

Ah!

Yeah!

USA, USA, USA!

USA!

You, uh,
drunk enough

to tell me
about Afghanistan?

You ever going to
talk to me again?

Ugh.

You're name again is Margarita, right?

And you're, Margo what?

Margarita,
that's nice.

What? What is she saying?
What's your name again?

Luma?

Not-ser-ay, that's a
nice name, Not-ser-ay.

Not-ser-ay and Margarita.

So what was I
talking about?

Oh, yeah, I don't like
her new haircut.

I don't think it's hot.

Your earrings
are gorgeous.

Uh, Vladimir,
how do I say gorgeous?

Yeah.
- You're welcome.

Hey, Vlad, how
do I say, uh, beer?

Can I say vodka?

Vodka.
Vodka, that's like international, man,

everybody knows that.
Vodka? Vodka!

Vodka...

How do you say
"bedroom"?

I don't want this,
this isn't for me, this is...

You've got to
give it to her.

Uh... Vladimir,
how do I say "I'm sorry."

Excuse... Wait, what?

Hmm.

What does
that mean?

It means,
"I am asshole."

Wait, um,
how do you say, uh...

"Do you have any
diseases that I should be worried about?"

Jesus, how do you
say "moron"?

We got a big ass prost
over here!

Dick-wad, how do
you say dick-wad?

I can't believe you just
went kakanad on me.

I went kakanad.
You frigging prost.

I've got a good one.

How do you say
"spoiled brats"?

That is so mean.
How do you say "witch"?

Oh, no.
No, no, no, no.

All right, just go, guys.
Come on, come on, come on.

So stupid. Next time,
keep your fucking mouth shut.

I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to say something like that. It just...

It's bar, people get drunk,
they fight, it's okay.

No, it's
definitely not okay.

Tomorrow, we finish
up at Becky's

and we head straight
to the airport.

Kate, we've all been there, okay?
Just back off.

I didn't come
to this shithole

to get into
a stupid bar fight.

Yeah, why did
we come to this shithole?

Ugh, Greg, are you
still filming?

Turn that fucking
thing off.

Bitch.

No, they've been here
since this morning.

You guys didn't hire
them or anything?

They're not, I thought,
maybe extras or something?

Mmm-mmm.
Sarah, do me a favor, don't point

the camera directly
at them.

Okay, sorry.

Kate, call it, please. I mean,
should we get in touch

with that constable?
What are we doing?

I have no signal.
- Great.

Same.
Maybe I should just go talk to them.

I'm sure it'll be fine.
- No.

No, let's just do our jobs
and get out of here quickly.

Please? I agree,
let's shoot it, let's, uh, go home.

Oh, fuck me.
We'll be fast, okay?

Fine, fine.
- Come on.

We can get this done.
Alex, camera.

Let's do it fast and
let's get outta here

before they go all
Deliverance on our asses.

Uh, Becky, do you
have a paring knife?

Big knives look
threatening on camera.

Oh, uh, yeah,
of course.

Um...

Perfect.

Jeez.

Yeah.

Let's get a nice
shot of these.

Ooh, that's really creepy.
Make sure to get that.

And there's a couple of things I wanted in the bedroom.

- Drop your boom, Alex.
- Yeah.

So I really couldn't have done
any of this without Goran.

Here we go!

So excited to show you.

Oh, that's cool.

Come on down.

I'm sad I
didn't get to meet Goran.

I know,
but his plane doesn't even get in

until tomorrow.

- Holy crap, Becky.
- Oh, my God.

Wow!
Becky?

This is great,
did you paint this?

No, can you believe
anyone ever covered this up?

I sent pictures to a friend of mine in Venice

and he dated the floor to
the time of the Roman Empire.

- Wow.
- A national treasure in my basement.

- Oh, it's beautiful.
- I want to get it from over here.

And what about this wine-stomping vat,
holy shit.

Oh, I just use that to, uh,
store paint thinner

and stuff, you know,
the smell.

Oh, but here's
the best part

and I wanted to show
you guys all at once.

