Original subtitles

[Thunderclap]

♪♪♪

[Rain Falling]

[Footsteps]

[Thunderclap]

♪♪♪

[Phone Ringing]

[People Chattering]

[Man Panting]

HEY! [Groaning]

GEEZ. BUDDY, YOU LOOK DEAD.

[Sighs] l WANNA SEE BROCKTON .

[Panting Continues] OR ULMER.

YEAH? WHAT ABOUT?

A MURDER.

YEAH? WHO WAS MURDERED?

l WAS.

[Thunderclap]

HE LOOKS BAD, DAN .

[Thunderclap]

N lCE OF YOU TO FlT lN AN APPEARANCE, CORNELL.

WE'D ABOUT GlVEN YOU UP--

YOU'D BE RlGHT.

[lnhaling]

[Sighs] DEAD. . .ON ARRlVAL.

[Brockton] JUST ONE MORE ON THE PlLE, EH, CORNELL?

HOW MANY CORPSES NOW?

- FlVE? - SlX.

[Coughing]

YOU KNOW, lF, UH, CEClL B. OVER THERE lS READY, l'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT lT.

l'LL TRY TO PlECE TOGETHER AS BEST l CAN WHAT'S HAPPENED

OVER THE LAST 36 HOURS.

[Tape Playing]

[Chalk Squeaking On Board]

METCALF, A COLOR. HOW 'BOUT GREEN?

UH, YOUNG. RAW.

lMMATURE. SPEClFlC REFERENCE.

[Boy] JOLLY GREEN GlANT.

[Students Laughing]

YOU PEOPLE ARE JUNK-CULTURE GEN lUSES, AREN'T YA?

NOW, l MEAN A LlTERARY REFERENCE, AND BlLL COSBY'S LATEST BOOK DOESN'T COUNT.

[Girl Laughing] HMM? ANYBODY?

N lCK? THE COLOR GREEN, FlRE OFF ANY SYNAPSES FOR YOU?

WHAT ABOUT SHAKESPEARE'S LlNE lN ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA?

THAT'S TAYLOR AND BURTON TO THE REST OF US.

[Students Chuckle]

ALL RlGHT, WHAT'S THE LlNE, N lCK?

"MY SALAD DAYS WHEN l WAS GREEN lN JUDGMENT."

GOOD. ANOTHER ONE.

"THE TEXT lS OLD, THE ORATOR TOO GREEN ."

- N lCK? - WHAT?

DlDN'T MEAN ANOTHER SHAKESPEARE QUOTE. l MEANT ANOTHER STUDENT.

AREN'T WE LlTERAL-MlNDED LATELY, HUH? A BlT LlKE A COMPUTER.

COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS HAVE A SAYlNG, PROFESSOR: "GARBAGE lN, GARBAGE OUT."

YEAH? WELL, ENGLlSH PROFESSORS HAVE A SAYlNG TOO, N lCK,

"DON'T ONE-UP ME lN PUBLlC.

l HAVEN'T GRADED YOUR lNDEPENDENT PROJECT YET."

[Students Chuckle]

CAN WE HEAR FROM SOMEBODY ELSE?

[Snoring]

l'M GLAD SOMEBODY CAN SLEEP lN TH lS HEAT.

[Chuckling]

MR. SLOANE, GOOD MORN lNG. DREAMlNG OF A WH lTE CHRlSTMAS?

SORRY, PROFESSOR. PULLED AN ALL-N lGHTER.

- UH-HUH . - WHAT'S THE TOPlC?

THE COLOR GREEN AS A METAPHOR.

GOT ANY THOUGHTS? AT ALL?

[Students Chuckle]

ANYBODY GOT ANY THOUGHTS?

JEALOUSY. "OH, BEWARE, MY LORD, OF JEALOUSY.

lT lS THE GREEN-EYED MONSTER WH lCH DOTH MOCK THE MEAT lT FEEDS ON ."

OTHELLO. GOOD ACTlNG, TOO, N lCK.

[Bell Ringing] WlLL SOMEBODY PLEASE UNPLUG TH lS MAN?

[Chuckling]

ALL RlGHT, EVERYBODY, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

[Chattering]

[Female Student] PROFESSOR?

OH . THANK YOU, MlSS.

FULLER. SYDNEY FULLER. BACK ROW.

l WAS WONDERlNG, DO YOU TH lNK YOU COULD--

OHH . TALK ABOUT YOUR SALAD DAYS.

[Chuckles] YOU WANT ME TO SlGN TH lS?

l CAN'T BELlEVE MYSELF, BUT, YEAH . TO SYDNEY FULLER.

TAKEN ME ALL SEMESTER TO WORK UP MY NERVE TO ASK YOU .

UH, THAT'S WlTH A "Y."

S-Y--

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH .

S-Y-D-N-E-Y. YEAH .

THAT'S THE REASON l TOOK YOUR COURSE--BECAUSE MY PARENTS,

THEY JUST TH lNK LlBERAL ARTS lS A WASTE OF TU lTlON AND l--

l'VE READ ALL OF YOUR BOOKS--

SHUT UP, SYDNEY.

HAVE THOUGH . l'VE READ 'EM ALL.

- GLUTTON FOR PUN lSHMENT, HUH? - NO!

THEY'RE GREAT. l WlSH YOU HADN'T HAVE STOPPED.

[Exhales] l DlDN'T STOP. l JUST. . .STALLED.

PROFESSOR CORNELL?

MY NOVEL, YOU REALLY HAVEN'T, UH--

- GRADED lT? FlN lSHED lT? - ElTHER.

NElTHER.

BUT YOU SAlD YOU'D HAVE lT GRADED TH lS WEEK.

YES, WELL, N lCK, TH lS HEAT'S PUT ME A LlTTLE BlT BEH lND SCHEDULE.

l HAVEN'T SHOWN lT TO ANYONE ELSE.

SHOULD l FEEL PRlVlLEGED OR SlNGLED OUT FOR PERSECUTlON?

- CAN l BE HONEST? - l DON'T KNOW. CAN YOU?

YOUR OPlN lON MEANS A GREAT DEAL TO ME.

AND lT'S NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE MY PROFESSOR.

lT'S BECAUSE OF YOUR BODY OF WORK.

YEAH . SYNONYMS FOR BODY: CORPSE, CARCASS, CADAVER.

lF YOU DON'T LlKE MY NOVEL, l'LL DlE.

- NO, l WlLL. l'LL STOP WRlTlNG. - AH, EVEN WORSE.

l'VE SPENT THE WHOLE SEMESTER SWEATlNG OUT ON THAT TH lNG.

lT TOOK HUGO 1 6 YEARS TO WRlTE LES MlSERABLES.

BUT lT ONLY TAKES A COUPLE OF DAYS TO READ lT.

COME ON .

ANY COMMENT? ANYTH lNG TO TlDE ME THROUGH?

N lCE TYPlNG.

[Yells]

[Groans]

[Cornell] SOMETH lNG GO DOWN THE DRAlN? YOU KNOW SOMETH lN' l DON'T?

YEAH . YOU LOOK LlKE SH lT, HAL.

AND l SHOULD KNOW. l'M AN EXPERT ON THE SUBJECT.

HEAT GETTlNG TO YOU, OR JUST UP ALL N lGHT TOLLlNG AGAlNST

THE PUBLlSHER'S DEADLlNE?

NO, l WAS UP ALL N lGHT CONSULTlNG MY PHYSlClAN .

AH, PLAYlNG DOCTOR WlTH ELAlNE, SPEAKlNG OF TOO HOT.

WELL, THE AlR CONDlTlON lNG AT THE MED CENTER WAS WORKlN'.

SHE WAS ON CALL ALL N lGHT.

MM-HMM. HOW DO YOU DO lT lN A HOSPlTAL?

FEET lN THE STlRRUPS?

WHERE ELSE? H l-HO, SlLVER.

[Laughing]

YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO FORGET ABOUT THE WlLD LlFE. . .

ONCE YOU BECOME A FULL PROFESSOR.

YOU SON OF A BlTCH .

l WONDERED HOW LONG YOU WERE GONNA KEEP ME lN SUSPENSE.

HE SAlD YES, RlGHT? SO THE PROMOTlON'S MlNE?

ANOTHER RlNG UP THE LADDER.

lT'S NOT OFFlClAL YET, BUT lT WOULDN'T HURT lF YOU SHOWED UP

AT THE ART GALLERY DEDlCATlON .

l'LL BE THERE, WlTH BELLS ON .

YEAH, lT'LL BE YOUR LAST CHANCE TO KlSS ASS BEFORE THE CHRlSTMAS PARADE.

lF YOU HADN'T HELPED ME WlTH THE OUTLlNE AND STRUCTURE,

l PROBABLY WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE THE BOOK CONTRACT.

l KNOW.

BUT l'M NOT GONNA TAKE THE RAP FOR THAT ONE.

[Chuckles] l'M SERlOUS.

l WANNA THANK YOU FOR PUTTlNG lN THE GOOD WORD.

MEET ME lN THE OFFlCE.

l GOT A BOTTLE lN THE DESK. WE'LL HAVE A DRlNK.

ALL RlGHT.

- l'LL SEE YOU LATER. - OKAY.

[People Chattering]

[Man] HEY, CHUCK, YOU SPELLED "CARN lVAL" WlTH AN "E"!

[Music Playing Over Loudspeaker]

HEY, DEX. DEX, YOU OUGHTA SLOW DOWN lN TH lS HEAT.

l THOUGHT YOU WERE A Ph.D., NOT AN M.D.

YOU KNOW WHAT l AM.

l'M AN ASSlSTANT PROFESSOR, MORTGAGED TO THE EYEBALLS. . .

WlTH TWO KlDS AND A TH lRD ON THE WAY.

CONGRATULATlONS, GRAHAM. BOY OR GlRL?

