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President Trump recently
embarked on a historic trip to
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the Middle East in search
of trade deals and alliances.
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00:00:06,730 --> 00:00:09,809
He found both. But he
also found something else.
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00:00:09,821 --> 00:00:12,350
Something more
powerful. He found love.
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00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:20,580
My long dad, this is Crown
Prince Mahabib bin Salman.
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And we're together now, kidding of course.
But we are vibing.
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You are too kind.
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Habibi.
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Habibi. Habibi, what a word.
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But we've been having a lot of fun in the
Middle East. I've been having a great time.
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We've been eating a lot of
meals, sitting on the floor,
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00:00:39,780 --> 00:00:43,340
dipping our fingers straight
into various goops and spreads
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that I politely scrape under
the rug and go eat at a
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mobile McDonald's that you
built for me, isn't that right?
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To end of list. But it's been a
fantastic week in the Middle East.
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I also went to Qatar, the UAE.
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And much like God did during
Passover, I skipped Israel. Oh well.
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I bet you were happy about that though.
You liked that, right?
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No comment.
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No comment. You don't want to say anything.
Cancer culture.
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But I did make this trip.
I didn't make this trip for myself.
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I want to make that clear.
I did this for the American people
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and in many ways myself.
My personal enrichment.
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I did that too. I did very well
on this trip. Got a lot of cool stuff.
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The Qataris gave me a $400 million plate.
Can you believe that?
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And people said that was
some sort of bribe. Not true.
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Not true. Because they haven't
asked for anything in return.
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Well, not yet.
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Alright, so it's a pre-bribe.
It's a pre-bribe.
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But now people are saying I should
really be flying in an American plane.
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No thanks, honey. Have you seen
what's going on with our planes?
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The radar is down and the screen is blank.
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Newer!
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Darling! Where are we going?
Where are we flying for our vacation?
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Honey, directly into the ground.
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But we just made a big... Oh, shut up.
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But we just made a big airplane deal
with the Crown Prince. Tell them about it.
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Saudi Arabia will buy $1 billion
worth of aircraft from Boeing.
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Your funeral.
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I also met with the leader
of the UAE in Abu Dhabi.
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We like to say Abu Dhabi. Abu Dhabi do.
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Like the late, great Frank Flintstone.
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The UAE promised to invest
over a trillion dollars in the U.S.
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I love Dubai because they
do buy a lot of weapons.
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But I've had a great trip
here in the Middle East.
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It was very much a boy's trip.
I don't think I saw a single woman.
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What's up with that, huh?
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All the time, just walking
into a room full of boys.
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Hi, boys. Boys again.
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The women are all hiding.
It's like a nation of Melania's.
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Very funny. There it is.
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I'm going to look that up.
I'm cooking. I'm having a great time.
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I'm just going to say it.
I love the Arabs. I love the Arabs.
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I don't want to go home. Let me stay.
Get me to Allah's country.
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Everyone loves me here.
They're not allowed to not, right?
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They have to love you. If not, bye-bye.
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Inshallah. Oh, I love that. I love that.
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Donald, please stay.
Build a palace next to mine and stay.
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Oh, I sadly can't. I have to get back home.
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Luckily, we have our own little
slice of Saudi Arabia in America.
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A dry desert area filled with people
who are way too into their religion.
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We call ours Utah.
And I do very well there.
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So I can't stay here in the Middle East.
In fact, you know what?
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I can't even stay in
this sketch much longer.
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Can I have to leave? You know what?
Because it's the SNL finale.
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Season 50. Worst one yet.
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Okay, get up.
Go ahead, get up, get out of there.
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Let me sit here, yeah? Go with him.
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Go eat sun chips in the hallway.
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I'm here to break the fourth wall.
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Oh, it's nice here with all
the young pretty people. Hello.
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Look at her. Wow.
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Sevens or more.
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Sevens or more. Sit on the floor, six
and below, to the bleachers you go.
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That sounds...
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It's like a gut felt joke,
kind of rhymed, right?
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But you know, since it's a
finale, that means after tonight,
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you won't be seeing me here for a while.
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Well, not the fake fun version
of me that makes you smile.
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The real one will still be omnipresent.
You can't escape me, right?
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I'm everywhere. Even in your dreams.
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Even in your dreams, like
the late, great Freddy Krueger.
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I don't suppose that will know.
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00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:17,460
So, see you again in the fall
if we still have a country, right?
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It's a coin toss.
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Happy summer, everyone.
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And live from New York,
it's Saturday Night Live!
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It's Saturday Night Live with...
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Michael Che.
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James Austin Johnson.
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Devin Walker.
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Featuring... Ashley Padilla.
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And your host, Scarlett Johansson.
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Ladies and gentlemen, Scarlett Johansson.
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You guys, thank you very much.
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I am so excited to be
hosting the finale of season 50.
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And I'm so proud to be a part of it.
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You know, I first hosted the
show when I was 21 years old,
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so it's crazy to be back here,
what, like three years later?
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Man, time really flies.
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Anyway, it is so great to be back,
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because as many times
as I've stood on the stage,
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it never stops feeling special.
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It's 11.30 on a Saturday
finale of season 50.
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It's chaotic and crazy.
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The whole week is hazy,
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but there's no place that I'd rather be.
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Scarlett, that was beautiful.
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You mind if I take the next verse?
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Oh, well, it's sort of my monologue.
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Of course, no problem.
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Sometimes we play likable characters.
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Other times we play J.D. Vance.
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It's not always funny.
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We don't do it for money, or
else Sarah would buy better pants.
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Hey, guys, what are you singing about?
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Great pants, by the way.
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Oh, thank you.
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La, la,
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la-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
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La, la, la,
da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
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00:09:39,181 --> 00:09:46,220
Sing us a song tonight Because
we've made 50 years of great memories
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Ladies and
gentlemen, Billy Joel.
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Wrote this song. I thought
Billy Joel was going to come out.
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Mikey, so cute, so
simple. Well, I have to
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00:10:02,401 --> 00:10:06,120
be honest, I love a
singing monologue. Really?
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I like the ones where they take
questions from the audience.
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00:10:09,431 --> 00:10:10,506
Well, let's do both then.
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00:10:12,886 --> 00:10:18,221
Does anyone here have a question?
Yes, over here, I have one or two.
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00:10:18,233 --> 00:10:21,220
Could you introduce
me to a dinosaur?
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00:10:22,380 --> 00:10:28,880
I'm sorry that I called on you. It's weird,
but this place is kind of like my home.
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I've been in over 300 sketches.
And by my count, I've been in four.
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It's just our first year, but we're glad to
be here. Let's hear it for Joanne and Beth.
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My name isn't Beth. Classic.
Andrew and James, I hold dear.
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00:10:57,130 --> 00:11:01,039
It's been a great season
and Sarah is leaving.
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00:11:01,051 --> 00:11:04,070
We're all gonna
miss you next year.
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00:11:04,910 --> 00:11:07,210
Wait, what? Did you guys hear something?
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Sing us a song in your monologue.
The 50th season is through.
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If we did it together and we got
to spend it with you. Channel four.
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00:12:33,805 --> 00:12:36,477
That was our weatherman
Keith. He said he wanted a
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00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:39,120
shot to try something
new for our intro and well,
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shot taken Keith. Swing and a miss folks.
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00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:47,466
Good morning, New
York. And thanks as always
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00:12:47,478 --> 00:12:49,880
for waking up with
us. I'm Susan McGrath.
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I'm Tommy Nolan,
our usual third wheel.
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00:12:52,453 --> 00:12:55,520
Claire Connors is out
today. I can't legally say why,
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but let's just say she
gave birth to something.
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But filling in for her
this morning, we have
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00:13:02,041 --> 00:13:06,544
another member of our channel four
family, Denise Jones from the nightly news.
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00:13:06,545 --> 00:13:09,275
So happy you're here joining
us, Denise. Thanks for having
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00:13:09,287 --> 00:13:11,620
me. All right, let's get
to our top stories coming
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up later this morning.
It's a dog gone miracle.
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A new layer of AstroTurf
has been installed at
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the Riverside dog
park. And later we tip
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00:13:21,330 --> 00:13:25,300
our cap, a Chino to
Little Bean coffee shop,
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00:13:25,475 --> 00:13:28,860
which donates all their leftover
pastries to a local homeless shelter.
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00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:34,120
Well, cap a Chino and it's a dog
gone miracle. I love those little puns.
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00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:38,720
Yeah, they make our morning stories
a little extra fun for our early risers.
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00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:42,340
That's so creative. I mean, we don't
usually do those on the nightly news.
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All right, well, you want to take
the next one, Denise? Sure thing.
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Next stop, the hospital. Last night,
a woman was assaulted on the train.
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00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:56,715
I know, I did a pun.
Yay. Oh, well, Denise, I
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00:13:56,727 --> 00:14:01,236
just think that story was
a little too intense for that.
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00:14:01,237 --> 00:14:04,660
Oh, I get it. You mean, the pun is
only okay when it's something like this.
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Later, we tip our cap, a Chino to the
woman who was assaulted on the train.
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Somehow worse. You
know, why don't we just
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focus on the lighter
stories, okay? All right.
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00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:20,078
Life is like a box of
chocolates and Elmhurst
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00:14:20,090 --> 00:14:22,660
candy store celebrates
100 years in business.
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00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:28,700
And I'll have what she's having, a queen's
couple dies in an apparent murder-suicide.
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00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:34,900
Wrong again. Denise, you don't
have to do the puns for the sad ones.
