1 00:00:01,050 --> 00:00:03,578 President Trump recently embarked on a historic trip to 2 00:00:03,590 --> 00:00:06,130 the Middle East in search of trade deals and alliances. 3 00:00:06,730 --> 00:00:09,809 He found both. But he also found something else. 4 00:00:09,821 --> 00:00:12,350 Something more powerful. He found love. 5 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:20,580 My long dad, this is Crown Prince Mahabib bin Salman. 6 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:25,360 And we're together now, kidding of course. But we are vibing. 7 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:26,920 You are too kind. 8 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:27,960 Habibi. 9 00:00:28,620 --> 00:00:30,960 Habibi. Habibi, what a word. 10 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:35,640 But we've been having a lot of fun in the Middle East. I've been having a great time. 11 00:00:36,060 --> 00:00:38,880 We've been eating a lot of meals, sitting on the floor, 12 00:00:39,780 --> 00:00:43,340 dipping our fingers straight into various goops and spreads 13 00:00:52,940 --> 00:00:56,710 that I politely scrape under the rug and go eat at a 14 00:00:56,722 --> 00:01:00,940 mobile McDonald's that you built for me, isn't that right? 15 00:01:01,140 --> 00:01:06,520 To end of list. But it's been a fantastic week in the Middle East. 16 00:01:07,220 --> 00:01:10,380 I also went to Qatar, the UAE. 17 00:01:12,090 --> 00:01:15,680 And much like God did during Passover, I skipped Israel. Oh well. 18 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:19,540 I bet you were happy about that though. You liked that, right? 19 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:22,640 No comment. 20 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,760 No comment. You don't want to say anything. Cancer culture. 21 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:30,080 But I did make this trip. I didn't make this trip for myself. 22 00:01:30,081 --> 00:01:33,540 I want to make that clear. I did this for the American people 23 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:38,100 and in many ways myself. My personal enrichment. 24 00:01:38,420 --> 00:01:42,560 I did that too. I did very well on this trip. Got a lot of cool stuff. 25 00:01:43,620 --> 00:01:47,460 The Qataris gave me a $400 million plate. Can you believe that? 26 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,280 And people said that was some sort of bribe. Not true. 27 00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:53,640 Not true. Because they haven't asked for anything in return. 28 00:01:55,025 --> 00:01:56,025 Well, not yet. 29 00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:59,520 Alright, so it's a pre-bribe. It's a pre-bribe. 30 00:02:00,460 --> 00:02:04,460 But now people are saying I should really be flying in an American plane. 31 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:08,080 No thanks, honey. Have you seen what's going on with our planes? 32 00:02:09,640 --> 00:02:12,440 The radar is down and the screen is blank. 33 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:13,640 Newer! 34 00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:19,420 Darling! Where are we going? Where are we flying for our vacation? 35 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:22,380 Honey, directly into the ground. 36 00:02:22,530 --> 00:02:24,940 But we just made a big... Oh, shut up. 37 00:02:25,060 --> 00:02:29,380 But we just made a big airplane deal with the Crown Prince. Tell them about it. 38 00:02:29,940 --> 00:02:34,400 Saudi Arabia will buy $1 billion worth of aircraft from Boeing. 39 00:02:35,460 --> 00:02:36,460 Your funeral. 40 00:02:37,220 --> 00:02:40,980 I also met with the leader of the UAE in Abu Dhabi. 41 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:45,280 We like to say Abu Dhabi. Abu Dhabi do. 42 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:48,460 Like the late, great Frank Flintstone. 43 00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:54,460 The UAE promised to invest over a trillion dollars in the U.S. 44 00:02:54,910 --> 00:02:58,520 I love Dubai because they do buy a lot of weapons. 45 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:02,440 But I've had a great trip here in the Middle East. 46 00:03:02,580 --> 00:03:05,940 It was very much a boy's trip. I don't think I saw a single woman. 47 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:07,600 What's up with that, huh? 48 00:03:08,420 --> 00:03:10,620 All the time, just walking into a room full of boys. 49 00:03:10,780 --> 00:03:13,100 Hi, boys. Boys again. 50 00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:16,820 The women are all hiding. It's like a nation of Melania's. 51 00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:21,060 Very funny. There it is. 52 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:24,880 I'm going to look that up. I'm cooking. I'm having a great time. 53 00:03:25,540 --> 00:03:28,660 I'm just going to say it. I love the Arabs. I love the Arabs. 54 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:33,140 I don't want to go home. Let me stay. Get me to Allah's country. 55 00:03:34,220 --> 00:03:37,160 Everyone loves me here. They're not allowed to not, right? 56 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,400 They have to love you. If not, bye-bye. 57 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:45,480 Inshallah. Oh, I love that. I love that. 58 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:49,240 Donald, please stay. Build a palace next to mine and stay. 59 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:52,960 Oh, I sadly can't. I have to get back home. 60 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:57,120 Luckily, we have our own little slice of Saudi Arabia in America. 61 00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:01,960 A dry desert area filled with people who are way too into their religion. 62 00:04:02,420 --> 00:04:06,260 We call ours Utah. And I do very well there. 63 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:09,500 So I can't stay here in the Middle East. In fact, you know what? 64 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,720 I can't even stay in this sketch much longer. 65 00:04:12,470 --> 00:04:15,280 Can I have to leave? You know what? Because it's the SNL finale. 66 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,640 Season 50. Worst one yet. 67 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,900 Okay, get up. Go ahead, get up, get out of there. 68 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,760 Let me sit here, yeah? Go with him. 69 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:26,060 Go eat sun chips in the hallway. 70 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:30,340 I'm here to break the fourth wall. 71 00:04:30,700 --> 00:04:34,140 Oh, it's nice here with all the young pretty people. Hello. 72 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,040 Look at her. Wow. 73 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:38,040 Sevens or more. 74 00:04:38,940 --> 00:04:42,660 Sevens or more. Sit on the floor, six and below, to the bleachers you go. 75 00:04:42,860 --> 00:04:43,860 That sounds... 76 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:50,900 It's like a gut felt joke, kind of rhymed, right? 77 00:04:51,820 --> 00:04:54,640 But you know, since it's a finale, that means after tonight, 78 00:04:54,780 --> 00:04:56,960 you won't be seeing me here for a while. 79 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:02,220 Well, not the fake fun version of me that makes you smile. 80 00:05:02,940 --> 00:05:06,200 The real one will still be omnipresent. You can't escape me, right? 81 00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:08,720 I'm everywhere. Even in your dreams. 82 00:05:08,721 --> 00:05:11,640 Even in your dreams, like the late, great Freddy Krueger. 83 00:05:12,340 --> 00:05:13,580 I don't suppose that will know. 84 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:17,460 So, see you again in the fall if we still have a country, right? 85 00:05:17,540 --> 00:05:18,540 It's a coin toss. 86 00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:20,220 Happy summer, everyone. 87 00:05:20,460 --> 00:05:23,660 And live from New York, it's Saturday Night Live! 88 00:05:29,540 --> 00:05:33,160 It's Saturday Night Live with... 89 00:05:35,060 --> 00:05:36,060 Michael Che. 90 00:06:22,770 --> 00:06:24,290 James Austin Johnson. 91 00:06:57,210 --> 00:07:05,210 Devin Walker. 92 00:07:15,940 --> 00:07:17,821 Featuring... Ashley Padilla. 93 00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:39,950 And your host, Scarlett Johansson. 94 00:07:44,340 --> 00:07:47,320 Ladies and gentlemen, Scarlett Johansson. 95 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:10,120 You guys, thank you very much. 96 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:14,420 I am so excited to be hosting the finale of season 50. 97 00:08:14,421 --> 00:08:20,560 And I'm so proud to be a part of it. 98 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,500 You know, I first hosted the show when I was 21 years old, 99 00:08:23,540 --> 00:08:26,940 so it's crazy to be back here, what, like three years later? 100 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,140 Man, time really flies. 