All language subtitles for The.Office.UK.S01E06.Judgement.720p.WEB-DL.x264-Pahe.li

This is the worst part of my job, you know.
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I do not want to lose a good man.
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But it's out of my hands,
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and even if it were in my hands, my hands are tied.
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It's nothing personal. It's just based on...
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Yeah, yeah. Well, why am I getting fired?
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You're not getting fired. It's redundancy.
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As I say, it's nothing personal.
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It's cutbacks being what they are,
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you know, you are one of the unlucky ones.
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Or one of the lucky ones, in my opinion.
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Now I'm going to ask you, David, why,
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when there are three other forklift operators,
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do you decide to fire me and not Anton?
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You know, is this positive discrimination?
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Do you have disability quotas you have to fill?
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I don't know what you mean. I mean...
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Or are you keeping Anton on because he's disabled?
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-Anton's not disabled. -He's a midget, David.
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Yeah, but you're not disabled if you're a midget, are you?
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That's not a disability.
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-That's just small. -Yeah, I know, but...
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Ronnie Corbett doesn't get special treatment, does he?
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Ronnie Corbett's 5'. Anton's 3'4".
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So are some children.
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Children don't get special favours. Children aren't disabled, are they?
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Children don't work in warehouses.
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Look, whether or not Anton is indeed a midget or a dwarf...
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-No, he's a midget. -What's the difference?
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Well, a dwarf is someone who has disproportionately short arms and legs.
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Oh, I know the ones. Those...
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Yeah. It's caused by a hormone deficiency.
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Yeah. Bloody hormones.
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-Yeah. -Hmm.
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A midget is still a dwarf, but their arms and legs are in proportion.
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Sure.
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So, what's an elf?
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Do you want to answer that?
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An elf is a supernatural being.
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Sometimes they're invisible, they're like fairies.
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They don't actually exist, do they? In real life?
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What do you want me to...
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Do you think I enjoy doing this? This has been imposed upon me!
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(MOCKINGLY) "This has been imposed upon me!
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-"This has been imposed upon me!" -Yeah, it has.
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Yeah. What do you want me to say? "Oh, I'm sorry."
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That'll give you your job back.
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Yeah. I want you to say you're sorry.
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I want you to apologise and stop passing the buck!
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I'm not passing the buck. This is someone else's decision.
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I didn't want to do this.
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You know. Go above my head if you don't believe me.
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Oh, I will go above your head.
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Fine. Good luck. It's your prerogative.
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Yeah, it is. It's my prerogative. Yeah.
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So, is a pixie the same thing as an elf?
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-DAVID: Hold on, Gareth. -What?
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I just want to know how come he knows so much about midgets?
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It's called an education.
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-So, what's a goblin? -How long you going to be, mate?
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I know, I probably seem like quite an imposing figure now
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with my, you know, the slick boss,
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but get to know me, you'll see I'm mad.
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(CHUCKLING)
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I brought that in.
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So...
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Oh, here we go.
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Malcolm.
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This is Malcolm. This is Karen Roper, my new secretary.
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Although, you can all use her, oh, as an actress said to a bishop.
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-MALCOLM: Nice to meet you. -Hello.
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David, can I just ask why you've hired yourself a new secretary
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when you're having to fire people like Alex this morning?
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Different people, different jobs. Isn't it?
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To wit, the answer to the question, is it people or task
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is, well, you know, people.
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Like this person. Kojak.
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-(IMITATES SQUEAKING) -David.
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That's what we call him. Not to his face.
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-What I... -Who loves you, baby?
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Am I going to be fired? When will we know what's happening?
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Good question. Jennifer is coming in midday today, Greenwich Mean Time.
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She will have the verdict then. Okay?
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I was just trying to keep the troops happy.
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Well, they'd be a lot happier if they knew they'd got jobs.
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Yeah.
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I'm thinking of other weird-looking bald people we could do.
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That one off Benny Hill?
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Oh, yeah.
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I don't know if you met Tim. He's thinking of leaving.
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Yeah, he's feeling bad about himself.
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I'm going to have a chat to him,
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make him feel good about himself, turn it round.
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You know? Look and learn. So...
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Timothy!
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-Hello. -All right? Can I have a quick word?
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In the old office? Walk this way.
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(QUACKING)
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Always start with a joke.
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You might want to make notes, just for...
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-Hiya. Come in. -Ta.
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-How are you doing? -All right, thanks.
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Good. Um, you don't mind if Karen sits in, just to learn the ropes?
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No, not at all. What are we doing?
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I just want to know why you're thinking of leaving, mate.
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I've got to tell you, I'm not thinking of leaving, I am leaving.
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Sure. Sure.
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I don't mean to stitch anyone up,
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but it's nothing I've said or done, is it?
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-Not at all, David. No. -Definitely not. Put that down. No way.
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No, I mean, I don't want to put words in your mouth,
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but what sort of a boss would you say I am?
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-I'm a... -Good boss, yeah.
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Put down "good". He said "good".
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-No, mate, you're a great boss. -He said "great".
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It's just that I don't think that I am in a position...
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It's not because you asked Dawn out
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in front of everyone and she said no, is it?
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I didn't ask her out. It was as a friend.
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Why does everyone think... It was as a friend.
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Put "friend". Put "friend" down.
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So, why the move?
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-It's not one thing, David. -Go on.
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-Can I? -Sure.
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Okay. I don't really enjoy the work I do here. I'm sorry, but...
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I feel a little bit like I'm wasting my time.
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-Like life's too short? -Yeah, exactly. Thank you. Um...
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You know, let's be honest, I'm 30, right?
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I want to retire with some stories to tell, you know?
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That aren't about paper?
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Yeah, I can give you paper stories that'll crack you up so...
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That's true. They are hilarious.
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Hilarious. Put down "hilarious".
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-Do you want me to go on? -How many have you got?
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It's like an alarm clock's gone off and I've just got to get away.
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I think it was John Lennon who said,
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"Life is what happens when you're making other plans."
