All language subtitles for Extrawurst.en

* Soft music *

* Music gets louder,
then fades out *

* Peaceful sounds *

* Music becomes more tense, fades out *

Are we up?

Now? Okay.

Judith, happy birthday!

- Kids... leave the scooter alone.

- Give me the scooter!

- Let go of the scooter!

- Don't push my daughter!

Come here! I'll show you!

Damn asshole,
I'll teach you a lesson!

- Excuse me?
- Yeah?

- Your dog just crapped
on the sidewalk!

- Nah, that wasn't ours.

* Energetic music *

* R.E.M.: Shiny Happy People *

- That's what you get.

- Hey, what! Are you crazy?

(Man)

When I look at the world today,
all I can do is shake my head.

People always say
that humans are social creatures.

But honestly? I think
you can barely see any of that anymore.

Lately you get
the feeling that...

everyone's nerves
are just completely raw.

And people are at each other's throats
over every little thing.

Every small discussion
turns into a massive fight.

In the end, nobody even
turns a blind eye anymore.

No, they go straight
for a punch in the eye.

People just can't
get it together anymore...

how to have a decent conversation.

* Peaceful music *

Except... in our club.

(Woman) Hans-Günther, you doing okay?
- Getting by.

(Man) Thankfully, here at TC Lengenheide
everything is still just fine.

Thanks to our club motto:

'In peace and in war,
unity holds the victory.'

* Voices in the background *

* Strained sounds *

- Hello, Heribert!
- Heribert, hey there!

- Greetings, everyone!

* Honking *

- Gumberger! You nut!

- Love you too,
Anna-Maria!

- Is that okay?

- Hey, Matthias!
- Hi, Anne!

- Hey, Elisabeth!
- Hello, Anne.

- Can I help?
- Yes.

- No thanks, we'll manage.

- All right, see you in a bit.

- Nice, Melanie! Great slice!

- Hi!
- Look who's already here.

- Heribert! How are you?
- Hello, Anne.

- Hello, Anne.
- Hello, Torsten.

- Hello, Torsten.
- Hello, Torsten.

- Hey there, Christoph, Dieter,
Anne and Maria!

Hey, Heribert.

Your wife is amazing. Incredible,
what she's doing out there with Erol.

- Yeah, really.

- Great job, honey! Fantastic!

- Beautiful.

Here!

Ooh...

- Hello, everyone!
- Hello, all.

- Listen, is my watch fast
or are you late?

- Sorry, we had to
pick up medications.

- Hello, Hans-Günther.
- Hello, Elisabeth.

* Grunting sounds
during the rally *

All right,
let me set up real quick, okay?

- Mmh.

- We can get started right away, yeah?

- Yes. Yes.

* Groaning *

Yay. I'm heading upstairs too.

- Nice game!

So, sports fans...

Five more minutes.

- We'll be right there!

* Groaning on the tennis court *

* Squeaky footsteps *

* Music becomes more tense *

* Groaning *

(Heribert) And, Anne? You got it?

- One moment, almost.

Good, ready now.

- Then let me ask: Who's in favor?

* Door sounds *

Counter-vote, who's against?

Well, then I hereby declare...

that at this year's
annual general meeting as well...

I have once again been unanimously
re-elected as president...

of TC Lengenheide. And...

* Cheering *

I thank you for your trust.

It is absolutely well-placed.

And I must confess...

yes, I am also
a little moved.

- Well, you should be!

- That our tennis club, in the
25th year of my presidency...

demonstrates such
unity and solidarity.

I don't think anyone
has any objection...

to our Matthias remaining
as vice president.

No objections?
Unanimously approved.

- I'd like to take this opportunity
to say a few words of thanks...

- Item five on the agenda:
official match clothing. Matthias.

- I've prepared quite a bit on this.

Official match clothing, classic
white only or also colors, question mark.

On this page we have everything...

- Let's keep this short, Matthias.

As a club, we'll officially
continue playing all in white.

Anne has all the standard sizes
in stock at the shop again.

By the way, Anne doesn't just
keep excellent minutes...

they also fixed my sciatica
today with their bare hands.

Better than any doctor, otherwise
I couldn't be sitting here.

A round of applause for our Anne!

Anne!

- You could fix my sciatica
sometime too!

- There's no saving you, my friend!

(Heribert) Does anyone
want something other than white?

No? Wonderful.
Then that's unanimously approved.

Right. Before we move on
to the fun part...

we still have one
somewhat bigger item to check off...

namely item six, the complete
renovation of the clubhouse.

- Didn't you vote on that
last year already?

- In principle, yes, the financing is set.

I know Helmut from the city council.

He's skimming some money
off the culture budget for us.

I just wanted to say, the construction
contract goes to Peter Lohr. Hello, Peter!

- Heribert. Thank you.

- What a surprise.

- For whom I can vouch
with my life.

Not just because he's my brother-in-law...

but he's already
started the work.

Matthias, go ahead and show
Peter's design for the new interior.

- Yes, I have
several views to show.

First of all, the new clubhouse.

The old one — here from the outside — you know.

Now pay attention, after the makeover,
a facade with real presence, I'd say.

Now the interior...
- No, just leave it like that.

It's really something to savor.

It's elegance and functionality...

from the café all the way to the restrooms.

- Awesome, then people will come all the way
from Berlin just to use the toilets here.

- I think
we should be proud...

that we're getting such an
architectural gem in our town...

that it's being built.
Anyone who has a veto...

speak now
or forever hold your peace.

Then I officially declare...

the renovation
will proceed as planned.

I'd say: alea iacta est.

That's Latin for:
Now the drinking begins.

- Wait. Something's missing.

- Seven.

- Right. Item seven.
Any other business. There never is any.

Friends, thank you. That was once again
an ace performance from all of you.

And please
don't forget our club motto.

In peace and in war...

unity holds the victory.

- Heribert, the grill.

- Oh right. We're buying a new grill.
The old one is shot.

So then.

- I've prepared a presentation.

- Does it have to be?
It's just a grill, Matthias.

Hey... It's the XQ 30 10!

Sit down, I've really
dug deep into this...

the whole grilling scene.
It was time-consuming.

- If you'd trained instead, you'd be
club champion and not Erol.

- Not even then.

- Right. So we've been using
the charcoal grill up to now.

With that, at the summer fest
and club tournament...

we could grill a maximum
of 20 sausages at once.

Or ten sausages
and five chops.

I've put together the data on that.

But the grill
has seen better days.

Rust gets on the food,
it wobbles.

Plus, charcoal
is bad because of cancer.

So I was thinking a gas grill.

- That's what we'll do!

- The best one
in terms of value for money...

is the XQ 30 10 by Seiler.

It costs 860 euros at the hardware store.

But it has four
separately heated burners...

with two grilling levels.

Three infinitely adjustable
temperature zones...

integrated rotation function,
and get this...

Pizza stone.

* Cheering *

With this grill, we can grill up to
50 sausages at the same time.

Or 30 sausages and 15 chops.

Once more as a diagram.

It would be cheaper to maintain
than the charcoal grill.

Projected over five years.

- That thing looks great,
Matthias. Let's buy it.

Anyone against? No, perfect.
Unanimously approved.

- Heribert!

- Yes. Melanie.
- I don't want to open a can of worms...

but the other day Torsten and I
were invited to Erol's place.

And Erol had
a second grill specifically...

so that his German guests could
also grill pork.

Wouldn't it be a nice gesture...

for members
with a Turkish background...

to get a second grill?

- You can't be serious.

- Really now.
- It's a good idea, though.

A second grill
for Turkish members.

I'm all for it.

- We only have one Turkish member.

Erol, do you have a problem with the grill?

- You don't need to get
a second grill for me.

I don't have a problem with it.

- Thanks, Erol. Great
that you're so easygoing about it.

Our politicians could
take a lesson from you.

Let's have a round of applause for Erol.

- Heribert!

I'd still think it's nice
to do it, though.

- Thanks, but it's really not necessary.

- Erol's kids also play
in our club.

And your wife has
been to a club party too.

Hasn't she? Why?

- Look, Melanie, I don't see
any need for action here.

Erol, you surely don't mind...

if your garlic sausage
goes on our grill?

- They're properly called sucuk.