101 00:08:29,380 --> 00:08:31,180 Anyway, it is so great to be back, 102 00:08:31,290 --> 00:08:33,880 because as many times as I've stood on the stage, 103 00:08:34,270 --> 00:08:35,820 it never stops feeling special. 104 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:44,420 It's 11.30 on a Saturday finale of season 50. 105 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:47,720 It's chaotic and crazy. 106 00:08:48,140 --> 00:08:49,660 The whole week is hazy, 107 00:08:49,810 --> 00:08:52,420 but there's no place that I'd rather be. 108 00:08:53,460 --> 00:08:57,840 Scarlett, that was beautiful. 109 00:08:58,020 --> 00:08:59,380 You mind if I take the next verse? 110 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,060 Oh, well, it's sort of my monologue. 111 00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:02,300 Of course, no problem. 112 00:09:03,420 --> 00:09:05,880 Sometimes we play likable characters. 113 00:09:06,860 --> 00:09:09,620 Other times we play J.D. Vance. 114 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,260 It's not always funny. 115 00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:17,100 We don't do it for money, or otherwise Sarah would buy better pants. 116 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:19,800 Hey, guys, what are you singing about? 117 00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:21,220 Great pants, by the way. 118 00:09:21,300 --> 00:09:22,300 Oh, thank you. 119 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:24,190 La, la, 120 00:09:24,202 --> 00:09:29,360 yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes 121 00:09:31,180 --> 00:09:39,180 La, la, la, yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes 122 00:09:39,181 --> 00:09:46,220 Sing us a song tonight because we've made 50 years of great memories 123 00:09:50,620 --> 00:09:53,624 Ladies and Gentlemen, Billy Joel. 124 00:09:53,636 --> 00:09:59,021 Wrote this song. I thought Billy Joel was going to come out. 125 00:09:59,022 --> 00:10:02,389 Mikey, so cute, so simple. Well, I have to 126 00:10:02,401 --> 00:10:06,120 be honest, I love a singing monologue. Really? 127 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,419 I like the ones where they take questions from the audience. 128 00:10:09,431 --> 00:10:10,506 Well, let's do both then. 129 00:10:12,886 --> 00:10:18,221 Does anyone here have a question? Yes, over here, I have one or two. 130 00:10:18,233 --> 00:10:21,220 Could you introduce me to a dinosaur? 131 00:10:22,380 --> 00:10:28,880 I'm sorry that I called on you. It's weird, but this place is kind of like my home. 132 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:36,620 I've been in over 300 sketches. And by my count, I've been in four. 133 00:10:37,540 --> 00:10:44,340 It's just our first year, but we're glad to be here. Let's hear it for Joanne and Beth. 134 00:10:47,890 --> 00:10:55,890 My name isn't Beth. Classic. Andrew and James, I hold dear. 135 00:10:57,130 --> 00:11:01,039 It's been a great season and Sarah is leaving. 136 00:11:01,051 --> 00:11:04,070 We're all gonna miss you next year. 137 00:11:04,910 --> 00:11:07,210 Wait, what? Did you guys hear something? 138 00:11:17,650 --> 00:11:25,650 Sing us a song in your monologue. The 50th season is through. 139 00:12:22,460 --> 00:12:30,460 If we did it together and we got to spend it with you. Channel four. 140 00:12:33,805 --> 00:12:36,477 That was our weatherman Keith. He said he wanted a 141 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:39,120 shot to try something new for our intro and well, 142 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:43,080 shot taken Keith. Swing and a miss folks. 143 00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:47,466 Good morning, New York. And thanks as always 144 00:12:47,478 --> 00:12:49,880 for waking up with us. I'm Susan McGrath. 145 00:12:50,180 --> 00:12:52,441 I'm Tommy Nolan, our usual third wheel. 146 00:12:52,453 --> 00:12:55,520 Claire Connors is out today. I can't legally say why, 147 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:59,030 but let's just say she gave birth to something. 148 00:12:59,042 --> 00:13:02,040 But filling in for her this morning, we have 149 00:13:02,041 --> 00:13:06,544 another member of our channel four family, Denise Jones from the nightly news. 150 00:13:06,545 --> 00:13:09,275 So happy you're here joining us, Denise. Thanks for having 151 00:13:09,287 --> 00:13:11,620 me. All right, let's get to our top stories coming 152 00:13:11,621 --> 00:13:14,691 up later this morning. It's a dog gone miracle. 153 00:13:14,703 --> 00:13:17,720 A new layer of AstroTurf has been installed at 154 00:13:17,721 --> 00:13:21,318 the Riverside dog park. And later we tip 155 00:13:21,330 --> 00:13:25,300 our cap, a Chino to Little Bean coffee shop, 156 00:13:25,475 --> 00:13:28,860 which donates all their leftover pastries to a local homeless shelter. 157 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:34,120 Well, cap a Chino and it's a dog gone miracle. I love those little puns. 158 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:38,720 Yeah, they make our morning stories a little extra fun for our early risers. 159 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:42,340 That's so creative. I mean, we don't usually do those on the nightly news. 160 00:13:43,260 --> 00:13:46,520 All right, well, you want to take the next one, Denise? Sure thing. 161 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:51,500 Next stop, the hospital. Last night, a woman was assaulted on the train. 162 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:56,715 I know, I did a pun. Yay. Oh, well, Denise, I 163 00:13:56,727 --> 00:14:01,236 just think that story was a little too intense for that. 164 00:14:01,237 --> 00:14:04,660 Oh, I get it. You mean, the pun is only okay when it's something like this. 165 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:09,480 Later, we tip our cap, a Chino to the woman who was assaulted on the train. 166 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,704 Somehow worse. You know, why don't we just 167 00:14:13,716 --> 00:14:16,560 focus on the lighter stories, okay? All right. 168 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:20,078 Life is like a box of chocolates and Elmhurst 169 00:14:20,090 --> 00:14:22,660 candy store celebrates 100 years in business. 170 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:28,700 And I'll have what she's having, a queen's couple dies in an apparent murder-suicide. 171 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:34,900 Wrong again. Denise, you don't have to do the puns for the sad ones. 172 00:14:35,230 --> 00:14:40,820 Oh, okay, got you. So like this. Take me to the river if you want to see the dead body 173 00:14:40,821 --> 00:14:44,234 that washed up today. And coming up later this 174 00:14:44,246 --> 00:14:47,820 hour, who took his dong out an Ohio teacher did? 175 00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:54,180 Denise, no more puns. Oh, I like doing them. We don't get to do them at night. 176 00:14:54,430 --> 00:14:57,433 Oh, he ate that woman. Stay tuned for the latest 177 00:14:57,445 --> 00:15:00,460 update on the manhunt of the Englewood Cannibal. 178 00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:03,999 You know what, why don't we throw it to weather so 179 00:15:04,011 --> 00:15:06,080 we can take a little break from Denise over here. 180 00:15:07,550 --> 00:15:10,940 Keith? Thanks, Susan. This week, it's going to be sunny. Back to you, Denise. 181 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:24,160 That was it. Thanks, Keith. And in national news, 182 00:15:24,161 --> 00:15:26,776 hopefully we have a reporter in the field standing by. 183 00:15:26,788 --> 00:15:28,420 Calvin, how's it going out there? 184 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:30,960 Oh, well, it's a grim scene here at Leventine 185 00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:33,160 where I want my baby back, baby back, baby back. 186 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:39,544 Says this mother of a girl who was kidnapped from a Chili's. 187 00:15:39,556 --> 00:15:42,120 Calvin, no. This is serious. 188 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:46,338 Sorry, I just got inspired by Denise. Thank you. 189 00:15:46,350 --> 00:15:49,540 It's just so refreshing to finally see a strong, 190 00:15:49,665 --> 00:15:54,080 intelligent woman behind a desk. I've worked here for five years. 191 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:59,800 Can I try a pun, too? You used to call me on my cell phone. 192 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,700 It's been 12 days since any contact with my daughter. 193 00:16:06,460 --> 00:16:10,319 No. Every time I make love to my beautiful wife, 194 00:16:10,331 --> 00:16:14,040 I think we have no choice but to finish early. 195 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:19,080 Sorry, that was weird. Why don't you take us home there, Keith? 196 00:16:20,940 --> 00:16:26,740 Goodbye for now. Channel four is over. Yes, the news is done. 197 00:16:38,370 --> 00:16:39,370 Hello. 198 00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:40,030 Aww. 199 00:16:40,690 --> 00:16:41,130 Hi. 200 00:16:41,515 --> 00:16:44,890 You guys look so down. You sat the seasons over and you only did, like, two videos. 201 00:16:45,410 --> 00:16:46,910 Did, like, three at least. 202 00:16:47,130 --> 00:16:50,035 Doesn't matter. It's just with everything going on in the news right now. 203 00:16:50,059 --> 00:16:51,490 It's just things feel kind of bleak. 204 00:16:51,570 --> 00:16:53,870 Yeah, I just feel like the world is falling apart. 205 00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:56,070 Hey, know what you guys need? A vacation. 206 00:16:56,550 --> 00:16:58,770 Vacation? We have work. It'll be expensive. 207 00:16:59,550 --> 00:17:03,770 Shh. Tickets are on me. You ever flown first class before? 208 00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:07,410 What do you say, boys? A little vacay? 209 00:17:44,300 --> 00:17:45,300 Shh. Did you say Newark? 210 00:17:46,170 --> 00:17:47,170 Yeah, boy. What's up? 211 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,490 No, I just... We're landing at Newark? 212 00:17:51,710 --> 00:17:53,750 Yeah, Newark. In New Jersey. 213 00:17:55,395 --> 00:17:56,995 Damn, it's kind of windy out there, huh? 214 00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,250 Didn't we fly out of LaGuardia? 215 00:17:59,710 --> 00:18:00,950 It's like a half an hour drive. 216 00:18:01,270 --> 00:18:02,310 No, but this is awesome. 217 00:18:02,810 --> 00:18:04,190 Come on. I mean, we're in first class. 218 00:18:04,191 --> 00:18:05,191 Right? 219 00:18:05,410 --> 00:18:08,170 Now I'm up in first class. I've been on the spritz fast. 220 00:18:08,470 --> 00:18:10,470 I don't got time, so I'll wear a wrist wax. 221 00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:11,990 Is something going on at Newark? 222 00:18:12,670 --> 00:18:14,710 Like, are there planes crashing there or something? 223 00:18:15,050 --> 00:18:17,410 No, I think they're just, like, losing them. 224 00:18:17,610 --> 00:18:18,610 Losing the planes? 225 00:18:18,670 --> 00:18:19,930 Yeah, like, losing track. 226 00:18:20,170 --> 00:18:22,570 Yeah, right. They're losing the planes in Newark, 227 00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:25,466 but the crashing is happening, like, everywhere all the time now. 228 00:18:25,490 --> 00:18:26,170 Oh, yeah. 229 00:18:26,410 --> 00:18:26,690 Right. 230 00:18:27,070 --> 00:18:28,070 Yeah. 231 00:18:29,770 --> 00:18:30,530 Are you not nervous? 232 00:18:30,531 --> 00:18:31,531 Oh. 233 00:18:32,930 --> 00:18:34,770 Bitch, I ain't scared of no plane. 234 00:18:39,750 --> 00:18:41,590 Damn, I'm buckled up. Didn't like that at all. 235 00:18:41,810 --> 00:18:43,250 Apologies for the turbulence, folks, 236 00:18:43,730 --> 00:18:46,870 but good news, we've been cleared for landing at Newark. 237 00:18:47,330 --> 00:18:51,250 At least I think so. Haven't heard anything yet. 238 00:18:51,510 --> 00:18:52,510 Oh, no. 239 00:18:52,870 --> 00:18:55,330 Hmm. That's not good. 240 00:18:56,470 --> 00:18:59,570 Nah, that's scary. All the TVs just turned off. 241 00:18:59,730 --> 00:19:00,990 Once we land, I should be good. 242 00:19:01,450 --> 00:19:02,730 Once we land, I'll be all right. 243 00:19:02,990 --> 00:19:04,070 I'm just gonna meditate, too. 244 00:19:04,071 --> 00:19:06,870 God's got me. God's always got me. 245 00:19:07,190 --> 00:19:09,130 I can't be alone with the thoughts in my dome. 246 00:19:09,770 --> 00:19:11,510 Mark, do you have any shows in your phone? 247 00:19:11,810 --> 00:19:15,850 The only show I have is Lost. I only have the pilot of Lost. 248 00:19:16,250 --> 00:19:17,630 Why would you only have that one? 249 00:19:17,710 --> 00:19:19,650 I didn't know I'd be here today. 250 00:19:20,530 --> 00:19:25,410 Bad news, folks. We are what we call in the biz, flying blind. 251 00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:26,790 Oh, God. 252 00:19:27,010 --> 00:19:29,466 Okay, be honest. Do you think we'll make the article at least? 253 00:19:29,490 --> 00:19:29,670 What? 254 00:19:29,830 --> 00:19:32,590 Do you think the article will be like Scarlett Johansson and 255 00:19:32,591 --> 00:19:35,010 Please Don't Destroy, Die in Plane Crash, or just you? 256 00:19:35,190 --> 00:19:36,246 What's Please Don't Destroy? 257 00:19:36,270 --> 00:19:37,370 Who did you think we were? 258 00:19:39,350 --> 00:19:43,090 Uh, pardon me. Will I give a quick call to our air traffic controller? 259 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:46,490 Come on. Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up. 260 00:19:47,090 --> 00:19:48,090 Hello? 261 00:19:48,410 --> 00:19:50,790 Hi. Are you having fun up there? 262 00:19:51,130 --> 00:19:54,730 No, I'm not having fun. Sir, do you have our coordinates? 263 00:19:55,430 --> 00:19:58,430 Uh, I don't know. It's my first day. 264 00:19:58,610 --> 00:20:00,890 What? It's your first day? 265 00:20:02,690 --> 00:20:05,110 Yeah. There's... there's like no one here. 266 00:20:05,310 --> 00:20:06,310 Oh, fantastic. 267 00:20:06,950 --> 00:20:11,490 Maybe you tell me, like, what... what call is your... is your plane? 268 00:20:11,670 --> 00:20:12,670 It's a frickin' plane. 269 00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:14,470 I'm gonna find the emergency exit and I'm gonna jump. 270 00:20:14,490 --> 00:20:16,250 Do not open the emergency exit. 271 00:20:16,350 --> 00:20:17,470 I've got... I want to. 272 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,650 Oh, God. That's a new one. 273 00:20:19,850 --> 00:20:23,070 Oh, it looks like this is it, guys. Anything to get off your chest? 274 00:20:23,730 --> 00:20:26,370 This might sound corny, but the only thing I regret is... 275 00:20:26,990 --> 00:20:29,730 is that Avengers didn't make more money at the box office. 276 00:20:29,731 --> 00:20:35,930 What? We are going down. If anybody can help us, please. Please! 277 00:20:36,750 --> 00:20:38,090 I can't give up on them. 278 00:20:39,090 --> 00:20:40,330 Yes. If I just... 279 00:20:42,610 --> 00:20:46,470 locate their coordinates... I'm starting to get my signal back. 280 00:20:47,150 --> 00:20:50,170 And calculate that wind resistance. 281 00:20:50,870 --> 00:20:52,930 Dude, hang on. I see the runway. I see the runway. 282 00:20:53,190 --> 00:20:55,870 I think I'm doing a good job. I think I'm saving them. 283 00:20:56,850 --> 00:20:59,150 Oh, my God. It's working. It's working! 284 00:20:59,151 --> 00:21:02,550 I can see you know you're... 285 00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:14,900 Yes! I'm so happy. 286 00:21:15,420 --> 00:21:16,660 Yes! Yes! Yes! 287 00:21:16,700 --> 00:21:18,880 Don't you finally enjoy our vacation in Newark? 288 00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:25,600 I can do anything you put your mind to. 289 00:21:50,890 --> 00:21:54,900 Wow. I can't believe what was supposed to be a one-night stand 290 00:21:55,300 --> 00:21:57,040 turned into three weeks together. 291 00:21:58,380 --> 00:22:00,640 Yes. I'm also having trouble believing that. 292 00:22:02,420 --> 00:22:06,260 So, I've been thinking. My lease is up. Your lease isn't. 293 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:10,980 So, I could either be homeless, or perhaps there's another arrangement. 294 00:22:11,900 --> 00:22:14,780 Like you get another apartment? 295 00:22:16,740 --> 00:22:20,820 Oh, I'm sorry. This is kind of awkward, but you're kind of sitting at our table. 296 00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:25,340 Your table? The bar area is the first that got here, first that will be served. 297 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:29,183 Um, okay. Well, we've been coming here every Friday for the 298 00:22:29,184 --> 00:22:32,000 past three weeks, and this is where we sit, right, baby? 299 00:22:32,500 --> 00:22:33,560 Oh, right. 300 00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:39,000 Oh, baby, they got you first. 301 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:42,320 Babe, this is our special table. They need to move. 302 00:22:44,100 --> 00:22:48,200 Hi, Omeo, baby. Let's just go. Maybe I go to my apartment, 303 00:22:48,790 --> 00:22:52,000 and you go to any place that's different than that. 304 00:22:53,100 --> 00:22:56,660 No way, no way. We're not just going to leave because they told us to. 305 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:58,560 Say something. Defend my honor. 306 00:22:59,540 --> 00:23:01,740 Okay, I got this, baby. I got this. 307 00:23:01,860 --> 00:23:02,860 Hey! 308 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,980 That's right. He's about to beat your ass. 309 00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:31,640 Do you hear that? He's going to go loca on me. 310 00:23:37,110 --> 00:23:42,890 You hear that? He's going to go loca on me. 311 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:01,202 Oh, so now you're making my man cry? 312 00:24:01,214 --> 00:24:06,000 Let me tell you something in a way you can understand. 313 00:24:09,700 --> 00:24:10,700 What? 314 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,560 You heard me. 315 00:24:15,660 --> 00:24:22,180 You are not making any sense. 316 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,120 You're not the only one who can speak Spanish, bitch. 317 00:24:25,820 --> 00:24:27,220 I used to work at Chipotle. 318 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:29,940 Listen to me closely. 319 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:37,150 Damn, they're really going at it over there. 320 00:24:38,130 --> 00:24:40,030 I feel like I'm watching and telling novella. 321 00:24:40,870 --> 00:24:43,670 Y'all hope they do that thing where they slap each other and kiss. 322 00:24:44,070 --> 00:24:44,490 Wait, what? 323 00:24:44,950 --> 00:24:47,270 Yeah, you know, in every novella, there's a slap and kiss. 324 00:24:47,670 --> 00:24:52,510 You see, in their culture, the line between passion and violence is paper thin. 325 00:24:54,510 --> 00:24:57,890 Baby, please, come over here. Do not listen to this woman. I'm going to protect you. 326 00:24:58,030 --> 00:25:02,670 Oh, yeah, you better protect her because I'm about to esparago, not on us. 327 00:25:04,970 --> 00:25:08,530 Baby, baby, baby, you're talking about asparagus. 328 00:25:09,670 --> 00:25:11,070 Let me handle this, okay? 329 00:25:54,430 --> 00:26:03,735 I said, there's no reason to fight. And they make a great couple and he never. 330 00:26:03,736 --> 00:26:06,150 .. he should never let her go. 331 00:26:08,630 --> 00:26:14,070 Oh, that's sweet. 332 00:26:14,790 --> 00:26:18,650 Baby, let's get out of here and go back to your place. 333 00:26:18,970 --> 00:26:20,630 Because tonight, I'm going to give you... 334 00:26:22,790 --> 00:26:26,730 Okay, baby, let's go. 335 00:26:27,670 --> 00:26:30,350 Okay, well, maybe we can learn a little something from them. 336 00:26:30,510 --> 00:26:31,950 So tonight, I'm going to give you... 337 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:39,500 You have me a tetas. 338 00:26:41,660 --> 00:26:49,660 You look at that. It's like they always say, amor. 339 00:26:56,000 --> 00:27:04,000 So, I just found out there's a second Kansas City. 340 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:06,700 Hey, you guys know I love Colin, right? 341 00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:09,140 Of course. He's your boo thing for life. 342 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:11,400 Yeah, and we're like totally happy. 343 00:27:12,245 --> 00:27:15,320 But like, it's normal to have little crushes here and there. 344 00:27:16,180 --> 00:27:18,600 Especially on someone from the cast. 345 00:27:18,940 --> 00:27:19,940 Oh, who is it? 346 00:27:20,020 --> 00:27:21,060 Creepy, creepy log fellow. 347 00:27:23,490 --> 00:27:24,490 No, it's Bowen. 348 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,360 He's just so sweet. 349 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,980 And I mean, nothing's obviously going to happen. 350 00:27:31,180 --> 00:27:32,640 I'm married. He's gay. 351 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,800 Um, yeah, no. Bowen is not gay. 352 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,300 Bowen is straight as hell. 353 00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:41,800 Really? 354 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,880 But at the 50th, I saw him sobbing over Cher. 355 00:27:45,130 --> 00:27:48,340 It's all fake, girl. He just dials up the gay for clout. 356 00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:52,540 Trust me, that man's a pee hound through and through. 357 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:56,080 Seriously? 358 00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:58,560 Hello, hello. 359 00:28:08,145 --> 00:28:09,240 Have you missed you? 360 00:28:09,900 --> 00:28:11,460 Of course, he's with Gina Gershon. 361 00:28:11,660 --> 00:28:12,660 I just had a scene. 362 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:14,020 Slower. 363 00:28:14,580 --> 00:28:15,580 Okay. 364 00:28:16,540 --> 00:28:19,780 So, how's the week been going? You getting along with the cast? 365 00:28:20,580 --> 00:28:21,580 Yeah, fine. 366 00:28:21,785 --> 00:28:22,785 Why? You heard something? 367 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:25,760 Bowen, hi. 368 00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:26,920 What's up, Colin? 369 00:28:27,120 --> 00:28:29,960 Hey, good work this season. Keep it up. Excited to watch you grow. 370 00:28:30,360 --> 00:28:31,360 Thanks, man. 371 00:28:31,540 --> 00:28:32,540 Do you mind, uh... 372 00:28:33,620 --> 00:28:34,020 Leaving? 373 00:28:34,620 --> 00:28:34,840 Yeah. 374 00:28:35,100 --> 00:28:37,460 Yeah, no problem. I'll just take the stairs. 375 00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:39,300 It's only 30 flights. 376 00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:44,900 Scarlet, Scarlet. My Jurassic. 377 00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:46,320 Harlot. 378 00:28:46,740 --> 00:28:50,020 Bowen, you shouldn't be talking to me that way. I'm married. 379 00:28:50,660 --> 00:28:52,780 Probably shouldn't be doing a lot of things. 380 00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:56,240 That's better. 381 00:28:56,500 --> 00:28:59,180 Watch it, Mr. Mudang. 382 00:28:59,780 --> 00:29:03,300 What's that in your... you know, Colin's my SNL brother and 383 00:29:03,650 --> 00:29:07,620 would never do anything to hurt him, but I would f*** his wife. 384 00:29:09,580 --> 00:29:11,660 There is something I wanted to ask you. 385 00:29:12,420 --> 00:29:12,740 What? 386 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:14,260 I guess I was wondering... 387 00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:16,980 what that yang do. 388 00:29:23,550 --> 00:29:24,770 Oh, Scarj. 389 00:29:25,110 --> 00:29:26,850 Wait, wait. Do we need protection? 390 00:29:27,230 --> 00:29:29,030 No, it's fine. I can bottom. 391 00:29:37,790 --> 00:29:39,020 I need to see you again. 392 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:40,520 Tonight. 393 00:29:40,740 --> 00:29:41,740 I'll cook for you. 394 00:29:42,260 --> 00:29:43,980 You want to come by mine? You like ceviche? 395 00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:44,420 Yeah. 396 00:29:45,100 --> 00:29:46,740 You want to come by at, like, 2 a.m.? 397 00:29:47,220 --> 00:29:47,560 Okay. 398 00:29:47,561 --> 00:29:49,780 Oh, no. We're something pretty, okay? 399 00:30:00,500 --> 00:30:01,500 Hey. 400 00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:03,240 Wait, were we not hanging out tonight? 401 00:30:04,100 --> 00:30:06,300 Right. Shoot. Come on in. 402 00:30:07,780 --> 00:30:09,140 Oh, nice place. 403 00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:11,340 So, are we cooking? 404 00:30:11,780 --> 00:30:15,300 Uh, oh, yeah. I think there's some tendies in the air fryer. 405 00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:17,480 Bye, King. 406 00:30:17,980 --> 00:30:18,980 See you at rehearsal. 407 00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:23,180 You slept with Eggo? 408 00:30:23,740 --> 00:30:24,560 What do you want me to say? 409 00:30:24,685 --> 00:30:26,640 I don't know. That we had a connection? 410 00:30:26,980 --> 00:30:27,980 Oh, so now we're dating? 411 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,400 I just found out who you were this morning. 412 00:30:30,540 --> 00:30:32,280 Oh, so I meant nothing to you. 413 00:30:32,500 --> 00:30:33,960 God, you're suffocating me. 414 00:30:35,420 --> 00:30:37,240 Screw it. I'm going to Tokyo. 415 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:39,900 Thanks for inventing AI, by the way. 416 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:45,240 Hey, Mama. 417 00:30:46,570 --> 00:30:47,570 Hey. You too. 418 00:30:47,860 --> 00:30:49,300 Did you keep asking yourself why? 419 00:30:49,820 --> 00:30:50,940 You'll drive yourself crazy. 420 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:52,400 I got gaslipped by bony. 421 00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:55,560 Hey, bro. 422 00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,280 Domo arigato, Radikovsky son. 423 00:30:58,420 --> 00:30:59,580 Let's go to Disneyland Tokyo. 424 00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:01,320 Is that Emily Radikovsky? 425 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:02,020 Hurry up! 426 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:02,440 Okay! 427 00:31:02,940 --> 00:31:06,160 Listen, Orange. Never get your back blown out by a gay guy. 428 00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:07,400 Amen, sister. 429 00:31:25,710 --> 00:31:28,010 Can you press 147, please? 430 00:31:28,450 --> 00:31:29,450 Uh, sure. 431 00:31:29,950 --> 00:31:30,950 Thank you. 432 00:31:31,170 --> 00:31:33,570 God. Oh, you're Mike Myers. 433 00:31:33,790 --> 00:31:34,810 I am, yes. Thank you. 434 00:31:39,270 --> 00:31:42,090 Damn, this is my stop. Good to meet you, though. 435 00:31:42,390 --> 00:31:44,070 Look, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. 436 00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:47,448 Hi. I'm sorry to bother you. I just have to say this. 437 00:31:47,460 --> 00:31:49,290 I'm a huge fan of yours, Mr. Myers. 438 00:31:49,830 --> 00:31:52,610 Oh, thank you. That's very, very kind. Thank you. What's your name? 439 00:31:53,190 --> 00:31:55,627 I'm Janice, and I just love all your movies. 440 00:31:55,639 --> 00:31:58,470 My girlfriends and I quote Shrek like all the time. 441 00:31:58,810 --> 00:32:02,270 Oh, thank you. That's a little weird, but thank you. Thank you. That's very nice. 442 00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:04,349 It's my first time in New York. You just never 443 00:32:04,350 --> 00:32:06,550 know what celebrity you're going to run into here. 444 00:32:06,590 --> 00:32:07,590 It's true. 445 00:32:08,210 --> 00:32:09,770 Oh, my God. Is that Kanye West? 446 00:32:11,450 --> 00:32:12,790 Yeah, what you talking about? 447 00:32:13,250 --> 00:32:16,730 Remove my song, fam. Come on, give me one good reason. 