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I believe in America.
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I believe we are the best.
3
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I believe we're number one.
4
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And I wot apologize for that.
5
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My husband and I are survivors.
6
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:31,533
We fought tooth and nail to
get to where we are today.
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How? The old-fashioned way:
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hard work and
a can-do attitude.
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And here in the great state
of Iowa no less,
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where all great battles begin.
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My name is Laura Dean Pickier
12
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and this is the cutthroat story
13
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:50,973
of greed, blackmail,
sex and butter.
14
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Bob? Bob Pickier?
15
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,561
Bob Pickier, where are ya?
16
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Ah, there you are.
Stand up for us, please.
17
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,988
That's us.
The Picklers. Bob and Laura.
18
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We were the royal family
of butter carving.
19
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,572
Oh, sure, laugh.
But did you know more people
20
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:14,036
saw the butter sculptures of
the Iowa State Fair last year
21
00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:18,500
than went to the Super Bowl?
No, of course you didt.
22
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How could you, with
the liberal media as biased as it is?
23
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Would you dim the lights, please?
24
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,548
Sit down and watch this.
25
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Oh, I come to the
Iowa State Fair every year
26
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and that's mainly because of Bob.
27
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Born into poverty
in Battle Creek, Iowa in 1968,
28
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,069
Bob Pickier found solace
in his best friend,
29
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- a young calf named Suki.
-
30
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But tragedy arrived when Bob
was just eight years old.
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Suki was struck dead
by lightning.
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Distraught, Bob carved
a likeness of his beloved Suki
33
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with the only thing the
Pick/ers had in the icebox...
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00:01:58,368 --> 00:01:59,836
a block of butter.
35
00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:03,920
Even though his mother destroyed
young Bob's first sculpture,
36
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:06,426
Bob was bit by the
butter-carving bug.
37
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:09,008
He first entered the
Mastery in Butter competition
38
00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:11,924
15 years ago,
his lovely wife Laura
39
00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:14,184
encouraging him
every step of the way.
40
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With a controversial,
yet staggeringly elegant piece
41
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,023
titled "Newt Gingrich on Horse."
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00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:23,561
- Hey, hon. What do you think?
- Look at Newt.
43
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Oh, it's great.
How do you like my haircut?
44
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I'd better like it.
It cost me 15 bucks.
45
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- I'm worth it.
-
46
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Get over here. Oh!
47
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Thus began his
unprecedented winning streak
48
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that included the world-famous
"T-Rex Eating Girl. "
49
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:51,213
- Well, back in '94...
- It was '95.
50
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:54,759
- Well, '94...
- It was '95.
51
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:59,806
OK. We'll call it '95.
'94, actually, but...
52
00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:04,397
Bob comes out and reveals his piece.
"Schindler's List."
53
00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:07,312
- "Schindler's... List!"
-
54
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- Here we go.
- Sorry.
55
00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:13,527
It just made me cry.
56
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,493
And we're not even Jewish.
57
00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,703
But no one could imagine
the showstopper
58
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,914
the boy from Battle Creek
would pull out this year.
59
00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:24,626
A life-size replica
of "The Last Supper"
60
00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:28,008
that the Des Moines Register
called "better than the original."
61
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,257
I really think Bob and I
could parlay this fame
62
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:34,424
we have from butter into politics.
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00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:36,808
I mean, dot be surprised if you
see us in the Governor's mansion,
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00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:38,890
or the White House.
65
00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:42,102
This is just the beginning.
66
00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:46,443
Bob Pickier, ladies and gentlemen!
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Fifteen wonderful years!
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Butter was my world...
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00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:55,740
...until it all came crashing down.
70
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,829
If you can believe it,
the first time /saw Mrs. Pickier
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00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:03,744
I actually wished she and
Mr. Pick/er would take me in.
72
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,208
You know, of course
the awards are wonderful.
73
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:09,841
But what is most satisfying
to me, and to Bob,
74
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,719
is the attention we bring
to our charity, Camp Butter.
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00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:15,347
- Yes.
- Where we help children with...
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00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:17,223
...special needs.
77
00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:20,101
The foster people had just
put me with a bunch of families
78
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,184
and anyone had to
be better than them.
79
00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:25,519
First was the Moores.
80
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:28,276
They were home-schoolers,
which always spells trouble.
81
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:33,407
And then God
cast down the angels
82
00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:35,533
and they fell to earth,
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00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:39,868
which is where
dinosaur bones come from.
84
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:47,955
Next came Mrs. Carmichael.
She was on pills.
85
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:51,091
Just tell the doctor
you've been anxious lately
86
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:53,217
and you need Klonopin.
87
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:55,754
OK. Klonopin.
88
00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:58,595
You're gonna be such
a great daughter.
89
00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:02,728
- I liked her.
- Stupid child-proof cap.
90
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:04,559
She was always so calm.
91
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,519
Here, you try.
92
00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:12,772
Too calm to run
from the police, I guess.
93
00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,815
They're not mine!
94
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,234
So after that
came the Gundersons.
95
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,697
They were old.
96
00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:22,410
The red button is
for the ambulance.
97
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:25,542
- Tell her about the red button.
-
98
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:29,705
So you can understand why I
wast on to Mrs. Pick/ens bull sooner.
99
00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,919
Plus, I was only ten at the time.
100
00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:34,756
Now that I'm 11, I know the truth.
101
00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:38,759
White people are weirdos.
102
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Did they find my mom yet?
103
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Come on, sweetheart. It's late.
104
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Your room's still empty.
105
00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:01,828
Thank you.
106
00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:05,708
flight, up-tempo music]
107
00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,013
Excuse me.
108
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,145
WOW!
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Laura Dean Pickier!
110
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- Hi, Carol Ann Stevenson.
- Hey, Carol Ann.
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00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,870
Look at you,
you look just amazing.
112
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:28,703
It's brave of you to wear
stirrup pants with your body type.
113
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,959
Thank you. My pants keep riding up
114
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and I need to
hold them down with my feet.
115
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They're hard to find,
116
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I'll say that, but I found 'em.
117
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Hey there.
118
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Can I have a look at that?
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Wow.
120
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:04,614
You're good. Really good.
121
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:06,323
A real natural.
122
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,739
You're a quiet one, aret ya?
123
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:14,085
That's OK.
So was John Wayne, so...
124
00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:16,580
Can I borrow this?
125
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:22,753
Bob makes
butter carving look so easy.
126
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:25,422
I even think
I could do it sometimes.
127
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:28,592
Then I'm like, "Wake up,
Carol Ann! You're in a dream!"
128
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:33,642
That summer, they put me
with Miss Jill and Mr. Ethan.
129
00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:38,106
They were the whitest people
I'd ever met.
130
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:41,363
I wast expecting
to stay very long.
131
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:44,115
These people always
get cold feet.
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This will be your bedroom.
133
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It's pink.
134
00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:54,747
Yeah. I told her
to go with green.
135
00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:56,957
No, it's pretty.
136
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,587
- There's a TV?
- Oh, yeah.
137
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:04,469
Uh, it's not HD though, so, sorry.
138
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:07,506
And no watching past eight.
Is that what we said, eight?
139
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:09,424
- No TV past nine.
- Nine, right.
140
00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:11,468
Eight, what is this, prison?
141
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:13,477
"Lights out!"
142
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:17,979
Um...
143
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:21,566
- Is there anything you need?
- No. Thank you.
144
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,526
What do you like to do for fun?
Do you have hobbies?
145
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:27,534
We can buy you some stuff,
like books or a globe.
146
00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:29,786
I'm not really
that good at anything.
147
00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:34,495
Oh... What? That's crazy.
Everybody's good at something.
148
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Not me.
My last morn told me so.
149
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:46,011
Well, you dot have to worry about
stuff like that anymore, OK?
150
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:49,013
- OK.
- So if you need us, you know.
151
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:51,425
- We'll be out there.
- Yeah. "Paging Mom and Dad."
152
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,015
- OK. OK.
- All right.
153
00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:01,692
One, two, three, Camp Butter!
154
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:06,027
I've always said that your people
are the small flashlights
155
00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:09,113
that help a dark world
find its lost car keys.
156
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:13,121
- What?
- Let's hear it for Camp Butter!
157
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:15,873
What can I do you for, Orval?
158
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:21,042
Look, the, uh, the panel's
been doing some talking,
159
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:25,129
and, um... you've had a good run.
160
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:28,465
- Well, 15 years.
- You're a legend.
161
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,050
You're in Parade Magazine.
162
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:32,841
You're the Elvis of butter.
163
00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:37,012
But we just kinda feel
like it's time...
164
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:39,055
...you gave
somebody else a shot.
165
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:44,644
Uh-huh?
166
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:48,861
We're prepared to offer
you a spot at State. Um...
167
00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:50,650
You could be a judge.
168
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:55,789
With me and Mary Alice
and Carl Hudgens.
169
00:10:55,947 --> 00:11:00,123
- Carl Hudgens is a good guy.
- He's a great guy.
170
00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:03,585
It's time to start giving back.
171
00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:06,044
You know, like Oprah does.
172
00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:09,131
Yeah, well, she's got
that Angel Network.
173
00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:12,764
I just have one
sort of delicate question.
174
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:16,096
- Laura?
- Laura.
175
00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:20,605
You know, I really think that Bob
could be an excellent mayor.
176
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:22,481
OF GVGH, OI" GVGH QOVGFHOF.
177
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,392
'Cause I know she's...
178
00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:29,489
...she's very, um... involved.
179
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:31,649
Oh, she's fine. She'll be fine.
180
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:34,695
Laura...
181
00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:39,832
These fuckers have no idea
who they're dealing with.
182
00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:42,039
We're the motherfucking Picklers.
183
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,296
Clearly Orval wanted you
out of the way.
184
00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:46,798
I have always known
what kind of man he was.
185
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,675
I never thought he'd go this far.
186
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,178
You know Orval is a good man.
187
00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:54,931
He has had it out for us
from day one, Bob.
188
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:01,353
I will call the governor.
189
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,895
That's what I'll do.
I'll call the governor.
190
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:07,186
Or Jesus. I mean, dot you
have his direct line?
191
00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:10,526
My constitutional rights are being
violated and I will call the governor.
192
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:12,611
The governor
doest care, Laura.
193
00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:18,450
What did you say?
194
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,952
The governor doest... care.
195
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,132
Whose side are you on, Bob?
196
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:36,844
It's time to pass
the baton, Laura.
197
00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:40,177
I need to start giving back.
198
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:42,432
Like Oprah.
199
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,814
How dare you
bring Oprah into this?
200
00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:53,364
Kaitlen, sweetie.
201
00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:57,073
Could you please provide your
father and me with some privacy?
202
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,203
She can stay.
203
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:01,080
Cover your balls, Dad.
204
00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:10,340
I see what happened here, Bob.
205
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:14,632
You didt stand up
for yourself, did you?
206
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,842
That's what happened here.
207
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:19,929
I think it'd show a real touch
of class if we stepped down now.
208
00:13:20,091 --> 00:13:23,015
I guess Dad was right when he
warned me against marrying someone
209
00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:26,021
whose biggest dream was to be
the middle school principal.
210
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,432
What's that supposed to mean?
211
00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:29,225
It just means maybe
I should've taken his advice
212
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:31,770
- and married Boyd Bolton.
- Boyd Bolton?
213
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:35,236
At least he inherited a
successful car dealership.
214
00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:36,945
I am done.
215
00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:41,238
I doubt Boyd would just give up
Bolton Supercenter
216
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:44,157
- at the drop of a hat, Bob.
- Laura, please.
217
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,450
You get back here, Bob.
218
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:50,000
If you wot stand up to them,
then I will!
219
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,255
Fucking freaks.
220
00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:30,875
I gotta ask you, you just turned down
over a half a million dollars.
221
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:34,462
I told her not to pick 22.
222
00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:47,095
Oh, shit!
