All language subtitles for Slapstick.Of.Another.Kind.1982.DVDRip

Once again the planet Earth is
on the brink of destruction.

So that's not unusual.

Life should die
on their planet.

They've almost completely
drained their resources.

We must send twin advisors.

- Why should we care?
- We must care, we must keep trying.

After we sent our twin
advisors to China,

the Chinese tried to
take over the world.

Now they're playing with
the control of gravity.

If they were to be successful,

it would be a catastrophe for
the entire galaxy.

We must help earth.

Unfortunately I do
not agree with you.

Prepare twin advisors this
time we will implant them...

into an American mother
was about to give birth.

Perhaps you will
have better results.

Of course I'll do it.

But I don't believe you can
do anything with her things.

Pick the American
couple carefully.

They must be intelligent powerful
and admired by their countrymen.

And recall our advices in China.

The Chinese will search
everywhere for them.

Good, that'll keep them
busy for many years.

...of course you know
they have never done...

an honest day's
work in their life.

I said why you don't even know
where your ancestors stole it from.

And I said now.

Caleb do you know
that your grandfather...

made his fortune on
nerve gas and napalm.

perhaps you'd look
at me with that...

inevitable smile
he said history was...

never one of
my best subjects.

Ooh and he's so large.
I could pull him up.

you know I just cannot
stand the thought...

The woman is beautiful
as her only the phone company.

You're him!

- How's that?
- You're the beautiful people.

And you're out here with
me just like anybody else.

Well my wife and I never
believed in putting on the door.

You know what I mean.

Just because we got money
coming out of our ears,

Doesn't mean we have to act like we're
any better than anybody else.

Boy, you are democratic.

Shouldn't even mention it.

You can imagine what kind
of a kid I'm gonna have.

- All babies are beautiful.
- Ever see a baby rhinoceros?

I don't know why they let
people as ugly as me reproduce.

I should be circumcised.

- You mean castrated.
- Castrated right yeah.

I should be castrated.

When they bring my kid to that window,
I wouldn't look up.

I'm sure it'll be a beautiful
specimen mister...

- Schillfit.
- Sr. Schillfit.

Two bundles coming up.

Well we're the last ones,
must be you.

- Could be you.
- Twins?

That's a repulsive thought.

Oh Jesus, nevermind.

No, I'd do it. I knew this
was gonna happen.

I told her.
Oh God. Oh god, no!

We deserve.

Oh, Dr. Frankenstein is
Lutetia is okay?

Oh, she's fine.
She's sleeping now.

Did she deliver already?

Caleb, I don't know what happened it.
Was a billion to one chance.

But those are your children.

- Little baby monsters.
- Halleluiah!

Oh thanks, I've do not take.

God bless you.

Oh no!

No, they're not mine.

It's been a mistake,
those are Mr. Schillfit.

You done it.
Not me!

Caleb!

Mr. Swain what can you
tell us about the twins?

A couple of beautiful babies?

Mr. Swain how about some folks
our are viewers would just love...

an exclusive interview with a
wrench and beautiful father...

of beautiful twins.
Mrs. Swain, Mr. Swain!

Ugliest baby I've ever seen.

Shure they've give send back.

Oversize hands, oversize feets,
Oversize brains.

I got a call to head vet
in San Diego Zoo.

I've never seen
anyone like this...

- Honey, there you are.
- My sweet, come to mama.

Honey, the ugly babies,
they are not ours.

He had a beautiful baby!

But they have all
their fingers and toes?

Yes, they've all the
fingers and toes.

- They have two eyes?
- Two eyes.

No, I mean each one has two eyes
not two eyes between them.

No, my dear,
they're not cyclops.

But they might as well be cyclops,
that's what you're saying isn't it?

Of course not.

This is Lum Fung People's
Republic of China's spy...

Number five thousand six
hundred and thirteen, calling.

Coming, People's Republic
headquarters, over.

Yes, Lum Fung.
Have you found the twins?

Ugly. I have found the biggest
ugliest twins in history.

I have a news
update for you.

The People's Republic of China
has just announced they...

are severing relations with
every country on this planet.

And their ambassador
will be here to talk about.

And that'll be right
after this really important...

message from
one of our sponsors.

