Original subtitles

[music]

Sue >> Common sense says we're the product of our choices.

Good or bad, the decisions we make determine who we are.

They create our fate.

The problem was, I wasn't listening to common sense.

And when I did,

it was already too late.

John >> We can be a government of empire building

or a democracy, but not both.

I mean, after all, they're mutually exclusive ends

with mutually exclusive needs.

Did you read Mailer in the Review?

Sue >> Words, words, words.

John >> He goes so far as to posit...

...the natural state of humanity.

[music]

April >> Your husband says you write.

>> Pardon?

>> Your husband says you're writing a book?

>> Would you excuse me for a second, I have to uh...

powder my drink.

Okay, tell all: Name, status, boxers or briefs?

>> Who is it now?

>> The guy over there who is precisely my type.

>> That would rule out, ah, nobody.

>> Oh ho ho. Funny.

The one standing over there staring at me.

Don't look!

Uhm!

>> Never seen him before.

>> He's got that married look.

>> How do you get away with it? Sue >> Get away with what?

Steven >> Oh, come on! >> Oh, please!

I'm just playing. Andrew doesn't care.

He's over there letting some guy talk his ear off.

If I didn't find some sort of entertainment,

I'd die of boredom.

I can see the headlines: Fundraiser's Wife Expires

from Cocktail Party Banter.

>> Occupational hazard?

>> I'm going to go forage.

>> Good luck!

>> Perfect, thanks.

Rick >> That's the bliss right there.

That first stinging, cold sip. After that you're just

chasing the sensation of the first encounter.

>> Spoken like a true alcoholic.

>> That's kind of true of most things really, don't you think?

Aren't we all just chasing the thrill of the first encounter?

>> So are you?

>> An alcoholic?

>> Married?

>> Well you're even better than I imagined.

>> There you are, Sue.

I see you've met my husband Rick.

>> Your husband?

Janey >> This is the Sue I was telling you about.

Her husband is fund raising for the new hospital.

How is the book coming?

Sue is writing the great American novel.

>> About a 1000 pages in search of a theme.

>> Ouch.

Sue >> Ouch.

>> So, cheers!

What are we toasting?

>> To stinging first encouneters.

>> Whatever.

[music]

>> That's good, but if we use that, then we're going to

the use the two and the four. John >> But we can still use...

>> I'm going to get some air. >> Okay.

[music]

>> What a surprise.

>> You forgot something.

>> A drink.

>> No, this.

Rick >> Who are you?

>> Who do you want me to be?

[music]

Janey >> Honey!

Rick!

[music]

Sue >> No, no no. I'm not exaggerating.

The plane is plummeting through the sky.

>> Moderate turbulence. >> And I'm white knuckling

the armrest like this for about an eternity,

until the plane. >> Five minutes, max.

>> And this sweet little man next to me,

turns to me and goes, "Excuse me madam,

but if you're done with my arm, I'd like it back, please."

>> You're sprouting.

Andrew >> That's part true though, the guy probably

still has divots in his arm, I swear to god.

[laughter]

[music]

Andrew >> I think that guy Fedder's going to sign on.

He even said that he was honored that I asked him

to contribute to the hospital. Honored.

>> Thanks a lot.

Andrew >> Sorry, I didn't see you there.

>> Big surprise there.

[sigh]

[music]

[music]

[phone rings]

Rick...

Hello?

No. If it's important I can be there.

Yeah, I'll just swap days and take next Monday off.

Yeah, okay. I'll be there in a bit.

[music]

[murmer of workers]

Jill >> Come on, you cast a spell and wham,

another one bites the dust. What did you do to him?

>> Nothing happened. Okay, let's say we flirted,

which we didn't. What's the harm?

In France, flirtation is an art form.

They say it puts zip back in your marriage.

>> Does your marriage need zip?

>> Andrew and I went from zip to, who's taking out the trash?

in record time. Jill >> Come on, you did not.

You guys are totally normal.

Besides who says that marriage is about fireworks anyway?

