Original subtitles

LOL: LAST ONE LAUGHING SWEDEN

My friends, you know what's in store.

A brand-new season, new participants,

new surprises, but with the same simple rules.

If you laugh, you're out.

I'll mostly stay here in our control room.

And through 40 cameras, I'll watch my guests trying to refrain from laughing.

Anyone who breaks will answer to me.

It's time. Let's welcome our first contestant.

Level, class and maintaining dignity.

HENRIK DORSIN PLAYING FOR AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL

That's my motto.

I'm expecting a nice social function.

And I expect I won't win.

I expect to, see for yourself, start laughing.

I might start laughing at something that's not funny.

Don't put that back! No!

All right.

Why did I go along with this?

This is very much outside my comfort zone.

I don't know what's going to happen.

There's fun to be had.

And it's a pretty...

...uncomfortable position to be in, I think.

No problem looking grave.

Hi. I'm Per Fritzell, and I'm real nice and jolly.

There, yes.

And that's the problem, I guess. I'm not supposed to be that jolly now.

Check out your style!

This is an old idol.

I'm a big fan of Galenskaparna and After Shave.

-You didn't get the message... -No, I got "casual."

You got "casual." When I'm on TV, I want to be stylish.

-I agree. -Now, it begins.

Here's Maria, wonderful Maria.

I think I will fail miserably.

And it's all right with me.

-Oh, my, how fun. -Hi!

Here's Maria Lundqvist. Tricky.

I know she goes all in with everything she does. No question.

-How fun! -Very.

Listen, guys, let's lower the average age and increase the tempo.

Now, our next contestant.

I laugh all the time. I have no ambition to win this.

I said to myself, 45 fun minutes, and I'm happy.

Look at this! Hampus! Great!

Wait.

When Hampus Nessvold entered I thought, "Good, fresh and..."

That's it.

It's David. David Batra.

Hi, I'm David Batra. I work as an IT consultant.

And not only that, I'm also an authorized accountant.

How idiotic of me to participate, because I've got no catch-all trick

for how to make people laugh or make a dreary situation funny.

I'll make it up as I go along, I think.

-Shit! -David!

Welcome! Wow.

Here we go.

Just thinking of Batra makes it hard for me to look grave.

Hello! What's kind of a nuthouse is this?

-Hi. -I'm Kristina.

-Yes, and you're called Kayo. -Keyyo.

Kayo is the girl in Afro-Dite. Many think I'm her biggest fan.

-Let's get this party going. -Okay.

When the next one enters, let's pretend it's a surprise party.

I'm Pia Johansson, and I'm an actress and comedian,

and I've been doing this since...

I've always been around.

I've got no plan. I'm gonna go with the flow and see what happens.

You can't bring that one in with you.

Congratulations!

Now, let's party! Great.

Pia, Pia, Pia...

Pia Johansson... There's no distance between her brain and her mouth at all.

She's outstanding.

None of you have done this before, right?

-I do it all the time. -All the time?

-We all did the staring contest, right? -Yes.

What about you?

Let's see.

A bit nervous.

My greatest asset as a comedian is that I'm quick-witted.

I'm good at picking up stuff and putting a funny twist on it.

ANIS DON DEMINA PLAYING FOR ROSA BANDET

Also, I'm a moron.

That can be a great asset.

This gives you an edge...

Those Q-tips are secondhand. They're Henrik's.

Who's gonna scare me?

Welcome!

-Hi! -Hi!

This is unfair.

I just wanna get this out. This is unfair. You're funny.

I'm Johan Ulveson, and I'm a bag of laughs.

I won't laugh myself, though.

I stopped laughing in the mid-'90s,

so all this will be a piece of cake for me.

Wow!

Happy birthday to you...

I just love Johan Ulveson. If I could choose just one person

and have their talent, their abilities and knowledge,

I would trade places with him. No question.

That's how good he is. And he's dangerous.

-Make yourself at home. -I just arrived.

I just knew you'd be up to something.

-Overdressed! -Yes, overdressed.

-Overacting, overdressed. -All things over. Overpaid.

We're still one short.

Last year, they saved Gustafsson until last.

So be ready.

All right, ladies and gentlemen.

