Original subtitles

LOL, YOU LAUGH, YOU'RE OUT!

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After playing for three hours,

only five competitors have a yellow card.

But another penalty is about to be imposed.

Will it be the first elimination of the season?

Let's find out together.

Excuse me!

Has anyone seen my nail?

No, but I saw your career.

-What did you say? -Your career.

It's nowhere to be found.

What a mistake!

You rascal, caught red handed!

-It was a moment of euphoria. -Classic.

Right. Yellow card for Franck.

At some point, your natural instincts take over.

And I'm naturally giggly, smiley,

so it's too hard.

So, Alban...

-What did I do? -...Marina,

Carlito, Alison, Jean-Pascal and Franck

each have a yellow card.

So if you target these competitors,

the next time they laugh

they're out.

See you later.

Right.

Here we go again.

That means we can't laugh.

Okay, Franck?

Looking for some things.

I know I'm in real danger,

so my aim is to try and make people get yellow cards.

And I think Alison...

I'm targeting Alison.

Alison.

You know I do mentalism, right?

-Go on. -You that mentalism is

not innate. You learn it.

I confused it with emmentalism

which involves reading a cheese's thoughts.

Nothing to do with that.

No, magnetalism is making shapes with magnets.

And amourtalism involves reading your lover's thoughts.

No, no.

Stay there.

Careful, careful...

That was close.

I'm getting caught in my own trap.

Audrey Lamy, can I have a glass of water?

-What do you want? -Like I said,

-a glass of water. -What do you want?

Audrey Lamy!

-A cup of water? -A cup of water,

and a lottery card.

So I can win a million and head off to the sun, baby.

Thank you.

Jérôme, do you want some water, buddy?

You look dehydrated.

Your skin's as dry as a goose's.

Alban cracks jokes

that linger in the atmosphere.

The joke is still working

even though you have gone.

It's like Chernobyl.

He always comes at the right time

With butter and croissants

The breakfast friend

Yes.

The breakfast friend

The friend Ricoré

So tell me...

was that you in Dancing With The Stars?

Are we swingers?

We're not bad, are we?

We're not bad.

I feel like I'm this close.

Alban, Alban, Alban...

I'll keep going till I get him.

Come on, let's put some music on.

Music!

She's a Puerto Rican sister

Who lives in Spanish Harlem

She's superb

It's salsa

Really? Because of that?

La salsa

She's a Latina

I've never heard that voice from you before.

A smooth path

A touch of melancholy

A touch of blame

Come on, like Bernard.

She's a Puerto Rican sister

Who lives in Spanish Harlem

One of them is going to crack.

Curves in the right place

She's superb It's salsa

Jérôme's horrible.

I absolutely have to hold it in. So, I'm like...

I was really scared, Jérôme.

I feel like everyone is on the verge of cracking.

We're all very fragile, on the brink.

So my time is now.

Alison Wheeler is going for it. Joker card.

Come on Alison, give it everything. Like this...

I find Alison very funny.

Very, very funny.

And I think she is very determined.

Come on.

She may take us down paths we don't want to go down.

Good evening!

Good evening and welcome to the game.

Please give it up

for our charming presenter,

or get it up,

for Marie-Ange Nardine!

Yeah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

This is dangerous. Look out, this is dangerous.

Thank you, I am Marie-Ange Nardine,

welcome to the game,

your favorite game,

Whose ex is it?

The rules are simple

and no hygienic protection is required.

I'm going to introduce some celebrities,

and you have to guess which of you

they've been in a relationship with.

Once I've finished the presentation,

raise your hand to give your answer.

Is that clear?

-Yes. -Great.

Let's see what the winner gets to take home.

The winner gets a man-cinema system, an "homme-cinéma,"

half man, half cinema.

Movie buffs will love this man-cinema.

And enjoy unrivalled audio quality

thanks to his enormous sound bar.

The best feature is that he dispenses popcorn.

Look how easy and fun it is.

And it's delicious too.

I'll let you taste some. Jean-Pascal?

It's only popcorn, it won't do you any harm.

Thanks Mr. Cineman. You can go back

behind the curtain.

