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Right, kids?

And that's how I defeated Kite Man.

Any questions?

- Yeah, Canadian tuxedo.
- Do you have a pet?

I do have a pet.
That's a great question.

I have a pet named Eagly. He's an eagle.

Do you have a origin story?

Let's go. Bets right here.
Let's go. Let your money talk.

You dumb fuck, you killed your brother!

You killed your brother,
you piece of shit!

Truth is, I'm supposed to be in prison.

- For what?
- Superhero shit.

- What superhero are you?
- Peacemaker.

- What were you in prison for?
- Integrity.

I made a vow to have peace,

no matter how many people
I have to kill to get it.

Your dad's White Dragon costume, right?

How is it so big in this place?

It's a quantum unfolding storage area.

It leads to a dimensional nodule
outside normal space.

Well, I guess your dad's
pretty brainy for a racist.

And if your dad's a racist
and you work with him...

I don't work with him!
He makes me stuff!

I hesitate giving you any helmet

as big a simp as you turned out to be.

You know you don't have
to call me Peacemaker.

You can call me Chris.

I have no interest in you

other than your ability to fight for us.

I thought you were in prison for life.

How did you get out anyway?

I work for the government, okay?

- Post office?
- Dude.

I kill people for them, okay?

Huh? Sick.

Eat peace, motherfuckers!

You know, lately I'm just
thinking I'm a fucking maniac.

Like, I don't know, I'm having
feelings about things that...

I don't think Chris is ever
gonna be happy

as long as his father's around.

I knew you was unclean
when you killed your brother!

You killed my brother! You killed Keith.

Well, go ahead and do it,

you fucking pussy.

You'll never be able
to get the fuck away...

I read your file, Chris.

It was an accident. You were a child.

Stop letting that shit
define who you are.

Dude, we're saving the world
from a fucking alien invasion.

The whole team is injured,
so I was thinking, like,

maybe you could call in
the Justice Gang.

I have a real bad gag reflex.

Oh shit.

You know, one time I puked all
over Green Lantern, I was...

I got seasick from flying
on a green magic carpet.

The weird thing is he fucking liked it.

You're late, you fucking dickheads.

- What a meathead.
- Screw that guy.

You know he tells
people I'm a puke freak?

The Peacemaker and the costumed
crime fighter Vigilante

were working in a deep cover operation

for the U.S. government
called Project Butterfly.

It's been running for years
out of Belle Reve Prison

under the command of Amanda Waller,

who happens to be my mother.

Eagly.

Come on, dude. Stop it.

What?

It's too cold outside. It's
too cold outside. Jesus!

There, Eagly. You want to fly, fly.

It's just too damn cold
to take you outside.

Hey.

Mornin'.

Fuck you then,
you Cryptkeeper-looking bitch.

Eagly?

Eagly, come on, bro.

Eagly, taking an awful lot for granted.

I don't work for you, dude. Okay?

Just because I'm out of prison

and we spend a lot of time together

doesn't mean you determine
how that time is spent.

The one fucking day

I don't take you out,

you wake me up like
I'm your fucking slave.

We need to start making
clear who's the human

and who's the eagle.
I'm the human and...

Ah, dumbass. What are you doing?

You okay, pal?

You sleepwalking again?

You look like you've seen a ghost.

♪ The nights are wearing me down ♪

♪ And it's hard getting
through the day ♪

♪ 'Cause I need you right now ♪

♪ And right now you're so far away ♪

It's still weird seeing you come
out of your old man's house.

- Mine now.
- Hell yeah, it is.

Hey, Keeya call you back?

Sorry.

Girl can't deal with me being me.

- That's her problem.
- Deffo.

Shit. I mean, I'm about
hardcore shit now.

That's what I do.

Her not being able to accept that

is like her not being able
to accept me, right?

I don't know. Maybe she just
doesn't want you to die.

- You've seen me handle myself.
- Mm-hmm.

What, you think I look
like I'm gonna die?

- Maybe.
- Get the fuck out of here.

Okay, Charles Bronson.

Come on, man. You know I got moves.

I'm just saying.