It's time for me to introduce the final participant.

My ace in the hole. Here she is, the one and only.

That's what it's like when there's no porter.

An entrance like this. But that's not my problem.

Hi, I'm Petra Mede. I work as a TV host, comedian,

actor, writer. How many professions are there anyway?

My doctor said I would benefit from participating here.

Or that he would.

Let's hope there's no violent jumping around.

-I'm very worried. -Very.

No!

-Petra. -My friends!

Petra Mede is just larger than life.

My friends.

When she enters, it's like we're doing The Crown and the queen arrives.

-You're too kind. Thank you. -Something to drink?

-Love to. -I'll take care of your luggage.

-How sweet. -There's soda water and stuff.

No soda water.

What can I say? The star has arrived.

-Any cider, Maria? -Some apple juice, Petra?

-Apple juice. -Great, apple juice.

Petra Mede, a true icon.

Quick-witted, always a funny line.

You don't need to harvest the apples.

It's gonna be tough.

I'm just afraid I'll start crying.

That you'll say mean things about me.

I probably will.

So, I'm just so happy with my gang.

I'm so happy with all these people.

Just look at them.

I'm pretty sure any one of these people can make me laugh.

What the hell have I gotten myself into? Can you withdraw?

I'm sitting here with the funniest people in Sweden. Pure murder.

It's gonna be hard to get out alive.

I'll need to go to therapy after.

-She's coming. -She's coming.

-Eva! -I'm just saying.

Eva, Eva, Eva...

Yes, I'll take it.

But it's me who's saying welcome, I'm so happy to see you all.

You are so cute.

Listen, time to get down to business.

-You all know why you're here. -Yes.

Your job is to make the others laugh, but not laugh yourself.

-That's all clear? -Yes.

When you hear this sound...

Then we're up and running. Zip.

But if I see any of you laugh, and I have a perfect view,

this is what will happen...

-Really terrible. -Not funny at all.

Meaning that the culprit will receive a warning. A yellow card.

One more yellow card means a red card.

Meaning that the contest is over for that person.

-Is that clear, everyone? -Yes.

If you hide behind a sofa, hide your face or tickle someone,

or are too passive, that also earns a warning.

-Everything clear? -Yes.

Good. The wild cards. If anyone displays their white wild card,

then everyone must pay attention to that person. That means it's showtime.

The black wild card, however, is a challenge.

If you give it to someone,

that person must perform what's written on it.

-Is that clear? -Yes.

The last one remaining when time is up will win, apart from everlasting glory,

this amazing champion belt.

-What? -Does it come in different sizes?

You can tighten it.

You will also win a large sum of money that you can give to charity.

I want to get this show on the road. Pia, too.

I'll press the button soon. Then we're up and running.

Why don't you laugh some while you still can.

You will probably have a tough time.

And I will probably have a fun time.

-See you! -See you.

-Okay. -Now, it begins.

Now, it begins!

May the best man, or Keyyo, win.

Or Keyyo.

I don't have a pulse.

The camera will follow you wherever you go, David.

-I know. -You can't hide.

So, I'm panicking. Really.

I laugh for a living. So it's an uphill battle for me.

There's nothing worst than trying not to laugh.

Let's put it this way. I brought extra panties.

I'll say no more.

There's a whole lot of drugs in these drawers.

And it's kind of Orwellian with all these cameras. The panic.

The level of stress in my system.

Okay. Let's do it.

-So we can laugh now, right? -No!

-Yes. -Dirty tricks, David Batra?

You're allowed to laugh now, but on the signal, no more laughing.

-You got it all wrong. -Before we start, I'd like to tell you all

about something serious. I had a stressful morning.

Our pet sitter was sick today,

so I had to bring Håkan here.

-Håkan? -Yes.

David is resourceful,

and he takes you by surprise. Real dangerous.

Danger alert. He asks for our attention, and we're all in deep shit.

He's controlling us.

Trust him to be the dirty player.

I have no real strategy at all.

But I'm gonna be active right off the bat,

and take command of myself, and maybe of the room.

-Here's Håkan. -No, for real?

Håkan is a Chilean tarantula...

-No! -...that I keep at home.

No!

