Original subtitles

You're the first girl that's ever touched my cock, you know that?

Well, it feels all right.

I just... No,

I just wish you were somewhere else.

Nip it.

Nip it right in your teeth.

I like your panties.

Final call, flight 2. Now boarding at gate number 21.

All aboard flight 2, please.

Final call, flight 8, for Philadelphia and Intermediate City.

Now boarding at gate number 16.

Final call, flight 98, for Philadelphia and Intermediate City.

Now boarding at gate number 16.

or else I'm not going to sleep.

You want to come on?

You want my tongue in your cunt?

Come on.

That's a girl.

Come on, on top of me, ma chérie.

Come, Cherie.

Keep it up.

Yes. Move your tits over left.

Lift your ass.

Raise it. Oh, that's it.

Slide up and down, baby. Oh, yes.

It feels so great to be back home on my vacation.

Yes, Sherry, but you can leave again.

Sure. I can go back to my house, my servants.

But it's such a bother to have to make all these decisions.

Tell me, Sherry, what happened when you first arrived in America?

Well, I arrived in Los Angeles by way of train 747.

And then I took a limousine from the airport directly to Hollywood.

It was great.

The day was very lovely and the people were friendly in California.

I was awaiting my ride.

While I was waiting, a handsome man drove up and wanted to take me to

He was very friendly.

Hi. Hi.

Going to Hollywood?

Of course. I'm going to be an actress.

You have that much determination, I'm sure you will.

And I'm going to make a lot of money.

Well, Hollywood's not too far down the road. It's only a few miles.

Oh, really?

You know, I know some people in the film business. Possibly I can help you out.

You do?

Sure, sure.

Will you introduce me to someone?

Sure, I'd be happy to.

What's your name?

Sherry.

Sherry? Uh -huh.

Oh, that's a pretty name.

We talked about Sweden at my home.

He had a very expensive car.

He told me about making me a star in his next movie. Well, I kind of wanted to

get your vibrations, but I think I can help you.

You see, I'm a producer. That is to say, I'm a film producer.

And I can always use a new star for my films.

Okay, Sherry.

Thanks for the ride.

Bye -bye.

He made a date for me to star in his next picture.

Thanks for exciting in America.

All the cars and producers and Hollywood stars.

Oh, it's nothing really.

I love this place. It's pretty.

What's about the food in America? Is it as good? And what about the restaurants?

Oh, yeah. In America, we have the best restaurants in the world.

And the people of America, are they all the same?

Mm -hmm. Just the same in Europe.

Let me tell you about the day I met my first producer.

It was so big, the studio, that they were always building something wrong.

The alterations continued all the time.

It was a top -rated studio with many people around and live movie stars.

Hello, Sherry. Hi.

I'm glad you can make it.

Please call me Pat, will you?

I thought you had a studio, Pat.

Well, I do, but not here, silly.

Oh.

Well, you said something about making me a star in your next movie.

I sure did. I'm making a documentary in 8mm, and I need you.

I'm using 8mm because I'm trying to save some money on film.

But that's that horror movie.

Hey, this is only a test.

Besides, you'll have some film.

After all, one movie is like another.

I made so many.

Tell me, what happened after your first test?

Well, I started to make one film after another, and I became famous.

But I felt guilty.

I thought I had to do something for humanity.

And so in my free time, when I had very little you know, I started to enlist as

a nurse's aide in a local hospital.

Goodness.

It was interesting.

I had another friend, Fred, the ambulance driver.

He was a good boy, but always nipped up about everything.

He got in trouble all the time at the hospital, and especially with the head

doctor, was always yelling at him.

Fred was helping everyone as much as possible.

I think maybe he didn't get enough sleep at times, because many times he did

things wrong.

One day I was sitting in the hospital and the count came.

Dr. Pobada, we now want staff.

Dr. Pobada, we now want staff.

EKG technician.

My job was satisfying, and I felt that I was helping my fellow man.

I really enjoyed that.

However, I met some of the strangest people.

Hi, Sharon.

Hi, Cecil.

Your case number is 5031, sir.

What is the number of your Blue Cross policy?

Policy? What policy?

Your case number.

You have to have all the information on your policy and your case numbers.