- Doesn't matter.
We can just grill them together.

- Actually, you can't.

- Why not?
- Muslims don't eat pork.

Me neither, officially.
If there's pork on the grill...

it doesn't work for Muslims.

- Says who? Allah?

- It's simply a rule.
I don't take it so strictly, but...

- If there's been pork on it,
the grill is... pigged out.

Get it?
Pork... pigged out.

- Yes, we got it.

- Sorry, my twisted brain
from writing ad copy.

- Is this going to take much longer?
- No.

- You said the new grill
has two levels.

We could grill pork
on one of them...

and on the other,
sausages for people...

who don't eat pork.

- Melanie. It's really okay.

- Sweet of you, Erol...

but this is something you can
discuss even in Lengenheide.

- She's got a point there.

- But that's nonsense!

We're specifically getting
the XQ 30 10 as a new grill...

with two levels, for a bigger
sausage output.

Especially for the summer fest with lots of people.

Then the regular sausages
will be crammed together like before.

And on the other level, three lonely
little garlic sausages sunbathing.

- Sucuks.

- But surely...

on that grill spaceship
there'll be a corner...

that can stay free
for Erol's sausage.

- Erol's sausage. The way that sounds.

- How do you picture that?
Should I paint four bars of the grate...

and write on them:
Reserved for Turk sausage?

- Dude, Matthias!
Turk sausage, are you serious?

- Matthias, you don't have to.

Muslims can't eat their meat
from a grill...

that also has pork on it, so...

- Why not?

- Because the grease splatters over
and pork steam...

drifts through the grill.
I don't take it so strictly...

but I promised my wife,
who's more traditional.

- What pork steam?
- The steam from grilled pork.

- God, this is so complicated!
Thank goodness I'm not a Muslim.

I'd have starved to death by now.

- Wiener schnitzel?

- Really bad timing, Laura.

- Sorry. Otherwise it gets cold.

- Here!
- Erol, just out of curiosity.

If you inhale the smoke
from a bratwurst...

is that a sin?

- Where's the bratwurst for Antonia?

- In summer the air is full of grill smoke.

Who knows how many pigs he's smoked
through his lungs over the years.

- Or we just simply grill
sausages without pork.

- In Berlin we once had
grilling cheese, halloumi.

Do people know about that here?

- That stuff tastes like
tile grout!

- And it's unhealthy!

- I'm with Melanie.
There are alternatives.

- Great, then I might as well
close down my butcher shop!

- What are we even talking about now?

We've always grilled
regular sausages.

Why should we change that now?

- Exactly, things should stay normal here.

- But, Elisabeth, what is normal?

- Normal.
- It's all good.

Grill whatever you want.
We don't need a second grill.

And that's that, okay?

* Clapping *

- But why "you" and "we"?
We're one club!

- A wonderful closing statement.
Thank you, Melanie.

Let's put an end to this nonsense now.

We're buying one grill,
Erol doesn't want his own.

And now you all order
pasta salad from Laura.

That works for everyone.

- If you pick out the diced ham!

- Hey, hey!
That's the good diced ham.

- Melanie, come on, please!

- I honestly think it's crappy...

that the
'old white man' gets to decide...

what's nonsense
and what's allowed to be discussed!

- I'm not that old.
- Meli's got a point there.

And, Matthias, "Turk sausage" earlier...

I thought that was honestly out of line.

- I can also say zuck-zuck.

- It's called sucuk.
- Actually, it's called sucuk.

- Exactly.

I don't call your sausage
"German-guy sausage" either.

- You're welcome to.
But why "your" sausage?

What's that supposed to mean?
My sausage is your sausage.

We've always had it at our fest.
- Still. "Turk sausage"...

I mean, maybe, yeah...

maybe also offensive to Erol.

- Erol isn't offended.
- You don't know that.

- But you do?
- No, but if I were him, I would be.

- But you're not even Turkish.

- Erol, are you offended?
- No. I'm not.

- There you go, Torsten.

- Still. "Turk sausage." Maybe
I'm just more sensitive...

about the use of
the German language, forget it.

- Torsten, I can speak German too,
by the way, and I'm not offended.

- Of course you can speak German, sorry,
I didn't mean to offend you.

- I'm not offended!
- Right, nobody's offended.

So it's fine then! Can't we
just do the following?

We clean up the old grill...

and put the Turkish
sausages on there.

That works, right, Matthias?
- Sure. Of course.

- I thought it was broken.
- Not that broken.

It still works.
- What do you mean, "still works"?

Good enough for the Turks?

- Melanie, stop. I don't have a problem.

- But I'm slowly getting
a problem here!

The last reform in my club...

was probably the introduction
of color television!

- Your club!
You've only been here two years.

- What does that mean?
Can you only speak here...

if you're related to the net post?

* Laughter *

- Melanie, I think it's great...

how you're standing up for
your doubles partner.

That team spirit is what
made you regional champions, after all.

You're our best pair.

- Only on the court, right?

- Right now I don't understand you.
What's your problem?

- I don't have a problem.
- Right?

- Yes!

But just now you said
the old grill doesn't work anymore!

- Not for the summer fest
with a sausage demand...

of 50 sausages at peak.
But for two or three individual sausages.

- You said it's old,
rusty, and causes cancer.

- I didn't say that.
- Yes you did.

- No.
- Yes.

- No!
- Hold on!

Here.

"Legs are wobbly. And besides,
charcoal is bad because of cancer and stuff."

That's what you said.
- Fine, what's that supposed to mean?

That I wish Erol gets cancer?

- No, no.
- Let's take a five-minute break.

Torsten, Melanie and Erol.

Let's step into the hall for a moment.

- ... and Matthias.
- Go order yourselves a beer.

This doesn't need to go in the minutes.

- Mommy, is something wrong with the sausage?

- Nothing wrong with that sausage.
That's a good sausage.

* Powerful orchestral music *

* Murmuring voices in the common room *

(Heribert)

Right, people. What the hell is this?

Why are we discussing
a grill and cancer here?

- Who has cancer?
- Nobody!

Hans-Günther,
can you leave us alone for a moment?

- I need to fix the ball machine!

Look where it's
shooting the balls.

- Yes, Hans-Günther. But what
do we have a workshop for?

- Why don't you guys go in there?

- Hans-Günther!

- Yes... Sorry, Heribert.

- Jacket?

* Loud clattering *

So I...

I really need to...

* Squeaking sounds *

I need to ask now:
What is this discussion about?

- The thing is...
- Excuse me, please.

- It's strange
to offer Erol a broken grill.

- Just let it go.
- It is strange. Isn't it?

- Of course.
It feels weird...

as the Turk, getting the broken grill,
but I don't need one.

- That was a great grill.
- Erol thinks it's weird too.

- Because you put the idea in his head.

- Nobody needs to put ideas in my head.

- At Erol's party I didn't say...

I want my own grill.
He offered it.

That's just being nice to guests.

- Hey,
I'm not a guest here!

- I didn't mean it that way.

- Erol is a club member like everyone.

He gets treated here
just like you and me.

We don't even make an issue of it!

- Thanks, Heribert. Thanks.

- Yeah, but...

as a regular club member...

Erol just can't participate
in certain things.

- Like what?
- Well, grilling!

I'm just saying, it would be nice
to offer him at our parties...

an alternative
to pork sausage.

Because he can't eat that
as a Turk.

- No, I'm German.

- That's what I mean.
With Turkish...

- Turk, German,
what kind of opposites are you creating?

Like in that joke...

A German and a Turk
as neighbors. Know that one?

- It's great.
The Turk says to the German...

- I don't want to hear a joke right now!

- Melanie, as long as we can
still laugh together...

it's not too late.

- To me, Erol isn't even a Turk.

- Is that supposed to be a compliment?
- You know what I mean.

- No, I don't know...
What do you mean?

- You can't really tell
that you're a Turk.

Because you don't act
so Turkish.

- And how does one act Turkish?

- When you want to ban pork sausages.

- No Turk in Germany wants to
ban pork sausage, Matthias.

- Not all of your people
see it that way.

- What are "my people"?
- Now just as a...

(Hans-Günther) No! Damn it!

Shit!

- Hans-Günther!

- Sorry!

Ah!

