Original subtitles

Previously on Desperate Housewives, Adam was finished with Catherine.

Please get rid of that gum.

But Dylan's father came back.

Bye, sweetheart. I tricked you into thinking Dylan was yours.

I finished that DNA you wanted, and your suspect's not related to the victim at

all. Gabby and Carlos were forced to go to the police.

Are you sure it was cocaine?

Carlos, I was a fashion model in the 90s. I know cocaine.

Just give me what I want.

And Lynette... Or you're not gonna like what happens.

was pushed to her breaking point.

Coffee mugs to the contrary.

Lynette Scavo knew that she was not the world's greatest mother.

In fact, when it came to parenting, Lynette had done many things she was not

proud of.

Like the time when she offered Parker cash if he agreed to eat all of his

spinach.

Or when she told the twins there was treasure buried beneath the weeds.

Or when she gave her kids a little extra cough syrup so she could finish her

novel.

But despite these lapses, Lynette didn't think of herself as the worst mother in

the world either.

Until one horrible day.

Since when do you make waffles?

Well... Kayla loves waffles, and since she and I have been having some problems

lately, I wanted to do something nice for her.

You tell Kayla her breakfast is ready.

Hi. My name is Fern Parrish. This is my colleague, Irene Commander.

We're from CPS.

Oh, one sec.

Preston, you might want to stop dropping your waffle on the floor, because I'm

still going to make you eat it.

So, uh, what's CPS?

Children's Protective Services.

For what it's worth, I keep my floors incredibly clean.

Mrs. Gabo, we recently received a report of some abuse in your home. Abuse?

That's ridiculous.

Well, we got a call from a doctor, Joshua Dolan. It seems he was contacted

your daughter, Kayla, who says you hit her.

Repeatedly.

Okay.

First, I'm not that kind of mom. And second...

Kayla has a tendency to exaggerate. We also have a security tape from a

store. It shows you slapping a young girl across the face.

We're assuming that's Kayla.

Have a seat. I'll be with you in a second.

Yes.

Lynette Scava was not the world's greatest mother.

But in her heart, she knew she had done the best she could, given what

she had to work with.

Lynette. It's how the French describe a pretty one.

Catherine. Coined by the ancient Greeks, it denotes purity.

Gabrielle, a Hebrew word meaning God is my strength.

Bree, it's an Irish name that means power.

Indeed, every name has a single specific meaning.

Which is why parents have trouble choosing one.

For someone who means everything to them.

What about Philip? I like Philip.

Oh, I know you do. I don't. Neither does the baby.

Philip? Oh, Phil.

See? Nothing. Not even a burp.

Here's a thought.

How about Nathaniel? All right, that's the fourth time you've tried to sneak

Nathaniel past me. I'm putting Peyton back on the table. I am not naming my

after a quarterback.

All right, here's the rest of my list.

Lucas? Sounds like mucus.

Mitchum? What, the deodorant?

Unitas? Oh, give me that.

Well, we need new inspiration.

Oh, Riley.

I like it.

Who is he? He's a guy who killed six themselves.

Well, I give up.

He's not going to get a name. When we want him to come, we'll just whistle and

say, here, boy.

Paging, Dr. Connor.

Please call as any.

Connor. I love it.

Me too.

Oh, you finally have a name.

Dr. Connor Delfino.

Oh, hey.

I'm going off to the mall. You want to come with?

Oh, no thanks. I've got to make sure my handyman gets his wiring done. He

screwed it up the last time.

You realize we could add a fire?

Sorry, Mrs. Solis.

All right, then. See you later.

And she's gone.

Great. Let's break into her room.

As soon as I finish this, I'll start placing the bugs in the other rooms.

Well, isn't her room enough?

She has a prepaid cell phone, so we can't tap it. Our only hope of nailing

supplier is to record every conversation she has in this house.

Well, how long is that going to take?

We got a tip that she's expecting a delivery this week. So it won't be long

before Miss Leonard learns the joys of a little girl -on -girl action in a

prison shower.

Okay, first of all, you're a pig. Second of all, don't say things like that.

