All language subtitles for kill.buljo.2.2013.720p.bluray.x264-archivist_track3_eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:50,359 Aren't you glad we came up here, Jompa? 2 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:51,919 Not really. 3 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:55,599 I only came because you promised me a blow job. 4 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:59,959 True. But first we have to get across this gorge. 5 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:27,199 -I hope you tied a good knot. -It was by the book. 6 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:37,719 Jompa! 7 00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:41,039 Goddamn woman! 8 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:50,679 This calls for at least two blow jobs. 9 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:52,319 Hurry! 10 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:53,919 Jompa! 11 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:07,399 No, no, no... 12 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:08,639 Jompa! 13 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:18,039 That was close. 14 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,719 Don't let go, Jompa. Please! 15 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,479 Jompaaaa...! 16 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,119 Oh, shit! 17 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,079 Unni was gone. 18 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,239 The love of my life. 19 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:53,559 Or at least one of my favorite fucks. 20 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,279 I was devastated. 21 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,359 But on the bright side... 22 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:03,199 I could start drinking again. 23 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:10,599 I had nothing left to live for. 24 00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:22,839 Unni was the only girl I could trust. 25 00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:25,839 Who understood me and my feelings. 26 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:34,439 Probably should have tied that around my waist. 27 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:37,639 There was no recovering from this. 28 00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:49,679 I couldn't pick the pieces back up. Couldn't get on with my life. 29 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:53,279 Unni, - 30 00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:54,679 - here I come. 31 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,479 Ecstasy? 32 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,679 I decided to return to my roots. 33 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:25,399 In the mountains. Here I could gather my thoughts. 34 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,119 Here I could heal my wounds. 35 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,479 And find myself again. 36 00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:33,559 Find my inner peace. 37 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:37,319 Here, with my reindeer, I could again become - 38 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:38,959 - Jompa. 39 00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:27,399 Anne Berit? 40 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,279 Goddamn eagle! 41 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:31,119 The government will pay for this! 42 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:35,519 Shit... Rain Man! 43 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:37,799 Rudolph! 44 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,359 Vidkun! 45 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:41,479 Gørild! 46 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:53,479 My reindeer had been killed. A massive abuse. 47 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:59,479 Fortunately I knew someone who was an expert on abuse. 48 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,319 Excuse me! Out of the way! 49 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:08,839 Father Shockfat! 50 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:12,319 -Calm down. -My herd has been murdered! 51 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:14,799 Let me finish here first. 52 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:18,239 As God says: He who rushes to his flock - 53 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:20,239 - will not find a single sheep. 54 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,359 Jeezus! This is important! 55 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:29,199 How dare you take God's name in vain? 56 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,959 -Are you of the devil? -No. 57 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:34,399 You're of the devil. 58 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:38,799 You're of the devil! 59 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,759 You're of the devil. 60 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,639 -You are! -You are. 61 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,359 -You are! -No, you are! 62 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:49,639 You are! 63 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:52,479 You're of the devil! You are! 64 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,639 You're of the devil! 65 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:58,399 You're of the devil! You're of the devil! 66 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,119 -Say "huh" if you're of the devil. -Huh? 67 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,839 You're of the devil. 68 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:09,519 -You son of Satan! -Damn, you're an evil parson! 69 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:21,799 Lena Horn? 70 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:38,319 We can't exchange this ticket. It's impossible. 71 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:41,519 -Can't I change it at all? -Nope. 72 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:44,879 Has anyone checked in a bunch of antlers? 73 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:46,919 Didn't you see the line? 74 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:51,879 Tell me what I want to know, or I'll put a curse on you - 75 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,839 - that will give you balls the size of melons - 76 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:58,519 - and make you produce horse semen for years. 77 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:03,399 The thing is... 78 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:05,639 I helped three - 79 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:07,399 - hot chicks. 80 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,679 They had pouty lips. 81 00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:13,559 And breasts that only God... 82 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:19,439 I helped them load 80 kilos of antlers onto a private jet. 83 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,719 Where were they headed? 84 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:24,359 To Thailand. 85 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:29,919 Thailand? 86 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:34,919 Thailand. 87 00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:38,319 Roger, what the fuck? 88 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:43,479 Wouldn't you know it? The damn sound system has jammed again! 89 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:47,359 They didn't go somewhere closer? 90 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,439 To Thailand. 91 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,599 Excuse me... 92 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:28,479 Coffee, tea? 93 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:30,719 Cough... 94 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:32,279 Tea? 95 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,599 Coffee, tea? 96 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:37,199 Kofi Annan? 97 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,719 Tea, nine, eight... 98 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:41,999 Was that Jompa? 99 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:46,999 No way. They don't allow Samis on planes. 100 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:53,199 So, Cato... Thailand. A veritable geography stew. 101 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,999 And I'm taking a big helping. 