Original subtitles

What's that?

A life needs saving?

Well, it's a good thing I just had

a nap in our comfy, cozy on-call room.

Boom!

Our doctors must be well-rested.

Working tired is the same as working drunk.

Although, from a liability standpoint,

tired is better than drunk.

But-- oh, this room has a humidifier.

Oh, Jesus!

Shut the door!

They look well-rested.

So... - Oh, my God.

- Are they out there? - Yeah, all of them.

The whole camera crew is out there.

- What? - Even the sound guy.

- Oh. - What's his name?

What is his name?

This morning, unfortunately, I found

two colleagues misusing one of on-call rooms

in a sensual manner,

and it doesn't matter who it is.

Oh, man. Who could it have been?

- Lacy and Paul? - Nope, wasn't them.

No, I think she's back with Dr. Richards in Neuro.

Are you serious? They're together?

Man, ever since that guy got hair plugs,

he has been unstoppable.

Oh, that whole department's blowing up.

Dr. Sullivan just got veneers. - Wait, really?

Is there a-- is there a text chain I'm not on?

I heard someone saw Stephanie sneaking out

of the on-call room before her shift.

- Where did you hear that? - Hector.

- Oh, bro! - I'm sorry, man.

You said that was a secret. I-- come on, Matt.

Things change when you're in charge.

You are out of the loop.

People don't want to confide in you,

even though you're a very regular,

very cool person.

But, boy, when I was just a doctor,

I was a walking "Page Six."

Who has a pill problem? Oh, Mary.

Who lost custody of her kids?

Also Mary.

Yeah, yeah, Mary had a lot of problems.

You know, all this hanky-panky,

it might have been OK in the past,

but times have changed. No more sex at work.

Come on! How is there a question?

Yeah, I hate to side with Joyce here,

but are people really that desperate to do it

in the same room they go to watch their grandpas die?

Seriously.

Like, even if we weren't at work,

who's having midday sex anyway?

Like, that is not a thing

when you're married with small children.

Trust me, you barely have time for a nighttime sex.

Oof.

Can we please go back to guessing who hooked up

instead of doing these sad lady stand-up bits?

No, wait, I'm not-- I'm not--

Alex, Alex, you don't have to justify

your troubled marriage to anybody.

I'm not saying that.

I'm saying that when you're married,

sometimes it's hard to schedule sex, and so--

Babe, we're just gonna leave it there, OK?

OK, fine, the jig is up.

It was me and Dr. Taylor in the on-call room with the--

well, you know what I used. - Oh.

Ugh.

Oh, hey, guys.

Um, I feel like I want to clarify that thing from earlier

because it felt like you guys thought that was, like,

sad or something.

Do you want us to say it wasn't sad?

- We'll say whatever you want. - No.

No, I'm just saying, you know, when I said that

I have to schedule sex, I didn't mean it like,

you know, oh, let me get my planner out,

and I'll just pencil you in.

You know, I mean, sometimes I do

have to do that, though, because our calendar

will fill up really quickly,

and then months will go by.

It's been months since

you've done it with your husband?

I don't know the exact date, Serena.

Do you need to check the planner?

It's been three months, OK?

Oh, come on. That is not that bad.

Three months is, like, 100 days.

If you haven't worked out in 100 days,

you wouldn't say, "I work out."

You'd say, "I used to work out."

Just like you used to have sex.

OK, but it's not like we don't want to.

It's just, with kid stuff and house stuff and my promotion,

it's really hard. Ron! Ron!

OK, you were married.

Will you please tell them that sometimes

intimacy takes a back seat, and that is completely normal?

Oh, absolutely.

After a few years, you have kids.

It just ebbs and flows. - See? Yeah.

And that is just called being married.

Well, well, we technically are no longer married.

I guess it just kept on ebbing.

And now she's on a ski trip with a guy named Kent,

so I may not be the best person to talk to this about.

OK, thank-- thank you. Thank you so much.

That's good. You know what?

That-- that is not gonna happen to us, OK?

And we are not gonna hit 100 days, all right?

I am going to have a talk...

With him today.

Yeah.

I can't imagine going that long.

I have sex once a week.

I tell folks I'm going to Wendy's for lunch,

but I'm really meeting up with my ex, Shelly, at her condo.

It's the same Wendy's bag every time,

and no one can tell the difference.

Shelly is pretty toxic, though.

Oof. Tuesdays, huh?

Mm-hmm.

The old second-in-command to Monday.

Well, I guess you could say that.

Nobody else does, but sure.

It's just been such a wild week already.

You know, hookups, affairs, hair plugs.

Ugh.

Did you know about all this before the meeting?

Pretty much.

Can hardly get any work done without somebody

coming over to talk about something stupid.

Not unlike now. - Right.

