Original subtitles

Did all that seriously just happen?

Which? The alien part, the super villain part,

or the magic part?

Any of it. All of it.

And now's not the time for ice cream.

Mmm, situations like this are exactly the time for ice cream.

What now?

We're both students of science,

so let's follow the scientific method.

Examine the facts and make conclusions.

Groot, a tree alien, brought a warning from space

that you couldn't translate,

then Baron Mordo and AIM came to capture him.

weird!

we need alien translating help from a magician

with the totally accurate name of Doctor Strange,

so Miles went to get him.

wizards are a real thing now.

Baron Mordo banished Strange and Miles

to who knows where,

then captured Groot and teleported away.

we gotta rescue our friend

from a bearded weirdo.

Ah! My brain hurts.

I know. This is crazy!

Ah, no, brain freeze.

Ugh, this hazelnut Hawkeye's-cream is great,

but, ugh, it leaves weird particles in my teeth.

That's it. Weird particles.

Uh, I'm not following.

Oh, Mordo's teleportation must've expended

some form of energy, weird particles, as it were.

But any traces would have already dissipated.

Did your armor's scanners pick up

what was happening at the time?

Not-Tony, review my armor's scan history.

Did Mordo give off any unusual energy signatures?

NOT-TONY: It was all unusual energy. Hold on.

Scan history reveals unidentified particle bursts

when he teleported.

SPIDER-MAN: Can you use the Stark satellite

to find the same energy signature anywhere else on Earth?

NOT-TONY: Good thinking, PJs.

Looks like traces are showing at an uncharted island

a few miles offshore.

Hey, look at that.

We just science'd ourselves some magic.

That's where AIM must have teleported with Groot.

Huh, and you thought ice cream was a bad idea.

So, how are we getting there?

I hope this is fun for you!

Whoa!

Oh. Completely under control.

Maybe we made a mistake.

Doesn't look like anything's out here.

NOT-TONY: Care to update your hypothesis, kid?

My blasts are doing nothing!

How tough are these things?

Not tough enough!

Hulk!

SPIDER-MAN: Thanks, Big Green. I totally know him.

Funny, 'cause I don't know you.

Who the Hulk are you?

Gnarly. Interconnected poly-mesh build.

And yet, I utterly bashed it.

I so, so, so rule.

Hulk, did you do something

with your hair, face, vocabulary?

I get it. You know Banner.

He's cool, but... Come on!

Spider-Man, meet Amadeus Cho.

He's in the Avengers intern program, too.

I'm sure you've heard of me.

Seventh smartest person in the world.

Nice to meet you, Bug-man.

Ah, Spider-Man, actually.

Same diff.

Did you follow us, Cho?

Yep, you were missing when I came

to take my shift at the tower.

Based on the trail of clues you guys left,

I figure we need to smash some AIM heads,

bring your banished friends back,

and rescue a small alien life-form.

Am I right?

Wait, how do you know all that?

Seventh smartest person? Keep up.

Good news, this thing is very old-school.

It's not wirelessly connected to any other systems,

so AIM still doesn't know we're here.

Nice, I like a surprise party.

The island's center has the densest foliage.

That's the most likely place for a hidden base.

What are you doing?

Leading. It's what a leader does.

SPIDER-MAN: Ugh.

What'd you call this place again?

We've been transported

to a twisted mirror version of our reality.

Think of it as a Negative New York.

What, like the traffic is great,

but the pizza's terrible?

Good one, right?

Up top.

Don't leave me hanging, Doc.

Yes! See? Your cloak gets it.

Jeez, Doctor Grumpy-pants, it's not my fault

your baron buddy abracadabra'd us to wherever this place is.

A pocket dimension?

The Unknown Realms are beyond the understanding of science.

Right, but seriously.

I was like you once.

As a surgeon, I believed science

could explain everything in the universe.

Then I was injured in a way that medical science could not heal.

Magic, however, did.

There are some things that science just cannot do.

Wait.

We passed the Daily Bugle building already.

How can it be in front of us again?

Hmm.

And this reality is a closed loop,

and it's causing some kind of magical interference,

which must be why I haven't been able

to reopen the portal we came through.

Are you saying we're stuck here?

Let's just say you better not have

any exciting plans for tonight back on Earth.

Actually, I'm betting that's not a problem.

Ouch!

Is there a spell that'll make you more chill to hang with?

Not that I've ever found, no.

You said you had a hard time making friends,

but it seems like you got a whole tower

that's a teenage superhero party.

One that I wasn't invited to.

Just because the other interns and I

have one thing in common, doesn't mean we're BFFs.

It's somewhere to start, right?

Look, I'm driven. I prioritize my work.

That turns people off, but it also makes me me.

I can't just turn off who I am.

SPIDER-MAN: Of course not, but you might have more in common

with the other interns than you think.

Nice.

Through applied chaos theory,

I've leadership'ed us to a clue.

SPIDER-MAN: Is that Avengers intern speak for "oops"?

Give me sonar echo analysis, Not-T.

NOT-TONY: A deep vent could be running the length of the island.

Might be access tunnels to an underground base.

Only one way to find out.

Ugh.

We might have to be a little more subtle

if we're gonna sneak inside a hidden AIM base.

Hulks don't do subtle. We do smash.

Fine, I'll do subtle.

And I'll be the best at it.

Starting now.

Leadership!

Oh, put X in the center square.

Do not fraternize with the specimen, fool.

You're a guest in this lab, Mordo.

Show some respect.

Bah, so-called Scientist Supreme or not,

you need to understand that AIM provides me

minor assistance only.

The sorcery of Baron Mordo will conquer the day.

If your parlor tricks could do this alone,

you'd have already succeeded.

This specimen's biology can only be unlocked by science.

Power-up phase complete.

Activate.

I am Groot.

Excellent. A portion

of the specimen's essential nature has been extracted.

Move to phase two.

I'm the one who can scan tunnels. I should be up front.

Why do you think you're the leader, Cho?

Well, one,

I'm the aforementioned seventh smartest.

And two, I've been an Avenger intern longer than you.

By one day. This is my mission.

Cool it, guys. We're finally getting somewhere.

I'm surprised there aren't any booby traps.

Oh, why do I say things like that?

This section's reinforced. I can't smash through!

I notice neither one of you

is claiming to be the leader anymore.

Well, we're all about to be a lot closer friends.

With jokes like that,

I wish these walls would just squish us already.

Riri, there must be a gear assembly

causing the walls to move. Can you locate it?

Hey, got something!

Even if that's where the gears are, so what?

I told you it's reinforced. I can't pound through.

But you can pry it open a little bit, right?

That's all I need.

Hold on.

Fast thinking, Spidey.

It's not over yet. Take cover!

My webs held the engine in place,

but all that force had to go somewhere, so, boom.

Thank you, physics.

Impressive for a bug.

Maybe one day you'll even become a leader like me.

Ugh, why is this leader thing so important to you both?

It's weird.

When I'm leading,

at least I know where I stand with people.

And everyone assumes being a Hulk means I'm a bonehead.

I like to show that I'm more than just a clumsy ox.

Listen, we're at our best when we work together

like just now.

Ironheart, you located the mechanism.

Cho, you made the hole.

And you did all the "thwip, thwip."

Right, so maybe we worry less about who the leader is

and focus on working together

to get my friend Groot out of here alive.

Got a fault in section four with the gear assembly.

Surprised anything in this old base works at all.

Should I check it out?

Yes, and take a couple of other agents with you,

just in case.

Meltwid teamstride dire usse!

Mordo, AIM has put considerable resources

into this project. We expect results.

And you will have them, but your science

has not given me enough. I need more from the specimen.

Initiate another extraction.

Huh?

What are they doing to Groot?

That's it. Smash time.

But what if Mordo just banishes you

like he did Doctor Strange and Miles?

What we need here is...

I swear, if you say "subtlety"...

Stop, maybe Groot can rescue himself and get up to us.

Huh?

Mmm, mmm.

SPIDER-MAN: That's gotta be the release button.

I am Groot!

Hey, my ice cream!

Huh? Oh.

Oh!

Idiots, keep a better eye on him.

He could have hit the release button.

Oh.

Well, so much for that idea.

Just reached my daily steps.

Cho, I think we need new costumes.

Ooh, that's gotta hurt.

Look, I'm a scientist.

Maybe I can help you get us out of here.

We're talking some form of energy, right?

Again, we're in a realm of sorcery.

You need to think of science and mysticism

as separate worlds.

Speaking of things that are supposed to be separate,

Oscorp shouldn't be that close to the Daily Bugle, right?

By the Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth,

Negative New York is shrinking.

Fun shrinking like Ant-Man or bad shrinking like...

The second one.

Oh, man.

This costume just can't contain my awesomeness.

SPIDER-MAN: It's okay. There's something else I need you to do,

and you're going to like it.

Meltwid teamstride dire usse!

Results Mordo,

or is your hocus pocus all just mumbo jumbo?

Of course not.

My work is now complete as you will soon see.

Look out below!

The Hulk... A Hulk!

SPIDER-MAN: Wow, the world's seventh smartest person

is probably the world's first best at creating diversions.

Guess it sometimes pays to be unsubtle.

Muscles can't help you against the Scientist Supreme,

you mindless monster!

Mindless? Ugh.

Unshielded cabling? How is that supreme?

Makes it so easy to do this... Feedback!

Mindless, huh?

This Hulk's brains are as big as his muscles.

Oafs, what are you doing?

You could have freed the specimen.

SPIDER-MAN: Sorry, I was just, um,

powering up the tool for, um, wizarding?

Spider-Man, you dare defy me?

That's what this looks like, huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh? I am Groot. I am Groot!

I am Golem!

Whoa, all we need now is a tire swing.

Wow, flaming magic tree dudes?

So awesome, but also not awesome!

Look with awe upon my wood golems,

monster children of science and magic

here to bend the will of the Earth to my bidding!

But first, they shall destroy you!

Science and magic combined,

and I didn't bring my wand or my microscope!

I am Golem!

My wood golem army will be your doom!

What, these walking campfires?

Hey, what are you, a tree hugger?

Guys, hear that? I said "tree hugger."

That's gold!

Please, even my jokes are better.

- Are they though? - Wow.

Ahhh!

I am Golem! I am Golem!

I am Golem!

Wait, they aren't after me. They're after ice cream!

Looks like you weirdos got more than just powers from Groot.

NOT-TONY: What are you doing, kiddo?

You'll send a dangerous energy surge into the...

- Oh, I get it. - Spidey, duck!

Your wood golems are now toothpick golems, Mordo.

Half-alien, half-magic, my creations are unstoppable!

And I was really hoping that was gonna work.

From the Book of Vishanti,

I cast the reversal spell of Zartog.

Ugh, another failure.

Dude, I can help. Just tell me how this works.

Ugh, fine.

This realm is drawing together due to a contraction

from bands of unseen, but powerful magic.

Interference caused by that contraction

is blocking my ability to reopen the portal.

And these bands of unseen magic

are just streams of energy?

So, if we disrupt them for a second,

that should give you time to cast your spell, right?

Yes, but how would we do that?

You forgot about my electro-sting power, Doc.

Electricity is a force of science.

It's incompatible with magic.

Look, mystical or not,

I've studied high-intensity energy reactions,

and I know they can be interrupted by electricity.

Shouldn't we try making science and magic interact?

You have to let me try. Show me where to jolt.

There, at the node where several bands

of mystical energy intersect.

Be ready with the spell.

I can't hold my sting for long.

Illata, kala't'na-septara!

Did it work?

This isn't, like, a Double Negative New York, is it?

By Agamotto's Eye, it did work.

I... I stand corrected.

Stephen Strange? No!

Mordo's the one who banished us,

so the reversal spell took us directly to his location.

Wood golems?

What twisted horrors have you been committing here?

Allow me to show you firsthand!

Miles, great to see you.

Where does that portal lead to?

- Nowhere positive. - Perfect!

Ironheart, Cho, push the golems into that portal!

Not having luck with the lumberjack routine over here!

Spidey, we're losing our chance!

Wait. The ice cream!

Ironheart, the ice cream from those ice cream machines.

Can you holo-project it?

Yeah, but why would... Oh.

Huh?

I am Golem.

I am Golem.

My wonderful monsters!

MUFFLED GROWL)

SPIDER-MAN: You're free!

Now you can grab all the ice cream you want.

I am Groot!

Aw, you're welcome, Groot.

- Gotta admit... - Ow!

We make a pretty good team

even without me as the obvious leader.

Hey, and, uh...

Wow, I'm terrible at this.

Maybe we could hang sometime, like, not as interns.

Great idea, especially since

no one ever asked me to be an intern.

NOT-TONY: PJs, the intern program is for heroes in training.

Oh, I'm well aware of what it is.

NOT-TONY: Well, that's my point. You don't need it.

You're already a hero, kid.

Oh, thanks.

AIM and Mordo will be secure in our cells

until the Avengers get back

from whatever space mission they're on.

Perfect timing, Ironheart.

I think Doctor Strange

has almost accessed Groot's message.

Silence, please.

Spider-Man, this is Star-Lord...

Yes, the Star-Lord.

I have urgent, vital, world-threatening info

for you that you need to act on immediately

in less than 24 hours,

because the Symbiotes are headed for Earth!

Web-head, you're pretty much the only guy on your planet

who's ever dealt with these aliens before.

Venom, you called yours, I think, whatever.

Well, now a whole load of them are on the way.

You're like, "No sweat,

"Star-Lord will save us, he's cool."

And usually, you'd be right, but look,

this time, buddy, I'm not gonna make it,

and protecting the Earth is all on you.

Good luck.

Groot, get that message to Spider-Man.

No distractions, promise?

I am Groot.

I am Groot!

SPIDER-MAN: A Symbiote invasion is coming,

and we're the Earth's only defense.