I don't have Blue Cross.

What do I need Blue Cross? What are you selling? Cancer?

I'm sorry, sir. I have to discuss this with the head nurse.

What are you here for? What's the matter?

EKG technician.

Death. Clean out one.

Do you have any money, Mr. Clown?

Brown.

Brown. Case number 5431.

No.

No what?

No money.

Maybe Ted?

Do I look that old? Don't ask already.

Sherry, the head nurse wants to see you. I'll take over here.

The doctor wants to see you.

I don't think a country has anything to do with what men are like.

Like, a good lover is a good lover, no matter where he comes from.

An American woman really can be a queen because the man does everything for her.

He spoils her, he treats her beautifully, he helps her in the house.

unbelievable.

I think they're not accustomed to that so much, but they do other things for

you, and they bring you presents all the time.

The doctor at the hospital was very nice.

He wanted to take me to dinner all the time.

The military general at the hospital.

He taught me many military procedures while I was being entertained by the

general. Peek -a -boo, I see you.

Hello, General.

How are you? I'm fine. What's your name?

I'm Sherry. Willie told me you had a job for me. Well, I do, in a way.

In what? What sign are you?

I'm a Leo, August 15th.

What sign are you?

I'm an Aries.

Fire sign.

A ram.

A born leader.

April 12th.

Ten hunts!

All right, Private. Now we are going to have a little short -arm inspection.

That's what?

Yes, sir. That's better, Private Sherry. All right, Private Sherry. Drip.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Don't know what?

Well, I don't know if Leo and Ares get along too well.

Why not?

Well, we're both pretty strong.

Yes, but Leo girls are very sexy.

Why are you in the hospital?

I live here.

I thought you lived in the army.

Oh, I do, but I was wounded during the war. My arm and shoulder were blown off.

Oh? Which one? What's wrong with you, Private? Are you blind or something? The

left one.

But I can't see. I said it was blown off, Private.

You poorly wondered. It hurt?

Not at all.

Why not?

Because it's my right leg that's missing.

Watch out, Private. Watch out.

For what?

For my ear.

Which one? The right one. They never found it.

Oh, you poor little one.

Oh,

poor baby.

Are you ready, Thomas?

Yes, teacher.

But watch out for my leg.

Yes, I will.

Don't hurt me.

You're playing that, honey, like you're playing oboe.

All right. On.

Get right on it, honey.

Honey When

you

get through with that honey, I'm gonna ram my cock in

your home like here to tomorrow

Nick. Nick.

Yippee!

Rodham. Rodham Cowboy.

Yeah. Oh,

that tongue's like a Brandon iron, honey.

Millie and I went many places together.

Millie went to work.

Hi, it's all a little busy.

Oh, hi, Millie. No, things have been a little slow today.

Have you seen Elmer anywhere?

Sure have. He's right behind me, and I'm late. I have to get to work.

Hi, Mr. Brown. How do you feel today?

Well, I'd better you don't ask. A fever I got and a headache, and I'm

constipated. All right.

Are you going to take my pulse?

Sure. You know I need to practice.

Millie, guess who's staying in this hotel?

Who?

Rocky Incognito.

Rocky Incognito? Silly.

Mr. Rocky Nichols. You know, the big recording's even called down a room

service. I'm going to go up there in a few minutes and see him.

Terrific. Yeah.

Mm -mm.

Mm -mm. What? What's a mm -mm? What?

Sorry. Mr. Brown, you have a slightly fast pulse beat. I knew it. This morning

on the toilet. Oh, my God, the pressure.

Hi, everybody.

Just thought I'd drop in and say hi.

Hi, George. Hi, George.

Well, Wilmer, how's it going with inventory?

Don't ask.

I just found out that somebody in the hotel is charging hundreds, even

of pink towels to our account.

Oh, my God, the money.

Why don't you file bankruptcy, silly boy?

How can I do that?

I got out a living.

What about your rent?

Well, Elmer, don't get so tight. You might have a stroke.

I'll have it for you in a couple of days. It's been an odd month.

A couple of days, he says. A couple of days. For four months, he's been telling

me a couple of days. Right.

Well, there's no sense standing here arguing with you.

