Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:33,757 --> 00:00:35,391
Hello?
2
00:00:37,694 --> 00:00:39,662
Hello?
3
00:00:40,430 --> 00:00:42,298
Hola?
4
00:00:42,299 --> 00:00:43,999
Bonjour?
5
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,634
Chinese hello?
6
00:00:46,735 --> 00:00:47,769
Hello?
7
00:00:48,904 --> 00:00:50,938
Hello?
8
00:00:51,974 --> 00:00:53,608
Hello?
9
00:00:55,844 --> 00:00:57,379
Hello?
10
00:02:09,513 --> 00:02:11,514
Home, sweet home.
11
00:02:27,597 --> 00:02:28,930
♪ I think I'm sophisticated ♪
12
00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:30,766
♪ 'cause I'm living my life ♪
13
00:02:30,767 --> 00:02:33,201
♪ like a good homo sapien ♪
14
00:02:33,202 --> 00:02:34,970
♪ but all around me ♪
15
00:02:34,971 --> 00:02:36,705
♪ everybody's multiplying ♪
16
00:02:36,706 --> 00:02:40,041
♪ and they're walking
around like flies, man ♪
17
00:02:40,042 --> 00:02:41,710
♪ So I'm no better ♪
18
00:02:41,711 --> 00:02:45,079
♪ than the animals sitting
in the cages in the zoo, man ♪
19
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:47,582
♪ 'Cause compared to the flowers ♪
20
00:02:47,583 --> 00:02:49,116
♪ And the birds and the trees ♪
21
00:02:49,117 --> 00:02:51,152
♪ I am an ape man ♪
22
00:02:52,388 --> 00:02:53,788
♪ I'm an ape man ♪
23
00:02:53,789 --> 00:02:55,890
♪ I'm an ape ape man ♪
24
00:02:55,891 --> 00:02:58,058
♪ oh, I'm an ape man ♪
25
00:02:58,059 --> 00:03:00,527
♪ I'm a king Kong man ♪
26
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:02,429
♪ I'm an ape ape man ♪
27
00:03:02,430 --> 00:03:04,864
♪ oh, I'm an ape man ♪
28
00:03:06,267 --> 00:03:10,136
♪ come on and love me ♪
29
00:03:10,137 --> 00:03:12,906
♪ be my ape man girl ♪
30
00:03:12,907 --> 00:03:15,175
♪ and we'll be so happy ♪
31
00:03:15,176 --> 00:03:17,710
♪ in my ape man world ♪
32
00:03:17,711 --> 00:03:19,612
♪ I'm an ape man ♪
33
00:03:19,613 --> 00:03:21,781
♪ I'm an ape ape man ♪
34
00:03:21,782 --> 00:03:23,482
♪ oh, I'm an ape man ♪
35
00:03:23,483 --> 00:03:24,883
♪ I'm a king Kong man ♪
36
00:03:24,884 --> 00:03:27,019
♪ I'm a voodoo man ♪
37
00:03:27,020 --> 00:03:28,621
♪ oh, I'm an ape man ♪
38
00:03:30,256 --> 00:03:31,390
♪ just like an ape man. ♪
39
00:03:31,391 --> 00:03:33,125
Boop.
40
00:03:38,397 --> 00:03:39,397
Hello, God.
41
00:03:39,398 --> 00:03:41,132
First of all, uh, apologies
42
00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:42,900
for all the recent masturbation,
43
00:03:42,901 --> 00:03:45,236
but I got to say, that's kind of on you.
44
00:03:45,237 --> 00:03:48,673
So I just got back from
traveling around the country,
45
00:03:48,674 --> 00:03:50,942
looking for anyone who might
have survived the virus.
46
00:03:50,943 --> 00:03:53,276
Uh, put up a bunch of
signs all over the place,
47
00:03:53,277 --> 00:03:54,745
saying that I'm here in Tucson.
48
00:03:54,746 --> 00:03:56,980
So, uh, you know, who knows?
49
00:03:56,981 --> 00:03:58,315
And it's not all bad.
50
00:03:58,316 --> 00:03:59,550
I mean, in the old world,
51
00:03:59,551 --> 00:04:01,117
I could never live in a house like this.
52
00:04:01,118 --> 00:04:04,521
And these are Hugh Hefner's actual pajamas.
53
00:04:04,522 --> 00:04:06,122
Yeah.
54
00:04:06,123 --> 00:04:07,157
I washed them.
55
00:04:07,158 --> 00:04:09,826
There are some drawbacks.
56
00:04:09,827 --> 00:04:12,695
I know you know that.
57
00:04:12,696 --> 00:04:15,665
The whole women situation is...
58
00:04:15,666 --> 00:04:16,999
The craps.
59
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,302
If you could send some my way...
60
00:04:20,303 --> 00:04:22,004
Or one my way.
61
00:04:22,005 --> 00:04:23,840
Oh, one more thing.
62
00:04:23,841 --> 00:04:25,907
If you could please send
63
00:04:25,908 --> 00:04:28,810
a special thank-you to the
previous owner of my new house.
64
00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:30,178
Just let him know I'm gonna take
65
00:04:30,179 --> 00:04:31,680
real good care of this place.
66
00:04:46,795 --> 00:04:48,195
Fixing the toilet.
67
00:04:48,196 --> 00:04:50,598
Fixing the toilet. Fixing the toilet.
68
00:06:21,050 --> 00:06:22,284
Salud.
69
00:06:22,285 --> 00:06:26,087
That's a $10,000 bottle
of wine, by the way.
70
00:06:26,088 --> 00:06:28,656
Goes great with the spaghettios.
71
00:06:33,195 --> 00:06:35,429
That was, like, a $400 sip.
72
00:06:48,877 --> 00:06:50,377
Not as good.
73
00:06:54,315 --> 00:06:56,116
♪ Sun, shine on me today... ♪
74
00:06:56,117 --> 00:06:58,018
Aw, split.
75
00:06:58,019 --> 00:07:02,187
♪ Sun, dry my tears away ♪
76
00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:05,958
♪ how I need your warm embrace ♪
77
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:08,327
♪ to shine upon my crying face ♪
78
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,563
♪ sun, shine on me today ♪
79
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:15,700
♪ sun, give me a little light... ♪
80
00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:21,673
♪ Take me out of this darkened night ♪
81
00:07:21,674 --> 00:07:23,975
♪ You know what a little light can do ♪
82
00:07:23,976 --> 00:07:26,778
♪ You change the sky
from black to blue ♪
83
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:29,047
♪ Sun, shine on me today ♪
84
00:07:30,082 --> 00:07:32,816
♪ sunshine ♪
85
00:07:32,817 --> 00:07:34,785
♪ come on, sunshine ♪
86
00:07:34,786 --> 00:07:40,057
♪ let me have one of your rays ♪
87
00:07:40,058 --> 00:07:41,792
♪ just one ♪
88
00:07:41,793 --> 00:07:43,326
♪ only one... Oh, left, left! ♪
89
00:07:43,327 --> 00:07:44,528
Left, left, left, left!
90
00:07:44,529 --> 00:07:45,796
♪ To get this started ♪
91
00:07:45,797 --> 00:07:47,297
♪ on my way. ♪
92
00:07:47,298 --> 00:07:49,099
Straighten, straighten,
straighten! Straight...
93
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:50,800
Ha!
94
00:07:50,801 --> 00:07:53,102
Oh, yes!
95
00:07:53,103 --> 00:07:55,071
Yes!
96
00:08:03,981 --> 00:08:06,549
No way. No way!
97
00:08:06,550 --> 00:08:07,849
That would never happen!
98
00:08:07,850 --> 00:08:09,350
That's all that's left.
99
00:08:09,351 --> 00:08:10,752
That is so stupid.
100
00:08:10,753 --> 00:08:13,521
I got news for you, Tom Hanks.
101
00:08:13,522 --> 00:08:15,523
I will never, ever talk to a volleyball.
102
00:08:15,524 --> 00:08:17,325
No, we have time. We do!
103
00:08:17,326 --> 00:08:18,694
- We have time.
- Not buying it!
104
00:08:18,695 --> 00:08:20,862
Balls aren't people, dude!
105
00:08:20,863 --> 00:08:21,863
I know.