Ta-da!
- Wow!

- Oh, my God.
- Crazy.

Vladimir's
story about the witch.

You, uh, are
very good painter, Becky.

Oh, no.
I didn't paint this, it was here.

They've been using torches
down here for 100 years

so it was covered under
all this soot and smoke.

Uh, Greg,
our flight leaves in seven hours.

You want to go get all your
gear and get set up down here?

Yeah, yeah,
okay, I got it.

There's more
on this wall.

I was hoping to finish it
before you guys got here

and I ran out of time.

This is an amazing find, Becky,
great work.

Thank you,
I'm really proud of it.

I don't know
if I'd wanna sleep

with this in my basement.

This is kind of creepy,
don't you think?

Oh, no.
I'm not superstitious, it's not scary.

It's just history.

You know,
I have some friends at the Learning Network.

They might build an hour-long special from this.

I mean, they'd pay
you of course, Becky.

It will also make
great tourist attraction.

Uh, bed and breakfast.

People from Netherlands
eat this up with spoon.

Uh, you could get rich.

I'm not
interested in money.

I just want

everybody to experience it,
every bit of it.

You know, it's funny,
I moved here to be an artist,

and here I find
I'm not the first.

Like I'm part of a tradition.

In a weird way, it just
makes me feel connected.

Hey, guys, guys!

What the fuck?

Wow, so does this
mean we're not getting

our rental deposit back?

How could they have done
this with us right inside?

Guys, I think
we need to call the cops.

How are we gonna
call the cops, dude?

We don't have any
cell phone signal.

There's not enough
people out here for tower.

Oh, God, Jesus.
Becky, can we use your phone?

Um, I, I
don't have a landline.

Great.

Can you give us
a ride to the airport?

Sorry, I only have my bike.

Well, so we're
fucking stuck here.

Should we call a cab or...

Yeah, that's great, Sarah.

Why don't you walk into town,

go hail one,
and bring it back.

Well, good luck with that,
because whoever did this

is still out there.

Oh, God, if they wanted
to start something with us,

they would've.
We were 10 feet away.

This is passive
aggressive bullshit.

I don't know, Kate, it doesn't
look too passive to me.

Yeah, well who's
fault is that?

I told you all to keep
a low profile in town.

Kate, how are
we supposed to do that?

We're carrying cameras around.

Start by not filming
funerals, Greg.

Wear it live, sister.

Hey, you know what,
at least I didn't get their dog shot, right?

And this one,
yelling "witch" in the middle of a bar

full of psycho Euro-hicks.

Way to win over
the locals, Sarah.

Well maybe I should
just fuck them instead!

You little bitch!

Hey, hey, hey, Sarah!

Don't
fight, don't fight, stop.

No, no, no, no, guys.

Stop!

I go, I go to town.

Everyone loves Vladimir.

It will take me a while,
but I will get help.

Are you serious,
you wanna go out there?

Only volunteer
is best volunteer.

There's just a
few things in here.

In case you need 'em.

Vladimir,
this is for the car.

I bring back change.

Dude, I
want you to have that

in case of emergencies.

Wow.

Later, brother.

Bye.

Oh.
- The fuck?

My heart attack!

No, kidding, just kidding!

I kid, I be okay,
don't worry.

Tension relief, fail.

So it kinda looks like rain.

Anybody want some coffee?

Yes, please.

Yeah, that
would be great.

- I'll make it.
- All in.

All right, let's dance, lady.
I call. What you got?

- Two pairs,
- You bitch.

Good hand.

Not as good as five
Vladimirs though.

Yeah, sorry.

Have you been playing
with those cards the entire time?

Read 'em and weep.

Wallace is gonna
hit the roof over this.

This is one of my... See,
I love this guy, he's great.

Uh, you know, this is...

I lost my virginity
to that guy.

What does that mean,
"Assuming the bridge is okay"?

Um, well,
last spring there was, uh...

It washed out a little bit.

But I think it'll be okay.
It washed out?

Oh, shit,
I mean it's not raining that hard right now, is it?

No, it'll be okay.

Are you laughing at me?

Did that sound kind of
panicked when I said that?

I meant that to be more of, like,
a masculine kind of, like,

"It's not raining."

You, uh, do this at home?
You have a lady at home waiting

for you to cook for her?

If I had a lady at home

doing this for me,

I'd have no idea
how to do this.

No, I mean, you know,
I wanna direct my own stuff, I think.

It'd be nice,
not that it's not super fun working for Kate.

Who's just really the nicest lady you ever wanna meet.

She's a bitch.

That's terrible.

She's a bitch.

Not that I don't like it here.

Not that I don't like it here.

It's just that I
don't like it here.

I think we can add those
peppers now, you ready?

Dude, you're
gonna, like, pay $10,000

to get one from a scalper?
- No, you just get online.

No, I'll
get you guys tickers.

What is, what was that?
You'll get us tickets? Mmm-hmm.

You mean Uncle Wallace
will get us tickets?

That's very nice of him.

I should write him
a thank-you note.

Kate, are you
not gonna eat your food?

Pretty cool.
Like this?

Yeah, but don't try
to hold it steady.

It's just gonna make
you shake it more.

Yeah, listen to her,
she went to film school.

And they
taught her well.

You taped it,
didn't you?

What are
you talkin' about?

You know what
I'm talking about.

You taped it, you lied.

You said the camera was off.

Which one of you showed her?
- Kate.

Alex.

All right.
You know what, Kate, don't do this,

not now, okay,
not in front of Becky.

Um, maybe
I should just go.

No, Becky, Kate's done.

This is your house.

You don't have to
go anywhere.

Listen, we'll have
all had a rough day.

Let's try to
keep it together.

Vladimir's been gone,
what, two hours?

He's caught a ride into
town, he's gonna be back.

Really, yeah, when?
Soon.

Becky, why don't I teach
you how to pull focus?

Oh, okay.

Put your fingers
like this right here.

I begged Wallace not to make
me come back here with you.

Manganese granular.
You just put it in the glaze

and then it comes
out like this.

The rain's definitely letting up.
We should get outta here soon.

That suits me.

It's getting stuffy in here.

Becky, those
are really beautiful.

Thanks, I have a lot more.
You wanna see them? They're in the kiln hut.

Yeah, absolutely.
Let me grab a battery.

There's this really cool
crafts fair in Chisinau.

Once a month, I go there
and I sell my pots.

Yeah? Do you make
a lot of money like that?

Uh, well, not really
because you kinda

have to be there a long time,
but I do sell some and it's pretty great.

Oh, my God.

What?
Oh, my God.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh.

Are you okay?

We're filming
everything from now on.

We can't let these people
get away with this.

It's fucked up.

We shouldn't have
come back here.

What the fuck?
Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- What the fuck is that?

Will somebody please
explain to these assholes

that we are Americans?

Becky, help me. BECKY: All right,
I'm gonna close the bedroom.

I need
the goddamn hammer.

Kate, give me
a hand already! Come on!

I'll get the hammer.

Go, go, go, go, go,
that's good, that's good.

Okay, is there anything
else you guys can think of

that we can do to, like,
trap ourselves in here?

Look, I would rather be in here than out there,
all right?

We're safe.
Safe? If they want us,

they're gonna come
in here and get us.

Nobody's getting in
here, Kate, don't worry.

And if they can't come in,
they're just gonna

fucking burn this place down.

We need to head
out to the woods.

The woods?
Yes.

Kate, we don't,
we don't have any gear.

We don't even have a compass.
Where the hell are we gonna go?

Anywhere but here.

Jesus Christ.

Becky, Goran,
you said Goran's coming in tomorrow morning.

What time does
his flight land?

What?

Goran. His flight,
when does he land?

Um, 8:00 a.m. He said he was coming straight here.

Okay, 8:00 a.m.,
okay, right?

It's a two-hour flight, Kate.
- Yeah.

He's in his car by 9:00,
he's here by 11:00,

noon at the latest. All right,
assuming that he didn't miss his flight.

I'm sure he
didn't miss his flight.

Or the bridge isn't out.
- Jesus Christ.

Or those fucking
maniacs out there

didn't cut him up the way they fucking cut up Vladimir!

Enough!

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

Oh, that's fuckin' great,
Kate, that's fuckin' awesome.

Guys, listen, here's the plan. We're gonna
stay here tonight, we're gonna wait for Goran,

and we're gonna drive
outta here in the morning.

You don't give orders, Greg.

This is my production.

We're not making
a show anymore, Kate.

And yet you're still filming.

That's because we film
everything from here on out.

Everything.

None of you ever liked me.

Do you know how many times
I covered for you guys?

You've all been laughing
at me this whole time.

Sun's going down.

Shit!

Just makin' sure.

We need to
get some sleep.

Yeah, that's great,
who the fuck can sleep?

All right, great, man,
you take the first watch.

Ladies.
You can take this room.

Okay, thanks, Becky.
Listen, Sarah.

I want you to keep
that camera rolling

and then change the batteries,
all right?

Thank you.

And, um, Sarah, if you're
okay with doubling up,

you can share this
room with me, okay?

See anything?

No.

Have you had
a lot of problems

with these people before?

Well, I don't speak
the language yet.

But, um, I've gotten some
hard stares at the market.

Single woman and all,
living this far out of town.

You know.

And I don't go to church.

So I haven't gone
out of my way to

become part of
their community.

But this is...

I'm really gonna
miss this house.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, what was that?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Yo.

What are you doin' up?

Can't sleep.

Yeah, I know,
tell me about it.

Kate went to sleep, like,
10 minutes after you guys left,

stuck me with all this
fuckin' guard duty.

Well,
Greg and I are gonna

take over in an hour or so.

Mmm, that's great,
then I can go

and not sleep in there.

Listen,
Goran's gonna be here in the morning.

All we have to do is
last through the night.

Yeah, I mean, that's assuming
he shows up in that SUV

and doesn't ride in here on
a fuckin' Vespa or something.

Look, I know Kate
is being a bitch

but this plan really does
have a lot of holes in it.

You know, what if he
does miss his plane?

What if the bridge
is washed out?

What if he doesn't get here?

And you know what?
If he does get here,

how do we know we can even
trust this fuckin' guy?

He's one of them, right?

Vladimir
was one of them.

I don't know.

Greg.

What the fuck, get off me!

Get the fuck off me!
- Greg, it's me,

it's Sarah, it's me,
it's Sarah.

It's Sarah, it's Sarah.
- You guys all right?

Yeah, it's
okay, we're fine.

Then stop
freakin' me out!

Greg.

We were shooting

at an all-girl's school

to...

I don't know.

To show how things were
changing over there.

And we were... Finished the shot,
we were leaving,

we were walking
through the door

and these two local
Taliban showed up.

And this is the south,
I mean,

this isn't hardcore
Swat Valley Taliban.

These were just local police.

You know, guys like
this, they just...

They just come in and they

break some windows.

And they flip some tables.

And they burn books and then they lecture the women,

and then they fuck off.

But this time
it was different.

Because this time
they see me.

And they see my camera.

And the chance to
make a splash.

To make the news
in America.

So they take
this little girl...

She may be 10 years old.

She'd just learned
to read and write.

She was learning English.
I mean, fuck,

the future of the country.

And they pulled
out this big knife.

They made me film it.

Greg, there was
nothing you could've done.

They had machine guns,
there's not...

You couldn't have done
anything to stop them.

I didn't even try!
I didn't even try!

I didn't even try.

Hey.

What is it?

Nothing.

All right,
come on, let's go.

What is that,
a pipe?

Hey, wake up.
What?

What the hell
were you thinking?

What, I'm sorry,
I was trying to take the edge off.

Dude, why the fuck
would you want no edge?

You guys,
where's Kate? I don't know.

Oh, shit.

- Becky, get up, we got trouble.
- Becky, Kate's missing.

She's not in the cellar.
Shit!

Way to go, Alex.
What do you want me to say, dude?

I'm sorry, okay.

Why would she
sneak off without us?

'Cause Kate looks out for number one,
that's why.

Exactly. Even if
I was awake,

what am I gonna do,
talk Kate from going out the fucking door?

Shh.

Help me.

We have
to do something.

Help me.

Help...

We can't just
stand here, you guys!

I'm going.

Don't, don't go out there.

They're trying to lure us
out there, it's a trap.

I swear to God,
Greg, please.

He's right, he's right,
- Thank you.

Okay, we'll all
go out together.

What the fuck!
Why, why?

Kate wouldn't do it for us.

What? She wouldn't.

You guys good?
Yeah, yeah.

All right,
come on.

Aw, fuck me, man.

- Watch yourself.
- I can't, I...

Shit, hold still.

Don't fucking wave
that poker in my face.

If you poke me
in the eyes...

Um, sorry, sorry, sorry.

- Becky.
- Okay, I know.

Shh.
Sarah, what do you see?

I can't see anything,
Sarah, can you see anything?

I hear something, Sarah.

Sarah.
- I can't see

my fucking hand
in front of my face.

Alex, shut the fuck up.

There's people
out here, come on.

I heard something.
God, God.

Help me.

Oh, my God. GREG: Shh.
I can hear her.

Oh, my God.

I can hear her,
guys, come on, come on.

Guys, stay low.

- Wait, wait, wait.
- Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet.

Sarah, can
you see anything?

- Stop. Stop.
- Oh, my God.

No. Shh, listen.

Oh, my God.

I can hear her,
I can hear her.

Alex, Alex.
- Kate?

I heard her.

- Kate?
- Kate?

- No, I can't hear it.
- Sarah, what do you see?

- I can't see.
- Sarah, what do you see?

What do I...
I think it's the trees.

I think
we're at the barn.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

She's dead,
I'm going back to the house!

- Alex!
- Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, just wait.

Wait, there's nothing
we can do for her.

They're still out here.

Sarah.

Sarah, come on.

Greg. GREG: Guys,
let's get the fuck out of here.

Becky.

Let's get
back inside.

Sarah, come on.

Yeah, go check the
bedrooms, go, come on!

Greg, can I talk
to you for a second?

Sarah, go! Just go
fucking help Alex!

No, I have to tell you something!
Quit fucking around, come on!

God damn it!

Alex, Alex, Alex.
This is some fucking bullshit.

- Goran's car's in the barn.
- What?

Goran's car
is in the barn right now.

Goran's here? SARAH: No,
his car is in the barn

and it's covered in dust.
What are you saying?

Oh, my God,
the barn.

Holy shit,
where's your laptop?

What the fuck are you talking about?
Give me your laptop.

Come on,
where the fuck is it?

Come on, come on. What?
What's okay, what the fuck is this?

The camera
is not on.

We were just talking
about this.

It's not on.

There.

What is that?

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.
What are we going to do?

She's right the fuck
out there.

Okay, okay, okay.

So she's
a fucking psychopath.

She saw it, she killed Goran,
she killed Kate.

Why the fuck did she kill Vladimir?
I don't know!

Because he saw.

Greg.

Oh, shit, Greg,
Greg, Greg, shit.

What?

Hurry,
come on, let's go!

Come on, come on!

No, no, no, I can't go
down there with her.

Will you listen to me
for once in your life?

I'm not gonna stand around
debating this with you.

Go downstairs now!

Jesus!

Oh, my God, Greg!

Oh, my God!

Jesus fucking Christ,
don't touch me.

Get the fuck away from me.
- Greg, Greg.

Oh, my God, I don't
know what to do.

Don't touch it,
don't touch it,

don't touch me,
don't touch me!

Greg!

Alex, breathe,
just breathe.

Alex.

Alex.

Sarah.

Alex.

- Sarah.
- I'm right here.

Sarah.

Help.

Greg, I have to
tell you something.

I keep this down here
in case of emergencies.

It's 3:00.
We've got eight hours until Goran shows up.

We got to take that out of you.
- Greg.

No, we're not
taking this thing out!

We're gonna bandage it up,
I've done this before.

Trust me, come on.

Greg,
I have to tell you something.

Here, take this.
- Greg.

Put this in your mouth,
bite down on it.

Bite down on it,
just fucking put it in your mouth.

I've got you down.

I've got his arm.

Don't scream.

Take it out.

Okay, one, two,
three, that's it!

That's it, that's it,
that's it, that's it.

Can you deal with this?

Bite down, bite down if you have to.

All right,
you done screaming?

Done screaming?

Fuck you.
That's it.

Yeah, fuck me.

Okay, okay.

You got it,
you got it, you got it.

Fuck.

You got it.

What the heck?

Oh, fuck.

It's okay. Shh.

Alex, Alex,
it's gonna be okay.

Trust me.

What is that?

Oh, my...

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, no.

Oh, my God!

Oh, shit!

Oh, my gosh.

Do you like it?

What the
hell's going on?

Greg, she's crazy,
she killed Goran.

And she killed Kate.

And she killed Vladimir.

Sarah,
what the hell are you talkin' about?

She saw them
together in the barn.

His car is in the barn!

All right, just...
Just calm down.

I'm not gonna fucking calm down,
look at this mural

right now, that's us!

That is us!

She planned this
whole entire thing.

No.

She painted about it!

I didn't paint that.

That was always here.

I was always here.

What?
I was just waiting for Becky.

For you.

Becky, what
are you talkin' about?

Dude,

she is fucking
psychotic, okay?

Listen to me,
she thinks she's a witch

and those hicks
up there do, too.

All right, just back
the fuck off, all right?

They're not here to kill us.
They're here to kill her.

We're just in the way.

No.

I want you here.

To record what happens.

Like in the mural.

Let's start with a close-up.

Becky, what?

Becky, Becky...
Let go of Sarah, Becky.

- Oh, my God!
- Oh, Jesus Christ.

It's Goran!

Oh, Jesus Christ.

No, Becky, Becky,
what are you doin'?

Okay.

Oh, God.

Becky, listen to
me, it's Greg, Becky.

Becky, just put that down.
You don't have to do that.

All right,
let's just talk.

Becky.

Greg.

- Greg.
- Greg!

Greg!

Alex, get outta here!
Go, now!

Greg!

Sarah, we've gotta fuckin' go!

Shit, give me the camera,
give it to me.

Sarah, Sarah,
go, go, run!

Ow, shit.

We gotta go.
Just go, go!

Just go, go, go!

Oh, shit, oh, shit.

Come on, come on,
Sarah, come on.

This way, this way.

- Help us!
- Wait, Sarah!

Oh, fuck!

Sarah!

No, no, no, no,
wait, wait!

Fuck!

What the fuck?

Oh, fuck me.

Oh, fuck me!

Fuck me!

Fuck me!

Fuck me!

No, no...

Shit!

Fuck!

Oh, shit!

Shit, shit, shit.

Jesus!

Great, great!

Oh, shit, shit!

Wait, wait.
No, no, no, wait.

No, my, my shoes?
I'm not even American.

I'm Canadian.
I'm a Canadian.

Good Canadian shoes?

Oh, no, no, no, no!

Okay, okay, okay,
okay, it's okay.

You want me to film it.
Okay, okay, I'll film it.

Okay.

Shit.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe she
actually drank that shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, my God,
that's not a good idea.

That is not a good idea.

Oh, shit.

What did I say?

Oh, God.

Oh, shit!

Shit.

I used to have a painter.

Now I have a director.

Unless...

You don't want
to be my director?

Oh, no,
shit, that's cool.

I mean, who doesn't
wanna direct?

Good.

Show everyone.

How the fuck am I gonna
explain this to Wallace?