I might as well get back to my barber shop and see if I can make the money so

you can have your pound of flesh. That's a good idea.

You know, as well as I do, there are 50 rooms in this hotel, Elmer. Yeah, 50

rooms. 50 rooms require 100 sheets, right?

Even when we're full. How come we're getting billed for 200 sheets, Elmer? I

have no idea. Oh, my God, the pain. I've got to go to the toilet. Excuse me.

Constantly, that toilet.

I'm sorry, honey. I said I was gay.

I mean, it's nice, but... You're just not Ralph.

Feels good.

I wish he was somebody else.

I read in the paper and discussed it with Millie. I wanted to meet this

Count who needed a travelling companion.

I was determined that I was to be the one he wanted.

I still don't know why he wanted a blood type, though.

I hurried and got dressed for the Count.

He seemed very rich and I was anxious to meet him.

I dressed in private and my dressing accommodations were the best.

I wanted everything to be in good taste and I always associated with class.

A very distinguished looking gentleman with a lot of class kept watching me as

got dressed.

I didn't blame him.

He wanted so much to meet me, and he gave me his card.

He said he was a producer who was in trouble with the Internal Revenue

I was very excited.

The day was sunny and the boats in the marina were all lined up.

I kept walking, looking for his boats, as the newspaper indicated.

I looked and looked and walked them out.

Finally... I saw this man dressed all in black.

He was cleaning his boat, and the boat was the count.

I thought it was the count, and I walked up to him, and we convinced together.

Oh, he was charming.

He wanted to run around with me, so we chased each other along the marina. It

was fun.

He was very determined to make a lasting impression on me.

We got a real kick out of each other.

What country was he from?

I think he mentioned he lived someplace in Transvania.

That must be near Philadelphia.

Oh, that's where they signed the Declaration of Independence in 1776,

You could say so.

Then I had two other friends at the hospital.

They both lived at the hotel.

One of them, Virginia, she was really crazy.

She was always trying to marry a rich man.

Who doesn't?

Virginia went to extremes to get one.

Tell me about her.

To get him.

Hey, Margie.

What? Remember that guy, Rodney Morton Stewart, the third, that millionaire who

was in the hospital for a while?

Yeah, whatever happened to him?

Well, he granted an interview to the paper. See?

And he says he's looking for a virgin wife.

Oh, good luck.

Virgin wife, huh?

You've screwed everyone in the hotel except for Harry the doorman. That's

because he's 69.

Give me time.

Oh, Virginia.

You can be my noice any time.

Oh,

what tits.

to take your temperature, huh?

Oh, suck it in. Suck it in, baby.

Suck it in.

Suck it into you.

some red pigment, and maybe we could fool him. I'll pay a visit to surgery

tomorrow. Oh, Margie, you think of everything.

I'm going to pass for the only virgin in this whole town.

Come on, hurry up. He's going to be here at 2 o 'clock.

Oh, okay.

But you know, the hardest part is the preparation.

Whoa.

That's awful big.

Don't worry about it. It's not going to hurt you.

It's not going to hurt it.

No, in fact, you might enjoy it.

I don't know.

Oh.

Oh, yes, all right.

Just like a virgin.

And I think you should try and act like one.

I will, I will.

But the only thing is, I don't remember what I did the first time.

I don't think I screamed.

Well, we better hurry up and get ready.

Oh, Virginia, stop scratching.

I can't help it. It itches. I don't care. It looks terrible.

Wouldn't you look fine?

Hi. I'm Rodney Morton Stewart III.

I'm Virginia.

Virginia.

Glad to meet you.

Okay. All right. I'll try.

Oh, there he is.

Meanwhile, my friend Virginia met Rodney, the rich man.

It was hilarious.

Excuse me.

My name is... is Rodney Morton Stewart III.

And you must be the beautiful Virginia.

I'm Virginia.

This is my girlfriend, Margie.

Charmed, I'm sure.

Maybe we can get better acquainted so we can do the desert

song together.

I hope so, Rodney Morton Stewart III.

How's your money?

Pardon me?

How's your mother?

Fine.

She's fine.

You dance?

I don't dance, don't you think?

I don't dance, don't you think?

What did you say? Sit down.

Oh, I'd love to.