Let's start the game.

I hope you like laughing because this will be hilarious.

Right.

Those little jingles, fuck, it's difficult.

Here we go. Let's start with the first contestant.

This is Stacy.

She met her ex on the set of the fifth sequel

of a smash film.

Yes, Stacy is a Peugeot 406,

but contrary to appearances, she has

something under the hood.

Her ex became more middle class and left her for a hybrid.

An affair which left some skid marks.

Who is her ex?

-Franck Gastambide. -Franck Gastambide.

Is the right answer! A winner!

Next contestant.

Here comes the second candidate.

She supports Paris, he supports Marseille.

Now they can't stand each other.

It all started during the half-time of a big match,

her ex scored, and nine months later

she gave birth to the fruit of their two minutes of pleasure.

-One minute. -One minute, but who are we

to judge?

More of a soccer child than a love child.

A child who just wants to meet his daddy.

Can we see him?

It's so sad. Do you want to talk?

I think he's saying, "Fuck OM!"

Whose child is this?

Any idea?

Redouane Bougheraba!

Is the right answer!

It was the "one minute of pleasure" that gave it away.

Next contestant. Number three.

Her name is Liliane Morbier, she's an artist, a painter.

When she speaks of their affair, she paints a picture,

an intensely intimate gouache, a watercolor romance.

A classified ad in Télépoche

was all it took for her to find the man who would become her muse,

or her muzzle, I don't know how you say it.

She was looking for a model to refine her brushstrokes,

a model built like an erect easel.

She was his Michelangelo.

He was her Sistine Chapel.

As beautiful inside as on the outside.

Her ex is...

Jérôme Commandeur.

But the body doesn't look like...

You can give him the painting.

I know that things are still tense between you,

unresolved conflicts, bad blood

and other fluid issues.

-Thank you Liliane Morbier, bye. -Thank you.

-Thank you, Liliane. -Thank you, ma'am, for coming.

A win. Yes, it was Jérôme Commandeur's ex.

Bring on the last contestant,

this is my favorite story, it's beautiful.

It's a tragic story,

one that I find particularly touching.

This candidate is called... was called René.

René died 20 years ago.

One of the last soldiers from the previous century,

she was climbing the career ladder, he was taking down Krauts.

He fought to save his lover's country.

And his last words to her were...

Wow, she's almost got Jérôme.

Who is his ex?

Do you know?

-I don't dare say it. -Is it me?

-It's you. -Oh, yes. I recognized him.

Hello, darling.

Oh, no! I don't believe it!

You klutz... Sorry Marina, it's René, your ex.

Perhaps you could come and pick him up.

This is awful! You can go back to where you came from.

I'm outraged.

Thank you so much for taking part in Whose Ex Is It?

Sorry, it wasn't that fun.

Careful, it's the only powder you can't sniff, Marina.

This was Whose Ex Is It?

Thank you for playing.

See you after your next break-ups. Bye, losers.

-Thank you. -Bravo!

Bravo!

-That was good. -Yeah!

When I arrived, I thought, I'll be fine with Alison.

But she's very funny.

It was hard, bro.

Your ex was nice.

When she did the splits, she got stuck to the floor.

It wasn't us.

-McFly? -It wasn't us.

Could be Jérôme.

Fifi! Fifi! Fifi!

This is serious.

A red card?

I'll start with a yellow card.

Look who it is.

Your ex was nice.

When she did the splits, she got stuck to the floor.

Oh, shit!

I coughed!

That was the tipping point.

Damn, it was so small.

We have to penalize you.

-It wasn't a proper laugh... -It's tough.

You snickered.

Snickered my knickers!

Thank you Jérôme, without him,

that laugh wouldn't have been triggered.

-Thank you. -You're welcome.

It was a letting-go kind of laugh.

I got a yellow card for that...

bullshit.

This red card is just to let you know that the threat is lurking.

-Yeah! -Be careful.

See you later.

Ah, I'm so pissed.

Okay.

I won't laugh again for the rest of my life.

Come on!

-Game on! -Come on.