We're 20 seconds into
the commercial 40 to go.

Ready music,
ready tonneau car.

ready tell us any.

Well give my regards to China.

- Her name?
- Ambassador Ah Fong.

Commercials on right now.
So why don't you set up.

35 seconds the air. Merv,
the Chinese Ambassador is here.

Merv, Merv!

Good.
Thank you, guys.

Fine now you leave
that right there, sir.

And the boys leave.
You can all go in and watch...

- the show in the control room, huh?
- I stay right here.

You can't. We have cameras
and booms and lights.

- you're gonna be in the way.
- I stay right here.

I guard or no dice.
we go back home.

No, no, no!
Lou, Lou.

The guys can shoot
around the zipperhead?

I care, ok.

He's on!

The ambassador to the United Nations
from the People's Republic of China...

Mr. Ah Fong announced
at noon today...

that his country is
severing all relations.

Diplomatic, commercial and cultural
with all other nations on earth.

Without further we do.

I have the honor of
presenting Mr. A Fong.

Mr. A Fong, when
you say the China is...

severing relations for
the rest of the world.

Is that because China is mad at
something that somebody did.

Definitely not.

You see and the rest of the world
has nothing left to offer us.

You very backward.

They would not
appreciate some of the...

things that we would
be willing to share.

Have you solved all the
problems that we are.

Oh, no.
Not quietly.

We are still in the dark ages
on simple little things in life.

Little things, gravity.

Is there a chance that China
will ever allow a visitor in again.

Of course, as long as he or she
is willing to sleep in an icebox.

And live all further half
a pound of rice a year.

Well, I guess that excludes me.

Oh, boy!

I wonder Mr. A Fong.

Could you leave us today with
some words of wisdom.

Oh well...

I understand that you are
happy the way you are.

Enormous sweaty backward kind of
people but if you happy that way.

You have my blessings.
I would like to leave you...

you however with the
key through success...

of Chinese sciences.
The key might be found in one word.

Twins, twins.

Remember the words of Confucius.

He's the one they said:
Two heads are better than one.

I love your idiomatic
expressions.

In fact I have a very appropriate
expression for living you.

And that is to you the
people of the United States.

Up your ass
with Mobil gas!

I never say ass on
network television.

Oh shit!
I just did.

Hey Mon!

I do, you mustn't
blame yourself.

The whole natural order is going skew with
the mainland Chinese two inches higher.

And gasoline up to $28 a pint.

And that's your old family doctor.
I must do what is best for you and Caleb.

I want you to go home as
though nothing has happened.

The Twins will stay here where we
have the finest life-support systems.

Apart from the Chinese, of course.

And we'll keep them alive as long as we
possibly, can maybe weeks, maybe months.

But that should be
our ordeal not yours.

Neither you and Caleb owe it to the
world to go on being beautiful.

And rich, and cheerful.

Yes you're probably right.

Oh you're always right.
but I...

I want they won't
live the hospital.

I want them in a place in
case they notice something.

I just wanted to feel...

that they're at the
center of things and...

that they're at home.

I do you need say no
more it shall be done.

- You're the boss.
- Yes.

- I want job.
- In the cook?

Well, we do need a cook.

But I have to ask you.
Are you a communist?

No. I'm in this bullshit.

Lun Fun crazy about.
Free enterprise!

Your face looks
very familiar to me.

We all look alike.
All can same damn face.

Well you'd have to cook for a staff
of 30 people and two children.

- Do you like children?
- Bet your heats.

Welcome then, thank you.

- I am Sylvester.
- Sylvester.

The butler.

You remember?
You advertised in the mortician sweep.

Don't worry I said you can
put the children in my hands.

I will treat them
just I would my owns.

I would go in familiarize myself
with my private quarters.

Just, just a moment...

- My name is Quentin.
- Who.

I'm a handyman.

The financials news.

Gasoline has risen to all time high,
one thousand dollars a gallon.

Forcing even the
wealthiest to convert...

to the low performance energy
produced by chicken droppings.

For the fifteenth year in a
row the big three of Detroit...

have again announced that there will
be no new models produced this year.

They have turned their entire
production capacities...

over to making chicken
poo converters.

To replace the gasoline
powered engines of the...

thousands of abandoned cars
that litter our highways.

- Darling, Dr. Frankenstein is here.
- I'm not sick!

It's my life that's sick.

Here comes the famous faithful
old family doctor once again.

My dear...

I dropped everything!

The moment I heard that my
favorite little baby of all are sick.

Roll over.

I'm not a baby anymore.

I did.
I delivered it you.

- You'll always be a baby to me.
- That's not all you've delivered.

- Oh, so that's the trouble again.
- And it always will be.

How long did you
say they would live?

- A day? Two days?
- I forget it.

Two weeks?
Two months at most?

Oh, my dear.
Doctors don't know everything.

- We're not China men
- It's been 15 years.

Something is telling me
then I must see them.

You don't know
what they look like.

They have become so ugly.
I've hesitate even to describe them.

Well, what about their intelligence?

Level with a cattle ups.
I'd say.

- Cattle ups?
- Zucchinis then.

My dear,
they have each other.

You mustn't suppose they're
starved for affection,

They adore each other.
They even suck each other thumbs.

Only there was some sort of sign,
telling me what to do.

- What's that?
- Something from outer space.

Take in the kitchen
you camera.

- It's a flying clamps.
- No, it's a fortune cookie.

Hello Mrs. Swain.

How come you pay
no attention to the...

wonderful clue I give
to the American people.

Who are you?

I am Ah Fong, the former
Ambassador from China.

You didn't see me on
television 15 years ago?

Yes, yes we did.

You bet your ass you did.

We hit the highest Nielsen
rating for a low shot...

in the entire history
of the american television.

I said that the reason
for success in...

Chinese science is twins,
now you have twins.

You can't put two
and two together?

You know about our twins?

Then sad more than
you people do.

You have Wilbur and Eliza.

You have been spying on
my poor little monsters.

We found out in the
People's Republic of China...

if you put two lonely ugly not
good-for-nothing twins together,

for long enough time,
nighttime daytime,

you let them communicate,
they come out...

with a genius to put
Albert Einstein to shame.

Not my two.

We must get this together.

You people the way you are,
you're jacking down this entire planet.

Everybody conversation
turn to chicken shit.

Please come on with Chinese.
We're nice people.

We're not bad guys
We're just businessmen.

Right?

All we wanna do is negotiate,
a little contract for control the gravity.

And we want approval.
We want your approval.

We want the people's approval.
We want the president's approval.

You go in and call President,
now you tell that dumb son of bitch...

that a major natural resource
for this country is right here.

Wilbur and Eliza.

This is a sure queer planet.

where the main idea...

- is to be as dumb as possible.
- And if you're not dumb enough,

you just drinking
some more champagne.

And with all the champagne
Sylvester and servants drink,

they must be considered the
dumbest people in the world.

Yeah...

well you know what?

Sylvester says that mother and father...

are more stupid than they are.

I hope we had dumb
enough for then.

I want mother
and father to be proud of us.

Oh, they will be.

You want to hear some
Moliere and French?

- Physics?
- Physics!

- Physics.
- Physics.

- A theory of gravity.
- Okey-dokey.

Yeah, and you know.

That's about the best hiding
place we ever came up with.

- Sure is.
- Yeah.

Ah, our essay on beekeeping.

- That was lashed.
- This so easy too.

Oh, our essay
on how to cure...

the social troubles in America.

Is no obvious the solution.
Is just...

Oh! Our essay.

On the five variant
steps of waltz.

Oh. I love to dance with you.

Drop to young masters.

The indestructible twins.

I predict it will live to be
thousand years old.

Quentin, put me down.

Put me down, animal.

What's is that?

Telephone.

You can't be the neighbors,
to complains about noise.

We are having any neighbors.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Hello, who's there?
- Sylvester speaking.

Sylvester, is Mr. Caleb.
Caleb Rockefeller Swain.

- Mr. Swain?
- Hello...

Is there anyone
here who called Mr...

- Mr. Swain
- Sylvester.

- How nice to hear your voice again, Sr.
- Yes.

Yes, well Sylvester, my wife
and I will be there tomorrow.

In the afternoon,
along with dr. Frankenstein...

and then we'll be meeting the
President of the United States.

And he'll have two Secret
Service men with him.

Yes, listen, if there's
anything we can do...

for their wonderful
and adorable children of just...

just tell and said
considered will be done.

- Have any Encyclopedia Britannica?
- Encyclopedia...

Any you monkeys who have
ordered an Encyclopedia Britannica?

My brother-in-law used to self.

That was two years ago.

The feeling was said, no child
should grow up in a home...

without the Encyclopedia
Britannica�s.

Oh, course,
very good.

You're right about the
Encyclopedia Britannica.

Absolutely right,
they have a set there.

Yes, and your children have
read it 10 times through.

I know, because our most reliable
agent has been watching it.

- The cook?
- Of course the cook.

I knew his face was familiar.

When I asked him if he's
a communist he said no.

Yes, well you see he
was under orders to lie.

What is the world coming to, when
you can't even trust the Chinese.

Look, you people go and can
acquainted with your children.

And we'll come back real soon
and then we make a big deal...

for the controller gravity, okay?

Well, we just felt that we had to see our
children in spite of what they became.

There must have been days
of light gravity in olden time.

And people play tiddlywinks
with huge chunks of stone.

Or inhabitants from
other planets help them.

Showing them the way
to neutralize gravity.

How does our essay on
gravity begin again?

With an apple hitting Sir
Isaac Newton on the head.

How much gasoline we use?

You better hit the sports car.

I'll get out the horse's leg.

Get the Kawasaki
out of there.

Mildred, take your panties
down up the flagpole.

And run up a flurry.
It's a mess.

I must worry like this.
I could wrinkles around my eyes.

- Your cocktails, Mr. President.
- Thank you, Lieutenant.

Wait, throw it again.

Mr. President, we'll be landing
our destination at 1200 hours.

Thank you, Anson.

That's lieutenant, sir.
This is an airplane, not a boat.

Oh yeah,
I keep forgetting.

The depressive duty,
you know.

At ease, at ease.

It certainly is exciting to
re-establish contact with...

the People's Republic of
China after all these years.

Yes ensign, but they make
me feel like such a jackass.

So far behind them is bicycle
contraceptive jelly name...

It they've named
a slash to the mast.

This must be a very
important mission.

It's in the lap of the gods.

Is everything all right
with you, Mr. President?

Yes, yes, of course ensign.

It just seems like there's
something troubling you.

So embarrassing,
this airplane,

Air Force One.

One once a symbol
of a great nation.

Powered by chicken shit.

Well we'd be walking if it
wasn't for chicken stuff?

Yes, I guess I am grateful
for the damn stuff.

Well as you Navy people say,

Dawn the torpedoes Ridley
and full steam ahead.

Dismissed.

I like that boy.

Sure... madam.

Your faithful and
obedient servants...

hope you are well service.

"Bon app�tit".

To think that our children
may actually be intelligent.

Why wouldn't maybe?

They come from perfectly
marvelous stock.

Ford's, the Vanderpool's,
the Rockefeller's.

I hope that it's alright for the
President to land on that old airstrip.

That's why we've
got a vice president.

"Oh l� l�" you both
look so very nice.

The perfect ladies and gentlemen.

Your parents would
be really proud of you.

Just think, soon you'll be meeting
the President of the United States.

My lord, my lady how wonderful
to meet you at last.

Oh, we're not Lord
and Lady today.

No, no, of course.
Silly of me.

The president is already
ensconce to the library.

Sylvester.

Oh doctor how
distinguished to look.

- May I take your briefcase
- No thank you, I'll keep it.

I have some intelligence tests.
I will give to the children.

The children. Yes, excellent, excellent.
Good idea, Sir.

That class of chimpanzees.

The doctor has brought you
some intelligence tests.

Can you imagine that?

Does a horse have
a feathers or hair?

The horse has quills
Like a porcupine.

Don't forget it.

I wonder if it's time to teach you
the words for Mama and Papa.

Say Papa.

Say Mama.

Church, I got it.

Would you like some apple
cider, Mr. President.

Is this all rest drink
in a house?

Oh I'm terribly sorry,
Mr. President.

I should have thought to
bring something along.

But you see,
Dr. Frankenstein gathered...

together this staff of people
to take care of the children.

They all hate alcohol.

Distingued Sir, my
lady, Mr. President...

the children are ready.

Are the children really so smart?

You must be the
Judge of them.

I've come love so it isn't
possible for me to be objective.

Well the Chinese are the greatest
resources country as today.

And note the Chinese cannot been mistake.
Anybody, anything don't miss.

I'm so proud.

Without further I do.

May I present master Wilbur...

and Mistress Eliza.

Children these
are your parents.

And this is the President
of the United States.

Second most powerful and richest
nation in the whole world.

- Oh please God, let me faint.
- Me too.

Come on kids, you can
do better than this.

I want you to give them a
welcome they will never forget.

- Maria?
- "Oui, madam".

Where are the children now?

- Beyond their bedroom
- Are they all right?

I don't know madam, they
were sprayed with mace.

That was necessary
I suppose?

So we think.

Well has it ever before?

I don't think so.

Then it was all our fault?

How could I
have given birth...

to two drooling totem poles.

It couldn't be helped darling,
that's all in the past.

What a cruel joke for
the Chinese to play.

What was the point of that?

They don't think like
a great of people.

A gullible.

I actually believe that they would
be spouting Latin, Greek and...

- algebra, literature...
- Spanish, literature.

I was gullible too.
I feel just like you.

Quickly, get the mace.

No! No.

I want talk to them.

You can't, madam.

They could reach your head of.

I am your mother.

Not that you know
what mother means.

And your mother is
leaving you now forever.

If they're having the least...

flicker of intelligence
in your are the...

least syllable of
language on your lips...

I came here with,
the sort of maybe.

Starting over again
and beginning...

of them we have
some sort just...

It's cruel and stupid of me
to insist on this little sign.

If I can truly love you,
and I just...

Well, I have nothing but
contempt for myself.

Good luck...

and goodbye.

Mother?

Oh God, what a time
to die by accident.

Mother dear?

- Mother, look at us please.
- Mr. and Mrs. Swain.

Mr. and Mrs. Caleb
Rockefeller Swain.

From 229 Peacock,
Santa Barbara, California.

I'm so scared.

Be not afraid, mother.

We bring you tidings
of great joy.

Listen, we are not dumb.

We just thought that
you will want it very...

much for us to be as
dumb as possible.

(speaking French)

This is a very wee planet.

It's just so confusing for us
because it's good to be dumb...

and it's bad to be smart.

You know, do as the Romans do.

when you in Rome,
is not headed back with.

I swear this is
the first sign...

of intelligent life
never an observed in.

Any time we showed what you
found some way to put it out.

Yeah.

I have some intelligence tests. So
we find out what we have here got.

All this just totally turned
my world, upside down.

And by George, the whole
family are reunited.

- Wait my sister.
- Don't worried about her.

Well, we've never
been apart before.

Hey, this feels terrible.
I've been cutting half.

You'll have to get
used to, don't you?

You know. I feel
dumb without Eliza.

Start.

Well, I have to confess that
I've rather underestimated...

the intelligence of
the twins in the past.

I apologize for that.

You know, a few of these
tests I've just made.

I didn't miss by all that much.

It's true that this boy has
learned to read and write.

Which I suppose wiser about
ten times as smart as the girl.

But incidentally they both said that
a horse has quills like a porcupine.

- A horse has hair.
- good for you.

I feel as though life
has used me as a yo-yo.

You know, the boy should
go to a military academy.

He'll learned discipline there and he'd
learned how to relate to other people.

Very good one is
about 50 miles from here.

It's run by an
old friend of mine.

- What about the girl?
- I think the girl should stay here.

I mean in familiar surroundings.

You could cut way
down on the stop.

What you did to
make her happy?

a box of crayons,
a doll, yeah.

I'd better mosey on back
to the White House.

I had a wonderful time here.

I awfully sorry that our
babies weren't smarter.

Yeah, well, we gave it a shot.

- Hi.
- Hi.

We would like to take
the test over again.

- That's hardly necessary.
- Would like to take it together.

If you would let us
sit side-by-side.

No! I'm perfectly satisfied with
the results as they are.

Now just a minute. I might
be a simple soul from Illinois.

But I also happen to be president
of a once great nation.

Whose entire economy
is powered by chicken shit.

Now, if you, two kids think
you can perform some...

kind of miracle by putting
your heads together.

I for one would like to see it.

Tell me, how can I get
America running again?

Children you have to do that?
Surely you can think without...

We don't understand.

May also such thing
as be in too close.

There is...

Especially for brothers
and sisters you see its...

Caleb tell the children
about... the incest... taboo.

Yes, my darling.

The incest taboo back
in the olden times in...

Egypt and King Arthur
novel and all of that.

People noticed that when
relatives married and had babies.

The children usually turn
down dumb and funny-looking.

Oh! So your and mother
were relatives?

Of course not, why would you
ask such a stupid question?

Well because my sister
and I are preach.

I think this conversation
has gone askew some way.

Uh, just to try a little harder
to keep your hands to yourself.

Try a little harder.

See the president just
asked a question...

that's the hardest one
we ever had to answer.

Well what do you need to
do to answer the question?

Take of your shoes.

And embrace?

So exchange touch.

That's it!
That's it!

All right.
That's all liked it.

Pushed.
You learn to lead.

Get the police get hold
of servants, I'm Busy!

- I've pushed!
- Is all over!

Use the stray jackets.

There are some sacrifices
that no citizens should...

ever have to make for
his or her country.

What's that wagon
doing out there?

They delivering ice cream?

That's right, ice cream,
they delivering ice cream.

I like ice cream.

Guys, why you tell me
what this is all about?

We gonna make you
a man, are you kid?

Who's that bound
to happen anyway?

- With my sister.
- Forget about your sister, kid.

Okay where's the ladies,
she's my mother?

She's gone.
She don�t wanna cry.

Why, there's something
to cry about?

Hey, there is something
very sad happening here.

If Eliza was here she
would tell me what was.

Hey, why lock me here?
What is happening?

Eliza!

Wilbur!

Wilbur, wait for me!

They're trying to separate us.

Its close...

- Just a little...
- My head!

There goes my life.

There's nothing I can do about.

Eliza, Eliza. Quick, they try to
separating us. Eliza.

Eliza.

Miss Eliza, everything will
probably be well again.

Why I'm crying?

Try don't worry about.

I can't think my brain just
seems to be... flying away.

Come, come in. He has
better there, you see.

You shall only...

- It'd appear the plan is failing.
- Do not be so quick to judge.

They have touched the
heart of Sylvester.

Soon we may be able
to reach others.

And with love,
comes understanding.

Let's be patient a little longer.

- Mr. Swain.
- Colonel Sharp.

How do you do?

How do you do?

I cannot believe it.

He looked like a
loser few weeks ago.

Ah he still looks like
a loser, Mrs. Swain.

That's why we had to give him
that disguise first day here.

Get everybody out of
there which, specially me.

Colonel, is that real
instructor Chinese?

You're a great
judge of character.

He is Chinese.
The best instructor we have.

Looks like a cook we have
turned out to be a communist spy.

Don't you worry about that.
I had him checked out myself.

Cadet Swain.
one step forward.

Step!

Who is the biggest
cry baby in this outfit.

Cadet Wilbur Rockefeller
Wayne, sir.

He cry all night and every
night for his sister?

- Yeah! Yes, yes, sir.
- Okay cadet Wayne,

you tell us.
What's the name of his sister.

I can't remember, sir.

Very good. Cadet Swain
one step backward.

- What one?
- Step!

It�s a miracle he can't
remember his sister's name.

No miracle about,
Mrs. Wayne.

We deprive them of sleep
and if they wet their bed...

we use electric type.

I would wish that there was
a place it here, for Eliza.

Perhaps if you poured something
spaghetti sauce on me.

Carefully.

Oh, It�s so funny with
both in the face.

Oh please sleep in your own
room instead of the Attic.

There are bats there.

They are my friends.

That's our animals that
God made for ugly people.

- At least put a reading light.
- I can't read.

I would be glad
to read to you.

I could concentrate.

You're not the
missing half of me.

If these walls could speak,
what stories they could tell.

We got some more
liquor in the basement.

Sure, I Think we
could fall down...

wake up with our
heads in the toilet.

Drink doesn't solve
any problems.

We are more fun than that.

Joy of ignorance.

Enjoy have not knowing that
anything important is going on.

We thought we were
superior to twins.

If you thought the only thing.

And all the way, we live together,
they were...

cute and loving and
forgiving presence.

I was too dumb to know it.

Well we don't have
to get drunk.

We still got three thousand
gallons of gasoline.

Probably the last gasoline
in the whole world.

The car still runs,
you can take a spin.

What a shallow idea of
fun you have, Quinn.

Well. I'm not going to sit around
here and mope like you.

Maybe those twins are wonderful
when they were together.

But that girl up there
is just plain dumb.

Oh, My!

Any more funny stuff we're gonna
blow the shit out of you.

We have the former
ambassador, Ah Fong here.

I didn't know.

Fong throwing around
like a damn ping pong ball.

I can't tell you how sorry I am.

You think you're sorry?
We all butter up in here.

That wasn't all
my fault, wasn't?

Shit your pants on.

Ah Fong wants speak to you.

Are you the same Chinese
man or a different one.

Oh yeah, very different
Chinese man.

Wouldn't really have
zapped me woody?

Oh yes,
it�s necessary.

I'm afraid.

Oh, don't be afraid I
come with good news.

See you go to your brother the two of...

you get together you
can be smart again.

Then everything
gonna be okay.

Then we make a deal for
control the gravity.

Where is my brother?

The Custer Military
School for screwed boys.

50 miles from here.

- I should start walking
- Oh no need to walk.

By outside the house
here under bales of straw...

is a brand-new Ferrari
all gasp stop ready to go.

I don't think I can drive.

Any fool can drive you
just put key ignition,

turn the key, push the
gas pedal and you're on.

What's that?

My car!

Nice.

- Wilbur!
- Who's there?

Hold!

Wilbur!

Please, hold.

I want to see my brother.

I can't let anyone
in without permission.

His name is Wilbur Swain.

You tell him to come here,
you telling his sister is here.

oh I know.
You're his sister.

We're twins.

Take a look!

Wilbur!

So what did you say?

So I told General Patton:

"Georgie you just took
the wrong goddamn Hill".

Here's a study hall.

Well. I just had to come
to see for myself.

You know, Wilbur parents told me
how much you done for the boy.

Well. They promised us a
brand new gymnasium.

Oh, they did?
They're certainly good for it.

They're the only
patients I've got.

Wilbur!

Wilbur, it�s me!

- Colonel Sharp!
- Yes, sergeant.

You want in the infirmary.

So this happened
to cadet Stravinsky.

His hair was suddenly white,
and he can't talk anymore.

All right.
I'll be right with you.

I'd appreciate very much if you come
and take a look at silence Stravinsky...

before I put that Wickham
right into the mutant platton.

Well keep up the
good work, Wilbur.

No wonder your
parents don't like you.

If I had kids like you...
I hate you.

I don't hate you.
I love you.

Where are you going?
Come back. Stop.

Don't be afraid, Wilbur.
This is your sister.

God Wilbur, what
if they done to you?

What have they done to us?

- Men.
- Yes, sir.

- Do you have their sunglasses?
- Yes, sir.

Put them on.

I don't want you to see them
or your hair will turn white.

You'll get a stroke.
Let me see your weapon.

Civilians. Back road.
Catch them.

Oh stalks, they're coming
after us with dogs.

God. I'm getting smarter
all the time just...

being close to you
are you been smart too?

Let�s on this.
Pull it!

Please answer me.

Please.

That's not about it, and help
me figure out what to do.

I love you.
I can't live without you.

If we can't be together
as one just rather...

wait here and eaten by dogs.

What?

No, so no more.

My social scheme what everybody
could be happy and loving all the time.

Are you saying about our social
reform do you remember they're...

happy and loving all the time
no matter what the situation is.

Is utopia where everybody in
a country has ten thousand...

sisters and brothers and
a hundred thousand cousins.

Everyone could be a should
new little name consisting of a noun.

- Name of a flower or fruit.
- Or not a vegetable or gem...

or bird or fish or mineral.

With a hyphen to a
number between 1 and 20.

And anyone that would have
the same middle name.

Such as uranium.

Would be cousins and anyone with the
same number will be brothers and sisters.

Anywhere you would go and this big
country about you would have a relative.

So that if you are finding with someone
chances are you would be in own family.

You are okay
now, huh, Wilbur?

But they gave me compulsive
shock treatment which

accounted for my lack of
intelligence that I experienced.

The Chinese have gotten
us back together again...

in hopes of learning from us the final
equation for the modification and...

and control of the
gravitational atmosphere.

They would then master
the entire world.

Yes, but we cannot go
to our parents because...

they lacked the intelligence
and initiative we need.

We need to deal
with this situation.

The president although
a nice man from...

Rochefort is too influenced
by those around him.

And dr. Frankenstein is threatened by us
and he would like to separate us again.

So we must...

go back to the mansion finish
our essay on gravity and...

and escape to someplace where
we can hide and hope we can...

live together in
peace and happiness,

Yeah.

Hurry Wilbur, hurry.

Master Wilbur...
Mistress Eliza.

Colonel Sharp, sir. We have the enemy
trap behind his fault to door, sir.

Put dogs out.

Now I gave you
wet noses balls.

Put down then
dammed obstacle.

Stop. Pull you back.

You!

Boy.

Now what in goddamn
hell is behind that obstacle?

Nothing, sir. There are children's
dining room, Mr. "Shop".

Mr. Sharp.
Is colonel Sharp.

A Sharp, or Sir!

Yes, sir. A Sharp.

Its totally encased in steel.

It was built at a time
when the children...

were believed
to be dangerous.

There is no way in.

- Blast it!
- We must not harm the boy.

Now, it's goodbye to
the gymnasium.

Hold up now!

I don't want to
lose that damn gym.

Cadet Swain?

Cadet Swain!

This is the direct command.

You come out right now
and there's not be casualties.

And about my sister?

Oh, we'll take
good care of her.

Hell, we even got your
family doctor. Wilbur.

Dr. Frankenstein?

Wilbur, you remember me now.

Oh, I certainly do.

I've taken care of you since you
were knee-high to a grasshopper...

to an elephant.

You never knew anything
about either one of us.

You self-serving fraud.

Your sister told to
you said that?

She's probably told you to say that
and the other rude and ungrateful things.

Wilbur, as your family
doctor I order you...

to come out of there
and get away from her.

No! We never be part again.

We would rather die
than be parted.

Wilbur, we have to
concentrate harder.

Maybe if we can fully understand
how to control gravity.

We can somehow
get out of here.

I'm not very good
under pressure.

That's although the
experimental tenant...

of general relativity
will not fully conclude.

Wait a minute, call back to
the part about the photon.

Yeah! Depending only upon a
conservation of energy and...

mass of a proton of energy
being E over C squared.

That's where Einstein
made his mistake.

He got the mass of
a photon wrong.

I know it. I can feel it.
I can smell it.

- Well, you never been wrong yet.
- I know I'm right.

We can go right where
Einstein went wrong.

We're so close.
We're so close

- Hold me.
- Yes.

Oh no, please.
Don't stop.

On the contrary, we want
you to stay together.

And stay smart as
you can possibly be.

We want to take you
to China with us.

We're not going
anywhere with you.

I'm afraid you have no choice.

After all, we are the most
powerful people in the world.

If we wanted to, we could bless
you to smithereens right here.

It couldn't help you
from the outsider.

Nobody can help you.

So please you just
give us the equation...

to gravity and
come to China with us.

Otherwise we blow
you away, right here.

- We would rather die.
- We would rather die.

Just like Americans always
the wrong decisions.

So be it.

Wilbur, Eliza,
do not be afraid.

Chinese men,
put down your weapons.

You are you?

Someone who blow
you away, steward.

Just asking.

Twins, follow the light.

It's time to go home.

Welcome, Wilbur and Eliza.

You are very special to us.

We had hope the people
of this planet would have...

benefited from your superior
wisdom and knowledge.

There are to many Earthlings
were afraid of the unknown.

We cannot help them until they learn
the true language of the universe.

And stop seeing
and hearing with...

their eyes and
ears begin to listen...

the hearts.

We Will have to
hope they do not...

cause too much trouble
to the universe, until then.

Come.
Let's go home.

Subtitles: Kilo