Original subtitles

♪ Angels around my door ♪

♪ Angels around my house ♪

♪ Not Halloween anymore ♪

♪ Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse ♪

♪ Oh, holidays are hell ♪

♪ Merriness and

♪ Oh, holidays are hell ♪

♪ Ill knock by a candle to know when youre here ♪

No!

Strut it, bitch, Strut it,

♪ Oh, I can see clothes remind me of you ♪

♪ And its easy to understand ♪

♪ The clear in the coat thats so see-through ♪

♪ Melts in my mouth and in my hand ♪

- Camping Joshua Tree? Morty hates nature,

Oh, no, no, no, no, no,

- Oh, no, no, no, No, no, no, no, dislike,

Where, wheres the dislike, wheres the dislike button?

Really dont need this today!

♪ Can you feel it in the air ♪

♪ Good times are gonna last forever ♪

♪ Baby, its a time to share ♪

♪ Cause tonight, were gonna be together ♪

♪ Im waiting under the mistletoe ♪

♪ Jingle bell sleigh and go through the snow ♪

♪ So wrong, it feels so right but ♪

♪ Oh, baby lets get together this Christmas ♪

♪ Lets get together this Christmas ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Baby, Ive been all alone ♪

♪ Hearing your voice on the telephone ♪

♪ Why dont you come back to me ♪

♪ Im wrapping presents under the tree ♪

♪ Snows fallin, Im callin ♪

♪ Will you be ♪

♪ Here in the morning ♪

♪ The only good time is ♪

♪ Will you come back to me ♪

♪ This Christmas ♪

Katie? Hi!

Oh my God! Oh!

Hi, Mom,

- Im so glad youre home! Oh, Im gonna crush you,

- Oh my God! Okay, - Let me look at you,

You look great, but, but different,

Here, sit down, Have a cookie,

Im not hungry,

- But the chocolate chip frosties, You, you love these,

- Mom, those like have like 30 grams of carbs in them,

- I just, I just made them, you know?

You dont know how much trouble I went through to make them,

- No, Im just like trying to cut back,

and Im not gonna eat one, and like neither should you,

Just be a little healthy,

- Hello, - Hi, Im Alex,

- Hello? - May I?

Wow, These are delicious,

Are these on the menu for a Christmas-Hanukah?

Its Chrismanukah,

Alex is joining us for dinner,

Oh,

You didnt mention anything about bringing a guest,

Well, now you know,

Alex, can you help me with those bags?

- The general has spoken, Yeah, come on,

- Thanks, Mom, Im really excited to be back,

Its gonna be fun!

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ The wildest plants grow wild around you ♪

Mm, thats good,

♪ Through concrete blocks and red brick walls ♪

♪ The loneliness finds the better of me ♪

- Okay, this has to be the best acai chia pudding

- Ive ever had, - Mm-hmm,

I wish I was a kite, Howd you get so smart, Bumby?

Youre embarrassing me, Bambi,

Oh, Im embarrassing you? Im embarrassing you?

♪ Held on my best friend ♪

♪ Leaving me ♪

So how did you two meet?

Craigslist,

I hired Alex to tutor me for a Spanish midterm,

I knew something was up

when he translated the entire "Bad Money" album for me,

- I ran out of herbs to conjugate,

Hmm,

Oh, oh, you dont, you dont have to,

- No, no, I, I insist, I want to,

Thank you,

So youve been dating two months and you never mentioned it?

- You never asked, - Does your father know?

Hes been really busy,

I havent really talked to him lately,

- Yeah, glamping in the Mojave Desert is difficult work,

How do you know about that?

- Sue Hobart must have mentioned it,

Anyway, Im, Im glad you met someone,

- Im glad because he needs a place to stay for the break,

- The whole break? - Mm-hmm,

- Sweetheart, thats, thats a, thats a month,

- But he cant go back to New York

because hes been slaving away on his thesis,

- Sweetheart, listen, I, I can see

that youre getting worked up,

When I get worked up, I do these mantras,

Mom, I dont need mantras!

- Theyre really- - I need Alex,

Mom!

- Why doesnt he stay with his own family?

Sweetheart, your new boyfriend seems very devoted,

- Sh, sh! Shut up! - okay?

- Sh, Mom, Like its not official yet,

- What? Wait, so, so hes not your boyfriend?

No, were just not like,

were just not saying that word yet,

We havent labeled it,

Katie, Im sorry,

but your, your your new special man friend cant stay,

- Seriously? - Yeah, seriously,

You dont want me to be happy?

No, its not that, Its not that, honey,

- No, you want me to be alone and miserable like you,

What do you even do all day besides Facebook stalk Evelyn?

- Im so sorry we put this on you, I can stay in Long Beach,

- Its fine, - Long Beach?

- Whats in Long Beach? - Ive got friends,

- No, you know, if, if he cant stay, Im going, too,

We will just stay at Dad and Evelyns,

Just stop,

Just, fine,

- You both can stay, - Thank you,

Got any more of those cookies?

Really? Really, guys?

Why are you wearing my moms kimono?

- I thought it was for guests, - What?

Hey, question,

Does your mom, does she usually let guys stay over?

Hasnt really come up,

- Whos this dud? - Oh, ew! Dont look at that,

I hate my profile on that picture,

Ill be honest with you,

I wouldnt deflowered you behind the bleachers at prom,

- That wasnt prom, That was my debutante ball,

- Oh, excuse me, the ball, You gonna see him over the break?

- Yeah, You will, too, - Menage-a-trois?

- No, ew, - Its my brother Eli,

- You took your brother to the ball?

- I went to an all-girls school,

Only the fashion queens have boyfriends,

Okay,

- How many girlfriends have you had?

Well, lets see,

There was, there was Dana from the block,

There was Angela with the killer ass,

but hers was bubbly, not firm like yours,

and then there was Skye who was like five years older

- than I was, - Okay, I get it,

Youve had a lot of experience,

- Hey, Im not your first boyfriend, am I?

So you are my boyfriend?

- Okay, sure, You can call me that,

- Morning, honey, I made your favorite breakfast,

- Morning, - Thats my kimono,

- Yeah, Katie actually said that I could, I could-

- No, no, its, its fine, Its fine, its,,,

Where, where is she?

Shes brunching with Morty,

- She didnt mention it to me, Why didnt you go with her?

I needed my beauty sleep,

Are those your famous lemon ricotta pancakes?

- Famous? - Yeah,

Katie tried to make those one time

- after our first study session, - Really? She cooks?

- Well, we had to throw away the pan,

- Well, what else does Katie cook of mine?

- Well, I actually do all the cooking,

- Really? Whats, whats your specialty?

I make a mean arroz con pollo,

Impressive,

- So youve only got one more semester, Whats the plan?