We all might die, okay?

Happens every day to
people tougher than you.

- And you.
- No, not often.

You know, people as tough as me,
they normally die of old age.

- That's just stats.
- Jesus.

Oh, I almost forgot.
I got business cards.

Check them out.

Oh, that is...

really...

cool.

- Who's the woman?
- That's me.

Okay. Well, she's, um, kind of...

- Gaunt.
- Damn, man.

You really killing my vibe.

Talk to Harcourt lately?

'Course. We hung out yesterday.

She's mostly forgiven me for airing out

Task Force X's dirty laundry on TV.

Did she say anything about...

Like what?

I don't know. She say anything,
like, about me or anything?

Like what?

I don't know.

No.

Hey, Ads. Thanks for driving me.

Happy to do it.

Sometimes, these guys can kind of be

up their own asses, you know?

- Metahumans?
- Yeah.

Sometimes, they say
some not-so-great shit.

- Like what?
- I don't know.

Just like I'm stupid.

That I'm wearing a disco ball
on the top of my head.

And they'll be like,
"Hey, why'd you take a vow

to be a douchebag at any cost?"

And they'll say, "Hey, the first season

of Jersey Shore called,
it wants its haircut back".

As if a fucking TV show
could call you on the phone.

Just fucking stupid stuff.
I can't remember much.

- Oh.
- I know it's 'cause

my muscles are bigger
than theirs, but jeez, right?

You're a superhero now.

You saved the fucking world.

Yo, are you sure this is the place?

I think. Mm-hmm.

- Mm.
- Yeah.

I don't want to be a joke anymore, Ads.

This is all I've ever wanted, you know?

To be a real hero.

Are you for real?

They're gonna be doing backflips
to get you to join.

Welcome, Peacemaker. I'm Maxwell Lord.

My company, LordTech,
finances the Justice Gang.

With me are two of our founding members,

Green Lantern and Hawkgirl.

Hey. It's really nice to meet you.

Guy, great to see you again.

Uh-huh.

- You can have a seat there.
- Yes, sir.

Would you like to be called Peacemaker,

or do you prefer Chris?

- Oh, either's fine.
- The mic is off?

Yeah. Mark that down as indecisive.

- Where?
- There.

- Here?
- No, there. Look.

How'd I get stuck with this job?

You're the only one
whose handwriting is legible.

Chris, can you tell us a little
about your skills?

- My skills?
- That's right.

What sort of skills would you
bring to the Justice Gang?

Besides blowing dudes.

Shut up, Guy.

Um, I'm considered the finest
marksman in the world.

Not just with firearms,
with any weapon, really.

Yeah, he murders people.
Write that down.

- Where?
- I am also...

proficient in hand-to-hand combat.

Volatile tendencies.

Guy, chill out. I've got it handled.

I have a variety of helmets.

Put it under sociopathy there.

Each one has a different power.

Peacemaker, we at the Justice Gang

try to avoid casualties.

Metahumans like the ones
in our organization

are becoming more and more distrusted,

and we can't afford to stoke the fires.

I know, I know. Uh...

It says here you served time
for first-degree murder.

Yes, that's true, but...

And that you have killed dozens
of other people.

Most of those are for good reasons.

- And which ones weren't?
- Excuse me?

Which people did you murder
not for good reasons?

Well, um...

I'm gonna be honest.

I haven't always been
discriminating about violence.

But lately, I've been coming
to terms with the...

the trauma I had as a kid.

Here we go.

Is that popcorn still here?

My brother Keith dying in front of me.

Oh my God, dude.

You love popcorn.

Um, the culture of violence
imposed by my father.

It's low on calories.

Plus, my butt's been
getting really big lately, so...

I don't wanna be like that. You know,
I don't wanna be, like, ruled...

... by my past experiences and anger.

My butt's not big enough.

Honestly, when I'm naked,
it's just like a line.

- Ew.
- And I've always said

I cherish peace with all my heart

no matter how many people
I need to kill to get it.

How many more of these do we have today?

The West Coast has been a wash.

- Excuse me?
- This guy sucks.