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And that's how I feel, you know.
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Although he also said, "I am the walrus, I am the eggman",
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so I don't know what to believe.
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-Okay, David, listen to me... -No, no, you listen to me, "Tim".
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When you first came here, you didn't know about the paper industry.
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I showed you the ropes, I nurtured you, I gave you a good job.
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-That he doesn't want! -I didn't ask you.
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Okay, you did ask me how I felt and I'm telling you.
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-I don't want to know now. -What do you mean?
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-This has been a waste of time. -It's not a waste of time.
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Well, I'll tell you what,
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why don't you both go and do some work instead of whinging, please?
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-TIM: This is silly. -No, go on.
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And don't say out there what you've said in here,
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apart from the thing about a good boss, if you want to.
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I don't want you spreading your bad vibes around my office, all right?
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You be like that at the party, that'll be fun.
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You try and do a good deed
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and that...
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You all right?
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Yeah, hello. All right?
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(CLEARS THROAT) Are you going to the party?
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-Yeah, yeah. Of course. -Brilliant.
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-I wouldn't miss it. -Cool.
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-And you? -Uh, yes.
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Good.
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Hooray!
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-See you later. -Yeah.
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DAWN: I hope they get rid of me.
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Because then I might actually get off my arse and do something.
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I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist.
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I don't know what I'll do,
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but whatever it is, it's got to be a career move
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and not just another arbitrary job.
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Tim's advice is that it's better to be
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at the bottom of a ladder you want to climb
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than halfway up one you don't.
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But, um, I just...
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I don't want to be treading water, you know,
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and then wake up in another five years' time and say, "Shit! Done it again."
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(SHREDDER WHIRRING)
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Do you think you could...
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-Could you not do that here, mate? -Mmm?
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Sorry, I just wondered if you couldn't do that here?
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-I've got to do it, mate. -Really?
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No chance you could throw it in the bin?
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Yeah, and maybe I should just
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take them around to rival companies and just hand them out.
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Good point, but could you just throw it in the bin?
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Gareth, can you keep it down a bit?
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-Hmm? -Can you stop it?
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Yeah. I'll just do it like this.
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(RIPPING)
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(EXHALES)
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-Hiya. -Hi, David. Are you ready?
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Yeah.
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-Who's she? -Don't know.
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Now, I know I promised you some kind of answer today.
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I don't think it's the one that you were expecting.
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Firstly, I'm moving on.
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Have you been fired?
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-(LAUGHS) No. -No?
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No, I've been made into a partner.
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They've made you into a partner?
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So that'll be Wernham Hogg Taylor-Clark.
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That's mental. They'll have to change the stationery.
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Yeah, I think we might get a discount, though, as we're in the business.
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40% sometimes.
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The point is, David, my job is now available
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and the board thought that either you or Neil
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should take over the role.
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I can tell you now, the board have voted 5-2 in favour of you taking the job.
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Voted for me 5-2? There's only seven on the board, isn't there?
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-So it's five out of seven. A landslide. -Now I did...
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-David. -Go on.
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You've always made it very clear that you're 100% committed to your branch.
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Probably why I got the...
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You do understand that if you take on my job, Neil will stay in Swindon
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and your branch will be downsized and incorporated into his?
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Yep.
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Well, I know that you're very loyal to your family here...
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I'll be loyal to the whole family. It's one big family.
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Yeah, I'm just sensitive to the fact
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that you have strong, let's say, emotional ties to your team.
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Well, yeah, but there is the emotion as "good in business" syndrome, sure,
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notwithstanding the "cruel to be kind" scenario.
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I'm sorry, David, you've lost me.
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Well, you're not looking at the whole pie, Jenny.
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Wernham Hogg is one big pie,
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and if I've left me in charge of that one big pie,
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I'll be in charge of the pie and the people are the fruit.
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I don't have time for the pie thing, David.
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You don't want it, no. I'm saying, yeah, okay, I'll take the job, please.
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Good. Okay, well, the first step is to meet with Alan and the board.
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Yep. What's five out of seven as a percentage?
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-Uh, 70%. -Mmm.
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71.4. So...
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Call Susan and arrange to meet the board and finalise all the details.
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Congratulations and good luck.
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Yeah, you don't need luck when you've got 71.4% of the population behind you.
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(WHISPERING) She's still here.
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Bye, Jennifer.
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-EMMA: What do you think? -He looked all right. Not unhappy.
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-EMMA: How did it go? -What did she say?
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Fine.
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What's the damage?
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It's complicated.
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-Are you going to tell us? -Yeah.
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MALCOLM: David?
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(DOOR CLOSES)
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(KNOCKING)
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We'd like to know now.
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Okay. All right.
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Okay, gather.
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Um, well,
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there's good news and bad news.
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The bad news is Neil will be taking over both branches
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and some of you will lose your jobs.
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(ALL GASP)
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Those of you who are kept on will have to relocate to Swindon
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if you want to stay.
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I know. I know. Gutting. Gutting.
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You didn't see me, ohh.
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On a more positive note, the good news is I've been promoted.
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So, every cloud...
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You're still thinking about the bad news, aren't you?
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There's no good news, David. It's only bad news and irrelevant news.
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Yeah, that's not a phrase though, is it?
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I couldn't come out and go,
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"I've got some bad news and some irrelevant news."
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You could have just told us about Neil and kept your promotion to yourself.
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Should have told you the good news first...
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There is no good news, David.
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Hmm. I think promotion is generally considered good news.
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We're going to lose our jobs!
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You're not all going to lose your jobs.
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God! Just... All right.
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You're not going to lose your job. You're not going to lose your job.
.

