Original subtitles

THE STUNTS YOU SEE IN THIS SHOW SHOULD NOT BE TRIED AT HOME

Yes, I'm retelling the genesis of the universe in pantomime,

while giving a crash course in a foreign language.

I feel like I'm being bombarded.

PREVIOUSLY ON

What happened?

LOL: LAST ONE LAUGHING SWEDEN

I'm afraid.

-How are we for cards? Do you have yellow? -Yes.

I have yellow. David, too. You have no cards?

I'd like to sit down, but I don't want to stay here too long.

I'm also tough. Sweet at times, but also very tough.

Please take a look.

REPLAY

A tiny smile, right?

-I'll take it. -Your first yellow card.

I'm so glad.

-Now it's even. -It's totally even.

-Go for it! Bye! -Yes, go for it.

But we haven't started yet.

I had hoped he wouldn't do so well. My mistake.

He made it so funny.

Yes, so good.

We're on. Yes, indeed.

-Now! Okay. -Yes.

Okay, comrades.

-She goes behind. -The white card!

The white card starts now!

The white card.

-The white card starts now. -The white card starts now.

The white card starts now.

The white card starts now.

How can David hold it together?

The white card, the white card...

What's happening here? I'm at a loss.

-The white card. -Please, get me out of here.

The white card.

-Thanks for that introduction. -You're welcome.

I've met some crazy people in my day, but this takes the cake.

Saved by the card.

My name is Cunt... Ruth.

I'm waiting for Gunnel, my girlfriend.

We were supposed to meet a week ago.

I really like Gunnel,

but she sort of isn't present in my life anymore.

I'm really trying to live my life to the fullest

thanks to her, but she... Stop it.

Stop it.

Stop it, we're going.

Ruth was more of a text monologue at the outset,

but my body sort of took over.

Sometimes you can't control your body.

Gunnel and me have a lot in common. We like birds.

It's very special when a character like that performs

-to complete silence. -We'll meet in a week.

So it will still feel good to get together.

Sorry...

Try your wings, and feel how wonderful it is.

Try your wings, and feel how wonderful it is. Thank you.

Gunnel?

Gunnel?

It's a great act. No one will break now.

We're too good at keeping a straight face.

Oh, my God.

Damn it! How are you not laughing?

I have no idea how to make any one of them laugh. No idea at all.

Fatigue may be the only way.

It's heavy. A bit...

David!

-I'll catch it in the bag. -Yes. That's funny.

My friends, ball in a bag!

Empty bag, empty bag. No ball in the bag.

In the bag!

Playing ball in the bag! Ball in the bag.

He's just desperate now.

Ball in the bag. A classic pastime.

Cone in the bag.

Lobster in the bag. What else is in the bag?

-We've got bag. -Bag in the bag. Watch.

Bag in the bag. That's supplementary.

-What else is in the bag, friends? -Sausage in the bag!

-Sausage in the bag! -Sausage in the bag!

What else is in the bag? We've got lobster in the bag.

-We've got Béarnaise in the bag! -We've got everything in the bag!

We're slipping in the Béarnaise.

Help. What is this place?

Am I in a looney bin?

-What else do we have in the bag? -We have Pia Johansson.

-Pia Johansson in the bag! -Yes!

Pia Johansson with the bag in the bag.

Pia with the bag in the bag.

We can sink no further.

-And... Is it tiger or lion? -What, tiger-lion?

-Well, I don't know. -The game is finished.

It was a tiger-lion, he said.

-Who said that? -Tiger-lion. It's not a word.

I misspoke. It was wrong.

-This is silly. -I've been given a card.

Pia was given the black card by David, I think.

Oh, this is so silly. Very unnecessary.

I got cream on my glasses,

and everything became blurred.

You're a Norwegian compulsive liar. Tell us something interesting.

Well, it's very nice to be here,

-and I just want to say that... -Oh, I'm missing my card.

-You're a Norwegian compulsive liar. -Yes, but it's my card.

-So how can you miss it? -I gave it to Pia.

It's David's card.

-David, you're on. Just a bit late. -I don't get what the problem is.

-He got cake in his face. David is... -Shrovetide bun.

I feel like David is getting whiny.

There's Pia doing his wild card.

Besides, she's the one who pushed the Shrovetide bun in his kisser.

So he's mad at her.

-I got it from you. -Yes, you did.

I'm from Norway now. From the contest that just...

I have to wash this off. I can't see.

That's not okay. It's okay to throw out eels' heads,

-mix awful drinks. -We've got Ranelid's chest hairs.

Turn things over, pour Béarnaise sauce in bags.

Béarnaise in the bag!

That's okay. But some cream on his glasses, oh no.

Sorry, but it eats into the glasses.

Eats into the glasses?

"The cream eats into the glasses."

What the hell? Fussy!

How did it go? I missed a lot. It sounded like it went well.

-Is there some tissue? -Why not just wipe it off?

-Money? -Wipe it off with money.

Now it feels like no one will give in.

There's no end to this.

These are no ordinary six hours for any of us.

This is completely off the wall.

I'd have preferred to be in jail.

Then you're released after two-thirds of the sentence.

-You're so funny now, Johan. -Is this funny?

-The price tag's on the dress, Maria. -Is it? Then I can change it later.

Quite pricey.

We have a visitor.

I'm sorry. We were playing "In the Bag."

Damn it.

-Can I stand here? -Yes.

So Per Fritzell's back. Just shoot me.

-How do you do? -Hi.

-Can you hear me? Hello there. -Hello there.

My name is Torgny Assarsson,

and I'm here from the Lidingö folklore society.

Per Fritzell is just pure, warm folksy humor.

Just seeing him makes me glad.

So, our folklore society made a music record,

and I'd like to perform a little ditty

from that record,

called In the Forest Are All the Forest Animals That Are in the Forest.

Here I go.

In God's nature There are more animals by far

Than you find at any bar

So just take a walk

And you'll hear birds that squawk

Goes the cuckoo in the treetop

Goes the horse and gallops

"Howdy," goes the codger at the traffic stop

But a codger at a traffic stop is not really an animal.

But we ran out of rhymes, so we used "a codger at a traffic stop."

It's a bit crazy, I know, but sometimes we are a bit crazy back home.

Right. And at the back of the fence, the moo of the cow.

Now, I want you all to make a "moo" sound.

One, two, three.

No. Sorry, my shoelace.

But it's okay, because I can tie a good knot.

How did it go? The dragon comes out of the lake,

and takes the princess. No, that's a bowline.

But that's okay. And then there's the second verse.

Goes the grouse in the field

Goes the pig who squeals

Get me out of here. If this gets me sent off, it's only fair.

At the back of the fence The moo of the cow

Thank you very much.

-Great performance from Per. -Per is fantastic.

-Thank you, Assarsson. -Thank you very much.

-Are you all right, Johan? -I'm feeling a bit tied up now.

-Yes. -Who?

Why, that was...

He was crazy funny when he swallowed the mic.

Lordy, what a great time we're having.

Listen, comrades. We have a card.

Please watch the screen.

-We have... And I'm so tough. -I did hear.

I'm taking you with me, my friend. Give it up for David Batra.

-You're great. -Thank you all.

-You're so gross. -We're that harsh.

In the end, I have to go. Disappointed, but also a bit proud.

These are Sweden's best comedians.

-You were also on the verge, you bastard. -I know.

I held it together until only about 40 minutes remained out of six hours.

I'll have to give myself some credit for that.

-Let's go. Good luck, we go again! -Yeah.

You really ought to comb your hair if you want to be in this contest.

Okay, gang, let's soldier on.

Okay.

Are we doing a bedroom farce? Or put up a play, or something?

-Do something. -Did we use these?

These are a bit...

-Hi, I'm Barbie. -I'm Ken.

We're doing a little play about love.

-I love you. -I love you, too.

-I love you, love you. -No, I love you.

-Darling. -Darling.

-Just a suggestion. -Not bad. Not bad at all.

Johan mentioned doing a Punch-and-Judy show,

and now he got it going. I'm gonna get in on this.

I'll take the beaver.

I'm Mr. Beaver.

ULVESON & DORSIN "MR. BEAVER"

-I love you. -No, you can't.

-Yes, I do! I love you both. -Stop it.

-Stop it! -Okay, okay.

-Did I make a fool out of myself? -Yes!

I misread the situation a bit. I'll go.

-Beaver, come back! -What?

-Okay. -Let's all live together.

Why not? I've got a beaver's lodge over there.

-You do? -Yes, come on.

Yes, the housing situation sucks.

It's a big problem in this country.

-This is where we're gonna live? -Yes.

-I'm the landlord here. -Can we live here, or...

No, the beaver's been evicted.

-I'm evicted? What do you mean? -Wait, I'm the beaver.

Sorry, I forgot.

Sure.

Don't steal others' lines!

No. Okay, let's try again.

-I'm having problems with... -Let's check out what he's up to.

-...gambling online. -Are you gambling?

-Are you gambling, you bastard? -Yes, he's gambling.

What happened? Did the beaver die?

That's the law of the jungle.

We created quite a moving story, I thought.

-See you on the 25th. -Yes, hugs.

No, that's for us.

-You applaud yourselves? -Yes.

Yes, we don't have an audience.

We put on a little play here.

God, your toes are cute, Henrik.

Could I please massage your feet?

I've got some lotion here, and I can massage your toes.

-Yes, why not? -Why not?

A production like this is really hard on your feet.

Henrik, you never showed your naked feet on the stage before, right?

