Original subtitles

"THE CLICK"

Based on the work of Milo Manara

I'm Fezorovsky, Dr. Fez for short.

I lived in Italy, where they call everybody Doctor. So I'm Dr. Fez.

I've been in New Orleans three years, working for Mr. Christiani.

A real bastard, but his wife Claudia is beautiful.

I'm his right hand man, but he says "left" hand man, as a joke.

My friend Jackson also works for Christiani.

Jackson gave me the idea to build the box.

At first I didn't realize what I was doing.

But it was a great plan, even if it were a bit bizarre.

So it begins You shoot at all your friends

There's prettty girls in Burgundy, Louisiana, and Paris

You laugh

Whatever! You're never really pleased

Throughout the world there's lots of sleaze

In the bars of The French Quarter

You cry

Because

One day you're For, the next Against

You take turns and detours

One day you'll find...

Love

You stay alone

I'm sick of eating creole food

That girl really kills the mood

People are often rude

Gloomy

On the other hand

There's my best friend

More than love, There's friendship

No contracts No limits

Again

What else is there?

Change your life Make amends

With your silver and your gold

Pass through the door

It's "Amor"

- Hey Jackson, you're here! - I'm here every night.

Let me buy you a drink. I hit the daily double!

$247

$247. Wow!

- I haven't seen you at the office. - Special mission with the boss.

- Hurricane, please! - Make it two!

There's a committee meeting because of the leak.

The shit's gonna hit the fan.

Heads will roll, man!

There she is!

She's the reason why.

She's why I'm here every night.

Nice!

Every time I see her, She makes me feel...

like I'm the champ of love.

Every night, for 7 years, she's done the same moves.

It's like she's in a trance.

Are you in love?

Are you kidding? Love? No.

That girl is programmed, Fez. Just like those rats.

This crazy professor gets them to dance down in his cellar.

Crazy shit!

Dancing rats?

Are you pulling my leg?

It's true, this Dr. Lester has a lab in the cellar.

He does experiments on rats, hypnotic suggestions and stuff.

He speeds-up the sounds and the rats go crazy.

They do whatever he wants.

He thinks one day it'll work on man.

- Maybe on women too. - Dirty bastard.

See you, buddy.

Christiani, I've always wanted to work with you.

I needed an investor and I thought of you.

Pardon my curiosity, but when you see Alicia you'll understand.

- You're wife is very young. - That's none of your business!

Alicia will be joining us soon. Let's go to the house.

Some day I'd like to marry Alicia, my goddaughter.

- Have you moved in yet? - Not yet, but it's no hurry.

Actually, Alicia prefers the beach house.

She spends all day on her airboat.

Do you hear that? That's Alicia and her airboat.

You have three days to get the money.

$12 Million in three days? That's impossible.

Not for you. Sell some investments.

I want this deal. Give me a week.

- You have three days! - You're a hard man!

Just make an effort.

- Did you see that? - I'm cleaning my glasses.

Melospiza Passerine

- Do you like birds? - Not when they shit on my statues.

That must be Alicia.

Hey there!

- That's my kind of bird. - She's adorable.

Her parents died in a car accident.

Alicia, come give your godfather a kiss.

My baby!

- You know Mr Christiani? - Charmed.

This is Odile.

- She wants to see the aligators. - Okay, but be careful!

I'm not a baby anymore.

There's a little baby dormant in all of us.

- May I? - Of course.

Absolutely delicious!

See you soon, friend.

Isn't that Dr. Fez, your right hand man?

My left hand man. Goodbye.

Alicia's birthday is next week. There's a party and if you'd like...

I'll be here early... in three days.

I lose my job, I ruin my career. I risk my hide for you.

For only $20,000?

Don't make me laugh!

I'd be disappointed if you took that.

It's a fortune, but this may go wrong, and I don't want to take the risk.

So I need a fall guy, at any price.

Only you know everything about this affair.

And you'll keep your job, for the time being.

Fez, take me to the airport. I have to go to Dallas.

And drop by the house tomorrow morning.

Tell my wife I'll be late.

Money can buy anything.

My wife cost me much more than that.

- I'll think about it. - Okay, but decide quick.

Nothing to think about. You don't refuse $1 Million.

I was doing well, but Christiani screwed me again.