Ellie's my friend. Yeah, well, your friend is a drug dealer, i .e., scum.

Hey, you don't even know her.

Okay, yes, she's made some bad choices, but deep down, she's a good person.

Yeah, well, deep down, I hope she rots in jail.

Okay, when this thing is over, let's not do the whole Christmas card thing.

Is that your husband?

No, he's at braille school.

Gabby? Oh, Ellie!

Hey!

What the hell are you doing in my room?

We weren't expecting you back from noon.

I forgot my wallet again. What the hell are you doing in my room?

Well, we needed some privacy.

See, Roy and I are lovers.

You're having an affair with your handyman? I know. It's crazy.

You wouldn't believe the passion.

I mean, I was powerless to resist.

Just get out of my room.

Okay, okay, we're going.

Lots of people do missionary work, but few have the gut to smuggle Bibles into

North Korea.

It is my distinct pleasure to welcome back, after four long years, Reverend

Michael Green.

Thank you for that glorious introduction, Joe.

Well, it's good to be back.

Now, if you'll all please stand and offer each other the Lord's peace.

Peace be with you, Brie.

Get your piece and I demand you to stop stalking me.

I'm doing no such thing. Really? So I just happened to run into you at the dry

cleaner, the green grocer, the post office? We shared a life together. It's

natural we frequent the same places. Oh, please. I tell you what, my nails are

on. There's nothing in the Bible that says a man can enjoy a nice pedicure.

Or something. Hear me when I say this.

It's over.

You have done unconscionable things for which I can never forgive you. And no

amount of flitting about in my peripheral vision is going to change

there must be something I can do.

You know I've repented. Bree, we can get past this.

No, no, no.

Quiet.

Bree.

So nice to see you again.

Peace be with you. And also with you.

Do not give this man peace.

You shouldn't keep your doors unlocked yet.

Why do you think they call them crimes of opportunity?

What do you want?

Dylan used to have a big old scar right here, and now it's gone.

I'm just curious how you would explain that.

Never too early to start drinking, is it? She fell off her bike. Eleven

stitches, I remember.

I took her to a plastic surgeon in Chicago because I didn't want her to

self -conscious.

Well, that's pretty convenient.

But he's adjusting, Wayne.

Something's not right.

I felt it from the moment that I laid eyes on her. I just don't see myself in

her.

At all.

I told you.

She's not yours.

Yeah, but I don't see you in her either.

So, let's just settle this once and for all. Take a DNA test.

All I need is one strand of hair.

Knock, knock. Is this a bad time?

No. Not at all. Great, because we are here to throw ourselves on your mercy.

are having a commitment ceremony in five days, and our caterer just canceled. We

know it's short notice. Totally understand if you say no. Nonsense!

I'd love to do it.

Why don't you have a seat, and we'll talk details.

I'm sorry.

If you're busy, we can come back later. No, no, it's okay. You stay.

I'll come back later.

Lynette, I'm sorry. When I'm told about a suspected case of child abuse, I am

bound by law to report it. Okay, so what happens now?

I'm just trying to help CPS finish their investigation.

They'll interview your kids, their teachers, possibly some of your

neighbors? God, I could strangle that girl.

Honey, you might want to stop saying things like that.

Look, for the next few days, let Tom handle the kids.

Any other problems between you and Kayla could jeopardize custody of all your

children.

Wait, they could take my children?

No one's taking anyone. You have got to be kidding me. This is all a big

misunderstanding. I'm sure that we can work this out.

What do I need to do to keep my kids?

Well, there are a lot of things you can do.

First, you know...

The idea of the onion and white asparagus tart.

Wonderful! With a little goat cheese.

Oh, and Leah, stuffed mushrooms.

Those with roasted green beans as our side dishes.

Nice, tight grouping.

You are not rusty at all. Thank you.

Felt good.

Although it's like a trip to the range, is there any particular reason we came

here for party planning?

Well, with Adam gone, I've just been feeling a little uneasy lately.

It's funny how having a man in the house can make you feel safer no matter how

retiring or easily spooked he might be.

That's true.