102 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:59,519 I have the Samis to thank for this trip. 103 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,119 And their damn grazing rights. 104 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:05,919 As head of the Reindeer Administration - 105 00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:12,239 - I revolutionized the system by GPS- tagging every reindeer in No¤ay. 106 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:16,319 So I was invited to this conference in Thailand - 107 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:19,359 - to speak about all that. 108 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:22,559 And fortunately for you, I got two tickets. 109 00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:25,439 Or you'd be stuck in your cage all summer. 110 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,959 We are in the iron crow's butthole! 111 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:32,959 Whatever... 112 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:43,559 First class. 113 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:49,919 -Excuse me, miss? -Yes? 114 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:53,159 After I've downed this so-called food... 115 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:57,839 Would you care to join me in the bathroom for dessert? 116 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:03,519 Pig! 117 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,799 No, I think it's a turkey dog. 118 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,239 And that is why you will die alone. 119 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:13,879 And when you die it will be pitch dark. 120 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,439 There is no God, no heaven. 121 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,839 So be true to yourself. 122 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:21,719 Don't sell your soul for money. 123 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:26,799 But dare to take chances. Nothing ventured, nothing won. 124 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,799 The odds are harsh in life and love. 125 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:34,319 For better odds, try EuroSlots! 126 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:36,279 You web-gaming portal. 127 00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:37,959 EuroSlots! 128 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:41,919 EuroSlots, for a little excitement in life! 129 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:46,919 What are you talking about, woman? Have you no integrity? 130 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,279 Care to show me your "cock fit"? 131 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:03,039 In Thailand only one rule applies. 132 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:05,919 If you see me talking to a woman - 133 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:09,319 - just stay the hell away, OK? 134 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,679 But Cato... 135 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:18,639 Pay attention. Maybe you'll learn something. And if we're real lucky, - 136 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:22,439 - your milk cock could be replaced by a wisdom cock. 137 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,359 I want to swim in the ocean. 138 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:30,319 No way. The sharks in the ocean eat idiots like you! 139 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:36,279 It doesn't fit. It's too big! 140 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,799 Shut up. I'll get it in. 141 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,239 Get your mind out of the gutter! 142 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,719 Sid, I want more candy. 143 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:15,439 This is Captain Olsen. We can expect some turbulence. 144 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:20,199 Keep your seat belts fastened and everything will be fine. 145 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,079 I have to pee. 146 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:42,599 I have to go to the bathroom. 147 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:45,319 I have to pee. 148 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:32,159 And that, kids, is how turbulence is made. 149 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:36,999 What are you doing in Thailand? 150 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,119 I'm seeking revenge. 151 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:41,919 You said you loved me. 152 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,679 Yeah, I did say I loved you. 153 00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:50,399 But that was before we fucked. Now I don't even like you. 154 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:54,079 Get your piss-fingers off of me! So long, baby. 155 00:16:58,200 --> 00:16:59,839 What the fuck? 156 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:04,039 What happened? Why are you so sweaty? 157 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:06,439 Calm down. It's just turbulence. 158 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,999 Thailand, Cato. Thailand. 159 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:23,799 The only place in the world with more chlamydia than Finnmark. 160 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:25,399 Come on, Cato! 161 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:35,519 Fly straight home now, and no nonsense! 162 00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:19,079 Look, Cato! Not bad. 163 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:22,479 Not bad at all. We can relax here. 164 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,119 Let's see... 165 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,759 Time to unpack. 166 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:31,439 There's only one bed, so you take the tub. 167 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:34,639 Just add cold water if it gets hard. 168 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:39,399 -I like hot showers in the morning. -That's kind of you. 169 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:40,959 I know. 170 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,199 Let's see... 171 00:18:56,000 --> 00:19:01,959 Wash my underwear. I get sweaty when it's over 10 degrees out. 172 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:30,159 Relax. It's probably the front desk with some welcome pussy for me. 173 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:36,879 -Cato, have you ordered anything? -No. 174 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,039 Look, Cato! Smell this. 175 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,559 Know what this is? Smell. 176 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:44,359 Cheap pussy, Cato. Cheap pussy. 177 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:49,879 It's an invitation for one to a discotheque. 178 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:51,839 You'll have to stay here. 179 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:56,959 I told you to always use your toothbrush on my underwear! 180 00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,759 You have to use your toothbrush. 181 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:03,399 See? Then it all comes out. Even the corn. 182 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:09,999 Thailand. 183 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,319 A land full of Chinese. 184 00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:17,839 No matter where I turned, I was met by slanted eyes. 185 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:22,879 Where should I start? I was alone in a foreign land. 186 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:28,719 I hadn't been this far from home since I fell asleep in a cab in '87. 187 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:32,639 I needed a good lead. Something that... 188 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,719 Damned immigrants! Hang on. 189 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:37,479 No, thank you! 190 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,159 Where were we? Right! 191 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:47,719 I needed something to send me in the right direction. 192 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:50,399 Reindeer antlers? In Thailand? 193 00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:52,759 A turning point! 194 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,559 Maybe he knew something? 