Well, Jenny, I guess I'll go.

Okay, bye.

I'll be seeing you, Your Highness.

Mr. Stare... Mr.

Stuart III.

Are you sure you want a virgin?

to your bedroom.

All right.

Why did you do that?

A creature of impulse.

I can't live without you.

Yes, indeed.

Why don't you just row for a closer inspection?

Okay. You won't laugh, will you?

Indeed. I might take off my robe, make you feel a little more at home.

Yeah, that would make me more comfortable if you took off your robe.

Mind if I take a little close look? No, no, no, no, no. Please, go right

ahead.

Oh, you are very, very tiny. You might be a virgin of God.

Rodney Morton Stewart III.

Yes. He was looking for a virgin wife. Can you imagine?

So? So he found one in Switzerland.

But I thought he was in Virginia.

I'm convinced you really are a virgin.

I told you so.

I like you very much.

Let's go to the cashier.

Why don't we go to the cash bar?

Oh, yeah.

Rodney?

Virginia?

Rodney?

Virginia?

You won't hurt me, will you?

I went back to the hotel to see my friend Millie.

We had lunch together in her office.

And she told me about a very big photographer who wanted to picture me.

Hi. Hi.

Have you anything to eat around here?

I'm stuffed.

I haven't eaten for three days.

I can't pinch anymore at the hospital, you know. They got vice to me.

Well, Sharon, what are you going to do?

I don't know.

I'm flat broke.

You know how it could make a few bucks.

Let's see.

You could model.

Chuck Grinson in 542 uses models.

Yeah?

But you better get out of that uniform.

Sure.

Does he pay?

Sure does.

And if not, you'll have some food.

Not after you've left.

I ran as quickly as I could to the photographer's studio in the hotel.

Hi.

Hi. What can I do for you? You can hire me as a model.

I don't use models anymore.

Even if I did, my wife would have to be here.

Why? She's jealous.

Maybe you don't like my figure.

Oh, no, it's not that.

Don't. My wife might come in.

So what?

You're a pro. You can explain it. I wouldn't have a chance to explain to

Vivian would kill us both.

Do you like that?

Yeah, but put your coat on.

Look how friendly I am. Yes, fine, but you see, if she comes... But, you know,

understand. She's liable to come in, and if she comes in, then we're all in a

lot of trouble here. Don't worry.

Here, please, put your clothes back on.

But, no, you...

Wait until you see that.

Yes, I can see that fine, but...

My wife's liable to come in here any minute.

Don't worry. She won't. She won't.

Yes. That's nice.

But I don't think we should... No.

You like a kiss?

Can't do that because my wife is... Forget about your wife.

My God, that's my wife. Come on, hi.

Quick.

Oh, darling, I'm glad you did. Oh, you must be so busy. Oh, yeah, I am. I'm

trying to set up this scene here, and I'm a little late.

Oh, what nice material.

Oh, yes, they want me to do a still life using those clothes.

But what are these panties doing here?

Oh, you can have them as soon as I'm through.

Do you have a model to go with these?

I was going to call you, dear, just as soon as you showed up.

Oh. Yes.

Oh, I know you're always faithful.

Of course, dear.

After all, if I ever thought of sex with another girl, why, may lightning

strike.

After the photographer created lightning, he's so clever, the

wife fell down and everybody was in the dark.

Elmer put the lights on again and he noticed everyone on the floor. It was

funny, but strange.

Alma? Ellie?

Yeah? Oh.

Oh, nothing to worry about, girl. Just a bone fuse.

So that's life, huh?

She's a real doll.

She is?

Do you still manage to satisfy her?

Oh, you know, I guess I do. Oh, I bet you still can.

Yeah, well, I try.

I do it if I can. Say, how come you don't have any mustard?

I don't what?

Mustard. I found the roast beef sandwich in the kitchen. But there's no mustard.

Oh, I don't know. I don't eat mustard very often.

What are you doing?

Oh, it feels good, but what are you doing?

Do anything more good to you? Oh, please.

Be serious.

Come on. Don't pretend you don't like it. I can feel you do. Oh, Sherry,

I'm going to show you how good a model I can be.

Get her.

Get her.

Let's me forget her.

What are you doing?