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00:14:35,230 --> 00:14:40,820
Oh, okay, got you. So like this. Take me to
the river if you want to see the dead body
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00:14:40,821 --> 00:14:44,234
that washed up today.
And coming up later this
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00:14:44,246 --> 00:14:47,820
hour, who took his dong
out an Ohio teacher did?
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00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:54,180
Denise, no more puns. Oh, I like doing
them. We don't get to do them at night.
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00:14:54,430 --> 00:14:57,433
Oh, he ate that woman.
Stay tuned for the latest
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00:14:57,445 --> 00:15:00,460
update on the manhunt
of the Englewood Cannibal.
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00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:03,999
You know what, why don't
we throw it to weather so
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00:15:04,011 --> 00:15:06,080
we can take a little break
from Denise over here.
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00:15:07,550 --> 00:15:10,940
Keith? Thanks, Susan. This week, it's
going to be sunny. Back to you, Denise.
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00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:24,160
That was it. Thanks, Keith.
And in national news,
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00:15:24,161 --> 00:15:26,776
hopefully we have a reporter
in the field standing by.
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00:15:26,788 --> 00:15:28,420
Calvin, how's it
going out there?
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00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:30,960
Oh, well, it's a grim
scene here at Leventine
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00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:33,160
where I want my baby
back, baby back, baby back.
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00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:39,544
Says this mother of a girl who
was kidnapped from a Chili's.
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00:15:39,556 --> 00:15:42,120
Calvin, no. This is serious.
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00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:46,338
Sorry, I just got inspired
by Denise. Thank you.
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00:15:46,350 --> 00:15:49,540
It's just so refreshing
to finally see a strong,
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00:15:49,665 --> 00:15:54,080
intelligent woman behind a desk.
I've worked here for five years.
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00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:59,800
Can I try a pun, too?
You used to call me on my cell phone.
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00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,700
It's been 12 days since any
contact with my daughter.
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00:16:06,460 --> 00:16:10,319
No. Every time I make
love to my beautiful wife,
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00:16:10,331 --> 00:16:14,040
I think we have no
choice but to finish early.
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00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:19,080
Sorry, that was weird.
Why don't you take us home there, Keith?
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00:16:20,940 --> 00:16:26,740
Goodbye for now. Channel four is over.
Yes, the news is done.
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00:16:38,370 --> 00:16:39,370
Hello.
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00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:40,030
Aww.
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00:16:40,690 --> 00:16:41,130
Hi.
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00:16:41,515 --> 00:16:44,890
You guys look so down. You sat the seasons
over and you only did, like, two videos.
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00:16:45,410 --> 00:16:46,910
Did, like, three at least.
202
00:16:47,130 --> 00:16:50,035
Doesn't matter. It's just with everything
going on in the news right now.
203
00:16:50,059 --> 00:16:51,490
It's just things
feel kind of bleak.
204
00:16:51,570 --> 00:16:53,870
Yeah, I just feel like
the world is falling apart.
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00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:56,070
Hey, know what you guys need? A vacation.
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00:16:56,550 --> 00:16:58,770
Vacation? We have work. It'll be expensive.
207
00:16:59,550 --> 00:17:03,770
Shh. Tickets are on me.
You ever flown first class before?
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00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:07,410
What do you say, boys? A little vacay?
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00:17:44,300 --> 00:17:45,300
Shh. Did you say Newark?
210
00:17:46,170 --> 00:17:47,170
Yeah, boy. What's up?
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00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,490
No, I just... We're landing at Newark?
212
00:17:51,710 --> 00:17:53,750
Yeah, Newark. In New Jersey.
213
00:17:55,395 --> 00:17:56,995
Damn, it's kind of windy out there, huh?
214
00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,250
Didn't we fly out of LaGuardia?
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00:17:59,710 --> 00:18:00,950
It's like a half an hour drive.
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00:18:01,270 --> 00:18:02,310
No, but this is awesome.
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00:18:02,810 --> 00:18:04,190
Come on. I mean, we're in first class.
218
00:18:04,191 --> 00:18:05,191
Right?
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00:18:05,410 --> 00:18:08,170
Now I'm up in first class.
I've been on the spritz fast.
220
00:18:08,470 --> 00:18:10,470
I don't got time, so I'll wear a wrist wax.
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00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:11,990
Is something going on at Newark?
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00:18:12,670 --> 00:18:14,710
Like, are there planes
crashing there or something?
223
00:18:15,050 --> 00:18:17,410
No, I think they're
just, like, losing them.
224
00:18:17,610 --> 00:18:18,610
Losing the planes?
225
00:18:18,670 --> 00:18:19,930
Yeah, like, losing track.
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00:18:20,170 --> 00:18:22,570
Yeah, right.
They're losing the planes in Newark,
227
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:25,466
but the crashing is happening,
like, everywhere all the time now.
228
00:18:25,490 --> 00:18:26,170
Oh, yeah.
229
00:18:26,410 --> 00:18:26,690
Right.
230
00:18:27,070 --> 00:18:28,070
Yeah.
231
00:18:29,770 --> 00:18:30,530
Are you not nervous?
232
00:18:30,531 --> 00:18:31,531
Oh.
233
00:18:32,930 --> 00:18:34,770
Bitch, I ain't scared of no plane.
234
00:18:39,750 --> 00:18:41,590
Damn, I'm buckled up.
Didn't like that at all.
235
00:18:41,810 --> 00:18:43,250
Apologies for the turbulence, folks,
236
00:18:43,730 --> 00:18:46,870
but good news, we've been
cleared for landing at Newark.
237
00:18:47,330 --> 00:18:51,250
At least I think so.
Haven't heard anything yet.
238
00:18:51,510 --> 00:18:52,510
Oh, no.
239
00:18:52,870 --> 00:18:55,330
Hmm. That's not good.
240
00:18:56,470 --> 00:18:59,570
Nah, that's scary.
All the TVs just turned off.
241
00:18:59,730 --> 00:19:00,990
Once we land, I should be good.
242
00:19:01,450 --> 00:19:02,730
Once we land, I'll be all right.
243
00:19:02,990 --> 00:19:04,070
I'm just gonna meditate, too.
244
00:19:04,071 --> 00:19:06,870
God's got me. God's always got me.
245
00:19:07,190 --> 00:19:09,130
I can't be alone with
the thoughts in my dome.
246
00:19:09,770 --> 00:19:11,510
Mark, do you have any shows in your phone?
247
00:19:11,810 --> 00:19:15,850
The only show I have is Lost.
I only have the pilot of Lost.
248
00:19:16,250 --> 00:19:17,630
Why would you only have that one?
249
00:19:17,710 --> 00:19:19,650
I didn't know I'd be here today.
250
00:19:20,530 --> 00:19:25,410
Bad news, folks. We are what
we call in the biz, flying blind.
251
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:26,790
Oh, God.
252
00:19:27,010 --> 00:19:29,466
Okay, be honest. Do you think
we'll make the article at least?
253
00:19:29,490 --> 00:19:29,670
What?
254
00:19:29,830 --> 00:19:32,590
Do you think the article will
be like Scarlett Johansson and
255
00:19:32,591 --> 00:19:35,010
Please Don't Destroy, Die
in Plane Crash, or just you?
256
00:19:35,190 --> 00:19:36,246
What's Please Don't Destroy?
257
00:19:36,270 --> 00:19:37,370
Who did you think we were?
258
00:19:39,350 --> 00:19:43,090
Uh, pardon me. Will I give a
quick call to our air traffic controller?
259
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:46,490
Come on. Pick up, pick
up, pick up, pick up, pick up.
260
00:19:47,090 --> 00:19:48,090
Hello?
261
00:19:48,410 --> 00:19:50,790
Hi. Are you having fun up there?
262
00:19:51,130 --> 00:19:54,730
No, I'm not having fun.
Sir, do you have our coordinates?
263
00:19:55,430 --> 00:19:58,430
Uh, I don't know. It's my first day.
264
00:19:58,610 --> 00:20:00,890
What? It's your first day?
265
00:20:02,690 --> 00:20:05,110
Yeah. There's... there's like no one here.
266
00:20:05,310 --> 00:20:06,310
Oh, fantastic.
267
00:20:06,950 --> 00:20:11,490
Maybe you tell me, like, what...
what call is your... is your plane?
268
00:20:11,670 --> 00:20:12,670
It's a frickin' plane.
269
00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:14,470
I'm gonna find the emergency
exit and I'm gonna jump.
270
00:20:14,490 --> 00:20:16,250
Do not open the emergency exit.
271
00:20:16,350 --> 00:20:17,470
I've got... I want to.
272
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,650
Oh, God. That's a new one.
273
00:20:19,850 --> 00:20:23,070
Oh, it looks like this is it, guys.
Anything to get off your chest?
274
00:20:23,730 --> 00:20:26,370
This might sound corny,
but the only thing I regret is...
275
00:20:26,990 --> 00:20:29,730
is that Avengers didn't make
more money at the box office.
276
00:20:29,731 --> 00:20:35,930
What? We are going down.
If anybody can help us, please. Please!
277
00:20:36,750 --> 00:20:38,090
I can't give up on them.
278
00:20:39,090 --> 00:20:40,330
Yes. If I just...
279
00:20:42,610 --> 00:20:46,470
locate their coordinates... I'm
starting to get my signal back.
280
00:20:47,150 --> 00:20:50,170
And calculate that wind resistance.
281
00:20:50,870 --> 00:20:52,930
Dude, hang on. I see the runway.
I see the runway.