I just need to feel that if an intruder broke in, I could take care of it.

Effectively.

You really want to be effective?

Try hollow points.

These rounds you've got?

Punch straight through.

But a hollow point blooms on impact.

Cuts the body to shreds from the inside.

That was like...

Now, let's talk dessert.

I just got a call from my mom. My grandpa died.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I know how much you loved him.

Actually, I've been thinking about it. I know we settled on Connor, but I'd like

to name our son after my grandfather.

Yeah, um Connor's just the name we picked out of thin air This would mean

something So you're okay with this. I think it's a beautiful way to honor your

grandfather I mean James wouldn't be my first choice, but it's a good solid

name. No grandpa. James is my dad's dad This is my mom's Maynard.

Oh Right Maynard oh That's awful That

he died. Why don't we think of this before?

It's such a beautiful southern name.

Oh, and rare.

Really rare.

And you're right. It's a great way to honor my grandfather.

Yeah.

I said that, didn't I?

Oh, shoot. We can't do it.

Isn't your Grandpa James significantly older than Grandpa Maynard?

Shouldn't we honor him first?

But Grandpa James is dead.

You sure?

It's worth a phone call.

Actually, I've got a cousin who's named after him already, so we're covered.

Thank you, Susan.

This really means a lot.

I'm going to go call my mom.

Forgive me.

Don't look at me like that. His grandfather just died.

Hey, lunch is almost ready.

I'm making your favorite.

I take it you're still mad at me.

Well, yeah.

I just don't get why you broke into my room.

Well, I couldn't risk doing it in my room.

Ever since Carlos went blind, he's developed a strong sense of smell.

I don't know if you happen to catch a whiff of Roy, but that is one telltale

odor. That's another thing, you know?

What do you see in that guy?

Uh, you know, he's a handyman.

He knows how to get in there and...

But he's a zero, and Carlos is so fantastic.

Don't you love him?

Of course I do.

Carlos Luis is the love of my life.

But, you know, sometimes you get bored in a big, greasy, disgusting handyman,

really.

I'm sorry.

I let myself in.

Why?

Dylan told me Wayne's back.

Why didn't you call me? Because I'm handling it.

Yeah, you told me about the shooting range, too. You sure that's the best way

handle it? Adam, you made it very clear that you were done with me.

But I'm not done with Dylan.

And if Wayne's back, then I'm going to protect her.

So maybe I should pay him a little visit.

Scare him off.

If you'd ever met Wayne, you'd know better.

Well, then let's get Dylan out of town. I tried. I said she's not leaving.

Well, I... I promised her a trip for graduation, just the three of us,

she wanted to go.

Okay.

But what happens when the trip's over?

Won't we just be at square one again?

Not if we don't come back.

Oh, Susan, he's adorable.

He's so precious.

So it's been two days now. Did you and Mike finally land on a name?

Maynard.

Maynard?

Wow, interesting.

That's a very distinct ring.

Okay, drop the act, ladies. I hate it, too.

Mike insisted that we name him after his dead grandfather.

How did he die? Was he beaten to death because his name was Maynard?

I know.

Terrible. But I can't change it now. Mike was so emotional about it. Well,

appeal to a sense of reason, because the name Maynard doesn't go with the name

Delfino. One is German and the other is Italian, and we all know what happens

when those folks get together.

Well, I'm not sure that the World War II argument is going to fly.

Come on, you have to do something. I mean, that name is practically abusive.

Yeah, think about your son.

People live up to the names they're given. If my parents hadn't named me

Gabrielle, who knows if I'd be this pretty?

I guess that's why they didn't name you Einstein.

So sarcastic. But what would you expect from a Lynette?

What? If your name is Francesca, you wouldn't have time for sarcasm. You'd be

too busy having sex.

On a Vespa.

You're right.

My son's future is at stake.

I have to do something.

Maybe not. We call Gabrielle Gabby. I mean, perhaps there's a shortened

of Maynard you could live with.

Yeah. Which says kick my ass less?

May or nerd?

What's going on? Vanessa, I won't place you under arrest.