195 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,519 Time for some polite dialogue. 196 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:03,159 Where - did - you - get - that - powder? 197 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,479 If - you - don't - mind - 198 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,239 - my asking? 199 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:11,759 -Aunt Hashish. -Aunt Ass-shit? 200 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,039 -Aunt Hash. -Aunt Hash? 201 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,919 Aunt Hash. 202 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:19,959 "Down by the sea"? 203 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:22,479 Don Johnson? 204 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:24,959 Don Johnson. 205 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,119 Thank you for your help. 206 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:32,159 Have a nice day. 207 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:11,839 Girls... 208 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:15,399 We know what we have to do. 209 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,119 Jompa must - 210 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:19,559 - die! 211 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:38,439 The ocean, Sid! 212 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:40,999 The ocean... 213 00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:55,999 Have you learned by now? 214 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,999 You aren't going in there. 215 00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:03,999 Hey, baby! 216 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,759 Would you give me a rubdown? 217 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:10,479 My cock happens to be extremely pale. 218 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:14,519 Cock tease! 219 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:17,119 Mmm, boy am I full! 220 00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:21,999 Help, what's happening?! 221 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:30,959 Feels like someone is rumbaing in my stomach. 222 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:37,679 But shrimp are supposed to be safe to eat anywhere in the world. 223 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:47,879 Hi, my name is Lactose! 224 00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,279 I'm a cockroach. 225 00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:55,119 Aunt Hash. Who was she? 226 00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:58,679 How could she help me? Whose aunt was she? 227 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:02,959 Anyway, I had to find her, and find her fast. 228 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:07,559 Revenge is best served warm, garnished with parsley, - 229 00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:10,199 - and cloudberries for dessert. 230 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:13,399 Hello! 231 00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:17,359 Anyway. Aunt Hash... 232 00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:20,799 It could take weeks. Months. 233 00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:22,839 AUNT HASH 234 00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:24,759 That was lucky. 235 00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:01,279 Welcome, stranger. 236 00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,399 How can I help you? 237 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:09,279 I heard you're the right person if someone wants information. 238 00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:11,599 And syphilis. 239 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:14,559 You trying to flatter me? 240 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:17,279 Everything has its price. 241 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,159 So, what you want to know? 242 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:36,079 My name is Jompa and I'm mad as hell. 243 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:39,519 My reindeer were massacred two days ago. 244 00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:41,959 The killers left the meat, - 245 00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:45,959 - took the antlers and flew off to Thailand. 246 00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:48,759 And now I'm here seeking revenge. 247 00:25:52,360 --> 00:25:56,159 -Do you have Parkinsons? -No, I'm fine. 248 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:01,159 Thank you. You're welcome. 249 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:03,359 Yes. 150 dollars. 250 00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:06,479 Thanks. Goodbye. See you next week. 251 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,319 I can help you, Jompa. 252 00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:14,319 Many people have trouble getting hard. 253 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:17,719 -Getting heard? -Getting hard. 254 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:20,599 -Hard what? -Getting a boner! 255 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,239 You don't have to be rude. 256 00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:25,999 Getting a boner, Jompa! 257 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:31,399 That's never been a problem for me. I have a throbbing boner right now. 258 00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:34,119 I always have a boner. 259 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:40,919 Here in the Far East, aphrodisiacs made of ivory are very popular. 260 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:45,359 But there aren't many rhinos or elephants left. 261 00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:49,479 So they have to find alternatives. Like reindeer. 262 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:54,919 Some say reindeer is the most potent aphrodisiac of all! 263 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:57,559 Jompa... 264 00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:00,999 They use the reindeer antlers - 265 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:02,959 - as an aphrodisiac! 266 00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:05,279 Sweet Satan! 267 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:12,559 The aphrodisiac industry around here is run by one individual. 268 00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:14,839 And that is...the Toad! 269 00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:17,799 The Toad. 270 00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:23,879 Thank you. You can keep the rest. 271 00:27:25,360 --> 00:27:27,439 Don't you snuff? 272 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:29,319 Only in greeting. 273 00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:36,079 Shit! I thought he was further away. 274 00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:41,079 Welcome. Come on back here. Start whenever you're ready. 275 00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:50,799 Want me to bitch-slap you around the block? 276 00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:44,719 Breasts... 277 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:56,239 Send him to the happy grazing ground. 278 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:01,119 Don't shoot! 279 00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:05,399 Be a pal and don't shoot. 280 00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:09,959 So, that's it. 281 00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:14,279 The dark embrace of death. The big sleep. 282 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:18,399 Or am I just yapping away with my eyes closed? 283 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,999 Yeah, apparently I was. 284 00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:36,839 Go! 285 00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:41,719 They're as bad shots as they are drivers. 286 00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:43,199 Incredible. 287 00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:18,799 Have you remembered to wash your dickhead... 288 00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:52,399 Excuse me. 289 00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,239 White man coming through. 290 00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:58,159 Something to drink, please. 291 00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:05,119 An ice-cold beer. Not this piss water. 