Damn machine!

Ow!

- Thinking like an adman.
Marketing strategy.

Maybe a second grill could be
the ultimate selling point.

For other Muslims
who might want to join the club.

- I don't think Muslims
are our target demographic.

- Why not?
- Why not?

- We're a tennis club!
- So?

- Look, Erol, no offense.

But Muslims and tennis.

Turkey is not a tennis nation,
Saudi Arabia isn't either.

No Iranian has ever
won the Grand Slam.

You're a great player,
but you're an exception.

- Listen...
Excuse me, everyone, but real quick...

Nah, this is too stupid.

- If more clubs had two grills...

maybe a Muslim would have
won a Grand Slam.

Would be nice if integration
finally reached the countryside.

- It has.

We country bumpkins even integrate
know-it-alls from Berlin, Torsten.

- Folks, as president
I need to put a stop to this now.

My sciatica is acting up again.

The people upstairs are waiting.
There is no problem here.

Let's not make one either.

The new grill is decided.
Period. Done.

Case closed. Right. Back upstairs!

- No. Heribert, I don't agree with that.

- Stop shooting, will you!

Melanie, I'm begging you
to remember our motto.

In peace and in war...

- ...the pork sausage wins the day!

- Torsten, that's not funny.

So, are we in agreement?

- Honestly, Heribert? No.

If I ran my department
the way you run this club...

I'd have lost my job.

The way you're just
steamrolling over this...

I think it's honestly really shitty.

- We don't say "shitty" in tennis,
that's not part of fair play.

Let's be rational now.
Why is everyone getting so worked up?

- I'm not getting artificially worked up.

I'm just summarizing
what's about to be decided here.

A grill that Erol is co-paying for,
even though he gets nothing out of it.

- So what? I also pay for
the non-alcoholic drinks.

* Torsten laughs *

- Yeah, but you could drink those.

Erol can't eat anything
from the grill.

- Nobody's forbidding him.

- Yes, Matthias, my religion does.

- Does the word "grilled sausage"
appear in the Quran?

- People, we are not going to start...

debating the Quran
here at the tennis club!

Before we keep talking forever.
I have the solution.

I have a small electric grill
at home.

A promotional gift
from a business partner.

It's been sitting in my attic
gathering dust.

Brand new. No pig has ever used it.
Literally.

A great little thing,
good for three or four sausages.

You can just put it
on a chair.

I'll bring it. Free of charge.

Then we'll set it up for Erol
and his family next to our grill.

- Please don't.
- Yes.

Then everyone's happy.

- I don't want that.

- Why, where's the problem?

- Heribert, I've been in this club
since I was 14 years old.

I'm a German citizen,
I run a successful tax firm.

And I'm supposed to jump for joy...

because you put a toy grill from your attic
on a chair for the Turk?

Next to the XQ 30 10?

- You could also put it
on a table.

- I don't need a grill!!

Period. Done, yeah, and case closed.

Excuse me.

- Are you going to be much longer?
- Two minutes.

- There's a pretty heated discussion
going on about the second grill right now.

Should this go in the minutes?

- The meeting is suspended,
for God's sake!

- How dare you talk to me like that?
- Sorry, Anne.

- This is not going to work anyway.

- Laura, is it that hard?
A bratwurst with fries.

- So a toy grill.
That's outrageous.

- Whether it's outrageous or not,
only Erol can decide.

- Why only Erol?
- Because he's the one affected.

- By what?

Because I want to give him
a grill?

- I wouldn't mind being affected by that.

- Please don't be offended.
I don't want the grill.

If I need one,
I'll bring my own.

Okay?

* Soft music *

- Good.

Then we can wrap up the meeting.
- Sure?

- Why keep it simple
when you can make it complicated.

Isn't it a hassle
to lug it back and forth?

- It'll be fine.
- Which one do you have?

- XQ 30 20.
- XQ 30 20?

The one with four levels?
- Hmm.

- That one can smoke and steam.

- I just grill on it.
- With two warming zones.

Costs 2,000 euros.
You have that one?

- Yeah, big family, we grill a lot.

- Great, we can offset
the membership decline...

with Erol's family.

- Shut up, Torsten!

If he'd rather bring his own grill,
let him.

- Did you just say "shut up" to me?

- We're going upstairs now...

and saying that we're in agreement.
Period. Done. Case closed.

- No.

- Matthias. Remember our motto.
In peace and in war...

- I don't think it's good
if Erol brings his own grill.

- Why?

- We don't want that massive thing
for two Turkish sausages...

sitting next to our XQ 30 10!

- Why not?
- That monster next to our grill?

It'll look like the Turks
have taken over the club.

- And it never stops.

- Just between us, what's your problem?

- Well, you didn't want
the small electric grill either.

- We could also put up
a six-level grill...

with nuclear power
for the ethnic Germans...

so the gap is restored.

- You think
I'm an idiot, don't you?

I busted my ass
for this grill!

- We don't say "ass."
- But that's what happened!

I busted my ass!

Not once did anyone
say thank you!

And we're discussing
politically correct bullshit here!

Yeah, Heribert. Bullshit!
- Fair play, Matthias.

- You always act
like you're Lord Wimbledon.

It annoys everyone!
Shit! Shit, shit!

Ass, ass, ass!

- What the—!

- Matthias! Your mother has a question.

- Push me closer, would you.
Sweetheart.

Which pills do I have to take again,
the blue ones or the white ones?

- The yellow ones, Mom.
Drink lots of water with them, okay?

- Thank you, sweetheart.
No! I'm not done.

And don't cause me any grief.

Remember,
this is Germany, not Anatolia.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Wow.

Your mother's knowledge
of geography is... impressive.

(Anne) There's a...

really interesting suggestion coming in.

Erol could just bring his own grill.

- A truly wonderful idea, Anne.

You know what? If I want
suggestions from members...

I'll let you know in advance!

- Mmh. I'll pass that along then.

* Window slams shut *

- People.
Let's all please be reasonable.

- I am being reasonable.
I just don't know what the point of this is.

Everything was fine
and now it's spiraling out of control!

- Because we don't share your opinion?

- No, because I don't understand...

why we're letting the Turks
push their issues on us.

- I haven't pushed
anything on anyone!

Don't twist things! I said
I don't need a grill!

- Melanie and Torsten,
as "substitute Turks," said...

you do need one after all.

- So it's the Berliners pushing...

their issues on us, not the Turks.

- Hold on, we live in Lengenheide,
just like you.

- Yeah, but we were born here!

And we never had problems
with our Turks.

- "Our Turks"?
Do you mean me?

- Stop it now!
This is just about a grill!

- I don't understand you, Erol.

People offer you grills and they're
either too old or too small for you...

but your monster is okay.
- Matthias!

- That's typical Erol!
Acting all modest...

and then showing up with a grill surface...

that needs its own zip code.
Because he doesn't like pork.

- Can't! I'm not allowed to eat pork!

- The club isn't stopping you!

- But my faith is.
That's what you want to hear, right?

- But this is about tennis,
not about faith.

- Oh, it is about faith.
I believe you've all lost your minds.

- It's ridiculous... setting up
a Muslim grill at a tennis club.

We don't put a ball machine
in your mosque either.

- Idiotic comparison.
- Tennis is not a religion!

- Maybe I pray toward Boris Becker
every night?

- Or toward the broom closet.

- Stop with your stupid jokes,
it's embarrassing.

- Me?
Matthias is the embarrassing one.

- The joke where a Turk
and a German are neighbors...

- It's great.
- No jokes here.

Matthias, nobody's out to get you.

Everyone knows
what you do for this club.

The point is...

that every club member
has a right...

to be able to participate
in club life. Like everyone else.

- But then he should do it
like everyone else.

We've been grilling pork sausage
since the club was founded.

Those are our rules. Why is that
suddenly a problem?

- Because you can change a rule
after 50 years.

- Not after 50 years, Melanie.

It's now 73 years and 11 months.

- All the more reason.
- His rule is surely...

a thousand years old and even more
in need of renovation.

- Oh! Islam criticism from the blinds guy.

- Why are you calling me that?

I own a specialty shop
for innovative sun protection systems.

- If I'm the Turk,
then you're the blinds guy.