282
00:20:53,190 --> 00:20:55,870
I think I'm doing a good job.
I think I'm saving them.
283
00:20:56,850 --> 00:20:59,150
Oh, my God. It's working. It's working!
284
00:20:59,151 --> 00:21:02,550
I can see you know you're...
285
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:14,900
Yes! I'm so happy.
286
00:21:15,420 --> 00:21:16,660
Yes! Yes! Yes!
287
00:21:16,700 --> 00:21:18,880
Don't you finally enjoy
our vacation in Newark?
288
00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:25,600
I can do anything you put your mind to.
289
00:21:50,890 --> 00:21:54,900
Wow. I can't believe what was
supposed to be a one-night stand
290
00:21:55,300 --> 00:21:57,040
turned into three weeks together.
291
00:21:58,380 --> 00:22:00,640
Yes.
I'm also having trouble believing that.
292
00:22:02,420 --> 00:22:06,260
So, I've been thinking.
My lease is up. Your lease isn't.
293
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:10,980
So, I could either be homeless, or
perhaps there's another arrangement.
294
00:22:11,900 --> 00:22:14,780
Like you get another apartment?
295
00:22:16,740 --> 00:22:20,820
Oh, I'm sorry. This is kind of awkward,
but you're kind of sitting at our table.
296
00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:25,340
Your table? The bar area is the first
that got here, first that will be served.
297
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:29,183
Um, okay. Well, we've been
coming here every Friday for the
298
00:22:29,184 --> 00:22:32,000
past three weeks, and this
is where we sit, right, baby?
299
00:22:32,500 --> 00:22:33,560
Oh, right.
300
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:39,000
Oh, baby, they got you first.
301
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:42,320
Babe, this is our special table.
They need to move.
302
00:22:44,100 --> 00:22:48,200
Hi, Omeo, baby. Let's just go.
Maybe I go to my apartment,
303
00:22:48,790 --> 00:22:52,000
and you go to any place
that's different than that.
304
00:22:53,100 --> 00:22:56,660
No way, no way. We're not just
going to leave because they told us to.
305
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:58,560
Say something. Defend my honor.
306
00:22:59,540 --> 00:23:01,740
Okay, I got this, baby. I got this.
307
00:23:01,860 --> 00:23:02,860
Hey!
308
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,980
That's right. He's about to beat your ass.
309
00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:31,640
Do you hear that?
He's going to go loca on me.
310
00:23:37,110 --> 00:23:42,890
You hear that? He's going to go loca on me.
311
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:01,202
Oh, so now you're
making my man cry?
312
00:24:01,214 --> 00:24:06,000
Let me tell you something
in a way you can understand.
313
00:24:09,700 --> 00:24:10,700
What?
314
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,560
You heard me.
315
00:24:15,660 --> 00:24:22,180
You are not making any sense.
316
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,120
You're not the only one
who can speak Spanish, bitch.
317
00:24:25,820 --> 00:24:27,220
I used to work at Chipotle.
318
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:29,940
Listen to me closely.
319
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:37,150
Damn, they're really
going at it over there.
320
00:24:38,130 --> 00:24:40,030
I feel like I'm watching
and telling novella.
321
00:24:40,870 --> 00:24:43,670
Y'all hope they do that thing
where they slap each other and kiss.
322
00:24:44,070 --> 00:24:44,490
Wait, what?
323
00:24:44,950 --> 00:24:47,270
Yeah, you know, in every
novella, there's a slap and kiss.
324
00:24:47,670 --> 00:24:52,510
You see, in their culture, the line
between passion and violence is paper thin.
325
00:24:54,510 --> 00:24:57,890
Baby, please, come over here. Do not listen
to this woman. I'm going to protect you.
326
00:24:58,030 --> 00:25:02,670
Oh, yeah, you better protect her
because I'm about to esparago, not on us.
327
00:25:04,970 --> 00:25:08,530
Baby, baby, baby, you're
talking about asparagus.
328
00:25:09,670 --> 00:25:11,070
Let me handle this, okay?
329
00:25:54,430 --> 00:26:03,735
I said, there's no reason to fight. And
they make a great couple and he never.
330
00:26:03,736 --> 00:26:06,150
.. he should never let her go.
331
00:26:08,630 --> 00:26:14,070
Oh, that's sweet.
332
00:26:14,790 --> 00:26:18,650
Baby, let's get out of here
and go back to your place.
333
00:26:18,970 --> 00:26:20,630
Because tonight, I'm going to give you...
334
00:26:22,790 --> 00:26:26,730
Okay, baby, let's go.
335
00:26:27,670 --> 00:26:30,350
Okay, well, maybe we can
learn a little something from them.
336
00:26:30,510 --> 00:26:31,950
So tonight, I'm going to give you...
337
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:39,500
You have me a tetas.
338
00:26:41,660 --> 00:26:49,660
You look at that.
It's like they always say, amor.
339
00:26:56,000 --> 00:27:04,000
So, I just found out there's
a second Kansas City.
340
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:06,700
Hey, you guys know I love Colin, right?
341
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:09,140
Of course. He's your boo thing for life.
342
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:11,400
Yeah, and we're like totally happy.
343
00:27:12,245 --> 00:27:15,320
But like, it's normal to have
little crushes here and there.
344
00:27:16,180 --> 00:27:18,600
Especially on someone from the cast.
345
00:27:18,940 --> 00:27:19,940
Oh, who is it?
346
00:27:20,020 --> 00:27:21,060
Creepy, creepy log fellow.
347
00:27:23,490 --> 00:27:24,490
No, it's Bowen.
348
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,360
He's just so sweet.
349
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,980
And I mean, nothing's
obviously going to happen.
350
00:27:31,180 --> 00:27:32,640
I'm married. He's gay.
351
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,800
Um, yeah, no. Bowen is not gay.
352
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,300
Bowen is straight as hell.
353
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:41,800
Really?
354
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,880
But at the 50th, I saw
him sobbing over Cher.
355
00:27:45,130 --> 00:27:48,340
It's all fake, girl.
He just dials up the gay for clout.
356
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:52,540
Trust me, that man's a pee
hound through and through.
357
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:56,080
Seriously?
358
00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:58,560
Hello, hello.
359
00:28:08,145 --> 00:28:09,240
Have you missed you?
360
00:28:09,900 --> 00:28:11,460
Of course, he's with Gina Gershon.
361
00:28:11,660 --> 00:28:12,660
I just had a scene.
362
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:14,020
Slower.
363
00:28:14,580 --> 00:28:15,580
Okay.
364
00:28:16,540 --> 00:28:19,780
So, how's the week been going?
You getting along with the cast?
365
00:28:20,580 --> 00:28:21,580
Yeah, fine.
366
00:28:21,785 --> 00:28:22,785
Why? You heard something?
367
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:25,760
Bowen, hi.
368
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:26,920
What's up, Colin?
369
00:28:27,120 --> 00:28:29,960
Hey, good work this season.
Keep it up. Excited to watch you grow.
370
00:28:30,360 --> 00:28:31,360
Thanks, man.
371
00:28:31,540 --> 00:28:32,540
Do you mind, uh...
372
00:28:33,620 --> 00:28:34,020
Leaving?
373
00:28:34,620 --> 00:28:34,840
Yeah.
374
00:28:35,100 --> 00:28:37,460
Yeah, no problem.
I'll just take the stairs.
375
00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:39,300
It's only 30 flights.
376
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:44,900
Scarlet, Scarlet. My Jurassic.
377
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:46,320
Harlot.
378
00:28:46,740 --> 00:28:50,020
Bowen, you shouldn't be talking
to me that way. I'm married.
379
00:28:50,660 --> 00:28:52,780
Probably shouldn't
be doing a lot of things.
380
00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:56,240
That's better.
381
00:28:56,500 --> 00:28:59,180
Watch it, Mr. Mudang.
382
00:28:59,780 --> 00:29:03,300
What's that in your...
you know, Colin's my SNL brother and
383
00:29:03,650 --> 00:29:07,620
would never do anything to
hurt him, but I would f*** his wife.
384
00:29:09,580 --> 00:29:11,660
There is something I wanted to ask you.
385
00:29:12,420 --> 00:29:12,740
What?
386
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:14,260
I guess I was wondering...
387
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:16,980
what that yang do.
388
00:29:23,550 --> 00:29:24,770
Oh, Scarj.
389
00:29:25,110 --> 00:29:26,850
Wait, wait. Do we need protection?
390
00:29:27,230 --> 00:29:29,030
No, it's fine. I can bottom.
391
00:29:37,790 --> 00:29:39,020
I need to see you again.
392
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:40,520
Tonight.
393
00:29:40,740 --> 00:29:41,740
I'll cook for you.
394
00:29:42,260 --> 00:29:43,980
You want to come by mine? You like ceviche?
395
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:44,420
Yeah.
396
00:29:45,100 --> 00:29:46,740
You want to come by at, like, 2 a.m.?
397
00:29:47,220 --> 00:29:47,560
Okay.
398
00:29:47,561 --> 00:29:49,780
Oh, no. We're something pretty, okay?
399
00:30:00,500 --> 00:30:01,500
Hey.
400
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:03,240
Wait, were we not hanging out tonight?
401
00:30:04,100 --> 00:30:06,300
Right. Shoot. Come on in.
402
00:30:07,780 --> 00:30:09,140
Oh, nice place.
403
00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:11,340
So, are we cooking?
404
00:30:11,780 --> 00:30:15,300
Uh, oh, yeah. I think there's
some tendies in the air fryer.