106
00:08:21,864 --> 00:08:24,031
Balls are for fun.
107
00:09:23,455 --> 00:09:26,223
Hey! Okay, I get it!
108
00:09:26,224 --> 00:09:27,625
Nobody's coming!
109
00:09:27,626 --> 00:09:29,293
You're not giving me anybody.
110
00:09:29,294 --> 00:09:30,594
Well, guess what.
111
00:09:30,595 --> 00:09:32,129
I don't even care!
112
00:09:32,130 --> 00:09:34,031
I don't need people. Okay?
113
00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:35,732
I can make it work on my own.
114
00:09:35,733 --> 00:09:38,234
Watch me! Watch me!
115
00:09:38,235 --> 00:09:39,636
Hey, Phil, what's up?
116
00:09:39,637 --> 00:09:40,971
Oh, I'm great, Phil. How are you?
117
00:09:40,972 --> 00:09:42,605
Oh, I'm doing great. Thank
you very much for asking.
118
00:09:42,606 --> 00:09:44,074
See? I'm already doing it.
119
00:09:44,075 --> 00:09:45,942
Ha!
120
00:09:45,943 --> 00:09:47,377
I don't need people.
121
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,311
I'm gonna be just fine.
122
00:10:04,294 --> 00:10:05,327
Morning, Phil.
123
00:10:05,328 --> 00:10:06,460
How are you, Phil?
124
00:10:06,461 --> 00:10:07,696
Fine, Phil, how are you, Phil?
125
00:10:31,646 --> 00:10:34,847
♪ Take the jib, sail down, boys ♪
126
00:10:34,848 --> 00:10:37,484
♪ Take the jib, sail down ♪
127
00:10:37,485 --> 00:10:40,886
♪ turn this ship around, boys ♪
128
00:10:40,887 --> 00:10:43,656
♪ before we run aground ♪
129
00:10:43,657 --> 00:10:46,725
♪ the fish aren't biting today, boys ♪
130
00:10:46,726 --> 00:10:49,094
♪ Fish aren't biting today ♪
131
00:10:49,095 --> 00:10:52,931
♪ gonna lay on my bunk
and get drunk as a skunk ♪
132
00:10:52,932 --> 00:10:56,001
♪ Oh, the fish aren't biting today ♪
133
00:10:56,002 --> 00:10:59,570
♪ There's six-foot waves
and my stomach craves ♪
134
00:10:59,571 --> 00:11:02,774
♪ Some good old Antiguan rum
135
00:11:02,775 --> 00:11:05,009
♪ I put some away for a rainy day ♪
136
00:11:05,010 --> 00:11:08,713
♪ And the rain she is
starting to come now ♪
137
00:11:15,586 --> 00:11:18,355
♪ The fish aren't biting today, boys ♪
138
00:11:18,356 --> 00:11:20,390
♪ The fish aren't biting today
139
00:11:20,391 --> 00:11:24,093
♪ gonna lay in my bunk
and get drunk as a skunk ♪
140
00:11:24,094 --> 00:11:27,130
♪ 'Cause the fish
aren't biting today. ♪
141
00:11:29,767 --> 00:11:33,469
♪ Bah, bah, bah-bah ♪
142
00:11:33,470 --> 00:11:35,137
♪ bah ♪
143
00:11:35,138 --> 00:11:38,407
♪ bah-ah-ah ♪
144
00:11:38,408 --> 00:11:42,545
♪ bah-bah-bah, bah-bah-bah... ♪
145
00:11:43,913 --> 00:11:45,881
Hey, what's up?
146
00:11:45,882 --> 00:11:47,516
Just had to get out of the
house; It's been a rough day.
147
00:11:47,517 --> 00:11:49,083
Hey, I'm gonna have a whiskey.
148
00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:51,052
You want a whiskey, Gary? Whiskey?
149
00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:53,221
You sure? How about you, Jimmy?
150
00:11:54,657 --> 00:11:57,359
No? Okay, well, does
anyone want a whiskey, huh?
151
00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:58,460
Greg?
152
00:11:58,461 --> 00:12:00,528
Kevin?
153
00:12:00,529 --> 00:12:01,863
Antawn?
154
00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:04,699
No? Really? Nobody?
155
00:12:04,700 --> 00:12:05,799
Trevor?
156
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,534
Terrence?
157
00:12:07,535 --> 00:12:09,636
Trent? Darby?
158
00:12:09,637 --> 00:12:11,472
Bryce? Marshall?
159
00:12:11,473 --> 00:12:12,606
Peter?
160
00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,174
Thomas? Max?
161
00:12:14,175 --> 00:12:15,208
Dashiel?
162
00:12:15,209 --> 00:12:17,110
Diego? Clementine?
163
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,545
Nobody wants a whiskey?!
164
00:12:18,546 --> 00:12:19,913
Okay, well, more for me.
165
00:12:19,914 --> 00:12:22,015
Jerry, now, you look like
you lost a little weight.
166
00:12:22,016 --> 00:12:24,316
What, are you exercising, skipping carbs?
167
00:12:24,317 --> 00:12:25,918
Well, whatever you're doing, keep it up.
168
00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:27,920
Okay. Cheersies.
169
00:12:29,956 --> 00:12:33,125
I miss breakfast burritos.
170
00:12:33,126 --> 00:12:35,762
Getting mail.
171
00:12:35,763 --> 00:12:38,498
Skinny jeans on dudes.
172
00:12:38,499 --> 00:12:40,699
Just kidding. Skinny jeans on dudes suck.
173
00:12:43,469 --> 00:12:44,636
People.
174
00:12:44,637 --> 00:12:46,004
And women.
175
00:12:46,005 --> 00:12:47,873
Oh, my God, women.
176
00:12:47,874 --> 00:12:50,709
Oh, I would give anything
to see another woman again.
177
00:12:50,710 --> 00:12:55,280
I would, I would never complain
about anything ever again...
178
00:12:55,281 --> 00:12:57,314
If I just got to see one more woman.
179
00:13:05,156 --> 00:13:06,557
Hey.
180
00:13:06,558 --> 00:13:09,794
Gary, you want to come
hang at my place tonight?
181
00:13:09,795 --> 00:13:11,495
I mean... sh-shut up, guys.
182
00:13:11,496 --> 00:13:13,596
That's really homophobic, Bryce.
183
00:13:13,597 --> 00:13:15,532
Even for you.
184
00:13:17,401 --> 00:13:19,068
That's her.
185
00:13:19,069 --> 00:13:20,804
Well, I don't know her name.
186
00:13:20,805 --> 00:13:22,906
I've never talked to her.
187
00:13:22,907 --> 00:13:24,407
No, Gary, come on!
188
00:13:24,408 --> 00:13:25,475
What would I say?
189
00:13:25,476 --> 00:13:26,776
I'm so bad in these situations.
190
00:13:26,777 --> 00:13:28,711
There is nothing
191
00:13:28,712 --> 00:13:31,547
you can say that would convince
me to go talk to her, okay?
192
00:13:35,117 --> 00:13:37,853
That's a pretty convincing argument.
193
00:13:41,357 --> 00:13:44,960
Don't honk the horn.
194
00:14:03,445 --> 00:14:05,311
Windows, right?
195
00:14:06,881 --> 00:14:10,283
Uh, my friend Gary dared
me to come say hi to you.
196
00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:12,051
He's in the truck, the white fella.
197
00:14:13,788 --> 00:14:16,322
Uh, so, anyway, hello, I guess.
198
00:14:17,959 --> 00:14:19,392
Actually, I saw you a long time ago,
199
00:14:19,393 --> 00:14:21,027
and I always wanted to come say hi,
200
00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:23,696
but, well, I don't know, I just, uh...
201
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,598
It never felt like the right time.
202
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:30,102
I like your outfit.
203
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:33,238
You make good style choices.
204
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:57,260
Sorry, I-I'm being so...
205
00:14:57,261 --> 00:14:59,129
Forward.
206
00:14:59,130 --> 00:15:00,831
It's just, I've been through a lot lately.
207
00:15:00,832 --> 00:15:03,000
I just realized that having
208
00:15:03,001 --> 00:15:06,904
other people around is really
what makes life worth living.