- I'm just saying my opinion.

The majority in Germany eats pork.
The majority in the club are pigs.

Uh, Germans. Right.

The majority decides
which majority sausage...

goes on which grill.
That's democracy.

- Majority sausage?

- As a minority, you can bow
to the majority...

and not need special treatment
for your stupid religion...

that everyone always has to cater to.
- Watch what you say.

- I should watch it? What happens
if I say "stupid religion"?

- I sat next to you for two years
in religion class with Schmidt.

Did I ever say anything against the Bible?

- What should I watch for?

Will I go to Muslim hell?
Or not get 72 virgins?

- 72 virgins.

You wouldn't find that many
in Lengenheide anyway.

* Quiet, uneasy music *

A joke.

As long as we can still laugh together,
it's not too late.

- But "shut-up Torsten"
isn't allowed to make jokes.

- People only laugh at yours
out of pity anyway.

- Sorry.

- I think everything is clear now.

We're buying the grill.
Erol does whatever he wants.

That's exactly what we'll tell
the members now.

Period. Done. Case closed.
And always remember our motto.

In peace and in war,
unity holds the...

- Matthias, that wasn't right just now.

- That was my opinion,
what's the problem?

- You're hurting religious feelings.
- I can't believe this.

- Since when do I hurt
religious feelings?

- Since you called them stupid?

- If you had said
the ban on pork...

originally had no religious basis
in hot countries.

That would have been an argument.

- Huh?

- You didn't know that?
It's a hygiene thing.

Because pork goes bad quickly.

- If it's about health
and not about religion...

do vegetarians also have
a right to their own grill?

- But we don't even have
any vegetarians in the club. Do we?

- Actually, um...
Torsten is a vegetarian.

- Did you lose a bet?

- On the advice of my osteopath in Berlin.
It just keeps the body fitter.

- So why isn't it working on you?

- Ha ha.

- For the record: I don't need
my own grill.

- Why not?
Are vegetarians worth less than Turks?

- Vegetarians aren't a nation,
don't compare apples and oranges.

- What do we do about vegans?

Do they get a fourth grill
and fruitarians a fifth?

- We'll put that one under the apple tree
and wait for something to fall down.

* Meli laughs *

- Seriously though:
Do fruitarians even grill?

- We're not going to start debating
this vegetarian nonsense too!

- No, nobody wants...
- Why is being vegetarian nonsense?

- Not everyone can be
offended at the same time.

Vegetarians don't get their own grill.

That's a dietary rule made up
by some overeager doctor.

- In religion, the rule was
made up by a made-up God.

I find a doctor
more trustworthy.

- Made up?
- I didn't mean to insult your God.

- Not this topic.
- I have a somewhat critical view...

toward religion.
As an atheist.

- You're an atheist?
- And a vegetarian?

You too, Melanie?

- I left the church too, but...

- We're both atheists.

- Then why are you two fighting
like maniacs for a Muslim grill?

- Out of respect.
We want people to be able...

to practice their religion,
even if I think it's...

nonsense.

That's called tolerance.
In case the concept rings a bell.

- Now we have both
"nonsense" and "stupid."

- Torsten doesn't mean it like that.
- Yes, Torsten means it exactly like that.

If someone wants respect
for their faith, they get it.

But I also want respect
for my faith...

- Stop proselytizing!

- Why?
One faith doesn't grill cows...

the other doesn't grill pork.
And that starts an endless fight...

over this crap.
- Crap?

- I hereby impose
a profanity ban.

- That's exactly
the problem these days.

Most wars are wars of faith.

They're about belief, not facts.

Or has anyone ever heard
of fact wars?

And a society,
including a tennis club...

only works when you have facts
that everyone can rely on.

Otherwise we're debating at the level
of not quite knowing...

emotion, alternative facts.

And then: Goodnight, Mela...
Marie.

- Give it a rest, Torsten.

Otherwise God will send us
a lightning bolt into the hall.

- Thanks, Heribert.
- Why "thanks, Heribert"?

You're not in the church either.
- But you know...

that I believe there's
something greater out there.

- Like what? UFOs?

- Great. Attack and mockery, Torsten,
that'll make for a more tolerant world.

- I really am tolerant.

I'm the most tolerant person
in the entire world.

- And when I bought the book
"Orders to the Cosmos"?

I had to hide it from you
to avoid getting lectured.

- "Orders to the Cosmos"
is religion for Helene Fischer fans.

- So what? It worked.
Erol and I became district champions.

- That's what you ordered from the Cosmos?

Okay. What else?

A pair of shoes and a hair appointment?

* Giggling *

- No, a man with hair!

* Giggling *

- Not that I want to get rid of you,
Torsten.

But why are you even talking
the whole time here?

- Yeah, sorry.

I thought maybe even in Lengenheide
you could listen to...

what the rest of the planet thinks.

- Ah! The Earth is round.

Thanks, Torsten,
we didn't know that yet.

- Go ahead and make fun of me.

But I think...
- Just drop it!

- Some things are good: Not eating
pork in hot countries.

For hygiene reasons.

- Don't Turks have freezers?

- Right, if they're too stupid
to refrigerate pork...

then that's their own fault.

- Thin ice, Matthias.
- I'm just expressing my free opinion!

- That's not freedom of speech,
that's an insult.

- And you get to decide where
freedom of speech ends?

The Prenzlauer Berg district court?

I think it's wrong to set up
a giant Muslim grill...

am I not allowed to say that?

- Is this that tired old line coming?

"Surely one can still say this."

We don't want a Turk grill.
We've got too many foreigners already!

We need to preserve
our grilling identity.

In our 1,000-year grilling history!

- Okay, now you've completely lost it!

You sausage!

- That's right-wing drivel.

Being for free speech
just to be against things!

That's how Nazi talk always starts.

- Now I'm a Nazi?
- People!

- I've had it!

I'm a Nazi because I say
I don't want a Muslim grill here?

Fine? Good, then I'll say it outright:
I don't want it.

Because we've never had that.

It's not part of our culture.

Why do people always have to change everything?

I have the right to think that!

I don't want my club
taken away from me.

- I want to take something from you.
Your club.

That we joined together.

Oh God. The evil Turk
is stealing Matthias's sandbox toy.

God...

Honestly.
Now I'm demanding my own grill.

Big as a tennis court,
at the club's expense, Heribert.

The changing rooms will be
oriented toward Mecca!

And the lion on the crest
will finally be circumcised.

Women in mixed doubles
will play veiled.

After the match
I'll bang them all...

on my waterbed
filled with lukewarm ayran.

Is that Turkish enough for you?

- Erol, that's really not...

* Melanie giggles *

funny.

- The waterbed part was.

- I've had it, I'm being calm
and rational.

Listening to Matthias's and Torsten's crap.

- We don't say "crap."
- Yeah, embarrassing.

- Yeah, go comfort Erol.

He needs to learn to take a different
opinion. Like us Germans!

- I'm German too!

- Doesn't feel like it right now.

Shall we all pet Erol
for comfort?

- Leave...
- Everyone just...

- Nobody's getting petted,
especially not by you!

Cut the crap-brown talk!

- It was just about our tradition.
- Adolf's tradition?

- You take that back!
- People! Guys!

- Enough now!

- Are you crazy?

- People can disagree.

Fine by me.

But this isn't about Adolf
and it isn't about religion.

This is just about
a goddamn grill!

This discussion is over now.

(Melanie) That's democracy, Heribert,
discussions are part of it.

- Yes, but democracy also means
that at the end of the discussion...

everyone shares one opinion.

(Everyone) Which one? Yours?

- Okay.

If we don't end
this discussion right now...

then I will resign
as president of this club.

Effective immediately.

Then you can see for yourselves
what the result of your democracy is.

Chaos. Nothing but chaos.

- Democracy is chaos?

Seriously? I mean...

- Damn it, girl!
Can't you be quiet for once?

- Girl?
- Okay. Here's what we'll do.

We buy our grill and Erol
can bring his own Turk grill.

If he wants to.
And if he doesn't, he doesn't.

- No.
- What?

- "Fair play" means to you...

you decide
and we shut up.

- Melanie, I can accept...

- You're acting like
the German Erdogan.

- That's an insult.