[Mock Laughing]

WORD AROUND THE FACULTY LOUNGE lS THAT YOU RECOMMENDED

YOUR FRlEND HAL TO THE DEAN, DEX.

l'VE BEEN HERE LONGER, l WAS NEXT lN LlNE.

l DlDN'T PUT HAL'S NOVEL ON PUTNAM'S SPRlNG LlST, GRAHAM.

YOU KNOW ACADEMlCS POLlTlCS AS WELL AS l DO,

"PUBLlSH OR PERlSH ." ALWAYS HAS BEEN, ALWAYS WlLL BE.

l HAVE PUBLlSHED.

WELL, REHASH lNG OLD CLASSROOM LECTURES

lN OBSCURE LlTERARY JOURNALS JUST DOESN'T COUNT.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TlME YOU PUBLlSHED, DEX?

THERE'S AN lNTERESTlNG ARTlCLE FOR ONE OF THOSE "OBSCURE JOURNALS."

YOUNG LlTERARY LlON PRODUCES BRlL-- BRlLLlANT NOVEL.

HOLD TH lS.

GETS SNAPPED UP BY SNAZZY COLLEGE.

STRONG FOLLOW-UP BRlNGS FULL PROFESSORSH lP.

AND THEN THE TH lRD NOVEL THAT lS CARELESS,

AND A FOURTH THAT KlND OF STlNKS.

BUT BY THEN, THE LlON lS TAME AND TENURED AND NUMBER FlVE

NEVER COMES AT ALL.

WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT'S STlLL FOUR MORE THAN YOU, PAL.

LOOK, SOME OF US JUST WANNA BE TEACHERS, DEX.

WE DON'T HAVE ANY LlTERARY PRETENSlONS.

WE'RE JUST FUCKlNG GOOD TEACHERS!

FUCKlN' ASSHOLE.

- HOW'D YOU GET TH lS lN HERE? - l DON'T KNOW.

♪♪♪

[Sighs]

[Tape Rewinding]

UH, TH lS lS GAlL. UM, THE PAPERS CAME TODAY.

EVERYTH lNG SEEMS TO BE lN ORDER. l JUST NEED YOU TO SlGN 'EM.

[Sighs] LlSTEN, l'M SORRY YOU HAD TO MOVE OUT SO QU lCKLY.

l KNOW YOU DlDN'T GET A CHANCE TO GET EVERYTH lNG. UM--

THERE'S SOME MAlL HERE FOR YOU AND--

[Chuckles] CHRlST, lS lT HOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?

THEY SAY RAlN'S ON THE WAY, BUT l DON'T BELlEVE lT.

UM. . . l'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

OKAY? BYE-BYE.

[Dial Tone Humming]

[Man] UH, YEAH, H l PROFESSOR, lT'S N lCK LANG CALLlNG--

MM-HMM.

[Sighs]

[Loud Banging, Glass Breaking]

OH, SH lT.

[Nick's Voice] lF YOU DON'T LlKE MY NOVEL, l'LL DlE. NO, l WlLL.

l'LL STOP WRlTlNG.

[Sirens Wailing]

[Camera Shutter Clicks]

[Police Radio lndistinct]

SHUT THAT, WlLL YOU?

SH lT. WHY?

[Clears Throat] TlME OF YEAR, lSN'T lT?

HOLlDAY DEPRESSlON AND ALL THAT.

[Exhales] AND TH lS HEAT.

MAKES A GUY DO ALL SORTS OF lNSANE TH lNGS.

PRETTY GRlM.

SO'S TH lS.

YEAH . WELL, NEXT SEMESTER, l'M ON THE BEST-SELLER LlST. . .

AND WE ARE UP TO OUR ASSES lN DEWARS.

[Both Laughing]

[Sighs] WHAT THE HELL KlND OF PROBLEM COULD A COLLEGE KlD HAVE. . .

THAT HE TH lNKS ONLY A SWAN DlVE COULD SOLVE?

[Groans] THAT WAS NO ORDlNARY COLLEGE KlD.

WANNA TALK ABOUT PROBLEMS? H lS FATHER WAS A TH lEF.

ONE N lGHT ABOUT FOUR YEARS AGO,

HE BREAKS lNTO THE FlTZWARlNG MANSlON, KlLLED THE HUSBAND.

SO WHAT DOES THE WlDOW DO?

SHE PUTS THE TH lEF'S SON THROUGH COLLEGE.

THE FlTZWARlNG MURDER, THAT'S THE KlD?

WAS.

GUESS ALL THE MONEY lN THE WORLD CAN'T BUY N lCK A HAPPY ENDlNG, HUH?

HE WAS A POETlC LlTTLE FUCKER, THOUGH .

THAT'S N lCK'S lNDEPENDENT PROJECT. GOOD READ, HUH?

l DON'T KNOW. l DlDN'T READ lT.

- YOU DlDN'T READ lT? - MM-MM.

[Chuckles] WELL, THEN WHAT'S THE "A" FOR?

- AMBlTlOUS? - l DON'T BELlEVE YOU DlDN'T READ lT.

WERE YOU UPTlGHT THAT ONE OF YOUR STUDENTS MlGHT ACTUALLY

PRODUCE SOMETH lNG OF QUALlTY?

NO, l WAS UPTlGHT ABOUT HAVlNG TO WADE THROUGH 400 PAGES

OF FLATULENT STUDENT FlCTlON .

NOW l DON'T HAVE TO.

OH, GOD. NOW l DO HAVE TO.

NOT NECESSARlLY SOBER, THOUGH . MERRY CHRlSTMAS.

[Glasses Clink] MERRY CHRlSTMAS.

LESS EGG, GAlL, MORE NOG.

[Chuckles]

WHO'S TH lS CARD FROM?

UNCLE CHARLlE. MlNE OR YOURS?

lT'S YOURS.

l THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD.

NO. THE DEAD ONE'S MlNE.

[Hark, The Herald Angels Sings]

STUDENT SU lClDE ON CAMPUS TODAY.

l LEFT THAT BOX OF RECORDS OF YOURS BY THE DOOR.

WE, UH, MAlLlNG OUT JOlNT CHRlSTMAS CARDS TH lS YEAR?

l ALREADY SENT MlNE OUT.

GUESS NOT. OH, l FORGOT. l'VE GOT A GlFT FOR YOU .

OH, GOD, DEX. WHY?

WELL, DON'T WORRY. lT'S NOTH lNG MUCH .

HOT DATE?

DlDN'T TH lNK YOU'D DRESS LlKE THAT TO TRlM A TREE.

ANYBODY l KNOW?

STOP SOUNDlNG LlKE A HUSBAND.

OH, l'M SORRY. l THOUGHT l STlLL WAS ONE.

♪♪♪

THANK YOU .

WELL, lT'S A LlTTLE N lCER THAN WHAT l GOT YOU, l'M AFRAlD.

[Sighs] COULDN'T YOU HAVE THOUGHT OF SOMETH lNG MORE PLEASANT?

- A LUMP OF COAL, PERHAPS? - COME ON .

'TlS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY.

TH lS TH lNG WOULD BE EASlER TO TAKE lF ONLY YOU'D ACT A LlTTLE HURT.

l HURT, DEX.

- l TH lNK YOU KNOW HOW LONG l'VE HURT. - WHY? WHAT HAVE l DONE?

HMM? HAVE l CHEATED ON YOU?

l'M PROBABLY THE ONLY PROFESSOR ON CAMPUS

WHO'S NOT SCREWlNG A SOPHOMORE.

MAYBE YOU OUGHTA BE.

AT LEAST lT'D BE A SlGN OF LlFE, A LONGlNG FOR SOMETH lNG.

OKAY, GAlL.

l'M GONNA GO OUT AND FlND MYSELF A COED FOR A QU lCKlE.

l'LL BE RlGHT BACK. CAN WE RESUME OUR MARRlAGE?

TH lS HASN'T BEEN A MARRlAGE lN FOUR YEARS, DEX.

[Sighs] lT'S FUNNY HOW lT COlNClDES WlTH THE PUBLlCATlON OF MY LAST NOVEL.

SO THAT'S MY GREAT SlN? l'M NOT PROLlFlC ENOUGH .

PERHAPS YOU SHOULD'VE MARRlED HAROLD ROBBlNS.

ONE FOR THE ROAD, DEX?

SUBTLE H lNT TO EXlT?

NO. l'M EXlTlNG.

MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME. YOU ARE, AFTER ALL.

- BECAUSE l STOPPED WRlTlNG? - BECAUSE YOU STOPPED CARlNG.

GODDAMN lT, GAlL, DON'T RUN OUT ON ME!

WHAT DlD l DO TO YOU?

YOU DlD lT TO YOURSELF. OH, GOD, DEX,

YOU WERE SO GOOD AND GAVE UP ON EVERYTH lNG THAT MATTERED TO YOU,

lNCLUDlNG ME.

MARRlAGE CAN'T ALWAYS BE AS HOT AS THE HONEYMOON .

THERE'S UPS AND DOWNS.

TWO PEOPLE, WHEN THEY LlVE TOGETHER--

YOU ARE SO SMART. . . AND YOU DON'T HAVE THE FAlNTEST lDEA

WHAT l'M TALKlNG ABOUT, DO YOU?

THE FACT THAT MAKlNG LOVE BECAME A MATTER OF JUST GOlNG

THROUGH THE MOTlONS WAS HARD ENOUGH .

BUT l COULD TAKE lT lF YOU HAD ONLY TALKED TO ME.

TALK? l TALK ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. lT'S WHAT l DO.

NO, lT'S lRON lC BANTER. lT'S NOT lNTlMACY.

AFTER A WH lLE, lT'S ABUSE.

l'M SORRY.

l LlED WHEN l SAlD, "FOR BETTER OR WORSE."

l'M NOT GONNA STlCK AROUND AND WATCH SOMEONE l LOVE WlTHER AWAY.

GAlL.

DON'T.

l'VE GOT TO. MlSTLETOE.

[Both Chuckle]

SlGN THOSE PAPERS BEFORE YOU GO.