- Morning, Wallace! - Good Morning, Mr. Fez.

Don't you get bored opening that door every day?

- You're not paid enough. - $100.

- Mr. Christiani's not here. - Mrs. Christiani, please.

- She's in the parlor. - Don't bother, Wallace.

Mrs. Christiani?

Mrs. Christiani?

Claudia?

Can you hear me, Claudia?

No, you can't hear me.

Now that I'm rich, you might be nice to me.

- You scared me. - I'm sorry, Claudia.

How dare you call me Claudia?

Sorry, Mrs. Christiani.

What do you want?

Mr Christiani will be late tonight. He's in Dallas.

Thank you.

- You're still here? - $1000 for your thoughts.

Save your money. I'll tell you for nothing.

I wonder is it raining in my house...

because he doesn't remove his raincoat?

Or is he just not a gentleman?

Thanks for the lesson.

This is for you, Wallace. Show Mr. Fez to the door.

Hold this!

Flower's for the lady! That's what a gentleman would do.

Okay I understand.

Sure!

Stop that, Bazooka!

We'll talk later, okay?

Just keep on your tail.

Okay, bye.

I don't like your dog. Do you need that beast?

Most detectives only have a nasty scar.

I already lost an eye.

That dog is a weapon. One of the best.

Some carry a gun. I take Bazooka.

- Save The Wales? - It's a charity.

- So what's new? - Things are going alright.

Everything must be finished today.

- What about that guy, Fez? - I bought him off.

He took the bait.

Good. He can deal with any troubles.

How much did it cost?

Enough.

- A lot of money? - A lot to you, not to me, Burt.

Come in!

I thought I'd see if you'd like to go to the bar.

- That dancer again? - Yeah.

- Experimenting with animals? - Yes.

I'm experimenting on a pig who thinks his money can buy anything.

Someone broke into Lester's lab, stole his equipment and notes.

Yeah?

Do you like this music?

- Go without me. - Where?

To the bar.

That'll never work. Not in 20 years.

And in 20 years, women will be the agressors.

You wish!

Thank you, Wallace. We'll serve ourselves.

- And so? - I accepted his invitation.

But when I got in the bar, I didn't recognize him.

I'd only seen him once before.

We had a drink, then he said...

"You know what's coming next."

I said that I did.

Ten minutes later, we were making love.

You made love only after a little small talk?

Yes.

That's so degrading.

Making love is like talking. It's a way of communicating.

But it's more fun.

It's like animals.

Once at my attorney's office, what was his name?

- Bill Gage? - Yes, it was Bill.

He was talking, but I wasn't listening.

I was looking at his hands.

Suddenly I took his wrist and I did this.

Telling secrets? Hello Isabelle.

Hello dear. What's new?

Isabelle and I were chatting.

- You look beautiful, Isabelle. - Thank you.

You're the guardian angel of two lovely angels.

I'm not an angel. Don't be ridiculous!

No, he is very charming! I have to go. Bye-Bye!

Here are the invitations for Thursday's lunch.

It may not be too fun, mostly business associates...

Wallace, remove one place setting. Dr. Fez won't be coming.

I'm sorry, I didn't see your car.

That's okay. It's not the easiest way to meet,

but it's effective.

I'm Isabelle Westman, Claudia's friend.

I'm Dr. Fez, Mr. Christiani's associate.

Then you know Claudia. Have we met before?

Excuse me a second.

I dropped my pen.

- It's an honor, Claudia. - Thank you.

There they are!

- Good to see you again. - You too.

- You weren't invited, Dr. Fez. - Throw me out if you want.

I don't want a scene.

So Isabelle...

Our venture will be a success.

- I don't want to lose any money. - Don't worry!

Mrs. Christiani. You know Alicia.

Hello, Fez.

What a beautiful house!

Your dress is lovely.

Lunch is served.

Everyone sit down!

That's your place.

Fez, come sit down.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am honored by your presence with us today.

Claudia has invited you all to savor some real southern cooking.

It looks delicious.

- What is it? - A local specialty.

Bon App tit!

Did you buy the painting?

I bought it, and took a tax deduction.

I hope soon that jewelry will also be tax deductible.

So that's why you bought me that necklace.

Jewelry is a great investment.