- Yeah, but we won't
tell Erdogan.

* Giggling *

- Right. That's enough now.

I'm stepping down from my position.

(Matthias) Heribert!

- As far as I'm concerned, you can keep
blabbering until Christmas.

Buy a separate grill
for every minority.

Preferably height-adjustable...

so tall and short people
don't have a disadvantage either.

* Energetic orchestral music *

(Torsten) Great job, Matthias.
- Why me?

(Melanie) Enough now!

(Erol) That was a little too loud.

- Me? Why me?

* Door slams *

* Commotion of voices *

* Tense music *

Yes. The changing rooms are supposed to
be oriented toward Mecca.

He said it!

- He did not.

- I heard it!

- So? What did you decide?

* Music ends *

- Heribert, say something.

* Silence in the room *

God protect our club.

* Short, powerful orchestral music *

- Heribert!

- Heribert, where are you going?

- Matthias,
can you tell me what's going on here?

- Well...

to make it brief...

* Door slams shut *

- Ah!

- Heribert has just
resigned as president.

- Why on earth?
- Have you all lost your minds?

What kind of mess are you
building behind closed doors?

- We don't say "mess" here.

I am just as shocked as you are.

But Heribert has made his decision
and we have to accept it.

And that means...

- You're the president now.

- Thanks, Mom. I'm
the acting president.

Anne, this can go in the minutes.
You can write it right in.

Right, and in my capacity as the new...

I'd say
let's wrap up this meeting.

All that was left was the grill.

- Hold on.

Heribert resigns
over a damn grill for the Turks?

- Wait!
- Take it easy!

- Heribert can't resign.
He's been president for 25 years.

Back then there weren't
even any Turks here.

- Heinz has a point.
- There were. Erol's family, for example.

- I'm now putting
the following to a vote:

A: We only buy one grill,
the XQ 30 10.

- B: I liked the idea
of Erol having his own grill.

- From you I wouldn't expect
anything different. Muesli muncher.

- Meathead.
- Mom?

Are they still fighting
over Erol's pork sausage?

- Yes, sweetie,
it's still about that damn sausage.

- This is ridiculous. This isn't about me
or some pork sausage.

I've had enough. Call me
when you've all come to your senses.

- Erol!

- Currywurst con patatine fritte,
come sempre. Prego.

- Really bad timing, Stefano.
- You need to read the room when you walk in.

What am I supposed to do?

- One currywurst with fries.

- Laura. We ordered bratwurst!

- Well, now it's currywurst.

- Once more.
A: We only buy one grill.

- We're not voting...

until Erol and Heribert
are back.

- Yes. She's right.

* Clapping *

- I'm never eating pork sausage again!
You can eat it yourself.

- Crap. Brief interruption!

I have everything under control.

(Melanie) Erol!

* Dark, hectic music *

Man!

(Matthias) Heribert!

* Car door closes *

* Pain sound *

Heribert. I understand you.

You've worn yourself out
for this club for 25 years.

Now you've had enough, that's obvious.

I'm just as angry as you.

- You idiot.

- Heribert!

But you don't need to worry!

I'll handle it! Don't...

Ah!

* Tense sounds *

Matthias?

Everything all right?

* Groaning *

* Hectic music slows down
and fades out *

(Anne)

Matthias, just for the minutes:
Is this a break or the end?

- We'll be right there.

- You okay?
- Fine.

- Meli, wait a sec.

Don't you think we should go home?
Before they...

chase us out of the village
with torches and pitchforks?

I'll make us something to eat.

Then we'll watch a show
that takes place in civilization.

With foreigners and traffic lights
and four-lane roads.

- No. I want to sort this out.

I think it's important, for Erol too.

- Ever thought that maybe
Erol finds this...

uncomfortable?

- Why?

- Culturally speaking, he's got
a completely different view of women.

It could be that
he's actually offended...

when a woman plays protector.

- Oh.

You only think in clichés anymore!

- That's not a cliché!

It is, but ultimately
clichés are just...

accumulated life experience.

- Why don't you support me...

instead of making stupid jokes?

- I did support you,
even though this damn grill...

honestly could not matter less
to me.

- Good to know
what all doesn't matter to you.

We're really a fantastic team.

- I didn't mean it like that, Meli.

- No problem, I can handle this
on my own. As usual.

Matthias?

- Melanie!

- Matthias.
- I don't think it's fair.

* Handbrake is pulled *

Ah!

* Dog whimpers *

* Squeaky footsteps *

* Dogs barking outside *

* Soft, melancholic music *

* Gasping *

* Electronic humming *

* Squeaking *

* Humming stops *

* Melancholic music *

* Laughter and lively voices *

Heribert, are you coming?

Peter called,
they're already on their way.

(Heribert) Yeah yeah, almost got it,
the worm's putting up a fight.

- Okay.

* Laughter *

* Crackling sounds *

Oh!

* Alarm signal *

* Beeping *

* Bang *

* Groaning *

* Ticking grandfather clock *

* Calm, melancholic music *

You can all kiss my ass!

* Groaning and deep breathing *

Come on, pull yourself together.

* Children's voices
from a distance *

Call him.

- No. I don't see why I should.

* Door opens *

- Meli, are you coming then?

- If you apologized to Erol,
you'd be showing real class.

That's what makes a good president.

- Melanie.

* Church bells in the distance *

There he is. Come on.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I've been in this club for 30 years,
I'm not going to let...

some damn grill
ruin that.

Right, so... Erol...

I said some things
in the heat of the moment...

that maybe came across differently
than they were meant.

And...

Yeah.

If I said anything
that offended you...

then... well...
I'm sorry.

- Okay. Fine. Let's forget about it.

- Yeah, Matthias. And I...

I...

I'd also like
to apologize to you.

We're not entirely
politically compatible.

I'm liberal and you're more...

* Throat clearing *

Anyway, I went too far.

I'm officially taking you back
out of the Nazi drawer.

- Good. Then I'd like
on behalf of the entire club...

to apologize to you, Erol.

- Thanks, Melanie, thanks.

- Yeah, Melanie and Torsten,
you may be newcomers...

but of course
you're part of the club too.

- Even though you come from
a different cultural background.

- That was a good one.

- Erol, would you like to say anything?

- Nah.

- No?

- Nah, not really. Why?

- We've all swallowed our pride
and apologized.

And apologized.

I thought maybe you'd want
to apologize too.

- What for?

- Water under the bridge.
Then I'd say...

as acting president,
I propose...

we go back and vote.
- Good idea.

That's what we'll do.
- Great.

* Squeaky footsteps *

- Heribert.
- Nice to see you back.

- Yeah. Really nice.

- Don't mind me.
I'm just a regular member now.

Just pretend I'm not here.
- Nonsense, Heribert.

- I'll handle this.
A simple vote.

Grill yes or no.

(Anne) Heribert is back!

- How about now...

Erol brings his own grill?

- Don't make this complicated again!

- Careful, Matthias!
Authoritarian leadership style!

- Should I still pretend
you're not here?

- Sure. But since someone just
questioned my ability...

to exercise democratic power...

I just want to prevent you
from being called an autocrat too.

- Then Erol's own grill
also goes to a vote.

We go inside. Let's continue!

- Wait, one more thing.
- What is it?

- You said I should apologize too.
What for?

- Doesn't matter.
- No, I want to clear this up.

So nothing lingers between us.

- Okay. Fine.

You also said
a few things.

Orienting the changing rooms toward Mecca.

You want to take our women
and bang them all.

- That was a joke.
- For you!

But for some people in the club,
a comment like that about the women is bad.

- For whom?
- For Torsten, for example.

- What? Why?

- You train with his wife
three times a week.

And then you make jokes like that.
Maybe he feels threatened.

- Are you out of your mind?

- I don't feel threatened.

- At your age?
- Hold on.

- Erol's in his prime.
Normal that it triggers you.

- Are you speaking for me now?
How dumb is that?

- Melanie speaks for Erol too.

- My stress test results were sensational!

My bio age is 40!

- No pressure,
but could you step on it...

before the fight starts again?
- Coming!

Go on in.
- Listen.

I'm proud of Meli and Erol.

And I don't think it's okay
that you're even bringing this up.

- Okay. Sorry.

- Okay.

