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(drumroll)

(fanfare plays)

(fanfare ends)

♪♪

♪♪ (big band)

♪ Happy ending, with all our troubles behind ♪

♪ Happy ending ♪

♪ That's what we're trying to find ♪

♪ Why didn't cinderella waver ♪

♪ What made her braver ♪

♪ She knew the prince would come and save her ♪

♪ Happy ending ♪

♪ The best of wonderful times ♪

♪ Always ending ♪

♪ Just like in nursery rhymes ♪

♪ May each thing you pray for ♪

♪ Bring you joy and laughter ♪

♪ Ever after ♪

♪ Happy ending to you all ♪

And now for a very important announcement.

On next Wednesday night at 8:00 over the Federal Broadcasting Company's,

coast-to-coast network,

the Crackly Grain Flakes Company bring you something new in entertainment.

Tomorrow's sensation of the airwaves, Little Miss America.

GIRL (nasal voice): ♪ You gotta eat your spinach baby ♪

♪ That's the proper thing to do ♪

♪ It will keep you kind of healthy too ♪

♪ And what it did for Popeye it will do for you ♪

♪ You gotta eat your spinach ♪

(shuts off radio)

Kent, our program starts next week,

and you haven't found me a Little Miss America yet.

I'm beginning to lose faith in the whole idea.

- Mr. Bartlett, if you'll just be patient-- - Patient? Patient?

Look. Look. All this advertising.

What I can't understand is how you had the colossal nerve,

to spread publicity from coast to coast,

before you found the right child for the program.

Now wait a minute Mr. Bartlett.

You turned down some talented kids,

and some of 'em were very successful radio entertainers.

That's just what was wrong with 'em.

They weren't what the program calls for, and you know it.

If this thing blows up after it's been announced all over the country,

it'll be an irreparable blow to the prestige of Crackly Grain Flakes

and, Kent, I won't have it!

Take your hands off my child.

I will if she'll take her teeth out of my hand.

You worm. I'll have the Humane Society up here.

Let go. Ooh!

Say, what do you got in that bag?

I carry it for luck.

Glad you took the horse off it.

- (clamoring) - Quiet!

- Quiet! - (muffled yelling)

Quiet. Now, listen. Listen.

- (women continue yelling) - Now, listen, please. Quiet, ladies.

You'll have to wait your turn.

You sure you got the song right?

Yes, Uncle Harry, but I'm awfully hungry.

Shh. Not so loud. We'll be eating regular soon as I hand these guys the old one-two.

You better not, Uncle Harry.

The last time you gave the old one-two, you came home with a black eye.

That was a crooked game, and I can prove it.

Well, honey, when do we start broadcasting?

It's my guess you've never stopped.

Oh, now don't be that way, sweetheart.

Isn't this the place that advertised for a kid?

I have here the most sensational, the most extraordinary and thrilling--

So you're another one of those. I'm afraid you're too late.

Harry Kipper is never too late.

All right, hotshot. Have it your own way. Child's name and address please.

Rebecca Winstead, 950 10th Avenue.

- Where's the man in charge? - That door.

Thanks, sister. I'll be seeing you on the way out.

I can't wait.

You'll have to excuse him. I've told him not to act that way.

Oh, that's all right. I'm used to it.

- Would you like some candy? - Thank you.

We'd really get further in our act if he wouldn't talk so much.

- Oh, is he in the act with you? - No, I'm the act. He's my manager.

Well I bet you'd make a better manager than your father.

Oh, Uncle Harry's not my father. He's my stepfather.

I've been taking care of him ever since mother died.

- Oh, you poor child. - Oh, I'm not a poor child.

- You know, I'm very self-reliant. - You are?

Yes. My mother told me to always be that way.

Well, Kent, what are we waiting for now?

I'll see what's holding them up. Orville, let's go.

Okay, chief. What are you gonna sing, little girl?

Florabelle will now sing "You gotta eat your spinach, baby."

Do they all have to sing that song?

Give it to 'em, Florabelle.

- Now, honey. - ♪ You gotta eat your spinach, baby ♪

♪ That's the only thing to do ♪

Come on. Come on. Snap in to it, sweetheart.

Snap in to it.

♪ You gotta eat your spinach ♪

- "Baby," isn't it? It's "baby," isn't it? - Yes, "baby."

Come on, honey. You can do better than that. Now.

(gasps)

Mic fright, eh? I know just how you feel. It happened to me once.

- What's she doing that for? - Stage fright. She can't help it.

What's stage fright?

Well, it's, um, it's something you'll never get.

- Why? - Because I trained you. That's why.

You're a trouper. That kid's just an amateur.

- ♪♪ (piano intro) - Stop it. Stop it. You're killing me.

If it wasn't for settin' a bad example for Florabelle

I'd pin your ears back.

Come on, doll.

(clamoring)

I have here the most sensational, most extraordinary and thrilling--

Say, do you get stage fright?

- No, I'm a trouper. - Have you got adenoids?

No, but I'll get some if you want them.

Okay. You're next.

Play it good, professor. Your search is over, son.

If I do say so myself, this child is the most, uh...

Clever child. Clever child. All right. Go to it.

♪♪ (piano intro)

♪ What is all this dizzy busy hustling for ♪

♪ People running helter-skelter on their way ♪

♪ What is all this hazy crazy bustling for ♪

♪ No time to notice it's a sunny day ♪

♪ Why don't you take a vacation ♪

♪ Looks like you've got to have relaxation ♪

♪ Aw, come on, forget your troubles for a while ♪

♪ Why don't you try to feel like I do ♪

♪ If I had one wish to make ♪

♪ This is the wish I would choose ♪

That's great! Just what I've been looking for.

No need to look further. She's perfect.

Okay, Orville. That's enough.

I'm sorry, honey. I guess you're not the type.

I can change my type. I'm very self-reliant.

But you didn't even let her finish her song!

Listen, the chief said he's heard enough, and he's giving orders around here.

Why, he's passing up the most colossal, the most in--

You told him that once before, Uncle Harry, and it didn't do any good.

That's very true, my child, very true.

You don't know talent when you see it.

It's people like you that'll put radio on the spot today.

Why, at this rate, the big networks will be bankrupt within a year!

Radio Center will be as empty as your head!

Thousands of employees will be thrown out of work, and all because of you!

Bah!

I do all that?

- (clamoring) - You can't come in here!

You'll have to get out. Now, please.

- How'd you make out, honey? - The man said I wasn't the type.

Oh, there's nothing wrong with your type.

It's your environment that's not so hot.

Then maybe I should have my... my environment fixed.

- Come, come. Enough of this slumming. - Hmm.

My goodness. I thought we were wowing them.

Well, I guess it's time to go home.

It may interest you to know, Rebecca, that we have no home.

That foul landlady locked us out this morning.

Uncle Harry, why are landladies always doing that to us?

Well, it won't happen again.

I'm gonna give some of your other relatives a chance to feed you.

Oh, goody! You mean we're going to have dinner?

I mean I'm taking you to your Aunt Miranda's at Sunnybrook Farm.

From now on, you're living with her.

But, Uncle Harry, I want to stay here and be a success like my mother wanted me to.

Well, I've done all I can for you. I taught you all I know.

Yes. I guess it just wasn't enough.

Good-bye, Mr. Bartlett. I'm glad everything's turned out so well.

So am I, Kent. And don't let anything happen to that little girl.

Without her, there's no program.

- Just tune in next Wednesday night. - I'll be glued to that radio.

(laughing, humming)

(intercom buzzes)

- Yes? - ORVILLE: Okay for the next kid, chief?

What do you mean "the next kid"? Bring in the little girl that just sang, and fast.

ORVILLE: Well, I didn't think... you didn't... I didn't think you liked her.

- She just left. - She just... what? Get her back here!

I want that kid right now!

Oh, of all the stupid, dumb morons.