Each time I'm depressed, I run to a jeweler.

I only have this necklace that my godfather gave me.

To success!

Dear friends...

Goodbye! See you soon.

Claudia. Claudia, listen to me.

Claudia.

Claudia, listen to me.

Each time you hear that song...

Are you listening Claudia?

Each time you hear that song...

Each time you hear that song, Claudia.

- Where's Mrs. Christiani? - Saying goodbye to the Wilsons.

That was a while ago, and it started to rain.

That's all, Claudia. Now, go to sleep.

- Wallace! - I'm here, Sir.

Did you find anything?

I searched the rose garden. I didn't see anything!

What happened to her?

Come on. Let's go.

- Sit down. - I'm fine, Sir.

Where the hell is Burt? I pay him to be available.

- You should call the police. - No, not the police!

This is very strange.

What do you think, Wallace?

Strange things are happening. It's not like before.

- What do you mean? - I'm not sure.

Nothing more than that, Sir.

Where have you been? We were so worried?

I fainted and can't remember anything.

Very strange!

Don't worry, we'll find you a dress.

- I doubt it. - Sure we will.

Do you like that one?

We won't have time to buy shoes.

It will only take five minutes.

- What happened last night? - I don't remember.

- But I woke up feeling great. - It's on the 3rd floor.

This is the latest model.

- That's not my style. - It's perfect for you.

Try it on!

Don't insist. I'd feel silly.

Come and try it on!

Here you go. I'll wait for you.

Claudia, are you ready?

How is it? Claudia?

Claudia, are you crazy?

I need a salesman, quick!

- Madam, what is it? - I want you.

Claudia, stop that!

Where's the manager?

Not here! Everyone's watching.

Are you the manager? Please help me!

Open the door, you'll see!

Nothing to see here! Please, move back!

There's nothing to see!

You're fired!

Perhaps my mother should cancel her visit.

Don't worry. It's over now.

It's strange. She seems so nervous lately.

Then suddenly, she's exhausted. Take care of her, Isabelle.

- You didn't tell him anything? - No.

- And you won't tell him? - Of course not.

- Promise? - Yes, I promise.

- Having a good time, Mother? - Oh yes!

- Can I count on you? - Yes.

You know how important this is.

- You have the papers? - There all here...

except the licence which I get this afternoon.

After depositing the check, we'll have to trust them.

Wait! He must get that license.

- You're sure you'll get it, Fez? - Absolutely.

- He was such a cute boy. - What did she say?

She's talking about her son.

He was so polite.

Sorry Mother, I have to work. Excuse me, ladies.

Put on a hat. It's very hot today.

- What did she say? - She said it's a nice day.

Have the lawyers get the paperwork ready.

Sign here, and then here.

Here's Mrs. Christiani!

Do you need anything? More ice cream or cake?

Everything is perfect.

Claudia, meet my nephew, Father West.

Hello Father.

My nephew wears a cassock. He's a Jesuit.

You must think I'm old-fashioned.

I didn't know Jesuits wore Cassocks.

It's a personal choice.

- Can I talk to you, Father? - Yes.

- It's personal. - You want to make a confession?

I don't know about that. I'm not Catholic.

But yes... I want to make a confession.

Father, I...

I'm here to listen, my child. Fear not God!

Father, I have a question.

I'm listening, my child.

I'm dying to know what you're wearing under your cassock?

Honestly child, I can't...

What are you wearing under your cassock?

Boxers or tighty-whities?

Or nothing so your pretty little cock roams free?

Please, my child, no!

If you're celibate, I bet you have a nice pair of balls and a big cock!

That's enough!

Did you hear that? It was like a scream.

What's wrong?

Father, what happened? Where are you going?

What did he say?

Absolutely nothing!

Wait!

I hope this deal will lead us to others.

What's wrong with my wife? I've never seen her so nervous.

So, Mrs. Christiani. Claudia...

Can I call you Claudia now?

Still think I'm not good enough for you?

Too bad because I like you, even if you are a whore.

Get out! Can't you see I'm sick?

You're sick too, Dr. Fez. You have no heart!

That makes two of us.

Come in!

- Can I do anything for you? - No, Wallace.

Wallace?

Bring me the body cream from my vanity table.

Yes, Madam.