So people are including you on their little group chats.

That's nice. That's nice for you.

- Are you jealous? - No.

I'm concerned about gossip in general.

It's bad for morale. - Right.

When you gossip, you hurt three people.

You hurt yourself, you hurt the person

you're gossiping about,

and you hurt the person who doesn't get to hear the gossip

by making them feel left out.

You know, you could force everyone to tell you

all of their secrets. You're the boss.

What?

Well, how would that even-- no, come on.

Come on. How?

How would I do that?

Hey, sweetie.

Um, I was thinking that maybe later,

you and I could have some private time, you know?

Like, naked private time.

Yes, Tim, like sex.

Oh, right, I forgot about poker night.

Um, OK, well, you know, tomorrow--

tomorrow is totally booked, too, isn't it?

OK, you know what?

Just meet me here at 2:00, OK?

Yeah, still about the sex.

Hey, team?

Team, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for earlier

when I was all, "Ah, you can't do sex stuff at work.

I'm a mean old hag."

Well, that is what you said and, frankly, how you said it.

Look, things happen,

but I do not need to know who's doing what with whom.

That is not my business, but it is very thorny legally.

so HR insists that all of you fill out

one of these mutual consent forms.

Ah, yes, how every passionate encounter begins,

with a form.

Well, that's HR for you.

Damn you, #MeToo, huh?

No, that was important. It had to happen.

It really did.

Well, I don't know if you realize this, Joyce,

but this would mean that you would end up knowing

everyone's personal, private details.

No, not me. The system.

The system would know the details.

I'm just a vessel for the system.

So we should return these to HR?

Uh, no.

You can return them to, uh, to me.

Yeah, me first, and then I'll-- I'll deal with them.

Legalese and liability, that's all these are for.

Will I then be informed of all the relationships

and goings-on? Yes.

Is it my job to know? Kind of, yes.

Is it required by HR that I do this?

Girl, where is the fire?

Mm, well, I'm sneaking my lunch now,

and then later, Tim's gonna pick me up.

I'll have my full hour.

We're gonna go to the Courtyard by Marriott

and, you know, talk. - Oh, look at you.

- Yeah. - I'm so proud.

That's how I do it.

Also, the hotel's only, like, 12 minutes away.

So 12 there, 12 back.

That leaves 36 minutes for the discussion and, you know,

general cleanup. - OK.

First, wow. - Mm.

Second, maybe let me throw some paint on that face

and we change your scrubs.

I don't think Tim's gonna care, honestly.

I mean, he sees me in sweatpants

most of the time, anyway.

Oh, wow, I can tell by your face

that's maybe part of the problem.

You gotta keep it spicy. Seduce him a little.

You can't just be like, "Hey, bro, wanna

in 12 minutes?" - What? No.

Oh! - See?

Too aggro. Not cute.

I said no because that was just like, obviously, a joke,

or like a prank of sorts.

That's not-- that's not how people suggest sex.

Maybe on websites. But, you know, we are IRL, so--

sorry, what was the question?

Well, it kills spontaneity. I'll tell you that much.

Dear God, please be talking to someone else.

These sex clearance forms that Herr Commandant Joyce

wants us to fill out, they're ridiculous.

I mean, without random hookups, what's the point

of all those boozy fundraisers we do?

I don't know.

Maybe raising money for muscular dystrophy?

Oh, come on, Ron. Grow up.

Look, in my many run-ins with Eros,

I've found that carnal love comes on fast.

Oh, yeah.

And you never know who's gonna spark

with who and when and how.

You know, I just noticed that nurse,

Callie, has a crazy lisp,

and now I can't get her out of my mind.

Well, here's a thought.

Maybe have everybody fill out a form about everybody else.

Then you got all your bases covered.

Huh.

You're talking about preclearing the hookups.

Oh, Ronnie, you crazy son of a bitch.

You've just cracked this thing wide open.

People here trust me.

They feel they can come to me for advice, support,

guidance, you name it.

I just don't know where they got that idea.

So with my AAA discount, on top of

my Wells Fargo points, the room is basically free.

I mean, if that doesn't get you guys in the mood.

- Yeah. - There.

What do you think? - Oh, wow.

I really like this lipstick color.

Where'd you get it?

You know that box where we put the stuff

we pull out of people's anal cavities?

What?

I'm kidding.

It's not from the butt box.

Ew.

Raj, did you get a form?

Candace, form?

I'll put it right here under your keys.

No way. Are you serious?

No. Why would Claire do that?

You know why.

Oh, I bet you know. I bet you know.

Oh, sorry, we'll get back to work.

No, no, no. As you were.

So what's going on with Claire-bear?

Give me the scuttlebutt.

The what?

Just tell the story.

Well, a few of us went out last night.

Of course you did.

Fun group of ladies like you, a bunch of troublemakers.

Well, it did get a little crazy.

Ah! Who called it?

OK, so Claire, she took these edibles.

And then--

OK, OK, um...

I'm thinking this might not be a great story to tell at work.

Oh.

But...

Here's something.

Did you guys ever work with Mary Jenkins in the ICU,

like, 22 years ago? Because get this.

She died.

Now, it's very, very simple.

Just put down anyone you could conceivably ever hook up with,

and then you don't have to think about paperwork

when arousal strikes.

So we fill out a form for anyone

who we might want to be with? - Exactly.

It could be someone you have a crush on.

Could be people you can't stand.

You know, that kind of sex can really

get you out of a dark place.

Oh, which reminds me, what's Stella's last name?

- Baporia. - Baporia.

Insane, but OK. - I don't know.

This kind of feels like harassment,

but I can't exactly describe why.

What? No, it's a fail-safe.

Everything would be consensual.

The forms are a backup, not a guarantee.

Come on, how are you not getting this?

So what if you can't remember the person's name?

Is it OK to put down their body shape

and presumed racial background?

That is a great idea.

Yes, thank you for being a problem solver,

not a problem creator, Dakota.

What?

Hey, Tim.

Whoa!

Look at you. - I know, right?

Serena did my makeup and my hair.

But I washed my own face, though.

- Oh. - Hey.

Um, you can let go of the door, baby.

- Oh, yep. - Yep.

Uh, well, this is kind of awesome.

I can't believe we're doing this in the afternoon.

I know, right? It's like, what are we, 15?

Right? 15? Wow--

You know, we should go.

We should get this show on the--

Alex, I'm so sorry.

I know you're on your lunch.

Really quick, do we need to run labs on the patient in 110?

No, I just need you to monitor his vitals.

- OK, gotcha. - Yeah.

Uh, Matt, I'm sorry.

Did-- did you check to make sure he's been given

Cipro and not penicillin? Because he's allergic, so--

Um, not sure.

But I assume that I would have done that.

OK, well, I have to go.

So did you, or didn't you?

I feel like I did.

OK, you know what?

I'm just gonna go check real quick, OK?

Two minutes. - Of course.

Do your thing. - Mm-hmm.

Alex is a great boss, really patient with me.

Well, you're probably not a screw-up

like that new guy that she keeps saying

is improving a lot.

She really likes him.

Hardy-har-har, real funny.

Well, I guess the art of romance

is just some dumb punchline to you people.

What are you talking about?

What I'm talking about, Dakota,

is that I've only received one pre-consent form,

and it's from somebody named Fart.

I was doubting myself on that fart joke.

Just overthinking it. But hearing Bruce say it?

It just works.

- Here you go. - Yes!

All right. My gal, Val.

See?

That's what I'm talking about.

I got to admit, I'm a little surprised.

I wasn't sure you'd get the vision.

Joyce doesn't like things to be too spicy.

But me? I like spice.

Yeah, you do.

Look at all those names. Wow.

Now we're talking, yeah?

It only takes one domino to fall.

God bless.

She's got just about everybody on here.

Men, women, lab techs. That's a shame.

Huh.

Hey, guys and gals.

Oh, you will never believe what I just overheard.

Apparently, Cynthia is cheating on Brian.

Can you believe it?

I'm Cynthia.

Oh.

Well, it's a good thing Brian's not here, huh?

Brian, huh?

Sorry.

That took too long, but we're good.

We're-- well, we're cutting it close.

No, hey, I can make it go as fast as we need.

Oh, honey, let's maybe not sound so proud of that.

I'm kind of excited about this, to be honest.

Oh, God, that looks bad.

Yep, huge pile-up on 84.

- 84 East or West? - East.

Damn it.

We're not gonna make it to the hotel in time.

Also, the accident, I'm sad about that, too.

Well, I mean, I got the iPad in the car.

Why don't we just put on "The Crown" and hang out?

I don't want to just hang out.

You know what? Here, come with me.

You never know who was or wasn't joking

or not joking about what,

so can't hurt to fill out one of these, you know,

just so it's on file.

Well, Matty...

I didn't know you were seeing somebody at work.

Hey, Joyce.

Um, yeah, you know what? I'm actually not.

I changed my mind, so... - Who is it. Who is it?

- No, Joyce, Joyce-- - Just let me see.

- Joyce-- - I'm gonna find out anyway.

Oh, my God.

It's in there now.

And you're not allowed to grab it because

that's my private area.

Do you have your insurance card, sir?

So, Val, I was looking at your consent form,

and I noticed the lack of my name, Bruce Schweitz,

and I realized, Brucie, you didn't clarify

if you were eligible, you big dummy.

People might think you aren't, since you're the organizer.

But just FYI, I am eligible.

Yeah, I know.

Hold on, bud.

You know, putting my name down

doesn't commit you to hooking up with me.

It's a "just in case" thing. - Like a fail-safe.

Yes! That's what I said earlier.

Look at that. Same wavelength. - I get it.

OK, it's just you've listed half the hospital here.

I'm into a lot of types.

And like you said, you never know what'll happen.

Right. That's why I'm confused.

OK, are you here for a throat thing?

Because that's not an emergency.

It's just disruptive.

Hey.

What are you doing back already?

We had to pivot, and I need a room.

Oh, I got you. I see you.

Room 321.

Oh, if it's too intense up there--

hey, Parker, do people still have

adult conversations in that room

with the broken Pyxis machine?

- No, it got rats. - How many?

Like, a rat, or a community?

No, that's OK. We'll just--

Oh, there's a guy in a coma in 313.

He won't know what's happening, probably.

No. No, thank you.

There's the oncology rooms,

but some people feel weird about that.

Yeah, I would. I would feel weird about that.

- Weird about what? - Nothing.

- Alex wants a place to smash. - Oh!

Well, go in the VIP suite. Nobody ever goes in there.

- Ooh, and it's got a bidet. - Thanks, team.

It takes a village, and I am truly horrified.

Let's go. Excuse me.

- So they all know? - Yeah.

So I have 18 minutes left on my break.

So we just really need to just get right

to the heart of things, OK?

Are we gonna get caught in this room?

No. Let's just save the questions for after, yeah?

Well, should I put some music on?

Oh, my gosh. That would be perfect, yes.

Oh, wow, they have 5G in here?

- OK. - Oh!

So I guess we have to take this off-site now.

Uh-huh.

Hey, what's your deal with Saturday?

I have a girls' dinner at 6:00, but I could be done--

Yeah, we all have stuff. Excuse me.

Oh, boy, that was a marathon of a surgery.

Yeah, but it was all worth it so that that

little girl could walk again.

What was that? - I didn't say anything.

Gotcha, yeah. Yeah.

Hey, you got a good girl here. Yeah, one of the best.

One of my favorites.

I'm not putting you on my sex list, Bruce.

What?

I wouldn't. I don't even-- yeah.

I-- I can see what you're doing.

And it's damn sexy.

Honestly, if we could just--

sorry, can we take a sec?

Um, I kind of feel like an on-demand sex android,

which I always thought would be kind of

a cool role-play for us,

but, you know? - Right, oh.

- Well, no, I mean, it's-- - Yeah, no, no, no.

- I'm sorry. - It's okay. No.

Oh, my gosh, don't. Don't-- I'm sorry.

Listen, we haven't had sex in a while.

And I just-- I think I got in my head about what that means.

You know what I mean? - Oh, honey.

I think we're fine. - Yeah.

But, I mean, I love this. I just think--

No, yeah, I just-- this is insane.

So I probably-- I wouldn't be attracted

to me right now, either. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I definitely did not say I'm not attracted to you.

No, sweetie, it's fine.

Honey, no, this is super sexy that you

wanted to do this for us.

And I'm never not attracted to you.

You're my dream girl.

Listen, let's clear the elephant in the room.

This morning, whenever I yelled "no,"

I was just joking because you were.

And I really want to make sure you know that.

I guess I've been listening to a lot of

Joy Behar's podcasts recently,

so I was just in a silly mood, you know?

Yeah, for sure.

OK.

Um, unless you weren't joking because I actually, uh...

uh, love for you to listen to Joy Behar's podcast

because it is really fun.

All right.

♪ Weapons of war

♪ Symptoms of madness

Yes, Sanderson, I know I'm the boss.

I'm just saying, it would be nice to feel like

I'm part of the group again.

I don't-- I don't know if we have Paramount+.

Why aren't you listening to me?

OK, well, I'm-- let me go someplace where I can--

Oh, good God! - Oh!

- . - Oh, my God!

Joyce, sorry! I'm so sorry!

It's OK. Uh, I won't tell anybody.

Your secret's safe with me.

You know what I realized today?

I can be the boss, but I can also be part of the group.

Joyce?

Those two things are not exclusive.

Joyce?

I can wear my fancy boss pants,

or I can wear my scuttlebutt slacks.

And, look, I get it.

We're at work more than anyplace else,

and the stakes are high here-- life, death, et cetera.

So feelings are gonna develop, and things will happen--

crushes, romances, flings, heartbreaks.

I really thought we had something.

But was it all a lie?

But no matter what, we all deserve respect.

And if you know a secret about someone,

keep it to yourself. - Keep what to yourself?

Guess who I saw hooking up in the VIP suite.

She told everyone, didn't she?