Original subtitles

LAST ONE

LAUGHING

Ankan, catch!

Do we change your diaper, old man?

I've got a bag. I poop straight into my pants.

-No! -Peace on Earth.

-It's red! -It's red!

-Is it me? -I am losing!

It's probably me who is losing.

I...

Here she is!

-Whoa! -Whoa!

-Sorry! -I hate to be the bearer of bad news.

But you are.

Yet, I am.

I know you are scared, Anders, but we have a yellow card,

and I want you to take a look at this.

Oh my God.

I'm leaving now.

-Dead man walking. -It's probably me.

Ankan, catch!

REPLAY

And then that, and that.

"Trying to hide."

Nobody saw anything, Ankan! Nothing!

I'll take the card! I'll take the card!

-Look at me, Ankan. -Yes.

-Keep it together. -I am. Damn it.

Normally, you throw cookies like this.

But Per throws cookies like...

I was surprised.

-Good luck. Stay in here. -Absolutely.

I have to protest!

There's nothing more funny than Robert as an old man.

Can we please stop this right now?

-First I was 78, now I am 81. -Wonderful.

I love when he is old.

He's so consistent.

He never breaks character.

-Helmut. -Bicycle Helmut.

Bicycle Helmut!

Anders is really funny, because he's talking and associating,

but it is dangerous to himself.

When thinking and associating, you might laugh at something you haven't said.

Here we go.

Now it's serious.

-You'll get a black card from me. -Woah.

You can read it for yourself.

Any questions...

Tell us about your Smurfs collection and what every Smurf smurfs...

I have to get going if I am so close to losing.

-Listen up! -Party time!

-Hush, old man! -Couch gathering?

-Couch gathering. -Yes.

Sussie is going to do something.

Sussie will be a treat. Sussie is showing her front bottom.

-Who did that? -I have shared a black card.

I'm on my way to the locker room, so I have to do what I can.

I gave Sussie a task.

-Wonderful. -Oh, how exciting!

Hi!

How nice to get your attention.

Sussie! Take it away.

I want to tell you all about my beautiful Smurf collection.

A Smurf in my world can be just about anything.

It can be you.

It can be me. It can be you. Do you understand?

Smurfs? Is that funny?

-Boring! Boring! -So when you open the door...

-Don't say that, old man! -Boring!

I didn't bring my Spray Tan Smurf.

-But it's kind of... -We get it.

It's a Smurf that you spray with now.

-I just want to symbolize the Smurf. -You illustrate the Smurf.

There is one called Squirt Smurf.

-Right. -The German Squirt Smurf.

Then we have Botox Smurf!

Hey, Per, can you show us what the Botox Smurf looks like?

-How it looks like? Like this... -Yeah?

You think of it like that. Mine's more...

Per! It's the other way.

-Sorry! Wrong way. Like this... -Idiot! You do it the wrong way!

What happened now?

Well, well! We're entering onto thin ice!

I think I'm done for.

We'll see.

Now it's all about survival.

Dignified.

-Why waste it now? -I've held it for an hour.

Didn't you get any chance?

-I sat down now. -I'm sitting down now!

He's done it ten times and nobody heard.

Oh my...

-Why are you so happy? -We aren't happy!

No, no!

We have a situation!

You haven't forgotten our two cards.

Someone has struggled a great deal with keeping their face straight.

She has been on the verge before.

Look!

There is one called Squirt Smurf.

Yes!

The German Squirt Smurf.

REPLAY

That is quite obvious.

-That was obvious. I'll do better. -You've been warned. Keep it together.

Good luck!

This is terrible.

Sussie's Smurf conference...

was so amazingly funny, since it was so bad.

Three yellow cards are out.

Let's go.

The march of the Björn Borgs!

-I still want to see the show! -Yes.

Now a fart is coming, now a fart is coming.

-I brought the Cult Leader Smurf. -Yes.

-You can see it. Yes. -You see it.

You see it on the calves.

Watch out for the Smurfs. Keep it brief with them.

They're like robotic lawnmowers.

They take over.

This is...

-My nose! -This illustrates the Hot Tub Smurf.

-My nose is too big! -He is funny to be with.

-What? -No.

-We're so bad. -How so?

-Are we that bad? -Who was that?

-We can't be that bad... -Terrible.

"Amazon Prime cancels the collaboration with ten comedians."

-This doesn't work. -No.

"We'll go for ten poets instead."

Ornithologists.

Eva, will you make it back to your room before you...

-Guys! -walk back again.

We have a situation.

We have a person who has been struggling, and I'm keeping an eye on you as you know.