209
00:15:06,905 --> 00:15:08,872
Where are my manners?
210
00:15:08,873 --> 00:15:10,607
I'm Phil.
211
00:15:29,759 --> 00:15:31,760
You win.
212
00:15:33,629 --> 00:15:34,930
You win.
213
00:15:58,486 --> 00:16:01,388
Well, in about two minutes,
214
00:16:01,389 --> 00:16:03,523
we will lay to rest Phil Miller.
215
00:16:03,524 --> 00:16:05,692
Uh...
216
00:16:05,693 --> 00:16:08,027
I'm sorry for giving up.
217
00:16:12,733 --> 00:16:14,567
Oh, and I just got to say,
218
00:16:14,568 --> 00:16:16,669
huge apology to Tom
Hanks and the whole crew
219
00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:18,170
that put together Castaway.
220
00:16:18,171 --> 00:16:20,006
'Cause they nailed it.
221
00:16:20,007 --> 00:16:21,372
They friggin' nailed it.
222
00:16:21,373 --> 00:16:24,375
You guys were
223
00:16:24,376 --> 00:16:27,079
the best friends that I could ask for.
224
00:16:27,580 --> 00:16:29,447
But you're not people.
225
00:16:31,884 --> 00:16:33,384
You're not people.
226
00:18:44,977 --> 00:18:47,460
Hello! Hello!
227
00:18:48,010 --> 00:18:50,178
Are you okay?
228
00:18:50,179 --> 00:18:51,246
Um...
229
00:18:51,247 --> 00:18:53,714
Uh... I think so.
230
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:54,983
Wh-where'd you get here? What happened?
231
00:18:54,984 --> 00:18:56,584
I saw all your billboards.
232
00:18:56,585 --> 00:18:58,753
I can't believe you found me!
233
00:18:58,754 --> 00:19:00,288
I... I thought I was...
234
00:19:00,289 --> 00:19:02,290
Your voice is like...
235
00:19:02,291 --> 00:19:05,192
It's like music to my ears.
236
00:19:05,193 --> 00:19:07,060
May I sing to you?
237
00:19:09,097 --> 00:19:10,764
Yeah, I would love that.
238
00:19:10,765 --> 00:19:14,034
♪ If there's something strange ♪
239
00:19:14,035 --> 00:19:16,003
♪ in your neighborhood ♪
240
00:19:16,004 --> 00:19:17,304
♪ who you gonna call? ♪
241
00:19:17,305 --> 00:19:20,606
♪ Ghostbusters ♪
242
00:19:22,075 --> 00:19:24,443
♪ I ain't afraid of no ghost. ♪
243
00:19:24,444 --> 00:19:27,413
Is this a dream?
244
00:19:28,448 --> 00:19:31,617
This is very, very real.
245
00:19:44,730 --> 00:19:46,364
What are you, uh...?
246
00:19:46,365 --> 00:19:48,566
Like to plug that nose up?
247
00:19:48,567 --> 00:19:50,202
What? What's going...?
248
00:19:54,472 --> 00:19:55,706
What are you doing? What are you doing?
249
00:19:55,707 --> 00:19:56,740
I was doing mouth to mouth.
250
00:19:56,741 --> 00:19:58,209
Where did that
wo-wo-woman go?!
251
00:19:58,210 --> 00:19:59,476
You passed out, you wet your underpants.
252
00:19:59,477 --> 00:20:00,845
I thought you were dying.
253
00:20:00,846 --> 00:20:02,746
I did not wet my underpants, okay?
254
00:20:02,747 --> 00:20:04,481
They're... oh, they're wet. Ew!
255
00:20:04,482 --> 00:20:06,183
Super wet. But that was
256
00:20:06,184 --> 00:20:08,719
from something else before.
257
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:09,887
I-I was-was, uh,
258
00:20:09,888 --> 00:20:11,921
swimming the front, the... the front side.
259
00:20:11,922 --> 00:20:13,193
Okay, I just thought that
you were in trouble...
260
00:20:13,194 --> 00:20:14,324
Well, you thought wrong!
261
00:20:14,325 --> 00:20:15,825
That was from something
else before, I told you!
262
00:20:15,826 --> 00:20:18,128
- I'm not accusing you...
- I'm not saying you're accusing me!
263
00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:20,697
- I'm telling you they were wet before.
- Okay, okay! Oh, gosh!
264
00:20:20,698 --> 00:20:22,565
- Okay, back up! Back up!
- Okay, whoa, whoa,
265
00:20:22,566 --> 00:20:23,933
- whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Put your hands where I can see them!
266
00:20:23,934 --> 00:20:25,568
- Okay, okay, okay, okay...
- Hands where I can see them!
267
00:20:25,569 --> 00:20:27,570
- Okay, okay.
- Drop my bra.
268
00:20:27,571 --> 00:20:29,371
Okay, okay, okay.
269
00:20:29,372 --> 00:20:30,673
No!
270
00:20:30,674 --> 00:20:31,940
Drop it!
271
00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:35,711
Gross.
272
00:20:35,712 --> 00:20:37,680
- Are you nice?
- What?
273
00:20:37,681 --> 00:20:39,882
Are you a nice person?!
274
00:20:39,883 --> 00:20:41,183
Okay, yes, yes! I'm really nice!
275
00:20:41,184 --> 00:20:42,651
I'm very, very, very nice!
276
00:20:42,652 --> 00:20:44,319
I'm so nice, seriously. I promise you.
277
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,487
There is nothing to be afraid of.
278
00:20:46,488 --> 00:20:48,856
- Nothing of which to be afraid.
- But I just said that.
279
00:20:48,857 --> 00:20:50,291
You can't end sentences with prepositions!
280
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:52,426
"Nothing of which to be
afraid" is the proper grammar!
281
00:20:52,427 --> 00:20:53,494
Fine, yes, okay.
282
00:20:53,495 --> 00:20:55,229
- There's nothing of which...
- Yes.
283
00:20:55,230 --> 00:20:56,430
Huh?
284
00:20:56,431 --> 00:20:57,531
- That's better.
- Good with that?
285
00:20:57,532 --> 00:20:59,667
Of which to be afraid, okay?
286
00:20:59,668 --> 00:21:00,702
- Mm-hmm.
- Huh?
287
00:21:00,703 --> 00:21:02,402
You can trust me, seriously.
288
00:21:02,403 --> 00:21:05,672
Honestly? I did wet my underpants.
289
00:21:05,673 --> 00:21:07,908
They were totally dry before I soaked them.
290
00:21:07,909 --> 00:21:10,077
- I soaked them.
- Why did you lie to me?
291
00:21:10,078 --> 00:21:12,278
'Cause I'm an adult
and I wet my underpants.
292
00:21:12,279 --> 00:21:14,614
Are you the one who put up all
those "alive in Tucson" signs?
293
00:21:14,615 --> 00:21:16,750
Yes! Yes! That was me.
294
00:21:16,751 --> 00:21:18,585
That was me. I did that. Look.
295
00:21:18,586 --> 00:21:20,086
I am so sorry.
296
00:21:20,087 --> 00:21:22,688
I haven't seen another human
being in, like, two years.
297
00:21:22,689 --> 00:21:23,856
And I was literally
298
00:21:23,857 --> 00:21:25,725
about to kill myself five minutes ago.
299
00:21:25,726 --> 00:21:27,259
I'm harmless, okay?
300
00:21:27,260 --> 00:21:29,161
Why don't you put that gun away?
301
00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:30,629
What do you need that gun out for?
302
00:21:30,630 --> 00:21:32,598
Don't you mean "out for
what do you need that gun"?
303
00:21:32,599 --> 00:21:33,933
Okay, that can't be right.
304
00:21:33,934 --> 00:21:35,267
- It is.
- No, come on.
305
00:21:35,268 --> 00:21:37,936
No, no, no! You don't
have to cock that thing!
306
00:21:37,937 --> 00:21:39,370
Fine. Look.
307
00:21:39,371 --> 00:21:41,505
Out for what do you need that gun?
308
00:21:41,506 --> 00:21:42,941
Huh?
309
00:21:42,942 --> 00:21:44,175
Come on.
310
00:21:45,410 --> 00:21:47,378
I'm not gonna hurt you.