>> Man and wife; think about it.

He gets to stay a 'man', you become 'wife'.

Ha. Where's the justice?

>> You think too much.

>> They should tell you when you say 'I do',

that you're really saying 'I won't'.

You won't ever feel alive again.

You won't feel that 'kiss me till I faint' feeling.

With someone like him.

Who's that?

>> Laurent Dekker.

Some super-star from Paris that Reiner is courting

for the Mercer project.

>> Maybe the boss could use my help.

I can be very convincing.

Jill >> You are unbelievable!

Get back to work.

[music]

Andrew >> So how's that going to work?

Is Friday going to be okay then?

Have you heard anything that I've said?

[thumps]

Sue >> Of course.

>> So how is Friday night for dinner with Fedder and his wife?

What's her name? Sue >> Friday, here?

>> Yes, here. I thought you said

you were listening. [groan]

What's the face for? >> Boring.

Andrew >> Boring, yeah maybe, but he's boring

and independently wealthy, and I've got him

that close to donating.

Besides he mentioned that he might have a position

in his firm for you full time.

>> Come on, Andrew, we do this once a week.

I need time to write. Why is that...?

>> We need to make some money.

You've been quote un-quote 'writing' for five years?

>> It takes time. Andrew >> Meanwhile

we're hemorrhaging money. >> Hemorrhaging money.

>> You know, you should try paying the bills for awhile.

>> Okay, okay. Friday dinner here.

>> Something nice.

>> I'll be the model wife.

>> There you go. I like that.

See you later. Do we have any food?

Sue >> I'll pick something up after work.

Andrew >> Okay, I have to get to work.

[music]

[ringing phone]

>> Hello?

Here I am.

>> You know who this is?

>> Yeah.

>> You've drugged me. I can't stop thinking

about you. >> Mmm.

>> Is that Mmm in a good way or Mmm in a 'get lost' way?

[giggles]

>> Well, you have to judge that for yourself.

>> What would you you think if I told you I need to see you?

Alone?

Did I scare you?

>> Why? Are you dangerous?

>> No, but what we're about to do is.

>> And what are we about to do, exactly?

Yeah, I know where it is.

Friday, I'll be there.

[music]

[traffic noise]

Jill >> So I just want to introduce you to someone.

This is Laurent Dekker.

He'll be working on the Mercer project with us.

>> Sue Silverman.

>> It's a pleasure.

>> I'm a big fan of yours. I just read that piece

about you in Architectural Review.

>> Ah yes, it made me sound wildly clever.

You mustn't believe any of it.

Not a word.

>> Are you free? We need to set up an office.

Sue >> Never free, but I'll take care of Mr. Dekker's office.

I think you'll like the corner next to Harris.

>> I'm in your hands.

[office noise]

>> Behave yourself.

[phone ring]

[answering machine beep] Andrew >> Hey, it's me.

Don't forget some wine for tonight.

I think he said that he likes Zinfandels.

Okay. Ah, and Sue, I just...thanks.

I've been sort of distracted lately

and I just want to say that I really appreciate this.

Okay? I'll see you tonight.

[answering machine beep]

[music]

[beeps]

Rick >> We need to 'Y' this. The armoire has a second door.

Hang on. [phone ringing]

Hello. Hello?

[beep]

So...

[music]

>> Was it good?

Rick >> Good?

You almost killed me.

[rumble of traffic]

>> I think we probably shouldn't do this again.

>> Are you regeting me already?

Sue >> No.

This was...

I like you but it's wrong.

>> Part of me knows you're right,

part of me doesn't care.

>> Which part wins?

>> Not sure yet.

[music]

[phone rings]

>> Hello?

April.

Oh no.

No no, don't stay home. No, bring her.

How old is she?

Oh, yeah, no, that's fine.

I'm sure I can find something for a ten year old to eat.

Yeah, okay. I'll see you in a bit.

[music]

>> My daddy says that all the time.

Andrew >> Ho, from the mouths of babes, right?