What? Why? For what?

Kayla showed us the burn mark on her arm.

Burn mark? What burn mark? You see, she doesn't know anything about this. Now,

please, if we could just go back and talk about this. Sir, enough.

Ma 'am, you're going to have to come with us.

Oh, okay. You know what? I'm going to go call the attorney.

Okay, look, look. I will come with you. Please, just don't come in front of my

children. Well, you should have thought of that before you hurt one of them.

You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right, anything you say

can and will be used against you in a court of law.

You have the right to have an attorney present during questioning.

If you do not have one, we will appoint one for you.

Well, I'd be delighted to speak to them, Bree.

Perhaps I can tell them the story about the time I evaded the North Korean

Border Patrol by hiding in a pile of oxen dung.

They'll love that.

This is going to be the best senior's brunch ever.

I'm so glad you're back.

Between you and me, Reverend Sykes tended to pander to the congregation's

progressive element.

I prefer your more muscular brand of Christianity.

Thank you, Brie.

I thought of you also.

I'm so sorry to hear about Rex's passing, but I understand that you

I did, but I'm afraid it hasn't worked out.

It's been rough.

For what it's worth, I know how you feel.

When Carolyn left me, the loneliness was crippling.

I didn't know she left you.

Yes.

For our Korean grocer.

I'll tell you, sometimes this merciful God of ours has one sick sense of humor.

Cartman, table for 4, 7 .30. See you then.

Table for what?

Got it.

Is everything all right?

Oh, this is a bit awkward, but my soon -to -be ex just walked in. He's been

following me everywhere.

Ace, 8 .30 p .m. Would you mind terribly if I took your hand? Maybe that way

he'll finally get the idea that I've moved on.

My hand is at your service.

Right this way, sir.

Will you be needing a wine lid?

Actually, I think I'll be needing a new restaurant.

The bail bondsman said he has to run a credit check and then he'll wire the

money. So after you've been processed, you can leave.

And go where?

I can't get within 500 feet of my children.

Are you not up to speed on the people versus Lynette Scavo?

You'll figure something out.

Mrs. Scavo, it's time to go.

No, you'll figure something out. I have to go back to my cell.

Honey, I am so sorry about this. We could just hang in there.

It's only going to be a couple of more hours at the most.

you talk like that?

What else has to happen for you to get what's going on here? I do get it. But

Kayla's my daughter, so I'm trying to deal with this in a way that protects

family. No, you are trying to stay on the fence while I fight to stop Kayla

destroying us. But look around you, Tom. Look where I am.

You have got to do something now.

Well, thank you for a lovely evening, Brie.

You know, it's funny. I don't think I'll be able to look at you as just another

parishioner anymore.

Oh, no, we mustn't play favorites. Although I will take that as a

We'll take this as a compliment as well.

Your eyes glimmer like the Yalu River on a moonlit night.

Oh, how, um, colorfully put.

None other one, eh?

What does that mean?

I want you.

Mr. Green!

When you took my hand in that restaurant, I could feel the

know you felt it, too. I told you I was only trying to send a message to my ex.

Oh, please.

There's always been sexual tension between us, ever since Plum Sunday,

when we both reached for the same frond. No!

Bree, if I took no for an answer, Kung Wong province would still have 242

unsaved souls.

Now you're sending out mixed signals.

Then let me send you a clear one. I am not attracted to you.

Oh, oh, nice.

First you use me, then you reject me, now you're insulting me. Maybe you

go now, Mrs. Hodge. Reverend Green, please don't be upset.

Sure, what?

I spilled my milk again.

Don't worry, I'll clean it up.

God, I'm so sick of knocking crap over.

I don't know how Gabby puts up with me. She's a saint.

Yeah, well... Well what?

all about your affair with the handyman.

Ellie told me everything.

That little nit.

I can't believe she did that.

Thanks for letting me know.

Uh, hello?

Are we even gonna talk about this?

Yeah, second that bitch gets home, I'm gonna let her have it.

Well, you trust someone and they just betray you. It sucks, you know?

Yeah, I know.

Gabby, you cheated and you got caught.

Now, will you please hand me a plate so I can smash it against the wall?

Oh, you moron. There was no affair.

That was the cop.

Ellie caught us putting the bug in her room. That was just an excuse we used as

a cover.

And you expect me to believe that?

I got news for you, Carlo.

You're blind.

You don't have a choice anymore.

You have to believe what I tell you. Just like when I hand you the deodorant,

you have to believe it's not oven cleaner.

I know it's not fair. I know it gives me absolute power. But tough. You're

screwed. Deal with it.

Are we good?

Thank you. Now please, I just lost a friend.

Stop being so insensitive.

Pastor Joe, I noticed that there are no programs.

Oh yes, Reverend Green decided to change today's scripture reading. It's going

to be Colossians 3, verse 5.

Oh, he wants to talk about sexual promiscuity?

It was a last minute thing.

He came in this morning muttering about some... red -headed harlot in our midst

who needs to be unmasked. I don't know.

I was just so relieved he was off the Koreans that didn't ask questions.

Excuse me, ma 'am.

Oh.

Hello. Sorry, I know this is a bad time.

Aren't you Brie Hodges' ex -husband?

No, I'm her current husband.

And I need to speak to you about today's sermon.

They're not like getting started. I know.

And Reverend Green is usually such a stickler for punctuality.

Well, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't think my sermon is any of your

business.

Let me put it this way.

If you say anything about Bree, you and I are going to have a problem.

Well, I'm sorry you feel that way.

But I think it's my duty as pastor to warn my flock when a temptress sits

us.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

What the hell's the matter with you? I'm not going to let you go out there and

trash that good woman's name.

Good woman? She led me on.

Who are they talking about?

She's a flame -haired Jezebel.

You're insane. She is the most moral person I know. I have no idea.

Then again,

I suppose I could preach about tolerance today.

Orson.

Orson.

Hello, Maynard. I love you, Maynard.

My sweet little Maymay.

Mamie.

Nerd.

I need to change the name on my baby's birth certificate.

Okay, last name?

Delfino.

Maynard.

Where's the father? You both need to find it.

Oh, working.

Busy, busy, busy.

But he told me to tell you that he's totally cool with it.

Well, I'm busy, busy, busy, too.

So when he's available, you can come on back and we'll make the change.

Okay.

I'm just going to level with you.

My husband...

And I think it's horrible.

And I know over time he's going to agree.

I don't care.

Rule the room.

You've got to help me out here. I'm just trying to protect my child. I don't

want him to go through life saddled with the name Maynard. I don't see what the

big deal is.

Well, of course you don't. You're Vanessa.

You went through life with a beautiful name. That's why you have such a

crackerjack personality.

I think we're done here.

I have a couple of arrows to run. Will you cover for me? No problem.

Thanks, Griselda.

Griselda.

That must have been a tough name to take out on the playground.

Yeah.

Actually, it was.

We should talk.

Hi, I'm here to check on Orson Hodge. An ambulance brought him in less than an

hour ago.

Are you family?

I'm his wife.

Well, he's going to be fine.

There's no concussion, but the doctors do want to keep him here for a couple of

hours. Should I tell him that you're here?

Please take excellent care of him.

He's a good man.

Gabby, can I talk to you?

About how you snitched on me to Carlos? No thanks, I'm all caught up on that.

I'm sorry, but I know from experience what cheating can do to people.

Let me guess.

This story ends with you throwing your boyfriend's varsity jacket in the lake.

When I was 13, my dad caught my mom having an affair, and he walked out on

Oh.

We had nothing.

Okay, my mom went crazy, and I ended up on the street.

To survive, I had to do a bunch of stuff that I'm not proud of.

Oh, Ellie, I'm so sorry.

No idea.

What do we got here?

That's our guy.

The point is, the one bad decision can mess up a lot of lives.

And I just don't want that to happen to you and Carlos.

Because I love you guys.

Yeah. Suppliers coming your way. We're going to arrest them both. So get out of

there now.

Okay. Bye.

Anyway, I didn't mean to get into a whole thing. I just wanted to say I'm

They're coming.

Go.

What?

Just didn't go out the back now.

I said you were coming tonight.

Oh, I wouldn't miss it for the world.

So you better be on your A -game.

Okay. And we're all going out to dinner afterwards.

Adam wants to tell you about your graduation present.

What? What is it? No, no, no. You gotta wait.

But I'll give you a clue.

I hope your passport's up to date.

Yeah, no, it's okay, Andrew. You can, uh, you can just, you can finish it in

morning.

Great. See ya.

Bye.

Need some help with that?

I didn't think you liked puzzles.

I'll give it a shot.

I need to talk to you.

About Lynette.

Sorry I had to call Dr.

Dolan, Daddy.

But she scares me.

Yeah.

You said that before.

But here's the thing. They're going to let Lynette go soon. And when they do...

You guys aren't going to be able to live in the same house anymore. You know

that, right?

So, where is she going to live?

Like, in a hotel or something?

She lives here, Kayla.

With me and the boys and Penny, this is her home.

But... But don't worry, we're going to find you a nice place to live.

Daddy, I don't want to go anywhere.

I want to stay here with you. I don't have a choice, Kayla.

I need to keep you safe.

But I made it all up.

I lied about everything.

I burned myself.

And why would you do that, Kayla?

I hate her.

And it's so much better when it's just us.

And you'll explain all this to the police and Dr. Dolan and everybody,

Yes, I promise.

And I can stay, right?

No, sweetie, no.

What you did was horrible.

And I can't trust you anymore.

Then I'm going to keep lying to everybody.

You don't want that, do you?

Did you get all that, Dr. Dolan?

I'm going to go switch my lights and check my service real quick. Okay, but

intermission's only ten minutes. Yes.

Excuse me.

Could you give me a hand?

What's up?

Nail in my tire.

I got to change it now because I need to leave after my daughter's solo. I'm

catching a red eye. Yeah, sure. I can help. Oh, thanks. I'm right over here.

Wow. This thing's really flat.

Usually with a nail, you get a slow leak. Yeah. Look, I even made it here.

Well, I got this. You grab the spare.

My daughter's the one that plays the cello. Which one is your daughter?

The other thing I need your help with...

Oh,

hi. Can you get all my toiletries out of the bathroom?

What are those?

Cute, aren't they? It's a hospital tradition.

Get them out of here now.

Why? Because my husband is terrified of balloons.

He was once molested by a clown.

Oh, my God.

Oh, I got it.

What's going on?

I'm sorry, sir. We didn't know about the clown.

Why does that say Connor?

We had Maynard once printed up, but Mrs. Delfino went to the record store.

Susan?

What's going on?

Well, I hate the name Maynard. Really? I like it. Get out.

I'm sorry.

I just want our kid to have a great name.

I don't think Maynard is great.

You want to know what is great?

My grandfather started the first integrated elementary

school in Tennessee.

You know what else is great?

When my dad went to prison, the state wanted to put me in the system.

My grandfather wouldn't let him.

He took in my mom and me and sacrificed everything just to make sure we had a

great life.

I didn't know about that.

Susan, I don't want to just give our son a name.

I want to give him someone to live up to.

Maynard.

Let's hope he's worthy.

Well, that part's up to us.

Well, that's all of her things.

Well, we should probably get going.

We found a hotel with a pool for tonight.

Maybe you and Grandpa can go swimming.

Sheila, can I talk to her for a second?

Honey, I know this is hard on you, but I'm going to come visit you at Grandpa

and Grandma's all the time.

So it's not like it's goodbye forever.

Kayla?

I'm sorry how everything turned out.

No, you're not.

Okay, then.

I love you, baby.

What's in a name?

Do the labels we attach to people tell us everything we need to know?

If we say she's just a child, does this mean she's truly innocent?

Does calling her a drug dealer prove she's purely evil?

Will a man known as Preacher always practice?

Can a man branded a villain possess the

qualities of a hero?

The truth is, a name can never really tell you who someone is.

Who are you?

more than it can tell you what they're capable of.

I'm Wayne David.