311
00:21:47,379 --> 00:21:50,882
Why don't you put that thing away?
312
00:21:50,883 --> 00:21:51,950
There you go.
313
00:21:51,951 --> 00:21:53,650
I'm a quick draw.
314
00:21:53,651 --> 00:21:55,318
So watch yourself.
315
00:21:55,319 --> 00:21:57,454
Thank you, thank you.
316
00:21:57,455 --> 00:21:59,489
Can we start over?
317
00:21:59,490 --> 00:22:00,457
Yeah, okay.
318
00:22:00,458 --> 00:22:02,092
Phil Miller.
319
00:22:02,093 --> 00:22:03,794
Last man on earth.
320
00:22:03,795 --> 00:22:06,964
Carol Pilbasian.
321
00:22:06,965 --> 00:22:08,799
Last woman on earth.
322
00:22:11,769 --> 00:22:14,103
♪ Amen ♪
323
00:22:15,472 --> 00:22:18,440
♪ amen ♪
324
00:22:18,441 --> 00:22:20,576
♪ amen, amen... ♪
325
00:22:20,577 --> 00:22:22,945
Oh, makes my mouth
water just thinking about those.
326
00:22:22,946 --> 00:22:26,249
Then in Tampa, I scored,
ah, just a ton of radishes.
327
00:22:26,250 --> 00:22:28,449
You wouldn't think Florida for radishes,
328
00:22:28,450 --> 00:22:29,584
but they are absolutely chockablock.
329
00:22:29,585 --> 00:22:31,586
They say if you can't
find a radish in Tampa,
330
00:22:31,587 --> 00:22:32,921
just walk five feet.
331
00:22:32,922 --> 00:22:33,955
They're abundant.
332
00:22:35,158 --> 00:22:37,759
Oh, God, how long have I been talking?
333
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,427
Uh, like, you know, 45 minutes.
334
00:22:39,428 --> 00:22:40,428
It's fine, it's fine.
335
00:22:40,429 --> 00:22:41,763
I am so sorry.
336
00:22:41,764 --> 00:22:43,931
I must have all this conversation
337
00:22:43,932 --> 00:22:46,066
that's just been waiting
to get out inside of me.
338
00:22:46,067 --> 00:22:47,601
Yeah.
339
00:22:49,370 --> 00:22:51,038
Well, it's all coming out now, right?
340
00:22:51,039 --> 00:22:52,239
Flowing.
341
00:22:57,946 --> 00:22:59,113
So, wh-what about you?
342
00:22:59,114 --> 00:23:00,980
Um, what did you do for a job?
343
00:23:00,981 --> 00:23:02,282
I was a temp.
344
00:23:02,283 --> 00:23:04,284
Oh, I'm sorry.
345
00:23:04,285 --> 00:23:05,518
How old are you?
346
00:23:05,519 --> 00:23:06,552
I'm 41.
347
00:23:06,553 --> 00:23:08,221
Oh.
348
00:23:08,222 --> 00:23:10,023
Okay.
349
00:23:10,024 --> 00:23:11,691
Well, you know,
350
00:23:11,692 --> 00:23:13,159
it's not something I'm super-proud of.
351
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,661
You mean not something of
which you are super-proud.
352
00:23:15,662 --> 00:23:16,662
- Yeah.
- Mmhmm.
353
00:23:16,663 --> 00:23:17,730
Were you an English teacher?
354
00:23:17,731 --> 00:23:20,065
No, I was an office manager
355
00:23:20,066 --> 00:23:21,834
at a hot sauce bottling company.
356
00:23:22,869 --> 00:23:25,337
Sounds like a spicy job.
357
00:23:25,338 --> 00:23:27,339
No, it... I didn't work with the spices.
358
00:23:27,340 --> 00:23:28,506
I was filing.
359
00:23:30,743 --> 00:23:32,244
Cheers.
360
00:23:32,245 --> 00:23:33,245
Cheers.
361
00:23:33,246 --> 00:23:34,379
Oh, whoa, whoa.
362
00:23:35,380 --> 00:23:37,014
I want to protect the ceramic.
363
00:23:37,015 --> 00:23:39,317
Noted.
364
00:23:39,318 --> 00:23:41,152
And you have to make eye
contact, or it won't come true.
365
00:23:41,153 --> 00:23:42,820
Oh, okay.
366
00:23:42,821 --> 00:23:44,188
- Well, let's try it again.
- Okay.
367
00:23:44,189 --> 00:23:45,089
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
368
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:04,741
Uh, oh.
369
00:24:04,742 --> 00:24:06,442
That was a stop sign.
370
00:24:06,443 --> 00:24:07,777
Y-yeah, it was.
371
00:24:07,778 --> 00:24:09,111
You just went right through it.
372
00:24:09,112 --> 00:24:11,280
Uh, y-yes, I did.
373
00:24:11,281 --> 00:24:14,750
Well, could you do me a flavor
and stop at the next one?
374
00:24:14,751 --> 00:24:17,753
Carol, stop signs are
there to mediate traffic.
375
00:24:17,754 --> 00:24:20,256
And traffic doesn't exist anymore,
376
00:24:20,257 --> 00:24:22,124
so essentially stop signs don't either.
377
00:24:22,125 --> 00:24:23,658
Yeah, except that they do.
378
00:24:23,659 --> 00:24:25,194
And I'd rather you stopped at them.
379
00:24:25,195 --> 00:24:26,527
Oh, here's one. Here's one.
380
00:24:26,528 --> 00:24:27,528
- Here's one.
- Okay, okay, okay.
381
00:24:27,529 --> 00:24:28,729
Stopping.
382
00:24:31,533 --> 00:24:33,601
Looking both ways.
383
00:24:33,602 --> 00:24:35,270
And moving on.
384
00:24:35,271 --> 00:24:36,271
Here we go.
385
00:24:36,272 --> 00:24:38,239
I'm gonna ease into it.
386
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:39,240
Feel better?
387
00:24:39,241 --> 00:24:40,241
Thank you, Phil.
388
00:24:40,242 --> 00:24:41,910
Yeah.
389
00:24:41,911 --> 00:24:43,944
I can't wait to see your house.
390
00:24:43,945 --> 00:24:47,381
They say a person's home is
a reflection of their soul.
391
00:24:47,382 --> 00:24:49,549
So this is my toilet pool.
392
00:24:49,550 --> 00:24:50,550
Mmm.
393
00:24:52,553 --> 00:24:54,554
And here's my garbage pool.
394
00:24:54,555 --> 00:24:56,723
And, uh, this is my Margarita pool.
395
00:24:56,724 --> 00:24:59,192
You swim in that?
396
00:24:59,193 --> 00:25:01,527
Well, I swim in it, I drink out of it.
397
00:25:01,528 --> 00:25:03,862
There's really no wrong
way to use a Margarita pool,
398
00:25:03,863 --> 00:25:05,531
you know what I mean?
399
00:25:06,900 --> 00:25:09,902
Work your way through here.
400
00:25:09,903 --> 00:25:12,405
Sorry, it's kind of messy right now.
401
00:25:12,406 --> 00:25:15,074
What a collection of cans.
402
00:25:15,075 --> 00:25:18,076
Oh, where'd you get all these paintings?
403
00:25:18,077 --> 00:25:19,577
You know, I took them from, uh...
404
00:25:19,578 --> 00:25:21,246
Various museums.
405
00:25:21,247 --> 00:25:24,349
I got some Van Goghs and Monets.
406
00:25:24,350 --> 00:25:25,683
In that pile alone, there's, like,
407
00:25:25,684 --> 00:25:27,518
a billion dollars worth
of famous paintings.
408
00:25:27,519 --> 00:25:30,021
So you stole all these paintings?
409
00:25:30,022 --> 00:25:32,090
What? No. No.
410
00:25:32,091 --> 00:25:34,624
Plus, I take very good care
of this stuff... oh, shoot.
411
00:25:34,625 --> 00:25:37,962
Uh, I'd better dry this baby off.
412
00:25:37,963 --> 00:25:39,296
There we go.
413
00:25:39,297 --> 00:25:40,630
Dry as new.
414
00:25:40,631 --> 00:25:41,865
Sorry, Rembrandt.