With seven yellow cards shown, so therefore

seven contestants in danger,

the threat of the first elimination is now palpable.

But who will it be?

Fuck.

I'm taking it very personally.

So, Jérôme Commandeur, you're in for it.

Jérôme, I have a question.

Since you've been on the scene for a while now...

-Yes. -I'd like to know

what it was like before, in the Roaring Twenties.

What was the transition from silent films to talkies like?

Did you meet Edith Piaf?

-So, I arrived... -Do you feel like something's missing?

Apart from hair. I mean in terms of era.

I arrived when Chirac was president.

Right. So not that old.

Edith Piaf was dead...

So you never experienced silent movies?

I've seen some, but I wasn't there when they were made.

Okay.

What are your first memories?

Of fashion, songs...

-Fashion? -Aged six or seven.

My first fashion memory is, I think, Lizzie McGuire.

You don't know it?

-Yes, I know it. -Really?

-Couldn't remember the name. -It was fundamental.

Violetta.

That was much earlier.

My parents watched Violetta.

Look, there's a gulf between us.

-But we started to... -We haven't created anything.

-But we did start to... -No.

I think so.

It reminded me of when I started.

I did exactly the same jokes.

Did you have running water?

Did you shit in your back yard?

Nice try.

JP.

What's up?

Come and see.

I've got a few rounds of ammo.

One which, I think, might work on JP.

Because it's about my ex.

A well-known actress, Sabrina Ouazani.

He knows her. He knows my story.

I can do it.

You know that, sometimes,

I feel bad because I think about my ex.

-Who do you think about? -My ex.

Stop it.

You get upset?

What do you want me to say bro?

-I got a tattoo. -Really?

Let's see it.

I got a tattoo, bro.

Bro, they messed up.

Messed up her name.

It works on two levels. Firstly,

she's beautiful, but she looks awful in the tattoo,

and the spelling mistake.

Her name is Sabrina, but it says "Sarbina."

Did you see the tattoo of his ex?

They got the name wrong.

"Sarbina" Ouazami.

Don't judge me for that, bro.

-JP, don't judge me. -I'm not judging you.

It's a beautiful story.

So close.

I've got a game.

-We're with you. -Audrey has a game.

We need to get in a circle.

The piano is perfect for that.

-Okay. -We're going to get a laugh.

Change of scenery.

Okay, let's play the game.

It's a silly game.

Completely stupid, but very funny and effective.

It can get anyone.

We're going to play a little musical extract.

-Yes. -Let's go.

then we'll reproduce

-this little snippet. -Yes.

-We take turns. A cappella. -Right.

Let's go.

-Ready? -We're ready.

Cue music.

-You bastard. -The Queen of the Night!

Okay, okay.

I can do it.

-Quiet. Any noise is penalized. -I'll start.

Go on.

You have to stay here.

I was about to fall over.

Very dangerous. They can trip at any moment.

I need to take a short pause.

Okay, that's enough.

-I'll have to leave, otherwise... -Good start.

I can't take any more.

It's like a nightmare.

It's very difficult.

-Bravo! -Your turn, Franck.

It's the most deadly game for me.

-You sing well. -Because you're English.

Wheeler.

Marina's deadpan humor,

that's her weapon.

It's hard.

It's very hard.

Franck.

Three, four.

Great. I might act out the music too.

Your turn, Jérôme Commandeur.

It's hard to get out.

That or something else.

-Quite something. -That was brave.

-Poor Mozart. -That was a nice doggie.

That's like a dog.

It's a puppy.

That's an old Labrador.

-Needs putting down. -We're going to put you down.

Give him a last kiss goodbye.

We don't understand.

He's swallowing his teeth.

Well done, everyone.

-Extraordinary. -Let's continue.

It's not over, Marina!

This game is very effective.

Cue music.

Oh, no.

How we supposed to do that?

Audrey.

It's Bad Romance.

-Higher. -It was a bit low.

There's a word missing.

It's already raining cards, but this is going to be a downpour.

I want to take the piano apart.

We all had the giggles.

Let go.

I'm not going to make it.

It's impossible.

LOL, YOU LAUGH, YOU'RE OUT!