- Who, me? - Oh, hello, Lola.

Well, that's a fine greeting after last night's stand-up.

I'm sorry, Lola. I was busy. I forgot.

You know, I waited three hours for you.

- I said I'm sorry. - You still haven't told me where you were.

Lola, can't you understand?

I've been busy, and when I say "busy," I mean crazy.

I've had kids in my hair day and night.

Now, please, please don't make it any worse!

- Well, you needn't scream. (yells) - Who's screaming?

Hello. Stoddard? Did you see a big girl with a little man?

I mean, a little man with a big girl. I...

what's that? They're down there? Hold 'em! Stop 'em! Yes.

Send them back to Kent's office right away.

Oh, Myrtle, I thought I made a mistake.

Impossible.

All right, all right. If you insist, then I wasn't working.

I was out with a blonde, a beautiful, gorgeous, luscious blonde.

And we're going to be married next week. Are you satisfied?

Ah, Tony, we're crazy fighting like this.

It's okay, chief. They're on their way back up here. (sighs)

Oh. Hello, Lola.

Hello, love of my life.

Aw, cut it out, Lola.

Can I help it if I go all to pieces when I see you?

The man and the little girl are here, Mr. Kent.

Oh!

Well, come right in. I'm certainly glad we caught you in time.

When they tapped me on the shoulder, I thought it was the cops.

But, chief, she isn't... that isn't...

Keep quiet, Orville. Lola, I want you to get a load of this kid's voice.

She's sensational. Sing me that last chorus of your song, honey.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Please. Oh, wait till he finds out.

- Just listen to this. - Chief, chief.

♪♪ (piano intro)

Let her go, Florabelle!

♪ You gotta each your spinach, baby ♪

♪♪ (piano stops)

Oh.

Come on. Pull yourself together, sweetheart!

Ouch!

- ♪ You gotta eat your spinach ♪ - That's plenty.

- That's plenty. - Well, this guy...

- I said that's enough. - This bird here...

You'll be hearing from me very soon, very soon indeed.

- This guy told us... - I'll be calling you up someday.

- But this fellow... - Yes, yes. Good-bye. Good-bye.

I am going to cut you up and sell you for bait.

It wasn't my fault.

Do you realize if we don't find that kid, Bartlett cancels everything?

Careful, Tony. Remember your apoplexy. I gotta run now, darling.

- Bye, casanova. - Good-bye, Lola.

I gotta hand it to you, Orville.

I've been out on a limb before, but I've never had a guy behind me sawing it off.

You realize we're on the worst spot of the century?

You've got nothing to worry about, chief. We've got the kid's address.

- You have? - Of course. We've got all their addresses.

WOMAN: (over phone) Yes?

Did you get the addresses of every one of the applicants?

- Yes sir. - Well.

That's a load off my mind. Whew. I'm dead.

Between you and Lola and getting this program set, I'm going screwy.

Why don't you take a run down to Atlantic City for a few days?

Atlantic city. That's the sort of place I'm trying to get away from.

I'm going up to my farm where I can relax.

Birds, trees, new-mown hay, the simple life.

(coughing) Well, anyway, that's what I need.

Oh, when you find that kid, be sure you get the contract signed.

Pay her anything she wants! Well, uh, within reason.

And if you make any mistakes,

I'm gonna tear your head off and use it for a doorstop.

Okay, chief. You know me.

Yes and I'm still regretting it.

♪♪ (music playing)

Now you're going to meet your Aunt Miranda.

I wonder if she'll like me.

You be nice to her, and she'll be nice to you.

Uncle Harry?

Is this where my mother used to live when she was a little girl?

Yup.

I think I'm going to like it here.

Wait for me.

(doorbell rings)

How do you do? I guess you must be my aunt Miranda.

Heavens above. It's Bess's child.

How did you ever get here, Rebecca?

Oh, we drove up on the village bus.

"We"? Who's we?

Why, Uncle Harry and I.

There oughta be a law against loose planks.

- It's a miracle I'm still alive. - It's no miracle.

It's a calamity. I suppose you want something, as usual.

Let's not start by quarreling, Miranda. I'm only going to be here a few minutes.

That's long enough for me.

My, this is a very fine boarding house.

This is no boarding house, honey.

Well, I thought everyone took in roomers.

A nice environment you've given her.

I want to have my environment fixed.

I'll wager the child hasn't had a bit of food.

Oh, yes, I have.

Uncle Harry bought me a candy bar.

Candy bar?

Gwen, take the child in the kitchen and get her something decent to eat.

Oh, I can help myself. I'm very self-reliant.

Well I'm hungry too.

Let's go together, huh?

My name's Rebecca Winstead. What's yours?

I'm Gwen Warren. We're first cousins, you know.

Oh, are we?

(clears throat) My, it's nice to get out in the country again.

You certainly have a cozy little place here, Miranda.

Get to the point, Harry.

Well, Miranda, it's this way.

You see, I've had Rebecca on my hands for some time now.

It's been quite a burden. Of course, I'm only too glad to take care of the child.

Although she really isn't my own, you might say.

But lately I've had several financial reverses, and I thought--

What you're trying to tell me is, you want me to take the child off your hands.

I'd hardly put it that way, Miranda, but that's the general idea.

Listen to me, Harry Kipper.

I'll take Rebecca, but only on one condition.

You've got to promise to let me have her for good,

so I can give her the right kind of upbringing.

I don't want her to come to a bad end like her mother.

Now, now, your sister didn't do so bad.

- You're just against show people. - Show people!

If Bess hadn't eloped with that opera singer who died without leaving a cent,

she wouldn't have had to marry a no-good like you!

- Now, Miranda. - Don't you "Now, Miranda" me!

Will you promise not to come back here if I take the child?

It's a sacrifice, but I'll go for anything that's good for Rebecca.

- You know me, Miranda. - Yes, I know you.

You're probably in a hurry. Good-bye.

Oh, just one more thing, Miranda.

I've been sort of short lately, and I thought that maybe--

I wouldn't lend you a cent if it was to save your life, Harry Kipper.

Well, no harm in asking.

Aunt Miranda, you certainly are a good cook.

- Bye-bye, Rebecca. Don't miss me too much. - I won't, Uncle Harry.

Well, see you folks in church.

(sighs) Maybe it's all for the best. He has been an awful trial to me.

- Take her up to the side room. - Come on, darling.

(disgusted grunt)

MIRANDA: As long as you live here, you'll wear your hair this way.

I like it. It's so nice and cool.

I wore my hair that way when I was a little girl.

- My, I bet you were pretty. - (clears throat) Now, get along.

See what you can learn about farming.

All right. I'll introduce myself to the chickens.

I was considered quite a belle in my day.

I'll bet you kicked up your heels when you were young.

The idea. Stuff and nonsense.

(loud squealing)

Oh, you poor little thing.

- I hope you're all right. - (squealing)

Oh, you bent your tail.

I'll fix it. I'm surprised Aunt Miranda lets you wear it curled.

I'll bet you haven't had any breakfast.

I'll ask Aunt Miranda to give you some eggs and bacon.

Oh, there's your breakfast! Hurry up, or there won't be any left.

Oh, that's the wrong way. Come back!

Please come back! You'll get lost.

For heaven's sake, where are you?

Don't you want your breakfast?

You're a very naughty pig.

Well, hello, stranger. What's your hurry?

I'm sorry, but I was trying to catch our pig.

- Don't you know you're trespassing? - What's that mean?

It means you're very welcome.

Thank you, but I must catch our pig.

Wait. I'll round him up. You stay here and head him off.

(gasps)

Aunt Miranda! Gwen!

- Aunt Miranda! Gwen! - Rebecca, what's the matter?

- They fell in the well. - Who fell in the well?

A pig and the man with the long legs.

- Something wrong, miss Gwen? - Someone fell in the well.