Excuse me. Um, this
is gonna sound weird,

but am I supposed to be
able to hear you guys?

Excuse me?

You know, just, um, like a while ago,

you said I was indecisive and then...

you brought up violent tendencies.

And just now you were all

talking about your butts and stuff.

And also, you said that I suck.

- Do you hear me now?
- Yeah.

And, uh, now?

Yes.

Fuck!

It is not funny, motherfucker.

How long has this been like this?

I'm guessing all day.

All day? Who set it up?

- Guy.
- Whoa!

No, hey, I am not an A/V guy.

- I had Stan do it.
- The bodyguard?

He is more than just his occupation.

God damn it, Guy! He is not paid to...

What do you want from me?

Mr. Smith, Peacemaker, I apol...

Oh my God, how many times

did I mention that rabbit
woman's camel toe?

- Uh...
- I must have said it 30 times.

Oh, didn't go so well?

Apparently, one of my skills
is sucking dick.

- What?
- That's not a put down.

That's a fucking compliment. Fuck them.

I don't want to be in
their lame group anyway.

What the fuck?

After poring over your résumé,

examining your past,

uh, 18 years working
in the intelligence field,

uh, as well as the extensive
interviews I've conducted

with your coworkers
throughout those years,

and, of course,

our lengthy sessions together
discussing your life,

I've come to the conclusion you suffer

from a particularly severe form

of toxic masculinity.

What?

I have a fucking vagina.

I assumed.

How could I have toxic masculinity?

Ms. Harcourt, I have to say,

I... I find the insinuation
that only men can suffer

from toxic masculinity a bit sexist.

- Sexist?
- You have every symptom.

- You suppress your emotions.
- Uh-huh.

- You're aggressive and prone to violence.
- Oh yeah? Yeah?

That shit's in the DSM-III there?

- The toxic masculinity?
- The DSM-5 now.

You do your best to maintain
a hard appearance.

So my face?

- I'm getting some sort of a bullshit...
- You maintain

- hyper-independence.
- ... non-existent diagnosis based on my face?

I'll give you a diagnosis
based on your face?

You're a fucking cunt.

Come on, man. You don't
have to write that shit down.

In England, cunt means friend.

The NSA has entrusted me to decide

who does and who doesn't have
the psychological wherewithal

- to be employed by the agency.
- My record is exemplary.

I served my country.

I did everything, everything
that it asked of me.

At the CIA, here at the NSA,
at... at... at ARGUS.

Ms. Godfrey, please escort
Ms. Harcourt to the lobby.

And now you come at
me with this nonsense

as some sort of rationalization

for what we both know
is really going on.

Amanda Waller may be facing
congressional hearings,

but she still has enough
power to black-book me

from every intelligence
agency in America.

- Ms. Harcourt.
- I have only been trained

to do one thing my entire life, Doc.

So you tell me what the fuck
am I supposed to do now?

What a fucking life.

I just want to say,

I don't think what
they're doing is right.

I'm grateful for what you did
with Project Butterfly.

Not all of us are on board

with the way they're handling this.

Oh, fuck!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Hey.

Hey.

Jesus, what happened to your hand?

Oh, uh, nothing. I just, uh,

beat up my dashboard a little bit.

That motherfucking thing had it coming.

Yeah. Last time I was in that car,

I was playing some Spin Doctors,

or Thirty Seconds to Mars, or some shit.

I was gonna kick its ass then,

but you two seemed like
you were on good terms, so...

I am not on good terms
with Thirty Seconds to Mars.

How dare you?

- So how's it going?
- Peachy.

Yeah. That's the vibe you're giving off.

I mean, I don't even know why I asked.

So what's up?

Not much.

Just, uh, you know, in the neighborhood,

wanted to swing by, see
how your interview went.

Perfect, yeah.

Now I've been turned down by the NSA

as well as the CIA, FBI, DIA, and DHS.

The entire fucking alphabet
of intelligence agencies.

I... I don't need that.

Yes, you do. You gotta ice it.

There.

Adebayo's the one
who outed Waller anyway.

Why is she torturing me?