Here is someone who has been on the edge for a while.

Let's see.

-No. -This time, the person got caught.

What?

Now there is a fart coming.

REPLAY

It's pretty obvious.

You are so damn cute, Edvin.

I'm dying. Looks like Blue Steel, too.

Exactly!

We've seen your nail polish quite a lot.

-Yes. -Yes.

-It's nice. -You've seen it all, yes.

I want to be kind to people. I'm a sweet guy.

I want to laugh and show others that they're funny.

-Was it dubious? -No.

It's fine. I'm fine.

I'm funny.

Go for it!

-Bye, Eva! -Bye!

We'll never see you again!

Okay.

It's starting.

March of the Björn Borgs!

Hi and welcome to LOL.

-The LOL gala. -Shut up, Anders. I'm talking.

Here I am in the natural habitat of the comedians.

Here they gather once a year to compete against each other in...

What are you doing? Tai chi?

-No, I'm Dick Ying. -Here I am with Dick Ying.

-Legendary Steadicam... -I am Dick Ying.

No, you are Dick Ying's fill-in.

I thought that was me.

Now he has to leave.

So someone has to take over. Here he is, Dick Ying!

Welcome to LOL.

Thanks a lot, good to be here!

-How long have you been doing Steadicam? -I am Dick Ying.

For 20 years, I have been working with Melodifestivalen...

-He reminds me of a rock drummer. -And singalongs on Skansen.

I have met all famous people... Is that a phone from the 80's?

-Yes. -I had one of those.

You're not the only one with props, mr Gustafsson.

No, heaven knows.

Others use the props.

The olympic flame.

-Sorry? Is that what that is? -The olympic flame!

-Yes! I'm over there, taking over. -Is that not a Steadicam?

Is this even a real microphone?

-It's plastic with foam on the top. -Yes.

It is not for real. I can't send any invoice.

God, no. Absolutely not.

Thanks for your involvement, Dick Ying.

Don't call us, we'll call you.

-Thanks a lot. -Thanks a lot, Clara.

Clara Henry here in LOL. Now for...

Ow!

What's going on?

That's my homework.

I am environmentally conscious...

Ow!

There was a fully charged 9 volt battery there.

I didn't realize that it was unpleasant until I put my tongue on it.

Can you try it for me? Stick out your tongue.

What you think?

-0.8? -Closer to four.

-Really? -Yes. It had a good kick.

It was funny, but painful.

-May I read a tarot card for you? -No, you may not.

Ow!

-I would like that. That's nice. -Come on.

Worked for long?

-A couple of years. Let's see. -Great. Yes.

Oh, no...

This is not good.

-What does it mean? -Your career is over.

-Yes, that is... -All cards say the same.

Every card he puts down says that my career is over.

I am so happy.

The career is over. The career is over.

My only joke is that Per's career is over.

It really is not, and he just replies, "How fun."

-How long have you been a psychic? -One day.

-You said four years. -I misspoke.

-You misspoke. You didn't lie? -The 210 here is special.

-What does it mean? -That you are...

-I am screwed. -Your career is over, yes.

-You're good. -I know.

How is it with Eva?

It's not easy. She always takes over.

When you...

-Look at what happened. It's Eva's fault. -What happened?

-But you and Eva have a good time. -We have a great time.

I can't touch it.

I've seen you two on Instagram.

He understood precisely. Just the thought of...

everything me and Eva have done makes it impossible not to laugh.

Think of your funniest time together.

Our funniest time...

One time...

You're so sweet, Ankan. Thanks, I needed that.

I went for Vanna. I thought I had found her kryptonite.

Which is Eva Röse.

I figured that I've got her now.

-You're just trying to fool me -No.

-to be happy! -Yes.

But what is she doing? Laughing and crying are close together.

She's crying. That's a low blow from her.

It is from me too.

But it's even worse for her to be crying.

She's pulling our underwear.

You wouldn't know what you were dealing with.

I cry because it gives...

another feeling.

Then it signals something else.

She has big glasses and is so damn aggressive.

She can bring out a belt at any time.

-Whip up a proper ambience. -Yes, she can.

-I'll tell her to stop. -Yes.

-It's not funny. -No.

-I can't always have your back! -No.

-Do you want to join? -I'd love to.

Take a seat.

Are you writing...

This is one.

-Wayne Rooney! -I'm Wayne Rooney!

-I'm Chancha Rooney! -I'm Chanta Rain!

No, Ankan! Don't look at him!

-Acidity, three. -Acidity, three.

-Sweetness, one. -Sweetness, one.