- Perhaps it's Homer. - No, ma'am. There's Homer now.

- Hello, Gwen. What's all the rumpus? - There's a man down there.

It's my boss. Are you hurt, Mr. Kent?

- We're all right. Get a rope. - Let's use the hose.

(pig squeals)

- (hose clatters) - TONY: Ouch.

You might have at least taken the nozzle off.

Okay. Haul away.

Everybody, pull.

- Thank you. - Oh, don't mention it. Nothing at all.

Whew.

Why, I hope you'll pardon my appearance. I didn't expect callers.

I'm glad you're not hurt. Or are you?

I'm afraid so. There's a strange feeling right here.

Oh, I hope it doesn't hurt you too much.

You better let Gwen and me put you to bed.

That would be a pleasant experience.

I think Homer can handle the situation. Come on, darling.

I'm sorry she bothered you, Mr....

Kent is the name. Anthony Kent.

I live here, but this is my first trip of the year.

I hope you'll bother again soon. I've got a lot of other tricks.

I'd love to see them. Will you do one now?

I'd better clean up first. How 'bout tomorrow?

Perhaps. Come on, darling.

- Homer, see the ladies to the door. - Yes, sir.

I'll hold the pig.

Over we go.

Gwen! Haven't I told you to keep out of that place?

The place is all right, auntie. In fact, it's quite nice.

- Besides, I had to help Rebecca. - Rebecca, what were you doing in there?

Now, Mirandy, it wasn't her fault.

Your pig ran away, and she had to chase it.

Rebecca, is that my pig?

- Yes, Aunt Miranda. - Tell that man to give it to Aloysius.

But he's right here. Why don't you tell him?

'Cause I refuse to speak to him.

Aunt Miranda says for you to give the pig to Aloysius...

and she refuses to speak to you.

I'm used to it. She's refused to speak to me for 25 years.

And you can tell Homer Busby he's not fit to touch my pig

and he's a no-good loafer!

You're not fit to touch our pig, and you're no-good loafer.

But I don't think so.

I'm glad someone's got a kind word for me.

See you again soon, Rebecca.

- Tell him he will not! - Oh, yes, I will.

After this, stay on your own side of the fence!

Such people! (angry muttering)

- What does Homer do? - He takes care of Mr. Kent's place.

Why doesn't Aunt Miranda like him?

Well, a long time ago, Homer asked Aunt Miranda to marry him.

- Is that why she's mad at him? - Not exactly.

You see, Homer celebrated so much the night before

that he forgot to go to the wedding.

Mr. Kent is very nice too. Don't you think?

We were talking about Homer. Come on. Help me pick berries.

Oh, Aloysius, give Rebecca a pail and show her how to pick berries.

Yes, ma'am. It's a pleasure.

Now, honey, you just watch me.

(clangs)

- (giggling) - ♪ If I had one wish to make ♪

♪ This is the wish I would choose ♪

♪ I'd want an old straw hat ♪

♪ A suit of overalls and a worn-out pair of shoes ♪

♪ Just let me roam around ♪

♪ Laughing at big-city blues ♪

♪ With an old straw hat a suit of overalls ♪

♪ And a worn-out pair of shoes ♪

♪ Howdy, Mr. Brown ho-hum ♪

Going fishing? Hope you get a bite.

♪ Howdy, Mr. Jones ho-hum ♪

♪ How's about a hayride Saturday night ♪

♪ Say hi-ho the merry-o ♪

♪ What have you got what have you got to lose ♪

♪ Get an old straw hat a suit of overalls ♪

♪ And a worn-out pair of shoes ♪

(doorbell ringing)

- See who's at the door, Homer. - Yes, sir.

Why, hello there.

How do you do, Mr. Busby? I would like to see Mr. Kent.

Well, that might be arranged. Come right on in.

- I'll tell him you're here. - Thank you.

You may tell him Miss Winstead is calling.

Well, that would make it more official.

Uh, that little girl from next door wants to see you, Mr. Kent.

Oh, so I see.

You said you'd announce me as Miss Winstead, Mr. Busby.

You'll have to forgive Homer, Miss Winstead.

He's a little out of practice.

- Oh, that's all right. - Won't you have some breakfast with me?

We had our breakfast a long time ago.

But if it were lunch, I would love to.

Lunch it is then. Homer, lunch for the lady.

I'll try. But you know how the cook is

about digging up things at the last minute.

The servant problem gets more difficult every day, don't you think, Miss Winstead?

I guess it must be terrible.

- Will you have a glass of milk? - Thank you. I'd like that.

You have an awfully pretty house, Mr. Kent.

Oh, I'm glad you like it, Miss Winstead.

My, but that's good.

Don't look now, Miss Winstead, but there's milk on your nose.

Dear me. I don't know how it could have gotten there.

- (chuckling) May I? - I guess you better.

- Ah. There you are. - Thank you.

Not at all. Awfully glad you dropped in.

- I can only stay for a minute. - Oh, do you have to hurry?

Aunt Miranda won't like it if I'm gone too long. You see, she's so old-fashioned.

Oh. I know just what you mean.

I knew you would if I explained it to you.

This is all I could dig up.

Oh, that's all right. I eat most anything.

(doorbell rings)

My, Mr. Kent, but I'm having a good time.

So am I, Miss Winstead.

I've never enjoyed entertaining a lady so much before.

Thank you. You may call me Rebecca, if you like.

And I'd appreciate it if you'd call me Tony.

Pardon me, madam. Miss Gwen is here

and says your lunch is ready for you at home.

Homer, where are your manners? Ask her in.

I hope Gwen will like it here as much as I do.

Rebecca, I grow fonder of you by the minute. Hello there.

I'm sorry to intrude, but Aunt Miranda got worried

when Rebecca didn't come home for lunch.

I'll take all the blame.

Rebecca just dropped in for a call, and I insisted that she stay.

- Won't you sit down? - I'm afraid I can't.

You better, Gwen. The food's awful good.

(chuckling) You really can't afford to pass this up.

All right, but no lunch for me, and I can only stay a minute.

That's what I said, and I'm still here!

Believe it or not, I was hoping I'd see you today.

I always say neighbors should be, well, uh, neighborly.

What do you always say?

I always say that depends on the neighbors.

- I can see we're going to get along great. - (chuckling)

Hello. Could you direct me to Mr. Kent's house, please?

- You're looking right at it, bub. - Oh, thanks.

Just a minute. I'll have to introduce you first.

Aw, come on. This is important. I'm Mr. Kent's assistant.

Hold your horses, bub, and wait till I introduce you.

Keep your eye on him, Al.

- I got my eyes right on him. - How do you like...ooh!

Would you mind pointing that the other way?

There's a sort of a simple-looking person outside.

Says he's got to see you. Claims he's your assistant.

Orville? Will you excuse me a moment, please?

Sure.

- Could I get you some more turkey, madam? - No, thank you.

I think I have enough. (laughing)

Well, Orville, I didn't expect to see you down here.

- Nothing's wrong, I hope. - No, everything's gonna be okay, chief.

You did find the kid all right, didn't you?

Well, it's this way. See, the detectives...

Did you find that kid?

- Now, don't get excited. - Did you find her?

- Oh, chief, there are a lot of other kids. - Oh, quit stalling, Orville.

- What's happened? - Well, chief, I lost Little Miss America.

What? What do you mean you've lost her?

Well, it wasn't my fault. We went to her address, and she'd gone.

I tell you, we even hired detectives.

That kid has vanished from the face of the earth.

And that's exactly what you're going to do.

- Do you realize what you've done to me? - No, wait a minute.

- Oh, I'll never explain this to Bartlett. - You won't have to.

- I told him already. - You what?

What did he say?

Well, for a minute he didn't say anything.

Then I couldn't understand him.

Why, you...

Hello, operator. I want New York.