She can't take it all out
on her daughter, I guess.

If it makes you feel any better,
my interview also sucked.

It doesn't. Obviously, I know
you wanted that superhero thing.

So that's it? That's why you came?

Yeah.

Okay. Thanks, I guess.

Unless there was something else
you wanted to talk about?

Like what?

- I don't know.
- Okay.

What happened the other
night or something.

On the boat?

- What, that party boat?
- You remember now?

I remember I didn't want to go on it.

Seemed like you wanted to go
on it then. Like, vigorously.

No, I didn't. I told you.
I don't like boats.

I don't like parties.

Why the fuck would I want
to go on a party boat?

I was speaking metaphorically.

We went on an actual boat, though.

Oh, you know what? Fine.

You agreed to go on the boat 'cause
I told you the views would be nice.

I was talking about when we were on it.

When we were on it, I was drunk.

Yeah, so was I.

Well, maybe you don't
remember much either.

- I remember most of it.
- All right.

Well, then you probably know
more than I do that it was fine.

It happened. Whatever.

But it was also a mistake.

You remember a whole lot
for not remembering.

Not much. Alcohol and fuckups
both foster amnesia, thank God.

- Fuckups?
- Not sure what else it would be.

Good?

All right, Chris, whatever.

If that's what you want
to think, that's fine.

But it's also the end of it.

Fine. I don't know when...
why we're on all this anyway.

The only reason I came here
is to ask about your interview.

- It went shit.
- Great. Great. There's my answer.

- Yep.
- Great. Trip well worth it.

- Bye.
- Bye!

♪ Oh, you're not passing through ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Well, who the fuck are you? ♪

♪ I'm off stage don't
have a lot to say ♪

♪ But the party starts anyway ♪

♪ We get into a fight
about the show tonight ♪

♪ It's easy to ruin my day ♪

♪ Oh no, knocking on the door
and she's got a lot to say ♪

♪ You end up in our dressing room ♪

♪ You fill us up with crap ♪

♪ This shit won't go away ♪

♪ Oh no, someone's at the door
I have never seen you before ♪

♪ You say you're on the guest list ♪

♪ You gotta get through
well, who the fuck are you? ♪

♪ Oh no, knocking on the door ♪

♪ I've never met you before ♪

♪ You come into our dressing room ♪

♪ You talk a lot of shit ♪

♪ Can't take it no more ♪

♪ Oh no, someone's at the door
I have never seen you before ♪

♪ You say you're on the guest list ♪

♪ You gotta get through
well, who the fuck are you? ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

Hey, Adrian.

Dude, listen.

- It's an owl.
- Okay.

- Northern saw-whet.
- What?

That's the kind of owl it is.

Dude, I know a shitload about owls.

Okay, I... I can't talk right
now, man. I'm working.

Hey, you moved back from Belle Reve yet?

Uh, yeah, but I can't
hang until tomorrow.

- Quiz me.
- What?

About owls.

Look up owl facts and then
see if I know the answer.

Okay, hold on.

Dude, I'm like Rain Man, but with owls.

Okay, Rain Man, here's one.

Are owl's eyes orbs or tubes?

- Orbs.
- Nope, they're tubes.

Fuck off, how can they be tubes?

I don't know, that's what it says.

Well, how do they stay
inside their heads?

Why don't they just spill
out onto the floor?

- I don't know.
- Well, you think

every time you're stepping
through the forest,

there'd be owl eyes everywhere
if they were tubes.

- Veins, I guess?
- What?

They're attached by veins?

Sure.

All right, give me another one.

You don't know anything about owls.

I do, though. Fuck.

All right, well then,

what do you want to talk about next?

Nothing.

Have you spoken to Peacemaker?

Just through email.

He seems bummed-out lately.

I think he thought that
after saving the world,

everyone would finally
treat him like a... like a hero.

Hey, Adrian, what are you doing?

I'm on the phone, Dave.

What does it look like I'm doing?

Quote-unquote "Dave" is here.

Well, get back inside, man.
Your section is a fucking mess.

