Original subtitles

The government is going to call off all garbage runs.

We are being driven out of this place.

This is not fair to the people who live here.

If the epidemic is really prevailing in this area...

they should have done something a long time ago...

but they didn't do a thing about it. They didn't try to protect us.

Now look at us. The disease is wide-spread and everyone is sick.

Now they want us to move into tents and schools like refugees.

Why should I cooperate with them?

With no prevention, the epidemic will break out.

THE HOLE

What if we were carrying the virus?

You can't just move us anywhere you want to.

Some people have lived here for generations.

The government can't make us leave our homes.

A TSAI MING-LIANG FILM

I'll just dump my rubbish anywhere. To hell with our government.

I'll dump my garbage where I can't see it, or somewhere other people can't see it.

Or I'll just put them wherever other people put them...

They should burn us all,

together with the garbage!

Taiwan's Health Administration...

has issued a statement...

in response to sharp criticism from WHO.

Though we haven't been able to identify the name of this epidemic or its origin,

we are very confident that we can take care of it in the shortest time.

The Water Company also announced...

that starting in the year 2000...

it will cut off the water supply to all quarantine zones.

And now here's our report.

"After thorough consideration, We have come to this painful decision."

"In compliance with the government's all-out evacuation"

"this company will cut off all water supplies to quarantine zones..."

"starting midnight, January 1st, 2000."

"Or those who still live in the quarantine zone, please leave."

"Do not hesitate."

"It would be foolish to assume..."

"one can live on rainwater."

"It is impossible."

Seven days to go now...

until the year 2000.

Excuse me. Are there any leaks in here?

Nope.

There's a bad leak downstairs. One wall is dripping wet.

They asked me to check around. Can I have a look inside?

But there's no problem here.

There could be a busted pipe still.

I really need to have a look. Just a peek.

Thanks.

Sorry for the bother.

Don't water your plants with tap water.

Let it sit in a container for 2 or 3 days.

The take surface water only, using a bowl,

to water your plants with it.

But what about drinking water?

Some families don't have a water purifier.

In the past, they used to boil the water...

for 3 to 5 minutes...

to get rid of chlorine or nitrogen.

The only thing is that you have to finish the water in two or three days.

How about the pipes? The pipes...

In the area of Shihlin this afternoon...

a man was found hiding under his bed for 8 hours.

Chang Gung Hospital, where he was later admitted,

has confirmed he is the latest victim of this end-of-the-millennium virus,

following two reported outbreaks in both the Hsimen and Wanhwa areas.

Panic is rising in the Shihlin area.

The government is watching the situation closely.

More details in our midnight report.

And now we'll introduce you to the fine culinary art of instant noodles!

Our first dish. Instant noodles with pickles.

The ingredients are simple.

Let's choose our pickles. If you have Korean style pickles at home...

it will be perfect.

If you don't like the spicy Korean pickles, Chinese pickles work just as well.

Other then pickles, we also need packs of instant noodles.

Our packs if it's a dinner for four, one if you're cooking for yourself!

What kind of noodle? Any kind!

It can be with bean sauce,

beef, pork paste, herbs and ribs... as you like it!

Be it "Mei-Mei," "Wantze," or "President."

Any brand will do.

Enough talk,

Miss Spice Girl starts cooking now!

And now we'll boil the water.

I know you can manage that! Get yourself a pot and just add water.

As I told you before,

let the water boil for at least 10 minutes,

or it'll give you diarrhea.

We don't want that, do we?

So remember what Miss Spice Girl said.

At least 10 minutes!

Okay, pour the water into the pot. That should do.

That's enough for one pack of noodles.

A large bowl of water.

Bring it to a boil for 10 minutes,

and cook for 3 minutes maximum.

Or al dente, 2 minutes will do...

Oh Calypso, Oh Calypso

I hop, I jump, I love the Calypso!

Oh Calypso, Oh Calypso

Don't tell me I'll get tired of it

Twist and turn, let's all do the Calypso!

I strut like a proud and handsome rooster

Arms flapping, chin up, everyone shout hooray!

I move one step forward and one step back

I twist and I turn with endless pleasure

I really don't need to pour my heart out

I just follow the drum and find the right beat

To forget my hard day of endless labors

Nights are made for sweet and carefree joy...

Oh Calypso, Oh Calypso

I hop, I jump, I love the Calypso!

Oh Calypso, Oh Calypso

Don't tell me I'll get tired of it

Twist and turn, let's all do the Calypso!

Oh Calypso, Oh Calypso

I hop, I jump, I love the Calypso!

Oh Calypso, Oh Calypso

Don't tell me I'll get tired of it

Twist and turn, let's all do the Calypso!

Don't tell me I'll get tired of it

Twist and turn, let's all do the Calypso!

Don't tell me I'll get tired of it

Twist and turn, let's all do the Calypso!

Kitty.

Kitty!

Kitty.

Can I help you, sir?

Do you have this kind of bean sauce?

This brand was discontinued long time ago.

We have the same thing but only in different brand.

Kitty

Kitty

Kitty

Go away, don't come back

Come on now, take a hike

You're a nuisance, You don't stand a chance

I will never hold you back!

Go away, don't come back

Come on now, take a hike

You're a nuisance, You don't stand a chance

'Cause you're always talking back!

Don't call me your Tiger Lady

You are not the perfect hubby

You're so penniless, Completely useless

What a nasty jealous sod, you!

Go away, don't come back

Come on now, take a hike

You're a nuisance, You don't stand a chance

'Cause you're always talking back

Don't talk back

Don't call me your Tiger Lady

You are not the perfect hubby

You're so penniless, Completely useless

What a nasty jealous sod, you!

Go away, don't come back

Come on now, take a hike

You're a nuisance, You don't stand a chance

'Cause you're always talking back

you always talk back...

Talking, talking, talking, talking...

I won't be your Tiger Lady no more!

Come out of there!

Stop it, please! You hear me?

Get out of there. Be a man!

Get out now!

Please, get out.

What are you doing?

Please, stop it.

You're scaring me to death.

Get out now, please.

Are you the tenant of Apt. No. 804?

I'm your downstairs neighbor.

The plumber will come and fix the hole this afternoon.

Will you be home then?

Maybe.

You have to.

Or else it'll never get fixed.

What do you mean, "It doesn't matter"?

Do you think you're the only plumber left alive around here?

You think you're so damn good?

- Did you just use the toilet? - Why?

Because there's a leak above my toilet.

Can you stop using yours?

I'll ask the plumber to fix it.

What are you doing here?

Drunk again?

What are you doing in there?

Get a hold of him!

Open the door.

Just leave the stretcher here.

In the most bizarre case so far,

a patient was found hiding in the sewer for 6 hours.

They're like roaches. They fear light.

A French virologist from the Institut Pasteur,

Dr. Carpentier,

suggested that the virus be called "the Taiwan Virus"...

and the epidemic, "Taiwan fever."

The crisis team announced its findings in a conference today.

It seems that the patients first develop flu-like symptoms.

Days later, they develop bug-like behaviors such as crawling,

photophobia and a tendency to hide in dark and humid corners.

Experts call it a "roach-like crawling."

It is suspected that the cockroach is the host insect of the virus.

Dr. Carpentier says the cockroach is the host insect of various viruses...

and a known allergic factor.

Its body and excrement contain a special protein.

This kind of protein can withstand hours of intense heat.

Sir, this place is going to be fumigated. It's not safe.

Please leave for now.

I...

I want...

I want you...

I want you to...

What I want is your love

So why don't you come a bit closer?

I...

I want...

I want you...

I want you to...

What I want is your love

So why don't you speak to me sweeter?

I...

I want...

I want you...

I want you to...

What I want is your love

So why don't you come a bit closer?

I...

I want...

I want you...

I want you to...

What I want is your love

So why don't you talk to me sweeter?

So why don't you say Oh why don't you say

Why don't you say that you love me?

Coconut milk?

Where can I find any in such foul weather?

I want some now.

I mean it. Now!

What can I do?

Stripping.

Undressing myself.

You want a look?

You want a look?

I'm lying down now.

I'm looking at the hole you made in the ceiling.

There's an eye staring at me.

Kitty.

Kitty.

Do you know what a woman needs most?

Wrong.

Wrong again.

Keep guessing.

Guess again.

And?

I love it.

Gesundheit!

I don't have a cold at all.

And I am not that Snow White's red-nosed dwarf

So why then am I sneezing all day long?

Something here must be wrong!

Maybe some cute admirer

Is calling my name over and over

In secret, and I am sneezing so strong

Yes, I am all day long!

Last week it was Lee And he was down on his knee

Saying we had to marry He'd spend his life pleasuring me

And happy we would be!

Now there is Gee This one keeps bullying me

He really wants to have me This guy will not let me free

But marriage ain't for me!

It has to be them somehow

Calling my name over and over now

And that's why I am sneezing all day long

Yes, I am, all day long!

Last week it was Lee And he was down on his knee

Saying we had to marry He'd spend his life pleasuring me

Now there is Gee This one keeps bullying me

He really wants to have me This guy will not let me free

It has to be them somehow

Calling my name over and over now

And that's why I am sneezing all day long

Yes, I am sneezing all day long!

I don't care who you are

But darling, hold me close

Alone together, you and me

Come the days of wine and roses

I don't care who you are

But in your arms I cling

Alone together, in the dark

Come the days of carefree spring

Swallows twirling in the blue skies

Mandarin ducks in the quiet pond

Tell me, oh tell me why, I do not know

Why do they never part...

In the year 2000,

we are grateful that we still have Grace Chang's songs to comfort us.

TSAI Ming-Liang,

Special thanks to SHI Song for the calligraphy

Woman downstairs: YANG Kuei-Mei

Man upstairs: LEE Kang-Sheng

Plumber: TONG Hsiang-Chu

Neighbor: LIN Hui-Chin

Child: LIN Kun-Huei

Line producers: Jimmy HUANG, LIN Huei-Chin

Production manager: Jay CHIAO

Screenplay by YANG Ping-Ying and TSAI Ming-Liang

Cinematographer: LIAO Peng-Jung

Sound: YANG Ching-An

Lights: WANG Sheng

Art director: LEE Pao-Lin

Choreographer: Joy LO

Editor: HSIAO Ju-Kuan

Calligraphy: SHI Song

Additional dialogue performed by CHEN Shiang-Chyi, Daphne HAN

WEI Bo-Chin, Jacques PICOUX, YEE Chih-Yen and LU Hsiao-Ling