You know, you're not going to lose your job.
.

So, let's get it in perspective, yeah?
.

Come on.
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You know there's only seven people on the board, yeah?
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MAN: When are the rest of us going to find out?
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I can't believe it. After all the things he said, it's just...
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I'm in shock.
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Sold us out.
.

Wanker.
.

What? David Brent's leaving?
.

So you're definitely leaving, then?
.

Uh, yeah, it would appear so.
.

What about us?
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-There's nothing going on between us. -Not like that.
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You know, but we're a team.
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I'm Assistant Regional Manager.
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-Assistant to the Regional Manager. -Yeah.
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So I can still be your assistant?
.

Can I... If you're going off...
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No. I'll be getting a proper assistant, a PA, probably so...
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-A lady? -Hopefully, yeah.
.

Well, not 'cause of that, just...
.

What about Neil?
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Is he going to be needing an assistant? I could be his assistant.
.

Neil's bringing his man with him.
.

Bloody good guy, actually.
.

Good assistant. Bloke called Terry someone.
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You'd like him. He's ex-army.
.

Territorial?
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-No. -Regular?
.

Yeah.
.

-What rank? -Sergeant, I think.
.

What are you?
.

Lieutenant, sir.
.

Anyway...
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That's it, then, is it? (SNIFFLING)
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The old team on the scrapheap.
.

It's all gone.
.

Gareth, come on.
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Dude, you're a soldier. Aren't you? Eh? Yeah?
.

Stiff upper lip and all that, eh?
.

Spirit of the Dam Busters. Yeah? The squadron never dies, does it?
.

-Seen that film? -Yeah. I've got it on video.
.

Well, then, yeah?
.

In it, before he goes into battle,
.

he's playing with his dog and everything.
.

-Nigger. -Yeah, that's not offensive.
.