Well, still figuring it out,

but I aced my abnormal psych final,

- Thats worthless without a Masters,

And I have a boyfriend now,

- Hmm, - Alex,

Alex,

- Hes number one in the architecture program,

He even got an award,

- Now that is an employable major,

- Mm-hmm, - Wheres he interning?

- We havent really talked about it,

Should he have something lined up?

- You know, I have a lipo patient that works at Pensler,

- Ill ask her to meet him, - Would you really, Daddy?

- Why not? - Thank you!

- But you, you need some marketable skills

if you ever wanna get hired,

You can help Evelyn with the accounting in the office,

What? Im a student,

- Yeah, student whos on winter break right now, Come here,

Ive got some great news, Evelyn is pregnant,

- Wow, Wow, - Wow is right,

Mom is gonna hit the roof,

- Sweet pea, its gonna be a girl,

You always wanted to be a big sister,

and youre the first person in the family to find out,

So be there tomorrow 9:00 AM sharp,

You hear from Eli? He wont return my calls, fucker,

- Mom, Im sorry, - I keep missing you,

- Yeah, no, actually, can I, can I just vent for,

for just one second, please?

Katie is in your fathers clutches,

She is at his office working all the time,

- Katies working? - and, and when she is home,

shes, she just, she just avoids me

and, and holes up with her new lover boy,

Bonafide bae?

Unlike the alleged Bobby Rothstein

from Shalom Santa Monica who never called?

I didnt see anything about this on Insta,

- No, hes been here a week eating gelato

out of the container and wearing my kimono,

Oh, so Katies dating Liberace,

- No, actually, hes, hes, hes quite heterosexual,

Her room sounds like a porn set,

Maybe shell snap out of it when youre here,

Im just, I just cant wait for you to get here, really,

Bad news, I talked to Mitch,

This AM, weve got the arraignment

for the Hodgkins case on the 28th,

He says I cant leave town, Im sorry,

If it goes well, Im on track to make partner,

- Oh, well thats, thats, I mean,

I was really looking forward to seeing you,

Mom, I know,

- Well, thats, thats great, honey, Thats wonderful,

Ill visit in March, I promise,

- Okay, Yeah, I, I understand, - I love you, Im sorry,

All right, love you,

You motherfucker, God,

Pick up the phone, Morty,

This is Morty, Leave a message,

- Youre procreating with that child?

I, I thought you said you were never gonna do that again,

you fucking bastard!

You took the best years of my life, Morty!

You really did, and why the fuck do you get the do-over?

You fuck!

- Dont mind me, I just forgot my ice cream,

You need anything?

- I, I dropped my phone in the pool,

Thanks, but its a worthless brick now,

- Architects have a way with bricks,

I can show you, Come on,

So you and your phone are gonna have

to spend a few hours apart,

- Oh wait, Hey, thats for dinner,

- Trust me, I worked at the Genius Bar,

This does the job every time,

So was this mishap related

to that Bota-blond Jezebels pregnancy?

You know, too? Son of a bitch,

I mean, I, I have to find out about it on the internet?

I, I, I, I swear to God, I wanna,

I wanna to just run Morty over with each of his three cars

and watch him fucking bleed to death,

Wow, Okay,

I now see where Katie gets her, her passion from,

- Sorry, I, I dont usually talk like this,

Im just been, Ive been a little emotional,

Im just kidding,

But look, that idiots got two parasites sucking

on him now for the rest of his life,

and you are free to do whatever it is that you want,

- Yeah, Its, its fucking terrifying,

- Katie mentioned that you wanted

to do a Fulbright in Spain when you were in college?

- Well, yeah, I mean, maybe back then,

You know, speaking of Katie, shes gonna be home soon,

Ill cook,

- Really? - Yeah, really,

Unlike Katie, I know how to use a skillet,

Go have some fun,

- All right, thanks, - Yeah,

- Youve been through twice already,

Planning to eat off the hood?

- Hooked on that pine mist scent,

Theres worst vices, I guess,

- And then Eli drove Nancys rust bucket

into the Hobarts mailbox,

Oh, I am so bummed youre not gonna get to meet him,

- Rust bucket? - Mm, cause it is,

- Thats a 1973 Beamer out there, Its a classic,

Speaking of, you think Nancy

will let me take out the classic for a spin, or?

- I thought you didnt know how to drive stick,

- Well, I dont, but Im a good student,

Here, I want you to try this,

And you tell me what you think my secret ingredient is,

Its hot,

- Baking soda, - Baking soda?

Mm, Is that cumin I smell?

Bingo!

Alex is making Cuban rice,

- Oh, Wow, - Hes an amazing chef,

- Well, its my grandmothers secret recipe,

So she deserves a credit,

Well, it smells delicious,

- Thank you, Oh, - Mm-hmm,

Oh my God, youre a genius, Thank you so much,

- Its water resistant, - What happened to your phone?

- I spilled water on it while I was cooking the rice, Yeah,

- So how do we feel about the devils spawn? Huh?

- Studies link low IQ to geriatric sperm,

Katie,

Katie,

- Gently and, oh, - Okay, okay,

You need to just step on the accelerator a little bit more

when you release the clutch,

Youre gonna just keep stalling, okay?

- Okay, - All right,

- Wont you, wont you put on some tunes, teach?

All I have are these tapes,

- Even better, Cassettes are the new vinyl,

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ You threw my Nancy Drew books ♪

♪ My model horses from Massachusetts ♪

- So groovy, Its, its lo-fi,

Tuscaderos best album,

Came out the summer I interned in DC,

Nancy? is this song about you?

No, I was just their merch girl,

but the girls did actually sing it to me

when I had to leave the nightclub early for work,

- Whod you intern for? Some, some handsy dude?

- Barbara Boxer, actually, when she was first starting out,

- So what happened? - To what?

Your political career,

Morty proposed,

Ill tell you what,

I know just the place where we can pick up some new tapes,

Wanna go on an adventure, Nancy Drew?

- Sure, Yeah, - Okay!

♪ I dont know just what possessed you ♪

♪ If I were a cop, Id arrest you ♪

♪ Mom, whats going on ♪

♪ I know to you it seemed like trash ♪

♪ But did you have to do something quite so rash ♪

♪ Dad, this is really bad ♪

♪ You threw out my Nancy Drew books ♪

♪ My model horses from Massachusetts ♪

♪ All my Barbies ♪

♪ And all my Kens ♪

♪ My stuffed animals, my childhood friends ♪

- Oh, hey! You know Katie loves the dumplings from Maos,

You wanna get some?

- Im not really hungry, - You? Everything okay?

- Its just I didnt wanna stress Katie out,

and I spent all this money on presents,

My student loans havent kicked in,

and now my phones gonna get shut off,

Now Im, nevermind, Now Im burdening you,

- No youre not, You know, I had a life before Pasadena,

I grew up on a farm in upstate New York,

so I kind of get being hard up,

- Youre just full of surprises, huh?