292 00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,479 Dark beer! 293 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:10,359 Ching-chong beer! 294 00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:13,399 Beer! 295 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:18,159 Don't expect a tip. 296 00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:27,439 Boy are we having fun! 297 00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:29,839 You're so nice, Cato. 298 00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:32,959 Someone's coming! 299 00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:36,839 Fancy meeting another Norwegian. You on vacation? 300 00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:41,119 Part vacation, part business. And hopefully tons of sex. 301 00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:43,719 What business are you in? 302 00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:47,999 That's top secret. I'm in the reindeer police. 303 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:51,159 We have GPS-tagged every reindeer in Norway. 304 00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:56,039 Why is Thailand interested in our GPS equipment? 305 00:32:56,040 --> 00:33:00,239 Hopefully to GPS-tag all the ladyboys. 306 00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:04,199 Going out here is like Russian roulette. 307 00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:10,079 -Any top-secret gear in your room? -It's all stored right here. 308 00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:15,199 But I didn't see you arrive with anyone. 309 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:20,679 Girls don't normally vacation alone. Are you one of those... 310 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:27,759 -I have no idea what you mean. -You don't... 311 00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:31,639 Still clueless. 312 00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:34,599 Are you on Team Pussylinker? 313 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:38,479 This may be a very personal question, but: 314 00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:40,239 Are you single? 315 00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:42,519 Guilty as charged. 316 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:44,239 But... 317 00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:46,839 It wasn't always like that. 318 00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:54,479 There was a girl once. 319 00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:59,839 A lovely young girl. Breasts like a teenage Liv Ullmann's. 320 00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:03,919 Sid, aren't you glad we came? Look at all the berries! 321 00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:08,039 I expect cloudberry jam in bed tomorrow. 322 00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:11,839 -And I expect sausage. -Yes, we were happy. 323 00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:14,519 -You dirty girl! -We laughed a lot. 324 00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:19,399 Mostly at Cato, that idiot. But one day everything changed. 325 00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:23,799 Wait here, while I get something in the car. 326 00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:27,919 That fateful day. 327 00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:41,319 Sid? 328 00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:43,919 Calm down, for chrissake. 329 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,199 Sid! Sid! 330 00:34:56,080 --> 00:34:57,359 No, Peggy! 331 00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:00,079 Peggy! 332 00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:01,679 Peggy... 333 00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,039 Peggy! Peggy! 334 00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:13,399 Are you alive? Are you alive? Peggy... 335 00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:16,599 Peggy... 336 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:18,519 Yech! 337 00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:21,639 She looks like jelly. 338 00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:25,319 Don't follow the white light, Peggy! 339 00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:29,759 Peggy, she... 340 00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:33,239 She sacrificed herself for me. 341 00:35:33,240 --> 00:35:36,839 Became paralyzed from the waist down. 342 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:38,839 So I dumped her. 343 00:35:42,240 --> 00:35:46,759 No way I'm dating a vegetable! So yes, I'm single. 344 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:53,599 But let's talk about something nice. Do you like double penetration? 345 00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:11,679 Anniken, you have bewitched me! 346 00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:21,759 Dad? What the hell are you doing here? 347 00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:25,239 I live here. Didn't you get all my postcards? 348 00:36:25,240 --> 00:36:28,759 -No. -That's right. I never wrote any. 349 00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:34,119 But how did you find me? How did you know I was here? 350 00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:36,079 Never mind that, Sid. 351 00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:41,199 Things didn't go that well for me in Norway. 352 00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:45,999 So I asked myself: Waldemar, what are your strengths? 353 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:48,479 I know two things: 354 00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:50,599 Liquor and whores. 355 00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:57,319 And where can I best benefit from those two strengths? Thailand! 356 00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:00,879 Listen, pal. 357 00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:04,119 You and I had a rocky start. 358 00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:09,519 -Yeah. -I know I've been a lousy father. 359 00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:13,719 And you know you were never much of a son. 360 00:37:13,720 --> 00:37:15,399 But you are my son. 361 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,919 You are my son. 362 00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:24,919 It isn't easy to like you, but I'm willing to give it an honest try. 363 00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:29,439 I want you two to visit me tomorrow at La Pomme d'Amour. 364 00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:31,679 What do you say, Sid? 365 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:33,679 What do you say? 366 00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:35,359 Why don't we... 367 00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:40,119 Why don't we start over? Give it the old college try? 368 00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:43,399 OK, dad. OK! 369 00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:47,799 We're men, Sid. 370 00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:50,959 Not some goddamn Gypsy bitches. 371 00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:59,399 Me and Lactose are going to bed. 372 00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:03,319 -Good night, Lactose! -Good night, old chum. 373 00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:09,439 Cato, this water is cold! 374 00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:12,759 I'll get the temperature up. 375 00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:14,639 Thank you, Sid. 376 00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:18,319 -Yellow sheets! -Damn, that burns! 377 00:38:50,240 --> 00:38:51,999 Jompa is dead. 378 00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:12,599 The Toad says: 379 00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:17,679 Good! 380 00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:26,439 Mo! 381 00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:42,399 The Toad says: Go back to town - 382 00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:45,199 - and await further orders. 383 00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:08,959 After my defeat in the alley it became clear: I had to build a suit. 384 00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:12,559 A suit that would make me invulnerable. 385 00:40:27,240 --> 00:40:31,519 This suit would be the most sotisfi... sophisc... 386 00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:34,319 So-phi-sti-cated - 387 00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:36,759 - weapon on the planet. 