- Didn't know
that was a sore spot for you.

(Shouting)
I don't have a sore...

- Not again.

- I suggest, three quick minutes.
Everyone into the hall.

- No, I suggest. Three minutes.

* Grumbling *

* Hectic music *

- Once more, straight talk.

- From now, three minutes. Starting now.

- Once more, straight talk.
- Can you get it together?

- What's going on now?

- Is this going to happen today?

- Brevity is the soul of wit.
- You're annoying.

Now, straight talk.

Hans-Günther,
would you leave us alone for a moment?

- I was told to come in here
with the damn ball machine.

- It's not a damn ball machine.

In 1987, it was the best there was.

- I can't get the ejection rollers
aligned anymore.

The thing's got a loose connection somewhere.

- Yeah. Look.

You just go outside now...

and then you take this warning sign...

Put it up on the dock.

- I just put up a sign there.

- Then replace the rotten planks.

- Then I wouldn't have needed
to put up the sign.

- Hans-Günther.
Just go outside. That's my opinion.

- Now, straight talk once more.
- The clock is ticking.

- I do not feel threatened.

I don't feel threatened by anyone.
And there's no sore...

There's no sore spot.

My wife is free to play tennis
with another man any time.

- Thanks. I didn't know
I needed your permission for that.

When they became district champions,
I cheered the loudest.

Erol, you know that.
I cheered you on.

I also didn't mind
that you hugged her endlessly.

- Excuse me?

- I didn't hug her endlessly.

- Yes you did. But I'm cool about it,
no problem.

I don't care at all.

* Rattling *

* Metallic clattering *

- Torsten, watch out!
- Sorry!

- Wow, your serve has never
been that good.

- One minute.

- Just so no rumors start here.

Melanie and I hugged...

because we became district champions.

- It's all fine.
- Totally normal.

- Sure.
- Right?

- Of course.
- So.

- Just maybe not endlessly.

- Excuse me, that was
five seconds at most.

- I have the video right here.

We can time it.
- What are we even talking about now?

- Nonsense?
- I understand you.

Melanie ordered the win
from the Cosmos.

As a doubles pair, they're
blessed by a higher power.

- Oh...

* Mystical sound *

- Here, that was it.

- Finally. Let's go back! Come on!

Come on. Back.

- Matthias, you can stick that
condescending tone where the sun doesn't shine.

- What condescending tone?

- "Blessed by divine power"...

That was sarcastic!
- Meli ordered the win.

- You know what a comment like that does.

- The Turk and the girl.
I would...

- And it never stops.

* Muffled arguments *

- If there's nothing going on,
what am I going on about?

- As if I'd make a move
on Melanie.

- She's certainly open
to Turkish sausages.

- You asshole.
- That was a joke.

- Hey, hands off!

- You stay out of this!

* Loud crash *

Wanker!

- You okay?
- Yeah.

- Going great, Matthias. Are you going
to continue the meeting from the floor?

Or should I take over again?

- Thanks.
- No problem.

- What was that about?
- What?

- What did you just say thank you for?
- For defending me.

- You're thanking him for violence? Wow!

Did you order an IQ reduction
from the Cosmos?

- Nice that the Turk
is defending your wife.

- Stop saying "the Turk."
I have a name.

I don't accept violence against women.

- I was a conscientious objector.

I don't accept any violence.
And I don't say thank you for it.

- Don't make a drama out of this!

He defended me. You didn't!

- Bravo. Violence against violence.

You're tearing the values
of Western civilization off their hinges.

- Could you tone it down a notch?

- Western civilization. Wow!

Crusades, colonial terror, world wars.

- The Ottoman Empire was, by comparison,
Woodstock and hookah pipes.

- People, this is just about a grill!

- I'm against violence like you.

- Except against me.

- Torsten, I specifically checked
if you were going to do something.

After all, she's your wife.

- Should this go in the minutes?

- I would have defended her too,
I was just thinking of the right arguments.

Then Erol just shoves away.
Anyone can shove.

- You could have done it.

- I didn't think
she'd appreciate it.

- Now you know.
So go ahead and do it.

This is silly now.

Shoving is a spontaneous thing.

- Maybe you need to do
something spontaneous.

- Great idea.

Maybe we could all
very spontaneously come to our senses.

- I have standards,
I don't do anything beneath my level.

- Only us primitive Turks do that.
Not you German thinkers.

When someone gropes your women,
you first think about...

what Immanuel Kant would have said.

* Laughter *

- Hey! Are you nuts?
- You said I should be spontaneous!

- Yeah, spontaneously stupid.

- Once again I'm in the dock
and Erol's the hero.

Sometimes...

This hypocrisy makes me sick!

We German men have learned...

to accept women
as equals.

We take your feelings seriously,
give you all the freedom.

We buy you tampons.
- Oh, thanks.

- And then it's
"Erol defended me."

That's pathetic.

- This is so embarrassing.
- Why embarrassing?

How would Erol feel
if I played tennis with his wife...

three times a week,
hugged her all sweaty...

and we ordered a döner
from the Cosmos together.

- You're talking rubbish, Torsten!
Sorry, Erol.

- What was that about?

- What?
- Erol, I'm so sorry.

Everyone's so mean to you.
Boohoohoohoo.

- Stop that now!
- Cut it out!

Does it bother you? Maybe I'm gay.
Do you have a problem?

- Are you gay?
- And a vegetarian.

- No, I'm not gay!
Not at all. Zero.

Is that a problem for you?

- No.
- Gay people can feel totally safe...

around Turks, right? Totally safe.

I stood up for your
Muslim grill.

You'd stand up for my
gay grill too, right?

- What gay grill?
Gay people eat pork.

- I mean theoretically.
- Oh God.

Now we're already talking about
a theoretical grill...

for theoretical gay people.

Soon we'll be grilling in pantomime.

- That's not the point!
This macho stuff gets on my nerves.

In your culture too.
"We strong men...

have to defend the weak women!"

They can't do it themselves!
Inflated egos.

And lowered show-off cars...

with eyebrow-plucked douchebag types.

That headscarf women always walk three
meters behind their pashas...

carrying discount store bags.

And that gay people in Germany
can't even...

kiss in public without fearing
some Middle Eastern nutjob.

- I've never seen two men kiss
in Lengenheide.

Except Peter Lohr at Carnival.

- Screw tolerance!

I hate all of this.

And I hate you the most.

- Well.

This is where a president would come in handy.

Too bad we don't have one anymore.

- Torsten will be right back.
Then he'll be really sorry.

- I didn't think it was that bad.

- Torsten surely didn't mean
you, Erol.

You don't have a show-off car,
not a lowered one.

- But his wife wears a headscarf.

- But she wears it voluntarily.

- Just like all Turkish women.
- She's German, though.

- Wait, what?
- You know that.

- I didn't know that.
- Me neither.

- If she were Turkish,
why would her name be Helga?

- I thought it was a nickname
for Wallamalla...

or Wülligülli.
And we call her Helga...

so it doesn't seem strange.

- I thought she was Turkish too.

- I've never talked to her.

- I have.
But I don't think she got a word in.

- And why does she wear the headscarf?

- Because the world is the way it is.

She wears a headscarf, doesn't eat
pork, because that's what she wants.

My son is 14,
he likes eating pork.

My daughter is 16.

She doesn't wear a headscarf,
but doesn't eat pork.

Because she simply doesn't like it.

Reality is more complex
than what people in Lengenheide are used to.

- You're from Lengenheide too.

- People.

I'm really, truly sorry.

Erol, I don't know
what got into me.

What I said...
I was just so angry.

I basically betrayed
all the values I...

I'm sorry. I'm genuinely ashamed.

- It's okay.

If you don't want Melanie
to play with me, just say so.

- No! I do want that.
I just have irrational fears.

- Not so irrational at your age.

- If it bothers you, we'll stop.

Simple as that.
- No.

- What?
Hey, are you crazy?

- If it bothers him, we'll stop.
No big deal.

- Wait. No big deal?

And nobody asks me?

Are the men now deciding
who the woman gets to play with?

Am I going to be traded
for camels next or what?

- Why camels?

- What else? Carpets?
- Melanie!

- What Melanie is trying to say...

- Stop explaining
the world to everyone!