>> You said it. >> Sue, this is all lovely.

John >> Thank you. April >> Let me help you.

>> No, no, please. I'm just going to pitch

it in the sink. Stay right where you are.

>> Thank you.

>> And I have Zoe's favorite for dessert.

>> Chocolate?

>> You bet. [laughter]

[clatter of dishes]

[murmer of voices]

[music]

Sue >> Here we go!

April >> Oh, look at that.

[clatters]

Sue >> Was it good? >> I think so, yeah.

Fedder's on board.

I even nailed you a job interview, so yeah,

I would say it was mission accomplished.

How about you?

What was that look earlier, when you were just standing there?

>> It was nothing.

>> Come on, what was it?

>> I don't...have the words.

>> You looked like you were about to start

crying or something.

>> I just felt this powerful longing to be there,

be that happy little girl in a family.

Silly.

>> No, no.

Put the dishes away, we can do them tomorrow morning.

Let's go to bed.

>> You go up. I'll be up in a minute.

>> Okay.

[receding footsteps]

[music]

Rick >> I know what you need.

[music]

[traffic noise]

[car alarm beeps]

[traffic noise]

[music]

[dialing beeps]

Machine >> You have no messages.

[music]

[phone rings]

[music]

[dialing beeps]

[phone rings]

>> Hello?

[beep, clunk]

>> Hello? [dial tone]

Must have been the wrong number.

[music]

>> Yeah, I don't know.

Give me fifteen. Alright.

[car door slam]

[music]

[roar of engine]

[traffic noise]

[music]

[rumble of engine]

[music]

>> Well, look who's here.

Sue >> Lucky coincidence, hm?

>> You're not wearing anything.

>> Lucky coincidence, hmm.

[music]

Jill >> No wonder you're not eating.

Sue >> Eating? I'm not eating.

I'm not sleeping. I'm not...

It's like I'm flying.

It's like I've met my match.

>> What about Andrew?

>> My sex match.

Rick is as crazy and as impetuous as I am.

He's hot like you would not believe.

And it's like there's this crazy hunger

and the more I have the more crazy hungry I get.

It's all I can think about.

>> Ah, Andrew?

I mean, pardon the dose of reality here...

Sue >> Andrew is my rock. Totally.

Rick's just play.

I could stop it whenever.

>> People get hurt playing, you know.

>> Come on, don't be a downer.

He makes me feel alive.

It's like he looks at me and I exist.

It's like a reason for being and when he stops

and I just...disappear.

Andrew just... Andrew just doesn't get it.

>> Are you saying that Andrew doesn't like sex?

>> No, no, it's just a phase we're going through, you know.

Come on, you and Steven had your snags.

Everyone has.

Don't tell me you haven't thought about it too.

You know, a little affair could spice up your marriage.

>> Yeah, with arsenic.

[sigh]

>> I shouldn't have told you. >> I just worry, that's all.

>> About what? It's just a little fling.

It's under control. It doesn't mean anything.

What harm can it do?

>> Ah, Sue, don't be naive.

>> Here it is.

It's perfect.

Your parents have reached quite a milestone.

Wish I knew their secret. Sue >> What do you mean?

>> Well, you know, this day and age with the divorce rate,

I mean to be married 35 years,

with all the stresses

and extramarital...

Sue >> What do you think? Do you like it?

>> I don't know. Bowls aren't really my thing.

>> It's a vase. Andrew >> Whatever Sue.

Can't we just make up our mind?

>> We could if we had an opinion.

Andrew >> Well, get it and I'll meet you outside.

>> I'm sure they're really going to love it.

After 35 years of marriage, they deserve something special.

>> You think so?

Irwin >> Thirty-five years,

bound by the sanctity

of our precious institution, our marriage.

And the vows that I spoke

this day 35 years ago

are still as true today.

To my wife, Fay.

All >> Cheers! To Fay...

>> And to my precious treasure, the fire of my heart,

my beautiful daughter.

Guest >> A photograph!

>> No, no, I look a mess. >> Ah, come on, come on.