388 00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:55,959 It would enable me to fly, - 389 00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:58,959 - be bulletproof and fire rockets. 390 00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:01,679 I would become a one-man army. 391 00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:04,199 Just like Marit Bjørgen! 392 00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:07,679 I would become - 393 00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:09,079 - Iron Man! 394 00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:37,439 Right on my BCG! 395 00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:51,199 So I've been here a while now. 396 00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:53,719 I enjoy it here. Sunny and warm. 397 00:41:53,720 --> 00:41:55,359 And cheap beer. 398 00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:03,239 Thank you. Look! 399 00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:05,439 "I'm wearing a Thai." 400 00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:14,599 There's more to our family now than you, mom, and our dog Fiffi. 401 00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:18,439 I'm not exactly known for squirting on the sheets. 402 00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:21,119 Is that how ghosts are made? 403 00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:24,959 So greet your siblings politely. 404 00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:31,559 Here is Fridtjof and Roald. 405 00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:35,919 Here is Tor. And here is DeSoto. Kristoffer. 406 00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:39,599 And Vasco. DeSoto is an excellent pickpocket. 407 00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:41,839 Here's the mother. 408 00:42:42,440 --> 00:42:44,359 Fridtjof's. 409 00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:48,839 Roald's mother. Tor's mother. DeSoto's mother. 410 00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:51,119 Kristoffer's mother. 411 00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:52,959 And not least... 412 00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:55,199 Vasco's mother. 413 00:42:57,400 --> 00:42:59,039 Thai out! 414 00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:03,759 OK, Sid. 415 00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:09,399 So you're in Thailand for some sort of conference? 416 00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:11,399 Exactly. 417 00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:14,799 Your son, at least one of them, - 418 00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:21,439 - is going to hold a sexy lecture about GPS-tagging reindeer. 419 00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:25,199 Hello, dear friend. Is that ice cream? 420 00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:29,319 ... so I'll hold a speech and have a demonstration. 421 00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:31,719 Strawberries, yum! My favorite. 422 00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:35,439 Sounds like sensitive information. 423 00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:39,599 Precisely. So everything is stored...here. 424 00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:41,239 OK. 425 00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:46,719 So what do you say, boys? 426 00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:53,719 You'll get the chance to experience something unique while here. 427 00:43:53,720 --> 00:43:55,759 My head is cold! 428 00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:00,759 I know a place. 429 00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:04,279 Far from here. Deep inside the jungle. 430 00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:07,079 Where we'll be treated as kings. 431 00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:09,839 The Frog King's palace. 432 00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:13,919 It's overflowing with beer, liquor and crazy ladies. 433 00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:16,399 We're in! Right, Cato? 434 00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:19,119 My whole face is cold. 435 00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:20,799 He's very excited. 436 00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:23,199 Let's do it! We have to pack. 437 00:44:23,200 --> 00:44:27,239 We need condoms, Cato! You're the greatest, dad. 438 00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:30,159 No, no! Shit! 439 00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:36,119 Hello there! 440 00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:40,239 -What do you know? -Anniken, what a coincidence! 441 00:44:40,240 --> 00:44:43,719 You'd almost think you had tailed me. 442 00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:47,679 I was following him. 443 00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:18,919 What a sick and disgusting joke, Anniken! 444 00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:26,039 Anniken, meet my father. Waldemar, Anniken. 445 00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:31,879 -Anniken. Nice to meet you. -Waldemar. Very nice to meet you! 446 00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:36,919 I happened to hear in passing - 447 00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:39,679 - that you're going on a trip. 448 00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:41,999 Could I join you? 449 00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:43,799 No. 450 00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:47,159 Dad, Anniken will be a joy. 451 00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:49,919 Can't she come? It'll be great! 452 00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:54,239 Maybe we'll run into some Indians we can shoot? 453 00:45:54,880 --> 00:45:56,199 OK. 454 00:45:57,400 --> 00:46:00,679 I'll leave in advance. Let me draw you a map. 455 00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:03,599 So... 456 00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:07,839 Obi Wank Chernobyl Dojo 457 00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:23,919 What the... Who are you? 458 00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:26,919 Where in red hell am I know? 459 00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:29,239 Did you abuse me in my sleep? 460 00:46:29,240 --> 00:46:32,879 I asked if you abused me in my sleep! 461 00:46:33,880 --> 00:46:38,159 I can't hear so well. Talk into my good ear. 462 00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:41,079 Yech! 463 00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:44,639 Jompa, you need guidance. 464 00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:46,999 You lack focus in battle. 465 00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:49,519 -Concentration. -Huh? 466 00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:51,159 But relax. 467 00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:55,039 Once I, Obi Wank Chernobyl, am done with you, - 468 00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:57,959 - you'll be more concentrated - 469 00:46:57,960 --> 00:46:59,799 - than nitroglycerin. 470 00:46:59,800 --> 00:47:03,319 And the enemy will again fear you. 471 00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:04,919 Look at this. 472 00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:08,919 "What the dog says. Four letters." 473 00:47:13,480 --> 00:47:15,319 It starts with a B. 474 00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:32,159 Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, jerking off is all I know! 475 00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:36,199 Nope. 476 00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:58,599 Monkey. 477 00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:07,879 Keep your eye on the ball. 478 00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:09,519 Jompa? 479 00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:12,439 Always focus. 480 00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:44,239 Pour honey on my balls and call me Laila! I got it! 481 00:49:23,920 --> 00:49:25,519 Jompa... 482 00:49:26,240 --> 00:49:31,039 You have been a good student. Remember what I have taught you. 483 00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:33,159 Focus. Always focus. 484 00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:37,719 Thank you for a lovely, educational time - 485 00:49:37,720 --> 00:49:39,959 - at your concentration camp. 486 00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:42,519 Trust your feelings. 487 00:49:42,520 --> 00:49:45,079 And revenge will be yours. 488 00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:52,639 Thank you. 489 00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:02,959 Jompa is back! 490 00:50:45,720 --> 00:50:51,759 Where the hell are we? This place is as overgrown as grandma's pussy. 