Dave was way cooler
when he was a dishwasher

- back when we were friends.
- We were never friends.

Then why did I go to your wedding?

Because you showed up
fucking uninvited, Adrian.

I guess I gotta go.

Oh no, shoot.

Great conversation, though, right?

Yeah, it's probably even
better than yesterday,

or the day before that,

or every single day since
I moved to Belle Reve.

Yeah, well, they're all pretty good.

Adrian, you fucknut!

I am coming! Chill out, you fucknut!

Why are you saying the same
thing I just said? Hmm?

Words belong to you now?

- What?
- Sorry, I didn't know

you copyrighted fucknut.

I did, and you owe me...

... a billion dollars
every time you say it.

Oh, fuck.

Economos.

- You seeing this?
- Yeah.

Anything unusual from your vantage?

No.

Approach and investigate.

Copy that.

There has to be a solution.

This is the third metahuman escape

from Belle Reve or Arkham
in the past two months.

We've got to find a way
to protect people

from what is rapidly becoming

an existential threat.

- General Flag, sir.
- What is it, Bordeaux?

Remember that January thing?

- The Christopher Smith thing?
- The glitch?

I'm not sure it was a glitch
because it just happened again.

It's similar to what we picked up

this summer in Metropolis.

The Luthor Incident?

Permission to access
your computer, General.

Who's surveilling the house?

Former black hat by the name
of John Economos.

- Oh, right.
- You put him in charge.

No, I... I remember, yeah.

Excuse me. I questioned it because...

'Cause he was close to the subject.

I don't know how close John
Economos can be to anyone, sir,

but yes, they worked
together in Task Force X.

Economos, it's Flag.

Hey, dude, I'm outside
the house right now.

You see anything unusual?

Define unusual.

Oh, why do you always have
to be an asshole, Economos?

I don't know, probably because
I have some major

chemical imbalance issues, sir.

- John!
- No, nothing overly unusual.

- What the fuck?
- What?

It... It's nothing. It's
just people having sex.

- Like an orgy.
- What?

- Group sex.
- No, I... I... I heard you.

Jesus, what is it with this cat?

Christopher Smith is
notoriously free-spirited.

- Is he one of them? Smith?
- One of what?

One of the people in the orgy.

Uh, yes.

All right. Stay on high alert.

Let me know if anything else comes up.

Copy.

Send in another agent
to watch over Economos.

- I do not trust him with this.
- Yes, sir.

And let's move this case
to ARGUS Priority One.

Priority One?

Yeah, we need to figure out
what this blip is about.

Last thing we need is
another dimensional rift

tearing up this planet.

What are you doing out here?

I thought you were in Blüdhaven.

Keith?

You okay, man?

No, uh...

You smell like a distillery.

You out with the boys?

Uh, yeah...

What are you knuckleheads doing?

Chrisper, I thought
you were in Blüdhaven.

Yeah, that's what I said.

Well, the three amigos
are together again.

I believe that calls for a celebration.

Yeah, that's pretty clear thinking

for a man of such advanced years.

Why, you, I oughta...

- Ah!
- Pow, pow, pow!

Hey, here, old man, before you get hurt.

- Ah!
- Hey!

- What?
- Nothing.

"Nothing, nothing".

Oh!

"Nothing, nothing".

Reminds me of the time when I came home.

What were you, like,
12 years old or something?

Oh, here we go.

And there's Chris
running around the house.

He's being chased by
30 of these knee-high...

What the hell do you call them things?

- Imps.
- Imps, yeah.

Running around.

I go, "Chris, what the hell
are you doing?"

He looks at me and goes, "Nothing".

Nothing?

Oh my God.

It was a week before Keith told me.

- No, I didn't want to narc.
- Chrisper's rummaging

around the munchkin dimension

eight doors down.

They're not munchkins,
Dad. They're imps.

Trying to nab one of them

giant peppermint sticks.

I found a dead, rotting imp
inside the Dodge engine block,

like, three months later.
I cannot stress how fucking bad

it smelled.

You think that's bad.

The next morning, I was
eating my Cheerios,

and there's something sticky in there.