[Sighs]

♪♪♪

[People Chattering]

AH, A MlSTAKE.

lT'S UNCLEAR WHERE THE LlGHT lS COMlNG FROM.

THERE lS NO SCOPE!

OH, THANK YOU, GRAHAM. EXCUSE ME.

MMM.

WE'VE GOTTA STOP MEETlNG LlKE TH lS.

HEY, DEX.

[Chuckles]

QU lT STARlNG, WlLL YOU? l GOT A BASHFUL BLADDER.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU LOOK LlKE YOU'VE SEEN A GHOST.

NO, NO, NO. JUST YOUR WlFE. SHE KNOW YOU'RE HERE?

[Sighs] SHE'S HERE?

YEAH .

[Urinal Flushing] UH-OH .

lT'S BEEN A LONG TlME.

l DlDN'T KNOW YOU WERE STlLL ATTENDlNG FACULTY FUNCTlONS.

lT GlVES ME A CHANCE TO SEE FOLKS l DON'T SEE MUCH ANYMORE.

- ANYONE SPEClAL? - YOU FOUND H lM.

LOOKED WHAT l PlCKED UP lN THE JOHN .

YEAH, lSN'T lT AWFUL WHAT YOU CAN GET FROM A TOlLET SEAT?

[Laughs]

- DlD YOU ENJOY YOUR EGG NOG, DEX? - NOT ENOUGH NOG.

ELAlNE, COULD YOU FLAG ME DOWN ONE OF THOSE?

- DON'T ENCOURAGE H lM. - THOUGHT YOU HAD A HOT DATE.

[Gail] DlD YOU SlGN THOSE PAPERS?

YOU KNOW l GAVE UP WRlTlNG.

WRlTER'S BLOCK CAN GET EXPENSlVE WlTH MY LAWYERS, DEX.

lF l COULD HAVE EVERYONE'S ATTENTlON, PLEASE.

[Microphone Feeding Back]

DESPlTE THE TRAGlC EVENT THAT HAPPENED ON CAMPUS TODAY,

OUR BENEFACTRESS, MRS. MlCHAEL FlTZWARlNG,

lNSlSTED THAT WE PROCEED WlTH THE DEDlCATlON AS SCHEDULED.

[Mrs. Fitzwaring] TH lS GALLERY WAS LONG THE DREAM OF MY LATE HUSBAND.

FOUR YEARS AGO WHEN l ARRANGED FOR THE SON . . .

OF MY HUSBAND'S MURDERER TO COME TO TH lS COLLEGE,

lT SHOCKED MANY PEOPLE.

BUT N lCHOLAS LANG WAS NOT RESPONSlBLE FOR THE SlNS OF H lS FATHER.

[Whispering]

AND l BELlEVED THAT HE DESERVED A CHANCE.

OVER THESE LAST FOUR YEARS, N lCK PROVED WORTHY OF MY FAlTH .

HE TRlUMPHED OVER THE PAST, OR SO lT SEEMED.

BUT SOMETlMES THE PAST lS lNEXORABLE.

- l SAW H lS BODY. - WHO?

N lCK LANG, THE STUDENT WHO JUMPED.

[Dex] ERSTWH lLE STUDENT.

PLUMMETED RlGHT PAST MY WlNDOW. l HAD A FRONT ROW SEAT.

[Hal] GEEZ, DEX.

[Man] THERE WlLL BE A MEMORlAL SERVlCE FOR N lCHOLAS.

[Dex] GAlL?

[Screams]

l'M COMlNG.

HEY. WE'LL-- WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HER.

l'M COMlNG. JUST LEAVE lT TO ELAlNE.

NO, PLEASE, DON'T COMPLlCATE lT.

AND DON'T HURT YOURSELF.

GAlL, YOU AND N lCK LANG?

GAlL?

[Engine Starts]

- TALK TO ME. - PLEASE, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

♪♪♪

♪ SCENE OF A CRlME A BODY lN THE BAG ♪

♪ ONE GETS TO DlE ♪

[People Chattering]

♪ ONE GETS THE FLAG ♪

♪ A SLAVE TO DESlRE ♪

BARTENDER.

♪ THE PAlN OF REJECTlON ♪

♪ TOO MUCH SEX AND NOT ENOUGH AFFECTlON ♪

♪ READ lT lN THE PAPER ♪

♪ OR WATCH lT ON TV ♪

♪ CRY FOR A STRANGER ♪

♪ BUT TURN YOUR BACK ON ME ♪

♪ TRY ANOTHER LlNE ♪

BARTENDER?

♪ AND STlLL NO CONNECTlON ♪

♪ TOO MUCH SEX AND NOT ENOUGH AFFECTlON ♪

BARTENDER!

♪♪♪

♪ THAT'S ONE WAY TO GO AlN'T NO-- ♪

THANK YOU .

MY PLEASURE. MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM.

YOU DRlNKlNG TO FORGET?

TO OBLlVlON .

WHAT SORROW ARE YOU DROWN lNG?

MAYBE l JUST DRlNK BECAUSE l LlKE lT.

ALWAYS A SORROW.

LOST HOPE. LOST LOVE.

[Sobbing]

HEY, HEY, ARE YOU ALL RlGHT?

YEAH . l'M JUST A FEW DRlNKS SHORT OF OBLlVlON .

WELL, l'LL TELL YOU WHAT. l'LL MEET YOU THERE.

HEY, PAL, THE LADY AND l ARE TRYlNG TO SET A NEW RECORD.

SET lT YOURSELF. THE LADY'S GOlNG HOME.

MOTHER MlSSED YOU TON lGHT. SHE'S A TAD FREAKED OUT.

"FREAKED OUT"? THAT MAKES TWO OF US.

[Groans]

[Dex] OH!

JESUS, MARY, JOSEPH!

COME ON, DEAR. WE'RE GOlNG HOME.

PROFESSOR CORNELL?

UH . . .MlSS--

- FULLER. SYDNEY FULLER. - YEAH .

GOD, lSN'T lT AWFUL ABOUT N lCK LANG? WHAT A SHOCK.

YEAH, JUST ONE OF MANY.

YEAH, l KNOW. lT'S JUST TERRlBLE.

SOMETH lNG l CAN DO FOR YOU?

♪ TOO MUCH SEX ♪

♪ AND NOT ENOUGH AFFECTlON ♪

♪♪♪

WlLL YOU HAVE A DRlNK WlTH ME?

OKAY.

- OH, A MARTlN l . - MM-HMM.

♪ NOT ENOUGH AFFECTlON ♪

FlRST ONE.

♪ TOO MUCH ♪

♪ AND NOT ENOUGH ♪

♪♪♪

OKAY, l GlVE UP. WHERE DlD THE FEMALE RElNDEER GO?

OH, GOD, EDDlE, YOU HAVE H lT ROCK BOTTOM ON THAT ONE,

BUT l STlLL LOVE YOU .

[Groans] OKAY. l GOTTA GO. l'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK. BYE.

"WHERE DlD THE FEMALE RElNDEER GO"?

OH, YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

OH, MY GOD. AM l WHERE l TH lNK l AM?

FRESHMAN GlRLS' DORM.

DOES TH lS GET WORSE? WHAT HAPPENED?

DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

- YOU WERE AMAZlNG! - OH, NO!

CAN'T HANDLE PRAlSE?

[Groans] l CAN'T HANDLE PRlSON .

l'M OVER 1 8.

OH, THE MERE FACT THAT YOU HAVE TO MENTlON THAT MEANS

THAT l BETTER GET DRESSED. . .

AND HAUL MY ASS OUTTA--

l WAS AMAZlNG FULLY DRESSED?

GUESS l HAD YOU GOlNG THERE, HUH?

YEAH . UH, NOW WAlT A MlNUTE.

l SEEM TO REMEMBER A LOT OF DRlNKS, A LOT OF BARS.

UH, A PASS BElNG MADE?

YEAH, l MADE THE PASS. YEAH . lNCOMPLETE.

YOU WERE VERY GRAClOUS ABOUT TURN lNG ME DOWN .

YOU SAlD l WAS PRETTY, YOU SAlD l WAS SMART.

AND THEN YOU SAlD SOMETH lNG ABOUT RULES AND ETH lCS,

PROFESSORS AND CO-EDS. . .

AND THEN SOMETH lNG ABOUT ALCOHOL lMPEDlNG PERFORMANCE.

OOH .

ALL THE WH lLE TRYlNG TO MAKE A GRACEFUL EXlT.

YEAH, BUT l DlDN'T EXlT.

- NO, YOU PASSED OUT. - YEAH .

- DlET SPRlTE? - THANK YOU .

TH lS BOYFRlEND OF YOURS, UM. . . JEALOUS TYPE?

- HUH? - THE PHONE.

NO. THAT'S MY BROTHER EDDlE.

HE CALLED WlTH H lS ANNUAL CHRlSTMAS JOKE.

HEY, SYD.

[Panting] SYD, WANT TO H lT THE GYM?

BARB, DON'T YOU KNOCK?

[Moans]

GUESS YOU'VE ALREADY EXERClSED.

SORRY, LlSTEN, TH lS ROOM lS STRATEGlCALLY LOCATED

RlGHT NEXT TO THE FlRE STAlRS.

SO YOU CAN LET YOURSELF OUT WHENEVER.

l HAVE lNTRO TO TRlG ACROSS THE QUAD lN FlVE.

- ANYWAY, SO lT WAS FUN, PROFESSOR. - DEX.

DEX.

OKAY, l GUESS l'LL SEE YOU lN CLASS THEN, DEX.

BARB.

l DON'T BELlEVE YOU!

[Chattering]

l'M TRAPPED lN A GlRLS' DORMlTORY WlTH CREATURES CALLED BARB.

[Touch Tone Dialing]

[Ringing]

[Clicks] GAlL?

- H l, DEX. - H l .

- HOW ARE YOU? - l'M OKAY.

[Sniffles] ELAlNE GAVE ME SOME PlLLS.

UH-HUH .

UH--LOOK, GAlL, l'M A LlTTLE OFF-BALANCE RlGHT NOW, BUT. . .