Trust him to bring a spider to throw us all off balance.

I made one thing clear ahead of this show. I have a phobia of spiders.

I'm going nuts. Who allowed this?

It's one of the world's most poisonous spiders.

The nervous system becomes paralyzed. You get dizzy, short of breath,

-and then your inner organs collapse. -No.

Step by step, your liver, your kidneys, your spleen.

Finally, your breathing apparatus fails.

Even though your nervous system fails, you only feel pain.

So it's a horrible death to suffer.

But that's not going to happen. He's here, but we won't touch him.

What a handy thing to bring here.

While you pull your hand away, you can stick out your tongue.

-Yes, fine. -I'll start. Be still.

-Your tongue is quite short. -Yes, it is.

-Look at that tongue. -Wow!

That will be for me, I think.

That's mine. Only mine.

I've got a special diet.

-Look at that. -Oh, no.

-Phew! -It's for me only. You'll get other food.

-I just love crayfish. -It's only for me.

It's a crayfish party for one.

Oh, dear!

I understand that I'll probably not be sitting alone.

My special diet was a precondition for my participation in this show.

Which is infuriating, of course, since it's my party.

-Wanna have a go? -No, I have to do this alone.

You need a real crayfish-y atmosphere.

I won't eat that.

-I changed my mind. -Every girl says that.

Henrik Dorsin is a genius. He's amazing.

He can create comedy out of anything.

You're very funny. Above all, you're clever.

But I feel that you sometimes use comedy that's maybe too flippant.

So you think one should use a more clever kind of comedy?

-You can be really good when you want to. -Yes, really.

But no?

That was kind of cheeky.

Let's make farts. These stink bombs really smell like shit.

One will suffice for the place to reek for awhile.

Perfect for Dorsin's dinner.

Yes?

I find that interesting. God, what a foul smell.

-It's not me. -It really smells like shit.

It's better if you say, "I just farted," and everyone can leave.

But when you fart and pretend to be all innocent...

I think that's a very uncool thing to do.

It's funny.

Come on in!

-Hi, I'm here to see Ulveson. -Hi!

Yes, that's me.

Who the hell invites a dentist here? And why?

A small filling that... We'll take a look.

I don't know if it's for real. I've completely lost my mind.

Johan, please tell us about your vacation plans or something.

To relax your nerves.

Yes, we're going to Roslagen.

Really, bringing a dentist to the show?

Just to come up with something so silly?

Old Grisslehamn is situated on Väddö. A nice little...

Ah, Johan Ulveson.

Good luck trying not to laugh around him.

He's a true master of keeping a totally straight face...

-How does it feel now? -Better.

...and still, without really doing much...

Save the best for last. You get to choose one.

Thanks.

...being very funny.

-What did you get? -An airplane.

They weren't quite as frightened by my tarantula as I figured they would be.

Time to change tactics and go on the offensive a bit more.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

The spider might be loose. Just saying.

-What did you say? -The spider may be loose.

-What? God damn it. -Please, no.

-For real? You're kidding! -No. For real.

-Pia? -Someone turned over the whole...

No, no, no.

God damn it. Who did this?

No, for real. I'm panicking right now.

Oh, my God. We'll have to stop the show.

You'll have to pull the plug. We didn't sign up for this.

-Quick info. The terrarium fell over. -What?

So if anyone sees him here, be very careful.

Is the spider really at large here?

There's antivenom available, but that's in Uppsala.

I wasn't surprised at all.

I'm sure he heard somewhere that Petra has a phobia of spiders.

No, I protest.

He's just so very David Batra with that move.

This is tough. Damn it!

I feel like crap right now. I'm gonna lose it in about 10 seconds.

Time moves so slow.

It's like we came in just five minutes ago. I'm panicking.

I've got nowhere to go in this room.

-Pia, could you please take some... -Yes?

Can you take some...

Hopelessness is starting to take hold here.

So you're sitting here, pining for a sausage.

-We're taking the sausage for a walk. -Now there's attention on Nessvold.

Hampus!

Maria Lundqvist with sausages. Pia Johansson with dialects.

-What's she saying? -A war on several fronts.

Where the hell am I supposed to go?