I hurt myself earlier.

Could you give me a massage? It's my thigh.

You do that so good, Wallace.

Wonderful!

That feels so good!

Yes, like that.

My other thigh too.

Oh, it's so good!

- Wallace? - Yes, Madam?

You've got a hard-on, right?

Have you got a hard-on? I want to know.

You could give a Saint a hard-on, Madam.

Hello, Eliardo. Is Claudia here?

- She's resting in her room. - Okay. See you later!

It's so good!

My God! With a servant! How could you?

You scared him away, you bitch!

You lick me now!

Lick my pussy!

Isabelle, did you see Claudia?

Isabelle?

Wallace, have you seen Fez?

Wallace!

I don't believe this. Excuse me.

- I can't stay here anymore. - What's wrong?

- Take me away from here. - Where to?

- Anywhere, to the cinema. - To the cinema?

I'm sorry but Claudia wants to go to the cinema.

What did he say?

- I don't like this film. - I don't care.

- I don't like violent films. - You chose it.

- Let's go see another one? - I'm getting sick of this!

Stop being ridiculous!

I like violence.

Excuse me, I have to go to the restroom.

Hey... what are you doing?

I wanna fuck.

- Here? - In the restroom.

Alright, let's go!

Take that off! Hurry!

Yeah!

Come here!

- You like that, slut? - Yes!

You whore! Take that! And that!

You like it!

Dirty whore!

You got what you wanted. Now, beat it!

Fucking prick!

And I don't like your haircut!

There they are!

Careful!

- That one is hungry. - He looks mean.

It's safer to watch from here.

- Aren't you afraid? - I'm used to it.

That one's scary!

Is Bobby coming to your party?

I wanted to marry him when I was little.

Same here, but with Mark.

- He has beautiful eyes. - Who? Him?

- No, the aligator. - You're silly!

All women!

Blondes, Brunettes, Tall, Short, Fat or Slim.

Ones who cry. Ones who laugh.

Fez, I don't see you with any women.

I love women. I can't live without them.

They're all up there in my memory.

But I should forget about one before she causes trouble.

She's hiding something.

- Maybe she's being blackmailed. - For what reason?

I don't know. I don't understand it.

Yes, I knew her as a child. Then she became my wife.

You have to help me, Burt.

What is it, Wallace?

Care for a massage?

But this might end up being all my fault,

and I don't want to feel guilty.

What's that box there?

It's a walkie-talkie, to talk with the angels.

I'm kidding. It's just a radio.

Get a hold of yourself.

You must save your strength to resolve this matter.

As for Mrs. Christiani, why not a bodyguard?

Yes? It's for you.

Hello... What is it, Wallace?

What! Yes... yes...

Didn't she...?

Thanks.

My wife ran off!

My butler followed her, but he lost her in the Bayou.

I'll find her. Come on, Bazooka.

Let's go!

Sit!

I said, Sit!

Come here!

- Who are you? - My name's Burt.

- Your husband sent me. - What a good idea!

I hope he sent you to fuck me.

Make love to me!

Come on... Fuck me!

Come on! I'm horny!

Fuck me! Hurry!

You faggot! Not man enough?

Sorry, I need to restrain you.

Let me go!

Calm down, Mrs. Christiani!

Drink this! It willl calm your nerves.

Drink some more! Like that... perfect!

I'd really love to... Believe me.

And I'm plenty man enough.

Bazooka!

Bazooka!

Shit!

Fez!

- What is this dump? - It's my usual hangout.

Are these girls prostitutes?

Call them what you like, Mr. Christiani.

It all went according to plan. You're safe.

Bring me the papers tomorrow.

I'll be at Cond 's goddaughter's birthday party.

And you'll get a nice bonus, like I promised.

I don't care about money, but I'd rather have it than you.

So I'll take it.

Did you see him?

I'd never forget a mug like that.

- He knows too much. - No problem.

This guy's an expert marksman. He'll do the job for you.

- We shouldn't be seen together. - You're right.

Happy Birthday!

Can I have your attention? Everbody gather around!

My friends, you are all young... Well, most of you are.

You should know that life is full of twists and turns...

and many other surprises.

Now, here's my surprise!

Let's all blow out the candles! 1.. 2... 3...

What did you wish for?