-No, I never played Mowgli. -I just love your cute little feet.

Such an amazing odor from your shoes. And this athlete's foot of yours.

-Is it nice, do you think? -Yes, someone's coming.

At last.

-A cake. -That's for me.

-Here's your dessert. -Yes, my little dessert.

-Take it easy now. -Oh, wow.

Pia...

So Maria put skin lotion on his feet.

And when the skin lotion meets the Béarnaise,

there's no traction

and Henrik goes down.

The reason I'm not laughing is I thought he really hurt himself.

-It's all right. -How is your head?

Yes, not a problem.

-Watch it. -Skin lotion and Béarnaise sauce.

Now, this is a replica of Helena Bergström's and Colin Nutley's...

-Not there! -...wedding cake.

Oh, that's lovely.

My last meal for today. Then I'm not eating anything

-until 9:00 tonight. -Are you eating the whole thing?

Please have a taste.

-Yes, please. -Johan, here you are.

-Is that better, Henrik? -I'll get a spoon.

Maybe we should try this pinch thing to make something happen.

Yes.

I mean...

-No! -No, no.

The giant finally fell!

That you're all still alive goes against all logic.

Sorry, I can't look at you all.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have an infraction.

Here's the evidence.

The guilty one, step forward.

-Is that better, Henrik? -I'll get a spoon.

Maybe we should try this pinch thing...

Henrik Dorsin, in all this madness, we thank you for your efforts.

The red card.

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Henrik Dorsin.

Kind of nice, 'cause in there, it's...

It's tough.

Come on, Dorsin. Get out of here. Walk carefully.

-Bye, my dear jokers. -See you soon.

I give you Henrik Dorsin!

-I won't touch you, I'm all... -No problem.

Come on, Henrik, have a seat.

We've struggled really hard.

Oh, dear.

Pia Johansson with her childish pranks. She sure has a brain, an intellect,

that crushes mine.

-My maracas. -She's completely crazy.

One wonders what goes on inside her head.

You're my dream man, Anis. Let me be your fennel.

Can anyone say if this is possible?

She's dangerous. She can contort her body in so many ways.

She's amazing, and a very skilled clown.

Maria has gone around with food on her face this whole time.

I won't give in for anything.

I'll give it my best and go down fighting, I guess.

Until I break a leg or hopefully reach the finish line.

-This lineup! -Johan Ulveson.

He's funny just to look at.

No one can make me giggle like Johan Ulveson.

-Johan! -It was out of tune.

-Fuck this! -Johan is a master.

Among our best and funniest comedians.

What did you say?

Out of the three of us remaining, I think we all deserve to win.

Help.

What's Johan up to? What's he doing?

He's all by himself, too. No one is...

We're gonna get Ulveson now, damn it.

Listen, there's only one minute remaining.

Here she comes. My trump card.

Try not to trip. Is that Sally who's arrived?

You go on talking, I don't need to participate.

Now it's the home stretch, and Maria uses her trump card.

The Sally character.

I've admired this nose many times.

Now I'm seeing it up close.

-I say, you're the positive one. -I like your hands.

Such a cute little hand, Johan. Pia, can you please move over?

You go out and have a drink. Have you finally got yourself a woman?

-You have? -Don't touch him!

But please...

-I'm not touching him. -You've been touching him all along.

-Johan said it was all right. -Yes, I did.

Zero hour.

-Is it? -Look, it's zero.

-My God. -Yes, we can't be doing this anymore.

-That means overtime. -And that's expensive.

-Well fought, comrades. -Incredibly well fought.

Oh, my gosh!

Gather up.

So, my dear gladiators.

We are so impressed. Give it up for these three.

-Incredible. -Bravo!

There has been applause. We have really paid tribute to you.

It might be impossible to name a winner. How are you not laughing?

You have to go by what you know.

It's about the person that never even got a warning.

And tonight's winner is Johan Ulveson.

Yes, indeed. Here you are. You can wear it like that.

He's also huggable, because he's not so sticky.

-Johan! -Johan!

Okay, Johan, please tell us where this big cash sum is going.

-To Doctors Without Borders. -That deserves a big hand. Thank you.

A big hand for the winner, Johan Ulveson. Group hug.

It's like having been in

a mix of a wild party and a car accident.

I've never been so nervous before. And now I feel

that we'll be remembering this for the rest of our lives.

Tomorrow, I'll be having memory loss and I'll call someone

to know just what the hell happened yesterday.

It was exhausting, scary

and liberating.

I'll take away a lot from this experience.

It's just crazy, but I'll be taking away so many good memories.

A real hurricane!

What was so cool about this experience to me

was getting back to something primal about making fun

and making a fool of yourself.

You can't go on doing this for long. You don't leave rooms in this state.

This is LOL.

We experienced some kind of trauma.

I'm so happy and proud that I won.