Just a few feet away.

Hide.

You feel so good.

I showed the photographer how good I was.

He enjoyed the session, of course.

And I got the job.

I also had a good meal.

I'm getting tired.

Shall we rest here? Looks nice. We could some days grow up.

Yeah, why don't we?

Okay, let's take our clothes off.

Okay.

What are the styles like when they dress?

All styles, people with money dress very elegantly.

The nice thing in California especially, you can go any place at all and dress

in anything you want. You can go to the finest hotels in Dirty Levi's or you can

go in a very elegant evening gown. I love that. You can always dress just as

feel.

They go barefoot a lot in California.

Oh, no, everybody wears beautiful shoes.

And the men, they have those collared shoes with platforms, and you see them

walking down the avenues, and they have little leather purses.

What's he laughing about?

Oh, Jack.

He was a really, really fat guy, and he was hilarious.

Tell me more.

You know, he liked all the girls.

So Jack the barber who gossiped a lot.

Told him a story about one of the girls in the hotel.

Tell me about the girl.

Oh, I don't know where to start.

Hi, George.

Well, hi, Thelma. How are you? Fine, you?

Pretty good.

I'll see you later. Okay.

George, who is that?

What's her name?

Yeah, she's nice. We like girls. Man, if I don't get a woman soon, I'll rape a

snake.

Male or female?

Female, of course.

What do you think, I'm queer?

There's a hot one in the hotel.

Where? Where?

Where? Where?

It's over there.

Yeah? The Curtis sisters.

Oh, uh, yeah, yeah. Which one?

Spread it out over the bed and lie down and... You know what?

Yeah. Yeah.

I'll try it. I'll try it.

Room 607, eh?

Right. And remember, all the juicy details.

Fat Jack was very excited because he wanted to meet his sister.

So he walked through the hotel.

He didn't know what sister he would find.

In the meantime, Sally, the cold one, was getting dressed to leave her

apartment.

He wanted a sexy one, but he was so shy, he didn't know what to do.

Fat Jack couldn't wait to get to her apartment, but everybody was in his way.

He heard the shower going, and just as he was about to enter the apartment,

Sally the cold one left.

That Jack entered the apartment and took his chances.

Meantime, Elmer was at Virginia's apartment.

He was always complaining.

Oh, he worried so much about those apartments.

Still looking for the pink towels, Elmer? It should only be pink towels.

My God, I received a bill for 100 jars of Vaseline charged to the hotel.

I can't go on like this, Virginia.

Don't worry, Mr. Brown. It's just probably a mistake.

It should only be a mistake.

Somebody's been making toll charges and charging it to the hotel number.

Maybe you heard something, huh, Margie?

Maybe it's Mr. D.

Shh.

Listen, so it shouldn't be a total loss. Can I use your toilet? Oh, the pen.

Just make sure you aim, Elmer.

That feels good. Swedes give the best massages.

Not necessarily.

I knew a guy in America who worked in a hotel in a massage parlor. Was he a

massage man?

No.

Only beautiful women.

Murray's boyfriend, Bobby, worked at a hotel as a masseur.

He met Anne, the sexy one of the Curtis sisters.

Anne was always on the make for a man, and she was crazy about Bobby.

Rub my left shoulder, Bobby. It hurts.

You're right, ma 'am.

You've got a muscle out of place right about there.

Now, you'll have to be careful when you lift.

Where's your mother?

Well, she left me in charge, ma 'am.

You have beautiful muscles, Bobby.

Why, thank you, ma 'am. I do 50 push -ups a day.

Who? I mean, where?

Oh, down at the gym.

I think a fellow ought to just be in good shape these days.

I wouldn't want you to get mad at little me. I bet you could probably squeeze me

to death.

Squeeze you to death?

Why, Miss Curtis, I wouldn't do a thing like that. I like you and your sister

Sally.

You know, Bobby, there's a certain way that I like to be massaged.

Well, how's that, Miss Curtis?

Well, let me show you.

Well, all right.

What do you mean?

Just get on the table. I'll show you.

On the table?

Well, it won't hurt. I'll show you how nice this can be.

Well, my mother never told me about this part of the business, Miss Curtis.

I love the feel of dermatitis.