That's the dog's name.
.

It was the '40s as well, before racism was bad, innit? So...
.

-The dog was called Nigger. -Don't keep saying it but...
.

Hey?
.

So, take anything.
.

Choose one thing. A memento. From me to you.
.

-Take anything you want. -To keep?
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-Yep. -I'll have the guitar.
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Not the guitar. I meant stationery. Something I can reorder.
.

Like a hole punch? That's always handy.
.

-All right? -Yeah?
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Bloody good one, that.
.

(SNIFFS)
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Oh.
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Like confetti.
.

Could be used as confetti, yeah.
.

Check with the vicar first, always.
.

Don't get it on the carpet, Gareth.
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-No. -I'm just...
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-Sorry. -Put it there.
.

I don't see it as letting people down.
.

If this is a family, then maybe it's time
.

to cut the apron strings, let them stand on their own two feet.
.

Because you can be sure
.

if they were in my position, they'd take the job and go, "Yep, thanks.
.

"We're off. Thanks for the opportunity and the great jokes."
.

But, you know, this is a business, all right?
.

I'm not doing this for an Esther Rantzen Heart of Gold,
.

or, you know, if Esther's handing out awards,
.

then do it for my charity work.
.

Not... Five fun runs in two years.
.

So, why don't you ask Philippa Norris or, you know, Simon Coleman at Mencap
.

what they think of David Brent?
.

So...
.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
.

It's the end of the financial year and spirits are in the sky.
.

(SPIRIT IN THE SKY BY NORMAN GREENBAUM PLAYING)
.

You're all smug now. You're moving away. But think of me.
.

The shoe could be on the other foot.
.

But you're going to be all right, aren't you?
.

Yeah. I work hard. I earn my keep.
.

But unfortunately, the history books are full of just people
.

who toil and fight for worthy causes and the freedom of others and...
.

Yeah, that's the most profound thing you've ever said, mate.
.

Yeah, and you do all that
.

only for the foreigners or women or the disabled to take advantage of it.
.

Can I withdraw my last comment?
.

-What do you think of her? -A bit out of your league, mate.
.

-Definitely out of your league. -No. Smug.
.

You think you're so... Just 'cause you got a bit of Donna because
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I played by the rules 'cause she was out of bounds.
.

You nipped in behind everyone's back.
.

I'd have got a bit if I'd thought it was up for grabs.
.

I'd have done her, but that would be shitting on your own doorstep.
.

And anyway, I don't do sloppy seconds.
.

Yeah, you see it's phrases like "sloppy seconds"
.

which make her out of your league.
.

# I'm walking on sunshine
.

# Whoa!
.

# I'm walking on sunshine
.

# Whoa!
.

# I'm walking on sunshine
.

# Whoa!
.

# And don't it feel good!
.

# Hey! All right now
.

# And don't it feel good
.

# Hey! Yeah! #
.

(MUSIC STOPS)
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Hello!
.

Welcome, everybody. Just a few things.
.

Um, see the raffle over there? That's going to start later.
.

And, uh, you can win a printer. Something I'd bloody love.
.

Although if I win it, I'll probably either put the ticket back
.

or give it to charity or something, but that's, you know...
.

No pressure, that's...
.

Uh, good luck to Ricky,
.

who's off pursuing his career starting Monday.
.

So, have we got him a collection or a gift or summat? Well...
.

You haven't been here long, have you? So...
.

Should have seen what we got Pete Gibbons. Ooh!
.

He'll tell you. We all remember that. So...
.

Just come from a meeting at Head Office,
.

where I was officially offered the job as UK Manager.
.

Um, and as you know, taking that job will mean
.

a lot of you will lose your jobs,
.

and I'd just like to say...
.

That's why I told them to shove their job up their arses!
.

-MALCOLM: So you're staying here? -Yes. We all are.
.

We'll incorporate Swindon. So, you know,
.

hip-hip-hooray for David Brent! Hip-hip-hooray.
.

-(SCATTERED APPLAUSE) -Yeah, no, stop it.
.

Seriously. Move on. Let's move on.
.

So have a good... Let's rock!
.

Smashie and Nicey, kick in there. Put the record on when I do that.
.

That's...
.

clumsy.
.

(SEX BOMB BY TOM JONES PLAYING)
.

-Tim! -Hey! All right, mate?
.

-You all right? -Yeah.
.

-Did you ask my girlfriend out? -Eh? No. What?
.

-You hit on someone's girlfriend... -No, no, no, mate.
.

What sort of a bloke would I be if I let that go?
.

No, just... No, listen. Can I just say...
.

-The problem is... -No, we have no problem here.
.

-What are we going to do? -Lee, Lee, please.
.

Can I get a word in? 'Cause I asked her out as a friend.
.

It wasn't as a girlfriend. It was just a soldier to cry on.
.

-A soldier? -(STAMMERS) Shoulder.
.

Why do you want a soldier to cry on? Are you bent or something?
.

-Is this a wind-up? -Yeah. Sorry, mate.
.

-Don't do that, man! -Having a bit of a laugh. I'm sorry.
.

Wouldn't blame you, she's a good-looking girl.
.

Yeah, she is.
.

-Come on. -All right.
.

(TRAGEDY BY STEPS PLAYING)
.

(THE ONLY WAY IS UP BY YAZZ PLAYING)
.

That's the thing about leadership. Sometimes you got to sacrifice yourself.
.

Um, we just wanted to say we thought that was a really good thing you did.
.

Yeah, man, really impressive.
.

I'd prefer your respect individually, but cheers.
.

You've got our respect individually.
.

I'd believe that a little bit more if he hadn't jumped on top of you
.

the minute my back was turned, so...
.

-Actually, you know, I was on top. -All right.
.

We just wanted to say well done.
.

Yeah, nice one.
.

And they probably did oral.
.

Hey. All right? Enjoying the party?
.

So they offered you the job, did they?
.

(CLEARS THROAT) Yeah, well.
.

The thing is, I've been with this nutty lot way too long
.

to sell them down the river for a couple of extra quid a year.
.

-So, not interested. -Right.
.

It's just that I was speaking to Paula and she seems...
.

-Paula? Oh, yeah. -Alan's assistant.
.

And she seems to think the reason that you didn't take the job
.

was not because you didn't want it,
.

but because you failed the medical because of high blood pressure.
.

Well.
.

You got to ask yourself why did I get high blood pressure
.

on the day of the medical, how come?
.

Are you saying that you cheated science and faked high blood pressure
.

so that you could remain in the job?
.

You know, you've got to ask yourself that.
.

Did you?
.

What's worse, cheating medical science or cheating friends?
.

Yeah? The board of directors come to me and they go,
.

"Oh, David, you're the best man for the job.
.

"You've got to take the job and we won't take no for an answer."
.

"Oh, hold on, you failed the medical. Oh, all right, stay with..." You know?
.

For all your mole knows, they may or may not have said that to me.
.

-Did they? -They may or may not have.
.

So, you faked high blood pressure in order to fail a medical test?
.

Oh, no.
.

(CHUCKLING)
.

See you later.
.

(I'M NOT IN LOVE BY 10CC PLAYING)
.

(INAUDIBLE)
.

So, when are you leaving me?
.

Um, well, it probably won't be for quite a while.
.

-Autumn? -Um, probably not.
.

Oh. Um, I thought you wanted to go back to university and everything.
.

Yeah, I will, but there's a slight bit of a change of plan.
.

Oh, right.
.

David's made me Senior Sales Clerk.
.

Wow!
.

Um, I thought you wanted to, like, be a psychologist.
.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But Senior Sales Clerk is...
.

Well, it's 500 quid guaranteed extra a year.
.

And if I do a bit of networking, then there's every chance
.

I could be in David's chair in three years. So...
.

Oh.
.

(STAMMERING) All that talk about, like, getting on, moving on in the world...
.

No, I said moving up. Yeah? Moving up.
.

Moving up can mean within an internal ladder, framework,
.

or sideways to external, then up.
.

You know, you've got to look at the whole pie
.

vis-a-vis my current life situation. You know?
.

Vis-a... Pie?
.

Which means, of course, my old job is free.
.

So, you know, have a word.
.

-Timothy! -Timothy!
.

(TRUE BY SPANDAU BALLET PLAYING)
.

You grow up, you work half a century, you get a golden handshake,
.

you rest a couple of years and you're dead.
.

And the only thing that makes that crazy ride worthwhile is,
.

"Did I enjoy it? What did I learn? What was the point?"
.

That's where I come in.
.

You've seen how I react to people, I make them feel good,
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make them think that anything's possible, yeah?
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If I make them laugh along the way, sue me.
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I don't do it so they'll turn around and go,
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"Oh, thank you, David, for the opportunity.
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"Thank you for the wisdom. Thank you for the laughs."
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I do it so one day someone will go, "There goes David Brent.
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"I must remember to thank him."
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