448 00:32:17,810 --> 00:32:18,810 Besides that. 449 00:32:19,570 --> 00:32:24,130 Besides that. How is it not relatable? Everybody got a cousin. 450 00:32:25,850 --> 00:32:29,150 Oh, I guess it's my stop. Again, so nice to meet you, Mr. Myers. 451 00:32:29,310 --> 00:32:30,830 No, no, it's not. It is not your stop. 452 00:32:31,030 --> 00:32:31,530 What are you doing? 453 00:32:31,990 --> 00:32:33,710 You can't leave me alone in here with him. 454 00:32:33,711 --> 00:32:35,230 And I heard he's a delight. 455 00:32:38,055 --> 00:32:40,870 Oh, hey, you're Mike Myers, right? 456 00:32:41,790 --> 00:32:43,050 Kanye, what's up, man? 457 00:32:43,390 --> 00:32:44,530 It's just yay now. 458 00:32:44,970 --> 00:32:47,230 Sorry, yay. I guess it's been a while. 459 00:32:47,610 --> 00:32:49,630 Yeah, since that Hurricane Katrina benefit. 460 00:32:50,950 --> 00:32:51,250 Yes. 461 00:32:51,710 --> 00:32:53,650 You know, when I told the world that George 462 00:32:53,662 --> 00:32:55,750 Bush don't care about black people on live TV. 463 00:32:56,430 --> 00:32:56,750 Yes. 464 00:32:57,010 --> 00:32:58,890 And you just had to stand there looking stupid. 465 00:33:00,310 --> 00:33:03,750 Yes. So, uh, uh, what do you been up to? 466 00:33:04,130 --> 00:33:06,470 Oh, me? I'm in the KKK now. 467 00:33:07,970 --> 00:33:09,690 Of course you are. Yes, yes. 468 00:33:10,270 --> 00:33:10,930 How's your kids? 469 00:33:11,170 --> 00:33:12,490 My kids? My kids are safe. 470 00:33:14,170 --> 00:33:16,590 That's good. Family stability is important. 471 00:33:17,130 --> 00:33:19,730 Isn't it, though? Yes. Yeah. 472 00:33:19,990 --> 00:33:21,310 This Diddy stuff is crazy, right? 473 00:33:22,030 --> 00:33:22,270 What? 474 00:33:22,810 --> 00:33:25,790 Diddy. He's on trial right now for like a bunch of stuff. 475 00:33:25,950 --> 00:33:28,230 Oh, yeah, yeah. I heard about that. Yeah. 476 00:33:28,231 --> 00:33:29,530 It's so crazy, man. 477 00:33:30,010 --> 00:33:33,730 You think you know a guy turns out to be a full crazy monster, man. 478 00:33:34,010 --> 00:33:35,970 Yeah, right. So, what happened to you? 479 00:33:36,550 --> 00:33:37,550 What do you mean? 480 00:33:38,050 --> 00:33:40,390 Nothing. Not one thing. 481 00:33:44,140 --> 00:33:45,450 Let's wait for the next one. 482 00:33:45,610 --> 00:33:45,990 Yeah, yeah. 483 00:33:46,170 --> 00:33:48,050 No, come back. There's plenty of room in there. 484 00:33:48,170 --> 00:33:49,770 There's plenty of room in this elevator. 485 00:33:52,420 --> 00:33:56,990 So, Mayas, that Jewish... Protestant, actually. Protestant, yeah. 486 00:33:57,310 --> 00:33:57,530 Nice. 487 00:33:57,531 --> 00:33:58,150 Yeah. 488 00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:00,386 Hey, you know what? We should take a selfie together. 489 00:34:00,410 --> 00:34:00,690 Come on. 490 00:34:00,770 --> 00:34:03,630 Hold on. Hold on. 491 00:34:03,631 --> 00:34:07,250 The elevators are so slow sometimes. What was that? 492 00:34:07,670 --> 00:34:09,130 You must have hit stop or something. 493 00:34:09,710 --> 00:34:12,570 I think we stuck, man. We gonna be here for a while now. 494 00:34:12,890 --> 00:34:15,830 Oh, no. Should we jump up and down until something happens? 495 00:34:16,130 --> 00:34:18,630 Nah, man. I don't like doing crazy stuff. 496 00:34:20,170 --> 00:34:23,350 You don't understand. I get really claustrophobic. 497 00:34:23,530 --> 00:34:26,710 Oh, trust me. I understand. I'm a few phobics myself. 498 00:34:28,970 --> 00:34:30,730 But right now, we just need to relax. 499 00:34:32,650 --> 00:34:33,650 You want some knots? 500 00:34:34,070 --> 00:34:37,070 No, I'm good. I just got to get out of here. 501 00:34:37,410 --> 00:34:39,890 Calm down, Mike. You sounded like a lunatic. 502 00:34:40,670 --> 00:34:43,590 Why don't I play you my next single, man? It's a love song. 503 00:34:43,810 --> 00:34:44,210 Okay. 504 00:34:44,810 --> 00:34:47,170 Yeah, it's called Squeezing on My Grandpa Booty. 505 00:34:49,450 --> 00:34:50,590 Wait. We're moving again. 506 00:34:50,990 --> 00:34:51,990 Okay. Thank you, God. 507 00:34:52,190 --> 00:34:53,190 You're welcome. 508 00:34:53,910 --> 00:34:55,630 This is me. Take care of yourself, yeah. 509 00:34:56,305 --> 00:34:57,450 Yeah, you too, Shrek. 510 00:34:59,380 --> 00:35:01,430 You think you know God. 511 00:35:34,450 --> 00:35:36,120 Ladies and gentlemen, Bad Bunny. 512 00:38:23,500 --> 00:38:27,280 It's Weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che. 513 00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:43,640 Thank you. Good evening, everyone. 514 00:38:43,980 --> 00:38:45,700 Welcome to Weekend Update. I'm Michael Che. 515 00:38:45,780 --> 00:38:46,780 I'm Colin Jost. 516 00:38:48,660 --> 00:38:51,480 Well, President Trump traveled to the Middle East this week, 517 00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:54,690 and if I were him, I would have just stayed there because it looked awesome. 518 00:38:55,620 --> 00:38:57,780 Trump arrived in Saudi Arabia where he was greeted 519 00:38:57,781 --> 00:39:01,400 with a lavender carpet which matched the color of his tie 520 00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:02,820 and also the length. 521 00:39:05,185 --> 00:39:07,540 They also rolled out a mobile McDonald's truck 522 00:39:07,615 --> 00:39:10,087 for President Trump's visit featuring Saudi 523 00:39:10,088 --> 00:39:13,300 Arabia's most popular new burger, the McJournalist. 524 00:39:16,940 --> 00:39:19,860 President Trump, while on his trip, said that Iran 525 00:39:19,861 --> 00:39:22,680 has sort of agreed to terms for a nuclear deal 526 00:39:22,930 --> 00:39:25,840 in the same way Trump has sort of agreed to uphold the Constitution. 527 00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:29,445 Many people in Saudi Arabia were very happy 528 00:39:29,446 --> 00:39:31,240 with President Trump's visit to the country 529 00:39:31,241 --> 00:39:34,620 because rich Saudis love to fly out thick blondes. 530 00:39:38,300 --> 00:39:40,240 The Democratic National Committee protested 531 00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:44,640 President Trump's plans to accept a $400 million luxury jet from Qatar 532 00:39:44,641 --> 00:39:48,750 by flying a banner over Mar-a-Lago reading Qatar-a-Lago. 533 00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:51,980 It's the kind of hilarious stunt that makes you 534 00:39:51,981 --> 00:39:54,560 realize why the Democrats will never win again. 535 00:39:57,180 --> 00:39:59,360 Ethical experts are also warning that Trump may owe 536 00:39:59,510 --> 00:40:02,680 political favors to countries who give him lavish gifts. 537 00:40:03,250 --> 00:40:05,100 But based on the way he left the Middle East, 538 00:40:05,535 --> 00:40:07,580 I think I know how Trump is gonna pay them back. 539 00:40:16,070 --> 00:40:18,450 President Trump has signed an executive order 540 00:40:18,451 --> 00:40:21,550 giving refugee status to white people from South Africa. 541 00:40:22,110 --> 00:40:24,270 You know, I could have sworn that white people 542 00:40:24,271 --> 00:40:27,470 had it good in South Africa. Must be the Mandela effect. 543 00:40:31,230 --> 00:40:34,630 The Trump administration announced that after face-to-face talks 544 00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:38,690 with China, it is lowering tariffs from 145% to 30%, 545 00:40:38,915 --> 00:40:41,931 which is a little like O.J. bragging about taking the knife out. 546 00:40:47,095 --> 00:40:50,550 Robert F. Kennedy Jr., whose shirt collar traps 547 00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:55,330 all the blood in his head, was criticized for posting 548 00:40:55,430 --> 00:40:58,202 pictures of himself swimming in a Washington, D.C. 549 00:40:58,502 --> 00:41:02,450 creek despite signs warning it was contaminated with raw sewage. 550 00:41:03,230 --> 00:41:07,090 Can you imagine how many parasites are in there, said the creek? 551 00:41:08,790 --> 00:41:11,570 The Department of Homeland Security said they may 552 00:41:11,571 --> 00:41:14,162 participate in a new reality show in which 553 00:41:14,163 --> 00:41:16,430 immigrants would go through a series of challenges 554 00:41:16,730 --> 00:41:18,150 for a chance to become a citizen. 555 00:41:18,510 --> 00:41:20,850 It's called the Real Housekeepers of Orange County. 556 00:41:29,780 --> 00:41:31,700 According to a new tell-all book, 557 00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:34,240 Biden's inner circle revealed that they were worried 558 00:41:34,241 --> 00:41:37,240 the president would need a wheelchair in his second term, 559 00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:40,420 especially after they were all done stabbing him in the back. 560 00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:46,362 The White House also announced that Vice President J.D. 561 00:41:46,437 --> 00:41:50,800 Vance will travel to the Vatican for Pope Leo's inaugural mass. 562 00:41:51,390 --> 00:41:53,580 And I'm not a huge fan of his outfit. 563 00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:58,960 Train engineers went on strike yesterday, 564 00:41:59,180 --> 00:42:02,140 completely shutting down New Jersey transit lines into New York, 565 00:42:02,540 --> 00:42:04,940 in case you were wondering why the city smelled so nice. 566 00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:12,940 In what counts as good news in 2025, 567 00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:19,060 the Menendez brothers have been resentenced for the 1989 murder of their parents 568 00:42:19,310 --> 00:42:23,660 after the judge said he did not believe the brothers posed a risk if released, 569 00:42:24,100 --> 00:42:25,720 unless someone adopts them. 570 00:42:25,980 --> 00:42:28,260 Oh, that's a good point. 571 00:42:29,660 --> 00:42:32,260 Some of them are just points, not jokes. 572 00:42:32,660 --> 00:42:35,980 After several troubling incidents at Newark Liberty International Airport, 573 00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:38,380 many people are worried about airplane safety, 574 00:42:38,720 --> 00:42:41,760 but one person is more worried about airplane food. 575 00:42:42,370 --> 00:42:45,040 Here to comment, you know her, you love her, 576 00:42:45,340 --> 00:42:47,100 you got her fined by the FCC. 577 00:42:47,740 --> 00:42:49,520 Show some love for Miss Eggie. 578 00:43:01,330 --> 00:43:03,150 I'm sorry, Eggo, what is this? 579 00:43:03,430 --> 00:43:04,710 Damn, this place stunk. 580 00:43:05,490 --> 00:43:07,550 And they ain't even served the food yet. 581 00:43:08,170 --> 00:43:12,590 Black attendant came around asking me if I want some butternut squash ravioli. 582 00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:16,470 More like butternut offered me that mess till you put some meat in it. 583 00:43:17,490 --> 00:43:18,750 Scratch that sucker. 584 00:43:20,150 --> 00:43:23,270 Can't even give me a whole can of soda stingy ass. 585 00:43:23,830 --> 00:43:26,350 For want to hand me a dry ass Biscoff. 586 00:43:26,510 --> 00:43:28,690 More like you about to piss a Biscoff. 587 00:43:29,710 --> 00:43:30,710 The hell? 588 00:43:31,550 --> 00:43:34,070 I'm sorry, is all of your stand-up about food? 589 00:43:34,310 --> 00:43:37,290 Good God damn, I am starving. 590 00:43:38,070 --> 00:43:39,696 Flight attendants saying the only sandwich 591 00:43:39,720 --> 00:43:42,931 they got on this plane is a turkey pesto on ciabatta. 592 00:43:43,350 --> 00:43:46,050 All I know is this bitch, ciabatta, lose her life. 593 00:43:46,910 --> 00:43:47,910 Show. 594 00:43:48,310 --> 00:43:50,910 That bread was harder than my man when I get out the tub. 595 00:43:53,290 --> 00:43:55,350 His name's Maurice, but I call him Trey 596 00:43:55,450 --> 00:43:57,970 cause he stay in the upright and locked position. 597 00:43:59,850 --> 00:44:01,210 Cause Miss Eggie done what? 598 00:44:04,590 --> 00:44:07,231 Yeah, I'm sorry, I really don't think this is helpful. 599 00:44:07,470 --> 00:44:09,050 Colin, please, I'm eating. 600 00:44:10,430 --> 00:44:12,610 Then she asking, do I want some 601 00:44:12,735 --> 00:44:14,690 apple cranberry compote? 602 00:44:15,010 --> 00:44:18,130 Uh, I'm gonna need a compote or the Google, what the hell that is? 603 00:44:23,250 --> 00:44:25,410 And y'all went and took peanuts off the plane 604 00:44:25,411 --> 00:44:27,770 cause everybody want to have an allergy. 605 00:44:28,210 --> 00:44:31,130 If you don't take a Benadryl and shut your gay ass up. 606 00:44:32,610 --> 00:44:33,610 The hell? 607 00:44:34,310 --> 00:44:37,290 But Eggo, this newer story is serious. 608 00:44:37,590 --> 00:44:39,430 And how about that TSA, huh? 609 00:44:40,310 --> 00:44:42,415 Putting on that pop of smurf gloves thinking 610 00:44:42,416 --> 00:44:44,470 they can fill me up just cause I got a gun. 611 00:44:46,850 --> 00:44:48,790 Cause Miss Eggie stay what? 612 00:44:49,850 --> 00:44:50,850 That's right. 613 00:44:51,270 --> 00:44:52,430 No stretch, y'all. 614 00:44:53,590 --> 00:44:56,350 You were supposed to be talking about Newark airport. 615 00:44:56,745 --> 00:44:58,070 Colin, I literally am. 616 00:44:58,850 --> 00:45:00,090 Listen here. 617 00:45:01,870 --> 00:45:03,370 Menopause been making me horny. 618 00:45:03,690 --> 00:45:04,690 Menopause? 619 00:45:06,650 --> 00:45:08,290 And let's just say 620 00:45:08,390 --> 00:45:12,270 Miss Eggie don't need no hollandaise sauce cause I already know how to Benodryl. 621 00:45:12,470 --> 00:45:20,470 Okay, Eggo, please, Eggo wrap this up. 622 00:45:20,690 --> 00:45:21,720 Please wrap this up. 623 00:45:22,350 --> 00:45:25,770 In conclusion, thank you JetBlue for having a bitch. 624 00:45:27,110 --> 00:45:28,690 And if we hit turbulence, Colin, 625 00:45:29,170 --> 00:45:30,550 just take a Benadryl and what? 626 00:45:31,220 --> 00:45:32,730 Shut your gay ass up. 627 00:45:35,490 --> 00:45:36,990 Enjoy the flight. 628 00:45:37,430 --> 00:45:38,430 Miss Eggie everyone. 629 00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:50,960 New research shows that too much sitting 630 00:45:51,085 --> 00:45:52,320 could damage your brain, 631 00:45:52,820 --> 00:45:55,680 which explains why Stephen Hawking was such a dumbass. 632 00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:03,540 Dick's 40 Goods announced that it is buying 633 00:46:03,690 --> 00:46:05,620 Footlocker for more than $2 billion 634 00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:08,740 and will combine to form Dick Fockers. 635 00:46:11,420 --> 00:46:14,340 A new survey found that the worst literors 636 00:46:14,341 --> 00:46:17,320 in New York City are men from the Bronx and Queens 637 00:46:17,445 --> 00:46:18,960 while women from the Bronx and Queens 638 00:46:19,260 --> 00:46:21,220 safely keep all their junk in the trunk. 639 00:46:26,340 --> 00:46:29,197 A driver for Amazon was fired after she was 640 00:46:29,198 --> 00:46:32,420 caught on a ring camera defecating on a porch. 641 00:46:32,990 --> 00:46:35,060 Said the homeowner, but that's what I ordered. 642 00:46:37,820 --> 00:46:39,920 A new study suggests that people who feel tired 643 00:46:39,921 --> 00:46:42,140 all the time could have suffered a mini stroke, 644 00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:45,640 which makes sense because I always get sleepy after a stroke, you know? 645 00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:51,780 I feel like all my jokes take time. 646 00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:56,200 It was a heartwarming one to end on. 647 00:46:56,340 --> 00:46:59,080 You know, tonight is our season finale 648 00:46:59,255 --> 00:47:00,500 and we, uh, I'm not sure. 649 00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:03,320 Your last joke took my breath away. 650 00:47:04,340 --> 00:47:06,520 We have a tradition here where Che and I 651 00:47:06,521 --> 00:47:08,721 give each other jokes to read at the end of the season. 652 00:47:14,020 --> 00:47:17,220 Read jokes live on air that the other person has never seen before. 653 00:47:18,140 --> 00:47:19,480 But before we start, 654 00:47:20,170 --> 00:47:22,620 it's FandL's fiftieth season, 655 00:47:23,230 --> 00:47:27,160 so I want to take a moment to say something to our boss, Lorne Michaels. 656 00:47:29,470 --> 00:47:30,660 Lorne, retire, bitch. 657 00:47:33,580 --> 00:47:35,380 Let me run the show. 658 00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:39,160 Wow, out the gate calling, well, 659 00:47:39,740 --> 00:47:41,396 maybe you should just tell your first joke. 660 00:47:41,420 --> 00:47:41,920 How about that? 661 00:47:42,060 --> 00:47:43,360 Oh, I get to do another. 662 00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:45,020 Yeah, yeah, it's all a joke, man. 663 00:47:46,180 --> 00:47:50,360 CBS has premiered the first hour-long daytime soap opera 664 00:47:50,610 --> 00:47:52,500 with a predominantly black cast. 665 00:47:53,240 --> 00:47:57,780 It'll air when black people are home from work 24 hours a day. 666 00:48:05,355 --> 00:48:09,190 Since you liked that, here's another. 667 00:48:10,410 --> 00:48:13,470 CBS has premiered the first half-hour-long 668 00:48:13,471 --> 00:48:17,050 daytime soap opera with a predominantly black cast. 669 00:48:17,310 --> 00:48:19,290 It's called All My Children. 670 00:48:19,810 --> 00:48:21,070 Don't know who they're dating. 671 00:48:25,950 --> 00:48:28,942 The movie theaters are trying to stop teenagers from 672 00:48:28,943 --> 00:48:32,210 screaming and throwing popcorn during the Minecraft scene 673 00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:33,730 with the chicken jockey, 674 00:48:34,365 --> 00:48:36,950 because some of us are trying to masturbate. 675 00:48:38,870 --> 00:48:41,330 But seriously, Minecraft was a great movie. 676 00:48:41,570 --> 00:48:42,970 I haven't been that excited 677 00:48:43,345 --> 00:48:46,590 since I saw a white woman drink unattended. 678 00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:54,160 That must have been so exciting for you. 679 00:48:54,161 --> 00:48:59,320 Oh, man, why? 680 00:49:01,020 --> 00:49:01,720 Couldn't be any. 681 00:49:01,940 --> 00:49:03,600 A new... yeah, it could be nice, yeah. 682 00:49:04,740 --> 00:49:08,188 A new study finds that the hoots and grunts of bonobos 683 00:49:08,213 --> 00:49:11,880 show signs of complex thoughts similar to human language. 684 00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:15,180 Oh, so like that awful halftime show? 685 00:49:24,000 --> 00:49:25,600 You know, before I tell another joke, 686 00:49:25,700 --> 00:49:28,420 I wanted to take this opportunity to apologize to someone I hurt. 687 00:49:29,020 --> 00:49:30,420 Scarlett, can you come out here? 688 00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:37,560 I don't like this. 689 00:49:37,720 --> 00:49:39,160 You know, last time we did Jokeswap, 690 00:49:39,300 --> 00:49:41,060 I made Colin do some tasteless jokes, 691 00:49:41,780 --> 00:49:44,640 comparing your vagina to Costco roast beef. 692 00:49:46,160 --> 00:49:47,280 Yes, I remember that. 693 00:49:48,300 --> 00:49:51,361 Well, the fact is, I was just lashing out because I'm jealous. 694 00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:54,820 I've never even seen a human vagina. 695 00:49:57,020 --> 00:49:58,840 And notice I said human. 696 00:50:00,220 --> 00:50:02,880 Because I once spent the summer on a farm. 697 00:50:03,480 --> 00:50:04,480 You feel me? 698 00:50:07,240 --> 00:50:09,640 Maybe I'm just embarrassed about my own body. 699 00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:11,620 I can't even take my hoodie off during sex 700 00:50:11,670 --> 00:50:13,920 because I have more nipples than a pregnant dog. 701 00:50:16,240 --> 00:50:18,000 Yes, I have heard that about you. 702 00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:19,680 And Colin, I'm sorry, too, 703 00:50:19,940 --> 00:50:21,440 because I owe you everything. 704 00:50:23,460 --> 00:50:26,860 When Colin discovered me, I was selling crack outside the Bronx. 705 00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:32,960 And now look at me, selling crack outside the American Girl Dolls. 706 00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:38,800 I've told thousands of jokes on update and gotten dozens of laughs. 707 00:50:40,220 --> 00:50:43,740 But I've never said the three most important words of all. 708 00:50:44,460 --> 00:50:45,460 I love you. 709 00:50:47,460 --> 00:50:53,510 Oh, that's pretty sweet, buddy. 710 00:50:53,810 --> 00:50:54,350 Love you, too. 711 00:50:54,770 --> 00:50:56,630 Oh, well, um, yeah. 712 00:50:57,770 --> 00:51:00,390 Okay, but before I continue, 713 00:51:01,290 --> 00:51:06,430 Golden State Warriors head coach Steve Kerr is here with his family. 714 00:51:07,570 --> 00:51:09,510 I got to meet his son, Nick, 715 00:51:09,870 --> 00:51:11,050 and I love Steve. 716 00:51:11,810 --> 00:51:12,810 I like Nick. 717 00:51:14,370 --> 00:51:18,030 But I wouldn't say I'm a Nick Kerr lover. 718 00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:41,640 Some psychologists say adults can reduce stress by returning to a childhood hobby, 719 00:51:42,050 --> 00:51:45,360 which is why I returned to my favorite childhood hobby, 720 00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:48,520 topping off priests with my pretty little mouth. 721 00:51:54,810 --> 00:51:55,810 Speaking of which... 722 00:52:13,750 --> 00:52:16,970 Lorne, I'll do anything to run this show. 723 00:52:46,450 --> 00:52:47,510 All right, everyone. 724 00:52:48,250 --> 00:52:51,410 Welcome to day one of shooting, Penelope's secret. 725 00:52:51,970 --> 00:52:58,590 Yes, it's a romance about two women in the 50s who fall deeply in love. 726 00:52:58,870 --> 00:53:00,330 And yes, I'm the director. 727 00:53:00,930 --> 00:53:02,890 And yes, I am a man. 728 00:53:03,490 --> 00:53:04,490 Sawe. 729 00:53:04,890 --> 00:53:07,570 Why don't I throw to our assistant director, 730 00:53:07,750 --> 00:53:11,159 who, and this will make you all feel better, is a woman. 731 00:53:11,474 --> 00:53:12,990 Yay, women! 732 00:53:14,710 --> 00:53:16,730 Thanks, Greg. Actually, I'm non-binary. 733 00:53:17,350 --> 00:53:18,350 Ooh, Sawe. 734 00:53:18,970 --> 00:53:22,350 Okay, so our first scene up today will be the one 735 00:53:22,351 --> 00:53:25,570 where Penelope and Madame Wilcox first become intimate 736 00:53:25,571 --> 00:53:28,510 and to make sure everyone feels safe and comfortable, 737 00:53:28,950 --> 00:53:31,450 we've brought in two intimacy coordinators. 738 00:53:31,770 --> 00:53:33,470 Guys, want to introduce yourselves? 739 00:53:33,830 --> 00:53:35,470 Yep. Hi, everyone. I'm Trish. 740 00:53:35,830 --> 00:53:37,370 And this is an insane coincidence, 741 00:53:37,995 --> 00:53:39,810 but my name is also Madame Wilcox. 742 00:53:41,270 --> 00:53:43,090 Well, thanks for being here, you guys. 743 00:53:43,510 --> 00:53:45,390 Thanks for having us. Now where's our cast? 744 00:53:46,010 --> 00:53:49,530 Right over here, this is Annabelle and this is Rachel. 745 00:53:50,610 --> 00:53:53,590 Great to meet you. So, where's the dude? 746 00:53:54,835 --> 00:53:57,730 Oh, there's no dude, just the two women. 747 00:53:58,090 --> 00:53:59,870 Oh, okay, so it's just a kissing scene. 748 00:54:00,270 --> 00:54:00,710 Okay, fine. 749 00:54:00,930 --> 00:54:01,930 Great, that's great. 750 00:54:02,620 --> 00:54:05,770 No, guys, it's a full love scene between two women. 751 00:54:09,150 --> 00:54:10,670 But... how would that even work? 752 00:54:12,850 --> 00:54:13,850 What do you mean? 753 00:54:14,300 --> 00:54:18,510 Oh, no, he's just confused because he doesn't get how two buns make a hot dog. 754 00:54:19,330 --> 00:54:20,830 I get it, I love it. 755 00:54:20,930 --> 00:54:23,790 But wait, like, two donuts isn't exactly a balanced breakfast. 756 00:54:24,530 --> 00:54:26,530 It's simply too much tunnel, not enough train. 757 00:54:28,550 --> 00:54:33,410 Okay, uh, I'm sorry, have you guys never worked on a queer set before? 758 00:54:33,690 --> 00:54:39,070 Or as us allies like to call it, an overdue set, am I right? 759 00:54:39,330 --> 00:54:39,750 Yeah! 760 00:54:40,230 --> 00:54:42,670 Okay, just get it together. 761 00:54:42,930 --> 00:54:43,610 Whoops, I'm sorry. 762 00:54:43,611 --> 00:54:47,970 Yeah, of course, we've worked on queer sets. I mean, I myself am ally passing. 763 00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:52,489 But it's different for girls, right? 764 00:54:52,501 --> 00:54:55,630 Like, gay guys I get, a butt is basically a bejouge. 765 00:54:57,110 --> 00:55:00,270 I'm sorry, do you think lesbians don't have sex? 766 00:55:01,310 --> 00:55:05,150 Oh, well, I hope this isn't offensive, but real sex? No, no, I don't. 767 00:55:05,610 --> 00:55:08,058 You know what, he's just having trouble understanding 768 00:55:08,070 --> 00:55:10,670 how you'd pay without putting a credit card in a reader. 769 00:55:11,340 --> 00:55:14,670 Oh, is it like Apple Pay where you just tap the googoos? 770 00:55:16,470 --> 00:55:19,070 Um, sorry, dude, the googoos? 771 00:55:19,830 --> 00:55:25,050 Seriously, my guy, this is highly offensive to lesbian folks. 772 00:55:26,250 --> 00:55:28,090 Actually, that's not totally wrong. 773 00:55:28,830 --> 00:55:30,810 Ugh, she's so annoying. 774 00:55:31,730 --> 00:55:32,050 Dude! 775 00:55:32,520 --> 00:55:35,250 Sorry, they are so annoying. 776 00:55:36,230 --> 00:55:38,470 You know what, maybe just try to picture it, madam. 777 00:55:39,520 --> 00:55:40,681 Guess I could give it a shot. 778 00:55:42,810 --> 00:55:43,810 Oh. 779 00:55:45,830 --> 00:55:46,830 Uh-huh. 780 00:55:48,310 --> 00:55:50,010 Well, that is nice. 781 00:55:51,570 --> 00:55:54,060 Um, you know, perhaps there's some online videos 782 00:55:54,072 --> 00:55:56,730 of two ladies that I can watch as further research. 783 00:55:57,390 --> 00:56:00,410 Yeah, I think I'm gonna go watch some videos of two ladies right now. 784 00:56:03,610 --> 00:56:07,530 Wow, okay, he was in a hurry. 785 00:56:07,531 --> 00:56:09,110 Wait, what's the wifi? 786 00:56:09,330 --> 00:56:09,570 What's the wifi? 787 00:56:09,810 --> 00:56:10,030 What's the wifi? 788 00:56:10,310 --> 00:56:10,550 What's the wifi? 789 00:56:10,870 --> 00:56:11,130 What's the wifi? 790 00:56:11,390 --> 00:56:11,770 What's the wifi? 791 00:56:11,790 --> 00:56:12,790 It's the PA! 792 00:56:14,110 --> 00:56:16,130 Guys, we gotta get going here. 793 00:56:16,250 --> 00:56:17,450 Can we move on with the scene? 794 00:56:17,610 --> 00:56:18,150 Yep, you know what? 795 00:56:18,550 --> 00:56:19,550 Let's just do it. 796 00:56:56,880 --> 00:56:57,880 What's up, fans? 797 00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:01,880 This is TV Tapes, and we talked to your favorite cast from your favorite show. 798 00:57:02,180 --> 00:57:03,260 Yep, and we're so excited. 799 00:57:03,640 --> 00:57:05,840 This was our most requested show this year. 800 00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:08,980 Joining us today is the cast of the hit romance, Summer Lake. 801 00:57:09,460 --> 00:57:09,940 Hey! 802 00:57:10,400 --> 00:57:12,500 Thanks for being here, guys. 803 00:57:12,750 --> 00:57:14,800 We've got a ton of questions for the whole cast. 804 00:57:15,170 --> 00:57:17,090 There's so much that the fans are dying to know. 805 00:57:17,300 --> 00:57:20,580 But we gotta start with the internet's boyfriend, Danny Cheeks. 806 00:57:20,980 --> 00:57:22,740 Aw, hey, guys, it's me. 807 00:57:24,840 --> 00:57:26,400 So, Danny, first question is for you. 808 00:57:26,660 --> 00:57:29,340 Your character is always wearing his signature hoodies. 809 00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:30,800 Were those from your real closet? 810 00:57:31,200 --> 00:57:34,980 Nah, I wish, but the wardrobe department knew it was up. 811 00:57:35,520 --> 00:57:36,520 They really did. 812 00:57:36,615 --> 00:57:38,686 And next question, Danny, how did you get into acting? 813 00:57:38,710 --> 00:57:41,880 Well, I love watching TV, so I wanted to try it. 814 00:57:43,660 --> 00:57:45,380 And our next question is for you, Rochelle. 815 00:57:45,580 --> 00:57:47,500 What's harder, being a woman or being black? 816 00:57:48,120 --> 00:57:50,100 Oh, wow, that's my question. 817 00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:52,740 Yep, so let's go back to Danny. 818 00:57:53,220 --> 00:57:54,700 Was it fun shooting at the lake? 819 00:57:55,180 --> 00:57:57,320 Oh, it was fun, but it was hot. 820 00:57:58,160 --> 00:57:59,160 Yeah, low-talk. 821 00:57:59,680 --> 00:58:01,860 And Jade, when's the last time you took Plan B? 822 00:58:02,920 --> 00:58:04,620 Whoa, don't ask that. 823 00:58:05,565 --> 00:58:08,800 Okay, so, Danny, do you have a favorite onset snack? 824 00:58:09,460 --> 00:58:13,080 Oh, man, that's hard. Maybe pretzels? 825 00:58:14,520 --> 00:58:15,520 Nice, salty. 826 00:58:16,080 --> 00:58:19,080 And now, Cassie, you're not as attractive as the other cast members. 827 00:58:20,840 --> 00:58:22,080 That's not a question. 828 00:58:23,500 --> 00:58:24,780 That's what the fans are saying. 829 00:58:24,940 --> 00:58:26,940 So, Danny, who are you dating these days? 830 00:58:27,500 --> 00:58:28,920 Oh, I don't kiss and tell. 831 00:58:29,340 --> 00:58:30,560 Of course, that's private. 832 00:58:30,980 --> 00:58:33,100 So, Taylor, you just had a really bad divorce. 833 00:58:33,275 --> 00:58:35,560 Whose fault was it? You or your husband's? 834 00:58:36,885 --> 00:58:39,140 It was a girl, and it was my fault. 835 00:58:41,510 --> 00:58:42,940 Wait, Danny, is it fun having abs? 836 00:58:43,680 --> 00:58:45,000 Yeah, I love it. 837 00:58:46,040 --> 00:58:48,400 Sir, why can't we get questions like that? 838 00:58:48,520 --> 00:58:49,920 Okay, Cassie, here's a fun one. 839 00:58:50,240 --> 00:58:51,940 You recently got married, congrats. 840 00:58:52,220 --> 00:58:54,100 So, why isn't your husband a Ukrainian refugee? 841 00:58:55,220 --> 00:58:56,740 That wasn't a fun one. 842 00:58:58,000 --> 00:58:59,000 I had fun. 843 00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:02,640 Danny, when's the last time you laughed really hard? 844 00:59:03,620 --> 00:59:05,180 Watching TikTok breaks. 845 00:59:06,580 --> 00:59:07,580 Rochelle, we go to you. 846 00:59:07,960 --> 00:59:10,340 Deadline reported that you're being written out of the show next season. 847 00:59:10,540 --> 00:59:12,100 Is it because someone leaked your news? 848 00:59:12,640 --> 00:59:16,280 Um, I'm just learning about all parts of that right now. 849 00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:18,740 Really? It's everywhere. 850 00:59:19,660 --> 00:59:21,040 Now, Danny, what's your favorite? 851 00:59:22,520 --> 00:59:23,520 Everything. 852 00:59:23,860 --> 00:59:25,920 Oh, Danny, hold up. 853 00:59:26,040 --> 00:59:27,440 Am I being written out of the show? 854 00:59:27,500 --> 00:59:28,560 Rochelle, drop it. 855 00:59:30,020 --> 00:59:30,760 Next question. 856 00:59:30,761 --> 00:59:33,560 Jade, who's your favorite Cass member to party with? 857 00:59:33,940 --> 00:59:35,400 Uh, that actually is fun. 858 00:59:35,640 --> 00:59:37,020 I love going out with Taylor. 859 00:59:37,480 --> 00:59:38,480 Oh, same. 860 00:59:38,900 --> 00:59:40,840 And Jade, if you could vote one religion 861 00:59:40,841 --> 00:59:43,020 off the face of the Earth, which one would you pick? 862 00:59:43,660 --> 00:59:44,760 No, pass. 863 00:59:45,160 --> 00:59:47,540 Okay, here's another. How come all of your exes are white? 864 00:59:48,660 --> 00:59:49,660 Pass. 865 00:59:50,960 --> 00:59:53,460 And Cassie, you good face but bad hair. 866 00:59:53,620 --> 00:59:54,680 You have mental problem? 867 00:59:56,000 --> 00:59:57,680 Excuse me? Pass. 868 00:59:57,681 --> 01:00:01,620 Yes. And Rochelle, what are you gonna do now that you're unemployed? 869 01:00:02,450 --> 01:00:03,450 Is that confirmed? 870 01:00:05,120 --> 01:00:07,520 Yes, and Danny, music or pictures? 871 01:00:08,680 --> 01:00:09,680 Music. 872 01:00:10,160 --> 01:00:14,480 And finally, to all the women and gun to your head, why do lesbians dress like that? 873 01:00:15,280 --> 01:00:16,320 What do you mean? 874 01:00:16,580 --> 01:00:20,140 Now, let me rephrase. If a lesbian was raised in a lab and never saw another person, 875 01:00:20,440 --> 01:00:21,720 would she still dress like that? 876 01:00:23,040 --> 01:00:26,760 You know what's crazy? This is the best interview we've done so far. 877 01:00:27,680 --> 01:00:31,000 We're out of time. This was awesome. I wish we had more time. 878 01:00:31,440 --> 01:00:33,120 Oh, me too. Yeah, me too. 879 01:00:33,960 --> 01:00:37,380 This was really, really interesting. Hey, that's what I thought. 880 01:00:37,720 --> 01:00:40,220 My gosh, same. Thanks for watching, everyone. 881 01:00:40,480 --> 01:00:43,161 And make sure to join our Discord. We're gonna post 882 01:00:43,173 --> 01:00:45,760 Danny's baby pics and everyone else's old tweets. 883 01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:48,180 Why are you doing that? 884 01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:51,160 I was cute and I still am. 885 01:01:05,190 --> 01:01:06,520 Once again, Bad Bunny. 886 01:04:09,280 --> 01:04:12,860 And now, Victorian ladies at lunch. 887 01:04:14,300 --> 01:04:17,940 Oh, it is so wonderful to see you all again. 888 01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:20,800 I do so treasure our lunches together. 889 01:04:21,280 --> 01:04:23,500 And your chef is magnificent. 890 01:04:24,100 --> 01:04:26,140 Look at this incredible feast. 891 01:04:26,680 --> 01:04:30,740 Oh, I do say I'm as hungry as the horse that brought me over here. 892 01:04:31,140 --> 01:04:34,320 And it's a new horse I've heard. How fast is he again? 893 01:04:34,660 --> 01:04:35,840 About one horsepower. 894 01:04:37,820 --> 01:04:41,420 Hello, ladies. Is everything to your liking? 895 01:04:41,920 --> 01:04:48,380 Well, I see blood pudding and pickles cow's feet, so I'm in heaven. 896 01:04:49,360 --> 01:04:49,440 Excellent. 897 01:04:50,100 --> 01:04:52,360 And how are the jellied eels today? 898 01:04:52,660 --> 01:04:56,900 Oh, exquisite. We take the whole eel and just smother it in jelly. 899 01:04:57,700 --> 01:05:00,720 I can't wait to taste that texture. 900 01:05:01,640 --> 01:05:04,920 And the cashewed clams, are they fresh? 901 01:05:05,140 --> 01:05:10,140 Oh, absolutely. They arrived last Wednesday and we've kept them in an open wooden box. 902 01:05:13,440 --> 01:05:15,960 And the boiled calf said... Yes? 903 01:05:16,380 --> 01:05:18,820 Was that of change in the humane fashion? 904 01:05:19,820 --> 01:05:21,060 Not at all. 905 01:05:22,290 --> 01:05:25,640 What type of bird were they eating today? 906 01:05:25,641 --> 01:05:29,080 Oh, the most upsetting ones, my lady. 907 01:05:30,220 --> 01:05:32,180 Eagles, hummingbirds, penguins. 908 01:05:32,280 --> 01:05:34,680 And I believe we still have a few baby puffins. 909 01:05:35,060 --> 01:05:36,520 Oh, no, not anymore, you go. 910 01:05:36,920 --> 01:05:38,480 Yummy, yummy in my tummy. 911 01:05:45,260 --> 01:05:49,920 And the BLT, are what's in that again? 912 01:05:50,620 --> 01:05:52,440 Bunnies and little turtles. 913 01:05:53,740 --> 01:05:57,160 And the turkey clam, or what was it called, twill? 914 01:05:57,580 --> 01:05:59,900 Why, the Bible, of course. 915 01:06:01,790 --> 01:06:05,440 And what was that special on the menu, Panda Express? 916 01:06:06,100 --> 01:06:09,500 Ah, yes, it's a panda that we pushed in front of a train. 917 01:06:10,740 --> 01:06:12,760 That's how I want to go. 918 01:06:17,980 --> 01:06:18,980 Delicious. 919 01:06:20,340 --> 01:06:21,340 M.G. 920 01:06:21,965 --> 01:06:23,380 M.G. 921 01:06:24,675 --> 01:06:32,550 The best part of a pasta sashimi. 922 01:06:33,050 --> 01:06:34,830 Wonderful, wonderful. 923 01:06:35,210 --> 01:06:37,710 Now, before I go, anything to drink? 924 01:06:39,030 --> 01:06:43,510 I need four brimming glasses of donkey's milk, will do. 925 01:06:43,650 --> 01:06:44,650 Right, lady? 926 01:06:44,890 --> 01:06:45,950 Ah, indeed. 927 01:06:46,510 --> 01:06:47,510 Yeah, indeed. 928 01:06:47,570 --> 01:06:50,810 And that's donkey's milk, Gerald. 929 01:06:51,310 --> 01:06:53,430 Don't make that mistake again. 930 01:06:54,830 --> 01:06:57,630 Well, you understand why it took so long last time. 931 01:06:59,010 --> 01:07:01,090 Ladies, bon appétit. 932 01:07:11,730 --> 01:07:19,580 What did everyone do after lunch? 933 01:07:20,920 --> 01:07:22,980 I went to the bathroom. 934 01:07:23,980 --> 01:07:26,000 I went to the bathroom as well. 935 01:07:27,240 --> 01:07:29,300 I went numbers two through seven. 936 01:07:30,900 --> 01:07:33,100 And how was it for everyone? 937 01:07:34,120 --> 01:07:35,400 Mine was bad. 938 01:07:36,280 --> 01:07:38,060 Mine was the worst it could be. 939 01:07:39,010 --> 01:07:42,880 I was wearing so many layers, and I did not get any of them all. 940 01:07:44,780 --> 01:07:51,140 I think the jellied eel came out whole and jumped back into the sea. 941 01:07:52,800 --> 01:07:56,180 Yum, yum, yum. Are the ladies ready to order dinner? 942 01:07:57,305 --> 01:07:59,960 I mean, I guess we could spit something small. 943 01:08:00,540 --> 01:08:01,760 Perhaps a hot dog? 944 01:08:02,320 --> 01:08:05,460 Wonderful. I'll get the poodle into the jacuzzi right away. 945 01:08:08,400 --> 01:08:09,400 Pepto-Bismol. 946 01:08:09,740 --> 01:08:12,720 Settle down your stomach with the only medicine that's made with... 947 01:08:12,721 --> 01:08:13,721 Oh, God! Flamingos! 948 01:08:41,040 --> 01:08:46,040 Right now, I want to say a huge congratulations to the incredible cast and crew 949 01:08:46,290 --> 01:08:47,720 for these 50 years. 950 01:08:48,020 --> 01:08:48,600 So amazing. 951 01:08:48,980 --> 01:08:50,945 Lorne Michaels, wherever you are, you're not going 952 01:08:51,005 --> 01:08:53,240 to want me to single you out, but congratulations. 953 01:08:53,540 --> 01:08:54,760 You are a singular man. 954 01:08:55,160 --> 01:08:56,160 We love you.