-Saltiness, two. -Saltiness, two.

Beavis and Butthead Is my middle name

This is too hysterical.

Entry number five.

Cutting Board Tango.

There I am mere inches from a yellow card.

Thanks.

-I will... -Sweetness, four.

That was really sweet. Pretty good, actually.

-But I... -Saltiness, five. Really salty.

Want to taste?

-I'll find my own banana. -Over here.

-I'll grab this. -Do that.

The fact that Ankan chooses to join is really weird.

It feels like he wants to get burnt in the fire.

I welcome it, of course.

Do you want to join?

Take that.

-Is that the first one? -That is that.

Ankan and Robert were trying different sauces.

And I figured I'd join.

It turned out to be really disgusting.

Özz is pulling up his shirt while walking around.

He has such a hairy bra.

I'm a bit scared of Özz.

-I understand. -Number one?

-Number one. -What do you say there?

I say five.

It was a bad idea to be with Robert.

But at the same time it's really funny.

And then...like that.

How was the flavor on the scale?

-To the left, I think. -Left. Or right?

Left, right?

When you hear your own dialect, you identify with it

and feel safe.

Number two. You take number two.

You think your own dialect is funny.

Suck!

But you can't ridicule the Östergötland dialect.

It's such a funny dialect in itself.

Good! Sweetness? Number, please!

He's the only one...

who can do it well without being from there.

Four, four! Sweetness, four!

He manages the diphthongs with a great musicality.

Sweetness, four! On Ankan. Ankan!

He left when he couldn't take it.

Really good!

I can't take the sauces and bananas.

Was it good?

-Really good. -But, hey...

One small question. The saltiness?

-Quite salty. -But he managed somehow.

I thought I had him.

What are you doing with the sausage?

What's he doing now?

I heard knocks in the wall.

I knocked back, and then it knocked again!

I opened the fridge...

-Hey, hey! -God!

How funny that you are here! I want to talk about...

The Sun Doctor is here!

-The Sun Doctor is here! -The Sun Doctor is here!

Come on! Dr Mikael is here. Come!

Mikael? Who the hell is that?

The Sun Doctor is in the fridge!

But Jesus Christ! The funny thing is that the Sun Doctor is in the fridge.

The people who benefit the most from a laugh

are the grumpiest ones.

I think he told us about...

the force of laughter.

What it does with the body.

You can look at it like buying time.

-Good. -It's the only other thing you can't buy.

Every fridge should have a small space for the Sun Doctor.

So nice. You open the fridge,

grab a breakfast, get a medical report.

And then you just close.

-Laughter makes you de-stress. -Laughter.

Then chronical stress is relieved.

Edvin. Hi.

That's what the world looks like.

You can start with a small giggle.

You want it.

LOOK, NO TOUCH

-The sausage, yes. -Yes.

-As soon as you saw this. -The baguette.

Look, but don't touch.

Many people neither want to see or touch me.

That would look funny on a t-shirt.

I HAVE BIG DICK CALMNESS

Özz's damn t-shirts.

My God. Is he a dad at a camping

mid July buying shirts like that? It's a bit funny anyway.

I have a thing you don't have.

Özz is a bit sexy.

He has something.

IF YOU WANT A THING PUT A COIN IN ME

-Nice body. Bit of a dad bod. -You like it.

"Come at me, bitch. Show me what you got."

Edvin...

is in trouble. Move away, Edvin!

HEY! MY EYES ARE UP HERE!

I thought it was funny with the cut out nipples.

-Wow! -Here!

But he wasn't laughing.

-You can do this in character... -No.

Or as yourself.

I have an idea. I'll use my black card.

Now it's show time.

Anders Jansson is performing a lap dance.

-Is there anything in it? I'll fill it. -You do that.

Just to cool down the object...

Lap dance...

Oh my God!

-Yes, and sweetness? -Come, Anders! Let's try...

-Come and suck a banana! -I'm busy.

-He's abusing... -Gotta run!

He keeps screaming while running around. He's insane.

Anders, come! We're trying...

-We're trying sauces here. You can join. -I'm busy.

Come spray. It's messy here.

Anders!

I'm busy.

Good one. Why didn't I say that more often?

In Sweden, we respect that.

Edvin is a dark horse.

He's dangerous. I'm afraid of him.

-Good butt! -Thanks.

No, Per, they... No, Per.

-No. It's too early. I only have... -Is it too early?

-What time is it? -This is man on man action.

-Pardon? -What time is it?

I don't care. It's happening now.

I've never felt so safe as when Per Andersson

was on top of me.