His hand goes up now and again. Is he itchy, or does he want to hide?

I'm keeping an eye on him.

My only friend in this house is the leaf blower.

I didn't bring many props. I'm not a props person.

I brought a crystal ball.

I'd like to tell people's fortune.

I'll sit over here, so people can come and have their fortune told.

I'm used to getting attention without having to raise my voice.

Okay.

So, over here you can have your fortune told.

For about 5 kronor a year.

If anyone wants to have their fortune told.

I imagined that they would all gather around.

And so everyone could watch me.

But nothing came of this,

and this is just some kind of psychotic state,

which I also find a bit creepy.

Suck in! Ah!

You're sucking very well.

Kristina, Hampus has something to say to you.

I don't wanna listen to him.

But this is a game where you're obliged to listen.

The fact of the matter is that...

Hampus would like to propose to you!

Angry wolf!

Fuck, this is difficult!

I'll be the whipping boy, for sure.

They already get that I'm sitting here trying to get a rise out of them.

Of course they'll come at me.

-What are you drinking? -Cava.

-Still? -I got BBQ seasoning in my last glass.

That was... Yes, Anis.

No, who...

Who farted?

-It reeks, damn it! -God, the smell.

When will the smell go away?

So, how are you doing?

-Fine. -Listen up.

-Yes. -Ladies and gentlemen, Petra.

-Drop the crayfish. -What?

-We have our first yellow card. -Wow.

Let's say that quite a lot of you

are dangerously close to one.

We're keeping our eyes on you.

But there's one person who crossed the line more than once.

So we figured that enough is enough.

Here's a yellow card, and here's how it works.

I'll be damned.

REPLAY

Angry wolf!

Indeed. There's no doubt.

Hampus, it's pretty obvious. You accept.

You've been struggling. We saw you.

-Yes. -First warning. Shape up.

And that goes for a few others, too. You know who you are.

I'm watching you. Let's go.

Let's go!

Even though I pick up my fine friend, the leaf blower,

and let it run full force, she stays there.

I see her face and hair. She just goes on talking.

Well then. Let's go.

March of the Björneborgers.

It's really a nightmare doing a well-prepared performance

in front of colleagues who are forbidden to laugh,

so I thought I might as well get it over with.

White card.

White card?

How wonderful!

Johan!

-Johan! -Give him a break.

-Give him some laughter. -Yes.

-A big hand! -Yes, thank you.

You're some of Sweden's best comedians, and...

Well, that's what the person said who managed to persuade me

to participate in this show. As you may have noticed,

you haven't managed to make each other laugh.

So I thought I would give a talk on the theory of humor.

Let's start with a simple example.

I'll just put this on.

Now, this is terribly funny, but why?

This is how my ordinary nose looks.

This is me with the rubber nose.

The thing is, there's a great difference.

It's this contrast that gives rise to humor.

You could say it's hilarious, which is the highest on the scale.

There. Well, but...

There. Let's now take a joke.

-Horrible. -Excuse me, a text message.

You feel like you have to do muscle stretches

to stop yourself from smiling. Control the face muscles.

Now these are really terribly funny.

The simplest joke will crack me up.

This is so funny.

I just don't look the same.

What's happening up there right now is great comedy.

This is very advanced and hard to do. You easily get stuck in...

-Why do you do that? -Pain beats laughing, sort of.

I doubt that anyone else here could have donned a false nose and glasses

and made me laugh inside except for Johan Ulveson.

Now, this was very funny, as I'm sure you all agree.

It was...

Damn it. Well...

A turd.

No, just kidding. It's made of rubber.

I mean, who would take a bite like this...

...of someone's feces. Maybe except for

some German men

that I happened to see in an adult movie when I was on a train in Düsseldorf.

Apart from them, not many would... I'm sure people wouldn't.

-That's how it is. -I'm panicking.

Oh, sorry.

What was the joke here, Johan?

The joke is that it isn't a real dog, but a toy dog.

It's just for fun?

Yes, but that said, I'm hoping that you...

-Damn it! -Who was it?

-Was it him? -I'll be damned!

COMING UP

Damn it, the smell!

What are you saying?

I'm your dream girl.

The spider bit me!