415
00:25:41,866 --> 00:25:43,167
Phil, what are these?
416
00:25:43,168 --> 00:25:44,468
Uh...
417
00:25:44,469 --> 00:25:47,771
And those and those and that?
418
00:25:47,772 --> 00:25:50,441
They are... magazines.
419
00:25:50,442 --> 00:25:52,608
Oh. What kind of magazines?
420
00:25:52,609 --> 00:25:54,877
Well, they are...
421
00:25:54,878 --> 00:25:57,513
Masturbatory magazines.
422
00:25:57,514 --> 00:26:00,116
Okay. Okay.
423
00:26:00,117 --> 00:26:01,117
What?
424
00:26:01,118 --> 00:26:03,053
Is there, uh... Something wrong?
425
00:26:03,054 --> 00:26:06,990
You know, I'm just trying not
to judge the book by its cover.
426
00:26:06,991 --> 00:26:09,858
And-and what book are
you referring to, Carol?
427
00:26:09,859 --> 00:26:12,160
The book to which I'm referring
428
00:26:12,161 --> 00:26:13,862
is called Phil Miller.
429
00:26:13,863 --> 00:26:15,730
Sounds like a good book.
430
00:26:15,731 --> 00:26:18,066
It's the story of a man
with a brothel of a home
431
00:26:18,067 --> 00:26:19,734
and a pool filled with human excrement.
432
00:26:19,735 --> 00:26:21,769
Carol, there is no running water.
433
00:26:21,770 --> 00:26:23,505
Did you ever try to fix that?
434
00:26:23,506 --> 00:26:26,040
I did fix it. With a toilet pool.
435
00:26:26,041 --> 00:26:27,208
- Mmm.
- You probably would have done
436
00:26:27,209 --> 00:26:28,309
the exact same thing.
437
00:26:28,310 --> 00:26:30,244
Oh, no, I know that I wouldn't have.
438
00:26:30,245 --> 00:26:31,545
Because I'm not an animal.
439
00:26:31,546 --> 00:26:33,080
Oh, so I'm an animal now?
440
00:26:33,081 --> 00:26:34,081
Okay, thank you.
441
00:26:34,082 --> 00:26:35,416
I'm just saying
442
00:26:35,417 --> 00:26:38,085
that if you diverted a small percentage
443
00:26:38,086 --> 00:26:39,420
of your masturbation energy
444
00:26:39,421 --> 00:26:41,322
towards fixing the water problem,
445
00:26:41,323 --> 00:26:45,025
you might be going potty
in a toilet right now.
446
00:26:45,026 --> 00:26:47,994
Maybe we should get you
back to that campsite.
447
00:26:54,101 --> 00:26:55,935
Look, I know you've been
through a hard time...
448
00:26:55,936 --> 00:26:57,870
We both have...
449
00:26:57,871 --> 00:27:00,005
But I'm gonna help you get
your life back together.
450
00:27:00,006 --> 00:27:02,241
Well, I am looking forward to that.
451
00:27:02,242 --> 00:27:03,608
Good first day.
452
00:27:03,609 --> 00:27:05,244
Great first day.
453
00:27:05,245 --> 00:27:06,846
See you tom...
454
00:27:15,317 --> 00:27:16,784
Carol?
455
00:27:16,785 --> 00:27:17,818
What are you doing in here?
456
00:27:17,819 --> 00:27:18,853
Good morning!
457
00:27:18,854 --> 00:27:20,688
Remember how I said
458
00:27:20,689 --> 00:27:22,690
your home was a reflection of your soul?
459
00:27:22,691 --> 00:27:24,959
Well, I'm cleaning up your soul.
460
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,295
Well, uh, next time you
want to clean up my soul,
461
00:27:27,296 --> 00:27:28,662
could you please give me
462
00:27:28,663 --> 00:27:29,996
a little advanced notice beforehand?
463
00:27:29,997 --> 00:27:31,665
- Of course.
- Yeah.
464
00:27:31,666 --> 00:27:33,100
- Sorry.
- Okay.
465
00:27:33,101 --> 00:27:35,936
Uh, here, I'll just put
it back the way you had it.
466
00:27:35,937 --> 00:27:37,071
That'd be great.
467
00:27:38,139 --> 00:27:39,139
Whoa, whoa, wait!
468
00:27:39,140 --> 00:27:40,140
Now, no, no, no!
469
00:27:40,141 --> 00:27:42,042
Be gentle! Carol, Carol!
470
00:27:42,043 --> 00:27:43,710
Watch out for my Jenga tower, okay?
471
00:27:43,711 --> 00:27:45,278
I spent a lot of time on that.
472
00:27:45,279 --> 00:27:48,247
Oh, and you think that's
time well spent, Phil?
473
00:27:50,016 --> 00:27:51,016
Yes, I do.
474
00:27:51,017 --> 00:27:52,418
Phil, you can't just be playing
475
00:27:52,419 --> 00:27:53,786
with your Yenga all day.
476
00:27:53,787 --> 00:27:55,788
We have work to do.
477
00:27:55,789 --> 00:27:58,691
I need gardening supplies,
you need cleaning supplies.
478
00:27:58,692 --> 00:27:59,992
We're going to the store.
479
00:27:59,993 --> 00:28:02,527
No, we're n...
480
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,102
Whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
481
00:28:10,103 --> 00:28:11,103
What now?
482
00:28:12,205 --> 00:28:13,871
This is a handicapped parking spot.
483
00:28:13,872 --> 00:28:15,307
Okay, Carol.
484
00:28:15,308 --> 00:28:17,041
We're the last two people on earth.
485
00:28:17,042 --> 00:28:19,143
If by some tiny chance
486
00:28:19,144 --> 00:28:22,045
a handicapped person happens
to be driving through Tucson
487
00:28:22,046 --> 00:28:24,215
and makes a beeline
for this hardware store,
488
00:28:24,216 --> 00:28:25,549
they can park right over there,
489
00:28:25,550 --> 00:28:27,551
which is even closer to the store.
490
00:28:27,552 --> 00:28:29,186
That's not a parking spot.
491
00:28:29,187 --> 00:28:30,488
That is a spot, Carol!
492
00:28:30,489 --> 00:28:31,755
No, it's not a spot.
493
00:28:31,756 --> 00:28:33,056
And that is a parking spot...
494
00:28:33,057 --> 00:28:34,691
- No.
- And that is a parking spot.
495
00:28:34,692 --> 00:28:36,026
Look all around you.
496
00:28:36,027 --> 00:28:38,428
Everything you see right
now is a parking spot.
497
00:28:38,429 --> 00:28:39,862
You're a parking spot.
498
00:28:39,863 --> 00:28:41,197
Yes, I am!
499
00:28:41,198 --> 00:28:42,599
Now you're getting it.
500
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:45,668
The whole freaking world
is a parking spot now.
501
00:28:45,669 --> 00:28:48,004
It's one of the only
benefits of our situation.
502
00:28:48,005 --> 00:28:49,339
In fact, you know what?
503
00:28:49,340 --> 00:28:51,007
I want to park a little closer...
504
00:28:51,008 --> 00:28:52,808
I want to park a little closer.
505
00:28:52,809 --> 00:28:54,943
What are you doing?
506
00:28:54,944 --> 00:28:57,045
Getting a closer parking spot.
507
00:29:06,556 --> 00:29:08,323
This spot feels right to me.
508
00:29:08,324 --> 00:29:09,658
This feels good.
509
00:29:13,094 --> 00:29:14,262
So that's it, huh?
510
00:29:14,263 --> 00:29:16,597
You don't care about rules or laws anymore?
511
00:29:16,598 --> 00:29:17,931
What's next?
512
00:29:17,932 --> 00:29:19,367
You gonna burn down a church?
513
00:29:19,368 --> 00:29:21,636
Carol, I would never burn down a church.
514
00:29:21,637 --> 00:29:23,971
- Why?
- It's a church!
515
00:29:23,972 --> 00:29:27,507
And this is a store, and that
is a handicapped parking spot!
516
00:29:29,544 --> 00:29:31,344
Fine.
517
00:29:39,287 --> 00:29:42,222
So, uh, guess who's not
the last person on earth anymore.