405
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:17,480
Bye, King.
406
00:30:17,980 --> 00:30:18,980
See you at rehearsal.
407
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:23,180
You slept with Eggo?
408
00:30:23,740 --> 00:30:24,560
What do you want me to say?
409
00:30:24,685 --> 00:30:26,640
I don't know. That we had a connection?
410
00:30:26,980 --> 00:30:27,980
Oh, so now we're dating?
411
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,400
I just found out who you were this morning.
412
00:30:30,540 --> 00:30:32,280
Oh, so I meant nothing to you.
413
00:30:32,500 --> 00:30:33,960
God, you're suffocating me.
414
00:30:35,420 --> 00:30:37,240
Screw it. I'm going to Tokyo.
415
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:39,900
Thanks for inventing AI, by the way.
416
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:45,240
Hey, Mama.
417
00:30:46,570 --> 00:30:47,570
Hey. You too.
418
00:30:47,860 --> 00:30:49,300
Did you keep asking yourself why?
419
00:30:49,820 --> 00:30:50,940
You'll drive yourself crazy.
420
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:52,400
I got gaslipped by bony.
421
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:55,560
Hey, bro.
422
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,280
Domo arigato, Radikovsky son.
423
00:30:58,420 --> 00:30:59,580
Let's go to Disneyland Tokyo.
424
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:01,320
Is that Emily Radikovsky?
425
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:02,020
Hurry up!
426
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:02,440
Okay!
427
00:31:02,940 --> 00:31:06,160
Listen, Orange.
Never get your back blown out by a gay guy.
428
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:07,400
Amen, sister.
429
00:31:25,710 --> 00:31:28,010
Can you press 147, please?
430
00:31:28,450 --> 00:31:29,450
Uh, sure.
431
00:31:29,950 --> 00:31:30,950
Thank you.
432
00:31:31,170 --> 00:31:33,570
God. Oh, you're Mike Myers.
433
00:31:33,790 --> 00:31:34,810
I am, yes. Thank you.
434
00:31:39,270 --> 00:31:42,090
Damn, this is my stop.
Good to meet you, though.
435
00:31:42,390 --> 00:31:44,070
Look, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.
436
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:47,448
Hi. I'm sorry to bother
you. I just have to say this.
437
00:31:47,460 --> 00:31:49,290
I'm a huge fan of
yours, Mr. Myers.
438
00:31:49,830 --> 00:31:52,610
Oh, thank you. That's very, very kind.
Thank you. What's your name?
439
00:31:53,190 --> 00:31:55,627
I'm Janice, and I just
love all your movies.
440
00:31:55,639 --> 00:31:58,470
My girlfriends and I quote
Shrek like all the time.
441
00:31:58,810 --> 00:32:02,270
Oh, thank you. That's a little weird, but
thank you. Thank you. That's very nice.
442
00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:04,349
It's my first time in New
York. You just never
443
00:32:04,350 --> 00:32:06,550
know what celebrity
you're going to run into here.
444
00:32:06,590 --> 00:32:07,590
It's true.
445
00:32:08,210 --> 00:32:09,770
Oh, my God. Is that Kanye West?
446
00:32:11,450 --> 00:32:12,790
Yeah, what you talking about?
447
00:32:13,250 --> 00:32:16,730
Remove my song, fam.
Come on, give me one good reason.
448
00:32:17,810 --> 00:32:18,810
Besides that.
449
00:32:19,570 --> 00:32:24,130
Besides that. How is it not relatable?
Everybody got a cousin.
450
00:32:25,850 --> 00:32:29,150
Oh, I guess it's my stop.
Again, so nice to meet you, Mr. Myers.
451
00:32:29,310 --> 00:32:30,830
No, no, it's not. It is not your stop.
452
00:32:31,030 --> 00:32:31,530
What are you doing?
453
00:32:31,990 --> 00:32:33,710
You can't leave me alone in here with him.
454
00:32:33,711 --> 00:32:35,230
And I heard he's a delight.
455
00:32:38,055 --> 00:32:40,870
Oh, hey, you're Mike Myers, right?
456
00:32:41,790 --> 00:32:43,050
Kanye, what's up, man?
457
00:32:43,390 --> 00:32:44,530
It's just yay now.
458
00:32:44,970 --> 00:32:47,230
Sorry, yay. I guess it's been a while.
459
00:32:47,610 --> 00:32:49,630
Yeah, since that Hurricane Katrina benefit.
460
00:32:50,950 --> 00:32:51,250
Yes.
461
00:32:51,710 --> 00:32:53,650
You know, when I told
the world that George
462
00:32:53,662 --> 00:32:55,750
Bush don't care about
black people on live TV.
463
00:32:56,430 --> 00:32:56,750
Yes.
464
00:32:57,010 --> 00:32:58,890
And you just had to
stand there looking stupid.
465
00:33:00,310 --> 00:33:03,750
Yes. So, uh, uh, what do you been up to?
466
00:33:04,130 --> 00:33:06,470
Oh, me? I'm in the KKK now.
467
00:33:07,970 --> 00:33:09,690
Of course you are. Yes, yes.
468
00:33:10,270 --> 00:33:10,930
How's your kids?
469
00:33:11,170 --> 00:33:12,490
My kids? My kids are safe.
470
00:33:14,170 --> 00:33:16,590
That's good. Family stability is important.
471
00:33:17,130 --> 00:33:19,730
Isn't it, though? Yes. Yeah.
472
00:33:19,990 --> 00:33:21,310
This Diddy stuff is crazy, right?
473
00:33:22,030 --> 00:33:22,270
What?
474
00:33:22,810 --> 00:33:25,790
Diddy. He's on trial right
now for like a bunch of stuff.
475
00:33:25,950 --> 00:33:28,230
Oh, yeah, yeah. I heard about that. Yeah.
476
00:33:28,231 --> 00:33:29,530
It's so crazy, man.
477
00:33:30,010 --> 00:33:33,730
You think you know a guy turns
out to be a full crazy monster, man.
478
00:33:34,010 --> 00:33:35,970
Yeah, right. So, what happened to you?
479
00:33:36,550 --> 00:33:37,550
What do you mean?
480
00:33:38,050 --> 00:33:40,390
Nothing. Not one thing.
481
00:33:44,140 --> 00:33:45,450
Let's wait for the next one.
482
00:33:45,610 --> 00:33:45,990
Yeah, yeah.
483
00:33:46,170 --> 00:33:48,050
No, come back.
There's plenty of room in there.
484
00:33:48,170 --> 00:33:49,770
There's plenty of room in this elevator.
485
00:33:52,420 --> 00:33:56,990
So, Mayas, that Jewish...
Protestant, actually. Protestant, yeah.
486
00:33:57,310 --> 00:33:57,530
Nice.
487
00:33:57,531 --> 00:33:58,150
Yeah.
488
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:00,386
Hey, you know what?
We should take a selfie together.
489
00:34:00,410 --> 00:34:00,690
Come on.
490
00:34:00,770 --> 00:34:03,630
Hold on. Hold on.
491
00:34:03,631 --> 00:34:07,250
The elevators are so slow sometimes.
What was that?
492
00:34:07,670 --> 00:34:09,130
You must have hit stop or something.
493
00:34:09,710 --> 00:34:12,570
I think we stuck, man.
We gonna be here for a while now.
494
00:34:12,890 --> 00:34:15,830
Oh, no. Should we jump up and
down until something happens?
495
00:34:16,130 --> 00:34:18,630
Nah, man. I don't like doing crazy stuff.
496
00:34:20,170 --> 00:34:23,350
You don't understand.
I get really claustrophobic.
497
00:34:23,530 --> 00:34:26,710
Oh, trust me. I understand.
I'm a few phobics myself.
498
00:34:28,970 --> 00:34:30,730
But right now, we just need to relax.
499
00:34:32,650 --> 00:34:33,650
You want some knots?
500
00:34:34,070 --> 00:34:37,070
No, I'm good.
I just got to get out of here.
501
00:34:37,410 --> 00:34:39,890
Calm down, Mike.
You sounded like a lunatic.
502
00:34:40,670 --> 00:34:43,590
Why don't I play you my next single, man?
It's a love song.
503
00:34:43,810 --> 00:34:44,210
Okay.
504
00:34:44,810 --> 00:34:47,170
Yeah, it's called Squeezing
on My Grandpa Booty.
505
00:34:49,450 --> 00:34:50,590
Wait. We're moving again.
506
00:34:50,990 --> 00:34:51,990
Okay. Thank you, God.
507
00:34:52,190 --> 00:34:53,190
You're welcome.
508
00:34:53,910 --> 00:34:55,630
This is me. Take care of yourself, yeah.
509
00:34:56,305 --> 00:34:57,450
Yeah, you too, Shrek.
510
00:34:59,380 --> 00:35:01,430
You think you know God.
511
00:35:34,450 --> 00:35:36,120
Ladies and gentlemen, Bad Bunny.
512
00:38:23,500 --> 00:38:27,280
It's Weekend Update with
Colin Jost and Michael Che.
513
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:43,640
Thank you. Good evening, everyone.
514
00:38:43,980 --> 00:38:45,700
Welcome to Weekend Update. I'm Michael Che.
515
00:38:45,780 --> 00:38:46,780
I'm Colin Jost.
516
00:38:48,660 --> 00:38:51,480
Well, President Trump traveled
to the Middle East this week,
517
00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:54,690
and if I were him, I would have just
stayed there because it looked awesome.
518
00:38:55,620 --> 00:38:57,780
Trump arrived in Saudi
Arabia where he was greeted
519
00:38:57,781 --> 00:39:01,400
with a lavender carpet which
matched the color of his tie
520
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:02,820
and also the length.
521
00:39:05,185 --> 00:39:07,540
They also rolled out a
mobile McDonald's truck
522
00:39:07,615 --> 00:39:10,087
for President Trump's
visit featuring Saudi
523
00:39:10,088 --> 00:39:13,300
Arabia's most popular new
burger, the McJournalist.
524
00:39:16,940 --> 00:39:19,860
President Trump, while
on his trip, said that Iran
525
00:39:19,861 --> 00:39:22,680
has sort of agreed to
terms for a nuclear deal
526
00:39:22,930 --> 00:39:25,840
in the same way Trump has sort
of agreed to uphold the Constitution.
527
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:29,445
Many people in Saudi
Arabia were very happy
528
00:39:29,446 --> 00:39:31,240
with President Trump's
visit to the country
529
00:39:31,241 --> 00:39:34,620
because rich Saudis love
to fly out thick blondes.
530
00:39:38,300 --> 00:39:40,240
The Democratic National Committee protested
531
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:44,640
President Trump's plans to accept
a $400 million luxury jet from Qatar
532
00:39:44,641 --> 00:39:48,750
by flying a banner over
Mar-a-Lago reading Qatar-a-Lago.
533
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:51,980
It's the kind of hilarious
stunt that makes you
534
00:39:51,981 --> 00:39:54,560
realize why the Democrats
will never win again.
535
00:39:57,180 --> 00:39:59,360
Ethical experts are also
warning that Trump may owe
536
00:39:59,510 --> 00:40:02,680
political favors to countries
who give him lavish gifts.
537
00:40:03,250 --> 00:40:05,100
But based on the way
he left the Middle East,
538
00:40:05,535 --> 00:40:07,580
I think I know how Trump
is gonna pay them back.
539
00:40:16,070 --> 00:40:18,450
President Trump has
signed an executive order
540
00:40:18,451 --> 00:40:21,550
giving refugee status to
white people from South Africa.
541
00:40:22,110 --> 00:40:24,270
You know, I could have
sworn that white people
542
00:40:24,271 --> 00:40:27,470
had it good in South Africa.
Must be the Mandela effect.
543
00:40:31,230 --> 00:40:34,630
The Trump administration
announced that after face-to-face talks
544
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:38,690
with China, it is lowering
tariffs from 145% to 30%,
545
00:40:38,915 --> 00:40:41,931
which is a little like O.J.
bragging about taking the knife out.
546
00:40:47,095 --> 00:40:50,550
Robert F.
Kennedy Jr., whose shirt collar traps
547
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:55,330
all the blood in his head,
was criticized for posting
548
00:40:55,430 --> 00:40:58,202
pictures of himself swimming
in a Washington, D.C.
549
00:40:58,502 --> 00:41:02,450
creek despite signs warning it
was contaminated with raw sewage.
550
00:41:03,230 --> 00:41:07,090
Can you imagine how many
parasites are in there, said the creek?
551
00:41:08,790 --> 00:41:11,570
The Department of Homeland
Security said they may
552
00:41:11,571 --> 00:41:14,162
participate in a new
reality show in which
553
00:41:14,163 --> 00:41:16,430
immigrants would go
through a series of challenges
554
00:41:16,730 --> 00:41:18,150
for a chance to become a citizen.
555
00:41:18,510 --> 00:41:20,850
It's called the Real
Housekeepers of Orange County.
556
00:41:29,780 --> 00:41:31,700
According to a new tell-all book,
557
00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:34,240
Biden's inner circle revealed
that they were worried
558
00:41:34,241 --> 00:41:37,240
the president would need a
wheelchair in his second term,
559
00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:40,420
especially after they were all
done stabbing him in the back.
560
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:46,362
The White House also
announced that Vice President J.D.
561
00:41:46,437 --> 00:41:50,800
Vance will travel to the Vatican
for Pope Leo's inaugural mass.
562
00:41:51,390 --> 00:41:53,580
And I'm not a huge fan of his outfit.
563
00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:58,960
Train engineers went on strike yesterday,
564
00:41:59,180 --> 00:42:02,140
completely shutting down New
Jersey transit lines into New York,
565
00:42:02,540 --> 00:42:04,940
in case you were wondering
why the city smelled so nice.
566
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:12,940
In what counts as good news in 2025,
567
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:19,060
the Menendez brothers have been resentenced
for the 1989 murder of their parents
568
00:42:19,310 --> 00:42:23,660
after the judge said he did not believe
the brothers posed a risk if released,
569
00:42:24,100 --> 00:42:25,720
unless someone adopts them.
570
00:42:25,980 --> 00:42:28,260
Oh, that's a good point.
571
00:42:29,660 --> 00:42:32,260
Some of them are just points, not jokes.
572
00:42:32,660 --> 00:42:35,980
After several troubling incidents at
Newark Liberty International Airport,
573
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:38,380
many people are worried
about airplane safety,
574
00:42:38,720 --> 00:42:41,760
but one person is more
worried about airplane food.
575
00:42:42,370 --> 00:42:45,040
Here to comment, you
know her, you love her,
576
00:42:45,340 --> 00:42:47,100
you got her fined by the FCC.
577
00:42:47,740 --> 00:42:49,520
Show some love for Miss Eggie.
578
00:43:01,330 --> 00:43:03,150
I'm sorry, Eggo, what is this?
579
00:43:03,430 --> 00:43:04,710
Damn, this place stunk.
580
00:43:05,490 --> 00:43:07,550
And they ain't even served the food yet.
581
00:43:08,170 --> 00:43:12,590
Black attendant came around asking
me if I want some butternut squash ravioli.
582
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:16,470
More like butternut offered me
that mess till you put some meat in it.
583
00:43:17,490 --> 00:43:18,750
Scratch that sucker.
584
00:43:20,150 --> 00:43:23,270
Can't even give me a
whole can of soda stingy ass.
585
00:43:23,830 --> 00:43:26,350
For want to hand me a dry ass Biscoff.
586
00:43:26,510 --> 00:43:28,690
More like you about to piss a Biscoff.
587
00:43:29,710 --> 00:43:30,710
The hell?
588
00:43:31,550 --> 00:43:34,070
I'm sorry, is all of your
stand-up about food?
589
00:43:34,310 --> 00:43:37,290
Good God damn, I am starving.
590
00:43:38,070 --> 00:43:39,696
Flight attendants saying the only sandwich
591
00:43:39,720 --> 00:43:42,931
they got on this plane is
a turkey pesto on ciabatta.
592
00:43:43,350 --> 00:43:46,050
All I know is this bitch,
ciabatta, lose her life.
593
00:43:46,910 --> 00:43:47,910
Show.
594
00:43:48,310 --> 00:43:50,910
That bread was harder than
my man when I get out the tub.
595
00:43:53,290 --> 00:43:55,350
His name's Maurice, but I call him Trey
596
00:43:55,450 --> 00:43:57,970
cause he stay in the
upright and locked position.
597
00:43:59,850 --> 00:44:01,210
Cause Miss Eggie done what?
598
00:44:04,590 --> 00:44:07,231
Yeah, I'm sorry, I really
don't think this is helpful.
599
00:44:07,470 --> 00:44:09,050
Colin, please, I'm eating.
600
00:44:10,430 --> 00:44:12,610
Then she asking, do I want some
601
00:44:12,735 --> 00:44:14,690
apple cranberry compote?
602
00:44:15,010 --> 00:44:18,130
Uh, I'm gonna need a compote
or the Google, what the hell that is?
603
00:44:23,250 --> 00:44:25,410
And y'all went and took
peanuts off the plane
604
00:44:25,411 --> 00:44:27,770
cause everybody
want to have an allergy.
605
00:44:28,210 --> 00:44:31,130
If you don't take a Benadryl
and shut your gay ass up.
606
00:44:32,610 --> 00:44:33,610
The hell?
607
00:44:34,310 --> 00:44:37,290
But Eggo, this newer story is serious.
608
00:44:37,590 --> 00:44:39,430
And how about that TSA, huh?
609
00:44:40,310 --> 00:44:42,415
Putting on that pop of
smurf gloves thinking
610
00:44:42,416 --> 00:44:44,470
they can fill me up
just cause I got a gun.
611
00:44:46,850 --> 00:44:48,790
Cause Miss Eggie stay what?
612
00:44:49,850 --> 00:44:50,850
That's right.
613
00:44:51,270 --> 00:44:52,430
No stretch, y'all.
614
00:44:53,590 --> 00:44:56,350
You were supposed to be
talking about Newark airport.
615
00:44:56,745 --> 00:44:58,070
Colin, I literally am.
616
00:44:58,850 --> 00:45:00,090
Listen here.
617
00:45:01,870 --> 00:45:03,370
Menopause been making me horny.
618
00:45:03,690 --> 00:45:04,690
Menopause?
619
00:45:06,650 --> 00:45:08,290
And let's just say
620
00:45:08,390 --> 00:45:12,270
Miss Eggie don't need no hollandaise
sauce cause I already know how to Benodryl.
621
00:45:12,470 --> 00:45:20,470
Okay, Eggo, please, Eggo wrap this up.
622
00:45:20,690 --> 00:45:21,720
Please wrap this up.
623
00:45:22,350 --> 00:45:25,770
In conclusion, thank you
JetBlue for having a bitch.