Well,

I think it's sticky.

Yes, I know.

Well... But it does great things for you.

Oh, shit.

What's wrong, honey? You're urgent?

Well, I really haven't been... Oh, come on now.

It's a joy.

Well, if you say so.

Like an older woman to teach you how... Yeah. You don't really know.

Well, uh... Let me unfasten your belt. Oh, God.

Miss Curtis, I really don't know what we're... What

about the rent?

Well, I'm a little embarrassed this month, Elmer.

One of the nurses at the hospital was always late.

We called her, I'm late, I'm late, girl.

I'm late, I'm late for a very important date.

Elmer and George were always talking about high finances.

Can I have two fives for ten, would you? I certainly have, George. Give me two

fives for ten.

Two fives for ten.

There you go. One five?

Two fives.

Ten? Ten,

George.

There you go. Now, what do you... You would have to have five single...

You wouldn't have to have a ten. Give me a five.

Do you have a ten?

A ten, yeah. Give me a ten. Give me a ten first. For what? I'll explain it to

you later. Give me a ten first, will you?

Thank you. Now give me a five. Now we're even, right? No, we're not even,

George. You've got to give me ten more.

I just gave you a five.

Yeah, I gave you five singles and five... But I gave you five for the five

singles. Oh, yeah. And you gave me five. Yeah, you're right. We're even, right?

Yeah, I'm sorry.

You don't think I'd cheat you?

No. I love you too much.

We really had fun in America.

Elmer was always in the bathroom listening to conversations.

Why in the bathroom?

Oh, he had some kind of kidney trouble.

That's what our Uncle Henry has.

Yeah, you're right. Come to think of it.

speaking. Okay, well, shoot.

You need what?

And a plunger.

Okay, George, right away, right away.

Is that okay?

Yes, now take it easy.

What's he need this time?

I think he has a plumbing problem.

Watch him, Salma, I think he's slippery.

Look out, Red Bear, here I come.

Tell me about George the Barber.

George the barber was always a little strange.

He's got a good memory, you know.

And sometimes he put them in the strangest places.

George, I'm here.

Oh, Selma, come in, honey.

How the hell did you ever get into this?

Selma, I'm sure glad you're a nurse. I really need your help.

George, they never showed me this in nursing school.

Well, silly, don't stand there, honey. Try and...

Do something.

I mean, it hurts.

Well, what happened?

Well, I was lying down, or rather I was kneeling down, hugging Teddy,

and thinking about Carol here. Isn't he beautiful?

Carol? It's my boyfriend.

And anyway, he's out of town doing a modeling job.

Oh, I see. I was thinking about Carol, and, well, I started messing around.

And with his Coke bottle and... Well, it slipped in.

So why didn't you just flip it out?

Oh, my God, George. Oh, my God.

Flippery? What you did to me? It won't come out. What do you have on it?

Vaseline. Vaseline.

Vaseline. Vaseline, 99.

George. 98.

Hold still.

97. Tell me, will you shut up?

Brace yourself.

Oh, don't, honey.

Hey, George. Really, there's something that hurts.

George.

George. Elmer, what do you want at a time like this? I'm going to have to use

both hands. Hold still.

A hundred bottles of Vaseline. Somebody charge us an hotel.

Give her some Vaseline. Where did you get it?

What are you doing?

George. Don't. Don't touch me there, honey. Really, it hurts.

Hey, George. I've never had anything in so far before.

George, you're cheating me out of $15. George, I think surgery is going to be

required. You're going to have to go to the hospital. Elmer, I didn't cheat you

out of $15.

I gave you $15. You asked me for $5.

You gave me $10. You gave me $10.

So are you talking about... No, I gave you a $10 bill and a $5. You asked me

five singles, right?

George, I can't do that. We have to go to the hospital. Oh, my God. Come on.

Hey, Selma.

Elmer, listen to me. Have you seen any pink towels, Selma?

No, I haven't seen any pink towels this minute. Elmer, I want to get one thing

straight. I gave you $5 toward the rent.

Yeah, and I gave you a $10 bill. And I gave you a $5.

And then I gave you another $5. That's right. Right. That's two $5. That's $10.

Yeah.

No, I gave you a $5 single.

I gave you a $10 bill.

Oh, please, Elmer, shut up. And you gave me $5 back. I'll explain it to you

later. You just don't understand.

You want me to help you or not?

I can't afford it. You're telling me.

Honest to God, I can't take much more of it.

All the pink totals are missing. Will you please try to get the bottle out of

where it is? You have to get this bottle out.

Selma had to take George to the hospital for some minor surgery.

Dr. Levinson.

Dr. Levinson.

George.

Dr. Silberstein.

Dr.

Silberstein.

Sissy. I didn't realize it went in so far.

Let's try it once more.

Oh, George, you've got a problem.

It really hurts, Doc.

First, we've got to do something about it.

It's my teddy bear.

He's added something to it.

Teddy bear?

My boyfriend Carol gave it to me for Christmas last year. Right, George. It's

against policy, George. You know.

You can't have it.

You know better.

I know what.

Bye, Teddy.

Doctor.

In the meantime, they did a marvelous operation on George.

Tracheotomy, a little pressure, about 40 pounds. Will it hurt?

Oh, William, we don't know about that. We don't even know if it's going to

We don't have the time gauge.

No gauge. We lost the time gauge.

Something's wrong, doctor?

Think I got it in that far.

You didn't think you got it in that far.

Certainly carried away, Richard George.

It was only fooling around.

I think the only thing to do is to relieve the pressure on there, Doctor.

Maybe try twisting it.

No. No, I think... Try the home remedy.

Oh, vapor line.

Here you go, Doc.

You're not going to go in too far, are you, Doc?

No, George.

This will be just like drilling your new one.

You'll be all right.

All right.

Careful. I'm very sensitive there.

Sixteen ounces of Coke bottle and you're sensitive?

Here, you work the second shift.

Do you need anesthetic?

Never again. It's not worth it. It's your turn.

How am I going to drill if you're going to hold my hand?

Your hand must be quivering. I've never seen you play so badly.

By the way, how's your part -time job at the hotel?

Oh, you know, it gives me strange experiences.

As you can see, George, you know.

We'll broaden your experience.

Just as soon as we're through with bottle -happy George. Oh, really?

Be nice. Be nice, Doc. That's really not very nice.

That felt so good, I could give you a big fat kiss.

Carol would get jealous.

You're right. I'll throw this in the trash.

No.

Selma, I get a three -set deposit on that.

George.

Put it in the bag for me, will you?

Of course.

Thanks.

Can I have my teddy bear back, Doc?

Oh, Doc, by the way, do you think you could arrange this little episode on

workman's comp?

I don't know. What do you think?

Thank you, doctor.

Bye.

Bye. Finger shot?

Unbelievable. Can we have lunch?

I asked, doctor, did you notice something strange about the color of

skin? I did, but I didn't want to say anything.

What do you mean, my skin?

Yes, it looks like a strange arrested case of blood disorientation.

Could be serious, doctor.

Yes. I think we should prepare for an examination.

I'm sorry about this, Selma.

But as your doctor, I feel that I should examine your various organs more

closely. Oh, yes, definitely.

Do I really look that bad?

Yes.

Well, I have to check a patient to see you later.

As my learned colleague, Dr. Bernstein, said.

We must be prepared for this examination.

Immediately.

And at the end, Selma had her experience brought in by the doctor.

Hello?

Could you run down to the lobby and see if there's someone else that you could

send up for Marion?

Thank you.

At the hotel, there was a couple, Rhonda and Marion, and Rhonda was always

calling Selma to send bellhops up to their room.

Wherever you are.

I'm so glad you could come. I haven't come yet.

Well, come on.

Get into it.

I love you, Rhonda. Oh, Miriam, I love you too.

I hope you don't mind, but this is the only way that Miriam can get satisfied.

Oh, I hope you keep on satisfying her.

Marion, it turned out, was a transvestite and really a man.

It was funny.

Marion would finally take off his wig and make laughter to tell her Bowie felt

left out.

What about

your pictures, Sherry?

Oh, I continued to make many more.

Funny, but my friend Millie always had unusual friends and jokes for me.

Well, didn't get a job.

Yeah, there's a guy in 509.

He's got sort of unusual talent. Do you roll a skate?