491 00:50:51,760 --> 00:50:56,119 According to your dad's map, this is the right way. 492 00:50:57,480 --> 00:51:00,799 -Your dad's pretty special. -Yeah. 493 00:51:01,720 --> 00:51:03,279 A complex man. 494 00:51:03,280 --> 00:51:08,279 We have struggled, but I got a good feeling yesterday. 495 00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:13,199 I think things might work out this time. It felt good. 496 00:51:13,720 --> 00:51:15,399 Honey... 497 00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:23,159 Cato, stop playing with that snake! Come on! 498 00:52:16,240 --> 00:52:18,199 My body was ready. 499 00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:22,679 And so was my mind. I was a killing machine again. 500 00:52:23,320 --> 00:52:26,039 Only one thing was missing: 501 00:52:26,040 --> 00:52:27,679 Finding the Toad. 502 00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:30,679 The Toad. 503 00:52:31,120 --> 00:52:33,799 The Toad... The Toad! 504 00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:37,719 The Toad. The Toad, the Toad, the Toad! 505 00:52:38,440 --> 00:52:41,839 It sounds funny when you say it fast. 506 00:52:42,840 --> 00:52:45,999 I had also found a new favorite dish. 507 00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:47,719 Swordfish. 508 00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:54,839 Now that I was full, all that remained was finding... 509 00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:57,599 What was his name? Right, the Toad. 510 00:52:58,920 --> 00:53:01,679 And get...my revenge! 511 00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:08,879 That isn't mine. 512 00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:12,919 Jompa, relax. I'm not here to fight. 513 00:53:13,600 --> 00:53:15,879 I just had to find you. 514 00:53:16,680 --> 00:53:19,119 Don't you recognize me? 515 00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:25,159 What the hell are you doing here? Get out! 516 00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:28,079 And take that banjo with you! 517 00:53:46,280 --> 00:53:48,559 That...was great! 518 00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:55,479 It almost feels like we're doing something illegal. 519 00:53:55,480 --> 00:54:00,399 Illegal? Anal sex was legalized back in the '50s. 520 00:54:00,400 --> 00:54:03,959 Maybe you mean illegally good! 521 00:54:03,960 --> 00:54:05,999 I mean two men - 522 00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:09,759 - boning. It felt wrong, somehow. 523 00:54:12,960 --> 00:54:15,599 Did I just bone a man? 524 00:54:15,600 --> 00:54:17,959 Have I had sex with a man? 525 00:54:17,960 --> 00:54:19,559 Jompa... 526 00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:23,359 I have a beard. 527 00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:26,239 Most girls from my hometown do. 528 00:54:26,240 --> 00:54:29,839 What about my face and my voice? 529 00:54:29,840 --> 00:54:32,679 Not to mention my hairy ass? 530 00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:35,079 Again: Hometown girls. 531 00:54:35,080 --> 00:54:38,759 What did you think I stuck up your ass? 532 00:54:38,760 --> 00:54:41,639 A strap-on, or a marrow bone. 533 00:54:41,640 --> 00:54:44,319 I like that kinky stuff. 534 00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:49,119 But you kept saying, "Take that, you dirty little man!" 535 00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:53,359 I was talking to myself in the third person. 536 00:54:53,360 --> 00:54:55,599 This is a disaster! 537 00:54:56,560 --> 00:55:00,439 Do you know what they do with homos back home? 538 00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:06,039 As many as five or six people will talk behind my back! 539 00:55:06,040 --> 00:55:10,679 Jompa, that's a small price to pay for love. 540 00:55:10,680 --> 00:55:15,799 I should've known you were gay with all that love talk! Get out! 541 00:55:15,800 --> 00:55:19,119 You just butt-fucked me. I can't walk. 542 00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:20,799 -Out! -I can't... 543 00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:22,679 Out of my life! 544 00:55:24,120 --> 00:55:27,839 No one can ever find out about this! Ever! 545 00:55:33,200 --> 00:55:38,079 After you threw me out, I went to Thailand and had an operation. 546 00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:41,639 I was hoping maybe you'd take me back. 547 00:55:42,800 --> 00:55:45,359 You are comfortable with this? 548 00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:50,399 I'm not comfortable with your new dialect, but OK. 549 00:55:50,400 --> 00:55:54,119 -Sure you don't have any balls? -None. 550 00:55:54,120 --> 00:55:57,479 Well... What are we waiting for? 551 00:55:57,480 --> 00:56:01,799 Jompa, take me like you've never taken me before! 552 00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:05,879 Careful, I just had surgery. 553 00:56:05,880 --> 00:56:08,519 The stitches, the stitches! 554 00:56:19,440 --> 00:56:23,239 Jompa, you haven't forgotten your old tricks. 555 00:56:23,240 --> 00:56:25,639 No, I do know how to fuck. 556 00:56:33,400 --> 00:56:36,079 What do you know about - 557 00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:40,799 - someone called the Toad? 558 00:56:40,800 --> 00:56:44,799 I know the Toad is someone you don't want to mess with. 559 00:56:45,400 --> 00:56:48,119 Can't you just forget about it? 560 00:56:48,640 --> 00:56:50,279 Frøydis, hello? 561 00:56:50,840 --> 00:56:55,599 That bastard killed Rudolph, Johnny, Kasper, Jesper, Jonatan - 562 00:56:55,600 --> 00:56:59,759 - Vidkun, Reinert, Kiel, Pål, Bang, Hansen, - 563 00:56:59,760 --> 00:57:02,079 - Einar, Gelius, - 564 00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:04,359 - Rudolph II, Rudolph III, - 565 00:57:04,360 --> 00:57:06,399 - Rudolph IV - 566 00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:08,879 - Johannes and Gørild. 567 00:57:08,880 --> 00:57:11,679 All cut down in their prime. 568 00:57:11,680 --> 00:57:13,839 What had they done? 569 00:57:16,200 --> 00:57:19,839 What had those poor reindeer done, huh? 570 00:57:22,480 --> 00:57:25,319 What had those reindeer done? 571 00:57:27,480 --> 00:57:29,719 You really loved them. 572 00:57:29,720 --> 00:57:31,839 Enough pillow talk. 573 00:57:31,840 --> 00:57:36,239 If you know how I can get to the Toad, tell me now. 574 00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:42,479 I know that the Toad has a palace on the Paneng River. 575 00:57:42,480 --> 00:57:44,759 Only accessible by boat. 576 00:57:44,760 --> 00:57:48,199 And no one is stupid enough to take you there. 577 00:57:48,200 --> 00:57:51,599 The only place you might find someone - 578 00:57:51,600 --> 00:57:53,319 - is at Bar Bar. 579 00:57:53,320 --> 00:57:58,279 The biggest dive Thailand. Full of crooks and bastards. 580 00:57:58,280 --> 00:58:01,319 Jompa, please, if you go there, - 581 00:58:01,320 --> 00:58:03,879 - be careful who you trust. 582 00:58:07,480 --> 00:58:11,359 Good luck. I hope you know what you're doing. 583 00:58:11,360 --> 00:58:14,359 I always know what I'm doing. 584 00:58:22,120 --> 00:58:23,559 Wow! 585 00:58:25,920 --> 00:58:27,639 I don't see - 586 00:58:28,120 --> 00:58:29,679 - an elevator. 587 00:58:33,720 --> 00:58:36,039 Come on, lazy bones! 588 00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:04,879 Whisky on the rocks. 589 00:59:12,160 --> 00:59:15,839 I'm glad I didn't order Sex on the Beach. 590 00:59:24,880 --> 00:59:29,639 I need someone to take me up the Paneng River. 591 00:59:36,400 --> 00:59:38,039 Hi. 592 00:59:48,200 --> 00:59:51,799 You need a man from the Land of a Thousand Lakes. 593 00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:53,719 Are you Spanish? 594 00:59:55,720 --> 01:00:00,399 I'll sail you to hell and back as long as you pay. 595 01:00:01,240 --> 01:00:02,839 But I warn you. 596 01:00:02,840 --> 01:00:05,879 That river is full - 597 01:00:05,880 --> 01:00:09,759 - of pirates and guerillas and junta bastards. 598 01:00:15,040 --> 01:00:18,079 I don't care if we sail on the devil's sperm! 599 01:00:18,080 --> 01:00:21,239 I've been treated unjustly. I want revenge. 600 01:00:21,240 --> 01:00:24,879 And you will take me there for free... 601 01:00:29,520 --> 01:00:31,119 No. 602 01:00:31,120 --> 01:00:33,999 Double payment, you say? OK. 603 01:00:38,080 --> 01:00:39,639 It's a deal. 604 01:00:51,720 --> 01:00:53,319 Not you. 605 01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:55,519 This will be no picnic. 606 01:01:13,320 --> 01:01:17,599 Impressive craftsmanship. As if I had made it myself. 607 01:01:17,600 --> 01:01:19,599 Here, take my hat. 608 01:01:20,680 --> 01:01:22,879 Welcome, welcome! 609 01:01:24,160 --> 01:01:27,279 Who the hell bleached you? 610 01:01:27,280 --> 01:01:30,039 Sid, he's albino. 