Hey, look, I can show you my drum skills

for my busking days,

What havent you done?

My high school counselor said

that I know a little about a lot,

- Come on, - okay,

Are your teeth singing?

You okay?

- What? I did everything you asked me to do,

Were closing in a half hour,

- Then fucking find something to do,

- Do not swear in front of my sister,

- Pretty sure it cant hear me, Its the size of an avocado,

What,,,

Katie? What is up, my bitch?

Are you finally getting that procedure?

- What procedure? - Nevermind,

What are you, like a secretary now?

- Nope, just helping out the old man,

What are you, here for a touch up?

Arjun put a ring on it,

I wanna look my best for our big day,

- Well, my boyfriend is starting a job at Pensler,

and were getting a place together,

- With no ring? You always were such a pioneer,

Will I meet this fairytale prince

at the Holiday Sensation and Marina del Rey?

Yeah! Definitely,

Go right in,

- Dad, - Yeah,

- Why didnt you invite me to the Holiday Sensation?

Because its on Christmanukah,

- Listen, I havent smoked weed since the 90s,

and I, I really dont know what theyre growing these days,

The, the details are just a little bit fuzzy,

- but whatever happened - Yeah?

- never happened, - Okay,

- Hi, - Where were you?

I called to see if you wanted M&Ms for your houses,

- I was just giving Alex a driving lesson,

- Yeah, Hi, baby, - Hey, baby,

- Yeah, - Ew,

You smell like patchouli,

- Oh yeah, Its cause we were in Venice,

It was bad reception,

Yeah, but this is, this is so nice, sweetheart!

I didnt think you liked gingerbread,

I dont, but I know you do,

- Aw, - Have a seat, Mom, Come on,

- So cute, - Thank you,

- This is great, - You start,

♪ Im waiting for you to come back to me ♪

♪ Im hoping you make it home early ♪

♪ The scene is all set for this evening ♪

♪ If Santa came now ♪

- Wow, you really got a knack for this, Bumby!

- Well, I was a pastry chef in high school,

- Well, arent you the little renaissance man,

Yours looks good too, honey,

- Mine looks like a forest fire destroyed it,

- Well, I might get a little white, if you just-

- No, I think I got it, - No, let me just show you,

- If you just do a little bit - No,

- like this, itll be fine, - Its fine, Mom,

- If I can just show you- - I dont need your help, Mom!

- Mom, I dont need your help! - Okay, okay! Okay,

- Stop, - You know,

I wanted to spend some quality time with you tonight

because I have some news that youre not gonna like,

- Youre flaking on Christmas brunch

- at the Midnight Mission, - Yeah, that, too,

Dad is starting a new family,

and he wants me to be a part of it,

so he invited us to the Holiday Sensation,

Its on the 24th,

- This is so typical, That is so typical of him,

I mean, its just like that time

when I wanted to go camping in Yosemite

and he showed up with VIP tickets to Disneyland,

Not everything is about you!

You know what? Im, Im done,

- I am done crafting with Nancy, - Baby,

a house cant stand on three walls,

So lets just stay for one more-

- So youre on her side now? - Okay, Okay,

So, so youre gonna,

youre gonna leave me alone on Chrismanukah

so that you can go spend it with Morty

and his harem of wax figurines,

Is that, is that what-

- Those wax figurines paid for this house!

Its unbelievable,

- Baby, - Katie!

You okay?

Im fine,

- Hey, did you sneak out this morning?

- Well, the persimmons, they sell out by 1:00 PM,

Yeah, it just feels weird

cause it feels like youre avoiding me,

which is funny because youre the one that-

- No, sh, sh, sh, sh! Do not say it out loud please,

Relax, Katies not here,

Thats what Im trying to tell you,

Your secrets safe with me,

I wont tell anyone that you cant do a pull-up,

You wanna see what I got her at the market?

Yeah, sure,

- You think shell like it? - Yeah, its cool,

Its a, a rock,

- No, its, its eye light, Its a gemstone,

A stone, yeah,

- Right, Yeah, you know, its stupid,

Its, its, its something Katie

wouldve liked when she was eight,

- Ill, Ill just- - No-

No, Im gonna just donate it

to the National Charity League,

- Its- - I thought it was cute,

Oh, hi! Go around the back,

Expecting company?

- Nance, I saw you at the market and tried to catch you,

I didnt see you,

- Whos this? Am I interrupting something?

- Oh gosh, no, no, Its, its Katies boyfriend, Alex,

Hmm, So, so wheres she?

- Shes at working - Shes at work,

Shes at work with her dad,

- Oh, Anyway, Ive got someone for you,

A silver fox named Jeff Schneider,

Actually, you know, Im,

Im not really ready to start dating just yet,

- Come on, Nance, Its been a year,

Hes a scientist at JPL, divorced,

He has an extra ticket

to "The Night of the Rose" at the Dorothy Chandler,

and its Friday night, and I know you dont have any plans,

So call him, Ive gotta jet,

Okay, See ya,

- I cant, I, I cant, I cant call, I cant call him,

Solar system ambassador?

- I cant, Do you know I have not gone?

The last time I went on a date with a stranger,

I was wearing culottes, okay?

What am I gonna wear?

- Well start by finding you an outfit,

- So like, what? Youre like a stylist now?

Here, try this one,

It looks a little small,

Show off that yoga bod,

Well?

Thats the one,

Yeah?

Yeah,

Oh, its $400, Its too much,

Hey, Follow me,

What?

Hey, hey, hey, Did we just steal this?

- Come on, I prefer to call it adopting,

- Okay, so I, I dont wanna be banned from Mission Street,

We gotta take it back, Come on,

- Okay, well if we do that, well be arrested,

- We better fucking move it! - Lets go,

Come on,

Give me the keys!

- That was, that was, that was some opera, wasnt it?

- Yeah, Yeah, it was, - Yeah,

I, I hadnt, I hadnt seen it before,

I didnt know there was so much sex in it,

I just, I hope that wasnt awkward or anything,

Oh no, No, I loved it,

- Yeah, - I cant stop thinking

about when he just rips her bodice off, so,

- Yeah, - Its hot,

- Yeah, That, that was a good moment,

Yeah,

- This might be me being analytical,

but, you know, thats me,

Im not sure I bought into the whole Marchel

and Octavian relationship, you know?

- It just didnt, you know? - Hmm, Why?

You dont believe a young man

could find an ancient 30-year-old woman attractive?

- No, no, its not that, Its just, confession,

Look, I had a huge crush

on my high school math teacher, right?

But why would Mr, Lubucki wanna have anything

to do with me, this sweaty, Atari-playing dweeb, you know?

- Well, sometimes attraction isnt rational,

- Marchel is this beautiful, sophisticated, elegant woman,

and she deserves a partner,

Well, maybe Marchel

wouldve given the age-appropriate option a chance

if he lived in her kingdom,

Anything ever happen with Ms, Lubucki?

