Original subtitles

What is this thing called love?

This funny thing called love?

Just who can solve its mystery?

Why should it make a fool of me?

I saw you there that wonderful day you

took my love and threw it away and so i

asked the lord in heaven above what is this

thing called love

Come on.

So, a dragon.

Looks like a biker bitch choice.

What does it eat?

Men's dreams.

Uh -huh.

What?

This is not the Jocelyn I know.

You did this on a whim?

Well, maybe you like the Jocelyn you don't know better than the one you do.

Before I respond, which one am I talking to right now?

You're asking the wrong person.

I am not even here.

I am in a place of bliss.

That's what you do to me, Michael.

Fuck.

My mother. She's half an hour early.

7 .45.

What's she doing here? I told you.

She's taking me on a spa weekend in San Diego.

I'm not lifting a finger until Sunday.

Bet your mother will feel right at home with that dragon.

Thank

you.

Thanks.

You all right, Luther?

Oh, yeah.

Just...

Reacting to the prices of these entrees, $125 for a steak.

Relax, Luther.

You're going too expensive to my father anyway.

Well, I take umbrage. I wonder what they charge for that.

It's kopi beef, Luther.

It's gently yet thoroughly massaged by hand and sometimes even by foot.

Foot, huh?

Oh. It's remarkable, don't you think, Luther?

Oh, yes.

Look at there.

Oh,

what language.

Is that you're speaking, Luther?

It's Javanese.

You mean Japanese?

No, Javanese.

From Java.

Ah, and what do we know of Java?

It's where the legendary fossil Java Man was found.

Oh, fantastic.

I didn't know you were such a fossil buff, darling.

Go on, Luther, for... God's sakes!

Elaborate! Well, to no one's surprise, given the abundant rainfall, the rice

fields in Java are among the wettest in the world.

Really?

How wet?

Soaking.

Soaking.

Okay, well, honey, let's get some beef, yeah?

That dinner went on fucking forever.

I thought Luther would never shut up about Java.

Like I give a brown donut.

You know what was the best time of my marriage to Pemi?

The year she was in prison for tax evasion. My cock finally got a break.

The woman is insatiable. She'll grind any man down like a piece of wood on a

lathe.

Before I met her, I really loved sex.

But she just wore me out.

So why do I stay with her?

Because we got something together.

Do not mention this to my cock.

Driving much calmer since the anger management class.

You actually have to come on a ride -along?

Did you know she was driving?

Michael wanted to see what I'd do when we're not together trying to do this

her.

Hey, Preston, the big guy, isn't that Lindell?

A kid never learns.

Down, Michael, down!

Hey, didn't I tell you to stay in the car?

Relax. I'm not dead.

Unit 407, we have an officer down. Put some pressure on the wound right here.

Stay here. I'll guide the ambulance in.

I feel as you came.

Put some pressure down there.

Not so hard.

Are you okay?

Me?

Never better.

Flesh wound.

How you doing?

Fine.

Yeah?

That's the first time I've been shot.

How many times?

A couple.

What does it matter?

Oh, I don't know. Life, death, eh.

You're far too melodramatic, you know that?

Liz, you were shot.

I've been full of holes forever.

What's one more?

Hey.

Hey, you were shot.

Hey, I'm not in a mood.

Come here.

I gotta go get that.

It's the office.

A franchise agreement coming along. A lot faster now that I decided to draft

on my dad's boat.

I need it first thing in the morning.

It'll be there. Michael, I want you to meet someone.

Say hello to the reason you are working so hard.

Marilla Brunetti.

Buongiorno, Michele.

Buongiorno.

It's an honor. I had one of the best meals of my life at Ristorante Brunetti

Florence. Ah, perfetto.

I will have my husband prepare you un piatto così speciale at the New

Las Vegas.

Ciao, Michele.

Ciao!

Don't ever do that again.

I'm going to go home. No, you don't.

There's no one there to take care of you.

I don't need anybody to take care of me.

That's what this is all about.

That's what... What's about?

You can't stand anybody looking after you.

Showing you some concern.

Yeah? So?

Wheatgrass. Oh, it tastes like my mouth is just in mode.

What are you drinking there, darling?

It's naked Chardonnay.

It's perfection.

Perfection. That's fucking great.

You should write wine reviews, mother.

Did I tell you the gardener saw me and Michael in the bedroom, naked?

How much did he see?

We were in the afterglow.

Michael is quite a lover.

Well, I'm sure I'm transgressing some Freudian boundaries, but your father's

so bad.

He could turn pro.

Why, there's this little thing that he does. Okay, Mother, TMI.