Tell her I'm not here.
223
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:50,185
What? Who? What's going on?
224
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:53,522
- Laura. Laura Pickier.
- Oh, God. Here?
225
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,482
- Tell her I'm fishing.
- At night?
226
00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:57,067
Oh, God! Why is she here?
227
00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,029
- Orval!
- What if she gets inside?
228
00:15:00,191 --> 00:15:03,240
- Orval!
- I know you're in there!
229
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,996
I hear you!
230
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,209
- One is worth $200,000.
- Yeah.
231
00:15:10,368 --> 00:15:13,087
One case
is worth one million.
232
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,846
Laura. How nice to see you.
233
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,881
Where's Orval?
234
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:26,346
He's in the shower.
235
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:34,268
Maybe I can have him
call you later.
236
00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:42,404
I'll wait.
237
00:15:57,582 --> 00:16:02,053
If you ask me,
number 24 is too thin.
238
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:12,222
Oh, I see how it is.
He wants to play a game, does he?
239
00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:15,358
Well, you tell
Orval this ist over.
240
00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:27,366
That's what I'm
talking about, baby!
241
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:43,344
Only love makes you kill
242
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:48,933
Breaks your legs
breaks your will
243
00:16:51,802 --> 00:16:54,521
Pulls you up by the roots
244
00:16:57,016 --> 00:17:02,022
Makes you fall down too
245
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:03,986
Harder
246
00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:05,274
Deeper
247
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:07,614
Faster
248
00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:09,279
Harder
249
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:10,446
Deeper
250
00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:12,365
Faster
251
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,535
Harder
252
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:16,873
Deeper
253
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,413
Faster
254
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:20,999
Harder
255
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,212
Deeper
256
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,298
Faster
257
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,881
How are they gonna
do it without me?
258
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,049
Who's gonna throw
the Butter Brunch, Helen?
259
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,435
Please.
260
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:35,938
And Camp Butter.
It doest just organize itself.
261
00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:38,976
And to think, I was just about
to donate all my past gala gowns
262
00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:40,609
to the state fair museum.
263
00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:44,318
Ohh. I give so much.
264
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:49,115
You're the only man
who cares about me.
265
00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:52,531
That's not true. I'm sure there
is plenty of men who like you.
266
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,620
Your father cares
about you, right?
267
00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:57,001
My father raped me.
268
00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:58,832
Oh, my God!
269
00:17:58,995 --> 00:18:02,966
I just... I need
someone to take care of me.
270
00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:05,798
Someone who understands me,
someone to love me.
271
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,883
Not just someone to pay my rent
272
00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:12,175
which, by the way, comes out
to $560 a month plus utilities.
273
00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:13,558
That's actually
a really good deal.
274
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:16,346
But listen, Tokyo Rose...
275
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:20,688
- What? What?
- Oh, my.
276
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:23,228
- What?
- Tokyo Rose...
277
00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:26,614
Brooke.
My real name's Brooke.
278
00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:29,279
Brooke.
279
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:32,412
- I think I love you.
- Oh!
280
00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:34,322
- Too soon?
- No.
281
00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:38,083
Here we go... Um...
Here, I want to give you...
282
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:40,040
- Oh, no.
- Yes.
283
00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:43,547
Oh, I couldt
possibly accept this.
284
00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:47,802
- No.
- Oh, that's a hundy.
285
00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:53,891
You are such a good person.
286
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,224
Mm...
287
00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:03,568
You just give and give
and give, and others
288
00:19:03,726 --> 00:19:05,603
just take and take and take...
289
00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,693
Oh, fuck!
290
00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:14,074
But my strongest belief in life
291
00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:16,785
is that you should always
take the high road.
292
00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:23,579
What the fuck?!
293
00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:28,380
She had tattoos, Bob.
294
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:30,465
How long has this been going on?
295
00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:33,097
It's just the one time. Look.
296
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:34,848
Oh! Sweet Jesus!
297
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:38,102
You're not innocent
in this whole thing, OK?
298
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:39,557
You're sleeping
on the couch tonight.
299
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,722
I sleep on the couch every night.
300
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:48,230
If I were you...
I'd get a good night's sleep.
301
00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:51,115
Because County is in a month
and we got a lot of work to do.
302
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:52,900
Laura, it's over.
I'm not entering County.
303
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:54,114
Orval and I agreed.
304
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:56,244
We got to get the butter,
we got to sharpen the trowels.
305
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,122
We got to check the cooling unit
because the temperature thing's
306
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,123
been all fucked up for ages.
We got to...
307
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:03,206
Listen to me.
I'm not competing this year.
308
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:04,791
I know.
309
00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:07,628
- I am.
- What?
310
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:09,383
I'm competing.
311
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,135
I'll win County.
312
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:15,139
And after that I will bring back
what is rightfully ours.
313
00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:16,970
And you're gonna help me.
314
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:18,968
Good night.
315
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:23,640
There's Advil in the kitchen
for your penis.
316
00:20:23,806 --> 00:20:26,480
So I checked your schedule.
You got Mr. Evans for History.
317
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:30,317
He's very, very old, so be patient.
318
00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:31,856
I actually think he was around
319
00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:34,320
for most of the historical events
that he covers.
320
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,448
Here we are.
321
00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:39,454
You'll be fine.
322
00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:42,283
I'll be in room 412
if you need me, OK.
323
00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:43,827
Just a short walk away.
324
00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:45,916
- OK.
- OK.
325
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,498
Go get 'em.
326
00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:55,129
When you draw your tree,
327
00:20:55,296 --> 00:20:57,594
I want you to rid
your conscious mind
328
00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:02,354
of any notion of what you think
a tree should look like.
329
00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:08,146
Here.
You can use mine.
330
00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:11,313
- I have two.
- Thanks.
331
00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:19,945
You know black people?
332
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:22,285
Yeah.
333
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:25,247
Well, I wanted you to know
334
00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:27,127
I think they're real cool.
335
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:29,539
Thanks.
336
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:39,928
Destiny. I wanted to tell you how
thrilled I am to have you in my class.
337
00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:42,388
You're a very talented artist.
338
00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:43,973
I'm not really that good.
339
00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:50,067
We expect big things from you.
340
00:21:56,649 --> 00:22:00,745
My new foster parents and
everyone at my new school were so nice,
341
00:22:00,903 --> 00:22:04,533
that I couldt help but think,
are these crackers for real?
342
00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:13,633
You know how you guys asked
if I needed anything a while back?
343
00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:15,384
Mm-hmm. Shoot.
344
00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:16,886
You dot have butter.
345
00:22:19,380 --> 00:22:23,305
Thank you. I know. It's Jill.
346
00:22:23,467 --> 00:22:26,767
Believe me, she means well.
You know, she used to be worse.
347
00:22:26,929 --> 00:22:30,024
She used to buy this
fake meat called seitan.
348
00:22:30,182 --> 00:22:32,935
- Like the devil?
- Exactly like the devil.
349
00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:35,901
- I'll get you some. Yeah.
- Really?
350
00:22:36,063 --> 00:22:39,033
OK. I'm gonna need
like 200 pounds.
351
00:22:43,571 --> 00:22:45,949
It feels good to be home
352
00:22:48,909 --> 00:22:51,833
- Honey.
-
353
00:22:52,538 --> 00:22:54,256
Honey, just...
354
00:22:54,415 --> 00:22:55,962
She's coming.
355
00:22:56,125 --> 00:22:58,503
Here it comes.
356
00:23:05,759 --> 00:23:07,557
Thank you.
357
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:09,893
- Beautiful chicken.
- Thank you.
358
00:23:10,055 --> 00:23:14,310
Well, Kaitlen, your father
and I have some great news.
359
00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:17,480
As you know the
Mastery in Butter Committee
360
00:23:17,646 --> 00:23:21,241
has turned on your father
like Judas lscariot himself.
361
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,495
The good news is that,
instead of your father
362
00:23:24,653 --> 00:23:28,703
- I will be competing this year.
-
363
00:23:28,866 --> 00:23:30,243
I think we should
be proud of your mother.
364
00:23:30,409 --> 00:23:34,789
Stepmother. And have you ever made
a butter sculpture before?
365
00:23:34,955 --> 00:23:37,128
You dot even eat dairy.
366
00:23:37,291 --> 00:23:40,511
Oh, man, you are
gonna suck so hard.
367
00:23:40,669 --> 00:23:42,012
Kaitlen.
368
00:23:42,171 --> 00:23:45,471
I guess I expected outsiders
to be skeptical, but my own family?
369
00:23:47,551 --> 00:23:50,805
I have stood by your father
for the past 15 years.
370
00:23:50,971 --> 00:23:54,066
Watching, learning, absorbing.
371
00:23:54,224 --> 00:23:59,697
I was there when he turned 867 sticks
of butter into First Lady Laura Bush.
372
00:24:01,106 --> 00:24:03,575
I was there when,
two days before State,
373
00:24:03,734 --> 00:24:08,035
the cooler broke and his lwo Jima
just turned into a river of yellow.
374
00:24:10,491 --> 00:24:13,870
And I am here now
in his darkest hour of need
375
00:24:14,036 --> 00:24:16,835
to lift him up
and preserve our legacy.
376
00:24:23,754 --> 00:24:26,598
Bird or door, Bob.
Pick one. Let's go.
377
00:24:42,523 --> 00:24:44,025
- Hey, boo!
- You cat be here.
378
00:24:44,191 --> 00:24:45,534
Oh, but you still owe
me money, remember?
379
00:24:45,693 --> 00:24:46,785
I never got the rest
of the money.
380
00:24:46,944 --> 00:24:48,946
- That shit ait free.
- This ist happening.
381
00:24:49,113 --> 00:24:50,831
But you said you loved me, Bob.
382
00:24:50,990 --> 00:24:52,617
That was a little early for me.
383
00:24:52,783 --> 00:24:55,957
But we did it. I never do it
with guys from the club, Bob.
384
00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:59,249
- Dad? Who's that?
- Nobody.
385
00:25:02,126 --> 00:25:04,049
-
- Nobody?!
386
00:25:04,211 --> 00:25:06,384
- Is she a hooker?
- No, no.
387
00:25:06,547 --> 00:25:09,517
- I like her boots.
- Those are Army boots.
388
00:25:09,675 --> 00:25:10,892
She's a recruiter.
389
00:25:11,051 --> 00:25:13,520
- Wait a minute. Is she your hooker?
- Mm-mm.
390
00:25:13,679 --> 00:25:15,807
Because I totally
understand if she is.
391
00:25:15,973 --> 00:25:18,317
Kaitlen. Go back
to the table right now.
392
00:25:18,475 --> 00:25:21,854
Nobody? Nobody?! Bob!
393
00:25:23,439 --> 00:25:26,238
Brooke!
Cat we do this over email?
394
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,402
Bob, I'm gonna shit
on the hood of your car.
395
00:25:28,569 --> 00:25:30,663
I see. You are definitely
a passionate woman.
396
00:25:30,821 --> 00:25:33,574
You have two minutes to get me
that money or I swear to God.
397
00:25:33,741 --> 00:25:35,709
I'm sorry, Brooke, I cat.
I'm married.
398
00:25:35,868 --> 00:25:38,291
You know what? Fuck you!
You are just like my father.
399
00:25:38,454 --> 00:25:41,333
- My wife controls the checkbook.
- Your wife, Bob?
400
00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:44,126
I cat believe you're gonna
let your wife come between us.
401
00:25:44,293 --> 00:25:46,466
- I thought you had morals.
- OK.
402
00:25:46,628 --> 00:25:48,630
You tell your wife to watch her back.
403
00:25:48,797 --> 00:25:50,799
Will do. Thanks.
404
00:25:50,966 --> 00:25:52,468
Fuck you, Bob!
405
00:25:52,634 --> 00:25:55,308
No, thank you.
We have plenty of steak knives.
406
00:26:02,311 --> 00:26:06,157
You owe me, Bob.
You owe me big.
407
00:26:07,733 --> 00:26:10,361
- Can I come in?
- Sure.
408
00:26:12,613 --> 00:26:15,867
- So how was your first day?
- Good.
409
00:26:16,033 --> 00:26:21,005
Ethan said you were interested
in doing that butter contest thing?
410
00:26:21,872 --> 00:26:23,419
Yeah.
411
00:26:23,582 --> 00:26:25,505
Are you sure?
412
00:26:25,667 --> 00:26:28,967
It's kind of redneck-y.
413
00:26:29,129 --> 00:26:31,257
I dot mind.
414
00:26:33,425 --> 00:26:36,019
Looks like you've been practicing.
415
00:26:37,846 --> 00:26:39,143
Who's that?
416
00:26:39,306 --> 00:26:44,654
That's my real dad.
And this is my mom.
417
00:26:46,313 --> 00:26:47,781
And this must be you.
418
00:26:47,940 --> 00:26:50,068
Dot you look all happy.
419
00:26:50,234 --> 00:26:53,283
No. That's my sister.
420
00:26:53,445 --> 00:26:56,198
So where are you?
421
00:26:56,365 --> 00:26:59,369
Well, I'm here.
422
00:27:00,911 --> 00:27:04,165
Dot worry. My real mom
will come get me soon.
423
00:27:05,707 --> 00:27:07,630
OK.
424
00:27:07,793 --> 00:27:09,215
Time for bed.
425
00:27:18,303 --> 00:27:20,681
- Hey, is she good?
- She's fine.
426
00:27:20,848 --> 00:27:23,067
Great.
427
00:27:25,894 --> 00:27:29,364
The Secret is within you.
428
00:27:30,107 --> 00:27:32,826
The more you use
the power within you,
429
00:27:32,985 --> 00:27:35,408
the more you will
draw it to you.
430
00:27:37,906 --> 00:27:41,251
You will reach a point where
you wot need to practice anymore,
431
00:27:41,410 --> 00:27:45,040
because you will be the power,
you will be the perfection,
432
00:27:45,205 --> 00:27:47,082
- you will be the wisdom...
- Be the wisdom.
433
00:27:47,249 --> 00:27:50,093
You will be the intelligence,
you will be the love...
434
00:27:50,252 --> 00:27:53,756
- you will be the joy.
- Be the joy.
435
00:27:53,922 --> 00:27:55,299
Be the 1'0)'-
436
00:27:58,343 --> 00:28:00,812
Oh, God what am I doing here?
I cat do this.
437
00:28:00,971 --> 00:28:05,021
I'm not an artist.
I dot have any experience.
438
00:28:05,184 --> 00:28:07,607
I just screwed up The Secret
by even thinking that.
439
00:28:07,769 --> 00:28:09,942
Just shut up, Laura.
Pull it together, you stupid slut.
440
00:28:10,105 --> 00:28:12,608
Dot call yourself a slut.
Oh, God.
441
00:28:12,774 --> 00:28:16,870
OK.
442
00:28:18,530 --> 00:28:20,953
I will win.
443
00:28:23,076 --> 00:28:25,329
I will win.
444
00:28:46,475 --> 00:28:50,321
Laura, I thought Bob was
judging State this year.
445
00:28:51,230 --> 00:28:54,109
He is.
I'm signing up for myself.
446
00:28:56,526 --> 00:28:58,699
Are you sure?
447
00:28:58,862 --> 00:29:01,957
You have big shoes to fill,
following your husband like that.
448
00:29:02,115 --> 00:29:05,085
Well, dot worry, I'm not a
feminist or anything like that.
449
00:29:05,244 --> 00:29:08,123
I just worry about what would
happen if this title
450
00:29:08,288 --> 00:29:10,086
and all the power that goes with it
451
00:29:10,249 --> 00:29:13,219
ends up in the hands of
someone other than a Pickier.
452
00:29:15,170 --> 00:29:17,673
I mean, we all know what happened
with the Miss America Pageant
453
00:29:17,839 --> 00:29:19,841
and Vanessa Williams.
454
00:29:20,008 --> 00:29:21,931
Well, I guess I see your point.
455
00:29:22,094 --> 00:29:23,641
I see I'm the only name here
in Johnson County.
456
00:29:23,804 --> 00:29:25,056
What time do we wrap this up?
457
00:29:25,222 --> 00:29:27,850
Official rules state
we need to be here until noon.
458
00:29:30,227 --> 00:29:31,979
I'll wait.
459
00:29:33,355 --> 00:29:34,777
Good.
460
00:29:36,066 --> 00:29:37,283
Do you want me to go in
with you?
461
00:29:41,863 --> 00:29:43,285
Dot tell Jill,
462
00:29:43,448 --> 00:29:45,917
because she always likes me
to think positive.
463
00:29:46,076 --> 00:29:47,828
But what I like to do is this.
464
00:29:47,995 --> 00:29:51,215
I imagine all the bad things
465
00:29:52,082 --> 00:29:54,585
that could possibly happen
if you enter this contest.
466
00:29:54,751 --> 00:30:00,008
Like you could die
of a tragic butter overdose.
467
00:30:00,173 --> 00:30:04,679
There could be a rabid grizzly bear
hiding inside this very moose lodge,
468
00:30:04,845 --> 00:30:06,688
waiting to tear your face off.
469
00:30:06,847 --> 00:30:08,599
There could be a python inside.
470
00:30:08,765 --> 00:30:10,984
What if this place is full
of monkeys with a deadly virus?
471
00:30:11,143 --> 00:30:13,237
There could be
the ghost of Hitler.
472
00:30:13,395 --> 00:30:15,648
What if there's no gravity in there?
And you float up
473
00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:17,908
and bang your head on the ceiling.
And then all of a sudden,
474
00:30:18,066 --> 00:30:20,535
gravity kicks in and then you
bang your head on the floor?
475
00:30:20,694 --> 00:30:22,537
There could be a black hole
and it'd suck me all up.
476
00:30:22,696 --> 00:30:23,913
Yes.
477
00:30:24,072 --> 00:30:26,791
What if this place is full of
good-looking British vampires?
478
00:30:26,950 --> 00:30:29,999
- The worst of all of them.
- They're so pale.
479
00:30:30,162 --> 00:30:32,631
- Or hungry cannibals.
- It could happen.
480
00:30:32,789 --> 00:30:37,386
Or there could be a mass murderer
who only kills adorable little girls.
481
00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:39,922
- Think about it.
- Or racist ninjas.
482
00:30:40,088 --> 00:30:44,264
Or racist ninjas, yes.
High five.
483
00:30:44,426 --> 00:30:46,053
That was a good one.
484
00:30:46,219 --> 00:30:49,098
So think about all that
and ask yourself, really,
485
00:30:49,264 --> 00:30:52,188
what's the worst thing
that could happen?
486
00:30:52,351 --> 00:30:54,854
I could be terrible and lose.
487
00:30:55,020 --> 00:30:56,067
Yeah.
488
00:30:56,229 --> 00:30:57,731
Yeah, could you live with that?
489
00:30:57,898 --> 00:30:59,400
I guess so.
490
00:30:59,566 --> 00:31:02,410
OK then. So it's not
such a big deal, is it?
491
00:31:04,363 --> 00:31:06,286
Go make us proud.
492
00:31:07,449 --> 00:31:12,000
Bring me back some butter. Adorable.
493
00:31:12,162 --> 00:31:14,290
What is this place?
494
00:31:26,051 --> 00:31:30,306
Laura? Oh, my God!
495
00:31:30,472 --> 00:31:32,474
Are you entering, too?
496
00:31:32,641 --> 00:31:34,314
Oh, my God!
497
00:31:34,476 --> 00:31:37,901
We have to get coolers right
next to each other!
498
00:31:38,063 --> 00:31:40,031
It'll be just like camp!
499
00:31:40,190 --> 00:31:41,407
How fun.
500
00:31:41,566 --> 00:31:43,944
I'm really nervous.
501
00:31:44,111 --> 00:31:47,331
I mean, what am I doing, right?
But I just said to myself,
502
00:31:47,489 --> 00:31:50,459
"Carol Ann, you've been sitting
in the audience for too long.
503
00:31:50,617 --> 00:31:53,496
Now's your time to get up on
that stage and sing!"
504
00:31:53,662 --> 00:31:56,165
I'm so glad you're here.
505
00:31:56,331 --> 00:32:00,211
We're gonna be just like sisters.
506
00:32:01,002 --> 00:32:03,755
Oh, no offense.
507
00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:06,224
I'd like to sign up, please.
508
00:32:06,383 --> 00:32:09,683
Oh, ist that just precious.
509
00:32:13,056 --> 00:32:14,649
So, that's that.
510
00:32:14,808 --> 00:32:16,856
Looks like it'll be the three of us.
511
00:32:17,018 --> 00:32:18,895
Is someone smoking?
512
00:32:19,062 --> 00:32:21,941
Fuck this bullshit.
513
00:32:39,207 --> 00:32:40,584
Hey-
514
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,008
- Can I help you?
- Yeah.
515
00:32:45,505 --> 00:32:47,678
I want to, uh... sign up.
516
00:32:47,841 --> 00:32:52,096
For the Johnson County Mastery
in Butter Sculpture Competition?
517
00:32:52,262 --> 00:32:54,435
Oh, man.
518
00:32:54,598 --> 00:32:57,943
Yeah. That.
I want to sign up for that.
519
00:32:58,101 --> 00:32:59,444
I'm gonna cut you.
520
00:33:00,854 --> 00:33:03,027
Have you worked
with butter before?
521
00:33:03,190 --> 00:33:06,444
Oh, I've worked with it all.
522
00:33:07,777 --> 00:33:09,575
- I object.
- Uh...
523
00:33:09,738 --> 00:33:11,456
You know,
she is here on time
524
00:33:11,615 --> 00:33:15,040
and the rules do state
that anyone can enter.
525
00:33:15,202 --> 00:33:17,671
- Look at what she's wearing.
- Um...
526
00:33:17,829 --> 00:33:20,503
This will go over very badly
with the Red Ribbon people.
527
00:33:20,665 --> 00:33:24,169
Well, I dot see anything
in here about that. I really...
528
00:33:28,423 --> 00:33:30,471
Your husband still owes me
another $600.
529
00:33:30,634 --> 00:33:33,979
Interesting. Did he buy
600 blowjobs on credit?
530
00:33:34,137 --> 00:33:38,017
Look, lady, you came
in between me and my man.
531
00:33:38,183 --> 00:33:40,311
Sh! We're in a Moose Lodge.
532
00:33:41,686 --> 00:33:42,938
Bob is my husband.
533
00:33:43,104 --> 00:33:45,607
We have built a life together.
534
00:33:45,774 --> 00:33:48,903
Once Kaitlen leaves,
I plan on proudly bearing his children.
535
00:33:49,069 --> 00:33:52,448
So? You want a cookie 'cause
you're gonna get pregnant?
536
00:33:52,614 --> 00:33:54,207
I get pregnant
like once a month.
537
00:33:55,742 --> 00:33:57,335
Do you honestly think
you're anything more
538
00:33:57,494 --> 00:34:00,623
than a cheap lay to him?
He'll get bored.
539
00:34:00,789 --> 00:34:03,463
After that he'll come right back
where he belongs,
540
00:34:03,625 --> 00:34:05,502
to my house.
541
00:34:05,669 --> 00:34:07,671
Listen...
542
00:34:09,714 --> 00:34:12,638
Would you prefer it
if I didt enter
543
00:34:12,801 --> 00:34:15,020
this whole
butter contest thing?
544
00:34:15,178 --> 00:34:17,647
Absolutely.
545
00:34:17,806 --> 00:34:19,308
Excellent.
546
00:34:28,775 --> 00:34:30,573
It's on, cunt.
547
00:34:33,863 --> 00:34:36,707
I havet heard that word
since my dad died.
548
00:34:50,338 --> 00:34:52,432
Heavens! Look at that.
549
00:35:16,197 --> 00:35:18,291
- Voila'.
- Cool.
550
00:35:25,582 --> 00:35:28,301
Jesus, Laura.
551
00:36:13,380 --> 00:36:15,223
Hi!
552
00:36:17,509 --> 00:36:19,011
Incredible.
553
00:36:19,177 --> 00:36:20,770
This is weird.
554
00:36:20,929 --> 00:36:23,023
Sh, sh!
555
00:36:27,519 --> 00:36:28,520
Honey.
556
00:36:30,063 --> 00:36:31,690
This is great.
557
00:36:34,943 --> 00:36:38,447
- What's that?
- I dot know.
558
00:36:57,632 --> 00:36:59,680
- Hi, Carol Ann.
- I'm sorry to bother you.
559
00:36:59,843 --> 00:37:03,222
I know you're busy
creating in here and...
560
00:37:03,388 --> 00:37:05,561
Wow, Laura!
561
00:37:05,724 --> 00:37:10,150
Talent does run
in the Pickier family. Wow.
562
00:37:10,311 --> 00:37:12,814
- Well...
- Mine? I dot know.
563
00:37:12,981 --> 00:37:15,951
I mean, you know, I thought
it would work out, but...
564
00:37:16,109 --> 00:37:18,703
...golly, Laura, this is really hard.
565
00:37:18,862 --> 00:37:21,581
But my grandma used to say,
"You cat polish a..."
566
00:37:21,740 --> 00:37:23,367
How's the girl's look?
567
00:37:23,533 --> 00:37:25,410
- What?
- What's her name?
568
00:37:25,577 --> 00:37:26,703
Destiny?
569
00:37:34,836 --> 00:37:37,180
Amazing, ist it?
570
00:37:37,338 --> 00:37:39,466
I think that might be
Harriet Tubman.
571
00:37:41,050 --> 00:37:43,394
Well, she obviously decided
572
00:37:43,553 --> 00:37:46,181
to play the race card.
I mean, it figures.
573
00:37:46,347 --> 00:37:49,521
Whatever you lack in talent,
you got to find some way to...
574
00:37:49,684 --> 00:37:51,186
I Qot to go.
575
00:38:05,366 --> 00:38:07,744
Let this be
our little secret
576
00:38:07,911 --> 00:38:10,005
No one needs to know
we're feeling
577
00:38:10,163 --> 00:38:14,885
Higher and higher and higher
Higher and higher and higher
578
00:38:15,043 --> 00:38:17,045
But I feel alive
Oh, I feel it in me
579
00:38:17,212 --> 00:38:19,590
Up and up
we keep on climbing
580
00:38:19,756 --> 00:38:22,225
Higher and higher
and higher...
581
00:38:26,596 --> 00:38:28,269
Whoa!
582
00:38:51,830 --> 00:38:53,503
OK, contestants.
583
00:38:53,665 --> 00:38:55,884
Five, four...
584
00:38:56,042 --> 00:38:59,296
...three, two...
585
00:38:59,462 --> 00:39:02,762
...one.
-
586
00:39:02,924 --> 00:39:05,894
- Trowels down!
-
587
00:39:41,754 --> 00:39:43,677
Ladies and gentlemen,
588
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:46,343
welcome to the
Johnson County Finals
589
00:39:46,509 --> 00:39:49,638
for the State Mastery
in Butter Competition.
590
00:39:54,517 --> 00:39:58,272
I would like to introduce our
esteemed panel of judges.
591
00:39:58,438 --> 00:40:01,112
Betsy Lou Holt,
our reigning Miss Dairy.
592
00:40:03,776 --> 00:40:07,497
Mayor of Iowa City,
Bill Olberweis.
593
00:40:10,491 --> 00:40:15,748
And finally, State Head Judge
Orval Flanagas wife,
594
00:40:15,914 --> 00:40:19,919
- Mrs. Helen Flanagan.
-
595
00:40:24,005 --> 00:40:27,509
Now, we're going to let each contestant
say a few words about their work
596
00:40:27,675 --> 00:40:30,269
before the judges
begin deliberating.
597
00:40:30,428 --> 00:40:34,058
- Um, Carol Ann Stevenson?
-
598
00:40:40,730 --> 00:40:42,858
That's mine.
599
00:40:43,024 --> 00:40:44,992
I just really love kittens.
600
00:40:45,151 --> 00:40:49,372
Especially when they get
tangled up in a blanket,
601
00:40:49,530 --> 00:40:54,627
but I didt know how to carve that,
so I just put them in a basket.
602
00:40:54,786 --> 00:40:59,462
I hope that's OK.
Thank you!
603
00:41:03,878 --> 00:41:07,758
Thank you, Carol Ann. Brooke?
604
00:41:17,558 --> 00:41:20,186
Many of you know that I am
a former stripper...
605
00:41:21,813 --> 00:41:24,692
...often taking my job
a step further
606
00:41:24,857 --> 00:41:27,906
and engaging in
sexual acts for money.
607
00:41:28,069 --> 00:41:32,620
-
- I went from man to man to man,
608
00:41:32,782 --> 00:41:36,503
always looking,
always searching.
609
00:41:36,661 --> 00:41:39,380
Then one day,
610
00:41:39,539 --> 00:41:42,668
after I was nearly
beaten to death by a customer...
611
00:41:42,834 --> 00:41:44,882
...I stumbled into another house.
612
00:41:45,044 --> 00:41:48,469
A big welcoming house.
613
00:41:48,631 --> 00:41:51,475
And met another man.
614
00:41:51,634 --> 00:41:56,356
And that man was Jesus Christ.
615
00:42:01,728 --> 00:42:04,026
I present to you,
"The Scarlet Letter."
616
00:42:04,188 --> 00:42:07,783
For those of you who dot know,
it's a movie starring Demi Moore.
617
00:42:09,694 --> 00:42:12,197
Thank you and God bless you.
618
00:42:12,363 --> 00:42:14,991
- Butter saves!
-
619
00:42:20,913 --> 00:42:22,665
- Thank you, Brooke...
- Six hundred dollars.
620
00:42:22,832 --> 00:42:25,961
- I dot have it.
- ...for the inspiration.
621
00:42:26,127 --> 00:42:30,132
Um, OK. Destiny?
622
00:42:44,645 --> 00:42:47,398
Hi. My name is Destiny.
623
00:42:47,565 --> 00:42:51,490
My last name is either
Washington or Wilson.
624
00:42:51,652 --> 00:42:55,998
The reason I'm not sure is because
the State of Iowa ist sure.
625
00:42:56,157 --> 00:43:00,503
You see, I am, and have been,
a foster child.
626
00:43:00,661 --> 00:43:02,663
I've been shuttled
from home to home.
627
00:43:02,830 --> 00:43:05,504
While some of my experiences
have been negative,
628
00:43:05,666 --> 00:43:10,012
most of them have been
overwhelmingly positive.
629
00:43:10,171 --> 00:43:13,471
So why then, can a
ten-year-old black girl
630
00:43:13,633 --> 00:43:17,854
with no family, no money
and no connections
631
00:43:18,012 --> 00:43:22,313
stand before you today and believe
that she can win this competition?
632
00:43:23,935 --> 00:43:25,903
Why did the Pilgrims dare to cross
633
00:43:26,062 --> 00:43:29,692
the vast, dark oceans to America?
634
00:43:29,857 --> 00:43:31,734
Why did they risk it?
635
00:43:31,901 --> 00:43:34,575
And why did a man
named Abraham Lincoln
636
00:43:34,737 --> 00:43:38,037
move from a log cabin
to the... No, wait.
637
00:43:38,199 --> 00:43:40,702
Move from a log house
to the White House
638
00:43:40,868 --> 00:43:45,465
and risk both houses to keep
this great nation together?
639
00:43:45,623 --> 00:43:51,221
The same reason a poor black
woman risked life and limb,
640
00:43:51,379 --> 00:43:54,053
partnering with white
and black people alike
641
00:43:54,215 --> 00:43:58,220
to bring my ancestors to freedom
on the Underground Railroad.
642
00:43:59,887 --> 00:44:01,389
Why?
643
00:44:03,766 --> 00:44:06,736
Because she dared to dream.
644
00:44:06,894 --> 00:44:10,148
And that's kinda what
I'm doing here today.
645
00:44:13,359 --> 00:44:14,781
Thank you very much.
646
00:44:19,115 --> 00:44:20,958
How'd you do that?
647
00:44:21,784 --> 00:44:23,752
Wow.
648
00:44:23,911 --> 00:44:27,165
That's a hard act to follow.
Uh...
649
00:44:27,331 --> 00:44:32,053
Um, last, but, certainly
not least, Laura Pickier!
650
00:44:32,211 --> 00:44:34,430
Laura, come on up.
651
00:44:40,178 --> 00:44:41,430
Family.
652
00:44:43,097 --> 00:44:44,974
When... when I think
about butter
653
00:44:45,141 --> 00:44:47,940
I think about family.
654
00:44:51,397 --> 00:44:52,944
Why?
655
00:44:54,233 --> 00:44:57,954
Because like the thread
of a grandmother's quilt,
656
00:44:58,112 --> 00:45:01,491
butter is the centerpiece
of a family dinner.
657
00:45:01,657 --> 00:45:03,785
And family, in turn,
658
00:45:03,951 --> 00:45:07,626
is the thread that holds our
great country together.
659
00:45:07,788 --> 00:45:10,166
Without butter,
there is no family,
660
00:45:10,333 --> 00:45:13,132
and without family,
there is no...
661
00:45:31,771 --> 00:45:33,489
This is really hard.
662
00:45:35,816 --> 00:45:39,446
- Just take your time, dear.
- Um...
663
00:45:43,950 --> 00:45:46,829
I'd like to remind you
what this contest is about.
664
00:45:49,497 --> 00:45:53,718
It is about
"excellence in butter."
665
00:45:53,876 --> 00:45:56,846
I have spent my life working hard,
666
00:45:57,004 --> 00:45:59,757
trying to do the right thing.
667
00:45:59,924 --> 00:46:03,519
Because I thought that's what
this competition was about.
668
00:46:06,889 --> 00:46:09,142
I just hope when you vote,
you remember that.
669
00:46:11,519 --> 00:46:14,739
Thank you.
God bless America.
670
00:46:14,897 --> 00:46:16,399
God bless you, Laura,
God bless you.
671
00:46:22,405 --> 00:46:25,625
Thank you, um, all four of you.
672
00:46:25,783 --> 00:46:26,955
- You did great.
- I did terrible.
673
00:46:27,118 --> 00:46:30,292
You carved two more people
than anyone else.
674
00:46:30,454 --> 00:46:33,333
We now have coffee and donut holes
in the back for everyone
675
00:46:33,499 --> 00:46:35,046
while the judges deliberate.
676
00:46:35,209 --> 00:46:37,257
Donut holes!
677
00:46:37,420 --> 00:46:39,798
Let's get some donut holes, come on!
678
00:46:57,481 --> 00:46:58,733
if I may have your attention.
679
00:46:59,984 --> 00:47:01,952
We have a decision.
680
00:47:02,111 --> 00:47:06,412
In fourth place,
Carol Ann Stevenson.
681
00:47:06,574 --> 00:47:09,168
Come on, come on!
682
00:47:12,538 --> 00:47:14,757
Congrats, Carol Ann.
683
00:47:15,833 --> 00:47:19,303
In third place,
Brooke Swinkowski.
684
00:47:19,462 --> 00:47:20,463
What?!
685
00:47:27,094 --> 00:47:30,564
Hey, I know you're only, like,
ten and shit, but listen up.
686
00:47:30,723 --> 00:47:32,316
You beat that skanky ass bitch.
687
00:47:32,475 --> 00:47:35,729
You beat her hard. I've done
all I can do. It's up to you now.
688
00:47:35,895 --> 00:47:37,397
OK.
689
00:47:37,563 --> 00:47:39,190
You're a good girl.
690
00:47:42,276 --> 00:47:44,950
I dot think I want you hanging
out with strippers, OK?
691
00:47:45,112 --> 00:47:49,037
OK, if I may have your attention.
692
00:47:50,659 --> 00:47:54,960
Um, will Laura Pickier
and Destiny please come up?
693
00:48:03,631 --> 00:48:08,137
Representing Johnson County
in the Iowa State Fair
694
00:48:08,302 --> 00:48:13,229
Mastery in Butter Competition
this year will be...
695
00:48:19,146 --> 00:48:23,367
- ---Destiny!
'
696
00:48:39,166 --> 00:48:42,466
I guess it was wrong of me to
say that all white people are weird.
697
00:48:42,628 --> 00:48:44,130
That's not true at all.
698
00:48:44,296 --> 00:48:47,049
Actually, white people
are really awesome!
699
00:48:47,216 --> 00:48:49,344
Screw that little Afro girl.
700
00:48:49,510 --> 00:48:52,434
- Dad!
- Kaitlen, your mother is upset.
701
00:48:52,596 --> 00:48:55,270
What is it, African-Iowan?
It's not my responsibility
702
00:48:55,433 --> 00:48:58,482
to keep up with whatever it is
they're calling themselves these days.
703
00:48:58,644 --> 00:49:01,147
- What?
- She knew she was good all along.
704
00:49:01,313 --> 00:49:03,486
All along, she hustled us.
She's a hustler.
705
00:49:03,649 --> 00:49:08,780
What is your problem?
It's just some stupid contest. God.
706
00:49:08,946 --> 00:49:12,496
I cannot wait to get away
from this stupid family.
707
00:49:12,658 --> 00:49:14,285
Really?
708
00:49:14,452 --> 00:49:18,002
Maybe I'll just be a stripper,
like Dad's new friend.
709
00:49:20,708 --> 00:49:22,927
Stupid Laura.
You know what you should've said?
710
00:49:23,085 --> 00:49:26,510
This is exactly why I stopped
watching American Idol.
711
00:49:26,672 --> 00:49:28,800
Because every year the best
singer gets up there,
712
00:49:28,966 --> 00:49:31,264
and every year she gets knocked
down by some charity case
713
00:49:31,427 --> 00:49:33,395
with a baby and a mug shot.
714
00:49:35,681 --> 00:49:39,231
Well, I'm sorry that I was born
white and tall and pretty.
715
00:49:39,977 --> 00:49:44,153
And I'm sorry that I dot sit
in front of the TV all day,
716
00:49:44,315 --> 00:49:47,239
eating pork rinds
and just soiling myself.
717
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:52,073
And I'm sorry that I havet spent
the last 15 years of my life
718
00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:53,832
sucking every cock that
flew in front of my face
719
00:49:53,991 --> 00:49:56,369
just to put on a cheap church dress
and claim to find God.
720
00:49:56,535 --> 00:49:58,082
This is so messed up.
721
00:49:58,245 --> 00:49:59,997
I hate my fucking life.
722
00:50:00,164 --> 00:50:01,507
Language.
723
00:50:06,086 --> 00:50:08,088
To Destiny!
724
00:50:08,255 --> 00:50:11,054
- To Destiny!
- To me!
725
00:50:22,102 --> 00:50:24,446
She tastes like midnight
726
00:50:24,605 --> 00:50:26,448
She tastes like wine
727
00:50:26,607 --> 00:50:29,451
She tastes like midnight
728
00:50:29,610 --> 00:50:32,033
She tastes like wine
729
00:50:32,196 --> 00:50:34,619
I'm gonna run my fingers
730
00:50:34,782 --> 00:50:37,285
All down your spine
731
00:50:37,451 --> 00:50:39,954
Just like a bad dream
732
00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:41,963
Staying on my mind
733
00:50:42,122 --> 00:50:46,343
Boyd. Boyd Bolton.
734
00:51:00,140 --> 00:51:01,733
Laura Pickier.
735
00:51:01,892 --> 00:51:03,644
Boyd Bolton.
736
00:51:03,811 --> 00:51:05,859
It's been a long time.
737
00:51:06,647 --> 00:51:08,695
Bob wrecked our minivan.
738
00:51:08,857 --> 00:51:12,361
Oh, yeah, I see that.
Wow. What did he do?
739
00:51:12,528 --> 00:51:16,499
He slammed into something he
shouldt have slammed into.
740
00:51:16,657 --> 00:51:18,705
Well, if you want, we can, um...
741
00:51:19,493 --> 00:51:21,791
...we can have it fixed for you
right away.
742
00:51:21,954 --> 00:51:24,673
That would be excellent.
743
00:51:27,167 --> 00:51:29,670
You look great, Laura.
744
00:51:29,837 --> 00:51:32,636
You look even better than you
did in high school.
745
00:51:32,798 --> 00:51:34,050
- No.
- Yeah.
746
00:51:34,216 --> 00:51:37,015
Most women go the other way, but...
Oh, my God.
747
00:51:37,177 --> 00:51:39,680
-
- Have you had your boobs done?
748
00:51:39,847 --> 00:51:42,475
They're just cutlets in a friendly bra.
749
00:51:42,641 --> 00:51:44,439
Oh, my God.
750
00:51:44,602 --> 00:51:47,276
- How's your wife?
- Tammy?
751
00:51:48,355 --> 00:51:51,609
- She's fine, I guess.
- Great.
752
00:51:56,363 --> 00:52:00,584
Waiting by the mailbox
by the train
753
00:52:00,743 --> 00:52:04,623
Passing by the hills
till I hear the name
754
00:52:04,788 --> 00:52:08,543
I'm looking for a saw
to cut the chains in half
755
00:52:08,709 --> 00:52:12,088
And all I want
is someone to rely on
756
00:52:12,254 --> 00:52:14,427
As thunder comes
a-rolling down
757
00:52:15,924 --> 00:52:18,177
Someone to rely on
as lightning comes
758
00:52:18,344 --> 00:52:20,847
A-staring in again
759
00:52:31,523 --> 00:52:33,992
Brent and Tammy Knepp
of Rancho Bernardo
760
00:52:34,151 --> 00:52:36,074
were about to give up
on swaddling their son.
761
00:52:36,236 --> 00:52:37,988
Look at this shit.
762
00:52:38,155 --> 00:52:40,749
It keeps babies
from punching themselves.
763
00:52:42,618 --> 00:52:45,041
And dot you think it's weird
that babies cat sleep
764
00:52:45,204 --> 00:52:48,208
without smacking
themselves in the face?
765
00:52:48,374 --> 00:52:50,342
I mean, think about how
fucked up that is.
766
00:52:50,501 --> 00:52:54,096
It's like you shouldt
be able to exist or something
767
00:52:54,254 --> 00:52:57,975
if you cat sleep without your arms
flailing around all over the place.
768
00:52:58,133 --> 00:52:59,635
I mean, think about it.
769
00:52:59,802 --> 00:53:02,726
Is a baby better off dead
or in the suburbs?
770
00:53:02,888 --> 00:53:07,143
In the suburbs you are forced
to live with some stupid family,
771
00:53:07,309 --> 00:53:11,780
with stupid people that call you fat
even when you are not fat at all.
772
00:53:11,939 --> 00:53:14,692
And you're forced to deal with
stupid guys like Rob Ackerman,
773
00:53:14,858 --> 00:53:17,452
who dot call you back even
when you give them a blowjob
774
00:53:17,611 --> 00:53:19,613
in the back of their Honda.
775
00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:21,702
God, I hate people!
776
00:53:21,865 --> 00:53:24,493
I cannot wait until everyone
just dies from global warming.
777
00:53:24,660 --> 00:53:28,381
Right. Do you know where
your dad keeps his money?
778
00:53:30,207 --> 00:53:31,379
Why?
779
00:53:32,418 --> 00:53:34,466
Does he owe you money?
780
00:53:34,628 --> 00:53:36,881
Like for sex?
781
00:53:37,047 --> 00:53:39,300
He just owes me money.
782
00:53:41,343 --> 00:53:43,391
Your hair is so cool.
783
00:53:43,554 --> 00:53:45,852
No one at my school
has hair like that.
784
00:53:46,014 --> 00:53:48,938
Thanks. So, the cash would
probably in the...
785
00:53:49,101 --> 00:53:51,570
I've never met anyone
like you before.
786
00:53:51,729 --> 00:53:53,572
You're so alternative.
787
00:53:53,731 --> 00:53:57,486
...In a drawer or something
like that, in the...?
788
00:53:57,651 --> 00:53:59,369
Maybe.
789
00:54:02,322 --> 00:54:03,448
Hey-
790
00:54:03,615 --> 00:54:05,959
Do you want to play
Truth or Dare?
791
00:54:10,956 --> 00:54:14,460
" Yes!
- Boyd! on!
792
00:54:14,626 --> 00:54:18,221
- How do you like that, Laura?
- Oh, my God!
793
00:54:26,889 --> 00:54:29,358
Oh, my God.
794
00:54:33,687 --> 00:54:36,816
No, no, no, no, dot stop.
Dot stop.
795
00:54:36,982 --> 00:54:40,737
- I'm sorry, I cat do this.
- No, no, no, I can get you the $600.
796
00:54:40,903 --> 00:54:43,782
Actually, it's $1200.
797
00:54:43,947 --> 00:54:49,249
OK. You are so beautiful.
798
00:54:49,411 --> 00:54:54,542
You're everything that
I've ever wanted to be.
799
00:54:54,708 --> 00:54:57,382
And now you're
right here in my arms.
800
00:54:59,838 --> 00:55:01,260
OK.
801
00:55:01,423 --> 00:55:03,471
Gonna spread you
like butter
802
00:55:03,634 --> 00:55:06,183
Baby on my bread
803
00:55:06,345 --> 00:55:08,564
Dot want no other
804
00:55:08,722 --> 00:55:11,225
Girl in my bed
805
00:55:11,391 --> 00:55:13,689
Gonna spread you
like butter
806
00:55:13,852 --> 00:55:16,321
Baby on my bread
807
00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:18,608
I dot want no other
808
00:55:18,774 --> 00:55:22,369
Girl in my bed
Gonna spread you like...
809
00:55:22,528 --> 00:55:26,328
Are you there, God?
It's me, Boyd Bolton.
810
00:55:26,490 --> 00:55:32,497
Oh, wait, there's probably
a lot of Boyd Boltons. Hm...
811
00:55:32,663 --> 00:55:37,339
OK, so just so you know,
I'm the one that lives in Iowa City.
812
00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:43,174
I dot think there's any other
Boyd Boltons that live in Iowa City,
813
00:55:43,340 --> 00:55:47,470
but if there is, I'm the one
who runs Bolton Supercenter.
814
00:55:49,513 --> 00:55:51,607
Yeah, anyway...
815
00:55:51,765 --> 00:55:54,894
...I just wanted to take this
moment to thank you
816
00:55:55,060 --> 00:55:57,734
for sending Laura Pickier to fuck me.
817
00:55:57,896 --> 00:56:00,365
I mean, I dot know what you
guys are doing up there,
818
00:56:00,524 --> 00:56:03,903
but her pussy is like even tighter
than it was in high school.
819
00:56:04,069 --> 00:56:09,917
It's... it's like she hast
even used it in 20 years.
820
00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:15,839
Anyway...
821
00:56:15,998 --> 00:56:17,841
...I just wanted to say...
822
00:56:19,793 --> 00:56:21,386
...thank you.
823
00:56:22,170 --> 00:56:24,719
You're so cool, God.
824
00:56:28,385 --> 00:56:29,386
Amen.
825
00:56:36,977 --> 00:56:38,570
Hello?
826
00:56:38,729 --> 00:56:41,073
Oh, hi, Nancy.
827
00:56:43,817 --> 00:56:45,490
What?!
828
00:56:45,652 --> 00:56:49,828
Well, what could possibly be the
problem? She's ten years old.
829
00:56:52,534 --> 00:56:53,877
Right, all right.
830
00:56:54,036 --> 00:56:55,709
See you then. Good-bye.
831
00:57:02,419 --> 00:57:04,342
I'm scared.
832
00:57:04,504 --> 00:57:07,678
Why are you scared?
You're amazing.
833
00:57:07,841 --> 00:57:10,264
Really, it's them that
should be scared.
834
00:57:10,427 --> 00:57:13,431
No, I'm scared that you and
Miss Jill wot want me anymore.
835
00:57:13,597 --> 00:57:14,940
What?!
836
00:57:16,600 --> 00:57:19,900
It's happened before.
They just leave me.
837
00:57:31,782 --> 00:57:33,659
Did you know that
Jill cat have kids?
838
00:57:33,825 --> 00:57:35,577
Why?
839
00:57:35,744 --> 00:57:38,873
Well, I mean,
that's complicated.
840
00:57:39,706 --> 00:57:40,753
It's...
841
00:57:40,916 --> 00:57:44,090
- ls her vagina broken?
- Yes.
842
00:57:44,252 --> 00:57:46,971
Yep. That's it.
843
00:57:47,130 --> 00:57:51,852
The adoption people would ask
us over and over again...
844
00:57:53,053 --> 00:57:55,476
"Are you sure you
dot want a baby?
845
00:57:55,639 --> 00:57:57,562
We can get you a baby.
846
00:57:57,724 --> 00:58:00,068
You both have good jobs.
847
00:58:00,227 --> 00:58:02,946
You have a nice house.
848
00:58:03,105 --> 00:58:06,484
We can get you a baby."
849
00:58:10,570 --> 00:58:14,074
But we made up this whole thing
in our heads that, like,
850
00:58:14,241 --> 00:58:18,917
we wanted an older child
because they're always overlooked
851
00:58:19,079 --> 00:58:24,586
and we'd be doing so much good for
society and the world and everything.
852
00:58:29,965 --> 00:58:33,811
But the truth is,
we were afraid to have a baby.
853
00:58:35,262 --> 00:58:37,139
Why?
854
00:58:39,850 --> 00:58:41,773
I dot know.
855
00:58:44,980 --> 00:58:48,610
It's OK to be scared, I guess.
856
00:58:48,775 --> 00:58:50,652
Hey, you guys,
they're ready for us now.
857
00:58:57,659 --> 00:59:00,253
Destiny, come in.
858
00:59:00,412 --> 00:59:02,631
What's going on?
859
00:59:02,789 --> 00:59:06,760
This is Martin Caswell
from Red Ribbon.
860
00:59:08,754 --> 00:59:10,927
Julie, send in Mr. Bolton.
861
00:59:18,388 --> 00:59:23,189
-
- Oh.
862
00:59:32,360 --> 00:59:35,864
Boyd, would you tell these people,
please, what you told me? Exactly?
863
00:59:36,031 --> 00:59:38,955
Oh, uh... yeah.
864
00:59:39,117 --> 00:59:43,668
Uh, on the evening of the 15th,
Mr. Ethan approached me,
865
00:59:43,830 --> 00:59:47,255
knowing I have superior skills
in the art of sculpting butter.
866
00:59:47,417 --> 00:59:51,467
And asked if I would help
his daughter, Destiny,
867
00:59:51,630 --> 00:59:53,928
with her sculpture...
868
01:00:03,308 --> 01:00:07,654
...with her entry for the Johnson County
Mastery in Butter contest.
869
01:00:07,813 --> 01:00:09,281
I'm sorry, what?
870
01:00:11,858 --> 01:00:13,735
I said no at first.
871
01:00:13,902 --> 01:00:19,534
- But after he gave me $500...
- You're kidding!
872
01:00:19,699 --> 01:00:21,872
...I snuck in when
no one was looking
873
01:00:22,035 --> 01:00:26,666
and I... I carved
her sculpture for her.
874
01:00:26,832 --> 01:00:30,211
I can no longer live
with this horrible blight...
875
01:00:30,377 --> 01:00:33,381
...on, on, on, on, on...
876
01:00:34,714 --> 01:00:38,344
...on my conscience.
877
01:00:40,804 --> 01:00:42,477
This is crazy, OK?
878
01:00:42,639 --> 01:00:45,563
I have never met this dude
in my life, I swear to God.
879
01:00:45,725 --> 01:00:49,480
Come on, you people saw her
carve it with your own eyes.
880
01:00:49,646 --> 01:00:51,523
I cat even believe I'm arguing this.
881
01:00:51,690 --> 01:00:53,112
May I make a suggestion?
882
01:00:53,275 --> 01:00:57,121
As it's clear that Destiny's win
is in question, I...
883
01:00:57,279 --> 01:00:59,122
Absolutely not.
884
01:00:59,281 --> 01:01:01,875
Destiny won this on her own,
fair and square.
885
01:01:02,033 --> 01:01:04,707
I think the only fair solution
would be to have a rematch.
886
01:01:04,870 --> 01:01:07,089
Me versus Destiny.
887
01:01:07,247 --> 01:01:08,464
At the State Fair.
888
01:01:08,623 --> 01:01:10,921
Um, State is this weekend.
889
01:01:11,084 --> 01:01:14,964
I mean, I cat possibly get the
proper paperwork prepared in time.
890
01:01:15,130 --> 01:01:18,179
I'm sure someone as smart as you
can figure it out, Nancy.
891
01:01:18,341 --> 01:01:20,014
But the coolers.
892
01:01:20,177 --> 01:01:22,930
And then we'd have to haul all
the butter in two days before
893
01:01:23,096 --> 01:01:25,770
- so it'll set and...
- Excellent. Great.
894
01:01:25,932 --> 01:01:29,562
Well, now that Nancy has
agreed to do her... her job
895
01:01:29,728 --> 01:01:31,526
looks like we've got a rematch.
896
01:01:31,688 --> 01:01:33,941
What's wrong with you people?
897
01:01:34,107 --> 01:01:37,657
I cat believe you just let this
two-bit trophy wife come in here...
898
01:01:37,819 --> 01:01:40,288
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Now wait a second.
899
01:01:40,447 --> 01:01:42,950
- Hey, hey, hey.
-
900
01:01:43,116 --> 01:01:44,242
- I know.
- She's crazy.
901
01:01:44,409 --> 01:01:45,831
This is the kind
of thing that I just...
902
01:01:45,994 --> 01:01:48,622
- Who are you?
- I'll do it.
903
01:01:48,788 --> 01:01:50,131
...from over here.
904
01:01:50,373 --> 01:01:53,923
- I'll do it.
- Destiny.
905
01:01:54,085 --> 01:01:57,180
Eight-hour carve time,
all out in the open,
906
01:01:57,339 --> 01:01:59,433
officials present every minute.
907
01:01:59,591 --> 01:02:01,844
No verbal contact
with the audience.
908
01:02:02,010 --> 01:02:03,262
No help.
909
01:02:06,473 --> 01:02:08,646
And no speeches.
910
01:02:08,808 --> 01:02:10,105
Just butter.
911
01:02:10,268 --> 01:02:12,145
- Deal?
- Deal.
912
01:02:14,314 --> 01:02:16,942
Can you believe that bitch?
913
01:02:17,108 --> 01:02:18,280
Jill.
914
01:02:18,443 --> 01:02:21,287
Sorry. You know you
cat say "bitch" right?
915
01:02:21,446 --> 01:02:23,744
- I know.
- Just her whole thing.
916
01:02:23,907 --> 01:02:26,956
The hair, the dress, that grin.
917
01:02:27,118 --> 01:02:28,711
Destiny, it's not too late
to go back in there
918
01:02:28,870 --> 01:02:30,042
and tell them you dot
want to do this thing.
919
01:02:30,205 --> 01:02:31,582
Are you kidding me?
920
01:02:31,748 --> 01:02:34,922
Destiny is gonna nail that witch.
Aret you, Destiny?
921
01:02:35,085 --> 01:02:36,803
You better believe it.
922
01:02:36,962 --> 01:02:38,589
All right.
923
01:02:38,755 --> 01:02:40,132
Let's Prep-
924
01:02:40,924 --> 01:02:42,346
Laura.
925
01:02:42,509 --> 01:02:44,182
Laura!
926
01:02:46,346 --> 01:02:48,940
Obviously, I wish you had better
reading skills, but all in all...
927
01:02:49,099 --> 01:02:50,851
She's only ten!
928
01:02:52,352 --> 01:02:54,320
Thank you for your help, Boyd.
929
01:02:54,479 --> 01:02:56,607
What, that's it?
930
01:02:56,773 --> 01:02:59,242
That's it?
931
01:02:59,401 --> 01:03:00,994
Hey, hey, where are you going?
932
01:03:01,152 --> 01:03:04,326
Come on, dot you remember us?
We were Boyd and Laura.
933
01:03:05,865 --> 01:03:07,867
- Hey, Bob.
- Boyd.
934
01:03:10,787 --> 01:03:12,039
Hey.
935
01:03:12,205 --> 01:03:14,378
Imagine if we got
an apartment together.
936
01:03:14,541 --> 01:03:16,714
We could move to Des Moines.
937
01:03:16,876 --> 01:03:20,050
You got the $1200, right?
938
01:03:20,797 --> 01:03:22,424
- Or maybe Chicago.
-
939
01:03:22,590 --> 01:03:25,719
Can you imagine how humiliated
my stepmom would be?
940
01:03:25,885 --> 01:03:28,058
She'd probably like, explode.
941
01:03:28,221 --> 01:03:29,894
I think you're late for practice.
942
01:03:31,891 --> 01:03:34,019
I could be with you forever.
943
01:03:34,185 --> 01:03:35,402
Yeah.
944
01:03:35,562 --> 01:03:38,691
About that. The money?
945
01:03:38,857 --> 01:03:42,407
Oh. I cat wait to see
how this plays out.
946
01:03:43,403 --> 01:03:45,076
Good luck.
947
01:03:45,238 --> 01:03:46,364
Call me.
948
01:03:46,531 --> 01:03:48,283
Yeah, definitely will.
949
01:03:48,450 --> 01:03:52,250
I was only kidding about
the moving in together stuff.
950
01:04:00,253 --> 01:04:03,678
- Move it, bitches!
-
951
01:04:15,226 --> 01:04:17,274
- Hey, girl.
- Hi.
952
01:04:17,437 --> 01:04:20,862
Let's go for a ride.
I got something to show you.
953
01:04:21,024 --> 01:04:22,276
OK.
954
01:04:23,401 --> 01:04:26,325
- What'd you learn in school today?
- Positive and negative numbers.
955
01:04:26,488 --> 01:04:28,035
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
956
01:04:30,158 --> 01:04:33,253
- See that store over there?
- Mm-hm.
957
01:04:33,411 --> 01:04:35,755
With this $1200
I could buy work clothes
958
01:04:35,914 --> 01:04:37,916
like you have never seen.
959
01:04:39,876 --> 01:04:41,628
Where do you work?
960
01:04:43,588 --> 01:04:44,965
Barnes & Noble.
961
01:04:51,304 --> 01:04:54,183
So I want you to look over there.
962
01:04:54,349 --> 01:04:59,856
And I want you to see very clearly
that I am willing to sacrifice $1200
963
01:05:00,021 --> 01:05:03,821
worth of totally cute outfits
so that you can have these knives.
964
01:05:03,983 --> 01:05:06,702
And with these knives, you carve
the best damn butter sculpture
965
01:05:06,861 --> 01:05:08,738
this world has ever seen.
966
01:05:08,905 --> 01:05:10,748
You must not fail, Destiny.
967
01:05:10,907 --> 01:05:15,003
You can do this.
You can take down Laura Pickier.
968
01:05:15,161 --> 01:05:18,506
You kick her pasty, white ass so hard,
969
01:05:18,665 --> 01:05:21,794
so that she and her stupid
husband can never wreak havoc
970
01:05:21,960 --> 01:05:24,509
on poor, innocent people
like me ever again.
971
01:05:25,213 --> 01:05:27,181
We cool?
972
01:05:28,675 --> 01:05:29,892
Thank you.
973
01:05:46,359 --> 01:05:48,032
Well, we dot know for sure,
974
01:05:48,194 --> 01:05:50,322
but nine times out of
ten in these cases,
975
01:05:50,488 --> 01:05:53,082
we suspect drugs and...
976
01:05:53,241 --> 01:05:54,413
- Hey.
- Hi, honey.
977
01:05:54,576 --> 01:05:56,328
Hi, Destiny.
978
01:05:56,494 --> 01:05:58,371
You know...
979
01:05:58,538 --> 01:06:02,088
I think it would be best if we had
this discussion alone, just grownups.
980
01:06:03,751 --> 01:06:05,378
No, no, she can stay.
981
01:06:08,173 --> 01:06:09,550
OK.
982
01:06:13,219 --> 01:06:17,019
From what we can surmise,
on the night of...
983
01:06:19,225 --> 01:06:23,150
Destiny, your mother
was a wonderful woman
984
01:06:23,313 --> 01:06:25,691
who fell on hard times.
985
01:06:28,651 --> 01:06:31,370
She was not capable
of taking care of you,
986
01:06:31,529 --> 01:06:34,453
but she loved you
very much nonetheless.
987
01:06:46,294 --> 01:06:47,716
We found this.
988
01:06:52,258 --> 01:06:54,010
She's pretty.
989
01:06:56,471 --> 01:06:59,315
Hi, Mom. It's me,
Destiny. Your daughter.
990
01:06:59,474 --> 01:07:02,353
We probably havet seen each
other since I was a baby.
991
01:07:02,519 --> 01:07:04,396
I dot remember you at all.
992
01:07:04,562 --> 01:07:08,362
But now that the lady gave me
your picture, I wish I did.
993
01:07:08,525 --> 01:07:11,620
I dot know what you were
doing all these years,
994
01:07:11,778 --> 01:07:13,451
but now that
you've gone to heaven
995
01:07:13,613 --> 01:07:16,867
I just want you to know
I forgive you for leaving me.
996
01:07:17,033 --> 01:07:21,504
I dot really understand it that much,
but I still forgive you.
997
01:07:21,663 --> 01:07:23,461
OK. Bye.
998
01:07:43,935 --> 01:07:46,279
-
- Motherfucker!
999
01:07:48,231 --> 01:07:49,232
Hi, Bob.
1000
01:07:51,609 --> 01:07:55,989
Come on. Come on in, just
standing there like Rain Man.
1001
01:07:56,155 --> 01:07:57,782
Hey-
1002
01:08:12,714 --> 01:08:16,059
Um, I dot think
this is gonna work.
1003
01:08:16,217 --> 01:08:20,142
Laura, you're gonna need an
armature for something that grand.
1004
01:08:20,305 --> 01:08:23,559
Then I'll build an armature.
1005
01:08:23,725 --> 01:08:25,693
I'm not afraid
of hard work, Bob.
1006
01:08:28,396 --> 01:08:30,444
Not that it matters
anymore anyway.
1007
01:08:30,690 --> 01:08:32,112
What do you mean?
1008
01:08:32,275 --> 01:08:34,698
Well, you saw
what I did back there.
1009
01:08:34,861 --> 01:08:39,742
My sculpture was twice as good as your
"Schindler's List" and you know it.
1010
01:08:42,410 --> 01:08:45,505
My cooler was 43 degrees,
the eye-forehead-ratio was perfect.
1011
01:08:45,663 --> 01:08:49,042
Yeah. You had all that down.
I'm not gonna lie,
1012
01:08:49,208 --> 01:08:51,381
I'm actually kinda surprised at how
technically good you are.
1013
01:08:51,544 --> 01:08:53,763
- You think, Bob?
- Yeah.
1014
01:08:55,465 --> 01:08:58,309
But you also need
to inject some soul into it.
1015
01:08:59,469 --> 01:09:01,437
I'm just saying"-
1016
01:09:01,596 --> 01:09:03,314
...not everyone can be an artist.
1017
01:09:06,392 --> 01:09:08,394
You dot think
I can be an artist?
1018
01:09:11,773 --> 01:09:14,276
Look, I know what it is
I'm dealing with here.
1019
01:09:14,442 --> 01:09:16,570
I am gonna have to give
these so-called judges
1020
01:09:16,736 --> 01:09:22,163
the statement piece
that they're looking for.
1021
01:09:23,201 --> 01:09:24,623
And when they see
what I have planned for them,
1022
01:09:24,786 --> 01:09:29,007
their jaws are gonna hit the floor.
And you are gonna be right there,
1023
01:09:29,165 --> 01:09:31,133
next to my cooler,
1024
01:09:31,292 --> 01:09:35,593
cheering me on as dutifully
as I have you the last 15 years.
1025
01:09:42,595 --> 01:09:43,596
Good morning, folks.
You're listening to
1026
01:09:43,763 --> 01:09:46,937
KQWK broadcasting live
1027
01:09:47,100 --> 01:09:49,603
from Des Moines
at the Iowa State Fair.
1028
01:09:49,769 --> 01:09:52,443
It's 103 degrees out
on the fairgrounds,
1029
01:09:52,605 --> 01:09:54,778
but even hotter in the Grand Hall
1030
01:09:54,941 --> 01:10:00,163
where crowds are squeezing
in for the highly anticipated rematch.
1031
01:10:00,321 --> 01:10:04,417
Laura Pickier versus Destiny.
1032
01:10:06,661 --> 01:10:10,131
-
-
1033
01:10:12,750 --> 01:10:14,468
Pump it up
1034
01:10:15,753 --> 01:10:17,175
Get out yo seats
1035
01:10:17,338 --> 01:10:18,635
Pump it up
1036
01:10:20,466 --> 01:10:22,309
You gotta move your feet
1037
01:10:25,596 --> 01:10:27,223
In the disco
1038
01:10:30,309 --> 01:10:31,561
I wanna see
1039
01:10:31,728 --> 01:10:34,106
I wanna see you celebrate
1040
01:10:34,272 --> 01:10:36,149
Celebrate, celebrate
1041
01:10:36,315 --> 01:10:38,113
And let yourself go
1042
01:10:38,276 --> 01:10:40,244
Fly away, fly away
1043
01:10:40,403 --> 01:10:43,122
Fly away and
let your love go
1044
01:10:43,281 --> 01:10:45,454
Hello, good-bye
1045
01:10:45,616 --> 01:10:47,664
I'm gonna meet you
on the other side
1046
01:10:47,827 --> 01:10:50,671
Oh, yeah
All right
1047
01:10:50,830 --> 01:10:52,582
- Go crazy
-
1048
01:10:52,749 --> 01:10:54,672
Celebrate
1049
01:11:01,299 --> 01:11:02,926
Hi, how are you?
1050
01:11:11,350 --> 01:11:13,444
Fly away and
let your love go
1051
01:11:13,603 --> 01:11:15,856
- Hello, good-bye
-
1052
01:11:16,022 --> 01:11:18,741
Gonna meet you
on the other side
1053
01:11:18,900 --> 01:11:20,823
Oh, yeah
All right
1054
01:11:20,985 --> 01:11:24,535
- Go crazy
-
1055
01:11:55,978 --> 01:11:58,697
Are you liviare you livi
Cat keep cool
1056
01:11:58,940 --> 01:12:02,911
Five, four, three,
1057
01:12:03,069 --> 01:12:05,037
two, one!
1058
01:12:09,200 --> 01:12:13,580
- Trowels down!
-
1059
01:12:45,069 --> 01:12:46,992
She's outdone herself.
1060
01:12:47,154 --> 01:12:51,000
- Oh, my! JFK!
- Thank you all for coming.
1061
01:12:51,158 --> 01:12:53,786
Please come back tomorrow
after church
1062
01:12:53,953 --> 01:12:57,878
when the judges will be viewing
these two interesting pieces
1063
01:12:58,040 --> 01:13:01,214
for the very first time
and will announce the winner
1064
01:13:01,377 --> 01:13:06,554
of the Johnson County Mastery
in Butter competition again.
1065
01:13:50,176 --> 01:13:51,849
Dear God, it's me.
1066
01:13:52,011 --> 01:13:54,480
I just want you to know,
Laura doest know about this.
1067
01:13:54,639 --> 01:13:57,518
So dot blame her.
Oh, hang on, you already know that.
1068
01:13:57,683 --> 01:13:59,685
Man, you're awesome. Amen.
1069
01:14:31,801 --> 01:14:32,893
What the hell?
1070
01:14:36,722 --> 01:14:40,568
I'll see what's going on, OK?
1071
01:14:40,726 --> 01:14:43,980
Excuse me.
What happened?
1072
01:14:44,146 --> 01:14:46,148
Um, we dot know.
1073
01:14:46,315 --> 01:14:49,114
But she's gonna get a chance
to fix it, right?
1074
01:14:49,276 --> 01:14:52,450
Well, um, the judges have
already begun deliberation.
1075
01:14:52,613 --> 01:14:54,707
And the rules indicate that no
further adjustment can be made
1076
01:14:54,865 --> 01:14:56,708
once deliberation commences.
1077
01:14:56,867 --> 01:14:58,540
Come on, lady.
1078
01:14:58,703 --> 01:15:01,923
My name is Nancy
and those are the rules.
1079
01:15:06,210 --> 01:15:07,837
You know what?
1080
01:15:09,088 --> 01:15:12,934
You people are ridiculous.
1081
01:15:13,092 --> 01:15:14,765
I mean, it's butter.
1082
01:15:14,927 --> 01:15:16,850
You put it on toast.
1083
01:15:17,013 --> 01:15:21,018
Right? The government
gives it away for free.
1084
01:15:21,183 --> 01:15:24,687
Oh, oh, oh! And newsflash!
1085
01:15:24,854 --> 01:15:26,606
It's bad for you!
1086
01:15:26,772 --> 01:15:29,491
Yeah, I said it out loud.
1087
01:15:29,650 --> 01:15:32,824
It clogs your arteries
and it makes you fat.
1088
01:15:32,987 --> 01:15:35,115
And you're all gonna
die because of it!
1089
01:15:35,281 --> 01:15:36,954
What?
Really?
1090
01:15:37,116 --> 01:15:39,790
The butter police? Wow!
1091
01:15:39,952 --> 01:15:43,456
We've got it. We've got it
under control. We've got it.
1092
01:15:43,622 --> 01:15:46,296
Destiny, we'll be right back.
1093
01:15:49,628 --> 01:15:51,426
So now what?
1094
01:15:51,589 --> 01:15:54,092
I've lost, that's what.
1095
01:16:43,682 --> 01:16:46,276
I'd just like to say good luck.
1096
01:16:52,775 --> 01:16:55,699
You know, this is all I have.
1097
01:17:02,243 --> 01:17:06,214
You're still young and you have
your whole life ahead of you
1098
01:17:06,372 --> 01:17:12,220
and you can,
you can do anything.
1099
01:17:14,630 --> 01:17:16,223
And you're so beautiful.
1100
01:17:16,549 --> 01:17:19,223
And I know you...
1101
01:17:19,385 --> 01:17:21,763
Well, I know you dot
understand this...
1102
01:17:24,306 --> 01:17:26,775
...but this is all I have.
1103
01:17:48,414 --> 01:17:49,836
This is unbelievable.
1104
01:17:49,999 --> 01:17:53,594
For the first time I can remember the
midway is completely deserted
1105
01:17:53,752 --> 01:17:57,347
as everyone gathers to witness
a little piece of history.
1106
01:17:57,506 --> 01:18:00,806
Thousands packed the Grand Hall
to see these two contestants'
1107
01:18:00,968 --> 01:18:03,812
daring and radical
butter sculptures.
1108
01:18:03,971 --> 01:18:06,941
Now it's up to our judges
to decide once and for all
1109
01:18:07,099 --> 01:18:10,148
who will represent
Johnson County here at State.
1110
01:18:10,311 --> 01:18:13,690
Stay tuned to KQWK
for the live results
1111
01:18:13,856 --> 01:18:16,985
and your favorite
light hits and less talk.
1112
01:18:28,037 --> 01:18:29,835
May I have your attention,
please?
1113
01:18:29,997 --> 01:18:34,753
The judges have reached
a decision. Orval?
1114
01:18:34,919 --> 01:18:36,921
Thank you, Nancy, uh...
1115
01:18:37,087 --> 01:18:40,057
In my years judging
this competition,
1116
01:18:40,216 --> 01:18:41,763
I've seen many things.
1117
01:18:41,926 --> 01:18:45,726
But only twice
have I seen true art.
1118
01:18:45,888 --> 01:18:51,315
The first was Bob Pickler's
brilliant "Passion of The Christ"
1119
01:18:51,477 --> 01:18:55,152
- with Neil Diamond as Jesus.
-
1120
01:18:55,314 --> 01:18:59,160
- And the second this morning...
- Did he say Neil Diamond?
1121
01:18:59,318 --> 01:19:04,449
...when I laid eyes on a work
so tragic, so touching,
1122
01:19:04,615 --> 01:19:10,418
that it became not just
butter carving, but butter art.
1123
01:19:10,579 --> 01:19:15,927
And to be touched yourself,
you merely have to look right here...
1124
01:19:16,085 --> 01:19:18,508
...at the sad, melted face
1125
01:19:18,671 --> 01:19:24,644
of this unloved child.
Our winner, again, is Destiny.
1126
01:19:42,695 --> 01:19:44,447
Can you put me down, please?
1127
01:19:52,538 --> 01:19:57,089
I'd just like to say
this ist all you have.
1128
01:20:01,088 --> 01:20:02,965
Aw!
1129
01:20:46,175 --> 01:20:49,145
You wot believe this,
but somehow my messed-up sculpture
1130
01:20:49,303 --> 01:20:51,806
won the State competition that year.
1131
01:20:51,972 --> 01:20:56,352
The Des Moines Register called
it "an angst-ridden exploration
1132
01:20:56,518 --> 01:20:59,021
- of post-natal abandonment."
- Congratulations.
1133
01:20:59,188 --> 01:21:03,659
I told them it was just
a sculpture of my mom, but whatever.
1134
01:21:03,817 --> 01:21:07,913
I was just happy that I finally
found something I was good at.
1135
01:21:08,072 --> 01:21:09,699
I also got
a postcard from Brooke.
1136
01:21:09,865 --> 01:21:11,788
She wrote to say that
she was doing great
1137
01:21:11,950 --> 01:21:15,204
and was promoted to general
manager of Barnes & Noble.
1138
01:21:15,371 --> 01:21:19,126
And then, some even cooler
stuff started to happen.
1139
01:21:19,291 --> 01:21:23,046
Firstly, Jill finally figured
out how to do my hair.
1140
01:21:23,212 --> 01:21:25,431
Destiny, come on down.
1141
01:21:25,589 --> 01:21:28,388
You get to hear Ethan attempt
to sing Christmas carols.
1142
01:21:28,550 --> 01:21:31,053
- It's really awful.
- She means awesome.
1143
01:21:31,220 --> 01:21:32,767
OK, I'll be down in a minute.
1144
01:21:32,930 --> 01:21:34,978
Yes! You wot regret it.
1145
01:21:35,140 --> 01:21:37,814
God rest ye
merry gentlemen
1146
01:21:37,976 --> 01:21:41,480
Let nothing you dismay
1147
01:21:41,647 --> 01:21:46,118
Oh, and also Miss Jill
and Mr. Ethan officially adopted me.
1148
01:21:46,276 --> 01:21:51,407
Which meant that was the last time
I had to unpack that stupid suitcase.
1149
01:21:52,157 --> 01:21:54,125
And you've probably heard
1150
01:21:54,284 --> 01:21:56,503
that Mrs. Pickier is
running for Governor.
1151
01:21:56,662 --> 01:21:59,085
The word on the street is
that the big man himself
1152
01:21:59,248 --> 01:22:01,967
came to her in a vision
and told her to run.
1153
01:22:02,126 --> 01:22:04,220
Sounds kinda messed up to me.
1154
01:22:04,378 --> 01:22:09,225
But a lot of people seem to
really like what she stands for.
1155
01:22:09,383 --> 01:22:11,351
Mr. Ethan says it's
because she panders
1156
01:22:11,510 --> 01:22:14,013
to the lowest common
something-or-other.
1157
01:22:14,179 --> 01:22:18,434
But I think people actually
kinda like her.
1158
01:22:18,600 --> 01:22:22,195
Still, if there's even the
slightest chance she'll win,
1159
01:22:22,354 --> 01:22:25,449
I'm fixing to team up
with some bad-ass ninjas
1160
01:22:25,607 --> 01:22:30,704
to march down to Des Moines
and kick her butt.
1161
01:22:39,538 --> 01:22:40,539
-
- Mark!
1162
01:22:42,249 --> 01:22:45,253
Excuse me. Let me just
try that again.
1163
01:22:45,419 --> 01:22:48,548
My father raped me.
1164
01:22:48,714 --> 01:22:50,261
-
- Oops!
1165
01:22:50,424 --> 01:22:52,552
What if the whole place
is a vacuum?
1166
01:22:52,718 --> 01:22:54,220
And you turn inside-out?
1167
01:22:54,386 --> 01:22:56,605
And your internal organs implode'?
1168
01:22:56,763 --> 01:23:00,017
- You had your boobs done?
- Thanks for noticing.
1169
01:23:00,184 --> 01:23:02,562
- They look great.
-
1170
01:23:04,271 --> 01:23:06,740
You are so warm and minty.
1171
01:23:08,567 --> 01:23:10,945
It could be
a Miley Cyrus concert.
1172
01:23:11,111 --> 01:23:14,411
There could be a Justin Bieber
concert ready to break out.
1173
01:23:14,573 --> 01:23:16,541
Bob, I saw your penis.
1174
01:23:16,700 --> 01:23:18,702
Dot look at me.
1175
01:23:18,869 --> 01:23:21,213
My name is Kenneth.
I'm Bob's brother.
1176
01:23:21,371 --> 01:23:24,375
- But I will definitely...
-
1177
01:23:24,541 --> 01:23:26,418
Bob, I'm gonna shit
on your lawn.
1178
01:23:26,585 --> 01:23:29,008
I cat, I cat say it.
Ah...
1179
01:23:29,171 --> 01:23:31,094
What if this place
is full of piranhas?
1180
01:23:31,256 --> 01:23:32,599
That have learned how to walk?
1181
01:23:32,758 --> 01:23:35,807
Could be full of vegetarians.
1182
01:23:35,969 --> 01:23:38,688
Bob, I'm gonna
shit on your lawn.
1183
01:23:38,847 --> 01:23:42,021
- Yeah. Mm...
- That's disgusting.
1184
01:23:43,936 --> 01:23:46,359
You're disgusting.
1185
01:23:46,605 --> 01:23:48,949
You can take down Laura Pickier.
1186
01:23:49,107 --> 01:23:54,364
You can take down that pasty,
white ass and make... Sorry.
1187
01:23:54,530 --> 01:23:57,329
Not "take down that ass." No.
1188
01:23:57,491 --> 01:24:01,121
Hey, look...
Sweet baby Jesus.
1189
01:24:09,127 --> 01:24:12,051
It could be a Republican
party fundraiser.
1190
01:24:12,214 --> 01:24:15,138
You tell Orval
that this ist over.
1191
01:24:15,801 --> 01:24:17,428
It's just not, right?
1192
01:24:17,594 --> 01:24:19,471
Move it, bitches!
1193
01:24:19,638 --> 01:24:21,857
' QOhl nau . ' Qhm - Cut! g]
1194
01:24:27,312 --> 01:24:28,939
Gonna put it on bread
1195
01:24:29,106 --> 01:24:31,029
Spread it real nice
1196
01:24:31,191 --> 01:24:32,989
My favorite gold
1197
01:24:33,151 --> 01:24:35,074
Best gold in life
1198
01:24:35,237 --> 01:24:37,285
I ait got no time
1199
01:24:37,447 --> 01:24:39,324
- For nothing else
- Nothing else
1200
01:24:39,491 --> 01:24:41,334
- No substitute
- Substitute
1201
01:24:41,493 --> 01:24:43,541
- On my shelf
- On her shelf
1202
01:24:43,704 --> 01:24:45,672
'Cause you can whip it,
spread it, bite it
1203
01:24:45,831 --> 01:24:48,254
Let it wrap your
loving arms around it
1204
01:24:48,417 --> 01:24:50,294
Eat it, need it,
love it, leave it
1205
01:24:50,460 --> 01:24:53,339
Melt it with your heart
and serve it up
1206
01:24:54,298 --> 01:24:55,515
Woo!
1207
01:24:58,760 --> 01:25:01,934
I wanna put it
on both sides
1208
01:25:02,097 --> 01:25:04,020
Then realize
1209
01:25:04,182 --> 01:25:05,684
Need more than a pat
1210
01:25:05,851 --> 01:25:08,070
As a matter of fact
1211
01:25:08,228 --> 01:25:10,196
- Gonna melt it down
- Down
1212
01:25:10,355 --> 01:25:12,028
- And stir it up
- Stir it up
1213
01:25:12,190 --> 01:25:14,192
- And get all crazy
- Yeah!
1214
01:25:14,359 --> 01:25:16,487
- I cat get enough
- Get enough
1215
01:25:16,653 --> 01:25:19,031
'Cause you can pass it,
cut it, add it, love it
1216
01:25:19,197 --> 01:25:21,199
Drown your corn
and sorrows in it
1217
01:25:21,366 --> 01:25:23,334
Muffin, stuffing,
Turkey in the oven
1218
01:25:23,493 --> 01:25:25,370
Nothing I can find
is better than
1219
01:25:25,537 --> 01:25:26,538
Butter
1220
01:25:26,705 --> 01:25:29,424
Butter is the greatest
gift in life
1221
01:25:29,583 --> 01:25:33,508
- I Butter
- Butter, all you need is a knife
1222
01:25:37,466 --> 01:25:39,560
Better with butter
Just ask Betty Cracker
1223
01:25:39,718 --> 01:25:41,686
When you're rocking with some
loving in your butter-laden oven
1224
01:25:41,845 --> 01:25:44,064
It's time for some sweetbread
Time for some jam
1225
01:25:44,222 --> 01:25:46,350
Butter to your mother
Every child and man
1226
01:25:46,516 --> 01:25:50,237
- Butter
- Butter is the rising of the cream
1227
01:25:50,395 --> 01:25:54,525
- Butter
- There's no need for margarine, yeah
1228
01:25:54,691 --> 01:25:58,616
- Butter
- Butter from sea to shining sea
1229
01:25:58,779 --> 01:26:02,033
- Butter
- Butter is the only thing for
1230
01:26:02,199 --> 01:26:05,123
- For me
- It's the only thing for
1231
01:26:05,285 --> 01:26:09,756
Me
1232
01:26:09,915 --> 01:26:13,715
Yeah
1233
01:26:14,753 --> 01:26:16,255
Testify!
1234
01:26:16,421 --> 01:26:19,641
No, mama, clarify.
91302
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