Sue, right next to me.

Andrew, you too.

Look at the camera.

[murmer of guests]

I was honored with this when I was chief council

to the Secretary of the Interior.

Ah, thank you, sweetheart.

>> Think we'll be married 35 years?

>> I don't know.

I guess I never really thought about it.

Why not?

>> Well, do you think you'll ever leave me?

>> Is this one of your separation anxiety hiccups, Sue?

Let's all stop and pay deference

to one of Sue's neurotic moments.

>> You're driving home, maybe you should stop drinking.

Andrew >> Yeah.

[murmer of party]

[music]

>> I want to put that invitation from the president in the book.

>> What book? Irwin >> Ah, you see!

I still have surprises for you.

My memoirs. And I have another surprise.

>> What?

>> I want you to write it.

My talented Sue, the writer.

It would be our special project.

Will you think about it?

>> Yes, poppa.

>> Let me hear it.

>> I love you, poppa.

>> That's my princess.

[music]

[heavy breathing]

>> Tell me... say you love me.

>> What was that?

>> Nothing, nothing.

[heavy sighs]

Andrew >> No, Sue, I don't get it.

How do you forget a job interview with John Fedder?

Come on, after everything I did to set it up for you?

>> I just have things on my mind.

Andrew >> Things? Things? Like what?

Come on, look at this place.

Obviously cleaning's not on your mind, and cooking's

not on your mind and eating's not on your mind.

Sue >> I wasn't put here just to clean your house

and cook your meals. >> Oh, that's pretty damn

apparent, isn't it, huh, Sue? Look around.

Come on, look around! What's going on here Sue?

>> Nothing! Andrew >> Exactly.

But you're just too busy to make a job interview, huh?

Come on!

>> Look, I'm sorry, okay?

I'll get more organized.

When do you get back?

>> Oh, god, Sue. Don't start this, okay.

Every time I have to go away on a business trip.

Sue >> I just don't like to be alone.

>> Well somebody in the family has to work, Sue.

It's not the end of the world.

>> And I don't like when you go mad.

I get scared when... >> Okay, don't start this again.

>> Can't you just... Andrew >> Sue,

pull yourself together.

I can't stand when you do this.

[music]

Janey >> Honey, look who stopped by for a visit!

You remember Sue Silverman, don't you?

You remember, from the Brooks' party...

>> Oh, yeah, right. The Brooks' party.

Hey. Hi, how are you?

>> Good to see you again.

>> Hey buddy.

Hi.

>> Why don't you stay for dinner?

>> Ah?

Janey >> Why don't you stay for dinner with us?

>> No, I probably shouldn't.

Actually I have plans.

Rick >> Let's get you ready for dinner, buddy.

[music]

[roar of car]

[thump] [creak]

[blaring rock music]

Bar guy >> What d'you think?

Not enough attention for you?

Sue >> Never enough.

[music]

>> What's your pleasure?

>> That was going to be my line.

So let's hear it.

[music]

First I want to dance, can you?

[music]

[murmer of office]

Sue >> Hey. >> Hey, you look like hell.

>> Nice to see you too.

>> You okay? >> Yeah.

>> You sure?

>> I'm fine.

Oh!

Where's a stop sign when you need one?

>> I was looking for you. Can you help me in my office.

>> I can, if you need it right away.

>> Sue can handle it, can't she?

[murmer of office]

Oh, no, this way.

>> I thought you needed something in your office.

>> I didn't say which office.

[music]

>> Do you like surprises?

So do I.

[elevator ding]

[music]

[creak]

[music]

Laurent >> ...because we are all hard-wired.

You know this. You just won't admit it.

Americans, you have your psychotherapy.

'Change this. Change that.'

'I am not happy. Make me different.'

All such crap.

There's no free will.

Who we are, how we are,

it's all built in.

Not here...

but here.

There's nothing we can do about it

and that makes us like animals.

Same needs.

Same desires.

So you write. Tell me more about that.

>> Well, I'm not quite as accomplished as you.

I didn't know you were a poet too.

Laurant >> I'm an architect because I want to be.

I write because I have to.

So, tell me...

are you as timid with your writing as you are with me?

>> Timid.

Laruent >> Because to write, you can not be afraid.

You have to willing to go to the dark corners.

See things that will hurt you.

>> I'm not as fragile as you think.

>> Ha!

[phone ringing]

>> Hello. Ah, Sue... I haven't seen her.

I don't think she came back from lunch.

Ah...

She said she wasn't feeling well.

She might have just gone home.

Maybe I can help you out with that.

Okay, sorry, Reiner.

>> What?

>> I love that look.

Sue >> What look?

>> In your eyes.

Flickers of passion.

Pain - you've been hurt.

But underneath it...

just a little girl.

Innocent.

Let me take you back up to my room.

>> No.

>> See.

You're not as confident as you think.

[lounge music]

>> We've come this far, tell me to stop.

>> I don't want you to stop.

>> I know. I can sense it.

>> I want more.

You're different.

>> No, I'm too much like you and that scares you, doesn't it?

>> Not yet.

>> Your 'will'?

Don't go.

Here's a little poem.

[lounge music]

>> It's in French.

>> Te es sans d'etre Ce nes't quete.

It says, 'Your free will is a dream.'

[lounge music]

[clank]

[music]

[knock knock knock]

[music]

>> You followed me.

[music]

Don't...

I don't want you to hurt me.

>> I won't.

I'm going to marry you.

And that pain behind your eyes?

I'm going to take that away.

[music]

Sue >> Andrew, it's me.

Yeah, I know it is.

I woke you, didn't I?

I just wanted to hear your voice.

Um, things are going to be better when you get back.

I promise.

[ringing phone]

Hello.

>> I'm waiting for you, baby. Did you forget about me?

[music]

[slam of door]

Andrew >> Sue?

Sue?

Unbelieveable.

[clunk of door]

[clatter of dishes] [running water]

[music]

>> I'm sorry.

Did you hear me?

>> Sorry about what, Sue?

Which part?

I thought you said you were going to get 'organized',

isn't that the word you used?

What happened to your big promise

that things were going to get better?

>> I'm trying. Andrew >> Give me a break.

>> Believe it or not, I'm... >> You're sick? Huh?

How hard is it just to act normal?

Just clean, cook, work, not rocket science,

just normal things. Sue >> I'm trying.

>> That's disgusting.

All of it. Look at this place.

Everything!

>> Me?

>> As a matter of fact, yeah.

[clank of dish]

>> Where are you going? Andrew >> Out.

[receding footsteps]

[music]

Sue >> I think my marriage is over.

Jill >> What?

Sue >> It's not just our fight.

I don't want to sleep with him anymore

and I moved a bed upstairs.

>> Maybe you just need some space.

That's not so unusual.

>> Something bigger is happening.

>> It's that guy.

Oh, come on Sue. You're just infatuated.

I thought you said it was just play?

Sue, you don't want to do something crazy

just because you're having sex with some guy.

>> He said he was going to marry me.

Jill >> What? >> This isn't about sex.

And I think I love him. >> Love?

Come on, you're just screwing.

Strangers don't fall in love.

Besides, Rick's already married.

>> It isn't Rick.

>> What are you saying?

>> I told you this is different. He's like the other side of me.

>> Who?

No! Laurent? Sue, this is ridiculous.

Sue >> Don't tell me to stop okay, because I can't.

>> I'm not telling you to stop, I'm telling you this is sick.

You need help. I think...

Sue >> You're not listening. I'm fine, okay, and I don't

need a lecture about... Jill >> Here, take this.

I've been meaning to give it to you.

>> Robert Gardener.

A shrink?

>> You need to talk to someone.

>> Give me a break! I met someone.

I love him. That's normal.

>> No, it's not. >> He's...He understands me.

>> You said the same thing about Rick.

Don't you remember?

>> Hey, you guys okay?

>> Yeah, I just had a fight with Andrew,

so I just needed some girl-talk.

It's fine.

You guys enjoy your day. I'll go.

I'll figure it out, I promise. Jill >> Okay.

>> Bye. Steven >> Take care.

[rumble of engine]

[music]

[rumble of engine]

[music]

[swooshes]

[ding dong]

[music]

[phone ringing]

[answering machine beep] Jill >> Hi, it's me again.

Are you there? Pick up okay, Sue.

I just want to make sure you're all right.

Call me, I'm at work.

Look, Reiner's looking for you, so call, okay?

[answering machine beep]

[music]

Laurent >> I could take you away from all this.

You won't feel anything.

It's what you want, isn't it?

To feel nothing?

Floating?

That's my princess.

[music]

[cacophony of sounds]

>> Tell me... What I want...

I'm ready to go.

I thought...

Are you going to take me away?

[approaching footsteps]

Don't you love me?

>> This is my wife, Eileen.

Forgive me, I've forgotten your name.

[music]

>> Andrew?

Steven >> Hey. >> Steven.

Steven >> Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.

Your door was open. We were worried about you.

You okay?

Jill was calling you all day. >> No, I was...shopping.

I just didn't want to be alone in the house after the fight.

>> Let's get some lights on in here.

Okay?

[music]

[footsteps] [clicks of lights]

>> This is so nice of you.

[clicks of lights]

Steven >> There we go. That's better.

What are you doing? Sue >> Thanking you.

>> Whoa, whoa, no! Sue. Sue >> I want to.

>> You don't have to do that, okay?

No, it's okay. Sue >> It's okay.

We won't get caught. >> Okay, stop it.

>> We won't get caught. >> Stop it, Sue.

>> Come on. >> Sue, get your hands off me!

Sue >> I thought you wanted it. Jill >> Sue?

>> I thought... Jill >> What's going on?

>> You need help.

>> I can explain. He was being so nice, I...

>> Get away from me.

[door slam]

[thumping of shoes]

[music]

[music]

[click click]

Robert >> When you're ready,

I'm interested to know how I can help you.

Maybe you could write it.

Sue >> There have been hundreds

and when I'm with them, I think...

maybe this time.

[heavy breathing]

>> This time?

>> This time I'll feel...okay.

Whole.

>> Loved.

>> And good, like a good girl.

Be a good girl, Susie.

but each time I feel...worse

and then I need it more.

>> Who was your first sexual partner?

[footstep]

>> I don't remember.

>> This is important, Sue.

[footstep]

You need to trust me.

>> I think it's time to go.

>> Oh well ah, you still have 12 minutes left.

[sigh]

[music]

Sue >> Lies!

It was lies. All of it.

Robert >> Who?

>> He never loved me.

>> Who are you talking about?

>> He called me princess.

The first time

he gave me his red scarf

to keep me warm, he said.

He wrapped it around me.

I was naked.

He said I was his 'real' wife.

"I love you, Poppa."

That's what he made me say.

And then he would say,

"That's my princess."

>> Your father... had sex with you?

How old were you when he started?

>> Five. I was five.

I wanted to be a 'good' girl.

I wanted him to love me.

Robert >> That wasn't love.

Your father turned your reality upside down.

[hum of traffic]

What you're doing with those men isn't love.

It's upside down, it's self- loathing, masquerading as love.

And the more you do it, the more self-loathing you feel

so the more sex you need to numb yourself.

It's the perfect addict's dance.

Do you want to get better? >> Of course!

>> Then you have to stop having inappropriate sex.

>> I can't!

>> Why?

Why?

Take a breath. Let your words come out.

Sue?

Why?

>> I...

Without it I...

Nobody would see me,

or worse, there'd be no 'me'.

>> You've got it upside down. Sue >> It's all I have!

>> You're still having sex with Rick.

Sue?

Are you?

You're an addict, Sue.

Unless you get sober, I can't treat you.

There's no point in you coming here.

The choice is yours.

[music]

[approaching footsteps]

Sue >> There are things you don't know.

Things about me.

A whole lifetime of things.

>> To tell you the truth, I don't think I want to know.

>> Robert says if I want to get better I need to go to a clinic.

So I'm going to go away.

>> You went away a long time ago, Sue.

We both did.

>> I'm...

I'm going to get better.

>> I don't think I care anymore.

[music]

Administrator >> Do not pack deodorant, do not pack pills.

No vitamins, no aspirin.

You aren't allowed cigarettes, no leotards, no lingerie.

No clothes connected to sex, no thongs.

[music]

Rick >> One more for the road.

Sue >> Come on.

>> I need something to help me through the next 28 days.

[music]

with someone at all times.

There is no masturbating, no overeating, no vomiting.

You will be allowed no phone calls

unless accompanied by staff.

Any violations will be grounds for discharge from the clinic.

When's the last time you ate?

Sue >> I try to avoid it.

>> When's the last time you had sexual intercourse?

>> Define your terms.

>> What's that?

>> It's so I can hang myself.

Karen >> Gabriel's an aid. He's not off limits.

So you can keep staring.

>> I'm Sue.

How long have you been here?

>> Three days.

Frankly I wouldn't have come if I'd known that

all the patients here were women.

Around here Gabriel's about it so it's every girl for herself.

[music]

Robert >> An addict needs to re-learn words.

Words of health need to replace words of addiction.

It's the words that will save you.

Addiction is all about numbing and control.

Addicts drink to numb and control their pain.

Addicts have sex to numb and control their pain.

But if you write about your pain,

if you look at it head on,

you will eventually learn that the pain can't kill you,

but the addiction can.

[music]

Karen >> Don't believe that stuff.

I don't think the nurses even bother to read it

which means you can leave it blank altogether,

or write porno for all they know.

Robert >> 'Love' is a word you need to re-learn sober.

'Me' is a word that you need to re-learn sober.

'No' is a word that you need to re-learn sober.

Your addict has stolen these words and until you take

them back, your addict is in control, not you.

Who are you sober?

What do you say? What do you look like?

Show me.

Show yourself.

Linda >> You can do it, Sue.

>> There's nothing there.

>> Sure there is, you have green shorts and a purple shirt,

blond hair and blue eyes.

>> I look like this.

Empty.

>> Your mouth is full, but looks sad right now.

And your nose, well, your nose is...

Sue >> Liar!

I don't look like anything!

You're a liar!

[sigh]

>> I didn't say it would be easy.

The addict inside, inside each of you

is in a fight to the death with the fragile, scared,

healthy person that is trying to be heard.

For the healthy person to live, the addict must die.

[music]

>> I think maybe my whole life has been a mistake.

Robert >> You were hurt.

Be patient with yourself.

It's all right to be an amateur at this.

You will get better.

>> But I actually really believe that no one will ever love me

or even like me if I don't have sex with them.

Robert >> I like you.

Sue >> You don't count.

>> Thanks a lot.

[laughter]

>> What if you're wrong?

>> You have to believe in something

that's bigger than your doubts.

A higher power. Karen >> Oh, please.

Is this the cliche part of the afternoon?

>> Yeah, I mean, I'm not even religious, so...

>> When you write, where do your thoughts come from?

When you choose tenderness and forgiveness over violence,

where does that come from?

That is your higher power.

It doesn't need a name or a religion.

It's about trusting, that fundamentally,

some part of the human condition is decent.

Karen >> I'm sick of this.

I'm sick of being ashamed of sex.

>> Come on, Karen. quit acting out.

>> You want to see acting out?

>> Stop it! Now!

Maybe you were taught to act this way in your family,

but here we can learn to be a different kind of family.

>> I don't care what happens to any of you.

[receding footsteps]

Linda >> So what do I do when there are some things

I can't forgive? Not ever.

>> Forgive yourself for not being able to.

>> Oh.

>> Forgiveness begets more forgiveness.

[sigh]

>> Sorry.

[music]

Sue >> I want to borrow some tape.

Gabriel >> What for? >> Why? Is it dangerous?

I want to repair something. I'll bring it back.

[music]

>> Mom? It's me.

>> Pick up the extension. It's Sue.

We were worried, Andrew said you'd gone away.

>> How's my princess?

>> I wanted to let you know that I'm in a clinic.

Fay >> A clinic?

>> My therapist said...

he said I need to get better.

>> How do you know that this therapist knows what he's doing?

He doesn't know anything about you.

>> Yes, he does, poppa.

He knows everything.

>> Clinic!

What kind of people would be in a place like that?

>> People like me.

>> No, I won't hear anymore!

Clinic!

>> He thinks it would be a good idea if we all talked

in a session as a family.

>> This needs salt.

This needs salt, Fay!

>> Honey, your dad needs salt.

We'll talk about this another time.

[clatter of utensiles]

[dial tone] >> Great, mom.

[gasp]

Gabriel >> Shhh... Don't say anything.

You don't have to.

You don't needs words, right?

I want to show you... about love.

I want to teach you

and I want you to teach me.

Tomorrow night. Midnight.

The room number is on the key.

Don't worry, it's safe. No one will find us.

You don't know how special you are.

I want to show you.

[music]

ic tic]

[music]

Gabriel (echoing) >> Midnight...

I want to show you... about love.

[music]

Robert >> The thing is, you create these men in your heads.

You give them powers they don't have.

You're inner addict tells you that these men can 'fix' you.

Can make you feel good about yourself.

But think about it:

How can anybody else make you feel good about yourself?

Only you have the power to do that.

Are you okay, Sue?

>> Ah, sure. I'm good.

Linda >> Okay, true confession.

I don't like sex, not really.

>> Most sex addicts don't.

They like the power that sex gives them.

We're all essentially powerless

in this tumbling, raging, chaotic universe.

Sometimes the pain of our lives seems like it will bury us.

But to a sex addict, in repainting reality

turns these men into mythical, super heroes,

powerful enough to save you.

Powerful enough to tame the chaos.

[music]

[clunk of door, lock clicking]

Gabriel >> I can't stop thinking about you.

And I've imagined so many wonderful things with you.

Oh, you... You're so beautiful.

[music]

[heavy breathing]

Hey, this isn't about sex.

[music]

>> No. Gabriel >> What?

Sue >> No!

I said, No!

>> Ah Sue. Sue, Sue. Come on.

[creak of door]

[music]

Sue >> Words save us.

They empower us because they allow us to feel.

They tether us to our own truth and of all the words

I was learning then, 'no' was the most foreign.

No, means I'm alive without a man to desire me.

No, means I exist.

Words have taken me back to my memories.

They've shown me the truths I couldn't see before.

We can't rewrite our own histories,

but we can learn the truth about them.

And in learning, find respect.

And in respect, find strength.

Robert reminds me that an addict is always an addict.

The only thing that changes belongs to the word 'recovery'.

[music]

It's a new word I'm learning.

And I have to learn it again every day.

[music]

[phone ringing]

Sue >> Robert, it's me.

I just need some help.

I don't want to bother you.

I know, you'll always be here for me.

I'm standing on the boardwalk where I used to go

when I needed to feel loved.

I'm dressed in my secret clothes; my sexy clothes.

These clothes are my armour and in making me feel alluring,

they let me pretend I'm invincible.

In this photograph, I happen to be standing next to wall

underneath some graffiti.

Someone had written 'Love is here every day'.

How perfect, because back then 'here',

the place 'love' was for me,

was a bar or a motel or a boardwalk,

wherever men might pick me up.

When I look at that photograph now,

I don't see an invincible person,

I see a scared little girl.

I want to take her hand and hold it.

And I want to tell her that it's all right

for us to get better.

I have spent my life desperate for love but not knowing

the right words to use or where to find it.

Now I am learning one day at a time

and I want to tell that scared little girl

that love is where we carve out our own lives.

[applause]

[music]