611 01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:32,319 Albino! 612 01:01:33,080 --> 01:01:35,679 Al Bino? Sid Wisløff. A pleasure. 613 01:01:35,680 --> 01:01:38,959 -Nice place you've got here. -He's albino! 614 01:01:40,360 --> 01:01:45,759 My name is Pale. I'm the steward of the Frog King's palace. 615 01:01:45,760 --> 01:01:50,079 -You must be Waldemar's friends. -Friends. Son. 616 01:01:50,080 --> 01:01:54,119 Waldemar's friends are my friends. Are you tired? 617 01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:57,759 Bob and Lugi will take you to your rooms. 618 01:01:57,760 --> 01:02:02,079 Take a shower and a long crap, because tonight - 619 01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:05,119 - you shall eat like kings! 620 01:02:05,120 --> 01:02:07,279 Eat like things? 621 01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:20,799 He looked like toilet paper! 622 01:02:33,400 --> 01:02:35,839 THE MILLENNIUM CROW 623 01:02:42,520 --> 01:02:46,359 I was getting closer. I could smell my revenge. 624 01:02:46,360 --> 01:02:49,039 Or was itjust my mustache? 625 01:02:49,040 --> 01:02:51,999 Either way, the captain was right. 626 01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:54,919 The trip downriver was no picnic. 627 01:02:54,920 --> 01:02:57,079 And I was starving. 628 01:02:57,080 --> 01:03:01,039 I wouldn't mind steamed swordfish and potatoes. 629 01:03:01,040 --> 01:03:04,719 With a cranberry and cloudberry dessert. 630 01:03:12,720 --> 01:03:18,199 In 1982 me and my buddy Pekka were at a booze party for the ages. 631 01:03:18,880 --> 01:03:21,319 My hunger wasn't the only problem. 632 01:03:21,320 --> 01:03:25,199 I was about to go crazy from the endless, meaningless - 633 01:03:25,200 --> 01:03:28,519 - pointless, absurd stories the captain told. 634 01:03:28,520 --> 01:03:31,759 And I shrunk five centimeters! 635 01:03:34,480 --> 01:03:37,759 And that's the last thing I remember. 636 01:03:37,760 --> 01:03:39,199 Before I woke up. 637 01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:43,399 Dead. 638 01:03:44,080 --> 01:03:46,119 Seriously? 639 01:03:46,120 --> 01:03:47,759 Almost. 640 01:03:51,720 --> 01:03:53,319 Yeah, I know. 641 01:03:54,200 --> 01:03:55,759 Shut up. 642 01:03:55,760 --> 01:03:59,519 From here on we have to be very careful. 643 01:04:00,280 --> 01:04:03,959 This is the most dangerous part of the river. 644 01:04:15,040 --> 01:04:16,719 Lemon pie! 645 01:04:20,600 --> 01:04:22,279 Wow! 646 01:04:22,280 --> 01:04:25,839 -It looks delicious. -And so do you! 647 01:04:25,840 --> 01:04:29,279 Hey, Kenneth! Eins, ¤ei, dry martini! 648 01:04:33,280 --> 01:04:35,319 Dad's funny. 649 01:04:36,560 --> 01:04:38,559 It looks delicious! 650 01:04:41,800 --> 01:04:46,519 It's good, but there's something... about the taste. 651 01:04:46,520 --> 01:04:51,119 Lemming pie is my favorite. Fresh, but not too fresh. 652 01:04:51,120 --> 01:04:53,879 Bitter, but not too angry. 653 01:04:53,880 --> 01:04:55,719 Perfect! 654 01:04:55,720 --> 01:04:57,719 Lemming - 655 01:04:57,720 --> 01:05:00,359 - pie, Sid. Lemming. 656 01:05:04,600 --> 01:05:05,999 Sick... 657 01:05:06,000 --> 01:05:07,759 Goddamn... 658 01:05:07,760 --> 01:05:11,159 Don't you have any normal food? Ah, pork! 659 01:05:12,240 --> 01:05:14,039 Now we're talking! 660 01:05:14,040 --> 01:05:17,479 Pork! 661 01:05:17,480 --> 01:05:20,679 Pig fetuses! My favorite! 662 01:05:20,680 --> 01:05:26,719 Eat the head first, and then you can suck up the innards. Like this. 663 01:05:31,320 --> 01:05:35,199 The taste of unlived life. Priceless. 664 01:05:35,200 --> 01:05:37,679 Excuse me! 665 01:05:37,680 --> 01:05:40,679 Can I have some normal food, please? 666 01:05:40,680 --> 01:05:41,799 Boy! 667 01:05:43,680 --> 01:05:46,079 Here we go. Sorbet! 668 01:05:46,080 --> 01:05:48,879 -Ask, and ye shall receive. -Yes. 669 01:05:49,760 --> 01:05:51,999 -Let's see... -Sid? 670 01:05:53,680 --> 01:05:56,679 Get your piss-fingers off of me! 671 01:05:58,640 --> 01:06:03,079 A little bitter, but all in all a good ice cream. 672 01:06:03,080 --> 01:06:04,879 Ice cream? 673 01:06:04,880 --> 01:06:08,879 Don't be vulgar. This is chilled monkey jizz. 674 01:06:08,880 --> 01:06:12,199 My favorite. We only feed them pineapples. 675 01:06:12,200 --> 01:06:14,679 So the sperm will taste lovely. 676 01:06:16,760 --> 01:06:22,159 Stop that bullshit! Don't embarrass your father. 677 01:06:22,160 --> 01:06:25,359 Haven't you tasted monkey semen before? 678 01:06:25,360 --> 01:06:28,079 So you're a swallower, Sid? 679 01:06:28,080 --> 01:06:31,559 I grew up on my grandfather's semen. 680 01:06:31,560 --> 01:06:36,159 We had to eat it. Grandma put it in our creamed buns. 681 01:06:37,040 --> 01:06:39,239 This is making me sweat. 682 01:06:45,080 --> 01:06:46,919 Sid! 683 01:06:46,920 --> 01:06:51,519 What have I told you? Get your piss-fingers off of me! 684 01:06:51,520 --> 01:06:53,359 Cato, poor thing! 685 01:06:53,360 --> 01:06:55,799 He has to learn someday. 686 01:06:55,800 --> 01:06:57,559 Cato... 687 01:07:01,280 --> 01:07:05,119 Good on the way in, twice as good on the way out. 688 01:07:05,280 --> 01:07:08,839 Time for some strong coffee. Waiters? 689 01:07:08,840 --> 01:07:11,439 No coffee for me, please. 690 01:07:25,360 --> 01:07:29,599 We were at the foot of the palace. My quest was over. 691 01:07:29,600 --> 01:07:33,119 I was at "the point of no return - 692 01:07:33,120 --> 01:07:34,959 - to sender." 693 01:07:36,160 --> 01:07:38,839 If I'm not back by dawn... 694 01:07:42,280 --> 01:07:44,639 Just wait a little longer. 695 01:07:44,640 --> 01:07:47,439 Don't you worry, Jompalainen. 696 01:07:47,440 --> 01:07:51,599 We'll be like a cock in your pussy until you pay. 697 01:07:52,520 --> 01:07:54,559 Mongo. 698 01:08:04,240 --> 01:08:06,439 -Where is Cato? -Cato! 699 01:08:09,760 --> 01:08:14,479 -No idea. If we're lucky, he's dead. -Don't talk like that. 700 01:08:19,600 --> 01:08:22,279 I have something to tell you. 701 01:08:22,280 --> 01:08:26,439 I didn't come here because I love hiking. 702 01:08:26,440 --> 01:08:28,039 I hate hiking. 703 01:08:28,040 --> 01:08:31,559 Things are literally picking up here! 704 01:08:34,480 --> 01:08:38,199 -There's something... -...wonderful. 705 01:08:38,200 --> 01:08:41,879 I'm trying to tell you something. I have... 706 01:08:41,880 --> 01:08:45,279 -Time for action. -Stop it! 707 01:08:45,280 --> 01:08:49,679 I'm trying to tell you something! Don't you get it? 708 01:08:49,680 --> 01:08:52,719 Do you have no antennas at all? 709 01:08:52,720 --> 01:08:54,319 Yes? 710 01:08:54,960 --> 01:08:59,079 I have something serious to tell you. 711 01:08:59,080 --> 01:09:02,999 I'm not...who you think I am. 712 01:09:03,000 --> 01:09:06,159 Yes, you are. I know who you are, Anniken. 713 01:09:06,680 --> 01:09:08,519 -You do? -Yes. 714 01:09:08,520 --> 01:09:12,599 I have the most massive erection ever. 715 01:09:12,600 --> 01:09:14,999 In your honor, Anniken. 716 01:09:20,840 --> 01:09:22,879 -Shit! -What the fuck? 717 01:09:22,880 --> 01:09:23,999 Take this! 718 01:09:25,360 --> 01:09:27,279 Get out! 719 01:09:27,280 --> 01:09:32,119 Thanks to you, I'll have blue balls the rest of the day. 720 01:09:38,840 --> 01:09:44,799 My Sami intuition warned me against three warriors guarding the Toad. 721 01:09:44,960 --> 01:09:49,999 The first warrior was practically invulnerable. 722 01:09:50,000 --> 01:09:52,839 With only one Achilles' heel. 723 01:09:58,440 --> 01:10:02,399 The second warrior was practically invisible. 724 01:10:04,000 --> 01:10:05,719 No one here. 725 01:10:06,200 --> 01:10:10,919 Beating him would be as hard as beating a child. 726 01:10:10,920 --> 01:10:12,639 Hello, little man. 727 01:10:13,960 --> 01:10:15,759 Seriously? 728 01:10:17,880 --> 01:10:19,519 Come on. 729 01:10:27,680 --> 01:10:31,639 The third, a master marksman. 730 01:10:31,640 --> 01:10:35,319 In other words, well, a pretty good shot. 731 01:10:35,320 --> 01:10:38,319 Choose your weapon. Sword - 732 01:10:38,320 --> 01:10:41,439 - or gun. 733 01:10:41,440 --> 01:10:45,239 Hurry it up. I just ate a large dinner - 734 01:10:45,240 --> 01:10:47,159 - and need to poop. 735 01:10:54,120 --> 01:10:56,959 Take five steps, turn, - 736 01:10:56,960 --> 01:10:58,919 - and fire. 737 01:10:58,920 --> 01:11:02,759 The quickest shot will leave here alive. 738 01:11:03,760 --> 01:11:07,719 And be warned: I have never lost a duel. 739 01:11:07,720 --> 01:11:13,759 I had never tasted a sumo wrestler's balls before, either. 740 01:11:13,760 --> 01:11:17,439 Enough chitchat. May the best man win. 741 01:11:17,800 --> 01:11:19,679 One... 742 01:11:24,160 --> 01:11:26,919 Sorry, I can only count to one. 743 01:11:31,520 --> 01:11:33,079 OK... 744 01:11:33,080 --> 01:11:34,839 Calm down. 745 01:11:36,800 --> 01:11:38,479 Stop pushing! 746 01:11:41,240 --> 01:11:44,399 You said you took care of him. 747 01:11:44,400 --> 01:11:46,719 I must have missed. 748 01:11:46,720 --> 01:11:48,399 Don't lie to me! 749 01:11:49,840 --> 01:11:51,359 Traitorous bitch! 750 01:11:58,880 --> 01:12:00,799 What the hell? 751 01:12:00,800 --> 01:12:02,919 What's going on here? 752 01:12:04,400 --> 01:12:06,239 -Sid? -Jompa? 753 01:12:07,880 --> 01:12:09,719 -Unni? -Who's Unni? 754 01:12:09,720 --> 01:12:11,439 Relax. Unni is dead. 755 01:12:12,440 --> 01:12:13,959 Peggy? 756 01:12:13,960 --> 01:12:18,519 Peggy is severely handicapped. We don't talk much. 757 01:12:18,520 --> 01:12:19,559 Pale? 758 01:12:20,000 --> 01:12:21,399 Annikken? 759 01:12:21,400 --> 01:12:23,719 -Gunnar? -Unknown guard? 760 01:12:29,720 --> 01:12:35,199 You have angered my mistress. She wishes to see you with her own eyes. 761 01:12:37,960 --> 01:12:39,599 Kneel - 762 01:12:40,520 --> 01:12:42,279 - for the Toad! 763 01:13:12,560 --> 01:13:16,119 Special Agent Anniken Skaiwalker! Drop your guns! 764 01:13:16,520 --> 01:13:18,199 Or... 765 01:13:18,880 --> 01:13:23,639 -We'll have frog legs for dinner! -No! Ask for something better. 766 01:13:23,640 --> 01:13:28,039 Good. I knew you weren't here because of Sid. 767 01:13:28,040 --> 01:13:29,759 That would be crazy. 768 01:13:29,760 --> 01:13:32,279 I used Sid to get to the Toad. 769 01:13:33,640 --> 01:13:37,679 Used me? No one uses Sid Wisløff. Who are you? 770 01:13:37,680 --> 01:13:39,479 I tried to tell you. 771 01:13:39,480 --> 01:13:42,479 I'm a cop. International division. 772 01:13:42,480 --> 01:13:45,919 We've been after you bastards for months. 773 01:13:45,920 --> 01:13:50,079 I feel like a cheap tramp. Used and disposed... 774 01:13:50,080 --> 01:13:53,039 It's nice that you're emotional, but... 775 01:13:54,520 --> 01:13:58,039 Dad! You said never to hit a woman, - 776 01:13:58,040 --> 01:14:02,279 - except during sex or if they're being sassy. 777 01:14:06,440 --> 01:14:09,639 -What's going on? -Relax, Sid. 778 01:14:10,480 --> 01:14:14,519 I'm just going to kill you. Consider it - 779 01:14:15,640 --> 01:14:17,759 - a belated abortion. 780 01:14:26,080 --> 01:14:29,439 There is no conference here in Thailand. 781 01:14:31,600 --> 01:14:34,159 I'll get us out of here. 782 01:14:34,160 --> 01:14:37,559 Just close your eyes and hold on tight. 783 01:14:37,560 --> 01:14:39,239 Teleport! 784 01:14:46,640 --> 01:14:50,799 Sorry. Apparently I haven't quite mastered that yet. 785 01:14:55,040 --> 01:14:56,639 Lactose? 786 01:14:57,440 --> 01:14:59,159 Come, Lactose. 787 01:14:59,160 --> 01:15:00,839 Lactose! 788 01:15:00,840 --> 01:15:02,599 Lactose? 789 01:15:02,600 --> 01:15:04,399 Lactose! 790 01:15:04,400 --> 01:15:06,159 Lactose? 791 01:15:06,160 --> 01:15:08,999 Lactose! Lactose... 792 01:15:09,000 --> 01:15:11,159 Cato, my friend. Can you hear me? 793 01:15:15,080 --> 01:15:19,839 The Toad would like you to meet an old acquaintance. 794 01:15:20,320 --> 01:15:21,959 Sid. 795 01:15:23,520 --> 01:15:24,639 Jompa. 796 01:15:24,640 --> 01:15:26,479 Papa Buljo? 797 01:15:26,480 --> 01:15:29,759 Are you surprised to see me? 798 01:15:29,760 --> 01:15:31,639 A little. 799 01:15:31,640 --> 01:15:34,719 Few people survive a 200-meter fall. 800 01:15:34,720 --> 01:15:39,559 But I landed on a school of salmon. They carried me downriver. 801 01:15:39,560 --> 01:15:42,439 I suffered greatly afterward. 802 01:15:42,440 --> 01:15:45,279 With migraines. A nasty headache. 803 01:15:45,920 --> 01:15:49,159 And someone's gonna pay for that! 804 01:15:50,200 --> 01:15:53,799 We saved Tampa and managed to stitch him up, - 805 01:15:53,800 --> 01:15:56,999 - but he leaks water when he drinks. 806 01:15:57,000 --> 01:15:59,599 Thank you, dad. Thank you. 807 01:16:00,480 --> 01:16:03,799 Fuck off, you twisted-dicked bastard! 808 01:16:03,800 --> 01:16:08,159 Papa Buljo, couldn't you just leave us alone? 809 01:16:08,160 --> 01:16:11,839 When the Toad came to me with her business idea... 810 01:16:12,000 --> 01:16:14,559 It wasn't hard to accept. 811 01:16:19,440 --> 01:16:23,759 One: I could get rid of all those damn reindeer. 812 01:16:25,360 --> 01:16:28,759 Two: I could get...my revenge. 813 01:16:29,880 --> 01:16:31,639 And three: 814 01:16:32,320 --> 01:16:36,199 It will make me immensely rich! 815 01:16:40,880 --> 01:16:42,399 Toad... 816 01:16:44,560 --> 01:16:46,319 Shoot them all! 817 01:16:47,600 --> 01:16:49,079 Start with Jompa. 818 01:16:49,840 --> 01:16:53,119 Stuff him, and send him to my house. 819 01:16:54,040 --> 01:16:57,519 Kill the rest. Feed them to the dogs. 820 01:16:57,520 --> 01:16:59,639 Then kill those dogs. 821 01:17:00,360 --> 01:17:03,359 Then kill the dogs you feed them to. 822 01:17:03,360 --> 01:17:05,079 Lactose? 823 01:17:05,880 --> 01:17:07,679 Shoot the rest... 824 01:17:10,960 --> 01:17:12,519 ...and feed them to the dogs. 825 01:17:12,520 --> 01:17:18,119 Your friends appear to be in quite a pickle. 826 01:17:26,320 --> 01:17:31,599 Shoot those dogs, feed them to some others, and grind them up. 827 01:17:31,600 --> 01:17:33,159 Tarp! 828 01:17:47,240 --> 01:17:53,279 This cave is protected. It's hard as hell to wash blood from a dirt floor. 829 01:17:53,800 --> 01:17:55,959 It mixes with the soil - 830 01:17:55,960 --> 01:17:58,879 - and then we have to lay down new dirt. 831 01:17:58,880 --> 01:18:00,919 It takes a long time. 832 01:18:09,280 --> 01:18:11,519 What the hell? Cato? 833 01:18:13,600 --> 01:18:15,039 Lactose! 834 01:18:40,360 --> 01:18:44,399 -You tore his balls off? -My specialty. 835 01:19:15,880 --> 01:19:17,199 Muay Thai? 836 01:19:18,280 --> 01:19:21,279 Child rearing in Finnmark. 837 01:19:24,320 --> 01:19:26,399 -Sid... -Anniken... 838 01:20:46,440 --> 01:20:49,199 Talk about action! 839 01:20:51,520 --> 01:20:53,959 Cato, help! A toad!A toad! 840 01:20:57,800 --> 01:20:59,639 Lactose! 841 01:21:31,880 --> 01:21:35,879 Aw, look! The girls are friends again. 842 01:21:35,880 --> 01:21:40,039 Isn't that nice? Now they're enjoying their breasts. 843 01:21:40,040 --> 01:21:42,039 Mmm, tits! 844 01:21:42,040 --> 01:21:46,919 One, two, three, four... At least six whole breasts. 845 01:21:46,920 --> 01:21:48,839 -Jompa... -Obi Wank! 846 01:21:48,840 --> 01:21:51,279 Remember, focus. 847 01:21:51,280 --> 01:21:53,279 Always focus. 848 01:22:20,600 --> 01:22:22,239 Take care of that. 849 01:22:48,640 --> 01:22:50,399 Now it's over! 850 01:23:02,080 --> 01:23:03,679 No! 851 01:23:05,120 --> 01:23:06,319 Mine. 852 01:23:07,200 --> 01:23:09,439 Goddamn dingo! Revenge! 853 01:23:17,200 --> 01:23:18,519 Sid! 854 01:23:43,200 --> 01:23:45,759 One Pad Thai, please! 855 01:23:51,920 --> 01:23:53,599 Cato, old chap! 856 01:23:53,600 --> 01:23:57,119 You saved my life! I am eternally grateful. 857 01:23:57,120 --> 01:23:58,759 Lactose! 858 01:23:58,760 --> 01:24:02,439 My hero! My friend! Never again shall we part. 859 01:24:02,440 --> 01:24:04,039 I love y... 860 01:24:14,600 --> 01:24:16,239 That was fun. 861 01:24:19,080 --> 01:24:21,239 Jompa, - 862 01:24:21,240 --> 01:24:24,719 - apparently he got a little horny. 863 01:24:25,200 --> 01:24:26,919 Sid... 864 01:24:26,920 --> 01:24:29,199 You sure cleaned up here. 865 01:24:29,200 --> 01:24:32,559 People have died. Show some respect! 866 01:24:32,560 --> 01:24:35,279 Jompa, you finish up here. 867 01:24:35,280 --> 01:24:38,519 -Where are you going? -To find dad. 868 01:24:39,160 --> 01:24:41,039 And kill him. 869 01:24:41,680 --> 01:24:43,239 Have fun. 870 01:24:43,240 --> 01:24:44,959 Cato, come on! 871 01:24:49,560 --> 01:24:54,279 Here's a little taste of what's going to happen to you. 872 01:25:02,000 --> 01:25:04,639 No! 873 01:25:30,920 --> 01:25:33,839 It felt good to bite the Toad's head o¤. 874 01:25:33,840 --> 01:25:37,679 Emotionally. Physically it tasted like sour cock. 875 01:25:37,680 --> 01:25:41,119 But... Not that I've tasted sour cock. 876 01:25:41,120 --> 01:25:42,719 You know what I mean. 877 01:25:42,720 --> 01:25:44,879 My journey wasn't over. 878 01:25:44,880 --> 01:25:47,279 It had only just begun. 879 01:25:47,280 --> 01:25:52,039 It was time to bring my revenge back to where it all started. 880 01:25:52,040 --> 01:25:55,479 It was time to return...to Norway. 881 01:26:10,560 --> 01:26:17,239 Back to what I said about the Toad tasting like sour cock. 882 01:26:17,240 --> 01:26:21,159 You might think I had tasted sour cock. 883 01:26:21,160 --> 01:26:24,719 But I never, never, never, never have. 884 01:26:24,720 --> 01:26:29,159 I haven't tasted sweet cock, salty cock, - 885 01:26:29,160 --> 01:26:34,239 - bitter cock, licorice cock, ostrich cock, goose cock, - 886 01:26:34,240 --> 01:26:36,079 - bear cock... 887 01:26:36,080 --> 01:26:40,199 I would never get near a bear cock. 888 01:26:40,200 --> 01:26:42,919 Any kids watching or listening: 889 01:26:42,920 --> 01:26:47,279 Bear cock might be the one cock you should avoid the most. 890 01:26:47,280 --> 01:26:49,639 Horse cock I have tasted. 891 01:26:49,640 --> 01:26:54,999 They served it at my girlfriend's confirmation a few years ago. 892 01:26:55,000 --> 01:26:59,959 But I repeat: I have never tasted a sour cock. 893 01:26:59,960 --> 01:27:03,559 Except a certain folk singer's. He had a sour cock. 894 01:28:24,520 --> 01:28:27,039 Subtitles: N. Norris 62163

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