T -M -I.

You brought it up.

I brought up me.

Not you and my father, the pro. Well, point is, thanks to your dad's

skills and staggering sperm count, you're here.

We should celebrate the man and his penis.

You said penis.

I didn't just imagine that.

My asthma has a whole new trigger now.

Girl talk.

Trying to bond.

This place is nice.

A chance to forget who we are.

You never want to do that.

There are too many people out there ready to do it for you.

What time's your flight?

Seven.

That means you'll be in Florence by mid -morning.

Remember watching the sunrise together when we flew back?

I've had such a wonderful time with you, Arthur.

We could have this all the time.

That would ruin everything.

Hey, Rembrandt.

Bleeding?

Aren't we all?

You must be Mikey's new friend, Liz.

I'm Vic.

Shot or stabbed?

Shot. It's the flesh wound.

I've got a million of those.

That's why I act the way I do.

You hungry?

Yeah. Come on.

Tuna fish.

Especially.

Be honest, I eat it for the mercury.

Figure one day it'll make my cock light up in the dark.

That'd be great. You can read in bed.

I'll have to buy a book.

Michael told me about you.

What did he say?

That he wishes he was more like you.

Bad idea.

It's enough for me to go around for everybody.

Um, so... You don't care that Michael Thamey? The guy who's engaged?

I believe in the theory of magnetic north.

No matter where you think you are or where you think you want to be, you're

drawn to magnetic north.

And you, my dear, are magnetic north.

I, um...

Thanks for letting me stay on your boat.

Anytime. And it's a yacht.

Oh. You think I'd spend this kind of money on a boat?

Vic,

I should get going.

Well, I'm just getting to know you.

Where do you have to go?

Home.

Well, probably a good idea.

Stick around here much longer, I'll just end up marrying you.

Oh. What's your ring size?

Finish your lunch.

Okay.

Ah, Michael.

Meet Hansine. It means God is good in Norwegian.

I love your cut, but if you ever wanted no friend title, call me.

She won a trophy in Oslo for best sideburn design.

Long as best.

But they must align with the list to be truly alive.

Oh, that's life on the high seas with Dirty Harriet. She's getting there.

You believe this?

Spent all night last night working on the Bernetti franchise agreements for

Arthur and he's not even here?

It wasn't a weird funk this morning.

He said, did you ever think something would go one way in your life and

When you discovered you were wrong, it shook the primal order.

He said that?

You think he's coming out?

I hope not. He doesn't have the wardrobe for it.

Very true.

I am the last living Akhilesh of Swami Amravati, who, as you all know, was the

greatest proponent of the ten -hour orgasm.

I was his lover from 1951 to 1953.

and the inspiration for his first book, The Rigors of Endless Pleasure.

I remember the summer we met at his seaside retreat in Jammu, Azmir.

It was there that he taught the ancient secrets of breath control and clitoral

levitation.

There are those who say he died, but I was there.

After he and I had an all -day love -making session, the Swami had an eleven

-hour orgasm.

and simply dematerialized.

Now that's an organ.

You do me in, counselor.

What can I do for you?

I am wounded, but I'm motivated.

I'd like to fall asleep next to you.

I'd like that, too.

Okay.

Pain is for people who feel pain.

I met your dad today.

Oh, yeah?

He hit on you?

He talked to me.

It's not like him.

Everyone has sides.

Are you okay?

Get away.

Liz.

Get away.

Okay. What's going on? I dropped my last pain pill. I can't fucking find it.

I'm in fucking pain.

Just get the fuck out. I'll help you find the pill.

Get the fuck out.

Hey. Hey, calm down.

Stop it.

Okay, okay. Come here.

Come here.

Let's lie you down.

I'll find the pill.

character.

You know who said that?

No.

Yes.

Kennedy? No.

It was my mother.

Two months before she died.

She didn't pick character at all. I just killed her.

I'm sorry. I didn't know that, Liz. You never told me that. It wasn't much of a

story.

She was fine and then we buried her.

I'll find the pill.

Oh, God, I hate you being so nice to me.

I know.

No, I really do.

Oh, I know.

Oh, God.

Hi,

stranger. Hi.

What are you doing?

I'm working late.

It was the mother -daughter weekend.

The perfect pedicure solves every problem in life.

You have a problem?

We had a blast.

Gossiping, eating like crazy.

I mean, the place took forever to get to.

And some of the women there were just off the charts.

Here's a tip.

Never get into a mud bath next to a divorcee. Huh? I'm losing it.

Hey,

call you tomorrow.

Okay open.

Thank you.