Sure, I do anything.

Well, if you want to, you can go up there and get a couple bucks.

Right now, hurry up.

Bye -bye.

Billy, the boy at the massage parlor, took Sally out.

Sally was the cold sister, and they found each other.

Billy and Sally liked each other and they were building a terrific one -to

relationship.

Thank you.

You know who I gave a massage to, Miss Curtis?

Who?

Your sister, Ann.

Boy, what an experience.

What happened?

Let me tell you what she did, you know. She gave me a massage, too, you know.

She did?

What happened?

Well, I gotta say, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about.

I'll tell you, she, uh...

Sally was shocked when Billy told her what her sister did to him.

Tell me about Rocky Nichols, the big recording star.

He went through through.

Being a good nerd, he thought he would supply him with vitamin E.

And she says he can't choose.

Oh, yes, he loved the whole experience.

Selma really wanted to get to know Rocky, so she arranged to be in his

You make it?

I think I'm turning into a juice freak.

Not with this.

Well, as long as it's cold, I'll drink it.

Well, we have everything here. Why don't I pour it for you?

If you promise me that you'll join me.

Sure, I'd love to.

Thank you.

It's really any good?

So they say.

It's supposed to be healthy for you.

Here's a toast to us.

All right.

Mmm.

It is good.

It's tangy.

That's private.

I thought you were saving it for me.

For you?

For me.

You advertise.

That doesn't mean you have to buy.

Free of your life views.

Sitting over here.

And what do you think I'm supposed to do?

Keep my answer myself?

Drink my carrot juice?

How long will you be here, Mr. Nichols?

Rocky. Rocky, yes.

Oh.

About as long enough as it takes to write a few songs.

Good. Cut a few records.

You have awful sweet skin, my dear.

Thank you.

And your mother's side?

Must be milk and honey.

Very sweet.

So did you, my dear.

I just love your records.

Oh, you do? You listen to them a lot?

All the time. You do, huh?

I'm glad I have a fan here.

Yeah, fans everywhere.

Oh, not like this one, though.

Don't be so nervous, my dear.

Look, it's Rocky.

I'm not nervous.

It's warm, isn't it?

It sure is.

You should get more comfortable.

I agree with you 100 % on that.

Oh, my.

Sweet little melons.

Why don't we go someplace where it's a little more private?

Why don't we go into my other room? Or to my bedroom?

Oh, he's fine.

And was he satisfied with everything?

Oh, everything.

He even gave me his autograph.

I don't believe it. He did. Let me see it.

Oh, I don't know if I can.

It's kind of personal.

Oh, come on. The autograph is an autograph, right?

Well, not really.

All right. You have to come over here to see it.

Millie, my friend the nurse, was nice.

Oh, she had so many friends.

Her boyfriend John was sick and they took him into the hospital and put him

her ward.

She and John were engaged to be married and every chance she had, she came into

his room and helped him.

She took good care of him and made him feel completely at home.

Of course, she always maintained a good nursing arrangement with John and she

made sure he didn't have a fever or anything.

Later, honey. We'll talk about it later. Just go to bed.

Suck my balls.

Oh, please.

Just go to bed.

We had an interesting talk, and he had a way about him that almost hypnotized

you. He discussed his coming back together with me.

I want you to look deeply into my eyes. Very deeply.

Deeper and deeper into my eyes.

I want you to fall in love with me, to be with me everywhere.

Walk with me.

For the last days of my life, together, forever.

You want to put your neck to my lips?

Now, follow.

Come.

Step down.

Sock.

Don't.

We started to discuss our relationship and came to an understanding.

It is so important that two people understand each other completely.

Well, anyway, we got on well together.

He told me about making me happy the rest of my life.

In fact, he was so silly.

He told me that he would immortalize me, isn't he?

Really?

Anyway, we got on well together.

I went to his yacht again and he showed me nature and the ocean and the marina

and all the ships.

Oh, it was like a dream.

It was wonderful.

Then I woke up and I heard a boat whistle. Things started to happen then.

I don't know why, but I ran and ran away as fast as I could.

The count was sad at our separation.

But then again, I had my life to live and he had his.

I felt he was living in a box when I told him so.