- And you stop
drinking more beer!

- What the hell is that to you?

- Erol should watch over her again.
His women are alcohol-free.

- Why the plural? People!

- I've had enough!

For good!

You've all lost
your marbles!

I came in here with a normal,
reasonable suggestion.

It was supposed to be
a nice gesture. Nothing more.

But, oh God,
how could I forget.

There are only men in the room.

Of course you can't have
a normal conversation.

Everyone has to spray
all their testosterone...

into the air!

And then, just like for the past
ten thousand years, it all comes down to...

who's the hottest stud.

Who the female belongs to.

Who has the biggest grill.

Over and over and over again!

This embarrassing man bullshit!

- We don't say "bullshit."

- Do you even realize?
How this destroys everything.

It destroys every discussion.

It's destroying the whole world!

And this damn tennis club too.

- "Damn tennis club," now that
really is a bit hysterical.

* Loud door slam *

- Exactly, Heribert.

When we've had enough
of your dick-wagging drivel...

your man-podcast on permanent loop...

then we're hysterical.
Hysterical little girls, that's what we are.

Waah waah waah.

* Chicken clucking *

You should be grateful
that we women don't snap.

Because this world would definitely be better...

if men would just shut up
for a hundred years.

And if God, when creating you, had made
something else out of those few centimeters...

of clay sausage down there.
I've had enough of this kindergarten.

* Torsten sighs *

* Hissing *

* Crashing *

Ah!

Turn it off!

Ah!

* Crashing *

Ah!

* Sigh *

Going great, Mr. President.

* Throat clearing *

- Torsten, don't you want to go after her?

- No. My wife has all the freedom
she needs.

She can go wherever she wants.

- Good grief.

* Door squeaks *

- Now he just goes after her.

- That must be Turkish spontaneity.

- Hm.

Hm.

* Birdsong *

* Erol sighs *

Your wives and Allah
better not see this, huh?

- None of them are here at the club.

- Do you really think
that Melanie and Erol, I mean...

that they...

- No.

But it just bugs me
when he's always hugging her.

On the court. While I'm watching
and clapping. It's endless.

- I never really noticed that.

- Yeah.

- Show me.

* Soft, tense sounds *

* Cheering *

Wait.

Right, here.

* Stopwatch beeping *

* Applause and loud cheering *

* Stopwatch beeping *

* Tense sounds *

- That was four seconds.

- Hm?

- It's four seconds.

- Four?
- Four.

- Torsten, I want to tell you
something now...

from man to... yeah... also man.

It was unnecessary.

- Wait a second.

Was that the wrong thing to do?
- No, not again.

(Melanie) Are you going to give that
back at some point?

One more sip.

- Give me that right now!
For God's sake!

Hey, that's my...

You.

* Melanie laughs *

Uh, we're not allowed
to play together anymore.

- Are you insane?

Have you completely lost the plot?

You can't quit
as a doubles pair.

You're the pride of our club.

You're the most important and valuable
thing we have!

- Thanks, Heribert.

- About the hugging...
- That was five seconds at most!

- We timed four.

- Erol, my reaction had nothing
to do with the fact...

that you're Turkish.

- Of course not. In Germany
it never has anything to do with that.

- Here.

- Red alert! The most valuable asset
of our club is offended again.

- Melanie...
- Leave me alone.

- Me, offended?

- "Never has anything to do
with him being Turkish."

- I was born here.
Went to school with you.

I have a German passport,
I play at TC Lengenheide.

And I'm still
always the Turk.

Always, always the Turk.

How many damn generations does it take
to shake this off?

What do I tell my kids...

when they won't have to have
this damn conversation anymore?

When does it stop? 200 years, 300?

When does it stop, Matthias?
- I'd say, right now.

Let me draw a line here.

Period, done, case closed.

- You resigned as president!

- Not anymore. I'm coming back.

* Groaning *

* Dark tones *

* Door slams shut *

* Energetic orchestral music *

* Tense orchestral music *

Melanie.

Erol.

* Squeaking sounds *

* Orchestral music swells *

* Loud arguments *

People like you are a problem!

- Shit!
- I can't believe it.

- Oh my God!

- You blockhead!
- Have you lost your mind?

* Silence *

(Heribert) These discussions
have to stop right now.

We don't have a problem here!

- We'd need to re-elect you.

- Cut the crap!
- Don't let them push you around, Matthias.

- Did you resign?
- Not really.

- Excuse me? Anne wrote it
in the minutes.

- He didn't really mean it like that.
- Of course he did.

I can't find it.

- This is about our club.
You don't get hung up on stuff like that.

- What?

- There will now be
this damn second grill!

The meeting is...

- You were against it!

- But now I'm for it.
- You're changing your position?

- In a crisis, you can't
afford to have positions.

Melanie and Erol
cannot stop playing as a doubles pair.

- Stop?
- No, of course they're not stopping.

Next year we're playing
the State Championship Cup in Dormagen.

With a real chance of winning.

As president of TC Lengenheide,
I hereby decree...

invoking the
emergency rules...

a separate Turk grill.

- What emergency rules?

You twist everything to suit yourself!

- I'm deciding this.
- Fine.

I'm leaving the club.
I'm quitting.

- Matthias! You can't quit.
The Turk should go.

(Heribert) Nonsense. The second grill
is decided.

What are we supposed to do with it?

- Give it to the gay vegetarians.

- Matthias. You have to accept
my decision.

- No!
- And be quiet now!

- No, Heribert,
you shut up now!

I'm sick of you
always steamrolling over me!

- What do I do?
- "Be quiet. Let's cut this short."

"It's fine, Matthias."
For years.

If anyone has a right to be offended,
it's me.

Not Erol with his carrying on about
Turks not being integrated...

by us evil Germans! And suddenly
everyone's meek and cowering!

It makes me sick!

- Very good! Now say
you're the new president!

- You shut up too, Mom!

- Wow.

- What I'm trying to say. Are there
Italians, Spaniards, Chinese...

Koreans, English, or Dutch people
who keep saying...

they're not being integrated properly?

- The Dutch grill less.

They deep-fry more.

Chinese kids in the second generation
all pass their exams here...

and study astrophysics.

After 50 years in Germany, your people
still live crammed together!

Doing car parades
when a dictator wins rigged elections.

Whining that
you're not being integrated.

We Germans always get the blame.

- Bravo!

- The car parades!
That's your own fault.

That's the result
of your immigration policy.

You brought three million
village Turks from Anatolia...

into this country over decades
and you wonder why they don't integrate?

In Istanbul they wouldn't have
integrated either.

That's like Germany only sending
Upper Bavarian country bumpkins abroad.

You wanted mindless workers and you brought
in peasants and lowlifes.

And then you didn't take care of them.

You didn't take care of them.

And in the end you're surprised
that they honk for a dictator?

That's your crappy immigration policy.

And now you're doing the same thing again.

Bringing in the Africans,
the Arabs, the Islamists.

And all the scum!
This is not my Germany anymore!

* Hiccup *

- Well.

Apparently Erol is better integrated
than I thought.

- Elisabeth?

- I'm appalled.
- Finally someone has the guts...

to say it.
- Exactly!

- Disgusting.

- Your partner is getting applause
from the wrong corner.

Do you stand as far right
when you play doubles too?

- I'm not right-wing.

- Isn't he Turkish himself?

- Some kind of upper-class Turk.

Or woke Turk, what do I know.

- Shame on everyone
who just clapped.

* Tumultuous voices *

- Stop it.

- At some point
enough is enough.

- What do you want? Remigration?

- Yes!
- Yes?

- You are hereby banned
from my store, effective immediately.

- Foreigners calling out foreigners
with Nazi talk?

- From poor Turk
to groping Turk to Nazi...

in twenty minutes!

- Nazi is going a bit far.

Erol maybe has a culturally conditioned
wrong opinion.

But...
- "Scum" is an opinion?

(Heribert shouting) Quiet!

* Voices fall silent *

I think now my joke
could help.

As long as we can laugh together,
it's not too late.

So, in an upscale villa neighborhood...

a Turk moves in next to a German.

- Heribert. With all due respect.

I can't take a joke right now.

And I can't just let
these stupid comments slide, Erol...

I can't just
let them stand.

Matthias, yours either. If this
is the new tone in the club...

I'm quitting,
then I'm gone.

- Torsten, come on, enough, I...

This whole discussion is so stupid.
I'm quitting.

- No! Erol, you can't!

What kind of nonsense
is this?

- This club won't have peace again
until I'm gone.

- Yes.

- We Turks bring unrest
to your society.

Through the simple fact
that we exist.

We Turks are a nuisance.
Turks are just a nuisance.

A nuisance when they practice their own
religion, when they meet German women.

When they have their own opinion.

But the good news is:

There are no Turks here anymore.

* Soft, deep, melancholic music *

Okay, I'm leaving too.

- Melanie.
- No.

That we managed this.

Over such a goddamn
trivial thing like a grill...

driving out the only foreigner
in the club.

- Not the only one. Red-Wine Kalle.
He's got French genes.

Melanie, you can't bail!
- Yes I can.

For me, this doesn't make sense
without Erol.

- So there is something
going on between you.

- No! For God's sake!

There's nothing!

Zero!

Do you get that?

Erol is happily married.

- Well, yeah, but so are you.

- Hey, Torsten.
- Hm?

I know spontaneity
isn't your strong suit.

But maybe you should
spontaneously run after her.

What was that for?
- That was spontaneous.

- That was just a tip!

- For earlier.
From half an hour ago.

And I'm also out of here now.

I'm leaving voluntarily.

Because I don't feel like dealing with
village idiots in a Nazi club.

- Hey!

- Oh, and one more thing,
real quick.

I always thought tennis was
absolute garbage!

- Yeah, that's how you played too.

- There are also too many racists
in here for me...

* Loud arguments *

- The Nazis should get out.

- Who do you mean? Me?
- Among others.

- Peter?
- Yeah, I'm coming.

- Stay.

You can talk about anything.
We're a club, after all.

- No, Heribert, we were a club.

I've had it with this crap.
You can kiss my ass!

- Matthias!
- Show some respect!

- Watch it, Matthias!

- Telling that leftist scum
what's what was the right thing to do.

But how did you speak
to your mother?

Your mother,
who gave birth to you in pain.

* Somber orchestral music *

Ah!

Ow!

Shit.

* Orchestral music fades *

Maybe my joke
would fit right about now.

* Heribert groans *

* Music fades out *

In an upscale villa neighborhood,
a Turk moves in next to a German.

The Turk says:
Look, now I have a villa too.

Now we're equal.
The German says: Equal? No.

I have three stories,
you only have two.

The Turk works and works...

builds another story and says:
Look, now we're equal.

And the German says: Equal?
No. I have a swimming pool.

The Turk works and works,
builds a swimming pool and says:

Now we're equal.
And the German: Equal? No.

Didn't you see the Ferrari
in my garage?

The Turk works and works,
buys a Ferrari.

And then the German says:
Okay, now you have three stories...

a swimming pool and a Ferrari.
Now we're equal.

The Turk says: No. I'm better.

My neighbor is German,
you live next to a damn Turk.

He says.

The Turk.

* Soft music *

Says that himself.

* Calm, melancholic piano notes *

* Door closes *

* Sounds at the door *

* Pain sound *

* Squeaky footsteps *

* Crows cawing *

* Soft music continues *

Where is that damn key?

Forget it.

* Dogs barking *

* Sighing *

* Pain sound *

* Groaning *

* Engine starts *

- Melanie.
- Shut up.

- Good job, Matthias,
you're on the right side.

- I'm not on any side.

- I thought what you said
was great.

- You think it was great!

- Just shut up!

- Ahhh!

- Oh!

- Ahhh!

Ahhh!

Matthias!

- Elisabeth!
- Elisabeth!

- Oh no.

- Careful!

* Clattering *

- Mom!

- Matthias!

- Stop!
- What do you mean "stop"?

* Dramatic orchestral music *

Ah!

- Stop it!

Ohhh!

* Metallic clattering *

- What a mess.
- It says no trespassing here, Elisabeth.

- Mom!

- Have you gone mad?

* Hissing *

- Oh God.
- Oh. Heribert.

- Are you insane? Get out of the water!

Out! What's the point of me
putting up the sign, damn it.

- I told you, fix the plank!
- Get out now, stop arguing!

* Loud creaking *

* Squeaking *

* Loud sounds *

Ah!

Ahhh!

- Ah!

Heribert!

Oh God!
- Because you people just stand there.

- Can we do anything?

- Do you need help?

- Heribert!

Heribert!

Heribert!

Heribert!

* Agitated commotion *

- Let's pull him out first!

- Help! Heribert's been hit!

Get over here, help!

- We need to do something.
Recovery position or...

- How does that go again?
- Bend the knee and then...

- Arm under the head
and then tilt back!

- I only know how to handle
dead pigs.

- How does recovery position work?
Damn, I only have one bar!

- I can't hear anything. It's too loud.

- Quiet!

* Voices fall silent *

- He's not breathing.

* Soft, agitated voices *

* Hectic music *

- I'll do chest compressions.
- I'll call an ambulance.

- Dying is not
on the agenda.

- Wasn't it to the rhythm of YMCA?

- Yesterday.
- Für Elise.

- No, Breathless!
- Recovery position instructions coming.

20 more seconds of ads.

- If you see a blinding light...

run the other way.

- Are you out of your mind,
the way you drive?

- Oh, shit.
What happened here?

- Heribert?
- Heribert, can you hear us?

* Music becomes very slow *

* Music fades out *

(Hans-Günther) That's enough.
Hold my plank.

My uncle was a pharmacist. Get off him.

Anything could happen.
Make room here.

- Careful!

- One, two... and...

* Spitting sound *

- Heribert?

- You brought him back!

- Easier than that
damn ball machine.

Sit him up.
- Careful!

- Incredible.

* Soft music *

Careful.

- Thank God.

- Can he stand?

- I don't even know...
What happened?

- You were unconscious.
You were... gone.

- Are you all right?
- Everything okay?

- What's going on?

- No way.
- What is it?

- This can't be real.

- Careful.

* Mysterious sounds *

- Where's he going?
- Heribert?

- Careful!
- Heribert!

- Where are you going?

- My plank.

* Birdsong *

* Tense string sounds *

My sciatica is gone.

* Calm background melody *

* Relieved sigh *

* Oriental, rhythmic music *

* Gerd Baumann, Tuncar Acar,
Bray: Şip Şap *

- Incredible. It's fantastic!
- I can't believe it!

* Cheerful singing in Turkish *

I'm so sorry.

Excellent, more flexible than ever!

Peter!

* Turkish singing continues *

* Clapping *

(Heribert) Karl.

Peter.

Let's forget all this nonsense.

We'll go upstairs, wrap up the meeting,
and then we'll celebrate!

- Yes!

* Cheering *

- We're done with all the agenda items anyway.

- Sorry,
there's one small thing left.

You all know that Anne doesn't identify
as either a man or a woman.

The question is: Let's consider
whether in the new clubhouse...

we should build a third toilet.
- No.

- You don't need to build
a third toilet for me.

- Actually, I think that would be great.

- No. That's completely unnecessary.

- Ahhh.

Erol?

* Music ends *

* Soft music *

* Music becomes more powerful *

* R.E.M.: Shiny Happy People *

# Shiny happy people laughing.

Meet me in the crowd,
people, people.

Throw your love around,
love me, love me.

Take it into town,
happy, happy.

Put it in the ground
where the flowers grow.

Gold and silver shine.

Shiny happy people holding hands.

Shiny happy people holding hands.

Shiny happy people laughing.

Everyone around,
love them, love them.

Put it in your hands,
take it, take it.

There's no time to cry, happy, happy.

Put it in your heart
where tomorrow shines.

Gold and silver shine.

Shiny happy people holding hands.

Shiny happy people holding hands.

Shiny happy people laughing.

Hey, here we go!

Shiny happy people holding hands.

Shiny happy people holding hands.

Shiny happy people laughing.

Shiny happy people holding hands.

Shiny happy people holding hands.

Shiny happy people laughing.

Shiny happy people holding hands.

Shiny happy people holding hands.

Shiny happy people laughing.

Shiny happy people holding hands.

Happy people. #