-Can we make it three? -Yes.

Come on, Sussie. Let's build a three.

Show time! Over there.

-How cozy. Really nice. -Thanks.

We're gathering.

Time for top-level eroticism.

Now that's the sex master.

-Thanks a lot. That was a thing... -Thanks. It was great.

Let's swap numbers.

Who do I choose?

Clara Henry will never recover from a lap dance.

But I felt that Özz...

-Özz, can you sit down? -Yes.

He doesn't have a lot of mental health left, so I pick him.

-Let it be a strip tease. -I hope so.

No stripping.

-Please, let something happen. -Let it happen.

-Oh my God. -How funny.

-I got a black card. -Go for it, Anders!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

It says that I should...

Do a lap dance on anyone in this room.

-Oh my God! -With this equipment.

-He's chosen something. -Call me Kenneth!

Kenneth!

Kenneth.

You can call me Kenneth.

Kenneth!

I'm so close to losing with my yellow card.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Acetone.

That hurt for real. What the hell is going on?

-Acetone right in the eye. -Acetone?

That can be dangerous.

You squirt at someone and think,

"I wouldn't even have that by my kitchen sink."

Damn, so cool! Acetone! Acetone!

Start with the car wash!

The good ol' car wash.

Unbelievable.

Kenneth makes me want to move.

No touching!

Don't touch it.

Look, Clara!

I'm hiding behind the bar. I can't watch.

It's scratched to pieces.

Özz's face...

When the whole mountain dances on him.

He looked so scared. It was amazing.

Well, guys! That was hard.

-What the hell? -I love you. You're insane.

When I got the cleaner in my eyes...

I would've laughed seconds later.

That saved me.

God!

This was hard. Anders!

We'll get less work after this.

But the work we do get, will be...

It'll be really interesting.

He's too funny. I'd say he's mr Funny Bones.

-Oh my God! -Oh, no, no, no.

-Anders! Thanks! -It can't be me.

-What a wonderful show! -Yes!

I feel that you have a completely different career.

I'm happy I got to see this.

Guys! We have a yellow card.

As always, look at the screen.

-It's not us. -Look.

Start with the car wash!

The good ol' car wash.

Unbelievable.

No touching!

Oh!

Yeah, Sussie!

Hiding wasn't great.

Sussie, you get a yellow card.

Lapdance Kenneth didn't work.

I think he bit his lip.

He was supposed to be sexy. It was awful. Hilarious.

But, my dear friends. You also know...

Catching laugh.

We also have our first red card.

Ladies and gentlemen, look at the screen.

-No! What? -No.

REPLAY

Damn, that's awesome!

Oh, yeah! Rock'n'roll!

Oh my God! This is good stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

No!

-This unfortunately means... -No!

We have our first red card, and Vanna has to follow me.

That was not surprising!

Good luck! Go for it!

-Keep fighting! -Bye, Vanna!

It wasn't me.

Thank you, Father, Son, and House of Gucci.

-Vanna! -So sad!

-What happened? -I'm happy!

-I am also happy! -But I'm sad.

I'm glum.

One half of my brain is glum, the other is elated.

So fun.

This is ours and now we're starting the game.

-Are you ready? -Yes.

-Okay. -Okay.

Now it's on!

Hallelujah!

Doesn't this rat look cross-eyed?

He who made it was also cross-eyed.

He compared with himself in the mirror.

It can be like that.

Perfect! Why are you doing that? Are you almost laughing?

Every time I'm close to laughing, I open my mouth.

My face relaxes and I can go back to being neutral.

Animals start looking like him even more.

Don't talk to me.

That's my tactic.

Here! No...

I'm looking for steel wire. No.

-I can't find... -What?

Nothing. I'll move on.

-What are you looking for? Need help? -Absolutely not.

Absolutely not.

Say what it is, and I'll help.

That is great.

He's going at me constantly.

Is it white? Big? Part of the animal kingdom?

-No, I'll... -Tools?

No.

That was unpleasant. He's polishing the doll, and...

I figured he had come up with something.

It was really unpleasant.

I'll remove... This is like a ring, right?

On the bottom.

-Now it's done, I think. -Great.

I want to get a kind of a ring...

It's not me.

-Are you picking me? -No.

I just want to... You seemed lonely.

I'm out of here. It's hopeless!

I think it's me.

LAST ONE LAUGHING

IN THE UPCOMING EPISODE

There's room for more!

Oh, oh, oh!

No!

There you go!

I'm peeing my pants.

Subtitle translation by Jonathan Zylberstein