624
00:45:27,110 --> 00:45:28,690
And if we hit turbulence, Colin,
625
00:45:29,170 --> 00:45:30,550
just take a Benadryl and what?
626
00:45:31,220 --> 00:45:32,730
Shut your gay ass up.
627
00:45:35,490 --> 00:45:36,990
Enjoy the flight.
628
00:45:37,430 --> 00:45:38,430
Miss Eggie everyone.
629
00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:50,960
New research shows that too much sitting
630
00:45:51,085 --> 00:45:52,320
could damage your brain,
631
00:45:52,820 --> 00:45:55,680
which explains why Stephen
Hawking was such a dumbass.
632
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:03,540
Dick's 40 Goods announced that it is buying
633
00:46:03,690 --> 00:46:05,620
Footlocker for more than $2 billion
634
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:08,740
and will combine to form Dick Fockers.
635
00:46:11,420 --> 00:46:14,340
A new survey found that the worst literors
636
00:46:14,341 --> 00:46:17,320
in New York City are men
from the Bronx and Queens
637
00:46:17,445 --> 00:46:18,960
while women from the Bronx and Queens
638
00:46:19,260 --> 00:46:21,220
safely keep all their junk in the trunk.
639
00:46:26,340 --> 00:46:29,197
A driver for Amazon
was fired after she was
640
00:46:29,198 --> 00:46:32,420
caught on a ring camera
defecating on a porch.
641
00:46:32,990 --> 00:46:35,060
Said the homeowner,
but that's what I ordered.
642
00:46:37,820 --> 00:46:39,920
A new study suggests
that people who feel tired
643
00:46:39,921 --> 00:46:42,140
all the time could have
suffered a mini stroke,
644
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:45,640
which makes sense because I always
get sleepy after a stroke, you know?
645
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:51,780
I feel like all my jokes take time.
646
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:56,200
It was a heartwarming one to end on.
647
00:46:56,340 --> 00:46:59,080
You know, tonight is our season finale
648
00:46:59,255 --> 00:47:00,500
and we, uh, I'm not sure.
649
00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:03,320
Your last joke took my breath away.
650
00:47:04,340 --> 00:47:06,520
We have a tradition here where Che and I
651
00:47:06,521 --> 00:47:08,721
give each other jokes to
read at the end of the season.
652
00:47:14,020 --> 00:47:17,220
Read jokes live on air that the
other person has never seen before.
653
00:47:18,140 --> 00:47:19,480
But before we start,
654
00:47:20,170 --> 00:47:22,620
it's F&L's fiftieth season,
655
00:47:23,230 --> 00:47:27,160
so I want to take a moment to say
something to our boss, Lorne Michaels.
656
00:47:29,470 --> 00:47:30,660
Lorne, retire, bitch.
657
00:47:33,580 --> 00:47:35,380
Let me run the show.
658
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:39,160
Wow, out the gate calling, well,
659
00:47:39,740 --> 00:47:41,396
maybe you should just tell your first joke.
660
00:47:41,420 --> 00:47:41,920
How about that?
661
00:47:42,060 --> 00:47:43,360
Oh, I get to do another.
662
00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:45,020
Yeah, yeah, it's all a joke, man.
663
00:47:46,180 --> 00:47:50,360
CBS has premiered the first
hour-long daytime soap opera
664
00:47:50,610 --> 00:47:52,500
with a predominantly black cast.
665
00:47:53,240 --> 00:47:57,780
It'll air when black people are
home from work 24 hours a day.
666
00:48:05,355 --> 00:48:09,190
Since you liked
that, here's another.
667
00:48:10,410 --> 00:48:13,470
CBS has premiered the first half-hour-long
668
00:48:13,471 --> 00:48:17,050
daytime soap opera with
a predominantly black cast.
669
00:48:17,310 --> 00:48:19,290
It's called All My Children.
670
00:48:19,810 --> 00:48:21,070
Don't know who they're dating.
671
00:48:25,950 --> 00:48:28,942
The movie theaters are
trying to stop teenagers from
672
00:48:28,943 --> 00:48:32,210
screaming and throwing
popcorn during the Minecraft scene
673
00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:33,730
with the chicken jockey,
674
00:48:34,365 --> 00:48:36,950
because some of us
are trying to masturbate.
675
00:48:38,870 --> 00:48:41,330
But seriously, Minecraft was a great movie.
676
00:48:41,570 --> 00:48:42,970
I haven't been that excited
677
00:48:43,345 --> 00:48:46,590
since I saw a white woman drink unattended.
678
00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:54,160
That must have been so exciting for you.
679
00:48:54,161 --> 00:48:59,320
Oh, man, why?
680
00:49:01,020 --> 00:49:01,720
Couldn't be any.
681
00:49:01,940 --> 00:49:03,600
A new... yeah, it could be nice, yeah.
682
00:49:04,740 --> 00:49:08,188
A new study finds that the
hoots and grunts of bonobos
683
00:49:08,213 --> 00:49:11,880
show signs of complex thoughts
similar to human language.
684
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:15,180
Oh, so like that awful halftime show?
685
00:49:24,000 --> 00:49:25,600
You know, before I tell another joke,
686
00:49:25,700 --> 00:49:28,420
I wanted to take this opportunity
to apologize to someone I hurt.
687
00:49:29,020 --> 00:49:30,420
Scarlett, can you come out here?
688
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:37,560
I don't like this.
689
00:49:37,720 --> 00:49:39,160
You know, last time we did Jokeswap,
690
00:49:39,300 --> 00:49:41,060
I made Colin do some tasteless jokes,
691
00:49:41,780 --> 00:49:44,640
comparing your vagina to Costco roast beef.
692
00:49:46,160 --> 00:49:47,280
Yes, I remember that.
693
00:49:48,300 --> 00:49:51,361
Well, the fact is, I was just
lashing out because I'm jealous.
694
00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:54,820
I've never even seen a human vagina.
695
00:49:57,020 --> 00:49:58,840
And notice I said human.
696
00:50:00,220 --> 00:50:02,880
Because I once spent the summer on a farm.
697
00:50:03,480 --> 00:50:04,480
You feel me?
698
00:50:07,240 --> 00:50:09,640
Maybe I'm just embarrassed
about my own body.
699
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:11,620
I can't even take my hoodie off during sex
700
00:50:11,670 --> 00:50:13,920
because I have more
nipples than a pregnant dog.
701
00:50:16,240 --> 00:50:18,000
Yes, I have heard that about you.
702
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:19,680
And Colin, I'm sorry, too,
703
00:50:19,940 --> 00:50:21,440
because I owe you everything.
704
00:50:23,460 --> 00:50:26,860
When Colin discovered me, I
was selling crack outside the Bronx.
705
00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:32,960
And now look at me, selling crack
outside the American Girl Dolls.
706
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:38,800
I've told thousands of jokes on
update and gotten dozens of laughs.
707
00:50:40,220 --> 00:50:43,740
But I've never said the three
most important words of all.
708
00:50:44,460 --> 00:50:45,460
I love you.
709
00:50:47,460 --> 00:50:53,510
Oh, that's pretty sweet, buddy.
710
00:50:53,810 --> 00:50:54,350
Love you, too.
711
00:50:54,770 --> 00:50:56,630
Oh, well, um, yeah.
712
00:50:57,770 --> 00:51:00,390
Okay, but before I continue,
713
00:51:01,290 --> 00:51:06,430
Golden State Warriors head coach
Steve Kerr is here with his family.
714
00:51:07,570 --> 00:51:09,510
I got to meet his son, Nick,
715
00:51:09,870 --> 00:51:11,050
and I love Steve.
716
00:51:11,810 --> 00:51:12,810
I like Nick.
717
00:51:14,370 --> 00:51:18,030
But I wouldn't say I'm a Nick Kerr lover.
718
00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:41,640
Some psychologists say adults can reduce
stress by returning to a childhood hobby,
719
00:51:42,050 --> 00:51:45,360
which is why I returned to
my favorite childhood hobby,
720
00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:48,520
topping off priests with
my pretty little mouth.
721
00:51:54,810 --> 00:51:55,810
Speaking of which...
722
00:52:13,750 --> 00:52:16,970
Lorne, I'll do anything to run this show.
723
00:52:46,450 --> 00:52:47,510
All right, everyone.
724
00:52:48,250 --> 00:52:51,410
Welcome to day one of
shooting, Penelope's secret.
725
00:52:51,970 --> 00:52:58,590
Yes, it's a romance about two women
in the 50s who fall deeply in love.
726
00:52:58,870 --> 00:53:00,330
And yes, I'm the director.
727
00:53:00,930 --> 00:53:02,890
And yes, I am a man.
728
00:53:03,490 --> 00:53:04,490
Sawe.
729
00:53:04,890 --> 00:53:07,570
Why don't I throw to
our assistant director,
730
00:53:07,750 --> 00:53:11,159
who, and this will make you
all feel better, is a woman.
731
00:53:11,474 --> 00:53:12,990
Yay, women!
732
00:53:14,710 --> 00:53:16,730
Thanks, Greg. Actually, I'm non-binary.
733
00:53:17,350 --> 00:53:18,350
Ooh, Sawe.
734
00:53:18,970 --> 00:53:22,350
Okay, so our first scene
up today will be the one
735
00:53:22,351 --> 00:53:25,570
where Penelope and Madame
Wilcox first become intimate
736
00:53:25,571 --> 00:53:28,510
and to make sure everyone
feels safe and comfortable,
737
00:53:28,950 --> 00:53:31,450
we've brought in two intimacy coordinators.