I think one of those
little fuckers jacked off

- in there or something. Yeah.
- What? No.

No. That didn't happen.

I don't remember that part.

That's the famous Auggie
embellishment right there.

Yeah, and it's your fault.

- You gotta love that boy.
- Uh-huh.

Life would have been a lot easier...

But half as much fun without him.

More importantly, Dad,

how many goddamn imps you gotta fight

- before you remember...
- Hey!

- ... what they're called?
- Fuck those imps!

Bud Light.

You got a problem, Jack Sparrow?

It's just a compliment, babe.

Oh yeah?

There a time you whistled
at some chick and she said,

"Thanks for the compliment,

I suddenly find your cum-soaked beard

and micropenis energy hot. Let's fuck?"

Willing to bet no, right?

In fact, I'm willing to bet
no one's ever fucked you

for any reason other than money or fear.

Bitch is looking to get swatted.

Yeah, you are.

Calm down, lady.

Oh shit!

Stay down, you fucking nutjob.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Dang, girl!

Bye, bitch.

- Whoo.
- Oh. Oh.

Whew. I gotta go to bed.
I got a big day tomorrow.

- Night, Pops.
- Night, son.

I love you.

Love you. Love you too, buddy.

You still talking with the ex?

- The ex?
- Yeah.

What's up with you tonight?

Uh, no, I haven't...

I gotta say, I think you blew it
with that one, bro.

I think you should
give that another shot.

I mean, I know she's with that...

... jarhead and all, but...

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

All right. Good night, brother.

Keith.

I love you.

Get out of here, you drunk asshole.

I love you too.

What is it?

It's a magic tunnel.

A magic tunnel?

So, you don't know what that is?

- Mm-mm.
- He's never told you

- anything about that?
- No!

How do you even know about it?

ARGUS has been monitoring Peacemaker

ever since Rick Flag Senior
was named director.

Do... Does he know Chris killed his son?

Yeah, so he's wasting taxpayer money

having him surveilled 24/7
in the hopes that he screws up.

And a couple months ago,
Maridal radar picked up

an anomalous signal
coming from his house.

Maridal detects known extraterrestrial

- and ectoplasmic energies.
- Yeah, I know what it is.

We thought it was a glitch.

And then yesterday, it happened again.

And that's when I saw this.

Hello, I'm fucked.

Right.

So, what do I do?

I mean, it's... it's Peacemaker,
you know? He's like...

- Uh, your friend.
- Now that's pushing it,

but I don't wanna totally
screw the guy over.

But then I think about you.

Me?

Yeah, you tried to help him,

and now yours and Harcourt's lives

are completely fucked.

Yo, I'm not fucked.

You're living in the worst level
of Grand Theft Auto.

That's because Keeya kicked me out.

And because you shared
top secret information

with the press, and
now you can't get a job

at fucking Athlete's Foot.

Athlete's Foot is hiring?

Maybe.

- Follow up question.
- Uh-huh.

Does Athlete's Foot still exist?

Yes, there's one in the Terrytown mall.

That's comforting.

Look, you need to talk to Chris
and find out the story

before you go sharing shit with ARGUS.

You can't do him like that.

Look, if anybody sees me talking to him,

I could get fired.

It could be ARGUS testing me
for all I know.

Now I get it.

- What?
- You ain't here for no advice.

Fine, I will talk to him
and see what's up.

Just... just AirDrop me the photo.

All right.

Okay.

Did you AirDrop it?

Yeah, there you go.

- Oh my God, bro, really?
- Oh shit. Nope.

No, no, wrong one. Hold on.

- God damn.
- That's not my dick.

Who the fuck are you?

I can explain.

Hold on, man. Just...

I don't know if you're
a shapeshifter or what.

- Just...
- Breaking and entering into a man's home?

That's solid justification for me...

Activate magic stars.

Can't be looping Spin Doctors in
with Thirty Second to Mars.

Spin Doctors is so good.

Oh, jeez. Anybody's better
than Thirty Seconds to Mars.

That garage band
I was in for two seconds

is better than Thirty Seconds to Mars.

- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -