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1
00:00:23,123 --> 00:00:25,424
And they wonder why those
of us in our twenties...
2
00:00:25,425 --> 00:00:27,927
refuse to work an 80-hour week...
3
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:31,163
just so we can afford
to buy their BMWs...
4
00:00:31,164 --> 00:00:33,365
why we aren't interested...
5
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:35,935
in the counterculture
that they invented...
6
00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:38,938
as if we did not see them
disembowel their revolution...
7
00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:41,307
for a pair of running shoes.
8
00:00:41,308 --> 00:00:43,943
But the question remains...
9
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:46,612
what are we going to do now?
10
00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:50,783
How can we repair all the
damage we inherited?
11
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:54,787
Fellow graduates, the
answer is simple.
12
00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:56,353
The answer is...
13
00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:08,467
The answer is...
14
00:01:08,468 --> 00:01:10,329
I don't know.
15
00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:22,171
Good save, Lelaina.
16
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:25,985
I'm not a valedictorian,
but I play one on TV.
17
00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:29,246
We all know you slept
your way to the podium.
18
00:01:35,161 --> 00:01:37,997
My favorite part about
graduating now would be...
19
00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:41,000
dodging my student-loan officer
for the rest of my life.
20
00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:42,501
He will be in cahoots...
21
00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:44,503
with the Columbia Record
and Tape Company guy...
22
00:01:44,504 --> 00:01:48,307
who's been after my ass for years.
23
00:01:48,308 --> 00:01:51,170
Troy Dyer, I brought
you back a souvenir.
24
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:55,014
You know, you can still go
back next year and graduate...
25
00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:56,515
still get your B.F.A.
26
00:01:56,516 --> 00:02:00,519
Oh, can I? And then I can hang
this on my rearview mirror...
27
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:04,023
to brag to all my good buddies
back home that I graduated.
28
00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:06,886
Well, I through with
the whole life drama.
29
00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:12,531
Well, I know this
sounds cornball...
30
00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:18,068
but I'd like to somehow make a
difference in people's lives.
31
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:23,732
And I... I would like
to buy them all a Coke.
32
00:02:24,544 --> 00:02:27,546
And you wonder why we
never got involved.
33
00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:30,049
Three words- November
sixteenth nineteen-ninety-
34
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:32,051
Oh, totally drunk
and out of my mind!
35
00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:33,552
It would have been
a poetic experience...
36
00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:35,554
if I weren't such a
gentleman, which I am.
37
00:02:35,555 --> 00:02:38,747
Just let it go, Dyer.
Surrender the fantasy.
38
00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:42,561
Hey, Sammy, what's your goal?
39
00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:44,423
My goal is to...
40
00:02:45,565 --> 00:02:48,256
Like a career or something.
41
00:02:55,575 --> 00:02:58,577
Lainie, I think the moment has
been appropriately captured.
42
00:02:58,578 --> 00:03:01,580
Would you please take your
face out of the camera?
43
00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:04,083
Come on. It's for my documentary.
44
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:05,774
Her...
45
00:03:07,587 --> 00:03:09,049
Documentary.
46
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,953
Think fast.
47
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,599
Here's the deal.
48
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,102
I'm going to take Sam
against his will...
49
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:25,604
and straighten him out
because I truly believe...
50
00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:28,107
that if we can get two women
on the Supreme Court...
51
00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:30,640
we can get at least
one on you, Sam.
52
00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:34,803
I'm Superman.
53
00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:37,806
- I can fly.
- She's toast.
54
00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:41,120
Quick, Vickie. What's
your social security?
55
00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:45,124
851-25-9357.
56
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:47,126
Very impressive.
57
00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:50,160
It's the only thing I
really learned in college.
58
00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:57,302
Sometimes I get that
"not so fresh" feeling.
59
00:03:57,303 --> 00:04:01,486
Conjunction junction,
what's your function?
60
00:04:01,487 --> 00:04:05,644
Hooking up words and
phrases and clauses
61
00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:09,148
Conjunction junction,
how's that function?
62
00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:14,343
Got three favorite cars
that get most of my...
63
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:31,359
Honey, honey. No, no, no.
64
00:04:40,079 --> 00:04:42,181
Is yours good?
65
00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:44,183
It doesn't seem fresh.
66
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:46,147
I'm sorry.
67
00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:53,192
Well, I guess it's about time...
68
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:55,657
for me to give you your
graduation present, huh?
69
00:04:57,697 --> 00:04:59,198
Your... gas card.
70
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:00,999
I'll pay that bill for one year.
71
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,203
And since Helen Anne's got
herself a brand-new Infinity...
72
00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:06,205
we're gonna give you her old BMW.
73
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:08,373
You can pick it up at our house.
74
00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:12,711
- BMW? BMW?
- Yeah.
75
00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:15,714
Tom, didn't you listen
to her speech today?
76
00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:18,050
She didn't want a BMW.
77
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:19,851
Mom, I'll handle this.
78
00:05:19,852 --> 00:05:21,386
I'm not gonna sit here
and listen again...
79
00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:23,922
to some strange ethical
argument about a damn car.
80
00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:26,158
Now, it's got four wheels.
It runs well.
81
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,559
And, little darling,
after you've been...
82
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,061
in the real world for a while...
83
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,462
you're gonna appreciate that car.
84
00:05:30,463 --> 00:05:32,731
Yeah. Just think of all those
starving children in Africa...
85
00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:34,700
who don't even have cars.
86
00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:36,468
Troy, does your father
give you gifts like that?
87
00:05:36,469 --> 00:05:37,569
Mom.
88
00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:40,239
Well, actually, my father's
dying of prostate cancer...
89
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,874
so I don't really trouble
him much for gifts.
90
00:05:46,579 --> 00:05:48,680
See, Tom.
91
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:50,749
You don't want a BMW.
Tell him, Lelaina.
92
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:54,486
Charlane, she can
make up her own mind.
93
00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:58,624
Dad, don't talk to her that way.
She's not a child.
94
00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:00,315
Well, she married one.
95
00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:03,762
What?
96
00:06:05,498 --> 00:06:08,500
All right. Excuse me.
Come on, come on.
97
00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:10,602
Mom, Dad, I'll take the BMW...
98
00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:13,538
until I can afford to buy
a regular car myself, OK?
99
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:14,973
OK, Mom?
100
00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:17,309
Please?
101
00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:19,102
Mom, please, come on.
102
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:30,714
Get a Ford.
103
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:03,322
Just to float on the sea
104
00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:08,688
Find myself on a page of history
105
00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:12,831
You know, as I ride along
106
00:07:12,832 --> 00:07:15,834
I can always hear the song
107
00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:21,530
about you and where
you're meant to be
108
00:07:22,842 --> 00:07:25,844
Well, you're gonna
tell me the answers
109
00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:30,038
I'll know when you come back to me
110
00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:47,699
If we should fall, love
will catch us every time
111
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:51,563
I hear you call, I will run
112
00:07:52,872 --> 00:07:58,543
And if the magic of the
adventure overcomes
113
00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:03,579
We won't cry, because
it could be fun
114
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:08,887
Well, I'm gonna tell
you the answers
115
00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:13,923
You'll know when you
come back to me
116
00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:34,780
Gonna be all right
117
00:08:34,781 --> 00:08:37,609
When you come back to me
118
00:09:18,791 --> 00:09:20,492
Good morning!
119
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:22,661
Good morning!
120
00:09:24,964 --> 00:09:27,466
Yes. Good morning,
ladies and... gentleman!
121
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:29,968
I see a gentleman right over there!
122
00:09:29,969 --> 00:09:32,070
Good morning!
123
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:33,972
Good morning! Boy, I tell you...
124
00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:36,475
it is a good morning
with this audience.
125
00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:39,478
Ha! Well, today, for
all you dieters...
126
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:42,147
guiltless goodies from
chef Skinny Ninny.
127
00:09:44,984 --> 00:09:46,985
And we'll also be
visiting with a man...
128
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:50,644
right here from Houston who
is battling Alzheimer's.
129
00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:54,993
A beautiful and touching story...
130
00:09:54,994 --> 00:09:57,496
of the triumph of the human spirit.
131
00:09:57,497 --> 00:10:00,499
He's so cheesy, I can't
watch him without crackers.
132
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,834
Now let's take a peek
inside our "Video View"...
133
00:10:02,835 --> 00:10:06,402
and see what we have
in store for today.
134
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:09,841
It's a special report
135
00:10:09,842 --> 00:10:13,178
on children's birthday
party themes...
136
00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:14,679
taped on location...
137
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,848
at 8-year-old Davy
Robbins' party...
138
00:10:16,849 --> 00:10:20,712
exclusively for our
"Video View" collection.
139
00:10:23,022 --> 00:10:26,525
So... come sit with me.
140
00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:30,218
Relax. Have a cup of joe.
141
00:10:31,063 --> 00:10:33,823
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
142
00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:39,466
Well, anyway, it's gonna be
a good day. Good morning!
143
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:42,867
You're beautiful.
144
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,742
We're clear.
145
00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:54,553
Am I here to amuse
you, Miss Pierce?
146
00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:57,556
Am I here to make you laugh? Is that
the real reason I'm on this show?
147
00:10:57,557 --> 00:11:00,559
Mr. Gubler, when I prepare your note cards...
you're supposed to get your own espresso.
148
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,060
Didn't you get my
"espress yourself" memo?
149
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:05,063
I don't have time for your little
mind games. I'd like to remind you...
150
00:11:05,064 --> 00:11:07,065
that we're laying
people off around here.
151
00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:10,258
I can find an intern who will
do your job for free like that.
152
00:11:19,078 --> 00:11:21,246
I been locked out
153
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:23,582
I been locked in
154
00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:27,586
But I always seem
to come back again
155
00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:30,755
And the view, when
I look from my window...
156
00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:33,024
Oh, that's a much better size.
That looks great.
157
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:35,460
That would go really
well with the EZ-Fits.
158
00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:39,358
So... Oh, buttoning it up.
That's even better.
159
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:44,769
Yeah, roll 'em right up.
160
00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:46,335
It's liberating, isn't it?
161
00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:53,111
I bought a toothbrush,
some toothpaste
162
00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:55,614
A flannel for my face
163
00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:58,116
Pajamas, a hairbrush
164
00:11:58,117 --> 00:12:00,452
new shoes, and a case
165
00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:02,621
I said to my reflection
166
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:06,986
Let's get out of this place
167
00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:10,629
Past the church and the steeple
168
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:12,798
The laundry on the hill
169
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:17,030
Murder, there's one
committed each 7 seconds.
170
00:12:18,137 --> 00:12:21,806
Hello. I got cut off. I'm sorry.
171
00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:25,807
Tempted by the fruit of another
172
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:30,015
Hello? What?
173
00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:33,708
Tempted, but the
truth is discovered
174
00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:40,592
No, no, no. Listen,
he needs us, OK?
175
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,528
If he makes videos,
we show them, OK?
176
00:12:43,529 --> 00:12:46,297
It's symbiotic. It's like
a "chicken or the egg?"
177
00:12:46,298 --> 00:12:49,000
It's both of them working together.
178
00:12:49,001 --> 00:12:52,103
Yeah, uh-huh. Well, let
me tell you something.
179
00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:54,606
No, no, no. I'm not scared of-
180
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:56,035
Jesus!
181
00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:59,511
Michael, don't laugh at me.
182
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:00,512
What?
183
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:04,182
No, I'm in an accident.
I got in an accident.
184
00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:05,817
Yeah, I'm fine.
185
00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:07,519
No. I'll call you back, all right?
186
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:08,953
I'm gonna call you-
187
00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:11,189
When you said you would sue-
188
00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:12,691
Well, it's not really my idea.
189
00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:15,193
It's just I got my lawyer
guy telling me, you know...
190
00:13:15,194 --> 00:13:17,195
something, like, about my rates or-
191
00:13:17,196 --> 00:13:20,932
Right. You mean, like sue
in a courtroom for money?
192
00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:22,200
I don't even know...
193
00:13:22,201 --> 00:13:23,702
because I've never really done
anything like this before.
194
00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:24,903
I mean, do you have a
lawyer or something?
195
00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:28,206
No, I don't have a lawyer.
I don't have a dentist.
196
00:13:28,207 --> 00:13:30,642
I'm... You know, I make
four-hundred dollars a week.
197
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,577
What do you do?
198
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:35,303
Well, at the moment, I'm working-
199
00:13:36,215 --> 00:13:38,042
I'm sorry. I just... I got to...
200
00:13:40,219 --> 00:13:41,579
Hello.
201
00:13:42,621 --> 00:13:44,389
Yeah. What is it?
202
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:45,957
You know, I don't care...
203
00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:48,226
if she does twelve books
of herself naked, OK?
204
00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:49,394
It doesn't-
205
00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:51,563
That's Dr. Zaius from
"Planet of the Apes. "
206
00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:54,566
I'm sorry. No. Someone
else is in here.
207
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,598
Yeah? Well, let her say that to me.
208
00:13:57,737 --> 00:14:00,271
- No, don't do that.
- Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
209
00:14:00,272 --> 00:14:01,706
No, no. You can- That's all right-
210
00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:03,641
I was- Go ahead. You
want to touch it?
211
00:14:03,642 --> 00:14:04,943
It's all right. Yeah. No, go ahead.
212
00:14:04,944 --> 00:14:06,745
No, I was talking to-
213
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:10,582
Look, can I talk to you later?
Can we- When? OK. OK.
214
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:13,980
Um... OK.
215
00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:19,691
You know what? Just forget it.
216
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,259
Really, just forget
the whole thing...
217
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,361
because it was probably
my fault anyway.
218
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:25,764
And I'll get in trouble,
and it just doesn't...
219
00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:27,766
And you seem very sweet.
220
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,934
And you seem to like Dr. Zaius.
221
00:14:29,935 --> 00:14:31,602
Oh. Ha ha.
222
00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:34,872
- Oh, no.
- That's...
223
00:14:36,275 --> 00:14:37,575
I'm sorry.
224
00:14:37,576 --> 00:14:40,645
That's... He was just
a collector's... No big...
225
00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:41,946
Well, we can-
226
00:14:41,947 --> 00:14:43,782
- You know what?
- No, here's his head.
227
00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:47,352
It's really... you know...
I think he's gone.
228
00:14:47,353 --> 00:14:50,522
I'm, like, ruining
your whole life here.
229
00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:52,891
No, no, you're not. Really.
230
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:55,126
Just don't... Just don't
touch anything else...
231
00:14:55,127 --> 00:14:57,158
and I think we'll be fine.
232
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:01,466
Michael Grates, vice president
regional programming...
233
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:03,468
"In Your Face" TV. We've seen it.
234
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:05,470
It's like MTV, but with an edge.
235
00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:07,972
- Yeah. So, is it a date?
- Yeah, yeah.
236
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:09,808
- Dinner?
- Coffee.
237
00:15:09,809 --> 00:15:12,811
- Coffee or cappuccino?
- He ended up saying decaf.
238
00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:15,814
Oh, no. Early night. Is there
any precoffee activity?
239
00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:17,315
I don't think so.
240
00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:19,818
Did he ask you to go
out or to hang out?
241
00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:21,319
Go out. He definitely said go out.
242
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:22,987
Hey. How are you doing?
243
00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:25,156
- Oh, shit.
- What?
244
00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:27,659
I forgot to tell you something.
245
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,661
Are you out of your mind?
246
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:32,163
Oh, my god. Lainie, he just got
fired from the newsstand.
247
00:15:32,164 --> 00:15:34,165
He needs a place to stay till
he can find a new job...
248
00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:35,834
and get his own place.
249
00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:37,836
Vickie, that's the American
dream of the nineties.
250
00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:39,337
That could take years.
251
00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:41,339
Look at it like a built-in
security system.
252
00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:42,841
We'll have a man around the house.
253
00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:45,844
We'll have a hall monitor.
That's what we'll have.
254
00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:47,846
I don't even know if this
is allowed in the building.
255
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:50,348
It's not like Mr. Roper's
gonna burst in.
256
00:15:50,349 --> 00:15:52,350
I'll just stay on the couch.
257
00:15:52,351 --> 00:15:55,353
Vickie, he will turn this place...
258
00:15:55,354 --> 00:15:58,455
into a den of slack.
259
00:15:59,358 --> 00:16:00,957
What the hell is your problem?
260
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:05,363
I have to work around here,
and unfortunately, Troy...
261
00:16:05,364 --> 00:16:08,266
you are a master at the
art of time suckage.
262
00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:10,368
Oh, well, I'm sorry, miss poster
girl for the workers party...
263
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:12,871
but until I get that toehold
in the burger industry...
264
00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:14,372
I got a little time to suck.
265
00:16:14,373 --> 00:16:17,408
I'd rather check into a shelter
than deal with her shit.
266
00:16:17,409 --> 00:16:20,044
I know how much you love to
mainline in misery here.
267
00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:21,379
But you don't have to.
268
00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:25,383
I can get you a job interview
at my dad's plant.
269
00:16:25,384 --> 00:16:27,218
What is that? Part of
my lease agreement?
270
00:16:27,219 --> 00:16:29,721
It's either that or a credit check.
271
00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:31,890
It's cool, Troy. You can stay.
272
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,391
Welcome to the maxi pad.
273
00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:35,393
Yeah, with the new dry-weave...
274
00:16:35,394 --> 00:16:39,257
it actually pulls moisture
away from you. It's good.
275
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:42,764
You won't even know I'm here.
276
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:46,404
Should I get married?
Should I be good?
277
00:16:46,405 --> 00:16:47,906
Should I astound the girl next door
278
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:49,908
with my velvet suit
and my Faustus hood?
279
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:51,910
And not take her to
movies but to cemeteries
280
00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:55,137
and tell her of werewolf
tongues and forked clarinets?
281
00:16:56,415 --> 00:16:57,916
What "Hey, That's My Bike"...
282
00:16:57,917 --> 00:17:00,418
would like to do eventually.
as a band...
283
00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:02,754
is travel the countryside
like Woody Guthrie.
284
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,589
Or Richard Simmons.
285
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:06,424
You know how, in his commercials...
286
00:17:06,425 --> 00:17:09,227
how he travels around,
surprises people jogging.
287
00:17:09,228 --> 00:17:12,931
As you can see, I have
the occasional run-in...
288
00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:15,433
with an anti- "Hey,
That's My Biker. "
289
00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:19,627
And to those people,
I say nobody...
290
00:17:20,439 --> 00:17:23,708
Nobody can eat fifty eggs.
291
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:26,177
- Lainie?
- Whatie?
292
00:17:26,178 --> 00:17:28,947
The next time you make
microwave brownies...
293
00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:31,950
I'd really consider
using a microwave.
294
00:17:31,951 --> 00:17:34,285
It's just a thought.
295
00:17:34,286 --> 00:17:36,287
You know, I finally figured out...
296
00:17:36,288 --> 00:17:37,956
what your problem is, Dyer.
297
00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:39,958
What's that? I'm not a Pepper?
298
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:42,460
You suffer from the
philosopher groupie syndrome.
299
00:17:42,461 --> 00:17:45,964
You're this guy with,
like, a 180 I.Q...
300
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:48,633
ten units away from a
degree in philosophy...
301
00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:51,636
and you always fall for
these dumb groupie types.
302
00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:53,471
Now... they are not all dumb.
303
00:17:53,472 --> 00:17:56,474
Most of them are just
very, very depressed.
304
00:17:56,475 --> 00:17:59,477
Do you find me attractive,
sitting here, eating brownies?
305
00:17:59,478 --> 00:18:01,479
You do. You're strangely
attracted to me right now.
306
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,481
You're oddly, oddly
attracted to me.
307
00:18:03,482 --> 00:18:05,483
It turns you on, doesn't it?
You like to watch, don't you?
308
00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:08,486
Come on. Come on! Aah!
309
00:18:08,487 --> 00:18:09,988
Here.
310
00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:12,490
Don't! Come on. It's not
funny. Give it back.
311
00:18:12,491 --> 00:18:13,992
- Give what back?
- Give it back!
312
00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:15,994
Give what back?
Give the brownies back?
313
00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:18,496
- Brownies, brownies.
314
00:18:18,497 --> 00:18:20,498
Oh, I love brownies.
My name's Lelaina.
315
00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:22,100
Hey, don't! Hey, watch the camera.
316
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,861
Don't throw it at me.
That's not nice.
317
00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:36,514
Mr. Gubler, do you have
time to take a look...
318
00:18:36,515 --> 00:18:38,016
at what I've done here?
319
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:40,018
I need my questions.
320
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:42,520
Oh, well, here's the
research that I did.
321
00:18:42,521 --> 00:18:44,022
You might want to read it...
322
00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:46,691
because this guest has quite
a history in politics.
323
00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:48,723
Just give me my questions.
324
00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:00,899
Excusez-moi.
325
00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:04,609
- You all alone?
- Not anymore.
326
00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:07,211
If I could bottle the
sexual tension...
327
00:19:07,212 --> 00:19:10,048
between Bonnie Franklin
and Schneider...
328
00:19:10,049 --> 00:19:12,984
I could solve the energy crisis.
329
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,685
Excuse me.
330
00:19:14,686 --> 00:19:19,057
Don't bogart that can... man.
331
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:22,250
- Are you retarded?
- No. I'm rhyming.
332
00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:26,591
It's not easy. Sure,
I make it look easy.
333
00:19:28,567 --> 00:19:30,462
You guys better not be inhaling.
334
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:36,808
Lelaina, Vickie was just
promoted to manager of the Gap.
335
00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:40,078
- Shut up.
- It's not even a big deal.
336
00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:41,913
The old manager tried
to kill herself...
337
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:44,182
by eating a whole
pot of poinsettias.
338
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,950
Still, I'm so proud of you. Wait.
339
00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:49,087
I'll be making four-hundred
dollars a week, though.
340
00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:52,090
We're never gonna have
rent problems again.
341
00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:54,092
Troy, aren't you excited?
342
00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:56,928
I'm bursting with fruit flavor.
343
00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,930
You guys, I just
thought of something.
344
00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:01,099
I'm manager of the Gap.
345
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:04,602
I'm responsible for
all those T-shirts...
346
00:20:04,603 --> 00:20:08,439
French-cut, v-necked,
ribbed, what have you.
347
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:09,774
Dude, I'm in trouble.
348
00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:11,776
No, you're not, Vick.
I know you can do it.
349
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:15,113
I just do not understand
why this moment...
350
00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:16,614
has to be Memorexed.
351
00:20:16,615 --> 00:20:18,249
Sammy, don't you realize?
352
00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:22,120
This is your one opportunity
to play a small part...
353
00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:24,622
in what is destined
to be greatness.
354
00:20:24,623 --> 00:20:27,291
Lainie here is gonna
revolutionize...
355
00:20:27,292 --> 00:20:28,626
"Good Morning, Grant. "
356
00:20:28,627 --> 00:20:32,130
Oh, my god! I'm so sorry!
I had no idea!
357
00:20:32,131 --> 00:20:34,632
Look who's mocking. All you
do around here, Troy...
358
00:20:34,633 --> 00:20:38,136
is eat and couch and
fondle the remote control.
359
00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:41,005
I am not under any orders to
make the world a better place.
360
00:20:41,006 --> 00:20:43,174
Well, then what good are you?
361
00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:44,809
You're a pathological optimist.
362
00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:46,310
You're pathological.
363
00:20:46,311 --> 00:20:49,147
Oh, would you two just do
it and get it over with?
364
00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:50,872
I'm starving.
365
00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:59,290
Hello. You've reached the
winter of our discontent.
366
00:21:00,492 --> 00:21:03,354
Hold on. It's some
Michael character.
367
00:21:06,665 --> 00:21:09,167
- Who's Michael?
- Let's order a pizza.
368
00:21:09,168 --> 00:21:12,170
Lelaina, if we promise
to pay you back...
369
00:21:12,171 --> 00:21:13,671
will you spot us a pizza?
370
00:21:13,672 --> 00:21:15,173
Don't have any cash.
371
00:21:15,174 --> 00:21:16,674
Dominoes takes checks.
372
00:21:16,675 --> 00:21:18,035
OK, great.
373
00:21:19,178 --> 00:21:20,675
OK. Bye.
374
00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:23,181
The owner of Dominoes
supports Operation Rescue.
375
00:21:23,182 --> 00:21:25,683
Oh, please. No one
gives a shit right now.
376
00:21:25,684 --> 00:21:27,185
We're starving.
377
00:21:27,186 --> 00:21:29,980
Oh, wait. Wait.
378
00:21:32,191 --> 00:21:35,792
- We're going to eat gas.
379
00:21:40,699 --> 00:21:42,867
Who's this Michael guy?
380
00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:46,204
Hey. Vickie just
figured something out.
381
00:21:46,205 --> 00:21:48,206
- What?
- Something wonderful.
382
00:21:48,207 --> 00:21:52,710
Evian is naive spelled backwards.
383
00:21:52,711 --> 00:21:55,513
Could you turn this up, please?
384
00:21:55,514 --> 00:21:58,308
Please? You won't be sorry.
385
00:21:59,218 --> 00:22:00,718
Thank you.
386
00:22:00,719 --> 00:22:04,755
...When you gonna give
me some time, Sharona?
387
00:22:04,756 --> 00:22:08,392
Ooh, you make my motor
run, my motor run
388
00:22:08,393 --> 00:22:11,862
Gun it comin' off of
the line, Sharona
389
00:22:11,863 --> 00:22:15,066
Never gonna stop, give
it up, such a dirty mind
390
00:22:15,067 --> 00:22:18,402
Always get it up for the
touch of the younger kind
391
00:22:18,403 --> 00:22:21,401
My, my, my, i, yi, woo!
392
00:22:22,908 --> 00:22:24,871
M- m-my Sharona.
393
00:22:27,746 --> 00:22:31,082
Come a little closer, huh?
Ah, will ya, huh?
394
00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:34,252
Close enough to look
in my eyes, Sharona
395
00:22:34,253 --> 00:22:37,755
Keeping it a mystery, it gets to me
396
00:22:37,756 --> 00:22:41,414
Running down the length
of my thighs, Sharona...
397
00:22:41,660 --> 00:22:44,762
Good times, any time
you need them, baby
398
00:22:44,763 --> 00:22:48,266
Good times, ain't no
time to be afraid
399
00:22:48,267 --> 00:22:50,268
Thelma's husband Keith has got
vodka hidden in the toilet.
400
00:22:50,269 --> 00:22:52,767
Vodka in the toilet.
That's a good one.
401
00:22:53,772 --> 00:22:55,773
James Dice.
402
00:22:55,774 --> 00:22:57,275
That's a two-parter, man.
You can't do that.
403
00:22:57,276 --> 00:22:59,277
J.J. works in the chicken shop.
404
00:22:59,278 --> 00:23:01,279
He works in a chicken shop.
We did that.
405
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,281
It's the same one when
he has that cape on.
406
00:23:03,282 --> 00:23:04,782
Drink up, man.
407
00:23:04,783 --> 00:23:07,285
You hate to see that
happen to the rookie.
408
00:23:07,286 --> 00:23:08,953
Um... Alderman Davis judges a...
409
00:23:10,789 --> 00:23:12,388
Oh, my god.
410
00:23:13,825 --> 00:23:16,294
Are you a collection agent?
411
00:23:16,295 --> 00:23:18,396
Lelaina!
412
00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:22,499
Oh! Yeah, I'll be right there.
413
00:23:27,572 --> 00:23:30,341
If you ain't the most
hardheaded woman...
414
00:23:30,342 --> 00:23:31,809
Great!
415
00:23:31,810 --> 00:23:33,311
Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.
Oh, it's me!
416
00:23:33,312 --> 00:23:34,812
Willona dates a deaf guy.
417
00:23:34,813 --> 00:23:36,280
- Good one.
- Willona dates a deaf guy.
418
00:23:36,281 --> 00:23:37,982
How about the one when
Gary Coleman comes on...
419
00:23:37,983 --> 00:23:41,516
and he's like the little...
like, guy doing that...
420
00:23:42,487 --> 00:23:44,689
- Yeah, we did that one.
- He was cute, though.
421
00:23:44,690 --> 00:23:46,991
- J.J.'s prom date.
- Gotta go. Gotta go.
422
00:23:46,992 --> 00:23:48,559
- Hey. Hi. Hello. Hi.
- Hi.
423
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:53,026
Um... everybody, this is Michael.
This is...
424
00:23:53,832 --> 00:23:56,434
Prom date. Prom date. Go.
425
00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:57,902
You know, we should...
We should... Yeah.
426
00:23:57,903 --> 00:23:59,136
So, I'm gonna go.
427
00:23:59,137 --> 00:24:00,171
Bye.
428
00:24:00,172 --> 00:24:01,672
Michael throws a party.
Sammy, let's go.
429
00:24:01,673 --> 00:24:05,400
Lelaina, you know the punishment
for premature evacuation.
430
00:24:08,513 --> 00:24:12,171
Penny! Willona adopts Penny! Shit!
431
00:24:13,852 --> 00:24:16,220
I'm making this documentary...
432
00:24:16,221 --> 00:24:18,022
about my friends,
but it's really about...
433
00:24:18,023 --> 00:24:20,691
people who are trying to
find their own identity...
434
00:24:20,692 --> 00:24:24,261
without having any real role
models or heroes or anything.
435
00:24:24,262 --> 00:24:27,865
Wow. That... That sounds great.
436
00:24:27,866 --> 00:24:30,368
It seems like your friends
would be perfect for that.
437
00:24:30,369 --> 00:24:32,236
Like, um... Like that guy Troy-
438
00:24:32,237 --> 00:24:33,871
- Troy, yeah.
- You all done here, sir?
439
00:24:33,872 --> 00:24:35,373
yeah. Yeah.
440
00:24:35,374 --> 00:24:36,874
You don't want to finish that?
Because I can-
441
00:24:36,875 --> 00:24:39,377
No, no, no. I'm fine.
I had a late...
442
00:24:39,378 --> 00:24:41,379
So, Troy is... You guys just...
443
00:24:41,380 --> 00:24:43,881
It's like you guys living
there, just the two of you?
444
00:24:43,882 --> 00:24:45,583
No, no, no, no, no.
445
00:24:45,584 --> 00:24:49,387
It's me and Vickie, but he
got fired from his job...
446
00:24:49,388 --> 00:24:52,390
and so he needed a place to
crash for a couple weeks.
447
00:24:52,391 --> 00:24:56,160
They caught him
stealing a Snickers.
448
00:24:56,161 --> 00:24:59,497
He stole a Snickers bar?
449
00:24:59,498 --> 00:25:01,399
Yeah.
450
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:03,901
Somehow he can rationalize it...
451
00:25:03,902 --> 00:25:08,906
like the establishment
owes him a Snickers.
452
00:25:08,907 --> 00:25:10,307
Right, right.
453
00:25:10,308 --> 00:25:13,102
Well, I mean... I guess...
you know...
454
00:25:19,418 --> 00:25:21,848
You know, you're very beautiful.
455
00:25:23,755 --> 00:25:25,689
I mean... I mean, um...
456
00:25:25,690 --> 00:25:28,120
Seriously, you're...
457
00:25:28,927 --> 00:25:36,590
I'm, uh... I'm, uh... not
really good with compliments.
458
00:25:37,436 --> 00:25:39,003
Um... but, uh...
459
00:25:39,004 --> 00:25:42,605
Um... Ha ha! Are you religious?
460
00:25:44,943 --> 00:25:47,645
Um... Ha ha ha!
461
00:25:47,646 --> 00:25:50,381
I'm sorry.
462
00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:54,452
I guess I'm... I guess I'm, uh...
463
00:25:54,453 --> 00:25:56,620
a non-practicing Jew.
464
00:25:56,621 --> 00:25:59,187
Hey, I'm a non-practicing virgin.
465
00:26:04,196 --> 00:26:05,963
Who's this again?
466
00:26:05,964 --> 00:26:07,465
Frampton. Peter Frampton.
467
00:26:07,466 --> 00:26:08,966
Frampton...
468
00:26:08,967 --> 00:26:10,468
I can't believe you
don't remember...
469
00:26:10,469 --> 00:26:11,969
"Frampton Comes Alive. "
470
00:26:11,970 --> 00:26:14,972
That album, like, totally
changed my life.
471
00:26:14,973 --> 00:26:20,811
The most profound, important
invention of my lifetime-
472
00:26:20,812 --> 00:26:22,813
the Big Gulp.
473
00:26:22,814 --> 00:26:24,648
And because, see- No, listen.
474
00:26:24,649 --> 00:26:26,150
You get one in the morning.
475
00:26:26,151 --> 00:26:28,986
I'm talking forty-four ouncer,
not this thirty-two wimpy-
476
00:26:28,987 --> 00:26:31,989
- Wait a minute. Forty four?
- Yeah. Forty-four ounce.
477
00:26:31,990 --> 00:26:37,495
How can you ingest forty-four
ounces of anything?
478
00:26:37,496 --> 00:26:38,996
You get one.
479
00:26:38,997 --> 00:26:41,499
You have your essential
vitamins and nutrients...
480
00:26:41,500 --> 00:26:43,000
for the entire day.
481
00:26:43,001 --> 00:26:46,003
Oh, yeah. Definitely. I'm
sure you're totally covered.
482
00:26:46,004 --> 00:26:48,005
- You do.
- Well...
483
00:26:48,006 --> 00:26:51,509
I guess it really doesn't
take much to make me happy.
484
00:26:51,510 --> 00:26:54,512
Hey, I'm not materialistic, either.
485
00:26:54,513 --> 00:26:58,015
I mean, I think I'd be working
even if I wasn't getting paid.
486
00:26:58,016 --> 00:27:01,519
And I don't, like, want to get,
you know... a big house.
487
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:04,522
I just want, like, a nice house.
488
00:27:04,523 --> 00:27:07,525
I'm not into cars and stuff.
489
00:27:07,526 --> 00:27:10,027
I mean, I like my car.
490
00:27:10,028 --> 00:27:12,863
You're probably not
really not into, like...
491
00:27:12,864 --> 00:27:16,033
expensive, snazzy
Italian suits, either.
492
00:27:16,034 --> 00:27:18,035
- Oh, come on.
- I'm just kidding.
493
00:27:18,036 --> 00:27:20,037
- No, no, no.
- I'm just kidding.
494
00:27:20,038 --> 00:27:21,539
Wait a minute. I'm not like that.
495
00:27:21,540 --> 00:27:23,541
I'm really not. I mean... I mean...
496
00:27:23,542 --> 00:27:26,544
I'm... I'm... I mean...
497
00:27:26,545 --> 00:27:28,879
I know why the caged bird
sings and everything.
498
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,548
Oh, yeah? Why?
499
00:27:30,549 --> 00:27:35,052
Because he was... in a
cage, and he was...
500
00:27:35,053 --> 00:27:37,054
I don't know. He had
high hopes or something.
501
00:27:37,055 --> 00:27:38,556
OK, I dropped out of school...
502
00:27:38,557 --> 00:27:40,558
before we got to that, all right?
503
00:27:40,559 --> 00:27:42,059
I should have stayed in college...
504
00:27:42,060 --> 00:27:44,061
and got a degree in
astronomy or something.
505
00:27:44,062 --> 00:27:46,063
- Oh, god, I love astronomy.
- Really?
506
00:27:46,064 --> 00:27:47,565
Yeah. I just... The math, though.
507
00:27:47,566 --> 00:27:50,067
It was the math that just,
like... got me every time.
508
00:27:50,068 --> 00:27:52,069
I loved astronomy, too,
and I got into class...
509
00:27:52,070 --> 00:27:53,571
and it was like... it was like...
510
00:27:53,572 --> 00:27:59,076
everything was three-squared
times pi equals the root of pi.
511
00:27:59,077 --> 00:28:01,579
Yeah. And I just wanted
to look at the stars.
512
00:28:01,580 --> 00:28:04,772
- It was so...
- Same here exactly.
513
00:28:05,584 --> 00:28:08,586
I remember being so happy on
the roof of our old house...
514
00:28:08,587 --> 00:28:10,755
just staring up at the stars.
515
00:28:12,090 --> 00:28:15,092
I want to do that again.
I want to just...
516
00:28:15,093 --> 00:28:19,096
look up at the stars and
take the time to...
517
00:28:19,097 --> 00:28:22,099
smell the...
518
00:28:22,100 --> 00:28:23,790
everything.
519
00:28:26,104 --> 00:28:29,607
Because it's like... do you ever
have those moments in life...
520
00:28:29,608 --> 00:28:32,610
where everything is OK?
Do you know what I mean?
521
00:28:32,611 --> 00:28:35,112
Just for, like, one moment,
everything is great.
522
00:28:35,113 --> 00:28:39,783
Not since I graduated, no.
But yeah... yeah.
523
00:28:39,784 --> 00:28:43,120
When you, like, catch
yourself in a moment...
524
00:28:43,121 --> 00:28:46,123
and you're saying, wait,
I'm happy here in the moment.
525
00:28:46,124 --> 00:28:48,626
Right. And then it just
goes away really quickly.
526
00:28:48,627 --> 00:28:51,128
- Gone.
- It just... It's...
527
00:28:51,129 --> 00:28:53,130
I know I've had a couple
of those, you know.
528
00:28:53,131 --> 00:28:55,132
I always forget them,
but I know I've had them.
529
00:28:55,133 --> 00:28:56,823
Oh, me, too.
530
00:29:00,939 --> 00:29:03,664
Like right now... is one.
531
00:29:06,311 --> 00:29:08,502
Yeah... like now.
532
00:29:12,150 --> 00:29:14,151
Clouds are stalking
533
00:29:14,152 --> 00:29:16,843
Islands in the sun
534
00:29:18,156 --> 00:29:21,348
Wish I could dry one
535
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:24,021
Out of season
536
00:29:25,463 --> 00:29:27,358
But don't
537
00:29:28,466 --> 00:29:30,566
Hesitate
538
00:29:31,836 --> 00:29:34,527
'Cause your love
539
00:29:35,674 --> 00:29:37,675
Won't wait
540
00:29:37,676 --> 00:29:40,344
Hey, hey, hey
541
00:29:40,345 --> 00:29:43,681
Ooh, baby, I love your way
542
00:29:43,682 --> 00:29:45,372
Every day
543
00:29:47,018 --> 00:29:50,346
Want to tell you I love your way
544
00:29:55,226 --> 00:29:57,695
Ooh, baby, I love your way
545
00:29:57,696 --> 00:29:59,196
Every day
546
00:29:59,197 --> 00:30:01,194
I want to be with you night and day
547
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:04,391
So, you've been up all night?
548
00:30:05,770 --> 00:30:11,041
I am picking up some very
strange vibes in here.
549
00:30:11,042 --> 00:30:15,212
They're of the...
"I just got laid" variety.
550
00:30:15,213 --> 00:30:16,714
Did he dazzle you...
551
00:30:16,715 --> 00:30:19,616
with his extensive knowledge
of mineral water?
552
00:30:19,617 --> 00:30:23,721
Or was it his in-depth
analysis of Markie Mark...
553
00:30:23,722 --> 00:30:25,522
that finally reeled you in?
554
00:30:25,523 --> 00:30:28,225
I just would have liked
to have been there...
555
00:30:28,226 --> 00:30:30,227
to watch how you rationalized...
556
00:30:30,228 --> 00:30:32,996
sleeping with a yuppy-head
cheeseball on the first date.
557
00:30:32,997 --> 00:30:34,331
He's not a yuppy.
558
00:30:34,332 --> 00:30:37,057
He's the reason why Cliff
Notes were invented.
559
00:30:38,236 --> 00:30:40,237
Well, that pales in comparison...
560
00:30:40,238 --> 00:30:42,668
to the tweaked-out
little skanks you date.
561
00:30:43,575 --> 00:30:45,075
To hell with it. What do I care?
562
00:30:45,076 --> 00:30:47,511
What do you care?
And why are you acting...
563
00:30:47,512 --> 00:30:49,747
like a jealous boyfriend
all of a sudden?
564
00:30:49,748 --> 00:30:53,250
I am not acting like anything.
565
00:30:53,251 --> 00:30:55,942
I am calmly reading.
566
00:30:57,122 --> 00:31:00,257
God. If something's
bothering you that much...
567
00:31:00,258 --> 00:31:02,790
I wish you could just be man
enough to talk to me about it.
568
00:31:04,262 --> 00:31:06,123
All right, Lelaina.
569
00:31:19,277 --> 00:31:21,308
I am really in love with you.
570
00:31:26,785 --> 00:31:30,287
Is that what you want
to hear? Is it?
571
00:31:30,288 --> 00:31:33,821
Well, don't flatter yourself.
572
00:31:37,295 --> 00:31:38,985
Go to hell.
573
00:31:51,810 --> 00:31:54,178
Since I've been manager here...
574
00:31:54,179 --> 00:31:58,782
our gross has increased
over twenty percent.
575
00:31:58,783 --> 00:32:01,318
So... What?
576
00:32:01,319 --> 00:32:04,321
OK. OK. Um...
577
00:32:04,322 --> 00:32:05,823
I guess I'm proud of that.
578
00:32:05,824 --> 00:32:08,458
Oh, please. Look at this sweater.
579
00:32:08,459 --> 00:32:11,161
People don't know. They
don't know what it takes.
580
00:32:11,162 --> 00:32:13,497
I've never been a good
example before...
581
00:32:13,498 --> 00:32:17,334
and, um... I've never been
good with responsibility.
582
00:32:17,335 --> 00:32:20,003
So, uh... I blame
my parents, though.
583
00:32:20,004 --> 00:32:23,037
I think I was conceived
on an acid trip.
584
00:32:24,275 --> 00:32:28,846
My parents got divorced
when I was 5 years old.
585
00:32:28,847 --> 00:32:32,539
And I saw my father about three
times a year after that.
586
00:32:33,852 --> 00:32:36,353
And when he found out
that he had cancer...
587
00:32:36,354 --> 00:32:38,355
he decided to bring me here...
588
00:32:38,356 --> 00:32:40,858
and he gives me this
big pink sea shell...
589
00:32:40,859 --> 00:32:42,359
and he says to me...
590
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:45,362
"Son, the answers are
all inside of this. "
591
00:32:45,363 --> 00:32:47,030
And I'm all, like, "What?"
592
00:32:47,031 --> 00:32:49,366
But then I realized that
the shell was empty.
593
00:32:49,367 --> 00:32:50,868
There's no point to any of this.
594
00:32:50,869 --> 00:32:52,559
It's all just a...
595
00:32:53,538 --> 00:32:55,873
A random lottery of
meaningless tragedy...
596
00:32:55,874 --> 00:32:58,406
and a series of near escapes.
597
00:33:00,378 --> 00:33:03,881
So I take pleasure in
the details, you know.
598
00:33:03,882 --> 00:33:07,217
A Quarter-Pounder with cheese.
599
00:33:07,218 --> 00:33:09,386
Those are good.
600
00:33:09,387 --> 00:33:15,225
The sky about... ten minutes
before it starts to rain.
601
00:33:15,226 --> 00:33:18,918
The moment where your
laughter becomes a cackle.
602
00:33:20,231 --> 00:33:25,596
And I sit back, and I...
I smoke my Camel straights.
603
00:33:27,405 --> 00:33:30,140
And I ride my own melt.
604
00:33:30,141 --> 00:33:32,409
Come on. Come on. No lagging.
605
00:33:32,410 --> 00:33:34,411
The free clinic A.I.D.S. test.
606
00:33:34,412 --> 00:33:37,114
The rite of passage
for our generation.
607
00:33:37,115 --> 00:33:39,416
We're so lucky. Come on.
608
00:33:39,417 --> 00:33:43,921
So, Vick, why are
you getting tested?
609
00:33:43,922 --> 00:33:46,454
One of my friends tested positive.
610
00:33:47,592 --> 00:33:51,125
To be on the safe side... you know.
611
00:33:55,934 --> 00:33:57,624
Vickie Miner.
612
00:34:02,106 --> 00:34:04,467
Vickie Miner.
613
00:34:08,613 --> 00:34:10,247
You can forget it.
614
00:34:10,248 --> 00:34:12,449
Come on, Grant.
That... It's incredible.
615
00:34:12,450 --> 00:34:14,785
It's junk. Depressing junk.
616
00:34:14,786 --> 00:34:16,620
You know my rules for
the "Video View"-
617
00:34:16,621 --> 00:34:18,121
light and perky.
618
00:34:18,122 --> 00:34:22,656
Look, Lelaina, maybe I should
talk to Grant alone about this.
619
00:34:25,463 --> 00:34:27,664
Look, she's got real talent...
620
00:34:27,665 --> 00:34:29,466
and I want to put her on staff.
621
00:34:29,467 --> 00:34:31,468
I will not have Miss
Pierce on staff.
622
00:34:31,469 --> 00:34:33,470
I will walk out of
here if that happens.
623
00:34:33,471 --> 00:34:34,972
You watch.
624
00:34:34,973 --> 00:34:37,641
OK, calm down. It's no big deal.
625
00:34:37,642 --> 00:34:39,476
We don't have to have her.
626
00:34:39,477 --> 00:34:40,978
Besides, having to look...
627
00:34:40,979 --> 00:34:42,980
at that girl's pointy
little face all day...
628
00:34:42,981 --> 00:34:44,481
it would make me ill.
629
00:34:44,482 --> 00:34:45,983
Just get rid of her...
630
00:34:45,984 --> 00:34:48,448
like I asked you to do
in the first place.
631
00:34:55,693 --> 00:34:57,227
...I'll get there.
632
00:34:57,228 --> 00:34:59,997
If I don't know where
to go, I'll get there.
633
00:34:59,998 --> 00:35:01,859
If I don't know-
634
00:35:07,171 --> 00:35:08,505
Ten seconds...
635
00:35:08,506 --> 00:35:11,008
nine, eight, seven...
636
00:35:11,009 --> 00:35:14,667
six, five, four...
637
00:35:24,022 --> 00:35:26,256
Is this a good morning or what?
638
00:35:26,257 --> 00:35:30,694
Well, with us today
is Libby Kumbaugh...
639
00:35:30,695 --> 00:35:34,531
the author of this book-
"Mommy, Why Do I Hate Myself?
640
00:35:34,532 --> 00:35:37,200
"Self-Esteem for
Parent and Child. "
641
00:35:37,201 --> 00:35:39,803
- Good morning, Libby.
- Good morning, Grant.
642
00:35:39,804 --> 00:35:45,075
Good morning! Now, Libby...
I'm concerned with self-esteem.
643
00:35:45,076 --> 00:35:47,144
Personally, I've always
had an odd preference...
644
00:35:47,145 --> 00:35:49,745
for very, very young girls.
645
00:35:52,550 --> 00:35:53,808
I...
646
00:35:56,154 --> 00:35:59,380
Being a total prick-
647
00:36:01,392 --> 00:36:05,328
...ly pear, I...
648
00:36:05,329 --> 00:36:08,832
Why don't we welcome this
audience again, huh?
649
00:36:08,833 --> 00:36:10,022
Good morning!
650
00:36:12,403 --> 00:36:15,072
I make more of a
mess than Ruby does.
651
00:36:15,073 --> 00:36:17,074
Hi. You guys, we have to
have a family meeting.
652
00:36:17,075 --> 00:36:18,408
Something's happened.
653
00:36:18,409 --> 00:36:20,243
Oh, no! They've discovered
Nutrasweet causes you...
654
00:36:20,244 --> 00:36:21,578
to grow a third eye.
655
00:36:21,579 --> 00:36:23,080
Let me just say that
everything's gonna be fine.
656
00:36:23,081 --> 00:36:24,581
Yeah, it's not a big deal.
657
00:36:24,582 --> 00:36:26,083
She'll just wear a patch over it.
658
00:36:26,084 --> 00:36:27,584
I'm working out a plan.
659
00:36:27,585 --> 00:36:29,086
Yeah, there's a surgeon in Paris.
660
00:36:29,087 --> 00:36:30,587
He'll just remove it for free.
661
00:36:30,588 --> 00:36:32,589
- Just don't panic.
- It's not contagious.
662
00:36:32,590 --> 00:36:35,623
Would you shut up?
I just got fired.
663
00:36:36,427 --> 00:36:37,427
Yeah.
664
00:36:37,428 --> 00:36:39,596
Oh, my god. What happened?
665
00:36:39,597 --> 00:36:42,099
You got fired?
666
00:36:42,100 --> 00:36:45,102
I mean, that just screws up my
whole idea of good and evil.
667
00:36:45,103 --> 00:36:47,771
It's not like I had a
hysterectomy or anything.
668
00:36:47,772 --> 00:36:51,772
I just... I got fired. I'll find
something else, you know.
669
00:36:53,611 --> 00:36:55,445
You're hired.
670
00:36:55,446 --> 00:36:57,447
I need a part-timer.
You need a job.
671
00:36:57,448 --> 00:36:58,615
That would be so cool.
672
00:36:58,616 --> 00:37:00,617
It's only, like, five dollars
an hour. No big deal.
673
00:37:00,618 --> 00:37:02,119
But it's a pretty good opportunity.
674
00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:03,620
Yeah, it's a dream come true.
675
00:37:03,621 --> 00:37:05,122
It is.
676
00:37:05,123 --> 00:37:07,624
You know, Vick, I said
I'm working out a plan.
677
00:37:07,625 --> 00:37:09,126
Yeah. So, what's the plan?
678
00:37:09,127 --> 00:37:12,129
I'm not gonna work at the
Gap, for Christ's sake.
679
00:37:12,130 --> 00:37:13,820
OK?
680
00:37:14,632 --> 00:37:18,635
- No. I mean-
- Oh, no. I'm so sorry.
681
00:37:18,636 --> 00:37:22,472
Oh, how stupid of me to try
to drag you down to my level.
682
00:37:22,473 --> 00:37:26,143
- Vickie, you don't do this, OK?
- Shut up.
683
00:37:26,144 --> 00:37:28,145
Come on. This is just...
684
00:37:28,146 --> 00:37:31,008
You know I didn't mean it. Vickie.
685
00:37:54,172 --> 00:37:56,173
You see, this is where
Troy was fired...
686
00:37:56,174 --> 00:37:57,674
from his eleventh job.
687
00:37:57,675 --> 00:38:00,343
He was an illustrious
office cleaner.
688
00:38:01,179 --> 00:38:02,679
Now if you'll come
this way, please...
689
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:05,182
we will continue our short
but happy walking tour...
690
00:38:05,183 --> 00:38:07,217
of the career of Troy Dyer.
691
00:38:07,218 --> 00:38:10,687
And here we have the newsstand...
692
00:38:10,688 --> 00:38:13,690
where Troy dared to
ask the question-
693
00:38:13,691 --> 00:38:15,859
Are employee snacks subsidized?
694
00:38:17,195 --> 00:38:19,696
The answer- tragically, no.
695
00:38:19,697 --> 00:38:21,698
In total, he has been fired...
696
00:38:21,699 --> 00:38:24,201
from- yes, count them- twelve jobs.
697
00:38:24,202 --> 00:38:25,702
Twelve? Ouch.
698
00:38:25,703 --> 00:38:28,205
So you shouldn't feel so bad.
699
00:38:28,206 --> 00:38:31,208
One of these mornings, I'm going
to wake up before noon and...
700
00:38:31,209 --> 00:38:33,210
Yeah, right.
701
00:38:33,211 --> 00:38:36,213
And I'm gonna turn on the TV...
702
00:38:36,214 --> 00:38:38,215
and there Bryant Gumbel
will be, and he'll say...
703
00:38:38,216 --> 00:38:40,383
"Today we have with us...
704
00:38:40,384 --> 00:38:44,387
"the Pulitzer Prize winning
documentarian Lelaina Pierce.
705
00:38:44,388 --> 00:38:48,388
"Lelaina, after your first
film, Why Barbie Is Bad... "
706
00:38:49,727 --> 00:38:52,229
"You seem to have
forgotten all about...
707
00:38:52,230 --> 00:38:53,997
"your best friend, Troy Dyer. "
708
00:38:53,998 --> 00:38:55,966
Troy who?
709
00:38:55,967 --> 00:38:57,400
What was that name again?
710
00:38:57,401 --> 00:39:00,237
Oh, right through the heart.
711
00:39:00,238 --> 00:39:02,739
I'll probably be working
at the Whole Foods...
712
00:39:02,740 --> 00:39:03,740
playing warehouses...
713
00:39:03,741 --> 00:39:05,709
hanging around places
like the Radio Shack...
714
00:39:05,710 --> 00:39:07,244
screaming that I
used to know you...
715
00:39:07,245 --> 00:39:08,979
and you'll be there
in the lights...
716
00:39:08,980 --> 00:39:11,014
and you'll be all
beautiful and shit.
717
00:39:11,015 --> 00:39:14,251
Oh, Troy. No, no, no.
That'll never happen.
718
00:39:14,252 --> 00:39:17,444
They would never hire
you at Whole Foods.
719
00:39:19,257 --> 00:39:22,759
You see, Lainie,
this is all we need-
720
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:25,793
a couple of smokes,
a cup of coffee...
721
00:39:26,931 --> 00:39:29,432
And a little bit of conversation.
722
00:39:29,433 --> 00:39:31,768
You and me and five bucks.
723
00:39:31,769 --> 00:39:33,459
You got it.
724
00:39:34,772 --> 00:39:37,463
You know what?
725
00:39:43,781 --> 00:39:46,116
- No, no, no.
- What?
726
00:39:46,117 --> 00:39:47,450
Troy, I can't. I can't.
727
00:39:47,451 --> 00:39:49,419
Why not? You never
thought about it?
728
00:39:49,420 --> 00:39:51,788
Well, yes, of course
I have, but I...
729
00:39:51,789 --> 00:39:52,956
But what?
730
00:39:52,957 --> 00:39:54,791
I can't not be friends
with you, OK?
731
00:39:54,792 --> 00:39:56,793
I don't want that. That's
not what I'm talking about.
732
00:39:56,794 --> 00:40:00,797
I'm talking about a...
you know, evolving.
733
00:40:00,798 --> 00:40:02,299
I just can't handle this right now.
734
00:40:02,300 --> 00:40:04,801
I can't evolve right now.
735
00:40:04,802 --> 00:40:07,304
Why not? Because of Michael?
736
00:40:07,305 --> 00:40:08,995
No.
737
00:40:10,474 --> 00:40:13,507
Yeah. Yes. Yes.
738
00:40:25,189 --> 00:40:27,824
My parents got divorced
when I was fourteen.
739
00:40:27,825 --> 00:40:29,993
My dad... the dog...
740
00:40:29,994 --> 00:40:33,330
he remarried six months
after the divorce.
741
00:40:33,331 --> 00:40:35,832
Wow. That's quick. How
did everybody react?
742
00:40:35,833 --> 00:40:40,837
Um... my mom threatened to
kill herself in front of me.
743
00:40:40,838 --> 00:40:42,839
Patty got drunk in her closet...
744
00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:44,841
every morning before
junior high school.
745
00:40:44,842 --> 00:40:46,509
And you?
746
00:40:46,510 --> 00:40:49,346
Well, um...
747
00:40:49,347 --> 00:40:53,016
Somebody had to remember
to take out the trash...
748
00:40:53,017 --> 00:40:55,352
sign the report
cards, buy the milk.
749
00:40:55,353 --> 00:40:59,923
So, um... that kind
of ended up being me.
750
00:40:59,924 --> 00:41:01,424
I don't want to get married...
751
00:41:01,425 --> 00:41:03,326
because I see how my parents are.
752
00:41:03,327 --> 00:41:06,863
And they've been together,
like, 26 years...
753
00:41:06,864 --> 00:41:08,865
and they're like brother
and sister at this point.
754
00:41:08,866 --> 00:41:12,369
My mother goes to the
bathroom with the door open.
755
00:41:12,370 --> 00:41:13,870
That's "A."
756
00:41:13,871 --> 00:41:15,872
And "B"- It's disgusting.
757
00:41:15,873 --> 00:41:17,540
I don't want any part of that.
758
00:41:17,541 --> 00:41:19,876
I want first kisses.
I want passion...
759
00:41:19,877 --> 00:41:21,878
the whole way through.
760
00:41:21,879 --> 00:41:26,216
It's better than having to kiss
your husband's ass all the time.
761
00:41:26,217 --> 00:41:27,884
Yeah.
762
00:41:27,885 --> 00:41:29,986
I think that your documentary...
763
00:41:29,987 --> 00:41:31,916
would be perfect for
"In Your Face. "
764
00:41:33,391 --> 00:41:34,891
- See? Forget it.
- No.
765
00:41:34,892 --> 00:41:36,893
You're probably thinking
more like, you know...
766
00:41:36,894 --> 00:41:38,395
P.B.S. or something.
767
00:41:38,396 --> 00:41:40,897
No. No. You know
what it is, though?
768
00:41:40,898 --> 00:41:43,533
It's that I... Boy.
769
00:41:43,534 --> 00:41:45,402
OK, when I made this thing...
770
00:41:45,403 --> 00:41:47,904
I kind of made this
promise to myself...
771
00:41:47,905 --> 00:41:49,406
that I wasn't going
to think about...
772
00:41:49,407 --> 00:41:52,709
where it was gonna end up
because I didn't want to...
773
00:41:52,710 --> 00:41:55,412
unintentionally commercialize it.
774
00:41:55,413 --> 00:41:56,913
No, I think that's great.
775
00:41:56,914 --> 00:41:58,915
I mean, I think you
should definitely...
776
00:41:58,916 --> 00:42:00,417
not unintentionally do anything...
777
00:42:00,418 --> 00:42:01,918
that you're not comfortable with.
778
00:42:01,919 --> 00:42:03,920
I mean, not that I
would intentionally-
779
00:42:03,921 --> 00:42:05,922
Well, plus it's not
done yet, you know.
780
00:42:05,923 --> 00:42:08,425
Right. I know. I know.
It was just a stupid...
781
00:42:08,426 --> 00:42:10,927
You know... I got to go to
New York on Wednesday...
782
00:42:10,928 --> 00:42:13,930
for this huge network
meeting thing...
783
00:42:13,931 --> 00:42:16,933
which is totally...
God, you would hate it.
784
00:42:16,934 --> 00:42:19,436
I hate it. I just...
I just thought...
785
00:42:19,437 --> 00:42:21,438
that they would freak
out over your tapes...
786
00:42:21,439 --> 00:42:23,940
because they never see anything
that's really smart...
787
00:42:23,941 --> 00:42:28,445
and has real... you
know, quality and is...
788
00:42:28,446 --> 00:42:30,447
good, like you and your work...
789
00:42:30,448 --> 00:42:34,451
and I know I'm being selfish and...
790
00:42:34,452 --> 00:42:37,454
Michael, um...
791
00:42:37,455 --> 00:42:40,957
That is literally, literally...
792
00:42:40,958 --> 00:42:45,462
the nicest thing that
anyone's ever said to me...
793
00:42:45,463 --> 00:42:49,656
the sweetest thing that
anyone's ever said to me.
794
00:42:56,474 --> 00:42:59,976
So, what are you doing for
the rest of your morning?
795
00:42:59,977 --> 00:43:01,978
What am... Oh, what am I doing?
796
00:43:01,979 --> 00:43:03,980
What am I doing?
797
00:43:03,981 --> 00:43:06,483
Ooh. Well, I have a job interview.
798
00:43:06,484 --> 00:43:08,485
Lelaina, this thing is from 1988.
799
00:43:08,486 --> 00:43:10,487
I know. Ha ha ha!
800
00:43:10,488 --> 00:43:14,021
So you're, like... six years late.
801
00:43:21,332 --> 00:43:23,833
I thought the ad said
that this was a job...
802
00:43:23,834 --> 00:43:25,768
for a production assistant.
803
00:43:25,769 --> 00:43:29,506
Yes. You will be assisting me...
804
00:43:29,507 --> 00:43:33,510
in the production of
videotapes, all right?
805
00:43:33,511 --> 00:43:37,680
You're going to make copies
for me... many copies.
806
00:43:37,681 --> 00:43:43,186
Oh, is this like a...
like a pirate operation?
807
00:43:43,187 --> 00:43:46,379
Do I look like a pirate to you?
808
00:43:48,526 --> 00:43:51,027
Now, radio is all
instinct, Lelaina.
809
00:43:51,028 --> 00:43:53,696
Do you know where all
the radio comes from?
810
00:43:53,697 --> 00:43:56,032
The gut. It's all in the gut.
811
00:43:56,033 --> 00:43:58,034
Because when you think
on your feet...
812
00:43:58,035 --> 00:43:59,536
got to go from your gut.
813
00:43:59,537 --> 00:44:02,539
And my gut is telling
me that, uh...
814
00:44:02,540 --> 00:44:04,040
this isn't gonna work out.
815
00:44:04,041 --> 00:44:06,743
Maybe your gut's just
saying you're hungry or...
816
00:44:06,744 --> 00:44:10,213
Oh, no, no, no, no.
It's telling me that, uh...
817
00:44:10,214 --> 00:44:12,549
you're overqualified for this job.
818
00:44:12,550 --> 00:44:16,151
I'm really not that smart.
819
00:44:17,721 --> 00:44:19,556
No offense, sweetie,
but you don't have...
820
00:44:19,557 --> 00:44:22,058
any experience on a
newspaper. You're TV.
821
00:44:22,059 --> 00:44:25,562
Well, I'm trying to make my
transition to print journalism.
822
00:44:25,563 --> 00:44:27,063
Ah. Why?
823
00:44:27,064 --> 00:44:29,065
Well, newspapers are
the last watchdogs...
824
00:44:29,066 --> 00:44:30,567
of our... our government.
825
00:44:30,568 --> 00:44:32,068
They enforce the
checks and balances.
826
00:44:32,069 --> 00:44:34,070
And one half-hour of TV
only adds up to-
827
00:44:34,071 --> 00:44:35,838
OK. All right.
828
00:44:35,839 --> 00:44:38,441
Define irony.
829
00:44:38,442 --> 00:44:40,577
Irony. Uh...
830
00:44:40,578 --> 00:44:42,078
Irony.
831
00:44:42,079 --> 00:44:43,646
It's a noun.
832
00:44:43,647 --> 00:44:46,516
It's when something is...
833
00:44:46,517 --> 00:44:48,084
ironic. It's, uh...
834
00:44:48,085 --> 00:44:51,354
Well, I can't really
define irony...
835
00:44:51,355 --> 00:44:53,284
but I know it when I see it!
836
00:45:15,446 --> 00:45:17,714
Hey. Hey.
837
00:45:17,715 --> 00:45:20,116
Oh, my god. I've never
been so glad...
838
00:45:20,117 --> 00:45:22,118
to see anyone in my entire life.
839
00:45:22,119 --> 00:45:24,120
This day has been the
biggest nightmare.
840
00:45:24,121 --> 00:45:26,122
I mean, these job
interviews, Troy...
841
00:45:26,123 --> 00:45:29,125
the word vivisection, a
staggering understatement.
842
00:45:29,126 --> 00:45:31,327
Can you define irony?
843
00:45:31,328 --> 00:45:33,630
It's when the actual meaning
is the complete opposite...
844
00:45:33,631 --> 00:45:35,331
from the literal meaning.
845
00:45:35,332 --> 00:45:39,161
Yeah. My god.
846
00:45:40,004 --> 00:45:43,139
Where were you when
I needed you today?
847
00:45:43,140 --> 00:45:45,074
I... I should go.
848
00:45:45,075 --> 00:45:48,645
Oh, come on. Isn't there some
statute of limitations...
849
00:45:48,646 --> 00:45:50,814
for embarrassing incidents?
850
00:45:53,150 --> 00:45:55,580
Your bravado was embarrassing.
851
00:45:58,856 --> 00:46:01,658
Hey, Troy, come on.
852
00:46:01,659 --> 00:46:04,027
You can stay with me
for one cigarette.
853
00:46:04,028 --> 00:46:07,163
I know you can stay with
me for one cigarette.
854
00:46:07,164 --> 00:46:10,333
You, me, five bucks,
good conversation.
855
00:46:10,334 --> 00:46:12,092
Right?
856
00:46:13,671 --> 00:46:15,031
Lainie...
857
00:46:17,174 --> 00:46:19,676
Troy, you haven't been
home in four days.
858
00:46:19,677 --> 00:46:23,278
I mean, where have
you been sleeping?
859
00:46:25,683 --> 00:46:27,544
I got to go.
860
00:46:34,024 --> 00:46:37,887
Mom, I need to talk
to you about a loan.
861
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:45,027
Is it for drugs?
862
00:46:47,037 --> 00:46:49,706
No. No, it's not for drugs.
863
00:46:49,707 --> 00:46:52,808
I was f... I lost my job.
864
00:46:53,711 --> 00:46:55,211
But you shouldn't
have any trouble...
865
00:46:55,212 --> 00:46:56,846
finding another job, sugar bugger.
866
00:46:56,847 --> 00:46:58,548
No. See, I tried.
867
00:46:58,549 --> 00:47:01,217
I applied for every single
opening in my field...
868
00:47:01,218 --> 00:47:04,717
but there's just... There's
nothing right now.
869
00:47:05,723 --> 00:47:09,992
Hmm. Well... then I
hate to say it but...
870
00:47:09,993 --> 00:47:11,494
times are hard.
871
00:47:11,495 --> 00:47:13,663
You're just gonna have
to swallow your pride.
872
00:47:15,232 --> 00:47:18,234
Why don't you get a job at
Burgerama? They'll hire you.
873
00:47:18,235 --> 00:47:20,336
My lord, I saw on the TV...
874
00:47:20,337 --> 00:47:24,240
they had this little retarded
boy working the cash register.
875
00:47:24,241 --> 00:47:27,744
Because I'm not retarded, mom.
876
00:47:27,745 --> 00:47:30,713
I was valedictorian
of my university.
877
00:47:30,714 --> 00:47:35,578
Well, you don't have to put
that down on your application.
878
00:47:42,259 --> 00:47:44,260
Miss Pierce, do you
have any idea...
879
00:47:44,261 --> 00:47:47,764
what it means to be a cashier
at Wiener Schnitzel?
880
00:47:47,765 --> 00:47:51,534
Yeah. It's, uh... taking orders
and making change, and, uh...
881
00:47:51,535 --> 00:47:52,769
"thank you. "
882
00:47:52,770 --> 00:47:54,437
No. It's a juggling act.
883
00:47:54,438 --> 00:47:59,008
A juggling act? You mean,
like, metaphorically?
884
00:47:59,009 --> 00:48:01,778
No. I mean, you got people
coming at you from the front...
885
00:48:01,779 --> 00:48:04,280
coming at you from the
back, from the sides...
886
00:48:04,281 --> 00:48:06,282
people at the condiment exchange...
887
00:48:06,283 --> 00:48:09,452
people at the drive-thru,
kids on bikes...
888
00:48:09,453 --> 00:48:11,788
and they're all depending on who?
889
00:48:11,789 --> 00:48:13,289
- Me?
- Yeah.
890
00:48:13,290 --> 00:48:15,792
You got time to lean, you
got time to clean, buddy.
891
00:48:15,793 --> 00:48:17,126
All right?
892
00:48:17,127 --> 00:48:19,295
You got to be 150
percent on your toes...
893
00:48:19,296 --> 00:48:20,897
150 percent of the time.
894
00:48:20,898 --> 00:48:23,800
There you go, sir. And
have a 'tude, wiener dude.
895
00:48:23,801 --> 00:48:25,491
All rightie.
896
00:48:26,303 --> 00:48:28,805
OK. I'm going to throw a
few numbers out at you...
897
00:48:28,806 --> 00:48:31,541
and you put them together in
your head as quick as you can.
898
00:48:31,542 --> 00:48:32,642
- OK?
- OK.
899
00:48:32,643 --> 00:48:34,333
Eighty-five and forty-five. Go.
900
00:48:35,312 --> 00:48:36,579
One... forty?
901
00:48:36,580 --> 00:48:37,380
Nope.
902
00:48:37,381 --> 00:48:39,649
- One... fifty?
- Nope.
903
00:48:39,650 --> 00:48:42,318
- One-sixty?
- It's not an auction.
904
00:48:42,319 --> 00:48:47,183
Miss Pierce, there's a reason
I've been here six months.
905
00:49:05,409 --> 00:49:06,843
For the entire summertime...
906
00:49:06,844 --> 00:49:08,177
occurring in one day.
907
00:49:08,178 --> 00:49:10,179
Then last night we had
snow reports in Utah.
908
00:49:10,180 --> 00:49:11,870
Today reports of I-70...
909
00:49:15,352 --> 00:49:16,853
Royalton Hotel.
910
00:49:16,854 --> 00:49:18,354
Oh, hi. Is this the Royalton Hotel?
911
00:49:18,355 --> 00:49:19,856
That's what I said.
912
00:49:19,857 --> 00:49:21,357
Oh, sorry. I didn't hear you.
913
00:49:21,358 --> 00:49:23,860
I'm looking for a guest there.
His name is Michael Grates.
914
00:49:23,861 --> 00:49:25,892
Hold one moment, please.
915
00:49:28,532 --> 00:49:29,966
That guest is out.
916
00:49:29,967 --> 00:49:31,868
Would you like to leave a message?
917
00:49:31,869 --> 00:49:34,036
Oh... no. That's OK.
I'll just try again later.
918
00:49:34,037 --> 00:49:35,568
Thanks.
919
00:49:40,310 --> 00:49:43,880
Hi. I'm Cheryl Goode and
welcome to "Wedgie"...
920
00:49:43,881 --> 00:49:45,381
the world of hip couture.
921
00:49:45,382 --> 00:49:47,884
This week, we're in
south-central Los Angeles...
922
00:49:47,885 --> 00:49:49,886
at the intersection of
Florence and Normandy...
923
00:49:49,887 --> 00:49:51,888
the flashpoint of fashion.
924
00:49:51,889 --> 00:49:54,557
The phattest gangsta trend
will increase your peace.
925
00:49:54,558 --> 00:49:56,392
This bandanna by Donna Karin...
926
00:49:56,393 --> 00:49:58,895
is blue for Crips,
red for Bloods...
927
00:49:58,896 --> 00:50:00,825
and only costs
seventy-five dollars.
928
00:50:30,427 --> 00:50:32,495
Lainie, have you seen a
pack of guitar strings?
929
00:50:32,496 --> 00:50:34,597
I have to bring them to the club.
930
00:50:34,598 --> 00:50:36,265
You know, I hope he knows...
931
00:50:36,266 --> 00:50:39,435
that he still has to pay
some rent around here.
932
00:50:39,436 --> 00:50:41,437
I mean...
933
00:50:41,438 --> 00:50:44,471
I don't know where he thinks
he's spending his nights, but...
934
00:50:45,642 --> 00:50:47,309
Do you know?
935
00:50:49,446 --> 00:50:52,809
I'm late for a jean-folding
seminar. Let's locomote.
936
00:50:59,222 --> 00:51:01,457
Now you can call your
own personal psychic...
937
00:51:01,458 --> 00:51:03,492
anytime 24 hours a day...
938
00:51:03,493 --> 00:51:06,662
thanks to the nationwide
Psychic Discovery Network.
939
00:51:06,663 --> 00:51:08,631
You can pick up the phone
and talk directly...
940
00:51:08,632 --> 00:51:10,466
with an established
professional psychic...
941
00:51:10,467 --> 00:51:12,601
in the privacy of your own home.
942
00:51:12,602 --> 00:51:15,638
I was unhappy in my career,
and I needed a change.
943
00:51:15,639 --> 00:51:17,473
But I didn't know what to do.
944
00:51:17,474 --> 00:51:21,644
It's just that nothing is
going down according to plan.
945
00:51:21,645 --> 00:51:24,480
I mean, my best friend...
946
00:51:24,481 --> 00:51:26,983
I feel like I've
lost him forever...
947
00:51:26,984 --> 00:51:31,487
and he was like my
touchstone, you know.
948
00:51:31,488 --> 00:51:32,989
This man...
949
00:51:32,990 --> 00:51:35,257
does his name start
with the letter "N"?
950
00:51:35,258 --> 00:51:39,996
Because I'm getting a very
strong "N" vibration.
951
00:51:39,997 --> 00:51:42,498
Newsstand. "N," newsstand.
952
00:51:42,499 --> 00:51:44,166
He used to work at a newsstand.
953
00:51:45,502 --> 00:51:47,670
Oh, god. This is unbelievable.
954
00:51:47,671 --> 00:51:50,506
Honey, that's not all I'm getting.
955
00:51:50,507 --> 00:51:53,509
There are people I know
from high school...
956
00:51:53,510 --> 00:51:57,513
who are already married
and having babies.
957
00:51:57,514 --> 00:52:00,516
I mean, babies, OK?
958
00:52:00,517 --> 00:52:02,718
I can't even take
care of a Chia Pet.
959
00:52:02,719 --> 00:52:04,186
Well, honey, I didn't have kids...
960
00:52:04,187 --> 00:52:06,188
until I was on my third husband.
961
00:52:06,189 --> 00:52:07,523
Oh, really?
962
00:52:07,524 --> 00:52:09,214
All Geminis.
963
00:52:11,194 --> 00:52:13,555
You know what I think, Tanell?
964
00:52:14,364 --> 00:52:17,033
I think you still
really love Monty.
965
00:52:17,034 --> 00:52:18,701
Yeah, you're probably right...
966
00:52:18,702 --> 00:52:20,202
but it don't matter now.
967
00:52:20,203 --> 00:52:22,204
Oh, yes, it does, Tanell.
968
00:52:22,205 --> 00:52:26,208
I know you're afraid,
but you've got to find him...
969
00:52:26,209 --> 00:52:29,311
and you've got to tell
him how you really feel.
970
00:52:29,312 --> 00:52:32,048
Find him? I got...
971
00:52:32,049 --> 00:52:33,739
Lelaina.
972
00:52:34,551 --> 00:52:36,412
We need to talk to you.
973
00:52:39,389 --> 00:52:41,891
Hold on, Tanell. Hold on.
974
00:52:41,892 --> 00:52:43,826
I'm on the phone.
975
00:52:43,827 --> 00:52:45,194
Yeah, I can see that...
976
00:52:45,195 --> 00:52:47,663
and we have a four-hundred
and six dollar phone bill...
977
00:52:47,664 --> 00:52:51,233
mainly due to some calls
to a 1-900 number.
978
00:52:51,234 --> 00:52:54,070
Lelaina, I'm so
seriously troubled...
979
00:52:54,071 --> 00:52:56,072
Listen, we'd help you out,
but we're broke, too.
980
00:52:56,073 --> 00:52:58,074
And you know we can't
afford a new deposit...
981
00:52:58,075 --> 00:53:00,607
if the phone gets shut off.
982
00:53:02,913 --> 00:53:06,148
Maybe you could borrow
the money from Michael.
983
00:53:06,149 --> 00:53:08,584
No, Sammy. Jesus.
984
00:53:08,585 --> 00:53:10,853
Lainie, what are you doing?
985
00:53:10,854 --> 00:53:13,489
What are you doing? You lay
on that couch all day.
986
00:53:13,490 --> 00:53:15,091
Those pajamas are
like your uniform.
987
00:53:15,092 --> 00:53:17,426
You run up a four-hundred
dollar phone bill.
988
00:53:17,427 --> 00:53:19,161
You watch TV. You chain-smoke.
989
00:53:19,162 --> 00:53:21,030
You don't go outside.
You don't do anything.
990
00:53:21,031 --> 00:53:23,666
Man, you are in the bell jar.
991
00:53:23,667 --> 00:53:29,605
Look, this is my apartment.
I signed the lease.
992
00:53:29,606 --> 00:53:33,109
I let you move in here when
you had no job, no money...
993
00:53:33,110 --> 00:53:35,111
and you sponged off
me for two months!
994
00:53:35,112 --> 00:53:36,679
Sponged?
995
00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:38,180
And now Miss Big Power Marm...
996
00:53:38,181 --> 00:53:39,615
Miss "I'm manager
of the Gap now"...
997
00:53:39,616 --> 00:53:41,684
you think you can just come
in here and push me around?!
998
00:53:41,685 --> 00:53:43,752
She's not being pushy.
999
00:53:43,753 --> 00:53:47,456
Sammy, what are you even doing
here? You don't live here!
1000
00:53:47,457 --> 00:53:49,625
Hey, my little unemployed waif...
1001
00:53:49,626 --> 00:53:52,628
you're the one who's
looking for work now, OK?
1002
00:53:52,629 --> 00:53:55,231
God, you're really
enjoying this, aren't you?
1003
00:53:55,232 --> 00:53:56,632
You're high.
1004
00:53:56,633 --> 00:53:59,427
Why don't you go take a walk
outside and get some fresh air?
1005
00:54:00,804 --> 00:54:03,606
You've been waiting for
this since the day we met.
1006
00:54:03,607 --> 00:54:06,037
Who told you that?
Your psychic partner?
1007
00:54:09,379 --> 00:54:12,148
I'll tell you the problem
with your generation.
1008
00:54:12,149 --> 00:54:13,649
You don't have any work ethic.
1009
00:54:13,650 --> 00:54:15,651
Now, you take your friend
Troy, for example.
1010
00:54:15,652 --> 00:54:18,154
I went out of my way to set
up an interview for him...
1011
00:54:18,155 --> 00:54:20,346
and he didn't even
bother to show up.
1012
00:54:21,658 --> 00:54:25,327
That wasn't his fault. He
asked me to call and cancel.
1013
00:54:25,328 --> 00:54:28,164
And everything was going on.
And it slipped my mind.
1014
00:54:28,165 --> 00:54:31,167
And I'm... sorry, but, you know,
I have a work ethic, dad.
1015
00:54:31,168 --> 00:54:34,670
I have a very strong work ethic,
you know. Ask anyone.
1016
00:54:34,671 --> 00:54:38,674
Then all you got to do is
show some ingenuity, hmm?
1017
00:54:38,675 --> 00:54:40,676
Darling, I love you, and
I hate to break your plate...
1018
00:54:40,677 --> 00:54:42,678
but you got to grow up sometime.
1019
00:54:42,679 --> 00:54:46,872
Now, I want you to go out there
and show me some ingenuity, hmm?
1020
00:55:02,832 --> 00:55:05,734
Let me talk with you, my baby
1021
00:55:05,735 --> 00:55:07,536
It is bad to say that maybe
1022
00:55:07,537 --> 00:55:10,472
It is time for you to say we
1023
00:55:10,473 --> 00:55:12,775
Came to share a point of view
1024
00:55:12,776 --> 00:55:14,710
Living in the never-never
1025
00:55:14,711 --> 00:55:17,346
Dropping out of here together
1026
00:55:17,347 --> 00:55:20,883
I could spend some time forever
1027
00:55:20,884 --> 00:55:23,719
With a girl like you,
let me hear you say
1028
00:55:23,720 --> 00:55:27,723
Let's go, ooh
1029
00:55:27,724 --> 00:55:33,229
You want to turn it in,
turn it into heaven, yeah
1030
00:55:33,230 --> 00:55:36,228
Let's go
1031
00:55:38,068 --> 00:55:42,071
You want to turn it in,
turn it into heaven, yeah
1032
00:55:42,072 --> 00:55:45,007
Right here on earth.
1033
00:55:45,008 --> 00:55:48,803
Looking for tomorrow
1034
00:55:50,747 --> 00:55:53,939
Can you see us one day?
1035
00:55:55,752 --> 00:55:58,546
Beg or steal or borrow
1036
00:56:00,757 --> 00:56:03,790
We could live forever
1037
00:56:05,295 --> 00:56:09,164
Never to say never
1038
00:56:09,165 --> 00:56:10,599
You will be for me
1039
00:56:10,600 --> 00:56:14,003
I will fight for you, now
1040
00:56:14,004 --> 00:56:16,138
Let's go
1041
00:56:17,907 --> 00:56:22,237
You want to turn it in,
turn it into heaven, yeah...
1042
00:56:26,283 --> 00:56:28,284
Well, that solves
our first problem.
1043
00:56:28,285 --> 00:56:30,476
Rent's due this week.
1044
00:56:33,623 --> 00:56:35,157
Well, well.
1045
00:56:35,158 --> 00:56:39,124
Look who finally decided
to grace us with his...
1046
00:56:40,463 --> 00:56:41,830
Presence.
1047
00:56:41,831 --> 00:56:44,199
This is... This is, uh, Jean.
1048
00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:45,367
Janine.
1049
00:56:45,368 --> 00:56:50,406
Uh, Janine. Janine. It's a
little loud in the club.
1050
00:56:50,407 --> 00:56:52,006
Excuse me.
1051
00:56:53,310 --> 00:56:54,810
Can't stay here, Troy.
1052
00:56:54,811 --> 00:56:57,313
I'm just gonna pick something up.
1053
00:56:57,314 --> 00:56:58,714
Well...
1054
00:56:58,715 --> 00:57:02,685
Mission accomplished. Now leave.
1055
00:57:02,686 --> 00:57:04,553
I think maybe I'm gonna wait-
1056
00:57:04,554 --> 00:57:06,822
Always the mistress of
etiquette, huh, Lainie?
1057
00:57:06,823 --> 00:57:08,324
Just out of curiosity...
1058
00:57:08,325 --> 00:57:10,492
why are you suddenly acting
like a jealous girlfriend?
1059
00:57:10,493 --> 00:57:13,062
All right. We're just trying
to pay bills here, OK?
1060
00:57:13,063 --> 00:57:15,331
So, Troy, if you got any money-
1061
00:57:15,332 --> 00:57:18,734
Money? Oh, but what's
money to an artist?
1062
00:57:18,735 --> 00:57:22,604
To a philosopher? It's just
green-colored paper...
1063
00:57:22,605 --> 00:57:24,840
that floats in and out
of his life like snow.
1064
00:57:24,841 --> 00:57:27,276
It's nothing you actually have
to, I don't know, work for...
1065
00:57:27,277 --> 00:57:28,510
is it, Troy?
1066
00:57:28,511 --> 00:57:30,145
No, not if you have
daddy's little gas card.
1067
00:57:30,146 --> 00:57:31,647
You shut up!
1068
00:57:31,648 --> 00:57:34,350
You shut up! I busted my ass
to find a job, any job!
1069
00:57:34,351 --> 00:57:36,819
You don't even bother
showing up for interviews!
1070
00:57:36,820 --> 00:57:38,687
What is it that you want
from me? Huh? What is it?
1071
00:57:38,688 --> 00:57:40,189
You want me to get a
job on the line...
1072
00:57:40,190 --> 00:57:41,857
for the next 20 years,
until I'm granted leave...
1073
00:57:41,858 --> 00:57:44,360
with my gold-plated watch and
my balls full of tumors...
1074
00:57:44,361 --> 00:57:46,528
because I surrendered the one
thing that means shit to me?
1075
00:57:46,529 --> 00:57:48,030
Well, honey, you can just exhale...
1076
00:57:48,031 --> 00:57:51,064
because it's not gonna happen,
not in this lifetime.
1077
00:57:51,868 --> 00:57:53,869
All right, fine! You don't
want to work, fine!
1078
00:57:53,870 --> 00:57:55,371
Lainie, goddamn it!
1079
00:57:55,372 --> 00:57:57,873
You want to be a band,
then be a goddamn band!
1080
00:57:57,874 --> 00:57:59,375
Rehearse every day!
Play every night!
1081
00:57:59,376 --> 00:58:00,876
Play three times a night!
1082
00:58:00,877 --> 00:58:04,880
Don't just dick around the same
coffeehouse for five years!
1083
00:58:04,881 --> 00:58:07,883
Don't dick around
with her or with me.
1084
00:58:07,884 --> 00:58:09,885
I mean, try at something,
for once in your life!
1085
00:58:09,886 --> 00:58:11,954
Do something about it,
but you know what?
1086
00:58:11,955 --> 00:58:14,390
You better do it now, and
you better do it fast...
1087
00:58:14,391 --> 00:58:16,959
because the world doesn't
owe you any favors...
1088
00:58:16,960 --> 00:58:18,460
and whether you know it or not...
1089
00:58:18,461 --> 00:58:20,662
you're on the inside track
to Loserville, U.S.A...
1090
00:58:20,663 --> 00:58:23,127
just like him.
1091
00:58:32,809 --> 00:58:35,411
OK. It's just too
psychotic in here now.
1092
00:58:35,412 --> 00:58:38,103
All right, Lelaina,
let's go for a walk.
1093
00:58:38,915 --> 00:58:40,104
Fine.
1094
00:58:41,418 --> 00:58:44,314
Come on, man. Let them go.
1095
00:58:46,623 --> 00:58:50,492
With pleasure, my friends.
With pleasure. Ha.
1096
00:58:50,493 --> 00:58:52,761
"With pleasure"? You know
who I really feel sorry for...
1097
00:58:52,762 --> 00:58:54,096
is that poor girl.
1098
00:58:54,097 --> 00:58:56,432
Oh, how about when he sneaks
his laundry in with ours?
1099
00:58:56,433 --> 00:58:58,434
It's like I'm pulling that
stuff out of the dryer...
1100
00:58:58,435 --> 00:58:59,935
and there's five pairs
of his boxers...
1101
00:58:59,936 --> 00:59:01,437
I just washed unknowingly.
1102
00:59:01,438 --> 00:59:02,938
No, I'll just throw it
back in his face.
1103
00:59:02,939 --> 00:59:04,940
Yeah, like I'm gonna
do his laundry. Yeah.
1104
00:59:04,941 --> 00:59:07,443
He's weird. He's strange.
He's sloppy.
1105
00:59:07,444 --> 00:59:09,611
He's a total nightmare for women.
1106
00:59:09,612 --> 00:59:12,645
I can't believe I haven't
slept with him yet.
1107
00:59:13,783 --> 00:59:15,678
Do you ever wish you
were a lesbian?
1108
00:59:16,486 --> 00:59:19,553
Don't you think it would
be so much easier?
1109
00:59:20,957 --> 00:59:23,459
Sometimes, but...
1110
00:59:23,460 --> 00:59:25,461
Nah. I couldn't go through with it.
1111
00:59:25,462 --> 00:59:27,963
I'd start laughing or something.
1112
00:59:27,964 --> 00:59:30,299
But it's such a shame...
1113
00:59:30,300 --> 00:59:32,835
because I am so through with men.
1114
00:59:32,836 --> 00:59:34,470
If one more guy walks out on me...
1115
00:59:34,471 --> 00:59:36,472
I don't even know what. I swear.
1116
00:59:36,473 --> 00:59:38,474
What are you talking about-
1117
00:59:38,475 --> 00:59:40,809
Walk out on you?
You walk out on them.
1118
00:59:40,810 --> 00:59:42,144
I've seen you.
1119
00:59:42,145 --> 00:59:44,506
You're out the door before
the condom comes off.
1120
00:59:45,315 --> 00:59:47,716
Listen to me, I'm just
beating them to the punch.
1121
00:59:47,717 --> 00:59:49,179
OK.
1122
00:59:51,988 --> 00:59:54,990
You don't even know
I'm sitting here...
1123
00:59:54,991 --> 00:59:56,681
maybe...
1124
00:59:57,994 --> 01:00:00,128
Probably dying of A.I.D.S.
1125
01:00:06,836 --> 01:00:10,028
And I'm totally alone.
1126
01:00:14,010 --> 01:00:15,700
Vickie...
1127
01:00:17,013 --> 01:00:19,014
Well, ...
1128
01:00:19,015 --> 01:00:20,944
you're not alone.
1129
01:00:22,719 --> 01:00:26,522
Hey. Look, I'm sorry for
everything I said...
1130
01:00:26,523 --> 01:00:30,025
and I'm sorry for
being such a bitch...
1131
01:00:30,026 --> 01:00:33,028
but I have to tell
you, you're not alone.
1132
01:00:33,029 --> 01:00:36,164
You're not, and you're
not dying of A.I.D.S.
1133
01:00:36,165 --> 01:00:39,034
You don't understand.
Every day, all day...
1134
01:00:39,035 --> 01:00:41,537
it's all that I think about, OK?
1135
01:00:41,538 --> 01:00:43,038
Every time I sneeze...
1136
01:00:43,039 --> 01:00:46,041
it's like I'm four sneezes
away from the hospice.
1137
01:00:46,042 --> 01:00:48,043
And it's like it's not
even happening to me.
1138
01:00:48,044 --> 01:00:50,512
It's like I'm watching it
on some crappy show...
1139
01:00:50,513 --> 01:00:51,880
like "Melrose Place"
or some shit, right?
1140
01:00:51,881 --> 01:00:53,215
And I'm the new character.
1141
01:00:53,216 --> 01:00:54,716
I'm the H.I.V.- A.I.D.S.
character...
1142
01:00:54,717 --> 01:00:56,385
and I live in the building,
and I teach everybody...
1143
01:00:56,386 --> 01:00:58,887
that it's OK to be near me,
it's OK to talk to me...
1144
01:00:58,888 --> 01:01:00,389
and then I die...
1145
01:01:00,390 --> 01:01:02,391
and there's everybody
at my funeral...
1146
01:01:02,392 --> 01:01:05,254
wearing halter tops and chokers
or some shit like that.
1147
01:01:06,229 --> 01:01:09,031
Vickie, stop, OK? Just stop.
1148
01:01:09,032 --> 01:01:11,333
You're freaking out,
and you know what?
1149
01:01:11,334 --> 01:01:13,302
You're gonna have to
deal with the results.
1150
01:01:13,303 --> 01:01:15,070
Whatever they are, we're gonna
have to deal with them...
1151
01:01:15,071 --> 01:01:17,072
just like we've dealt
with everything else.
1152
01:01:17,073 --> 01:01:18,574
This isn't like everything else.
1153
01:01:18,575 --> 01:01:20,909
I know that, all right?
1154
01:01:20,910 --> 01:01:23,579
But it's gonna be OK, you know?
1155
01:01:23,580 --> 01:01:25,441
I know it's gonna be OK.
1156
01:01:30,086 --> 01:01:33,744
"Melrose Place" is a
really good show.
1157
01:01:41,598 --> 01:01:44,460
Lelaina Pierce.
1158
01:01:45,435 --> 01:01:48,468
Is there a Lelaina Pierce here?
1159
01:01:51,107 --> 01:01:52,638
Yeah.
1160
01:01:59,616 --> 01:02:01,283
Hello. Lelaina?
1161
01:02:02,385 --> 01:02:04,019
Look, I had to call you right away.
1162
01:02:04,020 --> 01:02:05,621
Listen, listen. Don't kill me, OK?
1163
01:02:05,622 --> 01:02:06,788
What? What?
1164
01:02:06,789 --> 01:02:08,490
I took the tape, and I showed it.
1165
01:02:08,491 --> 01:02:10,025
No.
1166
01:02:10,026 --> 01:02:12,628
Wait, wait, wait. Listen.
They freaked out.
1167
01:02:12,629 --> 01:02:14,162
They want to buy them.
1168
01:02:14,163 --> 01:02:16,632
- No.
- Yes.
1169
01:02:16,633 --> 01:02:17,966
They liked it?
1170
01:02:17,967 --> 01:02:20,369
No, no. I mean, they, like,
psychotically loved it.
1171
01:02:20,370 --> 01:02:22,904
They want to pay you for it.
1172
01:02:22,905 --> 01:02:24,873
I know this isn't P.B.S.,
but is this OK?
1173
01:02:24,874 --> 01:02:27,643
Yes! I was this close to selling
fruit at intersections.
1174
01:02:27,644 --> 01:02:29,645
Well, don't, all right? Don't.
1175
01:02:29,646 --> 01:02:31,313
Just hang on, and I'm gonna
get you some money...
1176
01:02:31,314 --> 01:02:32,948
and I'm gonna be down
there in a few days...
1177
01:02:32,949 --> 01:02:34,316
and I just... I'm just, like...
1178
01:02:34,317 --> 01:02:36,314
I'm thinking about you
every second here.
1179
01:02:37,620 --> 01:02:39,321
Hello! Hello! Hello!
1180
01:02:39,322 --> 01:02:40,789
Hello! Can you hear me now?
1181
01:02:40,790 --> 01:02:42,891
Where are you?
1182
01:02:42,892 --> 01:02:44,326
I'm in a phone booth.
1183
01:02:44,327 --> 01:02:46,461
Why are you on a cellular phone?
1184
01:02:46,462 --> 01:02:48,797
I don't know. I have
no idea. I'm just...
1185
01:02:48,798 --> 01:02:52,367
Michael, Michael, Michael,
I... I really miss you!
1186
01:02:52,368 --> 01:02:54,770
I really miss you, too.
I love you. Oh! Whoa!
1187
01:02:54,771 --> 01:02:57,773
I mean... I mean... you amaze me.
1188
01:02:57,774 --> 01:02:59,841
No! You amaze me!
1189
01:02:59,842 --> 01:03:01,343
Hello?
1190
01:03:01,344 --> 01:03:02,844
Can you hear me?
1191
01:03:02,845 --> 01:03:04,880
Michael, I'm losing you.
1192
01:03:04,881 --> 01:03:07,845
I'm gonna call you back.
Wait. What?
1193
01:03:11,688 --> 01:03:16,848
Pay phone outside...
always amazes me.
1194
01:03:17,160 --> 01:03:18,384
Hey.
1195
01:03:19,362 --> 01:03:21,393
"Try me. I'm free. "
1196
01:03:23,700 --> 01:03:25,891
Good mag. Good mag.
1197
01:03:28,037 --> 01:03:31,707
- Negatory.
- Yeah! All right!
1198
01:03:31,708 --> 01:03:34,209
Did you hear that? Negative!
1199
01:03:34,210 --> 01:03:37,212
Here. Let me see that.
1200
01:03:37,213 --> 01:03:39,715
Hey, hey! All rightie!
1201
01:03:39,716 --> 01:03:41,717
Thanks for the help, Lainie.
1202
01:03:41,718 --> 01:03:43,719
A celebration zoom.
1203
01:03:43,720 --> 01:03:46,488
OK. Enough.
1204
01:03:46,489 --> 01:03:48,724
- Ma!
- I'm right here, son.
1205
01:03:48,725 --> 01:03:50,726
- Ma.
- Yeah?
1206
01:03:50,727 --> 01:03:55,030
I have to tell you some... thing.
1207
01:03:55,031 --> 01:04:00,430
I am... a... homo... sexual.
1208
01:04:01,237 --> 01:04:05,741
Oh, Christ. Is there a support
group that I can join...
1209
01:04:05,742 --> 01:04:09,377
to help me come to terms
with my own homophobia?
1210
01:04:09,378 --> 01:04:11,246
Yes, there is...
1211
01:04:11,247 --> 01:04:13,749
a group which is named P.F.L.A.G.-
1212
01:04:13,750 --> 01:04:18,785
Parents and Friends
of Lesbians and Gays.
1213
01:04:19,756 --> 01:04:22,758
Oh. Oh. P.F.L.A.G.
1214
01:04:22,759 --> 01:04:26,224
I'm beginning to like
the sound of that.
1215
01:04:28,431 --> 01:04:31,266
What you've just witnessed
here is a preenactment...
1216
01:04:31,267 --> 01:04:34,129
of events that are
about to take place.
1217
01:04:36,272 --> 01:04:43,111
Well... I came out to her, and...
1218
01:04:43,112 --> 01:04:46,915
she's still a little bit upset.
1219
01:04:46,916 --> 01:04:48,981
But you know...
1220
01:04:50,453 --> 01:04:52,788
You know, I think
the real reason...
1221
01:04:52,789 --> 01:04:55,123
that I've been celibate
for so long...
1222
01:04:55,124 --> 01:04:58,794
isn't really because I'm
that terrified of the big "A"...
1223
01:04:58,795 --> 01:05:01,463
but because I can't
really start my life...
1224
01:05:01,464 --> 01:05:04,064
without being honest
about who I am and...
1225
01:05:05,902 --> 01:05:08,303
I want to be in there, too.
1226
01:05:08,304 --> 01:05:13,308
I want to feel miserable
and happy and all of that.
1227
01:05:13,309 --> 01:05:15,310
I mean, I...
1228
01:05:15,311 --> 01:05:17,445
I want to...
1229
01:05:19,482 --> 01:05:22,515
I want to be let back in the house.
1230
01:05:32,829 --> 01:05:36,498
Hello. Oh, hi.
1231
01:05:36,499 --> 01:05:38,834
Um... sorry.
1232
01:05:38,835 --> 01:05:41,837
Just... the door was...
1233
01:05:41,838 --> 01:05:43,232
So I just, um...
1234
01:05:44,340 --> 01:05:46,667
Yeah, she's getting dressed.
1235
01:05:48,344 --> 01:05:49,704
Great.
1236
01:05:59,522 --> 01:06:01,212
I'll just...
1237
01:06:09,866 --> 01:06:11,867
Oh, I, um... I don't
know if she told you...
1238
01:06:11,868 --> 01:06:13,368
but I just came back
from New York...
1239
01:06:13,369 --> 01:06:16,371
with the tapes that she made,
and the stuff of you...
1240
01:06:16,372 --> 01:06:18,540
it's really...
it's really great stuff.
1241
01:06:18,541 --> 01:06:21,877
Really. That whole...
that whole thing about...
1242
01:06:21,878 --> 01:06:25,380
"Nobody can eat all the
eggs," that was...
1243
01:06:25,381 --> 01:06:26,882
that was really...
1244
01:06:26,883 --> 01:06:29,074
I was quoting Cool Hand Luke.
1245
01:06:30,553 --> 01:06:32,888
Yeah. That's OK.
I mean... That's... I know.
1246
01:06:32,889 --> 01:06:36,718
It's... I mean... You know...
It's still... It's...
1247
01:06:41,898 --> 01:06:44,199
What happened to
your normal clothes?
1248
01:06:44,200 --> 01:06:46,234
Wow! Lelaina, look at you.
1249
01:06:46,235 --> 01:06:48,370
You look... Where'd
you get that dress?
1250
01:06:48,371 --> 01:06:52,407
Oh, um... I don't know.
I just bought it.
1251
01:06:52,408 --> 01:06:55,043
But I think I'm gonna
go change because-
1252
01:06:55,044 --> 01:06:56,411
No, don't. You look beautiful.
1253
01:06:56,412 --> 01:06:58,747
You look like... You look like...
1254
01:06:58,748 --> 01:07:00,381
A doily.
1255
01:07:03,786 --> 01:07:06,354
- I'm gonna change.
- No, don't change.
1256
01:07:06,355 --> 01:07:08,590
And don't go thinking for
yourself either, Lainie.
1257
01:07:08,591 --> 01:07:10,759
Hey, what is your glitch, huh?
1258
01:07:10,760 --> 01:07:12,594
My "glitch"?
1259
01:07:12,595 --> 01:07:15,430
You know what? We're already late.
1260
01:07:15,431 --> 01:07:17,933
No, no, no, no. Hang
on a second here.
1261
01:07:17,934 --> 01:07:19,935
Do you have, like, a problem
with me or something?
1262
01:07:19,936 --> 01:07:22,237
Because if you do, let's just
get this out, all right?
1263
01:07:22,238 --> 01:07:24,639
Seriously, is there, like...
I mean, have I, like, uh...
1264
01:07:24,640 --> 01:07:27,742
stepped over some line in the
sands of coolness with you?
1265
01:07:27,743 --> 01:07:29,577
Because... Because...
No, no, no. Excuse me...
1266
01:07:29,578 --> 01:07:31,713
if somebody doesn't know the
secret handshake with you.
1267
01:07:31,714 --> 01:07:33,782
There's no secret handshake.
1268
01:07:33,783 --> 01:07:37,612
There's an I.Q. prerequisite,
but there's no secret handshake.
1269
01:07:39,121 --> 01:07:40,956
I... This is... You... No...
1270
01:07:40,957 --> 01:07:44,426
This guy... you've got this
whole thing with the world.
1271
01:07:44,427 --> 01:07:46,628
Don't you? Huh? That's great.
That's really wonderful.
1272
01:07:46,629 --> 01:07:48,296
But guess what.
I'm a human being, OK?
1273
01:07:48,297 --> 01:07:50,265
We're human beings, people, OK?
1274
01:07:50,266 --> 01:07:54,469
We're not, like, intelligence
quotations or whatever.
1275
01:07:54,470 --> 01:07:56,438
- Just ignore him.
- No!
1276
01:07:56,439 --> 01:07:57,867
Done.
1277
01:08:00,810 --> 01:08:03,011
Come on. Let's go.
You don't need this.
1278
01:08:03,012 --> 01:08:05,009
You don't know what she needs.
1279
01:08:06,983 --> 01:08:09,947
I think I know what she needs
in a way that you never will.
1280
01:08:15,458 --> 01:08:17,353
Let's go.
1281
01:08:22,999 --> 01:08:25,500
Baby, tell me that
my love ain't good
1282
01:08:25,501 --> 01:08:31,006
I don't treat you right,
I don't do you like I should...
1283
01:08:31,007 --> 01:08:33,675
Listen, that's got
to be back here, OK?
1284
01:08:36,178 --> 01:08:37,679
So, you ready?
1285
01:08:37,680 --> 01:08:39,514
Well, what's it like? I mean...
1286
01:08:39,515 --> 01:08:41,182
It's great. It's great.
1287
01:08:41,183 --> 01:08:43,018
I mean, I haven't
actually seen it yet...
1288
01:08:43,019 --> 01:08:45,520
but we had our best
guys working on it...
1289
01:08:45,521 --> 01:08:47,522
and, you know, we just
put some titles on...
1290
01:08:47,523 --> 01:08:50,525
and shaped it a little bit.
It's gonna be great.
1291
01:08:50,526 --> 01:08:51,526
OK.
1292
01:08:51,527 --> 01:08:53,028
OK, OK.
1293
01:08:53,029 --> 01:08:55,094
OK. Thanks.
1294
01:08:55,931 --> 01:08:59,034
OK, everybody,
it's a special night...
1295
01:08:59,035 --> 01:09:01,036
because, as you know,
we're entering into...
1296
01:09:01,037 --> 01:09:02,537
a new phase here at the channel-
1297
01:09:02,538 --> 01:09:04,539
real programming.
1298
01:09:04,540 --> 01:09:07,042
And our first step is
this remarkable piece...
1299
01:09:07,043 --> 01:09:08,608
by Lelaina.
1300
01:09:12,381 --> 01:09:14,382
So hang on, because this
is going to change...
1301
01:09:14,383 --> 01:09:16,210
the face of "In Your Face. "
1302
01:09:45,081 --> 01:09:46,581
What's this?
1303
01:09:46,582 --> 01:09:49,273
It's just transitional stuff.
1304
01:09:55,091 --> 01:10:01,496
The story of my life
1305
01:10:01,497 --> 01:10:02,530
We're finished!
1306
01:10:02,531 --> 01:10:06,434
School's out forever
1307
01:10:06,435 --> 01:10:09,704
I am not under any orders to
make the world a better place.
1308
01:10:09,705 --> 01:10:12,474
And you wonder why we
never got involved.
1309
01:10:12,475 --> 01:10:15,176
School's been blown to pieces
1310
01:10:15,177 --> 01:10:17,445
Love can make you weep
1311
01:10:17,446 --> 01:10:18,780
I don't want to get married...
1312
01:10:18,781 --> 01:10:20,181
because I see how my parents are.
1313
01:10:20,182 --> 01:10:22,450
- My parents got divorced...
- My parents got divorced...
1314
01:10:22,451 --> 01:10:24,252
- When I was fourteen.
- When I was five years old.
1315
01:10:24,253 --> 01:10:27,286
My mother actually goes to the
bathroom with the door open.
1316
01:10:33,362 --> 01:10:36,030
I swore to myself I'd
never get married.
1317
01:10:36,031 --> 01:10:36,998
I want passion.
1318
01:10:36,999 --> 01:10:40,034
Let's talk about sex,
baby, let's talk about...
1319
01:10:40,035 --> 01:10:42,837
Turns you on, doesn't it? Brownies!
1320
01:10:42,838 --> 01:10:47,175
Would you two just do it and get
it over with? I'm starving.
1321
01:10:47,176 --> 01:10:49,110
Oh, my god.
1322
01:10:49,111 --> 01:10:50,676
But the question remains...
1323
01:10:52,548 --> 01:10:55,383
How can we repair all the
damage we inherited?
1324
01:10:55,384 --> 01:10:57,652
I was told there'd be
no math on this exam.
1325
01:10:57,653 --> 01:10:59,053
Can I change my answer?
1326
01:10:59,054 --> 01:11:00,522
The answer is simple.
1327
01:11:00,523 --> 01:11:02,824
We're on a road to nowhere
1328
01:11:02,825 --> 01:11:05,026
Jesus.
1329
01:11:05,027 --> 01:11:06,995
The answer is-
The-the-the answer is...
1330
01:11:06,996 --> 01:11:08,363
Pizza!
1331
01:11:08,364 --> 01:11:09,264
Pizza.
1332
01:11:09,265 --> 01:11:11,023
Pizza.
1333
01:11:24,180 --> 01:11:26,581
- It's, um...
- Yeah, right.
1334
01:11:26,582 --> 01:11:29,684
We're on a road to nowhere
1335
01:11:29,685 --> 01:11:32,654
But here we go
1336
01:11:32,655 --> 01:11:34,516
Lelaina.
1337
01:11:42,698 --> 01:11:45,200
Lelaina, look. I'm sorry,
all right? I didn't know.
1338
01:11:45,201 --> 01:11:47,202
That was not my work, Michael.
That's not what I did.
1339
01:11:47,203 --> 01:11:49,204
That's not what I want.
It had nothing!
1340
01:11:49,205 --> 01:11:51,206
I can't believe I trusted you!
1341
01:11:51,207 --> 01:11:53,208
I had no idea! I didn't see it!
1342
01:11:53,209 --> 01:11:55,710
I mean, look. I guess it was
probably a little slow...
1343
01:11:55,711 --> 01:11:57,212
and they cut it up a little-
1344
01:11:57,213 --> 01:11:58,213
Cut it up?
1345
01:11:58,214 --> 01:12:00,215
They cut up everything
that meant anything to me!
1346
01:12:00,216 --> 01:12:02,717
I mean, I don't even think you
realize what you've done.
1347
01:12:02,718 --> 01:12:04,719
You don't get it.
You just don't get it!
1348
01:12:04,720 --> 01:12:06,721
I do get it! Look. It just...
1349
01:12:06,722 --> 01:12:08,723
It's, like, you have this
great piece of work...
1350
01:12:08,724 --> 01:12:10,725
and we have this
audience, these kids...
1351
01:12:10,726 --> 01:12:12,727
and it's like trying to feed
them meatloaf or something...
1352
01:12:12,728 --> 01:12:14,229
and they don't want
to eat it, right?
1353
01:12:14,230 --> 01:12:16,064
So you have to give them, like,
"Here comes the plane.
1354
01:12:16,065 --> 01:12:17,732
"It's coming into the hangar.
Open up the hangar. "
1355
01:12:17,733 --> 01:12:18,900
But it's still meatloaf.
1356
01:12:18,901 --> 01:12:20,568
It was never meatloaf!
1357
01:12:20,569 --> 01:12:22,237
That's a bad... I just...
1358
01:12:22,238 --> 01:12:23,738
Look, I'm sorry, all right?
1359
01:12:23,739 --> 01:12:25,240
They were just trying to market it.
1360
01:12:25,241 --> 01:12:26,741
And I wish I could be perfect, OK?
1361
01:12:26,742 --> 01:12:28,243
I wish I could be like Troy...
1362
01:12:28,244 --> 01:12:30,245
riding on his melted cheese
sandwich and everything.
1363
01:12:30,246 --> 01:12:31,746
Don't you dare bring
Troy into this.
1364
01:12:31,747 --> 01:12:33,248
Hey, I wish I could be like him.
1365
01:12:33,249 --> 01:12:34,749
I wish I could live off
of creeds and mottoes...
1366
01:12:34,750 --> 01:12:36,251
and all that shit, all right?
1367
01:12:36,252 --> 01:12:38,253
But I'm in the real world here, OK?
1368
01:12:38,254 --> 01:12:40,755
And I have ideals also.
1369
01:12:40,756 --> 01:12:44,592
They're that I...
I care about you...
1370
01:12:44,593 --> 01:12:46,761
and I want to make you happy...
1371
01:12:46,762 --> 01:12:48,452
and I'm...
1372
01:12:50,266 --> 01:12:51,766
I just...
1373
01:12:51,767 --> 01:12:53,298
Look...
1374
01:12:55,771 --> 01:12:58,804
I'll make them take the
pizza thing out, OK?
1375
01:13:02,778 --> 01:13:05,446
I'm just a bill
1376
01:13:05,447 --> 01:13:09,284
Yes, I'm only a bill
1377
01:13:09,285 --> 01:13:15,290
And I'm sitting here
on Capitol Hill
1378
01:13:15,291 --> 01:13:19,951
Well, it's a long,
long journey to...
1379
01:13:26,468 --> 01:13:29,000
How'd the big premiere turn out?
1380
01:13:31,640 --> 01:13:33,000
Fine.
1381
01:13:40,316 --> 01:13:43,508
They were just videotapes, right?
1382
01:13:44,820 --> 01:13:47,181
Who cares? Ha ha.
1383
01:13:49,825 --> 01:13:55,190
I just worked so hard
on them, you know?
1384
01:13:57,333 --> 01:14:00,024
I worked so hard.
1385
01:14:01,337 --> 01:14:03,838
Ah, forget it.
I just sound pathetic.
1386
01:14:03,839 --> 01:14:06,701
No, you don't. You
don't sound pathetic.
1387
01:14:07,843 --> 01:14:09,577
You know, I know it
sounds stupid...
1388
01:14:09,578 --> 01:14:13,043
but it really meant
something to me.
1389
01:14:14,183 --> 01:14:18,853
I know it wasn't gonna, you
know, end world hunger...
1390
01:14:18,854 --> 01:14:20,855
or, you know, save the planet...
1391
01:14:20,856 --> 01:14:23,889
but it just meant something to me.
1392
01:14:27,029 --> 01:14:29,060
I just don't...
1393
01:14:31,367 --> 01:14:34,535
Understand why things just
can't go back to normal...
1394
01:14:34,536 --> 01:14:36,871
at the end of the half-hour...
1395
01:14:36,872 --> 01:14:39,438
like on "The Brady
Bunch" or something.
1396
01:14:41,877 --> 01:14:44,773
Well, because Mr. Brady
died of A.I.D.S.
1397
01:14:48,550 --> 01:14:51,082
Things don't work out like that.
1398
01:14:52,888 --> 01:14:58,583
I was really gonna be something
by the age of twenty-three.
1399
01:14:59,728 --> 01:15:03,898
Honey, all you have to be by
the age of twenty-three...
1400
01:15:03,899 --> 01:15:05,726
is yourself.
1401
01:15:09,571 --> 01:15:12,673
I don't know who that is anymore.
1402
01:15:12,674 --> 01:15:14,364
Well, I do.
1403
01:15:16,412 --> 01:15:20,013
And we all love her. I love her.
1404
01:15:21,250 --> 01:15:23,384
Uh...
1405
01:15:24,586 --> 01:15:26,921
She breaks my heart
again and again...
1406
01:15:26,922 --> 01:15:28,612
but, uh...
1407
01:15:29,758 --> 01:15:31,619
But I love her.
1408
01:16:31,987 --> 01:16:35,679
I've wanted you like this
for all these years.
1409
01:17:18,534 --> 01:17:19,700
Hey.
1410
01:17:19,701 --> 01:17:23,037
Hi. Where are you going?
1411
01:17:23,038 --> 01:17:25,229
I have rehearsal.
1412
01:17:26,708 --> 01:17:30,044
At 8:24 in the morning?
1413
01:17:30,045 --> 01:17:32,076
Yeah.
1414
01:17:37,052 --> 01:17:38,953
- So... that's it?
- No.
1415
01:17:38,954 --> 01:17:40,955
No, that's not... It's not it.
1416
01:17:40,956 --> 01:17:43,750
I just... I, uh... I have to go.
1417
01:18:00,409 --> 01:18:05,273
Got a party mama,
got a cokehead dad
1418
01:18:08,750 --> 01:18:14,445
I'm the ultimate inversion,
the American man
1419
01:18:17,092 --> 01:18:22,286
Don't feel good, but don't feel bad
1420
01:18:23,098 --> 01:18:26,790
It's me, you see, I'm nuthin'
1421
01:18:32,107 --> 01:18:34,609
I ain't left, I ain't right
1422
01:18:34,610 --> 01:18:36,277
I feel so alone
1423
01:18:36,278 --> 01:18:40,381
Before I was born, I was all gone
1424
01:18:40,382 --> 01:18:44,118
Don't even make sense
that I wrote this song
1425
01:18:44,119 --> 01:18:45,453
'Cause...
1426
01:18:45,454 --> 01:18:47,888
Tell me it's not true.
1427
01:18:47,889 --> 01:18:51,320
It's me, you see, I'm nuthin'
1428
01:18:52,661 --> 01:18:55,329
I'm nuthin'
1429
01:18:57,299 --> 01:18:59,433
Nuthin'
1430
01:19:00,302 --> 01:19:01,992
That's me
1431
01:19:04,039 --> 01:19:06,332
I'm nuthin'
1432
01:19:12,481 --> 01:19:17,652
Lainie, sex is the quickest
way to ruin a friendship.
1433
01:19:17,653 --> 01:19:19,150
Come on.
1434
01:19:23,158 --> 01:19:25,159
Thank you. We'll be right back...
1435
01:19:25,160 --> 01:19:27,851
with a new American
cheese snack idea.
1436
01:19:29,665 --> 01:19:32,231
You got a phone call.
1437
01:19:35,137 --> 01:19:36,497
Lelaina.
1438
01:19:37,506 --> 01:19:38,839
Don't say anything, all right?
1439
01:19:38,840 --> 01:19:41,175
Look, I screwed up, all right?
I know.
1440
01:19:41,176 --> 01:19:43,678
I should have protected
you and your work...
1441
01:19:43,679 --> 01:19:45,179
and I didn't, and I'm sorry.
1442
01:19:45,180 --> 01:19:46,614
I'm so sorry that I didn't.
1443
01:19:46,615 --> 01:19:48,783
And I want to make
this up to you, OK?
1444
01:19:48,784 --> 01:19:50,685
You mean so much to me, Lelaina...
1445
01:19:50,686 --> 01:19:52,386
and I just...
1446
01:19:52,387 --> 01:19:54,355
Look, two tickets,
all right, New York.
1447
01:19:54,356 --> 01:19:56,357
We go, and we give
them a presentation...
1448
01:19:56,358 --> 01:19:58,025
of the show the way
you want it done.
1449
01:19:58,026 --> 01:19:59,293
Michael, I don't-
1450
01:19:59,294 --> 01:20:01,195
I know. I know, but
this time is different.
1451
01:20:01,196 --> 01:20:04,198
I mean, who's the boss, huh?
Huh? Tony Danza? No.
1452
01:20:04,199 --> 01:20:05,800
I don't think so. It's you.
1453
01:20:05,801 --> 01:20:07,161
It's your show, and I just...
1454
01:20:09,638 --> 01:20:12,206
I just... you know,
feel like maybe...
1455
01:20:12,207 --> 01:20:14,898
I deserve another shot here.
1456
01:20:19,715 --> 01:20:21,382
Well, hi, Lelaina.
1457
01:20:22,718 --> 01:20:24,218
What, is there a frog
in your throat...
1458
01:20:24,219 --> 01:20:25,820
or are you just glad to see me?
1459
01:20:25,821 --> 01:20:27,722
Hi, Mike. Thanks for
coming down, man.
1460
01:20:27,723 --> 01:20:29,550
No hard feelings.
1461
01:20:37,099 --> 01:20:39,096
Lelaina, you're looking
a little peaked.
1462
01:20:40,235 --> 01:20:41,569
Yeah. Are you OK?
1463
01:20:41,570 --> 01:20:43,237
She's fine. She's fine.
1464
01:20:43,238 --> 01:20:44,905
She's just had too
many Diet Cokes today.
1465
01:20:44,906 --> 01:20:47,574
Yeah, this girl is
cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
1466
01:20:50,479 --> 01:20:52,943
So, are you gonna
tell him, or am I?
1467
01:21:04,259 --> 01:21:08,452
Could you excuse me?
Could I talk to you?
1468
01:21:19,007 --> 01:21:21,242
You want to tell me what
the hell he's doing here?
1469
01:21:21,243 --> 01:21:23,410
I wanted to talk to you.
1470
01:21:23,411 --> 01:21:25,279
What the hell do you care?
1471
01:21:25,280 --> 01:21:27,248
You totally bailed
on me this morning.
1472
01:21:27,249 --> 01:21:28,783
I panicked. It happens.
1473
01:21:28,784 --> 01:21:31,285
I thought we could
work it out, you know.
1474
01:21:31,286 --> 01:21:34,722
I mean, I don't know if now
is the right time for us.
1475
01:21:34,723 --> 01:21:38,793
Look, I meant everything that
I said to you last night.
1476
01:21:38,794 --> 01:21:40,227
Don't look at me like that.
1477
01:21:40,228 --> 01:21:42,763
Don't look at me like that.
That's not what I'm saying.
1478
01:21:42,764 --> 01:21:45,299
I'm not saying I...
1479
01:21:45,300 --> 01:21:47,968
Look, you are the only woman...
1480
01:21:47,969 --> 01:21:49,804
that I could ever commit myself to.
1481
01:21:49,805 --> 01:21:52,306
So what? Do I get a medal?
1482
01:21:52,307 --> 01:21:55,309
I win the big commitment
cook-off, and you just run away?
1483
01:21:55,310 --> 01:21:58,212
I knew this was gonna happen!
I knew this was gonna happen!
1484
01:21:58,213 --> 01:22:00,314
I don't want to lose you.
1485
01:22:00,315 --> 01:22:04,007
I've never been in an
experience like this before.
1486
01:22:05,320 --> 01:22:09,115
I've never had sex with
somebody that I loved before.
1487
01:22:10,325 --> 01:22:12,827
Oh, well, congratulations,
Troy Dyer.
1488
01:22:12,828 --> 01:22:15,162
Welcome to the world of
the emotionally immature.
1489
01:22:15,163 --> 01:22:17,331
It's a really nice place to visit.
1490
01:22:17,332 --> 01:22:19,667
Hey, you may run into Michael.
He lives here.
1491
01:22:19,668 --> 01:22:21,669
Oh, yeah, right. Michael.
Michael. He's so mature...
1492
01:22:21,670 --> 01:22:23,838
because he lets you navigate
that entire relationship.
1493
01:22:23,839 --> 01:22:26,340
Well, I'm sorry, Lelaina,
but you can't navigate me.
1494
01:22:26,341 --> 01:22:28,342
I might do mean things,
and I might hurt you...
1495
01:22:28,343 --> 01:22:30,344
and I might run away
without your permission...
1496
01:22:30,345 --> 01:22:31,846
and you might hate me forever.
1497
01:22:31,847 --> 01:22:33,848
And I know that that scares
the shit out of you...
1498
01:22:33,849 --> 01:22:36,347
because I'm the only real
thing that you have.
1499
01:22:37,853 --> 01:22:41,355
Yeah? Well, that ain't real much.
1500
01:22:41,356 --> 01:22:44,024
One, two, three, four.
1501
01:22:45,360 --> 01:22:47,221
Hey, Troy, man, you're on.
1502
01:22:56,872 --> 01:22:58,272
Michael, I'm sorry-
1503
01:22:58,273 --> 01:23:00,373
Listen, I'm sorry, all right?
That's what this is all about.
1504
01:23:01,376 --> 01:23:02,941
This one's for you, Lainie.
1505
01:23:17,292 --> 01:23:21,528
Why can't I get just one kiss?
1506
01:23:21,529 --> 01:23:23,564
You told me there'd be some
things that I wouldn't miss
1507
01:23:23,565 --> 01:23:25,065
But I looked at your pants
1508
01:23:25,066 --> 01:23:26,300
And I need a kiss
1509
01:23:26,301 --> 01:23:30,404
Why can't I get just one screw?
1510
01:23:30,405 --> 01:23:32,840
Believe me, I'd know what to do
1511
01:23:32,841 --> 01:23:34,742
But something won't let
me make love to you
1512
01:23:34,743 --> 01:23:39,773
Why can't I get just one ah?
1513
01:23:53,929 --> 01:23:55,930
Oh, nice job. Very well done.
Really good.
1514
01:23:55,931 --> 01:23:58,432
I don't want to hear it from you.
1515
01:23:58,433 --> 01:24:01,435
Yeah? Well, I forgot I'm not
qualified to talk to you.
1516
01:24:01,436 --> 01:24:03,337
I'm sorry I can't be Mister...
1517
01:24:03,338 --> 01:24:06,006
Hey, look at me. I'm Buddha
on the mountaintop.
1518
01:24:06,007 --> 01:24:08,442
You know what you are, man?
You what what you remind me of?
1519
01:24:08,443 --> 01:24:11,445
You're like that guy,
you know, with the...
1520
01:24:11,446 --> 01:24:13,948
with the hat and the bells
and the little, you know...
1521
01:24:13,949 --> 01:24:15,316
The court jester.
1522
01:24:15,317 --> 01:24:17,451
Yeah, right. Where everything's
so easy to laugh at...
1523
01:24:17,452 --> 01:24:20,454
from a safe distance back
in Clever-Clever Land.
1524
01:24:20,455 --> 01:24:23,123
You know what happens to him?
1525
01:24:23,124 --> 01:24:25,459
They find his skull in a
grave, and they go...
1526
01:24:25,460 --> 01:24:28,796
"Oh, I knew him, and
he was funny. "
1527
01:24:28,797 --> 01:24:33,161
And the guy, the court
jester, dies all by himself.
1528
01:24:34,469 --> 01:24:36,796
Where'd you hear that,
a Renaissance festival?
1529
01:24:41,977 --> 01:24:44,839
Besides, everyone
dies all by himself.
1530
01:24:52,487 --> 01:24:54,678
If you really believe that...
1531
01:24:56,324 --> 01:24:59,084
Who are you looking for out here?
1532
01:25:18,513 --> 01:25:24,518
You say you want
1533
01:25:24,519 --> 01:25:29,356
Diamonds on a ring of gold
1534
01:25:29,357 --> 01:25:34,528
You say you want
1535
01:25:34,529 --> 01:25:39,366
Your story to remain untold
1536
01:25:39,367 --> 01:25:44,705
But all the promises we make
1537
01:25:44,706 --> 01:25:50,044
From the cradle to the grave
1538
01:25:50,045 --> 01:25:58,243
When all I want is you
1539
01:26:05,393 --> 01:26:11,065
You say you'll give me
1540
01:26:11,066 --> 01:26:16,236
A highway with no one on it
1541
01:26:16,237 --> 01:26:20,741
Treasure just to look upon it
1542
01:26:20,742 --> 01:26:25,846
All the riches in the night
1543
01:26:25,847 --> 01:26:31,885
You say you'll give me
1544
01:26:31,886 --> 01:26:36,590
Eyes in a moon of blindness
1545
01:26:36,591 --> 01:26:41,762
A river in a time of dryness
1546
01:26:41,763 --> 01:26:45,699
A harbour in the tempest
1547
01:26:45,700 --> 01:26:51,605
But all the promises we make
1548
01:26:51,606 --> 01:26:57,277
From the cradle to the grave
1549
01:26:57,278 --> 01:27:04,316
When all I want is you
1550
01:27:30,979 --> 01:27:32,237
Hello.
1551
01:27:33,648 --> 01:27:35,149
Hello?
1552
01:27:35,150 --> 01:27:47,661
All I want is you
1553
01:27:47,662 --> 01:27:53,357
All I want is you...
1554
01:28:16,191 --> 01:28:19,193
- Hey, Lainie. This is Lance.
- Hi.
1555
01:28:19,194 --> 01:28:23,197
Um... I just need
to know if he's OK.
1556
01:28:23,198 --> 01:28:24,888
Huh?
1557
01:28:26,201 --> 01:28:30,204
OK. All I know is he
went back to Chicago...
1558
01:28:30,205 --> 01:28:31,895
alone.
1559
01:28:34,209 --> 01:28:37,401
I'm not supposed to
know that, am I?
1560
01:29:01,869 --> 01:29:03,434
Shit.
1561
01:29:23,424 --> 01:29:25,455
Shit.
1562
01:29:35,003 --> 01:29:38,272
I was wondering if I could
talk to you for a minute...
1563
01:29:38,273 --> 01:29:39,940
before you go.
1564
01:29:44,612 --> 01:29:49,476
See, the thing is that, um...
1565
01:29:52,787 --> 01:29:54,788
Well...
1566
01:29:54,789 --> 01:29:56,723
my dad died.
1567
01:29:56,724 --> 01:29:58,692
Oh, god, Troy. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
1568
01:29:58,693 --> 01:30:00,656
No. It...
1569
01:30:01,963 --> 01:30:05,299
What happened was that, um...
1570
01:30:05,300 --> 01:30:11,305
I kind of got this arcane
glimpse at the universe.
1571
01:30:11,306 --> 01:30:15,966
And the best thing that I
can say about that is...
1572
01:30:22,317 --> 01:30:24,508
I don't know. I...
1573
01:30:28,823 --> 01:30:33,327
I have this... this
planet of regret...
1574
01:30:33,328 --> 01:30:35,519
sitting on my shoulders.
1575
01:30:37,332 --> 01:30:42,336
And you have no idea how
much I wish that I could go back...
1576
01:30:42,337 --> 01:30:45,172
to that morning after
we made love...
1577
01:30:45,173 --> 01:30:48,171
and do everything different.
1578
01:30:49,344 --> 01:30:52,707
But I know that I can't, so...
1579
01:30:53,848 --> 01:30:57,540
I thought that I would come
here and tell you something.
1580
01:30:58,853 --> 01:31:01,855
And what I wanted to tell you...
1581
01:31:01,856 --> 01:31:03,857
was that I love you...
1582
01:31:03,858 --> 01:31:07,861
and, uh... just wanted to make
sure that that was clear...
1583
01:31:07,862 --> 01:31:10,496
so that there wasn't any confusion.
1584
01:31:18,873 --> 01:31:22,065
So, anyway, uh...
1585
01:31:23,378 --> 01:31:25,045
Where are you going?
1586
01:31:25,046 --> 01:31:28,647
I was going to look for you.
1587
01:31:29,884 --> 01:31:31,608
What for?
1588
01:31:34,889 --> 01:31:40,083
Just... wanted to
see if you were OK.
1589
01:31:46,401 --> 01:31:49,968
Well, I had a shitty
week, you know.
1590
01:32:28,109 --> 01:32:31,111
A froggy went a- courting,
and he did ride
1591
01:32:31,112 --> 01:32:35,612
With a sword and a
pistol by his side
1592
01:32:41,956 --> 01:32:45,125
Well, he rode right up
to Miss Mousie's door-
1593
01:32:47,962 --> 01:32:49,463
At the beep...
1594
01:32:49,464 --> 01:32:51,465
please leave your name, number,
and a brief justification...
1595
01:32:51,466 --> 01:32:52,966
for the ontological necessity...
1596
01:32:52,967 --> 01:32:54,968
of modern man's
existential dilemma...
1597
01:32:54,969 --> 01:32:57,471
and we'll get back to you.
1598
01:32:57,472 --> 01:32:59,306
Uh, Lelaina, this is your dad.
1599
01:32:59,307 --> 01:33:00,974
Give me a call when you get this.
1600
01:33:00,975 --> 01:33:02,976
I need you to explain something.
1601
01:33:02,977 --> 01:33:06,044
I just got a nine-hundred-dollar
bill on my gas card.
1602
01:33:08,316 --> 01:33:14,821
If we should fall, love
will catch us every time
1603
01:33:14,822 --> 01:33:18,685
I hear you call, I will run
1604
01:33:19,994 --> 01:33:25,499
And if the magic of the
adventure overcomes
1605
01:33:25,500 --> 01:33:29,503
We won't cry, because
it could be fun
1606
01:33:29,504 --> 01:33:31,505
What I'm trying to do is
constantly find those people...
1607
01:33:31,506 --> 01:33:34,508
find out what makes them
the best and bring that-
1608
01:33:34,509 --> 01:33:36,009
Tired of getting
razzes for being bald?
1609
01:33:36,010 --> 01:33:37,511
I'm only a young man.
1610
01:33:37,512 --> 01:33:39,703
No more dates where I've
been called old man.
1611
01:33:44,519 --> 01:33:47,187
Roy, why are you doing this to me?
1612
01:33:47,188 --> 01:33:48,755
I know we can be happy together.
1613
01:33:48,756 --> 01:33:51,525
You'll chill in time. Right
now, I need someone...
1614
01:33:51,526 --> 01:33:54,461
who understands what my music
and the band mean to me.
1615
01:33:54,462 --> 01:33:56,696
But it's just music, Roy.
1616
01:33:56,697 --> 01:33:59,533
I'm a human being
with deep feelings...
1617
01:33:59,534 --> 01:34:02,702
who feels things deeply.
1618
01:34:02,703 --> 01:34:05,038
Music is feeling, babe.
1619
01:34:05,039 --> 01:34:07,541
The band may be a small dream,
but it's the only one I've got.
1620
01:34:07,542 --> 01:34:09,733
I'm Audi 5000.
1621
01:34:12,346 --> 01:34:15,048
Please don't let him
get drunk and drive.
1622
01:34:15,049 --> 01:34:17,050
Won't be very long
1623
01:34:17,051 --> 01:34:20,948
Till I'm going, going, gone
1624
01:34:34,068 --> 01:34:36,259
You say
1625
01:34:37,071 --> 01:34:40,263
I only hear what I want to
1626
01:34:45,746 --> 01:34:48,107
You say
1627
01:34:49,250 --> 01:34:52,085
I talk so all the time
1628
01:34:52,086 --> 01:34:53,776
So?
1629
01:34:57,458 --> 01:35:00,594
And I thought what
I felt was simple
1630
01:35:00,595 --> 01:35:03,330
And I thought that I don't belong
1631
01:35:03,331 --> 01:35:06,266
And now that I am leaving
1632
01:35:06,267 --> 01:35:08,602
Now I know that I
did something wrong
1633
01:35:08,603 --> 01:35:10,464
'Cause I missed you
1634
01:35:12,440 --> 01:35:16,804
Yeah, yeah, I missed you
1635
01:35:21,616 --> 01:35:23,977
And you say
1636
01:35:25,119 --> 01:35:27,120
I only hear what I want to
1637
01:35:27,121 --> 01:35:29,623
I don't listen hard,
I don't pay attention
1638
01:35:29,624 --> 01:35:31,291
To the distance that you're running
1639
01:35:31,292 --> 01:35:32,959
Or to anyone, anywhere
1640
01:35:32,960 --> 01:35:35,795
I don't understand
if you really care
1641
01:35:35,796 --> 01:35:39,633
I'm only hearing
negative, no, no, no, no
1642
01:35:39,634 --> 01:35:41,635
No...
1643
01:35:41,636 --> 01:35:45,138
So I turned the radio on,
I turned the radio up
1644
01:35:45,139 --> 01:35:47,641
And this woman was singing my song
1645
01:35:47,642 --> 01:35:50,644
The lover's in love, and
the other's run away
1646
01:35:50,645 --> 01:35:54,147
The lover is crying 'cause
the other won't stay
1647
01:35:54,148 --> 01:35:56,316
Some of us hover when
we weep for the other
1648
01:35:56,317 --> 01:35:59,653
Who was dying since the
day they were born, well
1649
01:35:59,654 --> 01:36:02,322
Well, this is not that,
I think that I'm throwing
1650
01:36:02,323 --> 01:36:05,659
But I'm thrown
1651
01:36:05,660 --> 01:36:08,161
And I thought I'd live forever,
but now I'm not so sure
1652
01:36:08,162 --> 01:36:10,163
You try to tell me that I'm clever
1653
01:36:10,164 --> 01:36:12,332
But that won't take me anyhow
1654
01:36:12,333 --> 01:36:16,367
Or anywhere with you
1655
01:36:18,172 --> 01:36:21,174
You said that I was naive and
1656
01:36:21,175 --> 01:36:24,177
I thought that I was strong, no
1657
01:36:24,178 --> 01:36:27,180
I thought, hey, I can leave,
I can leave, though
1658
01:36:27,181 --> 01:36:29,182
But now I know that I was wrong
1659
01:36:29,183 --> 01:36:31,374
Because I missed you
1660
01:36:33,187 --> 01:36:37,881
Yeah, I missed you
1661
01:36:41,028 --> 01:36:43,029
You said, "I caught
you 'cause I want you
1662
01:36:43,030 --> 01:36:44,397
"And one day I'll let you go. "
1663
01:36:44,398 --> 01:36:46,199
You try to give away a keeper
1664
01:36:46,200 --> 01:36:47,200
Or keep me 'cause you know
1665
01:36:47,201 --> 01:36:51,770
You're just so scared to lose
1666
01:36:52,707 --> 01:36:55,398
And you say
1667
01:36:57,178 --> 01:36:59,573
Stay
1668
01:37:06,454 --> 01:37:08,918
You say
1669
01:37:09,724 --> 01:37:12,586
I only hear what I want to
1670
01:37:37,918 --> 01:37:41,254
Ooh, my little pretty
one, my pretty one
1671
01:37:41,255 --> 01:37:44,257
When you gonna give me
some time, Sharona?
1672
01:37:44,258 --> 01:37:47,761
Ooh, you make my motor
run, my motor run
1673
01:37:47,762 --> 01:37:50,930
Gun it comin' off of
the line, Sharona
1674
01:37:50,931 --> 01:37:54,267
Never gonna stop, give
it up, such a dirty mind
1675
01:37:54,268 --> 01:37:57,771
Always get it up for the
touch of the younger kind
1676
01:37:57,772 --> 01:38:02,041
My my my i yi woo!
1677
01:38:02,042 --> 01:38:04,642
M- m-my Sharona
1678
01:38:12,286 --> 01:38:14,477
My Sharona124591
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