518
00:29:42,223 --> 00:29:44,490
It should be the best
day of my life, right?
519
00:29:44,491 --> 00:29:46,592
I mean, you guys know how horny I've been.
520
00:29:46,593 --> 00:29:48,227
Just so, so, so, so, so horny.
521
00:29:48,228 --> 00:29:50,229
Just next-level horny.
522
00:29:50,230 --> 00:29:52,130
But this woman is just a turd.
523
00:29:52,131 --> 00:29:54,433
Eight ball, corner pocket.
524
00:29:54,434 --> 00:29:56,435
Maybe I'm being too harsh.
525
00:29:56,436 --> 00:29:57,936
At times she's almost kind of cute.
526
00:29:57,937 --> 00:30:00,406
Then she opens her
mouth, and it just sucks.
527
00:30:00,407 --> 00:30:02,139
What a turd. Eight ball, corner pocket.
528
00:30:02,140 --> 00:30:03,474
Ugh!
529
00:30:03,475 --> 00:30:05,677
"Ooh, I want to fix you, Phil."
530
00:30:05,678 --> 00:30:07,245
That's what she said to me.
531
00:30:07,246 --> 00:30:08,613
I'm a work in progress, sure,
532
00:30:08,614 --> 00:30:10,114
but I've progressed to
the point where it's...
533
00:30:10,115 --> 00:30:11,949
I'm very close, I'm very close.
534
00:30:11,950 --> 00:30:14,018
Eight ball, corner pocket.
535
00:30:14,019 --> 00:30:15,853
Bottom line, and I can't
believe I'm saying this,
536
00:30:15,854 --> 00:30:17,755
I think I need a little space.
537
00:30:33,638 --> 00:30:36,339
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...
538
00:30:36,340 --> 00:30:38,006
No, no, no, no, no!
539
00:30:38,007 --> 00:30:39,808
No, no, no, no no, no, no, no.
540
00:30:39,809 --> 00:30:41,477
No, no, no, no. Carol, Carol.
541
00:30:41,478 --> 00:30:42,478
Carol, Carol, Carol?
542
00:30:42,479 --> 00:30:43,812
- Yeah.
- What are you doing?
543
00:30:43,813 --> 00:30:45,114
Huh? I'm moving in next door.
544
00:30:45,115 --> 00:30:46,616
- Carol...
- Yeah.
545
00:30:46,617 --> 00:30:47,816
There are, no exaggeration,
546
00:30:47,817 --> 00:30:49,685
all the houses in the world to choose from.
547
00:30:49,686 --> 00:30:52,621
Okay, why does it have to be the
house right next door to mine?
548
00:30:52,622 --> 00:30:54,389
What's wrong?
549
00:30:54,390 --> 00:30:56,224
Do you do weird stuff in your house
550
00:30:56,225 --> 00:30:57,825
that you don't want me to see?
551
00:30:57,826 --> 00:30:59,494
I... no, I do not do weird stuff.
552
00:30:59,495 --> 00:31:00,828
I do normal stuff.
553
00:31:00,829 --> 00:31:03,164
But I'd like to do that
normal stuff in private.
554
00:31:03,165 --> 00:31:04,832
Are you afraid I'm gonna see you naked?
555
00:31:08,304 --> 00:31:09,637
Does this answer your question?
556
00:31:09,638 --> 00:31:11,905
Do you want me to look at it? Hello.
557
00:31:11,906 --> 00:31:13,307
- No! No, Carol.
- What do you say, little guy?
558
00:31:13,308 --> 00:31:15,208
Is this what you want?
I'm looking right at it.
559
00:31:15,209 --> 00:31:16,209
- Carol, stop this.
- Ooh.
560
00:31:16,210 --> 00:31:17,344
- Don't be scared.
- Come on, Carol.
561
00:31:17,345 --> 00:31:19,380
Carol.
562
00:31:19,381 --> 00:31:20,881
Look, I'll choose a different house,
563
00:31:20,882 --> 00:31:22,349
but I'm staying in this neighborhood.
564
00:31:24,319 --> 00:31:26,653
All right.
565
00:31:26,654 --> 00:31:29,389
How much longer are we
gonna dance around this?
566
00:31:29,390 --> 00:31:31,424
Dance around what?
567
00:31:31,425 --> 00:31:33,760
The reason we both survived... our purpose.
568
00:31:33,761 --> 00:31:35,728
We were chosen.
569
00:31:35,729 --> 00:31:38,030
W-would you just say
what you're trying to say?
570
00:31:38,031 --> 00:31:39,932
Repopulation, you dumb donkey!
571
00:31:39,933 --> 00:31:41,901
Something we have to do!
572
00:31:41,902 --> 00:31:43,402
Together!
573
00:31:43,403 --> 00:31:46,271
Carol, no disrespect here,
574
00:31:46,272 --> 00:31:48,674
but have you ever heard the phrase,
575
00:31:48,675 --> 00:31:49,908
"I wouldn't have sex with you
576
00:31:49,909 --> 00:31:51,543
if you were the last person on earth"?
577
00:31:51,544 --> 00:31:54,245
You think I want to repopulate with you?
578
00:31:54,246 --> 00:31:57,349
Oh, I would rather eat a cat.
579
00:31:57,350 --> 00:31:59,117
And I love cats.
580
00:31:59,118 --> 00:32:01,385
And the
thought of killing a cat
581
00:32:01,386 --> 00:32:03,887
and then eating its little furry body,
582
00:32:03,888 --> 00:32:06,624
like, that's how I feel
about making love to you.
583
00:32:06,625 --> 00:32:08,225
So we're done here, then?
584
00:32:08,226 --> 00:32:09,727
Oh, not by a long shot.
585
00:32:11,095 --> 00:32:13,764
The fate of the human
race is depending on us.
586
00:32:13,765 --> 00:32:16,900
You may hide behind that
rat's nest of a beard of yours
587
00:32:16,901 --> 00:32:19,035
and pretend that you
don't care about anything,
588
00:32:19,036 --> 00:32:21,538
but I know that deep down inside of you,
589
00:32:21,539 --> 00:32:24,874
there is a nice-smelling person
who actually gives a hoot,
590
00:32:24,875 --> 00:32:27,310
and I am not giving up until I find him!
591
00:32:27,311 --> 00:32:30,279
Well, good luck with that, Carol.
592
00:32:31,615 --> 00:32:34,283
I'm gonna find him!
593
00:32:34,284 --> 00:32:36,385
You're a great guy, Phil!
594
00:32:36,386 --> 00:32:39,054
Somewhere in there!
595
00:32:39,055 --> 00:32:40,389
Hidden.
596
00:32:40,390 --> 00:32:41,891
Far away.
597
00:32:48,938 --> 00:32:49,938
Hi, Phil.
598
00:32:49,939 --> 00:32:51,106
Carol!
599
00:32:51,107 --> 00:32:53,308
Geez! Can I get a little privacy here?!
600
00:32:53,309 --> 00:32:56,144
Oh, definitely... if you
used your inside toilet.
601
00:32:56,145 --> 00:32:58,446
What part of "no running
water" do you not understand?
602
00:32:58,447 --> 00:32:59,748
All of it.
603
00:32:59,749 --> 00:33:01,650
I mean, look
at what you're doing, Phil.
604
00:33:01,651 --> 00:33:04,319
Carol, this works for me.
605
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:06,854
The fact that it doesn't work
for you is not my problem.
606
00:33:06,855 --> 00:33:09,356
I just want to live
like a human being again.
607
00:33:09,357 --> 00:33:10,857
I want to take a shower.
608
00:33:10,858 --> 00:33:12,192
I want to water my garden.
609
00:33:12,193 --> 00:33:14,361
I want our kids to have
fresh fruits and vegetables.
610
00:33:14,362 --> 00:33:15,362
Our kids?!
611
00:33:15,363 --> 00:33:16,797
- Yes.
- Carol,
612
00:33:16,798 --> 00:33:19,533
I am definitely not having kids with you.
613
00:33:19,534 --> 00:33:21,868
Fine, I want fresh fruits and vegetables.
614
00:33:21,869 --> 00:33:23,136
Don't you want that?
615
00:33:23,137 --> 00:33:25,205
I honestly don't care.