738
00:53:31,770 --> 00:53:33,470
Guys, want to introduce yourselves?
739
00:53:33,830 --> 00:53:35,470
Yep. Hi, everyone. I'm Trish.
740
00:53:35,830 --> 00:53:37,370
And this is an insane coincidence,
741
00:53:37,995 --> 00:53:39,810
but my name is also Madame Wilcox.
742
00:53:41,270 --> 00:53:43,090
Well, thanks for being here, you guys.
743
00:53:43,510 --> 00:53:45,390
Thanks for having us. Now where's our cast?
744
00:53:46,010 --> 00:53:49,530
Right over here, this is
Annabelle and this is Rachel.
745
00:53:50,610 --> 00:53:53,590
Great to meet you. So, where's the dude?
746
00:53:54,835 --> 00:53:57,730
Oh, there's no dude, just the two women.
747
00:53:58,090 --> 00:53:59,870
Oh, okay, so it's just a kissing scene.
748
00:54:00,270 --> 00:54:00,710
Okay, fine.
749
00:54:00,930 --> 00:54:01,930
Great, that's great.
750
00:54:02,620 --> 00:54:05,770
No, guys, it's a full love
scene between two women.
751
00:54:09,150 --> 00:54:10,670
But... how would that even work?
752
00:54:12,850 --> 00:54:13,850
What do you mean?
753
00:54:14,300 --> 00:54:18,510
Oh, no, he's just confused because he
doesn't get how two buns make a hot dog.
754
00:54:19,330 --> 00:54:20,830
I get it, I love it.
755
00:54:20,930 --> 00:54:23,790
But wait, like, two donuts isn't
exactly a balanced breakfast.
756
00:54:24,530 --> 00:54:26,530
It's simply too much
tunnel, not enough train.
757
00:54:28,550 --> 00:54:33,410
Okay, uh, I'm sorry, have you guys
never worked on a queer set before?
758
00:54:33,690 --> 00:54:39,070
Or as us allies like to call
it, an overdue set, am I right?
759
00:54:39,330 --> 00:54:39,750
Yeah!
760
00:54:40,230 --> 00:54:42,670
Okay, just get it together.
761
00:54:42,930 --> 00:54:43,610
Whoops, I'm sorry.
762
00:54:43,611 --> 00:54:47,970
Yeah, of course, we've worked on queer
sets. I mean, I myself am ally passing.
763
00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:52,489
But it's different
for girls, right?
764
00:54:52,501 --> 00:54:55,630
Like, gay guys I get, a
butt is basically a bejouge.
765
00:54:57,110 --> 00:55:00,270
I'm sorry, do you think
lesbians don't have sex?
766
00:55:01,310 --> 00:55:05,150
Oh, well, I hope this isn't offensive,
but real sex? No, no, I don't.
767
00:55:05,610 --> 00:55:08,058
You know what, he's just
having trouble understanding
768
00:55:08,070 --> 00:55:10,670
how you'd pay without
putting a credit card in a reader.
769
00:55:11,340 --> 00:55:14,670
Oh, is it like Apple Pay where
you just tap the googoos?
770
00:55:16,470 --> 00:55:19,070
Um, sorry, dude, the googoos?
771
00:55:19,830 --> 00:55:25,050
Seriously, my guy, this is
highly offensive to lesbian folks.
772
00:55:26,250 --> 00:55:28,090
Actually, that's not totally wrong.
773
00:55:28,830 --> 00:55:30,810
Ugh, she's so annoying.
774
00:55:31,730 --> 00:55:32,050
Dude!
775
00:55:32,520 --> 00:55:35,250
Sorry, they are so annoying.
776
00:55:36,230 --> 00:55:38,470
You know what, maybe
just try to picture it, madam.
777
00:55:39,520 --> 00:55:40,681
Guess I could give it a shot.
778
00:55:42,810 --> 00:55:43,810
Oh.
779
00:55:45,830 --> 00:55:46,830
Uh-huh.
780
00:55:48,310 --> 00:55:50,010
Well, that is nice.
781
00:55:51,570 --> 00:55:54,060
Um, you know, perhaps
there's some online videos
782
00:55:54,072 --> 00:55:56,730
of two ladies that I can
watch as further research.
783
00:55:57,390 --> 00:56:00,410
Yeah, I think I'm gonna go watch
some videos of two ladies right now.
784
00:56:03,610 --> 00:56:07,530
Wow, okay, he was in a hurry.
785
00:56:07,531 --> 00:56:09,110
Wait, what's the wifi?
786
00:56:09,330 --> 00:56:09,570
What's the wifi?
787
00:56:09,810 --> 00:56:10,030
What's the wifi?
788
00:56:10,310 --> 00:56:10,550
What's the wifi?
789
00:56:10,870 --> 00:56:11,130
What's the wifi?
790
00:56:11,390 --> 00:56:11,770
What's the wifi?
791
00:56:11,790 --> 00:56:12,790
It's the PA!
792
00:56:14,110 --> 00:56:16,130
Guys, we gotta get going here.
793
00:56:16,250 --> 00:56:17,450
Can we move on with the scene?
794
00:56:17,610 --> 00:56:18,150
Yep, you know what?
795
00:56:18,550 --> 00:56:19,550
Let's just do it.
796
00:56:56,880 --> 00:56:57,880
What's up, fans?
797
00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:01,880
This is TV Tapes, and we talked to
your favorite cast from your favorite show.
798
00:57:02,180 --> 00:57:03,260
Yep, and we're so excited.
799
00:57:03,640 --> 00:57:05,840
This was our most requested show this year.
800
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:08,980
Joining us today is the cast of
the hit romance, Summer Lake.
801
00:57:09,460 --> 00:57:09,940
Hey!
802
00:57:10,400 --> 00:57:12,500
Thanks for being here, guys.
803
00:57:12,750 --> 00:57:14,800
We've got a ton of
questions for the whole cast.
804
00:57:15,170 --> 00:57:17,090
There's so much that
the fans are dying to know.
805
00:57:17,300 --> 00:57:20,580
But we gotta start with the
internet's boyfriend, Danny Cheeks.
806
00:57:20,980 --> 00:57:22,740
Aw, hey, guys, it's me.
807
00:57:24,840 --> 00:57:26,400
So, Danny, first question is for you.
808
00:57:26,660 --> 00:57:29,340
Your character is always
wearing his signature hoodies.
809
00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:30,800
Were those from your real closet?
810
00:57:31,200 --> 00:57:34,980
Nah, I wish, but the wardrobe
department knew it was up.
811
00:57:35,520 --> 00:57:36,520
They really did.
812
00:57:36,615 --> 00:57:38,686
And next question, Danny,
how did you get into acting?
813
00:57:38,710 --> 00:57:41,880
Well, I love watching
TV, so I wanted to try it.
814
00:57:43,660 --> 00:57:45,380
And our next question is for you, Rochelle.
815
00:57:45,580 --> 00:57:47,500
What's harder, being a
woman or being black?
816
00:57:48,120 --> 00:57:50,100
Oh, wow, that's my question.
817
00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:52,740
Yep, so let's go back to Danny.
818
00:57:53,220 --> 00:57:54,700
Was it fun shooting at the lake?
819
00:57:55,180 --> 00:57:57,320
Oh, it was fun, but it was hot.
820
00:57:58,160 --> 00:57:59,160
Yeah, low-talk.
821
00:57:59,680 --> 00:58:01,860
And Jade, when's the
last time you took Plan B?
822
00:58:02,920 --> 00:58:04,620
Whoa, don't ask that.
823
00:58:05,565 --> 00:58:08,800
Okay, so, Danny, do you
have a favorite onset snack?
824
00:58:09,460 --> 00:58:13,080
Oh, man, that's hard. Maybe pretzels?
825
00:58:14,520 --> 00:58:15,520
Nice, salty.
826
00:58:16,080 --> 00:58:19,080
And now, Cassie, you're not as
attractive as the other cast members.
827
00:58:20,840 --> 00:58:22,080
That's not a question.
828
00:58:23,500 --> 00:58:24,780
That's what the fans are saying.
829
00:58:24,940 --> 00:58:26,940
So, Danny, who are you dating these days?
830
00:58:27,500 --> 00:58:28,920
Oh, I don't kiss and tell.
831
00:58:29,340 --> 00:58:30,560
Of course, that's private.
832
00:58:30,980 --> 00:58:33,100
So, Taylor, you just
had a really bad divorce.
833
00:58:33,275 --> 00:58:35,560
Whose fault was it? You or your husband's?
834
00:58:36,885 --> 00:58:39,140
It was a girl, and it was my fault.
835
00:58:41,510 --> 00:58:42,940
Wait, Danny, is it fun having abs?
836
00:58:43,680 --> 00:58:45,000
Yeah, I love it.
837
00:58:46,040 --> 00:58:48,400
Sir, why can't we get questions like that?
838
00:58:48,520 --> 00:58:49,920
Okay, Cassie, here's a fun one.
839
00:58:50,240 --> 00:58:51,940
You recently got married, congrats.
840
00:58:52,220 --> 00:58:54,100
So, why isn't your husband
a Ukrainian refugee?
841
00:58:55,220 --> 00:58:56,740
That wasn't a fun one.
842
00:58:58,000 --> 00:58:59,000
I had fun.
843
00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:02,640
Danny, when's the last
time you laughed really hard?
844
00:59:03,620 --> 00:59:05,180
Watching TikTok breaks.
845
00:59:06,580 --> 00:59:07,580
Rochelle, we go to you.
846
00:59:07,960 --> 00:59:10,340
Deadline reported that you're being
written out of the show next season.
847
00:59:10,540 --> 00:59:12,100
Is it because someone leaked your news?
848
00:59:12,640 --> 00:59:16,280
Um, I'm just learning about
all parts of that right now.
849
00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:18,740
Really? It's everywhere.
850
00:59:19,660 --> 00:59:21,040
Now, Danny, what's your favorite?
851
00:59:22,520 --> 00:59:23,520
Everything.
852
00:59:23,860 --> 00:59:25,920
Oh, Danny, hold up.
853
00:59:26,040 --> 00:59:27,440
Am I being written out of the show?
854
00:59:27,500 --> 00:59:28,560
Rochelle, drop it.
855
00:59:30,020 --> 00:59:30,760
Next question.
856
00:59:30,761 --> 00:59:33,560
Jade, who's your favorite
Cass member to party with?
857
00:59:33,940 --> 00:59:35,400
Uh, that actually is fun.
858
00:59:35,640 --> 00:59:37,020
I love going out with Taylor.
859
00:59:37,480 --> 00:59:38,480
Oh, same.
860
00:59:38,900 --> 00:59:40,840
And Jade, if you could vote one religion
861
00:59:40,841 --> 00:59:43,020
off the face of the Earth,
which one would you pick?
862
00:59:43,660 --> 00:59:44,760
No, pass.
863
00:59:45,160 --> 00:59:47,540
Okay, here's another.
How come all of your exes are white?
864
00:59:48,660 --> 00:59:49,660
Pass.
865
00:59:50,960 --> 00:59:53,460
And Cassie, you good face but bad hair.
866
00:59:53,620 --> 00:59:54,680
You have mental problem?
867
00:59:56,000 --> 00:59:57,680
Excuse me? Pass.
868
00:59:57,681 --> 01:00:01,620
Yes. And Rochelle, what are you
gonna do now that you're unemployed?
869
01:00:02,450 --> 01:00:03,450
Is that confirmed?
870
01:00:05,120 --> 01:00:07,520
Yes, and Danny, music or pictures?
871
01:00:08,680 --> 01:00:09,680
Music.
872
01:00:10,160 --> 01:00:14,480
And finally, to all the women and gun to
your head, why do lesbians dress like that?
873
01:00:15,280 --> 01:00:16,320
What do you mean?
874
01:00:16,580 --> 01:00:20,140
Now, let me rephrase. If a lesbian was
raised in a lab and never saw another person,
875
01:00:20,440 --> 01:00:21,720
would she still dress like that?
876
01:00:23,040 --> 01:00:26,760
You know what's crazy? This is
the best interview we've done so far.
877
01:00:27,680 --> 01:00:31,000
We're out of time. This was awesome.
I wish we had more time.
878
01:00:31,440 --> 01:00:33,120
Oh, me too. Yeah, me too.
879
01:00:33,960 --> 01:00:37,380
This was really, really interesting.
Hey, that's what I thought.
880
01:00:37,720 --> 01:00:40,220
My gosh, same.
Thanks for watching, everyone.
881
01:00:40,480 --> 01:00:43,161
And make sure to join our
Discord. We're gonna post
882
01:00:43,173 --> 01:00:45,760
Danny's baby pics and
everyone else's old tweets.
883
01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:48,180
Why are you doing that?
884
01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:51,160
I was cute and I still am.
885
01:01:05,190 --> 01:01:06,520
Once again, Bad Bunny.
886
01:04:09,280 --> 01:04:12,860
And now, Victorian ladies at lunch.
887
01:04:14,300 --> 01:04:17,940
Oh, it is so wonderful
to see you all again.
888
01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:20,800
I do so treasure our lunches together.
889
01:04:21,280 --> 01:04:23,500
And your chef is magnificent.
890
01:04:24,100 --> 01:04:26,140
Look at this incredible feast.
891
01:04:26,680 --> 01:04:30,740
Oh, I do say I'm as hungry as the
horse that brought me over here.
892
01:04:31,140 --> 01:04:34,320
And it's a new horse I've heard.
How fast is he again?
893
01:04:34,660 --> 01:04:35,840
About one horsepower.
894
01:04:37,820 --> 01:04:41,420
Hello, ladies.
Is everything to your liking?
895
01:04:41,920 --> 01:04:48,380
Well, I see blood pudding and
pickles cow's feet, so I'm in heaven.
896
01:04:49,360 --> 01:04:49,440
Excellent.
897
01:04:50,100 --> 01:04:52,360
And how are the jellied eels today?
898
01:04:52,660 --> 01:04:56,900
Oh, exquisite. We take the
whole eel and just smother it in jelly.
899
01:04:57,700 --> 01:05:00,720
I can't wait to taste that texture.
900
01:05:01,640 --> 01:05:04,920
And the cashewed clams, are they fresh?
901
01:05:05,140 --> 01:05:10,140
Oh, absolutely. They arrived last Wednesday
and we've kept them in an open wooden box.
902
01:05:13,440 --> 01:05:15,960
And the boiled calf said... Yes?
903
01:05:16,380 --> 01:05:18,820
Was that of change in the humane fashion?
904
01:05:19,820 --> 01:05:21,060
Not at all.
905
01:05:22,290 --> 01:05:25,640
What type of bird were they eating today?
906
01:05:25,641 --> 01:05:29,080
Oh, the most upsetting ones, my lady.
907
01:05:30,220 --> 01:05:32,180
Eagles, hummingbirds, penguins.
908
01:05:32,280 --> 01:05:34,680
And I believe we still
have a few baby puffins.
909
01:05:35,060 --> 01:05:36,520
Oh, no, not anymore, you go.
910
01:05:36,920 --> 01:05:38,480
Yummy, yummy in my tummy.
911
01:05:45,260 --> 01:05:49,920
And the BLT, are what's in that again?
912
01:05:50,620 --> 01:05:52,440
Bunnies and little turtles.
913
01:05:53,740 --> 01:05:57,160
And the turkey clam, or
what was it called, twill?
914
01:05:57,580 --> 01:05:59,900
Why, the Bible, of course.
915
01:06:01,790 --> 01:06:05,440
And what was that special
on the menu, Panda Express?
916
01:06:06,100 --> 01:06:09,500
Ah, yes, it's a panda that
we pushed in front of a train.
917
01:06:10,740 --> 01:06:12,760
That's how I want to go.
918
01:06:17,980 --> 01:06:18,980
Delicious.
919
01:06:20,340 --> 01:06:21,340
M.G.
920
01:06:21,965 --> 01:06:23,380
M.G.
921
01:06:24,675 --> 01:06:32,550
The best part of a pasta sashimi.
922
01:06:33,050 --> 01:06:34,830
Wonderful, wonderful.
923
01:06:35,210 --> 01:06:37,710
Now, before I go, anything to drink?
924
01:06:39,030 --> 01:06:43,510
I need four brimming glasses
of donkey's milk, will do.
925
01:06:43,650 --> 01:06:44,650
Right, lady?
926
01:06:44,890 --> 01:06:45,950
Ah, indeed.
927
01:06:46,510 --> 01:06:47,510
Yeah, indeed.
928
01:06:47,570 --> 01:06:50,810
And that's donkey's milk, Gerald.
929
01:06:51,310 --> 01:06:53,430
Don't make that mistake again.
930
01:06:54,830 --> 01:06:57,630
Well, you understand
why it took so long last time.
931
01:06:59,010 --> 01:07:01,090
Ladies, bon appétit.
932
01:07:11,730 --> 01:07:19,580
What did everyone do after lunch?
933
01:07:20,920 --> 01:07:22,980
I went to the bathroom.
934
01:07:23,980 --> 01:07:26,000
I went to the bathroom as well.
935
01:07:27,240 --> 01:07:29,300
I went numbers two through seven.
936
01:07:30,900 --> 01:07:33,100
And how was it for everyone?
937
01:07:34,120 --> 01:07:35,400
Mine was bad.
938
01:07:36,280 --> 01:07:38,060
Mine was the worst it could be.
939
01:07:39,010 --> 01:07:42,880
I was wearing so many layers,
and I did not get any of them all.
940
01:07:44,780 --> 01:07:51,140
I think the jellied eel came out
whole and jumped back into the sea.
941
01:07:52,800 --> 01:07:56,180
Yum, yum, yum.
Are the ladies ready to order dinner?
942
01:07:57,305 --> 01:07:59,960
I mean, I guess we
could spit something small.
943
01:08:00,540 --> 01:08:01,760
Perhaps a hot dog?
944
01:08:02,320 --> 01:08:05,460
Wonderful. I'll get the poodle
into the jacuzzi right away.
945
01:08:08,400 --> 01:08:09,400
Pepto-Bismol.
946
01:08:09,740 --> 01:08:12,720
Settle down your stomach with
the only medicine that's made with...
947
01:08:12,721 --> 01:08:13,721
Oh, God! Flamingos!
948
01:08:41,040 --> 01:08:46,040
Right now, I want to say a huge
congratulations to the incredible cast and crew
949
01:08:46,290 --> 01:08:47,720
for these 50 years.
950
01:08:48,020 --> 01:08:48,600
So amazing.
951
01:08:48,980 --> 01:08:50,945
Lorne Michaels, wherever
you are, you're not going
952
01:08:51,005 --> 01:08:53,240
to want me to single you
out, but congratulations.
953
01:08:53,540 --> 01:08:54,760
You are a singular man.
954
01:08:55,160 --> 01:08:56,160
We love you.
75868
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Wolof