Original subtitles

URUSEI YATSURA (Those Obnoxious Aliens)

Don't get so fidgety!

Don't get so fidgety!

You're always looking all over the place!

Stop looking away from me!

More than anyone else, I...

...love you, love you, love you the best!

...love you, love you, love you!

...love you, love you, love you!

...love you, love you, love you!

On nights when the stars are twinkling...

...I dream all about you.

I love you, but you act like you don't know.

I bet you're crazy for someone else by now!

Ah! Men all have so many loves.

Ah! You're spreading them all over...

...and making me worry!

Don't get so fidgety!

You're always looking all over the place!

Stop looking away from me!

More than anyone else, I...

...love you the best! Love you the best!

Hawaiian Swimsuit Thief

Ah, what a wonderful view. The beach really is the best!

I feel sorry for those in cramped Japan, thinking they're snug under heaters!

Hey, Ataru!

Why are there only babes and vegetables on this beach?

Give us a convincing explanation!

Well, I for one have no interest in looking at naked guys.

Thus, to my eyes, anything that isn't a babe is a vegetable. And that's that!

Got that? Now I want you outta my sight.

There are way too many ugly things in this world!

How dare you make us vegetables!

Hey! Hey, look over there!

Wow! What a...

She smiled at me! If I don't accept her invitation, there's no reason for living!

Idiot! She's sending signals to ME!

Shut up! They're to ME!

To ME!

Hi, I'm Ataru Moroboshi. Number-One Japanese boy. Please date with me.

Oh good, I just love Japanese boys.

Th... Thank you very very very...

Wh... What's going on? Hey, hey, girl, where are you...?!

Darling! Who was it that won the special group tour to Hawaii...

...in the supermarket lottery?!

Well? Who won it? Darling!

Can't you people be quiet?

After coming all the way to Hawaii...

...do you have to embarrass yourselves here too?

Miss Sakura!

I've known Miss Sakura for a long time, but...

...this is the first time I've ever seen her naked flesh!

Now that I have... perhaps there's no other way to live but to marry you!

What kind of logic do you base that conclusion on?!

But what are you doing in Hawaii?

I'm a modern girl. Why wouldn't I travel abroad? Besides...

...Uncle loved the sea...

What?

I wondered where he's been lately...

Does that mean she's... here to remember her uncle?

Poor Miss Sakura!

So... Cherry died!

Hey! Look at that big wave!

Bravo!

Damn you! What kind of ghost comes out in the daylight?! Go back to Hell!

Why are you calling me a ghost?!

Miss Sakura said you were dead!

Who said what?!

I said that Uncle loved the sea, and he still does!

She's awesome!

Darling, don't look around. Concentrate! C'mon!

Go!

Well, you're not doing too bad, son!

Pretty awesome, huh?

Babe alert!

Where?

What a pitiful cretin...

I tell ya... I just can't wait until tomorrow!

Miss Sakura's proportions...

And that swimsuit was really something else, wasn't it?

It's drying on the balcony right now. Why don't we swipe it?

Ataru! Geez, Miss Sakura is our teacher. Don't you know?!

We are high-school students, and we should behave accordingly...

...which means doing whatever our urges make us, you know!

Hold it!

I want Miss Sakura's swimsuit!

Stop!

You idiots! I heard everything!

Just as I feared, I left you alone and you're up to no good!

Where is he?

Right here.

Ch... Cherry!

Wh... When did you get into my trunk?

Listen! I'm chaperoning you kids until we get back to Japan. Got that?!

Hey, Cherry!

What is it?

What? I get to keep Lum's swimsuit in exchange for keeping my mouth shut?

Not such a bad deal, wouldn't you say?

There's nobody here. Perhaps you were imagining things.

But, but... I did see someone peeping!

There's nobody here.

Oh no! Our swimsuits are gone!

Yes, and only the girls' swimsuits are missing!

So I didn't imagine it after all. We have to notify the police!

That won't be necessary.

It will be a lot quicker just to catch the crook and get our swimsuits back.

I'm telling you, I don't know.

Torturing me won't change anything. I'm innocent!

Shut up!

Who else but you would do such a thing?

Ataru!

You sneak. You cheated us!

You sneak. You cheated us!

Shame on you!

Shinobu, even you suspect me?

Of course!

Lum?

Even though we're married, I can't let you get away with a crime.

Listen, Ataru, if you'd only confess, we might have mercy on you.

Well? How about it... I can take care of this for a fifty-fifty split.

Too much greed will only lead to self-destruction!

No, I don't know. I'm innocent!

You're lying! You said, "we should do whatever our urges make us!"

I heard him too.

You can't plead innocent!

You can't plead innocent!

Come on! Talk!

How dare you cop such an attitude?

Who said the swimsuits were so sexy?

Who said he'd have Lum's swimsuit?

I seem to recall someone saying even Shinobu's would do!

And who screamed that they were all his?

If that's the case, then all of you are suspects!

No way!

Miss Sakura, the swimsuits aren't here!

We looked everywhere, but there's nothing.

Of course not!

You call righteous men like us criminals.

Shut up!

We'll release you for now, for lack of evidence.

But think about what you have said and done, and repent!

What?! My uncle did what?!

Yes, I saw that round head and some- thing like a swimsuit go underwater.

That's Statement No. 1!

That reminds me, last night... I saw Sakuramboo go out on the deck.

I thought he was going to the bathroom.

But now I see how suspicious it makes him. That's Statement No. 2!

Death to Cherry! That's Statement No. 3.

Huh? Cherry did it?

No way! No way! No way!

It's conceivable.

That being the case, we demand an interrogation of Cherry!

Miss Sakura!

Miss Sakura!

Impossible!

Uncle is a priest, after all, with years of religious training.

Yes, he lusts after food...

Yet, the urges that would make him steal swimsuits are long dead!

That sounds reasonable, now that you mention it.

No. It doesn't matter if he's a priest. A man is a man. We can't trust him.

You sound so convincing when you say that. It's amazing!

Miss Sakura!

Here we come!

Stay away!

Stay away!

OK! We'll be right there!

OK! We'll be right there!

Stay away!

Stay away!

We'll be right there!

We made her cry!

It's the first time she's shown her feminine side.

I swear!

We should've beaten you up until you became unrecognizable!

I've spotted Sakuramboo!

He's swimming toward the open sea!

Gimme!

That depraved priest!

It's disgraceful. To steal even your niece's swimsuit!

I'll beat you beyond any hope of recovery!

Hey! He went inside that cave in those rocks!

Roger!

What an idiot! Fleeing to a place like this!

He's a trapped mouse!

Come on out, Uncle!

Move in! Let him have it!

RIGHT!

Uncle! How dare you call yourself a priest?!

Give me back my swimsuit!

Give it back!

Because of you, we've all suffered!

Bastard! Disgrace!

Cherry! Do you still intend to fight?

If you want a fight, we'll give you one!

Uncle! What kind of man are you?

On top of everything else, you besmirch me?!

You disgraceful priest!

Why you! You rat!

Hey, what are you people doing? Ah...

Shut up! Don't bother us!

Oh! You've betrayed me! You have shamed our family for all eternity!

You disgrace of a priest!

Uh, stop it... stop it, all of you...

I have no idea what's going on, but such is fate.

Full Course from Hell

Ah, there it is. Waiter, here! Here!

Thank you for waiting. Here's the fruit parfait you ordered.

Ah, yes. My favorite.

No wonder she's so fat, eating nothing but stuff like that!

Look who's talking. You ordered a Large yourself!

You want half?

No thanks. I've been gaining weight, so I'm staying away from sweets.

Maybe I should stop too... but I want it so much.

You're lucky, Chiiko. You're so skinny.

Well, being too thin is no fun either.

I want curves in the right places.

Everything shows up when you're in a swimsuit. It's depressing.

It... It's so good to be alive!

One Lemon Squash...

Y... Yes, mademoiselle. One Lemon Squash. Anything else?

Please feel free to order anything!

How about a back rub?

What perfect proportions... not even a single flaw.

And she carries herself with such utmost elegance!

No matter how she poses, she's picture perfect.

She hooks all the men by the eyeballs.

Please, Miss Sakura, tell me!

How do you get such a wonderful body?

There's got to be a secret, right?

Well, actually...

"Beauty Foods?"

Right. I take these pills.

They're supposed to kill your appetite, right? I saw the commercial.

Want to try them?

Uh-huh!

Not me. I don't want to be any skinnier than I am now.

Just one pill?

Once in the stomach, it expands 300 times!

Unfair!

I come to ask you out to lunch and you're already eating without me!

Hey, Shinobu, what were you having? Show me. Gimme some too.

Come on, get it out. Spit out that food!

W... Why didn't you tell me it was a pill in the first place?

You're a total pig!

Where is everybody?

They're swimming their hearts out in the ocean. Forget them, and let's go eat.

Yes, let's.

What sort of priestly training did you have, anyway?

Welcome!

A full course meal for free! A deluxe meal at no charge!

Really?! No charge?!

That's right. If you eat everything on our special menu, the meal is on us.

But, if you give up before the end, you have to pay for what you ate.

However, if you try it as a group, and one of you can eat it all...

...then the whole group's meals are free, even if the others can't finish.

What an unbelievable sight!

Make way!

Table two is disqualified. You owe us ¥84,500.

What! ¥80 what?!

Darling, I wouldn't, if I were you!

Uh, just to let you know, there hasn't been a single customer...

...who has been able to finish the full-course meal.

Nobody?

And we're most proud of that.

Those who have taken the challenge call it "The Full Course From Hell."

All right! I'll do it!

I, Moroboshi Ataru, will be the first winner...

...and my name will be forever recorded in the history of this restaurant!

Ataru! You can't possibly do it!

Don't try it!

This sounds interesting.

Miss Sakura?!

So... including him, a party of three?

One, two, three, four...

The appetizer is spaghetti!

No sweat!

Next is buttered rice and a 300-gram steak!

So exquisite!

I haven't had steak in years!

Be honest. It's the first time in your life.

Roast chicken. Rice with fermented beans and pork soup.

Large liver & onion. An extra-large box lunch!

Hot cooked rice and bonito sashimi. My favorite, my favorite!

Pan-fried white fish. Slices of raw lobster.

Rice with miso soup. Rice-fish casserole.

Shrimp au gratin. Potato salad.

Cantonese noodles. Noodles with rice cakes.

Whale steak. Stewed potatoes.

30 steamed sweetbuns and 10 liters of milk.

I wonder if Darling is OK?

Aren't you going to eat anymore?

I'm full after only two shish kebabs.

Me too.

It's because you took "Beauty Foods." And this is all-you-can-eat, too.

By the way, I wonder how Ataru is doing.

It's so un-lady-like of Miss Sakura...

Oh no!

I'm sure she did too!

Yes, she took "Beauty Foods" as well!

Er... How far along are we?

We have only fifteen main dishes left to serve!

A brat like you won't break our restaurant's record so easily!

We'll double our sales again!

Hey, Mr. Manager! Where's the next dish?

Don't be so cheap! Bring it out right away!

Wha... What's the matter, Manager?

There are two monsters at table number four.

I don't care if we go overbudget.

Just keep coming up with greasy stuff! Plate after plate!

More!

It is done.

Uh... Well, well...

What is it, miss? Do you give up?

The grease glitters so fine... it rouses my appetite!

Don't worry about losing money, or shut- ting down! Cook, dammit! Cook!

YES SIR!

You look pale, Uncle. Are you OK?

Uh, uh-huh... This is fate!

Next is one hundred fried dumplings and our very own, special soup.

I'm starving. Give me some foo... food.

F... Food, something to eat. Please. Give me food. Food! Food!

He... Help!

Darling!

Huh? What happened to me?

You ate too much and fainted.

I told you not to!

Oooh, you really are a pig!

Shut up! You girls just don't understand a man's pride!

Pride!

This one's going down anytime now.

Her stomach isn't getting any bigger! Where's she putting it all?

Special noodles in miso butter!

Two of them are down, people!

Our victory is near! All that remains is one woman.

Manager, we'll be broke if we serve one more dish!

Besides that, we are almost out of ingredients. Really!

Manager!

I really didn't want to use this, but...

"Beauty Foods?" We have no choice...

By the way, Miss, you're very slender.

Well, I'm on a diet. And today, as usual...

...I took "Beauty Foods" before coming here.

That woman... She's a m... m...monster!

Manager, what shall we do?

Manager!

Manager, this is it, isn't it?!

C... Chef! D... Don't talk like that!

Have you forgotten the hard times we had before we left Japan...

...and opened this restaurant on the grounds of the hotel?

Have you forgotten how, with borrowed money, we bought an old stand...

...and pulled it through those snowy nights...

...how miserable it was when a gang destroyed our stand...

...saying that your ramen was bad...

...or how embarrassing it was when the competition took all our customers?

Have you forgotten all that?! Have you?

You're right...

If we lose now, we'll have to go back to Japan in despair.

Back to selling ramen from a stand.

Is that what you want? Really?!

I understand. All right.

You! Bring me a chicken!

Yes sir!

Everyone! We must stand firm to the end.

Although dozens of young people have challenged our Full Course...

...none have succeeded!

It is our pride that we have never allowed anyone to beat us!

We must keep that pride!

We will!

Roasted whole turkey!

Roasted whole pig!

Roasted whole cow!

Head... Head... Head Chef...!

I ...lt can't be!

Please wait, please!

All of us are leaving now. It's been nice working for you all these years.

Matsuan!

Takeyan!

Excuse me, Manager.

Oh, you're staying! Oh, great! Thank you!

I always thought you were a man with guts.

Well, it's going to be OK. The three of us will start over! Yes! Right!

Uh, no... that woman is asking about dessert!

Ah... what a nice breeze. Perfect for digestion.

Her figure hasn't changed a bit, and after eating all that food.

She scares me!

What the hell's going on?

Is she a monster or what?!

Hey, you're all back!

Let's go have dinner!

Please, don't talk about food.

What? That's not like you.

I only had a hamburger for lunch. I feel like barbecued beef.

I want Japanese!

I'd rather have Chinese.

What! What did you say, Miss Sakura?!

I said Chinese food would be good.

A rival to Darling makes his appearance!

It's the coming of Mendou Shutaro!

With his good looks and money, he causes a crisis for the guys...

...and Darling is set up to be his opponent!

We'll see you next time for "Mendou Brings Trouble!"

...and "Constellation- Go-Round!"

Let's put weird and weird together, and make it even weirder!

Weird, weird space is super-weird!

Hold on. What? What? Something's weird!

Hold on. What? What? Something's definitely a little weird!

If it gets weird, it becomes fun!

Hearts pop up and fly away into the night sky!

Let's put weird and weird together, and make it even weirder!

Weird, weird space is super-weird!

Super-weird! Terrible!