616
00:33:25,206 --> 00:33:27,407
Suit yourself.
617
00:33:27,408 --> 00:33:28,641
Whoa...
618
00:33:28,642 --> 00:33:31,076
Mmm.
619
00:33:31,077 --> 00:33:32,211
What is that?
620
00:33:32,212 --> 00:33:33,646
Oh.
621
00:33:33,647 --> 00:33:34,647
This to-mah-to?
622
00:33:34,648 --> 00:33:36,649
Carol, just say "tomato."
623
00:33:36,650 --> 00:33:37,983
Phil, some people say "to-mah-to."
624
00:33:37,984 --> 00:33:39,084
I'm one of those people.
625
00:33:39,085 --> 00:33:40,986
Of course you are.
626
00:33:40,987 --> 00:33:43,988
Now, I grew this personally,
and I would love to grow more,
627
00:33:43,989 --> 00:33:45,791
but I need help getting water to my garden.
628
00:33:45,792 --> 00:33:47,726
Are you in? Are you out?
629
00:33:47,727 --> 00:33:48,760
Oh, I'm definitely out.
630
00:33:48,761 --> 00:33:50,228
I was never even close to being in.
631
00:33:50,229 --> 00:33:51,229
In any way.
632
00:33:51,230 --> 00:33:52,897
All right.
633
00:33:52,898 --> 00:33:54,666
But those that don't help don't eat.
634
00:33:54,667 --> 00:33:56,501
- Bye.
- Mmm...
635
00:33:56,502 --> 00:33:58,102
Mmm...
636
00:33:58,103 --> 00:33:59,904
- Mmm.
- Yeah. Looks... disgusting.
637
00:33:59,905 --> 00:34:01,672
Mm-mm-mm!
638
00:34:01,673 --> 00:34:03,641
Oh, so juicy!
639
00:34:03,642 --> 00:34:05,743
Oh!
640
00:34:05,744 --> 00:34:07,678
Ah!
641
00:34:09,180 --> 00:34:10,180
Ah!
642
00:34:10,181 --> 00:34:12,383
Son of a bee sting!
643
00:34:16,521 --> 00:34:19,155
Ah! That really hurt!
644
00:34:56,925 --> 00:34:58,826
You enjoy those to-mah-toes, Phil?
645
00:34:58,827 --> 00:35:01,429
I don't know what you're talking about.
646
00:35:01,430 --> 00:35:03,398
You stole my to-mah-toes, Phil.
647
00:35:03,399 --> 00:35:04,231
Did not.
648
00:35:04,232 --> 00:35:05,833
You stole my to-mah-toes
649
00:35:05,834 --> 00:35:07,935
and you left poop in my garden.
650
00:35:07,936 --> 00:35:09,936
Must've been a raccoon.
651
00:35:17,278 --> 00:35:19,279
You're a terrorist.
652
00:35:23,851 --> 00:35:25,285
What happened to your foot?
653
00:35:25,286 --> 00:35:28,821
I dropped the manhole cover on it.
654
00:35:28,822 --> 00:35:29,822
I'm fine.
655
00:35:29,823 --> 00:35:31,123
You don't look fine.
656
00:35:31,124 --> 00:35:33,091
I'm fine.
657
00:35:37,798 --> 00:35:40,633
Ah!
658
00:35:45,137 --> 00:35:47,772
Son of a bee sting!
659
00:35:48,808 --> 00:35:50,508
Ah!
660
00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:57,281
You win, manhole!
661
00:36:25,509 --> 00:36:28,210
Carol, what are you doing?
662
00:36:28,211 --> 00:36:30,045
What does it look like?
663
00:36:30,046 --> 00:36:32,314
It looks like you're
making a toilet fountain.
664
00:36:32,315 --> 00:36:34,583
Bingo.
665
00:36:34,584 --> 00:36:36,117
And you'll be happy to hear
666
00:36:36,118 --> 00:36:37,786
I've given up on the water project.
667
00:36:37,787 --> 00:36:38,954
And everything else, too.
668
00:36:38,955 --> 00:36:41,055
Are-are your pants on?
669
00:36:41,056 --> 00:36:43,024
For now.
670
00:36:43,025 --> 00:36:46,327
Look, wh... what are you talking about?
671
00:36:46,328 --> 00:36:49,364
- I can't even raise a to-mah-to.
- Tomato.
672
00:36:49,365 --> 00:36:51,098
What makes me think I could ever give birth
673
00:36:51,099 --> 00:36:53,100
to a whole new civilization?
674
00:36:53,101 --> 00:36:55,369
Carol, I think you're
overreacting a little.
675
00:36:55,370 --> 00:36:56,504
Look, you're off the hook.
676
00:36:56,505 --> 00:36:58,606
I was wrong about our purpose.
677
00:36:58,607 --> 00:37:00,741
We weren't chosen.
678
00:37:00,742 --> 00:37:02,676
We were forgotten.
679
00:37:02,677 --> 00:37:05,479
Carol, it's just a stupid garden.
680
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:07,347
Yeah.
681
00:37:07,348 --> 00:37:09,081
It's also a parking spot.
682
00:37:11,151 --> 00:37:12,785
I really do have to go.
683
00:37:12,786 --> 00:37:14,020
Like, bad.
684
00:37:39,661 --> 00:37:41,595
♪ I'm gonna tell you a story... ♪
685
00:37:41,596 --> 00:37:42,596
Damn it!
686
00:37:42,597 --> 00:37:45,799
♪ It's all about my town ♪
687
00:37:47,535 --> 00:37:50,804
♪ yeah, down by the river damn it! ♪
688
00:37:52,206 --> 00:37:53,774
♪ Down by the banks damn it! ♪
689
00:37:53,775 --> 00:37:57,043
♪ Of the river Charles ♪
690
00:37:57,044 --> 00:37:58,711
- ♪ aw, that's what's happening, baby... ♪
- Damn it!
691
00:37:58,712 --> 00:38:00,345
Ah! Damn it!
692
00:38:01,615 --> 00:38:04,550
♪ That's where you'll find me... ♪
693
00:38:06,152 --> 00:38:07,653
♪ Along with lovers damn it! ♪
694
00:38:07,654 --> 00:38:10,322
♪ Buggers and thieves oh! ♪
695
00:38:10,323 --> 00:38:12,323
- ♪ Aw, but they're cool people oh! ♪
- Ah!
696
00:38:14,827 --> 00:38:18,697
♪ But I love that dirty water ♪
697
00:38:18,698 --> 00:38:22,767
♪ oh, Boston, you're my home ♪
698
00:38:24,436 --> 00:38:26,204
- ♪ oh, you're the number one place... ♪
- Damn it!
699
00:38:26,205 --> 00:38:27,939
Damn it, damn it, damn it!
700
00:38:27,940 --> 00:38:29,640
Damn it!
701
00:38:32,210 --> 00:38:33,944
You've been tamed, sir.
702
00:38:33,945 --> 00:38:36,146
♪ Well, I love that dirty water... ♪
703
00:38:36,147 --> 00:38:37,414
Damn it!
704
00:38:37,415 --> 00:38:39,116
♪ Baby ♪
705
00:38:39,117 --> 00:38:41,919
♪ love that dirty water ♪
706
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:44,989
- ♪ love that dirty water ♪
Ah!
707
00:38:44,990 --> 00:38:46,422
- ♪ Love that dirty... ♪
- Damn it!
708
00:38:51,428 --> 00:38:52,762
Carol.
709
00:38:52,763 --> 00:38:53,763
Hello, Phil.
710
00:38:53,764 --> 00:38:55,431
- How's the foot?
- Not great.
711
00:38:55,432 --> 00:38:57,466
- How's the toilet fountain?
- Full.
712
00:38:57,467 --> 00:38:59,035
Ah, geez, Carol.
713
00:38:59,036 --> 00:39:00,369
Could you come with me for a minute?
714
00:39:08,611 --> 00:39:10,779
You know anything about this?
715
00:39:10,780 --> 00:39:12,481
Nope.
716
00:39:12,482 --> 00:39:13,682
Can't help you.
717
00:39:13,683 --> 00:39:15,383
Really?