You brought me here. You can go now.

Claudia, we didn't think you'd show up.

- Having a good time? - Jackson!

- I was waiting for you. - I know.

Don't tell me you're still messing with that box.

Are you spying on me?

It's not hard to figure out because Lester's stuff is at your place.

I don't know what you're after, but someone's going to get hurt.

- That box may be yours someday. - Really?

Why not?

A word of advice...

Be careful! I wouldn't trust anyone!

I learned that a long time ago.

Happy Birthday, from Claudia and Eliardo.

It's just what I needed. Thanks Claudia.

- Have you seen Claudia? - No.

Eliardo Christiani! Better late than never.

Business comes first.

At least you let your beautiful wife come early.

Where's Claudia?

She was outside dancing with the kids.

- It was you, wasn't it? - What?

- You made me do it. - Perhaps.

But not anymore. You're free.

- Free to do what? - Whatever you like.

- Have you seen my wife? - Forget your wife and dance!

No, get out of the way!

Claudia!

- Just a second. - What's wrong?

Look at what I found on the ground.

It looks like a radio.

- No, it's not a radio. - It's strange.

Oh shit!

- Gwen, are you coming? - Yeah.

Wait for me!

Claudia!

I'l teach you, you son of a bitch!

Stop!

Claudia, you piece of shit! I should kill you, whore!

You'll get what you deserve!

Stop it, please!

Help me! Someone help me!

My God!

Jackson, I'm going to give you the box.

Meet me at Burgundy Square.

Okay, I'll be right there.

I knew you'd call.

We didn't have time to meet during this ordeal.

Now I'm glad that it's all over.

At first, I did what I did, to get back at that bastard,

but then I realized it was also to get closer to you.

I understand.

- You're free now, Claudia. - Yes.

There's a wild animal inside all of us.

Your friends, your husband told you not to let it out.

Listen, you must let it out.

It will be happy and free.

You're right.

One more thing, Claudia. Love is nothing but fantasy.

Fez!

Somebody call an ambulance!

Don't let him die!

Call an ambulance!

Out of the way!

Room 5. Hurry!

Okay, let's take a look.

Oh, we have to act fast! Compress!

He was shot in the street, four times.

- Get me another dressing. - Scalpel, tweezers.

Here we go!

Take that off. Yes, like that.

I don't believe it!

- What is that? - Do you see it, Doctor?

He was very lucky.

Yes, a 9mm, high-calibre, professional weapon.

He's not out of the woods yet.

Two down, two to go.

- Professional assassin? - No doubt.

The third! One more and we're done.

Wow! He was shot four times and he's not even hurt!

- Why did he pass out? - Due to shock.

Another hour and he'll be fine.

Detective Williams, I have some questions.

What's your name?

I'm Fezorovsky, Fez for short.

I lived a long time in Italy.

In Italy they call everybody Doctor. So I'm Dr. Fez.

It was in Italy where I met Mr. Christiani.

Christiani, a real bastard.

He has a beautiful wife, Claudia.

I don't remember any more. Leave me alone. I'm tired.

Goodbye, Dr. Fez. I hope you'll feel better.

That guy was lucky. See you all tomorrow!

I wonder what this does.

It's weird. It looks like a radio.

Anyway, it won't work after taking four bullets.

Let's shut down.

My husband's good at this stuff. I bet he can fix it.

C'est parti Tu fais bang-bang tes amis

Il y a des belles filles Burgundy, en Louisiane autant qu' Paris

Tu ris

Et ta soeur

Le bonheur a compte pour du beurre

Dans le monde entier il y a que du malin

Dans tous les bars du French Quarter

Tu pleures

Car toujours

Une fois t'es contre Une fois t'es pour

Tu fais des tours et des d tours

Tu la renconteras un jour C'est l'amour

Tu en as marre

T'as bien fait de larguer les amarres

So le-toi la guele Jackson Square

Dans la vie y a pas que les tocards

Veinard

Mets plein gaz

Si tu peux Retourne ta base

La musique au cool de trois cases

Tous ces blacks qui balancent leur jazz

C'est nase!

Quoi encore?

Refait ta vie Change le d cor

Avec ton fric Avec ton or

Tu passe autre bord C'est l'amor

Subtitles by Gianni777