- She saw me naked once, - Oh, Really?

So you conquered your queen?

- No, no, - Not even close,

It was, I was streaking by her car after Homecoming,

Yeah, and so anyway,

- Oh really? You wanna get outta here?

Yes, Let me just pay this,

Screw the bill, Lets just go,

- What, do you mean like dine and dash? Just like run out?

We cant do that, I mean, nobodys gonna pay for it,

Of course, I was, I was just kidding,

- Just a joke, - You had me though,

You totally had me, I was like, "Okay,"

No, Rosalba said that you were a little left of center,

I mean, she didnt say you were, you know, certifiable,

Yoga bod, huh?

Ugh!

One for you and one for me,

I stopped at Bloomies today,

- For mois? - Isnt it gorge?

Yeah,

Let me see, Let me see,

Oh, Lindsay Hobart is gonna be so jealous,

- Yeah? Okay, - Mm-hmm,

Oh, by the way, I told her that we were moving in together,

She was just showing off that gauche ring,

and I just had to mess with her,

- Its okay, baby, Ill play along with you little fib,

Oh, I also told her

that you were getting a job at Pensler,

but actually, one of my dads patients

who works there will be on the cruise,

- Yeah, baby, I, I just dont know if Pensler

is the, the right firm for me,

Oh, still a good contact,

- Im just not sure if I wanna be an architect,

What? What else would you do?

It was just,

its an idea thats been bouncing around in my mind,

- That is ridiculous, You are the best in your program,

Mortys gonna get you schmoozing with all of his buddies,

Okay, come on, Put on the jacket, finishing touch,

Yeah?

- Oh, we are gonna kill it tomorrow,

Yeah, Thank you,

- Also, Evelyn booked us hair appointments at three,

so can you just Uber over to the dock?

All the way to Marina del Rey?

Ill reimburse you,

So sexy! Lindsay is going to lose it,

♪ Youll never be alone, youll never be alone ♪

- Is Alex joining us? - Hes working on his thesis,

- Oh, - Why?

- Oh, because I used his poaching technique,

but Ill just put his in the fridge,

- You got a little glow, - Oh yeah?

- Tired from last night? - No, Why?

Alex said you had a date,

- Oh, yeah, Well, I dont think we connected,

- Mom, you cant be too picky at your age,

Thanks,

- Are you gonna make latkes? I can help peel potatoes,

- Well, theres really no reason,

Im just gonna FaceTime date with Eli,

and well light the menorah,

and Ill probably just order Chinese,

I know it sounds crazy,

but why dont you come to Marina del Rey?

Thats very funny,

That, thats, thats funny, Katie,

No, I would sooner sink on the Titanic

than share a lifeboat with those two,

- Oh my God, Dont be so dramatic,

- Im not being dramatic, Im just telling you how it is,

- Dad and Evelyn can sit at another table,

You still have time to pick out a new outfit,

I mean, I got Alex an amazing suit,

- Oh honey, does he even wanna go to this thing?

Alex is not your buddy,

Hes just nice because he feels sorry for you,

Wow,

- You ready to get crazy? - Mm-hmm,

- Were going on a boat, - Have a couple drinks,

- Wait, wait! - What?

Im not waiting for this clown anymore,

- Hes usually so reliable, - I bet he is,

Were sorry, This number has been disconnected,

What the hell?

- What? - Hey, guys!

The Holiday Sensation is that way,

- Brad, How are ya? - Hey,

- Nice to see you, - Nice to see you,

Nice to see you,

Where the fucks the boat?

- Oh, didnt you get my email blast? Mechanical failure,

So we set up a nautical theme at the hotel,

- This is bullshit, - Im not going to this,

Come here, Were going,

I spent 300 bucks on you and the trivia question, okay?

So were gonna all stuff our face

with 300 bucks a prime rib, hmm?

♪ Lift your spirits high ♪

♪ Lift up your spirits so high ♪

♪ So high, so high, so high ♪

- Hi, - You came,

- Duh, I wasnt gonna leave you alone on Chrismanukah,

Am I too late?

- Where, wheres Katie? - Shes on a boat,

What, do you need a light? Here,

Hanukah,

- Oh, - Oh,

Its beautiful,

You okay?

Fuck, Sorry, sorry,

- Did, did, did you just-

Yeah, I just, I couldnt,,,

- Oh, I thought you said she was on a boat,

- I thought she was, too! - Oh!

Mom?

- Mom? - Fuck,

- Mama! - Eli?

- Hey, - Hey!

- Who are you? - Oh! Baby!

- Hey, Mom, - I wanted to surprise you,

- Well, you did, - Surprise!

- Whos this? - Katies boyfriend,

- Alex, this is my son Eli, - Ah, and shes-

Aboard the Holiday Sensation,

With her dad, Yeah, with your dad, yeah, uh-huh,

Cool, and whats going on?

- Just, we, were just, let, let me get you a scotch,

- Okay, Youre the architect, - Yeah,

- Katie, - Mr, Crotty,

I heard youre graduating,

I have three letters for you, NFT, Will you consider it?

- All the girls in my book club invested in crypto,

Come on, Mom, Pick up,

Did you see her? Solo again,

- Bragging about this fake boyfriend,

Who knew she could be more desperado

than she was at the ball?

Dr, Rosenfeld must hate that nose,

Poor little Nosenfeld,

Nosenfeld?

Dad, Dad, can we go home?

Red or black?

Red, Whatever,

Dad, Do you think I have a big nose?

Youre beautiful just the way you are,

Really?

Okay, you know what? No,

Youre an adult, You want my professional opinion,

Life would be a whole lot easier

if you didnt have Grandmas schnoz,

- You said I didnt need one when I was 15!

No, your mom made me say that,

Oh yeah, again, Come on, keep it coming,

Im gonna stay with red, right?

Katie, hello,

Lindsays skipping dessert,

Getting that honeymoon bod ready for Mumbai,

- Wheres your beau? - Set me up,

Next time I see him, Im gonna chop his dick off,

- Oh, thats, thats too bad, Hows Nancy?

Why dont you ask her?

You havent been over since the divorce,

Honey, wipe your face,

Honeymoon bod isnt a thing,

Everybody has a beach bod, even you!

- Your dad takes these all the time,

One is fine,

Did you call Sue Hobart fat?

- No, I was saying that she was playing into misogyny,

Nevermind, This party fucking sucks,

- Its a blast compared to the Thanksgiving Voyage,

At least this one has alcohol,

Pregnant!

Just a sip,

- How do you stomach these people?

- Better than blowing the district manager

at Cracker Barrel,

You should hang on to that architect,

- The one who ditched me? - You like this guy,

Give him the benefit of the doubt,

- I mean, he could have an excuse,

I dont even know where he is,

Oh, they always turn up,

Next time you see him, surprise him with something kinky,

and hell be eating outta your hands,

- Give him the Pasadena Poke, - You mean like Facebook?

Finger up the ass,

- Okay, you can yell at me, you can beat me,

but please dont castrate me,

Why would I do that?

- Because youre holding a really large knife,

- There is no problem a little tea time cant fix,

Please explain,

- Whenever we had a fight growing up,

Nancy made us sit at the table drinking tea

and eating cheese until we worked it out,

Okay, Can I take a leak first?

- No pee breaks, - Okay,

And no weed!

Okay,

So what happened tonight?

- Look, I spent all this money on presents,

Shipping was expensive, so I couldnt pay for my phone bill,

It got shut off, and I missed, I missed the Uber,

I couldnt call an Uber,

- I couldve helped you if you told me,

- I didnt wanna put that on you,

- Im your partner, - Even though Im a fuck up?

- You were just testing me, see how much I care,

You are not a fuck up,

- Even if I stood you up in front

of all your friends and your dad on a holiday?

- You are the most generous guy I know,

You give the squeegee guy your last $5,

You go down on me for 45 minutes,

and you even hang out with my lonely mom,

Yeah, I try,

- Here, put your phone on my auto pay,

- You dont have to, but thank you,

Im a healer,

- But I need to know you wont disappear on me again,

Im right here,

- I have a little Chrismanukah present for you,

- Oh yeah? - Mm-hmm,

- My stocking stuffer? - Mm-hmm,

Hey, whoa, what was that?

Pasadena Poke, You like?

Yeah, but you couldve asked,

- Sup, fool? They let you out of lawyer jail early?

- Whos getting laid and didnt tell me?

- We have so much to catch up on,

Did mom give you your Christmas pajamas?

No,

- Where is she? - Lets go get her,

- I havent seen her all morning,

- Come on, - Mom! Mom!

Mom!

- I dont know, - Merry Christmas!

- Finally! - Mom,

- Morning, - Good morning,

- Good morning, - Good morning,

Did you sleep well, honey?

- Well, a little jet lag, - Oh, Im sorry,

Christmas pajamas?

- Thank you, - There you are,

And actually, we have a little problem,

I didnt know if you were coming,

So I actually sent yours to New York to your place,

- What? - Yeah, Well, I didnt know,

- These are for Alex, - Oh, hell be right down,

I let him sleep in,

- Oh, so, so you guys are okay then,

- Better than ever, - Wait,

So he gets pajamas and I dont?

- Well, I, like I said-

- Did I hear something about pajamas?

- Mom got you your very own Rosenfeld Chrismanukah pajamas,

Wow, Thank you,

Wait, so I dont get pajamas?

- Honey, I, I told you theyre at your place,

Well, you couldve ordered some,

- Eli, here, dude, Take mine, its cool,

- No, no, no, Theyre, theyre yellow and blue,

- I insist, - No, no, no,

I, Im a Trojan, not a Bruin, Return pile,

I dont want mine either,

Geez,

These are wonderful, Thank you,

- What do you say we open some presents?

That ones from me,

"The Arithmetic of Life and Death,"

- My psych professor recommended it,

She said it helped her get

through her second and third divorce,

- Ah, - No way,

I got mom a book, too,

- See? - Twins,

You guys,

"Alone but Not Always Lonely,"

- Ooh, - Im sensing a theme here,

So wheres my big present?

Oh, okay,

I know that you

have been really practicing your Spanish lately,

Thanks to Bumby,

Katie, youve worked so hard,

- What the fuck? - Its Rosalba,

Shes getting back into her voiceover work, Isnt she great?

Yeah,

Walk the cobblestone streets of Madrid,

Explore the paintings of the masters in Prado,

Alhambra, one of the great wonders,

Moorish poets described it as a pearl set in emeralds,

- Whats a Moorish? - Ill tell you later,

Ending at the Costa del Sol,

hiking through the Picos de Mijas

to see an exquisite view of the whole coast,

- Wow, That is way better than my cast iron skillet,

- Oh, honey, youre gonna love it,

So is this like all inclusive?

- Well, I booked you at some terrific little hostels,

- right in the center of town, - Hostels?

People die in hostels, Didnt you see that horror movie?

- But Katie, this, this is an opportunity

for you to,

- Yeah, baby, I would kill to go on this trip,

Can Alex come?

Well, I mean, I, I already made the arrangements,

Well, could you look into it?

- Yeah, sure, sure, - Oh, thanks, Mom!

God, Okay, one more,

From Alex to Katie,

Oh, hey, You know what?

We actually dont, we dont have to open that one right now,

Thats ridiculous, Bumby!

Oh my God,

- I love it! - Yeah?

Even with everything,

you still managed to get me a present?

What is it, like a rock?

- Its a stone, - Throw this out,

Lets get some fitspiration,

Hey, You guys going running?

- Mm-hmm, - Give me a sec,

Ill change, Ill, Ill go with you, okay?

- Oh, were gonna do a lot of intervals,

With the cat?

This isnt vinyasa flow, Mom,

Guys, I, I can keep up, I-

We need some girl time,

Yeah, Go on out with your BFF,

Yeah,

Fuck it,

- Fish sandwich? - I hate mayo,

- Hate mayo? How did I not know that?

- Cause we dont know each other,

If you say so,

Could do not, no, no,

Dont ever put wood in the dishwasher, okay?

- Look, what, what exactly is your plan here?

- Maybe eat this sandwich and maybe take a nap,

- Why, why, why did you give her my necklace?

- Because I thought you didnt want it,

- I can try and take it back, - No, you cant,

You, you cant undo it, okay? Its done,

- Is that really why youre upset?

- I just, I just want you to know

that what happened was a one-time thing, okay?

I was, I was emotional, and, and you surprised me,

and thats it,

I, I was, I was touched,

- So you dont like it when I touch you?

- No, No, I, I hate it when you touch me,

- You sure? - Yes, No, I-

What about when I do this?

Thats terrible,

No, no, no, Not here,

Oh my God!

Okay, Im still shaking,

Did you like take a course in that or something? Oh my God,

- I read all of Masters and Johnson in high school,

- Wow, - I had a late growth spurt,

so my friend Benji was taking all the girls,

- I had to find my, my talent, - Hmm, I think you did,

Its more like a superpower,

Hmm,

Oh my God!

Oh, it never gets old,

- I love that film, - Every time, Every time,

- Every fucking time, - Its so good,

- I love it, - It was cool,

- Yeah? - It was good, yeah?

It was amazing,

- Katie, can you get more popcorn and hot sauce?

You need anything, Bumby?

Just your sweet ass,

Ew,

So whats your thesis about?

You know, still brainstorming,

but I think Im gonna do it on the,

the arts and crafts movement here in Pasadena,

- Oh, how convenient that you found a way

to study that rent free,

Dumb luck, I guess,

- Hey, - Hi,

- You could rock that, - You think?

- Do you remember when you refused

to buy me a Queen of Clouds pushup bra?

- At the Americana? - Yeah,

- Mm-hmm, and then you started screaming,

That is my specialty,

And I gave in to you, Yeah,

- We should go shopping at Beckys, I need new bras,

I would love that,

Im sorry about Chrismanukah,

And Im excited for Spain, Youre the best,

Mom, dont cry! No,

- Later, Mom, - Bye, Mom,

- Have fun, - Bye,

Hey, Whats going on?

- I just never knew that could happen,

I, I mean, you know, at the same time,

Ive never felt so connected to someone,

- Just,,, - Yeah,

Yeah, but dont you feel bad?

I mean, I cant look my kids in the eye anymore,

Dont beat yourself up,

Katie and I arent gonna work out anyway,

Anyway? What do you mean?

- I mean Im not gonna be a fit for Pensler,

- What, you can get a job somewhere else?

- Im not so sure about that, I stopped going to class,

I, I dont understand,

I dont wanna be an architect,

Just because my dad designed strip malls for a living

doesnt mean that I have to be unhappy, too,

- But youre still gonna graduate in May, right?

Nope, Dropped out,

When?

About three months ago,

- So youve been lying to Katie all this time?

- I had nobody to talk to about this until you,

I just felt, I just felt a lot shame about it,

Well, you should feel ashamed,

- Hey, cut me a break, Ive, Ive been struggling,

A break? Youre a liar,

Okay, I dont lie to you,

and its just Katie doesnt get me the way that you do,

Why would you even say that?

- I dont- - I dont know,

Cause maybe youre a dropout, too?

- Im a dropout? Thats ridiculous,

- Okay, - I dont know

- where youre getting- - Okay, Nancy,

when was the last time you went

to the National Charity League?

I, Ive been meaning to go,

I, I, those people ostracized me, okay? Im, Im not a liar,

- You just said you cant look at your kids in the eye,

- Hey, - You know what?

Why dont we just tell Katie together, all right?

Why dont we just call her right now?

- No, just give me, give me- - Lets practice,

"Hey Katie, I dont wanna be with you,

I wanna be with your mom,"

Doesnt that just feel so much lighter saying it?

- No, no, I, I, I, I actually feel a lot heavier, okay?

- Its just, I never- - What?

What, youve never came with someone at the same time?

Thats gotta mean something, right?

- It means more about my ex-husband

than anybody else, actually,

Were not gonna talk to Katie about this, okay?

- Okay? - Yeah, Youre the boss,

Hey guys,

- heres more hot breadsticks, - Ooh, ma ma ma ma ma ma ma,

God, I love breadsticks,

Mr, Beach, hes our favorite waiter,

- Nope, I wanna make a toast on my last night here,

Mom, a year ago today,

I thought you

were gonna be a pill-popping desperate housewife

- of San Marino, - Oh my God,

- But now look at you, Youre living on your own,

Youre working on your yoga arms and whatever else,

- And video editing, - Yeah, that, too,

And Katie, youre finally clocking in somewhere,

- Stop giving me shit, Eli, - Even if its

pushing fake titties,

Just because you dont appreciate titties,

- Oh, sure, - Its a job, Stop,

And I, Im just, Im so happy

to see you two finally standing on your own,

Badgley Mischkas,

Cheers,

Cheers,

- I, Id like to say something if I may,

Ive always felt like family is not a birthright,

Its a choice, and Im so grateful that you all

have accepted me into your family,

- Our family, Lehayim, - Lehayim!

- So where is your family? You havent mentioned them once,

- Theyre, theyre back home in New York,

doing something small in Chelsea,

- Oh, where? I live right by the Highline,

Theyre on 11th and 23rd,

Its where I grew up my own life,

Alexs parents own a club,

- Wow, wow, That place must be worth over a mil,

Yeah, but you know what?

Chelseas lost its character,

Theres a new restaurant that opens up every week

and you dont have to step over crack pipes to get to it,

- My parents dont dine at Buddakan though, and,

what is it, rock climb the Chelsea Piers?

Can you hand me a breadstick?

Since when do you eat carbs?

And can we just cut the shit for once and,

and admit that everyone wins

when the upwardly mobile move in?

- Eli, I didnt raise you like this,

- Honey, please, - Its okay, Its okay,

- Its true, - Hey,

Im all for mobility, Eli,

At the end of the day, I am doing my thesis on Pasadena,

It doesnt get any bougier than that, right?

- What thesis? I never see you working on it,

My college roommate was an architecture major,

and she didnt sit around sipping on mojitos by the pool,

- Eli! - He, hey,

Sorry, Ive gotten caught up in my research,

but Nancys been kind enough to drive me around

and show me the arts and crafts houses

around here in Pasadena on our driving lessons,

More wine?

So thats where you guys go,

Is that right, Mom?

- Well, the Vert brothers are very prominent in,

in Pasadena,

- Yeah, and I love the Vert brothers,

But you know what? Elis right,

I need to get my ass into gear,

- You have an answer for everything, but I dont buy it,

- Youre a fucking hobosexual, - What?

Yeah, hes fucking using you,

- Hes using me? - Hes using you,

Hes a fucking loser,

- Eli! Eli, take that back! - Eli, just calm down,

- Come on! - Im trained to read people,

- Eli, - Eli,

- I know who he is, - Relax,

- Calm down, - Just sit down, everybody,

- Eli, I dont wanna fight with you, man,

Im your family, Its okay, Im, its fine,

- Fuck off! - Eli!

Youre not my fucking family!

- Mom! - Its okay,

- Are you okay? - Im okay, Im okay,

- Can we just settle down, - Im okay, Im fine,

- Im sorry, - Im fine, Im okay,

- He said hes fine, - Im fine,

- No, no! What the, the hell is wrong with you?

- Youre acting like Dad! - Katie,

- No, get out! - Stop,

- Hey, Ill go, Ill go, - No,

Dont leave, Eli, Come on,

- I need a ride to Bob Hope in the morning, okay?

You paid $12 for this?

- Well, you know, cassettes are the new vinyl,

Whered you even get em?

- Groovy little vintage store in Venice,

Oh yeah? Who took you, Alex?

Hes the grooviest guy I know,

Oh, speaking of the mayor of Chelsea,

I googled the Vert brothers,

They dont exist,

- I didnt realize you were so interested in architecture,

- Its the Green brothers who are involved

with the arts and crafts movement,

- Right, right, Well, you know what?

I just, Vert means green in French,

and thats probably where I, I got a little mixed up

- in this old brain, - Okay,

And why didnt Alex pick up on your little mix up?

- Because of the wine, I, there was, there was wine,

Mom, Mom, Mom,

You need to start making friends with people your own age,

Eli,

- I saw you picking food out of his teeth,

Its like youre in love with him or something,

Oh, Im in love with him?

- Yeah, - Oh, come on, Eli,

I mean, you would want me telling you if you had some,

some spinach stuck in your teeth,

- Yeah, - You of all people would

- I know, - want me telling you that,

Come on, In love with him,

Im old enough to be his mother!

- MILF videos are all over the internet,

Men find women your age very attractive these days,

Okay, well what about that guy, the guy who took you out?

- What? Who, Jeff? - Jeff, Jeff,

- Yeah, I, you know, I, I, I dont,

I dont think he was really my type,

Just, I dont know, just kind of boring,

- You didnt even give him a chance,

I bet Jeff loves tapes,

and I bet hes old enough to rent a car,

- Yeah, well, you know, he didnt call me either,

- So call him, Youre a modern woman,

- Oh, thank you, Dr, Drew, What, now?

Do it now, Ill drive,

- Come on, - Eli,

- Im not calling him now, - Switcheroo,

Okay,

- Okay, okay, Im- - Call,

Okay! Fine,

- Hello? - Jeff, Hi, its Nancy,

- Nancy? - Yeah, yeah, I know,

I, I didnt expect to be calling either,

Wow, What are you doing for New Years?

- Oh, dont have plans for New Years yet,

- Well, theres gonna be - Whos the big slut?

a great party at South Pass,

Pick you up at eight?

Yeah, Ill, Ill see you then,

- Deal - Bye,

Buckle up,

Hey! CJ,

- Hi, - This is Nancy,

- Hi, - This is CJ,

CJ is an editor for a Netflix show,

Nancy is learning premier right now,

Well, I, I mean, I, I made one video,

but I found it very exhilarating,

- Mm-mm, Dont put yourself down,

The guild needs more women,

Id love to see your work sometime,

- All right, - We need you,

- Oh, and this is Katie, Nancys lovely daughter,

and Alex, her boyfriend,

Well be right back,

- Hey, isnt Jeff a little too nice?

- I knew this party was gonna be boring,

but look what I grabbed,

- A little party favor, - What?

When did you start smuggling schedule I narcotics?

I love you!

No, Im telling you,

if you told me that ginger ale

was like medical grade medicine,

I wouldve believed you as a kid,

- Really? - Yes,

- Well, ginger ale does have some medicinal,

you know, purposes,

I dont think theres much ginger in ginger ale,

I, I would have to agree with you,

- Im having such a good time tonight,

- Yeah, - Im really glad

that you called me, although I, I gotta admit,

Im kind of surprised that you did

cause I was worried that maybe I said something stupid

- What? No, no! - on our first date,

- My god, I thought, I thought I scared you away,

No, no you didnt,

No?

- Im really glad youre here tonight,

Why are you ignoring me?

Because youre dating my daughter,

If you dont let me out of this room,

I am going to tell Katie that you are a fraud,

- Great, Lets both tell her together at the same time,

Wait, wait,

Look, we have a connection, but this has got to stop,

- Im not the Rosenfelds family dildo,

- The countdowns about to start,

Nancy, I love you,

Look, Im sorry,

But this, its over,

Jeff, wait,

- Nancy, wait, - Stop it,

♪ Work, you make your marks ♪

Jeff! Wait!

♪ And as the diamond moves ♪

♪ I stood and moons begin to fall ♪

♪ Oh pride ♪

♪ Cant fly the flag all night ♪

♪ It aint no match for the lovers ♪

♪ Soon youll be waving white ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ Ive got your private photos on my phone ♪

♪ Like a love letter ♪

Bumby! Come over here!

Come on!

10, nine, eight, seven,

six, five, four, three, two, one!

♪ You stood and moons ♪

♪ Began to fall ♪

Mom! Where are the tampons?

- Theres some up in the bathroom,

Are you sure? All I see are old lady pads!

In the basket!

Shit,

Shit,

Im gonna run out and get some!

What the hell does that mean?

- The test was negative, - Thank God,

Ive been a little reckless lately,

Been, you know, baking without a mitt,

Yeah, just, but those, those days are over,

So, you know, actually, maybe I should,

I should still look into like, like an IUD,

I hear theyre, theyre safer now,

- I, I wouldnt recommend that for you,

- Oh, okay, well, or you know, the, the, the patch,

or theres like some gels or something,

- Ms, Rosenfeld, have you been feeling overwhelmed lately?

- Its been a tough year, - Have you had any anxiety?

Ive been a little anxious,

but nothing a little yoga cant fix,

- Has your anxiety been accompanied by a rapid heartbeat,

perspiration, sudden changes in your body temperature?

- Oh God, I, Ive been having hot flashes,

Thats, so going through

- Menopause, - menopause,

So Im not late,

Just old,

- Shouldnt you be in school? - Katie is,

My theoretical classes dont start till next Wednesday,

Id offer you some popcorn, but I know youll say no,

Whats up with you?

I thought I was pregnant,

What? Is it mine?

Of course,

I mean, actually its, its not anyones,

Im starting the change,

Hmm,

Yeah, Sue Hobart was right,

Shouldve gone under the knife

when I still had the Rosenfeld family discount,

- Stop it, - Youre a natural Nancy,

- Yeah, Look where thats gotten me,

And now Im gonna die alone,

and Thelma is going to eat my face off

when she runs out of food,

- Hey, Thelmas already overweight,

Shes probably gonna die before you,

Hey,

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Come here,

Let it out,

What? What happened?

Katie, wait!

Katie!

Katie!

God, Goddammit!

- Oh my God, - Just calm down,

Calm down, baby, Do, do your chants,

- Look, I, I, I gotta go, I gotta go after her,

- Okay, - Get out,

- Okay, where are we going? - I have to drive,

- Im driving, Im driving, - We going to Mortys?

The campus? The suicide bridge?

Okay,

- Hey, Nancy, what are you doing?

- Im getting you out of my life,

Nancy, open the, open,

You cant leave me! Im your partner!

Nancy! Nancy!

- Hey! - Whoa!

- Slow down! You almost hit Ivanka!

- Sorry, Sorry, - Nance?

Have you, have you seen Katie?

I, I just saw her SUV go this way,

- Not since the holiday Sensation,

You can call her,

- No, no, no, no, no! Do, do not call her,

Okay,

- Hey, whatever happened with Jeff?

Hey, its Katie, Text me instead,

Hi, honey, Its Mom,

I, I dont know if you got my text,

Ive been trying to DM you, and I tweeted at you,

and I cant see you on Instagram anymore, but anyway,

I, I, I just wanted to make sure that youre okay,

I think I saw you on campus yesterday,

but you darted behind the bush,

Anyway, I, I just wanna talk to you,

- Katie, - Mom, are you okay?

I tried calling you on your cell,

but I couldnt get through,

- Yeah, yeah, Im fine, Have you heard from Katie?

She sent me a gun in a mouth emoji,

I tried calling but no answer,

What happened with the mayor of Chelsea?

I believe they parted ways,

That explains why shes been hanging

with dumbo Lindsay,

She posted a pic of Scar Jo

with the hashtag #nosegoals on Insta,

Is she upgrading her nose?

- Eli, Im, Im gonna call you back,

That bastard,

- Hey, Where, where is he? - Hi, Nancy,

Youre looking festive,

Katie will be in for at least another two hours,

Katie, Katies here now?

- Actually been meaning to call you,

Okay, great,

- What, what room is she in? - I feel like I

never got a chance to properly apologize

to you for what Morty and I did,

- Thats okay, honey, Affairs happen all the time, okay?

- Just what, what- - Really?

- Yes, - Oh,

Okay, What room is Katie in?

- Room A, but you cant go back there,

Okay, thanks,

Seriously? Are you kidding me?

- What are you doing? - Honey, dont do this,

- Come on, - How dont you

- even find out? - Honey, please,

Dad, who let her in?

- Where are her clothes? - Nance,

Were getting you outta here,

Sorry, You gotta go,

- Morty, what is wrong with you? Have you lost your mind?

- You are the one wearing your Christmas pajamas

- in January in public, - I have friends,

Ive watched them butcher their faces,

and it never made them happy,

Sue loves her nose,

Well, doesnt she?

- Just- - Did she say something?

- She say something? I need to know,

- Sweetheart, do you really wanna look

like youve lost an MMA fight at graduation?

- Nobody here cares if I look like Rhonda Rousey,

Schools triggering, Im taking a semester off,

What are you even? What, what?

How are you letting this happen?

You know, hold on,

- How are you letting this happen?

- Shes taking a semester off? - Its her decision,

And if she wants to,

she can drop all her classes right now

- so I can get my refund back, - Oh my,

Its always about money with you, isnt it, Morty?

- But this is about your happiness? Isnt it?

- Sweetheart, you are not a dropout,

- Or why dont you tell Dad how much you love dropouts?

So you did know,

Yeah, I had to find out from some dipshit at school,

- Im sorry, honey, - Tell Dad what you did,

- Oh, come on Katie, Dont do this,

Tell him,

I, I had relations with Alex,

You had, you had relations? You fucked him,

Say it, "I fucked your boyfriend,"

Tell dad how many times you fucked my boyfriend?

- Three times, - Three, three times?

Is that including oral?

I thought you didnt like oral,

- It was five times, but sweet, sweetheart, I hated it,

I, I, I, I hated myself, You gotta believe me, I-

- Okay, I think I need to fill my coffee up,

Its true,

Whyd you do it?

Cause I was so unhappy,

and when I was with him, it was, it was like a drug,

I fucked up,

But sweetheart, I, I love you with all of my soul, honey,

- and Im so sorry, - Im getting this procedure,

you washed up, culotte-wearing wannabe filmmaker,

Now get out, and take your dusty cunt with you,

Okay, Well, I, I deserve that,

But if you dont graduate,

you are literally cutting off your nose to spite your face,

Get out!

Lets get lunch soon!

- I know youre really into the mist,

but youve been here for an hour,

and thats not gonna scrub off,

- Yes, it will, - We closed 20 minutes ago,

Oh, Sorry,

- It looks like you crossed the wrong person,

- Yeah, person I care the most about,

- Best friend? - Daughter,

Try this,

I just blew up my whole life,

- Well, now that its in tatters,

whats your new life gonna look like?

♪ Outside the window of my room ♪

♪ What story goes ♪

♪ Am I the only one I know not going home ♪

♪ I cant get free ♪

♪ Oh does anyone have a memory ♪

Hi,

♪ I cant get free ♪

♪ Oh if anyone has a memory ♪

♪ Please let me know ♪

Hey, Mom!

- Hey, - Hi,

- Glad you can make it, - Hi,

- Morty, Evelyn, Congratulations,

- Thank you, - You look radiant,

I love the natural curls,

- Thanks, I still might get that nose job,

- Mm-hmm,

- Maybe we should take a family photo,

Ill take it,

- No, Im, Im, you should be in it,

Yeah,

- Excuse me, You mind taking a,,,

- Sorry, Just, here you go, baby,

All right, say cheese, everybody,

- Dinner cheese, - Cheese!

- Baked brie, - Parmesan,

- Oh my God, its kicking, Ugh, get it outta me!

Hold on, hold on, hold on,

- Evelyn, you are going to give it a complex,

- What, did you learn that in your GRE book?

Maybe,

- GRE? Are you going to grad school?

Yeah, I am,

Im gonna get my masters in psychology from NYU,

New York, Wow,

Well, this is big news,

- Yeah, I, I visited Eli, and it felt like home,

Well, thats, thats great,

- Are you gonna be okay? - Me? Yeah,

Yes, of course, Im gonna miss you like crazy,

- Youre gonna love it there, - Thanks, Mom,

- Katie, Im so sorry, - Hey, hey,

Were gonna be okay,

- We will? - Yeah,

Okay,

- I still need my space, - Right,

- Im gonna go return my cap and gown,

I will meet you guys at the restaurant,

Okay,

The burning man?

Well, they, yeah, they have payment plans,

- Yeah, its like a ticket- - Shit,

Hey! Congrats!

- You, you did it! - And you didnt,

- Professor Branch, - A professor, Classy,

- Theres a cuddle party at Annenberg tonight,

You could join our triad,

- I think Ive had enough of triads,

So youre like polyamorous now?

Yeah, I have been for a while,

Glad you figured it out,

- Dont lend him money for his phone,

- Cheers, - Cheers,

Drink up, Our descent begins soon,

- Have you been before? - No, No,

Ive been dreaming about it for 25 years,

You doing a tour or something?

- Im making a pit stop in Madrid,

and then Im gonna go hiking in Basque Country,

and then, I dont know,

Ill see where the road takes me,

- Dope, - You?

Im taking my gap year,

I guess I am, too, Hmm,

♪ Quick as a flash ♪

♪ The light can ride you ♪

♪ Like having a motorcycle stuck inside you ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Its gonna hunt you down quick as a flash ♪

♪ And leave behind a pile of ash ♪

♪ Itll burn you up just like a witch ♪

♪ Lightning has a temper because sometimes lifes a bitch ♪

♪ The light is quick and sky cold blue ♪

♪ Itll warm your stone heart through and through ♪

♪ Its wild and summer and oh so frightening ♪

♪ To be struck by the heat lightning ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Oh, itll find you ♪

♪ No, you cant hide ♪

♪ Itll search you down and take you for a ride ♪

♪ And when it finds you, you best beware ♪

♪ Just like the man, it doesnt care ♪

♪ The light is quick and sky cold blue ♪

♪ Itll warm your stone heart through and through ♪

♪ Its wild and summer and oh so frightening ♪

♪ To be struck by the heat lightning ♪