I want to speak to Mr. Cyrus Bartlett, Rheinlander 51680.

- Informs me... - (rings)

Yes?

- Mr. Kent on long distance. - Hello?

- Hello. Mr. Bartlett? - (OVER PHONE): Yeah!

This is Kent. Tony Kent.

Look here, Kent, you sold me on the idea of...

♪♪ (Rebecca singing)

Wait a minute, Mr. Bartlett. Please, you don't understand.

- ♪♪ (continues) - (Bartlett continues indistinct)

♪ I'd want an old straw hat a suit of overalls ♪

Just a minute, Mr. Bartlett. You're going a little too far.

We can straighten out everything.

Why, you... you've ruined... you've scuttled my product!

The failure of this program,

will be an insurmountable affront to the dignity of Crackly Grain Flakes!

And, Kent, I'll get you for this! I'll... I'll... I'll...

- (Bartlett continues) - ♪ This is the wish I would choose ♪

♪ I'd want an old straw hat a suit of overalls ♪

♪ And a worn-out pair of shoes ♪

♪ Just let me roam around ♪

♪ Laughing at big-city blues ♪

♪ With an old straw hat a suit of overalls ♪

♪ And a worn-out pair of shoes ♪

♪ Howdy, Mr. brown ho-hum ♪

- Chief! Chief! It's a mirage! - Shut up.

It's the kid! Little Miss America! You gotta listen.

- (Bartlett continues, indistinct) - ♪♪ (continues)

♪ How's about a hayride saturday night ♪

But, Mr. Bartlett, I've been trying to tell you...

I've got Little Miss America!

Wait. Listen.

- Listen! - ♪ Get an old straw hat ♪

♪ A suit of overalls and a worn-out pair of shoes ♪

Hold it. And don't hang up!

Hello?

Homer! Aloysius! Give me a hand!

Oh!

Get over here.

Keep playing. Loud. Let's go.

Come on, Rebecca! Come on. Come on, honey.

Sing another chorus right here under the phone. Play it, will ya?

Give it everything you got, honey.

♪ If I had one wish to make ♪

♪ This is the wish I would choose ♪

♪ I'd want an old straw hat a suit of overalls ♪

♪ And a worn-out pair of shoes ♪

♪ Just let me roam around ♪

♪ Laughing at big-city blues ♪

♪ With an old straw hat a suit of overalls ♪

♪ And a worn-out pair of shoes ♪

♪ Howdy, Mr. Brown ho-hum ♪

♪ Goin' fishin' hope you get a bite yes, indeed, I do ♪

♪ Howdy, Mr. Jones ho-hum ♪

♪ How's about a hayride ♪

♪ On saturday night ho-ho-ho ♪

♪ Sing hi-ho, the merry-o ♪

♪ What have you got what have you got to lose ♪

♪ Get an old straw hat a suit of overalls ♪

♪ And a worn-out hat ♪

♪ Overalls ♪

♪ Shoes ♪

Did you hear that, Mr. Bartlett?

Why of course she's right here. That's what I called to tell you.

(laughs) Oh, that. Uh, uh...

(chuckles) My assistant was just playing a practical joke.

Oh, you're right. It wasn't very funny. He's never very funny.

Yes, Mr. Bartlett. Everything's fine.

In fact, everything's beautiful.

Good-bye, Mr. Bartlett.

Whew.

Well, I put it over, chief.

I knew I'd find her.

I still can't believe it. Why, it's marvelous.

- But what, Mr. Kent? - It's uncanny!

We had a kid all set for a big program.

She disappeared, and now it turns out to be Rebecca.

Why, it sounds like a fairy tale.

- It is! - I love fairy tales.

(laughs) My old pal, Rebecca!

I was crazy about you before, but now... ohh!

Why didn't you tell me you tried out for my program?

But I didn't know it was your program.

- Am I going on the radio after all? - You bet you are!

Why, you'll be a sensation.

Oh, I don't think Aunt Miranda will like it.

Don't you worry about Aunt Miranda.

I'll go over this afternoon and sell her a bill of goods.

Gonna have to be a mighty good salesman, Mr. Kent.

Rebecca tells me Aunt Miranda is rather old-fashioned.

- She's mighty peculiar. - I'm glad I brought you, Homer.

Having along an old friend of Aunt Miranda's

oughta get me off on the right foot.

I'm warning you again Mr. Kent, it won't help none to have me along.

I've known Miranda for 25 years,

and I can't rightly say I understand her yet.

- Maybe I'd better wait out here. - Now wait a minute.

That's no way to talk to the chief. Where's your loyalty?

We gotta pull together.

Orville, I think you'd better pull from out here, where you can't do any damage.

Oh, now, chief...

(whispers) Hello.

Have you told Aunt Miranda anything yet?

No. Gwen thought it would be better to surprise her.

Aunt Miranda isn't in a very good humor today.

Oh-oh.

Where are you going, Homer?

It just came to me sort of sudden-like.

- Maybe I'd be in the way, hmm? - You come on.

I'm depending on you.

Aunt Miranda, this is Mr. Kent.

How do you do, Miss Wilkins? How are you?

What's that man doing in my house?

- Why, I... I... that is, I... - Now, Mirandy...

Rebecca, tell that man to get out of my house.

I think Aunt Miranda wants you to leave, Mr. Busby.

All right. I guess I can take a hint.

But you can tell her for me it ain't Christian to hold a grudge so long.

Mr. Busby says it isn't christian to hold a--

I heard him.

You did?

Mr. Kent, I don't thank you for bringing that no-good--

Auntie, I don't think Mr. Kent understands.

I assure you, Miss Wilkins,

I had no idea there'd been a breach between you and Mr. Busby.

Breach? I don't even know that Mr. Busby's on earth.

I quite understand, Miss Wilkins.

I can see now there couldn't possibly be any community of interest

between a lady of your background and a man like Homer.

Hmm. Won't you sit down, young man?

Thank you, Miss Wilkins.

I knew you'd like Tony, Aunt Miranda.

Tony?

Yes. That's short for Anthony. (chuckles)

I have a great surprise for you, Miss Wilkins.

I've been connected with radio a long time

but never have I met a more talented child than Rebecca.

Fortunately, she's just what we need for a big program we're starting.

Why, Rebecca's personality and voice are two of the--

Just a minute, young man!

Are you trying to tell me you want to put Rebecca on the radio?

Why, yes, on a very important program. A nationwide hookup...

Get out of here!

B-b-but, Miss Wilkins, I don't understand. I...

Auntie, please listen to Mr. Kent.

I want to go on the radio so bad.

You keep out of this.

This is a very important opportunity for Rebecca.

- Surely you can't say no. - Oh, can't I?

Well, just listen to this, Mr. Kent... no!

I know what you theatrical people are, a no-good lot.

I took Rebecca out of that unwholesome atmosphere

and I'm not gonna put her back into it.

She's going to stay right here on the farm where I can keep an eye on her.

- But, Miss Wilkins, I-- - Mr. Kent, I'm asking you to leave.

If that's the way you feel, there's nothing more to say.

Indeed, there isn't.

All right, Miss Wilkins, but you're making a serious mistake.

I don't want to hear this subject mentioned again.

And, Rebecca, if you go near that man again

I'll take you over my knee and give you a spanking you'll never forget.

And that goes for both of you.

How much you have to pay her, chief?

Pay her? Why you, you nitwit we didn't even get her.

Tony! Wait a minute!

The charming Miss Wilkins practically tore my head off.

- She was awfully mean to you, Tony. - It looks hopeless.

You know once Aunt Miranda makes up her mind, she's too stubborn to change it.

I've been trying to change it for 25 years.

I'm afraid this is good-bye. I've got to get back to New York now

and try to straighten out this mess.

We're sorry you're going.

I'm none too happy over it myself, but I'll be back.

Good-bye, Tony.

I wish I could sing for you over the telephone, like I did to Mr. Bartlett.

- Tony, why not? - What do you mean?

Broadcast from here. It's possible, isn't it?

Why, yes, it could be done by remote control.

Sure, chief! We could run wires down like we did on the Bradbury courthouse.

Then the kid could stay in the program.

Oh, please try it. With all her talent, Rebecca deserves a chance.

Oh, Tony, please do!

It's insane, but I don't see why it won't work.

Uh-oh. What about Aunt Miranda?

Well, we won't tell her. And you can depend on us to keep her in the dark.

You bet we will. We're very "indecapable."

(laughing)

I don't know. Miranda's a mighty peculiar woman.

(harmonizing) ♪ Crackly Grain Flakes ♪

♪ The breakfast food of the land ♪

♪ Crackly Grain Flakes ♪

♪ Are what the people demand ♪

♪ What did the white man fight and die for ♪

♪ What did he sigh for ♪

♪ What things today do babies cry for ♪

♪ Crackly Grain Flakes ♪

♪ The very cream of the crop ♪

♪ Crackly Grain Flakes ♪

♪ In every market and shop ♪

♪ They're so tasty ♪

♪ Just like pastry ♪

♪ Why not try 'em ♪

♪ Go and buy 'em ♪

♪ Crackly Grain Flakes are the top ♪

You've just heard the Crackly Grain Flakes--

Never mind the commercial Orville.

Boys, that was a swell rehearsal.

Better knock off and get your feed. We go on the air in a couple of hours.

(man playing kazoo)

Come and get it!

You'd better relax too. It won't be long now, Rebecca. Nervous?

Of course not. I never get nervous. I'm very self-reliant.

(chuckles) I don't mind saying I'm shaking like a leaf.

Well, well!

If it isn't Farmer Gray.

How are all the crops?

Nice of you to show up for the broadcast anyway.

Now darling, don't be that way.

I suppose I should cheer when you miss a rehearsal.

Now you know how I feel when you keep me waiting.

Uh, Miss Warren, Miss Lee.

Miss Lee is an old friend.

- How do you do, Miss Lee? - Hello, Miss Warren.

I've always wanted to meet a farmer's daughter.

If I'd known you were coming, I'd have worn my sun bonnet.

And this is Rebecca, the star of our program.

Oh, isn't she cute. How old are you, little one?

I'm eight. How old are you?

That's a question you must never ask a lady.

Oh. I guess you must be pretty old.

Sweet little thing, isn't she?

We'd better be going before Aunt Miranda gets suspicious.

That's right. We don't want anything like that to happen.

Don't you worry about a thing. Homer and I know exactly what to do.

That was a sweet greeting.

You practically broke my arm when I tried to kiss you.

Couldn't you have at least waited until they'd gone?

Oh, so that's it.

A barnyard romance. No wonder you wanted to broadcast from this outpost.

That blonde hayseed's got you doing nip-ups.

Don't start anything, Lola. That kid means a lot to me.

Yeah? Which kid are you talking about?

Chief, chief, I couldn't find Lola anywhere.

Keep looking, Orville.

- You'll find her sooner or later. - Not if I can help it.

Oh! Lola!

Well I'm sure glad to see you.

- Thanks, my pet. - Lola.

There's something I've been wanting to tell you.

Shoot.

(chuckles) Maybe I better tell you some other time.

Aw, come on, Orville. Let's have it.

Well, I don't know whether I should because, this is sort of a secret.

I won't tell a soul.

Well, uh, there's a certain party that's crazy about you.

- Yes? - Yes.

And because of certain circumstances

this party is afraid to tell you just how he feels.

Oh, how ridiculous.

Why, when a man loves a girl,

he should take her in his arms, smother her with kisses

and tell her he adores her.

All right then. I will.

Lola, I adore you.

(gasps) Oh!

- Were you talking about yourself? - Sure, Lola.

- Couldn't you go for a guy like me? - Yeah, with an ax.

With an... I was afraid of that.

- I guess the only one you can see is Tony. - That's right.

We'll be seeing it with orange blossoms any day now.

- Well, congratulations. - Aw, cheer up, Orville.

Come on, let's run over the number.

Hey, Pete, will you give us "Alone With You," please?

♪♪ (piano intro)

♪ I've always known that three's a crowd ♪

♪ Only two may dance ♪

♪ Only two romance ♪

♪ So when I see you in a crowd ♪

♪ I'm not satisfied ♪

♪ Till I reach your side ♪

♪ Alone with you ♪

♪ I don't know the meaning of time ♪

♪ Alone with you ♪

♪ I'm yours without reason or rhyme ♪

♪ I'd be content to be sent ♪

♪ To an island in the sea ♪

♪ If I had you with me ♪

♪ How lucky I would be ♪

♪ Alone with you ♪

♪ I'll have everything that I need ♪

♪ I always knew ♪

♪ I'd follow wherever you lead ♪

♪ So ring the bells in the steeple ♪

♪ Tell all the people ♪

♪ That we are one ♪

♪ And I've begun ♪

♪ To live in the heaven ♪

♪ Alone with you ♪

- ♪ Alone ♪ - ♪ Alone with you ♪

♪ I don't know the meaning of time ♪

- ♪ Alone ♪ - ♪ Alone with you ♪

♪ I'm yours without reason or rhyme ♪

- ♪ I'd be content to be sent ♪ - ♪ (humming) ♪

♪ To an island in the sea ♪

♪ If I had you with me ♪

♪ How lucky I would be ho-ho ♪

♪ Ho-ho, alone ♪

♪ Alone with you ♪

♪ I'd have everything that I need ♪

♪ I always knew ♪

♪ I'd follow wherever you lead ♪

♪ So ring the bells in the steeple ♪

♪ Tell all the people ♪

♪ That we are one ♪

♪ And I've begun ♪

♪ To live in the heaven ♪

- ♪ Alone ♪ - ♪ Alone ♪

♪ With you ♪

Rebecca should be here now. She goes on in five minutes.

- She'll be here, all right. - I hope so.

- What if she can't make it? - I've got a two-minute emergency ready.

- After that, we're sunk. - Oh.

You didn't, by any chance, have anything to do with this?

Oh chief, I didn't do a thing.

So the doctor said to me, "Mrs. Turner, in my 20 years of practice...

I've never seen a case like yours before."

So he called right away, and they rushed me to the hospital.

What's gotten into you, Rebecca?

You've been yawning and fidgeting ever since dinner.

I'm so sleepy...

and this horsehair tickles.

Where are your manners, child? I don't know what ails her, Mrs. Turner.

Auntie, don't you think Rebecca ought to go to bed?

Might as well.

Better than falling asleep here in our laps.

Good night!

Rebecca! Come right back here!

Didn't you forget something, Rebecca?

Oh, yes. I'm sorry.

Good night, Reverend Turner. Good night, Mrs. Turner.

Land's sakes. I never did see a child so eager to go to bed.

I think I'll go up and help her.

Since when couldn't Rebecca undress herself?

Oh, but the poor little thing's so sleepy.

Well!

(blowing)

- Gwen... - What?

There's something wrong with my whistler.

If mine's out of order, we're sunk.

(whistling)

- That's the signal. - Let's go.

You hold it steady, Al. I'll go up and get her.

If I don't hold it, skip it.

We're late. What kept you?

- Mrs. Turner's operation. - Is the ladder safe?

I built it myself.

Just the same, you better come in hold it up from here.

(loud clattering)

Shh.

You better get her on it.

Come on, honey. We've got to hurry. Program is half over now.

(loud clattering)

- Gwen! - Hang on.

- Yes, Auntie? - What's going on up there?

Oh, it's nothing. I just knocked over a rocking chair.

Well, you're old enough to know better.

Yes, Auntie.

Shh.

That was a close call.

You better stay up here until they bring Rebecca back.

This way, dear.

The doctor told me he operated just in time.

- Have another piece of cake Mrs. Turner. - I've already had two.

- You've had three, but you're welcome. - Oh, that reminds me.

Henry, what time is it?

Surely you're not thinking of leaving, Mrs. Turner?

Oh, no, but I did want to hear that new Crackly Grain Flakes hour on the radio.

8:10, dear.

Oh, my. It's started already.

Uh, may I?

Well, no. It's not working, I don't think.

There was nothing wrong with it this morning, I'm sorry to say.

ORVILLE: And now, ladies and gentlemen, the high spot of our program.

Crackly Grain Flakes takes pleasure in presenting,

everybody's little girl, healthy, happy, Little Miss America.

Her first song will be: "Come and Get Your Happiness."

♪♪ (string music)

♪ Why are grown-up people's faces wrinkled ♪

♪ Like a lot of prunes ♪

♪ Money, money that's what chases them around like crazy loons ♪

♪ I think they make a big mistake ♪

♪ Wealth and happiness that counts ♪

♪ Are free to all in large amounts ♪

♪ There's millions worth of golden sunbeams ♪

♪ That everybody can possess ♪

♪ All god's children got success ♪

♪ Come and get your happiness ♪

♪ There's billions worth of silver moonbeams ♪

♪ Enough for everyone I guess ♪

♪ What's a million more or less ♪

♪ Come and get your happiness ♪

♪ Among the wildwood of your happy childhood ♪

♪ Where you were Jills and Jacks ♪

♪ In raggy britches there's a lot of riches ♪

♪ On which you don't pay any income tax ♪

♪ So get under that blue heaven ♪

♪ Away from trouble and distress ♪

♪ Just find mother nature's address ♪

♪ And come and get your happiness ♪

♪ There's millions worth of golden sunshine ♪

♪ Millions worth of golden sunshine ♪

♪ That everybody can possess ♪

♪ Same for you and me that everybody can possess ♪

♪ All god's children ♪

♪ Come and get your happiness ♪

♪ There's billions worth of silver moonbeams ♪

♪ Billions worth of moonbeams ♪

♪ Enough for everyone, I guess ♪

- ♪ What's a million more or less ♪ - ♪ Ahh-ahh, ahh-ahh ♪

♪ Come and get your happiness ♪

♪ Among the wildwood of your happy childhood ♪

- ♪ Where you were Jills and Jacks ♪ - ♪ Jills and Jacks ♪

♪ In raggy britches there's a lot of riches ♪

♪ On which you don't pay any income tax ♪

- ♪ So get under that blue heaven ♪ - ♪ Under blue heaven ♪

- ♪ Away from trouble and distress ♪ - ♪ It's an empty bubble ♪

- ♪ Just find mother nature's address ♪ - ♪ Nature's address ♪

♪ And come and get your happiness ♪

♪ Come and get your happiness ♪

- Isn't she cute? - A remarkable child.

REBECCA: ♪ Millions worth of golden sunshine ♪

Well, that sounds like Rebecca.

Why, that's ridiculous, Auntie.

♪ Come and get your happiness ♪

♪ There's billions worth of silver moonbeams ♪

♪ Billions worth of moonbeams ♪

♪ Enough for everyone, I guess ♪

♪ Billions, billions way up in the trillions ♪

♪ What's a million more or less ♪

♪ Come and get your happiness ♪

♪ Among the wildwood of your happy childhood ♪

- ♪ When you were Jills and Jacks ♪ - ♪ Jills and Jacks ♪

♪ In raggy britches there's a lot of riches ♪

♪ On which you don't pay any income tax ♪

- ♪ So get under that blue heaven ♪ - ♪ Under blue heaven ♪

- ♪ Away from trouble and distress ♪ - ♪ It's an empty bubble ♪

- ♪ Just find mother nature's address ♪ - ♪ Nature's address ♪

♪ And come and get your happiness ♪

♪ Come and get your happiness ♪

- (applause) - Land's sakes, that's peculiar!

If I didn't know Rebecca was upstairs in bed,

I'd swear that was her voice on the radio.

Well, it did sound like Rebecca, but of course it couldn't possibly be.

(clattering)

Maybe not, but she's gotten mighty heavy all of a sudden.

Now, Auntie--

Rebecca? Are you asleep?

(high voice) Yes, Auntie.

- Homer Busby, get off that bed! - Mirandy.

- You're talking to me. - Course I'm talking to you.

Take me to Rebecca.

Oh, Mirandy, I've waited 25 years for this moment.

- Fiddlesticks. - Oh, don't be stubborn any longer.

We're wasting the best years of our lives.

Homer Busby, you're revolting.

Come on, Mirandy. Give in.

How do I know I can trust you after the way you acted?

I swear I'll never keep you waiting again.

Give me one more chance.

Are you sure you got all the wild oats out of your system?

Congratulations, you two.

Oh there's no time for this folderol. Where is she?

Take me to her! Come on!

And now, before we sign off,

our little star has another number for you.

What would you like to sing for us?

What would you like me to sing, Mr. Smithers?

Oh, I'm sure everyone would like to hear you sing the songs

- that made a lot of people happy. - All right.

♪♪ (plays piano)

♪ My dear radio audience ♪

♪ Now I shall do ♪

♪ Some of the songs I've had the pleasure of introducing to you ♪

♪ It was not so very long ago ♪

♪ When you heard this little ditty ♪

♪ On your radio, oh ♪

♪ On the good ship lollipop ♪

♪ It's a sweet trip to a candy shop ♪

♪ Where bonbons play ♪

♪ On the sunny beach of peppermint bay ♪

♪ And do you remember ♪

♪ Animal crackers in my soup ♪

♪ Monkeys and rabbits loop the loop ♪

♪ Gosh, oh, gee but I have fun ♪

♪ Swallowing animals one by one ♪

♪ And I never ever will forget my grandest thrill ♪

♪ The very first time that I sang ♪

♪ An ordinary day becomes a holiday ♪

♪ When I'm with you ♪

♪ Mmm, mmm ♪

♪ I have lots of toys but I don't want to play ♪

♪ Yes, and I'll never forget it ♪

♪ I sat in my daddy's lap and whispered ♪

♪ Oh, daddy how I miss you ♪

♪ You're busy all your life ♪

♪ I long to hug and kiss you ♪

♪ Marry me and let me be your wife ♪

♪ Ah, but it's great to reminisce ♪

♪ When I sang to my little dutch dolly ♪

♪ Just like this ♪

♪ Sometimes I ought to hasche you ♪

♪ You make me feel so blue ♪

♪ But honest I can't hasche you ♪

♪ When you smile at me mein lovely poopjan ♪

♪ Ach, mein gutness ♪

The clock is ticking the hours away.

♪ And so, my radio audience ♪

- ♪ The time has come ♪ - (dings)

♪ For me to say ♪

♪ Good night, my friends ♪

♪ The tired old moon is descending ♪

♪ Good night, my friends ♪

♪ My moment with you now is ending ♪

♪♪ (whistles)

And so I must leave you with kindest regards,

from Rebecca and Crackly Grain Flakes,

the grain flake that makes your tummy say yum, yum, yummy.

I want all my little friends to close their eyes and dream,

for in the morning, it's Crackly Grain Flakes,

some sugar and cream.

Eat it with a smile, and life will be worthwhile.

Now, in conclusion, please join me in singing my theme.

♪ Good night, my friends ♪

♪ Sleep tight, my friends ♪

♪ God bless you pleasant dreams ♪

Nighty-night.

- That was Rebecca. - Go on. You're daffy.

Oh, am I? I know that kid when I hear her. I've heard her a thousand times.

What would she be doing on a big hookup like that?

I told you when you married me you'd be in the dough, didn't I?

Come on. Get dressed.

(chattering)

WOMAN: Adorable!

MAN: Come on, folks. Hurry it up. 10:00 train, don't forget.

Miss Winstead, I think you're wonderful.

- You mean, the program was all right? - Who cares about the program?

- Miss Winstead, I love you. - And I love you too, Tony.

I don't know how I ever got along before I met you.

Tony, when I grow up, would you marry me?

Rebecca, I've never received a more flattering proposal,

but, I'm afraid it won't work out.

You see, by the time you're ready to get married, I'll have a long, gray beard.

Then would you marry Gwen? She's almost ready.

- Rebecca, will you give me a kiss? - I'd be glad to.

They just can't resist you, can they, Tony?

How 'bout running down to the village and tearing a herring with me?

I'm afraid I can't.

I've got to wrap up Little Miss America and put her back where I found her.

So far, everything's gone like clockwork.

- I'm afraid the clock's gonna stop, Tony. - Huh? Uh oh.

Now, Miss Wilkins, I don't want you to say anything until you hear my side of this.

You see--

Young man, what are you gonna pay Rebecca?

Well. Huh?

But, Aunt Miranda, I don't want any pay. I love to sing.

Then you don't mind, Miss Wilkins?

Of course I mind.

I'm not gonna have my niece a big radio star and not get paid for it.

You won't have a thing to worry about, Miss Wilkins. I assure you.

- You're an old dear. - You're a honey, Aunt Miranda.

- Hmm. - How about me?

Homer Busby, you're an old fool.

But you can't wait much longer, Aunt Miranda.

She's right, Mirandy.

I got my rig out here, if you wanna take a ride in the moonlight.

Go on, Auntie. I'll be along later.

Homer Busby, you always were impulsive. Come on, Rebecca.

But, Miranda, I thought that after all these years--

Nonsense! It's past Rebecca's bedtime and mine too.

Come along. Good night!

Tony, darling, if miss, miss what's her name doesn't mind,

I'd like to speak with you.

- Will you pardon me, Gwen? - Oh, don't bother about me.

I'll be right back. (whistles)

- Oh, hello. - Hello.

- Gee, it was a swell program, wasn't it? - Yes, it was.

- Wasn't she wonderful? - Rebecca's all right.

- Uh, yes, she is, but I meant Lola. - Oh.

- Oh, gosh, she's sweet. - So it's like that, is it?

Well, only on my side. She's crazy about the chief.

Oh, really?

Gee, he's a lucky guy. He gets everything he wants.

Yes, I suppose he does. Good night, Orville.

Good night.

- (humming) - Where's Gwen?

- Oh, I think she started for home. - (humming)

Gwen.

Pardon me, but haven't you forgotten something?

I don't think so.

Well, think again. A fella named Kent is gonna take you home.

- You think again. - What's wrong?

- Oh, nothing, nothing at all. - Gwen, what is all this about?

- Please, it isn't anything. - LOLA: Tony, darling.

Is it Lola that's worrying you?

Lola? Mm-mmm. Let's forget it. Good night.

- Now I'm gonna make a gingerbread man. - (chuckles)

(giggles) Now I think I'll make a moon.

(humming)

Now I think a heart.

(humming contnues)

Now a star.

(humming continues)

Gwen, when these are done, let's take some over to Tony.

Well, I'll be too busy, but you can take some over to him.

- Don't you like Tony anymore? - Well, of course I like him.

You sounded like you're mad at him.

Now, Melba, act nice to the kid.

You don't have to tell me how to act.

(thumps)

So, all right, honey. I got it twice.

- We could sue 'em for that. - That's an idea.

(doorbell rings)

Oh, run along, will you, and see who's at the door?

Hello there, honey. How's tricks? Meet the missus.

- Your new mother. - How do you do?

- Hello, kid. How about a kiss? - No, thank you.

- Fresh, eh? - Aunt Miranda!

- Aunt Miranda! - What a dump!

Ain't it a laugh? Wait till you see Aunt Miranda. She'll kill you.

- I hope not. - Hey, come on in. Get a load of this.

(chuckles)

- What do you think of it? - I wouldn't like it if I was a moth.

Well, well! A long time no see, folks.

Meet the new missus. And this is my attorney, Jake Singer.

Pleased to meet you.

I thought you weren't coming back here, Harry Kipper.

It's this way, Miranda. I been doin' all right, just got married and all.

And, I'm ready to take Rebecca back now.

You'll do no such thing!

You gave the child up once, and you can't take her back now.

Now, now, now, now, Miranda, there's no reason we can't be friendly about this.

I'd as soon be friendly with a rattlesnake.

It's obvious you've heard Rebecca on the radio and you're after her money.

It's Harry's kid, ain't it? We got more right to her dough than you have.

Don't let them take me away, Aunt Miranda. I didn't like it with him.

Now, honey, you'll have a swell time with me. You can have anything you want.

Then I want to stay here!

Oh, Mr. Kipper, you can't take Rebecca away.

Why, she's been happier here than she's ever been in her whole life.

- Now you get out of my house! - Not without the kid, we don't.

I don't wanna get tough about this, Miranda, but you're asking for it.

You just try and take her.

Now, my dear madam, all this yelling isn't going to get us anyplace.

And don't forget that Mr. Kipper, is the child's stepfather and legal guardian.

The courts of New York have decreed, that he shall have custody of the child.

And here are the papers.

And now, madam, if you'll take the advice of a lawyer,

who's looking out for your interests,

as well as my own client's,

you'll see that this child packs her things and gets out of here.

He's right, Auntie. There's nothing we can do about it now.

Get your things packed, kid. Go on.

I'll help.

I warn you, Harry Kipper. You better take good care of the child.

Say, didn't I always treat her right?

Don't worry. I'll handle the kid like she was my own.

Sure! (chuckles)

Maybe, if I work hard, Uncle Harry will let me come back for a visit.

Of course, darling.

And maybe, you and Aunt Miranda can come down to the city and see me too.

You bet we will.

I guess I won't need these in the city.

Will you save them for me, for when I come back?

(cries)

Don't cry, Gwen. You said you'd come and see me.

I brought you some cookies to eat on the way.

Thank you, Aunt Miranda. I'm gonna miss your cookies.

And here's a picture of me, so you won't forget what I look like.

Of course, it isn't a very good likeness. It was taken 20 years ago.

- I'll never forget you, Aunt Miranda. - Oh, of course you will.

Of course you will.

Please, Aunt Miranda, I don't want to leave.

(crying)

Go on, now. Go on. We haven't got all day.

Here, honey.

They're taking enough time. That kid must have more clothes than I've got.

- (chuckles) All set, kid? - Yes.

- Come on. - Good-bye, Gwen. Good-bye, Aunt Miranda.

So long, folks. See you in church.

Bye, Aloysius. I'm going away.

- I sure hate to see you go, Miss Rebecca. - Oh, I'll be back.

Sure, you will, honey. And don't forget this.

I won't.

Take good care of yourself, Rebecca.

I will, Aunt Miranda. I'm very self-reliant.

Good-bye, darling.

Come on.

(door slams, engine starts)

- Good morning, Gwen. - Hello. Is Mr. Kent home?

He'll be right out.

Well, good morning.

I hate to be a bother, but I had to see you.

I was hoping I'd see you before I went back to New York.

- Gwen, what was wrong last night? - Oh, I was rude, and I'm sorry.

But that isn't what I came over here for.

Something terrible's happened, and you've got to help me. Rebecca's gone.

Gone? But how? What happened?

Her stepfather came back with a court order.

But he can't take her. I'm going to put her under contract.

It's too late. They've already gone to New York!

- Come on and pack. We gotta get Rebecca. - All right.

♪♪ (fanfare)

MAN: Baby Bath invites you to the premiere of a new series of programs,

starring that cheerful little earful, Little Miss Universe.

Remember, if you want your child to have a perfect skin,

use Baby Bath, the velvet soap.

To start things off, smiling Frankie Lee and his Baby Bathers,

bring you that new song sensation, "Wash your troubles away."

(no audible dialogue)

- Here we are, Mr. Purvis. - Well, we're on our way, Kipper.

You're a lucky man, Mr. Purvis.

If you handle the kid right, she'll make you a fortune.

You're lucky yourself with this contract.

We'd feel a lot luckier if you'd give us a little advance.

If Rebecca clicks tonight as she did at rehearsal,

you'll get a big, fat check tomorrow.

I still can't understand why you sold her to me instead of to Kent.

Well, first come, first serve, Mr. Purvis.

I've been waiting for a long time to put something over on Tony Kent.

Will he burn when he hears that his Little Miss America

is now my Little Miss Universe.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear me.

(breathing heavily, clearing throat)

- Anything wrong, mister? - I'm almost a nervous breakdown.

I get this way before every program.

Oh, are you going on the radio now?

Well, that's just what makes me so nervous. I never know.

Then why don't you ask somebody?

Well, they don't know either.

This is certainly a funny radio station.

Why, my dear young lady, there's nothing funny about it.

I'm an organist, one of the very best, if I may say so.

Hamilton Montmarcy. Perhaps you've heard of me?

I don't think so.

Well, there you are. Nobody has. (clears throat)

You see, I'm an emergency musician.

But there's never any emergencies around here.

You mean, people get sick and can't go on the radio?

Well, that was the idea when they hired me, but nobody ever gets sick around here.

I've waited 10 months, and there hasn't been so much as a bad cold.

Don't worry, Mr. Montmarcy. Somebody'll be sick any day now!

I certainly hope so.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear, dear, dear.

- Gwen! Tony! - Hello, honey.

Darling! Oh!

Well!

Purvis, you put over a fast one, didn't you?

All's fair, you know, Kent.

I'll give you $100,000 for Rebecca's contract.

Ha! Not a chance.

But, Mr. Purvis, this isn't just a business matter.

It is to me, big business.

Little Miss Universe goes on the air in a minute.

There's a couple of seats in the auditorium, if you care to listen.

A hundred thousand bucks, and you had to sell her to Purvis.

- Well, that's that. - Can't I go back with you and Tony?

I'm afraid not, darling.

- At least not for a little while. - But I don't wanna stay here.

I know, but you can't always have

everything you want right when you want it.

But we'll get you back with us someday.

I guess I won't be able to sing for you now, Tony.

Mmm. don't you worry about that, honey.

Singing for me isn't important anymore. It's just that we want you with us.

It may take time, so you've got to be a brave little girl.

I will, Tony.

We'll be listening to you, so do your best.

- Come on, Gwen. - Good-bye, darling.

All right. Here's your cue.

And here comes your cheerful little earful, Little Miss Universe.

Bringing you that charming melody, "Old Straw Hat".

♪♪ (fanfare)

♪♪ (band starts playing)

♪ If I had one wish to make ♪

♪ This is the wish ♪ (coughing)

(music stops)

- (coughs) - (whispers) Let's try it again.

- Please. - ♪♪ (band plays)

(hoarse) ♪ If I had one wish ♪ (coughs)

- Want to try it again? - ♪♪ (band plays)

(coughs, music stops)

(murmuring)

- What's the matter with your voice? - I can't talk.

What is the matter?

Go on and sing. Go on. You're gettin' paid for it.

- What do you want a glass of water? - (hoarse) I can't talk.

- Go on. Do something. - What is the matter?

- Sing in there. - (barely audible) I can't talk.

- Poor baby. - I'll get a doctor.

Hey. Montmarcy, you're on! Studio "B".

- I'm on? Oh. - Yeah.

Oh. Oh. Oh, I'm on.

Oh, dear. I'm on.

Oh. I'll be back in a minute.

I'm on.

(chuckles) Wonderful.

Isn't it marvelous?

How wonderful.

You will now hear an organ recital by Hamilton Montmarcy.

(clears throat)

(groans)

Oh. Okay.

Because of conditions beyond our control,

our program will continue with selected recordings.

- I knew something would go wrong. - Shut up!

- (hoarse) I can't... - You shut up too!

Listen kid if you don't want the licking of your life,

you better tell me the truth.

- Did Kent put you up to this? - (hoarse) No. I can't talk.

Kipper, you knew this when you sold me the kid!

I'll stake my professional integrity that this is a frame-up.

Dr. Hill is here.

Ah! Now we'll know whether it's a frame-up or not.

- Where's the patient? - This little girl here.

Well, you look healthy enough to me. What's wrong with you?

(hoarse) I can't talk.

She claims something happened to her voice.

And, doc, if the little brat's stalling, I'll slap her silly.

Mmm, we'll see. Is there someplace where I can examine her?

MAN: You can examine her right in here, doctor.

Thank you. Come on.

I'm sorry.

If this little girl is really sick, you'll need a doctor too.

- Where's Rebecca? - She's in there with the doctor.

(knocks)

(doorknob rattles)

- Oh, darling. - What's wrong, honey?

(barely audible) I can't t...

- Well, doc? - Oh, there's no question about it.

It's partly a psychogenic condition,

and partly the result of straining the child's voice.

Doc, you mean the kid can't work?

Oh, she won't be able to sing or even to talk very clearly.

But with a complete rest for a year or two, she may get over it.

Well, Kipper, there's your contract.

Don't you worry, honey.

It's kind of fun to whisper anyway.

Come in here, you two.

Look, Kipper. I think Rebecca should be with her aunt.

After all, she's not much use to you now.

I'll give you $5,000 if you turn over your legal guardianship to Aunt Miranda.

Well, now, um, the kid means a lot to me.

- Don't be a sucker! Take it. - Okay.

Drop up to my office in the morning.

You can get the money as soon as you sign the papers.

How about a little advance?

Here's a hundred dollars to clinch the deal.

Well, so long, kid. See you in church.

(hoarse) Thank you, Tony.

I imagine these are the good friends you told me about.

Doctor, isn't there anything we can do for Rebecca?

That depends on the circumstances.

Sometimes these things clear up rather suddenly.

Good-bye. Good night, Rebecca.

Good-bye, doctor. And thanks! I hope I can do the same for you some day.

- Rebecca! - (giggles)

What a smarty you turned out to be.

I always told you I was very self-reliant.

- (laughs) - (chuckles)

♪♪ (bugle call)

♪♪ (marching theme)

♪♪ (bugle call)

♪♪ (drum roll)

♪ Have you heard have you heard ♪

♪ There's a new tooter in with the tin-pan parade ♪

♪ Pass the word pass the word ♪

♪ 'Cause it's some toy trumpet brigade ♪

♪ Come along come along ♪

♪ If you're soon enough you'll hear him do his stuff ♪

♪ Hurry up hurry up ♪

♪ They will soon be here they're getting nearer ♪

♪ Here they come here they come ♪

♪ Hear the hum of the drum of the tin-pan parade ♪

♪ Better run better run ♪

♪ 'Cause it's some toy trumpet brigade ♪

♪ Here they are there's the leader passing by ain't he grand ♪

♪ He's a star he's the leader of the band ♪

♪ There he goes with his trumpet tootin' high, tootin' low ♪

♪ When he blows he's a rootin' tootin' dandy ♪

♪ Tootin' low tootin' high ♪

♪ He's a new tooter in with the tin-pan parade ♪

♪ There they go passing by ♪

♪ That was some toy trumpet brigade ♪

♪♪ (drumroll)

♪♪ (trumpet playing)

♪♪ (trumpet continues)

♪♪ (trumpet pauses)

♪♪ (trumpet continues)

♪♪ (drumroll)

♪♪ (jazz music)

♪♪ (jazz continues)

♪♪ (bugle call)

(applause)

♪♪