Original subtitles

The perfect crime.

A pitch-black night,

an unsuspecting victim...

...and a master burglar known only as, "The Cat."

It's me, Bender.

Ah!

Cock-a-doodle-what-now?

Whoa-oh-oh, oh!

Man, what the hell ruined The Cat's pitch-black moonless night?

News flash.

A new flash has mysteriously appeared in the sky.

Reports indicate the intense glare is visible throughout the known universe.

And let me add that it is not helping my hangover!

Even scientists have no idea what it is.

I know exactly what it is!

It's been theorized, but never before observed.

A white hole!

So, no one knows what it does?

I know exactly what it does!

It's the precise opposite of a black hole.

Instead of sucking everything in, it blasts everything out.

Energy, matter, time-- the big three.

And no one knows why?

I know exactly why!

Oh. No, wait, I don't.

Well, I think it's because it wants attention.

Why would you think that?

Ha, ha! Ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha!

Huh... huh... huh...?

Ah...

I think it means "attention."

Oh, right, right, right, right.

Greetings, Universe Six.

Six?

We of the outer realms have opened this white hole...

Told ya!

...as a portal that you may join

the other 12 or so universes

in bearing witness to the greatest event that can be witnessed...

Somethin' about my ass?

...the birth of a new universe.

Whoa.

Congrats.

You must choose a group

of your worthiest representatives.

If there are eight or less sentient beings in your universe,

you can all come.

Otherwise, figure something out.

My friends,

I can think of no finer crew to represent our universe.

But we'll need to persuade the President of Earth

in language he'll understand.

Look, I'm touched and flattered by the size of this pile,

and I'd love to send you on this mission,

but there's a problem.

Gotcha.

Um, no backsies,

but I'm afraid this is one of those rare problems

that can't be solved with bribery.

-Rosemary! -Yeah?

Send in the Secretary of Space.

And, uh, cue his theme song.

Bubblegum Tate!

Farnsy, my man!

So, why can't I go?

You're just too dang old.

You take that back!

Why, if I weren't so old, I'd cider your apples.

It's simple physics, Prof.

You're right, it's so obvious!

The white hole is shooting chronitons in all directions.

Mm-hmm. It's the Larry Bird of holes.

The local time acceleration must be immense.

Anyone approaching it would age substantially.

Right on.

And as it is, you might drop dead

before the end of this sentence...

Was that a period or a comma?

Ellipses, dig?

We need some young blood for this mission,

comma...

so, we have selected these members

of the Sunnyside Middle School Model U.N. Team

to represent our universe.

Fine, upstanding youngsters.

Not a hippie or commie among them.

Gee whiz!

We'll try our very best to make everyone proud.

Ooh, I hate her so much!

That should have been me!

Now, your journey will be long.

But not as long as the long-lasting taste

of Charleston Chew!

Well, that was quick.

Boo!

Little girl, tell us of the wonders you witnessed.

Gee whiz.

By the ship's clock,

we had been traveling for 80 years

when it all went to hell.

The winds of time blew against us like a hurricane

and forced us back to Earth.

Our bodies withered and our lives wasted.

We must have underestimated the chroniton flux.

Bender, give me somethin' to write on.

Ooh! Oh yeah.

A little to the left.

Huh, according to those assulations,

it is possible to reach the white hole.

Maybe, but it would take the most powerful rocket ever built,

and a crew in stone-cold storage

for 10 million years.

Make it so!

I'll be proud to lead the mission.

My life will have meaning after all.

Aw.

I'll take her wallet to remember her by.

And thus,

I was named leader of the greatest adventure

in the history of the universe.

Sure. Uh, why not?

Aroooo!

This Week in the Universe!

Dateline Sol 3.

Corners are being cut and expenses spared

to build the largest rocket ever conceived

in record time!

And what's this cherry on top?

Why, it's the Planet Express ship, whose heroic crew

will serve as our emissaries

to the historic birth of a new universe.

And, yes, Scruffy's going, too.

The stars called and Scruffy said, "A-yup."

The ship should hold out.

But for us to survive such a long journey,

we'll need to be frozen in carbonara.

Ooh, I've never been frozen in that before.

What's that, the litter box?

It's an advanced 3D bio-printer.

It will create temporary copies of us

to deal with any routine maintenance or emergencies.

I doubt there'll be any emergencies.

Emergency!

Ah, the carbonara is approaching absolute zero.

I'll put the champagne in to chill for our arrival.

Well, there's nothing to be afraid of.

Just relax and lie down in your ice coffins.

See you in 10 million... years.

Three... two... one...

Whoas!

Godspeeds, space travelerses.

Mm-hmm.

Welcome into existence, Scruffy Number One.

You are a temporary duplicate of the original Scruffy,

created for a single critical mission.

That so?

You have all of Scruffy's skills,

all his passions and desires.

Tell me somethin' I don't feel burnin' in my loins.

But the ship's hull will only shield you briefly from the time flux,

so you must act quickly.

What is this vital mission for which I've been created?

You see that leaking pipe over there?

Yeah. I'll get around to it after my break.

You don't get a break. You'll be dead in five minutes.

This mission kit contains all the equipment you'll need.

Ta-ta!

Scruffy Number One leaves this world

a little better than he found it.

Welcome into existence, Fry Number One.

You have been created for a single critical mission.

What is it?

Scruffy Number One left the lights on.

Okay... let's see what I have to work with.

It's been an honor.

Main booty separation in three...

two...

Uh-oh!

It's hung up on the rim!

Is Amy okay?

What's-- Who-- What's happening?!

Rocket separation failure!

We're gonna need more cigarettes!

You better have a damn good reason for calling me into existence!

The release hook on the rocket booster has failed.

You need to unbend it at once!

I'm a replicant.

I don't take orders from a hologram.

You must!

It's our only hope of saving the originals.

I'll do it.

For him.

Be warned.

Once outside the ship's cladding,

you'll age at a fantastic rate.

Everything I do is fantastic, baby.

Go Bender! Go Bender,

go Bender, go Bender, go Bender!

Go Bender, go Bender.

Go Bender, go Bender.

Go Bender...

Go Bender.

Go Bender.

Go--

That is one dead hero.

What's that for?

This.

My life's work is complete.

My life's work is complete.

No infinite loops on Scruffy Number Four's watch.

Divided by 28 cents per kiloton...

I can't believe I was brought into existence

just to calculate mileage depreciation.

But I'm glad I was!

My Manwich!

That's it? My whole existence was just to open a can of sandwich?

Oh, quit complaining.

I keep getting created just to cheer people up

before they disintegrate.

It works!

Whoa!

It's a swarm of space salps.

Living creatures attempting to feed on the ship!

You're right!

Amy Number 61, man the harpoon station!

Leela Number 15, evasive action!

Me Number Four, collapse into a pile.

Die, you whatever-you-are!

I'm on it!

Thank you, Fry Number 27.

I got printed by accident.

Is it cool if I stand here and eat some yogurt?

I've got it!

To kill the salps, we'll electrify the hull.

Hit me!

It worked!

And all thanks to me, Bender Number Three.

I demand a raise!

You got it! Three... two...

I'm the greatest!

What up?

Uh, you left your yogurt out a million years ago.

Good, I'm hungry.

That's weird. Where's the yogurt?

Oh, here it comes.

What a cute little--

A-yup.

Welcome into existence, Zoidberg Number One.

You've been created for a single critical mission:

to save the real crew members who we care about.

You don't care about me?

Not even a little.

Now, all replicants receive a uniquely customized mission kit.

I didn't get a kit.

You don't need a kit.

Your mission only requires your appetite.

That I got! What's on the menu?

A , uh... certain quantity of yogurt.

Such small portions.

-Wow, look at all that yogurt. -Wow, look at all that yogurt.

Yum, let me at it!

You're not even done printing!

I've got a stomach and a mouth,

what else does a guy need?

Oh! Oh! Ooh!

That was 600 pounds of yogurt!

No wonder I'm still hungry.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Dear God!

Woop-woop-woop-woop-woop-woop.

Where are ya, ya filthy mudbug?

Right here.

Where are you?

Right here. Oops.

Feh, too spicy.

This is for Hermes Number 38.

And a couple of Frys!

Die, you--

I'm unstoppable!

Who's laughing now?

Hologram Professor's log.

Millions of years passed,

most of them exciting,

as our frozen heroes slumbered bravely toward glory.

And at last,

we crossed the reverse event horizon.

Good news, disposable maintenance copies!

Wait, disposable?

Thanks to the efforts of temporary duplicates

like you and your predecessors,

our precious crew has survived

to reap their glorious reward.

As the final disposables,

you shall have the honor of defrosting them

and wiping them down.

Everything went exactly according to plan.

Exactly according to plan.

Each of you is tasked with waking up your original,

then bathing them and anointing them in fragrant oils.

Alrighty.

Huh.

Ooh! Imported wattle cream.

Before we wake them up,

could we maybe just take a teensy peek at the new universe?

Certainly not!

Now work those lotions.

The real crew will want to look sharp

for their triumphant departure on the Shuttle Bubble.

The Whuttle Wubble?

Neat!

And after they leave, what'll we do?

Why, crumble to dust as usual, of course.

But don't worry,

once our heroes bear glorious witness to the newborn universe,

the white hole's expulsive force will propel them home

almost instantly

to bask in the fame and adulation.

And wealth, don't forget the wealth.

Wow, we should all be very honored.

I'm truly proud that I and...

four others like me

have kept this epic schlep running smoothly.

For millions of years, we preserved these champions

that they might attain their moment of glory.

The hell with them!

Why should they get all the credit

after my Frycestors slaved and shirked for millions of years?!

A toast to us,

the real heroes!

Uh, now, just a minute.

That champagne is for the originals.

You can't-- Ow!

We did the work,

we deserve the glory!

I mean, technically, we didn't do the work,

but we still deserve the glory.

On their behalf.

We deserve it.

Move your duplicate butts, people!

We're aging fast.

Live fast and die old,

that's what I always say.

To the unknown!

The only thing worth knowing about.

We'll take it from here, meatsicles.

Welcome, Universe Six-ers.

Ooh!

Ah!

Before such beauty, my ass weeps.

That everybody?

Ooh, here they come!

The universe waits breathlessly

for the return of our intrepid heroes.

John Williams,

play the Oscar-worthy theme you wrote for the occasion

that sounds just like everything else you ever wrote.

Tell us, ambassadors, of your marvelous experiences.

Spare no detail.

Sock it to us.

Uh, okay, we will.

When do we leave?

You're already back.

-We are? -I'm back, baby?

Mr. President,

I'm afraid something went horribly wrong.

We have no idea what happened because we never even woke up.

Shut up and take your medals!