[Clears Throat] l AM SORRY.

DEX, l'M SO SORRY FOR THE WAY YOU FOUND OUT.

THERE WAS NOTH lNG VlNDlCTlVE lN lT. l NEVER TOLD ANYBODY.

l GUESS l WAS JUST A LlTTLE EMBARRASSED.

- HE WAS SO YOUNG. - YEAH .

l DlDN'T FlND OUT 'TlL LATER THAT HE WAS ONE OF YOUR STUDENTS.

SOME SHRlNK WOULD HAVE A FlELD DAY WlTH TH lS ONE, HUH?

[Laughing]

HE REMlNDED ME SO MUCH OF YOU AT THAT AGE, REMEMBER?

WHAT, YOU MEAN THE LlTTLE PLACE WE USED TO HAVE OFF CAMPUS?

YEAH .

l TRlED TO WRlTE, AND YOU TRlED TO MAKE SPAM TASTE EVEN MORE DELlClOUS.

[Sniffles] YOU DlD WRlTE.

YOU WERE FULL OF PASSlON AND PURPOSE.

- WHAT, YOU MEAN LlKE N lCK LANG? - THAT WASN'T LOVE, DEX.

YEAH .

HE JUST MADE ME FEEL LlKE l HAVEN'T FELT lN SUCH A LONG TlME.

DEX, THERE WAS NO REASON--

LOOK, GAlL. GAlL. l'M COMlNG OVER THERE, GAlL.

THAT'S NOT A GOOD lDEA, DEX. LlSTEN .

UH . . .COME BY TON lGHT.

l'LL GO OUT FOR A BlT. lT'LL BE EASlER.

YOU'VE GOT TO SlGN THOSE PAPERS.

AND YOU LEFT YOUR BRlEFCASE HERE.

[Sniffles] l'LL LEAVE lT BY THE TREE, OKAY?

l DON'T TH lNK YOU SHOULD BE ALONE RlGHT NOW, GAlL.

PLEASE--PLEASE DON'T COME OVER.

l LOVE YOU .

l KNOW, DEX.

[Sniffling] l KNOW.

[Receiver Clicks Onto Cradle]

[Sniffling]

[Groans]

[Slurping]

[Groans]

TH lS lS NO HANGOVER.

[Grunts]

[Phone Rings]

["Hark the Herald Angels Sing"]

[Nurse] YES, DOCTOR.

[Slams]

DEX! SlR, MAY l HELP YOU? ARE YOU ALL RlGHT?

[Beeps]

♪♪♪

- WHAT'S TAKlNG SO LONG? - WE JUST GOT TH lS BACK.

OH, GREAT. LET ME SEE.

TAKE A LOOK AT TH lS. TH lS lS VERY STRANGE.

lT'S RADlUM CHLORlDE.

ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE ABOUT TH lS?

YES, POSlTlVE.

TOXlCOLOGY RAN THROUGH THESE TWlCE AND CONFlRMED THE RESULTS.

AH!

[Sighs]

[Exhales]

SORRY YOU HAD TO WAlT SO LONG.

l'M FEELlNG A LOT BETTER. WHAT'S UP, DOC?

SlT DOWN, DEX, PLEASE.

- WHAT'S THAT? - lT'S A SAMPLE.

YOU'RE NOT GOlNG TO MAKE ME DRlNK THAT, ARE YOU?

NO, DEX. YOU ALREADY DlD.

- WE, UH, RAN THE TEST TWlCE. - WELL, WHAT lS THAT?

lT'S A TOXlC LUMlNOUS SOLUTlON, AND lT'S lN YOUR SYSTEM.

WHAT, FROM EATlNG TOO MUCH TUNA FlSH?

lT'S POlSON, DEX.

OH, BULLSH lT, ELAlNE.

l HAD TOO MUCH TO DRlNK, AND l FEEL LlKE SH lT.

l COME OVER HERE TO SEE MY DOCTOR AND--

DEX.

lT'S BEEN lN YOUR BODY FOR AT LEAST 1 2 HOURS.

WE FOUND TOXlC TRACES.

OUR CH lEF RESlDENT REVlEWED THE RESULTS.

WELL, HOW DlD lT GET lN THERE?

THE ALCOHOL CONTENT lN YOUR BODY SUGGESTS YOU GOT lT

lN SOME LlQUOR.

[Clears Throat]

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GOlNG TO DO?

ARE YOU GOlNG TO GlVE ME A STOMACH PUMP OR SOMETH lNG?

WHAT?

WELL, YOU GOT AN ANTlDOTE FOR lT?

TH lS WlLL HELP YOU .

THANK GOD l CAME TO SEE YOU, ELAlNE. l THOUGHT l HAD THE FLU .

[Groans] THERE'S NOT GOlNG TO BE. . .

ANY PERMANENT DAMAGE FROM TH lS, lS THERE?

l'VE GlVEN YOU SOME SODlUM AMYTAL. . .

- YEAH? - TO HELP RELAX YOU .

DEX, TH lS POlSON HAS BEEN ABSORBED lNTO YOUR SYSTEM.

EVEN lF THERE WERE AN ANTlDOTE, lT'S TOO LATE FOR lT.

"TOO LATE" MEAN lNG WHAT?

THERE'S NOTH lNG WE CAN DO.

[Exhales]

HOW LONG?

lT DEPENDS ON HOW MUCH WAS lNGESTED,

THE SYSTEMlC CONDlTlONS OF THE lNDlVlDUAL--

[Shouts] HOW LONG?

TWENTY-FOUR HOURS. NO MORE THAN 48.

lT'S A MlSTAKE. lT'S A FUCKlNG STUPlD MlSTAKE.

- l WlSH lT WERE. - l NEED A DRlNK.

OF COURSE, l'VE ARRANGED A ROOM FOR YOU HERE.

YOU'LL BE COMFORTABLE.

l GUESS THE POLlCE SHOULD BE NOTlFlED.

♪♪♪

[Car Horn Honks]

[Brakes Screech]

♪♪♪

[Grunts, Groans]

SH lT. COME ON .

COME ON!

[Grunts] GAlL!

GAlL.

GAlL!

GAlL! GAlL!

GAlL!

[Grunts]

GAlL!

LOOK, l GAVE H lM A SEDATlVE. THAT'S WHY HE PASSED OUT.

l SEE.

- WE'LL CALL YOU lF WE NEED YOU . - THANKS A LOT.

[Dispatcher Talking Over Police Radio]

FOUND TH lS lN YOUR WlFE'S HAND.

WE'RE GUESSlNG THE REST OF lT'S TH lS PlLE OF ASH HERE.

A LlTTLE TOO HOT TO BE ROASTlNG CHESTNUTS.

HERE.

COME ON, CORNELL.

YOU AND THE WlFE HAD A TlFF ABOUT THE BOYFRlEND YESTERDAY. RlGHT?

YOU FOUND SOME LOVE LETTERS, TRlED TO BURN 'EM.

- WRONG. - SHE TRlED TO STOP YOU .

ONLY SAVED TH lS MUCH .

- WRONG. - TH lNGS ESCALATED.

GOT A LlTTLE OUT OF HAND.

NOTH lNG GOT OUT OF HAND. JUST DECKlNG THE HALLS, HUH?

l TOLD YOU WHY l CAME HERE-- TO TALK TO MY WlFE.

YEAH? TELL HER WHAT?

[Sighs] THAT l'D BEEN A BASTARD.

- TELL HER, OR SHOW HER? - TO APOLOGlZE TO HER.

[Dispatcher On Police Radio]

AND TO SAY GOOD-BYE.

YOU GAVE HER A HELL OF A SEND-OFF.

lS THAT THE BEST YOUR PROSAlC, PETTY LlTTLE MlND CAN COME UP WlTH?

lT'S A PROSAlC, PETTY LlTTLE WORLD, CORNELL.

YEAH, WELL, lF l'D WANTED TO LOP OFF ONE CORNER OF A JEALOUS TRlANGLE,

lT WOULD HAVE BEEN N lCK LANG, NOT GAlL.

- GOOD. THAT WAS THE NEXT QUESTlON . - THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE.

TO QUESTlON YOUR WlFE ABOUT LANG'S DEATH .

HEARD lT CAME AS A SHOCK TO HER.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYlNG?

N lCK LANG DlDN'T JUMP OFF ANY ROOF. HE WAS PUSHED.

A LOT OF SCUFF MARKS ON THE ROOF.

N lCKY WAS DRAGGlNG H lS HEELS ABOUT GOlNG OVER.

PLUS H lS APARTMENT GOT BROKEN lNTO SOMETlME YESTERDAY AFTERNOON .

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WlTH ANYTH lNG?

NOT SURE.

NOTH lNG SEEMED STOLEN . MAYBE SOMEONE WAS LOOKlN' FOR H lM.

MAYBE SOMEONE FOUND H lM.

[Hal] DEX WAS lN THE OFFlCE WHEN lT HAPPENED.

DlD YOU, UH, SEE H lM THERE?

LOOK, TH lS lS BULLSH lT.

COME ON!

AT THE TlME OF N lCK'S DEATH, DEX DlDN'T EVEN KNOW

THEY WERE HAVlNG AN AFFAlR.

- SO HE TELLS YOU . - lT'S TRUE.

STOPPED BY FOR A LlTTLE CHRlSTMAS CHEER YESTERDAY, DlDN'T YOU?

WHAT lF l DlD?

JEALOUS HUSBAND PUSHES N lCKY OFF THE ROOF.

SO ANGRY WlFE SERVES H lM A CHRlSTMAS MlCKEY.

NEXT MORN lNG, HE WAKES UP WlTH A TUMMY ACHE,

SO HE GETS A LlTTLE CHECKUP AND FlNDS OUT HE WAS MURDERED.

SO HE DROPS BY FOR ONE LAST BANG-UP MARlTAL SPAT.

[Camera Shutter Clicks]

MURDERED?

THEMATlCALLY, A LlTTLE DATED,

BUT THE PROSE STYLE HOLDS UP.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MURDERED? THAT STUFF YOU SWALLOWED.

THAT'S NOT TOO EASY TO COME BY.

SOMEBODY TOOK A LOT OF TROUBLE TO GET HOLD OF THAT.

lT'S TRUE, DEX.

YOU RAN OUT BEFORE WE HAD A CHANCE TO DlSCUSS TH lS.

[Ulmer] OF COURSE, THERE'S A VARlATlON ON THE THEME.

MAYBE LANG POlSONED YOU . . . YOU PUSHED H lM,

THEN KlLLED YOUR WlFE.

[Brockton] OR lT COULD GO THE OTHER WAY: THEY WANTED TO KlLL YOU;

YOU WANTED TO KlLL THEM; EVERYBODY WlNS.

[Ulmer] OR EVERYBODY LOSES.

[Coughs] l ALREADY TOLD YOU WHO KlLLED MY WlFE.

OH, RlGHT, THE lNVlSlBLE MAN .

JUST BECAUSE l DlDN'T SEE H lM DOESN'T MEAN HE WASN'T HERE, lDlOT.

- CAREFUL, CORNELL. YOU'RE UPSET. - YOU'RE DAMN RlGHT l'M UPSET.

l FlND OUT l'M A MURDER VlCTlM AND A SUSPECT ALL lN ONE GODDAMNED DAY.

LOOK, HE'S SlCK. HE SHOULD BE lN A HOSPlTAL.

FlRST, WE READ H lM H lS RlGHTS. CORNELL'S UNDER ARREST.

[Elaine] TH lS WlLL EASE THE PAlN, DEX.

YOU HAVE THE RlGHT TO REMAlN SlLENT--

CAREFUL! GET BACK! GET BACK!

[Hal] EASY, DEX. WHAT ARE YOU DOlNG?

JESUS! LOOK. YOU'RE GETTlNG OFF TO A FlNE START.

[Brockton] FlRST, YOU'RE RESlSTlNG ARREST. NOW YOU'RE TAKlNG A HOSTAGE.

SORRY, DON'T HAVE TlME TO STAND TRlAL.

YOU'RE GETTlNG lN DEEPER. JUST HOLD lT.

STAY OUT!

TH lNK lT OVER, CORNELL. JUST COME ON OUT HERE.

[Elaine] DON'T COME lN HERE!

YOU'RE DlGGlNG YOURSELF A GRAVE.

THANKS.

FOR CHRlST'S SAKE, BACK OFF!

♪ WlTH A REBEL YELL ♪

♪ SHE CRlED MORE, MORE, MORE ♪

♪ WHOA lN THE MlDN lGHT HOUR, BABE ♪

♪ MORE, MORE, MORE ♪

♪ WlTH A REBEL YELL ♪

♪ MORE, MORE, MORE ♪

♪ HE LlVES lN H lS OWN HEAVEN ♪

♪ HE LlKES lT TO GO FROM 7-1 1 ♪

♪ WELL, HE'S OUT ALL N lGHT TO COLLECT A BET ♪

♪ JUST AS LONG JUST AS LONG AS lT DON'T MESS UP H lS HEAD ♪

[Muffled Scream]

[Muffled Shouting] DON'T SCREAM!

[Grunts]

GOD, YOU SCARED ME! WHAT ARE YOU DOlNG HERE?

l NEEDED TO SEE YOU . YEAH?

OKAY, OKAY. ONE MlNUTE. ONE SEC HERE.

[Music Stops]

OKAY.

OH, YEAH . lT'S KlND OF STUPlD, lSN'T lT? FREUDlAN SLlP.

GET lT? lT'S FOR THE CARN lVAL TON lGHT.

l THOUGHT lT WAS ElTHER TH lS OR PAVLOV'S DOG,

THEN l THOUGHT, "HOW CAN l GO AS A DOG?"

- WHY DlD YOU MURDER ME, HUH? - WHAT ARE YOU TALKlNG ABOUT?

YOU TOLD ME SYDNEY WlTH A "Y," HUH?

YOU SlT lN MY CLASS ANONYMOUSLY FOR MONTHS.

[Shrieks]

NOT A PEEP.

THEN SUDDENLY, YOU JUST ANNOUNCE YOURSELF AS MY BlGGEST FAN,

YOU ASK ME FOR AN AUTOGRAPH, YOU FOLLOW ME TO A BAR.

l WENT WlTH A FRlEND.

OH, YEAH? YOU HAD A PLAN!

- l WOULDN'T CALL lT A PLAN . - THEN WHAT WOULD YOU CALL lT?

- UM, A--A CRUSH . - WHAT?

UH-HUH .

[Shrieks]

YESTERDAY, YOU POP UP ALL OVER MY LlFE.

- TODAY, l HAVE NO LlFE! - WHAT ARE YOU TALKlNG ABOUT?

STOP lT. JUST PLEASE STOP lT. PLEASE!

[Groaning]

[Coughs, Groaning]

[Groaning]

OKAY, OKAY, l WASN'T TH lNKlNG TOO CLEARLY.

[Gulps Drink] AND A FEW HOURS AGO, MY. . .WlFE,

SHE WAS MURDERED RlGHT lN FRONT OF MY EYES.

SO YOU'RE JUST GOlNG TO HAVE TO FORGlVE ME,

BECAUSE l'VE NEVER BEEN POlSONED BEFORE.

DON'T WORRY. l DON'T TH lNK YOU DlD lT.

BUT YOU ARE MY LlNK TO LAST N lGHT.

SO WE'RE GOlNG TO RETRACE OUR STEPS-- WHERE WE SAT, WHO WE--

"WE"? NO. WAlT A MlNUTE.

NO, NO. l CAN'T WAlT A MlNUTE. l NEED YOUR HELP.

NO, l CAN'T HELP YOU . l CAN'T HELP MY MOTHER FOLD CLOTHES.

YOU NEED THE POLlCE.

l'VE ALREADY HAD THE POLlCE. THEY TH lNK l KlLLED MY STUDENT.

THEY TH lNK l MURDERED MY WlFE.

WELL--WELL, THAT'S JUST SlLLY, lSN'T lT?

THAT--

l'M JUST GOlNG TO CALL THE POLlCE AND l'M GOlNG TO VOUCH FOR YOU .

OKAY?

UH, H l . UH, lS TH lS THE POLlCE?

COULD l . . .HAVE lNFORMATlON ABOUT--

NO COPS.

- LET GO OF MY ARM. - l CAN'T.

- LET GO! OW! - l CAN'T.

BONDS lN SECONDS.

[Drums Beating] [People Chanting]

[Sydney] TH lS lS KlDNAPPlNG, YOU KNOW.

YEAH, lF l'M LUCKY, THEY'LL GlVE ME LlFE.

REMEMBER TH lS PLACE? NO, l DON'T.

LET GO OF MY ARM, OR l'M GOlNG TO SCREAM!

LOOK, lF l LET GO OF YOUR ARM, YOU'RE REALLY GOlNG TO SCREAM.

[Drums Continue] [Shouting, Hooting]

ONE, TWO!

♪♪♪

[Crowd Cheering]

[Sydney] l'M SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE CARN lVAL TON lGHT.

YEAH, WELL, EXCUSE ME, BUT DYlNG'S KlND OF FUCKED UP

MY SOClAL CALENDAR TOO.

AlN'T lT A BlTCH?

l'M REALLY SORRY. l KNOW lT'S TERRlBLE.

BUT l JUST CAN'T HANDLE TH lS.

l'M SCARED. l'M CONFUSED.

ALL RlGHT. OKAY. ALL RlGHT. l'M SORRY.

THAT MAKES TWO OF US.

AND l HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

[Women Singing "The 1 2 Days of Christmas"]

[Sighs]

ALL RlGHT. LOOK. WE'LL GO TO A MEN'S ROOM.

l'LL PUT YOU lN A STALL AND l'LL STAND GUARD OUTSlDE THE DOOR.

NO, THERE lS NO WAY l AM WALKlNG PAST TEN DRUNKS

WlTH THElR FLlES OPEN .

l'M JUST NOT GOlNG TO DO lT.

HEY, FREUD, BABY.

YOU CAN GET ME ON YOUR COUCH ANY DAY.

[Laughing]

AND THERE'S NO WAY l'M SlTTlNG ON THOSE SEATS,

'CAUSE l SEE THE MEN WHO USE 'EM.

l'M NOT DOlNG lT.

l'M GOlNG TO GO TO THE LADlES' ROOM.

lT'S NOT ENOUGH l'M WANTED FOR MURDER.

l'M GOlNG TO GET HAULED lN AS A PERVERT.

♪♪♪

l CAN'T GO.

COULD YOU TALK OR SOMETH lNG, MAKE SOME NOlSE?

JUST KEEP TALKlNG?

YOU WANNA HEAR SOME SNAPPY PATTER ABOUT DEATH,

NATURE'S WAY OF TELLlNG YOU TO SLOW DOWN?

l MEAN, l DON'T KNOW lF THERE lS LlFE AFTER DEATH,

[Urinating]

BUT l'M DEFlN lTELY TAKlNG A CHANGE OF UNDERWEAR JUST lN CASE.

SYD, l'M NO GOOD AT TH lS.

l'VE NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT MY OWN EXTlNCTlON .

YOU KNOW, lT'S FUNNY.

l MEAN, l ALWAYS THOUGHT. . .

DEATH WAS SOMETH lNG THAT HAPPENED TO OTHER PEOPLE--

OLDER PEOPLE, UNLUCKY PEOPLE.

NOT ME, NOT GAlL.

l MEAN, l ALWAYS KNEW MY NUMBER WAS GOlNG TO COME UP, BUT NOT NOW.

DAMN lT! WHY?

- YOU HAVE ANY ENEMlES? - NO, l DON'T HAVE ANY ENEMlES.

[Pounding]

- WHAT ARE YOU DOlNG HERE? - l WANNA SEE GRAHAM!

HE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE YOU .

l'LL BET!

DEX?

SURPRlSED TO SEE ME UP AND ABOUT?

WHAT lN GOD'S NAME DO YOU WANT?

THOUGHT l'D BE SAFELY SLlD AWAY lN SOME MORGUE LOCKER,

TAG ON MY TOE.

JUST CALM DOWN, DEX--

[Girl] DADDY!

l DlDN'T DO THAT! OWW!

YOU WERE MUCH MORE lMPRESSlVE TH lS AFTERNOON

AGAlNST A DEFENSELESS WOMAN .

TH lS AFTERNOON?

l--l KNOW WHERE YOU WERE!

OF COURSE YOU DO. THE MlLTON TUTORlAL.

[Grunting]

JUST LlKE EVERY OTHER FRlDAY FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS!

[Sydney Gasps] lS TODAY FRlDAY?

SO, WHO WE GONNA PUNCH A CONFESSlON OUT OF NOW, DEX?

- GOT ANY BETTER lDEAS? - YEAH, LOGlC.

THERE'S GOTTA BE A REASON FOR ALL TH lS.

YEAH, MY MARK TWAlN LECTURE DROVE SOME STUDENT lNTO A HOMlClDAL RAGE.

SYD, GUYS LlKE ME, WE GET KlLLED BY MUGGERS, RUN OVER BY CARS,

MAYBE, BUT NOBODY PLOTS TO KlLL AN ENGLlSH PROFESSOR.

WE JUST DON'T lNSPlRE THAT KlND OF PASSlON .

THE KlLLlNG DlDN'T START WlTH YOU .

- N lCK LANG. - RlGHT.

SO, WHO WOULD WANT H lM DEAD?

HEY. YOU KNOW, SOMETlMES COPS GO TO THE FUNERALS OF MURDER VlCTlMS.

WHAT? W-W-WAlT.

WE'RE GOlNG TO THE FUNERAL, AND YOU TH lNK THE KlLLER'S

GONNA BE THERE?

YEAH . GET lN .

THERE'S A HELL OF A STRANGE STORY BEH lND THAT KlD.

♪♪♪

[Dexter] SO, TH lS TH lEF BREAKS lNTO THE FlTZWARlNG HOUSE.

THE OLD MAN WAKES UP.

HE'S UPSTAlRS, COMES DOWN, HE SURPRlSES THE GUY.

TH lEF SHOOTS THE OLD MAN, RlGHT?

THE CHAUFFEUR HEARS ALL TH lS, HE COMES RUNN lNG lN,

HE GRABS THE GUN AND THERE'S A STRUGGLE.

l CAN'T GO lN THERE LlKE TH lS. WHAT?

OH . HERE.

LlKE TH lS. HERE.

- SO, SO, WAlT--THERE'S A STRUGGLE? - YEAH .

FOR THE GUN . THE GUN GOES OFF. lT KlLLS THE BURGLAR.

THE BURGLAR lS N lCK'S FATHER? YEAH .

NOW, THE WlDOW, MRS. FlTZWARlNG,

SHE MAKES A SPEClAL PET CHARlTY CASE OUT OF N lCK.

- SHE PUT H lM THROUGH COLLEGE. - l NEVER HEARD TH lS.

lT'S NOT EXACTLY SOMETH lNG YOU WANT UNDER YOUR YEARBOOK PlCTURE.

SO YOU TH lNK ALL TH lS HAS TO DO WlTH N lCK, DON'T YOU?

HAL. WHAT ARE YOU DOlNG HERE? ARE YOU CRAZY?

- MEET SYD. - H l .

WE'RE lNSEPARABLE.

THOSE TWO COPS ARE LOOKlNG ALL OVER THE PLACE FOR YOU .

TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEEDLE-DUMBER?

YEAH . THEY EVEN NOTlFlED CAMPUS SECURlTY.

YOU GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE, MAN .

[Dexter] l GOTTA PAY MY RESPECTS. YOU FlND SOMETH lNG OUT?

YEAH, l'M NOT GETTlN' ANY YOUNGER.

NOTH lNG l CAN DO.

HEY, HEY, HEY! WHAT'S THE DEAL HERE?

YOU GOT A 5 ON YA? WlLL YOU PAY H lM FOR ME, PLEASE?

[Man] A FATHER WHOSE ONLY LEGACY. . .

WAS THE STlGMA OF H lS TERRlBLE CRlME.

ONE WOULD LlKE TO TH lNK THAT N lCK NOT ONLY FOUND H lMSELF. . .

HERE AT THE SCHOOL,

BUT ALSO THAT HE'D FOUND A HOME HERE.

AND JUDGlNG BY THE TURNOUT TON lGHT, l'D SAY HE HAD.

lT WAS A PLEASURE TO HAVE N lCK lN MY SHAKESPEARE CLASS.

PERHAPS ONLY THE BARD CAN EXPLAlN N lCK'S UNEXPLAlNABLE CHOlCE.

"TO SUE TO LlVE, l FlND l SEEK TO DlE.

"AND SEEKlNG DEATH, FlND LlFE.

LET lT COME ON ."

MlSS FlTZWARlNG, l KNOW YOU'D LlKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS.

N lCK WOULD'VE LOVED--

[Whispers] THAT'S THE GlRL lN THE BAR.

[Whispers] THAT'S COOKlE FlTZWARlNG. SHE'S lN MY ART CLASS.

[Weeping] MY DEAR, MAY l--

YOU PlCKED THE WRONG PLAY, PROFESSOR.

YOU SHOULD'VE QUOTED FROM ROMEO AND JULlET.

N lCK AND l, WE WERE--

♪♪♪

OH! SH lT.

[Dexter] l KNOW THAT GUY.

HE WAS lN THE BAR LAST N lGHT.

[Man] YOUR MOTHER'S WAlTlNG.

[Woman] SO LET HER WAlT.

[Man] YOU FUCKED TH lNGS UP ROYALLY TON lGHT.

DON'T l ALWAYS?

STlLL A FEW DRlNKS SHORT OF OBLlVlON?

HOW'S THAT NASTY BURN YOU GOT ON YOUR HAND, PAL?

JESUS, BERNARD!

YOUR MOTHER WASN'T TOO THRlLLED ABOUT YOU AND N lCK, WAS SHE?

l DON'T TH lNK-- l WOULDN'T BRAG ABOUT THAT.

- l LOVED N lCK, AND HE LOVED ME. - YOU AND A FEW OTHERS.

- WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT H lM? - l KNOW HE WAS MURDERED.

WE DON'T LlKE WHAT YOU'RE lNFERRlNG.

BERNARD, l TH lNK YOU MEAN "lMPLY."

WHEN l SAY SOMETH lNG, THAT'S lMPLYlNG.

HOW YOU TAKE lT, THAT'S lNFERRlNG.

OKAY. THEN lNFER TH lS.

[Groaning, Coughing]

[Bernard] COOKlE!

HEY! COME HERE! WHERE ARE YOU GOlNG?

[Panting, Sydney Grunting]

[Dexter] OH, GOD. BACK OF THE STAGE.

EVERYBODY'S GONE.

[Footsteps]

[Pressurized Air Hissing]

[Loud Clank]

[Footsteps Continue]

[Hissing]

[Nail Gun Firing]

[Sydney Screams]

[Groans] AAAAH!

[Nail Gun Cocks, Fires]

AAAAAH!

WAlT! COME ON!

[Sydney Screaming]

lT'S CAUGHT!

[Flesh Ripping]

[Sydney Screaming]

OHHH!

[Nail Gun Firing]

[Continues Firing]

SYD! SYDNEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOlNG?

WHERE DO YOU TH lNK? TO THE POLlCE!

SH lT. WAlT, SYDNEY!

GlVE ME A CHANCE!

[Grunting]

YOU KNOW, l DON'T GET OFF ON TH lS RAMBO SH lT.

[Siren Wailing]

[Siren Continues, Louder]

l WANTED TO SPEND THE N lGHT WlTH YOU, NOT ETERN lTY.

[Siren Continues]

- HEY! POLlCE! - SYD! NO POLlCE!

HEY!

[Panting] WAlT! WAlT. WAlT.

OWW!

OH, GOD, LOOK AT YOUR ARM. l'M SORRY.

DROP DEAD.

l DlDN'T MEAN TO SAY THAT. l'M SORRY.

SO, WHAT DO YOU DO NOW?

FlND MRS. FlTZWARlNG AND THAT LUNATlC DAUGHTER OF HERS.

AND WHAT lF THE CHAUFFEUR WlTH THE NAlL GUN lS WAlTlNG FOR YOU?

WHAT HAVE l GOT TO LOSE, HUH?

l'VE ALREADY SCREWED UP MY LlFE BY GlVlNG UP.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

l JUST QU lT.

l WAS A SUCCESS, AND l WAS AFRAlD OF FAlLlNG AND l--

SO l JUST QU lT.

l WANT TO HELP YOU, DEX.

YOU ALREADY HAVE. l FEEL REALLY BAD.

l DRAGGED YOU TOO DEEP lNTO TH lS.

NO, NO, lT'S NO BlG DEAL.

YOU GLUED YOURSELF TO ME, YOU DRAGGED ME lNTO

THE STREET HALF NAKED, YOU ALMOST GOT ME SHOT.

l MEAN, MOST GlRLS WAlT A LlFETlME FOR A DATE LlKE TH lS.

[Both Giggling]

l GOTTA GO.

lT'S GETTlN' LATE.

l'M NOT GONNA SEE YOU AGAlN, AM l?

♪♪♪

CAB!

- TAKE HER TO THE MED CENTER. - YOU NEED YOUR JACKET.

♪♪♪

[Bernard] NOW, DON'T WORRY. l'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTH lNG.

[Mrs. Fitzwaring] DON'T WORRY?

THAT MAN TOLD YOU THAT N lCK WAS MURDERED.

l DlDN'T LET THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG, DlD l?

WHAT ARE YOU DOlNG HERE?

YOU .

PROFESSOR CORNELL, lSN'T lT?

lT WAS YOUR WlFE WHO FELL APART AT THE ART GALLERY YESTERDAY EVEN lNG.

AND lT WAS YOUR COOKlE WHO CRUMBLED AT THE MEMORlAL SERVlCE.

SEEMS THEY BOTH HAD A BAD CASE OF YOUNG MR. LANG.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT N lCK?

WHAT DO YOU TH lNK l KNOW?

[Car Approaching] [Horse Whinnies]

COOKlE.

l HOPE lT'S JUST YOU THAT'S LOADED.

COOKlE, WHAT ARE YOU DOlNG?

- WHAT DlD YOU DO, MOTHER? - WHAT EXACTLY HAVE YOU TOLD HER?

ENOUGH . . .AND lT ALL MAKES SENSE TOO.

SHE FORCED N lCK TO STOP SEElNG ME.

SO N lCK WAS WORTHY OF YOUR CHARlTY,

BUT HE WASN'T WORTHY OF YOUR DAUGHTER, lS THAT lT?

THE FACT lS, SHE CONSlDERED N lCK TOO GOOD FOR ME.

YOU'RE SO WRONG.

NO, l SAW THE WAY THAT YOU USED TO LOOK AT H lM.

YOUR LlTTLE DlAMOND lN THE ROUGH .

YOU COULDN'T STAND ANYONE ELSE TAKlNG AN lNTEREST lN H lM.

YOU WERE ALWAYS JEALOUS OF US.

[Mrs. Fitzwaring] COOKlE, NO.

SHE NEARLY FLEW lNTO A RAGE WHEN SHE FOUND OUT WE'D SLEPT TOGETHER.

COOKlE! STOP TH lS.

- SEE WHAT l MEAN? - PLEASE.

l WOULDN'T DO ANYTH lNG JUST TO HURT YOU .

BUT YOU DlD HURT ME.

WHY COULDN'T HE SEE ME?

WHATEVER l DlD, COOKlE, l DlD FOR YOU AND N lCK.

BELlEVE ME, HE COULD NEVER LOVE YOU, NOT THE WAY YOU WANTED H lM TO.

NOT THE WAY YOU WANTED.

SO YOU-- YOU HAD H lM KlLLED.

YOU--

[Slap]

[Sobs] COOKlE!

COME BACK!

[Whinnies]

[Groans]

♪♪♪

[Dexter Groaning]

DON'T FUCK WlTH ME, BERNARD! l'VE HAD A ROUGH DAY!

ALL RlGHT.

[Grunting, Groaning]

THEN HAVE A LlTTLE LlE-DOWN .

[Mrs. Fitzwaring] GOD, lT'S ALL SUCH A MESS.

[Bernard] NOT AT ALL. l WON'T LEAVE A TRACE.

WE DON'T EVEN KNOW lF HE CAN PROVE ANYTH lNG,

OR EVEN lF HE KNOWS ANYTH lNG.

COULDN'T WE JUST CALL lN THE POLlCE, SAY THERE WAS A BURGLARY?

WE'VE ALREADY USED THAT STORY.

WHETHER HE CAN PROVE ANYTH lNG OR NOT,

WE DON'T WANT THE POLlCE SNOOPlNG lNTO YOUR PAST OR N lCK'S.

lT WlLL BE SlMPLE. WE'LL JUST TAKE H lM OUT--

DON'T TELL ME. JUST DO lT.

AND BRlNG COOKlE BACK.

lN HER STATE, SHE'S LlABLE TO SAY ANYTH lNG TO ANYBODY.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT N lCK WAS MURDERED?

l'M PSYCH lC.

THEN YOU KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO YOU .

♪♪♪

lT'S SO SlCK.

DRAGON LADY WlPES OUT HER RlVALS.

WHY ME?

l MEAN, l CAN ALMOST UNDERSTAND GAlL.

GAlL.

[Sighs] WHY ME?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKlNG ABOUT?

OH, COME ON, BERNARD.

CAN'T YOU GRANT A DYlNG MAN H lS LAST WlSH?

WHERE DO l FlT lNTO MRS. FlTZWARlNG'S LlTTLE PSYCHODRAMA?

HEAT GETTlNG TO YOU, OLD CHUM?

YOU'RE BABBLlNG.

♪♪♪

[Dexter] WE'RE ON CAMPUS. "A" lN GEOGRAPHY, PROF.

- NOW HOW'S YOUR ARCHAEOLOGY? - WHAT?

THOUGHT THE TAR PlT MlGHT lNTEREST AN OLD FOSSlL LlKE YOURSELF.

NOTH lNG PERSONAL.

[Tires Screech, Crash]

WHAT THE FUCK?

[Tires Screech]

HAPPY HOUR! CARE FOR A COCKTAlL?

[Bernard] DRlNKlNG AND DRlVlNG DON'T MlX, COOKlE.

l WAS TRYlNG TO KlLL YOU, PENClL NECK.

STAY AWAY FROM ME. STAY AWAY FROM ME!

YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO BACK THERE!

DON'T PlSS ABOUT. JUST GET lN THE CAR.

LET ME GO!

[Car Door Bell Dinging] ALL RlGHT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOlNG HERE?

l'M TAKlNG H lM TO THE POLlCE AS SOON AS l GET YOU HOME.

YOU'RE NOT TAKlNG ME HOME.

HE'S NOT TAKlNG ME TO THE POLlCE ElTHER.

CORK lT, CORNELL, OR ELSE--

OR ELSE WHAT? YOU'RE GONNA KlLL ME?

CORNELL, l'M TlRED OF YOUR CRAP.

lS SOMETH lNG BURN lNG?

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOlNG BACK THERE?

AAAH! GET lT OFF!

[Both Grunting]

[Cookie Screams]

[Cookie Laughing]

WHOO!

FUCK!

[Continues Laughing]

[Engine Accelerating]

PAYBACK TlME, BERNARD!

LOOK OUT, DAMN lT! LOOK OUT!

AAAAH!

- AAAAAH! - SLOW DOWN,

COOKlE!

[Bernard Grunts]

[Cookie] WHAT ARE YOU DOlNG?

[Gunshot] [Bernard Grunts]

COOKlE!

GOD! COOKlE!

[Grunting]

[Yelling]

[Groaning]

[Gunshot]

[Groaning]

[Both Groaning, Yelling]

[Tar Gurgling]

[Groans]

[Panting Heavily]

[Dexter Groaning, Panting]

♪♪♪

[People Chattering]

[Chain Link Fence Rattles]

[Laughing]

OH! LOOK AT TH lS JERK! JEEZ!

THE GUY'S DRUNK!

♪♪♪

[Murmuring, Chattering]

FUCKlN' ASSHOLE!

WANT SOME POPCORN? WELL, HAVE SOME!

AND A BEER!

[Laughing]

WHOO!

HERE, BUDDY!

LEAVE H lM ALONE!

[Man] MAYBE HE'S HURT.

l'M GONNA CALL AN AMBULANCE.

YOU DlDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT, SYD.

SO l WAS JUST SUPPOSED TO LET THEM MAKE

A POPCORN BALL OUT OF YOU?

MMM. NOT BAD.

YOU KNOW, MY MOTHER--

[Clears Throat] SHE USED TO TRlM THE TREE WlTH TH lS STUFF.

l GUESS NOBODY DOES THAT ANYMORE.

MlNE DOES.

MMM?

ARE YOU GOlNG HOME FOR CHRlSTMAS?

MM-HMM.

WHERE'S HOME?

KANSAS.

KANSAS?

WHAT DO YOU DO FOR CHRlSTMAS lN KANSAS?

WELL, THE WHOLE CLAN GATHERS TOGETHER.

WE HAVEN'T SEEN EACH OTHER lN ABOUT A YEAR,

SO WE PLOP DOWN lN FRONT OF THE TELEVlSlON SET

AND WATCH MlRACLE ON 34th STREET. . . FOR THE 34th TlME.

GREAT. WHAT ELSE?

AND. . .

[Sighs]

WE ALL GlVE EACH OTHER PRESENTS THAT WE DON'T NEED.

AND lF WE NEED THEM, THEY'RE ALL THE WRONG SlZE.

PRETTY AWFUL, HUH?

PRETTY N lCE.

- lT'LL BE GOOD TO SEE EDDlE. - TH lS YOUR BROTHER EDDlE?

MM-HMM.

OH, YEAH .

WHERE DO THE FEMALE RElNDEER GO?

- OH, NO. NO. - COME ON .

[Sighs]

WHERE DO ALL THE FEMALE RElNDEER GO

WHEN SANTA AND THE MALE RElNDEER. . .

ARE OUT ON CHRlSTMAS EVE?

THEY GO lNTO TOWN AND BLOW A FEW BUCKS.

[Laughing] OH, NO, NO, NO.

l'M SO SCARED FOR YOU .

OHH . . .

lT'LL BE A BREEZE.

FlRST MlLLlON YEARS WlLL GO LlKE THAT.

SECOND MlLLlON-- PHHFFT!

lT'S JUST SO UNFAlR.

NO, lT'S FAlR.

l'VE BEEN DEAD FOR FOUR YEARS NOW.

GAlL WAS RlGHT.

JUST TOOK A LlTTLE POlSON lNG FOR ME TO NOTlCE.

YOU'RE MORE ALlVE THAN ANYBODY l EVER MET.

NO, SYD.

l FORGOT HOW TO APPREClATE LlFE.

lT'S TOO LATE FOR ME.

TH lS lS LlFE.

RlGHT HERE.

RlGHT NOW.

TAKE lT.

♪♪♪

PLEASE.

♪♪♪

[Door Opens]

[Police Dispatcher] 2-BRAVO-6, 1 0-4. EN ROUTE.

CHECK lT OUT.

l DON'T KNOW WHAT THE COPS TOLD YOU, BUT l DlDN'T KlLL COOKlE.

BERNARD DlD. DlDN'T MEAN TO.

lT'S JUST THAT PEOPLE HAD TH lS HABlT OF DYlNG AROUND BERNARD.

DlDN'T THEY?

SO lT'S ALL COME FULL ClRCLE RlGHT BACK TO YOUR FRONT DOOR,

HASN'T lT, MlSSUS?

NO, YOU BROUGHT lT TO MY DOOR.

AND YOU NEVER REALLY KNEW ANYTH lNG, DlD YOU?

[Snorts] l KNOW YOU HAD QU lTE A LONG H lT LlST.

WE'VE BEEN AT CROSS-PURPOSES, SUSPECTlNG EACH OTHER UNJUSTLY.

l DON'T BELlEVE YOU .

YOUR DAUGHTER TOLD ME EVERY--

COOKlE WAS WRONG!

- l DlDN'T KlLL N lCK. - l DON'T BELlEVE YOU!

l WANNA KNOW!

WHY WERE YOU SO OBSESSED ABOUT COOKlE AND N lCK?

WHO WAS HE TO YOU?

MY SON .

COOKlE NEVER KNEW.

BUT N lCK'S FATHER--

- THE MAN WHO KlLLED YOUR HUSBAND. - ALSO MY HUSBAND.

ABANDONED ALONG WlTH N lCK 20 YEARS AGO.

l DON'T KNOW HOW HE FOUND ME AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS,

BUT HE WAS HERE THAT N lGHT FOUR YEARS AGO TOGETHER WlTH FlTZWARlNG.

l ASKED H lM WHAT HE WANTED.

HE SAlD NOT MUCH, CONSlDERlNG WHAT MY HUSBAND--

MY OTHER HUSBAND-- HAD TO GlVE.

LANG HAD TOLD FlTZWARlNG ALL ABOUT ME.

THERE WAS A SCENE--

UGLY WORDS LlKE "BlGAMY" AND "BLACKMAlL."

FlTZWARlNG TOLD LANG TO LEAVE.

HE SAlD THAT LANG WOULDN'T GET A N lCKEL.

HE TOLD ME TO LEAVE, TOO, WlTHOUT OUR DAUGHTER.

HE SAlD l WOULD NEVER SEE COOKlE AGAlN .

YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT WHAT l DlD, l DlD FOR MY DAUGHTER. . .

[Gunshot]

AND MY SON .

[Gunshot]

BERNARD UNDERSTOOD.

HE TOLD THE POLlCE THAT A PROWLER HAD BROKEN lN,

HAD SHOT FlTZWARlNG, ATTACKED ME.

THEN BERNARD AND THE PROWLER STRUGGLED FOR THE GUN .

lT WENT OFF.

THAT WAS OUR STORY.

N lCK WAS MY SON .

ALTHOUGH HE COULD NEVER KNOW THAT l WAS H lS MOTHER,

l WANTED H lM NEAR ME.

NOW HE'S GONE.

THEY'RE ALL GONE.

THERE'S NOTH lNG.

ALL TH lS TlME, THE WRONG TRAlL.

[Click]

[Gunshot]

GOD.

GOD!

GODDAMN lT! WHY?

DAMN lT!

[Grunting]

SH lT!

[Gasping]

[Coughs, Clears Throat]

♪♪♪

[Phone Busy Signal]

[Beeping]

lT'S DEX.

l'M lN MY OFFlCE.

l NEED YOU .

[Hangs Up]

[Thunder Rumbling]

DEX?

HEY, DEX.

DEX? HEY.

HEY, BUDDY.

[Sighs]

- YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD. - WELL. . . l FEEL GOOD.

l'M ALlVE.

[Thunder Crashing]

HELL, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE, UH . . .

NEVER MORE ALlVE THAN WHEN YOU'RE ON THE EDGE OF DEATH .

CAN'T YOU FEEL lT, HAL?

l DON'T FEEL ANYTH lNG.

ONE FOR THE ROAD?

MERRY CHRlSTMAS.

[Bangs Mug On Desk]

NO.

- WHY? - WHY WHAT?

- WHY DlD YOU KlLL ME? - WHAT ARE YOU TALKlN' ABOUT?

WHERE DlD YOU GET THE POlSON?

l STOLE lT FROM THE MED CENTER. . .

THE N lGHT l WAS THERE WlTH ELAlNE.

PLANNED A LlTTLE H l-HO SlLVER.

SHE HAD AN EMERGENCY CALL, SHE LEFT THE KEYS.

WHY, GODDAMN lT?

- OUT OF WHACK. - WHAT?

ONE MlNUTE AFTER l GlVE YOU THE DAMNED SCOTCH,

YOU TELL ME YOU DlDN'T READ lT.

READ WHAT? OUT OF WHACK.

N lCK LANG'S NOVEL?

WELL, l'M GONNA PASS lT OFF AS MY OWN .

l HAVE TO, MAN . lT'S FUCKlN' BRlLLlANT.

lN MY BOOK--

[Chuckles] MY BOOK.

WELL, EVERYTH lNG ABOUT lT THAT WAS GOOD YOU HELPED ME WlTH .

l WAS lN HERE LAST WEEK TRYlNG TO WORK ON lT.

l SEE N lCK LANG'S BOOK SlTTlN' ON YOUR DESK.

SO l PlCK lT UP, FlGURE l'D GET A FEW LAUGHS. . .

ABOUT HOW FULL OF SH lT TH lS KlD lS.

[Thunder Continues]

l GUESS l KNEW WHAT l WAS GONNA DO BEFORE l EVEN GOT

TO THE LAST PAGE.

[Laughing]

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

[Laughing]

- WHAT'S SO FUNNY? - THAT'S WHAT ALL TH lS lS ABOUT?

SOME KlD'S LOUSY HOMEWORK?

l JUST FlN lSHED TELLlNG YOU . lT'S NOT LOUSY.

lT'S ONE OF THE BEST DAMNED BOOKS l EVER READ.

THAT'S WHY l HAD TO DO lT.

NOT THAT l WAS SURE l COULD. l MEAN, LANG WAS EASY.

SMUG LlTTLE SH lT. LlGHT AS A FEATHER.

JUST UP AND OVER AND BON VOYAGE.

BUT YOU--lN THE JOHN THE OTHER DAY, l WASN'T WORRlED ABOUT

ANY DAMNED PROMOTlON .

WHY GAlL?

SHE HAD NOTH lNG TO DO WlTH TH lS.

- WHY DlD YOU HAVE TO KlLL HER? - NO. THAT WAS YOUR FAULT.

THAT WAS YOUR FAULT.

l GOT ALL THE COPlES OUT OF LANG'S APARTMENT.

l PUT YOUR COPY lN THE DAMNED GARBAGE.

YOU PlCKED lT UP, YOU PUT lT lN YOUR DAMNED BRlEFCASE.

- AND LEFT lT AT GAlL'S. - l GUESS SO.

l SAW lT THERE WHEN ELAlNE AND l TOOK HER HOME THE OTHER N lGHT.

SO, YOU BURN lT.

SHE TRlED TO STOP YOU .

YOU BLUDGEONED HER, FRESHENED UP,

THEN WENT OUT FOR A N lGHT ON THE THEATER WlTH A NAlL GUN .

l THOUGHT SHE FOUND SOMETH lNG OUT.

DON'T YOU SEE?

l HAD TO MAKE SURE THAT NOBODY KNEW SO THAT lT CAN BE MlNE,

SO THAT EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THAT BOOK lS MlNE!

- THAT WAS WORTH SOMEBODY'S LlFE? - YEAH . MY LlFE.

WHY SHOULD THAT KlD HAVE ALL THE BREAKS AND NOT ME?

JESUS, DEX.

HE WAS FUCKlN' YOUR WlFE, FOR CHRlSSAKES.

YOU SHOULD BE GLAD THAT l KlLLED H lM.

[Sighs]

SO WHO YOU GONNA KlLL FOR YOUR SECOND NOVEL?

ALL l NEED lS JUST THAT ONE BULLSH lT BREAK.

AFTER TH lS BOOK COMES OUT, l CAN PUBLlSH ANY DAMN TH lNG l WANT.

AND YOU CAN BET THAT l'M NOT GONNA REST ON MY LAURELS LlKE YOU DlD.

WELL, AT LEAST THEY WERE MY LAURELS.

WHY DOES lT COME SO EASY TO GUYS LlKE YOU?

BlG DEX, YOU JUST CRU lSE lN HERE. . .

AND HELP OUT POOR LlTTLE HAL ON H lS OUTLlNE

AND THEN YOU WALTZ OUT OF HERE.

YOU DON'T HAVE A FUCKlNG CLUE HOW HARD lT lS FOR ME,

HOW MUCH l STRUGGLED!

l'M GONNA HAVE MY SHOT!

l'M GONNA KNOW WHAT lT FEELS LlKE!

NO, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.

THAT FEELlNG DOESN'T COME FROM MONEY, lT DOESN'T COME FROM FAME.

lT COMES FROM DOlNG THE WORK, HAL.

FROM REALlZlNG A VlSlON .

YOU TH lNK YOU CAN STEAL SOMEBODY ELSE'S PASSlON?

ALL YOU GOT WAS PAPER AND lNK.

PASSlON?

MAN, WHERE DO YOU GET OFF LECTURlNG ME ABOUT PASSlON?

YOU LOST lT!

NO. l GOT lT BACK THESE LAST TWO DAYS.

- l HAD lT. - YOU HAD lT, ALL RlGHT.

YOU HAD lT, AND YOU PlSSED lT AWAY.

MAN, DEX, YOU HAD A TALENT.

YOU HAD A TALENT OTHERS WOULD--

[Cocks Trigger]

KlLL FOR?

YEAH, THAT'S RlGHT. KlLL FOR.

lSN'T THAT WHAT lT'S ALL ABOUT? PUBLlSH OR PERlSH?

[Coughing]

♪♪♪

[Screams] Oh!

PERlSH .

JUST SOMEBODY'S HOMEWORK.

THAT WAS ALL.

[Snorts]

[Thunder Crashing]

♪♪♪