718
00:39:15,384 --> 00:39:17,753
No. Carol, I mean, look at this thing.
719
00:39:17,754 --> 00:39:19,387
Whoever did this would've had to
720
00:39:19,388 --> 00:39:20,488
stay up all night
721
00:39:20,489 --> 00:39:22,590
and go research water systems at a library
722
00:39:22,591 --> 00:39:24,459
and then put all this stuff together.
723
00:39:24,460 --> 00:39:27,061
Do I look like somebody who
could do something like that?
724
00:39:27,062 --> 00:39:29,163
Y-you're right. Couldn't have been you.
725
00:39:32,300 --> 00:39:35,002
Hey. You want to come
over for dinner tonight?
726
00:39:38,439 --> 00:39:40,440
Yeah. I'd like that.
727
00:39:40,441 --> 00:39:42,609
Okay.
728
00:39:42,610 --> 00:39:45,345
Well, see you.
729
00:39:47,381 --> 00:39:49,415
Hey, uh, Carol?
730
00:39:50,451 --> 00:39:52,719
You know I did this, right?
731
00:39:52,720 --> 00:39:55,053
Yeah, I know, Phil.
732
00:39:55,054 --> 00:39:57,690
It was... a lot of work
and it took all night
733
00:39:57,691 --> 00:40:00,626
and I had to go to a library
and read a bunch of crap.
734
00:40:00,627 --> 00:40:02,962
Yeah, it's very, very
obvious it was you who did it.
735
00:40:02,963 --> 00:40:04,597
Feels good, I'll admit.
736
00:40:04,598 --> 00:40:07,299
It feels good to be so selfless.
737
00:40:08,334 --> 00:40:10,135
Anyway, we can talk more about it
738
00:40:10,136 --> 00:40:11,803
at dinner.
739
00:40:11,804 --> 00:40:13,905
Okay.
740
00:40:13,906 --> 00:40:15,573
I have a feeling we're gonna remember
741
00:40:15,574 --> 00:40:17,542
what I did here today for a long time.
742
00:40:17,543 --> 00:40:19,210
And that's cool.
743
00:40:29,921 --> 00:40:33,624
There's a fork, if... If you need it.
744
00:40:33,625 --> 00:40:35,191
Oh.
745
00:40:35,192 --> 00:40:36,760
I'm good.
746
00:40:38,029 --> 00:40:39,997
This is really nice.
747
00:40:39,998 --> 00:40:41,164
Mmm, I know.
748
00:40:42,700 --> 00:40:44,767
You showed a lot of chutzpah today, Phil.
749
00:40:44,768 --> 00:40:46,335
And it made me
750
00:40:46,336 --> 00:40:49,906
think that maybe God does
want us to lay together.
751
00:40:53,309 --> 00:40:55,077
- Okay.
- Oh.
752
00:40:55,078 --> 00:40:56,445
I've been really horny, so...
753
00:40:56,446 --> 00:40:59,015
Well, that's nice.
754
00:40:59,016 --> 00:41:02,017
I should probably go wash my balls first.
755
00:41:02,018 --> 00:41:03,217
- Mmm!
- Meet you back here in five?
756
00:41:03,218 --> 00:41:04,619
Want to knock it out?
757
00:41:04,620 --> 00:41:05,754
No.
758
00:41:05,755 --> 00:41:07,188
Wait, I don't... What do you mean?
759
00:41:07,189 --> 00:41:09,858
I'm not gonna have sex with
you unless we're married.
760
00:41:12,461 --> 00:41:14,563
Oh, it's nice to see you smile.
761
00:41:14,564 --> 00:41:17,032
That is your first really good joke.
762
00:41:17,033 --> 00:41:18,166
That's very funny.
763
00:41:18,167 --> 00:41:19,967
Phil, I'm not kidding.
764
00:41:19,968 --> 00:41:22,302
We have to be married first.
765
00:41:22,303 --> 00:41:23,837
You're serious.
766
00:41:23,838 --> 00:41:25,005
- Yes.
- Oh.
767
00:41:25,006 --> 00:41:26,139
Then, no.
768
00:41:26,140 --> 00:41:27,074
Phil, we can't...
769
00:41:27,075 --> 00:41:28,141
Absolute no.
770
00:41:28,142 --> 00:41:29,242
Why not?
771
00:41:29,243 --> 00:41:30,945
Wh... what do you mean, "why not?"
772
00:41:30,946 --> 00:41:32,345
Why?
773
00:41:32,346 --> 00:41:34,481
The first child of this new
world is not gonna be a bastard.
774
00:41:34,482 --> 00:41:36,049
Yeah, 'cause it's not gonna exist,
775
00:41:36,050 --> 00:41:37,349
'cause I'm not gonna marry you.
776
00:41:37,350 --> 00:41:39,052
Then you're the bastard.
777
00:41:39,053 --> 00:41:40,219
Fine, I'm the bastard.
778
00:41:40,220 --> 00:41:41,487
And good-bye human race.
779
00:41:41,488 --> 00:41:43,289
Thank you for dinner.
780
00:41:43,290 --> 00:41:46,225
I am going to go back to my house...
781
00:41:46,226 --> 00:41:47,259
Right.
782
00:41:47,260 --> 00:41:49,195
Think about how crazy you are.
783
00:41:49,196 --> 00:41:50,529
Okay.
784
00:41:50,530 --> 00:41:51,965
Enjoy those... You are being serious?!
785
00:41:51,966 --> 00:41:52,965
Yes.
786
00:41:52,966 --> 00:41:54,700
Why do you have to be married?
787
00:41:54,701 --> 00:41:57,135
It-it doesn't mean anything anymore.
788
00:41:57,136 --> 00:41:58,737
It means something to me, Phil.
789
00:41:58,738 --> 00:42:00,672
Well, it doesn't mean anything to me.
790
00:42:00,673 --> 00:42:02,107
Then why do you care?
791
00:42:11,783 --> 00:42:14,384
What is happening here?!
792
00:42:14,385 --> 00:42:18,089
It's tomato! It's tomato!
793
00:42:27,364 --> 00:42:29,032
Oh, hi.
794
00:42:30,801 --> 00:42:32,468
Fine.
795
00:42:32,469 --> 00:42:33,737
We're married.
796
00:42:33,738 --> 00:42:37,406
Phil, get down on one
knee and do it properly.
797
00:42:37,407 --> 00:42:39,442
This is so stupid.
798
00:42:39,443 --> 00:42:41,111
- Can you do it over here?
- Carol...
799
00:42:41,112 --> 00:42:42,112
- Well, do it...
- We...
800
00:42:42,113 --> 00:42:43,179
Get it over here... Over here...
801
00:42:43,180 --> 00:42:45,380
No! This is where the
proposal is happening.
802
00:42:45,381 --> 00:42:48,017
Okay. You want it, you
come over here and get it.
803
00:42:48,018 --> 00:42:49,018
Okay.
804
00:42:49,019 --> 00:42:51,120
Carol... What's your middle name?
805
00:42:51,121 --> 00:42:52,021
Andrew.
806
00:42:52,022 --> 00:42:53,255
- Andrew?
- Yeah.
807
00:42:53,256 --> 00:42:54,623
What is that, a family name?
808
00:42:54,624 --> 00:42:55,724
No.
809
00:42:58,128 --> 00:43:00,895
Carol... Andrew Pilbasian...
810
00:43:01,964 --> 00:43:03,230
will you marry me?
811
00:43:03,231 --> 00:43:04,732
Yes!
812
00:43:04,733 --> 00:43:06,433
Yes, I will!
813
00:43:06,434 --> 00:43:07,802
- Yes, I will!
- You will?
814
00:43:07,803 --> 00:43:10,038
- Yes!
- Oh!
815
00:43:10,039 --> 00:43:11,973
Did you... have any doubt?
816
00:43:11,974 --> 00:43:13,440
I was so nervous.
817
00:43:13,441 --> 00:43:15,609
Oh!
818
00:43:15,610 --> 00:43:16,711
Yay!
819
00:43:16,712 --> 00:43:20,023
We're getting married! Yay! Yeah.
820
00:43:20,624 --> 00:43:24,544
- Synced and Corrected by peterbrito -
- www.addic7ed.com -
54973
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof